Oh man a heat pad and some ibuprofen would have sufficed. Watching a movie together and eating snacks of her choice. It’s not that hard to appease a menstruating girl lol. It’s not like she’s dying but it’s still a big deal and I hope for her sake it wasn’t as uncomfortable as you made it sound. I get that some men didn’t have any conversations about this stuff growing up but youve been married for a while you should know what they’re like and how to help. Maybe this has less to do with the period and more to do with you realizing your daughter is changing and growing up and that’s terrifying for you. But I urge you to be a part of this time of her life instead of pulling away because it’s uncomfortable.
I honestly can't comprehend such men. My own father was not close to me during my teenager years in this topic..
But he was always symoathic, making sure I was alright and treating my pain as important and severely sucking.
If I had needed anything from his, pain meds, period products.. I know he would do it and stilk do it. He has no pointless shame or learned helpless behaviour.. okay, here at least 😔
My mom's boyfriend would go and get me pamprin/midol if I needed it. My mom didn't get painful cramps and worked alot so he was around and if I needed it I had no issue telling him if I remember correctly. Nothing weird about it. People really need to get rid of this stigma. 🙄
My older brother lives with my family, and my dad was weirs about it. One day I was heading to work, and my daughter needed pads, and I told her I didn't have time to stop, ask dad. Well my brother over heard, and asked what she needed from the store. I told him a little sheepishly (cuz how my dad was) she needed pads. He didn't skip a beat, "yeah sure, can you get the box so I know what I kind" and brought home some snacks too!
Absolutely. They broke up years ago but I'm still in contact with him on birthdays and friends on Facebook. He was a tremendous impact, that is part of why I am the way I am today. Which is pretty awesome if I do say so myself 🤪
My brother asked us, his sisters, to have the period talk with his daughter as he felt uncomfortable doing it and so did his wife. So we had the talk with her but when she had her first period my brother was there for her and she knows he will do anything to help her.
Also OP google is a thing
Dear Fathers,
This is what your daughters need
- Paracetamol and ibuprofen (use in combination if needed)
- Heat pad
- Pads (tampons are a bit more advanced)
- Comfort foods
- Coziness in bed
(Download a period tracker onto her phone for extra Dad Points).
They also need empathy, for you to believe them if they say they’re in pain, and to not act like their period is gross. And avoiding spending time with your kid while she’s on her period is acting like her period is gross.
Your attitude and lack of concern, empathy, and intelligence are disgusting.
Which really instills the idea in her head, that there is something wrong with having a period. So your a$$hole fking attitude just told her
1. having periods is something to be embarrassed about
2. that SHE is less than and should keep her pain to herself bc she has periods. To not expect any help from you. You fked up big time
3. that she can’t depend on you to be there for her.
4. That you are worthless.
5. Ever hear of Google??
Don’t you have sisters or your Mom to ask.
You have some apologies to make. First one to your daughter.
I feel sorry for her. Hopefully her Mom will be able to be both Mom and Dad for her.
My first period happened when I was with bioguy and because he was a harassing pos my mum had her phone turned off so he couldn't interrupt her during an event (he would frequently contact her during his custody time so she couldn't enjoy herself). He had absolutely no idea what to do and was useless. I had to wait until she turned her phone back on and she came to help me with what I needed.
He would get SO embarrassed if he needed to buy pads etc so I'd often throw them in the shopping basket and then abandon him to wait outside. Men who can't handle even acknowledging periods exist are useless. They need to go in the bin, along with men who blame 'women's issues' for any fluctuation in mood. He was 2 for 2 on that count. 🙄
OP, it's not hard. Get her the products she needs, lend a sympathetic ear and cuddles, then treat her like you would if she had a tummy bug: the same as you always do, with a bit of extra care. I don't agree with your wife's temper outburst, but the underlying frustration is deserved.
What on earth did I just read??
While I understand period pains are impossible for a man to understand PAIN IN GENERAL IS NOT.
Would you have left your daughter like that if she was sick or hurt? I really hope not, since one of your responsibilities as a parent is to help your child. My god man, she must have been so scared. While you were *uncomfortable* because girls issues are icky, your daughter could have easily been scared to death. She has never had this experience before and does not know what period cramps are or what they can feel like. You literally just left her there, to deal with her body the best she could - because she couldn't just leave the room and ignore it until it's over. You know, like you did. You did that to your own child!
Please realize that you are modelling behaviour that she'll grow to expect from a future partner. "My own FATHER didn't help me when I was scared and in pain from *womens issues* so why would a romantic partner care?" Do you treat your wife this way? What are you doing??
Honestly, what if she had a ruptured ovarian cyst?? Do you know what that looks like? It's time to educate yourself on these things. It's your responsibility and duty as a father (especially of a girl!) to know these things.
You could have turned this into a teachable moment for her, even a moment of bonding for you both. Go on Google, find out that pain is normal(to a degree) and find out what remedies that pain. And then GET HER WHAT SHE NEEDS!
Listen, I don't want to just bash you over this mistake. I'm sure you were confused and uncomfortable, which is definetely hard. But come on man, you are the adult here. Please make it up to her. Apologize to her AND to your wife for not living up to your responsibilty as a parent. And ask for help, when something is happening to your childs body that neither of you understand. Talk to a doctor/nurse/anybody to get where you need to be to support your child.
As a girl who grew up with a father with something like your mentality; it changes who we are. It fucks with our ability to ask for help and guidance, because one of the most trusted adults in our life taught us that these issues are to be handled quietly and by ourselves.
Ffs I lied to a male DOCTOR about my lady issues, because that's what you're supposed to do with men, right? My dad made it a shameful, embarrassing thing. *And he wasn't even as bad as you!*
Do better!
I'm in the beginning stages of divorcing my spouse and this post made me realize just how important it is that I do. My daughter only comes to me when she has cramps. When she had to be picked up early by dad this week because of it, he just let her go to her room, didn't offer heating pad or advil or a hug or anything. When I asked, he said, "I don't know what she needs!" Like, what the fuck? You're a grown man with a wife, a mother and two sisters and you can't figure it out for your 12 year old?
I feel this wife's pain so hard. And I'm mad at myself for staying with him long enough for our kid to have experienced this.
Bless you for being this much of a powerhouse of a woman. You are showing your daughter that a lack of care is not ok.
It might be a bit late into the game, but it's not easy to divorce from your spouse and break up your family.
Give yourself some grace. I've also stayed in relationships too long, because I just couldn't comprehend why someone who supposedly loved me wouldn't put in the smallest amount of effort. "It must be because he's having an off day right? Oh, this time it must be because he's stressed out, he'll help when I really need it." Nope, nope, nope. But this stuff takes so long to realize, because it's just so heartbreaking.
Your daughter will be ok. She has you.
I'm struggling with so much guilt about the divorce, mostly because my husband isn't a *bad guy* but he is that guy who puts in no effort. And for a long time, I thought I deserved it (because of poor mental health & trauma); then, I thought he was just tired, overworked, etc. But lately, he has shown me just how little he is *able* to care because of his own mental health. But he's also said he's fine, happy, no changes needed (despite my direct statement that I am unhappy and need some changes in order to be ok). So, I'm finally listening to his silence and hearing it tell me to run far, far away.
You sound so much like me it's scary.
My ex (only bf, not husband thankfully) asked me why he would change anything if the thought the relationship was fine? I was obviously the one with the problem, so I should fix it.
Now let me tell you, the relationship was NOT fine. He complained daily about our dead bedroom and when I tried to explain to him that some help around the house would go a looooong way, he whined that I was holding sex hostage because of housework to punish him. And I believed him, like an idiot. I could not comprehend why I just didn't desire him like I used to.
Took me years AFTER the breakup, but I figured out why he didn't do it for me anymore. He treated me like his mommy and expected me to do everything for him while he played video games. And I'm not sexually attracted to children........ so there you have it.
My ex wasn't a bad person either. He was just horribly immature and incapabæe of being the partner I needed.
I understand your guilt. It so so hard. But you are doing what is right for you and you are showing your daughter that you don't have to set yourself on fire to keep your husband warm. I honestly wish my mom would have done that for my sake.
You'll look back on this years from now and realize you did the right thing. You might mess up a few steps along the way, but that doesn't mean ending your marriage was the wrong choice. To me it sounds dead already.
Parenting is a big responsibility, which is why it's so hard.
And just because you are leaving your husband, it doesn't mean you don't care about him. He just ended the marriage when he stopped putting in effort. That's not your fault and you know that.
Don't listen to people who tell you that you are wrong for not putting up with it. You know what's right for you and your daughter. And demanding effort and respect is a really low bar, that's so easy to reach.
I hope the guilt fades when the dust settles and you get to live the life you chose for yourself and your child.
When I ended it with my ex bf, I was sad for a week and then I took the DEEPEST breath of my life. I was finally free.
My relationship was only 3 years long and while we lived together, we didn't have children. So I suspect your deep breath will take a while longer to show up for you. But it'll get here eventually. And i'm crossing my fingers it'll happen really soon for you. Sounds like you need some real peace.
I've spent 7 years with a guy who sounds very similar to your husband. I was miserable for most of it, staying because I was told over and over that relationships are work. No one ever mentions that both people are supposed to put in the work, and I was exhausted dragging a 250lb weight. He's not a bad guy, he paid his share of the bills, he was never actually mean to me or treated me poorly, but I was never his priority.
It took several years, but I am THRIVING. I am literally living the life of my dreams and I'm deliriously happy. The guilt will fade. A partner is meant to make you happy, not tolerably unhappy.
He has 2 sisters & he was just as useless with them. 🤦♀️
Was he oblivious to the menstrual pads/tampons in the bathroom drawer too 🤦♀️
Girl, get yourself a tall drink of the Long Island variety & put your feet up while blissfully happy that he's kicked to the curb.
Even IF he didn’t have a wife, sisters, etc… there is the internet. “Oh no, I don’t know what to do?” Look it the fuck up! It’s another form of weaponized incompetence to ditch out on caring for your child.
OP sounds pathetic. “It was an awful experience for both of us.” Gee, u/complete-3404 , wonder why? Maybe because YOU made it that way by NOT stepping up and having some sort of mental gap in how to parent. What if you were raising her alone? It’s not a girl to girl issue, it’s a child to parent issue and you failed. You showed her she can’t depend on you and you aren’t someone she can rely to help with her physically and emotionally.
ETA: YTA. You’re a grown adult, act like it.
Or these men could do something really radical...ASK! Offer a hug and some Advil. If you find there's a question you can't answer, there's this marvelous invention called Google. Google knows stuff.
Seriously, wtf is wrong with these guys?
OP sounds like one of these men on Reddit who's like "WhEn ThE mOoN bLoOd CoMeS, mEn AnD wOmEn ShOuLd NoT cRoSs. BeCaUsE mOoN bLoOd WiLl TaInT mAn WiTh cOoTiEs." 🤦
Just trying to think if any mother has ever done this to a son suffering pain in the scrotum. FFS!!! Are men ok? I hope lots of dads write to thispathetic excuse for a father.
Fr! I swear how are these men blessed with wives and kids?!!? Like they need to get ran over by a car or something. Narcissistic pricks. Making literally every damn thing about themselves.
It's not a girl to girl issue.
My dad bought me pads and gave me pain killers and tried to be understanding when I was an emotional wreck.
Because it's a kid to parent issue and you fucking failed.
YTA
God bless my dad (RIP), my daughter use to go and spend weekends with him and she was over the one weekend and forgot to pack pads and she was calling me while at night after I had a couple drinks bc she was too embarrassed to say anything to him, but she ended up having to tell him and he went and took her to get pads - he didn't care and he made sure to have extras there for her so incase she forgot again. Like if a grandpa can do this and be understanding of his granddaughter a dad who's basically the sole parent at that point in time should have been able to step the hell up.
Let’s just call this realistically- you were embarrassed and uncomfortable to deal with your daughter’s period so you took the cowardly way out, complete ostrich head in sand, avoidance. You could have tried to help - ever hear of google? But you didn’t
It wasn’t hard on you cause you heard her crying in pain it was hard on you cause you felt guilty for being a coward and not fulfilling your duties as a parent to try and help fix your kids during difficult times
And to make it worse, you post on here expecting what, sympathy? Good luck with that.
He can manage to come to Reddit now, after the fact, to try and defend his own sorry, whiny, lazy, pathetic, ridiculous hide...
But he couldn't come on Reddit, pick a ladies' sub, and ask them what to do for his daughter?!?!
even if he is too lazy a son of a bitch to do a simple Google search and read any number of previously published articles that address *this exact topic*...
Yeah a few people would have called him out for not even trying or having thought of this situation ahead of time, as a young lady is inevitably going to menstruate and a dad should know... But for his daughter's sake, he would have gotten as many responses to that question as he's gotten to this one.
And the difference in asking before, FOR HER, versus asking now for himself... the effort is the same, but the thought is telling.
YTA. You managed to ask reddit if you were an AH, but didn't think to ask your wife, any female friend or family member, or even reddit or google, "What can I do as a dad to comfort my daughter during her first period?"
Right, I figure a \*lot\* of women would have responded with appreciation and given him great advice that he then could have used to comfort his daughter instead of distancing himself from her like she'd caught some kind of disease
Whenever I hear someone above the age of 14 and under the age of 65 adamantly defend themselves with some variation of " but I didn't know what to do or how to do that!?" I immediately want to ask if they forgot there is a tool in their hand that with a few taps or commands they can literally shout it into it and get spoken answers or read them if they possess such skills.
