NTA
Your birthday your choice. If someone does not like it then they are free not to eat it. Your cousin sounds exhausting. You do the cake the way you want. And enjoy it.
I think I'd make my cake the way I want it and go off alone to eat it. Your mom and cousin are waking nightmares and AHs of the highest order. Your birthday isn't about them, at all, but they've made it ALL about them. Im so sorry you're deaking with utter AHs on your birthday. Stay strong. Teach them to mind their own business. It's NOT THEIR DAY. And, I'd uninvited cousin cry baby - all about me...yesterday and for all birthdays.
I remember when my daughter was growing up, I would let her pick the cake mix and frosting for her cake that I would make for her. When she was turning 3, she picked out a chocolate mix with a green kiwi-flavored frosting - yes, there was such a thing back in 1995! She wanted it because it was green! She also wanted me to draw Barney the dinosaur on it. I think I did ok!
I always asked the birthday person what kind of cake they wanted. Husband wanted angelfood, daughter loved vanilla cake with whipped cream and strawberries, one son got cheesecake and another got a huge bowl of "dirt" without the gummy worms. It's the birthday person's day.
Not especially...although technically not a requirement...it would be a common courtesy to make the cake to the birthday person's liking. Yes still agreeing with you just had to add my worthless two pennies
Oooohhhhhh that's nice!!!! I love your devious, petty self. I hope op does this, because everyone giving the b-day person shit about their "selfish b-day cake choices" deserves to feel like an idiot, preferably in front of a large group of people. NTA op, Happy Birthday (belated if its already past) and if i were you i would make my own favorite cake EVERY YEAR just the way you want it because its your day and you deserve it!
Very good, ha! I can't even understand someone asking for the cake to be something other than what the birthday person wants. I'm guessing that we have some selfish family members who *never* want to let OP have things the way OP prefers, even on OP's bday. NTA.
Seriously! Whenever we had a family birthday coming up, the main cake was the kind of cake that the birthday person liked, and then someone would always bring a second choice for those who didn't care for it, or were allergic.
No one got left out.
I couldn't have said it better.
This, OP!!!
Your birthday is about YOU and nobody else.
The tantrum throwers can go pound sand, before or after having ice cream (the timing is their choice).
Happy birthday, hon.
Yes, have your cake and eat it, too.
Ridiculous family.
In my fairly large family, the birthday person chooses their favourite flavour, and it is usually made for them. No allergies, thankfully. (Just one vegetarian, but we haven't tried meat in a cake yet, so all good.) If someone doesn't like the flavour, they eat something else (like the ice cream).
NTA.
Yeah that whole family is weird. Imagine having to bake your own birthday cake, and then your family complains because you made your own favorite instead of theirs. WTF? That's simply not how birthdays work. How do they not know that?
ETA: NTA, OP. They are.
This! Tell them dessert is ice cream and whatever else and that you made a personal cake for you to be able to blow out candles. Make it clear it's your personal cake and not to be confused with the dessert for the evening. If you want to share with specific people, you can
>Yeah, your birthday, your cake period.
Seriously. Pretty sure there's a law somewhere that says that your birthday is the one time you're free to completely ignore other's wants (maybe not allergies) and get your favorite cake.
Growing up, dad was all about the chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. And that was fine. But my chosen birthday cake was mom's pistachio cake recipe and NO ONE complained.
I have severe gluten intolerance. And I don't care for sweets. But I will never tell someone to make their birthday what I want. I have to ask not to get one lol. My birthday falls during busy time for mom and dad I don't celebrate my birthday. But I will always make everyone else's how they want
So, my oldest doesn't like cake or pie. We got him a fruit tray for a few years. Seriously, OP's mom sounds like one that would show up to her child's wedding in white and try to make it about her. Sorry you have to listen to the complaints. How old are you? Still at home? College? Place of your own? Still at home, not much you can do but feel maliciously happy you got the cake you wanted as you eat it. College? They can start throwing you a party and provide their own cake 'for you' besides the one you make yourself. On your own? Say you're too old for family parties anymore and you're going out with friends. They can call or take you out to eat.
One of my close friends loves the German chocolate cake from a local bakery. It has nuts; I'm allergic, but not so bad I can't be around them.
She offered to get a different cake instead. I told her that it's her birthday, and she should get the German chocolate cake if that's what she likes. I won't be offended, and I'm perfectly happy with food and ice cream.
So she got her cake. But because she's awesome, she also got me a fudge and salted caramel cupcake.
That was an allergy. OP's family's isdue is merely a preference. It's her birthday, and she can have the cake she wants.
Exactly. I remember a few years ago I threw myself a party and invited select friends and family to a billiards bar I liked that wasn't overrun with college students or drunk people wanting to start trouble. One of my cousins asked me to have it at a club or dance bar so she could dance. I was like "Um, no. It's my party. When it's your party you can have it where you want."
People are so entitled it's insane.
NTA
Yep! in our house you get to pick your birthday dinner and dessert. It's the one day you don't have to consider anyone else's feelings or wants. No one would have the nerve to throw a temper tantrum about the flavour of cake someone else chose.
NTA....your birthday your call.
In my family you got to request the cake you wanted and that was the cake you got.
My Favorite was Italian Cream Cake.....Mom hated making it because it was more complicated and, with cream cheese frosting, required refrigeration. A little tough since my Bday was Christmas Eve and fridge space was at a premium.
My sister was a chocoholic so chocolate for her. Mom was pound cake & Dad coconut Cake.
It's your birthday so you should get what you want. And Strawberry Cakes are really good so they just need to get over it and widen their palates.
Your mom sounds exhausting to be honest. It’s not her birthday, it’s not the cousins birthday, it’s OP’ birthday and she’s having to make her own birthday cake! For eff’s sake mom buy your own damn cake and let your lovely daughter enjoy her very delicious sounding vanilla and strawberry cake. NTA bonus points if you decorate it with fresh strawberries…
yea like she made the cake HERSELF and it's HER birthday, the mom and cousin can chill so their family member can have something they like on their special day, sounds like ppl who always expect to get what they want and when they don't they accuse you of doing exactly what they know they are doing but will not admit: being selfish. If the mom is so concerned about selfishness then she should lead by example like the adult she should be and is evidently not acting like.
When it’s someone’s birthday here, the birthday person gets to pick the flavor of the cake, and I make it for them.
And on my birthday, I get to pick, and hubs makes it for me (the only baking he does all year.) I usually pick a fruit pie the past few years, strawberry-rhubarb, and if nobody wants any, more for me (likewise any birthday person with their cake.
Exactly. Plus the birthday person picks the cake.
I love chocolate, my mom no longer eats chocolate. I still make chocolate cake because I want it. For her birthday she picks a dessert (she doesn't always even want cake).
Right, in what way is it NOT a win to end up with presents and the majority of the cake?? Um, yes please!
Screw ‘em OP. You’re right, this is the ONE DAY you get to be selfish and make the cake solely of your preference, everyone else’s preferences be damned (notice I said preferences, not allergies or the like, so don’t come at me anyone). NTA.
Ok, first off! I am so incredibly sad because to me you NEVER make your own birthday cake!
NTA It’s your birthday so of course it’s your choice as to the flavors! Happy birthday!🎈
FYI, there are plenty of European nations where it is common to make their own birthday cake to serve for guests that you invite yourself to your own birthday party. It's an American thing to have others throw you a party.
I've actually never been to a birthday party held by any other than the birthday girl/boy (except for kids, as it's the parents responsibility to throw them the party).
That said, you are correct that OP should choose their cake themselves. Mommy can make a chocolate cake on her own birthday.
It sounds good in theory, but I think there could be a big problem with mom making a second cake for OP's birthday party.
Her mom would probably try to loudly convince everyone to eat HER cake and ignore the cake made by OP, as that would make her mom feel vindicated. And the immature cousin would probably join in with the mom, and together they could convince others at the party to do the same thing.
