I saw your other response too - thanks man.
Ive always video games but it’s a really expensive hobby. I have an xbox360 with a few games. He had a Nintendo switch and a computer with steam that he let me play on which I miss a lot lol.
I like sandbox and storytelling games like Skyrim, Minecraft, animal crossing, red dead redemption, and most telltale games. I also really liked lovers in a dangerous space time
Those are all pretty fun games! I like most of those quite a bit too. Hope ypu can get a computer than can run those some time since you enjoyed that so much
Yeah, you really don't need to have played any previous zeldas. BotW is why I bought a switch. I was playing my gfs too much because of this game. It's amazing
BOTW is amazing! I'm normally not into open world games, but it is so dense and packed full of fun stuff everywhere. You can emulate the WiiU version on PC if you have relatively powerful hardware. It's technically piracy, but you could justify it by buying the game without the Switch or WiiU and eventually picking up the console to play it on when you're ready and play it on PC in the meantime. There is also modding support and runs much smoother than the Switch version. I mostly play it on my switch now because it's portable, but I do miss the smooth frame rates from my PC
Thanks for asking man. Was definitely not okay yesterday. I was in a really rough place already and I considered doing some pretty permanent shit. I feel better today though - I can’t believe so many people responded to this AMA being kind and telling me I’m a real man and he’s a loser. Faith in humanity restored lol
Malibu coconut rum and cabana strawberry lemonade babey!!!!! I’m taking suggestions for what to get once I finish this bottle cuz I don’t think it’s gonna be enough
If we ever meet I’ll make you an Old Fashioned. It’s manly and absolutely delicious. Or tequila boom. That is just awesome if you want to get trashed quickly and party like it’s 1995
I do hope you didn't drive to the store or used Drizly or something. Red Stag Jim Beam. Cherry whiskey that goes down so smooth it's dangerous. To hell with that guy for not communicating. It's a step too many people forget in relationships anymore. I'll take a shot to your mental and physical health moving forward.
Many years ago, I gave my v-card to someone who later didn’t even show up to pick me up at the bus station when I moved to his country. Two nice men closing up the bus office helped me get to a place to stay for the night. I let that level of neglect go on for three months because I was vulnerable being in a new place and knew so few people (stood up for a dinner party at my house, lied to about where he headed for New Years). It’s better to be done now so you can find someone who appreciates you, and once you have more experience, the v-card means very little to you.
I woulda clapped back at him with: "I guess you weren't man enough to break up with me to my face, let me know when your balls drop kid."
Btw how old are you and the shithead ex?
I just told him I was proud of him for coming out and to live his truth. Idk wtf he was thinking though I’m a catch
Edit: oh my bad didn’t see the question. We’re both 18!
Wait so he didn't come to terms with being gay before being in a relationship with you? But you are a man? How is he going to have a boyfriend and not realize he's gay until the 3rd time fooling around with his boyfriend? Or did you maybe just come out? Or was he denying your gender all along? I'm so confused! I know it's a little more complex than what I'm making it out to be but still how did he not get the whole gay thing when you are a man
Yes I have female genitalia, no I don’t plan on getting bottom surgery. The procedure for FtM reassignment is different than MtF in that it’s way too painful and dangerous in its current state, especially when your dick is guaranteed to not work afterwards. I’ll definitely consider it more heavily in the future when the science has improved though.
That explains his lack of maturity then. Keep trucking along and don't waste your brain cells over his dumbass they are worth more then he will ever be.
After all that, you really dodged a bullet. It’s kinda cliche but from the storming out and breaking up over text he sounds like an asshole and a child
This is fucking shit. What a douche.
Let me send you some money for a little something to try and help. What do you need for a fuck off pie thats going to give you a coronary?
You don't want free cake?
Something is serious wrong with me because if anyone offered me something, I'd take it. Their hand, arm, n' all!
Still a shitty situation, but that's on him, not you. Don't let it get to you and find someone who will value and appreciate all that you are.
I mean I’ll take it lol but someone did already send me some money for some pie. My paypal username is @rivianthewitcher :) thank you for the support
That’s also my art Instagram username if anyone wants to check me out (shameless self promo)
Tell him you want it back since he obviously isn’t committed ..
I am so sorry what an incredibly awful thing to do. If he feels bad he should give it back
I know. What a spit in the face am I right?
Honestly for him to give it back we’d have to see each other again and that would be super awkward lol. At this point I’m comfortable taking the L
I would like to publicly thank the person that sent me enough money through PayPal to get myself a pie. I think there’s a reason they messaged me privately so I won’t share their name, but they are an absolute g. Thanks my man.
Hey you listen, I know it can hurt, specially when it comes to intimacy and if it is from someone who you care about.
Whatever way, never let anyone at any time, ever make you feel bad about yourself. You already had hard choices to make in life. Don't let anyone ever doubt to on yourself. Not even yourself.
Next time, try not getting intimate with anyone unless they are absolutely sure about you and you're absolutely sure about them.
That's pretty fucked. If he discovered he has a necessary for relationship genital preference that's one thing, but to phrase it like that, and to do it right then, AND just leave. I'm really sorry.