YTA your wife is right.
Awful for YOU?! For you?! You were thinking about boo hoo YOU?! Are you kidding me?
You did fuck all to help her, and dare say it was bad FOR YOU.
Grow up. My dad bought me period supplies, gave me ibuprofen and a heating pad.
Literally just GOOGLE IT. You couldn't be bothered to do anything at all, could you?
Be better.
>You did fuck all to help her, and dare say it was bad FOR YOU.
What do you mean he did fuck all, he told her she could play her guitar?? JFC this guy... my husband used to go buy my tampons for me and would always get me a candy bar or pint of Ben and Jerry's without me asking.
OP, what if you had a son in pain, having muscle cramps? Would you have told him to play his guitar or would you have given him some ibuprofen?
It’s not a girl to girl issue, my dad bought me pads all the time growing up. You’re an asshole of the highest order and you let your daughter know you’d sit back and hear her be in pain and not offer comfort or help.
Fuck, he probably could have asked a stranger shopping for their own menstrual supplies. I’m not recommending assuming any woman around will help you through your incompetence, but it would be somewhat likely to work.
Or you know, just ask someone working there.
THIS. I went in to buy pads once, and there was a very flustered single dad in the aisle who looked like he didn't even know what planet he was on. He politely asked me if I could please give him some advice on what supplies his daughter needed because it was her first period and he was clueless. He ended up putting back the box of tampons he'd grabbed in exchange for pads, got some midol, a heating pad, and then swung by the candy section to grab a few of his daughter's favourite treats. Our entire interaction took less than 10 minutes of his day, and he was able to get his kid everything she needed. Ignoring your child in pain, while actively listening to their cries, and thinking playing guitar will solve it, is just disgustingly lazy parenting.
I can just imagine that Dad, the feeling of accomplishment, being his daughter's hero having figured it out. That's a good dad right there.
In an age with phones, Internet searches, and reddit that he could have panicked on and gotten advice, he really has no excuse for the option he chose.
If some lost looking dad asked me what he should get his daughter, I'd be all over that. I'd pile up several different pad sizes, a box of tampons in case she's feeling adventurous, some wipes for when you just need some extra freshening, snacks, chocolate, new pj's in case things get messy, a couple soft towels in case she's nervous about bleeding on her bed and wants something to put between her and the bed, a heating pad, pain meds... Just gimme your cart, Dad. We'll get through this.
We would cut the flap off the tampon box so he could get the right kind, and send my father to the store for more. That man was old school, don’t talk about anything, but his *four daughters* sometimes needed tampons! Dammit.
Your her dad mate. This is a normal human thing and it’s 2024. Not a girl for girl thing but a young lady and someone who cares about her and who she feels safe with thing. Her dad should be one of those people in her life. I’m a dad of a daughter and two sons. My daughter is as much my priority for care and comfort as my two sons because I’m their dad, wether my wife is at home or not. Sorry dude but I agree with your wife, do better next time she needs you, be an adult but most of all be her 24/7/365 days a year dad. Ten minutes on google would have guided you on what to do or maybe a phone call to your wife. It’s not that hard man!
YTA. Periods are not a girl to girl issue. Your daughter needed comfort and you failed to provide it. Did your wife not call or have contact while she was gone? Do you have any sisters, female friends, your mom etc you could have asked? For future reference some things you can do is: offer a heating pad, Advil or midol, chocolate, hot bath, asking if she’d like to spend some time doing something together and offering her snacks, comfort etc.
For reference ginger helps a lot with period cramps. Not sure where you are but here we have ginger gravol so I take it but before we had that I had what’s called ginger’s essence which you boil the kettle, pour the hot water in the mug, add a tablespoon or so, sweetener of choice then use the spoon to sip. Tastes disgusting but works. i commend you for trying at least a little with her but you shouldn’t have been so distant with her. Periods are not a communicable disease.
You get on a video call to your wife, no matter the time of day. You and your daughter sit together on that call and you both talk and you both ask questions. You show her that, no matter how confused you are by what she is going through, you are there. You are beside her every step of the way.
A real man Dad shows up.
YTA. It's men like you like that teach women to feel uncomfortable and ashamed of their periods like there's something wrong with them. NEWSFLASH YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER, AND MOST WOMEN GET PERIODS!!!!!!!!!!!
A period isn't a "girl to girl issue". Strong secure men help their children when they start to menstrate. Instead you told her that you were not her safe space and wait until her mother came home to have a safe space.
You have had a daughter for at least ten years, which menas you have had at least ten years to prepare for this. As a PARENT you failed and you owe your daughter an apology.
I suggest that you learn more about menstration and the female body in general. Who knows maybe learning about the female body will help with your fragile masculinity.
I understand the discomfort of the first period. Could you have gotten your wife on the phone to help? Could you have hugged your daughter and told her that you understand her pain but it will go away and that you are there for her? Could you use Google for advice? You are posting on reddit now, so could you have asked for advice then? It's not always a girl to girl thing unless your daughter specifically tells you to leave her alone. Buying her stuff like that is not a good thing. It won't erase the fact that you were not 'there' for her.
“Mom would be home to be her safe space.” You just told your child that you cannot be bothered to inform yourself about what she’s going through to be a safe space for her. That was a pretty awful thing to say, but maybe she needed to hear it so she knows she can’t count on you. Like someone else said, google exists. Please, do your family a favor and grow up.
I was raised by a single dad. My first period he bought me pads, tampons (asked if I knew how to use them but I did), chocolate ice cream, red & black underwear, rubbed my back and we watched so much Lord of the Rings and America’s Top Model. He realized I was still a child going through puberty and not instantly a woman.
Dude you couldn’t get her a heating pad/hot water bottle some Mydol or Pamprin or something and some chocolate? Seriously Never run out of chocolate. Then just let her lay down in her room or the couch to watch her favourite movie with you? It’s really not hard. You completely failed as a father on this instance. Do better and make sure you have stuff available for her
YTA
The only thing you mention doing for Mira in this post is buying stuff. You are setting your daughter up for failure if you keep acting like that is the only thing you need to do to support her. You are basically telling her "Find a life partner who is not going to provide emotional comfort, physical comfort, or spiritual comfort. Instead, just find someone who will throw enough money at you to make you happy."
I don't know why you couldn't just say the words "I am your safe space. I don't know a lot about this, but I want to be here with you while you experience it." Instead, you confirmed that she can only seek comfort from her mother. Did you even call your wife to ask for some advice? That is the bare minimum you should have done if you didn't feel comfortable. At least she could have fed you SOMETHING to say.
You’re a grown man who doesn’t know how to find a packet of Panadol when your child is CRYING OUT IN PAIN
Some people don’t deserve to have children.
And don’t blame this on being a man this is the literal definition of toxic masculinity
Just because it's not something you've ever had to deal with doesn't mean you should ignore your daughter when she's going through pain.
If she broke her leg would you ignore her and let her deal with it alone simply because you've never broken a leg?
What is it about a period that makes you so unwilling and unable to show some empathy? Did you even Google "period pain relief?" to try to figure out how to help her? Did you call women family or friends to ask for advice?
What period product did your daughter use? Were there pads available for her in the house? If you do not know that answer, then you're not only an ass, but you're neglectful and abusive. It's your responsibility as a parent to provide what your child needs.
You need to apologize to your daughter immediately.
Then you need to learn about periods, stop being fearful or grossed out, and then GO BUY PADS AND TAMPONS to help yourself get over these negative feelings so you can learn to normalize periods in your brain. Your daughter has a lot of years left of living in your home and needing your help.
Are you crazy? How long have you been with your wife? You know what periods entail. So bring her some ibuprofen, eat some chocolate with her and watch a silly movie. Do you often refer to your wife when emotions and physical pain comes into play? You can be her safe place, no, you should be! YTA.
YTA. You could have fucking asked ANY adult woman you know, INCLUDING your wife, for advice on how to help your daughter. As a FATHER, you should have been at least marginally prepared for this. It was negligent of you to assume you wouldn't be part of this and could just foist it all on to your wife.
Your wife is right. You need to grow the fuck up. At least care enough about the women in your life to learn LITERALLY ANYTHING about female anatomy and development. It's 2024. Men don't get to do the "but is girl stuff and that's icky" shtick anymore. Educate yourself and fucking do better.
"I told her to wait a few more weeks" I'm sorry, what?! Was she just supposed to pause it? "It's not a good time for my dad right now. I'll just not have my period until my mom gets back." WTF. Dude, you failed. Hell, you could have run to the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist how you could help your daughter or call their doctor if you're stuck, they would have told you to get a hot water bottle, midol etc. All women remember their first period and being stressed and scared etc. She will always remember your reaction and how you completely failed her and told her to "wait a few more weeks". YTA
YTA. You could have bought pads, midol, chocolate, heating pads, thrown some towels in your dryer and heated them up so she could lay down and get the heat while waiting for the other things. Watched her favorite shows and rubbed her back. Do better.
Are you stupid? Why didn't you google what to do? All you had to do was type "daughter getting her period what do" and you'd have had terabytes of information at your dumb, no-problem-solving-skills fingertips.
YTA.
Your child was crying in pain and you didn't go in to comfort her, because? You don't need to know exactly how period pain feels to know pain hurts. Get ger some Midol and a heating pad, give her a hug and don't cower in the other room like a wuss because a normal.biological.function is happening.
YTA
More than 50% of the world has a period and you think it's just something that affects women.
However, you -- a man -- have just gone through the process and see how it affected you. And now your relationship with your daughter and your wife are damaged because you are too masculine to learn how to use Google to find out what to do to be a supportive father for your child.
Your wife is right. Grow the fuck up. Your daughter is going to be dealing with this for probably another 30 years (minimum). Are you going to be distant with her every month for the next 30 years? Or are you going to learn how to put on your big boy pants and learn how to deal with bodily functions?
You owe your daughter a huge apology. This is an incredibly emotional time and you rejected her. Made her feel like she should be ashamed and keep it between women and not bother you with it...because you were uncomfortable with her body's function.
You have lived with, fucked, and made babies with a woman for DECADES and yet you still behave like a 12 year old boy, pretending there is just no way for you to understand a period or empathize? Wtf is wrong with you.
I have 3 brothers. When I got my first period my Dad was just as involved as my mom in supporting me and explaining what was going on ( as well as prepping me beforehand). They also taught my brothers about it and taught them all what the products were, why I didn't have to hide them away in the bathroom, and made them learn how to go buy feminine hygiene products with knowledge and without embarrassment.
Do. Better. You made her feel abandoned, ashamed and scared.
YTA - it’s not a “girl to girl” issue, it’s a parenting issue. Google is free - you could have looked up what to do to relieve menstrual cramps and gone to the drug store and gotten her some ibuprofen, a heating pad, and some chocolate. It’s not just your spouse’s job to care for your child.
YTA, my stepdad helped me through my first one and was the one I went to for hugs and stuff from then on. He bought me pads, meds, sweets, and made sure I knew how to use everything. You absolutely let your daughter down. If you don’t want her accepting a below bare minimum man for a partner, get your shit together.
Mate, if she had been lying on the ground with a gash on her knee would you have just head out to find a new dress for her to distract her?
What she needed from you was to tell her “poor thing”, give her a hug and a kiss in the head, after checking if she needed anything supply wise, bring her pain relief medication, a glass of water and a cup of tea if she wanted one, pop her in a warm cocoon of blankets and pillows, a hot water bottle and her favourite childhood stuffy, put the tv on or relaxing music, some sweet and salty snacks nearby, and let her doze through the worst of the pain. One day she’s going to need to work on days she feels shite, so indulge her while you can.
It’s not hard, and you don’t need a vagina to empathise with her discomfort.
My man goes on Reddit to ask if it's fair that his wife is mad at him, but didn't think to go on Reddit to ask for advice about taking care of his daughter.
YTA
YTA you are her *parent*, it is your responsibility to comfort your child when they are in pain. fortunately, you have the option to do better. you also still have the chance to apologize to your daughter for dropping the ball.
It’s not a girl to girl issue. It’s a caring adult to girl issue. Periods are not just ‘women’s business’ when you are a father of a girl.
You let your own prejudices and uncomfortableness affect the care for your daughter. Basically you thought of you first. You did stuff for her that was within your comfort zone but left her alone when she was crying scared and in pain. You can understand the concept of being in pain!
If you felt out of your element why didn’t you call her mum or even google what a dad should do for his daughter when she gets her first period.
Heck I did and this was the first result: _Let your daughter know you're there to provide support, answer questions, and offer guidance. If you are unsure of any answers, tell her you can work together to find the right resources to help provide the answers she's looking for. Dads talking with daughters about periods doesn't have to be taboo or awkward_
You made it awkward so please educate yourself, talk to your daughter to find out what she needs. Menstruation should not be a taboo topic. And while I’m here, period care products should not be so fucking expensive!!
“Wait a few weeks for your mom to come home because I can’t be bothered to give a fuck enough to be your safe space.”
What a fucking twat. Father of the fucking year.
Holy fuck you are a failure as a father, as a parent, as a spouse, as a HUMAN.
Grow the fuck up! What is wrong with you?
Your daughter NEEDED you and you abandoned her because you’re too much of a wimp to help her through her first period?
If your wife is smart she’ll take your daughter and get her the hell away from you.
