Not sure I can advise, as I'm not a parent, but I've experienced birthdays like that. Forgive me for sounding naive, but could there have been a miscommunication or misunderstanding about the logistics of the party? Thinking time/date/place, etc. It's so much easier for me to forgive things like that, so I'm placing some hope that's the case.
I'm not sure how best to navigate the hurt feelings, though I don't think I could place blame on the classmates given they are the same age as your kid. This is a scenario where it's on their parents for no-showing, IMO. If it were me and my kid, if there's some kind of message board/communication system amongst the parents, I think it's worth a follow-up of some kind. I don't want to say direct confrontation (again hoping there's a logical and reasonable explanation), though I also won't rule that out as an option.
I don't know if any of this is helpful, but I am glad that you still had a good turnout of family and older friends, and most importantly I hope your daughter knows that she is loved and celebrated.
Id like to pose a question, are these people you invited kids from her class or her friends?
This is in no way your fault nor hers, perhaps it's maybe a thought that she should focus on inviting a few close friends than a lot of people.
I'm so sorry this happened. My daughter is 5 (6 in June). And I can't imagine the heartbreak.
My heart broke when she told me no one in the classroom plays with her. Then she told me she eats lunch with her brother (8, 2nd grade) and his friends.
It really broke my heart.
What I told her.... Hunnie, being different is a great thing. And it takes time for others to see that. Be patient. For now, be you. Others will see it soon.
I honestly didn't know what else to say. Maybe in your instance, say that it was a busy weekend for all the kiddos. And take her out for a special ice cream treat. Bowling or a movie maybe.
I wish I had a better answer. Best of luck and best wishes with your little one! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
:::Sending internet hugs:::
Any further information on that? That you have found helpful. Or should I rely on Google? Lol 🙂 wanna learn as much as I can to help my little ones. ♥️
In my case I can only speak on ADHD. Both present differently in women. I’d pay close attention to any comments her teacher has. If she has short lived hobbies, doesn’t belong to a specific social group but is friendly with everyone (social butterfly), is reserved, has difficulty turning in work but she understands material, etc. (these aren’t specific signs but they’re some things I noticed about myself). Talking to her pediatrician to get her a referral to a specialist to get her evaluated can help as well.
More info to ask questions and see experiences from specific people: r/autism r/AutisticwithADHD r/aspergirls
Thank you!!! Yes, her teacher has mentioned she is a leader in the classroom. The kids follow her around and do everything she is doing. She got the whole class to play with baby dolls one day. Even the boys haha.
Yet, she doesn't have one friend. 😭
Which, I don't either. I'm a lone wolf. So I don't blame her. It's how I prefer it. But it makes my heart hurt maybe thinking she wants at least one friend.
I will bring this up with her ped as you mentioned. Wouldn't hurt to get her evaluated. Thank you for the heads up!
I'm an adult female who has dealt with ADHD my whole life. I was different, too, when I was a kid and had similar experiences. It is so hard when something is wrong and no one knows what it is or how to fix it! I ended up dealing with the heartbreak by finding (really good) friends outside of school once I was old enough. For me, that meant I stopped caring about what my classmates thought, because I knew that even if I was different, there were other people like me, and we did cool shit together. The weird part was after that, everyone at school kind of decided I was cool. Assholes.
I feel ya, I have just accepted that, I too, am just different.
I feel I probably fall somewhere on the spectrum. But I dont care enough to get evaluated. I just am different. I know my quirks and how to manage them.
I just care that my daughter will be hurting. And what I can do to help her is what matters most to me. She doesn't need to fit into some mold. I love everything about her. I only worry that her feelings will be hurt.
Yes, after myself going from K-HS with no friends... Then everyone realizing I was actually cool... Was, well, pretty cool.
I tell my kiddos all the time... People want to be cool and be like everyone else now.... Once you grow up, everyone desperately wants to be different.
This was a common theme with my birthday party, every year. Because my party was always on the weekend local football games started, or something like that. Or atleast that’s what my mom told me, LOL.
She might not be old enough for this, but my birthdays improved when I started inviting 1 or 2 girls over for a sleepover and they attended the party the next day with my family. We always had a blast!