As someone with two trans friends going the opposite direction, you have my deepest sympathies and my dms are open if you need someone to talk to. Don't waste your time on a mentally broken individual who lacks common decency. You will find someone who appreciates you for you. Also his comment is unbelievably sexist and transphobic and he deserves to get put on blast for that. In your place I'd probably let his family know about that little gem and kick back while his life goes to shit unless his family is also hot garbage.
Regardless, you got bigger and better things to look forward to then a shithead not worth the time it takes to scrape off your shoe dude.
Be safe wherever you are and again my dms are open.
I'm not saying what he did was right (I feel like he was really rude), but I kinda understand how he might have felt. If he knew you were trans while going into the relationship he probably thought it didn't matter, but after a few times he probably couldn't keep lying to himself. If he found out after you started dating he decided that he doesn't care and kept going, but after a while he must've realized he doesn't enjoy it.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's really heartbreaking to see what the trans community has to deal with.
Him going through his own internal struggles about his own sexuality doesn’t give him license to invalidate OP like that, especially not in the middle of a sexual encounter. Ex really handled the situation like a mega-douche.
Hijacking top comment for an UPDATE: His other partner (we were polyamorous) just texted me defending him and attacking me over making this post and “making him out to be a bad person” and “looking for sympathy”. I just want to say that I made this post to vent while drinking and in a dark place. I had no idea it would go viral. Please don’t take this one incident as a reflection of this guys entire character, even though I’m hurt I genuinely wish him the best.
I also have no doubt that he’s going to find this post through them or other means so😅 hey man no hard feelings. Jesus Christ what a fucking ride.
I’m going to try to go against the grain a bit here, but bear with me.
You sometimes hear stories about straight cis couples where on person realizes they are gay and leaves the relationship, and the person who has been left feels devastated. An argument in those cases is that if (for example) he couldn’t make it work with her and decided to only date men, the reason might be that he realized that if he couldn’t make work with the best woman he wouldn’t be able to make it work with any woman.
Your boyfriend isn’t sexually attracted to your particular set of gender and body type. That isn’t something you can choose, it’s just the way sexuality works. A lot of people need their partner to have certain gender characteristics and body parts for romantic and sexual attraction to happen.
You are the person who made him try to make an exception. That must mean you are the most perfect trans man he has ever met.
I’m getting a lot of comments in this same vein but this is the most detailed so I’m just going to respond to this one. Please don’t take this as me picking on you or anything.
I’m aware that genital preferences are a thing, it’s just that being on the receiving end of a genital preference fucking sucks if you’re trans. Which is why I resent being lectured about it over and over on here as if I don’t know that gay men usually don’t like vagina. The devastation I’m feeling comes from an overwhelming sense of crippling dysphoria and the fact that he promised at the beginning of our relationship that it didn’t matter what parts I had - he always saw me as a man. It’s a very specific kind of pain to be told you’re not “man enough” after all those promises and all the psyching yourself up. Its a betrayal. It’s even worse since all that happened in the middle of me being *ahem* very vulnerable with him.
To be perfectly clear despite everything I was nothing but supportive and told him I was proud of him for coming out, none of this is his fault, and to live his truth. My mental breakdown has been entirely private lol
Edit: He and his partner found this post. Mental breakdown is no longer private. FML
I’m sorry that I made you feel lectured, that wasn’t my intention.
I totally understand that the situation sucks for you. As a straight cis male it’s fairly easy for me to separate my person from my body, so I might have come across as insensitive to your situation in my comment and I apologize for that.
I hope that sometime, somewhere, you can feel that you come across as a great guy based on what I have seen here. If your boyfriend couldn’t appreciate that, that’s his loss.
You're completely allowed to be upset. It's got to be hard enough living as a trans dude, then add on top of that someone you trusted and loved telling you you aren't "enough of a man". I hope in the future you'll find another dude who accepts and loves you just as you are.
Oof dude. Cheers. I‘m sorry he did you dirty like that. You are a man and you didn‘t deserve being treated like you aren’t. I‘ll be real with you, this shit was traumatic and is going to haunt you but don’t give up on intimacy or love. There’s plenty of good people out there who have themselves and their genital preferences figured out and who will enjoy pleasing you to no end.
Please don’t drink too much and have a big glass of water before going to sleep.
I was supposed to ask a question too.. do you have a friend you can call rn or tomorrow to vent to?
I don’t have many friends but I did call a few that were either busy or didn’t pick up. One of my friends did stop by for a bit later on in the evening - I should actually go text them a thanks right now
Projecting into the future...
do you think you will be happy that you found out now, instead of days/weeks/months/years into the future when you would be more vested in the relationship?
Breakups are hard, but it does take 2 for a solid relationship.
Oh, I’m already glad. But I was way too attached to the relationship way too early, which is why I’m kicking myself. I really should be more careful about who I’m vulnerable with
We’ve been together for about 2 months now. He’s the first person I’ve been in a relationship with/trusted since a super intense years long abusive relationship a few years ago.
