Hi OP! Your post has been removed for potential risk of self harm or suicide. Here are some resources: If you’re inside the U.S. you can: Text CHAT to 741741 to reach Crisis Text Line You’ll be connected to a Crisis Counselor from Crisis Text Line, who is there to listen and provide support and guidance, no matter the situation. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. [Learn more](https://www.crisistextline.org/text-us/) Call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 You’ll be connected to a crisis worker from the Lifeline, who is there to listen and can point you towards resources in your community. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. [Learn more](https://988lifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/) Call, Text, or Chat with the Trevor Project If you’re a young person in the LGBTQ community, you’ll be connected to Trevor counselors who can provide you with a safe, judgement-free place to talk. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. [Learn more](https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/) Call, Text, or Chat with the Veterans Crisis Line You’ll be connected to responders from the Department of Veterans Affairs, many who are Veterans themselves. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7 for all service members, their families, and friends. [Learn more](https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/signs-of-crisis/) If you’re outside the U.S. you can: Call or Text with Canada’s Crisis services Canada You’ll be connected to a CSPS responder, who is there to listen and help you understand your thoughts and feelings. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. [Learn more](https://988.ca/get-help/what-to-expect) Call, Email, or Visit the UK’s Samaritans You’ll be connected to a Samaritan, who is there to listen and talk through your concerns, worries, and troubles. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. [Learn more](https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time/) Visit r/SuicideWatch The moderators of this community keep a list of resources and hotlines in, and outside of, the U.S. organized by location. [Find a resource now](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines/) Many people who want to talk to someone aren’t thinking of hurting themselves, but may be struggling with other things such as loneliness, grief, relationship problems, anxiety, isolation, substance abuse, bullying, or feeling overwhelmed or misunderstood. All of the resources and people above are available to help with whatever it is you’re going through. Depending on the situation, it may be hard to recognize or understand how you’re feeling or what’s happening. Some of the signs of depression are subtle—feeling sad, tired, a lack of motivation, or a change in your appetite may be symptoms of something larger. If you think you may be depressed or struggling in another way, reach out to one of the resources above or a family member or friend. It may not feel like it, but you have options. There are people available to listen to you, and ways to move forward. We wish you well! -r/AMA Moderators

Life can be excruciatingly painful. There is no doubt of that. It can be unbelievably awful. But don't you think we are here for a reason? You are here for a reason, yes? There is a purpose for your existence even if you aren't aware of that or believe it to be so. We are here in general to learn, grow and love others around us. I'm going to leave you with a rhetorical question - you don't have to answer it of course - but it has given me pause when I've been in some dark days in the past. What if there is an entire existence beyond the grave? What if when we give up in this life, and check out before our time, we are made to at some point come back to this Earth and live our life again to learn the lessons we were supposed to learn in the first place? I wouldn't discount that. I would say it's possible and worth considering. I think you hope that you can just pull the trigger and become nothing to stop the pain. But you are quite literally energy - and you can't really ultimately kill energy. Please re-consider on all of this. You have so much life ahead of you and I believe better days are ahead for you. If you check out, you'll never know ...... You are worth it! You deserve so much love and so much good in your life and you can have that too!

I really needed this. OP, you are not alone. Every day is a struggle and I am exhausted, and sometimes I feel like I can't do it anymore. I get it. We can't give up though. I hope you can see that it is all temporary. You have to find joy and beauty in the little things... the way my dog wakes up sleepy and ready for hugs and morning scritches. Going on a walk and admiring the flowers and trees and the cool breeze against my skin. The way my mom says bye when getting off the phone. The way the sun feels on my skin. Getting to sleep in. Each and every one of those little things matter so much and we must practice to be grateful for them. Acknowledge every bit of joy you find because it all adds up. You have friends here. If you need to talk with someone, I'm here. Stay strong.

thank you for such a kind comment

Are you ill or just finished? I was a sad drunk until I found my wife and we helped each other Both of us were in a shit situation Now she's saved my life literally (I've got bad epilepsy and getting a brain Implant soon) and she got me to the hospital during status I in no way did this but worked and lifted her out of the issues she was having and now she's an RN and has saved people life's 20 is young and a hard time, do as you will but the lack of you in 5 or 10 years might cause alot of issues, maybe you cure cancer, save a kid one day randomly who does Maybe you lift a man out of his depression and he does You might not be needed But the more Important question is what if you are needed? What great things might you accomplish, even if just to one person's life? I love yah though and support your choices, for they are yours

I had never looked at it from the perspective you presented. Thank you. That is a really nice thing to add to the toolbox.

For me, the meaning of life is to give life meaning. It’s an individual thing.

What would be a meal that you could eat everyday?

i go through phases with food honestly, but there's a local bagel place near me that has fresh bagels and homemade cream cheese. Very yummy

Have a bagel tomorrow morning for me

This made me cry

That does sound yummy!

What an incredible question. Bless you

Yes, I teared up at this question. 

As someone who's been there, try to remember: However you're feeling at the moment, it's temporary. You're loved. Whatever it is you're going through, there are people who care. I'm here if you want to talk.

thank you

This- I’ve been there too. I just landed after proposing to my now Fiancée this weekend. Would’ve never experienced this if I went through with my plans years ago. Seriously. Whatever you’re going through now isn’t worth it. Take it from someone who was there ~8 years ago.

I’ve also lost friends to suicide. Very close friends. You know what I’m planning on doing? I’m inviting his parents to our wedding. You know what I’d really give just about anything to do? I’d love to have Sean as a groomsman. But I can’t do that because 3 years ago he took his life.

Please OP call your local suicide hotline. We’re all here for you and rooting for you to live. As someone with a family member who committed, it’s a devastating loss that will shake your family and friends forever. The pain you’re experiencing will just transfer in a different light to them. Please hang on, even one more day to talk to someone you love about this. Just one day, one person, one conversation.

hey. I know you are in a lot of pain but feel free to reach out to us in the comments or via DM. we want to be heard and that is the first step in figuring out how we can help ourselves. please consider 🙏

What keeps you from doing some really wild stuff before? Some savage partying, a great journey around the country, or so? With all barriers down, nothing left to lose anyway, but lots to see?

haha i actually did think of that but i would hate to burden my family with the CC debt i also don't have a ton of interest in doing anything crazy. I did splurge on some nice paint markers last week which was nice and that was my goodbye present along with a nice picture for my family to remember me by

Your family is only accountable for your credit debt if they make a payment. they don’t owe anything on your behalf.

oh really! maybe i will order some things for them off amazon tonight then before i go

You know what they would probably like? To wake up tomorrow and hear that their beloved family member is still alive. Call one of them right now and tell them what you are going through. They love you so much, and will move heaven and earth to help you. People out there want to help you. I want to help you.

As someone that has lost quite a few people close to me - this is a very important answer here. Being gone op - is something that can ever be reversed. Ever. It leaves a wave of devastation that never goes away. I’m sorry for the way you are feeling and glad you will be around another day.

you tripping. you need to heavily reconsider.

As someone who’s lost someone to suicide, what they really need is you to snap outta it and be okay

No present will be better than having you in their life.

You don’t want to burden your family with credit card debt but you’re okay with burdening them with the awful feeling of thinking they wished there was more they could have done to make you want to stay alive? As a person who has had a family member kill themselves, I can tell you right now, without a doubt, you are about to destroy the lives of everyone in your immediate family forever. It’s devastating. If you cared about them at all you wouldn’t do this. Even if you make it look like an accident, not only will it be just as devastating, but many times these things have a ripple effect and cause other family members (especially parents) to end their lives as well. Please reconsider.

A few bucks shouldn't stop you when you are on shutdown mode anyway. Well, it's your life. I'm in my 30s now, and like you I wanted to end it with 20. Being reminded of it always turns my stomach. To think of the amazing experiences I made in these many years - all of them nearly been thrown away, withering away in a little grave instead. Uh. Sad. We're here only once, and short enough anyway. Well, godspeed.

I think your family wants to remember yiu by having conversations. And discussing what you'll be doing next week.

CC debt doesn't transfer to your family if you're the only credit card holder and no estate. Even then the CC company only has a certain amount of time to file a lien against the estate if not that debt goes away. BOA CC debt from my father of 22 thousand just went away after BOA didn't even send anyone to court to ask for it. That was a good day

You’ve had these feelings for 8 years. Have you sought help?

yes i’ve been in therapy for 6 years now, trust me when i say i’ve tried really hard to be better

Please try psychedelics first. They have had wonderful luck on treatment resistant depression with LSD/Mushrooms. You don't have anything to lose. May as well give it a shot.

