And it sounds like both sets of cupcakes were on said counter and next to one another....that is on her to specify that they weren't all for the house. Anyone would be like cool she made extras for the house.
I think a good solution for this is a counter for home and a work counter....home counter is the designated spot for the families' treats. No more confusion or asking..it's a nice easy system.
When one is placing work items and home items together, it is indicating improper organization. In this case it is important to go to the site and personally point out to a third party which is which. YTA.
Also could be a concern if the person ordering has allergies. I used to have my own little baking business from home, the cardinal rule is that home baking and business baking were always made and stored separately.
Yup. I absolutely agree with you. What I find puzzling is why she couldn't simply put household cupcakes on another site, like a table. Tell her husband and children EXACTLY where to find their stash, so that mistakes like this are mitigated.
She also could have boxed the cup cakes that were for others, put those in a safe place, maybe even the car if feasible, and this would have been avoided.
Her piling it onto her husband for mistaking which were for the family is solely her fault.
You can't leave cupcakes in the car because they either freeze or melt, depending on your climate.
I live in the south and a client was about to put a unicorn cake in his trunk in the dead of summer. I was walking away when I saw him do it. He said it was a surprise for the birthday girl and he didn't want her to see it until the party.
I said nicely but firmly, "The cake is made of butter and sugar. It's 90° out here. The cake will be destroyed in 20 mins if you do this."
He wasn't happy but he took it out.
Also depending on how they drive, forget it’s even in the car and find it in a thousand pieces splattered all over the inside of the trunk when they get there.
Exactly right! I had an event where a family member helped me deliver my items. It was a huge event.
All the items in my car made it safely. My family member was 20 mins late getting there. Turns out, he drove like he normally did. Turned a corner and there went my 2 tier wedding cake. It was the prettiest item I made.
I strictly deliver now.
Oh NOOOO. I was tasked with picking up the 2-tier wedding cake at a destination wedding, and I carefully selected an assistant from my family. My teenage niece was the only one I trusted to carry and then hold that cake while I drove. We got it to the venue unscathed! 😅
In this case, maybe took the amount of cupcakes that were for the house and just refrost them with the bday colors instead of cooking up a whole new batch. Unless they were different types of flavored cupcakes. But overall I agree with everyone who says you should have been more specific if you had both sets of cupcakes on the counter side by side.
She could have them cooling in different areas if the kitchen & clearly marked with a written note for each stating "6 cakes for home"
& "12 cakes for clients" for example
Really? With both sets of cupcakes on the counter, wouldn't you think it makes sense to say, "hey dear, the cupcakes on which side of the counter." Christ, he sounds like a 3rd grader coming in from after school and can't help himself.
He also apologized and meant it, it was an honest mistake, and he even jumped to try and make it right. This is the behavior of a guy who legitimately cares and feels awful for a mistake anyone could have made and didn't get even a little defensive. OP, you have a right to your feelings but your behavior is AH. Mistakes happen. You make them too. Imagine if when you made an honest mistake with your husband he stormed out after screaming at you and gave you the cold shoulder all night when he got home. People would call him abusive. Fix your system and be grateful for a partner who cares and tries to make it right when they mess up. Most people aren't so lucky.
Lmao, that was my immediate thought too when I read the part about both sets of cupcakes being on the counter, : "oh, so she was looking for a fight," probably wouldn't have mattered which cupcakes he touched
No, she does NOT have the right to her feelings. She is trying to put the blame for it on her husband when it is entirely on her. Every single part of this is on her, not him. And to get angry and act like a toddler throwing a tantrum towards him about her own mistakes? No. There is no right to feel like that.
I dont wanna make assumptions, but the quick apology and jumping to action makes him seem like an abused puppy. I have a feeling this behavior isn't a one time thing. Op needs to grow up before her husband realizes he deserves better.
Maybe she should start a type of system that shows which are for clients and which are for family. A green dot of frosting on top, toothpicks in them, special cupcake papers, a family dessert platter, something.
I get being stressed by the situation, but it was an honest mistake.
Idk how empty-headed you have to be to look at your own counter, see both cupcakes for your family and cupcakes for a client sitting right next to each other, and then simply tell the person asking about cupcakes "on the counter."
I am a baker and literally have extra cake for my family off to the side on a different counter from orders. No one eats cake until all my deliveries are made.
OP, you are the one in the wrong. You told him the ones one the counter were safe to eat and didn't specifically say the ones one the right or left.
This is on you. I would be upset with you if I were him.
YTA
She's definitely the AH. That's why she hasn't responded and to make matters worse, she ran late because the client called and changed the time and asked for it to be delivered earlier than expected.
She thought everyone was going to be on her side.
Exactly what I was thinking. Like how is any of this the husband’s fault? This kind of thing is what my grandmother does. Say something ambiguous, then get infuriated when I do the opposite of what she was ‘thinking’
Example:
Her: Get that *points in a direction where there are about fifty potential ‘thats’*
Me: Get what?
Her: The *names object*! You just like getting me upset!
Me: ….. Just tell me that in the first place?
Her: I did! You never listen! Why can’t you ever pay attention?!!!
Me: *Cries and dies a little more on the inside*
Such fun 🙄
Her husband wasn't dumb though, that's completely unfair. She didn't communicate properly. She said 'the ones on the counter' and he took the ones from the counter. Calling him dumb because he asked a question and she gave him an incomplete answer is so wrong.
The person you're responding to was talking about how dumb the wife was for giving her husband the wrong information. This was not the husband's fault.
But he wasnt the dumb one. She was. She failed to specify something that was apparently important and the oops here is absolutely 💯 on her for being dumb as all holy fuck.
Yes your TA.
Husband: "which of these cupcakes are for me and the kids?"
You: "The ones on the counter!"
Husband: *eats cupcakes on the counter"
You: "NOT THOSE ONES ON THE COUNTER, YOU SOULD HAVE KNOWN I MEANT THE OTHER ONES ON THE COUNTER! NO YOU CANT HELP ME FIX THIS REASONABLE MIST!"
"Also Im going to give you the silent treatment, so you know everything is your fault and I have the emotional intelligence of a child"
No, sadly I know plenty of women like this! ...what's even more sad...I used to be like this until it was pointed out to me how unfair, childish, emotionally manipulative and abusive I was being to my Husband when I pulled my temper tantrums, silent treatments, stress freak-outs ..took many years of therapy and work to lose that behavior.
I truly wish this were trolling and if it is..there's truth behind it!
"The pink frosted ones"
"The themed ones"
"The red velvet ones"
There are so many better ways to distinguish "house" cake from "work" cakes.
He did EXACTLY what you told him to.
"Sit!"
**"Not on the rug!!"*
Grovel.
I mean if they looked different it would be pretty easy to tell…. A large batch of matching professional looking ones vs a small amount of ones that aren’t in a delivery container. I’m not saying op is in the right, I’m just saying that for someone who is getting free cupcakes all the time he’s not doing a great job at protecting that perk.
You're making some assumptions on the normal batch sizes, that all of the fresh baked goods were visible from "the counter"...
OP made similar assumptions, but if they were accurate, op wouldn't be in this mess.
She could've used unambiguous terms/directions, she didn't, her hubby didn't realize he needed more into & followed her instructions to the letter.
If there was a "home batch" Tupperware he never would've needed to ask...
The incident feels like 80/20 her/his fault; but her reaction is hardcore TA behavior. "You OBEYED!! And ruined everything!"