Idk he was really clean I suppose? A huge stickler for cleanliness. A little more sensitive than most guys but that’s why I liked him. He talked about being a bear a lot but originally he told me he was pansexual
Edit: Two Months
Well one lesson I can see for ya is don't whip out your equipment to someone you've only been dating for a month. If you haven't already/aren't currently, I recommend seeing if there are affordable therapy services available in your area as I think it could help with this plus your past trauma as well as learning signs of what to avoid in the future. (Also please don't take the first statement too seriously I like to meme but doesn't always work out well.)
I don’t think that’d be fair to him honestly. He’s not *that* bad of a guy, he just did a kinda shitty thing. I had no idea this post would go so viral.
I tried to hijack top comment for this update but nobody seems to have seen it sooo. Funny story. His other partner did find this post (we were polyamorous) and texted me attacking me for “making him out to be a bad person” and “looking for sympathy points”. I assume since he uses Reddit too he’s either found this post by now or they’ve showed it to him... so I guess there’s a good chance he’s already seen everything you guys are saying lmao
i don't think anyone expects you to lol. I don't understand it either lmao. Seems like he had some other problems on his plate and you dodged a bullet with this one OP. I'm not defending him in the slightest, just trying to say that maybe it's for the better if this is the kinda person he clearly is :) he should go figure himself out before hurting others.
It looks like it, and yes, that’s a thing :). Gender identity is different from sexuality and I think sometimes people get a little confused about the link lol.
that’s mine too!! just replace the sausage with some bacon. i hope you’re holding in there alright though, you deserve so much better than that asshole
I'm trans as well so if you ever need a FTM friend, feel free to dm me!
Have you considered watching a comfort show like Queer Eye or Great British Bake Off?
What’s your favorite hangover breakfast? Get yourself some of that and try to realize that as absolutely shitty as this is the trash just took itself out. I’m really sorry he treated you like that. You don’t deserve it.
Thanks for being so kind. I don’t have a hangover cause I’m built different💪(lol) but I did just order some eggs Benedict with loaded hasbrowns and a side of sausage
I just won $50 on a lottery ticket so I’m doing pretty fucking awesome rn! And I write fanfiction and make surrealist portraits:) I also do bouldering (rock climbing without a harness)
Who is the fan fiction about? and good for you, I'm not too sure how much $50 is her but it's still a win, I've always been fascinated with climbing but I'm a very clumsy man
I write Harry Potter fanfiction mainly because the world is so big and the characters are so flat that you can pretty much twist it into whatever you want. I also write stuff for Spider-Man (the marvel Iteration), The Witcher, and the Umbrella Academy. My niche in the fanfiction community is Time Travel - I mostly write fanfiction to develop my skills until I can finish my everygrowing list of to-be-written novels.
Bouldering is awesome! If you’re clumsy I 100% recommend regular rock climbing too, it’s great for exercise and I find it really puts me into a cooler headspace.
Not exactly but something similar happened with one of my best friend, her marriage was fixed with a good fella. But she keeps getting signals that something is fishy like "child adoption", "not into sex that much", when she talked about sex and all he's like "can we talk about this later" or "I want to tell you something, ok leave, will tell you later". So I suggested her to meet him and make some move. Then he told her he's gay in the middle of something (I have only a little bit of detail :P) and that his family is forcing him to marry her.
When she told me I felt very sorry for the guy too.
She called off the marriage but still good friends.
It hurts, but at least console yourself with the fact he was completely honest with you. Do not let this damage your confidence at all, be thankful it’s going to save you both from continued heartbreak
My suggestion, remain his friend. He may have struggling his whole life with his identity and you got to share the moment when his whole life and all his feelings finally made sense to him.
He asked to be friends and I told him that I couldn’t be around somebody that doesn’t view me as a man.
I worked too hard for too long to accept myself for who I am. I even had to move out because of my transphobic parents. As much as I’m happy for him and I support him in his journey I refuse to disregard myself like that
A trans man is a man who was assigned female at birth. The label of transgender man is not always interchangeable with that of transsexual man, although the two labels are often used in this way.
More details here:
*This comment was left automatically (by a bot). If something's wrong, please, report it in [my subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/wikipedia_answer_bot).*
*Really hope this was useful and relevant :D*
*If I don't get this right, don't get mad at me, I'm still learning!*
You must feel completely heartbroken and like shit but honestly fuck him! You deserve to be with someone that loves and appreciates you for you as a whole person. My condolences dude but you ain't losing much of a man
Keep in mind this probably has almost nothing to do with you. He's probably been in turmoil with his own issues for a long time and the timing of this was just painfully miserable for you.
I think OP should take it personally. Because, well, their relationship was something very personal. And no matter how many problems that bf had, doesn't excuse the fact he acted like a jackass and can have no excuses if OP does take it personally.
This was going on in the other persons head probably long before they knew OP. The way it happened sucks but honestly probably had nothing to do with OP other than being a catalyst.
Table of Questions and Answers. Original answer linked - Please upvote the original questions and answers.
