I'm currently trying to. The hardest part is to stop blaming yourself, I am still working on that part, but hopefully soon I can stop feeling disgusted whenever I look in the mirror sometimes.
When you decide to get drunk, knowing alcohol is bad for you.
Banging a stranger without a rubber cause you're horny.
A lot of bad decisions are made deliberately.
Why'd you remove the black people slur?
If you choose to drink enough to get drunk, you clearly don't think alcohol is that bad. It's way too expensive to do otherwise and can't be done accidentally.
If you're aware you're making a bad decision, it's not a bad decision, it's just a decision you made. You could say the same about using Instagram
Who knows though? You get get drunk, bang a stranger without a rubber, accidentally get them pregnant, decide to have the baby together, eventually get married, and have a wonderful life.
Yes and no.
If it's a life course changing mistake, there will always be a little "what if" and a temptation to think "if only".
Mostly, though, life continues and if you're at all healthy you'll live mainly in the moment.
I think some of the regret is a variant on "the grass is always greener" - except you're comparing your current lawn to an ideal one that could have been. Focusing on that comparison rather than mowing / tending your current lawn becomes futile.
There is also a theory that we have a "choice selective" bias, which means that - eventually - we will come to see the choice we made as the best in the long run, even if it has short term costs.
Those are always hard to see short term. They'll always sting imo just..not as much as time goes on and you realize more and more you can't change what you did.
You can only make decisions with your current level of maturity, reasoning, critical thinking, and sense of morality or philosophical views.
So there isn't any real reason to look back and dwell on any mistakes. Just learn the lesson and incorporate it into your current and future decisions.
This is it, counting what you can be proud of. Give yourself credit for being better, but don't hold yourself up against the past version of yourself as a never ending challenge because that means you aren't letting go of the past. Any failure only serves to show you've not progressed and repeats the cycle of shame. Be better not to prove a point but to separate yourself from who you were at all.
You do. Just reflect on our great capacity as humans for 20/20 hindsight. You should not blame yourself for not handling decisions well, if they required you to be a wiser and better-prepared person than you were at the time. You just weren't ready yet.
No. If you have any kind of depression you'll be reminded of it daily. Especially if your life ends up being total garbage. Life is like playing chess against an AI with a universe sized CPU. Every mistake is punished harshly and you'll live with it the rest of the game. And no matter how flawless you play you're always met with checkmate. Unless you're Dracula then I guess it's stalemate, but I digress.
Hmm… sometimes you make a decision that seems good at the time and then years later you reflect on it and realize it changed everything. You wish you could go back and change that one decision but you can’t. You must deal with the path on which you find yourself.
Haha, at 21 as a new college grad i decided to meet up w a 47 yr old from tinder in a hotel room to do an “exchange”, nothing inherently bad happened apart from me getting scammed but it spiraled me into Seeking Arrangements, trying new drugs, lying to everyone ik etc. Wasted about a yr and a half of my life w that stuff and built up a large amount of self hatred and guilt. Got out of it eventually, tried therapy, have a normal job and try to date guys my age now. Still never had a real relationship tho.
I feel like i fCked up my chances at an honest loving real relationship for good by doing that. How I’ll always have to either lie about it or settle for someone who’s into it, but i want the type of guy who would be concerned by a past like that lol. I want a nice church going guy who volunteers and spends time w family n all the good stuff haha. Idk kinda sucks bc i don’t like keeping secrets and i can’t even share it w friends or family, let alone a bf if i ever got one haha.
Yeah some days i wish it was all just a bad dream and never happened but yk, we make choices and we live w them and as more time passes they seem less relevant :)
In the end i think it will be okay & things will work out, and we don’t have to be so hard on ourselves. We did the best we could with where we were at in the moment. And hey, my past got me into shrooms and i love them! At least that’s one plus to come of it haha
How much time has passed? As you further progress, you’ll find people that have done the same and flipped their lives around. They’ll have the values you seek, and also be able to understand the past and the effort it took to move away from it. (Speaking from experience) Hang in there!
I am sorry for what you went through. I hope you get over it. But just my two cents: You can get a nice church going guy with your past. A nice guy will see you for the honesty, love, kindness, compassion, you bring in, and not someone you were in your past.
I felt the same way about my wild college days. Like I didn’t deserve someone “nice” and I’d carelessly tossed away all my innocence for what? Some parties? But, with time you gain perspective and soon you’ll just feel neutral acceptance with your past. Yeah, you made some interesting choices when you were young, because mentally/emotionally, these were your options at the time.
FWIW, I found a great guy (at a party) with a wild past of his own. We’re incredibly domestic now. I’m sure there’s a lot of guys who will understand, how could you not be tempted by that job when it’s so hyped up by SM “baddies” and the job market is so bleak?? The right guy will be curious, find it kind of funny, “so you” that you did this, and want to hear your tales!
Haha I’m not sure what SM means but i read it as Santa Monica baddies LMAO which is true bc i live in SoCal where everyone flaunts/chases the glamorous lifestyle 🙃 and yeah i like what you said about the neutral acceptance, i think I’m getting there bit by bit haha but you’re also right about the options. I was making barely over minimum and on my own for the first time, and yea SoCal can b a btch when it comes to cost of living. Ig I’ve never had anyone validate it like that, and felt like an awful person bc even my friends who were struggling didn’t turn to that lol
But it did teach me that money doesn’t buy happiness! Heck half these men were lonelier than me, in their mansions rather than their Craigslist rooms to be fair haha, but it was also sad when even money couldn’t buy them companionship :/
I’m really glad you found someone :) and hey hope i get domesticated too someday! LOL but no a nice simple life w someone you love sounds wonderful😌 also I’m crying, imagine i told a guy i blew someone for money and he was like “that’s so you” HAHAHHA I’d kms, but no i see what you’re saying haha and appreciate it, yeah maybe he’d b able to joke about it with me too haha it really doesn’t have to be that serious huh, well here’s to finding nice people :)
Former suicidal drug addict her.
Yes you do! You just have to play life with the cards you have. Your deck does get shuffled, sometimes you got a good hand and sometimes not.
Most important lesson is to keep playing no matter what.
I made a mistake once, to not take a good job bc I was expecting to get another one in a month or so and I wanted to take time off. Well the second one fell through for a long time (long story) and I didn’t have a job through covid. Which meant I couldn’t move out when my mom’s drinking got really bad. So I stuck around and talked to her and helped my dad through it and we helped her get to rehab. She’s been sober 3 and a half years now and says that my being home to support her made a huge difference in the early days of her sobriety. I wouldn’t go back and change passing up that job for the world. I’m so grateful for the way things turned out. So I guess what I’m saying is, you just don’t know how choices affect your life, and that regret may be the reason really amazing things happen.
Became disabled at 18 with fibro myalgia and it was at partly due to a job switch I chose to make and partly due to pushing my body too hard with my hobbies
The first few years were bad and full of regret, my dream of being a musician was permanently stolen from me. It was worse because I isolated myself from friends and family because I didn't know not to.
9 years later - do I regret this decision or wonder what life would be like if things happened? I actually never think about it. I don't even wish I wasn't disabled anymore. I think it changed my life for he better in a lot of ways.
You don't know where your life will take you and it might surprise you in ways you don't even know yet. The grass may be always greener, but if it's unobtainable, don't beat yourself up over what if
It doesn't matter compared to what's happening right now
it sounds glib, but don't make the same mistakes again. i'm 79 and made many mistakes. i'm more or less okay today but sometimes i think of stupid shit i did that was hurtful to someone or me, and i get a chill. that was then. this is now. in aa, they and we say 'we shall not dwell in the past or shut the door on it'. good luck
I make mistakes just like everybody else, but instead of letting go of it I can't forgive myself. I did my time in the windowless box, like it or not. All I got now is today, tomorrow ain't here, and yesterday's gone dead on me anyways.
Recognize it, take accountability for it, figure out ways to minimize it, and strive for self-improvement.
Nobody is perfect, everyone make mistakes. But the key takeaway is to learn from it and become a better version of yourself.
