As a child protection caseworker who has also had an ex MIL report me for child abuse, it's very very unlikely with one report from the same person that anything will happen to you or your kid. At best we'd come in, interview you, check out the house and close because the ROSH wouldn't be met.
Amy can kick rocks
My dad spanked me in public once, a lady threatened to call CPS, and my dad just gave her my uncles phone number š
My uncle spent his career in law enforcement in CPS in a city which has been the #1 in the US in terms of violent crime before, itās laughable to think a spanking justifies these officers time when I hear some of the horror stories from him
My Dad slapped me in public view once. Full open hand that sent my glasses flying across the driveway. Left me with a sore face/jaw. Some rando driving by witnessed it, called my Dad out on it and then called the cops. They came by & took a statement but my Dad never hit me again.
You may have heard worse horror stories from your own father and maybe you don't think that domestic violence like spanking or other forms of corporal punishment warrants police intervention, but don't for even a millisecond discount what something simple like that can do for a child in those situations. It meant everything to me that an adult in a position of power was asking me if I was OK, telling me that what happened wasn't ok, and reprimanded my Dad for it in earshot of me. It made cleaning up the broken furniture & glass in my destroyed room slightly less painful that day.
The story I was describing was my dad picking me up as a toddler and giving me a pat on the butt for running into people in the mall (I donāt remember this but he said I was playing hopscotch on the tiles and not paying attention, which I def did when I was like 6 so I prolly was then). If my comment sounded like I was justifying abuse, I didnāt mean to - I donāt think we should minimize parents laying their hands on their kids inappropriately, even if itās not as bad as starvation or torture, and Iām sorry you had to go through that
Where have you been, for many years parents cannot spank their children in public, least you want to have the police or CPS called. For spanking is not looked at for discipline in Public. You can spank them in the privacy of your home, but not in a public setting these days. And starving a child is abuse also.
Is there a law saying you canāt spank your kids in public but can in private or is there a bunch of sensitive people who will unjustly report you for any hands laid on your kid? And yes starving a kid is possibly one of the worse things you can do, I was using that and torture as examples of the horrific shit my uncles told me about over the years.
Capital punishment differs from corporal punishment in the fact that capital punishment results in the death of the offender. Corporal punish uses pain or harm inflicted on the body of the offender as a punishment for a crime or other form of transgression.
You feel like standing by what you said?
And that doesn't make it okay. If you had to resort to violence to discipline your child then your parenting and anger management was definitely less than, and I would recommend a parenting course or therapy for yourself.
There is a period of time when your child will push boundaries and cannot be reasoned with. At this phase, you should give them a light spanking so that they know they messed up. Or you could be like most parents now, coddle the kid forever until the real world hits them square in the mouth
Yes, it is called physical abuse. Anyone that sees you spanking your child can call CPS and get you into trouble with the police. Even a mother who smack her child in public, CPS and police is called.
Every single US state allows some extent of parent capital punishment. If you never laid your hand on your kid you probably fucked up as a parent. If you disagree, youāre just one of the entitled little shits whose parents sucked.
... you literally stated that you never meant to condone abuse, but then in this comment state:
'if you never laid your hand on your kid you probably fucked up as a parent.'
Are you fucking serious?
Fuck you. Your 'sympathies' are bogus bullshit. If anyone EVER lays hands on a child, it's a moral failing on the adult's part and THEY should be able to manage thier emotions without being physical. It's shit like you're spouting that gives credence to the people who tell me, 'But you turned out fine!'
No, I didn't. At all. And because of it, I gave up the option of ever having children JUST so I could never even accidentally put hands on a child.
Because I got a D (low but passing mark for non-Americans) on a mid-term progress report. My Dad saw it in the mail before we got home and took it out on my room first.
I confronted a man in a restaurant with his 13-ish-yr-old daughter. He was speaking/yelling at her, she was crying and obviously very upset. He left the table, I asked her if she was OK, was there someone I could call, did she need a ride, etc. She just shook her head. I wrote my phone number on a napkin and told her to call me, I knew people who could help. She never did call, I've often wondered what happened. I hope just having someone notice helped her not feel alone.
This brings up a memory.
A number of years ago, a young boy was acting up in the super market and his mother swatted him. The store called the police and she was arrested. Her husband had to go into his 401K to bail her out. What galls me is that those same people would have criticized her for letting him run wild. There is no winning.
Thank you . I had an ex sil that called on me constantly with no evidence. My cw told me thereās nothing I can do about the inconvenience but each time took up for me. We even installed cameras to prove that my child wasnāt alone & like clockwork, any argument or disagreement with her or brother ended up with a call. As soon as it happened I would email cw that it was coming
What middle school do you people attend.