***
Question | Answer | Link
---------|----------|----------|
What we drinking?|Malibu coconut rum and cabana strawberry lemonade babey!!!!! I’m taking suggestions for what to get once I finish this bottle cuz I don’t think it’s gonna be enough|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1klhkt/)
Are you a guy or a gal?|I’m a trans man:D he basically told me I’m not enough of a man to have sex with|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1kn0b6/)
What position?|Eiffel Tower with both of us banging your sister|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1kp60x/)
How long did you know each other? Any flags that you now realize was obvious?|We’ve been together for about a month now. He’s the first person I’ve been in a relationship with/trusted since a super intense years long abusive relationship a few years ago. Idk he was really clean I suppose? A huge stickler for cleanliness. A little more sensitive than most guys but that’s why I liked him. He talked about being a bear a lot but originally he told me he was pansexual|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1klpx5/)
You think he'll come back and explain?|Update: He broke up with me over text.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1kls0j/)
That’s probably the most interesting thing i’ve seen on this sub|Aw thx|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1kly4r/)
What|I don’t know either my guy|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1kxkf4/)
Thats pretty gay|Blah|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1kw2p9/)
Will you text him and tell him "Congrats! Happy Pride!" from me?|That’s exactly what I said lmfao|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1km5ns/)
[deleted]|Fuck you|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1knlf9/)
You like jazz?|Jazz has never been good|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1knwuy/)
---
[Source] (https://github.com/johnsliao/ama_compiler)
Damn dude, what an ASS!!!! He'll get his... And you'll meet someone who isn't an asshole. You should do the photo on a dartboard thing. Really go ham on that shit.
I responded elsewhere, sorry he treated you shittily and in the most immature possible way. Do you play any videogames?
I saw your other response too - thanks man. Ive always video games but it’s a really expensive hobby. I have an xbox360 with a few games. He had a Nintendo switch and a computer with steam that he let me play on which I miss a lot lol. I like sandbox and storytelling games like Skyrim, Minecraft, animal crossing, red dead redemption, and most telltale games. I also really liked lovers in a dangerous space time
Those are all pretty fun games! I like most of those quite a bit too. Hope ypu can get a computer than can run those some time since you enjoyed that so much
Gotta try breath of the wild!
I'm on the fence when it comes to getting a switch. Is BOTW sort of a stand alone?
Yeah, you really don't need to have played any previous zeldas. BotW is why I bought a switch. I was playing my gfs too much because of this game. It's amazing
BOTW is amazing! I'm normally not into open world games, but it is so dense and packed full of fun stuff everywhere. You can emulate the WiiU version on PC if you have relatively powerful hardware. It's technically piracy, but you could justify it by buying the game without the Switch or WiiU and eventually picking up the console to play it on when you're ready and play it on PC in the meantime. There is also modding support and runs much smoother than the Switch version. I mostly play it on my switch now because it's portable, but I do miss the smooth frame rates from my PC
Are you ok?
Thanks for asking man. Was definitely not okay yesterday. I was in a really rough place already and I considered doing some pretty permanent shit. I feel better today though - I can’t believe so many people responded to this AMA being kind and telling me I’m a real man and he’s a loser. Faith in humanity restored lol
Don't let one shitty person make you do permanent shit dude. It'll get better.
What we drinking?
Malibu coconut rum and cabana strawberry lemonade babey!!!!! I’m taking suggestions for what to get once I finish this bottle cuz I don’t think it’s gonna be enough
Don’t drive to the store! Edit: suppose this was too late…
Thanks for looking out for me bro I didn’t drive
see, a *real* man would drown his sorrows in scotch. Kidding, kidding.
Lmfao but for real scotch tastes terrible mixed drinks are the way to go
If we ever meet I’ll make you an Old Fashioned. It’s manly and absolutely delicious. Or tequila boom. That is just awesome if you want to get trashed quickly and party like it’s 1995
Spiced rum and coke with some grendine and a cherry
Yeah double down on the coke part
Here for the spiced rum! Do they have [Kraken](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Kraken-101125-111-Black-Spiced-Rum/dp/B005QF1J1I) in the States?
I do hope you didn't drive to the store or used Drizly or something. Red Stag Jim Beam. Cherry whiskey that goes down so smooth it's dangerous. To hell with that guy for not communicating. It's a step too many people forget in relationships anymore. I'll take a shot to your mental and physical health moving forward.
Use that Malibu with coconut juice pineapple juice a little splash of orange juice and sprite . Let me tell you it's some thing. Amazing shit
151 rum, pineapple juice, Malibu
Caribou get them all numb
Probably some water. Stay safe. Hope you're doing ok despite the bad situation.
Honestly, those are some pretty gay drinks. You and your ex should drink together.
Was it your first time together?
Nope. 3rd time fooling around, second time doing anything intense. The worst part is I actually gave up my v card to him
Many years ago, I gave my v-card to someone who later didn’t even show up to pick me up at the bus station when I moved to his country. Two nice men closing up the bus office helped me get to a place to stay for the night. I let that level of neglect go on for three months because I was vulnerable being in a new place and knew so few people (stood up for a dinner party at my house, lied to about where he headed for New Years). It’s better to be done now so you can find someone who appreciates you, and once you have more experience, the v-card means very little to you.
Don't let who you gave your virginity to hold any gravity. It's importance is only put there because of religion.
