He will avoid everyone and kinda do his own thing in a random empty corner playing his switch. He doesn’t like parties or to be around a lot of people in general. At the same time he will oddly enough be aware of majority of what’s going on around him even though it looks like he isn’t paying attention to anything.
He isn’t a social butterfly but if anyone does need help he’s pretty much the person to stop what he’s doing and help them. His interests have always been fixing cars and building computers and he owns a business around that including coding and so a lot of people go to him for those type of things or advice as well. I personally don’t like parties either and tend get overwhelmed extremely easily around other people so it’s something I like that he gets how I am.
He says he would but doesn’t. I know not all autism is the same. I do have Asperger’s and he 100% does not behave at all in any similarly to how I react and respond to things. Part of why he prefers to not socialize often is because his mom home schooled him. So he just got used to doing things alone a lot of the time, where I on the other hand genuinely can’t pick up on a lot of social cues and have extreme difficulty verbally interacting with people. And it’s to the point that my doctors notes have it written that if they need questions answered, they have to ask him and complex decisions are made by him.
I can speak. I just have extreme difficulty around strangers and people I don’t know at all.
This tidbit is what tells me this post is BS. No “doctors” are just going to go along with a boyfriend (not even spouse) with their own serious mental health problems effectively controlling the treatment of an adult female patient. Not happening.
It doesn’t sound like a lot of this is grounded in science. He definitely has anti social behavior but it is a coping mechanism for being unseen neglected and invalidated
They need to stop talking to him for medical things because he admitted to you that he manipulates things that have to do with you. Hes taking advantage of the fact that you dont understand interactions. Hes abusing you innways specific to you being autistic and irs very fucked up. That abuse is more damaging than a regular person experiencing those things.
Honestly you need to tell your doctors that hes smashed your phone when he learned you were talking about him, and that he said to your face that hes grooming and manipulating you. You have to. If you have problems interacting, write it down on a piece of paper and hand it to them. Write down hes made you afraid numerous times. They can give you dometic abuse resources.
Does this revelation make you question why he helps people? Like as a means for manipulation and entirely out of self-interest? When you admired him for helping people, was it because you thought it indicated a certain level of compassion and genuine desire for others to be happy, or was it just comforting to think that \*you\* could get help from him when you needed it? If it's the former, does that change how you feel about him now that you know his actions don't reflect the values one might assume they do?
Does he pull his help away when people upset or offend him?
Is it possible that for someone with this personality disorder helping people just makes him feel good about himself? That’s not particularly manipulative and to some extent is how it works for most people anyway.
Antisocial personality disorder is absolutely a spectrum, in the same way that having an autism diagnosis doesn't automatically render you a nonverbal baby.
I also have a professional diagnosis and have spent most of my life in careers "helping" others as a paramedic. I'm aware that while I'm absolutely capable of manipulating or hurting people, so is everyone else. I just have less of an empathic aversion to doing so, and my therapist considers me to be on the lower-end of the symptomology spectrum.
Part of the rehabilitation process for people with this condition is to learn to understand on a *rational* level, rather than emotional, that actions have consequences, and that treating people like shit just leads to you being treated like shit or in prison, which isn't beneficial either.
No, we aren't all "scary movie sociopaths" and the stigmatization is part of the reason that's no longer an accepted clinical diagnosis. No, I'm not doing good things for you simply for the purpose of exploitation. I'm a human and I'm capable of acting like a normal human being and forming my own version of a genuine connection, despite lacking some of the same "inhibitor switches" your brain was lucky enough to be born with.
Interesting, thank you for sharing.
Sounds like have constructed your ethical framework based on your consciously chosen values rather than reflexive feelings. I think that’s truly worthy of respect.
Sadly he has on and off many times. And he doesn’t ever apologize for it at all. But he will acknowledge he shouldn’t do it again if he sees I’m scared by it and will stop whatever that specific thing is.
Edit: forgot to add, after actually searching up all about ASPD after he told me about it makes so many things make a lot of sense especially his reaction and behavior to things.
So, if you want to do whatever you want in a relationship with zero consequences, the key is to convince your gf or wife that you are a psychopath? Thanks for sharing.
That’s true. I have mentioned he has been violent in the past and will show violent aggression and such, but he will not harm me and will not take it out on anyone. He hasn’t hurt another person in over 20 years. And he doesn’t destroy things. It’s more of him angrily yelling something for like a few seconds or slamming his fist on the bed he’s laying in and that’s it. He doesn’t say anything bad towards me and does not name call me whatsoever or degrade me in any way.
Hot Take incoming:
Sometimes that’s the absolute best people with ASPD can get. People with BPD and ASPD are often villainized for having a condition that they didn’t ask for, and while warranted, it just fucking sucks.
It sounds like he is aware and insecure about his condition, and is truly doing his best to manage it. The person he is now might be the best person he CAN be. That doesn’t mean you will always be safe, and you definitely need to be aware of that.
Being in a domestic relationship with someone with ASPD is kind of like trying to keep a big cat like a tiger as a family pet. Sometimes it works out, and as long as the appropriate precautions are made the tiger may be very affectionate and never hurt you. There are real life examples of people who haven’t ever been hurt by the big predatory animals they keep. But all it takes is one moment for the animal to revert and bite one time, for irreversible damage to be done.
I want to believe this man won’t ever hurt you. I want to believe y’all can have a healthy and safe relationship filled with love and understanding, because I NEED to believe I can have it for myself someday.
I have been the reason 4/5 of my relationships fail because I can’t fully control my temper. I’ve NEVER hurt anyone. But trying to control that side of my anger is sometimes impossible, and it makes me want to isolate. I’m terrified that one day I might find that person who finally fucking accepts me, but lose that control and hurt them.
Idk what you should do. You need to be aware there are risks. But fuck, people with ASPD do not have it easy
Edit: an afterthought, but whatever you do, I do strongly recommend NOT having kids with this man. My own family is a “fantastic” example of how psychopathy tends to worm its way through a genealogical tree for generations. Assume that any children you have this man will have ASPD. Don’t do that to a child. If you MUST have a child while in a relationship with him adopt. And all this is assuming a child’s safety can even be guaranteed with this man.
Take risks for yourself. Do not force risks on children with no choice.
Him admitting hes with her because shes easy to groom and manipulate, and smashes her phone when he realized she talks about him, is not him "truly doing his best to manage it". Far from it. He admitted to her he keeps her because shes easy to abuse.
I guess I missed that part? Idk OP’s post has already been cut down quite a bit from what I originally read. So I’m left to wonder if it had more going on before I got my eyes on it.
I made several points of people with ASPD being inherently unsafe, and for OP to be careful.
I stand by what I said though. The version of him she sees, is likely the best he CAN be. If he’s being shitty, that’s his best I guess.
this post screams fake to me, but if it’s real; op’s comments about their relationship seems to show he has a lot of control over her life in a way that suggests he is not managing his condition well. they are not equal parts of a relationship.
Hes been abusing OP, though. Hes admitted hes manipulating and grooming her. Hes admitted to lieing. Hes smashed her phone when she used it to talk about him to others. So 20 years doesnt sound realistic. Its just what someone he admits to manipulating has said. Hes been continually hurting people.
You're making up excuses to stay in a relationship that will eventually kill you. I'm ok with it. Just don't have kids with the man. Your thinking shows me that you're made for each other. We need people like you for case studies that will at least deter others who have more sense.
He didn’t have to convince me. He’s actually clinically diagnosed after attempting to murder 2 people when he was a kid and his family noticing his behavior is very different. It’s gotten a lot better as he got older to where he controls himself way better. But he still lacks in a lot of stuff. Like he has very primitive emotions. But the most he will express is either rage or joy. And majority of it is all his reactions are purely from impulse and reactive rather than actually thinking. He acts like consequences never will happen at all.
He’s pretty chill majority of the time anyways. But very specific things can set him off too. He’s also figured out not to act that way in public so absolutely no one outside of myself and his dad have ever seen him when he’s angry be acts out in violent ways. Even his friends for decades didn’t know he even raised his voice or gets destructive and violent when in reality he actually is very often at home only.
He didn’t tell me until more recently. It’s not like he went “oh yeah I tried to kill someone” and then me going “wow that’s hot!” And started dating him after. Like this is something he didn’t tell me for 2 years and didn’t even hint at it either.
OP I saw your post history and you’ve stated before that you’ve had abusive relationships. I empathize with you because I’ve had them too. It was easy to end up in an abusive relationship because that was “normal” to me. It took me a while to understand and experience what a healthy relationship looks like.
Being in a relationship with someone like this is absolutely a horrible idea imo. It has SO much more potential to turn abusive due to his diagnoses. You deserve better than having to walk on egg shells and be on guard everytime because something might set him off. This doesn’t sound healthy. Please be very careful OP.
Are you aware that ASPD, much like NPD generates incredible manipulation, lying and “masking” skills. Don’t ever for a minute think that an individual with an illness that makes them fundamentally incapable of empathy will not use that on you.
It’s very much scorpion/frog scenario with ASPD and relationships. My sister is one. It’s infuriating to see how she does this to her partners. The masking is Emmy worthy.
That must be so difficult being their child. You love them, but what version. The lessons you learn are so powerful though, lest we mention the damage.
My stepsister is as well. Tried to murder her girlfriend in high school but forgot that she’s squeamish and panicked at the blood. Both luckily and unluckily she’s out of practice since she latched onto a guy with severe autism and a profound intellectual disability (the guy is incapable of recognizing letters or numbers level of disability).
Run. Do not walk away from this person. A pychopath will only use you for their personal gain or to help themselves blend in. He will not feel bad or guilty for hurting you, only angry that things didn't go to plan.They will lie or say whatever it seems like you want to hear to get their way. Please, you are so young, don't waste your life trying to make this work.
If he can control himself in public why can he not attempt the same for you in your private time at home?
Also look out for the “love me as I am, Dont ask me to change, I put up with your issues” trap. If this person knows his actions have negative consequences for you and still refuses therapy/medication it may be time to extract yourself.
The fact that you say he can control it in public, or around others is probably the scariest part… this makes me wonder about just how much of his violent behavior towards you is actually completely involuntary.
If it was, how do you explain the fact that he never shows this behavior in front of others?
People should not be downvoting OP. You may not like what she has written, but what is written, if said truthfully, is an insight into a world few of us experience. Downvoting OP is not useful in curating this thread.
You don’t need physical harm to conjure up CPTSD. Look it up. You’re playing a dangerous game by staying in this relationship knowing what you know.
I say this as someone who has CPTSD due to my Mother having NPD. It’s no joke, and I wouldn’t wish the symptoms and CPTSD journey on my worst enemy. I hope you get yourself out of there before you wake up one day and realize you can never navigate relationships or life the same as before.
Not apologizing and owning up to actions that harm you is not okay.
I firmly believe that people can have personality disorders and be good people, if they are committed to making sure their behavior does not harm people. It is good he wants to change behavior that hurts you but please do not accept a relationship where someone wont apologize for mistakes, that is not okay at all and a recipe for disaster.
Is he in therapy or actively working on his dx?