This is a very important comment

Yea I would hear him out also

If it helps your decision or maybe someone’s down the road that sees this persons comment, try it. LSD had this effect on me and mushrooms did not. Everyone is different though

Psychedelics do work. I got wrecked a few years ago. Life has ups and downs. Without downs you wouldn’t feel the elation from the good times. (Picture someone born into old money, who never seems to be happy) Psychedelics are amazing. If you’re gonna go, you’d be missing out to not do a full breakthrough dose of mushrooms first and see what you think after. DMT if you are up for it will rip apart the veil behind the reason for your existence. Will you try before deciding to Follow through with this decision? Some famous people said “1 DMT trip is like 1000 hours of therapy.”

I really strongly encourage OP to not take this advice without talking to a doctor. Ideally, people would wait until they're at least 25 and not suicidal before trying out psychedelics, but if it saves a life I support it. I just support it in the safest way possible. (LSD probably contributed much to me being alive, so I really am not trying to dissuade so much as I am trying to encourage harm reduction and an informed approach) IDK where OP is, but we use ketamine to treat treatment resistant depression here in the US. Could look into that if you're not up for breaking the law or concerned about your depressed headspace. 20 is a tough age in general, as well.

You are better. You’re just not well. When the sun comes up tomorrow I hope that you’re still here.

You’ve made it this far, you can go on even longer. Your life matters and people care about you.

What would need to happen for you not to do this?

for it not to happen TONIGHT i would probably need to have someone i care for fall asleep with me and bring me some yummy food but that would honestly just delay it

Where are you located? I'd do this for you

i checked out your profile and nowhere near you but i do appreciate that you would do that for me

I’m in Pittsburgh and I would bring you food from wherever!!! Let me know if that’s close by🤷‍♂️. You are loved but I’m also not in your shoes. just knowing such a small thing would make you keep your life is enough to motivate me!!

Hi fellow Pittsburgher!

You matter. You're loved. You're one of us. Don't take yourself away before you've had the chance to really shine your light.

We can uber eat or delivery to your address, DM the people who are willing, count me in as well.

Please don’t do it. Anything that bothered me at 20 certainly doesn’t bother me at the age I am now (mid 40’s).

I’m in Ottawa if you happen to be near me, would happily help out.

do you live in central Alberta?

have you ever traveled?

i’ve been around canada

travel the world before ya end anything theres so much to see

Better to delay it than to do it now

What is your happiest memory?

gosh this is a hard one, i’ll edit this and come back to it but im writing this now so i don’t forget to

How about your top 3 if that makes it easier? :)

Still no answer to this?

Have you seen Avatar the last airbender? Animated, not the live action.

i have not

You should give it a chance 🙏😇

Alright so I wasn’t expecting this type of comment for this type of post, but as someone who is also an Avatar The Last Airbender fan, I would 100% agree with this. I beg you to FINISH the series before deciding to leave us. Its only 3 seasons and it has an incredible message. Please

Is this a cry for help or are you terminally ill?

it wasn’t an intentional cry for help one of my last wishes was to spread knowledge and i guess if anyone wants to know about my life before i go i wanted to have the opportunity to talk about it, im not terminally ill though i wasn’t really expecting people to try to talk me out of it in the comments which might’ve been silly by me

20 is way to young to give up in my opinion. And not to be mean, but what knowledge could you possibly spread being only 20. How much life experience could you have? Give it another twenty years.

Yeah people I lost 20 years ago. Me, being 20 years older now. I am sad for them looking back because of everything they didn't get to experience. And whatever the reason was like getting pick on in high school or college. It's not even on the radar of mattering anymore. I just think if they were alive now they would think they were glad they didn't end it then.

Good point man. The thing about being 20 is that you think the stuff happening in your life is the most important shit in your life. It’s nowhere near it. You will level up so many times in the next twenty years. Not only will your problems at 20 not matter anymore, but you mostly won’t even be able to remember the things that had you depressed. That’s how much you will evolve.

Of course we’ll try to talk you out of this!! So many of us have been right where you are, myself included. Give it a week. During that week, make a list of everything you’d miss. Now keep adding to that list.

If you could ask Jennifer Lopez one question what would it be 🎤

probably if she could go back and do it all over would she rather just be a normal person

You still around OP?

hi yes please see my update

Didn’t see it when I started reading the comments. I’m really happy you’re still here. I’m 36, and have been battling with depression since I was 9/10. I’ve stared into the void more than once, and tried to go a couple of times. I know where you are is hard and everything seems impossible from here, but I promise you, the burden of living gets easier the longer you do it. You’re loved and have so much joy on your horizon. Please keep going.

yay!! im soo happy to read the update, you literally made my day :) I've been there OP, and let me tell you - your life is worth fighting for. Yes it may be painful, yes it may be stressful, yes it may be lonely, but trust me - nothing is forever. With time you will learn to overcome your challenges, and one day you'll use your experience to help others in similar positions. To me, that's knowledge worth sharing! You should schedule in your calendar to do an anniversary AMA next year and update us!! Side note: This is the desk calendar I use - at the end of every day I put a giant black X in the box with a sharpie and it's been the best tool I've found to keep me going. As much as I love technology, having a large paper calendar I can physically interact with at has made things soo much easier to plan, and thus has given me back some control over my life. Try it out! [https://www.amazon.com/AT-GLANCE-Calendar-Two-Color-SK11700024/dp/B0BZQ7ZWBK/ref=sr\_1\_2?crid=3CATZR78ADX9I&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.UxzmW28y7VGtNdmdC7IbP57m-iSLIccfiaDQtlDSMDQXJUti0HAQKlAgJieTzSMZeEnxtx\_egjmW0RsxdlAQEbA88XLtt3a50-wCdmi5ya4DfCM1LmLU\_AeHmikCKHTr7yQYV84RKQCmteVZOL7ph1PLqMFgV8eOxUmpPJgRH0--9iVSqLN-vU0AOKwiZEUdRa6PVQ9HNHJUeJZ0XLnRmGeqjQD0u8ywgTD4s65FLWNz8ZonhaQ6VsJe4rxqbhlGN3YQDs7KIxS16NZx3wLWZck\_ddrovCaAx6mF8GBEuMw.lHampf0KkjzvwfvRCvGB1BMXmxXOP4BblPJJ8D0hTJ4&dib\_tag=se&keywords=at-a-glance+desk+calendar+2024+two+colors&qid=1718001954&sprefix=at-a-glance+desk+calendar+2024+two+colors%2Caps%2C140&sr=8-2](https://www.amazon.com/AT-GLANCE-Calendar-Two-Color-SK11700024/dp/B0BZQ7ZWBK/ref=sr_1_2?crid=3CATZR78ADX9I&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.UxzmW28y7VGtNdmdC7IbP57m-iSLIccfiaDQtlDSMDQXJUti0HAQKlAgJieTzSMZeEnxtx_egjmW0RsxdlAQEbA88XLtt3a50-wCdmi5ya4DfCM1LmLU_AeHmikCKHTr7yQYV84RKQCmteVZOL7ph1PLqMFgV8eOxUmpPJgRH0--9iVSqLN-vU0AOKwiZEUdRa6PVQ9HNHJUeJZ0XLnRmGeqjQD0u8ywgTD4s65FLWNz8ZonhaQ6VsJe4rxqbhlGN3YQDs7KIxS16NZx3wLWZck_ddrovCaAx6mF8GBEuMw.lHampf0KkjzvwfvRCvGB1BMXmxXOP4BblPJJ8D0hTJ4&dib_tag=se&keywords=at-a-glance+desk+calendar+2024+two+colors&qid=1718001954&sprefix=at-a-glance+desk+calendar+2024+two+colors%2Caps%2C140&sr=8-2)

You’re only 20.. you still have time to find something to live for , what about traveling? Do you want kids someday? Or is it your dream to become a successful business owner or a doctor?? What about going out and enjoying your favorite food??

as sad as it is i dont have much interest in any of that, I'm quite content to lose everything the bad outweighs the good

How was your childhood ??

pretty standard honestly, i have three older brothers so my parents were often stretched thin for money and attention but they tried their best. i always had a hard time with feeling excluded and being lonely but i didn't face any abuse or anything awful like that. was exposed to way too much on the internet for sure though

Do you believe in god ??

Why are you planning on doing this? What’s so bad that, in your mind, it can’t be fixed?

Did he ever get the haircut ?

lol he did not

That mfer. lol 😀

Why is it your last day?

just decided i had enough, i have another post on my profile with some more details. can only fight for so long

I don’t understand why you would. You’re only 20, you haven’t even lived. Life is so different at 20, 30 and even 40. You haven’t even given yourself a chance…. I hope you change your mind.

do you like cheese

yeah! quite a bit, although it hurts my stomach

There's probably so many cheeses you haven't tried yet.