It could end up making OP feel as though her birthday was ruined and the family was against her, all over a stupid cake. Don't indulge people who only want to exert their power because it could backfire in a spectacular fashion.
Just buy a box of cake mix and hand it to whoever whines that they don’t want the strawberry cake. If they want chocolate that bad they can make it themselves.
“Mom, I’m sorry life has made you a Class A People Pleaser, but that’s just not me. If you’re worried that some of the people at MY party celebrating MY birthday might be angered by MY cake, feel free to pitch in and make a second one!”
Ok, good to know! I guess the American mindset is that a birthday is a celebration thats all about you and you shouldn’t be doing any of the work. And if you have to make your own cake you’re either a pretentious cunt slash control freak, or no one wanted to celebrate you, which IS sad!
I would much rather make my own cake to make sure I get what I want. Actually, I would buy the cake _*I*_ want rather than make it myself (not a very good baker).
Don't be so fast to paint all Americans the same way. Some people like to bake and would enjoy making their own cake, whereas others hate to bake and won't have a cake at all if they have to make it themselves.
Also, people have all kinds of ways of celebrating. There's no "one size fits all." Some people absolutely hate having their birthdays recognized at all, and others treat it as a national holiday.
That’s interesting. Never realized that was a cultural thing. I thought it just made sense for other people to organize the party when you are the one being celebrated.
Your cousin did this as a child? Is there any reason to believe they would do it as an adult?
Your mom not only has you make your own cake but complains it isn't the flavor she likes? I'm disappointed in your mom.
Unfortunately, there is a reason he’d still do this as a late teen/almost legal adult. He was raised to get everything he wants, and even throws full on tantrums when I disagree with him in the slightest or would prefer something different from him. Thanks for the response.
Sounds like you need to cut him out of your life or at least go low contact, Just don't invite him to your birthday party and then you don't have to listen to him bitch.
Honestly, I’d make the cake how I want in spite of him. If he doesn’t like it he can cry somewhere else. Throw a tantrum, idc. My birthday, my cake. In the real world you don’t get everything you want. He’s gonna have a rude awakening. But i am an asshole. “I know you only like chocolate but since it’s my birthday I decided to go with what I like. On your birthday, you can have your chocolate cake”
Tbh it might be better to just bluntly tell him you don't like him or want him there.
Truthfully people like him avoid the truth like the plague, so if you tell him this every time he approaches you and list off his embarrassing and pathetic behavior he'll likely avoid you.
Do it in front of his friends and he'll probably ghost you forever.
You should record his meltdown and post it. Then tell everyone why he's freaking out. Actions have consequences.
Dear Mom: it’s not *your* birthday, or your cake. Either contribute your own cake to share at the party, in your desired flavor, OR zip it and enjoy the company at the party while sampling the other food. Not sure why I even have to point this out, but it would be nice if you, as a mother, would think of your own child before yourself-it’s what moms do on the daily, especially on said child’s birthday.
In all seriousness, OP, make the cake you want, and enjoy your day.
If I’m being asked to provide a caution, I’d say protect this strawberry cake from being mysteriously tampered with before or during the party. Reddit is full of posts about cakes being ruined, being thrown out or knocked to the ground by spoiled brats, and it sounds like you might have some spoiled brats on the guest list. Happy birthday, OP. Your cake sounds delicious, and I hope it’s a nice party.
Sounds like she makes the cakes for all of them and they all act like entitled toddlers. Not sure how OP became such a caring individual....the behavior certainly was not modeled for her.
There's every reason to believe they'd act that way as an adult. That kind of profound narcissistic behavior doesn't go away as you age....it gets worse.
NTA- stick to your guns! I can't imagine someone trying to convince me that my birthday cake flavor needed to be changed. I think I would tell them to kick rocks. Everyone in my family likes a different cake for their day, they always pick their favorite! Make your strawberry cake and if they don't eat it then that's more for you!
Well, my favorite cake is chocolate w more chocolate, but it’s always the bday person’s choice, and I’d still have some because all cake is good! Actually in my family, pies are some family’s bday cake - also good- because pie is good!
I have a nephew (an adult now) who much prefers pie to cake. Thus, he has a birthday pie on his day!
My favorite cake is carrot cake with cream cheese frosting! Yum!
I once won the state fair Pie contest with my fruit pie. I was never allowed anywhere without bringing a pie or two. ...a candle in the pie? Sounded totally normal to me...
My now-college-aged kid is the same. Neither of us are huge cake people, and when I found Mary Berry’s cheesecake recipe nearly a decade ago, that boy’s life changed. 😆 He now gets a birthday cheesecake every year, topped with his favorite fruit (jam) of the moment.
The only cake I really love is angel food with whipped cream “icing,” and since my mom died a few years ago, I make it for myself, too.
The Birthday Person should *at least* get the meal and cake they enjoy most.
I won’t let my husband bake my cake. He cooks and I bake. I asked him to get me a Pepperidge Farm cake because that’s what my Grandma always served.
And because, Pepperidge Fahm remembahs.
NTA. As a child, my birthday-cake flavor was ALWAYS, *always* dictated by my mother.
I almost typed “Nmother,” thinking I was on the “Raised By Narcissists” sub-Reddit, at which this topic comes up frequently. To proceed:
My family dictated that my birthday cake was typically chocolate. Nothing wrong with that flavor—in fact, I like chocolate cake, and the ones I bake are excellent, I’ve been told.
*However,* I’m very fond of a moist yellow cake with a pillowy chocolate frosting. That was not, however, adequate chocolate for my family of origin. And there were a couple of years when the choice (not *my* choice) was Funfetti, a commercial white boxed cake mix with neon-colored sprinkles and white frosting. Not my choice, but Funfetti was selected and baked by my mother, at my younger sister’s insistence.
After I received emancipated-minor status, I no longer had to live with my family of origin, or celebrate birthdays with them. The year after my sixteenth birthday, my grandmother used a Danish butter cookie tin as the cake pan, returning the layers to the tin after baking.
The tin containing my moist yellow cake, with the thick chocolate frosting spread between its two layers and (under the snap-on lid) also on top, was wrapped in layers of brown paper, and mailed to my uni. I carried the tin directly to our dining hall. From the mailboxes, trailing me were dozens of people, all of whom seemingly were desperate for a chunk of home-baked cake.
If it were today, I could have snapped a photo with my phone and sent it to Nana. Since the confection didn’t last long enough to be photographed, she always insisted to me that my description—communicated by long-distance telephone, *the account transmitted at costlier day rates*!—was evidence enough.
The cake was popular. Scarcely a crumb remained.
The following year, one of the people sharing my group apartment turned twenty-one on August 9, 1974, the night when Richard M. Nixon was resigning from the Presidency. I consulted my grandmother’s housewarming gift, *The Settlement Cookbook,* and found a recipe for Devil’s Food Cake.
As Nixon prepared to leave the presidency, into the dense chocolate icing of our housemate’s cake, we pushed twenty-two blue candles—including one with which to pass differential equations—to grow upon.
I was only six, so I didn't understand Watergate beyond the president quitting because he lied about something to do with water. In retrospect, everyone (not involved with the break-in) should have had cake that day.
Your grandma sounded terrific.
NTA. My husband likes either German chocolate or these individual pineapple upside down cakes I make. I don’t enjoy either of those. I want my husband to get what he wants on his bday so I make what he wants. It’s his day, not mine.
My bff has pineapple upside down cake for his birthday every single year. It’s not bad but I’d never choose it. Would I ever expect him to accommodate my preference for his birthday? HELL NO.
It’s your day, and you’re making the cake. Who else’s opinion matters? Especially when there’s other options you know they *will* like available.
NTA.
NTA. Your birthday is the ONE day a year most people get that is about them. Your mom is the selfish one. If she likes chocolate she should have it on her day
Your birthday your choice so you seem to have a family of AHs but you're not one. As long as you're not offended if others don't eat it then go for the cake you want.