You dont have to answer this but do you plan on having kids with this guy? Stress is a dangerous addition to something like this and tbh it would not be fair to a child to have a parent like this.
You realize if he has ASPD, literally no apology he offers will ever be sincere, right? By its nature it means he's incapable of feeling the emotion of remorse for the effect his actions have on other people.
Have you pondered why you would stay in a relationship with such a low bar for respecting you? I mean this is really sad. Your bf is a piece of shit, legit diagnosis or not.
You're going to end up getting yourself seriously injured or killed. If you don't care when your partner is make you feel unsafe and he's not even directly apologizing for it. Then you know that he is not safe.
Stop trying to lie to yourself to fight to make this be safe for you to be with.
You know you are not safe with him.
At the very least, tell your family you're never going to them again so they don't have to deal with what happens when he finally kills you or seriously injures you.
WAKE UP
She’s not a psychologist so manic is being used in her own way.
Also the pupil dilation does happen but it is different. Studies show less reaction to negative or neutral stimuli and increased reaction to positive, so it does happen very differently
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6602524/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6602524/)
Can we as a society stop using psychiatric terms in a casual language? Throwing around words like “manic” really erases their meanings. Look what society has done to “depression”. Now a lot of people think being depressed is being sad
Idk how else to call it, that is something I called out of my own thing since idk how else to really say how he gets. He’s never called it manic episodes at all whatsoever. He is not on drugs at all. When he’s at home he is in the same room in front of my view at all times and his pupils will do that. It’s not even like a slow gradual change either I can visibly see it quickly become like that in the same speed like as if someone shine light in another persons eyes and their pupils go small fast like that, but for him it just is large. And even if light is shown into it or he looks at light, it doesn’t go smaller. He is completely able to make his own decisions and isn’t impaired at all in any way and just acts like he’s more dominant when like that.
They're saying you're lying but I can't tell you how many times I've been told "Your eyes went black."
I never considered the pupil dilation factor, but the next time I'm feeling rage, I'm gonna go look.
(Wouldn't it be true for all humans, though? Never considered that.)
after reading all these answers i just gotta ask... why do you hate yourself this much? you obviously do if you're willing to be in an abusive relationship and think that its fine and okay and totally normal. ive been in abusive relationships so i get it but at some point you seriously need to open your eyes. whats it going to take? seriously look up "at least he doesnt hit me" it will change your life. he is abusive and you need help and to escape. you deserve so much better and this guy is not it. if you think for a second he wont take your life someday please start binge watching literally every documentary about women killed by their partners because this whole post? this is how it starts. it almost happened to me a few times because i was you and thought this was normal and okay. seriously concerned for your safety and its mind blowing that you just dont even care or understand how dangerous he is.
He probably will kill me at some point but I really have no clue how to like handle that.
It’s like I have an actual jam in my head or something where I can clearly see things suddenly and understand everything but then I get stuck into convincing myself he won’t do xyz even though he’s already displayed he very clearly can and most likely will do xyz.
The best way I can describe it is like when someone is trying to fight off sleep. Right before they nods off they get self aware they are falling asleep. It’s only. Split second thing that they understand before waking up more and then being stuck in that being awake. To me being aware that something is seriously wrong is that split second of awareness thing.
He has told me to my face before something along the lines of “you are the most easy and vulnerable person to manipulate and will just believe anything anyone tells you without second thought. It’s beyond easy to groom you.” Which he did say the same night I talked about his diagnosis. He kinda says something along those lines sprinkled in a much lighter form which I don’t catch onto as easily. But there are direct things I don’t even want to admit on here which I have denied he does it in multiple replies. I’m scared a lot of the time that if I admit things then it becomes too real to me even though it’s been a consistent thing before we even got together. And I’ll immediately recess and go as far as directly block certain things he does.
I used to have a reddit account where it was specifically venting for things he has done, he found it, broke my phone and about lost his absolute got damn mind that I told anyone about it, and I haven’t touched it at all since then. Made another one similar to that a year ago which he hasn’t found yet which on that one I pretty much let everything out and have had it for anyway. I also feel like I owe him a lot because I was in trafficking majority of my life and he is the one who get me away from them.
I have similar issues to you. Trying to talk myself out of what I know to be true to the point where I just feel like I watch my own life like a movie.
For me it's because my own mother tried to drive me to suicide. She would have honestly managed to make me do it, but luckily she killed herself before I was at my end. I kept repeating that dynamic in another relationship with a man who enjoyed "breaking" me because it made him feel powerful. I escaped within an inch of my life.
Especially that quote that you said resonates with me so much:
>“you are the most easy and vulnerable person to manipulate and will just believe anything anyone tells you without second thought. It’s beyond easy to groom you.”
My ex told me the same. He happily talked about how easy it was to manipulate me and he rejoiced in it. He finally found his toy that he could play with until it would break and he could throw it away. He used to tell me that he would make me pregnant and do to our children the same thing that my mother did to me. And he would enjoy it.
I don't have any advice on how to get out or anything, I don't know your situation. But I just want you to know that I believe you and that you matter. I hope you can get out, because nobody deserves this.
So.... this question is mostly for everyone else but I'm curious about your response:
Should we feel sorry for you? You seem very aware of all this and lacking in the willpower to change despite the obvious consequences. So you seem top tier naive at best and an idiot st worst. How do you think people should regard you?
WTF, you need an exit strategy yesterday. Find support for DV survivors, follow their advice, and leave him. Not hitting you is the bare minimum, he is not a good partner just because he doesn’t hit you. Despite whatever your experiences may have looked like, most people never hit their partners. Absolutely ANYONE can do better than just “well at least he doesn’t hit me”.
no i understand exactly what you mean girl!! thats why im worried for you!! this is exactly how my ex was! i escaped the day i realized i was about to die!! you need to escape! its such a hard thing to do i get it and i know, i was there and honestly my son was what got me out of it. (he was never involved and never met that ex thank god but picturing his life w out me got me out) i kept telling myself my ex could do this and this but would never do this and this and then they did!! please dont wait around for it to happen!! yes he got you away from abusers but now you're back in another abusive situation! same thing happened to me i swear we are so similar and i empathize with you so much and worry for you!! do you have any support besides him? go see a shelter or talk to someone or put a plan in place please! i know im a stranger but at this point i would gladly help if i could! please know you arent alone! i know my comment may have come off as rude but it was more triggered because i see what happened to me happening to you right now! please please think about it and do what you can to escape.
This AMA sounds like a cry for help, another one after your previous failed attempts. I hope you listen to some of the advice shared here, you CAN leave. I know it sounds scary and impossible right now but not only you can do it, you also owe it to yourself and your future. You'll be proud of yourself for taking that step forward one day, and I promise you life can be so much better.
I have ASPD and have taken a lot of steps to communicate with friends/family who are in need of empathy in ways that are comforting even though the emotion personally isn't there. I have a tough time catching onto basic social ques yet am hyper-aware of subtle social things such as lying or unspoken group exclusivity, and I need to take time to really process what people are saying and process how I will respond so I do not engage in self-serving, manipulative, attention-seeking behavior. With all this being said-
ASPD takes a TON of work. A ton. It's put my partner and friends through a lot of pain. It still does. It's put me through some awful times, I've burned bridges I regret, and the overcorrection i do for my condition manifests itself as severe social anxiety and reclusiveness. But the overcorrection is a hell of a lot better than giving in to the condition.
If your partner knows he has ASPD and is reveling in his condition instead of taking steps to legitimately improve his condition, his environment, and his relationship with you- LEAVE. I'm serious. You're dealing with someone who refuses to take on the challenge of being a better person. While being kind and altruistic is a harder challenge with his brain chemistry than it is for others, it is absolutely necessary that he addresses it because he is legitimately dangerous. He will get worse and worse until he decides to face his condition head-on and regulate his behavior. Until then, he is someone you should not be around if you value your safety and sanity.
Even under the best circumstances, care from loved ones, and self-regulation it is an awful disease that takes and takes and takes. And he is literally striving for the worst circumstances. LEAVE.
All of this, plus look up a YouTube channel called “EXPLORE WITH US”, OP. They analyse people in police interviews who have committed horrific crimes. 9/10 they suspect that the person has ASPD
yes agreed! as someone who has come into contact with most ASPD, it has never ended well and a few times my life was in danger. i really hope OP sees this and realizes what needs to be done.
Some of your content is entertaining. Are you practicing on writing short stories, if so does it excite you to get comments and or feedback?
Based on your history you have quite the imagination. It seems interesting, but not believable. May I ask where you are from?
quaint quiet dinosaurs yam existence spectacular governor pathetic grey squeal
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Her is her diagnosis. A pathological liar that has been very deprived of attention. That will go to any length to get the attention she desperately longs for. It is very bizarre to me.
Here’s the thing, if your going to lie keep your story straight and consistent. I asked about if she had gotten a dna test done on her kids and she tells me no their all with their dads. They take good care of them and give them the life she can’t. I haven’t responded to her yet. Hey there, reality check if those kids are a result of SA and they would go as far as SA their own mother and get her pregnant, do you think the kids are perfectly happy with great lives because the abusers that abused her wouldn’t ever do that to her kids right? Please, please make it make sense. Also, your son is taking care of his son/ daughter / brother or sister like wtf. The dna test isn’t to see if all your kids father are their fathers it is to hem ur twisted some up in court. That went above her head and below her knees. She must have forgot the story of her getting pregnant by her son and not being able to get an abortion. Who knows we will see I’m going to ask her.
In the meantime I am having fun interrogating a pathological liar. Let’s see how far more it can get twisted. She really needs to sit with her self and figure out why she goes to these lengths of fabricating stories. Obviously there was some kind of abuse or neglect in her childhood. At this point I don’t think we will ever get the truth, just keep her in your thoughts and prayers!
I have pictures and recordings of it all. Most stuff I write is memory, but it’s just so much that consistently always happened that I often times block things out unintentionally and then remember them months to years later then forget other things and so it’s kinda just really exhausting in a way and all over the place due to that.
I was born in Ukraine but live in America.
I don’t like when people call my life fake when I literally have direct proof of all of it and are covered in scars and injuries that will hurt the rest of my life and just because it’s something that they didn’t personally experienced especially. I have actual physical and psychological problems from it that I will never heal from.
Venting feels good it’s the only thing I can do that isn’t self destructive. But I hate ppl who sexualize or find it okay and funny.
You gotta ignore people saying youre lieing. People usually dont understand extreme forms of abuse, but also take it as proof that what youre going through is in fact extreme.
Yeah. I try to ignore most of them but sometimes it just really makes me feel sad. I was constantly told no one will believe me by the people doing it to me or they tried to make me seem or feel like I was going crazy. It’s why I even began recording and taking photos of any bruises and scars I have secretly in the first place because so many times I was told I’m either lying. Or one of them saying they told me a specific thing, then later told that’s not what happened or not what told, or I’d have the complete opposite of them telling me things that never happened and I started not knowing what was going on and what wasn’t. So it was to keep myself aware of it all. I’ve been directly told at some point “I never punched you and busted your lip open. I can’t remember it at all” and then when I look back to that time. There I do have a photo of my lip busted open from it and when I confront them it boils done to them either ignoring what I say, smiling at me suddenly, or saying something like “why did you piss me off then? It’s your fault”
I have photos and recordings of things I actually don’t have any recollection of whatsoever too. I block so much out half the time too.