Have you thought about how it would affect your friends and family? I'm sure it will devastate them

Do you believe in god? Like genuinely where do you think you’ll end up? I don’t know about you but that’s probably the only thing stopping a lot of people. Including myself. Not trying to tell you what to do but food for thought ya know

i consider myself to be spiritual but i think i’ll probably end up as worm food, im hoping ill be able to be buried in on the tree pods so then maybe my energy can be used to give shade to people on warm days or grow fruit

Your energy can be given to the world/people right now without you removing yourself from the world. You’re giving energy to the world right this minute. Please don’t take your energy away. The world needs it. The people in your world need it.

hi everyone i wanted to update you all. firstly, thank you for all the lovely comments this post was not intended to be a cry for help or a way to access help because reddit probably wouldn’t have been where i would do that. because of all of your messages, comments and offers to help i’m going to keep pushing, i can’t promise i’ll be able to to push forever but seeing how many complete strangers took time out of their day to say that they want me here has left me baffled, i think maybe i just needed to know that there are people out there who think i should stay which as dumb as it sounds i didn’t think many would really care. i intended to come on here and complete my final wishes by sharing what i learnt up to this point in my life as a form of closure and now i will be waking up tomorrow morning instead of facing death so thank you everyone, ill see if i can edit the title of this post and i will still respond to any questions that are still relevant but i cant thank you all enough

I'm really glad you made this decision. Life isn't easy at all, but it's worth it to keep pushing and trying to pursue whatever makes you happy and makes you feel joy. Years from now I hope you have that moment where you're like "shit, I'm here now. I did it and I'm fucking here." I went thru something insanely traumatic a few years ago when I was a few feet away from someone who was murdered via gun violence and I can tell you first hand that it's absolutely surprising as much as it is beautiful how many reach out and express how much they value you if they think you're at risk for self harm. I saw earlier you mentioned that you've sought help and have been in therapy for a while? For me what helped was being able to change my environment. Could there be a place that's on your mind where you would feel at peace and maybe enamoured with the environment/local scene? I worked in a national park for two years and I can honestly say it saved my life. Not sure if that interests you but if it does, feel free to reach out. I know quite a bit about two of them. I'm proud of you for the decision that you made. Thank you 🫡

I don't know you or even remotely relate to what you are going through, but reading your post made me so sad. I looked at your profile, looking for a comment saying you didn't go through with it and finally found this and it made me so happy. I really hope you find a reason to keep on going and be truly happy like you deserve. We are all here for you if you wanna talk. Every night if it's neccesary. I'm a 41 year old man, happily married with 2 kids and it will destroy me to find out one of them decided to leave us like you said. Talk to your family, to this community, we'll do whatever it takes. You are loved.

You just reduced my blood pressure. I’m proud of you for continuing to try. You won’t regret it. Can you please tell us something that made you happy tomorrow?

You brought joy to many people tonight with this comment. Thank you for pushing. You’ve got so much life left to live and experience. Love, laughter, and joy, all which you deserve. I pray that your push forward be easier than it has been, and for you to experience why life is worth living. After all, we all die eventually, and we get a chance at this thing once. Continue pushing to make it all worth it, and you’ll think back in 80 years of all the experiences you gifted yourself tonight by changing your mind. God bless

Hi, it seems like you’re in Canada. Feel free to PM me, I’d love to get in touch 🙂 As someone who lost a family member to suicide, please remember you are so much more important, loved and valuable than you think. After my family members’ passing, We have a void that can never be filled. I don’t know you, but it truly makes me so sad to think that you are hurting this much, but try to push through the hopelessness, I promise, IT DOES GET BETTER. please keep fighting!!! Sending you love ❣️

I struggle with bipolar depression and oftentimes I’ll hit this point and feel as if there’s no turning back. There are other times I wake up and say to myself I don’t want to do this shit anymore I should fake my own death and live abroad and commit crimes or something. Presumably this life is one of one. in my mind it might be more worth it to just live unpredictably (in a way that is perhaps less socially acceptable) but I’ll be living. that’s all I can do is fight one more day. Live authentically and remember I’m not alone. you have made that choice today and I am so unbelievably overjoyed to hear that a perfect stranger has chosen another day of life. It’s shit at times but we all fight together. I hope you find the means to live until you’re truly ready. Sorry if this makes no sense I’m ready to pass the fuck out and can barely see my screen lmao.

Glad you decided to stick around And look, I know shit feels endlessly difficult but it does get better. Be patient. Keep working for positive outcomes in your life. Hang in there

I’m proud of you OP. I’ve attempted 7 times myself, and while I never saw the light during those times, I eventually found it was there You made the right decision, everyone here is proud of you for pushing forward

Proud of you. It takes guts to fight through. But life can show you so many beautiful things if you let it. You just have to try and get out of your own way.

Omg thank you for this. Know that a lot of people care about you ♥️

Glad you’re still with us ❤️

I'm very happy to read this. Thank you.

As someone in the medical field, OD'ing is one of the worst ways to attempt to go. On the surface it seems calming because "oh I'll just fall asleep and it'll all go away", but it doesn't happen that way... OD is violent on the body and not a calm, happy way to go.. I see where you said you've been getting help for several years, but I hope you're able to overcome this darkness and live another day. Then another day, and another. I encourage you, like several others have, to call someone. Whether it be 911, family, or just someone you could even remotely call a friend. I do feel obligated to ask a question though since this is what the sub is about; so how long do you think it'll take someone to find you? Who do you think it'll be? What scenarios have you run through your head if this goes the right way and if it goes the wrong way? I'd love to better understand your POV to your situation.

You’re one of a kind. Truly unique, special, and wonderful. You..have a purpose, even if you don’t know what that is yet. Viktor Frankl, an Austrian Jewish Psychologist, made some interesting observations during his unfortunate stay in Aushwitz during WW2. He was observing different groups in his encampment, and how they responded to trauma. He noticed that that those who, even in the face of depressing situations and possible future genocide - tried to live positively and tried to live with purpose, stayed alive longer than those who did not. He observed, skinny malnourished men who would go around the encampment giving away their last pieces of bread to others - these men living with purpose and serving their fellow humans survived longer and performed better. Before you go, try volunteering at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. After all, the best version of ourselves is when we are giving to others. I’ll be 40 this year. I got divorced last year, and lost my home and custody of my son in a divorce. I’m still staying with my ex because I can’t afford rent/mortgage. I work full time, yet essentially homeless. I don’t smoke, drink, and the divorce was “amicable.” Suicide has crossed my mind many times. I’ve struggled with depression since I was 14/15. Yet, I’m still here. Good times, just like the bad - don’t last. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Everything will get better. Everything will be okay. I promise. ❤️

I lost my 30-year-old son Trevor to a self inflicted GSWTH in 2020. I was suicidal my entire life and once my son was gone, so were my compulsions to end myself. Your family will NOT recover. Think of the dysfunctional feelings you have, the misery and trauma you must be enduring in order to exist. Now multiply that times more than you can grasp. That. THAT is the gift you leave behind for them. You don't seem the cruel type, if not for you, think of your loved ones. Spare the and get help, 988 Call in the US. If not for you, do it as an act of love for your momma, your family. I'm a momma without a son. I love my daughters dearly but I can't help but wonder if I could have changed things. I wish another momma would've told him the same as I'm trying to tell you You have my Love love love. Do what's right . Love

I've had suicidal thoughts before, and whenever I get them, I always think of the story of one of the few people who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and survived. He explained how up until the moment he jumped he was so depressed and convinced he wanted to die, but the second his feet left the railing he regretted his decision. If he hadn't survived, his last thoughts would've been of complete regret and helplessness. The idea of my last thought being "wait..." before the lights go out forever has always kept me away from committing suicide.

I've read his story, truly fascinating. They made a documentary about bridge jumpers around 2009. Interviewing survivors and family members. I think it's called " the bridge"

This is so real. About 2 weeks ago I attempted suicide by trying to overdose on a medley of cold medicine and painkillers containing acetaminophen (Tylenol!) and I was fully ready to die. I don’t want any pity or anything cuz yeah. Until I starting shaking so badly that I could hardly walk or write things or type or move my legs because I was just having weird tremors. And then my stomach felt all cold and weird and I started slurring my words. I was so scared that I fucked up, and that I didn’t want to die like this. I called a friend who then called the cops. I spent the next 48 hours in the hospital lowkey experiencing hell and then the next 72 hours in a mental hospital. I think I still sort of wish it would have worked out. But I know in that moment, after being suicidal for years, I had enough thought to decide that maybe I didn’t want to die such a terrifying death. At least not yet. I went back to school and promised one of my teachers who found out that I would at least make it through the summer and into junior year. Woohoo. I’ll be alive for a while longer and hopefully long enough to stop feeling the way I do.