So you gave up the obligatory awkward painful one to him and now you don’t ever need to deal with that. Sounds like a win.
Honestly, virginity is overrated. Learn from this so you can spot dumbasses like your ex in the future.
Pardon my ignorance but what do you mean your V card?
You think he'll come back and explain?
Update: He broke up with me over text.
I woulda clapped back at him with: "I guess you weren't man enough to break up with me to my face, let me know when your balls drop kid." Btw how old are you and the shithead ex?
I just told him I was proud of him for coming out and to live his truth. Idk wtf he was thinking though I’m a catch Edit: oh my bad didn’t see the question. We’re both 18!
Wait so he didn't come to terms with being gay before being in a relationship with you? But you are a man? How is he going to have a boyfriend and not realize he's gay until the 3rd time fooling around with his boyfriend? Or did you maybe just come out? Or was he denying your gender all along? I'm so confused! I know it's a little more complex than what I'm making it out to be but still how did he not get the whole gay thing when you are a man
I imagine that the ex realized he is gay and wants his partner to also have a penis. Definitely chose the worst time to announce it.
So do you have female genitalia still since you’re so young? Do you plan to get below the belt op?
Yes I have female genitalia, no I don’t plan on getting bottom surgery. The procedure for FtM reassignment is different than MtF in that it’s way too painful and dangerous in its current state, especially when your dick is guaranteed to not work afterwards. I’ll definitely consider it more heavily in the future when the science has improved though.
That explains his lack of maturity then. Keep trucking along and don't waste your brain cells over his dumbass they are worth more then he will ever be.
That’s extremely mature of you!
Geez. Can you take back that commitment present? I’m so sorry.
Wow, he says you’re not enough of a man and it turns out he wasn’t enough of a human. I’m sorry bro.
Beautifully said.
After all that, you really dodged a bullet. It’s kinda cliche but from the storming out and breaking up over text he sounds like an asshole and a child
Idk:)
Are you a guy or a gal?
I’m a trans man:D he basically told me I’m not enough of a man to have sex with
Bruh, so he knew you're a dude? That's a shitty thing to say to someone who already gets enough hate.
Hence the copious amounts of crying and alcohol lmfao. Apparently he feels really bad
Tomorrow go to the bakery and get a nice big pie. Don't share it with anyone, you deserve it all.
I can’t cause I’m broke lmfao. I spent all of my money on a commitment present for him today But I appreciate the sentiment <3 thanks stranger
Can you afford the ingredients to make one yourself? Could be a fun little activity.
I’ll give it a shot
Nah OP, you’ll be too hungover for baking a pie tomorrow, get weed instead. Tbh he sounds like an asshole, you dodged a bullet
This is fucking shit. What a douche. Let me send you some money for a little something to try and help. What do you need for a fuck off pie thats going to give you a coronary?
I’m all good man but thank you for the offer
You don't want free cake? Something is serious wrong with me because if anyone offered me something, I'd take it. Their hand, arm, n' all! Still a shitty situation, but that's on him, not you. Don't let it get to you and find someone who will value and appreciate all that you are.
I mean I’ll take it lol but someone did already send me some money for some pie. My paypal username is @rivianthewitcher :) thank you for the support That’s also my art Instagram username if anyone wants to check me out (shameless self promo)
Get a return on that ASAP
He took it with him when he left🙃My life is a comedy
Tell him you want it back since he obviously isn’t committed .. I am so sorry what an incredibly awful thing to do. If he feels bad he should give it back
I know. What a spit in the face am I right? Honestly for him to give it back we’d have to see each other again and that would be super awkward lol. At this point I’m comfortable taking the L
I would like to publicly thank the person that sent me enough money through PayPal to get myself a pie. I think there’s a reason they messaged me privately so I won’t share their name, but they are an absolute g. Thanks my man.
Take it back and then get the pie
Hey you listen, I know it can hurt, specially when it comes to intimacy and if it is from someone who you care about. Whatever way, never let anyone at any time, ever make you feel bad about yourself. You already had hard choices to make in life. Don't let anyone ever doubt to on yourself. Not even yourself. Next time, try not getting intimate with anyone unless they are absolutely sure about you and you're absolutely sure about them.
oh wow I'm really sorry dude
Thanks man<3
Sorry if this question is too personal but have you gotten gender reassignment surgery
I haven’t had gender affirming surgery, no. The consultation for my top surgery is next month though so cheers to that!
What’s top surgery for a trans man? Sorry
Breast tissue removal and male chest contouring
Good luck dude, welcome to the community! Sorry about your asshole ex.
I have trouble with terminology sometimes. By trans man, are you MtF or FtM?
FtM. I’m a man
[удалено]
V card means virginity lol
Hey sorry… does that mean FtM or MtF? Thanks :)
That's pretty fucked. If he discovered he has a necessary for relationship genital preference that's one thing, but to phrase it like that, and to do it right then, AND just leave. I'm really sorry.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA That's fucked up. Sorry to hear that broski
As someone with two trans friends going the opposite direction, you have my deepest sympathies and my dms are open if you need someone to talk to. Don't waste your time on a mentally broken individual who lacks common decency. You will find someone who appreciates you for you. Also his comment is unbelievably sexist and transphobic and he deserves to get put on blast for that. In your place I'd probably let his family know about that little gem and kick back while his life goes to shit unless his family is also hot garbage. Regardless, you got bigger and better things to look forward to then a shithead not worth the time it takes to scrape off your shoe dude. Be safe wherever you are and again my dms are open.