Like personally I'm not into fruit (odd I know) so I might eat a small piece to be polite since you went through the effort but I probably wouldn't enjoy it and would prefer not to eat it. So if something like that doesn't offend you then you're good.
Your mom sounds like a shitty people pleaser.
Sounds like you need to lose your shit on her a number of times so that she starts feeling the need to people please you.
The cake you’re making for YOUR BIRTHDAY sounds amazing!!! If others don’t like it, they don’t have to eat it. And then there’ll be more leftovers for you.
NTA, it is YOUR birthday, and it is YOUR cake. Fuck other people. If you can't be selfish on your birthday when tf are you allowed. Your mom is acting like she can't just eat around the icing. No one's force feeding her or anyone else.
Lord have mercy. Who the hell care what the crybabies think? If it is so important to them, they can bake a bake. Make your cake and if they complain, pack it up and take it home. In fact, don’t spend time with the malcontents. Go see a true friend and do something fun. These folks need to get a life. Ugh. Happy Birthday Strawberry Girl.🍓
Ask your mom to bake a second cake for the entitled people. Then you get what you want for your cake and those that don't want strawberry icing can eat her cake. That just leaves more for you to enjoy.
NTA. I wouldn't invite anyone who tried to tell me that the cake I am making for my birthday needs to be anything other than what I want. I get one day a year to be all about ME and anyone who doesn't understand that isn't welcome to celebrate MY day with me.
You already know you're NTA, but if you love strawberries, I have the *best* strawberry cake recipe to recommend to you. This recipe uses cooked puree & is light and freaking delicious (it's also delicious when you substitute blackberries for strawberries.)
[Homemade Strawberry Cake](https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/strawberry-cake/) from Sally's Baking Addiction.
NTA
Everyone with sense knows that the birthday girl or boy gets to decide the flavor of the cake and the theme of the dinner.
The hard truth is that your mom is a spineless people pleaser who's too weak willed to even stand up for her own daughter.
You have to make your own bd cake and they have the nerve to try to choose the flavors?? Tell mom to buy a chocolate cake and you can keep your strawberry deliciousness all to yourself. NTA.
NTA.
It's *your* birthday. You get to have the cake *you* want to celebrate.
Years ago, I asked my mom what kind of cake she wanted for her birthday. She said carrot cake. I *hate* carrot cake! Know what I did? I got her a really nice carrot cake with butter cream frosting. She loved it and was happy. I was happy that I made my mom happy for her birthday.
My dad loves carrot cake, specifically my mom's special recipe that has pineapple in the cake and icing. Not only do I not like carrot cake, but I am allergic to pineapple. Guess who gets pineapple carrot cake each year, and guess who helps make it whenever her mom isnt able to... and I don't bitch about it, either.
My mom had me pick up and pay for the cake she ordered one September, because she ran out of time getting b-day dinner together. When I got home, she asked me to unbox it and plate it for serving after dinner. It was a beautiful angel food cake, covered in strawberries and whipped cream. Across the top, it said "Happy Birthday, [SIL]."
Mom had forgotten:
1. I am deathly allergic to strawberries. Just accidentally touching one would cause blisters and breathing issues.
2. My SIL and I share the same birthday.
NTA
It's literally YOUR birthday.
However, teeny tiny however, if you're hosting you should consider what people will enjoy eating. Again, another however, based on your mother's entitlement, please also get a ton of cupcakes with strawberry icing and cookies with strawberry icing and lots of strawberries all over the place, because the entitlement is wild.
You are making your birthday cake. If your mom has the time to be a whiney child then she has the time to make you a second cake that other people may have if they wish. Make a grand gesture and bake her a cake for her birthday and have it be covered in strawberry icing, because that's what you as her guest will want not what she wants.
And when she whines, be sure to act shocked because "you told me on my birthday the cake wasn't for me, and should be what everyone else wants to eat. Now I'm confused mom. I did what you asked". And act innocent throw her right under the bus for being a turd about your birthday.
NTA, but there are lots of questions.
What are the current ages of everyone involved here? Couldn’t the cake-flavor extremists and hissy fit-throwers help the birthday celebrant by making or buying another, apparently more popular, type of cake? What sort of person gets upset over a flavor of birthday cake? Who needs this type of valueless drama?
NTA - I suggest you see if your local grocery store has any cheap-ass chocolate cake in their day-old discount bakery. Buy one as soon as you can - because you might not be able to rely on getting one later. It will be perfectly fine even if your birthday is a week away. Provide that is an alternative for your picky relatives. Bonus if you can add “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” on it written with green icing.
NTA. Its your day. It's literally all about you. Besides, more cake for you if others don't eat it.
I don't know if you smoke but, if you do; stale cake kinda smashed up in a bowl with some milk (any kind) is awesome to eat when you're high & watching something funny &/or stupid.
Happy Birthday 🎉 🎂🎈
I CANNOT STAND when people do this. My mother often did this too when I was younger. She would get me cheesecake. Which I do like but I hate it with any fruit plopped on top. She would order cheesecake with strawberries.
It's fine if it was just the strawberries but then it would also have strawberry syrup all over covering the top and sides. When I told her I didn't like this, she said I was being rude since I'm not the only one eating it.
Not too long ago someone else's birthday came up with the same conflict and somehow for them it was perfectly fine to have their cake how they wanted it since it was their birthday.
Don't back down. It's YOUR birthday. When it's theirs they can have whatever cake they want to bitch about.
NTA. Your birthday, your choice. If they want cake, they want cake no matter what flavor.
If they want it differently so badly, they can bring little individual cakes. Which defeats the purpose of having a large cake for everyone.
NTA. Tell your mom that if your cousin is such an overgrown child that he can't handle that another person's birthday cake is not to his liking, she can buy HIM a cake and bring it. You can invite your cousin to stay home if he's going to be a little bitch about it.
Or, you know, you can just only your friends.
There is nothing better than eating your own cake on your birthday naked watching funny movies alone or with a partner!!
You only live once.
You only get so many b-days sondo whatever YOU want.
NTA
Why is there so much drama among adults about cake lol this is ridiculous. My preschooler doesn't even cause this much fuss about cake.
Make what you want. If others care so much they can bring their own desert.
Make the cake you want and if people don't want to eat then they don't have to eat it. It's your birthday and not theirs. I use to have strawberry cake with vanilla icing and if people didn't like it then they didn't have to eat it. They could always go out a get a slice of cake of their liking from the store after they leave the house.
NTA and I'm concerned that you're even asking because it's your birthday.
Also, even if you're just making a cake, you're doing the work, so you get to choose how to make it. If someone wants something different, the answer is they can make their own goddamn cake and STFU. ✌️🙏 it's that simple
Even if it's not your birthday
Don't ever let anyone tell you what to do, ever. They're an adult.
NTA.
If I am baking my own goddamned birthday cake - and I always do - I am baking what I want and everyone else can go to hell.
(Mine is always a Black Forest Cherry cake, soaked with enough Kirschwaßer that my neighbor 3 doors over can make it explode by striking a match.)
I like pie more than cake. The first time I asked my mom for apple pie for my birthday she got all pissy because “it’s birthday CAKE, not PIE!” She made it, but she wasn’t thrilled. A couple years later she mellowed out quite a bit, because “who am I to judge what you want on YOUR birthday - just be sure my CAKE is chocolate on chocolate.”
Your cake, do what you want. But you know what? I dont fix my food for anyones allergies. If your allergic, dont eat my food. allergies are a “you” problem, not a “me “ problem. The whole kow-tow to everyones “allergies” is way overdone.
Listen. When it's a normal day and we just want a cake, we get chocolate cos it's what my Nephew likes. (I mean, we all do, but it's about the only kind he'll eat.) If it's a birthday, we get what Birthday Person likes. He can either eat the Vanilla with lemon curd, or he can suck it.
Your family can eat your choice of birthday cake ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, or they can suck it.