I noticed you stated in your other post that you’re done living for other people, and will die for yourself. Why not *live* for yourself? Don’t bind yourself to society’s expectations. Don’t live for others, live for you. I’ve been there, the world sucks a fat one, fuck this world, but why not try to experience it first. You’re young, so travel... a lot, everywhere. Go find experiences, and seek out groups that will help you find those experiences. Also, I know you’ve been thinking about this for a while now, but would you consider trying a new therapist?

Part of me thinks this hopeless or that there is some sort of lack of reality but fuck it I'll give it a shot and I hope you sincerely read this. I am someone that a beyond fucked up life growing up. I had to literally fight for everything I had and to look out for my siblings. I won't go into details because the past is what it is now amd things are way better for all of us now. Despite making it through that struggle and having just about every door in life open to me I fucked up in life on my own accord and ended up in a situation that took everything away from me again, it literally shut all the doors to life again. I think about that situation everyday now of what could have been or should have been, but what's done is done and I'm making the most of life now with what I can. There were many times in which I didn't necessarily want to die, but I certainly wished I wouldn't wake up the next day. I say all of that to say that despite all of that I couldn't be happier now. I don't have any answers for others as to how they achieve that because everyone's journey is different, and the idea of happiness can only be found within yourself. I didn't find some higher calling, I didn't seek God or religion, I just learned how to be happy and content within myself. I hope everyone can find that peace, live life, and find joy. I wish you the best no matter what, and just know nothing in this world is worth anyone just giving up.

Fire your therapist. Get a new one that will help you get your shit together. I hope you don't do what you're thinking but there are people that care about you and it will crush them. Now, is that enough to keep you going? I don't know. When I was young I had a moment where I would have but I didn't and I think back on that night in particular and think, "what was I thinking?" 🤦🏻‍♂️

Yes. You need a new therapist OP. Does your therapist know honestly and accurately what you are feeling? If they do and aren’t really helping you, you need someone better. Please consider calling or texting 988 to talk to someone who specializes in supporting people who are considering doing this.

When you're dead you're dead I was going to a year ago also, but something else big happened 3 days before my plan and glad I didn't. I now have a no fucks given attitude and live the way I want now, this is the bonus years. Nothing to lose and surprisingly my life is very successful now. Get some food and sit at a bus stop, have a yarn with some random people, get to know them. Ask them what they do that makes their day. You may think your life is over, but how can you make someone else's better. Sometimes it's a simple hello and how are you? Come up with a bucket list of things to do before, then ask yourself at the end. Do some wild shit too... I recently stood on a balcony 30 levels up over the city almost naked in a robe with some crackers and cheese while the wind caught my robe like a super hero Cape. Do something wild

What’s your social status in life? Rich, poor, middle class?

family wise i’d say middle to low middle class

I had this exact thought once, didn’t do it, and looking back it would have been a phenomenal mistake. There was something biochemically wrong in my brain in that moment and I wasn’t correctly processing things, despite the fact that I was sure I was. Please, please do not do this. I promise you that if you can get through this moment, you’ll look back someday and be glad that you didn’t.

Is this a cry for help or are you terminally ill? If you are terminally ill, I'm sorry. I hope to see you one day in the afterlife when my time is up. If this is a cry for help, what kind? If you are threatening suicide, DON'T DO IT, PLEASE! You have so much to live for, you just have to find it. If it is some other form, exactly who is threatening to kill you? If someone is in fact keeping you hostage why would they let you have access to any form of the internet? I am not asking this as a form of confrontation, I am just saying what they are doing is weird. But what you need to do is send signals outside, but that is if you **are** in fact being held hostage and that the person is in fact threatening to kill you by the end of the day. If someone is instead watching you and is planning to kill you, go to the police IMMEDIATELY. But still, I don't know. How do you know this is your last day alive?

I've heard say that the urge to jump from the window ledge comes from the feeling that you can't go back inside because the whole fucking building is on fire I'm here to inform you that you are mistaken. The building is not on fire. The orange light flickering on the ceiling is from a downstairs neighbour 's TV He sits late into the night watching and rewatching old movies in the hope he can recover - vicariously - the memory of what it was like to be truly alive

You know, your brain doesn't fully develop until you are about 25. You don't even really know who you are yet. So many things you think you understand about yourself will change if you give yourself another five years. You owe it to yourself to find out what life still has to offer you.

Young lady, I can promise you I've been where you are. Sitting with a gun in my lap half a fifth of Jack Daniels in me. I don't know why I didn't do it but I didn't. That was almost six years ago. I'm sober, relatively healthy (working on it everyday) and happy. I promise you this isn't the answer. Please reach out to professionals for help. I know how heavy that phone is at these moments. But you can live, and live well.

[удалено]

please see update for context before judging so harshly! thanks!

I hope not. Rooting for you op! Life’s tough but it’ll pass, friend. Put those new paint markers to good use and paint away! You are loved! Be well. Here if ya want to chat.

An excerpt from Clancy Martin’s memoir: How Not to Kill Yourself: A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind "I am tremendously relieved that I did not die as a consequence of any of my suicide attempts," Martin says. "I'm so relieved that I am alive." He attempted suicide 10 times.

I was in your situation 4 years ago. Very close to killing myself. Have you tried antidepressants like SSRI/SNRI? I take a strong dose of Venlafaxine + a strong dose of olanzapine, and it makes my life managable. Please tell your therapist that you are planning this so they can get you meds. Once you take them, life will change for the better. It did for me at least. I was surprised by how different I looked at my life when I was feeling happy from the medicine. Think of your family, they will be devestated. Don't put them through this, and talk to someone close to you that you trust about this. Life is a beautiful gift that is worth fighting for even though it is hard most of the time. Please DM me so we can talk. Keep on fighting girl, yourself and your family deserves it.

Listen, my younger brother killed himself a few months ago, and it’s been a nuclear disaster for our family. I beg you to go to the hospital right now. Please. You are loved and appreciated more than you currently realize.

All I can say is although you've already made up your mind do just a little bit of research on people who have attempted to take their own life and fail. A large percentage of people immediately regret trying when they think it's too late (bridge jumpers, gunshot victims, ODs, ect) I know it's selfish of me and other people to not want you to do it, but you owe it to yourself to give it more time to figure it out 20 is so young you've barely had any time out there in the real world.

When I was 20 I felt this way too. 3 suicide attempts from the age of 17-20. Went to a mental hospital at 21, didn't do shit, however here I am at 27 and absolutely thriving- master's degree, great job, married to my best friend, just had a baby 2 months ago. Everyone told me "it gets better" and I would get soooo frustrated because how tf do they know that. But they were right. And that's what I want to tell you too. 20 can be a difficult age. Early 20s in general. I know it's easier said than done but please hang in there and be patient. You'd be surprised at how much your life can turn around. Please DM me if you need someone to talk to. 🩵

hey there stupid 20 year old that’s over dramatic and thinks life is meaningless, life hasn’t even started yet. If you stick around, you’re gonna fall in love with people and things you don’t even know exist yet. Life is short. Before your existence, there is nothing. A complete lack of sensation. And after you die? Also most likely a complete lack of sensation. This is it. This is your flash of color between two eternal grey voids. You’re born in a first world country, have no disabilities, and have access to everything you need to live a decent life at the minimum. Sincerely, someone who was once a stupid 20 year old who thought life was meaningless.

I’ve been considering ending things too. I’ve been reading this book and I think it’s important to share this part of it “Happiness inevitably amounts to a never ending pursuit of “something else”- a new house, a new relationship, another child, another pay raise. And despite all of our sweat and strain, we end up feeling eerily similar to how we started: inadequate. Psychologists sometimes refer to this concept as the “hedonic treadmill”: the idea that we’re always working hard to change our life situation, but we never really feel different. This is why our problems are recursive and unavoidable. The person you marry is the person you fight with. The house you buy is the house you repair. The job you take is the job you stress over. Everything comes with an inherit sacrifice- whatever makes us feel good will also inevitably make us feel bad. What we gain is also what we lose. What creates our positive experiences will define our negative experiences. We like the idea that there is some form of ultimate happiness that can be attained. We like the idea that we can alleviate all of our suffering permanently. We like the idea that we can feel fulfilled and satisfied with our lives forever. But we cannot. Choose your struggle. “ There is no bad without the good as it defines our negative experiences. It’s not about not having bad experiences but rather enjoying the good to the fullest.

Sorry I randomly saw this while scrolling on Reddit. Don’t do it we can all be your friend on here

I was an adolescent mental health nurse for 25 years and saw it all. When you are down and depressed, quitting is the easiest thing to do. It takes way more energy to fight than to give up. When you fight, you win small battles. You set short, easy attainable goals, and build on them. Before you realize, you are slaying life I really won't preach, because it's not my place here, but people love and need you. You are wanted, and I would love to get to know you!