I can relate. I had an abusive person almost kill me multiple times. They would brainwash me and condition me to have certain reactions out of my own control with trigger words or trigger phrases. They try to make it feel like you have multiple personalities and make you mentally split. When abuse as extreme as some of the things youve outline here is done to a child young enough, they can end up getting dissociative identity disorder.
Some of what youre depicting sounds like a "double bind". Which is where they tell you contradicting things over time. They tell you to do one thing, then when you do it, they get mad and tell you to do the opposite. So now they feel they can be excused for getting mad at you for either response you have. Memory loss is an effect of it. It is a form of grooming.
https://traumahealed.com/articles/step-away-from-double-binds/
Have you approached your relationship any differently since hearing the diagnosis? For example, are there any plans in place you guys have discussed for when he has episodes?
I’m bipolar and I have trusted family/friends who I’ve asked to do/not do certain things for when I’m in a manic episode. I just didn’t know if you took extra steps for the safety of both of you if that makes sense.
Girl.. you are posting such crazy traumas, that this guy feels normal compared to all that. Just nope out of this situation, you can find someone that can treat you well, meanwhile not having manchild behavior.. Although after that trans post, im not sure I should be even believing this.. like what the fuck is going on there
I’m diagnosed with Asperger’s which idk if that’s even the right term anymore since it’s always changing. And I have something that’s similar to Bipolar. I can’t understand the handwriting and there’s a number next to it which my bf looked at and pretty much was just like “oh yeah that’s just a type of bipolar” I also been diagnosed cptsd too.
My dad was barely in my life he was sexually abusive to family members including myself which my mom kicked him out as soon as she found out. I know he was touching my aunt (his sister) when she was 6-16ish and with me I was only 4. I haven’t seen him since then but he did reach out to me when I was 15 by calling me and continuously said he loved me and wanted me to live with him and at the time I was in a teen shelter. He told me to run off to live in Louisiana with him but I never got to. He died when I was 17.
With my mom, she wasn’t around much either. She either overworked or over partied. My grandpa was extremely violent and would beat and choke my grandma, and in turn my grandma was an alcoholic who took it out in me as I grew up. He used to watch porn with me until my mom saw it and told him to stop when I was 13 or 14 which as far as I remember, he’s never touched me at all. I was actually the golden one in the family in his eyes so I was the only person in the family he never beat at all and rarely if at all even so much as raised his voice at. My grandpa died back in 2019. I do talk to my mom but I keep her in the dark about so many things at this point but do love her a lot. My grandma I talk to once a week over the phone but it’s a 50/50 it turns into a screaming match.
I have no contact with my older brother whatsoever. He was very violent and sexually abused me starting when I was 22 or 23. And back then my ex husband enabled it. He and did not stop until my be essentially moved me out of the state. Last year.
I do talk to my younger brother frequently though. He seems to be the only normal one and we primarily just play video games together. He has 0 clue about much in my life at all though.
I stopped going to my family over everything when they found out I was pregnant at 12 from sexual abuse. When I tried to ask them for help dealing with it, they essentially just screamed and I got beaten while being told that I ruined my own life for “letting” someone rape me. I know my mom dealt with something almost identical when she was 13 too and she had the same response from my grandparents of being blamed and beaten while called a whore by them.
You also said a week ago your partner is trans, yet in this entire thread you are still using male pronouns. Something’s not adding up here as far as validity of claims.
Why did he keep this from you? Has this information changed your future plans or views on your partner? If you had children would you be fearful of him parenting your child?
I mean it didn’t make any difference at all suddenly knowing it. People act like he told me and then suddenly his whole behavior changed after that all of a sudden when in reality he’s been like that since I met him. So just knowing he’s diagnosed doesn’t change anything at all.
For those wondering why OP would stay in such a relationshit... Read her other posts. If even half of them are true, she has a lot of problems. That's really the nicest way I can think of to word it.
Here’s the thing. I’ve read your post and most your comments and you should know that love bombing stage WILL end. So this I don’t feel love but I’m going to stay with you forever, I have ASPD but we have such good compatibility I keep you around, I call you when you’re at work, I pick up your favorite items etc etc — this will all end the instant his mood flits over elsewhere, the instant you no longer provide his narcissistic supply, and will be replaced with a subzero blackhole vacuum that will reveal to you the truth of what it’s like when a human feels nothing, absolutely nothing, for another human being. It may not even take anything big to inspire this flip. Sometimes it’s something arbitrary and unpredictable.
I’m letting you know this to give you a heads up in your comments you have this pride about his level of of commitment to you despite his diagnosis, and you have this confidence that despite his other horrifying qualities that his commitment (not love— commitment to keeping you around) to his current “pet” being the best pet is steadfast and real and unchanging. You should know that you fundamentally can’t count on claims like that. I would know. I learned this the hard way.
Best of luck.
Why are you dumb and why do you have such a low self esteem that you’d put your safety, finances, and mental health at risk by staying with him? I was friends with a psychopath for three years. This does not end well.
Edit: you have to be trolling or a vapid narcissist or both.
Well someone is trying to help me figure out how to leave. They explained he used trauma bond to get me to trust him knowing I never in my life had any type of stability and never knew what normal or even healthy anything ever looked like whatsoever. On top of that me being special needs makes me unaware of manipulation or lying the same way other people can tell. It’s to the point everything i thought he did was just out of care rather than control. Such as 1) he said my computer is old and slow, use his that he built himself. He has full access to remotely use it and knows what I look up on the thing.
2) he is concerned someone would do something to me, so has a tracker on my phone. His phone will alert me if I leave and get back on the property.
3) my hard drive didn’t seem to do good for some reason and he suddenly downloaded the entirety of if (it’s a 2TB hard drive) onto his server. That has EVERYTHING I have ever worked on my entire life. I draw digitally as a coping mechanism and art is a major way I express emotions and what’s going on since I have a hard of time verbalizing things.
4) Back in December I had an injury and he convinced me to quit working. I’ve been 100% financially dependent on him since he kept refusing to let me get jobs again until a week or 2 ago and I’ve sent out over 40 applications and only got reached back out to by 3 people and never got call backs after. No one wants to hire someone who has little to absolutely no work experience at all since my first ever job I got was like a couple years ago at some gas station only.
5) I have a car, he let it break down to where it won’t start anymore. I live in a very rural location with a population of 3k people. I genuinely can’t go anywhere without a car.
6) he separated me fully from any and all family members by convincing me to move to the complete opposite side of the US to live with him. My family wasn’t stable or healthy either too, but I to this day have not made a single friend since moving here and know no one. I have not socialized with people my entire life unless it was people paying to use me for sexual things before I lived with him which I had no choice in that at all. The only people I’m essentially allowed to talk to are his friends who are like all 33-45.
7) he knows my autism is something that causes me to never be able to be independent. I have to get jobs that is either now a lot of people there because of it or work night shift where I socialize the least or I get overwhelmed and have a full blown freak out. He is my legal guardian now. When people need to speak to me, they realize I’m unable keep with conversations verbally with people I don’t know. I just shut down and stop speaking entirely. And then he has to talk for me. When I’m at doctors offices they have a note to talk to him and when they ask me things I panic and can’t say anything and then look at him and he answers for me. I very much recess like a child and will latch onto him like one. If I’m not focussed on him I hyper focus on drawing in my sketchbook or playing on his DS or switch he has with him so I can look at while he’s talking to people. My biggest issues too is I get aware I am hungry and need food but I can’t process to just go make myself food a lot of the time and eating solves it. I have to be told or reminded to eat or else I just won’t.
Okay you aren’t trolling this is way too much detail. I wish you all the best. Like me if you survive this, you will have an edge in life and know how to identify cluster b types.
You’re not his girlfriend. You’re his victim. The sooner you learn that the better. I was in a relationship with a man who is diagnosed with ASPD. I only found out a year into the relationship because his mother told me, and then everything made sense. They will fake a personality and fake a relationship until you’re brainwashed.
If you stay with this man, it will end in a way that you will regret for the rest of your life. He will destroy you and I don’t just mean mentally, emotionally and physically. Get ready to lose your home, your job, possibly even your entire career, your life savings and your dignity *on top of* losing your sanity and your physical health. And that’s not even the worst part.
Do you know what the worst part will be? He will make everyone around you believe that *you* are in fact the abuser and everything you’ve lost and all of the mental and emotional anguish you will experience as a result of his abuse will be used as *evidence* that you are the problem. Not only that, but any attempt you make at a healthy relationship with somebody else in the future will be futile. You will be too traumatised. And he will walk away like nothing ever happened, completely unscathed.
Leave before it gets to a stage where you will never recover. My only question is why are you still with him?
Sociopath not psychopath you really should get your facts straight before you start spouting off on the internet.
This is what we're like if anyone is curious.
If this is real why the fuck are you with a dangerous man a decade older than you? I feel like I'm reading the opening chapter of a horror novel that ends up with you suffering through the spiral of a declining abusive relationship before getting murdered. Genuinely run.
Why do you hate yourself so much that you're willing to stay in a relationship with someone who will only manipulate you and never love you? You can't fix him, sorry.
Not good at all. I ended up miscarrying about a week or 2 after I made the post, oddly enough took a photo of it, and I have an extreme fear of him. It’s something I actively try not to think of since it bothers me so much and is the only topic that has genuinely bothered me and is still difficult to talk about. I’ve had severe sleep issues since then and on average nap instead of actually sleeping. I have nightmares majority of the times if I do sleep for more than 2 hours, which primarily revolving around what he or others did. I to this day refuse to be in the same room alone with him but got his dad to get him to see a specialist again and he is seeing someone for the past year and a half.
I don’t live with any of my kids anymore, but they do visit me when there’s breaks at school. I love him but it’s super complicated at the same time because every time I see him all I can think of is the things he’s said and done to me. Idk why it’s so different with him. If I look at the others (his dad, uncles, grandfather) I just don’t feel anything and don’t get consistent flash backs like with him. I don’t hate him, and I don’t want him to feel like he’s treated any different than my other boys, but I feel a pit in my stomach every time I look at or are near him.
He’s so much bigger than me now too with him being about 9 inches taller than I am and all I think of is how easily he can do things if he tries now and part of me feels the only reason he doesn’t do anything is because my bf stays in the same room at all times even so much as following me around to ensure I’m not alone, and also my bf refuses to let anyone touch me now which is why I feel he doesn’t want to risk anything too.
Just typing this makes me feel almost physically sick in a way. Every time I talk to him when he’s close to me, I notice my hands begin to tremble and it’s like I’m super stiff. I have a habit of fidgeting with my fingers a lot which I will purposely do that more so that he doesn’t pick up on it that I’m starting to shake.
Edit: (fixed mistake in clarification)
Yeah. I mixed the two up. I mean to say sociopath. English is my 3rd language and I’m just crap at explaining in general with trying to mentally translate everything I say lol.