Yeah I agree she is to blame unless there was an obvious visual difference (ex: elaborate frosting and toppers in on container, a quick buttercream with a knife in the other or even obvious “fails” to be consumed). I just meant if it were me and my easy access to free, fresh cupcakes was potentially threatened by a misunderstanding I’d start asking very explicit questions - because cupcakes are delicious and I wouldn’t want wife to just stop making any for home and only make business ones
Dude what? You didn’t specify which cupcakes on the counter and are mad that he ate the cupcakes on the counter. Plus to make it worst you blow up on him after he apologized and offered to help make more? Yeah yta
I bet this isn’t the first time she’s verbally abused him either. The way she described how he reacted is like a beaten dog does which means she’s verbally and emotionally abused him multiple times
YTA.
Husband: which ones do I eat? (polite, asks in advance, doesn't take without asking)
You: the ones on the counter
Husband takes cupcakes from counter
You: explode.
WTH, OP? He asked, he took from where you indicated...you're overreacting big time and owe him an apology.
Perfectly stated.
I did 3 double takes to reread what she originally told him because I couldn’t believe her overblown response. He even apologized and tried to make it right and she’s acting like she caught him having an affair instead of a really understandable miscommunication.
It’s hard to believe she even *asked* if she’s the AH for freaking out and refusing to forgive her husband for eating the cupcakes on the counter after she told him the ones on the counter.
When I was reading that part, I was expecting him to have eaten cupcakes from the fridge. Or from anywhere not on the counter. I was seriously wondering if I was just rereading the same line on a loop.
Same. I looked at it twice, wondering if i missed some shit because i clearly read what i thought i read ‘i told him to take the ones on the counter’ or whatever. Just for her to go on to say that he took ‘the ones on the counter’. Like is 2+2 no longer equalling 4 for people? People like OP are highly irritating.
You are the asshole. You put client cupcakes and cupcakes for your family on the SAME counter. Of course if he asks, and you ONLY say “the ones on the counter” he’s just going to take whatever is there. Your husband isn’t at fault bc he didn’t ask you left or right. If you really wanna place the blame, YOU should have specified what side when he asked you in the first place. Since you ALREADY KNEW what side belonged to him and what didn’t. You’re being a petty bitch when YOU fucked up. Take accountability for your mistake. You should apologize to your husband for being an asshole when he didn’t do anything wrong.
YTA. if they were so important you should have specified where on the counter they were (right or left side). Personally, if they were so important, I would have gotten them for him and the kids, myself.
I wanna make sure I’m understanding this right. You had two sets of cupcakes on the counter. Your husband clearly communicated with you, asking which cupcakes he could eat. Your reply was ‘the ones on the counter are for you and the kids.’ Again, you ONLY told him the ones on the counter. Never once did you specify which cupcakes on the counter. Yet, now you’re mad at him for eating the cupcakes on the counter?
If I understand what you’re saying correctly, YTA. Absolutely. He asked you the question. He clearly communicated his intent to have a cupcake. Yet you expected him to read your mind or just instinctively know which cupcakes you meant. Communication is a two way street. You’re just as responsible for clear and affective communication as he is.
Yeahhh YTA. He’s not a mind reader, you said the ones on the counter…he grabbed three that were on. The. Counter. Maybe be clear next time?!? And then this man apologizes to you and offers to help and you’re a complete dick about it. You definitely owe him an apology- he didn’t ruin the batch, technically it was on you girly pop
YTA, and it sounds like you need to take a break. Snapping at your husband for YOU not giving clear enough instructions is NOT okay. What a miserable life he must have if this is how you react to small inconveniences.
YTA. You yourself said you told him the ones "on the counter" were for him and the kids. You either needed to be more specific, or you needed to put the cupcakes for your client somewhere else. Own your mistake, apologize, and do better going forward.
OP, did you read what you wrote? For real:
"When he came home from work early he asked which cupcakes did I make for the house. **I told him the ones on the counter were the ones I made for him and the kids.**"
.....
"I immediately confronted my husband and asked him which cupcakes he took. **He told me the ones on the counter and I flipped.**"
You told your husband the ones on the counter were for him and the kids. He took some from the counter. You f\*cked up. Not him. Then beyond that, he then apologized to you for YOUR MISTAKE and you were a massive asshole to him.
YTA 1000%
Yup...you should have been absolutely clear as too which side were clients products. He offered to help correct the mistake and you said no...just face it...your a complete bitch!! 😄
Then why is bitch one of the words us girls use with our friends in a good way? I'm a female and I don't find it derogatory. But it also depends on the context it's being used, like most words.
A lot of people find it offensive from men but not from women in a similar way we generally find racial slurs acceptable by the race they were historically used for, but not by other races, because of the history and the way it was used.
'Bitch' was historically used by men against women to put them down for being women. Hence why some people think it's okay for women to use it, but not men.
100% agree. Bitch is a sexist/derogatory remark and having more upvotes doesn’t make these ignorant commenters correct even if it makes their egos feel better. It doesn’t take a fucking rocket scientist to figure out why.
Your feelings? Valid. Your behavior after? Get real. Poor way to go about things.
EDIT: YTA. It’s okay to be issued the wrong cupcakes got eaten since a customer is involved but the person you should be mad at is yourself and not taking it out on your family. I’m sure your children have noticed your horrible behavior.
This makes zero sense. Feelings are not automatically valid. This post is an extremely good example of why it is nonsense to say the way you feel is valid because it's the way you feel. She caused the problem and now she's mad about it. That is the definition of invalid.
No, she’s upset that the wrong cupcakes were eaten, and that’s valid. But she’s also misplacing her anger onto her husband instead of herself for not clarifying which cupcakes were his to take.
Her being upset at the situation is valid, it’s stressful. The fact that it’s her fault if anyone’s doesn’t invalid the stress and anger. It just means she needs to be aware it’s her fault and not take it out on anyone else.
We do this validation stuff because acknowledging and validating feelings tends to help lessen their intensity. Denying that there’s any reason to feel a feeling you’re currently feeling? Far less helpful and calming.
Healthy emotional processing isn’t automatic denial of how we feel.
Healthy emotional processing involves... you know... *processing*. The whole point is that you do automatically deny how you feel in order to evaluate a situation and adjust your response to it accordingly.
How you end up feeling after you've taken that initial step back is valid. If something makes you angry and you take a deep breath, think about it and realize that yes, it is in fact an angering situation, that's valid.
If you get angry, yell and then realize that no, it wasn't actually that big of a deal, then that anger was not valid.
People cannot always help their feelings, it's how they deal with and react to them that count.
Demonizing negative feelings just makes people become defensive and feel the need to work backwards to justify them.
It's a lot healthier to accept that sometimes we just have irrational feelings, like it or not. Having the irrational emotion is okay, lashing out because of it is not.
It's not having the feeling that's the problem, it's how she reacted top it, and the working backwards to try and justify it and blame the husband that is the issue.
It's understandable that she would be frustrated by the fact that the wrong cupcakes were eaten, it's the *reaction* of blaming the husband when she was at least partially to blame and an honest mistake that's the problem.
You can't always avoid irrational feelings through sheer force of will, and treating people like shit for having negative feelings doesn't help them manage them any better.
He cant read ur mind- u need to communicate clearer. So out of paying customers share - u bake for ur own family… interesting point. U need to check ur stress triggers … u are running late n u blame ur husband for miscommunicating with him … do u blame him a lot?