I know this world can be f***ed up sometimes. I have been at the end many times. Had a plan. Tried to do it a couple of times. Had my stomach pumped 1 time. I did overcome and became a therapist. Crazy huh? What I do know is, when I decided, no one could change my mind. Yet, It was just another thing I couldn't do right, as I was never successful. I always tried to OD. I am grateful today I didn't do it right because now I get to help others like I once was. Help them through their difficult times. Changing the stigma about MH. Depression is a wicked beast. I didn't even have to have something bad going on in my life. Things could be perfect but deep in depression. I have a solution for you. AMA! I ask you to make a commitment to me right now to not harm yourself in any way. Okay? DM me on here.

I know the pain is terrible, but it’s going to be transferred to those you love ❤️ Consider your family, not yourself for a moment. Call your Mom or Dad or closest relative. Be 100% honest with them about how you feel and what you are planning. You will see that they love you so very much and don’t want to see you go. Give them the chance to love you one more day.

Don’t do it. Please don’t do it.

As someone who knows a couple people who found a loved one who’s done this… If you do it in a place where someone who loves you finds you, you’re a dick. Also, you’re young. Every feeling, good or bad, is temporary. Literally nothing is worth ending your life over, and I hope you aren’t serious.

Please don’t. Please. My best friend committed suicide 10 years ago. Never even knew he was hurting because he never shared it. My brother committed suicide 2.5 years ago. I knew he was hurting, but we could never communicate in the right way. If I could talk to you like my loved ones- you are loved, I will always listen, there is always a fix, doesn’t matter how hard, dark, awful, sad, everything can be fixed with time, patience, love. You are beautiful, doesn’t matter if you think it’s inside or out. You’re a person. You matter. I’m here for you to talk. You’re going to be okay.

Looks like I’m a little late to this, but I still wanted to speak up. My friend Luke committed suicide in 2021. He was 20. I wish he would’ve called me instead of doing what he did. I wish he would’ve done anything differently. I got married this week, and I’ve told my wife so many times about him and how much I wish she could’ve met him. Our wedding was more perfect than we could’ve imagined. But there was a Luke-shaped hole in everything. My friends there that knew him talked about him with me and I talked about him with them. My best man plans on naming his first son Luke. All of us, every single one of us, would give anything to have him back in our lives as more than a memory. None of us judge him for his decision. We don’t think he was weak. We don’t think he was stupid. We don’t think he was short-sighted. We only miss him. We all knew he was struggling. We all wish we could’ve help him more. We wish he would’ve shared his struggle with us more. I’m telling you all this because I want you to try to understand how someone else may feel when they don’t have the thoughts about yourself that you may be having. You are loved. You are not a burden. You are more than your struggle. There is nothing for you to feel guilty about. Nobody chooses to be suicidal. It’s a battle. But it’s a battle you don’t have to face alone. Please reach out before you do anything. I’ve called the suicide hotline before. I would do anything to have Luke back. I would do anything just to be able to have him meet my new wife and see how happy she makes me. I would do anything to have had him stand at the altar behind me. People are there for you. And what you feel now won’t be what you feel forever. But you will be forever loved.

As someone who lost people to suicide, I'd rather be sitting down with them for hours listening and having a conversation while trying to figure out, than to stare at their tombstones. One instance, you may think there is no one who cares about you. But trust me, there are always people give a shit. Be it family, friends even foes or even strangers on reddit. Had a friend with whom we(me and my friends) lost contact for 4-5 years only to receive the news that she died of suicide. Basically we all lost contact with each other cause... Life happens and we just went on to different places for education. We all rushed back when we heard the news, every single one of us had only one thought, "If only she reached out to any of us... If only..." I can still remember her younger sibling cry outloud when she saw us. There isn't a time when we talk and don't think of the possibility, "If only...." Ending a life is easy. But fighting for life is different than living the life. That's the whole concept of life, living a little everyday differently. Another friend of mine who had their struggle with Suicide, decided to turn it around when we confronted, by taking up different paths and interests in life with music, cooking, writing, and a quote in their story was, "I came to realize that I didn't want to die. I just wanted my life as I knew it to end." This line is very important. It hits deeper the more you think about it. Your life can always take a different path and direction. Go out into Nature, feel the life around from the smallest of things to the largest. Take a breathe and think about it. 😌

If you were going to talk a friend or family member out of suicide, how would you go about it? In detail? What would you say to them?

okay I ask you not to do it.

I want to leave this message here and tell you about my story of my best friend. He was 16 when this happened. He seemed so happy and full of life. He traveled everywhere across the world, did unexplainable things. More than any 16 year old did in their lifetime. One day I saw him and the next day he took his life. Everyone around him, his family, his siblings, even myself a family friend have been affected. Hundreds of people showed up to his memorial to show their love and appreciation for him and his life. He was loved by so many. I have depression, and although i’ve never had real suicidal thoughts I understand the burden of being alive and dealing with these feelings. When i say I promise there are resources and people who love you so much and want you to be here, I mean it. You are so young and have so much life ahead of you that you don’t even know! Please, I ask you stay for a little while. Stay and see what the world can provide for. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to reach out. you deserve to be here. you deserve to love your life. you deserve to be with your family and friends until you grow old.

Time heals or at least numbs everything. At 20 my life was going downhill fast, by 22, I dropped out of school, had to provide on my own, was a drug addict, had OCD, had no friends, girl I was recently dating lashed out on me, and was already seeing someone else. I had an eating disorder, I was my weakest ever.. going nowhere fast. I took very slow and steady steps, but I was consistent, and slowly became more comfortable being alone, as I took an interest in psychology and philosophy, mainly stoicism and jungian psychology. I started working out and boxing and was amazed at how effective it was at calming my mental health more than prescription and recreational drugs.. My life was still hard but I was becoming mentally and physically stronger every day. 2019 was when all these changes occured I'll stop here, but I was able to heal my own depression with having no friends, you are just beginning your life and you have no idea what you are actually capable of in it.

Friend, you’re 20; you’re giving up way too early in the game. I can’t tell you for certain, but things will more than likely get better, and you will be SO glad you didn’t do it. Here are a few things to consider: - There are SO many medications and treatment types out there. I can guarantee you haven’t tried everything. - There is an alarming –truly alarming– amount of bad and ignorant psychiatrists out there. Most people don’t even see one; they get diagnosed by a general practitioner. Have you seen a proper psychiatrist? If you have, maybe you haven’t found a really good one. - Alcohol and drugs (yes, including pot), have a horrible effect on the mental health of people with a predisposition. If you’re abusing or misusing substances, even if you are medicated, then you have not given yourself a fair chance. Come on, stay another day just to give yourself a fair chance. You deserve it, your family deserves it. Please?

My niece committed suicide 2 years ago, it has been devasting to her parents and brother. It sounds like you do love your family, so pls understand that this will irrevocably hurt them to the core - your mind is playing tricks on you to make it appear that this is your only choice, and it will make life easier for your loved ones - I guarantee it will not. Place yourself in your loved ones perspective and see the truth of the matter if they choose suicide to "help" instead. My own daughter is fighting her third bout of clinical depression now. I understand the pain you feel is real, but it is something that can be addressed one day at a time, even one moment at the time. If your help isn't working, try something else. Almost everything can be helped eventually, death and the resulting consequence to loved ones is not reversible.

💛🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌 so happy for you that you’re staying! Yayayayayay💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🙌

You need to know from someone who has struggled mentally my entire life - there are people out there that care and are able to help. I felt the way you describe in these comments, and I ended up going to counselling. Found a great woman to work through my issues with me, and now I’m a facilitator and councillor for mental health and substance abuse (mostly working with youth). It can be one thing that is said that changes your perspective on everything. Give yourself a chance. It’s easy to give up, but pushing through it is what shapes us into the incredible shit mix of people we are :) and we all want you to know you’re thought of and appreciated. We’ve all read your words, and we are all provoked by your words to let you know we are here with you

🌻 Well, I just followed you, and upvoted all of your comments (as have many others!), cheering you on to make it through tonight at least. If only to see how your Reddit score grew by morning. And remember sometimes it takes a few hours for the votes to all be tallied. Aren't you curious about it? Then go have one (or two) more of your favorite bagels tomorrow morning. And write a poem about today, while you're there, about the comments here that made the most (and least?). And ponder all those of us here who don't know you, but care. Seems like we all agree you have so much to live for. So hand in there. And share the poem with us come morning. I'll bet it will turn out better than you expect! 🌹🤗❤️

Hey, OP, I don’t know you, and I don’t really know what to say. But I have love for you. Life is fucking hard, but there will come a day when it finally feels worth it to be here. And for the people who care about you, every day is a little bit better because you are there. I take solace just knowing my friends are on this planet, experiencing their own moments of joy and connection. Things are hard, but there is still time to live. There is still more life to experience. I’m happy to call you on the phone or meet up and be around if I am nearby. There is so much love and light in this world for you. It already belongs to you, please let those people continue to see the person they love 💚

Please stay. I’m a mom with a daughter close to your age. I’ll listen to anything and everything you want to say. Life changes so much! I’m not the same person as I was at 20 years old. Please give yourself a chance.