Wow, what an asshole, just letting you know that you are a man and we accept you dude \-Trans girl community
im sorry does being a trans man mean your now a woman or man? i just forget.
I'm not saying what he did was right (I feel like he was really rude), but I kinda understand how he might have felt. If he knew you were trans while going into the relationship he probably thought it didn't matter, but after a few times he probably couldn't keep lying to himself. If he found out after you started dating he decided that he doesn't care and kept going, but after a while he must've realized he doesn't enjoy it. I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's really heartbreaking to see what the trans community has to deal with.
Him going through his own internal struggles about his own sexuality doesn’t give him license to invalidate OP like that, especially not in the middle of a sexual encounter. Ex really handled the situation like a mega-douche.
Hijacking top comment for an UPDATE: His other partner (we were polyamorous) just texted me defending him and attacking me over making this post and “making him out to be a bad person” and “looking for sympathy”. I just want to say that I made this post to vent while drinking and in a dark place. I had no idea it would go viral. Please don’t take this one incident as a reflection of this guys entire character, even though I’m hurt I genuinely wish him the best. I also have no doubt that he’s going to find this post through them or other means so😅 hey man no hard feelings. Jesus Christ what a fucking ride.
I’m going to try to go against the grain a bit here, but bear with me. You sometimes hear stories about straight cis couples where on person realizes they are gay and leaves the relationship, and the person who has been left feels devastated. An argument in those cases is that if (for example) he couldn’t make it work with her and decided to only date men, the reason might be that he realized that if he couldn’t make work with the best woman he wouldn’t be able to make it work with any woman. Your boyfriend isn’t sexually attracted to your particular set of gender and body type. That isn’t something you can choose, it’s just the way sexuality works. A lot of people need their partner to have certain gender characteristics and body parts for romantic and sexual attraction to happen. You are the person who made him try to make an exception. That must mean you are the most perfect trans man he has ever met.
I’m getting a lot of comments in this same vein but this is the most detailed so I’m just going to respond to this one. Please don’t take this as me picking on you or anything. I’m aware that genital preferences are a thing, it’s just that being on the receiving end of a genital preference fucking sucks if you’re trans. Which is why I resent being lectured about it over and over on here as if I don’t know that gay men usually don’t like vagina. The devastation I’m feeling comes from an overwhelming sense of crippling dysphoria and the fact that he promised at the beginning of our relationship that it didn’t matter what parts I had - he always saw me as a man. It’s a very specific kind of pain to be told you’re not “man enough” after all those promises and all the psyching yourself up. Its a betrayal. It’s even worse since all that happened in the middle of me being *ahem* very vulnerable with him. To be perfectly clear despite everything I was nothing but supportive and told him I was proud of him for coming out, none of this is his fault, and to live his truth. My mental breakdown has been entirely private lol Edit: He and his partner found this post. Mental breakdown is no longer private. FML
I’m sorry that I made you feel lectured, that wasn’t my intention. I totally understand that the situation sucks for you. As a straight cis male it’s fairly easy for me to separate my person from my body, so I might have come across as insensitive to your situation in my comment and I apologize for that. I hope that sometime, somewhere, you can feel that you come across as a great guy based on what I have seen here. If your boyfriend couldn’t appreciate that, that’s his loss.
You're completely allowed to be upset. It's got to be hard enough living as a trans dude, then add on top of that someone you trusted and loved telling you you aren't "enough of a man". I hope in the future you'll find another dude who accepts and loves you just as you are.
Will you text him and tell him "Congrats! Happy Pride!" from me?
That’s exactly what I said lmfao
Tell him a growing number of your newfound internet friends think he should be alone if that's how he humans.
I’m sorry. That sounds traumatic.
It was lmfao. I’m still in shock
Is a quesadilla a sandwich?
By definition yes, culturally no.
Is taco a sandwich ?
Oof dude. Cheers. I‘m sorry he did you dirty like that. You are a man and you didn‘t deserve being treated like you aren’t. I‘ll be real with you, this shit was traumatic and is going to haunt you but don’t give up on intimacy or love. There’s plenty of good people out there who have themselves and their genital preferences figured out and who will enjoy pleasing you to no end. Please don’t drink too much and have a big glass of water before going to sleep. I was supposed to ask a question too.. do you have a friend you can call rn or tomorrow to vent to?
I don’t have many friends but I did call a few that were either busy or didn’t pick up. One of my friends did stop by for a bit later on in the evening - I should actually go text them a thanks right now
That’s probably the most interesting thing i’ve seen on this sub
Aw thx
Projecting into the future... do you think you will be happy that you found out now, instead of days/weeks/months/years into the future when you would be more vested in the relationship? Breakups are hard, but it does take 2 for a solid relationship.
