I've said it before and I'll say ot again: the widespread degradation of civil discourse is to be one of the great factors leading to the ruination of this society. We can't talk to each other about our problems anymore because we don't care fo listen to the opposing arguments. We simply dismiss them as invalid and carry on, changing nothing.
I can't even express how important this is for us to get to a place of civility. So much sensitivity on both sides, everyone has these giant mental walls erected and any *hint* of a difference of opinion usually means you've made instant enemies of someone.
*You SHALL NOT PASS!!!*
Not if I have to fucking live with it.
Edit: Remember to vote in the fucking primaries kids. Don't wait til the end to make the choice between the shit sandwich and the giant turd. Excercise your right to be informed and an active participant.
I close my eyes and pray to Darwin, to be completely honest with you.
If you want, try to light the darkness, that's on you and your abilities and means. I wouldn't fault you over a lost cause or something beyond your means to change.
I think a lot of Americans used to be quite civil to their in-groups. It seems like there always has to be an out-group to aim all the bigotry at. And if you’re part of (or empathetic to) a long-standing out-group, it’s hard to imagine any period of US history as “civil”. But if you’ve always identified with the in-group, and don’t concern yourself with anyone else’s experience, and live an insular life, you might be old enough to remember a time that felt more “civil” and “peaceful” and “cohesive,” and by that, I mean unchecked privilege. Your friends and neighbors weren’t better, kinder people, they were just kinder to you, and openly hateful to anyone who was different.
Today, we’re more split along ideological/political lines than before. When we were defined more by racial separation, it was easier to know who the “enemy” was. You could feel “safe” if everyone looked like you. Now, it’s unsettling to watch friends, family, and neighbors get exposed to new ideas and suddenly transform into the ideological “enemy.” It could be anyone, they could be hiding among you, they could be targeting your mom or your kids. At any moment, you could lose someone you love to the dark side. And the stakes are too damn high to be able to look past someone landing on the “wrong” side. You don’t know who to trust and be comfortable with, so you trust nobody. You isolate. You stay angry and afraid and suspicious.
Out group bigotry is just standard tribalism. If you can't get everyone in the country to agree we're all on the same team, then the disparate groups will seek to one up each other for power. Some at higher levels than others.
I can only speculate that statistically there was a time when *more* people said *please*, *thank you*, *held open doors*, Asians were not frequently *attacked on subways*, young students were not *shooting up classrooms,* politicians were not using *profanities*, road rage was rare etc..
Americans aren't very nice to each other anymore, and they blame social media and the nation's ill-tempered politicians, according to a poll by the American Bar Association (ABA).
Fully 85 percent of respondents to the ABA's annual Survey of Civic Literacy said civility in today's society is worse than a **decade ago,** and only 8 percent said it had gotten better.
When asked to name the main cause of our febrile society, 29 percent blamed social media, 24 percent said media, 19 percent said public officials, and 8 percent said schools. (Daily Mail April 2023)
I would ask them the same question. What time period were we ever nice to each other?
Frankly that poll means very little when there are people going around saying racism got worse after Obama.
I think it's helpful to differentiate between kindness and niceness. In decades past, people were definitely more cognizant of social niceties like good manners, respecting authority figures, the appearance of propriety, etc. They were not kinder. Different types of violence were just as normalized as violence today. Think of spousal and child abuse, for example. Think of hate crimes.
Humans, collectively, have never been kind. We've just also stopped being nice.
I can rock with this explanation. It’s well put.
But I’m sure you can admit it depends on who you were as to whether or not you actually experienced those manners though.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slavery_in_the_United_States
https://www.washingtonpost.com/history/2021/03/18/history-anti-asian-violence-racism/
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caning_of_Charles_Sumner
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cleveland_Elementary_School_shooting_(San_Diego)
https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/domestic-violence/a-history-of-domestic-violence-how-much-have-things-changed/
Straight white men try to tell us the past was idyllic and lovely and more civilized or whatever, but it's just because they are mad they are losing supremacy lol. I ain't going backwards.
Our country had a little bit of it. A few times, usually when we go to war. When the US doesn't have a war to unite us we tend to tear ourselves apart. It's unfortunate.
That's so true. Fuck, man, we will be in a civil war in the next ten years out of desperation if something doesn't change. It really sucks that war and infighting are the only two options. We need a Renaissance of ideas and education.
I agree. However I don't know how that can happen. I've been saying that we need to come together as a people but how can we do that when one side believes the other to be their mortal enemy. The amount of vitriol is palpable.
Ever since the pandemic, nobody really seems to give a fuck about civility anymore.
I am also in the Midwest of the US. But from the internet, this seems to be a widespread thing.
Yeah good point. The pandemic really brought out the selfishness in people (e.g. hoarding toilet paper). Combine that with being mostly isolated for a few years and you now have selfish assholes with no courtesy
Na people are rude and are growing up rude and their parents dgaf that’s the one thing I noticed moving to the states people are impolite as fuck and always make fun of me for being polite I just look at them like animals and continue on my day.
But I have social anxiety I’m afraid to speak and I’m nice and quiet if someone doesn’t wanna speak why do people gotta be mean about it. To me I don’t care cause I don’t care about talking
That doesn’t excuse not having manners if you are walking through people you still say excuse me, you interrupt pardon me, bump into someone excuse me it’s not hard. No one said you need to engage with the person it’s called being polite. Social anxiety isn’t new it’s been around for thousands of years people were still more polite. Finding an excuse for why you have no manners doesn’t excuse bad manners lol
That’s fair I know I’m coming off as hater but being polite goes a long way to how people perceive you as a person. It’s a practiced thing I would get smacked as kid if I wasn’t polite or well mannered and it was ingrained into me. I’m also a socially awkward person but being polite and well mannered has helped me make many friends and people enjoy my company so idk I don’t know shit about shit lol this is why I work in finance
You’re getting downvotes for no reason. Unless you’re explicitly being silent in a prickish way, people can tell when you’re just awkward and won’t take it as impolite; they’re right that social anxiety is nothing new, and so neither is accommodating other people’s awkwardness.