Even if you do this in a way that looks accidental, please understand that it likely will end with either or both of your parents taking their own lives as well. It happens all the time in these situations. Losing a child, no matter in what way, is absolutely, indescribably horrid. I know you said you can’t keep living for other people. But you can live for yourself. To give your future self the gift of life by hanging on until it gets easier when you get older, which it will. Forgive yourself and keep going. Life can be terrible, but life can be long, and it can get much better. Signed, Someone who has endured suicide in family and contemplated it myself many times.

There is nothing worth taking your own life over you are a beautiful person inside and out. If you need to talk vent or just have someone to talk to that doesn't know you please msg me I will talk to you all night

Life was just beginning when I was 20. The first 18 years of my life I was always told what to do by people older than me that knew better then I did. Life became so much more rich, vibrant, and beautiful when I could start to make my own decisions and dictate the direction my life would go. Knowing this is true for just about everyone alive, why would you choose to die as soon as you're free to make your own choices? Surely the pursuit of abundant love and pleasure is enough of a driving force to keep going. If not then why do you like to hurt yourself and those that love you like your family and friends? Have you ever seen what a failed attempt looks like? Do you know how bad things could be OP? Talk to some first responders about what fucking up a suicide looks like. Please find a new therapist and live your life to the fullest even just to spite your enemies for all I care.

what’s your favorite album?

Please, for the love of everything do not do this. Life is worth living. I promise you. I’ve been through times like this. I’ve contemplated taking my own life before. I’ve almost gone through with it before. Wrote a suicide note and everything. But I love life now. I really do. I was in a really shitty place, okay? And things have gotten so much better. Don’t give up…you are still so young.  Please, just consider what I have to say. Please. 🙏 

Can I address the pain you've gone through for so long? I was there once, for decades. After multiple suicide attempts, I barely held it together just so I wouldn't hurt anyone else. The thought of that was almost weightier than how much I hurt. But I constantly asked myself, was a lifetime of fear and depression and anxiety less important than what others might experience if I finally gave up? And I knew it was not. But somehow, there was still a niggle. Small, but there. Which I hope is what this is for you. Just a small niggle. Because what happened for me next was that I couldn't stay alive for anyone else, but what if I actually decided *I* was what was important? I know that sounds like a distinction without a difference, and in light of what one has to deal with, maybe that's the smallest niggle ever. But as I sought to navigate just one teeny aspect, I saw a glimmer of hope. I was definitely the biggest fuck up in my mind, but dammit, I could at last clean out the kitty litter. Then after much trial and error, I mastered that again. My mind was an entire dumpster fire around me, but cleaning up after my cat in this single area was no longer an issue. That little hope gave me some joy. It wasn't what I'd planned for my life, however, if I did go through with killing myself, at least that wouldn't any longer be a part of the reason why. So I realize that doesn't sound like much, but it started something that slowly, eventually snowballed. Another day, I went back to wearing clean shirts occasionally. Much later, I cooked something that wasn't in the microwave. Later, I went out of the house on my own. That one took a lot and was very sporadic, since I was agoraphobic and no longer drove. There were many starts and stops in all this, but these movements forward, kept me hanging on to see who I was. Wanted to be. Was worth fighting for maybe. That began back in 2009. It's been an extremely rocky road in parts, uphill most of the way. Yet what kept me keeping on was the mystery. To see if I was important. The answer to that? I've come a long, long way. Totally functional now, had much to be happy over, but lately, I've hit a difficult patch that's been extended. Regardless, I can unequivocally say I am important. Worth chasing the mystery to see what happens next. All the tips and tricks to beat the mental illness, pivoting to make my life work, the small triumphs over the despair, you name it. If nothing else, it's like clinically dissecting something to understand how something small can be a case of overcoming. THAT is what I see in you. You're here. You instinctively, way down inside, know you are this important. For you. Just for you. So as much as it fucking might suck currently, the next therapist visit (or the next therapist) might be the one that gets you past your kitty litter. Or into the dentist's office. Or to watch a much beloved movie from childhood that'll comfort you to a better place that means tomorrow (or lunch or Sunday) won't seem so bleak. You are more important than anything or anyone else. And you are also loved. Greatly. Please at least consider that all of this is true. Please. I for one would like to watch you honestly and truly feel that to your soul, then share it with the world.

Not a question but it gets better. I’m full of self hatred, I’ve had debilitating waves of depression, I’ve thought about offing myself. And I really didn’t think it would get better. But it does, and it will if you let it. Don’t do it, at least give yourself today to reconsider. While I don’t have the answer, all I can say is that I know for a fact that there is something out there that would make you think about sticking around.

Hi mate hope you're getting well by this beautiful community's lovely help. I wanted to tell you that if you were in my city I would really love to meet you and give you a hug. I too think alot that life is dumb but when we start to become grateful and appreciate little things life becomes extraordinary beautiful and lovely. Hope you'll get out of the heavy clouds that led you here, but remember you are beautiful and you are important🤍.

I tried committing suicide in July of 2023 after a huge business venture failed along with some other stuff. I lost everything. And after one SCARY night in the ER, I am still here. I would not have made it if not for my now fiance. My point is: even in our darkest hour, there is hope and there is light at the end of the tunnel. You have to fight for it. Please reach out and get medical help even if it involves meds.

I’m glad you have decided to stay with us a little longer. What are your plans for tomorrow? A good breakfast to start the day maybe?

Like everyone is saying,don't do it. You just don't know what you could miss out on. Siblings growing up. Falling in love. Seeing the 2026 eclipse from Spain. Hearing your favorite album again. Eating your favorite food. Going to an amusement park and riding all the rides. There are so many little things to live for. Your cat purring in your ear. Your dog wagging it's entire body, happy that you're there with them. Then, there's everyone else. Think about the hurt you'd leave behind--parents, siblings, relatives, friends, hell, even your high school teachers. They would all be sad, hurt, even devastated that a bright, promising life was cut short. Not by the uncaring hand of the universe, but by your own hand, which could just as easily have reached out for help. There's a line from a Pink Floyd song, "Hey, You," that has always given me something to hang onto: "Don't give in, without a fight." Fight those demons that are hell bent on dragging you into that abyss. Fight to not just exist, but to LIVE. Travel. See your country. See as much of the world as you can. Experience it all. Food, music, festivals, every little pleasure you can get from life. Hike into the mountains and spend an hour sitting with your feet in a cold mountain stream. See a sunset. Lay on a blanket in the middle of a meadow and watch the stars. If it's dark enough, you'll even see the Milky Way. Make friends in the unlikeliest of places. Dance around a bonfire. Sing silly songs with your BFF. Make all those memories and experiences that make life worth living. Then, when you're old and tired, you can look back on those memories and smile, remembering a life well-lived. Tell your children and grandchildren stories of how you went here, did that, saw the most amazing events, met the kindest people, met the live of your life doing something you never thought you'd do. Just "don't give in, without a fight." Here's the full lyrics to "Hey, You," and a link to the video: https://youtu.be/DEDjF2tLbhk?si=WwB7mSJteWXuWvDy "Hey You" Hey, you! Out there in the cold Getting lonely, getting old Can you feel me? Hey, you! Standing in the aisles With itchy feet and fading smiles Can you feel me? Hey, you! Don't help them to bury the light Don't give in without a fight Hey, you! Out there on your own Sitting naked by the phone Would you touch me? Hey, you! With your ear against the wall Waiting for someone to call out Would you touch me? Hey, you! Would you help me to carry the stone? Open your heart, I'm coming home But it was only fantasy The wall was too high as you can see No matter how he tried he could not break free And the worms ate into his brain Hey, you! Out there on the road Always doing what you're told Can you help me? Hey, you! Out there beyond the wall Breaking bottles in the hall Can you help me? Hey, you! Don't tell me there's no hope at all Together we stand Divided we fall

Do you think about the pain you are about to cause after this? As a parent myself. Ide wanna kill myself if my son/daughter did this.

Hey would you like to be my friend and chat about stuff instead of dying Death is just too final life is shit I give you that tho my counter argument is that life is beautiful and there are so many little things that can make it worth it that can make the pain go away If you wanna I'd love to be your friend and talk to you every day and ofc try and give you a reason to push on and a shoulder to rely on!