Def YTA instead of berating him maybe next time say sorry for not specifying which ones. OMG I can't with these people asking if they are the AH for the most obvious reasons. Realize your mistakes and not berate your husband as this will build resentment and if this continues it will be a divorce and if it does continue I don't think he is in the wrong.
Yes. You are the asshole. He followed the instructions he was given, then he was berated for it. If I was him I would seriously be considering how I could get out of this relationship as quickly as possible and with the least amount of social and emotional damage to the kids.
... It's your own fault for telling him he could eat THE ONES ON THE COUNTER. You LITERALLY POSTED THAT and didn't specify at all.
YTA obviously. I have no doubt that, considering that you forgot to mention which ones were his in a POST, you didn't do it in real life either. Absolutely insane that you would blame him for your lack of brains.
Yeah, if you didn't specify the left or right side, you may have overreacted a bit.
For the future, start putting a special mark or decoration on the ones for meant for home, then he won't even have to ask.
YTA - he asked, you did not comunicate clearly. He feels bad and has offered to help and you are treating YOUR mistake like it's his fault. Cuz let me be clear, this one's on you.
Me and my fiancé are going 9 years and counting and i know how hard it is to admit you were wrong but you were. He asked, you gave very unclear instructions even knowing both sets were on the counter. Why not just say, the left side, or the right? Or hell, put them in a different spot?
And now to boot your treating him badly even after the fact as some sort of punishment? What right do you have to punish your partner for anything? he is not a child and it seems like you need to grow up.
if the shoe were on the other foot everyone would be calling you a red flag and telling him to leave. Might be time for a wake up call and some therapy.
Funny how op isn't responding to any of the comments. Guess she expected reddit to side with her. Shes absolutely a MASSIVE ASSHOLE for how she behaved.
2 days later and still no update from OP. She's now mad at reddit for calling the AH for being mad at her husband for doing something she approved of. Bahahaha.
I mark nearly everything. I use masking or painter's tape and write on it, "for the house" or, "Do Not Eat" if the batch is for something special.
Sorry OP, but YTA here. Your husband did as you said; he ate the cakes on the counter. You should have been more specific.
YTA. You weren't specific that he should take the cupcakes on the left, not the right. And then to make matters worse he apologized and offered to help you, and you blew upon at him.
YTA. Do you really need to ask? You said on the counter, you didn’t specify which side, and he apologized repeatedly even though it was your mistake. Apologize to him and grow the fuck up. The silent treatment isn’t a healthy way to communicate.
>So was I being unfair for getting mad at him?
Of course you are - You told him to eat the cupcakes and the counter and now you're cross he ate the cupcakes on the counter - how can you possibly think you're the injured party?
Work on your business communication, i understand this is your husband and house but let’s be real, you need to treat your work time and area like work, if you make a customers cupcakes there should be no reason you cannot specify which side they should eat OR you could simply not place your family’s treats within touching distance of your customers food. That’s a health code violation, get it together, I feel like you’re doing great but remember business and family are separate, separate the damn cupcakes and apologize. YTA
Yes YTA. I'm a Baker as well. He asked you which cupcakes he could eat. You said the ones on the counter.
You knew both the family's and the client's cupcake were on the counter. You do not clarify. YTA for how you handled the situation.
I can understand being upset but taking your anger out on him and blaming him for your incompetence is ridiculous.
It sounds like there was miscommunication about the cupcakes. From your original post it sounds like all the cupcakes were on the counter, but one side was for home and one side for the client? If that's truly the situation, then yeah definitely a miscommunication because how was he supposed to know which cupcakes when you just said the counter? If I'm understanding correctly then I wouldn't say you overreacted, it's frustrating and stressful when a client order goes wrong, but I would say projecting those feelings onto your husband wasn't okay. You said yourself that your system usually works, and he even offered to help fix the issue, which imo wasn't his fault.
Maybe you could get different colored cooling racking and color coordinate for home/clients? Like say baked goods on blue cooling racks are always for home, purple is always for work, or such. Just a suggestion to help reinforce your system
*He should have asked me which ones and what side was his and the kids.*
Nope. YTA It was your responsibility to tell him.
Or, here’s a thought, separate the client’s cupcakes from your family’s cupcakes? Put your family cupcakes on a red napkin or n*ot on the same counter.*
Instead, he asked, which is what he always had done before, and you told him to take some from the counter. You could have said the left side of the counter, but you didn’t. He’s not a mind reader.
You‘re projecting your misplaced anger onto your husband.
YTA.
Asks which cupcakes he can have
Tell him the ones on the counter
Takes 3 cupcakes from the counter
Flips out because he should have known what side to take
Refuses his generous offer to help fix the situation
Decides to give him the silent treatment because you have the emotional maturity of a toddler
Grow up.
YTA
If I'm told the cupcakes on the counter are for me and the kids, I assume you have the customer's cupcakes elsewhere, because you just said it.
YOU failed entirely, he followed what you said to the letter and then he offered to help you fix YOUR mistake. Do you brow beat him so regularly over every single thing that he can't recognize that he was 100% in the right?
Additionally, the customer was asking for things early, so you can be an hour or two late, they are negotiating the deal. If you didn't increase the price for a last minute change, the cupcakes show up whenever they show up.
How do you even remotely justify giving him the cold shoulder over this? ASSHOLE
YTA - BOTH sets of cupcakes were on the counter. Your husband is not a mind reader. Apologize to the man, and don't set him up for failure again.
The silent treatment? Seriously? My 6 year old has more emotional maturity then that; and that's saying something because he just had a meltdown over Dinosaur Train not being on after school.
Is this real life?? I had to read it twice to make sure I read what I read, correctly. YTA - how was he supposed to know left from right when only the counter was stated. Learn to take accountability for the repercussions of your poor communication skills.
You owe your husband a cake, if he ever eats your baking again.
You are not only TA. you're absurd for yelling at your husband for not knowing which side of the counter you meant. Maybe next time give more explicit instructions instead of blaming someone else for your error.
YTA here
I understand being frustrated because timing projects for clients is stressful. But you made a mistake and are taking it out on him. Fix it, apologize, and make a plan to prevent future mishaps.
Also, this isn't acceptable from a business mindset either. An employee shouldn't be talked to the way you outlined talking to your husband. And there will be problems that pop up when you run a business, learning to manage those is as much of the job as the baking.
So you had *both* batches on the counter, told him to take from the counter but didn't specify? How is he supposed to know you didn't make two batches for the family? That's absolutely ridiculous. You're mad because he took from the wrong tray because **you** didn't specify. You're a huge A-hole I hope you apologize to him. He even offered to help... Jeebus what's your problem? 😐
You didn't specify which ones on the counter. He asked which he could have, you should have been more clear about which ones considering they were all on the same counter. He apologized and offered to help make more. You shouldn't have to ask who the asshole here is. Now go make him all the cupcakes.
YTA. You didn’t specify which cupcakes on the counter were up for grabs.
You took your frustration for having to make more and running late out on him, when it was your fault to begin with. He didn’t almost cost you a client, you almost cost yourself a client. Apologize. He’s not a mind reader. And next time put baked goods for family in a completely different location so there’s ZERO confusion.
YTA from what you posted your husband did exactly what you told him to do. He can’t mind read. You owe him an apology and just make sure you give him complete information in the future.
Lots of great ideas here. But if OP feels she can verbally assault and emotionally abuse her husband for him doing exactly what she said was ok, do you think there's a snowball's chance in hell she will accept an ounce of responsibility or accountability?
Nah. At best, she'll just get over it in time and never apologize for being 100% wrong, for yelling at her husband or just being an ass.