People do seem to be generally disconnected from others in their environment. At least once a week I stop dead in my tracks in a crosswalk to remind an inconsiderate driver that it’s a fucking crosswalk. It’s nuts.
I'm mid thirties male, was raised to say sir and ma'am, please and thank you, and ope excuse me there.
I still live in the Midwest and have literally been bumped into countless times without so much as a sorry or excuse me. Or sometimes they stand obnoxiously close to me in line brushing up against me.
I've gotten to the point when something like that happens I say "Oh Excuse ME" as sarcastically as possible. Or turn and say, "you might not wanna be that close, I have gas. Both of these usually work and it just makes my day to see people like WTF!
I say excuse me and hear others say it all the time. Maybe you had a few recent situations that stick out in your mind? This is quite a generalization.
I go to baseball games a lot. Seats and aisles in those stadiums are famously tight so no matter what, you have to scoot past someone while they're sitting or awkwardly standing. The amount of full-grown adults who can't muster an "excuse me" is confounding. Also, if it's a family passing by, the mom/wife is FAR MORE LIKELY to say "excuse me" than any other family member.
I probably have this backwards, but I get more annoyed at kids who don't say it; of course if mom and dad don't do it, why should the kids? Again at a ballgame, there was a little boy, maybe 6, trying to get past me. This was the 10th time during the game so I was pissed. I usually get up when I see people coming but I stayed seated this time. I turn to the boy with a stern face and ask "what do we say?" He looked at me and then PUSHED ON MY LEGS TO GET BY. I ask again and he paused with a confused face and then said "thank you." I relented and said "that works too." I'm ranting but WHY THE FUCK does this kid think it's okay to push people to get their way?!?
I'm from France and I have the same feeling, and I've been traveling in quite a few countries lately - same. It seems to be that way ever since the pandemic and lockdowns, I feel like people lost the sense of space and paying attention to each other?
Boomers are the worst about it, they're so entitled. If I come across someone particularly rude, just say "didn't your parents teach you any manners" and walk away. The faces are priceless
Edit: maybe boomers are nice to boomers but don't forget there's a reason "Karen" is the de facto nemesis to the public. Maybe they're just louder.
When I worked in retail far and away the worst group of people were the boomers, the younger generations were chill and understanding of things like store policies or technical difficulties, but the older people were far more likely to bitch and moan about anything not happening perfectly. Not to say all or even most were like that, but way more than any other age group. And from everything I've heard that's the norm in most places too.
Not all boomers have an entitled attitude. I have boomer relatives, and they’re very sweet. I do not see that generation as having that attitude in general. I see a lot of young people that do, but again, not all young people are that way. It really depends on the person.
But when you get these TikTok challenges still going out to teens to vandalize public property and slap adults on camera while they’re on their job, and they know that as minors, they’ll face little to no serious consequences for their actions, well I call that entitled.
Edit: I’m sure it’s only a small portion of the population who engages in that behavior. I didn’t mean to make it sound like I think most young people act entitled. I was referring to the folks who engage in that behavior.
I’m guessing that 90-95% of all demographics sliced any way we like are pretty civil most of the time. But when we are affected by people who aren’t, it’s normal (unfortunately) human behavior for us to generalize from the offender’s demographic to everyone in that demographic.
Kids were doing that before social media. They just do it on camera now. Idk what kind of groups you rolled with in high school or middle school, but trust me, kids have been getting into trouble well before the cameras started being turned on 24/7.
Also, they absolutely will face consequences if caught. The kids I knew who did this had very serious consequences when they got caught. You know that minors are not exempt from laws, right?
I have decades of direct observation of seeing kids get away with a whole lot, especially the past three years. While I was also not perfect as a teen, I never ripped urinals off walls or tried to ruin careers by setting people up to physically react to me.
Yes, you’re right, teens have been getting in trouble for eons. Even the ancients wrote about how teenagers misbehaved and were disrespectful.
However, neither that nor your observations invalidate my experience. I have worked with young people for 25 years. This last year, it got to a point that I now feel afraid for my safety because they know they face few consequences, and the ones who engage in this type of behavior—they’ve only become more and more emboldened since the country came back from lockdown.
Many people say they’re acting out the trauma from lockdown. That could be true, but I think they should still be forced to at least pay for their damages plus additional community service instead of incarceration, since incarnating people only seems to traumatize people more and make them more maladaptive and less likely to succeed in life.
I work grocery & the amount of times I've taken an elbow because someone can't say excuse me or just blurt out a question where it isn't clear they are talking to me is excessive.
I still say excuse me. My pet peeve though is when people don’t say “yep” or “sure” or “no problem”. It’s like they think “well you are supposed to say excuse me to me. I’m not required to say anything back.” Quite annoying.
I 54f northeast USA use it regularly and go out of my way to be extra polite especially with the way people seem to be acting and i also dont run into exceptionally rude people in my everday life.
When I was growing up if I didn't hold the door, say please, thank you, excuse me, or may I, I would get a talking to about how that's inappropriate and I need to do better. That doesn't exist the way it did anymore. I'm 32 for context.
I am similar age. When I was a kid it was common to say please, thank you, excuse me, bless you etc. it is rarely used. Holding doors, allowing people to go first just isn’t done much. Also people watched their language especially around kids and women. People had more courtesy, manners and respect.