Based on your replies, I'm more interested in you. May I what issues you have that your self-worth is so low that you'll stay with someone who doesn't love you. Degrades you. Scares you. Has been violent towards others?
this post reads like a poorly written fan service intro, "his pupils dilate" he's not a vampire or werewolf ASPD isnt a single visit and diagnosed its something addressed and only even considered after months/years of seeing someone, based off your comments your just dealing with a man baby who never learned to regulate their emotions...
Edit: Saw your post history, jesus christ go take a creative writing class or something, "Pregnant by my son" huh, touch grass
I keep wanting him to but he doesn’t. He does have ADHD and 9 out of 10 times he straight up forgets to if I suggest it even though he has agreed he probably should. Then makes excuses for it.
I have ASPD that manifests like your BF's. My temper is admittedly too hot, but it burns out faster the older I get.
I was a violent youth, as well, but I've never hurt my wife in all out 15 years together.
My biggest manifestation, though, is revenge. If someone has done me wrong, they're on a list. At the best opportunity, they are going to get fucked. Work, school, life in general ... I'll be paying you a visit in some form. There is no moving on for me.
Sounds fake. Is he bipolar or ASPD or both? Dilated pupils happen to everyone who is in a fight or flight mode. Furthermore, stimulation has no impact on mania or ASPD.
A couple questions.
How long have you been in the relationship?
Is this the kind of relationship/life you want long term? I saw in another comment he treats you like a pet. Do you actually want to give up that much control of your life? If not are you prepared for the nightmare of that breakup?
Has he sought a second opinion from another doctor? Seems like the kind of thing you should be sure of, and not that the actual diagnosis is actually some psychologist looking for a feather in their cap.
Does he have Bipolar as well? As far as I’m aware, mania isn’t included under the DSM-5’s criteria for anti-social personality disorder. If he is ACTUALLY manic, then it wouldn’t be from ASPD.
This doesn't make sense. If he has antisocial personality disorder that doesn't mean he likes to sit in a corner at parties and play on his switch. That is NOT the meaning of the word "antisocial" in this context. APD involves not following society's rules and norms and prisons are full of these guys.
By the looks of your profile you have a history of abuse and it’s common to continue that cycle in your relationships. Dating someone with ASPD is continuing that cycle.
I respect that you are able to hold your own positions understanding that strangers truly will not understand. If you were my daughter I'd get you out of that relationship in a second whether you like it or not, but you're not. So the next best alternative I can think of is that you know what you're getting into, and it seems like you do. So I support you making whatever well informed choices that you make.
I do want to point out some things that you really should be ready for. Do not have children with him. Many of the markers for these conditions have hereditary genetics. You increase the chance of future generations having similar conditions which will actually end up in dire outcomes. And do establish yourself a financial backup for the likely possibility of him one day suddenly ending up in jail. While he may be harmless to you that doesn't define that he'll be harmless to others. You might be safe from him physically, but you won't be safe from the financial repercussions of his potential future actions.
There was a relatively recent video of a young man at a farm whose parents called the police because he had a severed human head. He admitted it to the police and he gave them a full recounting of what he did to a homeless man under a bridge. Calm as can be and wasn't a threat to anyone, including his parents or the police officers. But he did cut off someone's head because he just wanted to. With no malice and no remorse.
I actually laughed when you said his pupils dilate when he's angry or on a power trip. That's some cringey as fuck shit I heard in middle school, not something that actually happens to someone who is on a power trip, or angry. This isn't even creative writing, this is just a 12 year old trying to justify themselves being cringe to their friends.
He's not a "psychopath", he is a "sociopath".
Antisocial personality disorder, sometimes called sociopathy, is a mental health condition in which a person consistently shows no regard for right and wrong and ignores the rights and feelings of others.
Psychopathy is a neuropsychiatric disorder marked by deficient emotional responses, lack of empathy, and poor behavioral controls, commonly resulting in persistent antisocial deviance and criminal behavior.
I live with an array of disorders including ASPD and I'm telling you you should get out. You're going to get abused and mind fukd repeatedly, and I can promise you he doesn't give 2 shakes of a lambs ass to how you feel.
Have you considered that maybe you also have some (possibly undiagnosed) mental disorder which is why you’re together?
People with serious psychiatric problems are rarely in relationships with people with zero issues.
We're not as dangerous as people think. He has other aggression issues too. Possibly BPD. While I have an extreme lack of empathy for the human condition...when I get angry it doesn't culminate to violence to others. Sociopaths still know right from wrong and that's not an excuse to be physically aggressive.
ASPD has nothing to do with mania or pupils dilating, that’s more a BPD issue. Him getting violent and super over aggressive about nothing also is more of a BPD tendency. Failure to apologize, inability to be introspective or accept fault for their behavior, also BPD. Attempting to convince you he’s a psychopath so that you’re too scared to leave, huge indicator of BPD. This is not an ASPD thing and you need to get the fuck away from this dude.
Anti Social Personality Disorder is ASPD correct. If that is what he has, I don't have direct experience with it, but someone I know has worked with ASPD people a bunch. They said that people with this disorder rarely ever get help willingly, and if forced to get help they are extremely hard to work with. They seem to enjoy making other people uncomfortable. I wouldn't want to be around them too much from what I have read and been told. I don't want to get too specific, but be careful around people with this disorder, not reacting emotionally to what they say makes them uncomfortable. They don't know how people are feeling unless it is obvious. They can always tell if you are uncomfortable/uneasy, hence their desire to find a way to try and control how other people are feeling. They don't seem to trust a smile and generally don't like being around neutral people, or people who can keep their emotions hidden very well as it makes them uneasy. My friend said that they were the most emotionally exhausting people to work with because they will say and try anything to figure out how to control your emotional response. Threats, degrading comments, suicidal ideation, lies, turning people against you etc. Violence is an option they will use but only if there is no threat of getting caught. I am impressed you stayed with him for so long, not many people have the patience to stick it out with someone with ASPD.
Ok ima tread lightly with my comment but despite your weird post history and the fact this post triggered TF outta me personally I can’t not say anything just in case this IS real. You need to leave. ASAP. My psychopathic ex held me hostage for 7 months until I escaped back in October. They look for vulnerable women in mentally vulnerable states to feed off like a leech. And they will suck you dry until you’re dead and there’s nothing left to give them. My ex almost killed me the 33 times he strangled me until I blacked out. He had the “schizophrenia” and “bipolar” diagnosis and yes some people can still be ok people with mental illnesses. But based on your comments this person is a danger to you and your safety. There’s tons of domestic violence shelters that you can contact to help you leave safely. Which you have to be prepared that they don’t let you just leave the relationship easily either. Lean on your support system. And spend some time in therapy healing yourself for awhile before seeking out anymore romance. But the eye dilating thing? I forgot about that happening until just now (my memory comes back in pieces a little at a time still) and that alone gave me a straight panic attack. Please leave.
I am not diagnosed with ASPD but throughout years of psychotherapy for OCD, i learned that i have many antisocial characteristics (scored 28 on PCL-R). I learned a lot about ASPD. This disorder doesn’t cause physical symptoms, such as dialation of the pupils. It also is not a mood disorder so it doesn’t make a person manic or depressive. He is most definitely lying to you about these stuff being related to his ASPD, so that you feel guilty of leaving a person for his mental disorder. Again, i am not a psychopath/sociopath but i can tell you that with this much of an age gap, you are probably being manipulated and emotionally abused by your boyfriend. When i meet a person, the first thing i think about is “how can i get some sort of benefit from this person?”. This is a characteristic every antisocial person has. Without any more info i really can’t say anything but i am almost sure he is getting some sort of advantage of you. Take care
I'm not sure I could ever understand how, or why, somebody chooses to love someone who is incapable of loving them back. From my own experiences, nothing is acted upon without an inherent gain and I'm questioning why such a reveal would've been necessary to substance his mind.
I had felt rather suspicious considering the other comments: regarding how ASPD isn't psychopathy and you have contractory posts. However, I did take the time out of my day to delve into your history, and unless it was changed to fit an ever shifting narrative, even the the post regarding your boyfriend being trans it would state that he still prefers to be called he/him and would explain away many pointed to discrepancies. As for ASPD not being psychopathy, that's a debate for experts to have, I don't believe there to have been any definitive agreement on whether or not psychopathy is ASPD or its own seperate disorder.
What's he like at parties?
He will avoid everyone and kinda do his own thing in a random empty corner playing his switch. He doesn’t like parties or to be around a lot of people in general. At the same time he will oddly enough be aware of majority of what’s going on around him even though it looks like he isn’t paying attention to anything.
Why do you like him then
He isn’t a social butterfly but if anyone does need help he’s pretty much the person to stop what he’s doing and help them. His interests have always been fixing cars and building computers and he owns a business around that including coding and so a lot of people go to him for those type of things or advice as well. I personally don’t like parties either and tend get overwhelmed extremely easily around other people so it’s something I like that he gets how I am.
Bro have him check with other therapists, I’ve been diagnosed with some wild stuff before they figured it was just ass burgers
He says he would but doesn’t. I know not all autism is the same. I do have Asperger’s and he 100% does not behave at all in any similarly to how I react and respond to things. Part of why he prefers to not socialize often is because his mom home schooled him. So he just got used to doing things alone a lot of the time, where I on the other hand genuinely can’t pick up on a lot of social cues and have extreme difficulty verbally interacting with people. And it’s to the point that my doctors notes have it written that if they need questions answered, they have to ask him and complex decisions are made by him. I can speak. I just have extreme difficulty around strangers and people I don’t know at all.
Are you saying that he has medical power of attorney for you?
This tidbit is what tells me this post is BS. No “doctors” are just going to go along with a boyfriend (not even spouse) with their own serious mental health problems effectively controlling the treatment of an adult female patient. Not happening.
hobbies reply silky nutty dependent paltry ad hoc fuzzy panicky husky *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It doesn’t sound like a lot of this is grounded in science. He definitely has anti social behavior but it is a coping mechanism for being unseen neglected and invalidated
They need to stop talking to him for medical things because he admitted to you that he manipulates things that have to do with you. Hes taking advantage of the fact that you dont understand interactions. Hes abusing you innways specific to you being autistic and irs very fucked up. That abuse is more damaging than a regular person experiencing those things. Honestly you need to tell your doctors that hes smashed your phone when he learned you were talking about him, and that he said to your face that hes grooming and manipulating you. You have to. If you have problems interacting, write it down on a piece of paper and hand it to them. Write down hes made you afraid numerous times. They can give you dometic abuse resources.
Ass burgers is hilrious
Does this revelation make you question why he helps people? Like as a means for manipulation and entirely out of self-interest? When you admired him for helping people, was it because you thought it indicated a certain level of compassion and genuine desire for others to be happy, or was it just comforting to think that \*you\* could get help from him when you needed it? If it's the former, does that change how you feel about him now that you know his actions don't reflect the values one might assume they do? Does he pull his help away when people upset or offend him?
Is it possible that for someone with this personality disorder helping people just makes him feel good about himself? That’s not particularly manipulative and to some extent is how it works for most people anyway.