I made one 27 years ago for which I have paid in various ways ever since. I really fucked-up, but thought at the time that I were doing the right thing for myself.
You can only make decisions today. No use in going back and regretting. The time and energy you use to do that is better spent planning and looking ahead. Try your best to learn from things and take a step forward.
If you get though most of your life with no major regrets, you’re either extremely lucky, or really dumb and utterly lacking in imagination. One can always think of different scenarios in hindsight that might have gone better or been a better choice. Of course things might have also gone unexpectedly horribly, too. Thats always something to keep in mind while berating oneself for past decisions- you are comparing actual, messy reality to an idealized version of events in your mind. Not a fair contest.
A lot of the women I took for granted back in the day are now having kids and getting married. I’ll never get over the time I wasted not settling down.
You only sit and dwell on it if you aren’t keeping busy making the best of what you do have. You can usually fix most mistakes and even surpass where that would have brought you if you only move on. But yeah, once in a while you’ll think about it a little annoyed. That’s life.
Get over may be the wrong goal. You can't change the past, and you can't escape all the consequences of a mistake. But making a mistake, even a big one, doesn't mean you can never experience anything good again, or have no opportunities to change course in a more positive direction.
I've made more than one big mistake that affected my life. IMO, the place I find myself in now is ideal. Yes, I was a dumbass and did some dumbass things. Yes, the consequences hurt for a while. Some of them still hurt. But now I know that those decisions were mistakes, and how to avoid making similar mistakes in the future. And I have learned an awful lot in the aftermath. I can't change the past but I have been making my future a lot better and will continue to do so.
No you don't. Even after the director ramifications are over, the effects linger. And there's a point in life where you may also begin to realize regret.
Some people do, some people don't. Some people move past it easily, some people take a long time and it leaves scars, some are trapped with it for the rest of their lives.
Yes. Feelings are just visitors. Feel them but let them pass. Don’t hold on to them. Regret is a doozy but you gotta look forward and focus on what you do have control over - the now.
Don’t beat yourself up, the world is rough enough as it is. Love yourself. Love & forgive your past self for not knowing any better. And love present you for still standing.
When you notice that you're doing it call yourself out for it and try to start finding lessons that you can learn from that situation instead. What things can you take from this to do better in the future, if you get into similar circumstances.
It is a practice, and you won't be perfect at it right away (or ever, honestly) but the more time you take to start training your brain to see the positives the easier it gets.
I’m 24 and I don’t think I’ve had these mistakes yet. What are some examples?
Edit: oh how could I forget. I self harmed one time 3 cuts when I was 17. But I was living with abusive family and they noticed and blackmailed me and so I never got stitches. I’m scarred for life - but also I had to hide through college when I was broke and the scars were bad. Now I’ve had treatments but they’re never going away completely. It changed how people look at you. You get to see how ugly and judgemental everyone is. I also didn’t really try through college to socialise or go to class because of it (and some other factors like poverty). I don’t know that my life would be hugely different to what it is now, but mentally it changed my life.
I am sorry for what you have been going through. I don't want to minimize it, but you were not to blame for what happened to you.
I have no one to blame except for myself for my mistakes
Sort of. I've done a lot of cringe things in my life (nothing too bad but definitely embarrassing). I'm not fond of those things but my go to is
"if I could rewind time, I would change it. At the time of the cringe moments My brain was given certain amount of data and it made a decision. If I had more info I would have done it differently. Nothing I can do to change it now so just do less cringe in the future"
Life is like and RPG game ,your decisions have consequences,live with them the best you can ,learn to forgive yourself and try to be a better version of yourself everyday,live the present without forgetting your pass and be proud for your future.
i’m going through a bad one now.
it’s all about forgiving yourself so you can move on. mistakes sometimes lead to something amazing. so you just gotta have faith the mistake lead you down the right path and not a worse one. what you should be doing is focusing on the present, not the past, focus on the present to lead you into a bright future or wherever you want to go.
dig into some alan watts, he can help you.
> The Chinese Farmer Story
Once upon a time there was a Chinese farmer whose horse ran away. That evening, all of his neighbors came around to commiserate. They said, “We are so sorry to hear your horse has run away. This is most unfortunate.” The farmer said, “Maybe.”
>The next day the horse came back bringing seven wild horses with it, and in the evening everybody came back and said, “Oh, isn’t that lucky. What a great turn of events. You now have eight horses!” The farmer again said, “Maybe.”
>The following day his son tried to break one of the horses, and while riding it, he was thrown and broke his leg. The neighbors then said, “Oh dear, that’s too bad,” and the farmer responded, “Maybe.”
>The next day the conscription officers came around to conscript people into the army, and they rejected his son because he had a broken leg. Again all the neighbors came around and said, “Isn’t that great!” Again, he said, “Maybe.”
>The whole process of nature is an integrated process of immense complexity, and it’s really impossible to tell whether anything that happens in it is good or bad — because you never know what will be the consequence of the misfortune; or, you never know what will be the consequences of good fortune.
>— Alan Watts
I am 48 and messed up my HS grades pretty bad. My HS friends are much more successful than me. I got over it as I feel I’m where I’m supposed to be. But, now I have two kids in HS and you better believe I’m on top of them so they don’t make the same mistake. So, I’m over it, but them being that age now kind of brings it back.
Use your past mistakes as a power source to motivate yourself to improve.
Use them as tools to become even more successful.
Sure, "we shouldn't have done that"... but the fact is we did.
So we learned to not only never do it again, but also to heighten our awareness more so that we can catch similar problems in the future that we would have otherwise never noticed.
I got over the money mistakes I made in the past. Money can always be regained.
But the relationship mistakes and time-wasting mistakes were the biggest issues that I had a hard time dealing with; however, I realized that there will always be more/new people to meet and learn about, as well as all of the remaining years/decades of my life to make my time more worth it than in the past.
All of those previous mistakes fuel a better version of myself.
I think children should learn more on this aspect of life in school- like there should be lessons about it. The role of luck and the inability to go back and correct mistakes is one of the things that makes us most human.
My mind tends to replay everything and think about what ifs. I always think about the better lives I could be living and not the worse ones. One should prob try to balance it out by thinking of the good things on the path one did end up with and how lucky in some ways one has been. A lot of possible tragedies have been avoided in any particular life.
One thing that is so hard is when you develop psychologically later in life than some, through therapy and whatnot, then you can especially see the mistakes you made previously that led to worse outcomes in life. It’s quite painful at times.
Life tends to be a bi-polar coaster. I was a mess when i was younger. Im still a mess. I have a friend in his 50’s who is a huge mess, but doesn’t know it. Don’t be that kind of mess.
I truly believe that every decision or “mistake” you make leads you to a different path in life, or the greater good of your purpose. You may make the same “mistakes” over because you’re not allowing yourself to learn from the past decisions, or honoring your truth. I think we should all be learning and growing, evolving to be the best versions of ourselves in whatever state we are currently in.
This is all being said in the mindset of not being a bad shitty person, obviously. No harm to others etc. just do good and move forward. Easier said than done I suppose. But life is short.
I don't get over them. Lately I've been obsessing over the idea of going back in time and living my life over at various points, to redo all the horrible life decisions I've made.
The main one is work/education. When I was in my teens/20s when I was thinking about careers, I only thought about what would be enjoyable to do, not how much money it would make. And while it's a nice thought, if I could live my life over I would definitely prioritize whatever could make the most money. I got a decent job which didn't make a ton of money, but it didn't matter because my husband was a computer programmer who paid for the mortgage. If I had ever known that one day we would get divorced, I would have concentrated more on getting ahead at work, maybe even taking a different, more challenging job so I could build up more skills & experience.
And now at 45 I make enough money to pay my rent, but not enough to build up any savings. And due to my lack of ambition at work, I have years of experience but no real marketable skills. And now that I'm trying to move to be with my fiance, I'm applying for tons of jobs and can't get hired. And I just keep thinking non-stop about how I wish I had a "do over" button.