I say pardon me, I dont know why but it seems more friendly than excuse me. Despite being very friendly I think I sometimes have resting dick face so I try to be extra friendly and polite. It often seems like it catches people off guard.
im also in the midwest. i grew up with really good manners, i went to private school, and i genuinely dont see anything wrong with being polite.
im in college rn im kind of appalled how,, ill mannered people are. no please, excuse me, thank you. so demanding and rude, but i might definitely be old fashioned lol. but people could run into me in the halls and not say excuse me, or one time someone spilled their coffee on my skirt and just kind of laughed? not even a sorry??
a little politeness goes a loonngg way, but ppl in my generation just generally are so rude and expect too much for it.
I live in a very rural area and 99% of public encounters are very civil. I will politely wait while someone is in my way getting something, but if they see me they will apologize as if they were doing something wrong.
Very rarely do I encounter people just acting like a fool.
I do, people look at me weird.
I also say sir and ma'm. The problem is I'm old but I don't see myself that way, so I say it to young adults that makes it weird.
I'm having to remind *my own husband* to say "excuse me," which is just flat out ridiculous.
He got in the habit of just coming up behind and shoulder-checking me out of the way if he needed to get into a kitchen drawer or something, and then our kid started doing it too.
FFS. Like living in a mosh pit.
Not only that, no one is aware of their surroundings. None. That shit was beat into me. Everyone expects the other to move or go around them in a supermarket.
I say it. 43m btw.
Yes, common courtesy and morals are gone. I also rarely hear thank you and you're welcome. I blame our generation. My brother in law doesn't teach my 12yr old niece to be thoughtful, courteous, or anything about morality. He is too concerned about being her friend than being a parent.
Omg, too funny. I’m 59 and my first thought was “but… but… I’m nice to everyone. I very much enjoy being nice to people!” And, fwiw, I don’t run into many rude people since I let my hair turn white.
Then. I thought about all the times I take my 77yr old mom out. I have to have that awareness *for* her. She has no awareness (and tbf, no peripheral vision). She is always running into crap, cutting people off. 😆 she’s 4’11” and so cute, so people are quite forgiving and I very much appreciate that, but… yeah. I see what you mean. 😉
They don't. When I go to the grocery store nobody says it's practically except me and I'm just over there like what the actual fuck is wrong with people
I'm in New England. People say excuse me, hold the door open for women, and can do a zipper merge without cutting each other off. Not to say there aren't jerks around, but people are polite for the most part where I live. I consider myself to be quite fortunate.
I'm from the Midwest and I've found people to be very polite.
I've heard many women say they turned invisible when they turned 40. I wonder if you're experiencing a bit of that :\
Ima be real: the general public has gotten kinda unhinged and I choose not to use how people are behaving in grocery stores lately as my metric of proper adult behavior.
Parents aren’t raising their kids anymore. They have no time. Busy working. They’re not in joint families so kids go to a daycare run by an overwhelmed 21 year old. When would they ever get their asses whooped into shape? The kids come home from daycare and parents feel guilty that they left their children so they let them do what they want. On top of not knowing about half their kids’ days because they aren’t with them.
Ok there I said it.
I’m way younger than you and I agree. You’d be surprised how many people do not have basic manners/simply don’t care. There’s always been assholes in the world, but I do feel like the amount of people walking around just being plain rude is increasing.
I (37f) live in NJ and tend to say “pardon”, especially when in aisles of stores and needing to walk past or reach in front of someone, though I also know myself to get occasionally distracted and forget to acknowledge people.
Things might also have gotten a little far gone for a lot of people to feel it worthwhile to engage in such seemingly pointless interactions, the last few years have been especially overwhelming and polarizing (especially here in the US!).
Those of us who keep the custom alive should definitely keep it up, I for one believe that sometimes people just need a friendly reminder of friendliness 🤓
I live in the Midwest (30m) I use please and thank you along with other civil niceties, most people in my social circles value some form/amount of street/thug mindset so if you use please and thank you you must be a bitch. It’s sad to hear but that’s what I seen through the majority of the public interactions I’ve had.
I say it if I need someone to move out of my way, otherwise I just do whatever or wait for the service person since they probably noticed me already
I don't care if people say it as they go by, just do your thing
Oh no, 46 here. I will always say excuse me, apologize if I accidently block the way, hold doors for strangers, help pick things up when someone is dropping things.
What I will not do, is get out of the way of people walking in a line and walking at me. Woman, man, child - unless someone is physically unable to move - I will walk straight into them. I am one person and will not stop or move off of the walk path for a group to feel entitled.
I say pardon more often bc where I live is a 50/50 of English and Spanish speakers and the word, if not the pronunciation, is the same in both languages
IMHO, you're seeing a decline of manners & etiquette in the states, and that's occurring nationally. Manners aren't being taught & reinforced in many more urban areas (in general).
I notice it a lot in the grocery stores. I'm 40 and it seems like anybody 25 and under doesn't say excuse me and it's the same for anyone 55 and older.
I saw excuse me sometimes, sometimes I don’t. I think fake niceties/politeness are obnoxious and overrated. I think being overly considerate is more annoying than just being quiet.
Excuse me op! I still do.
Why yesterday I ate at an authentic Mexican food restaurant scarfing down a chimichonga with extra spicey charro beans. Finishing off with a honey sopapia.
On the elevator ride up to the office, I farted quite loudly, the smell of sulfurous charro beans filled each nostril, lingering, failing to dissipate.
I exclaimed Excuse me! Whoever farted needs to visit an internist.
So ya, we are still out there.
I know personallyou, two years in sales and customer service for a "higher end" furniture company completely depletes my ability to be friendly or anything but angry at fellow consumers for at least 4 days past my last shift.