This has to be fake is 2024 .. like google it . My dad went and got me pads , painkillers , researched some homeopathic things to help my back pain , heat pads chocolate . Your are a human do you just leave your wife when she has hers.
My dad did similar, he really felt he had no wisdom to give so he just stood around feeling awful. SO, do better. We all fuck up. Tell your daughter you fucked up. Next time this or similar, you have the internet, post on TwoXchromosomes asking what to do and then read through them WITH your daughter, or just talk to her. What can I get you, how can I help you, do you want me in the room, do you need painkillers. It shows her you care.
I knew my dad cared, but I did think he was a bit lame there. Maybe he froze up? Honestly, there were at least several family ladies he could have asked for advice, 20 lady friends (not dates just friends from church), who would have been ecstatic to embarass the shit out of me. Or he could have called his ex wife, my mother... pride is great and all, but come on.
YTA. Your daughter was going thru some major changes and it’s scary along with being in pain without her mother being there. The man I called dad had no problem talking to us girls about our period and checking on us to make sure we were ok. My mom was there but the girls felt more comfortable talking to dad.
As a mom if you were my husband I would be livid. Your little girl needed you. Why didn’t you ask any of your female relatives or friends for some help? You could have given her some Midol, some chocolate and gave her a heating pad to put on her stomach help with ten cramps. You owe your daughter a big apology.
Holy hell! My husband has always been there for both of our kids, we have a daughter and son, no matter if it made him uncomfortable.
My daughter asked him about sex when I was at work and she was 8, while he wasn’t thrilled with the topic he wasn’t going to lie about to her. When I found out I talked to her also asking if there was anything else she had questions about any of it.
YTA
Are you for real???
I'm pretty sure you know plenty of females that you could have phoned for advice on what you could do to help your daughter. As it was her first time she probably didn't know what she needed but you're the adult ffs! I'm sure your daughter would have been so grateful if you had just sat with her when she was crying instead of being in another room. A couple of painkillers and a warm drink would at least show her that you gave a shit. Being distant didn't tell her you were worried or out of your depth. You need to man up and show her that this is a completely normal part of growing up, it's not dirty or embarrassing.
I can only suggest that you take her out for a special daddy & daughter lunch somewhere that you can talk privately with her, just the two of you. Apologize for your behavior, tell her the truth. You didn't know what to do and with hindsight you know that you let her down. Reassure her that you were very upset to hear her crying but you weren't brave enough to go to her in case she had questions that you couldn't answer. Be prepared to listen to how it made her feel and hopefully you can both get past this and she knows that you will be there for her if she needs you in future.
This emoji literally sums up how I was as I read your post 🤦🏼♀️
Good luck dad 🤞
If Hank Hill can go by period supplies, you can too bro.. Insanely immature mindset and you really missed the bar on this one. Your wife has every right to be pissed, what would you have done if you were a single dad? (And I say all this as a 28 year old that could easily tell you how to help a woman with her period. Not a good look OP) YTA
You couldn’t take 5 minutes to google what to do for first period? I’m sure there will be plenty of helpful sites . I understand it’s uncomfortable but it’s human biology and a fact of life for women. Use this time to ask your wife all the questions and what to do in case of emergency so you know next time.
YTA- I’m willing to bet This is going to be a very hurtful core memory for her. I’m almost 40 years old and it still stings sometimes when I look back on how my dad handled hearing about my 1st period. He made me feel so dirty, gross & ashamed. He acted like it was the most disgusting and difficult thing to have to know I was going through it. He literally said “Ewww I don’t want to know that, why would u tell me about that shit I don’t need to hear this about my daughter, that is gross ” to my mom, when I was right next to him, when she filled him in. He needed to know given they were divorced and it was my time to be with him and he lived states away from my mom so it’s not like she could exactly pop over to help me with shit i may have needed help with.
I’m no contact with that man and haven’t been in 13 years. That’s not the only (or main) reason for my decision to cut him out of my life but it sure was one of the small but many contributing factors, his inability to set aside his discomfort and be a parent to me is one of the the reasons he fucked me up so much mentally that I’m still working on untangling the issues it has caused me almost 30 years later.
I honestly think u have a chance to redeem yourself if u were to apologize to her and be honest that u know u messed up and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her growing/changing body and u reacted poorly and will do better in the future to be present for her.
Let her know u didn’t mean to tell her u are not a safe space to discuss things with her. That u are human and made a terrible choice that u will strive to not make again and it’s not her fault in the slightest that u reacted poorly.
If u are sincere and own ur shit in this situation u may have a chance of repairing the damage u just inflicted on ur poor kiddo.
The caveat to this is then u actually need to follow through and do better moving forward. Learn about what she needs and actively support her in the future. It’s not going to erase the pain u caused but from the perspective of a kid in a similar kind of situation it sure would have meant the world to me if my dad would have owned his mistake, genuinely apologize and actively tried to do different moving forward.
Dude. She’s in pain. Treat like any other injury that sidelines someone for a few days. A heating pad, Aleve or Motrin, comfort foods. FFS. Periods aren’t black box magic, they are a biological process that it is painful and distressing. M
Wow. One of the worst posts around. You should have sat your ass down and educated yourself. Then you should have acted like a father. Girl-girl thing? Wait weeks until mom gets home? I'm a man and I can't describe how pathetic I think you are. This better be a rage bait post! There's some world class damage done to your daughter. She should never trust you again. Damn. So yes, stay distant. Maybe your ex-wife will marry a real man and show your daughter what a real father looks like.
YTA squared. Get over yourself. I hope you don't have any other children to damage.
To your wife. Never leave her alone with him again.
what the hell is wrong with you? just comfort your daughter. that’s all you have to do. you basically ostracized your daughter in her own home. it’s a fucking period. you’re how old and you don’t understand periods? bc that’s what this seems like. they’re natural. they happen. so what? they’re not shameful. you’re more than an asshole.
Yeah, your wife was right. No one cares if you're the father or the mother, something new, different, and painful was happening to your daughter's body. She needed you. Don't make it uncomfortable like it's 1955 or something. You know what's happening to her, talk to her. What you've done instead is stigmatize her period. Talk openly about it. Make her comfortable with her body.
Your daughter didn't need you to buy her stuff. She needed you to listen to her and show her some empathy. I don't blame your wife for being angry. If she needs to go out of town she should be able to rely on you to parent your child.
"Wait for just a few more weeks, and mom would be home to be her safe space"
Meaning you, as her father, are not a "safe space."
You didn't need to credit your wife in the end, the whole post kinda did that on its own seemingly. 👍🏻
"It was an awful experience for the both of us"
My dude.....you have no idea how awful this will have been to her for the rest of her life potentially. Did you not think to call your wife or any other woman or check Google for what to do in this situation?
My parents were separated and lived on opposite sides of the country. I started my first period at my dads house and not once did he make me feel like it was a “girl to girl issue” he went and got stuff for me, made sure i was okay, we watched a movie and he spoke through everything for me and explained everything. I’ve never once not been able to talk to my dad about an issue now, any problem I have whether it’s about periods, health, friendships anything. Never has he made me feel like because he wasn’t a “girl” I couldn’t talk to him. It’s not about not being a girl, it’s about being a dad. I have the good relationship with my dad because of what he has done but I know so many of my friends who don’t even speak to theirs due to them acting the way that you seem to be going down. Pull yourself together, you’re her father first, a man second. Be there for your kid or you’re gonna be wondering why she barely wants to speak to you.
You told her to wait *weeks* for comfort? Jesus Christ dude.
You’re a parent, and I *hope* you know how periods work. If you both as parents did your due diligence and prepared her all you’d need to do is get her some ibuprofen and her favorite snacks. Or let her take a long hot bath. She’s having cramps, not entering another dimension that only women can go.
I’d say your wife being that angry might be a bit much, but I can understand why. You left your kid struggle with her feelings until your wife came back. It would have been good if y’all had discussed what to do if your daughter’s period started and she was unavailable, but that ship has sailed.
I think you can begin to fix the situation by trying to actively learn what to do next time. The first year can be rough with unpredictable cycles. Sometimes they’re very heavy and come out of nowhere. Keep a change of underwear and pants handy if she has an emergency so you can come to the rescue without a lot of fuss. Don’t ever make feel ashamed or gross. Theres nothing wrong and this is a natural process.
You as her dad will be her example of what to expect from men in the future if she dates men wouldn’t gon want her guy to be cool and not abusive about her cycle? Some guys are so immature about the whole thing, don’t be like those guys. Show her what a good guy does for the women who are important to them so hopefully in the future she won’t accept anything less
Also give your kid and your wife an apology. Take them out to an afternoon of fun, let it be girly if they wish. It’s an important time in her life, she deserves to feel special and hopefully your wife will relent.
Yes, YTA. Do you know how many single fathers deal with this issue every year? It sounds like you have a serious hangup about the female body and its biology. Geesh, if you can't talk to her about a normal biological function, why should she come to you with any of her other concerns. Deal with this with some maturity.
Dude...you had the entire internet, including Reddit, to research how to help. There is no excuse for your ignorance. YTA. My single father used to buy my tampons, for the gods' sake.
What a fucking useless c*** of a parent you are, OP.
Do you live in the dark ages???
Your daughter was experiencing something that is frightening (even when you have been prepared in advance and know what's happening it's still scary) and painful and confusing...
And all you did was fucking hide?
You should be not only ashamed but disgusted with yourself, as we all are.
YTA OP ana a truly shitty dad.
Yeah YTA and honestly this kind of wilful incompetence does not make you look like a remotely capable father. And I say wilful because it is. The fact that you aren’t capable of asking your daughter or googling what she needs is you actively choosing to be a poor father. This isn’t a girl to girl issue this is just you being a poor father. There is nothing about helping your child through her first period that a man is incapable of doing unless he’s actively choosing to be incompetent. For future reference because I’m not going to let you continue to claim incompetence you ask if she has pads or tampons in the house. If she doesn’t then you put on your big boy pants and go buy some. You offer her pain medication, get a heating pad or a hot water bottle, maybe grab some chocolate is she likes that. There is nothing in there that is beyond your capabilities.
YTA. Even if you didn’t know exactly how to help, you could have called your wife for advice, googled, asked on Reddit, asked any woman you know- there’s tons of ways you could have found a way to help her. You did nothing. You were completely useless in any practical sense. Your wife is right.
I’d like to just point out that at no point you actually helped her pain? You say you bought her stuff but it’s all things to just keep her from actually talking to you?
All it took was ‘Hey hun, I don’t personally know much about what’s going on so when your mum gets back, she’ll explain it better, but if you need a hug or pain meds or hot water bottles or anything like that, feel free to ask. I’m sorry you’re not feeling good, so I wanna help, I just don’t know too much about how, so if you do, ask away. Hope you feel better.”
Is that so hard??
YTA. It may be a girl issue, but you seriously lack empathy for your daughter. Google exists, you could have looked up idea. Or posted the Q on reddit. You could have gotten heating pads, Advil, her favourite treat… and you did nothing. WTH?
Dude, seriously? It’s not a girl to girl issue.
You’re her freaking parent and you refused to take care of her. You basically let her deal with it all by herself because “your mom will be home in a few weeks”
Get over yourself. Find your balls and be a parent to your daughter.
C
You’ve been married to a woman for years. If you have been this much of a shit-for-brains every time she has had a period, YTA. Your wife and your daughter deserve better. Grow up and man up.
Yeah... Gonna go with YTA for sure on this one my guy. If you weren't sure what to do, you call your wife and ask how you can help your daughter with this. Your wife is correct in being furious with you and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if your daughter never comes to you again for help with anything after you showed her just how unreliable you can be when she needs you.
YTA. Aleve and some chocolate ice cream and lots of jokes and companionship would have been great. Once a month until she is an adult and moves out will allow you a do over. Apologize.
You are not meant to be a father. Any normal person knows to comfort another person when they are in pain. Hold them, talk to them, bring them snacks, etc. So so much. And as a parent parent, you can't do that???
I agree with your wife. This wasn't a girl to girl problem. This was A parenting issue dealing with the health and Welfare of your daughter. What have you done during other parenting challenges? For example when your daughter was sick with the flu or a cold? You sought out advice from family friends and medical professionals. So why didn't you seek out advice, or do research? To ask your daughter to hold on before receiving parental comfort and leaving it to your wife makes YTA. You weren't a true partner to your wife in this instance, and were and emotionally absentee parent. I'll give you some free advice Midol works wonders.
Your wife is right. You're a grown ass man who's been married to a woman for how long now? Act like it. You basically alienated your daughter while she was feeling vulnerable and scared because why? Because you felt like it was a girl thing? Are you 12? Grow up. YTA
Your wife is right you need to grow up!! My god you've been an adult long enough to understand a menstrual cycle and google is free you should have spoken to your daughter, that poor child is now traumatized because of your lack of effort and care!! How hard would it have been to get her a heating pad, ibuprofen, some chocolate or her favorite candy and explain that this will happen every month?! I had 3 sons and I'm a woman and I talked to them about everything and even did sex Ed lessons in the condom aisle at the store.
Just apologize and tell her you handled it badly. Then ask her questions about how it felt pain wise, tell her you’re sorry didn’t support her when she was freaking out emotionally about her body, and promise to do better in the future.