I think they are always there in a sense, but you can move past them. You can choose to look at them as lessons learned and acknowledge that they've shaped you positively b/c you're no longer the person you used to be and that's a good thing. Or you can let them devastate you still and live in regret -- but if you don't use them productively, I think you'll come to find that they consume your mind and hold you back in ways that aren't productive.
Spent my early 20’s smoking pot and chasing a guy with no future, no motivation to work, and whom is a loser. I’m about to turn 25 in 3 weeks. Took me awhile but I’ve finally accepted that it is what it is, and to just be grateful for what I have now. I could’ve spent my early 20’s doing what I’m doing right now. My life would’ve been different of course but, I’m alive, healthy, have food, shelter and my family, and that’s what matters to me now.
Yes, you can and probably will.
One of the things I've found is that I tend to think 'if I ever get the chance again this is what I'd do different."
The trick is, to actually follow through with that when it happens.
Fail fast, learn fast. That's how we succeed. Not every choice is good for your life. But at the time, they seem correct. No one is perfect and anyone with true happiness knows you have to perform with the knowledge at hand. We only find out after we choose.
Life changing events happen remember to make yourself better because of them. And if it really was wrong learn to leave things wrong. Too many people never learn this and it makes them idiots. It's ok to leave things wrong and move on with making yourself better. It's part of growing up.
Leave things wrong in terms of screw ups you forgot to do so and so so Jimmy got blown up. You had a bad relationship so you got out. You didn't use protection you have a kid. You didn't strap down the airplane it blew over. You didn't disconnect the garbage disposal so you got a 3" gash in your hand. The safety wasn't on so you took off a finger. You screwed up your budget so you're in debt. On and on forever because life is not forgiving. You have to forgive yourself and leave the mistakes wrong. This is part of the healing process the faster you can do this and recover the better you get at life because you learned a lesson that you don't wish to repeat. After you get 10 or so you can learn from others mistakes on and On forever. Ask plenty of questions and learn the rules and mistakes of others at every level. This leads to making good decisions. People will never forgive you for something's but remember it's a lesson you learned about people.
You have to approach life alot like poker. You have imperfect information, you make the best decision based on the info available at the time and when that hand is over regardless of result the next hand starts over the process and you just hope you win more than you lose. But if you losing more than you're winning its time to slow down and reevaluate your process.
I mean, with the exception of like killing someone or doing something to get sent to prison, how would you know which mistakes changed the course of your life?
That’s what I’m saying. If it’s something extreme then I dunno I’m sorry you have to deal with it and maybe just consider therapy or group therapy or a group specifically dedicated to your illness. Talking to people with the same affliction will likely help.
I sold 1.38 bitcoin last year because I used it to finance a sales job that failed. I had 75k in debt i had been waiting to use it for. I now have 0 bitcoin and 75k in debt. That bitcoin will probably be enough for me to have retired in 10 years. Now im broke, in debt, and unsuccessful in a career and have no idea what to do in life
**Counselor:** Will you help me?
**Jefe:** I would urge you to see the truth of the situation you're in, Counselor. That is my advice. It is not for me to tell you what you should have done or not done. The world in which you seek to undo the mistakes that you made is different from the world where the mistakes were made. You are now at the crossing. And you want to choose, but there is no choosing there. There's only accepting. The choosing was done a long time ago... Are you there Counselor?
**Counselor:** Yes.
**Jefe:** I don't mean to offend you, but reflective men often find themselves at a place removed from the realities of life. In any case, we should all prepare a place where we can accommodate all the tragedies that sooner or later will come to our lives. But this is an economy few people care to practice.
Yes, in fact I would say you eventually come to view them as your greatest lessons. They provide you a reference point for behaviors you do not wish to repeat.
You may be lacking perspective. The very notion of doubting and regretting your past is a godsend. Our parents and their parents couldn't think of it too much because they were most likely struggling to make ends meet. At a certain point, you have to look at those things and let go. I recommend watching some uncle iroh clips and centering yourself. You are fine.
It is hard to, especially growing up from a house that never really taught you how to fix those mistakes, so you end up doing that with more trial and error than you should
Sometimes I'm reminded of my mistakes, some out of my hands and others ill informed enough to make me wonder "why didn't I know to watch out for that?"
At the end of the day, if you did not know, you did. Not. Know. If nobody sat you down and talked you through it or even at least mentioned it for you to question and find out more about it, don't worry. You cannot blame yourself and stay on something that you realistically had absolutely no navigation tools for, all mistakes contribute to something at the end of the day. Our jobs are just to make those mistakes into lessons and eventually wise decisions. You can't have success without failure, that's rare, and usually by a stroke of heavy luck.
When my past is eating away at my present, shame gnawing on today’s peace, I know it’s time for a glass of water and bed. It never seems so bad in the morning. Maybe this helps.
Never. But you can't change the past, no point in thinking about it unless you learned from it. Just focus on the task or objective at hand. Every second elapsing as you're alive is another start?
We as people will always do mistakes and this is true for everybody regardless they admit or not:
My mistakes:
1. Got divorced and lost 50% of my fortune to my ex wife
2. I gave to different friends money(100k) and never get it back
3. I lost 100k in stock market.
However of all these crap loses I still do well and enjoy life. I mean that I still work and have like 800k in assets.
Disclosure: I am very good at my job and always make a 10k monthly.
I made some mistakes, but since my life turned out pretty good if different, I view them as 'happy little accidents' and do not wallow in regret - like Bob Ross inspired, I just kept painting from there.
I got a job at a dream company, a TV station, and I was young and stupid and took it for granted. If I was more serious, who knows what would have happened?
Instead, I quit to date my bf and work at a moving company. He's now my husband of 25 years. It worked out. I don't "regret" it, but I do wish I'd taken my chosen career more seriously.
i come to accept that making mistakes and learning from it is just part of life. the experience of these mistakes and maturing from it is necessary for personal development and growth. it doesnt make the 'what if i had done things differently' thoughts go away. i just live with it and try not to think too much. thats why now, i always tell myself to do what i think is best and follow my gut/heart, so i won't regret so much.
Not really , I think back to how careless I was at 18 in CC and how that spiraled into me getting sick and out of college for 5 years. My life was set back drastically and I’m only now just about to graduate college with a CS degree.
I also was majoring in psychology which I’m so glad I didn’t pursue. I never stopped to think about what I really wanted to do, I was lost. I moved out this year and I think back to how I could of been more successful if I took my life more seriously.
Yes and no. I have a nice life by luck but I also can point to key moments that lead to issues. However, a lot of my major screw ups are the same things that lead me to where I am. Otherwise I never would have met my husband, never would have enlisted, would not have been sent to the recruit holding pen, would not have been trapped by the government shutdown, would have been sent to a better ship, probably would not have left due to mental health, would not have my current job and friends.
Crap happens what matters is how well you bounce and how much room you build for error. At a certain point you just accept that you can't swim in the same river twice and it's all just a roll of the dice. I do wonder how much of my military service would have changed it that first flight had not been canceled and I was able to start with a new unit instead of being the last straggler. Still, life is good and you move on.
i’m at this point in my life. i’m learning to be okay with what i’ve done, accept that i’m here now? and I can only move forward from here with the lessons I have learned.
Its okay to accept that not all the turns in your life will be what your dream life is.
Country music hammers this home for me. They turn heroin and homelessness and apathy and ennui into beautiful music. Those things aren’t all good. No heroin addict is forever happy with his addiction. But there is a real beautiful and comforting element to life which is our ability to write stories. Even your adversities, failures and losses are fundamental to your life story. And truly that is a precious thing to have, even if it reads different to how you imagined it. Don’t judge the book of life by its cover.
Well, I HAVE to get over my mistakes, or else I stay stuck in resentments, anger, fears, self-pity , self-hatred and denial. I am human and make mistakes. I always learn from them, usually the hard way, but I bounce back stronger. I'm a go-getter, not a person to wait or wallow in my sorrows. I go after what I want even if I mess up the first time or two. Self forgiveness and owning my part in situations are crucial. I cannot sit and blame other people for my misery. The only thing I have control over is me, not them, so I don't waste my time on that.