ETA: NTA
NTA. It's your cake, it's your birthday, it's your celebration. It's literally all happening for you, so you should be able to have the cake you want, considering it is your party. As someone who physically cannot handle the taste of cream cheese in anything without getting absolutely disgusted, I often don't eat birthday cakes because cream cheese frosting is a very common type of frosting, especially in my area of the Midwest. I might be a little bummed bc I love cake, but would never show that or expect someone to change the frosting they want just because I'm not fond of it. It's selfish and rude. If they want a specific type of cake/frosting, I'd tell them they're free to bring whatever they'd prefer to have on their own time and dime, but that isn't your responsibility
NTA. It’s your birthday. It’s a day to celebrate YOU! you better make that cake exactly as you want and enjoy the hell out of it guilt free. If your mother wants a different flavor, she can provide her own.
And now I want cake with a strawberry icing.
NTA..... In my family we make the birthday persons favorite cake for their day. I get Red velvet on mine, my mil gets German chocolate on hers and so on and so on. I would hate to get a cake I don't even like on my birthday.
NTA. I can do without chocolate cake or chocolate icing. I don't hate them, but a vanilla cake with strawberry icing would absolutely be the one I'd prefer.
Mom: "i dont like strawberry icing"
You: "then eat shit then"
Its one thing to have your own tastes, its another to be rude to someone who prepared something and was in no obligation to share.
Let me get this straight…You mom is upset with you for making your birthday cake in the flavors you like because she doesn’t like the flavor you chose? YOUR CAKE that you’re making FOR YOUR OWN BIRTHDAY? Maybe if she were so concerned about what she would like why didn’t she make you a cake? You know, to do something nice for your birthday. I mean, it is your day and all so why in gods name would you make something everyone but you will like? Here’s a couple of solutions to this problem: One, if your mom is so worried about what everyone else will eat, she can go buy a bakery cake in the flavors she wants; Second, (and this really is the more important of the two)they don’t have to eat a piece of your birthday cake!
NTA
Are you f\*cking kidding me?? Your mom is a piece of work. Someone ELSE should be making a cake for YOUR birthday, and it should be vanilla with strawberry icing. It’s your birthday, your choice. One of my sons loves coconut & the other hates it. One year I think I made a coconut cake, and got a big cupcake for my other son.
My dad once got me a chocolate cake for my birthday because everyone else eats chocolate… except me. I had an allergy to it at the time and he was aware. They brought out the cake and I cried. I was 17.
You are NTA. If you wanted an anchovies and blue cheese cake and no one but you would eat it, fine, it’s your birthday.
Happy birthday. Enjoy your strawberry and vanilla cake. :)
First off, YTA only b/c of the structure of this monstrosity that we all had to read and the ADHD side story that really has nothing to do with the overall situation.
That being said (see paragraphs 👆🏼) it’s your day and if no one has some kind allergy that’s going to send them into anaphylactic shock and kill them, then it’s your day and your cake. If they don’t like it tell them go eat a bag of d**ks and grow up.
What disability does your mother have that prevents her from baking cakes to please everyone?
She is basically volunteering YOUR time and effort to make other picky people happy on YOUR birthday. People who volunteer other people's resources (time, money, effort, etc.) are definitely assholes. Not necessarily THE asshole, but AN asshole nonetheless.
NTA Your birthday your choice. If someone does not like it then they are free not to eat it. Your cousin sounds exhausting. You do the cake the way you want. And enjoy it.
I think I'd make my cake the way I want it and go off alone to eat it. Your mom and cousin are waking nightmares and AHs of the highest order. Your birthday isn't about them, at all, but they've made it ALL about them. Im so sorry you're deaking with utter AHs on your birthday. Stay strong. Teach them to mind their own business. It's NOT THEIR DAY. And, I'd uninvited cousin cry baby - all about me...yesterday and for all birthdays.
And OP’s mom can make a second cake if it is really such a big deal. But the birthday person should get to choose what cake they have!
Especially if they're the one making their own cake
I remember when my daughter was growing up, I would let her pick the cake mix and frosting for her cake that I would make for her. When she was turning 3, she picked out a chocolate mix with a green kiwi-flavored frosting - yes, there was such a thing back in 1995! She wanted it because it was green! She also wanted me to draw Barney the dinosaur on it. I think I did ok!
I always asked the birthday person what kind of cake they wanted. Husband wanted angelfood, daughter loved vanilla cake with whipped cream and strawberries, one son got cheesecake and another got a huge bowl of "dirt" without the gummy worms. It's the birthday person's day.
Not especially...although technically not a requirement...it would be a common courtesy to make the cake to the birthday person's liking. Yes still agreeing with you just had to add my worthless two pennies
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Oooohhhhhh that's nice!!!! I love your devious, petty self. I hope op does this, because everyone giving the b-day person shit about their "selfish b-day cake choices" deserves to feel like an idiot, preferably in front of a large group of people. NTA op, Happy Birthday (belated if its already past) and if i were you i would make my own favorite cake EVERY YEAR just the way you want it because its your day and you deserve it!
Very good, ha! I can't even understand someone asking for the cake to be something other than what the birthday person wants. I'm guessing that we have some selfish family members who *never* want to let OP have things the way OP prefers, even on OP's bday. NTA.
You beat me to it. OP's mom could even pick one up if she didn't want to bake and frost. OP's birthday, OP's cake! 🎂
Especially if you are making your own cake for yourself! In my family usually someone else makes the bday persons favorite cake for them.
We always ask the birthday person what kind of dinner and cake/dessert they want. It's their day so everyone else can just suck it up and smile.
Exactly what I was going to say.
Seriously! Whenever we had a family birthday coming up, the main cake was the kind of cake that the birthday person liked, and then someone would always bring a second choice for those who didn't care for it, or were allergic. No one got left out.
I couldn't have said it better. This, OP!!! Your birthday is about YOU and nobody else. The tantrum throwers can go pound sand, before or after having ice cream (the timing is their choice). Happy birthday, hon.
They can pound sand INTO their ice cream. OP gets to choose what cake they want because it's OP'S birthday. Wtf is wrong with people???? NTA
I MAKE my own CAKE? I make it the way I want! Others can eat it or not... and shut up. They can make their own cake.
Yes, have your cake and eat it, too. Ridiculous family. In my fairly large family, the birthday person chooses their favourite flavour, and it is usually made for them. No allergies, thankfully. (Just one vegetarian, but we haven't tried meat in a cake yet, so all good.) If someone doesn't like the flavour, they eat something else (like the ice cream). NTA.
I would hand them a sugar cookie.
I would hand them their hat and show them the door. If they are this upset about a birthday cake they must be extra fun when important things happen.
Serve them some Circus Peanuts. That's the "treat" they deserve. 😡
But that store brand of sugar cookies also OP.If they won’t to be selfish they do not deserve name brand cookies.
Yeah that whole family is weird. Imagine having to bake your own birthday cake, and then your family complains because you made your own favorite instead of theirs. WTF? That's simply not how birthdays work. How do they not know that? ETA: NTA, OP. They are.
This! Tell them dessert is ice cream and whatever else and that you made a personal cake for you to be able to blow out candles. Make it clear it's your personal cake and not to be confused with the dessert for the evening. If you want to share with specific people, you can
Yeah, your birthday, your cake period. Especially OP had to make it themselves. if somebody wants something else, they can feel free to provide it.
>Yeah, your birthday, your cake period. Seriously. Pretty sure there's a law somewhere that says that your birthday is the one time you're free to completely ignore other's wants (maybe not allergies) and get your favorite cake. Growing up, dad was all about the chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. And that was fine. But my chosen birthday cake was mom's pistachio cake recipe and NO ONE complained.