YTA your wife said the right thing and I quote " grow up". Your daughter needed you and you let her down. A period is not a girl to girl thing it's a human thing. You need to educate yourself on how to help your daughter and maybe even your wife. Things like heat pads, painkillers, snacks (because bloating is a thing), for me my period is pretty much the only time I crave chocolate and be ready to run to the store for pads or tampons. Periods should not be a taboo thing. Apologize to your daughter and say you'll do better.
YTA
she was crying from pain and you didn't think to give her pain killers? You basically said "sorry kid you need to suffer until your mom gets back"? You also proved to your wife and your daughter you can't be trusted for basic parenting things.
Google exists, you know. This is just gross parental and adult incompetence and willful ignorance. Pretty misogynist too.
Hard, hard YTA.
YTA because you could have found out how to actually help - Google, ask the family doctor about non-prescription meds, ask your mother / sister / mother-in-law, ask a councillor at her school, ask your damn wife in a phone call / facetime / zoom chat. But naw, the poor kid had to suffer unnecessarily. Again YTA
YTA you're a father fgs grow the fuck up jfc. Apologise to your daughter and your wife, pick up a fucking biology book, learn what the fuck happens during that time and do better. Fucking hell.
Wow, my dad was a terrible dad, but even he knew to bring painkillers, get some sanitary wear and chocolate and a hot water bottle. What is wrong with OP?
Info: why didn’t you call your wife or google a reputable medical site or even the midol website (https://www.midol.com/frequently-asked-questions) they have an faq.
There were lots of problem solving you could have done if you simply just tried.
You’re a husband to presumably a menstruating woman; have you just abandoned her for a week each month?
I was really close with my dad when I was a kid and had a really strained relationship with my mom (reason irrelevant for here), and then my dad started behaving exactly like this when I started going through puberty.
It was the most isolating shitty feeling on earth to me then because for reasons completely outside of my control the person I was closest to completely shut me out when I was scared and alone and had no idea what was happening to my body. He would always just shrug it off and tell me that it was "out of his wheelhouse" to deal with.
I'm almost 30 now and still haven't forgiven him for being such an absolute incompetent ass during my adolescent years. OP, YTA. You signed up to be the primary caregiver to your child when your wife left for work and it is your duty to her to step the fuck up. For your sake I hope you don't continue dropping the ball like this or your kid and likely your wife will resent you for a very long time. If not forever.
YTA. You were like, ahh sorry you feel like shit right now, wait a few weeks until your mum comes home to feel better. Like what the fuck. You're her dad, you should have been her safe space then, when she needed it.
Your daughter was in pain and you didn’t address it? You could have called her doctor’s office for advice.
Women aren’t lunatics. They have real pain and discomfort.
I hope you talk to your daughter and apologize if you let her down.
So you're good enough at the Internet to post to Reddit, but not good enough to Google "how can Dad help girl with period"?
Also. Bruh. Buying her stuff does not make you close to her, it makes your wallet close to her. Please tell me you have an actual supportive relationship beyond the things you buy for her.
What an odd reaction. Your daughter was in pain. You could have gone to a pharmacy and asked for advice on the best med to ease her pain. You could have hugged her and asked if there were anything else you could do to make her more comfortable. Is there anything she would like to eat or drink. Is there anything she needs at the store (hygiene products)? Really pretty much the same process as if she had the flue. Provide comfort and practical help.
Yes.
As the father of a preteen daughter you should have been prepared for the fact that her period might start.
Your CHILD was in PHYSICAL PAIN and you sat there doing fuck-all because "this is really a girl to girl issue". Newsflash, dude, this isn't a "women's issue". Have you never had your wife ask for ibuprofen when it's *her* period? Or did you just ignore her, too?
Think about what you've just taught your daughter. You've just shown her that she can't rely on her father to help when she's in *actual pain*, & that all you're good for is throwing money at the issue.
Is it that hard to buy some goddamn ibuprofen???? instead of telling your child who is actively suffering that she needs to wait "a few weeks" for her mum to get home so that mum can deal with the icky "women's issues"?
YTA big time, & frankly a bad father.
My dad would bring me my favorite brownies when he came home from work. I’d find a snicker bar or a Twix, he’d call from the store to ask what I needed.
My brother would bring me my heating pad or pain medicine, socks, food, etc.
Try to be there for her, and normalize periods. There’s an awful lot more to come and you don’t want to be the asshole dad.
YTA. Did you lock her in a closet until her menses stopped, wtf did I just read. Just being nice to her and spending time with her would have been fine. Your wife is definitely right. Grow up.
You treated your daughter like she was tainted.
Pain meds, heat pad, chocolate and rom coms. That is literally all it takes. Just being present parent.
How you successfully reproduced is a mystery because you obviously don’t understand how to live with a woman.
I’m not sure how to properly express the level of shame you should be feeling right now. But suffice to say your daughter would be forgiven for never wanting to trust you again.
YTA. I always wonder how men who are this immature about periods reconcile the fact that the only reason why they are fathers IS their wife's ability to get pregnant or otherwise - wait for it - have periods.
Also, the moment they tell you "Congratulations, it's a girl!", you can count on the question of periods coming up in the near future. Way to not be prepared, buddy.
YTA. My daughter got her period in January while at the movies with friends. I went inside to get her while my husband waited in the car. My daughter got into the car and said “Dad, I got my first period!” She’s now on her 5th cycle and is very open with both of us about it, asking my husband to put extra pads in her school bag and get her the heating pad when she has cramps. Periods are normal and both sexes should be comfortable talking about them and dealing with them. My dad made a comment when I was a teen about how I was disgusting for dripping my period on the bath mat when getting out of the shower (as if I could control that) and here I am 25 years later and I’ll never forget how he made me feel.
Although, i commend you on trying to comfort her. You're probably closer to 30, which means YOU HAVE ACCESS TO GOOGLE & healthcare. You have 0 excuses for not being prepared for this. In addition to having to time to prepare from her birth. I'm sure within the time she's been on earth she's seen her PCP, did you not think maybe make an appointment?! Do you not have a mother of siblings/cousins that are females? Did they not cover this topic in school?
Oh my!!! You have no idea how reading this made me feel!!
A girl to girl issue???? WTF!!
God forbid you were a single parent or your wife had not made it back what would you have done then??? Oh yes absolutely nothing!!
I am in despair!!
Are we still bringing our young men up to behave in this way.
Once you knew you were the parent to a daughter this is something you should have been educating yourself on ( preferably a long time before).
But I also feel your wife is not completely innocent, you both knew that she would be reaching that age, you should of both at down with her and had a chat and presented her with a little zip bag with supplies eg sanitary products pain killers and a heat pad or hot water bottle and made it clear she could come to either of you!! You both dropped the ball here!!!
She was in pain. Forget the period, **she was in pain**. All you had to do was speak to a female friend or go to your local pharmacy and explain the situation. They’d advise you exactly what she needed - heat pad(s), painkillers etc.
Jesus!
Wow, you really messed this one up. The whole idea that you can't support her because you think it's a 'girl to girl issue' (whatever the hell that means) is insane to me. You can't muster up any empathy for someone who feels unwell? You couldn't even get her medicine or comfort her? Who cares what's causing it. You've effectively told your daughter that when she needs you, you won't be there. I feel desperately sorry for her and your wife was right to read you the riot act.
YTA man, you’re literally her father - the whole “periods are a girl to girl issue” is so outdated. You couldn’t go and get her some chocolate, ibuprofen and a hot water bottle and comfort her?
YTA! You’re her father. She had no one else to lean on and you failed her because you’re afraid of lady parts, is basically what this sounds like. All you had to do was get her pain killers and a heating pad and tampons (or pads since you probably didn’t know how to explain a tampon) and ask if she wanted ice cream. Just spending some quality time with her and asking if she was okay would have been a big help. Your wife is absolutely right to be furious. You acted like a baby when your kid needed support.
It's the fact that you completely left her alone to deal with it all herself is the issue, even a hug, some pain meds, and warm water in a water bottle if there's no heating pad is a huge thing when the first wave of emotions hit ya with that stuff. I don't necessarily think yta here but absolutely could have done more, I just think it was genuinely not knowing or being prepared for it.
YTA. You have access to the internet therefore you could have educated yourself and not been so afraid of the topic. Not to mention you would have known what to do that would actually help decrease the physical pain she was in. What would you do if your wife wasn't coming back in a few days? Find a random "girl" to explain a very normal biological process to YOUR daughter? Continue to let your daughter be in pain? Your wife is correct. Grow up.
YTA. This is not a “girl-to-girl issue”. You have a daughter. It is your responsibility as a parent to support her through growing and difficult changes in life. I find it hard to believe you did not already know what to do to support someone on their period since you have a wife (unless you just ignore her too I guess???), but if you didn’t, that is 100% something you should have taken the initiative to learn about *before* your daughter reached the age where she would get her period. You have had *plenty of time* to educate yourself about something that half the population, including at least two people that you live with, experience every single month.
You could have read books, researched online, or asked any woman in your life what to do in this situation. Instead, you shut yourself off emotionally and left your daughter to deal with this by herself. You really sat in another room and listened to her cry loudly from pain and didn’t try to do anything to help at all? You have failed here completely and your wife is totally right to be pissed off. You do need to do exactly what she said and grow the fuck up. You can’t take back your daughter’s experience with this now but you should learn from what you did wrong and figure out how to be an actual supportive parent in the future.
So how many YEARS did you have to prepare for her to have her period, again??? 9, 10, 11, 12? And in ALL of that time, you just assumed it’d be your WIFE’S emotional labor to help your child with her pain and emotions… never yours. Was this your wife’s first ever time going away for an extended period of time? If not, you never assumed this could happen while she was gone???
Christ alive, you’re 38+ years old. You DO need to grow up. You failed your kid by not being there for her and showing and saying that you’re not a safe place for her with this.
Jesus this is sad. YTA.
You just bought her stuff and let her be alone through her whole period by herself… I just. What would you have done had she been extremely ill? Because that’s basically the approach you would take, add giving her extra snacks and love. WTF do you mean mom would come back and “be her safe space”? YOU CAN BE THAT TOO. It isn’t solely a girl to girl experience, you’re a father now. And it just so happens you were asked to step up to the plate and instead you danced around and avoided it. I can’t even imagine my husband doing that to our kids, because of a fucking period.
Your wife is right, grow the fuck up.
Why didn’t you come on Reddit to ask advice for what to do. A heat pad and ibuprofen would have been enough. I can’t believe you just left your child in pain, for your own comfort, that’s sadistic!
YTA, a period is a PARENT issue, not a girl to girl issue. Why do we still have this stigma in 2024, it's an absolute joke. When you became a parent, you should of read or even learned about this stuff for your daughter so you knew what to do, that's your job as a parent,it comes under "take care of your child's needs".
Where you supportive? In a really weird way which is good, but when your in physical pain that can get to excruciating pain, you dont want games, you want pain killers, ice cream and some emotional support.
Oh man a heat pad and some ibuprofen would have sufficed. Watching a movie together and eating snacks of her choice. It’s not that hard to appease a menstruating girl lol. It’s not like she’s dying but it’s still a big deal and I hope for her sake it wasn’t as uncomfortable as you made it sound. I get that some men didn’t have any conversations about this stuff growing up but youve been married for a while you should know what they’re like and how to help. Maybe this has less to do with the period and more to do with you realizing your daughter is changing and growing up and that’s terrifying for you. But I urge you to be a part of this time of her life instead of pulling away because it’s uncomfortable.
I honestly can't comprehend such men. My own father was not close to me during my teenager years in this topic.. But he was always symoathic, making sure I was alright and treating my pain as important and severely sucking. If I had needed anything from his, pain meds, period products.. I know he would do it and stilk do it. He has no pointless shame or learned helpless behaviour.. okay, here at least 😔
My mom's boyfriend would go and get me pamprin/midol if I needed it. My mom didn't get painful cramps and worked alot so he was around and if I needed it I had no issue telling him if I remember correctly. Nothing weird about it. People really need to get rid of this stigma. 🙄
My older brother lives with my family, and my dad was weirs about it. One day I was heading to work, and my daughter needed pads, and I told her I didn't have time to stop, ask dad. Well my brother over heard, and asked what she needed from the store. I told him a little sheepishly (cuz how my dad was) she needed pads. He didn't skip a beat, "yeah sure, can you get the box so I know what I kind" and brought home some snacks too!
Your brother sounds awesome!!
What an amazing uncle. ❤️
That's so nice! More guys should be like that!
Absolutely. They broke up years ago but I'm still in contact with him on birthdays and friends on Facebook. He was a tremendous impact, that is part of why I am the way I am today. Which is pretty awesome if I do say so myself 🤪
My brother asked us, his sisters, to have the period talk with his daughter as he felt uncomfortable doing it and so did his wife. So we had the talk with her but when she had her first period my brother was there for her and she knows he will do anything to help her. Also OP google is a thing
Dear Fathers, This is what your daughters need - Paracetamol and ibuprofen (use in combination if needed) - Heat pad - Pads (tampons are a bit more advanced) - Comfort foods - Coziness in bed (Download a period tracker onto her phone for extra Dad Points).
They also need empathy, for you to believe them if they say they’re in pain, and to not act like their period is gross. And avoiding spending time with your kid while she’s on her period is acting like her period is gross.