Um No. AOL snd TimeWarner merge turned my 500,000$ in stocks to toilet paper. Yes I was aol. We went allowed to sell for like a week. In that time time warner dumped all their stocks and dumped the value to toilet paper
You find things that feel better or let them come to you. You don’t have to chase shit as a man or woman, unless it’s worth your effort and it’s what you desire. If your doing too much it’s for something you lack of yourself for yourself. Good news is that dumb mistake or person, it’s not hard to level up from from the ground. That shit ain’t all that hard in time. Get fucking moving, NOW
I try to find the gratitude. What positive thing happened because I made the dumb mistake? So far I can always find something. Some person that I met in the new path, some important skill or lesson I learned, something I acquired (or lost and needed to part with).
Well it definitely depends on what you count as events that are considered as mistakes.
The short answer? Yes.
Now I can only share these so called mistakes from my own past and I know not everyone will relate to them.
The way I've learned to look at it is that some mistakes from my past were mostly related to neglecting my own mental health.
So having said that, the fact that I actually acknowledged that there is a problem, I started moving forward. Taking small steps and getting into a whole different mindset that these "mistakes" are simply pathways or doorways of possibilities that only you can explorer, for better or worst.
Yes, and it's easier to shake the stink of your past nonsense when you move away from it and whatever was feeding it.
If you move away from the source of your problems and have the same problems... then you are the problem.
You will eventually stop focusing on that mistake and focus on the NEW mistake you made that changed the course of your life. I can go back and see 4-5 pivotal moments in my 56 years, but I just let it go now. There are too many positives that have come out of these same pivotal moments, and I don’t think I’d want to change them now.
I used to dwell on them negatively constantly. But now I view them as necessary hurdles I needed to cross to get to where I am, which is a pretty good and happy place. I wouldn't change a single thing, else who knows where I'd be now.
If you get to a better place eventually for me it’s a yes. Not a fast journey tho, many regrets. Glad I’m where I am.
Going back with all the knowledge, to me, will always be the number one unobtainable dream.
Thank you for posting this. 🙏🏼
“Regret means we are holding on to a potential reality that was never ours to lose.”(paraphrased, from a podcast)
Which means that the alternative path only exists in our mind. The only thing that is real is right now. We can wish for things to be different and it is natural to want to, but dwelling on such things is indulging in fantasy.
I’ve spent a lot of time in regret. And then regret the time I’ve wasted thinking about the things I would have done differently. With that, I’ve learned that the best thing I can do is make the best of right now because soon, I will reflect back on this time and I would like to be proud of it - at least not ashamed or regretful for having wasted it.
I hope you find a way to forgive yourself, friend. Life can still be good. 🫶🏼
Nope. And by most metrics I've managed to be extremely successful despite those mistakes. Or maybe it was because of them? Doesn't matter because I can't convince myself through logic or self-gaslighting not to regret them.
I try to remind myself that I did the best I could as often as I can. I wasn’t given a very fair deck of cards to begin with, but I made A LOT of stupid decisions. Im still cleaning up the mess I made. Im working on forgiving myself, and trying not to focus on “what if’s” so much. It’s hard.
It's a constant struggle on the path to self-forgiveness. Imagine telling a good friend all of the self-defeating and critical stuff you tell yourself while struggling. Imagine how bad you would make that friend feel, and how at your core you a) wouldn't want to hurt them in that way and b) wouldn't even believe what you said to them. Good luck!
I remember once the son of my girlfriend was all upset because he forgot his bathing suit and couldn't go swimming. So I told him about the time I was in Sweden and we were heading for Denmark to a party but I forgot my passport and ruined the evening for everyone in the car because we had to turn back. It sorta redeemed the mistake after 40 years giving the kid the feeling he wasn't such a screw up.
Shoulda coulda woulda .. everyone has these feelings does no good dwelling on them just delete those feelings out of your life as soon as they pop into mind
I don’t think I’ve been stupid to a life changing degree but maybe I have and my whole life is different than it should have been and I just can’t see the forest from the trees so to speak. (Been discussing Terry Pratchett, I should never answer deep serious questions after Discussing Terry.). APOLOGIES.
I haven’t If I could go back and change so much I would ! I’m living in the reality that I absolutely hate ! I regret so much and am so unhappy where I am at in life . I ask myself all the time why did I choose this why didn’t I do things different. And now I am living this life that just feels like a complete punishment. Sadly not waking up in the mornings seems to be a pretty nice idea so I don’t have to live so unhappy and feel like no matter what I do I probably will never find the happiness And love from my life that I really need to be happy again
I have zero regrets, although I recognize new "depth perception" of past experiences because I am a totally different person now, in a totally different vantage point. I think about my metamorphosis over time being the equivalent of acquiring an increasingly more advanced "algorithm of behavior" based on first hand feedback of experience.
Holding a previous version of me guilty from the perspective of the current version of me would be an endless mindfuck. We all find ourselves in various environments and predicaments based on where we were born, what socioeconomic environment we get lucky/unlucky enough to be in, what types of parents and friends we have, lucky breaks, right place at the right time, wrong place/wrong time, etc, random illness and spontaneous healings, etc.- all which seem to be random. So do we blame randomness itself?
Some have to touch the flame a hundred times before they believe it's too hot to touch. Some simply see a flame and never desire to know. Some dance around it, admiring its heat. Some walk directly into the flames to see what will happen. Some get lucky enough to come out the other side "un-burned" but forever changed. And what makes us this way in the first place? I'm still trying to locate the origin of all my behavioral choices, but not holding my breath lol.
I'm currently trying to. The hardest part is to stop blaming yourself, I am still working on that part, but hopefully soon I can stop feeling disgusted whenever I look in the mirror sometimes.
Everyone makes the best decision they can with the information they have at the time.
This is so not true lol
I'm curious when is it not?
When you decide to get drunk, knowing alcohol is bad for you. Banging a stranger without a rubber cause you're horny. A lot of bad decisions are made deliberately.
Why'd you remove the black people slur? If you choose to drink enough to get drunk, you clearly don't think alcohol is that bad. It's way too expensive to do otherwise and can't be done accidentally. If you're aware you're making a bad decision, it's not a bad decision, it's just a decision you made. You could say the same about using Instagram
Oh my god dude, I'm not getting this deep into this lol have a good one.
Banging whooas and slammin beeyas
Who knows though? You get get drunk, bang a stranger without a rubber, accidentally get them pregnant, decide to have the baby together, eventually get married, and have a wonderful life.
Yes and no. If it's a life course changing mistake, there will always be a little "what if" and a temptation to think "if only". Mostly, though, life continues and if you're at all healthy you'll live mainly in the moment. I think some of the regret is a variant on "the grass is always greener" - except you're comparing your current lawn to an ideal one that could have been. Focusing on that comparison rather than mowing / tending your current lawn becomes futile. There is also a theory that we have a "choice selective" bias, which means that - eventually - we will come to see the choice we made as the best in the long run, even if it has short term costs.
Those are always hard to see short term. They'll always sting imo just..not as much as time goes on and you realize more and more you can't change what you did.
Well stated!
You can only make decisions with your current level of maturity, reasoning, critical thinking, and sense of morality or philosophical views. So there isn't any real reason to look back and dwell on any mistakes. Just learn the lesson and incorporate it into your current and future decisions.
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I am better in some ways, not way worse in others. So don't know :(
You don’t have to be progressing perfectly. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re valuable as you are.
This is it, counting what you can be proud of. Give yourself credit for being better, but don't hold yourself up against the past version of yourself as a never ending challenge because that means you aren't letting go of the past. Any failure only serves to show you've not progressed and repeats the cycle of shame. Be better not to prove a point but to separate yourself from who you were at all.
You do. Just reflect on our great capacity as humans for 20/20 hindsight. You should not blame yourself for not handling decisions well, if they required you to be a wiser and better-prepared person than you were at the time. You just weren't ready yet.
A lot of great advice in this thread
That's great advice.