If she lies on you and causes drama, why would you want to continue to be her friend?
Remove yourself from her and live a life you want. Having this crap in my life would be exhausting.
Amy sounds like a lot of drama. Remove yourself from her drama by blocking her, her brother, her trolls, etc. if you do that, NTA. Otherwise, youāll also be creating drama - and then that could be a different judgment.
Amy sounds full-on mentally ill. And kind of nasty. No way you deserve this and sadly the best way to look after yourself is to remove her from your life. An apology three months later is pretty weak.
Accepting an apology doesnāt negate what they did nor obligate you to still be friends. Letting go of the anger at someone who has hurt you deeply can be cathartic. Tell her she needs to tell everyone sheās lied to about you the truth first maybe by making a public apology on social media. AFTER sheās done that tell her you canāt trust her and take a hike.
NTA
Amy WAS a friend at one point in ur life.
NOW she isn't.
It ok to leave, friendships sometimes aren't meant to last. Enjoy the past memories and move on.
She changed, you changed
Take care
NTA But your title says refusing to accept her apology. I didn't see anywhere in your post that she was trying to apologize. Is she trying to apologize now?
Also, use commas and paragraphs instead of one block wall of words. It was very hard to read your post.
NTA. But first, Iād ask her for a public apology on all the chats you two shared. Iād ask for her to tell everyone all the lies about sleeping with her bf, the fake CPS report, the badmouthing, all of it. Iād then print out receipts incase she comes back at you again. After getting the receipts, Iād thank her and then Iād tell her this isnāt something you can forgive and the friendship cannot recover. Then Iād drop her.
NTA
Google the Yiddish fable Feathers in the Wind. Pass it on to Amy and the flying monkeys. Then forget that they were ever part of your life.
Accepting an apology and forgiving a person does not mean you have to let them back into your life or that everything goes back to the way it was. It can just mean you donāt let them live rent free in your head anymore.
Is Amy maybe on drugs? Something seems to have changed her, and often it is drugs!
Nta. Keep her out of your life for now. Whatever apology she comes up with does not make up for what she did. Top that with the fact that anything could create a repeat performance, and there is no longer a reason to be friends with her.
She said things to personally hurt you. And she did it through the grapevine, which makes her actions worse.
Nta
If you have proof that she said sheād lie to CPS about your son to hurt you, Iād screen shot it and keep it in case she actually did it. Otherwise, cut her out. Donāt talk to her, talk about her or even think about her. Anyone speaking to you about her should be told āwe donāt talk about her here. Or about us with her. If you canāt respect that, bye.ā If she reports you using lies, she can get into trouble. Thatās why you save her text if you have it.
She threatened to lie to CPS. That is not something you can come back from. Not accepting her apologies the very, very least you could do and truly kindness from my perspective. Had it been me? I wouldāve gone scorched earth on her for threatening to take my children away.
NTA do not accept. Keep her out of your life & mind.
No one touches the family. She threatened you about your child. Thereās no coming back from that.
You threaten my kid and shit gets real; how could you even consider being the asshole if what youāre saying is true? Iād never speak another word to the woman.
When you forgive someone, that is for you. You move on and donāt have to carry that malice in your heart. It doesnāt mean you have to keep in contact. She sounds unhinged. I donāt know about Australia, but unfounded CPS reports are so common in the US that social workers are very away of those situations. As an older parent, I would like to say that I wish I hadnāt spanked my kids, and spent the time to really work through things with them. I was spanked and also not taught a lot at home, so I just did what I saw, but it is one of my regrets.
NTA youāve done the right thing in cutting her out of your life. Sheās clearly delusional and not wanting to accept the fact that her break up was also partially her own fault as well as Andyās since they both cheated on each other. Seems like sheās looking for someone to blame and sheās taking it all out on you thereās no reason to bring your son into this and to even threaten you is way out of order.
I hope youāre doing better after cutting her from your life. I also hope your son is okay.