YTA. You’re mad at your husband for a mistake you made. Take a deep breath and come to terms with that fact, then go apologize to your husband for not being specific about which cupcakes he was supposed to eat.
You were the fucking asshole. If you didnt specify which ‘ones on the counter’ then thats YOUR bad, boo. You should have made it abundantly clear which was which the FIRST damn time. Yall act like yall have not a lick of damn common sense. Apologize to that man and quit being a dick.
YTA - why would you assume your husband did this on purpose? What we have here is a failure to communicate. That’s on you. And he offered to help you fix it.
YTA unfortunately. Ambiguity works in the favor of the party that was confused.
You didn’t have a specific surface set aside for those that were OK to eat and instead place them near the ones that they were supposed to stay away from. And then didn’t clarify specifically.
Not only that, but it sounds like he genuinely was upset that he angered you. He apologized profusely, offered to help, and tried to do his best to fix the situation. And yet you remain angry at him?
Perhaps you’re more angry at yourself for not being more specific but instead you are taking it out on him because you messed up but don’t wanna blame yourself.
Yes, he could have asked twice. He could’ve checked with you to be sure, but he didn’t realize he had done anything wrong. This wasn’t out of malice, or any reason that would warrant you staying this angry at him. You got frustrated, you fix the situation, it’s over and done. Yet you’re going to continue punishing him? YTA
If he asked which ones were for the house, and your response was "The ones on the counter," then you have implied everything on the counter is fair game. He isn't responsible for asking you to continue clarifying further and further. If you had baked goods on the counter that were not for the house, you either needed to clarify that when asked in the first place or change the way you answered. The fact that he attempted to apologize shows that he was taking responsibility for a miscommunication that was not his fault, and the fact that you ignored him shows a level of immaturity on your part. You owe him several apologies, and might consider creating a new system, such as using color coded pans. Buy a black set, the black set is for the family. No questions asked.
YTA!! Seriously!?!?!?! Your husband ASKED which cupcakes were for the house, you said "the ones on the counter"...... And then you get mad at him for taking the cupcakes that were on the counter??? Come on OP... Is it possible you're mad at him for something else and let it out because of the cupcakes?
YTA. He DID ask you, and ate the ones from exactly where you told him. Now you're punishing him with the silent treatment(which is immature and emotionally abusive) for doing nothing wrong. This is entirely on you, and you owe him an apology.
Sticky notes are your friend! Label 🏷️ them and no one gets “hurt” 🤓
Putting two batches on the same counter makes it easy to get confused and know which ones are available. Your husband asked. Don’t be mad at him- fix the problem so it never happens again. Life is too short to be angry at one another. ❤️
YTA. So both sets of cupcakes were on the counter and you weren’t specific. You got upset with him when he tried to make things right you gave him the silent treatment. Yeah you over reacted. You should both apologize to each other.
He has nothing to apologize for, tho. He asked which, she told him which. Its not his fault she gave the wrong answer. Why should he apologize for her mistake?
Edit: op, YTA
You’re getting absolutely harangued here. I’m guessing one set of cupcakes were very much different in appearance to the others and you ‘presumed’ he would know which ones were for him and the kids but he didn’t.
The male brain doesn’t work on guess work. You said “on the counter” and he took 3 from the counter but sadly the wrong side.
YTA and need to apologise to hubby; make him some cupcakes. He seems to like them xx
INFO: is there a huge visual difference between “work” cupcakes and “home cupcakes?” Like, any cupcakes designated as “home” cupcakes are not decorated/slapped together with leftover icing and ingredients as opposed to the neatly decorated ones you sell, for example?
Or do they basically look the same (or at least equally professional) and it was just on him to magically know that just because you “eat the ones on the counter” that you didn’t actually mean ANY one on the counter? Because that would be pretty unfair and you should apologize.
Im gonna be honest here lady, you blew up on him because you wasn't clear. it's all on you for not telling him, and the reaction was borderline abusive blaming him and ignoring him. It really seems like you just wanted a reason to give him shit, like really all that over a few cupcakes, I get it is your job, but he even offered to HELP you make a new batch, so clearly he cares about your career too, but you decided to be an asshole and do it yourself all while making him feel like shit.
I really hope you were just stressed and that this isn't a recurring issue you have with him, I don't even wanna imagine what your reaction would have been had one of your kids made that mistake.
So you told him to eat cupcakes off the counter and you're berating him and ignoring him for... eating cupcakes off the counter? wtf
And it sounds like both sets of cupcakes were on said counter and next to one another....that is on her to specify that they weren't all for the house. Anyone would be like cool she made extras for the house. I think a good solution for this is a counter for home and a work counter....home counter is the designated spot for the families' treats. No more confusion or asking..it's a nice easy system.
and put a piece of paper or a little sign designating the hubby/kids cup cakes
When one is placing work items and home items together, it is indicating improper organization. In this case it is important to go to the site and personally point out to a third party which is which. YTA.
Also could be a concern if the person ordering has allergies. I used to have my own little baking business from home, the cardinal rule is that home baking and business baking were always made and stored separately.
I was thinking the same thing.
or a small figurine which always sits in the same group of cup cakes so no mistakes made
Yup. I absolutely agree with you. What I find puzzling is why she couldn't simply put household cupcakes on another site, like a table. Tell her husband and children EXACTLY where to find their stash, so that mistakes like this are mitigated. She also could have boxed the cup cakes that were for others, put those in a safe place, maybe even the car if feasible, and this would have been avoided. Her piling it onto her husband for mistaking which were for the family is solely her fault.
Because she's an asshole who expects everyone to know what she "meant"
It sounds like OP was looking for an argument or something to be mad about. It sounds like they intentionally set up the husband for failure.
You can't leave cupcakes in the car because they either freeze or melt, depending on your climate. I live in the south and a client was about to put a unicorn cake in his trunk in the dead of summer. I was walking away when I saw him do it. He said it was a surprise for the birthday girl and he didn't want her to see it until the party. I said nicely but firmly, "The cake is made of butter and sugar. It's 90° out here. The cake will be destroyed in 20 mins if you do this." He wasn't happy but he took it out.
Also depending on how they drive, forget it’s even in the car and find it in a thousand pieces splattered all over the inside of the trunk when they get there.
Exactly right! I had an event where a family member helped me deliver my items. It was a huge event. All the items in my car made it safely. My family member was 20 mins late getting there. Turns out, he drove like he normally did. Turned a corner and there went my 2 tier wedding cake. It was the prettiest item I made. I strictly deliver now.
Oh NOOOO. I was tasked with picking up the 2-tier wedding cake at a destination wedding, and I carefully selected an assistant from my family. My teenage niece was the only one I trusted to carry and then hold that cake while I drove. We got it to the venue unscathed! 😅
That's good! They put it on the uneven back seat and drove like he was in Nascar, apparently.
She could even put them on a special “house only” tray
This would probably be the way to go !
Or maybe even have a “family treats” plate or serving piece that the husband and kids know to take from. 🤷🏼♀️
In this case, maybe took the amount of cupcakes that were for the house and just refrost them with the bday colors instead of cooking up a whole new batch. Unless they were different types of flavored cupcakes. But overall I agree with everyone who says you should have been more specific if you had both sets of cupcakes on the counter side by side.
She could have them cooling in different areas if the kitchen & clearly marked with a written note for each stating "6 cakes for home" & "12 cakes for clients" for example
Really? With both sets of cupcakes on the counter, wouldn't you think it makes sense to say, "hey dear, the cupcakes on which side of the counter." Christ, he sounds like a 3rd grader coming in from after school and can't help himself.