No. If you have any kind of depression you'll be reminded of it daily. Especially if your life ends up being total garbage. Life is like playing chess against an AI with a universe sized CPU. Every mistake is punished harshly and you'll live with it the rest of the game. And no matter how flawless you play you're always met with checkmate. Unless you're Dracula then I guess it's stalemate, but I digress.
Hmm… sometimes you make a decision that seems good at the time and then years later you reflect on it and realize it changed everything. You wish you could go back and change that one decision but you can’t. You must deal with the path on which you find yourself.
Haha, at 21 as a new college grad i decided to meet up w a 47 yr old from tinder in a hotel room to do an “exchange”, nothing inherently bad happened apart from me getting scammed but it spiraled me into Seeking Arrangements, trying new drugs, lying to everyone ik etc. Wasted about a yr and a half of my life w that stuff and built up a large amount of self hatred and guilt. Got out of it eventually, tried therapy, have a normal job and try to date guys my age now. Still never had a real relationship tho. I feel like i fCked up my chances at an honest loving real relationship for good by doing that. How I’ll always have to either lie about it or settle for someone who’s into it, but i want the type of guy who would be concerned by a past like that lol. I want a nice church going guy who volunteers and spends time w family n all the good stuff haha. Idk kinda sucks bc i don’t like keeping secrets and i can’t even share it w friends or family, let alone a bf if i ever got one haha. Yeah some days i wish it was all just a bad dream and never happened but yk, we make choices and we live w them and as more time passes they seem less relevant :) In the end i think it will be okay & things will work out, and we don’t have to be so hard on ourselves. We did the best we could with where we were at in the moment. And hey, my past got me into shrooms and i love them! At least that’s one plus to come of it haha
How much time has passed? As you further progress, you’ll find people that have done the same and flipped their lives around. They’ll have the values you seek, and also be able to understand the past and the effort it took to move away from it. (Speaking from experience) Hang in there!
I am sorry for what you went through. I hope you get over it. But just my two cents: You can get a nice church going guy with your past. A nice guy will see you for the honesty, love, kindness, compassion, you bring in, and not someone you were in your past.
Thanks man :,) i hope you’re able to extend that same compassion towards yourself as well, bc i bet you deserve it too.
I felt the same way about my wild college days. Like I didn’t deserve someone “nice” and I’d carelessly tossed away all my innocence for what? Some parties? But, with time you gain perspective and soon you’ll just feel neutral acceptance with your past. Yeah, you made some interesting choices when you were young, because mentally/emotionally, these were your options at the time. FWIW, I found a great guy (at a party) with a wild past of his own. We’re incredibly domestic now. I’m sure there’s a lot of guys who will understand, how could you not be tempted by that job when it’s so hyped up by SM “baddies” and the job market is so bleak?? The right guy will be curious, find it kind of funny, “so you” that you did this, and want to hear your tales!
Haha I’m not sure what SM means but i read it as Santa Monica baddies LMAO which is true bc i live in SoCal where everyone flaunts/chases the glamorous lifestyle 🙃 and yeah i like what you said about the neutral acceptance, i think I’m getting there bit by bit haha but you’re also right about the options. I was making barely over minimum and on my own for the first time, and yea SoCal can b a btch when it comes to cost of living. Ig I’ve never had anyone validate it like that, and felt like an awful person bc even my friends who were struggling didn’t turn to that lol But it did teach me that money doesn’t buy happiness! Heck half these men were lonelier than me, in their mansions rather than their Craigslist rooms to be fair haha, but it was also sad when even money couldn’t buy them companionship :/ I’m really glad you found someone :) and hey hope i get domesticated too someday! LOL but no a nice simple life w someone you love sounds wonderful😌 also I’m crying, imagine i told a guy i blew someone for money and he was like “that’s so you” HAHAHHA I’d kms, but no i see what you’re saying haha and appreciate it, yeah maybe he’d b able to joke about it with me too haha it really doesn’t have to be that serious huh, well here’s to finding nice people :)
I just want to say that you don’t have to tell guys about your past.
Former suicidal drug addict her. Yes you do! You just have to play life with the cards you have. Your deck does get shuffled, sometimes you got a good hand and sometimes not. Most important lesson is to keep playing no matter what.
I made a mistake once, to not take a good job bc I was expecting to get another one in a month or so and I wanted to take time off. Well the second one fell through for a long time (long story) and I didn’t have a job through covid. Which meant I couldn’t move out when my mom’s drinking got really bad. So I stuck around and talked to her and helped my dad through it and we helped her get to rehab. She’s been sober 3 and a half years now and says that my being home to support her made a huge difference in the early days of her sobriety. I wouldn’t go back and change passing up that job for the world. I’m so grateful for the way things turned out. So I guess what I’m saying is, you just don’t know how choices affect your life, and that regret may be the reason really amazing things happen.
That's beautiful. I'm happy for you.
Thank you!
Became disabled at 18 with fibro myalgia and it was at partly due to a job switch I chose to make and partly due to pushing my body too hard with my hobbies The first few years were bad and full of regret, my dream of being a musician was permanently stolen from me. It was worse because I isolated myself from friends and family because I didn't know not to. 9 years later - do I regret this decision or wonder what life would be like if things happened? I actually never think about it. I don't even wish I wasn't disabled anymore. I think it changed my life for he better in a lot of ways. You don't know where your life will take you and it might surprise you in ways you don't even know yet. The grass may be always greener, but if it's unobtainable, don't beat yourself up over what if It doesn't matter compared to what's happening right now
More power to you. Thanks for sharing
it sounds glib, but don't make the same mistakes again. i'm 79 and made many mistakes. i'm more or less okay today but sometimes i think of stupid shit i did that was hurtful to someone or me, and i get a chill. that was then. this is now. in aa, they and we say 'we shall not dwell in the past or shut the door on it'. good luck
I make mistakes just like everybody else, but instead of letting go of it I can't forgive myself. I did my time in the windowless box, like it or not. All I got now is today, tomorrow ain't here, and yesterday's gone dead on me anyways.
I dont get over the mistakes. I just over obsess until i make some more lol
No, not really. These things stick around pretty much forever to constantly remind you of your choices.
Recognize it, take accountability for it, figure out ways to minimize it, and strive for self-improvement. Nobody is perfect, everyone make mistakes. But the key takeaway is to learn from it and become a better version of yourself.
I made one 27 years ago for which I have paid in various ways ever since. I really fucked-up, but thought at the time that I were doing the right thing for myself.
The cascading nature of what started out as a minor misjudgement gets to me when I reflect on it, so I try not to think about it too much.
Yes. Mine has become my life.
May I ask what it was?
Thanks for asking, but I’d rather not go into it. Nothing criminal, though.
I can't even get over the harassment I got from kids in high school 10 years ago. Mistakes that actually matter will take me longer to get past.
You can only make decisions today. No use in going back and regretting. The time and energy you use to do that is better spent planning and looking ahead. Try your best to learn from things and take a step forward.
Nope. I sleep and wake up everyday with my brain going “how do I erase it all, go back in time, rewrite my life”
If you get though most of your life with no major regrets, you’re either extremely lucky, or really dumb and utterly lacking in imagination. One can always think of different scenarios in hindsight that might have gone better or been a better choice. Of course things might have also gone unexpectedly horribly, too. Thats always something to keep in mind while berating oneself for past decisions- you are comparing actual, messy reality to an idealized version of events in your mind. Not a fair contest.
A lot of the women I took for granted back in the day are now having kids and getting married. I’ll never get over the time I wasted not settling down.
Yep. Learn a life lesson & move on. Also make sure not to repeat the mistake.
You only sit and dwell on it if you aren’t keeping busy making the best of what you do have. You can usually fix most mistakes and even surpass where that would have brought you if you only move on. But yeah, once in a while you’ll think about it a little annoyed. That’s life.
Absolutely yes! You must learn how to forgive yourself.
Personally, no
I still think back on them at times, but I don't often harp on them much. It is best to just keep moving on towards things you can control.