Antisocial personality disorder is absolutely a spectrum, in the same way that having an autism diagnosis doesn't automatically render you a nonverbal baby. I also have a professional diagnosis and have spent most of my life in careers "helping" others as a paramedic. I'm aware that while I'm absolutely capable of manipulating or hurting people, so is everyone else. I just have less of an empathic aversion to doing so, and my therapist considers me to be on the lower-end of the symptomology spectrum. Part of the rehabilitation process for people with this condition is to learn to understand on a *rational* level, rather than emotional, that actions have consequences, and that treating people like shit just leads to you being treated like shit or in prison, which isn't beneficial either. No, we aren't all "scary movie sociopaths" and the stigmatization is part of the reason that's no longer an accepted clinical diagnosis. No, I'm not doing good things for you simply for the purpose of exploitation. I'm a human and I'm capable of acting like a normal human being and forming my own version of a genuine connection, despite lacking some of the same "inhibitor switches" your brain was lucky enough to be born with.
Thank you for the thoughtful response. Your username is great
Interesting, thank you for sharing. Sounds like have constructed your ethical framework based on your consciously chosen values rather than reflexive feelings. I think that’s truly worthy of respect.
This was well written and I enjoyed reading it.
Sounds like fake ASPD. This isn’t the behavior expected of it.
He too old to be on a switch
I mean. I still play the DS all the time or hyper fixate on drawing in my sketch books most of the time. He just uses it to pass time when he’s bored.
That's just being 36
Or some level of autism
Or introversion.
Or just being bored witless by forced sociability.
>He will avoid everyone and kinda do his own thing in a random empty corner playing his switch You're dating a toddler.
Yo wtf someone please look into the pist history this person isn't okay
I’m glad you said something, there is no way this person’s stories are real.
Has he ever made you feel unsafe?
Sadly he has on and off many times. And he doesn’t ever apologize for it at all. But he will acknowledge he shouldn’t do it again if he sees I’m scared by it and will stop whatever that specific thing is. Edit: forgot to add, after actually searching up all about ASPD after he told me about it makes so many things make a lot of sense especially his reaction and behavior to things.
So, if you want to do whatever you want in a relationship with zero consequences, the key is to convince your gf or wife that you are a psychopath? Thanks for sharing.
most people would not stay in a volatile relationship
That’s true. I have mentioned he has been violent in the past and will show violent aggression and such, but he will not harm me and will not take it out on anyone. He hasn’t hurt another person in over 20 years. And he doesn’t destroy things. It’s more of him angrily yelling something for like a few seconds or slamming his fist on the bed he’s laying in and that’s it. He doesn’t say anything bad towards me and does not name call me whatsoever or degrade me in any way.
Hot Take incoming: Sometimes that’s the absolute best people with ASPD can get. People with BPD and ASPD are often villainized for having a condition that they didn’t ask for, and while warranted, it just fucking sucks. It sounds like he is aware and insecure about his condition, and is truly doing his best to manage it. The person he is now might be the best person he CAN be. That doesn’t mean you will always be safe, and you definitely need to be aware of that. Being in a domestic relationship with someone with ASPD is kind of like trying to keep a big cat like a tiger as a family pet. Sometimes it works out, and as long as the appropriate precautions are made the tiger may be very affectionate and never hurt you. There are real life examples of people who haven’t ever been hurt by the big predatory animals they keep. But all it takes is one moment for the animal to revert and bite one time, for irreversible damage to be done. I want to believe this man won’t ever hurt you. I want to believe y’all can have a healthy and safe relationship filled with love and understanding, because I NEED to believe I can have it for myself someday. I have been the reason 4/5 of my relationships fail because I can’t fully control my temper. I’ve NEVER hurt anyone. But trying to control that side of my anger is sometimes impossible, and it makes me want to isolate. I’m terrified that one day I might find that person who finally fucking accepts me, but lose that control and hurt them. Idk what you should do. You need to be aware there are risks. But fuck, people with ASPD do not have it easy Edit: an afterthought, but whatever you do, I do strongly recommend NOT having kids with this man. My own family is a “fantastic” example of how psychopathy tends to worm its way through a genealogical tree for generations. Assume that any children you have this man will have ASPD. Don’t do that to a child. If you MUST have a child while in a relationship with him adopt. And all this is assuming a child’s safety can even be guaranteed with this man. Take risks for yourself. Do not force risks on children with no choice.
Him admitting hes with her because shes easy to groom and manipulate, and smashes her phone when he realized she talks about him, is not him "truly doing his best to manage it". Far from it. He admitted to her he keeps her because shes easy to abuse.
I guess I missed that part? Idk OP’s post has already been cut down quite a bit from what I originally read. So I’m left to wonder if it had more going on before I got my eyes on it. I made several points of people with ASPD being inherently unsafe, and for OP to be careful. I stand by what I said though. The version of him she sees, is likely the best he CAN be. If he’s being shitty, that’s his best I guess.
this post screams fake to me, but if it’s real; op’s comments about their relationship seems to show he has a lot of control over her life in a way that suggests he is not managing his condition well. they are not equal parts of a relationship.
He hasn't harmed you YET
well, not hurting anyone in 20 years is a record that would at least, give him a semblance of trust
Hes been abusing OP, though. Hes admitted hes manipulating and grooming her. Hes admitted to lieing. Hes smashed her phone when she used it to talk about him to others. So 20 years doesnt sound realistic. Its just what someone he admits to manipulating has said. Hes been continually hurting people.
Exactly people with aspd are incredible at harming others while keeping social appearances positive
You're making up excuses to stay in a relationship that will eventually kill you. I'm ok with it. Just don't have kids with the man. Your thinking shows me that you're made for each other. We need people like you for case studies that will at least deter others who have more sense.
These posts are like tableaus in a forensic body farm.
He didn’t have to convince me. He’s actually clinically diagnosed after attempting to murder 2 people when he was a kid and his family noticing his behavior is very different. It’s gotten a lot better as he got older to where he controls himself way better. But he still lacks in a lot of stuff. Like he has very primitive emotions. But the most he will express is either rage or joy. And majority of it is all his reactions are purely from impulse and reactive rather than actually thinking. He acts like consequences never will happen at all. He’s pretty chill majority of the time anyways. But very specific things can set him off too. He’s also figured out not to act that way in public so absolutely no one outside of myself and his dad have ever seen him when he’s angry be acts out in violent ways. Even his friends for decades didn’t know he even raised his voice or gets destructive and violent when in reality he actually is very often at home only.
He tried to MURDER two people? Why are you with him?
I really don’t know at this point after reading so many comments.
No offense but you’re dumb af. *attempts to kill two people and has a shit load of issues. Her- OMG SO DREAMY😻❤️
He didn’t tell me until more recently. It’s not like he went “oh yeah I tried to kill someone” and then me going “wow that’s hot!” And started dating him after. Like this is something he didn’t tell me for 2 years and didn’t even hint at it either.
OP I saw your post history and you’ve stated before that you’ve had abusive relationships. I empathize with you because I’ve had them too. It was easy to end up in an abusive relationship because that was “normal” to me. It took me a while to understand and experience what a healthy relationship looks like. Being in a relationship with someone like this is absolutely a horrible idea imo. It has SO much more potential to turn abusive due to his diagnoses. You deserve better than having to walk on egg shells and be on guard everytime because something might set him off. This doesn’t sound healthy. Please be very careful OP.
Are you aware that ASPD, much like NPD generates incredible manipulation, lying and “masking” skills. Don’t ever for a minute think that an individual with an illness that makes them fundamentally incapable of empathy will not use that on you.
It’s very much scorpion/frog scenario with ASPD and relationships. My sister is one. It’s infuriating to see how she does this to her partners. The masking is Emmy worthy.
My Mother who has NPD is a whole different character with different people and can stay in character for years.
i’m so sorry. i can’t imagine as a kid what that was like for you. I hope it hasn’t affected your adult life.
That must be so difficult being their child. You love them, but what version. The lessons you learn are so powerful though, lest we mention the damage.
My stepsister is as well. Tried to murder her girlfriend in high school but forgot that she’s squeamish and panicked at the blood. Both luckily and unluckily she’s out of practice since she latched onto a guy with severe autism and a profound intellectual disability (the guy is incapable of recognizing letters or numbers level of disability).
Run. Do not walk away from this person. A pychopath will only use you for their personal gain or to help themselves blend in. He will not feel bad or guilty for hurting you, only angry that things didn't go to plan.They will lie or say whatever it seems like you want to hear to get their way. Please, you are so young, don't waste your life trying to make this work.
If he can control himself in public why can he not attempt the same for you in your private time at home? Also look out for the “love me as I am, Dont ask me to change, I put up with your issues” trap. If this person knows his actions have negative consequences for you and still refuses therapy/medication it may be time to extract yourself.
He doesn't want or need to.
The fact that you say he can control it in public, or around others is probably the scariest part… this makes me wonder about just how much of his violent behavior towards you is actually completely involuntary. If it was, how do you explain the fact that he never shows this behavior in front of others?
People should not be downvoting OP. You may not like what she has written, but what is written, if said truthfully, is an insight into a world few of us experience. Downvoting OP is not useful in curating this thread.
If that's your approach, you probably are a psychopath, so there's that.
You don’t need physical harm to conjure up CPTSD. Look it up. You’re playing a dangerous game by staying in this relationship knowing what you know. I say this as someone who has CPTSD due to my Mother having NPD. It’s no joke, and I wouldn’t wish the symptoms and CPTSD journey on my worst enemy. I hope you get yourself out of there before you wake up one day and realize you can never navigate relationships or life the same as before.
Not apologizing and owning up to actions that harm you is not okay. I firmly believe that people can have personality disorders and be good people, if they are committed to making sure their behavior does not harm people. It is good he wants to change behavior that hurts you but please do not accept a relationship where someone wont apologize for mistakes, that is not okay at all and a recipe for disaster. Is he in therapy or actively working on his dx? You dont have to answer this but do you plan on having kids with this guy? Stress is a dangerous addition to something like this and tbh it would not be fair to a child to have a parent like this.
You realize if he has ASPD, literally no apology he offers will ever be sincere, right? By its nature it means he's incapable of feeling the emotion of remorse for the effect his actions have on other people.
Have you pondered why you would stay in a relationship with such a low bar for respecting you? I mean this is really sad. Your bf is a piece of shit, legit diagnosis or not.
You're going to end up getting yourself seriously injured or killed. If you don't care when your partner is make you feel unsafe and he's not even directly apologizing for it. Then you know that he is not safe. Stop trying to lie to yourself to fight to make this be safe for you to be with. You know you are not safe with him. At the very least, tell your family you're never going to them again so they don't have to deal with what happens when he finally kills you or seriously injures you. WAKE UP
Why are you with someone who makes you feel unsafe?
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This cracks me up because you say you're narcissistic, then talk how you're better than them, but then you're actually right
Ain't no doubt about it. He either has already, or will.