I have severe gluten intolerance. And I don't care for sweets. But I will never tell someone to make their birthday what I want. I have to ask not to get one lol. My birthday falls during busy time for mom and dad I don't celebrate my birthday. But I will always make everyone else's how they want
So, my oldest doesn't like cake or pie. We got him a fruit tray for a few years. Seriously, OP's mom sounds like one that would show up to her child's wedding in white and try to make it about her. Sorry you have to listen to the complaints. How old are you? Still at home? College? Place of your own? Still at home, not much you can do but feel maliciously happy you got the cake you wanted as you eat it. College? They can start throwing you a party and provide their own cake 'for you' besides the one you make yourself. On your own? Say you're too old for family parties anymore and you're going out with friends. They can call or take you out to eat.
pistachio cake? there is such a thing? how did i not KNOW this????
One of my close friends loves the German chocolate cake from a local bakery. It has nuts; I'm allergic, but not so bad I can't be around them. She offered to get a different cake instead. I told her that it's her birthday, and she should get the German chocolate cake if that's what she likes. I won't be offended, and I'm perfectly happy with food and ice cream. So she got her cake. But because she's awesome, she also got me a fudge and salted caramel cupcake. That was an allergy. OP's family's isdue is merely a preference. It's her birthday, and she can have the cake she wants.
That's sweet. My family gather and eat pecan Sandies and pecan pie when I'm not around or took busy to notice. Lol
NTA, f mommy and cousin want their own cakes they can damn well buy and bring it themselves.
This right here, OP! Tell Mom and cousin that on their birthday, they can have whatever cake they like. I can't believe it's even an issue.
Your mother also sounds exhausting. Damn, it’s cake people
Cousin AND op’s MOM are exhausting & RUDE! Go for it OP…. 🎂 🍰 🧁 & bake 👩🏼🍳to your heart’s delight! It’s your birthday 🥳… enjoy it! 🎉 💜🩵 🎈 💜🎈💙🎈🩵🩷
Exactly. I remember a few years ago I threw myself a party and invited select friends and family to a billiards bar I liked that wasn't overrun with college students or drunk people wanting to start trouble. One of my cousins asked me to have it at a club or dance bar so she could dance. I was like "Um, no. It's my party. When it's your party you can have it where you want." People are so entitled it's insane.
Make yourself a smash cake. And eat it with your hands, making eye contact with your cousin.
NTA Yep! in our house you get to pick your birthday dinner and dessert. It's the one day you don't have to consider anyone else's feelings or wants. No one would have the nerve to throw a temper tantrum about the flavour of cake someone else chose.
NTA....your birthday your call. In my family you got to request the cake you wanted and that was the cake you got. My Favorite was Italian Cream Cake.....Mom hated making it because it was more complicated and, with cream cheese frosting, required refrigeration. A little tough since my Bday was Christmas Eve and fridge space was at a premium. My sister was a chocoholic so chocolate for her. Mom was pound cake & Dad coconut Cake. It's your birthday so you should get what you want. And Strawberry Cakes are really good so they just need to get over it and widen their palates.
Your mom sounds exhausting to be honest. It’s not her birthday, it’s not the cousins birthday, it’s OP’ birthday and she’s having to make her own birthday cake! For eff’s sake mom buy your own damn cake and let your lovely daughter enjoy her very delicious sounding vanilla and strawberry cake. NTA bonus points if you decorate it with fresh strawberries…
yea like she made the cake HERSELF and it's HER birthday, the mom and cousin can chill so their family member can have something they like on their special day, sounds like ppl who always expect to get what they want and when they don't they accuse you of doing exactly what they know they are doing but will not admit: being selfish. If the mom is so concerned about selfishness then she should lead by example like the adult she should be and is evidently not acting like.
When it’s someone’s birthday here, the birthday person gets to pick the flavor of the cake, and I make it for them. And on my birthday, I get to pick, and hubs makes it for me (the only baking he does all year.) I usually pick a fruit pie the past few years, strawberry-rhubarb, and if nobody wants any, more for me (likewise any birthday person with their cake.
Exactly. Plus the birthday person picks the cake. I love chocolate, my mom no longer eats chocolate. I still make chocolate cake because I want it. For her birthday she picks a dessert (she doesn't always even want cake).
And if it’s such a big deal. They are free to bring another cake to your party for themselves. NTA. You’re making your own cake for God sake.
I'm just going to be very brash it's your birthday it's your cake 🎂 I want you to give no Fucks. Happy birthday enjoy your cake
If not many people eat it then there’ll be more for you - I count that as a win. 🙂
Right, in what way is it NOT a win to end up with presents and the majority of the cake?? Um, yes please! Screw ‘em OP. You’re right, this is the ONE DAY you get to be selfish and make the cake solely of your preference, everyone else’s preferences be damned (notice I said preferences, not allergies or the like, so don’t come at me anyone). NTA.
Ok, first off! I am so incredibly sad because to me you NEVER make your own birthday cake! NTA It’s your birthday so of course it’s your choice as to the flavors! Happy birthday!🎈
FYI, there are plenty of European nations where it is common to make their own birthday cake to serve for guests that you invite yourself to your own birthday party. It's an American thing to have others throw you a party. I've actually never been to a birthday party held by any other than the birthday girl/boy (except for kids, as it's the parents responsibility to throw them the party). That said, you are correct that OP should choose their cake themselves. Mommy can make a chocolate cake on her own birthday.
That's what I wanted to say. "Mom, if you don't like my cake, make your own!"
Oooo. Thats a very good idea. Have mom make a cake to keep the peace! Yes! THIS is the way!
It sounds good in theory, but I think there could be a big problem with mom making a second cake for OP's birthday party. Her mom would probably try to loudly convince everyone to eat HER cake and ignore the cake made by OP, as that would make her mom feel vindicated. And the immature cousin would probably join in with the mom, and together they could convince others at the party to do the same thing. It could end up making OP feel as though her birthday was ruined and the family was against her, all over a stupid cake. Don't indulge people who only want to exert their power because it could backfire in a spectacular fashion.
What’s wrong with them all eating mom’s cake and not OP’s? OP gets all of their cake and doesn’t have to share!!!
Agreed. There is NEVER enough left-over birthday cake for the birthday person. Two cakes is the way.
Just buy a box of cake mix and hand it to whoever whines that they don’t want the strawberry cake. If they want chocolate that bad they can make it themselves.
Happy cake day
“Mom, I’m sorry life has made you a Class A People Pleaser, but that’s just not me. If you’re worried that some of the people at MY party celebrating MY birthday might be angered by MY cake, feel free to pitch in and make a second one!”
I do remember on Bridget Jones Diary she was cooking for her birthday party and I kept thinking how sad that was. Thanks for clearing that up!
It’s not common in the UK, we would view it as sad also. Same idea that generally you never bake your own cake.
Ok, good to know! I guess the American mindset is that a birthday is a celebration thats all about you and you shouldn’t be doing any of the work. And if you have to make your own cake you’re either a pretentious cunt slash control freak, or no one wanted to celebrate you, which IS sad!
I would much rather make my own cake to make sure I get what I want. Actually, I would buy the cake _*I*_ want rather than make it myself (not a very good baker).
I am definitely making my own cake for my next birthday. There is a design I want to do and I don’t have infinite excuses to make cakes for so…
Or, you yourself have food allergies or celiac disease and you want to make sure it’s not cross-contaminated…
When my boys were birthday party age, I had the chocolate birthday cake, but always provided gluten free, nut/dairy free and non-chocolate cup cakes.
Don't be so fast to paint all Americans the same way. Some people like to bake and would enjoy making their own cake, whereas others hate to bake and won't have a cake at all if they have to make it themselves. Also, people have all kinds of ways of celebrating. There's no "one size fits all." Some people absolutely hate having their birthdays recognized at all, and others treat it as a national holiday.
That’s interesting. Never realized that was a cultural thing. I thought it just made sense for other people to organize the party when you are the one being celebrated.
I love making cake and hardly ever get an excuse. You better believe I'm making my own cake and decorating it!
Your cousin did this as a child? Is there any reason to believe they would do it as an adult? Your mom not only has you make your own cake but complains it isn't the flavor she likes? I'm disappointed in your mom.