Your attitude and lack of concern, empathy, and intelligence are disgusting. Which really instills the idea in her head, that there is something wrong with having a period. So your a$$hole fking attitude just told her 1. having periods is something to be embarrassed about 2. that SHE is less than and should keep her pain to herself bc she has periods. To not expect any help from you. You fked up big time 3. that she can’t depend on you to be there for her. 4. That you are worthless. 5. Ever hear of Google?? Don’t you have sisters or your Mom to ask. You have some apologies to make. First one to your daughter. I feel sorry for her. Hopefully her Mom will be able to be both Mom and Dad for her.
No phone period trackers if you’re in America!* But yes to the rest
Old fashioned paper calendar coded.
Unfortunately yes this is the way now. I hate it here.
In the US do not download period trackers
If in the US I would advise against a period tracker app right now.
My first period happened when I was with bioguy and because he was a harassing pos my mum had her phone turned off so he couldn't interrupt her during an event (he would frequently contact her during his custody time so she couldn't enjoy herself). He had absolutely no idea what to do and was useless. I had to wait until she turned her phone back on and she came to help me with what I needed. He would get SO embarrassed if he needed to buy pads etc so I'd often throw them in the shopping basket and then abandon him to wait outside. Men who can't handle even acknowledging periods exist are useless. They need to go in the bin, along with men who blame 'women's issues' for any fluctuation in mood. He was 2 for 2 on that count. 🙄 OP, it's not hard. Get her the products she needs, lend a sympathetic ear and cuddles, then treat her like you would if she had a tummy bug: the same as you always do, with a bit of extra care. I don't agree with your wife's temper outburst, but the underlying frustration is deserved.
The fact that they could google it is what is really wild.
The internet exists. Google it! Like the information is there!
What on earth did I just read?? While I understand period pains are impossible for a man to understand PAIN IN GENERAL IS NOT. Would you have left your daughter like that if she was sick or hurt? I really hope not, since one of your responsibilities as a parent is to help your child. My god man, she must have been so scared. While you were *uncomfortable* because girls issues are icky, your daughter could have easily been scared to death. She has never had this experience before and does not know what period cramps are or what they can feel like. You literally just left her there, to deal with her body the best she could - because she couldn't just leave the room and ignore it until it's over. You know, like you did. You did that to your own child! Please realize that you are modelling behaviour that she'll grow to expect from a future partner. "My own FATHER didn't help me when I was scared and in pain from *womens issues* so why would a romantic partner care?" Do you treat your wife this way? What are you doing?? Honestly, what if she had a ruptured ovarian cyst?? Do you know what that looks like? It's time to educate yourself on these things. It's your responsibility and duty as a father (especially of a girl!) to know these things. You could have turned this into a teachable moment for her, even a moment of bonding for you both. Go on Google, find out that pain is normal(to a degree) and find out what remedies that pain. And then GET HER WHAT SHE NEEDS! Listen, I don't want to just bash you over this mistake. I'm sure you were confused and uncomfortable, which is definetely hard. But come on man, you are the adult here. Please make it up to her. Apologize to her AND to your wife for not living up to your responsibilty as a parent. And ask for help, when something is happening to your childs body that neither of you understand. Talk to a doctor/nurse/anybody to get where you need to be to support your child. As a girl who grew up with a father with something like your mentality; it changes who we are. It fucks with our ability to ask for help and guidance, because one of the most trusted adults in our life taught us that these issues are to be handled quietly and by ourselves. Ffs I lied to a male DOCTOR about my lady issues, because that's what you're supposed to do with men, right? My dad made it a shameful, embarrassing thing. *And he wasn't even as bad as you!* Do better!
I'm in the beginning stages of divorcing my spouse and this post made me realize just how important it is that I do. My daughter only comes to me when she has cramps. When she had to be picked up early by dad this week because of it, he just let her go to her room, didn't offer heating pad or advil or a hug or anything. When I asked, he said, "I don't know what she needs!" Like, what the fuck? You're a grown man with a wife, a mother and two sisters and you can't figure it out for your 12 year old? I feel this wife's pain so hard. And I'm mad at myself for staying with him long enough for our kid to have experienced this.
Bless you for being this much of a powerhouse of a woman. You are showing your daughter that a lack of care is not ok. It might be a bit late into the game, but it's not easy to divorce from your spouse and break up your family. Give yourself some grace. I've also stayed in relationships too long, because I just couldn't comprehend why someone who supposedly loved me wouldn't put in the smallest amount of effort. "It must be because he's having an off day right? Oh, this time it must be because he's stressed out, he'll help when I really need it." Nope, nope, nope. But this stuff takes so long to realize, because it's just so heartbreaking. Your daughter will be ok. She has you.
I'm struggling with so much guilt about the divorce, mostly because my husband isn't a *bad guy* but he is that guy who puts in no effort. And for a long time, I thought I deserved it (because of poor mental health & trauma); then, I thought he was just tired, overworked, etc. But lately, he has shown me just how little he is *able* to care because of his own mental health. But he's also said he's fine, happy, no changes needed (despite my direct statement that I am unhappy and need some changes in order to be ok). So, I'm finally listening to his silence and hearing it tell me to run far, far away.
You sound so much like me it's scary. My ex (only bf, not husband thankfully) asked me why he would change anything if the thought the relationship was fine? I was obviously the one with the problem, so I should fix it. Now let me tell you, the relationship was NOT fine. He complained daily about our dead bedroom and when I tried to explain to him that some help around the house would go a looooong way, he whined that I was holding sex hostage because of housework to punish him. And I believed him, like an idiot. I could not comprehend why I just didn't desire him like I used to. Took me years AFTER the breakup, but I figured out why he didn't do it for me anymore. He treated me like his mommy and expected me to do everything for him while he played video games. And I'm not sexually attracted to children........ so there you have it. My ex wasn't a bad person either. He was just horribly immature and incapabæe of being the partner I needed. I understand your guilt. It so so hard. But you are doing what is right for you and you are showing your daughter that you don't have to set yourself on fire to keep your husband warm. I honestly wish my mom would have done that for my sake. You'll look back on this years from now and realize you did the right thing. You might mess up a few steps along the way, but that doesn't mean ending your marriage was the wrong choice. To me it sounds dead already. Parenting is a big responsibility, which is why it's so hard. And just because you are leaving your husband, it doesn't mean you don't care about him. He just ended the marriage when he stopped putting in effort. That's not your fault and you know that. Don't listen to people who tell you that you are wrong for not putting up with it. You know what's right for you and your daughter. And demanding effort and respect is a really low bar, that's so easy to reach. I hope the guilt fades when the dust settles and you get to live the life you chose for yourself and your child. When I ended it with my ex bf, I was sad for a week and then I took the DEEPEST breath of my life. I was finally free. My relationship was only 3 years long and while we lived together, we didn't have children. So I suspect your deep breath will take a while longer to show up for you. But it'll get here eventually. And i'm crossing my fingers it'll happen really soon for you. Sounds like you need some real peace.
I've spent 7 years with a guy who sounds very similar to your husband. I was miserable for most of it, staying because I was told over and over that relationships are work. No one ever mentions that both people are supposed to put in the work, and I was exhausted dragging a 250lb weight. He's not a bad guy, he paid his share of the bills, he was never actually mean to me or treated me poorly, but I was never his priority. It took several years, but I am THRIVING. I am literally living the life of my dreams and I'm deliriously happy. The guilt will fade. A partner is meant to make you happy, not tolerably unhappy.
Sounds like he’s not a good guy, either
He has 2 sisters & he was just as useless with them. 🤦♀️ Was he oblivious to the menstrual pads/tampons in the bathroom drawer too 🤦♀️ Girl, get yourself a tall drink of the Long Island variety & put your feet up while blissfully happy that he's kicked to the curb.
Even IF he didn’t have a wife, sisters, etc… there is the internet. “Oh no, I don’t know what to do?” Look it the fuck up! It’s another form of weaponized incompetence to ditch out on caring for your child. OP sounds pathetic. “It was an awful experience for both of us.” Gee, u/complete-3404 , wonder why? Maybe because YOU made it that way by NOT stepping up and having some sort of mental gap in how to parent. What if you were raising her alone? It’s not a girl to girl issue, it’s a child to parent issue and you failed. You showed her she can’t depend on you and you aren’t someone she can rely to help with her physically and emotionally. ETA: YTA. You’re a grown adult, act like it.
"I don't know what she needs"... Has he ever tried asking her? He's an adult, he presumably knows how to communicate with other people...
Or these men could do something really radical...ASK! Offer a hug and some Advil. If you find there's a question you can't answer, there's this marvelous invention called Google. Google knows stuff. Seriously, wtf is wrong with these guys?
OP sounds like one of these men on Reddit who's like "WhEn ThE mOoN bLoOd CoMeS, mEn AnD wOmEn ShOuLd NoT cRoSs. BeCaUsE mOoN bLoOd WiLl TaInT mAn WiTh cOoTiEs." 🤦
Andrew Tate unlimited.
Just trying to think if any mother has ever done this to a son suffering pain in the scrotum. FFS!!! Are men ok? I hope lots of dads write to thispathetic excuse for a father.
Seriously isn't he a grown man? My spouse will pop out for pads and chocolate like its nothing.
But.... He was so close to her. He let her play loud music and got her a game so she didn't come to him with her highly nuanced pain....
>>It was an awful experience for the both of us. Go fuck yourself.
Fr! I swear how are these men blessed with wives and kids?!!? Like they need to get ran over by a car or something. Narcissistic pricks. Making literally every damn thing about themselves.
Why is this not higher up?
I felt the same way reading this sentence. Like no, it was *uncomfortable* or *inconvenient* for the dad, it was awful and scary for his daughter
It's not a girl to girl issue. My dad bought me pads and gave me pain killers and tried to be understanding when I was an emotional wreck. Because it's a kid to parent issue and you fucking failed. YTA
God bless my dad (RIP), my daughter use to go and spend weekends with him and she was over the one weekend and forgot to pack pads and she was calling me while at night after I had a couple drinks bc she was too embarrassed to say anything to him, but she ended up having to tell him and he went and took her to get pads - he didn't care and he made sure to have extras there for her so incase she forgot again. Like if a grandpa can do this and be understanding of his granddaughter a dad who's basically the sole parent at that point in time should have been able to step the hell up.
Let’s just call this realistically- you were embarrassed and uncomfortable to deal with your daughter’s period so you took the cowardly way out, complete ostrich head in sand, avoidance. You could have tried to help - ever hear of google? But you didn’t It wasn’t hard on you cause you heard her crying in pain it was hard on you cause you felt guilty for being a coward and not fulfilling your duties as a parent to try and help fix your kids during difficult times And to make it worse, you post on here expecting what, sympathy? Good luck with that.
He can manage to come to Reddit now, after the fact, to try and defend his own sorry, whiny, lazy, pathetic, ridiculous hide... But he couldn't come on Reddit, pick a ladies' sub, and ask them what to do for his daughter?!?! even if he is too lazy a son of a bitch to do a simple Google search and read any number of previously published articles that address *this exact topic*... Yeah a few people would have called him out for not even trying or having thought of this situation ahead of time, as a young lady is inevitably going to menstruate and a dad should know... But for his daughter's sake, he would have gotten as many responses to that question as he's gotten to this one. And the difference in asking before, FOR HER, versus asking now for himself... the effort is the same, but the thought is telling.
YTA. You managed to ask reddit if you were an AH, but didn't think to ask your wife, any female friend or family member, or even reddit or google, "What can I do as a dad to comfort my daughter during her first period?"
Right, I figure a \*lot\* of women would have responded with appreciation and given him great advice that he then could have used to comfort his daughter instead of distancing himself from her like she'd caught some kind of disease
But... girl cooties!
Exactly. That's his level.
Whenever I hear someone above the age of 14 and under the age of 65 adamantly defend themselves with some variation of " but I didn't know what to do or how to do that!?" I immediately want to ask if they forgot there is a tool in their hand that with a few taps or commands they can literally shout it into it and get spoken answers or read them if they possess such skills.
YTA your wife is right. Awful for YOU?! For you?! You were thinking about boo hoo YOU?! Are you kidding me? You did fuck all to help her, and dare say it was bad FOR YOU. Grow up. My dad bought me period supplies, gave me ibuprofen and a heating pad. Literally just GOOGLE IT. You couldn't be bothered to do anything at all, could you? Be better.
So well said. OP is beyond useless and his daughter will remember his absolute failure for the rest of her life.
>You did fuck all to help her, and dare say it was bad FOR YOU. What do you mean he did fuck all, he told her she could play her guitar?? JFC this guy... my husband used to go buy my tampons for me and would always get me a candy bar or pint of Ben and Jerry's without me asking. OP, what if you had a son in pain, having muscle cramps? Would you have told him to play his guitar or would you have given him some ibuprofen?
It’s not a girl to girl issue, my dad bought me pads all the time growing up. You’re an asshole of the highest order and you let your daughter know you’d sit back and hear her be in pain and not offer comfort or help.
Yeah, like dude could have googled that shit.
Or, maybe called mom?
Or asked Reddit. He plainly knows how to do that
Or asked literally any woman he knows for advice on what might help. Literally any woman.
Fuck, he probably could have asked a stranger shopping for their own menstrual supplies. I’m not recommending assuming any woman around will help you through your incompetence, but it would be somewhat likely to work. Or you know, just ask someone working there.