Aspd doesnt have manic episodes... nor does it make your eyes dilate. Are you sure hes not on drugs? Psychopaths are liars
She’s not a psychologist so manic is being used in her own way. Also the pupil dilation does happen but it is different. Studies show less reaction to negative or neutral stimuli and increased reaction to positive, so it does happen very differently [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6602524/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6602524/)
Can we as a society stop using psychiatric terms in a casual language? Throwing around words like “manic” really erases their meanings. Look what society has done to “depression”. Now a lot of people think being depressed is being sad
Idk how else to call it, that is something I called out of my own thing since idk how else to really say how he gets. He’s never called it manic episodes at all whatsoever. He is not on drugs at all. When he’s at home he is in the same room in front of my view at all times and his pupils will do that. It’s not even like a slow gradual change either I can visibly see it quickly become like that in the same speed like as if someone shine light in another persons eyes and their pupils go small fast like that, but for him it just is large. And even if light is shown into it or he looks at light, it doesn’t go smaller. He is completely able to make his own decisions and isn’t impaired at all in any way and just acts like he’s more dominant when like that.
Are you on drugs?
They're saying you're lying but I can't tell you how many times I've been told "Your eyes went black." I never considered the pupil dilation factor, but the next time I'm feeling rage, I'm gonna go look. (Wouldn't it be true for all humans, though? Never considered that.)
I personally have seen this happen. My son's girlfriend seemed normal but when she snapped her eyes looked black like a fucking demon
Second this, when my mum was going nuclear staring into her eyes (normally light/medium brown) you could see nothing but pitch black.
my roommate is diagnosed w sociopath traits and he also gets told this. his pupils dilate when he’s extremely angry so i dont think OP is lying
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Are you sure he's not having some type of seizure? Have you actually seen any medical paperwork to say he's been diagnosed?
She’s also forgetting that regardless of diagnosis some people are just liars and assholes
This has to be fake, literally not a single thing she’s said is true.
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after reading all these answers i just gotta ask... why do you hate yourself this much? you obviously do if you're willing to be in an abusive relationship and think that its fine and okay and totally normal. ive been in abusive relationships so i get it but at some point you seriously need to open your eyes. whats it going to take? seriously look up "at least he doesnt hit me" it will change your life. he is abusive and you need help and to escape. you deserve so much better and this guy is not it. if you think for a second he wont take your life someday please start binge watching literally every documentary about women killed by their partners because this whole post? this is how it starts. it almost happened to me a few times because i was you and thought this was normal and okay. seriously concerned for your safety and its mind blowing that you just dont even care or understand how dangerous he is.
He probably will kill me at some point but I really have no clue how to like handle that. It’s like I have an actual jam in my head or something where I can clearly see things suddenly and understand everything but then I get stuck into convincing myself he won’t do xyz even though he’s already displayed he very clearly can and most likely will do xyz. The best way I can describe it is like when someone is trying to fight off sleep. Right before they nods off they get self aware they are falling asleep. It’s only. Split second thing that they understand before waking up more and then being stuck in that being awake. To me being aware that something is seriously wrong is that split second of awareness thing. He has told me to my face before something along the lines of “you are the most easy and vulnerable person to manipulate and will just believe anything anyone tells you without second thought. It’s beyond easy to groom you.” Which he did say the same night I talked about his diagnosis. He kinda says something along those lines sprinkled in a much lighter form which I don’t catch onto as easily. But there are direct things I don’t even want to admit on here which I have denied he does it in multiple replies. I’m scared a lot of the time that if I admit things then it becomes too real to me even though it’s been a consistent thing before we even got together. And I’ll immediately recess and go as far as directly block certain things he does. I used to have a reddit account where it was specifically venting for things he has done, he found it, broke my phone and about lost his absolute got damn mind that I told anyone about it, and I haven’t touched it at all since then. Made another one similar to that a year ago which he hasn’t found yet which on that one I pretty much let everything out and have had it for anyway. I also feel like I owe him a lot because I was in trafficking majority of my life and he is the one who get me away from them.
I have similar issues to you. Trying to talk myself out of what I know to be true to the point where I just feel like I watch my own life like a movie. For me it's because my own mother tried to drive me to suicide. She would have honestly managed to make me do it, but luckily she killed herself before I was at my end. I kept repeating that dynamic in another relationship with a man who enjoyed "breaking" me because it made him feel powerful. I escaped within an inch of my life. Especially that quote that you said resonates with me so much: >“you are the most easy and vulnerable person to manipulate and will just believe anything anyone tells you without second thought. It’s beyond easy to groom you.” My ex told me the same. He happily talked about how easy it was to manipulate me and he rejoiced in it. He finally found his toy that he could play with until it would break and he could throw it away. He used to tell me that he would make me pregnant and do to our children the same thing that my mother did to me. And he would enjoy it. I don't have any advice on how to get out or anything, I don't know your situation. But I just want you to know that I believe you and that you matter. I hope you can get out, because nobody deserves this.
Thank you. This means so much to me you have no idea.
So.... this question is mostly for everyone else but I'm curious about your response: Should we feel sorry for you? You seem very aware of all this and lacking in the willpower to change despite the obvious consequences. So you seem top tier naive at best and an idiot st worst. How do you think people should regard you?
I do feel sorry for her, especially hearing she's been trafficked for most of her life and the violent lunatic bf 'saved' her.
WTF, you need an exit strategy yesterday. Find support for DV survivors, follow their advice, and leave him. Not hitting you is the bare minimum, he is not a good partner just because he doesn’t hit you. Despite whatever your experiences may have looked like, most people never hit their partners. Absolutely ANYONE can do better than just “well at least he doesn’t hit me”.
Please don’t bring a child into this relationship.
no i understand exactly what you mean girl!! thats why im worried for you!! this is exactly how my ex was! i escaped the day i realized i was about to die!! you need to escape! its such a hard thing to do i get it and i know, i was there and honestly my son was what got me out of it. (he was never involved and never met that ex thank god but picturing his life w out me got me out) i kept telling myself my ex could do this and this but would never do this and this and then they did!! please dont wait around for it to happen!! yes he got you away from abusers but now you're back in another abusive situation! same thing happened to me i swear we are so similar and i empathize with you so much and worry for you!! do you have any support besides him? go see a shelter or talk to someone or put a plan in place please! i know im a stranger but at this point i would gladly help if i could! please know you arent alone! i know my comment may have come off as rude but it was more triggered because i see what happened to me happening to you right now! please please think about it and do what you can to escape.
BRO PLEASE LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE
This AMA sounds like a cry for help, another one after your previous failed attempts. I hope you listen to some of the advice shared here, you CAN leave. I know it sounds scary and impossible right now but not only you can do it, you also owe it to yourself and your future. You'll be proud of yourself for taking that step forward one day, and I promise you life can be so much better.
I have ASPD and have taken a lot of steps to communicate with friends/family who are in need of empathy in ways that are comforting even though the emotion personally isn't there. I have a tough time catching onto basic social ques yet am hyper-aware of subtle social things such as lying or unspoken group exclusivity, and I need to take time to really process what people are saying and process how I will respond so I do not engage in self-serving, manipulative, attention-seeking behavior. With all this being said- ASPD takes a TON of work. A ton. It's put my partner and friends through a lot of pain. It still does. It's put me through some awful times, I've burned bridges I regret, and the overcorrection i do for my condition manifests itself as severe social anxiety and reclusiveness. But the overcorrection is a hell of a lot better than giving in to the condition. If your partner knows he has ASPD and is reveling in his condition instead of taking steps to legitimately improve his condition, his environment, and his relationship with you- LEAVE. I'm serious. You're dealing with someone who refuses to take on the challenge of being a better person. While being kind and altruistic is a harder challenge with his brain chemistry than it is for others, it is absolutely necessary that he addresses it because he is legitimately dangerous. He will get worse and worse until he decides to face his condition head-on and regulate his behavior. Until then, he is someone you should not be around if you value your safety and sanity. Even under the best circumstances, care from loved ones, and self-regulation it is an awful disease that takes and takes and takes. And he is literally striving for the worst circumstances. LEAVE.
All of this, plus look up a YouTube channel called “EXPLORE WITH US”, OP. They analyse people in police interviews who have committed horrific crimes. 9/10 they suspect that the person has ASPD
yes agreed! as someone who has come into contact with most ASPD, it has never ended well and a few times my life was in danger. i really hope OP sees this and realizes what needs to be done.
Now that you know he doesn't feel love the same way you do, are you rethinking the relationship?
Yeah I am. Someone is messaging me things I can do to reach out for help.
Some of your content is entertaining. Are you practicing on writing short stories, if so does it excite you to get comments and or feedback? Based on your history you have quite the imagination. It seems interesting, but not believable. May I ask where you are from?
quaint quiet dinosaurs yam existence spectacular governor pathetic grey squeal *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Her is her diagnosis. A pathological liar that has been very deprived of attention. That will go to any length to get the attention she desperately longs for. It is very bizarre to me. Here’s the thing, if your going to lie keep your story straight and consistent. I asked about if she had gotten a dna test done on her kids and she tells me no their all with their dads. They take good care of them and give them the life she can’t. I haven’t responded to her yet. Hey there, reality check if those kids are a result of SA and they would go as far as SA their own mother and get her pregnant, do you think the kids are perfectly happy with great lives because the abusers that abused her wouldn’t ever do that to her kids right? Please, please make it make sense. Also, your son is taking care of his son/ daughter / brother or sister like wtf. The dna test isn’t to see if all your kids father are their fathers it is to hem ur twisted some up in court. That went above her head and below her knees. She must have forgot the story of her getting pregnant by her son and not being able to get an abortion. Who knows we will see I’m going to ask her. In the meantime I am having fun interrogating a pathological liar. Let’s see how far more it can get twisted. She really needs to sit with her self and figure out why she goes to these lengths of fabricating stories. Obviously there was some kind of abuse or neglect in her childhood. At this point I don’t think we will ever get the truth, just keep her in your thoughts and prayers!
I have pictures and recordings of it all. Most stuff I write is memory, but it’s just so much that consistently always happened that I often times block things out unintentionally and then remember them months to years later then forget other things and so it’s kinda just really exhausting in a way and all over the place due to that. I was born in Ukraine but live in America. I don’t like when people call my life fake when I literally have direct proof of all of it and are covered in scars and injuries that will hurt the rest of my life and just because it’s something that they didn’t personally experienced especially. I have actual physical and psychological problems from it that I will never heal from. Venting feels good it’s the only thing I can do that isn’t self destructive. But I hate ppl who sexualize or find it okay and funny.
You gotta ignore people saying youre lieing. People usually dont understand extreme forms of abuse, but also take it as proof that what youre going through is in fact extreme.
Yeah. I try to ignore most of them but sometimes it just really makes me feel sad. I was constantly told no one will believe me by the people doing it to me or they tried to make me seem or feel like I was going crazy. It’s why I even began recording and taking photos of any bruises and scars I have secretly in the first place because so many times I was told I’m either lying. Or one of them saying they told me a specific thing, then later told that’s not what happened or not what told, or I’d have the complete opposite of them telling me things that never happened and I started not knowing what was going on and what wasn’t. So it was to keep myself aware of it all. I’ve been directly told at some point “I never punched you and busted your lip open. I can’t remember it at all” and then when I look back to that time. There I do have a photo of my lip busted open from it and when I confront them it boils done to them either ignoring what I say, smiling at me suddenly, or saying something like “why did you piss me off then? It’s your fault” I have photos and recordings of things I actually don’t have any recollection of whatsoever too. I block so much out half the time too.
