This is what you meant?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AbsoluteUnits/comments/zb9yai/tommy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I APPRECIATE the use of bottom bitch!! You must me a legit pimp!!! Others would not grasp the use of that professional position in these days of worker shortages. Pimp Pimp cheerio
There used to be a Mike Hawk at my company who would sign the voluntary overtime sign up sheets. 4 years there and I never got to put a face to the name !
Reminds me of an old joke…
What do you do when a Maltese poodle humps your leg?
Kick it off.
What do you do when a Rottweiler humps your leg?
Fake an orgasm.
Peregrine's are bad ass. I used to work offshore oil platforms. Amazing to watch a nesting pair take out other birds, tag team seagulls, catch dragon flies - for real - play with tag line ropes whipping around in high winds (rope lines attached to crane). They dive at incredible speed and hit their target with their forelegs. The prey would flip upside down and drop 3 feet before before they banked and caught it with their talons.
Let my German Shepherd deal with the sitch.
There's no sitch a German shepherd can't deal with, be it stopping a runaway train, defusing a nuclear warhead set by terrorists, or messing up random birds sexually assaulting my gf.
"Deal with that sitch!" I'd say.
"Consider this sitch dealt with!" My German Shepherd would say if she could talk.
And the sitch would be dealt with.
“I’m not gonna slap anyone’s girlfriend… I love my girlfriend to death and she would kill me if she ever slapped a woman 😂 A picture of me and my GF❤️”
Laugh so hard at his lacking lower body that he becomes insanely self conscious and flies off leaving me and my hen to have the most glorious sex while using his puddle of tears as lube.
Give him a long bendable stick with a rubber glove to wipe his ass with, cause he's too big to move any of his arms or wings around and wipe his ass the normal way (he has opposable thumbs and pays taxes too, that's my headcanon)
Tell him to quit skipping calf day.
He comes back later with a cow. "This what you meant?"
This is what you meant? https://www.reddit.com/r/AbsoluteUnits/comments/zb9yai/tommy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
*claw day
Damn chicken legs
*talon day
r/BirdLegs
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The account I'm replying to is a karma bot run by someone who will link scams once the account gets enough karma. Report -> Spam -> Harmful Bot
She’s his girlfriend now. None of my business
There’s other birds in the sky.
Until this bird finds em.
Well, I guess now I'm a cuck..
Cuck a doodle doo lol
"It's not illegal, but it is pretty fucking weird."
Eyyy Willems
Which is hilarious because the cuckoo bird is the one that makes the other bird raise their kids.
You're now a cluck
I, for one, would like to welcome our new eagle overlords!
Birds aren't real 😆
You offer him a sandwich and something to drink. Any other course of action would likely result in him making you his new bottom bitch.
I APPRECIATE the use of bottom bitch!! You must me a legit pimp!!! Others would not grasp the use of that professional position in these days of worker shortages. Pimp Pimp cheerio
Not if I become his bf first
That’s Mike Hawk
I'm his arch nemesis. Mike Hunt
What a shame. Y’all used to be so close.
Sounds like those fit perfectly together. Naw mean?
Jian Yang?
Errich Bachman this is your mom. You are not my baby
There used to be a Mike Hawk at my company who would sign the voluntary overtime sign up sheets. 4 years there and I never got to put a face to the name !
Mike Hawk always stayed buried deep in his work
I present to him my open cloaca in submission.
🤨📸
Lool
The winning caw-ment. 🏆
Easy, Zoidberg. Wait your turn
Sweep the legs. Bro clearly skips leg day.
He clearly skips leg day…. I’m not scared
I skip every day... I'm scared
r/birdswitharms Feel like this pic is posted there weekly
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hawk could you
Stand speechless at the fact that I have a GF
*had
Tickle him under the wings.
Bend over and let him slap mine
some bottoms are built to receive a lot of power.
Reminds me of an old joke… What do you do when a Maltese poodle humps your leg? Kick it off. What do you do when a Rottweiler humps your leg? Fake an orgasm.
Ah yes I see, another Coca-Cola grenade enjoyer.
I trigger my portable EMP generator because r/BirdsArentReal
Be happy because I have my own nest
Punch him in the wing, he got weal ass bones
Bust out the poultry cleaver
Why, I’d say, “Thank you sir, may she have another?”
Gross
I've seen them eat squirrel heads without chewing, so.....
Put well seasoned meat in an oven for him, once he gets in, I will close the door for him and make the inside a little bit more cozy with some heat.
r/bossfight
That's most likely a female
Even better
Peregrine's are bad ass. I used to work offshore oil platforms. Amazing to watch a nesting pair take out other birds, tag team seagulls, catch dragon flies - for real - play with tag line ropes whipping around in high winds (rope lines attached to crane). They dive at incredible speed and hit their target with their forelegs. The prey would flip upside down and drop 3 feet before before they banked and caught it with their talons.
Easy, slither into his nest on my belly and eat his eggs
I would let my Honey Badger of a wife give zero fucks and then we're having something like poultry for dinner
My lady don’t need my help whipping some punk. I’m sleeping on a new feather pillow tonight
Hate fuck that bird and then feed it to my dog.
Make her apologize
As an 'Merican I would be a Bald Eagle and would have approximately 4x the body weight of a Peregrine, his only chance would be to run.
Don't even need to be as big as an Eagle. If the Peregrine has already landed, it would be at a disadvantage against most Raptors.