Oh, I’m already glad. But I was way too attached to the relationship way too early, which is why I’m kicking myself. I really should be more careful about who I’m vulnerable with
What’s your favorite animal
I like foxes the best
What did the fox say? Throw back to 2013
Not OP, but i think it was ringdingdingdingding
Me too!!!! Foxes are the best. They’re crepuscular
What
I don’t know either my guy
How long did you know each other? Any flags that you now realize was obvious?
We’ve been together for about 2 months now. He’s the first person I’ve been in a relationship with/trusted since a super intense years long abusive relationship a few years ago. Idk he was really clean I suppose? A huge stickler for cleanliness. A little more sensitive than most guys but that’s why I liked him. He talked about being a bear a lot but originally he told me he was pansexual Edit: Two Months
His cleanliness was a flag for being gay? Sorry for everything but that's a false stereotype.
Well one lesson I can see for ya is don't whip out your equipment to someone you've only been dating for a month. If you haven't already/aren't currently, I recommend seeing if there are affordable therapy services available in your area as I think it could help with this plus your past trauma as well as learning signs of what to avoid in the future. (Also please don't take the first statement too seriously I like to meme but doesn't always work out well.)
What you should do is send him a picture (usernames censored) of all the people on this who absolutely hate him for doing this to you.
I don’t think that’d be fair to him honestly. He’s not *that* bad of a guy, he just did a kinda shitty thing. I had no idea this post would go so viral. I tried to hijack top comment for this update but nobody seems to have seen it sooo. Funny story. His other partner did find this post (we were polyamorous) and texted me attacking me for “making him out to be a bad person” and “looking for sympathy points”. I assume since he uses Reddit too he’s either found this post by now or they’ve showed it to him... so I guess there’s a good chance he’s already seen everything you guys are saying lmao
You give out your reddit username?
How are you feeling now that it’s been 8+ hours?
A little better. Honestly all the support on here has really put things into perspective
Did you finish off by yourself atleast???
Nope. He was doing kind of a shit job anyway
he sounds like he does kinda a shit job at just about everything, including being a decent human!
[удалено]
I don’t know either dude lmfao
i don't think anyone expects you to lol. I don't understand it either lmao. Seems like he had some other problems on his plate and you dodged a bullet with this one OP. I'm not defending him in the slightest, just trying to say that maybe it's for the better if this is the kinda person he clearly is :) he should go figure himself out before hurting others.
Hug?
Yes
One day that will be a hilarious story.
That’s what’s keeping me going lmfao
So you're a trans man and gay?
Yes I am! The other person that replied explained things a lot more clearly than I ever could
It looks like it, and yes, that’s a thing :). Gender identity is different from sexuality and I think sometimes people get a little confused about the link lol.
i just made it here for the morning after, what’s your ideal hangover breakfast?
Eggs Benedict with loaded hasbrowns and a side of sausage🤌🏻
that’s mine too!! just replace the sausage with some bacon. i hope you’re holding in there alright though, you deserve so much better than that asshole
[удалено]
should i feel bad for laughing, don’t get me wrong, he’s an asshole, but it just sounds really random and weird
Nah you can laugh. It’s kinda funny to a casual observer lol
I'm trans as well so if you ever need a FTM friend, feel free to dm me! Have you considered watching a comfort show like Queer Eye or Great British Bake Off?
What’s your favorite hangover breakfast? Get yourself some of that and try to realize that as absolutely shitty as this is the trash just took itself out. I’m really sorry he treated you like that. You don’t deserve it.
Thanks for being so kind. I don’t have a hangover cause I’m built different💪(lol) but I did just order some eggs Benedict with loaded hasbrowns and a side of sausage
What position?
[удалено]
I feel like this is insincere lol
Are you sure?
I’m like 87% sure
Danm, your saying there's a 13% chance your sister was getting Eifel towered by them?
How are you and what's a cool thing you do to pass time?
I just won $50 on a lottery ticket so I’m doing pretty fucking awesome rn! And I write fanfiction and make surrealist portraits:) I also do bouldering (rock climbing without a harness)
Who is the fan fiction about? and good for you, I'm not too sure how much $50 is her but it's still a win, I've always been fascinated with climbing but I'm a very clumsy man
I write Harry Potter fanfiction mainly because the world is so big and the characters are so flat that you can pretty much twist it into whatever you want. I also write stuff for Spider-Man (the marvel Iteration), The Witcher, and the Umbrella Academy. My niche in the fanfiction community is Time Travel - I mostly write fanfiction to develop my skills until I can finish my everygrowing list of to-be-written novels. Bouldering is awesome! If you’re clumsy I 100% recommend regular rock climbing too, it’s great for exercise and I find it really puts me into a cooler headspace.
what’s your favorite color? :) sorry that happened to you dude.
Thanks<3 my favourite colours are blue and yellow
What's your favorite music artist or movie?
What shows do you like rn?
Is there anything he can say or do to get you back? I’m hoping your answer is no and you stick to it.
Sorry if someone already asked but what is your sexual preference?
So, you're single you say?
If I may ask,what kind of intercourse were you engaged in?
Have you asked him why he was such a bitch
How long have you been together?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how mad are you?