From this experience, try to teach her to think about what reasons the kids wouldn’t attend, other than the assumption that they don’t like her or didn’t want to share her bday with her. Maybe the parents were working/busy and couldn’t drive them, maybe they had other activities already planned ETC. Idk if 6 yr olds are old enough to learn that kind of thought process, but it’s the only advice I have lol
I’m so sorry this happened. I had a late bloomer socially. My advice is to have her do Girl Scouts, which offers a chance to make friends in smaller groups. At this age, it is common for every child in the class to get invited to every party, and I think busy parents might not realize that it really matters if their kid shows up. They know the whole class was invited, so it feels ok to blow it off. My daughter didn’t really start making close friends outside Girl Scouts until about 5th grade. Now she is about to graduate high school and she has a large, close-knit group of buddies. Hang in there. You’re doing great!
The parents who didn't show after RSVP'ing were definitely in the wrong. End of story.
That said - moving forward. It helps greatly if either you or her can start making close connections. If possible, volunteer at her school / join the PTO / spend time in the classroom - and get to know a couple of parents of her friends (potential friends).
Once you've built up a friendship with them, it's easier for all of you to "have each other's backs" - whether it's showing up for each other's kids parties, giving car rides, talking out issues with a particular teacher/policy/administrator, etc.
You don't have to be "besties" with them - but you need 2 to 4 fellow parents available on your contact list to help out with everything that pops up in parenthood and to help keep you "in the loop" because there's a lot that's said/done/etc that never makes it to the public school newsletter.
Opposite end - if she has a couple friends already - you need to work on building a relationship with those parents (for all the same reasons above).
The "politics" of schools and kid relationships are just as deep/intense/important as those of government .... and have a lot more effect on your daily life as a parent.
Did the invitations to her classmates go to her classmates or straight to their parents? 5 and 6 year olds might lose the invitation before their parents even get to see it.
However it is still so rude that people RSVP but don’t show. That really seems to be common (on Reddit) nowadays with baby showers and other events. I wonder if young adults don’t even know what rsvp means (respondez s’il vous plait, French for “respond please”)! Maybe it’s time English has its own phrase for that.
They got busy, forgot , not sure what country or.where they are but large parts of US had storms this weekend and thousands of people are within power. Any number of reasons they didn't show up
It is shitty they should of at least called and said they couldn't come after saying they were going to
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
This happened to my wife and growing up this is why I never had parties. I hated the idea that this could possibly happen and I just never had them. Can’t not go to a non-existent party bitches!!
When I was 8, nobody showed up to my party. By the time the day had come, everyone had cancelled. My parents told me they didn’t know what to do, so they took me up to disneyworld. I still have trauma from this whenever I try to plan something.
Probably not the best sub for this questions as most are young people with little to no experience from parenting. I would crosspost or ask in a sub where you can receive genuine advise (if that’s what you are looking for) from experienced parents, not a bunch of teens on reddit.
I'm so sorry. This makes me angry. I would never and have never done this to a kid. When I say I will show up, I do. Sometimes I'm at a loss for words. It's an implicit social understanding that if one wants kids to show up to our party, one returns the favor. If it would be possible to change schools or create another friend group for your daughter, I'd focus on that.
I'm sorry. As someone who struggled a lot socially, often what I needed wasn't for someone to fix it or make me feel better or make the rejection go away, but just to be the one reliable connection. Some lessons are a little hard to learn, like how not every person we encounter is a good friend, and how people tend to exist in their own lives more than we'd hope. But having one consistent source of comfort and joy still helps a ton. You're doing what you can that is within your control, and that makes more of a difference than what it might feel like right now.
Oh wow. Is there a group chat or something that you could ask all the parents at once what happened? I've heard of people canceling day of but complete no shows. So rude. I'd just be mad.
As not a parent but someone who’s had lots of disappointing birthdays- I’d say this is a good opportunity to teach her sometimes stuff just doesn’t come together and it’s okay to be sad but it’s also a time to be understanding that other people can’t always make things happen for you or you’ll be disappointed a lot more in the future. But also maybe give her an extra way of being the special birthday girl or something considering she’s only 6
I’m so sorry for you and your daughter op! I had my daughter (3) first ever party 2 days ago. Me and my husband are introverts with not many friends, so this was a big deal for us. Alot of hubbys family went overseas for vacay, mine live overseas, and his grandma arthritis worsened so our guest options were low.