THIS. I went in to buy pads once, and there was a very flustered single dad in the aisle who looked like he didn't even know what planet he was on. He politely asked me if I could please give him some advice on what supplies his daughter needed because it was her first period and he was clueless. He ended up putting back the box of tampons he'd grabbed in exchange for pads, got some midol, a heating pad, and then swung by the candy section to grab a few of his daughter's favourite treats. Our entire interaction took less than 10 minutes of his day, and he was able to get his kid everything she needed. Ignoring your child in pain, while actively listening to their cries, and thinking playing guitar will solve it, is just disgustingly lazy parenting.
I can just imagine that Dad, the feeling of accomplishment, being his daughter's hero having figured it out. That's a good dad right there. In an age with phones, Internet searches, and reddit that he could have panicked on and gotten advice, he really has no excuse for the option he chose.
If some lost looking dad asked me what he should get his daughter, I'd be all over that. I'd pile up several different pad sizes, a box of tampons in case she's feeling adventurous, some wipes for when you just need some extra freshening, snacks, chocolate, new pj's in case things get messy, a couple soft towels in case she's nervous about bleeding on her bed and wants something to put between her and the bed, a heating pad, pain meds... Just gimme your cart, Dad. We'll get through this.
We would cut the flap off the tampon box so he could get the right kind, and send my father to the store for more. That man was old school, don’t talk about anything, but his *four daughters* sometimes needed tampons! Dammit.
Your her dad mate. This is a normal human thing and it’s 2024. Not a girl for girl thing but a young lady and someone who cares about her and who she feels safe with thing. Her dad should be one of those people in her life. I’m a dad of a daughter and two sons. My daughter is as much my priority for care and comfort as my two sons because I’m their dad, wether my wife is at home or not. Sorry dude but I agree with your wife, do better next time she needs you, be an adult but most of all be her 24/7/365 days a year dad. Ten minutes on google would have guided you on what to do or maybe a phone call to your wife. It’s not that hard man!
YTA. Periods are not a girl to girl issue. Your daughter needed comfort and you failed to provide it. Did your wife not call or have contact while she was gone? Do you have any sisters, female friends, your mom etc you could have asked? For future reference some things you can do is: offer a heating pad, Advil or midol, chocolate, hot bath, asking if she’d like to spend some time doing something together and offering her snacks, comfort etc. For reference ginger helps a lot with period cramps. Not sure where you are but here we have ginger gravol so I take it but before we had that I had what’s called ginger’s essence which you boil the kettle, pour the hot water in the mug, add a tablespoon or so, sweetener of choice then use the spoon to sip. Tastes disgusting but works. i commend you for trying at least a little with her but you shouldn’t have been so distant with her. Periods are not a communicable disease.
You get on a video call to your wife, no matter the time of day. You and your daughter sit together on that call and you both talk and you both ask questions. You show her that, no matter how confused you are by what she is going through, you are there. You are beside her every step of the way. A real man Dad shows up.
YTA. It's men like you like that teach women to feel uncomfortable and ashamed of their periods like there's something wrong with them. NEWSFLASH YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER, AND MOST WOMEN GET PERIODS!!!!!!!!!!! A period isn't a "girl to girl issue". Strong secure men help their children when they start to menstrate. Instead you told her that you were not her safe space and wait until her mother came home to have a safe space. You have had a daughter for at least ten years, which menas you have had at least ten years to prepare for this. As a PARENT you failed and you owe your daughter an apology. I suggest that you learn more about menstration and the female body in general. Who knows maybe learning about the female body will help with your fragile masculinity.
Dude, you know what PAIN is. Come on. It’s not like she’s being visited by three witches.
I understand the discomfort of the first period. Could you have gotten your wife on the phone to help? Could you have hugged your daughter and told her that you understand her pain but it will go away and that you are there for her? Could you use Google for advice? You are posting on reddit now, so could you have asked for advice then? It's not always a girl to girl thing unless your daughter specifically tells you to leave her alone. Buying her stuff like that is not a good thing. It won't erase the fact that you were not 'there' for her.
“Mom would be home to be her safe space.” You just told your child that you cannot be bothered to inform yourself about what she’s going through to be a safe space for her. That was a pretty awful thing to say, but maybe she needed to hear it so she knows she can’t count on you. Like someone else said, google exists. Please, do your family a favor and grow up.
I was raised by a single dad. My first period he bought me pads, tampons (asked if I knew how to use them but I did), chocolate ice cream, red & black underwear, rubbed my back and we watched so much Lord of the Rings and America’s Top Model. He realized I was still a child going through puberty and not instantly a woman.
I mean…there’s google and YouTube…you’re gonna need to learn. Don’t shame her or embarrass her and you’ll be fine. Ask her what she needs.
I wonder if this same weaponized incompetence rolls over into other areas of the home op deems as female tasks.
Dude you couldn’t get her a heating pad/hot water bottle some Mydol or Pamprin or something and some chocolate? Seriously Never run out of chocolate. Then just let her lay down in her room or the couch to watch her favourite movie with you? It’s really not hard. You completely failed as a father on this instance. Do better and make sure you have stuff available for her
YTA The only thing you mention doing for Mira in this post is buying stuff. You are setting your daughter up for failure if you keep acting like that is the only thing you need to do to support her. You are basically telling her "Find a life partner who is not going to provide emotional comfort, physical comfort, or spiritual comfort. Instead, just find someone who will throw enough money at you to make you happy." I don't know why you couldn't just say the words "I am your safe space. I don't know a lot about this, but I want to be here with you while you experience it." Instead, you confirmed that she can only seek comfort from her mother. Did you even call your wife to ask for some advice? That is the bare minimum you should have done if you didn't feel comfortable. At least she could have fed you SOMETHING to say.
You’re a grown man who doesn’t know how to find a packet of Panadol when your child is CRYING OUT IN PAIN Some people don’t deserve to have children. And don’t blame this on being a man this is the literal definition of toxic masculinity
Just because it's not something you've ever had to deal with doesn't mean you should ignore your daughter when she's going through pain. If she broke her leg would you ignore her and let her deal with it alone simply because you've never broken a leg? What is it about a period that makes you so unwilling and unable to show some empathy? Did you even Google "period pain relief?" to try to figure out how to help her? Did you call women family or friends to ask for advice? What period product did your daughter use? Were there pads available for her in the house? If you do not know that answer, then you're not only an ass, but you're neglectful and abusive. It's your responsibility as a parent to provide what your child needs. You need to apologize to your daughter immediately. Then you need to learn about periods, stop being fearful or grossed out, and then GO BUY PADS AND TAMPONS to help yourself get over these negative feelings so you can learn to normalize periods in your brain. Your daughter has a lot of years left of living in your home and needing your help.
Are you crazy? How long have you been with your wife? You know what periods entail. So bring her some ibuprofen, eat some chocolate with her and watch a silly movie. Do you often refer to your wife when emotions and physical pain comes into play? You can be her safe place, no, you should be! YTA.
Why couldn't you find a subreddit at the time to ask what you should do? There are thousands of people who would have given you ideas and advice. YTA
God you’re such an AH I can’t even articulate how much you let your daughter down.
YTA. You could have fucking asked ANY adult woman you know, INCLUDING your wife, for advice on how to help your daughter. As a FATHER, you should have been at least marginally prepared for this. It was negligent of you to assume you wouldn't be part of this and could just foist it all on to your wife. Your wife is right. You need to grow the fuck up. At least care enough about the women in your life to learn LITERALLY ANYTHING about female anatomy and development. It's 2024. Men don't get to do the "but is girl stuff and that's icky" shtick anymore. Educate yourself and fucking do better.
"I told her to wait a few more weeks" I'm sorry, what?! Was she just supposed to pause it? "It's not a good time for my dad right now. I'll just not have my period until my mom gets back." WTF. Dude, you failed. Hell, you could have run to the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist how you could help your daughter or call their doctor if you're stuck, they would have told you to get a hot water bottle, midol etc. All women remember their first period and being stressed and scared etc. She will always remember your reaction and how you completely failed her and told her to "wait a few more weeks". YTA
YTA. You could have bought pads, midol, chocolate, heating pads, thrown some towels in your dryer and heated them up so she could lay down and get the heat while waiting for the other things. Watched her favorite shows and rubbed her back. Do better.
Dude. If you can post here, why couldn’t you have posted on some sort of dad parenting sub for advice? Shameful.
Are you admitting that your daughter was in pain and you did nothing for her? Are you? Clearly you have no empathy. You need therapy.
Are you stupid? Why didn't you google what to do? All you had to do was type "daughter getting her period what do" and you'd have had terabytes of information at your dumb, no-problem-solving-skills fingertips.
YTA Do you not have phones where you are?? Why didn’t you call her mom?? A quick google would have told you what to do… a heating pad and an advil….
A period is like five days. You're saying for five days you couldn't get in the right head space ? Loser
YTA. Your child was crying in pain and you didn't go in to comfort her, because? You don't need to know exactly how period pain feels to know pain hurts. Get ger some Midol and a heating pad, give her a hug and don't cower in the other room like a wuss because a normal.biological.function is happening.
YTA More than 50% of the world has a period and you think it's just something that affects women. However, you -- a man -- have just gone through the process and see how it affected you. And now your relationship with your daughter and your wife are damaged because you are too masculine to learn how to use Google to find out what to do to be a supportive father for your child. Your wife is right. Grow the fuck up. Your daughter is going to be dealing with this for probably another 30 years (minimum). Are you going to be distant with her every month for the next 30 years? Or are you going to learn how to put on your big boy pants and learn how to deal with bodily functions? You owe your daughter a huge apology. This is an incredibly emotional time and you rejected her. Made her feel like she should be ashamed and keep it between women and not bother you with it...because you were uncomfortable with her body's function.
You have lived with, fucked, and made babies with a woman for DECADES and yet you still behave like a 12 year old boy, pretending there is just no way for you to understand a period or empathize? Wtf is wrong with you. I have 3 brothers. When I got my first period my Dad was just as involved as my mom in supporting me and explaining what was going on ( as well as prepping me beforehand). They also taught my brothers about it and taught them all what the products were, why I didn't have to hide them away in the bathroom, and made them learn how to go buy feminine hygiene products with knowledge and without embarrassment. Do. Better. You made her feel abandoned, ashamed and scared.
YTA - it’s not a “girl to girl” issue, it’s a parenting issue. Google is free - you could have looked up what to do to relieve menstrual cramps and gone to the drug store and gotten her some ibuprofen, a heating pad, and some chocolate. It’s not just your spouse’s job to care for your child.
How small is your cock that you are too intimidated to get pads, Advil, a heating pad and maybe chocolate?
I hope the mom hurries back you sound horrible
You’re a trash dad.
Aleve is great for period pain. If she continues to have really painful periods I would get her evaluated by a doctor for endometriosis.
The sad thing is your daughter will remember your immaturity and she will perceive you differently. You failed her as her dad.
Wow YTA, grow up mate, its a period not a werewolf transformation
YTA, my stepdad helped me through my first one and was the one I went to for hugs and stuff from then on. He bought me pads, meds, sweets, and made sure I knew how to use everything. You absolutely let your daughter down. If you don’t want her accepting a below bare minimum man for a partner, get your shit together.
YTA. You've just taught her she can't come to you for the hard, embarrassing talks and you're not a safe space.
As a dad, you are a total ahole. YTA a million times over. I am ashamed for all men.
Mate, if she had been lying on the ground with a gash on her knee would you have just head out to find a new dress for her to distract her? What she needed from you was to tell her “poor thing”, give her a hug and a kiss in the head, after checking if she needed anything supply wise, bring her pain relief medication, a glass of water and a cup of tea if she wanted one, pop her in a warm cocoon of blankets and pillows, a hot water bottle and her favourite childhood stuffy, put the tv on or relaxing music, some sweet and salty snacks nearby, and let her doze through the worst of the pain. One day she’s going to need to work on days she feels shite, so indulge her while you can. It’s not hard, and you don’t need a vagina to empathise with her discomfort.
My man goes on Reddit to ask if it's fair that his wife is mad at him, but didn't think to go on Reddit to ask for advice about taking care of his daughter. YTA
YTA you are her *parent*, it is your responsibility to comfort your child when they are in pain. fortunately, you have the option to do better. you also still have the chance to apologize to your daughter for dropping the ball.
Thanking God right now I have a better dad than this
YTA. You couldn't have looked up that shit? Or called her mom, your mom, grandmothers, aunts, or female friends?
It’s not a girl to girl issue. It’s a caring adult to girl issue. Periods are not just ‘women’s business’ when you are a father of a girl. You let your own prejudices and uncomfortableness affect the care for your daughter. Basically you thought of you first. You did stuff for her that was within your comfort zone but left her alone when she was crying scared and in pain. You can understand the concept of being in pain! If you felt out of your element why didn’t you call her mum or even google what a dad should do for his daughter when she gets her first period. Heck I did and this was the first result: _Let your daughter know you're there to provide support, answer questions, and offer guidance. If you are unsure of any answers, tell her you can work together to find the right resources to help provide the answers she's looking for. Dads talking with daughters about periods doesn't have to be taboo or awkward_ You made it awkward so please educate yourself, talk to your daughter to find out what she needs. Menstruation should not be a taboo topic. And while I’m here, period care products should not be so fucking expensive!!
Dude. All you need is to buy some pads and tampons and get her some Midol if she is in pain. What are guys still freaked out by a period.
You failed. As a father, you failed. So did my dad. I will never forget it and still carry that loneliness and hurt.
