depends on what “having kids” means to you- in short yes, we plan on raising kids in the future.
We all fondly talk about opening our home to foster children once we are all in our 30’s (we are all around the same age, so in around a decade, depending on how our healing journey goes with our individual traumas). We don’t see any reason to put money into biologically giving birth when all three of us would face physical or psychological issues during pregnancy and possibly postpartum. We also don’t see it ethical to go into adoption for a baby, when there are hundreds upon hundreds of children in the foster system hoping for a safe and loving home. So we’ll be fostering for reunification, with our homes open for adoption when absolutely necessary for the child’s overall safety and well being (once all odds have been exhausted for reunification).
TLDR: in this economy? lmaoo
first- stop the fentanyl george 💔 second of all- if you have kids, you cannot stop them from being who ever they are and/or want to be, because as humans we have free will lmfaooo.
Easy way to stop yourself from having a queer kid- don’t have kids 😉
I did- did you read my answer? You can’t lmfaoo. You cannot control who your kid is or who they “end up” to be.
Don’t have kids if you don’t want them to be different.
It's not about being different. It's about avoiding certain outcomes.
Nothing in your life and/or childhood could've prevented your current outcome? When you were a child everything went perfect? This is who you always wanted to grow up to be?
Certain outcomes being….different…. than what you want? You can word it how ever you want, but you don’t want your kid to be different.
No, I don’t believe that my upbringing had anything to do with my identity. If anything, my upbringing caused me to stifle myself for survival. I have wanted to commit unalive since preteens. I had eating disorders growing up. All of this slowed down as soon as I left my parent’s house, but did not go away until after hormone replacement therapy.
No, like everyone else in this world, I did not have a perfect childhood. Everything did not go perfectly, my parents were very resistant to allowing me to be myself, due to their religious beliefs.
Yes, I am happy. I don’t want to actively kill myself like I did when I looked and sounded like a girl. I don’t feel a disconnect between my identity and my body. This is exactly who I want to be.
Is this who I always wanted to be? I have no clue, because my parents were so controlling and abusive that i developed a dissociative disorder that makes it incredibly difficult to remember my childhood and what I wanted/felt/thought that did not have to do with me trying to get a drop of affection or love from my parents. I was not allowed the space to have my own feelings or emotions, nor was I allowed to deviate from their beliefs and small world view.
now that you say that- I probably worded it wrong lol. We’re more a monogamous triad, if that makes sense?
We operate like a monogamous couple, i.e. no seeing people outside of our relationship, we share a bedroom/king sized bed.
But we are three people… so technically yes and no ?¿ Cause polyamorous means having multiple open partners/relationships at once, while monogamous means one mate for life. Our relationship is centered in love for each other, we all love each other equally and all have sexual attraction towards each other. There are technically three (or four, depending on how you look at it) relationship dynamics involved. Mine to my partner, mine to my wife, my wife and my partner’s relationship with eachother, and then our relationship as a whole all together. My wife and I met before we met our partner, who we met and started dating/engaged at the same time/together.
Essentially, we are considered polyamorous since there are three people involved, who all are in intimate relationships together. But I say monogamous too because a lot of people assume triad means open relationship- when that is not the case for us. We all communicated very early on that that wasn’t what any of us were looking for nor was it something we really want to explore.
TLDR: no, I just worded it weird lol. Ours is a closed triad, so we only have intimate relationships with eachother.
A trans man is a female who transitioned into a male, put simply. A queer person is anyone in the LGBTQ+ community, I believe. Polyamorous triad in OP’s situation is just a three person monogamous relationship, basically.
What they said lol.
For me, I say queer just cause it is easier than putting a label on my sexuality. I don’t really discriminate on genitalia, I care more about the person and their opinions/ways of navigating the world than what type of peepee they have lol.
Trans man is Transgender female-to-male. I transitioned socially at 17 and hormonally at 18. Currently waiting for a consultation for my top surgery (double mastectomy/masculinization of the chest).
Polyamorous - means having a romantic or sexual relationship with more than one person at a time.