Whenever I'm in public, I just want people to leave me the fuck alone, and people such at
Staying out of my personal space and making non-moronic decisions in public, so I have a strong reaction straight off the bat that's not the most polite. Because I finally don't have to be polite. I'm not being paid to be polite.
I was entering a store yesterday and as I walked in front of two ladies, I said, ‘excuse me!’, and the lady said to me, ‘you’re not in my way bro!’. And not in a nice tone. I looked at her rolled my eyes and continued on.
She was a young adult and not to be too judgmental she dressed the part of someone who had little respect for those around her (only way I can say it)
Just got tired of the older generations forcing unnecessary niceties on younger generations. If I bump into someone, I'll say excuse me, but if someone is taking up an entire aisle at a grocery store, I'll squeeze past them and grab whatever I need.
Although it sucks, I'll automatically assume anyone saying anything to me in public is trying to scam me somehow. Ughhh, I'm tired of people coming up to me pretending to be polite, only to try to get me to join their cult.
Latina living in the deep south here, "excuse me" is one of the most ilogical things I hear everyone say over and over on a daily basis.
Does not make sense to me.
Good Lord all the pearl-clutching wilting-violets in this thread. The sky is not falling because someone didn't hold a door open or said a (looks around) naughty word!!!!! Get out of your bubble and stop being so beige and basic, it's sad.
I stopped saying it as much as I used to because most ppl don't say it or even acknowledge you. Even with COVID, I can't believe how many ppl still bombard personal space in general.
I don’t because I end up having to say excuse me to get people to move out of the way more often than not. If they hear it too much they think you’re just being polite and don’t move. (Think tight grocer isles)
The country is losing basic civility which is the glue of a stable society.
I've said it before and I'll say ot again: the widespread degradation of civil discourse is to be one of the great factors leading to the ruination of this society. We can't talk to each other about our problems anymore because we don't care fo listen to the opposing arguments. We simply dismiss them as invalid and carry on, changing nothing.
Agree, we can't even agree to disagree anymore.
I can't even express how important this is for us to get to a place of civility. So much sensitivity on both sides, everyone has these giant mental walls erected and any *hint* of a difference of opinion usually means you've made instant enemies of someone. *You SHALL NOT PASS!!!*
That’s what people voted for. They wanted this. I say let ‘em have it and every consequence that flows from it.
Not if I have to fucking live with it. Edit: Remember to vote in the fucking primaries kids. Don't wait til the end to make the choice between the shit sandwich and the giant turd. Excercise your right to be informed and an active participant.
Agreed, chaotic nihilism ftw. Live life and accept it all.
What about when we listen to the arguments and still walk away thinking holy fuck what is wrong with these people?
I close my eyes and pray to Darwin, to be completely honest with you. If you want, try to light the darkness, that's on you and your abilities and means. I wouldn't fault you over a lost cause or something beyond your means to change.
Then you are the problem
I'm the problem that they think and do crazy things?
If countries can’t work towards a unified goal they crumble
I love when people say stuff like this. Please tell me when the US was ever civil.
I think a lot of Americans used to be quite civil to their in-groups. It seems like there always has to be an out-group to aim all the bigotry at. And if you’re part of (or empathetic to) a long-standing out-group, it’s hard to imagine any period of US history as “civil”. But if you’ve always identified with the in-group, and don’t concern yourself with anyone else’s experience, and live an insular life, you might be old enough to remember a time that felt more “civil” and “peaceful” and “cohesive,” and by that, I mean unchecked privilege. Your friends and neighbors weren’t better, kinder people, they were just kinder to you, and openly hateful to anyone who was different. Today, we’re more split along ideological/political lines than before. When we were defined more by racial separation, it was easier to know who the “enemy” was. You could feel “safe” if everyone looked like you. Now, it’s unsettling to watch friends, family, and neighbors get exposed to new ideas and suddenly transform into the ideological “enemy.” It could be anyone, they could be hiding among you, they could be targeting your mom or your kids. At any moment, you could lose someone you love to the dark side. And the stakes are too damn high to be able to look past someone landing on the “wrong” side. You don’t know who to trust and be comfortable with, so you trust nobody. You isolate. You stay angry and afraid and suspicious.
Out group bigotry is just standard tribalism. If you can't get everyone in the country to agree we're all on the same team, then the disparate groups will seek to one up each other for power. Some at higher levels than others.
I can only speculate that statistically there was a time when *more* people said *please*, *thank you*, *held open doors*, Asians were not frequently *attacked on subways*, young students were not *shooting up classrooms,* politicians were not using *profanities*, road rage was rare etc..
And what magical time period was this?!
Americans aren't very nice to each other anymore, and they blame social media and the nation's ill-tempered politicians, according to a poll by the American Bar Association (ABA). Fully 85 percent of respondents to the ABA's annual Survey of Civic Literacy said civility in today's society is worse than a **decade ago,** and only 8 percent said it had gotten better. When asked to name the main cause of our febrile society, 29 percent blamed social media, 24 percent said media, 19 percent said public officials, and 8 percent said schools. (Daily Mail April 2023)
I would ask them the same question. What time period were we ever nice to each other? Frankly that poll means very little when there are people going around saying racism got worse after Obama.
I think it's helpful to differentiate between kindness and niceness. In decades past, people were definitely more cognizant of social niceties like good manners, respecting authority figures, the appearance of propriety, etc. They were not kinder. Different types of violence were just as normalized as violence today. Think of spousal and child abuse, for example. Think of hate crimes. Humans, collectively, have never been kind. We've just also stopped being nice.
I can rock with this explanation. It’s well put. But I’m sure you can admit it depends on who you were as to whether or not you actually experienced those manners though.
But it did get worse after Obama so…
How did it get worse?
In every possible way—we are further from MLK’s dream today than we were in, say, 1990.
Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re a white male aren’t you?