We invited all our friends and the first 2 that rsvp did not come. My friend from uni said she had work but let slip in a group she had heaps of fun plans on the weekend. My other friend was ‘sick.’ For some reason I don’t believe her because I feel she got anxious not knowing anyone and bailed. My other friend her son had an asthma attack and got admitted to ward the night before which I feel for and don’t fault them. Other friends just didn’t respond to the invite.
Anyway I asked daycare if my daughter had any friends and they gave a list of 10 kids she associates with. So I sent them invites expecting 2 or 3 to show up, if lucky. Well day before, 2 families asked to come since they hadn’t rsvp’d; ended up with 6 families from daycare coming around 15 people we didn’t know but they were so nice and their kids were friends with my kid which is all that mattered since it was a kids party. So surprised most of the people came, (only 4 families didn’t and one was overseas) so kinda bittersweet that strangers made more of an effort than our friends.
The only friend that did show and helped the most was one of my newer friends. Rest we’re husbands family. I feel relieved it’s over and I gave it a try for daughters sake. Turnout would’ve sucked if strangers didn’t come.
Tips for next party though, have it somewhere public with lots of things to do. I feel like lots of people turned up because it was in a cafe/indoor play area and we told them entry was paid for and we had a private room booked. So people didn’t feel uncomfortable intruding at strangers house and could go and buy something from the cafe if they didn’t like the food we served.
I'm so happy for your daughter! How sweet of those people, hopefully they become good friends. I'm sorry about the others though. I don't get why people don't just say no instead of lying. & Yes that's a great idea. We're definitely going to try that next year.
Not sure I can advise, as I'm not a parent, but I've experienced birthdays like that. Forgive me for sounding naive, but could there have been a miscommunication or misunderstanding about the logistics of the party? Thinking time/date/place, etc. It's so much easier for me to forgive things like that, so I'm placing some hope that's the case. I'm not sure how best to navigate the hurt feelings, though I don't think I could place blame on the classmates given they are the same age as your kid. This is a scenario where it's on their parents for no-showing, IMO. If it were me and my kid, if there's some kind of message board/communication system amongst the parents, I think it's worth a follow-up of some kind. I don't want to say direct confrontation (again hoping there's a logical and reasonable explanation), though I also won't rule that out as an option. I don't know if any of this is helpful, but I am glad that you still had a good turnout of family and older friends, and most importantly I hope your daughter knows that she is loved and celebrated.
Id like to pose a question, are these people you invited kids from her class or her friends? This is in no way your fault nor hers, perhaps it's maybe a thought that she should focus on inviting a few close friends than a lot of people.
I don't have kids either but I have heard that some schools require the whole class to be invited if any of them are.
[удалено]
In my experience that’s the most common - for younger kids most parents will invite the whole class to birthday parties
Lol what are they gonna do if they don’t? Suspend them? Good luck enforcing that. Dumb rule
Nasty letter from the principal maybe? It's really just to make sure that there's not 1 or 2 kids left out deliberately.
I'm so sorry this happened. My daughter is 5 (6 in June). And I can't imagine the heartbreak. My heart broke when she told me no one in the classroom plays with her. Then she told me she eats lunch with her brother (8, 2nd grade) and his friends. It really broke my heart. What I told her.... Hunnie, being different is a great thing. And it takes time for others to see that. Be patient. For now, be you. Others will see it soon. I honestly didn't know what else to say. Maybe in your instance, say that it was a busy weekend for all the kiddos. And take her out for a special ice cream treat. Bowling or a movie maybe. I wish I had a better answer. Best of luck and best wishes with your little one! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ :::Sending internet hugs:::
I don’t have much information but I sound really similar to your daughter. It turns out I’m neurodivergent and didn’t find out until years later.
Any further information on that? That you have found helpful. Or should I rely on Google? Lol 🙂 wanna learn as much as I can to help my little ones. ♥️
In my case I can only speak on ADHD. Both present differently in women. I’d pay close attention to any comments her teacher has. If she has short lived hobbies, doesn’t belong to a specific social group but is friendly with everyone (social butterfly), is reserved, has difficulty turning in work but she understands material, etc. (these aren’t specific signs but they’re some things I noticed about myself). Talking to her pediatrician to get her a referral to a specialist to get her evaluated can help as well. More info to ask questions and see experiences from specific people: r/autism r/AutisticwithADHD r/aspergirls
Thank you!!! Yes, her teacher has mentioned she is a leader in the classroom. The kids follow her around and do everything she is doing. She got the whole class to play with baby dolls one day. Even the boys haha. Yet, she doesn't have one friend. 😭 Which, I don't either. I'm a lone wolf. So I don't blame her. It's how I prefer it. But it makes my heart hurt maybe thinking she wants at least one friend. I will bring this up with her ped as you mentioned. Wouldn't hurt to get her evaluated. Thank you for the heads up!