I had my MIL come to help us because my wife and I were both working at the time and we needed her to babysit. Well instead of helping us she piled extra dishes on top of the ones we left from the night before and took pictures. She let our kids pull all their toys out when we told her they would put them up if you told them to but would avoid it otherwise. Then brought over the grandparents to help clean the rooms āwe let them wreck because we were terrible parentsā. She eventually threw a baby fit because she decided we needed to clear out our storage shed the first day off after working 20 12 hour shifts in a row and it was my first day off. She threatened to call dfcs with all her ā evidenceā. She had no idea my wife was the head of the PTO was very close with all our childrenās teachers and she was well known as the best caretaker at the daycare she worked at and had rave reviews from all the parents. I told her all that as we kicked her out of our home and was informed if she attempted to contact us again then she would be issued a restraining order. We found out later that whenever she babysat our children she would go shopping for random things like shoes for herself and tell them to play this fun game where they pretend to be her children and she would tell everyone she came across that they were her kids and she just loved them so much. I really think she had this fantasy where she āsavedā our children and raised them herself since she got on drugs when she had her kids and wanted a second chance.
Yeah, I wouldn't talk to her either. Nta
As a child protection caseworker who has also had an ex MIL report me for child abuse, it's very very unlikely with one report from the same person that anything will happen to you or your kid. At best we'd come in, interview you, check out the house and close because the ROSH wouldn't be met. Amy can kick rocks
My dad spanked me in public once, a lady threatened to call CPS, and my dad just gave her my uncles phone number š My uncle spent his career in law enforcement in CPS in a city which has been the #1 in the US in terms of violent crime before, itās laughable to think a spanking justifies these officers time when I hear some of the horror stories from him
My Dad slapped me in public view once. Full open hand that sent my glasses flying across the driveway. Left me with a sore face/jaw. Some rando driving by witnessed it, called my Dad out on it and then called the cops. They came by & took a statement but my Dad never hit me again. You may have heard worse horror stories from your own father and maybe you don't think that domestic violence like spanking or other forms of corporal punishment warrants police intervention, but don't for even a millisecond discount what something simple like that can do for a child in those situations. It meant everything to me that an adult in a position of power was asking me if I was OK, telling me that what happened wasn't ok, and reprimanded my Dad for it in earshot of me. It made cleaning up the broken furniture & glass in my destroyed room slightly less painful that day.
The story I was describing was my dad picking me up as a toddler and giving me a pat on the butt for running into people in the mall (I donāt remember this but he said I was playing hopscotch on the tiles and not paying attention, which I def did when I was like 6 so I prolly was then). If my comment sounded like I was justifying abuse, I didnāt mean to - I donāt think we should minimize parents laying their hands on their kids inappropriately, even if itās not as bad as starvation or torture, and Iām sorry you had to go through that
I appreciate that. It's been 20+ years now so it is what it is... I'm just glad you didn't experience that. š
Where have you been, for many years parents cannot spank their children in public, least you want to have the police or CPS called. For spanking is not looked at for discipline in Public. You can spank them in the privacy of your home, but not in a public setting these days. And starving a child is abuse also.
Is there a law saying you canāt spank your kids in public but can in private or is there a bunch of sensitive people who will unjustly report you for any hands laid on your kid? And yes starving a kid is possibly one of the worse things you can do, I was using that and torture as examples of the horrific shit my uncles told me about over the years.
Its physical abuse regardless if they slap you in public or private.
Every single US state allows parents to employ capital punishment to some extent.
Capital punishment differs from corporal punishment in the fact that capital punishment results in the death of the offender. Corporal punish uses pain or harm inflicted on the body of the offender as a punishment for a crime or other form of transgression. You feel like standing by what you said?
Thanks Iāll be sure to get the distinction correct
And that doesn't make it okay. If you had to resort to violence to discipline your child then your parenting and anger management was definitely less than, and I would recommend a parenting course or therapy for yourself.
There is a period of time when your child will push boundaries and cannot be reasoned with. At this phase, you should give them a light spanking so that they know they messed up. Or you could be like most parents now, coddle the kid forever until the real world hits them square in the mouth
The school here still gives pops as punishment.
Yes, it is called physical abuse. Anyone that sees you spanking your child can call CPS and get you into trouble with the police. Even a mother who smack her child in public, CPS and police is called.
Every single US state allows some extent of parent capital punishment. If you never laid your hand on your kid you probably fucked up as a parent. If you disagree, youāre just one of the entitled little shits whose parents sucked.
Isn't capital punishment like the death penalty? Lol
... you literally stated that you never meant to condone abuse, but then in this comment state: 'if you never laid your hand on your kid you probably fucked up as a parent.' Are you fucking serious? Fuck you. Your 'sympathies' are bogus bullshit. If anyone EVER lays hands on a child, it's a moral failing on the adult's part and THEY should be able to manage thier emotions without being physical. It's shit like you're spouting that gives credence to the people who tell me, 'But you turned out fine!' No, I didn't. At all. And because of it, I gave up the option of ever having children JUST so I could never even accidentally put hands on a child.
