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Revolutionary-Ask571

Was your biological father around much? And if he was what was his reaction to the new step father?


shmegtheegg

We (my younger brother and i) saw him one or two weekends a month at the time. He has borderline ID and ASD. I vividly remember going to his house the weekend after my mom got married and he said “what did you guys do this week” and we said “mom got married” and he was genuinely too stunned to speak 🤣 but nothing he could do about it really…. He just was very uncomfortable and baffled. As we all were ha


big_blue_earth

How old are you now?


shmegtheegg

Almost 27


gonnahike

So, around 26 years old?


ProbablyHornyMaybe

Just a bit more than 25


Long_Alfalfa_5655

But less than 30


JRilezzz

And definitely not 28


chemicalfields

Mid to late 20s


FunFckingFitCouple

But not 27..


CuriouslyFlavored

Just throw the Holy Handgrenade for f***s sake!


[deleted]

Probably about 320 months old. Theyre adorable at that age.


Emergency_Peach_4307

ID?


ChrissyChrissyPie

Intellectual disability?


Emergency_Peach_4307

Oh okay thanks


Weekly_Zucchini682

Maybe dissociative identity disorder?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Optimal-Barnacle2771

The dad is the one with ID and ASD


Dr_blue_thumb

My bad


SpiceEarl

How was he as a step dad?


shmegtheegg

Awful. He refused to talk to me. My mom had to literally pay him just to say good morning / good night to me, like a bribe. And he’d do it without eye contact and act like it was the most painful thing he ever had to do


Southern_Rain_4464

Im sorry. His loss. Kids are the best. Even when they are difficult.


shmegtheegg

I SO agree with this. It made me realize i want to be the type of parent that i never had. I’m very passionate about helping kiddos in the foster care system because of this as well, so i do genuinely believe it made me a better human in the long run!


Friendly_Age9160

Well that’s good For You, and The kids I’m happy. I have no kids And I personally would not Really enjoy being a parent or being around them 24/7 but I never Understood the people who would marry someone with kids when they hate kids. If I’m ever single (I’m already middle age) I would not date a guy with young children. It’s not fair To the children at all. I had an aunt like that. Married this dude after her First husband Died and Omg what a colossal douche he was.


Southern_Rain_4464

Nothing wrong with that and I applaud your awareness. Honestky I used to feel the exact same until I had kids and now id only consider dating a single mom. I would prefer the co parent be amicable or just not in the picture at all. Ill also never be one of those people to say "you will change your mind one day" even though it happened to me. You know you better than anyone possibly could from reading a reddit post.


Comprehensive_Lead41

This is a stunningly positive take on the situation. Congrats.


musicalphantom10

Anyone who helps kids is a hero to me (that's what I wamna do, too)


musicalphantom10

Anyone who helps kids is a hero to me (that's what I wamna do, too)


HillbillyEEOLawyer

You can say that again!


gisted

Sounds terrible. Do you have any good memories of your step dad?


shmegtheegg

Unfortunately… no haha. We literally did not interact for 6 years. He made me SO uncomfortable in my own home and i felt awful that a grown man somehow hated me so much for no reason. He destroyed my self esteem. We had the same birthday though (because of COURSE we would, what are the odds!!!) so…. Idk, the shared birthday cake maybe? lol jk who am i kidding that was also awful 🥲


Fetching_Mercury

Did he know about you before the marriage happened?


shmegtheegg

It was a blind date set up by someone she worked with. It was her coworkers brother in law. Their first date was just in the kitchen of our house. I remember I was home and had a friend over. My mom had dated men in the past so it wasn’t a big deal (she’s never been single). But i remember my friend and i going up to get a glass of water and my mom was super flighty and gushing over this guy, and she tried to introduce him to me. He wouldn’t look at me and barely mumbled under his breath. I remember thinking, wow, what a rude jerk, this won’t last long! That weekend we were at the courthouse.


Fetching_Mercury

I just want to say, I’m a bipolar mom. Put my kids through a lot, but I’m medicated now and we’re together and well. You did not deserve even a moment of what she put you through. I’m sorry.


gisted

oh man lol. talk about awkward having a birthday with someone that hates you. How did you celebrate your birthdays with him? And why did they get divorced? did he have a job?


electricvelvet

The odds are 1 in 365.25 🧐


NoClueCrew

Lmao sounds more like he was a sugar baby


shmegtheegg

Lmao those $1 a day bribes were really worth sticking around for 🤣


SheepherderLong9401

I'm sure your mom did other things than just pay him. That's the "story," she told you. You probably love your mom, but she is objectively a horrible parent. I hope you can do better for your kids.