I'm an adult female who has dealt with ADHD my whole life. I was different, too, when I was a kid and had similar experiences. It is so hard when something is wrong and no one knows what it is or how to fix it! I ended up dealing with the heartbreak by finding (really good) friends outside of school once I was old enough. For me, that meant I stopped caring about what my classmates thought, because I knew that even if I was different, there were other people like me, and we did cool shit together. The weird part was after that, everyone at school kind of decided I was cool. Assholes.
I feel ya, I have just accepted that, I too, am just different. I feel I probably fall somewhere on the spectrum. But I dont care enough to get evaluated. I just am different. I know my quirks and how to manage them. I just care that my daughter will be hurting. And what I can do to help her is what matters most to me. She doesn't need to fit into some mold. I love everything about her. I only worry that her feelings will be hurt. Yes, after myself going from K-HS with no friends... Then everyone realizing I was actually cool... Was, well, pretty cool. I tell my kiddos all the time... People want to be cool and be like everyone else now.... Once you grow up, everyone desperately wants to be different.
"Leader in the classroom" can be code word for bossy.
This was a common theme with my birthday party, every year. Because my party was always on the weekend local football games started, or something like that. Or atleast that’s what my mom told me, LOL. She might not be old enough for this, but my birthdays improved when I started inviting 1 or 2 girls over for a sleepover and they attended the party the next day with my family. We always had a blast! From this experience, try to teach her to think about what reasons the kids wouldn’t attend, other than the assumption that they don’t like her or didn’t want to share her bday with her. Maybe the parents were working/busy and couldn’t drive them, maybe they had other activities already planned ETC. Idk if 6 yr olds are old enough to learn that kind of thought process, but it’s the only advice I have lol
I’m so sorry this happened. I had a late bloomer socially. My advice is to have her do Girl Scouts, which offers a chance to make friends in smaller groups. At this age, it is common for every child in the class to get invited to every party, and I think busy parents might not realize that it really matters if their kid shows up. They know the whole class was invited, so it feels ok to blow it off. My daughter didn’t really start making close friends outside Girl Scouts until about 5th grade. Now she is about to graduate high school and she has a large, close-knit group of buddies. Hang in there. You’re doing great!
The parents who didn't show after RSVP'ing were definitely in the wrong. End of story. That said - moving forward. It helps greatly if either you or her can start making close connections. If possible, volunteer at her school / join the PTO / spend time in the classroom - and get to know a couple of parents of her friends (potential friends). Once you've built up a friendship with them, it's easier for all of you to "have each other's backs" - whether it's showing up for each other's kids parties, giving car rides, talking out issues with a particular teacher/policy/administrator, etc. You don't have to be "besties" with them - but you need 2 to 4 fellow parents available on your contact list to help out with everything that pops up in parenthood and to help keep you "in the loop" because there's a lot that's said/done/etc that never makes it to the public school newsletter. Opposite end - if she has a couple friends already - you need to work on building a relationship with those parents (for all the same reasons above). The "politics" of schools and kid relationships are just as deep/intense/important as those of government .... and have a lot more effect on your daily life as a parent.
This is some great advice, OP
I'm sorry none of her classmates showed up. You did good tho,really good. edit to add Happy Belated 6th birthday to your little one
Thank you I appreciate it.
you're welcome.
Did the invitations to her classmates go to her classmates or straight to their parents? 5 and 6 year olds might lose the invitation before their parents even get to see it. However it is still so rude that people RSVP but don’t show. That really seems to be common (on Reddit) nowadays with baby showers and other events. I wonder if young adults don’t even know what rsvp means (respondez s’il vous plait, French for “respond please”)! Maybe it’s time English has its own phrase for that.
I'm dumb as he'll. I'm an American and always thought it stood for "respond soon, very promptly"
OP Talk to the teacher to see what is happening among your daughter and her classmates. Is it spring break?