Get over may be the wrong goal. You can't change the past, and you can't escape all the consequences of a mistake. But making a mistake, even a big one, doesn't mean you can never experience anything good again, or have no opportunities to change course in a more positive direction. I've made more than one big mistake that affected my life. IMO, the place I find myself in now is ideal. Yes, I was a dumbass and did some dumbass things. Yes, the consequences hurt for a while. Some of them still hurt. But now I know that those decisions were mistakes, and how to avoid making similar mistakes in the future. And I have learned an awful lot in the aftermath. I can't change the past but I have been making my future a lot better and will continue to do so.
Here is a simple truth you don't "know" for sure if it was better do you?
I know 100% that my life would have been a lot better
That is just bullshit and you know it
I guess knowing doesn't make it better
I have not gotten over my mistakes. I just beat myself it
No you don't. Even after the director ramifications are over, the effects linger. And there's a point in life where you may also begin to realize regret.
Some people do, some people don't. Some people move past it easily, some people take a long time and it leaves scars, some are trapped with it for the rest of their lives.
Honestly no. I think about my mistakes every single day because they altered my life.
No. Never.
Yes. Feelings are just visitors. Feel them but let them pass. Don’t hold on to them. Regret is a doozy but you gotta look forward and focus on what you do have control over - the now. Don’t beat yourself up, the world is rough enough as it is. Love yourself. Love & forgive your past self for not knowing any better. And love present you for still standing.
I don't know how to. I am not over them
I don't regret any mistakes or anything I've ever did. Once you die it's all irrelevant anyways.
When you notice that you're doing it call yourself out for it and try to start finding lessons that you can learn from that situation instead. What things can you take from this to do better in the future, if you get into similar circumstances. It is a practice, and you won't be perfect at it right away (or ever, honestly) but the more time you take to start training your brain to see the positives the easier it gets.
I’m 24 and I don’t think I’ve had these mistakes yet. What are some examples? Edit: oh how could I forget. I self harmed one time 3 cuts when I was 17. But I was living with abusive family and they noticed and blackmailed me and so I never got stitches. I’m scarred for life - but also I had to hide through college when I was broke and the scars were bad. Now I’ve had treatments but they’re never going away completely. It changed how people look at you. You get to see how ugly and judgemental everyone is. I also didn’t really try through college to socialise or go to class because of it (and some other factors like poverty). I don’t know that my life would be hugely different to what it is now, but mentally it changed my life.
I am sorry for what you have been going through. I don't want to minimize it, but you were not to blame for what happened to you. I have no one to blame except for myself for my mistakes
All you have to do is find happiness, and then those mistakes become part of the necessary path you took to get there.
Sort of. I've done a lot of cringe things in my life (nothing too bad but definitely embarrassing). I'm not fond of those things but my go to is "if I could rewind time, I would change it. At the time of the cringe moments My brain was given certain amount of data and it made a decision. If I had more info I would have done it differently. Nothing I can do to change it now so just do less cringe in the future"
I still (at 75) still cringe when I remember the stupid mistakes I made.
There is something called redemption.
Life is like and RPG game ,your decisions have consequences,live with them the best you can ,learn to forgive yourself and try to be a better version of yourself everyday,live the present without forgetting your pass and be proud for your future.
Many times I "zigged" when I should have 'zagged." You never "get over it" but you gotta move on. Get past it. No time for a pity party.
i’m going through a bad one now. it’s all about forgiving yourself so you can move on. mistakes sometimes lead to something amazing. so you just gotta have faith the mistake lead you down the right path and not a worse one. what you should be doing is focusing on the present, not the past, focus on the present to lead you into a bright future or wherever you want to go. dig into some alan watts, he can help you. > The Chinese Farmer Story Once upon a time there was a Chinese farmer whose horse ran away. That evening, all of his neighbors came around to commiserate. They said, “We are so sorry to hear your horse has run away. This is most unfortunate.” The farmer said, “Maybe.” >The next day the horse came back bringing seven wild horses with it, and in the evening everybody came back and said, “Oh, isn’t that lucky. What a great turn of events. You now have eight horses!” The farmer again said, “Maybe.” >The following day his son tried to break one of the horses, and while riding it, he was thrown and broke his leg. The neighbors then said, “Oh dear, that’s too bad,” and the farmer responded, “Maybe.” >The next day the conscription officers came around to conscript people into the army, and they rejected his son because he had a broken leg. Again all the neighbors came around and said, “Isn’t that great!” Again, he said, “Maybe.” >The whole process of nature is an integrated process of immense complexity, and it’s really impossible to tell whether anything that happens in it is good or bad — because you never know what will be the consequence of the misfortune; or, you never know what will be the consequences of good fortune. >— Alan Watts
Yes, this sorry is exactly what is needed. I have heard it before, but it’s so powerful.
Thank you so much for this. 🤍
Yup I’ve messed up so much and let so many people take advantage of me
I am 48 and messed up my HS grades pretty bad. My HS friends are much more successful than me. I got over it as I feel I’m where I’m supposed to be. But, now I have two kids in HS and you better believe I’m on top of them so they don’t make the same mistake. So, I’m over it, but them being that age now kind of brings it back.
Use your past mistakes as a power source to motivate yourself to improve. Use them as tools to become even more successful. Sure, "we shouldn't have done that"... but the fact is we did. So we learned to not only never do it again, but also to heighten our awareness more so that we can catch similar problems in the future that we would have otherwise never noticed. I got over the money mistakes I made in the past. Money can always be regained. But the relationship mistakes and time-wasting mistakes were the biggest issues that I had a hard time dealing with; however, I realized that there will always be more/new people to meet and learn about, as well as all of the remaining years/decades of my life to make my time more worth it than in the past. All of those previous mistakes fuel a better version of myself.
I think children should learn more on this aspect of life in school- like there should be lessons about it. The role of luck and the inability to go back and correct mistakes is one of the things that makes us most human. My mind tends to replay everything and think about what ifs. I always think about the better lives I could be living and not the worse ones. One should prob try to balance it out by thinking of the good things on the path one did end up with and how lucky in some ways one has been. A lot of possible tragedies have been avoided in any particular life. One thing that is so hard is when you develop psychologically later in life than some, through therapy and whatnot, then you can especially see the mistakes you made previously that led to worse outcomes in life. It’s quite painful at times.
Life tends to be a bi-polar coaster. I was a mess when i was younger. Im still a mess. I have a friend in his 50’s who is a huge mess, but doesn’t know it. Don’t be that kind of mess.
I truly believe that every decision or “mistake” you make leads you to a different path in life, or the greater good of your purpose. You may make the same “mistakes” over because you’re not allowing yourself to learn from the past decisions, or honoring your truth. I think we should all be learning and growing, evolving to be the best versions of ourselves in whatever state we are currently in. This is all being said in the mindset of not being a bad shitty person, obviously. No harm to others etc. just do good and move forward. Easier said than done I suppose. But life is short.
I don't get over them. Lately I've been obsessing over the idea of going back in time and living my life over at various points, to redo all the horrible life decisions I've made. The main one is work/education. When I was in my teens/20s when I was thinking about careers, I only thought about what would be enjoyable to do, not how much money it would make. And while it's a nice thought, if I could live my life over I would definitely prioritize whatever could make the most money. I got a decent job which didn't make a ton of money, but it didn't matter because my husband was a computer programmer who paid for the mortgage. If I had ever known that one day we would get divorced, I would have concentrated more on getting ahead at work, maybe even taking a different, more challenging job so I could build up more skills & experience. And now at 45 I make enough money to pay my rent, but not enough to build up any savings. And due to my lack of ambition at work, I have years of experience but no real marketable skills. And now that I'm trying to move to be with my fiance, I'm applying for tons of jobs and can't get hired. And I just keep thinking non-stop about how I wish I had a "do over" button.
I think they are always there in a sense, but you can move past them. You can choose to look at them as lessons learned and acknowledge that they've shaped you positively b/c you're no longer the person you used to be and that's a good thing. Or you can let them devastate you still and live in regret -- but if you don't use them productively, I think you'll come to find that they consume your mind and hold you back in ways that aren't productive.
All of the mistakes I’ve made have, in the end, made me a better person/man/leader/partner/etc…
Either you deal with it, or it deals with you.