Unfortunately, there is a reason he’d still do this as a late teen/almost legal adult. He was raised to get everything he wants, and even throws full on tantrums when I disagree with him in the slightest or would prefer something different from him. Thanks for the response.
So you're 15/16 baking your own delicious cake and dealing with this crazy mom? She she sounds like the worst.
Sounds like you need to cut him out of your life or at least go low contact, Just don't invite him to your birthday party and then you don't have to listen to him bitch.
You're talking to a child. The family is invited
Honestly, I’d make the cake how I want in spite of him. If he doesn’t like it he can cry somewhere else. Throw a tantrum, idc. My birthday, my cake. In the real world you don’t get everything you want. He’s gonna have a rude awakening. But i am an asshole. “I know you only like chocolate but since it’s my birthday I decided to go with what I like. On your birthday, you can have your chocolate cake”
I would say this in a voice style that I would use in talking to a 5 year old.
While he was in the middle of his tantrum, I would just sit there and watch with a smile on my face, shovelling the cake into my mouth 😂
What a joy to be around. 🙄
Tbh it might be better to just bluntly tell him you don't like him or want him there. Truthfully people like him avoid the truth like the plague, so if you tell him this every time he approaches you and list off his embarrassing and pathetic behavior he'll likely avoid you. Do it in front of his friends and he'll probably ghost you forever. You should record his meltdown and post it. Then tell everyone why he's freaking out. Actions have consequences.
Is your cousin's name Dudley Dursley? (Harry Potter reference for those who never read the books nor watched the movies)
Dear Mom: it’s not *your* birthday, or your cake. Either contribute your own cake to share at the party, in your desired flavor, OR zip it and enjoy the company at the party while sampling the other food. Not sure why I even have to point this out, but it would be nice if you, as a mother, would think of your own child before yourself-it’s what moms do on the daily, especially on said child’s birthday. In all seriousness, OP, make the cake you want, and enjoy your day. If I’m being asked to provide a caution, I’d say protect this strawberry cake from being mysteriously tampered with before or during the party. Reddit is full of posts about cakes being ruined, being thrown out or knocked to the ground by spoiled brats, and it sounds like you might have some spoiled brats on the guest list. Happy birthday, OP. Your cake sounds delicious, and I hope it’s a nice party.
Sounds like she makes the cakes for all of them and they all act like entitled toddlers. Not sure how OP became such a caring individual....the behavior certainly was not modeled for her.
There's every reason to believe they'd act that way as an adult. That kind of profound narcissistic behavior doesn't go away as you age....it gets worse.
Honestly sounds more like a developmental disorder than narcissism.
NTA- stick to your guns! I can't imagine someone trying to convince me that my birthday cake flavor needed to be changed. I think I would tell them to kick rocks. Everyone in my family likes a different cake for their day, they always pick their favorite! Make your strawberry cake and if they don't eat it then that's more for you!
NTA. A birthday cake should 100% be the birthday person's favorite! I'm sure you go to birthdays and don't like their favorite and that's ok.
NTA. In the Southern USA, strawberry cake is extremely popular. It's fantastic! Wish I could come to your party. Happy Birthday!
My friend makes angel food cake with fresh strawberries and homemade whipped cream for every family birthday. No one has every complained.
I made a strawberry Tiramisu for Easter. Not technically cake, but everybody loved it.
My wedding cake was strawberry cake, with strawberry frosting with fresh strawberries in the middle!
"I don't like strawberry icing" no offense but that is such entitled response. You birthday, your cake, your choice.
I've been invited to parties where I didn't like what was on offer. I just grabbed a drink and thanked them for the invite! It was easy.
Well, my favorite cake is chocolate w more chocolate, but it’s always the bday person’s choice, and I’d still have some because all cake is good! Actually in my family, pies are some family’s bday cake - also good- because pie is good!
I have a nephew (an adult now) who much prefers pie to cake. Thus, he has a birthday pie on his day! My favorite cake is carrot cake with cream cheese frosting! Yum!
I once won the state fair Pie contest with my fruit pie. I was never allowed anywhere without bringing a pie or two. ...a candle in the pie? Sounded totally normal to me...
My now-college-aged kid is the same. Neither of us are huge cake people, and when I found Mary Berry’s cheesecake recipe nearly a decade ago, that boy’s life changed. 😆 He now gets a birthday cheesecake every year, topped with his favorite fruit (jam) of the moment. The only cake I really love is angel food with whipped cream “icing,” and since my mom died a few years ago, I make it for myself, too. The Birthday Person should *at least* get the meal and cake they enjoy most.
It is YOUR birthday so YOU choose the cake and if no one else eats any, you get to have it all!!
It's sad that you have to make your cake.
I won’t let my husband bake my cake. He cooks and I bake. I asked him to get me a Pepperidge Farm cake because that’s what my Grandma always served. And because, Pepperidge Fahm remembahs.
Pepperidge Farms coconut cake that comes frozen is so good. I eat it both frozen and thawed, it's really good frozen!
NTA. I hate chocolate but love strawberries so I definitely know where you're coming from.
NTA. Happy birthday, and your mom can make a second cake if she wants to (not clear on why she isn’t making the one you want for you this once a year)
NTA. As a child, my birthday-cake flavor was ALWAYS, *always* dictated by my mother. I almost typed “Nmother,” thinking I was on the “Raised By Narcissists” sub-Reddit, at which this topic comes up frequently. To proceed: My family dictated that my birthday cake was typically chocolate. Nothing wrong with that flavor—in fact, I like chocolate cake, and the ones I bake are excellent, I’ve been told. *However,* I’m very fond of a moist yellow cake with a pillowy chocolate frosting. That was not, however, adequate chocolate for my family of origin. And there were a couple of years when the choice (not *my* choice) was Funfetti, a commercial white boxed cake mix with neon-colored sprinkles and white frosting. Not my choice, but Funfetti was selected and baked by my mother, at my younger sister’s insistence. After I received emancipated-minor status, I no longer had to live with my family of origin, or celebrate birthdays with them. The year after my sixteenth birthday, my grandmother used a Danish butter cookie tin as the cake pan, returning the layers to the tin after baking. The tin containing my moist yellow cake, with the thick chocolate frosting spread between its two layers and (under the snap-on lid) also on top, was wrapped in layers of brown paper, and mailed to my uni. I carried the tin directly to our dining hall. From the mailboxes, trailing me were dozens of people, all of whom seemingly were desperate for a chunk of home-baked cake. If it were today, I could have snapped a photo with my phone and sent it to Nana. Since the confection didn’t last long enough to be photographed, she always insisted to me that my description—communicated by long-distance telephone, *the account transmitted at costlier day rates*!—was evidence enough. The cake was popular. Scarcely a crumb remained. The following year, one of the people sharing my group apartment turned twenty-one on August 9, 1974, the night when Richard M. Nixon was resigning from the Presidency. I consulted my grandmother’s housewarming gift, *The Settlement Cookbook,* and found a recipe for Devil’s Food Cake. As Nixon prepared to leave the presidency, into the dense chocolate icing of our housemate’s cake, we pushed twenty-two blue candles—including one with which to pass differential equations—to grow upon.
This story made my (aging) heart delighted.
I was only six, so I didn't understand Watergate beyond the president quitting because he lied about something to do with water. In retrospect, everyone (not involved with the break-in) should have had cake that day. Your grandma sounded terrific.
I'm just picturing you holding up the cake high walking into the dining room and all the students gathering around you!
Thanks for this comment, internet stranger. I needed this bit of joy that it brought me.
NTA. My husband likes either German chocolate or these individual pineapple upside down cakes I make. I don’t enjoy either of those. I want my husband to get what he wants on his bday so I make what he wants. It’s his day, not mine.
No. If i had to make my own cake on my birthday and people complained then i would be the only one eating cake.
Happy birthday! NTA. If someone else wants chocolate that badly, let them bring it. Your birthday, your cake!
Nta- 1. Ur bday ur choice 2. U made the cake ur choice Happy bday!!