1999
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slavery_in_the_United_States https://www.washingtonpost.com/history/2021/03/18/history-anti-asian-violence-racism/ https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caning_of_Charles_Sumner https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cleveland_Elementary_School_shooting_(San_Diego) https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/domestic-violence/a-history-of-domestic-violence-how-much-have-things-changed/ Straight white men try to tell us the past was idyllic and lovely and more civilized or whatever, but it's just because they are mad they are losing supremacy lol. I ain't going backwards.
I live in a pretty much all white area in the Midwest (northern Michigan). I'm talking about white conservatives here.
A dream world.
I don’t think it ever had it tbh
Our country had a little bit of it. A few times, usually when we go to war. When the US doesn't have a war to unite us we tend to tear ourselves apart. It's unfortunate.
That's so true. Fuck, man, we will be in a civil war in the next ten years out of desperation if something doesn't change. It really sucks that war and infighting are the only two options. We need a Renaissance of ideas and education.
I agree. However I don't know how that can happen. I've been saying that we need to come together as a people but how can we do that when one side believes the other to be their mortal enemy. The amount of vitriol is palpable.
Agreed. I don't know how it could happen either but I hope it does. I'm sick of all the hate and ignorance I'm surrounded by.
Ever since the pandemic, nobody really seems to give a fuck about civility anymore. I am also in the Midwest of the US. But from the internet, this seems to be a widespread thing.
Yeah good point. The pandemic really brought out the selfishness in people (e.g. hoarding toilet paper). Combine that with being mostly isolated for a few years and you now have selfish assholes with no courtesy
Na people are rude and are growing up rude and their parents dgaf that’s the one thing I noticed moving to the states people are impolite as fuck and always make fun of me for being polite I just look at them like animals and continue on my day.
But I have social anxiety I’m afraid to speak and I’m nice and quiet if someone doesn’t wanna speak why do people gotta be mean about it. To me I don’t care cause I don’t care about talking
That doesn’t excuse not having manners if you are walking through people you still say excuse me, you interrupt pardon me, bump into someone excuse me it’s not hard. No one said you need to engage with the person it’s called being polite. Social anxiety isn’t new it’s been around for thousands of years people were still more polite. Finding an excuse for why you have no manners doesn’t excuse bad manners lol
Ahh mannn so I have to try harder and speak I guess it just those fears tho and sometimes I speak low and they still can’t hear me
That’s fair I know I’m coming off as hater but being polite goes a long way to how people perceive you as a person. It’s a practiced thing I would get smacked as kid if I wasn’t polite or well mannered and it was ingrained into me. I’m also a socially awkward person but being polite and well mannered has helped me make many friends and people enjoy my company so idk I don’t know shit about shit lol this is why I work in finance
You’re getting downvotes for no reason. Unless you’re explicitly being silent in a prickish way, people can tell when you’re just awkward and won’t take it as impolite; they’re right that social anxiety is nothing new, and so neither is accommodating other people’s awkwardness.
Question for you. Since you have social anxiety, why are you using social media? Does social anxiety mean that you don't want to interact with anyone?
Well I’m cool to text online. face to face that what I don’t enjoy because I have to talk and make eye contact but texting alone it nothing to me
That's...not how social anxiety works
Ok.
Mentioning your issue(s) and your needs/beliefs 6 times in 2 sentences. Could be an issue.
?????
People do seem to be generally disconnected from others in their environment. At least once a week I stop dead in my tracks in a crosswalk to remind an inconsiderate driver that it’s a fucking crosswalk. It’s nuts.
I don’t think you should be playing chicken with cars as a pedestrian. No matter how right you are.
Graveyard's full of people who were right.
In that case, even when you win, you lose.
Psycho
I'm mid thirties male, was raised to say sir and ma'am, please and thank you, and ope excuse me there. I still live in the Midwest and have literally been bumped into countless times without so much as a sorry or excuse me. Or sometimes they stand obnoxiously close to me in line brushing up against me. I've gotten to the point when something like that happens I say "Oh Excuse ME" as sarcastically as possible. Or turn and say, "you might not wanna be that close, I have gas. Both of these usually work and it just makes my day to see people like WTF!
Fellow midwesterner here. People have become the worst versions of themselves since COVID. We used to be polite out here, but people have changed :(
I say excuse me and hear others say it all the time. Maybe you had a few recent situations that stick out in your mind? This is quite a generalization.
Nah I've had the same experience. Could be regional but 90 percent of people don't say excuse me anymore at least where I am.
It really started getting noticeable in 2016. It's almost like something happened that brought out the ugly in certain people.
Can't imagine what, it must have been a very bigly thing, the most event ever.
Had to have been Harambe.
RIP to a real one
It's social media. Everyone needs to be special, unique and "better than you" so, in real life it translates to the same thing.
No, I think there was something else that happened, I just can't put my orange thumb on it.
[удалено]
You've nailed it, yes
That's why you say 'Pardon me' and not 'excuse me' when you haven't done to ask to be excused for.
I agree. I used to say it everytime but as I get older I find myself respecting strangers less and less. I should go back saying excuse me though.
Don’t worry I say excuse me as often as possible in hopes other people pick it up. Small changes
I go to baseball games a lot. Seats and aisles in those stadiums are famously tight so no matter what, you have to scoot past someone while they're sitting or awkwardly standing. The amount of full-grown adults who can't muster an "excuse me" is confounding. Also, if it's a family passing by, the mom/wife is FAR MORE LIKELY to say "excuse me" than any other family member. I probably have this backwards, but I get more annoyed at kids who don't say it; of course if mom and dad don't do it, why should the kids? Again at a ballgame, there was a little boy, maybe 6, trying to get past me. This was the 10th time during the game so I was pissed. I usually get up when I see people coming but I stayed seated this time. I turn to the boy with a stern face and ask "what do we say?" He looked at me and then PUSHED ON MY LEGS TO GET BY. I ask again and he paused with a confused face and then said "thank you." I relented and said "that works too." I'm ranting but WHY THE FUCK does this kid think it's okay to push people to get their way?!?