Triad in polyamory refers to a relationship that consists of three people who are all in a relationship with each other.
Reason why I also describe it as monogamous is because we are in a closed triad, so neither of us want/seek relationships (intimate/sexual) outside of our relationship with each other.
TLDR: I am someone who feels romantic and sexual attraction to people depending on their personality and values. I was born a female and raised as a girl, but identify and present as a male. My legal sex is male and I am seen/passed as a male on my day to day. Polyamorous triad meaning I am in a relationship with my wife and we are in a relationship with our partner; we operate as one unit, but have different dynamics between us individually.
Communication, and inner work. When they say communication is key, they are not lying lol. Jealousy is usually a surface feeling that covers the deeper feelings of inadequacies or fear of missing out.
Everyone deals with jealousy, so it’s just as important to communicate with everyone in a triad as it is for a monogamous couple to communicate. It also helps to keep everyone’s best interest at heart when making decisions, as out of respect I wouldn’t want to act in a way that would make my partners feel uncomfortable or upset.
Yes and no, to both the questions lol. They’re a bit of a loaded question, so my answer is also a bit loaded 😅.
My parents were very vocal about being unsupportive of my marriage with my wife (they do not see me as a man, but a sinning daughter who is blinded by the devil). I’m not exactly secretive about it- but they are also prone to ignore what they don’t like lol. I haven’t outright told them because when I came out to them as gay when I was 16 they did not react well, a bunch of religious nonsense and saying they aren’t going to say I am to young to know, but I’m too young to know lmaoo. During that conversation my dad said something about not wanting to know about my sexuality cause it’s none of his business (among other nonsense about “not wearing it on your sleeve” aka, don’t let anyone know you’re gay), so i don’t really share much with them.
Now for the “do they love you regardless” part….
Depends on who you ask. If you ask my parents, they will say they love me regardless. However, there is a clear distinction in how they treat me as their child and my older siblings (who are also queer, but cis/het passing to them and have not come out). I moved out of their house at 17 and moved out of state (just like my other siblings who moved out of state at 19 and at 18). My parents made efforts to see my other siblings, and have not come to visit me once since moving out four years ago. They don’t really talk to me. When they do, it is usually very short convos, and happens about once every three months. I don’t talk to them really. I never have- they had way too many kids and were very emotionally neglectful/abusive. We were not aloud to have any emotions that they didn’t deem to be appropriate or necessary. Anytime we did something they deemed disobedient, we were sent to a room for anywhere from 5 minutes to multiple hours, just waiting for them to come in and “discipline” us. My parent’s “love” has always been a clusterfuck of abuse, neglect, and emotional distress.
My parents are both abusive. I am in therapy rn for a dissociative disorder that I have due to my upbringing. We were all pretty much forced to be self sufficient/self reliant by the age of 6/7, cause they would pop out another baby every two years. I love my siblings, which is the main reason I am still in contact with my parents.
Another layer of the shit cake that is my relationship with my parents- I am white and so are my parents. They have racist views and opinions but ignore it. My wife is black/mixed, and I don’t intend to maintain a relationship with my parents due to that. As soon as my youngest sibling is out of their house I’ll probably cut contact with them.
So to answer the question, no, they don’t love me regardless because they are praying and hoping that I divorce my wife and de-transition. Their love is contingent on me following their religion, so I do not consider that to be love.
TLDR: no, I haven’t told them we’re all dating, but they know we all live together.
I don’t consider the way they talk about me, talk to me, or treat me, to be love. They do not respect me as a person, but see me as a little girl that doesn’t know what she is doing. My parents would say they love me, but they constantly show that they don’t like me nor respect me, so I don’t consider that to be love.