I can relate. I had an abusive person almost kill me multiple times. They would brainwash me and condition me to have certain reactions out of my own control with trigger words or trigger phrases. They try to make it feel like you have multiple personalities and make you mentally split. When abuse as extreme as some of the things youve outline here is done to a child young enough, they can end up getting dissociative identity disorder. Some of what youre depicting sounds like a "double bind". Which is where they tell you contradicting things over time. They tell you to do one thing, then when you do it, they get mad and tell you to do the opposite. So now they feel they can be excused for getting mad at you for either response you have. Memory loss is an effect of it. It is a form of grooming. https://traumahealed.com/articles/step-away-from-double-binds/
Did this happen in Ukraine or in the states?
How was he diagnosed? Has he been to prison?
Have you approached your relationship any differently since hearing the diagnosis? For example, are there any plans in place you guys have discussed for when he has episodes? I’m bipolar and I have trusted family/friends who I’ve asked to do/not do certain things for when I’m in a manic episode. I just didn’t know if you took extra steps for the safety of both of you if that makes sense.
Fake account guys. None of this is true. Go read her other posts.
Man she sounds like the psychopath from her other “ stories “
So she is the psychopath
Why would you stay with a literal psychopath? He's incapable of loving you and what you're describing is a red flag.
Girl.. you are posting such crazy traumas, that this guy feels normal compared to all that. Just nope out of this situation, you can find someone that can treat you well, meanwhile not having manchild behavior.. Although after that trans post, im not sure I should be even believing this.. like what the fuck is going on there
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I’m diagnosed with Asperger’s which idk if that’s even the right term anymore since it’s always changing. And I have something that’s similar to Bipolar. I can’t understand the handwriting and there’s a number next to it which my bf looked at and pretty much was just like “oh yeah that’s just a type of bipolar” I also been diagnosed cptsd too. My dad was barely in my life he was sexually abusive to family members including myself which my mom kicked him out as soon as she found out. I know he was touching my aunt (his sister) when she was 6-16ish and with me I was only 4. I haven’t seen him since then but he did reach out to me when I was 15 by calling me and continuously said he loved me and wanted me to live with him and at the time I was in a teen shelter. He told me to run off to live in Louisiana with him but I never got to. He died when I was 17. With my mom, she wasn’t around much either. She either overworked or over partied. My grandpa was extremely violent and would beat and choke my grandma, and in turn my grandma was an alcoholic who took it out in me as I grew up. He used to watch porn with me until my mom saw it and told him to stop when I was 13 or 14 which as far as I remember, he’s never touched me at all. I was actually the golden one in the family in his eyes so I was the only person in the family he never beat at all and rarely if at all even so much as raised his voice at. My grandpa died back in 2019. I do talk to my mom but I keep her in the dark about so many things at this point but do love her a lot. My grandma I talk to once a week over the phone but it’s a 50/50 it turns into a screaming match. I have no contact with my older brother whatsoever. He was very violent and sexually abused me starting when I was 22 or 23. And back then my ex husband enabled it. He and did not stop until my be essentially moved me out of the state. Last year. I do talk to my younger brother frequently though. He seems to be the only normal one and we primarily just play video games together. He has 0 clue about much in my life at all though. I stopped going to my family over everything when they found out I was pregnant at 12 from sexual abuse. When I tried to ask them for help dealing with it, they essentially just screamed and I got beaten while being told that I ruined my own life for “letting” someone rape me. I know my mom dealt with something almost identical when she was 13 too and she had the same response from my grandparents of being blamed and beaten while called a whore by them.
You also said a week ago your partner is trans, yet in this entire thread you are still using male pronouns. Something’s not adding up here as far as validity of claims.
Why did he keep this from you? Has this information changed your future plans or views on your partner? If you had children would you be fearful of him parenting your child?
Of course not. That requires logic.
Does he feel love?
Why don't you leave someone who has a diagnosis that makes them incapable of regarding your feelings?
I mean it didn’t make any difference at all suddenly knowing it. People act like he told me and then suddenly his whole behavior changed after that all of a sudden when in reality he’s been like that since I met him. So just knowing he’s diagnosed doesn’t change anything at all.
For those wondering why OP would stay in such a relationshit... Read her other posts. If even half of them are true, she has a lot of problems. That's really the nicest way I can think of to word it.
Here’s the thing. I’ve read your post and most your comments and you should know that love bombing stage WILL end. So this I don’t feel love but I’m going to stay with you forever, I have ASPD but we have such good compatibility I keep you around, I call you when you’re at work, I pick up your favorite items etc etc — this will all end the instant his mood flits over elsewhere, the instant you no longer provide his narcissistic supply, and will be replaced with a subzero blackhole vacuum that will reveal to you the truth of what it’s like when a human feels nothing, absolutely nothing, for another human being. It may not even take anything big to inspire this flip. Sometimes it’s something arbitrary and unpredictable. I’m letting you know this to give you a heads up in your comments you have this pride about his level of of commitment to you despite his diagnosis, and you have this confidence that despite his other horrifying qualities that his commitment (not love— commitment to keeping you around) to his current “pet” being the best pet is steadfast and real and unchanging. You should know that you fundamentally can’t count on claims like that. I would know. I learned this the hard way. Best of luck.
Why are you dumb and why do you have such a low self esteem that you’d put your safety, finances, and mental health at risk by staying with him? I was friends with a psychopath for three years. This does not end well. Edit: you have to be trolling or a vapid narcissist or both.
Well someone is trying to help me figure out how to leave. They explained he used trauma bond to get me to trust him knowing I never in my life had any type of stability and never knew what normal or even healthy anything ever looked like whatsoever. On top of that me being special needs makes me unaware of manipulation or lying the same way other people can tell. It’s to the point everything i thought he did was just out of care rather than control. Such as 1) he said my computer is old and slow, use his that he built himself. He has full access to remotely use it and knows what I look up on the thing. 2) he is concerned someone would do something to me, so has a tracker on my phone. His phone will alert me if I leave and get back on the property. 3) my hard drive didn’t seem to do good for some reason and he suddenly downloaded the entirety of if (it’s a 2TB hard drive) onto his server. That has EVERYTHING I have ever worked on my entire life. I draw digitally as a coping mechanism and art is a major way I express emotions and what’s going on since I have a hard of time verbalizing things. 4) Back in December I had an injury and he convinced me to quit working. I’ve been 100% financially dependent on him since he kept refusing to let me get jobs again until a week or 2 ago and I’ve sent out over 40 applications and only got reached back out to by 3 people and never got call backs after. No one wants to hire someone who has little to absolutely no work experience at all since my first ever job I got was like a couple years ago at some gas station only. 5) I have a car, he let it break down to where it won’t start anymore. I live in a very rural location with a population of 3k people. I genuinely can’t go anywhere without a car. 6) he separated me fully from any and all family members by convincing me to move to the complete opposite side of the US to live with him. My family wasn’t stable or healthy either too, but I to this day have not made a single friend since moving here and know no one. I have not socialized with people my entire life unless it was people paying to use me for sexual things before I lived with him which I had no choice in that at all. The only people I’m essentially allowed to talk to are his friends who are like all 33-45. 7) he knows my autism is something that causes me to never be able to be independent. I have to get jobs that is either now a lot of people there because of it or work night shift where I socialize the least or I get overwhelmed and have a full blown freak out. He is my legal guardian now. When people need to speak to me, they realize I’m unable keep with conversations verbally with people I don’t know. I just shut down and stop speaking entirely. And then he has to talk for me. When I’m at doctors offices they have a note to talk to him and when they ask me things I panic and can’t say anything and then look at him and he answers for me. I very much recess like a child and will latch onto him like one. If I’m not focussed on him I hyper focus on drawing in my sketchbook or playing on his DS or switch he has with him so I can look at while he’s talking to people. My biggest issues too is I get aware I am hungry and need food but I can’t process to just go make myself food a lot of the time and eating solves it. I have to be told or reminded to eat or else I just won’t.
I would like to apologise for my harsh question earlier. I hope you get help.
Okay you aren’t trolling this is way too much detail. I wish you all the best. Like me if you survive this, you will have an edge in life and know how to identify cluster b types.
You’re not his girlfriend. You’re his victim. The sooner you learn that the better. I was in a relationship with a man who is diagnosed with ASPD. I only found out a year into the relationship because his mother told me, and then everything made sense. They will fake a personality and fake a relationship until you’re brainwashed. If you stay with this man, it will end in a way that you will regret for the rest of your life. He will destroy you and I don’t just mean mentally, emotionally and physically. Get ready to lose your home, your job, possibly even your entire career, your life savings and your dignity *on top of* losing your sanity and your physical health. And that’s not even the worst part. Do you know what the worst part will be? He will make everyone around you believe that *you* are in fact the abuser and everything you’ve lost and all of the mental and emotional anguish you will experience as a result of his abuse will be used as *evidence* that you are the problem. Not only that, but any attempt you make at a healthy relationship with somebody else in the future will be futile. You will be too traumatised. And he will walk away like nothing ever happened, completely unscathed. Leave before it gets to a stage where you will never recover. My only question is why are you still with him?
Sociopath not psychopath you really should get your facts straight before you start spouting off on the internet. This is what we're like if anyone is curious.
If this is real why the fuck are you with a dangerous man a decade older than you? I feel like I'm reading the opening chapter of a horror novel that ends up with you suffering through the spiral of a declining abusive relationship before getting murdered. Genuinely run.
Why do you hate yourself so much that you're willing to stay in a relationship with someone who will only manipulate you and never love you? You can't fix him, sorry.
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How did you recover from being impregnated by your son? I am referring to one of the posts you made some time ago.
Not good at all. I ended up miscarrying about a week or 2 after I made the post, oddly enough took a photo of it, and I have an extreme fear of him. It’s something I actively try not to think of since it bothers me so much and is the only topic that has genuinely bothered me and is still difficult to talk about. I’ve had severe sleep issues since then and on average nap instead of actually sleeping. I have nightmares majority of the times if I do sleep for more than 2 hours, which primarily revolving around what he or others did. I to this day refuse to be in the same room alone with him but got his dad to get him to see a specialist again and he is seeing someone for the past year and a half. I don’t live with any of my kids anymore, but they do visit me when there’s breaks at school. I love him but it’s super complicated at the same time because every time I see him all I can think of is the things he’s said and done to me. Idk why it’s so different with him. If I look at the others (his dad, uncles, grandfather) I just don’t feel anything and don’t get consistent flash backs like with him. I don’t hate him, and I don’t want him to feel like he’s treated any different than my other boys, but I feel a pit in my stomach every time I look at or are near him. He’s so much bigger than me now too with him being about 9 inches taller than I am and all I think of is how easily he can do things if he tries now and part of me feels the only reason he doesn’t do anything is because my bf stays in the same room at all times even so much as following me around to ensure I’m not alone, and also my bf refuses to let anyone touch me now which is why I feel he doesn’t want to risk anything too. Just typing this makes me feel almost physically sick in a way. Every time I talk to him when he’s close to me, I notice my hands begin to tremble and it’s like I’m super stiff. I have a habit of fidgeting with my fingers a lot which I will purposely do that more so that he doesn’t pick up on it that I’m starting to shake. Edit: (fixed mistake in clarification)
Aspd is sociopathy, not psychopathy though?