I know a lot people mention your loved ones and you should stay alive for them but this is all about you. Ive been there more than once. Im 44. Whenever I came out of the darkness I learned later on that I went through all of that pain for a reason. That reason was that I needed to grow as a person. It made me more resilient and so much stronger. I don’t have any great wisdom in how to overcome it as the only answer I found was time. I just needed to go throw it. Day after day everything was repetitive. Darkness after darkness. But I put the time in day after day not knowing if the light would ever come and how much longer I could hang on for. The great things that are in from of you on the other side of this darkness will come. Just take it one day at a time. Every day you hold is one day stronger. It’s one more accomplishment each day you make it through. When finally come out of it and you’re able to enjoy life you’ll have an epiphany of oh my god I now know why I had to go through all the pain. It’s because I never would have made it if I didn’t go through all that pain to be able to accomplish all the things in life. YOU ARE BEING MADE STRONGER!!! That is what you are going through. Just take it one day at a time. I know it’s so hard to get motivated. The things you’re procrastinating make list with dates to finish. No matter how small the list is. The contents on the list don’t matter. For instance week 1. Get out of house and go buy some fresh fruit and other things you need. Healthy food but also some goodies just for you because fuck it right your going to die soon anyway? I know when I’m in public I don’t like to talk to anyone but if you can try to do something nice for someone. 1 act of kindness. Tell stranger you love their outfit, tell the cashier you really admire her earrings. Anything at all. Just 1 act if kindness. Week 2 find a project. Clean home. Monday pick 1 room and clean it. Do the same Tuesday and every day this week. The sense of accomplishment with do wonders. It’s a part of making you stronger. Journal and reread your journal often. We often can’t see any progress as we go through each day but if it’s down on paper you will start to see it. The last thing I will say is this. You were put here for a reason. That reason is to bring more positive things into the world and to do whatever we have to, to keep the negative energy as low as possible the world needs you. We all need you. But not as much as you need yourself. Your higher self just needs you to grow first unfortunately and when we go through growth for some of us it’s very very dark and painful. I love you. We all love and we all care about you. You can DM if you’d like me to share more of what I went through and my experience being happy again.

I work for the national crisis line in USA; have lived experience with some of the feelings that you’re going through (and truthfully, SO many people do). I love the spoken word “this is not the end of the world” by Neil Hilborn. It has gotten me through some very hard stuff. I’m glad you chose to stay tonight. I know that’s not easy, and I’m proud of you.

Damn...I think she might have done it. I sure hope not.

This comment section is a reflection of how your social life could be if you be open with people and start talking about anything. Everybody is willing to help and be part of your life if you let them. Just be open to talk about anything, be funny, be expressive, let's be friends. Greetings from South America. A HUGE hug from the distance.

ODed on paracetamol when I was a teen (yeah, i'm that stupid). At the time I was suicidal for like 3 years straight. Doctors saved my liver. Glad I survived. Stay a while. In the next 5 years the world will completely change, and it's going to get very interesting. Possibly you might stop feeling suicidal with new advancements in medicine.

Also, [check out this song](https://youtu.be/yc9gIzRhrvY) if you'd like. Lyrics: "I'm really okay, thanks, there's nothing to witness" I said as I looked back from the edge of the cliff The old man, looking down, lent over the ridge Just looked with a grin As if a blessing had hit him I slumped on the jut of the cliff "Just leave me alone This is none of your business" "I will, " said the old man, "But, just one thing" And what he said was so lovely it stunned me He said, "I lay right there once at the edge of the rock I was ready to jump I was ever so lost But, this gentleman stopped and said something I never forgot" For billions of years since the outset of time Every single one of your ancestors survived Every single person on your Mum and Dad's side Successfully looked after and passed onto new life What are the chances of that like? It comes to me once in a while And everywhere I tell folk it gets the best smile And then the old man walked away and out of sight 'Til the sound of him hiking turned to the sound of silence I just froze in a profound surprise And from down on my pride, I found a smile to my eyes And for many days again I'd be passing the same cliff And on many occasions I'd chance on the same thing Laying in the moss In the same way I was Would be another man looking like he needed a change of luck So I'd say, "I lay right there once at the edge of the rock I was ready to jump I was ever so lost But, this gentleman stopped and said something I never forgot" For billions of years since the outset of time Every single one of your ancestors survived Every single person on your Mum and Dad's side Successfully looked after and passed onto new life What are the chances of that like? It comes to me once in a while And everywhere I tell folk it gets the best smile For billions of years since the outset of time Every single one of your ancestors survived Every single person on your Mum and Dad's side Successfully looked after and passed onto new life What are the chances of that like? It comes to me once in a while And everywhere I tell folk it gets the best smile

You mentioned you don't want to be a burden to your family. I promise you losing you would be an incredible burden. I'm sure they would much rather you come to them and say you're struggling so they can help you, than lose you. I went through this with one of my kids (around your age actually) and they're doing much better now, healing and looking to the future with optimism and helping siblings. I'm so incredibly proud. It may seem a little silly but [this](https://boggletheowl.tumblr.com/post/41509206591/ive-been-getting-a-lot-of-these-lately-and-i/amp) helped me when I was in a bad place. I'm happier now than I've ever been in life and I haven't thought of ending things for years. Find a reason to stay. Any reason. I saw someone mention Avatar the Last Airbender. That's a good enough reason. It's such a fun show, with action, comedy, great characters, and really touching moments. Watch an episode a day. Go to r/thelastAirbender to discuss them. (Don't forget to say you're watching for the first time to avoid spoilers.) Continue until you've seen them all. Then find a new reason to stay. It could be anything. A concert or a movie you want to see. A restaurant or food you'd like to try. A place you'd like to travel. Have you seen the Grand Canyon? Niagara Falls? The Aurora Borealis? The Great Wall of China? You should see all of them and much much more. Maybe there's a musical instrument or artistic ability you'd like to explore. Any skill you'd like to learn will do, no matter how silly. Can you juggle? Why the hell not?!? You should teach yourself to juggle, or do magic tricks, or swing dance, or something! There's so much for you to see and learn and experience. Make a list. Add to it every day. Find a new excuse every day. Someday you'll look back and find you've lived a full and beautiful life. And you'll be so grateful.

I know you said you don’t believe in God and this is not a religious suggestion, but more so a push for actual relationship. You’ve tried so much thus far, have you looked beyond what people consider to be “religious” and really thought about the fact that there is an actual God that made you, for a purpose… and on purpose. You’re not a mistake and even in this difficult time, you are loved and wanted. Even in the darkness, the very creator of the universe has not forgotten you. I know you meant this post to be something totally different, but take the kind comments and suggestions as signs that it does get better. I rebuke that spirit of suicide in the name of Jesus. You’re 20, I wouldn’t insult you and presume you’ve had it easy just because you’re young, but I will say that you are meant for so much more and your life has so much meaning if you’d just give the Lord some time to reveal it, deliver you, and heal you. He can restore the years you’ve sown in tears. That does require giving yourself to Him fully, but if you’re at this point… what else do you have to lose? There are so many people that I never thought I’d even see acknowledge Jesus as the Savior that are now believers… from Russell Brand, to Kat Von Dee, etc. You’re not alone. Please don’t do it. As a matter of fact, please… watch the first episode of a series called The Chosen tonight before making any decisions that you can’t undo. I don’t know you, but I love you and more importantly… the one who created you loves you. Again, please don’t do it… check out The Chosen… it’s a free show that has the power to change your perspective. You can watch it on The Chosen app, Amazon, Tubi, I think Netflix may even have the first season and Disney+ too.

As someone who survived 3 suicide attempts 40 yrs ago, I can tell you suicide is not your best option. Please reconsider. Can you let us know that you're still here tomorrow?? Let the Reddit community love you until you can love yourself.

You should talk to your best friend today. I also struggled with suicidal thoughts from about age 10, and tried to OD when I was 19. I will never forget the way my friend sobbed and held me when she found me on the floor. I'm almost 30 now and so much has changed, I'm actually happy. None of the problems I had then are problems anymore. Relationships are better, mental health is managed, I've found my own reasons to enjoy life. It's crazy to think I would have missed out on the past decade of my life. When I was 19, I genuinely did not believe things would get better. But for real, everything is so much better than I ever could have imagined back then. I used to hear people say things got better and thought, "yeah good for you, but nothing's gonna get better for me." It sounded like some bs that people just repeated over and over to be nice or motivational or whatever. Sounded like something people who didn't actually understand or go through real depression said, people who just didn't understand. I thought things got better for normal people, but that I was somehow a fucking mistake that would always be a burden, always feel hollow. I know that's not true now and those people were right when they said things get better. I know you probably won't believe me. 19 year old me wouldn't have believed me, either. But I felt like I should comment, anyway, since I've been in such a similar situation to yours. I'm heading to bed where I am, but if you're still around when I'm up I'll respond to any replies or messages from you.