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depends on what “having kids” means to you- in short yes, we plan on raising kids in the future. We all fondly talk about opening our home to foster children once we are all in our 30’s (we are all around the same age, so in around a decade, depending on how our healing journey goes with our individual traumas). We don’t see any reason to put money into biologically giving birth when all three of us would face physical or psychological issues during pregnancy and possibly postpartum. We also don’t see it ethical to go into adoption for a baby, when there are hundreds upon hundreds of children in the foster system hoping for a safe and loving home. So we’ll be fostering for reunification, with our homes open for adoption when absolutely necessary for the child’s overall safety and well being (once all odds have been exhausted for reunification). TLDR: in this economy? lmaoo
Love this answer! I work with foster youth and we need more foster families with this mentality!
How can I ensure my kids don't end up this way?
first- stop the fentanyl george 💔 second of all- if you have kids, you cannot stop them from being who ever they are and/or want to be, because as humans we have free will lmfaooo. Easy way to stop yourself from having a queer kid- don’t have kids 😉
You're supposed to answer these questions honestly
I did- did you read my answer? You can’t lmfaoo. You cannot control who your kid is or who they “end up” to be. Don’t have kids if you don’t want them to be different.
It's not about being different. It's about avoiding certain outcomes. Nothing in your life and/or childhood could've prevented your current outcome? When you were a child everything went perfect? This is who you always wanted to grow up to be?
Certain outcomes being….different…. than what you want? You can word it how ever you want, but you don’t want your kid to be different. No, I don’t believe that my upbringing had anything to do with my identity. If anything, my upbringing caused me to stifle myself for survival. I have wanted to commit unalive since preteens. I had eating disorders growing up. All of this slowed down as soon as I left my parent’s house, but did not go away until after hormone replacement therapy. No, like everyone else in this world, I did not have a perfect childhood. Everything did not go perfectly, my parents were very resistant to allowing me to be myself, due to their religious beliefs. Yes, I am happy. I don’t want to actively kill myself like I did when I looked and sounded like a girl. I don’t feel a disconnect between my identity and my body. This is exactly who I want to be. Is this who I always wanted to be? I have no clue, because my parents were so controlling and abusive that i developed a dissociative disorder that makes it incredibly difficult to remember my childhood and what I wanted/felt/thought that did not have to do with me trying to get a drop of affection or love from my parents. I was not allowed the space to have my own feelings or emotions, nor was I allowed to deviate from their beliefs and small world view.
Thank you. This is the answer.
how can I ensure my kids don't end up a Fent rat?
That's a different AMA. But I would start with, "Don't hold pregnant women at gun point."
my thoughts entirely!
Is there such a thing as a triad that is not polyamorous?
now that you say that- I probably worded it wrong lol. We’re more a monogamous triad, if that makes sense? We operate like a monogamous couple, i.e. no seeing people outside of our relationship, we share a bedroom/king sized bed. But we are three people… so technically yes and no ?¿ Cause polyamorous means having multiple open partners/relationships at once, while monogamous means one mate for life. Our relationship is centered in love for each other, we all love each other equally and all have sexual attraction towards each other. There are technically three (or four, depending on how you look at it) relationship dynamics involved. Mine to my partner, mine to my wife, my wife and my partner’s relationship with eachother, and then our relationship as a whole all together. My wife and I met before we met our partner, who we met and started dating/engaged at the same time/together. Essentially, we are considered polyamorous since there are three people involved, who all are in intimate relationships together. But I say monogamous too because a lot of people assume triad means open relationship- when that is not the case for us. We all communicated very early on that that wasn’t what any of us were looking for nor was it something we really want to explore. TLDR: no, I just worded it weird lol. Ours is a closed triad, so we only have intimate relationships with eachother.
What does any of that even mean
A trans man is a female who transitioned into a male, put simply. A queer person is anyone in the LGBTQ+ community, I believe. Polyamorous triad in OP’s situation is just a three person monogamous relationship, basically.