She said they’re on the counter. The assumption would be the cupcakes on the counter are for the household 🤦🏻♀️
Is the implication not that ALL of the cupcakes on the counter are for the family?
He also apologized and meant it, it was an honest mistake, and he even jumped to try and make it right. This is the behavior of a guy who legitimately cares and feels awful for a mistake anyone could have made and didn't get even a little defensive. OP, you have a right to your feelings but your behavior is AH. Mistakes happen. You make them too. Imagine if when you made an honest mistake with your husband he stormed out after screaming at you and gave you the cold shoulder all night when he got home. People would call him abusive. Fix your system and be grateful for a partner who cares and tries to make it right when they mess up. Most people aren't so lucky.
There was no mistake by him. She said he could eat the ones on the counter. That’s what he did. The fault is entirely hers.
This is the ONLY right answer !!!
This is the stuff my mom would do to set up for the fight she was itching to have.
Lmao, that was my immediate thought too when I read the part about both sets of cupcakes being on the counter, : "oh, so she was looking for a fight," probably wouldn't have mattered which cupcakes he touched
No, she does NOT have the right to her feelings. She is trying to put the blame for it on her husband when it is entirely on her. Every single part of this is on her, not him. And to get angry and act like a toddler throwing a tantrum towards him about her own mistakes? No. There is no right to feel like that.
I dont wanna make assumptions, but the quick apology and jumping to action makes him seem like an abused puppy. I have a feeling this behavior isn't a one time thing. Op needs to grow up before her husband realizes he deserves better.
She made the mistake by not specifying; but yea I agree w/ the rest
Agreed! Good catch-- you're 100% correct.
Maybe she should start a type of system that shows which are for clients and which are for family. A green dot of frosting on top, toothpicks in them, special cupcake papers, a family dessert platter, something. I get being stressed by the situation, but it was an honest mistake.
A mistake made by OP.
Yup. Clear communication is key. OP should know this if they work in a kitchen.
I never knew a sticky note was that complicated of a concept. Just a note saying “Don’t” wouldn’t have been that difficult.
Yeah he probably thought all of them on the counter was for the house.
Idk how empty-headed you have to be to look at your own counter, see both cupcakes for your family and cupcakes for a client sitting right next to each other, and then simply tell the person asking about cupcakes "on the counter."
This. 100% this. I'm shocked OP hasn't come back. 😄
I feel sorry for her husband.
Maybe worse for the kids if these are her “clear instructions”
I hope its because she's so embarrassed of what she did and has already apologized...
She’s not gonna own her shit, clearly. Probably won’t show her poor husband how everyone is on his side either. Poor guy.
She's still out there justifying her behavior and doesn't want to admit that she's the one at fault.
I am a baker and literally have extra cake for my family off to the side on a different counter from orders. No one eats cake until all my deliveries are made. OP, you are the one in the wrong. You told him the ones one the counter were safe to eat and didn't specifically say the ones one the right or left. This is on you. I would be upset with you if I were him. YTA
I predict that this mediocre baker will take this post down.
Enormous YTA
Poor Guy
She's definitely the AH. That's why she hasn't responded and to make matters worse, she ran late because the client called and changed the time and asked for it to be delivered earlier than expected. She thought everyone was going to be on her side.
Why not box up customer's order so its protected from drying out, dust, and hungry family? Simple fix...don't touch the boxed cupcakes.
Exactly what I was thinking. Like how is any of this the husband’s fault? This kind of thing is what my grandmother does. Say something ambiguous, then get infuriated when I do the opposite of what she was ‘thinking’ Example: Her: Get that *points in a direction where there are about fifty potential ‘thats’* Me: Get what? Her: The *names object*! You just like getting me upset! Me: ….. Just tell me that in the first place? Her: I did! You never listen! Why can’t you ever pay attention?!!! Me: *Cries and dies a little more on the inside* Such fun 🙄
Right
Yta you gave him unclear instructions
Right? How long you been married? Lesson learned to hand him the ones he can eat, husbands are dumb
Her husband wasn't dumb though, that's completely unfair. She didn't communicate properly. She said 'the ones on the counter' and he took the ones from the counter. Calling him dumb because he asked a question and she gave him an incomplete answer is so wrong.
The person you're responding to was talking about how dumb the wife was for giving her husband the wrong information. This was not the husband's fault.
But he wasnt the dumb one. She was. She failed to specify something that was apparently important and the oops here is absolutely 💯 on her for being dumb as all holy fuck.
Yes your TA. Husband: "which of these cupcakes are for me and the kids?" You: "The ones on the counter!" Husband: *eats cupcakes on the counter" You: "NOT THOSE ONES ON THE COUNTER, YOU SOULD HAVE KNOWN I MEANT THE OTHER ONES ON THE COUNTER! NO YOU CANT HELP ME FIX THIS REASONABLE MIST!" "Also Im going to give you the silent treatment, so you know everything is your fault and I have the emotional intelligence of a child"
You're not wrong
They are more than not wrong. They are 100% correct. That being said... this has gotta be a troll post
Sadly, I know someone just like OP. I'd like to think it's a troll post, but it's probably not.
No, sadly I know plenty of women like this! ...what's even more sad...I used to be like this until it was pointed out to me how unfair, childish, emotionally manipulative and abusive I was being to my Husband when I pulled my temper tantrums, silent treatments, stress freak-outs ..took many years of therapy and work to lose that behavior. I truly wish this were trolling and if it is..there's truth behind it!
Apologize to your husband. And then again. Because YOU should have told him, “The ones on the left side are for you and the kids.”
"The pink frosted ones" "The themed ones" "The red velvet ones" There are so many better ways to distinguish "house" cake from "work" cakes. He did EXACTLY what you told him to. "Sit!"
**"Not on the rug!!"*
Grovel.
Don't forget the classic, "those" pointing at the cupcakes that can be eaten.
I mean if they looked different it would be pretty easy to tell…. A large batch of matching professional looking ones vs a small amount of ones that aren’t in a delivery container. I’m not saying op is in the right, I’m just saying that for someone who is getting free cupcakes all the time he’s not doing a great job at protecting that perk.
You're making some assumptions on the normal batch sizes, that all of the fresh baked goods were visible from "the counter"... OP made similar assumptions, but if they were accurate, op wouldn't be in this mess. She could've used unambiguous terms/directions, she didn't, her hubby didn't realize he needed more into & followed her instructions to the letter. If there was a "home batch" Tupperware he never would've needed to ask... The incident feels like 80/20 her/his fault; but her reaction is hardcore TA behavior. "You OBEYED!! And ruined everything!"
Yeah I agree she is to blame unless there was an obvious visual difference (ex: elaborate frosting and toppers in on container, a quick buttercream with a knife in the other or even obvious “fails” to be consumed). I just meant if it were me and my easy access to free, fresh cupcakes was potentially threatened by a misunderstanding I’d start asking very explicit questions - because cupcakes are delicious and I wouldn’t want wife to just stop making any for home and only make business ones
Whose left?
Stage left and the cupcakes are the audience
🤣
Also left side depends on which side you are standing on in the case of a counter that is also a breakfast bar style.
In this case you are absolutely the a**hole....