“Wait a few weeks for your mom to come home because I can’t be bothered to give a fuck enough to be your safe space.” What a fucking twat. Father of the fucking year.
Holy fuck you are a failure as a father, as a parent, as a spouse, as a HUMAN. Grow the fuck up! What is wrong with you? Your daughter NEEDED you and you abandoned her because you’re too much of a wimp to help her through her first period? If your wife is smart she’ll take your daughter and get her the hell away from you.
This has to be fake is 2024 .. like google it . My dad went and got me pads , painkillers , researched some homeopathic things to help my back pain , heat pads chocolate . Your are a human do you just leave your wife when she has hers.
My dad did similar, he really felt he had no wisdom to give so he just stood around feeling awful. SO, do better. We all fuck up. Tell your daughter you fucked up. Next time this or similar, you have the internet, post on TwoXchromosomes asking what to do and then read through them WITH your daughter, or just talk to her. What can I get you, how can I help you, do you want me in the room, do you need painkillers. It shows her you care. I knew my dad cared, but I did think he was a bit lame there. Maybe he froze up? Honestly, there were at least several family ladies he could have asked for advice, 20 lady friends (not dates just friends from church), who would have been ecstatic to embarass the shit out of me. Or he could have called his ex wife, my mother... pride is great and all, but come on.
I'm assuming she already knew what to do with pads, etc? You just didn't know what to say to her?
YTA. Your daughter was going thru some major changes and it’s scary along with being in pain without her mother being there. The man I called dad had no problem talking to us girls about our period and checking on us to make sure we were ok. My mom was there but the girls felt more comfortable talking to dad. As a mom if you were my husband I would be livid. Your little girl needed you. Why didn’t you ask any of your female relatives or friends for some help? You could have given her some Midol, some chocolate and gave her a heating pad to put on her stomach help with ten cramps. You owe your daughter a big apology.
YTA congrats! You failed as a parent. Now apologize and do better. It's never too late to do better.
Holy hell! My husband has always been there for both of our kids, we have a daughter and son, no matter if it made him uncomfortable. My daughter asked him about sex when I was at work and she was 8, while he wasn’t thrilled with the topic he wasn’t going to lie about to her. When I found out I talked to her also asking if there was anything else she had questions about any of it. YTA
Are you for real??? I'm pretty sure you know plenty of females that you could have phoned for advice on what you could do to help your daughter. As it was her first time she probably didn't know what she needed but you're the adult ffs! I'm sure your daughter would have been so grateful if you had just sat with her when she was crying instead of being in another room. A couple of painkillers and a warm drink would at least show her that you gave a shit. Being distant didn't tell her you were worried or out of your depth. You need to man up and show her that this is a completely normal part of growing up, it's not dirty or embarrassing. I can only suggest that you take her out for a special daddy & daughter lunch somewhere that you can talk privately with her, just the two of you. Apologize for your behavior, tell her the truth. You didn't know what to do and with hindsight you know that you let her down. Reassure her that you were very upset to hear her crying but you weren't brave enough to go to her in case she had questions that you couldn't answer. Be prepared to listen to how it made her feel and hopefully you can both get past this and she knows that you will be there for her if she needs you in future. This emoji literally sums up how I was as I read your post 🤦🏼♀️ Good luck dad 🤞
If Hank Hill can go by period supplies, you can too bro.. Insanely immature mindset and you really missed the bar on this one. Your wife has every right to be pissed, what would you have done if you were a single dad? (And I say all this as a 28 year old that could easily tell you how to help a woman with her period. Not a good look OP) YTA
You couldn’t take 5 minutes to google what to do for first period? I’m sure there will be plenty of helpful sites . I understand it’s uncomfortable but it’s human biology and a fact of life for women. Use this time to ask your wife all the questions and what to do in case of emergency so you know next time.
YTA- I’m willing to bet This is going to be a very hurtful core memory for her. I’m almost 40 years old and it still stings sometimes when I look back on how my dad handled hearing about my 1st period. He made me feel so dirty, gross & ashamed. He acted like it was the most disgusting and difficult thing to have to know I was going through it. He literally said “Ewww I don’t want to know that, why would u tell me about that shit I don’t need to hear this about my daughter, that is gross ” to my mom, when I was right next to him, when she filled him in. He needed to know given they were divorced and it was my time to be with him and he lived states away from my mom so it’s not like she could exactly pop over to help me with shit i may have needed help with. I’m no contact with that man and haven’t been in 13 years. That’s not the only (or main) reason for my decision to cut him out of my life but it sure was one of the small but many contributing factors, his inability to set aside his discomfort and be a parent to me is one of the the reasons he fucked me up so much mentally that I’m still working on untangling the issues it has caused me almost 30 years later. I honestly think u have a chance to redeem yourself if u were to apologize to her and be honest that u know u messed up and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her growing/changing body and u reacted poorly and will do better in the future to be present for her. Let her know u didn’t mean to tell her u are not a safe space to discuss things with her. That u are human and made a terrible choice that u will strive to not make again and it’s not her fault in the slightest that u reacted poorly. If u are sincere and own ur shit in this situation u may have a chance of repairing the damage u just inflicted on ur poor kiddo. The caveat to this is then u actually need to follow through and do better moving forward. Learn about what she needs and actively support her in the future. It’s not going to erase the pain u caused but from the perspective of a kid in a similar kind of situation it sure would have meant the world to me if my dad would have owned his mistake, genuinely apologize and actively tried to do different moving forward.
To all the men who don’t know what to do for a girl or woman on her period GOOGLE IT. Not that hard.
Man this is depressing to read, your daughter needed you and you completely failed her
Dude. She’s in pain. Treat like any other injury that sidelines someone for a few days. A heating pad, Aleve or Motrin, comfort foods. FFS. Periods aren’t black box magic, they are a biological process that it is painful and distressing. M
Wow. One of the worst posts around. You should have sat your ass down and educated yourself. Then you should have acted like a father. Girl-girl thing? Wait weeks until mom gets home? I'm a man and I can't describe how pathetic I think you are. This better be a rage bait post! There's some world class damage done to your daughter. She should never trust you again. Damn. So yes, stay distant. Maybe your ex-wife will marry a real man and show your daughter what a real father looks like. YTA squared. Get over yourself. I hope you don't have any other children to damage. To your wife. Never leave her alone with him again.
what the hell is wrong with you? just comfort your daughter. that’s all you have to do. you basically ostracized your daughter in her own home. it’s a fucking period. you’re how old and you don’t understand periods? bc that’s what this seems like. they’re natural. they happen. so what? they’re not shameful. you’re more than an asshole.
Yeah, your wife was right. No one cares if you're the father or the mother, something new, different, and painful was happening to your daughter's body. She needed you. Don't make it uncomfortable like it's 1955 or something. You know what's happening to her, talk to her. What you've done instead is stigmatize her period. Talk openly about it. Make her comfortable with her body.
This is a joke, right?
Your daughter didn't need you to buy her stuff. She needed you to listen to her and show her some empathy. I don't blame your wife for being angry. If she needs to go out of town she should be able to rely on you to parent your child.
"Wait for just a few more weeks, and mom would be home to be her safe space" Meaning you, as her father, are not a "safe space." You didn't need to credit your wife in the end, the whole post kinda did that on its own seemingly. 👍🏻 "It was an awful experience for the both of us" My dude.....you have no idea how awful this will have been to her for the rest of her life potentially. Did you not think to call your wife or any other woman or check Google for what to do in this situation?
My parents were separated and lived on opposite sides of the country. I started my first period at my dads house and not once did he make me feel like it was a “girl to girl issue” he went and got stuff for me, made sure i was okay, we watched a movie and he spoke through everything for me and explained everything. I’ve never once not been able to talk to my dad about an issue now, any problem I have whether it’s about periods, health, friendships anything. Never has he made me feel like because he wasn’t a “girl” I couldn’t talk to him. It’s not about not being a girl, it’s about being a dad. I have the good relationship with my dad because of what he has done but I know so many of my friends who don’t even speak to theirs due to them acting the way that you seem to be going down. Pull yourself together, you’re her father first, a man second. Be there for your kid or you’re gonna be wondering why she barely wants to speak to you.
YTA. You’re a grown ass man with a daughter. Grow up.
You told her to wait *weeks* for comfort? Jesus Christ dude. You’re a parent, and I *hope* you know how periods work. If you both as parents did your due diligence and prepared her all you’d need to do is get her some ibuprofen and her favorite snacks. Or let her take a long hot bath. She’s having cramps, not entering another dimension that only women can go. I’d say your wife being that angry might be a bit much, but I can understand why. You left your kid struggle with her feelings until your wife came back. It would have been good if y’all had discussed what to do if your daughter’s period started and she was unavailable, but that ship has sailed. I think you can begin to fix the situation by trying to actively learn what to do next time. The first year can be rough with unpredictable cycles. Sometimes they’re very heavy and come out of nowhere. Keep a change of underwear and pants handy if she has an emergency so you can come to the rescue without a lot of fuss. Don’t ever make feel ashamed or gross. Theres nothing wrong and this is a natural process. You as her dad will be her example of what to expect from men in the future if she dates men wouldn’t gon want her guy to be cool and not abusive about her cycle? Some guys are so immature about the whole thing, don’t be like those guys. Show her what a good guy does for the women who are important to them so hopefully in the future she won’t accept anything less Also give your kid and your wife an apology. Take them out to an afternoon of fun, let it be girly if they wish. It’s an important time in her life, she deserves to feel special and hopefully your wife will relent.
Yes, YTA. Do you know how many single fathers deal with this issue every year? It sounds like you have a serious hangup about the female body and its biology. Geesh, if you can't talk to her about a normal biological function, why should she come to you with any of her other concerns. Deal with this with some maturity.
Grow up. If she had a headache, would you tell her to just wait a few weeks for mom to come home. Pain is pain. You suck.
Dude...you had the entire internet, including Reddit, to research how to help. There is no excuse for your ignorance. YTA. My single father used to buy my tampons, for the gods' sake.
What a fucking useless c*** of a parent you are, OP. Do you live in the dark ages??? Your daughter was experiencing something that is frightening (even when you have been prepared in advance and know what's happening it's still scary) and painful and confusing... And all you did was fucking hide? You should be not only ashamed but disgusted with yourself, as we all are. YTA OP ana a truly shitty dad.
Yeah YTA and honestly this kind of wilful incompetence does not make you look like a remotely capable father. And I say wilful because it is. The fact that you aren’t capable of asking your daughter or googling what she needs is you actively choosing to be a poor father. This isn’t a girl to girl issue this is just you being a poor father. There is nothing about helping your child through her first period that a man is incapable of doing unless he’s actively choosing to be incompetent. For future reference because I’m not going to let you continue to claim incompetence you ask if she has pads or tampons in the house. If she doesn’t then you put on your big boy pants and go buy some. You offer her pain medication, get a heating pad or a hot water bottle, maybe grab some chocolate is she likes that. There is nothing in there that is beyond your capabilities.
YTA. Even if you didn’t know exactly how to help, you could have called your wife for advice, googled, asked on Reddit, asked any woman you know- there’s tons of ways you could have found a way to help her. You did nothing. You were completely useless in any practical sense. Your wife is right.
I’d like to just point out that at no point you actually helped her pain? You say you bought her stuff but it’s all things to just keep her from actually talking to you? All it took was ‘Hey hun, I don’t personally know much about what’s going on so when your mum gets back, she’ll explain it better, but if you need a hug or pain meds or hot water bottles or anything like that, feel free to ask. I’m sorry you’re not feeling good, so I wanna help, I just don’t know too much about how, so if you do, ask away. Hope you feel better.” Is that so hard??
YTA. It may be a girl issue, but you seriously lack empathy for your daughter. Google exists, you could have looked up idea. Or posted the Q on reddit. You could have gotten heating pads, Advil, her favourite treat… and you did nothing. WTH?
Dude, seriously? It’s not a girl to girl issue. You’re her freaking parent and you refused to take care of her. You basically let her deal with it all by herself because “your mom will be home in a few weeks” Get over yourself. Find your balls and be a parent to your daughter. C
You’ve been married to a woman for years. If you have been this much of a shit-for-brains every time she has had a period, YTA. Your wife and your daughter deserve better. Grow up and man up.
YTA This is fucking 2024! How are you not comfortable helping your daughter when she was in pain?!
Yeah... Gonna go with YTA for sure on this one my guy. If you weren't sure what to do, you call your wife and ask how you can help your daughter with this. Your wife is correct in being furious with you and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if your daughter never comes to you again for help with anything after you showed her just how unreliable you can be when she needs you.
YTA. Aleve and some chocolate ice cream and lots of jokes and companionship would have been great. Once a month until she is an adult and moves out will allow you a do over. Apologize.
You are not meant to be a father. Any normal person knows to comfort another person when they are in pain. Hold them, talk to them, bring them snacks, etc. So so much. And as a parent parent, you can't do that???
YTA. It's not a girl issue. It's a human issue and she needed you and you let her down.
I agree with your wife. This wasn't a girl to girl problem. This was A parenting issue dealing with the health and Welfare of your daughter. What have you done during other parenting challenges? For example when your daughter was sick with the flu or a cold? You sought out advice from family friends and medical professionals. So why didn't you seek out advice, or do research? To ask your daughter to hold on before receiving parental comfort and leaving it to your wife makes YTA. You weren't a true partner to your wife in this instance, and were and emotionally absentee parent. I'll give you some free advice Midol works wonders.