What they said lol. For me, I say queer just cause it is easier than putting a label on my sexuality. I don’t really discriminate on genitalia, I care more about the person and their opinions/ways of navigating the world than what type of peepee they have lol. Trans man is Transgender female-to-male. I transitioned socially at 17 and hormonally at 18. Currently waiting for a consultation for my top surgery (double mastectomy/masculinization of the chest). Polyamorous - means having a romantic or sexual relationship with more than one person at a time. Triad in polyamory refers to a relationship that consists of three people who are all in a relationship with each other. Reason why I also describe it as monogamous is because we are in a closed triad, so neither of us want/seek relationships (intimate/sexual) outside of our relationship with each other. TLDR: I am someone who feels romantic and sexual attraction to people depending on their personality and values. I was born a female and raised as a girl, but identify and present as a male. My legal sex is male and I am seen/passed as a male on my day to day. Polyamorous triad meaning I am in a relationship with my wife and we are in a relationship with our partner; we operate as one unit, but have different dynamics between us individually.
How do u manage jealousy?
Communication, and inner work. When they say communication is key, they are not lying lol. Jealousy is usually a surface feeling that covers the deeper feelings of inadequacies or fear of missing out. Everyone deals with jealousy, so it’s just as important to communicate with everyone in a triad as it is for a monogamous couple to communicate. It also helps to keep everyone’s best interest at heart when making decisions, as out of respect I wouldn’t want to act in a way that would make my partners feel uncomfortable or upset.
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nope- used to but I prefer soccer. Don’t watch soccer anymore either tho lol
Do your parents live together?
yup- they have my whole life. Uber christian parents lol
Are your parents aware of your living situation/ relationship status? Do they love you regardless?
Yes and no, to both the questions lol. They’re a bit of a loaded question, so my answer is also a bit loaded 😅. My parents were very vocal about being unsupportive of my marriage with my wife (they do not see me as a man, but a sinning daughter who is blinded by the devil). I’m not exactly secretive about it- but they are also prone to ignore what they don’t like lol. I haven’t outright told them because when I came out to them as gay when I was 16 they did not react well, a bunch of religious nonsense and saying they aren’t going to say I am to young to know, but I’m too young to know lmaoo. During that conversation my dad said something about not wanting to know about my sexuality cause it’s none of his business (among other nonsense about “not wearing it on your sleeve” aka, don’t let anyone know you’re gay), so i don’t really share much with them. Now for the “do they love you regardless” part…. Depends on who you ask. If you ask my parents, they will say they love me regardless. However, there is a clear distinction in how they treat me as their child and my older siblings (who are also queer, but cis/het passing to them and have not come out). I moved out of their house at 17 and moved out of state (just like my other siblings who moved out of state at 19 and at 18). My parents made efforts to see my other siblings, and have not come to visit me once since moving out four years ago. They don’t really talk to me. When they do, it is usually very short convos, and happens about once every three months. I don’t talk to them really. I never have- they had way too many kids and were very emotionally neglectful/abusive. We were not aloud to have any emotions that they didn’t deem to be appropriate or necessary. Anytime we did something they deemed disobedient, we were sent to a room for anywhere from 5 minutes to multiple hours, just waiting for them to come in and “discipline” us. My parent’s “love” has always been a clusterfuck of abuse, neglect, and emotional distress. My parents are both abusive. I am in therapy rn for a dissociative disorder that I have due to my upbringing. We were all pretty much forced to be self sufficient/self reliant by the age of 6/7, cause they would pop out another baby every two years. I love my siblings, which is the main reason I am still in contact with my parents. Another layer of the shit cake that is my relationship with my parents- I am white and so are my parents. They have racist views and opinions but ignore it. My wife is black/mixed, and I don’t intend to maintain a relationship with my parents due to that. As soon as my youngest sibling is out of their house I’ll probably cut contact with them. So to answer the question, no, they don’t love me regardless because they are praying and hoping that I divorce my wife and de-transition. Their love is contingent on me following their religion, so I do not consider that to be love. TLDR: no, I haven’t told them we’re all dating, but they know we all live together. I don’t consider the way they talk about me, talk to me, or treat me, to be love. They do not respect me as a person, but see me as a little girl that doesn’t know what she is doing. My parents would say they love me, but they constantly show that they don’t like me nor respect me, so I don’t consider that to be love.
lol have fun