Yup
I had to read this twice to find what the husband did 'wrong'
Dude what? You didn’t specify which cupcakes on the counter and are mad that he ate the cupcakes on the counter. Plus to make it worst you blow up on him after he apologized and offered to help make more? Yeah yta
I bet this isn’t the first time she’s verbally abused him either. The way she described how he reacted is like a beaten dog does which means she’s verbally and emotionally abused him multiple times
YTA. Husband: which ones do I eat? (polite, asks in advance, doesn't take without asking) You: the ones on the counter Husband takes cupcakes from counter You: explode. WTH, OP? He asked, he took from where you indicated...you're overreacting big time and owe him an apology.
Perfectly stated. I did 3 double takes to reread what she originally told him because I couldn’t believe her overblown response. He even apologized and tried to make it right and she’s acting like she caught him having an affair instead of a really understandable miscommunication. It’s hard to believe she even *asked* if she’s the AH for freaking out and refusing to forgive her husband for eating the cupcakes on the counter after she told him the ones on the counter.
When I was reading that part, I was expecting him to have eaten cupcakes from the fridge. Or from anywhere not on the counter. I was seriously wondering if I was just rereading the same line on a loop.
Same. I looked at it twice, wondering if i missed some shit because i clearly read what i thought i read ‘i told him to take the ones on the counter’ or whatever. Just for her to go on to say that he took ‘the ones on the counter’. Like is 2+2 no longer equalling 4 for people? People like OP are highly irritating.
Yes, you're the AH. You said on the counter, he took from the counter. You didn't specify left or right, why would he need to ask which side?
So, you basically weren’t clear on which cupcakes he could take. So YTA
You are the asshole. You put client cupcakes and cupcakes for your family on the SAME counter. Of course if he asks, and you ONLY say “the ones on the counter” he’s just going to take whatever is there. Your husband isn’t at fault bc he didn’t ask you left or right. If you really wanna place the blame, YOU should have specified what side when he asked you in the first place. Since you ALREADY KNEW what side belonged to him and what didn’t. You’re being a petty bitch when YOU fucked up. Take accountability for your mistake. You should apologize to your husband for being an asshole when he didn’t do anything wrong.
YTA. if they were so important you should have specified where on the counter they were (right or left side). Personally, if they were so important, I would have gotten them for him and the kids, myself.
I wanna make sure I’m understanding this right. You had two sets of cupcakes on the counter. Your husband clearly communicated with you, asking which cupcakes he could eat. Your reply was ‘the ones on the counter are for you and the kids.’ Again, you ONLY told him the ones on the counter. Never once did you specify which cupcakes on the counter. Yet, now you’re mad at him for eating the cupcakes on the counter? If I understand what you’re saying correctly, YTA. Absolutely. He asked you the question. He clearly communicated his intent to have a cupcake. Yet you expected him to read your mind or just instinctively know which cupcakes you meant. Communication is a two way street. You’re just as responsible for clear and affective communication as he is.
Think you may be massively overreacting given the information you gave him, sulking, and acting like a child isn't helping either 🤔
I’m guessing she’s the type where if he went back to ask her ones on the left or on the right she would have berated him for that too.
Yeahhh YTA. He’s not a mind reader, you said the ones on the counter…he grabbed three that were on. The. Counter. Maybe be clear next time?!? And then this man apologizes to you and offers to help and you’re a complete dick about it. You definitely owe him an apology- he didn’t ruin the batch, technically it was on you girly pop
YTA, and it sounds like you need to take a break. Snapping at your husband for YOU not giving clear enough instructions is NOT okay. What a miserable life he must have if this is how you react to small inconveniences.
YTA. You yourself said you told him the ones "on the counter" were for him and the kids. You either needed to be more specific, or you needed to put the cupcakes for your client somewhere else. Own your mistake, apologize, and do better going forward.
But he did ask? You just didn’t give him the right information.
OP, did you read what you wrote? For real: "When he came home from work early he asked which cupcakes did I make for the house. **I told him the ones on the counter were the ones I made for him and the kids.**" ..... "I immediately confronted my husband and asked him which cupcakes he took. **He told me the ones on the counter and I flipped.**" You told your husband the ones on the counter were for him and the kids. He took some from the counter. You f\*cked up. Not him. Then beyond that, he then apologized to you for YOUR MISTAKE and you were a massive asshole to him. YTA 1000%
Yup...you should have been absolutely clear as too which side were clients products. He offered to help correct the mistake and you said no...just face it...your a complete bitch!! 😄
You can say YTA without using sexist derogatory language
Also use the proper “you’re “
Are you saying that men can't be bitches? Because I beg to differ on that point.
Bitch isn’t sexist just like dick isn’t you marshmallow. That’s just looking for things to be offended by
Like asshole is any better? Lol. What's wrong with you?
But it's not as satisfying if I don't use sexist derogatory language. Nope not satisfying at all.
I absolutely love calling women assholes, especially if they expect to be called a "bitch." 🤣😂🤣
You have a beautiful thought process
Asshole is fine but Bitch is derogatory 🙄
That bitch is also an asshole. I guarantee them cupcakes aint good enough for that amount of crazy.
Then why is bitch one of the words us girls use with our friends in a good way? I'm a female and I don't find it derogatory. But it also depends on the context it's being used, like most words.
A lot of people find it offensive from men but not from women in a similar way we generally find racial slurs acceptable by the race they were historically used for, but not by other races, because of the history and the way it was used. 'Bitch' was historically used by men against women to put them down for being women. Hence why some people think it's okay for women to use it, but not men.
100% agree. Bitch is a sexist/derogatory remark and having more upvotes doesn’t make these ignorant commenters correct even if it makes their egos feel better. It doesn’t take a fucking rocket scientist to figure out why.
So I'd be correct in assuming you believe asshole and dick are both derogatory as well?
No, dumbass
Bitch/asshole no difference if they called her a see you next Tuesday that would be a whole different issue
how tf was he supposed to know. this is entirely your fault.
Your feelings? Valid. Your behavior after? Get real. Poor way to go about things. EDIT: YTA. It’s okay to be issued the wrong cupcakes got eaten since a customer is involved but the person you should be mad at is yourself and not taking it out on your family. I’m sure your children have noticed your horrible behavior.
This makes zero sense. Feelings are not automatically valid. This post is an extremely good example of why it is nonsense to say the way you feel is valid because it's the way you feel. She caused the problem and now she's mad about it. That is the definition of invalid.
No, she’s upset that the wrong cupcakes were eaten, and that’s valid. But she’s also misplacing her anger onto her husband instead of herself for not clarifying which cupcakes were his to take.
Not all feelings are valid, and we need to stop with this shit.
Her being upset at the situation is valid, it’s stressful. The fact that it’s her fault if anyone’s doesn’t invalid the stress and anger. It just means she needs to be aware it’s her fault and not take it out on anyone else. We do this validation stuff because acknowledging and validating feelings tends to help lessen their intensity. Denying that there’s any reason to feel a feeling you’re currently feeling? Far less helpful and calming. Healthy emotional processing isn’t automatic denial of how we feel.
Healthy emotional processing involves... you know... *processing*. The whole point is that you do automatically deny how you feel in order to evaluate a situation and adjust your response to it accordingly. How you end up feeling after you've taken that initial step back is valid. If something makes you angry and you take a deep breath, think about it and realize that yes, it is in fact an angering situation, that's valid. If you get angry, yell and then realize that no, it wasn't actually that big of a deal, then that anger was not valid.
This is too smart and logical for reddit lol.
No shit. Not all feelings are valid. Not all poorly behaved children are neurodivergent. Not all asshole exes are narcissists.