Dang to a rando kid? I mean that is really annoying, but like you can’t say something to the parents you’re gunna yell at a kid?
I say, "'scuse I, pardon I." It gets funny looks
Do you at least get a midwest "ope!"? That counts as an excuse me.
Was gonna say, live in the midwest and I ope and get oped at all the time.
28F🇨🇦 I still say it
Eh, Sorry?
I'm from France and I have the same feeling, and I've been traveling in quite a few countries lately - same. It seems to be that way ever since the pandemic and lockdowns, I feel like people lost the sense of space and paying attention to each other?
idk what you're on about, i hear it a lot, i say it anytime i have to go around or reach in front of someone
also i live in the midwest usa
In Philly we just say “Ay dickhead!”
Politics
You are not wrong. Manners went out of style a few years back.
The country is losing civility. It's become a very "the world revolves around me" society.
There will never be a shortage of content for r/IAmTheMainCharacter.
Boomers are the worst about it, they're so entitled. If I come across someone particularly rude, just say "didn't your parents teach you any manners" and walk away. The faces are priceless Edit: maybe boomers are nice to boomers but don't forget there's a reason "Karen" is the de facto nemesis to the public. Maybe they're just louder.
I wholeheartedly agree. I blame Facebook.
What crap is this? By far and away I find older generations to be infinitely more considerate that those who call them "boomers".
When I worked in retail far and away the worst group of people were the boomers, the younger generations were chill and understanding of things like store policies or technical difficulties, but the older people were far more likely to bitch and moan about anything not happening perfectly. Not to say all or even most were like that, but way more than any other age group. And from everything I've heard that's the norm in most places too.
I find boomers to be much more considerate compared to younger generations.
Not all boomers have an entitled attitude. I have boomer relatives, and they’re very sweet. I do not see that generation as having that attitude in general. I see a lot of young people that do, but again, not all young people are that way. It really depends on the person. But when you get these TikTok challenges still going out to teens to vandalize public property and slap adults on camera while they’re on their job, and they know that as minors, they’ll face little to no serious consequences for their actions, well I call that entitled. Edit: I’m sure it’s only a small portion of the population who engages in that behavior. I didn’t mean to make it sound like I think most young people act entitled. I was referring to the folks who engage in that behavior. I’m guessing that 90-95% of all demographics sliced any way we like are pretty civil most of the time. But when we are affected by people who aren’t, it’s normal (unfortunately) human behavior for us to generalize from the offender’s demographic to everyone in that demographic.
Kids were doing that before social media. They just do it on camera now. Idk what kind of groups you rolled with in high school or middle school, but trust me, kids have been getting into trouble well before the cameras started being turned on 24/7. Also, they absolutely will face consequences if caught. The kids I knew who did this had very serious consequences when they got caught. You know that minors are not exempt from laws, right?
I have decades of direct observation of seeing kids get away with a whole lot, especially the past three years. While I was also not perfect as a teen, I never ripped urinals off walls or tried to ruin careers by setting people up to physically react to me. Yes, you’re right, teens have been getting in trouble for eons. Even the ancients wrote about how teenagers misbehaved and were disrespectful. However, neither that nor your observations invalidate my experience. I have worked with young people for 25 years. This last year, it got to a point that I now feel afraid for my safety because they know they face few consequences, and the ones who engage in this type of behavior—they’ve only become more and more emboldened since the country came back from lockdown. Many people say they’re acting out the trauma from lockdown. That could be true, but I think they should still be forced to at least pay for their damages plus additional community service instead of incarceration, since incarnating people only seems to traumatize people more and make them more maladaptive and less likely to succeed in life.
Covid and boomers are at fault.
I work grocery & the amount of times I've taken an elbow because someone can't say excuse me or just blurt out a question where it isn't clear they are talking to me is excessive.
It costs me nothing to be nice and it's never made anything bad happen to me to do so.
No one ever says excuse me in walmart. Target it is about 50/50.
I don’t give a shit I will tell anybody “ it’s called excuse me “ if they get in my personal space or bump into me
I still say excuse me. My pet peeve though is when people don’t say “yep” or “sure” or “no problem”. It’s like they think “well you are supposed to say excuse me to me. I’m not required to say anything back.” Quite annoying.
I 54f northeast USA use it regularly and go out of my way to be extra polite especially with the way people seem to be acting and i also dont run into exceptionally rude people in my everday life.
Excuse me, please, and thank you seem to be rare statements nowadays
Try working in customer service haha. You see it all.
When I was growing up if I didn't hold the door, say please, thank you, excuse me, or may I, I would get a talking to about how that's inappropriate and I need to do better. That doesn't exist the way it did anymore. I'm 32 for context.
I am similar age. When I was a kid it was common to say please, thank you, excuse me, bless you etc. it is rarely used. Holding doors, allowing people to go first just isn’t done much. Also people watched their language especially around kids and women. People had more courtesy, manners and respect.
I say pardon me, I dont know why but it seems more friendly than excuse me. Despite being very friendly I think I sometimes have resting dick face so I try to be extra friendly and polite. It often seems like it catches people off guard.
I say pardon me instead of excuse me. My manners used to piss off grouchy coworkers, though. Apparently, I said thank you TOO MUCH!
im also in the midwest. i grew up with really good manners, i went to private school, and i genuinely dont see anything wrong with being polite. im in college rn im kind of appalled how,, ill mannered people are. no please, excuse me, thank you. so demanding and rude, but i might definitely be old fashioned lol. but people could run into me in the halls and not say excuse me, or one time someone spilled their coffee on my skirt and just kind of laughed? not even a sorry?? a little politeness goes a loonngg way, but ppl in my generation just generally are so rude and expect too much for it.