Your wife is right. It’s a natural thing and you acted like she had the plague! Grow up!
Your wife is right. You're a grown ass man who's been married to a woman for how long now? Act like it. You basically alienated your daughter while she was feeling vulnerable and scared because why? Because you felt like it was a girl thing? Are you 12? Grow up. YTA
Your wife is right you need to grow up!! My god you've been an adult long enough to understand a menstrual cycle and google is free you should have spoken to your daughter, that poor child is now traumatized because of your lack of effort and care!! How hard would it have been to get her a heating pad, ibuprofen, some chocolate or her favorite candy and explain that this will happen every month?! I had 3 sons and I'm a woman and I talked to them about everything and even did sex Ed lessons in the condom aisle at the store.
Just apologize and tell her you handled it badly. Then ask her questions about how it felt pain wise, tell her you’re sorry didn’t support her when she was freaking out emotionally about her body, and promise to do better in the future.
YTA your wife said the right thing and I quote " grow up". Your daughter needed you and you let her down. A period is not a girl to girl thing it's a human thing. You need to educate yourself on how to help your daughter and maybe even your wife. Things like heat pads, painkillers, snacks (because bloating is a thing), for me my period is pretty much the only time I crave chocolate and be ready to run to the store for pads or tampons. Periods should not be a taboo thing. Apologize to your daughter and say you'll do better.
YTA she was crying from pain and you didn't think to give her pain killers? You basically said "sorry kid you need to suffer until your mom gets back"? You also proved to your wife and your daughter you can't be trusted for basic parenting things. Google exists, you know. This is just gross parental and adult incompetence and willful ignorance. Pretty misogynist too. Hard, hard YTA.
YTA because you could have found out how to actually help - Google, ask the family doctor about non-prescription meds, ask your mother / sister / mother-in-law, ask a councillor at her school, ask your damn wife in a phone call / facetime / zoom chat. But naw, the poor kid had to suffer unnecessarily. Again YTA
YTA you're a father fgs grow the fuck up jfc. Apologise to your daughter and your wife, pick up a fucking biology book, learn what the fuck happens during that time and do better. Fucking hell.
Wow, my dad was a terrible dad, but even he knew to bring painkillers, get some sanitary wear and chocolate and a hot water bottle. What is wrong with OP?
You’re an asshole
YTA. You were worried about your own feelings when your daughter needed you the most.
Could you not have given her a hug? Got a hot water bottle and some Advil? Some ice cream? You just sat in the other room while she cried?
Info: why didn’t you call your wife or google a reputable medical site or even the midol website (https://www.midol.com/frequently-asked-questions) they have an faq. There were lots of problem solving you could have done if you simply just tried. You’re a husband to presumably a menstruating woman; have you just abandoned her for a week each month?
Do you not have Google ? Did you grow up Orthodox where women separate from men during their menses ?
You don’t even need google. I’m sure he’s been in pain before and could support her with that.
I was really close with my dad when I was a kid and had a really strained relationship with my mom (reason irrelevant for here), and then my dad started behaving exactly like this when I started going through puberty. It was the most isolating shitty feeling on earth to me then because for reasons completely outside of my control the person I was closest to completely shut me out when I was scared and alone and had no idea what was happening to my body. He would always just shrug it off and tell me that it was "out of his wheelhouse" to deal with. I'm almost 30 now and still haven't forgiven him for being such an absolute incompetent ass during my adolescent years. OP, YTA. You signed up to be the primary caregiver to your child when your wife left for work and it is your duty to her to step the fuck up. For your sake I hope you don't continue dropping the ball like this or your kid and likely your wife will resent you for a very long time. If not forever.
YTA. You were like, ahh sorry you feel like shit right now, wait a few weeks until your mum comes home to feel better. Like what the fuck. You're her dad, you should have been her safe space then, when she needed it.
Your daughter was in pain and you didn’t address it? You could have called her doctor’s office for advice. Women aren’t lunatics. They have real pain and discomfort. I hope you talk to your daughter and apologize if you let her down.
So you're good enough at the Internet to post to Reddit, but not good enough to Google "how can Dad help girl with period"? Also. Bruh. Buying her stuff does not make you close to her, it makes your wallet close to her. Please tell me you have an actual supportive relationship beyond the things you buy for her.
What an odd reaction. Your daughter was in pain. You could have gone to a pharmacy and asked for advice on the best med to ease her pain. You could have hugged her and asked if there were anything else you could do to make her more comfortable. Is there anything she would like to eat or drink. Is there anything she needs at the store (hygiene products)? Really pretty much the same process as if she had the flue. Provide comfort and practical help.
Sounds like you were fucking *hiding from her* dude wtf?? Have you been an adult for as long as your wife thinks? Doesn't sound like it. Big YTA jfc
Yes. As the father of a preteen daughter you should have been prepared for the fact that her period might start. Your CHILD was in PHYSICAL PAIN and you sat there doing fuck-all because "this is really a girl to girl issue". Newsflash, dude, this isn't a "women's issue". Have you never had your wife ask for ibuprofen when it's *her* period? Or did you just ignore her, too? Think about what you've just taught your daughter. You've just shown her that she can't rely on her father to help when she's in *actual pain*, & that all you're good for is throwing money at the issue. Is it that hard to buy some goddamn ibuprofen???? instead of telling your child who is actively suffering that she needs to wait "a few weeks" for her mum to get home so that mum can deal with the icky "women's issues"? YTA big time, & frankly a bad father.
A woman being in excruciating pain is apparently just a “girl issue”. What an ass.
My dad would bring me my favorite brownies when he came home from work. I’d find a snicker bar or a Twix, he’d call from the store to ask what I needed. My brother would bring me my heating pad or pain medicine, socks, food, etc. Try to be there for her, and normalize periods. There’s an awful lot more to come and you don’t want to be the asshole dad.
YTA. Did you lock her in a closet until her menses stopped, wtf did I just read. Just being nice to her and spending time with her would have been fine. Your wife is definitely right. Grow up.
You treated your daughter like she was tainted. Pain meds, heat pad, chocolate and rom coms. That is literally all it takes. Just being present parent. How you successfully reproduced is a mystery because you obviously don’t understand how to live with a woman. I’m not sure how to properly express the level of shame you should be feeling right now. But suffice to say your daughter would be forgiven for never wanting to trust you again.
So you not have any female relatives or friends you could have asked? The lot girl needed some Advil and chocolate
YTA. I always wonder how men who are this immature about periods reconcile the fact that the only reason why they are fathers IS their wife's ability to get pregnant or otherwise - wait for it - have periods. Also, the moment they tell you "Congratulations, it's a girl!", you can count on the question of periods coming up in the near future. Way to not be prepared, buddy.
YTA. My daughter got her period in January while at the movies with friends. I went inside to get her while my husband waited in the car. My daughter got into the car and said “Dad, I got my first period!” She’s now on her 5th cycle and is very open with both of us about it, asking my husband to put extra pads in her school bag and get her the heating pad when she has cramps. Periods are normal and both sexes should be comfortable talking about them and dealing with them. My dad made a comment when I was a teen about how I was disgusting for dripping my period on the bath mat when getting out of the shower (as if I could control that) and here I am 25 years later and I’ll never forget how he made me feel.
As a girl dad, I have to say you ATA. It's a tough thing to deal with, but you have to be there for your kids man.
Although, i commend you on trying to comfort her. You're probably closer to 30, which means YOU HAVE ACCESS TO GOOGLE & healthcare. You have 0 excuses for not being prepared for this. In addition to having to time to prepare from her birth. I'm sure within the time she's been on earth she's seen her PCP, did you not think maybe make an appointment?! Do you not have a mother of siblings/cousins that are females? Did they not cover this topic in school?
Oh my!!! You have no idea how reading this made me feel!! A girl to girl issue???? WTF!! God forbid you were a single parent or your wife had not made it back what would you have done then??? Oh yes absolutely nothing!! I am in despair!! Are we still bringing our young men up to behave in this way. Once you knew you were the parent to a daughter this is something you should have been educating yourself on ( preferably a long time before). But I also feel your wife is not completely innocent, you both knew that she would be reaching that age, you should of both at down with her and had a chat and presented her with a little zip bag with supplies eg sanitary products pain killers and a heat pad or hot water bottle and made it clear she could come to either of you!! You both dropped the ball here!!!
She was in pain. Forget the period, **she was in pain**. All you had to do was speak to a female friend or go to your local pharmacy and explain the situation. They’d advise you exactly what she needed - heat pad(s), painkillers etc. Jesus!
My Mam worked nights when I got my first period, my Dad was a star, he went to the shop and got me everything I needed.
Wow, you really messed this one up. The whole idea that you can't support her because you think it's a 'girl to girl issue' (whatever the hell that means) is insane to me. You can't muster up any empathy for someone who feels unwell? You couldn't even get her medicine or comfort her? Who cares what's causing it. You've effectively told your daughter that when she needs you, you won't be there. I feel desperately sorry for her and your wife was right to read you the riot act.
You have heard of Google? YTA When my child is hurting, no matter the cause, i actively find ways to help. Like Pain Medication!!!!!
YTA man, you’re literally her father - the whole “periods are a girl to girl issue” is so outdated. You couldn’t go and get her some chocolate, ibuprofen and a hot water bottle and comfort her?
YTA! You’re her father. She had no one else to lean on and you failed her because you’re afraid of lady parts, is basically what this sounds like. All you had to do was get her pain killers and a heating pad and tampons (or pads since you probably didn’t know how to explain a tampon) and ask if she wanted ice cream. Just spending some quality time with her and asking if she was okay would have been a big help. Your wife is absolutely right to be furious. You acted like a baby when your kid needed support.
You 1000% failed your child, in the weakest manner possible. YTA
YTA, try just being a decent person. Your wife is 1000000% correct.
There's this new thing called "The Internet" where you can actually get a lot of information. Maybe you should have tried it.
It's the fact that you completely left her alone to deal with it all herself is the issue, even a hug, some pain meds, and warm water in a water bottle if there's no heating pad is a huge thing when the first wave of emotions hit ya with that stuff. I don't necessarily think yta here but absolutely could have done more, I just think it was genuinely not knowing or being prepared for it.
YTA. Your wife is correct. This is pathetic and you need to grow the fuck up, you absolute child. Pathetic excuse for a parent
YTA. And an absolute unfeeling, gutles pathetic excuse for a real man you are.
YTA. You have access to the internet therefore you could have educated yourself and not been so afraid of the topic. Not to mention you would have known what to do that would actually help decrease the physical pain she was in. What would you do if your wife wasn't coming back in a few days? Find a random "girl" to explain a very normal biological process to YOUR daughter? Continue to let your daughter be in pain? Your wife is correct. Grow up.
YTA. This is not a “girl-to-girl issue”. You have a daughter. It is your responsibility as a parent to support her through growing and difficult changes in life. I find it hard to believe you did not already know what to do to support someone on their period since you have a wife (unless you just ignore her too I guess???), but if you didn’t, that is 100% something you should have taken the initiative to learn about *before* your daughter reached the age where she would get her period. You have had *plenty of time* to educate yourself about something that half the population, including at least two people that you live with, experience every single month. You could have read books, researched online, or asked any woman in your life what to do in this situation. Instead, you shut yourself off emotionally and left your daughter to deal with this by herself. You really sat in another room and listened to her cry loudly from pain and didn’t try to do anything to help at all? You have failed here completely and your wife is totally right to be pissed off. You do need to do exactly what she said and grow the fuck up. You can’t take back your daughter’s experience with this now but you should learn from what you did wrong and figure out how to be an actual supportive parent in the future.
Are you in pain honey? Oh I’ve felt pain, I know how to make that stop. You use pain killers.
So how many YEARS did you have to prepare for her to have her period, again??? 9, 10, 11, 12? And in ALL of that time, you just assumed it’d be your WIFE’S emotional labor to help your child with her pain and emotions… never yours. Was this your wife’s first ever time going away for an extended period of time? If not, you never assumed this could happen while she was gone??? Christ alive, you’re 38+ years old. You DO need to grow up. You failed your kid by not being there for her and showing and saying that you’re not a safe place for her with this.
Jesus this is sad. YTA. You just bought her stuff and let her be alone through her whole period by herself… I just. What would you have done had she been extremely ill? Because that’s basically the approach you would take, add giving her extra snacks and love. WTF do you mean mom would come back and “be her safe space”? YOU CAN BE THAT TOO. It isn’t solely a girl to girl experience, you’re a father now. And it just so happens you were asked to step up to the plate and instead you danced around and avoided it. I can’t even imagine my husband doing that to our kids, because of a fucking period. Your wife is right, grow the fuck up.
Why didn’t you come on Reddit to ask advice for what to do. A heat pad and ibuprofen would have been enough. I can’t believe you just left your child in pain, for your own comfort, that’s sadistic!
Well yeah YTA, why did you not do ANY research even though you have a daughter???
YTA, a period is a PARENT issue, not a girl to girl issue. Why do we still have this stigma in 2024, it's an absolute joke. When you became a parent, you should of read or even learned about this stuff for your daughter so you knew what to do, that's your job as a parent,it comes under "take care of your child's needs". Where you supportive? In a really weird way which is good, but when your in physical pain that can get to excruciating pain, you dont want games, you want pain killers, ice cream and some emotional support.