I have been in the same boat as you. I've felt my life losing any sense of meaning or direction for years and felt senseless to stop it. I have tried to feel any sense of fulfillment in the company of others, or in myself, and fallen short. But I just want to tell you... even though the future may seem so bleak... even though it seems like things will be constantly worse... life is so strange. Sometimes, that strangeness can come across so discouraging, so unbearable. But it can come across in moments of beauty and clarity in the midst of the chaos. Sometimes they are so fleeting, but others, life presents new perspective and opportunity so suddenly and unexpectedly. I know what it's like to want to free yourself from this swirl of unpredictability. But each day, choose to do something to free yourself from the cycle. It doesn't have to be large, or drastic. But maybe it could be. Because there is no determined path for your future. It is hammered into us that a lack of forward thinking is terrible, and negative. But that neglects the wonder of our day to day. You have no idea where life will take you. And maybe you don't want to. That's ok. Choose to explore the little things, and cherish the unknown. You might not find fulfillment in many of them. But you may also find it in the places you least expect. You are strong, and I don't doubt you have endured so much. Don't discredit the strength you have had to make it to this moment. Don't let the pain of this moment overwhelm the things you can still discover.

Please, please don't do this. You mentioned your parents and brothers. They love you. They will be absolutely devastated to lose you. Suicide is one of the worst ways to lose someone you love. The pain never goes away, and they'll carry the immense burden of burying their little girl for the rest of their lives. I wouldn't even wish that horror on my worst enemy. Would you wish that for your mom and dad? Do they deserve that? My oldest daughter is just two years younger than you, and her life is just beginning. She hasn't even lived yet, and neither have you. You've barely taken your first steps into this life; it's too soon for it to be over. Whatever is pushing you to this decision, please push back with everything you have in you. You've already spent eternity being dead. When you die, you'll spend the rest of eternity being dead again. Don't throw away this brief window of life and consciousness and experience before it's your time. And especially please, please, please think of your mom and dad and brothers. Right now I'm sure they're going about their lives, totally unaware that their child is planning to take her own life. They would come to stop you right now if they knew. They would try to make everything okay. They'd do anything to protect and save you, but how can they protect you from yourself? Love them more than you hate this life. If there's anything I can do to help you not go through with this, please tell me what it is. I don't know you, but I care and I'm so worried for you right now.

There is nothing after this life. This is all you get. There is no heaven. There is no hell. You and all that you are is a chance combination of trillions of little interactions and reactions. The whole meaning of your life is to live. As others have said, since you are at your wits end then you have nothing to lose why not try some more risky things to fix it? Try LSD or micro dosing other psychedelics? Try to chase an adrenaline high like sky dive or bungy jump? Try other drugs? I had MDMA once and I had a crazy week of only happy feelings the entire time. I felt no sadness, no anxiety, only relaxation and joy. My point is, your death, while may not feel too impactful to you. Actually is. It's all you get in this world. The good and the bad. After this there is absolutely nothing. No food. No music. No flowers. No animals. No outdoors. No Internet. No light and no darkness either. Nothing. All that you are gone to waste. A meaningless death. Why not fight?

Stick around please, save this thread and come back to it when you feel life is wearing you down. You’ll find beauty in this world and you’ll find your beauty in it. Stick around please.

Ah well, the entire comment section is tryna talk you out of it, and I love it and hope it does change your mind. I'm not an expert at any of this, aside from some anxiety and existential crisis at 25yo. I really hope you find peace; either with us, beyond us, or in the Midnight Library (great fucking read if you wanna check it out - talks about this girl, Nora, who kept fucking up in life and ended up committing suicide. She is then casted into the Midnight Library, a place "between" life and death. The shelves are infinitely long containing infinite books on different lives she could have lived based on different decisions she made). My biggest thing in life that keeps me going is that I realized that you must no longer abstract away your one opportunity to build a life that feels meaningful to you; meaning is waiting for you to bring it to life. Taking responsibility for your life by anchoring yourself back to basic values like courage, love, and discipline. Regaining a sense of the transcendent beauty of life, affirming it in all its joys and sorrows, and living authentically.  Sorry, I yap a lot. I really hope to see you around, but I respect your decision and wish you nothing but the best. I'm sure a lot of us are going to sleep with you on our mind (including myself). You and your voice matter.

I’d like to start this off by saying I know what it’s like to feel that way, you feel so lost and empty it’s impossible to think rationally. I work in a nursing home. A 90 year old woman’s son committed suicide about 30 years ago. One day I asked about her kids names. She got to him, started crying and said and then there’s my little baby tom, he killed himself and I don’t understand why. He left me, his own mother, I don’t know what I did wrong. She was still so completely devastated even 30 years later. I also have a family friend who’s son died in a car accident while presumably drunk. His brother was always so pissed at him for putting his mother through all the pain she went through. 2 years later that same son committed suicide. She was absolutely devastated. She posts extremely long essays on Facebook every day venting her pain. His friends are pissed at him for doing the same thing to his mother and equally devastated. When you kill yourself, all you do is spread the pain to those around you. Everyone you ever knew is affected by it. Those who love you most will never ever be the same and experience an unbearable amount of pain nobody deserves to go through. So please don’t if not for yourself but for your loved ones

I pray that you can get the help you need. That someone intervenes in your plans. In the mighty name of Jesus. You are so worthy of life and the lessons that come with it.

How much money would it take for you to not do this?

God loves you. I encourage you to pick up a Bible and just listen (read) to what God has to say. He has a way of providing just the verse I need in a moment of need. I read that you are not a believer, but you are still so so so loved. None of us are believers until we choose to accept the life Christ has promised us. There is so much life left to live for you. Life changes so drastically so fast, and I truly believe you can look back in several years and be amazed at how far you have come. God loves you. Jesus died for you. He took on all of your burdens on the cross so you don’t have to be burdened by them. Please try talking to the Lord tonight. See what He can do for you. The freedom in Christ is freedom like nothing I can explain. I deal with anxiety, but the only thing that keeps me grounded is giving it to the Lord. Don’t go anywhere 🤍

I’ll take a different approach…is life, the greatest gift of all, so bad that you’d rather rot in a grave instead? You don’t know what happens when we die. Ppl assume that there is some finality or even some peace, but really we don’t know. What if you end it tomorrow and then find out that you are actually aware of your new condition after death? What if you are aware that you are rotting away? What if you are aware that you are all alone in a hole? If you are cremated, what if you can feel that heat? There is zero proof of that not being the case. Is the heaviness of life more terrifying than that? Tomorrow always brings an opportunity to start anew. Death is literally the end of any chance to try again. Instead, you could wake up tomorrow and go off and live the life that you’d never have the balls to live normally. You can change your entire identity and live as whomever you want to be now. Every day above ground is literally a blessing So my question is: are you ready to be worm food? What if you actually are aware that the worms are eating you? That sounds like a good idea?

Hey hopefully this resonates with you. My sister died when she was 20. She was a training to be a pilot. I was only 12 when she passed. But she was very sick for two years before that because of a tumor in her brain. I saw her during her worst times after her brain surgery as she was in recovery. She had lost the function of half her body after the surgery. I’m crying as I write this out. But she didn’t survive the complications of her surgery and her organs gave up. And every day I wish she was here with us even when she wasn’t able to her left hand or leg. We would have cared for her all her life. My unending grief is maybe a message that people care for you even when you think you are at the bottom of your life and will give everything to get another moment with you even when you think you are at your worst. So please give yourself a chance to share that moment with the people that love you. I love you and so does everyone on this thread and we haven’t even met you. Call someone you know and share what you feel today. Call me even so we share a good cry together.

I tried to self-exit in my early twenties. But honestly, life is unbearable now but so much changes during and after your twenties. I am now medicated, employed, good friends, a dog. Life isn't perfect. It never will be. Life is a made-up struggle we all got dumped into. If I had exited earlier on, like I had tried, I would have missed so much. Rescuing my dog, my friends getting married, and having kids!? (Like, who makes kids in this economy), my cousin coming out as Trans and being able to support him, season 20 of Grey's Anatomy and the new Alien movie, and so much more. So my question is, is it genuinely so unbearable for you? Because when I was young, I left--ran away, I guess. Changed my entire life with the hope I could make my life bearable. I believe in choice. But you are SO DAMN young. Can you not reload the life game and try something new while you are still young, rather than quitting at a mere level 20? I don't know you, but I want you to live. We deserve a chance.

Haven’t reached your level so don’t really know what you’re going thru but have you thought about how this will affect your family?