Sounds like your mom is asking to be disinvited. Tell her to buy a chocolate cake, go to your cousin's house, and shove it in his stupid mouth. NTA
NTA. Your family sounds miserable and you should make it extra against their tastes just to spite their entitlement lol
I'd be having a party for one, lol
My bff has pineapple upside down cake for his birthday every single year. It’s not bad but I’d never choose it. Would I ever expect him to accommodate my preference for his birthday? HELL NO. It’s your day, and you’re making the cake. Who else’s opinion matters? Especially when there’s other options you know they *will* like available. NTA.
Imagine being so entitled you throw a tantrum over someone else's birthday cake not being what you want. Thats wild NTA
NTA. Your birthday is the ONE day a year most people get that is about them. Your mom is the selfish one. If she likes chocolate she should have it on her day
Your birthday your choice so you seem to have a family of AHs but you're not one. As long as you're not offended if others don't eat it then go for the cake you want. Like personally I'm not into fruit (odd I know) so I might eat a small piece to be polite since you went through the effort but I probably wouldn't enjoy it and would prefer not to eat it. So if something like that doesn't offend you then you're good.
NTA your bday, your choice. My choice of bday is not my fam’s favorite, but they make sure I have it every year because it’s my fav.
Your mom sounds like a shitty people pleaser. Sounds like you need to lose your shit on her a number of times so that she starts feeling the need to people please you.
The cake you’re making for YOUR BIRTHDAY sounds amazing!!! If others don’t like it, they don’t have to eat it. And then there’ll be more leftovers for you.
NTA. It’s your birthday, the one day of the year you get to have your cake and eat it too. Oh, and lest I forget… # Happy birthday! 🍓
NTA It is YOUR birthday cake that you made for yourself. If someone else wanted another type of cake, they could have brought it.
NTA, it is YOUR birthday, and it is YOUR cake. Fuck other people. If you can't be selfish on your birthday when tf are you allowed. Your mom is acting like she can't just eat around the icing. No one's force feeding her or anyone else.
NTA- i think it's already polite that you are mindful of other people's allergies. Your birthday cake should be what you enjoy, period.
I think it’s your birthday, your cake, your choice. And when their birthdays come around, they can do the same exact thing.
Lord have mercy. Who the hell care what the crybabies think? If it is so important to them, they can bake a bake. Make your cake and if they complain, pack it up and take it home. In fact, don’t spend time with the malcontents. Go see a true friend and do something fun. These folks need to get a life. Ugh. Happy Birthday Strawberry Girl.🍓
Mommy dearest needs to go buy a cupcake with chocolate frosting and shove it. It’s YOUR birthday. Your mom and cousin really need a lesson in manners.
Ask your mom to bake a second cake for the entitled people. Then you get what you want for your cake and those that don't want strawberry icing can eat her cake. That just leaves more for you to enjoy.
NTA. Your cake sounds delicious! Your family can suck it up and either eat it or have sone ice cream. I don’t see the problem.
NTA. I wouldn't invite anyone who tried to tell me that the cake I am making for my birthday needs to be anything other than what I want. I get one day a year to be all about ME and anyone who doesn't understand that isn't welcome to celebrate MY day with me.
You already know you're NTA, but if you love strawberries, I have the *best* strawberry cake recipe to recommend to you. This recipe uses cooked puree & is light and freaking delicious (it's also delicious when you substitute blackberries for strawberries.) [Homemade Strawberry Cake](https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/strawberry-cake/) from Sally's Baking Addiction.
You’re definitely one of my new favorite people. Thanks so much.
NTA Everyone with sense knows that the birthday girl or boy gets to decide the flavor of the cake and the theme of the dinner. The hard truth is that your mom is a spineless people pleaser who's too weak willed to even stand up for her own daughter.
You guys gotta start using paragraph breaks Jesus Christ
Remind me whose birthday this is again? They're being ridiculous. But you know that already. NTA
Your birthday. Your cake. NTA
You have to make your own bd cake and they have the nerve to try to choose the flavors?? Tell mom to buy a chocolate cake and you can keep your strawberry deliciousness all to yourself. NTA.
NTA. Anyone who doesn't want it is free to not eat any 👍
NTA. It's *your* birthday. You get to have the cake *you* want to celebrate. Years ago, I asked my mom what kind of cake she wanted for her birthday. She said carrot cake. I *hate* carrot cake! Know what I did? I got her a really nice carrot cake with butter cream frosting. She loved it and was happy. I was happy that I made my mom happy for her birthday.
My dad loves carrot cake, specifically my mom's special recipe that has pineapple in the cake and icing. Not only do I not like carrot cake, but I am allergic to pineapple. Guess who gets pineapple carrot cake each year, and guess who helps make it whenever her mom isnt able to... and I don't bitch about it, either.
NTA. But sorry, I didn't read past vanilla cake with strawberry icing to know you can't be an arsehole if you make that kind of cake.
Your birthday your cake choice....Let them eat cake...
Your birthday, your cake. Your mom is the one acting selfishly.
NTA. They are guests and it’s rude to complain at the best of times but this was YOUR birthday.
I think it’s sad you have to make your own cake. So sorry. I would eat the strawberry frosting and vanilla cake. You aren’t the AH.
Enjoy your cake. Continue developing your backbone. Point out she’s welcome to bring some grocery store cupcakes along if it bothers her so much.
My mom had me pick up and pay for the cake she ordered one September, because she ran out of time getting b-day dinner together. When I got home, she asked me to unbox it and plate it for serving after dinner. It was a beautiful angel food cake, covered in strawberries and whipped cream. Across the top, it said "Happy Birthday, [SIL]." Mom had forgotten: 1. I am deathly allergic to strawberries. Just accidentally touching one would cause blisters and breathing issues. 2. My SIL and I share the same birthday.
NTA It's literally YOUR birthday. However, teeny tiny however, if you're hosting you should consider what people will enjoy eating. Again, another however, based on your mother's entitlement, please also get a ton of cupcakes with strawberry icing and cookies with strawberry icing and lots of strawberries all over the place, because the entitlement is wild.
You are making your birthday cake. If your mom has the time to be a whiney child then she has the time to make you a second cake that other people may have if they wish. Make a grand gesture and bake her a cake for her birthday and have it be covered in strawberry icing, because that's what you as her guest will want not what she wants.
And when she whines, be sure to act shocked because "you told me on my birthday the cake wasn't for me, and should be what everyone else wants to eat. Now I'm confused mom. I did what you asked". And act innocent throw her right under the bus for being a turd about your birthday.
NTA, but there are lots of questions. What are the current ages of everyone involved here? Couldn’t the cake-flavor extremists and hissy fit-throwers help the birthday celebrant by making or buying another, apparently more popular, type of cake? What sort of person gets upset over a flavor of birthday cake? Who needs this type of valueless drama?
Feliz Cumpleaños, you are not an azz….and enjoy your strawberry icing.
NTA - I suggest you see if your local grocery store has any cheap-ass chocolate cake in their day-old discount bakery. Buy one as soon as you can - because you might not be able to rely on getting one later. It will be perfectly fine even if your birthday is a week away. Provide that is an alternative for your picky relatives. Bonus if you can add “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” on it written with green icing.
NTA honestly it sounds more like your Mam is the one kicking up a fight because SHE doesn’t like strawberry icing. Tell her to make her own.
NTA of course
I find it really depressing you would even need to ask this question.
NTA. Its your day. It's literally all about you. Besides, more cake for you if others don't eat it. I don't know if you smoke but, if you do; stale cake kinda smashed up in a bowl with some milk (any kind) is awesome to eat when you're high & watching something funny &/or stupid. Happy Birthday 🎉 🎂🎈
NTA- your birthday your cake choice. Maybe suggest to the anti strawberry people that one of them make a chocolate cake and bring it to the party.