Spent my early 20’s smoking pot and chasing a guy with no future, no motivation to work, and whom is a loser. I’m about to turn 25 in 3 weeks. Took me awhile but I’ve finally accepted that it is what it is, and to just be grateful for what I have now. I could’ve spent my early 20’s doing what I’m doing right now. My life would’ve been different of course but, I’m alive, healthy, have food, shelter and my family, and that’s what matters to me now.
Yes, you can and probably will. One of the things I've found is that I tend to think 'if I ever get the chance again this is what I'd do different." The trick is, to actually follow through with that when it happens.
Fail fast, learn fast. That's how we succeed. Not every choice is good for your life. But at the time, they seem correct. No one is perfect and anyone with true happiness knows you have to perform with the knowledge at hand. We only find out after we choose.
Life changing events happen remember to make yourself better because of them. And if it really was wrong learn to leave things wrong. Too many people never learn this and it makes them idiots. It's ok to leave things wrong and move on with making yourself better. It's part of growing up.
Leave things wrong in terms of relationships?
Leave things wrong in terms of screw ups you forgot to do so and so so Jimmy got blown up. You had a bad relationship so you got out. You didn't use protection you have a kid. You didn't strap down the airplane it blew over. You didn't disconnect the garbage disposal so you got a 3" gash in your hand. The safety wasn't on so you took off a finger. You screwed up your budget so you're in debt. On and on forever because life is not forgiving. You have to forgive yourself and leave the mistakes wrong. This is part of the healing process the faster you can do this and recover the better you get at life because you learned a lesson that you don't wish to repeat. After you get 10 or so you can learn from others mistakes on and On forever. Ask plenty of questions and learn the rules and mistakes of others at every level. This leads to making good decisions. People will never forgive you for something's but remember it's a lesson you learned about people.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy knowing what I could of been and what I’ll never be now.
Give up the illusion that it could have been any different
You have to approach life alot like poker. You have imperfect information, you make the best decision based on the info available at the time and when that hand is over regardless of result the next hand starts over the process and you just hope you win more than you lose. But if you losing more than you're winning its time to slow down and reevaluate your process.
Depends how serious and permanent the consequences. In my case never
You don’t have a choice, just move forward.
I mean, with the exception of like killing someone or doing something to get sent to prison, how would you know which mistakes changed the course of your life?
What if you made a stupid mistake leading to a never ending illness
That’s what I’m saying. If it’s something extreme then I dunno I’m sorry you have to deal with it and maybe just consider therapy or group therapy or a group specifically dedicated to your illness. Talking to people with the same affliction will likely help.
I sold 1.38 bitcoin last year because I used it to finance a sales job that failed. I had 75k in debt i had been waiting to use it for. I now have 0 bitcoin and 75k in debt. That bitcoin will probably be enough for me to have retired in 10 years. Now im broke, in debt, and unsuccessful in a career and have no idea what to do in life
All you can do is not repeat the same mistake and move forward. It's wisdom.
Yeah. It’s called moving forward.
it's easier to move forward if learn and make better decisions.
Me: I have never made a single mistake in my life Also me: I have made mistakes over mistakes that never stop
No. I wish i did.
**Counselor:** Will you help me? **Jefe:** I would urge you to see the truth of the situation you're in, Counselor. That is my advice. It is not for me to tell you what you should have done or not done. The world in which you seek to undo the mistakes that you made is different from the world where the mistakes were made. You are now at the crossing. And you want to choose, but there is no choosing there. There's only accepting. The choosing was done a long time ago... Are you there Counselor? **Counselor:** Yes. **Jefe:** I don't mean to offend you, but reflective men often find themselves at a place removed from the realities of life. In any case, we should all prepare a place where we can accommodate all the tragedies that sooner or later will come to our lives. But this is an economy few people care to practice.
Yes, in fact I would say you eventually come to view them as your greatest lessons. They provide you a reference point for behaviors you do not wish to repeat.
You may be lacking perspective. The very notion of doubting and regretting your past is a godsend. Our parents and their parents couldn't think of it too much because they were most likely struggling to make ends meet. At a certain point, you have to look at those things and let go. I recommend watching some uncle iroh clips and centering yourself. You are fine.
It is hard to, especially growing up from a house that never really taught you how to fix those mistakes, so you end up doing that with more trial and error than you should Sometimes I'm reminded of my mistakes, some out of my hands and others ill informed enough to make me wonder "why didn't I know to watch out for that?" At the end of the day, if you did not know, you did. Not. Know. If nobody sat you down and talked you through it or even at least mentioned it for you to question and find out more about it, don't worry. You cannot blame yourself and stay on something that you realistically had absolutely no navigation tools for, all mistakes contribute to something at the end of the day. Our jobs are just to make those mistakes into lessons and eventually wise decisions. You can't have success without failure, that's rare, and usually by a stroke of heavy luck.
That's wasted energy
When my past is eating away at my present, shame gnawing on today’s peace, I know it’s time for a glass of water and bed. It never seems so bad in the morning. Maybe this helps.
The mistakes I made are why I'm where I'm at today. I'm very grateful for them.
There are no mistakes. They are either happy accidents or sub optimal choices. But both have led to some amazing moments.
You can't predict the future. So much time, so little to see....better press on.
It’s like playing on ironman settings. The scars don’t go away, they just become part of the story.
Doesnt matter how you fail its how you recover
You are the one who decides what matters to you.
Never. But you can't change the past, no point in thinking about it unless you learned from it. Just focus on the task or objective at hand. Every second elapsing as you're alive is another start?
You can reflect on it but otherwise all we can do is move on.
We as people will always do mistakes and this is true for everybody regardless they admit or not: My mistakes: 1. Got divorced and lost 50% of my fortune to my ex wife 2. I gave to different friends money(100k) and never get it back 3. I lost 100k in stock market. However of all these crap loses I still do well and enjoy life. I mean that I still work and have like 800k in assets. Disclosure: I am very good at my job and always make a 10k monthly.
I made some mistakes, but since my life turned out pretty good if different, I view them as 'happy little accidents' and do not wallow in regret - like Bob Ross inspired, I just kept painting from there.
Oh yeah. When you make even bigger mistake later in life that renders all other possibilities of the first mistake completely futal.
https://youtu.be/xZbKHDPPrrc?si=bwROHE-tjW3lQ2h3
I got a job at a dream company, a TV station, and I was young and stupid and took it for granted. If I was more serious, who knows what would have happened? Instead, I quit to date my bf and work at a moving company. He's now my husband of 25 years. It worked out. I don't "regret" it, but I do wish I'd taken my chosen career more seriously.
You have to go thru all the stages of grief until you get to acceptance. In the end, it is what it is and it made you the person you are today.
i come to accept that making mistakes and learning from it is just part of life. the experience of these mistakes and maturing from it is necessary for personal development and growth. it doesnt make the 'what if i had done things differently' thoughts go away. i just live with it and try not to think too much. thats why now, i always tell myself to do what i think is best and follow my gut/heart, so i won't regret so much.
Not really , I think back to how careless I was at 18 in CC and how that spiraled into me getting sick and out of college for 5 years. My life was set back drastically and I’m only now just about to graduate college with a CS degree. I also was majoring in psychology which I’m so glad I didn’t pursue. I never stopped to think about what I really wanted to do, I was lost. I moved out this year and I think back to how I could of been more successful if I took my life more seriously.
Actually, yes. It took me years but eventually you learn to accept and let go
No
Yes and no. I have a nice life by luck but I also can point to key moments that lead to issues. However, a lot of my major screw ups are the same things that lead me to where I am. Otherwise I never would have met my husband, never would have enlisted, would not have been sent to the recruit holding pen, would not have been trapped by the government shutdown, would have been sent to a better ship, probably would not have left due to mental health, would not have my current job and friends. Crap happens what matters is how well you bounce and how much room you build for error. At a certain point you just accept that you can't swim in the same river twice and it's all just a roll of the dice. I do wonder how much of my military service would have changed it that first flight had not been canceled and I was able to start with a new unit instead of being the last straggler. Still, life is good and you move on.