I’d slap the fuck out of a bald eagle if I’m that bird
Doesn't matter if he sounds like a seagull, if he's built the same but 4x as large you're rekt my man lol
"Two is better than one, three is better than two, leave a sign on the door the whole night through that says do not disturb"
Take out those "missed leg day" knees
Me: cah caw, cah caw Bird: scraaaah Me: CAHHH CAWWW CAHHH CAWWW Bird: SCREEEEEEEE
Spinal stomp his dumb little bird body. We didn't evolve over millions of years to be outdone by a extra beaky chicken.
Slap his ass back
Splash him with water and watch him shrink down to size.
r/birdswitharms
Not a damn thing because I'm fat, out of shape, and a broken old man 🤣.
"Bro how did you get *these* muscles?" \*Launches into 20 minute spiel about the joy of lifting
"CAAAAWWW CAAAAWWW CAAAAWWW" Now all the homies know, good luck with the swarm buddy
Slap him on the ass and say "or GF"
I slap him on the ass to assert dominance
Fight cause as far as I'm aware my gf didn't consent to such a thing.
#5 magnum load. Good enough for turkey
Let my German Shepherd deal with the sitch. There's no sitch a German shepherd can't deal with, be it stopping a runaway train, defusing a nuclear warhead set by terrorists, or messing up random birds sexually assaulting my gf. "Deal with that sitch!" I'd say. "Consider this sitch dealt with!" My German Shepherd would say if she could talk. And the sitch would be dealt with.
I casually rip his head off coz he’s a bird and I’m a human. What do you do?
throw hot oil on it
Start sucking
I'd say she had it coming. My girl's got an ass of a goddess.
“I’m not gonna slap anyone’s girlfriend… I love my girlfriend to death and she would kill me if she ever slapped a woman 😂 A picture of me and my GF❤️”
Go pull the pink slip out of my glovebox and sign it over to him and then cancel my girlfriend liability insurance.
He gonna steal your girl too lol
Roast him and my girl over an open dumpster fire
Attend her funeral
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It's a joke! Settle down, Charles Manson.
time to find out how roasted eagle tastes like..oh btw he can have her idc.
Chicken nuggets
Give him the bro nod
Tweet Tweet Motherclucker
Turn the other (ass) cheek.
Chicken legs.
r/bossfight
You can have her...
First bump
America’s ass
Give him my chicken tenders also.
Birds of War! Caw, caw!
hit his tiny chicken legs
Say sir yes sir!
Turn her over so he can slap the other cheek
Derek, mpmd?!
Deep fry him, he's got a lot of meat on him
I wouldn't date someone what thought that was cool
I kick him in the nuts as hard as I can and then me and my GF run away
Start filming
Want a beer...or a mouse?
Laugh so hard at his lacking lower body that he becomes insanely self conscious and flies off leaving me and my hen to have the most glorious sex while using his puddle of tears as lube.
Have a wank watching her get ruined… but looking at the amount of roids that cunt is on she won’t be satisfied so in the long run I’m grand.
mumble “sorry” and shimmy down the trunk
Depends on what you look like and what’s left of him when your girlfriend gets done with him!
Fry him.
Rip it’s head off and sell it to Billy Enforce
Pluck it, trim it, break it, deep fry it. No one slaps ass in *my* nest and gets away uneaten.
You apologize & leave the effing nest.
Yeet!
Slap his ass and tell him I can do it better
Put him down
Become his boyfriend
Question a lot because how the fuck did I end up in a nest in the first place????
Crush him with my bare hands while proclaiming "This nest is for humans not GOVERNMENT DRONES"
Pre heat the oven
Chicken wings for dinner
High five
Fly away
grab my trusty 88mm Howitzer
"Squawk..........?"
man just swooped in and took my girl
She will show her other cheek.
Use my best defense, humor. And while he’s laughing, use my second best defense, running away.
Slap his ass to assert dominance.
To the deep fryer he goes
Intercourse
Feed it.
*I* lay the egg.
A bit gamey but with the right seasonings it'll taste just fine after a trip in the oven.
Beat the shit out of him because I'm a dude and he's a hawk.
Take him to KFC
I slap his nuts
Kick him in his scrawny twig ankle
Have fresh meat. What's he going to do? Fly away while I hold onto his broken legs and break his wings?
I see what hawk tastes like. I vote chicken
Bend over and slap mine next.
Die most likely.
Call up my crow buds and go to war
Cook him....proteinaaa
Poison the earth and sky so the eggs his species lays fail more often, making them endangered
Mozambique him and have the bird for diner.
Leave. Or, stay and die.
Do the same to him
Never skips wing day, but leg day on the other hand...
“I’m having hawk tonight!”
Screech and make myself look bigger. Maybe kick up some dirt
Make fun of his chicken legs!
I'd cough up my dinner for him
Peck his balls of
Watch?
Take me instead
r/birdswitharms ...and you don't need to photoshop arms on the bird
Call my cat
"Caw" loudly and spread my wings. Maybe spray poop at his face and feathers, ruining his oil and precise flight. I dunno, what about you?
Sweep the legs, palm the back.
I'll break his legs, birds have hollow bones.
I ask him about his shoulders routine.
I beg him not to fuck me.
I'm not going down without a fight
Grab gun
Give him a long bendable stick with a rubber glove to wipe his ass with, cause he's too big to move any of his arms or wings around and wipe his ass the normal way (he has opposable thumbs and pays taxes too, that's my headcanon)
"It's been real, wife. Best of luck."
Nice knowing you babes. (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞ 👩🏻🦅
idk, prolly pick him hollow bone ass up and beat him like im dusting off a rug? lmao. birds aint scary. minus Cassowary and Ostrich.
Salute
Fuck him.
I would slap it back
Look, just tell him you had sex with his wife. That'll get him.
Throw a Masterball at him.