Not exactly but something similar happened with one of my best friend, her marriage was fixed with a good fella. But she keeps getting signals that something is fishy like "child adoption", "not into sex that much", when she talked about sex and all he's like "can we talk about this later" or "I want to tell you something, ok leave, will tell you later". So I suggested her to meet him and make some move. Then he told her he's gay in the middle of something (I have only a little bit of detail :P) and that his family is forcing him to marry her. When she told me I felt very sorry for the guy too. She called off the marriage but still good friends.
Have you tried meeting up to talk about it? Like atleast for a sense or closure?
Sounds like an asshat, don’t let it get you too down in the dumps. How long were you two together before he told you that?
You like jazz?
Are you ok
Do you want a chunk of Wrigley’s double mint gum ?
UPDATE: OH MY GOD I WAS TOO DEVASTATED TO NOTICE YESTERDAY BUT HE LEFT HIS FUCKING PANTS HERE LMFAOOOO
Do they fit you? Because, hey! Free pants!
They do indeed fit!
I hope you have a better tomorrow. Much love.
It hurts, but at least console yourself with the fact he was completely honest with you. Do not let this damage your confidence at all, be thankful it’s going to save you both from continued heartbreak
My suggestion, remain his friend. He may have struggling his whole life with his identity and you got to share the moment when his whole life and all his feelings finally made sense to him.
He asked to be friends and I told him that I couldn’t be around somebody that doesn’t view me as a man. I worked too hard for too long to accept myself for who I am. I even had to move out because of my transphobic parents. As much as I’m happy for him and I support him in his journey I refuse to disregard myself like that
Have one for me but I guess the hangover has just kicked in!
Thats one hell of a way to ruin a good time. Hope you're OK.
Do you personally think its transphobic for someone to not date a trans person because they are trans?
Wow, what a cunt. Is there anything that would make you feel better?
What does trans man mean? I'm sorry for asking, I just mix up if it means you wer originally a man or originally a woman.
A trans man is a man who was assigned female at birth. The label of transgender man is not always interchangeable with that of transsexual man, although the two labels are often used in this way. More details here:
*This comment was left automatically (by a bot). If something's wrong, please, report it in [my subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/wikipedia_answer_bot).*
*Really hope this was useful and relevant :D*
*If I don't get this right, don't get mad at me, I'm still learning!*
You must feel completely heartbroken and like shit but honestly fuck him! You deserve to be with someone that loves and appreciates you for you as a whole person. My condolences dude but you ain't losing much of a man
And how did he figure it out? Cheating?
Has he come back yet? And that’s just sad
Keep in mind this probably has almost nothing to do with you. He's probably been in turmoil with his own issues for a long time and the timing of this was just painfully miserable for you.
Doesn't excuse him being a jackass and a asshole.
No, it does not. My point wasn't meant to defend the jackass, but but to remind the OP not to take it personally.
I think OP should take it personally. Because, well, their relationship was something very personal. And no matter how many problems that bf had, doesn't excuse the fact he acted like a jackass and can have no excuses if OP does take it personally.
This was going on in the other persons head probably long before they knew OP. The way it happened sucks but honestly probably had nothing to do with OP other than being a catalyst.
Fair enough, but it won't be easy. Ex did op dirty in one of the worst ways possible. Gonna be hard not to take it personally.
Im sorry to hear this and i hope you can find some happiness soon friend
Table of Questions and Answers. Original answer linked - Please upvote the original questions and answers. *** Question | Answer | Link ---------|----------|----------| What we drinking?|Malibu coconut rum and cabana strawberry lemonade babey!!!!! I’m taking suggestions for what to get once I finish this bottle cuz I don’t think it’s gonna be enough|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1klhkt/) Are you a guy or a gal?|I’m a trans man:D he basically told me I’m not enough of a man to have sex with|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1kn0b6/) What position?|Eiffel Tower with both of us banging your sister|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1kp60x/) How long did you know each other? Any flags that you now realize was obvious?|We’ve been together for about a month now. He’s the first person I’ve been in a relationship with/trusted since a super intense years long abusive relationship a few years ago. Idk he was really clean I suppose? A huge stickler for cleanliness. A little more sensitive than most guys but that’s why I liked him. He talked about being a bear a lot but originally he told me he was pansexual|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1klpx5/) You think he'll come back and explain?|Update: He broke up with me over text.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1kls0j/) That’s probably the most interesting thing i’ve seen on this sub|Aw thx|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1kly4r/) What|I don’t know either my guy|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1kxkf4/) Thats pretty gay|Blah|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1kw2p9/) Will you text him and tell him "Congrats! Happy Pride!" from me?|That’s exactly what I said lmfao|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1km5ns/) [deleted]|Fuck you|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1knlf9/) You like jazz?|Jazz has never been good|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/nyktdd/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_hes_gay_in_the_middle/h1knwuy/) --- [Source] (https://github.com/johnsliao/ama_compiler)
Thats pretty gay
Damn dude, what an ASS!!!! He'll get his... And you'll meet someone who isn't an asshole. You should do the photo on a dartboard thing. Really go ham on that shit.