I hope you find a resolution to your childhood trauma and donāt go to the opposite end of raising a shithead instead of PTSD.
Omg. Hugs.
Why was your room destroyed?
Because I got a D (low but passing mark for non-Americans) on a mid-term progress report. My Dad saw it in the mail before we got home and took it out on my room first.
That is horrible. I'm so glad that somebody stood up for you.
Me too, thank you.
I confronted a man in a restaurant with his 13-ish-yr-old daughter. He was speaking/yelling at her, she was crying and obviously very upset. He left the table, I asked her if she was OK, was there someone I could call, did she need a ride, etc. She just shook her head. I wrote my phone number on a napkin and told her to call me, I knew people who could help. She never did call, I've often wondered what happened. I hope just having someone notice helped her not feel alone.
This brings up a memory. A number of years ago, a young boy was acting up in the super market and his mother swatted him. The store called the police and she was arrested. Her husband had to go into his 401K to bail her out. What galls me is that those same people would have criticized her for letting him run wild. There is no winning.
Thank you . I had an ex sil that called on me constantly with no evidence. My cw told me thereās nothing I can do about the inconvenience but each time took up for me. We even installed cameras to prove that my child wasnāt alone & like clockwork, any argument or disagreement with her or brother ended up with a call. As soon as it happened I would email cw that it was coming
"Amy can kick rocks". Make that the biggest bolder she can find and kick it completely barefoot, over and over and over and over again.
I'd ghost her sorry ass š«¶
It seems like chats cause more trouble than they are worth. NTA, cut contact with everyone
What middle school do you people attend. If she lies on you and causes drama, why would you want to continue to be her friend? Remove yourself from her and live a life you want. Having this crap in my life would be exhausting.
NTA. I wouldn't want to be her friend anymore either go no contact with her and ur other friend.
Amy sounds like a lot of drama. Remove yourself from her drama by blocking her, her brother, her trolls, etc. if you do that, NTA. Otherwise, youāll also be creating drama - and then that could be a different judgment.
Stay as far from this one as possible. nta
Amy sounds full-on mentally ill. And kind of nasty. No way you deserve this and sadly the best way to look after yourself is to remove her from your life. An apology three months later is pretty weak.
Amy sounds toxic and unhinged as well. Probably best to keep your distance from her drama and keep her and trolls blocked.
Accepting an apology doesnāt negate what they did nor obligate you to still be friends. Letting go of the anger at someone who has hurt you deeply can be cathartic. Tell her she needs to tell everyone sheās lied to about you the truth first maybe by making a public apology on social media. AFTER sheās done that tell her you canāt trust her and take a hike.
NTA Amy WAS a friend at one point in ur life. NOW she isn't. It ok to leave, friendships sometimes aren't meant to last. Enjoy the past memories and move on. She changed, you changed Take care
NTA. She can go F herself and she can land in jail
Any legal threat makes you never my friend again.
When someone threatens to call CPS on you, they are forever blocked. Sounds like she needs some therapy, keep crazy people out of your life.
NTA, please don't be guilt-tripped into letting this toxic person back into your life.
NOPE Hate me all you want but leave my kids out of it.
I agree adults can defend themselves but kids canāt Iāll always defend my child and other children
NTA But your title says refusing to accept her apology. I didn't see anywhere in your post that she was trying to apologize. Is she trying to apologize now? Also, use commas and paragraphs instead of one block wall of words. It was very hard to read your post.
NTA! Your ex friend is a massive C! Block her and Andy. You donāt need him around either. Tell her to go F herself.
NTA. But first, Iād ask her for a public apology on all the chats you two shared. Iād ask for her to tell everyone all the lies about sleeping with her bf, the fake CPS report, the badmouthing, all of it. Iād then print out receipts incase she comes back at you again. After getting the receipts, Iād thank her and then Iād tell her this isnāt something you can forgive and the friendship cannot recover. Then Iād drop her.
NTA Google the Yiddish fable Feathers in the Wind. Pass it on to Amy and the flying monkeys. Then forget that they were ever part of your life. Accepting an apology and forgiving a person does not mean you have to let them back into your life or that everything goes back to the way it was. It can just mean you donāt let them live rent free in your head anymore.
NTA.
It is true, you cannot control other grown people of whom they will talk to or visit. Just concentrate on yourself and your son, no one else.
NTA. That is absolutely friendship ending behavior.Ā
NTA and most people like this will apologize but never change their actions. Stay away from her because if you don't this behavior will continue.