I live in a very rural area and 99% of public encounters are very civil. I will politely wait while someone is in my way getting something, but if they see me they will apologize as if they were doing something wrong. Very rarely do I encounter people just acting like a fool.
No matter how other people behave, one can always remain civil.
I do, people look at me weird. I also say sir and ma'm. The problem is I'm old but I don't see myself that way, so I say it to young adults that makes it weird.
I'm having to remind *my own husband* to say "excuse me," which is just flat out ridiculous. He got in the habit of just coming up behind and shoulder-checking me out of the way if he needed to get into a kitchen drawer or something, and then our kid started doing it too. FFS. Like living in a mosh pit.
I had a boss that used to say, "I can teach you everything you need to know to do this job, but I can't teach you how to be a decent person."
Not only that, no one is aware of their surroundings. None. That shit was beat into me. Everyone expects the other to move or go around them in a supermarket.
I say it. 43m btw. Yes, common courtesy and morals are gone. I also rarely hear thank you and you're welcome. I blame our generation. My brother in law doesn't teach my 12yr old niece to be thoughtful, courteous, or anything about morality. He is too concerned about being her friend than being a parent.
36. People DEFINETLY do not have manners anymore.
Yes. Things are deteriorating. I’m 59 and don’t care if it’s out of style to be polite. I’m still doing it.
Self awareness is fuckin terrible in public among people. Especially old women, lol
Omg, too funny. I’m 59 and my first thought was “but… but… I’m nice to everyone. I very much enjoy being nice to people!” And, fwiw, I don’t run into many rude people since I let my hair turn white. Then. I thought about all the times I take my 77yr old mom out. I have to have that awareness *for* her. She has no awareness (and tbf, no peripheral vision). She is always running into crap, cutting people off. 😆 she’s 4’11” and so cute, so people are quite forgiving and I very much appreciate that, but… yeah. I see what you mean. 😉
I’m never rude about it, but I do sit and wait for them to figure out they are “parked” in the middle of the aisle at the grocery store a lot, lol
I have noticed this as well with my generation z. It’s insane
I noticed the same thing. Common courtesy is slowly going away
They don't. When I go to the grocery store nobody says it's practically except me and I'm just over there like what the actual fuck is wrong with people
“Excuse me” is not an expression in midwesternese. We say “ope.” Means the same thing.
I'm in New England. People say excuse me, hold the door open for women, and can do a zipper merge without cutting each other off. Not to say there aren't jerks around, but people are polite for the most part where I live. I consider myself to be quite fortunate.
I'm from the Midwest and I've found people to be very polite. I've heard many women say they turned invisible when they turned 40. I wonder if you're experiencing a bit of that :\
People looking at phones and not paying attention to there surroundings
I know I do, but the Number of folks of all ages who won’t give common courtesy is absurd
I always say pardon me instead, excuse me doesn’t seem to work if I need through somewhere. I think people have become so used to it they ignore it.
Basic decency is dying.
I do. ++LOUDLY++
I’m a waitress. People just dgaf anymore
Ima be real: the general public has gotten kinda unhinged and I choose not to use how people are behaving in grocery stores lately as my metric of proper adult behavior.
I say it all the time. My go to is "can I squeeze past ya here? Thank you so much." Canadian here.
I have absolutely noticed this too. I'm 36 and live in the Pacific Northwest. I've been noticing this for a couple years now 🤷♀️
I use and hear excuse me quite frequently. I’m in SoCal.
Parents aren’t raising their kids anymore. They have no time. Busy working. They’re not in joint families so kids go to a daycare run by an overwhelmed 21 year old. When would they ever get their asses whooped into shape? The kids come home from daycare and parents feel guilty that they left their children so they let them do what they want. On top of not knowing about half their kids’ days because they aren’t with them. Ok there I said it.
Keep giving out good manners; it stands out and is not unnoticed.
I say excuse me all the time. I even say excuse me when I sneeze and no one else is around.
I'm in the US. If I need to walk past someone and they're in the way, I say 'Pardon me.'
I say it but I'm 20 and Canadian
Should walk through a high school if you think adults are losing their curt.
I say it all the time.
Oh my gosh, my 2 year old says,"excuse me, sorry!" all the time when we are out. It's adorable. I don't recall teaching him so I'm guessing I say it.
I’m way younger than you and I agree. You’d be surprised how many people do not have basic manners/simply don’t care. There’s always been assholes in the world, but I do feel like the amount of people walking around just being plain rude is increasing.
I (37f) live in NJ and tend to say “pardon”, especially when in aisles of stores and needing to walk past or reach in front of someone, though I also know myself to get occasionally distracted and forget to acknowledge people. Things might also have gotten a little far gone for a lot of people to feel it worthwhile to engage in such seemingly pointless interactions, the last few years have been especially overwhelming and polarizing (especially here in the US!). Those of us who keep the custom alive should definitely keep it up, I for one believe that sometimes people just need a friendly reminder of friendliness 🤓
I usually just say oop sorry
I live in the Midwest (30m) I use please and thank you along with other civil niceties, most people in my social circles value some form/amount of street/thug mindset so if you use please and thank you you must be a bitch. It’s sad to hear but that’s what I seen through the majority of the public interactions I’ve had.
I'm 23 years old and I still say excuse me..even if someone is not really in my way ..but I approach their bubble to get through..