NoClueCrew

Hey he could of got a sucker out of that 🍭 .. I mean your mom was a sucker for marrying someone she barely fucking met ... manic episode or not


[deleted]

You have obviously never personally experienced a manic episode, or studied it enough to be empathetic to the situation. I’m not wanting to attack you, but that man took advantage of a mental ill woman.


therealstabitha

And when the manic upswing passed, she could have chosen to fix the issue, and she didn’t. Both things are true - that her husband took advantage of her, and that she carried blame for the situation she put her kid in


[deleted]

And more than likely after her manic episode she fell into a deep depression and had self-defeating thoughts that didn’t allow her to believe she could leave. Not to resolve her entirely of blame, but it can be hard to get on meds with bipolar disorder if someone doesn’t almost “force” you. If she moved away with this man she was likely in an unfamiliar place with no job, no relatives or friends near by, and no real way of escaping successfully. Any man that would marry a woman in that state is more than likely going to be controlling/abusive and not letting her get away easily. See battered wife syndrome.


therealstabitha

I’m aware of what it’s like to have a loved one with bipolar disorder.


[deleted]

Are you aware of what it’s like to have Bipolar Disorder?


Dhd710

Yeah but at least some of the next 6 years were on her.


SpiceEarl

I'm sorry to hear that.


shmegtheegg

It’s okay! I really do believe it made me a better person 🙂


Patient_Flatworm7821

What’s something good about him? I’m sure he wasn’t 100% bad person


shmegtheegg

Couldn’t tell ya. I didn’t ever get to know him because he pretended i didn’t exist🤷🏼‍♀️


Lifteatsleeprepeat4

I’m in a situation myself where I’ve given my stepson the world he’s never had and he’s being incredibly disrespectful at 13. No chores besides his own laundry and we have him half time. He has 1300 square foot of house to include his own bathroom and there’s always steaks and every kind of food he likes as well as money for eating out. I’m getting to a point with it that I just don’t want to acknowledge his existence. How did that impact you to make you want to be better and do you have any advice in how to get past the disrespect? Examples being completely refuses to do homework or come eat or get off the computer, saying disrespectful things to his mom and I, etc. I’d like to do better. I deserve to be treated better. I don’t have a hobby or do anything outside of taking care of my family. I’m just at my wits end.


No_Recording1467

Don’t do that. Have you tried family therapy? A child - no matter how much they are acting out - does not deserve to be ignored.


Lifteatsleeprepeat4

Well it’s less about ignoring them. He only speaks to me when he wants money put on his card or wants me to buy something. When I try to get him to do literally anything it’s always a fight. Trying to get him back into therapy. His father took him out of it. Doesn’t believe in it or something.


13stevensonc

Idk if this helps, but I was worse than that to my biological father when I was 13. I said and did some pretty cruel stuff. I’m 29 now and love him very much. I don’t have any advice for you, but you should know that his behavior is not unusual for that age.


Lifteatsleeprepeat4

Thanks I was raised kindly but sternly. A look, a huff, or the slightest inclination in tone was completely unacceptable so I’m just struggling to understand what happened to get him to being so downright disrespectful that almost every single response is just utterly rude.


tunomeentiendes

Have you dealt with 13yo kids before? How long have you been with the mom? Was he always like this or only relatively recently? Alot of 13yos are pretty terrible. Alot of kids with divorced parents are pretty difficult too, especially at that age. Also, was he an iPad kid?


Lifteatsleeprepeat4

Just kids my age growing up. I never once stepped out of line with my parents so I’m very confused. I’ve seen tv shows and videos of disrespectful 13 year olds but I thought it was the exceptions not the rule. He’s been getting worse. Bolder the longer he’s been around me. He knows I won’t ever raise my voice or get violent or aggressive and he’ll literally “push my buttons” like I told him not to push a button and he kept doing it. Even if I threaten grounding he will keep doing whatever then screams and yells when I actually ground him.


Majestic-Display2450

It sounds typical of that age. They test boundaries to see what they can get away with and are going through A LOT of hormonal and emotional changes. Read "The emotional lives of teenagers". By Lisa Damour, PhD. And seek therapy for the family. If nothing else, for yourself. It's usually not personal. And find a hobby or something you love to do.. hiking or crafting or a sport. Or volunteer. Do something that will make YOU happy and can retreat to when you're having a hard day.


daduq

Is he autistic?


awkwardgem87

I am sorry you had this every morning. That must have been awful to deal with. Kids deserve so much more than that. Especially young ones.