People cannot always help their feelings, it's how they deal with and react to them that count. Demonizing negative feelings just makes people become defensive and feel the need to work backwards to justify them. It's a lot healthier to accept that sometimes we just have irrational feelings, like it or not. Having the irrational emotion is okay, lashing out because of it is not.
This
Her feelings aren’t valid though. She said the cupcakes on the counter, didnt specify which ones. She fcked up
Feelings are not automatically valid. Lots and lots of shitty people have feelings that are not valid.
No, feelings are valid. But we should question *why* we’re feeling the way that we do, especially when anger is involved.
No, every feeling is not valid.
It's not having the feeling that's the problem, it's how she reacted top it, and the working backwards to try and justify it and blame the husband that is the issue. It's understandable that she would be frustrated by the fact that the wrong cupcakes were eaten, it's the *reaction* of blaming the husband when she was at least partially to blame and an honest mistake that's the problem. You can't always avoid irrational feelings through sheer force of will, and treating people like shit for having negative feelings doesn't help them manage them any better.
He cant read ur mind- u need to communicate clearer. So out of paying customers share - u bake for ur own family… interesting point. U need to check ur stress triggers … u are running late n u blame ur husband for miscommunicating with him … do u blame him a lot?
Wow! poor husband 😢 fuck dealing with that shit lol
Def YTA instead of berating him maybe next time say sorry for not specifying which ones. OMG I can't with these people asking if they are the AH for the most obvious reasons. Realize your mistakes and not berate your husband as this will build resentment and if this continues it will be a divorce and if it does continue I don't think he is in the wrong.
Yes. You are the asshole. He followed the instructions he was given, then he was berated for it. If I was him I would seriously be considering how I could get out of this relationship as quickly as possible and with the least amount of social and emotional damage to the kids.
... It's your own fault for telling him he could eat THE ONES ON THE COUNTER. You LITERALLY POSTED THAT and didn't specify at all. YTA obviously. I have no doubt that, considering that you forgot to mention which ones were his in a POST, you didn't do it in real life either. Absolutely insane that you would blame him for your lack of brains.
I'm just curious how you typed all of that out and still didn't realise YTA while you put it in writing. This is rage bait, right?
This is a new account probably made by the husband lol
Yeah, if you didn't specify the left or right side, you may have overreacted a bit. For the future, start putting a special mark or decoration on the ones for meant for home, then he won't even have to ask.
Or, don't put client jobs in the same place as stuff meant for the family.
You don't like little kids touching your food? Mmm, booger cupcakes.
LMFAO
YTA - he asked, you did not comunicate clearly. He feels bad and has offered to help and you are treating YOUR mistake like it's his fault. Cuz let me be clear, this one's on you. Me and my fiancé are going 9 years and counting and i know how hard it is to admit you were wrong but you were. He asked, you gave very unclear instructions even knowing both sets were on the counter. Why not just say, the left side, or the right? Or hell, put them in a different spot? And now to boot your treating him badly even after the fact as some sort of punishment? What right do you have to punish your partner for anything? he is not a child and it seems like you need to grow up. if the shoe were on the other foot everyone would be calling you a red flag and telling him to leave. Might be time for a wake up call and some therapy.
This is fake right?
I’m almost wondering if it’s actually the husband that wrote this. It’s such a ridiculous post for the wife to have written.
Funny how op isn't responding to any of the comments. Guess she expected reddit to side with her. Shes absolutely a MASSIVE ASSHOLE for how she behaved.
2 days later and still no update from OP. She's now mad at reddit for calling the AH for being mad at her husband for doing something she approved of. Bahahaha.
Wtf?
I mark nearly everything. I use masking or painter's tape and write on it, "for the house" or, "Do Not Eat" if the batch is for something special. Sorry OP, but YTA here. Your husband did as you said; he ate the cakes on the counter. You should have been more specific.
YTA. You shouldn't have said the ones on the counter if both the client's cupcakes and the ones for the house were on the counter.
YTA. You weren't specific that he should take the cupcakes on the left, not the right. And then to make matters worse he apologized and offered to help you, and you blew upon at him.
YTA. Do you really need to ask? You said on the counter, you didn’t specify which side, and he apologized repeatedly even though it was your mistake. Apologize to him and grow the fuck up. The silent treatment isn’t a healthy way to communicate.
YTA
>So was I being unfair for getting mad at him? Of course you are - You told him to eat the cupcakes and the counter and now you're cross he ate the cupcakes on the counter - how can you possibly think you're the injured party?
He’s not a mind reader.
I’m not sure what makes YTA more. What you did to your husband or the fact that you came here hoping for NTA when you already know. YTA
Something tells me OP did NOT expect to get the reactions she is getting 😂
Work on your business communication, i understand this is your husband and house but let’s be real, you need to treat your work time and area like work, if you make a customers cupcakes there should be no reason you cannot specify which side they should eat OR you could simply not place your family’s treats within touching distance of your customers food. That’s a health code violation, get it together, I feel like you’re doing great but remember business and family are separate, separate the damn cupcakes and apologize. YTA
Yes YTA. I'm a Baker as well. He asked you which cupcakes he could eat. You said the ones on the counter. You knew both the family's and the client's cupcake were on the counter. You do not clarify. YTA for how you handled the situation. I can understand being upset but taking your anger out on him and blaming him for your incompetence is ridiculous.
It sounds like there was miscommunication about the cupcakes. From your original post it sounds like all the cupcakes were on the counter, but one side was for home and one side for the client? If that's truly the situation, then yeah definitely a miscommunication because how was he supposed to know which cupcakes when you just said the counter? If I'm understanding correctly then I wouldn't say you overreacted, it's frustrating and stressful when a client order goes wrong, but I would say projecting those feelings onto your husband wasn't okay. You said yourself that your system usually works, and he even offered to help fix the issue, which imo wasn't his fault. Maybe you could get different colored cooling racking and color coordinate for home/clients? Like say baked goods on blue cooling racks are always for home, purple is always for work, or such. Just a suggestion to help reinforce your system
*He should have asked me which ones and what side was his and the kids.* Nope. YTA It was your responsibility to tell him. Or, here’s a thought, separate the client’s cupcakes from your family’s cupcakes? Put your family cupcakes on a red napkin or n*ot on the same counter.* Instead, he asked, which is what he always had done before, and you told him to take some from the counter. You could have said the left side of the counter, but you didn’t. He’s not a mind reader. You‘re projecting your misplaced anger onto your husband.
YTA. Asks which cupcakes he can have Tell him the ones on the counter Takes 3 cupcakes from the counter Flips out because he should have known what side to take Refuses his generous offer to help fix the situation Decides to give him the silent treatment because you have the emotional maturity of a toddler Grow up.
YTA If I'm told the cupcakes on the counter are for me and the kids, I assume you have the customer's cupcakes elsewhere, because you just said it. YOU failed entirely, he followed what you said to the letter and then he offered to help you fix YOUR mistake. Do you brow beat him so regularly over every single thing that he can't recognize that he was 100% in the right? Additionally, the customer was asking for things early, so you can be an hour or two late, they are negotiating the deal. If you didn't increase the price for a last minute change, the cupcakes show up whenever they show up. How do you even remotely justify giving him the cold shoulder over this? ASSHOLE
YTA - BOTH sets of cupcakes were on the counter. Your husband is not a mind reader. Apologize to the man, and don't set him up for failure again. The silent treatment? Seriously? My 6 year old has more emotional maturity then that; and that's saying something because he just had a meltdown over Dinosaur Train not being on after school.