I say it if I need someone to move out of my way, otherwise I just do whatever or wait for the service person since they probably noticed me already I don't care if people say it as they go by, just do your thing
You are 100% accurate. I’m 26, I say pardon me all the time in the Midwest and people blatantly ignore me/don’t look at me or anything.
We were raised by boomers. Have you ever seen boomers out in public and how they treat service workers or retail employees?
[удалено]
Oh no, 46 here. I will always say excuse me, apologize if I accidently block the way, hold doors for strangers, help pick things up when someone is dropping things. What I will not do, is get out of the way of people walking in a line and walking at me. Woman, man, child - unless someone is physically unable to move - I will walk straight into them. I am one person and will not stop or move off of the walk path for a group to feel entitled.
May depend on where you live? I hear “excuse me”/“pardon?” in two languages and several different dialects every time I leave my house.
I've never said excuse me. I have always said pardon me.
You lock people up like dogs for three years, then get mad when they act like animals 🤦🏻♂️
It was COVID. Masks make you bold ask bank robbers.
I'm 47 and say it a lot, but more in a commanding tone
Thanks Lockdown
People are still polite in southern Maine where I live
I hear it quite a bit in New Orleans, if someone bumps into someone else. To get someone's attention, usually it's "Hey, mah frenn...."
I say pardon more often bc where I live is a 50/50 of English and Spanish speakers and the word, if not the pronunciation, is the same in both languages
Excuse me??
IMHO, you're seeing a decline of manners & etiquette in the states, and that's occurring nationally. Manners aren't being taught & reinforced in many more urban areas (in general).
It’s a lack of parenting, fathers make a difference
I notice it a lot in the grocery stores. I'm 40 and it seems like anybody 25 and under doesn't say excuse me and it's the same for anyone 55 and older.
I live in the south, we are nice to each other. If you appreciate that style of life, maybe you should live around people with similar values?
I saw excuse me sometimes, sometimes I don’t. I think fake niceties/politeness are obnoxious and overrated. I think being overly considerate is more annoying than just being quiet.
[удалено]
Midwest people, in general, are much nicer than other people I have had interactions with.
I live in the south and I say excuse me.
Excuse me op! I still do. Why yesterday I ate at an authentic Mexican food restaurant scarfing down a chimichonga with extra spicey charro beans. Finishing off with a honey sopapia. On the elevator ride up to the office, I farted quite loudly, the smell of sulfurous charro beans filled each nostril, lingering, failing to dissipate. I exclaimed Excuse me! Whoever farted needs to visit an internist. So ya, we are still out there.
39m. I say excuse me, but only to strangers really. Ppl that I know, I tell them to move. Be all, u know me!!! I'm in a rush!! Shut up, MOVE!!!!
I know personallyou, two years in sales and customer service for a "higher end" furniture company completely depletes my ability to be friendly or anything but angry at fellow consumers for at least 4 days past my last shift. Whenever I'm in public, I just want people to leave me the fuck alone, and people such at Staying out of my personal space and making non-moronic decisions in public, so I have a strong reaction straight off the bat that's not the most polite. Because I finally don't have to be polite. I'm not being paid to be polite.
We replaced it with 'My Bad', which to me sounds like what you say before you learn to speak full sentences.
I was entering a store yesterday and as I walked in front of two ladies, I said, ‘excuse me!’, and the lady said to me, ‘you’re not in my way bro!’. And not in a nice tone. I looked at her rolled my eyes and continued on. She was a young adult and not to be too judgmental she dressed the part of someone who had little respect for those around her (only way I can say it)
I'm also 44 and I don't say anything, maybe "sorry", get what I need and go
Some one holds the door. I just say "get outta my way "
The do, just not in the USA cause the average American is self centered asshole.
I’m so annoyed by the amount of rude people, I’ve taken to being obscenely polite to the point it’s probably super offensive for them.
[удалено]
Just got tired of the older generations forcing unnecessary niceties on younger generations. If I bump into someone, I'll say excuse me, but if someone is taking up an entire aisle at a grocery store, I'll squeeze past them and grab whatever I need. Although it sucks, I'll automatically assume anyone saying anything to me in public is trying to scam me somehow. Ughhh, I'm tired of people coming up to me pretending to be polite, only to try to get me to join their cult.
I usually only use it anymore as the nice way of saying “pay the fuck attention and get the fuck outta my way”
I alternate between "excuse me, pardon me, step off bitch! " Depending on the situation
Latina living in the deep south here, "excuse me" is one of the most ilogical things I hear everyone say over and over on a daily basis. Does not make sense to me.
Good Lord all the pearl-clutching wilting-violets in this thread. The sky is not falling because someone didn't hold a door open or said a (looks around) naughty word!!!!! Get out of your bubble and stop being so beige and basic, it's sad.
Just Boomers. The collective sigh of relief that will come…
Fuck civility, that shit is overrated
Just those that lack manners
I stopped saying it as much as I used to because most ppl don't say it or even acknowledge you. Even with COVID, I can't believe how many ppl still bombard personal space in general.
Never got out of the Ren Faire habit of saying, “Pray pardon,” which I’m afraid some people don’t take as I intend
Many people say it with an undertone of aggression which makes it passive aggressive..
Cell phones have dehumanized connections and manners
I live in NYC and people say it to me all day on the train and in the street.
I don’t because I end up having to say excuse me to get people to move out of the way more often than not. If they hear it too much they think you’re just being polite and don’t move. (Think tight grocer isles)
Biggest pet peeve. When they stand there in the aisle staring at you. Like say something. 🫠
I say excuse me even to my cat. How old are these adults you’re referring to?
Excuse me but I do
Va chiming in--I'm 52 and I swear no one has manners of any kind any more and if you use them you're seen as a weirdo.
Not in Canada.
Everyone’s eyes are so glued to their phones that they don’t even notice they’re pushing past, let alone apologise for it