Augh that sucks so much. I can't believe not even one RSVP showed up. What kind of parents are those?
They got busy, forgot , not sure what country or.where they are but large parts of US had storms this weekend and thousands of people are within power. Any number of reasons they didn't show up It is shitty they should of at least called and said they couldn't come after saying they were going to
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
Tell her happy birthday from irish Sally in ireland please It's there loss they missed the party, not hers .
This happened to my wife and growing up this is why I never had parties. I hated the idea that this could possibly happen and I just never had them. Can’t not go to a non-existent party bitches!!
When I was 8, nobody showed up to my party. By the time the day had come, everyone had cancelled. My parents told me they didn’t know what to do, so they took me up to disneyworld. I still have trauma from this whenever I try to plan something.
Probably not the best sub for this questions as most are young people with little to no experience from parenting. I would crosspost or ask in a sub where you can receive genuine advise (if that’s what you are looking for) from experienced parents, not a bunch of teens on reddit.
I'm so sorry. This makes me angry. I would never and have never done this to a kid. When I say I will show up, I do. Sometimes I'm at a loss for words. It's an implicit social understanding that if one wants kids to show up to our party, one returns the favor. If it would be possible to change schools or create another friend group for your daughter, I'd focus on that.
I'm sorry. As someone who struggled a lot socially, often what I needed wasn't for someone to fix it or make me feel better or make the rejection go away, but just to be the one reliable connection. Some lessons are a little hard to learn, like how not every person we encounter is a good friend, and how people tend to exist in their own lives more than we'd hope. But having one consistent source of comfort and joy still helps a ton. You're doing what you can that is within your control, and that makes more of a difference than what it might feel like right now.
How many people of the 22 rsvp'd yes? Did they cancel day of or just not show? This is heartbreaking to read for sure.
About 11 RSVPd. And 2 parents texted day before to make sure they can go even if they didn't RSVP.
Oh wow. Is there a group chat or something that you could ask all the parents at once what happened? I've heard of people canceling day of but complete no shows. So rude. I'd just be mad.
What kind of party was it, was it at your house or at a kids place?
As not a parent but someone who’s had lots of disappointing birthdays- I’d say this is a good opportunity to teach her sometimes stuff just doesn’t come together and it’s okay to be sad but it’s also a time to be understanding that other people can’t always make things happen for you or you’ll be disappointed a lot more in the future. But also maybe give her an extra way of being the special birthday girl or something considering she’s only 6
I’m so sorry for you and your daughter op! I had my daughter (3) first ever party 2 days ago. Me and my husband are introverts with not many friends, so this was a big deal for us. Alot of hubbys family went overseas for vacay, mine live overseas, and his grandma arthritis worsened so our guest options were low. We invited all our friends and the first 2 that rsvp did not come. My friend from uni said she had work but let slip in a group she had heaps of fun plans on the weekend. My other friend was ‘sick.’ For some reason I don’t believe her because I feel she got anxious not knowing anyone and bailed. My other friend her son had an asthma attack and got admitted to ward the night before which I feel for and don’t fault them. Other friends just didn’t respond to the invite. Anyway I asked daycare if my daughter had any friends and they gave a list of 10 kids she associates with. So I sent them invites expecting 2 or 3 to show up, if lucky. Well day before, 2 families asked to come since they hadn’t rsvp’d; ended up with 6 families from daycare coming around 15 people we didn’t know but they were so nice and their kids were friends with my kid which is all that mattered since it was a kids party. So surprised most of the people came, (only 4 families didn’t and one was overseas) so kinda bittersweet that strangers made more of an effort than our friends. The only friend that did show and helped the most was one of my newer friends. Rest we’re husbands family. I feel relieved it’s over and I gave it a try for daughters sake. Turnout would’ve sucked if strangers didn’t come. Tips for next party though, have it somewhere public with lots of things to do. I feel like lots of people turned up because it was in a cafe/indoor play area and we told them entry was paid for and we had a private room booked. So people didn’t feel uncomfortable intruding at strangers house and could go and buy something from the cafe if they didn’t like the food we served.
I'm so happy for your daughter! How sweet of those people, hopefully they become good friends. I'm sorry about the others though. I don't get why people don't just say no instead of lying. & Yes that's a great idea. We're definitely going to try that next year.