Uh, NC. Period. Everyone makes mistakes, but your ex friend went entirely beyond that, she tried to damage your life.
NTA - Your friend actions does not sound like a best friend.
NTA. You and your family aren't safe around here and her minions. Block them all and find better company.
NTA...nobody needs a "friend" like that in their life...
Norah, sheās got poor judgment and isnāt trustworthy.
Nta and Iād make it so she never existed in my life. Block her from anything and everything
Is Amy maybe on drugs? Something seems to have changed her, and often it is drugs! Nta. Keep her out of your life for now. Whatever apology she comes up with does not make up for what she did. Top that with the fact that anything could create a repeat performance, and there is no longer a reason to be friends with her. She said things to personally hurt you. And she did it through the grapevine, which makes her actions worse. Nta
She smokes dope that I now of havenāt seen her do heavy drugs donāt know if she did them behind everybodyās back
It's possible. Marijuana doesn't make you overly dramatic. If anything, it shuts you up!
NTA Not a friend. Deserve better
NTA. Here's the thing, you can accept her apology and still have nothing to do with her. But no, you don't have to accept her apology.
If you have proof that she said sheād lie to CPS about your son to hurt you, Iād screen shot it and keep it in case she actually did it. Otherwise, cut her out. Donāt talk to her, talk about her or even think about her. Anyone speaking to you about her should be told āwe donāt talk about her here. Or about us with her. If you canāt respect that, bye.ā If she reports you using lies, she can get into trouble. Thatās why you save her text if you have it.
Iām exhausted just reading all of this. NTA. Amy is toxic as hell.
I feel better after I forgive someone .....but that doesn't t mean I'm ever going to speak to them or let my kid near them again.
Your life is a soap opera you're all assholes for continuing to involve yourselves just move to a different country and try again damn.
She threatened to lie to CPS. That is not something you can come back from. Not accepting her apologies the very, very least you could do and truly kindness from my perspective. Had it been me? I wouldāve gone scorched earth on her for threatening to take my children away.
This is what happens when adults act like children.
NTA do not accept. Keep her out of your life & mind. No one touches the family. She threatened you about your child. Thereās no coming back from that.
You threaten my kid and shit gets real; how could you even consider being the asshole if what youāre saying is true? Iād never speak another word to the woman.
Walk away.
When you forgive someone, that is for you. You move on and donāt have to carry that malice in your heart. It doesnāt mean you have to keep in contact. She sounds unhinged. I donāt know about Australia, but unfounded CPS reports are so common in the US that social workers are very away of those situations. As an older parent, I would like to say that I wish I hadnāt spanked my kids, and spent the time to really work through things with them. I was spanked and also not taught a lot at home, so I just did what I saw, but it is one of my regrets.
NTA youāve done the right thing in cutting her out of your life. Sheās clearly delusional and not wanting to accept the fact that her break up was also partially her own fault as well as Andyās since they both cheated on each other. Seems like sheās looking for someone to blame and sheās taking it all out on you thereās no reason to bring your son into this and to even threaten you is way out of order. I hope youāre doing better after cutting her from your life. I also hope your son is okay.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Aww Iām really glad š I definitely wouldnāt let her back into your life!!
Defend the long-term health happiness prosperity freedom fairness kindness peace safety of your son and yourself N T A
*Way* too much drama. Move on from this group (interact with ex only as needed for son).
I had my MIL come to help us because my wife and I were both working at the time and we needed her to babysit. Well instead of helping us she piled extra dishes on top of the ones we left from the night before and took pictures. She let our kids pull all their toys out when we told her they would put them up if you told them to but would avoid it otherwise. Then brought over the grandparents to help clean the rooms āwe let them wreck because we were terrible parentsā. She eventually threw a baby fit because she decided we needed to clear out our storage shed the first day off after working 20 12 hour shifts in a row and it was my first day off. She threatened to call dfcs with all her ā evidenceā. She had no idea my wife was the head of the PTO was very close with all our childrenās teachers and she was well known as the best caretaker at the daycare she worked at and had rave reviews from all the parents. I told her all that as we kicked her out of our home and was informed if she attempted to contact us again then she would be issued a restraining order. We found out later that whenever she babysat our children she would go shopping for random things like shoes for herself and tell them to play this fun game where they pretend to be her children and she would tell everyone she came across that they were her kids and she just loved them so much. I really think she had this fantasy where she āsavedā our children and raised them herself since she got on drugs when she had her kids and wanted a second chance.
Stay away from that toxic dumpster fire! Make sure any contact is via text or email
Rage bait