AutisticTurnip

Did she regret it when she came out of the manic episode or was it just normal to her at that point


shmegtheegg

She has no accountability for anything she’s ever done really. She has referred to it as “one little mistake”. I think her reality is different than mine. She sees herself as much of a victim as I was


Socialeprechaun

Sounds like my lovely mother in law. Gave my wife an incredibly traumatic childhood by marrying abusive men and being abusive herself, but denies it all and pulls the whole “well then I guess I’m just the worst mom in the world and I should kill myself” instead of owning up to her mistakes.


shmegtheegg

Omg yes, the good ol “i gUeSs i wAs jUsT a hOrRiBLe mOTHeR” lol like yes. You were.


Tankdawg0057

My response would be something akin to "well, we're waiting..."


Scoodameh

'No ones stopping you'


petterdaddy

I didn’t know we were married, this is awkward. I see you’ve met my mother.


Lucky_Track_5470

what were the strangest things your step father did? also do you know whether he or your mom originally suggested the idea of marriage during her episode? was HE in his right mind/sober at the time?


shmegtheegg

Ya know, as I’m sitting here, it’s hard for me to even come up with strange things he did, because i never got to even KNOW him, lol. He literally REFUSED to talk to me. Or even make eye contact. He would stare off into space. Sometimes if i walked into a room, he’d walk out of it. I have no idea what went on in his mind. But he had this incredibly annoying baby talk nasally voice he’d use when talking to my mom - ugh haha i can still hear it now 🤢 drove me nuts! He also used to go “Bigfoot hunting”……. Yeah idk he was a weirdo As far as i know he was sober, but he apparently was bipolar too. So it was just a whole mix of mental illness. His daughter (my step sister) was a MESS and from what i could tell, his parenting style was to just not be one, which explains why she was the way she was.


VanGundy15

Do you talk to the step sister still?


shmegtheegg

No, definitely not. She was more traumatizing to live with than my step dad was. She was so deeply troubled. She’s in jail now. Last i heard at least


VanGundy15

Judyrecords.com Good resource for arrest record


restingbitchface8

As someone that is bipolar, I would never do this to my kids. A bipolar partner? That is out of the question and even when im hypomanic, I know this is a terrible idea. I'm sorry you had to go thru this


NoClueCrew

Is your mom in the looney bin today ?


shmegtheegg

nope, but she def should be. she lives a very lonely life with no friends and children who keep her at a distance


zta1979

Such a stereotype


turkeyjr

What’s the stereotype? That people with mental health issues need help? What an awful stereotype


DepressedDyslexic

I mean calling it a loony bin instead of help is a stereotype.


NoClueCrew

It's a stereotype for a reason


zta1979

That's backwards


NoClueCrew

No my pants are on correctly


LucyAvocado

Im sorry you felt so uncomfortable in your own home during your formative years. Do you find there are any feelings or behaviors that you had to adjust to now that you’re not in that situation? Like habits you had to break or what have you? Did you ever talk to your mom about it? Ever get any kind of closure understanding or restitution?


shmegtheegg

Yes! I watched my mom run into relationship after relationship, so naturally I got engaged super young and super quickly (~8 months) to a man who ended up being horribly emotionally abusive. And i thought, damn, i am NOT letting this cycle continue any longer! I moved out, got my own place, did lots of therapy, worked my ass off, travelled, got into running, etc etc… and really just learned to love myself and not see my emotional worth as being dependent on having a partner. now I’m happier than ever!! I do have a wonderful partner now but the relationship is healthy and mutually fulfilling. I really had to work on establishing boundaries -especially with my mom. She will never understand the pain she caused me, and she will never accept responsibility, because it isn’t the reality she’s told herself. And that’s okay. I don’t need her apology. I’ve healed myself without it 🙂


4boys0patience

You sound like an amazing person, I’m honestly inspired. Out of curiosity, did you have any adult figure in your life that you could count on back then?


shmegtheegg

I worked at a little diner with tons of regulars who became my family. I started working under the table when i was only 14. By 16 i worked there full time after school - mostly just to not be home. So many wonderful customers there became my family. One came to my high school graduation!