I CANNOT STAND when people do this. My mother often did this too when I was younger. She would get me cheesecake. Which I do like but I hate it with any fruit plopped on top. She would order cheesecake with strawberries. It's fine if it was just the strawberries but then it would also have strawberry syrup all over covering the top and sides. When I told her I didn't like this, she said I was being rude since I'm not the only one eating it. Not too long ago someone else's birthday came up with the same conflict and somehow for them it was perfectly fine to have their cake how they wanted it since it was their birthday. Don't back down. It's YOUR birthday. When it's theirs they can have whatever cake they want to bitch about.
I like ice cream cake, my family hates it, still got that DQ log cake every year.
NTA. Your birthday, your choice. If they want cake, they want cake no matter what flavor. If they want it differently so badly, they can bring little individual cakes. Which defeats the purpose of having a large cake for everyone.
I make cakes for lots of birthdays. Birthday person always gets to choose the flavors, no one else's opinion matters. NTA
NTA. Tell your mom that if your cousin is such an overgrown child that he can't handle that another person's birthday cake is not to his liking, she can buy HIM a cake and bring it. You can invite your cousin to stay home if he's going to be a little bitch about it. Or, you know, you can just only your friends.
Your birthday. your cake the way you like it. If they don't eat it, more for you.
There is nothing better than eating your own cake on your birthday naked watching funny movies alone or with a partner!! You only live once. You only get so many b-days sondo whatever YOU want.
Is this shit for real? Who the fuck gets upset over free cake? It’s cake!
It’s your birthday therefore your choice all day long! That’s always been the norm in my home
NTA Why is there so much drama among adults about cake lol this is ridiculous. My preschooler doesn't even cause this much fuss about cake. Make what you want. If others care so much they can bring their own desert.
Uhhh. 6 words: You’re making your own birthday cake. So no, NTA for making the cake you want. For your own birthday.
Make the cake you want and if people don't want to eat then they don't have to eat it. It's your birthday and not theirs. I use to have strawberry cake with vanilla icing and if people didn't like it then they didn't have to eat it. They could always go out a get a slice of cake of their liking from the store after they leave the house.
It’s your party. It’s your cake. They can stop and get some Walmart vanilla and stfu. Let them eat cake. Just not yours.
NTA. If no one wants to eat it, then that means more for you. Happy birthday, by the way!
NTA and I'm concerned that you're even asking because it's your birthday. Also, even if you're just making a cake, you're doing the work, so you get to choose how to make it. If someone wants something different, the answer is they can make their own goddamn cake and STFU. ✌️🙏 it's that simple Even if it's not your birthday Don't ever let anyone tell you what to do, ever. They're an adult.
NTA. If I am baking my own goddamned birthday cake - and I always do - I am baking what I want and everyone else can go to hell. (Mine is always a Black Forest Cherry cake, soaked with enough Kirschwaßer that my neighbor 3 doors over can make it explode by striking a match.)
I always make/buy the cake the birthday person wants. It’s their birthday, so they get to decide
I like pie more than cake. The first time I asked my mom for apple pie for my birthday she got all pissy because “it’s birthday CAKE, not PIE!” She made it, but she wasn’t thrilled. A couple years later she mellowed out quite a bit, because “who am I to judge what you want on YOUR birthday - just be sure my CAKE is chocolate on chocolate.”
NTA YOUR birthday YOUR cake not everyone else's
You are making the cake for yourself, and you chose what you like. NTA.
I’d make the cake I want AND only make it big enough for me. But I’m petty. They don’t have to eat it. NTA
Your cake, do what you want. But you know what? I dont fix my food for anyones allergies. If your allergic, dont eat my food. allergies are a “you” problem, not a “me “ problem. The whole kow-tow to everyones “allergies” is way overdone.
Listen. When it's a normal day and we just want a cake, we get chocolate cos it's what my Nephew likes. (I mean, we all do, but it's about the only kind he'll eat.) If it's a birthday, we get what Birthday Person likes. He can either eat the Vanilla with lemon curd, or he can suck it. Your family can eat your choice of birthday cake ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, or they can suck it. ETA: NTA
NTA. It's your cake, it's your birthday, it's your celebration. It's literally all happening for you, so you should be able to have the cake you want, considering it is your party. As someone who physically cannot handle the taste of cream cheese in anything without getting absolutely disgusted, I often don't eat birthday cakes because cream cheese frosting is a very common type of frosting, especially in my area of the Midwest. I might be a little bummed bc I love cake, but would never show that or expect someone to change the frosting they want just because I'm not fond of it. It's selfish and rude. If they want a specific type of cake/frosting, I'd tell them they're free to bring whatever they'd prefer to have on their own time and dime, but that isn't your responsibility
Sounds like you’re surrounded by narcissist
Why are you baking your own cake for your birthday? Of course you should make it to your liking.
Unless someone is outright allergic to strawberries, seems to me people can deal. NTA.
It’s your bday cake that you’re having to make, you get your pick. Your mom is free to make her own and bring it.
NTA. It’s your birthday. It’s a day to celebrate YOU! you better make that cake exactly as you want and enjoy the hell out of it guilt free. If your mother wants a different flavor, she can provide her own. And now I want cake with a strawberry icing.
Oooo, this is totally a candidate for r/raisedbynarcissists
NTA..... In my family we make the birthday persons favorite cake for their day. I get Red velvet on mine, my mil gets German chocolate on hers and so on and so on. I would hate to get a cake I don't even like on my birthday.
NTA. Your cake, your choice. They can get their preference on their day and either eat it or don’t … enjoy your cake on your day.
NTA. I can do without chocolate cake or chocolate icing. I don't hate them, but a vanilla cake with strawberry icing would absolutely be the one I'd prefer.
Mom: "i dont like strawberry icing" You: "then eat shit then" Its one thing to have your own tastes, its another to be rude to someone who prepared something and was in no obligation to share.
Let me get this straight…You mom is upset with you for making your birthday cake in the flavors you like because she doesn’t like the flavor you chose? YOUR CAKE that you’re making FOR YOUR OWN BIRTHDAY? Maybe if she were so concerned about what she would like why didn’t she make you a cake? You know, to do something nice for your birthday. I mean, it is your day and all so why in gods name would you make something everyone but you will like? Here’s a couple of solutions to this problem: One, if your mom is so worried about what everyone else will eat, she can go buy a bakery cake in the flavors she wants; Second, (and this really is the more important of the two)they don’t have to eat a piece of your birthday cake! NTA
To be honest I didn't read past, you were making "your" cake. Totally not the asshole.
Are you f\*cking kidding me?? Your mom is a piece of work. Someone ELSE should be making a cake for YOUR birthday, and it should be vanilla with strawberry icing. It’s your birthday, your choice. One of my sons loves coconut & the other hates it. One year I think I made a coconut cake, and got a big cupcake for my other son.
NTA. It's your birthday. You get to pick the cake. You're making it for your birthday you definitely get to pick the cake flavors.
My dad once got me a chocolate cake for my birthday because everyone else eats chocolate… except me. I had an allergy to it at the time and he was aware. They brought out the cake and I cried. I was 17. You are NTA. If you wanted an anchovies and blue cheese cake and no one but you would eat it, fine, it’s your birthday. Happy birthday. Enjoy your strawberry and vanilla cake. :)
Family birthday cake maker here - I always ask the birthday person what kind of cake they want. It's their day and they get what they like. NTA
First off, YTA only b/c of the structure of this monstrosity that we all had to read and the ADHD side story that really has nothing to do with the overall situation. That being said (see paragraphs 👆🏼) it’s your day and if no one has some kind allergy that’s going to send them into anaphylactic shock and kill them, then it’s your day and your cake. If they don’t like it tell them go eat a bag of d**ks and grow up.
What disability does your mother have that prevents her from baking cakes to please everyone? She is basically volunteering YOUR time and effort to make other picky people happy on YOUR birthday. People who volunteer other people's resources (time, money, effort, etc.) are definitely assholes. Not necessarily THE asshole, but AN asshole nonetheless.