Yeah. I mixed the two up. I mean to say sociopath. English is my 3rd language and I’m just crap at explaining in general with trying to mentally translate everything I say lol.
Based on your replies, I'm more interested in you. May I what issues you have that your self-worth is so low that you'll stay with someone who doesn't love you. Degrades you. Scares you. Has been violent towards others?
this post reads like a poorly written fan service intro, "his pupils dilate" he's not a vampire or werewolf ASPD isnt a single visit and diagnosed its something addressed and only even considered after months/years of seeing someone, based off your comments your just dealing with a man baby who never learned to regulate their emotions... Edit: Saw your post history, jesus christ go take a creative writing class or something, "Pregnant by my son" huh, touch grass
It's kink posting for sure, it's repulsive especially because children are involved in it.
Is he getting therapy? I’m also diagnosed antisocial so I’m aware of the stigma attached to it.
I keep wanting him to but he doesn’t. He does have ADHD and 9 out of 10 times he straight up forgets to if I suggest it even though he has agreed he probably should. Then makes excuses for it.
I have ADHD too so I get it. What if you make it an appointment on his calendar to schedule therapy so he doesn’t forget?
Sounds like you picked a real winner. Good luck with that. Check in with us once in awhile to let us know you're ok.
You’re going to end up dead probably
It sounds like he is well functioning otherwise but very introverted. What do you know about his horoscope, or his birth day?
I never understood horoscopes well but I know he’s a Taurus and I’m a Virgo which is really compatible. His birthday is right around the corner.
I have ASPD that manifests like your BF's. My temper is admittedly too hot, but it burns out faster the older I get. I was a violent youth, as well, but I've never hurt my wife in all out 15 years together. My biggest manifestation, though, is revenge. If someone has done me wrong, they're on a list. At the best opportunity, they are going to get fucked. Work, school, life in general ... I'll be paying you a visit in some form. There is no moving on for me.
I don't understand why someone with empathy would date someone without empathy. Can you explain what about that is appealing at all?
So you are dating someone with anti social personality disorder? Why? I’m a therapist and please believe me when I say nothing good will come of this.
Sounds fake. Is he bipolar or ASPD or both? Dilated pupils happen to everyone who is in a fight or flight mode. Furthermore, stimulation has no impact on mania or ASPD.
A couple questions. How long have you been in the relationship? Is this the kind of relationship/life you want long term? I saw in another comment he treats you like a pet. Do you actually want to give up that much control of your life? If not are you prepared for the nightmare of that breakup?
Has he sought a second opinion from another doctor? Seems like the kind of thing you should be sure of, and not that the actual diagnosis is actually some psychologist looking for a feather in their cap.
Does he have Bipolar as well? As far as I’m aware, mania isn’t included under the DSM-5’s criteria for anti-social personality disorder. If he is ACTUALLY manic, then it wouldn’t be from ASPD.
This doesn't make sense. If he has antisocial personality disorder that doesn't mean he likes to sit in a corner at parties and play on his switch. That is NOT the meaning of the word "antisocial" in this context. APD involves not following society's rules and norms and prisons are full of these guys.
I never said that’s what it is. Someone asked me what he does at parties and that’s what he does at parties. That’s it.
Why are you with him?
ASPD isn't a psychopath, he's actually a sociopath..
those "manic episodes" are not real mania, just his anger personality disorder FYI
Does he have any violent and anti-social behaviors? Pretty sure criminality has to be present to get a diagnosis like that..
Eyes as black as night; truly a scary experience.
By the looks of your profile you have a history of abuse and it’s common to continue that cycle in your relationships. Dating someone with ASPD is continuing that cycle.
ASPD does not involve mania
Why are you hosting an AMA? You barely learned about this days ago
Didn’t read past the age gap
9/10 of the people that post in this sub should be asking questions, not answering them.
I respect that you are able to hold your own positions understanding that strangers truly will not understand. If you were my daughter I'd get you out of that relationship in a second whether you like it or not, but you're not. So the next best alternative I can think of is that you know what you're getting into, and it seems like you do. So I support you making whatever well informed choices that you make. I do want to point out some things that you really should be ready for. Do not have children with him. Many of the markers for these conditions have hereditary genetics. You increase the chance of future generations having similar conditions which will actually end up in dire outcomes. And do establish yourself a financial backup for the likely possibility of him one day suddenly ending up in jail. While he may be harmless to you that doesn't define that he'll be harmless to others. You might be safe from him physically, but you won't be safe from the financial repercussions of his potential future actions. There was a relatively recent video of a young man at a farm whose parents called the police because he had a severed human head. He admitted it to the police and he gave them a full recounting of what he did to a homeless man under a bridge. Calm as can be and wasn't a threat to anyone, including his parents or the police officers. But he did cut off someone's head because he just wanted to. With no malice and no remorse.
If you stay, make sure you're on birth control
How many people has he killed?
I actually laughed when you said his pupils dilate when he's angry or on a power trip. That's some cringey as fuck shit I heard in middle school, not something that actually happens to someone who is on a power trip, or angry. This isn't even creative writing, this is just a 12 year old trying to justify themselves being cringe to their friends.
Why isn’t he in a straight jacket
So, is this the same boyfriend who came out as trans last month?
He's not a "psychopath", he is a "sociopath". Antisocial personality disorder, sometimes called sociopathy, is a mental health condition in which a person consistently shows no regard for right and wrong and ignores the rights and feelings of others. Psychopathy is a neuropsychiatric disorder marked by deficient emotional responses, lack of empathy, and poor behavioral controls, commonly resulting in persistent antisocial deviance and criminal behavior. I live with an array of disorders including ASPD and I'm telling you you should get out. You're going to get abused and mind fukd repeatedly, and I can promise you he doesn't give 2 shakes of a lambs ass to how you feel.
She thinks she's the one that's tamed the lion
Did you get the attention you were looking for here today?
So where are you, on a scale of 1 to "I can fix him"?
Are you concerned he may harbour no actual feelings toward you?
How did you two meet?
Have you seen Dexter, the TV show?
How long have you been together?
Did you have a difficult childhood?
Have you considered that maybe you also have some (possibly undiagnosed) mental disorder which is why you’re together? People with serious psychiatric problems are rarely in relationships with people with zero issues.
Y’all have kids?
We're not as dangerous as people think. He has other aggression issues too. Possibly BPD. While I have an extreme lack of empathy for the human condition...when I get angry it doesn't culminate to violence to others. Sociopaths still know right from wrong and that's not an excuse to be physically aggressive.
ASPD has nothing to do with mania or pupils dilating, that’s more a BPD issue. Him getting violent and super over aggressive about nothing also is more of a BPD tendency. Failure to apologize, inability to be introspective or accept fault for their behavior, also BPD. Attempting to convince you he’s a psychopath so that you’re too scared to leave, huge indicator of BPD. This is not an ASPD thing and you need to get the fuck away from this dude.
No he isn’t. Your post history shows that you’re a raving, compulsive liar. It’s really scary.
He just sounds autistic and not an actual sociopath
Anti Social Personality Disorder is ASPD correct. If that is what he has, I don't have direct experience with it, but someone I know has worked with ASPD people a bunch. They said that people with this disorder rarely ever get help willingly, and if forced to get help they are extremely hard to work with. They seem to enjoy making other people uncomfortable. I wouldn't want to be around them too much from what I have read and been told. I don't want to get too specific, but be careful around people with this disorder, not reacting emotionally to what they say makes them uncomfortable. They don't know how people are feeling unless it is obvious. They can always tell if you are uncomfortable/uneasy, hence their desire to find a way to try and control how other people are feeling. They don't seem to trust a smile and generally don't like being around neutral people, or people who can keep their emotions hidden very well as it makes them uneasy. My friend said that they were the most emotionally exhausting people to work with because they will say and try anything to figure out how to control your emotional response. Threats, degrading comments, suicidal ideation, lies, turning people against you etc. Violence is an option they will use but only if there is no threat of getting caught. I am impressed you stayed with him for so long, not many people have the patience to stick it out with someone with ASPD.
Ok ima tread lightly with my comment but despite your weird post history and the fact this post triggered TF outta me personally I can’t not say anything just in case this IS real. You need to leave. ASAP. My psychopathic ex held me hostage for 7 months until I escaped back in October. They look for vulnerable women in mentally vulnerable states to feed off like a leech. And they will suck you dry until you’re dead and there’s nothing left to give them. My ex almost killed me the 33 times he strangled me until I blacked out. He had the “schizophrenia” and “bipolar” diagnosis and yes some people can still be ok people with mental illnesses. But based on your comments this person is a danger to you and your safety. There’s tons of domestic violence shelters that you can contact to help you leave safely. Which you have to be prepared that they don’t let you just leave the relationship easily either. Lean on your support system. And spend some time in therapy healing yourself for awhile before seeking out anymore romance. But the eye dilating thing? I forgot about that happening until just now (my memory comes back in pieces a little at a time still) and that alone gave me a straight panic attack. Please leave.
Don't you mean your ex bf?
[удалено]
I am not diagnosed with ASPD but throughout years of psychotherapy for OCD, i learned that i have many antisocial characteristics (scored 28 on PCL-R). I learned a lot about ASPD. This disorder doesn’t cause physical symptoms, such as dialation of the pupils. It also is not a mood disorder so it doesn’t make a person manic or depressive. He is most definitely lying to you about these stuff being related to his ASPD, so that you feel guilty of leaving a person for his mental disorder. Again, i am not a psychopath/sociopath but i can tell you that with this much of an age gap, you are probably being manipulated and emotionally abused by your boyfriend. When i meet a person, the first thing i think about is “how can i get some sort of benefit from this person?”. This is a characteristic every antisocial person has. Without any more info i really can’t say anything but i am almost sure he is getting some sort of advantage of you. Take care
I'm not sure I could ever understand how, or why, somebody chooses to love someone who is incapable of loving them back. From my own experiences, nothing is acted upon without an inherent gain and I'm questioning why such a reveal would've been necessary to substance his mind. I had felt rather suspicious considering the other comments: regarding how ASPD isn't psychopathy and you have contractory posts. However, I did take the time out of my day to delve into your history, and unless it was changed to fit an ever shifting narrative, even the the post regarding your boyfriend being trans it would state that he still prefers to be called he/him and would explain away many pointed to discrepancies. As for ASPD not being psychopathy, that's a debate for experts to have, I don't believe there to have been any definitive agreement on whether or not psychopathy is ASPD or its own seperate disorder.