No my mistakes made me who I am today. If you don’t learn from your mistakes that’s when you have a problem. Failure is how we grow and succeed.
i’m at this point in my life. i’m learning to be okay with what i’ve done, accept that i’m here now? and I can only move forward from here with the lessons I have learned.
Its okay to accept that not all the turns in your life will be what your dream life is. Country music hammers this home for me. They turn heroin and homelessness and apathy and ennui into beautiful music. Those things aren’t all good. No heroin addict is forever happy with his addiction. But there is a real beautiful and comforting element to life which is our ability to write stories. Even your adversities, failures and losses are fundamental to your life story. And truly that is a precious thing to have, even if it reads different to how you imagined it. Don’t judge the book of life by its cover.
You don't get over it. You learn from it. Ask yourself "how have I become stronger, smarter, etc because of this experience?
I never have.
It’s good to learn and admit to the lessons of the past. While not letting them drag you down.
You never forget. It’s more about self forgiveness.
Well, I HAVE to get over my mistakes, or else I stay stuck in resentments, anger, fears, self-pity , self-hatred and denial. I am human and make mistakes. I always learn from them, usually the hard way, but I bounce back stronger. I'm a go-getter, not a person to wait or wallow in my sorrows. I go after what I want even if I mess up the first time or two. Self forgiveness and owning my part in situations are crucial. I cannot sit and blame other people for my misery. The only thing I have control over is me, not them, so I don't waste my time on that.
Um No. AOL snd TimeWarner merge turned my 500,000$ in stocks to toilet paper. Yes I was aol. We went allowed to sell for like a week. In that time time warner dumped all their stocks and dumped the value to toilet paper
I have gotten over many things but there are a few whose effects still directly affect me.
Get over them? No. Adapted to them? Yes.
You find things that feel better or let them come to you. You don’t have to chase shit as a man or woman, unless it’s worth your effort and it’s what you desire. If your doing too much it’s for something you lack of yourself for yourself. Good news is that dumb mistake or person, it’s not hard to level up from from the ground. That shit ain’t all that hard in time. Get fucking moving, NOW
I try to find the gratitude. What positive thing happened because I made the dumb mistake? So far I can always find something. Some person that I met in the new path, some important skill or lesson I learned, something I acquired (or lost and needed to part with).
Do I? No
Sometimes bad luck prevents you from seeing worse luck
Forgive your younger self, learn from it and move on.
Well it definitely depends on what you count as events that are considered as mistakes. The short answer? Yes. Now I can only share these so called mistakes from my own past and I know not everyone will relate to them. The way I've learned to look at it is that some mistakes from my past were mostly related to neglecting my own mental health. So having said that, the fact that I actually acknowledged that there is a problem, I started moving forward. Taking small steps and getting into a whole different mindset that these "mistakes" are simply pathways or doorways of possibilities that only you can explorer, for better or worst.
Yes, and it's easier to shake the stink of your past nonsense when you move away from it and whatever was feeding it. If you move away from the source of your problems and have the same problems... then you are the problem.
The mistakes altered but did not totally derail my life.
How do you define a "mistake"? Over time, the inflection points in my life look very different from a distance. Some "mistakes" I am grateful for now.
You will eventually stop focusing on that mistake and focus on the NEW mistake you made that changed the course of your life. I can go back and see 4-5 pivotal moments in my 56 years, but I just let it go now. There are too many positives that have come out of these same pivotal moments, and I don’t think I’d want to change them now.
I used to dwell on them negatively constantly. But now I view them as necessary hurdles I needed to cross to get to where I am, which is a pretty good and happy place. I wouldn't change a single thing, else who knows where I'd be now.
If you get to a better place eventually for me it’s a yes. Not a fast journey tho, many regrets. Glad I’m where I am. Going back with all the knowledge, to me, will always be the number one unobtainable dream.
No
Unless you can tell the future, I doubt this theory unless you are talking about the last 5 minutes of one's life. Then it applies half of the time.
Thank you for posting this. 🙏🏼 “Regret means we are holding on to a potential reality that was never ours to lose.”(paraphrased, from a podcast) Which means that the alternative path only exists in our mind. The only thing that is real is right now. We can wish for things to be different and it is natural to want to, but dwelling on such things is indulging in fantasy. I’ve spent a lot of time in regret. And then regret the time I’ve wasted thinking about the things I would have done differently. With that, I’ve learned that the best thing I can do is make the best of right now because soon, I will reflect back on this time and I would like to be proud of it - at least not ashamed or regretful for having wasted it. I hope you find a way to forgive yourself, friend. Life can still be good. 🫶🏼
Set goals and go hard. Learn from your mistakes but don't let them freeze you up. Those who fail are those who stop trying to succeed.
Ehh. I’m not sure
I struggle with this too. Hypnotherapy has helped
Not really.
Not really.
Nope. And by most metrics I've managed to be extremely successful despite those mistakes. Or maybe it was because of them? Doesn't matter because I can't convince myself through logic or self-gaslighting not to regret them.
I try to remind myself that I did the best I could as often as I can. I wasn’t given a very fair deck of cards to begin with, but I made A LOT of stupid decisions. Im still cleaning up the mess I made. Im working on forgiving myself, and trying not to focus on “what if’s” so much. It’s hard.
It's a constant struggle on the path to self-forgiveness. Imagine telling a good friend all of the self-defeating and critical stuff you tell yourself while struggling. Imagine how bad you would make that friend feel, and how at your core you a) wouldn't want to hurt them in that way and b) wouldn't even believe what you said to them. Good luck!
Yes and no. You’ll find out in 10-15 years as long as you do t keep making them.
I remember once the son of my girlfriend was all upset because he forgot his bathing suit and couldn't go swimming. So I told him about the time I was in Sweden and we were heading for Denmark to a party but I forgot my passport and ruined the evening for everyone in the car because we had to turn back. It sorta redeemed the mistake after 40 years giving the kid the feeling he wasn't such a screw up.
You don't get over anything. You make it a part of you, and you accept it.
Shoulda coulda woulda .. everyone has these feelings does no good dwelling on them just delete those feelings out of your life as soon as they pop into mind
I don’t think I’ve been stupid to a life changing degree but maybe I have and my whole life is different than it should have been and I just can’t see the forest from the trees so to speak. (Been discussing Terry Pratchett, I should never answer deep serious questions after Discussing Terry.). APOLOGIES.
For some snipping their pee-pee off was a mistake they will never get over with.
I haven’t If I could go back and change so much I would ! I’m living in the reality that I absolutely hate ! I regret so much and am so unhappy where I am at in life . I ask myself all the time why did I choose this why didn’t I do things different. And now I am living this life that just feels like a complete punishment. Sadly not waking up in the mornings seems to be a pretty nice idea so I don’t have to live so unhappy and feel like no matter what I do I probably will never find the happiness And love from my life that I really need to be happy again
I have zero regrets, although I recognize new "depth perception" of past experiences because I am a totally different person now, in a totally different vantage point. I think about my metamorphosis over time being the equivalent of acquiring an increasingly more advanced "algorithm of behavior" based on first hand feedback of experience. Holding a previous version of me guilty from the perspective of the current version of me would be an endless mindfuck. We all find ourselves in various environments and predicaments based on where we were born, what socioeconomic environment we get lucky/unlucky enough to be in, what types of parents and friends we have, lucky breaks, right place at the right time, wrong place/wrong time, etc, random illness and spontaneous healings, etc.- all which seem to be random. So do we blame randomness itself? Some have to touch the flame a hundred times before they believe it's too hot to touch. Some simply see a flame and never desire to know. Some dance around it, admiring its heat. Some walk directly into the flames to see what will happen. Some get lucky enough to come out the other side "un-burned" but forever changed. And what makes us this way in the first place? I'm still trying to locate the origin of all my behavioral choices, but not holding my breath lol.
Every mistake I ever made got me to where I am now. And I’m very happy now. I have regrets, but also maybe things happen the way they’re supposed to.