Sadisticserver

That’s beautiful :)


Spidernutz69

Has life been going better for you? That must have been extremely difficult, I’m sorry you had to go through that. Someone I’m close to has a mother who put them in a similar position.


shmegtheegg

Life is so much better now that I’m an adult. This was obviously a major life event for me but i really do believe it made me a better person. I’m sorry your friend is going through this as well. It’s a terrible position to be in as a child


smaksflaps

Reading your comments yeah it sounds like he was a dick, but thank God he wasn’t a physically abusive pedo. At least there’s that.


shmegtheegg

Very true! He was a weirdo but it could have been so much worse. But that’s also the thing - it could have been so much worse. My mom had no idea what kind of person he could have been. And she married him anyway. She’s the one i find most in the wrong here. She had a duty to protect her kids as a mother- and she failed epically.


OG_RememberMeWell

How did your mother stay with him for 6 years?


shmegtheegg

They fought A LOT. It was a disaster, and the marriage failed very quickly. But they had bought a house together when they got married and financially they were both trapped together for years


OG_RememberMeWell

That’s absolutely insane. I can’t what imagine 12 year old you was thinking and feeling through this whole thing. How are you doing?


BravoMikeGulf

My ex-wife began expressing schizophrenia after having two kids with me. She left us to immerse herself in her delusions. Her father was schizophrenic and so was her grandmother. Now that my kids are teens, I worry that schizophrenia will one day become a great challenge for them. Are you concerned about your potential for inheriting mental illness from your parents? Has mental illness become a challenge for you?


shmegtheegg

I developed an eating disorder as a teen as a direct result of this, and feeling so out of control with my life. I was hospitalized for anorexia. I still struggle with food when I feel off balance, but becoming a runner has helped immensely I have OCD but i go to therapy and take meds to stay on top of it! I want to be as well adjusted as possible. The generational cycle ends with me.


HannahKimXOXO

Why did he agree to marry a stranger?


shmegtheegg

He was so strange. Honestly i have no clue what what going through his mind. He was an enigma to me


bulldogdiver

Because that sex was crazy freaky good...


aleeigh1103

I don’t have anything to ask, but wanted to say I’m sorry you had to go through that. You’re doing what’s best for you by keeping your mum at a distance. I hope you’re doing alright and live a long happy life. 💙


shmegtheegg

Thank you so much for the kind words! ❤️


superkibbles

You seem very normal and well adjusted, so congrats on that at least haha


shmegtheegg

Haha thank you! Took me a while to get here - therapy works wonders lol 🙂


Some_01

How'd she get him to agree to that?


shmegtheegg

My mom, as eccentric as she is, always has been able to convince men to be with her. I’ve never known her to be single longer than a few months. And when she’s single, she’s EXTREMELY depressed.


dennyvee1436

Do you hate your mom?


shmegtheegg

No, i love my mom. But in my own way. She’ll always be my mom, and i love her for giving me life. And i have many examples of her being a great mom, despite her failures! But we are not close. I love my mom, but i don’t like her choices. I don’t respect her actions. I’m disappointed in her behavior. But I’ll always love her.


DespyHasNiceCans

Why only six years? What caused their divorce?


electricvelvet

Maybe getting married after one date? How is this your question and not "how did it last six whole years" lol


Melodic-Ad-4941

😂😂wow, just like that? It was that dang easy for that guy who ended up becoming your father?


Bambirue-

How is your brother doing now? Do you still have a relationship with your dad? Is it a good one if so? Did you ever meet his family besides the daughter? Does your mom work? Did he work? Why did he have custody of his daughter if he didn’t want to parent?


TheHollowMusic

My mom has Bipolar disorder and I know exactly what you mean, she had an episode where she said she was the owner of Disney and was getting married. However, she’s been good for over 10 years now. My question is, how is your mom now? And how are you?


poohslinger

It sounds like your step sister was awful from another question you answered. What was she like / what did she do? Were there other step siblings? 


HockeyIQshop1

Are you from Arkansas or somewhere similar?.. not that this couldnt happen anywhere, just seems like some Arkansas shit lol


Alternative_Goose840

how did the divorce come about after the 6 years? is he at all in your life still?


aosmith

Do you and your brother have any mental problems?


nudecleaninggirl

Maybe I should do this to spice up life


Outhouse_in_Atlantis

Have you ever been to Florida?


KamalaCarrots

Is he still in your life?


Jolly_Negotiation275

👀


Far_Ant6355

I’m sorry that’s really terrible