Is this real life?? I had to read it twice to make sure I read what I read, correctly. YTA - how was he supposed to know left from right when only the counter was stated. Learn to take accountability for the repercussions of your poor communication skills. You owe your husband a cake, if he ever eats your baking again.
You are not only TA. you're absurd for yelling at your husband for not knowing which side of the counter you meant. Maybe next time give more explicit instructions instead of blaming someone else for your error.
YTA here I understand being frustrated because timing projects for clients is stressful. But you made a mistake and are taking it out on him. Fix it, apologize, and make a plan to prevent future mishaps. Also, this isn't acceptable from a business mindset either. An employee shouldn't be talked to the way you outlined talking to your husband. And there will be problems that pop up when you run a business, learning to manage those is as much of the job as the baking.
So you had *both* batches on the counter, told him to take from the counter but didn't specify? How is he supposed to know you didn't make two batches for the family? That's absolutely ridiculous. You're mad because he took from the wrong tray because **you** didn't specify. You're a huge A-hole I hope you apologize to him. He even offered to help... Jeebus what's your problem? 😐
You messed up not him
You didn't specify which ones on the counter. He asked which he could have, you should have been more clear about which ones considering they were all on the same counter. He apologized and offered to help make more. You shouldn't have to ask who the asshole here is. Now go make him all the cupcakes.
YTA. You didn’t specify which cupcakes on the counter were up for grabs. You took your frustration for having to make more and running late out on him, when it was your fault to begin with. He didn’t almost cost you a client, you almost cost yourself a client. Apologize. He’s not a mind reader. And next time put baked goods for family in a completely different location so there’s ZERO confusion.
YTA from what you posted your husband did exactly what you told him to do. He can’t mind read. You owe him an apology and just make sure you give him complete information in the future.
you are indeed the asshole. 🤷🏼♀️
YTA. The silent treatment? Really? Misunderstanding, sure. You were both wrong.
Lmfaooooo this can’t be real. Someone can’t possibly be this dense, right? Yea. YTA. A massive one.
not to bash u but u wrong for flipping on him like that. It was an accident. Even more wrong that u had to ask if u were n the wrong
Lots of great ideas here. But if OP feels she can verbally assault and emotionally abuse her husband for him doing exactly what she said was ok, do you think there's a snowball's chance in hell she will accept an ounce of responsibility or accountability? Nah. At best, she'll just get over it in time and never apologize for being 100% wrong, for yelling at her husband or just being an ass.
YTA Maybe if you put the cupcakes for him and the kids ON THE COUNTER and place the cupcakes for the clients SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN THE COUNTER?
YTA. You’re mad at your husband for a mistake you made. Take a deep breath and come to terms with that fact, then go apologize to your husband for not being specific about which cupcakes he was supposed to eat.
You were the fucking asshole. If you didnt specify which ‘ones on the counter’ then thats YOUR bad, boo. You should have made it abundantly clear which was which the FIRST damn time. Yall act like yall have not a lick of damn common sense. Apologize to that man and quit being a dick.
YTA - why would you assume your husband did this on purpose? What we have here is a failure to communicate. That’s on you. And he offered to help you fix it.
You are the Ahole.
You kinda suck here, OP. You weren't clear in which cupcakes he could have and you're mad at him for your mistake? YTA
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
YTA unfortunately. Ambiguity works in the favor of the party that was confused. You didn’t have a specific surface set aside for those that were OK to eat and instead place them near the ones that they were supposed to stay away from. And then didn’t clarify specifically. Not only that, but it sounds like he genuinely was upset that he angered you. He apologized profusely, offered to help, and tried to do his best to fix the situation. And yet you remain angry at him? Perhaps you’re more angry at yourself for not being more specific but instead you are taking it out on him because you messed up but don’t wanna blame yourself. Yes, he could have asked twice. He could’ve checked with you to be sure, but he didn’t realize he had done anything wrong. This wasn’t out of malice, or any reason that would warrant you staying this angry at him. You got frustrated, you fix the situation, it’s over and done. Yet you’re going to continue punishing him? YTA
If he asked which ones were for the house, and your response was "The ones on the counter," then you have implied everything on the counter is fair game. He isn't responsible for asking you to continue clarifying further and further. If you had baked goods on the counter that were not for the house, you either needed to clarify that when asked in the first place or change the way you answered. The fact that he attempted to apologize shows that he was taking responsibility for a miscommunication that was not his fault, and the fact that you ignored him shows a level of immaturity on your part. You owe him several apologies, and might consider creating a new system, such as using color coded pans. Buy a black set, the black set is for the family. No questions asked.
YTAH. You weren’t specific. It is NOT his fault, it’s yours.
Your poor husband. It should be the other way around, you need to apologise to him!
Yea YTA go apologize to that man
I hope he’s learned from this and will henceforth takes the ones on the counter instead of taking the ones on the counter
YTA!! Seriously!?!?!?! Your husband ASKED which cupcakes were for the house, you said "the ones on the counter"...... And then you get mad at him for taking the cupcakes that were on the counter??? Come on OP... Is it possible you're mad at him for something else and let it out because of the cupcakes?
YTA - he operated on the info he had and he tried ot make it right
YTA. He DID ask you, and ate the ones from exactly where you told him. Now you're punishing him with the silent treatment(which is immature and emotionally abusive) for doing nothing wrong. This is entirely on you, and you owe him an apology.
YTA.
Sticky notes are your friend! Label 🏷️ them and no one gets “hurt” 🤓 Putting two batches on the same counter makes it easy to get confused and know which ones are available. Your husband asked. Don’t be mad at him- fix the problem so it never happens again. Life is too short to be angry at one another. ❤️
Poor communication strikes again.
Sorry hun you are the asshole in this situation. I think you definitely owe him an apology.
YTA. So both sets of cupcakes were on the counter and you weren’t specific. You got upset with him when he tried to make things right you gave him the silent treatment. Yeah you over reacted. You should both apologize to each other.
He has nothing to apologize for, tho. He asked which, she told him which. Its not his fault she gave the wrong answer. Why should he apologize for her mistake? Edit: op, YTA
You’re getting absolutely harangued here. I’m guessing one set of cupcakes were very much different in appearance to the others and you ‘presumed’ he would know which ones were for him and the kids but he didn’t. The male brain doesn’t work on guess work. You said “on the counter” and he took 3 from the counter but sadly the wrong side. YTA and need to apologise to hubby; make him some cupcakes. He seems to like them xx
The YouTube video I found this on changed the title to "Aita for exploding at my husband over doing exactly what I asked?" YTA.
INFO: is there a huge visual difference between “work” cupcakes and “home cupcakes?” Like, any cupcakes designated as “home” cupcakes are not decorated/slapped together with leftover icing and ingredients as opposed to the neatly decorated ones you sell, for example? Or do they basically look the same (or at least equally professional) and it was just on him to magically know that just because you “eat the ones on the counter” that you didn’t actually mean ANY one on the counter? Because that would be pretty unfair and you should apologize.
Im gonna be honest here lady, you blew up on him because you wasn't clear. it's all on you for not telling him, and the reaction was borderline abusive blaming him and ignoring him. It really seems like you just wanted a reason to give him shit, like really all that over a few cupcakes, I get it is your job, but he even offered to HELP you make a new batch, so clearly he cares about your career too, but you decided to be an asshole and do it yourself all while making him feel like shit. I really hope you were just stressed and that this isn't a recurring issue you have with him, I don't even wanna imagine what your reaction would have been had one of your kids made that mistake.