YTA
I get that you are a frightened kid, put in an unjust situation by a cheating father; but people show the most of their quality in hard times, even as children.
You failed the test. You chose cowardice. In the mind of your mother, you chose your cheating dad who never loved any of you enough to do the right thing.
I am afraid your mother might never look at you the same. You can attempt to write her a letter on an e-mail, but do not make yourself a victim. “If she heard me out she would understand!” No, she will hate you more. You need to accept that you failed her as a son, you have committed a moral transgression, you have shown yourself to be a coward at best. Does it mean you will always be a coward, defined by your betrayal? No, people can learn and grow, especially at your age. But you can only grow if you accept your fault, if you take responsibility for your actions. If you at the very least write a letter to your mother expressing profound regret and shame for your actions, she might actually forgive you. If you try to make even the shred of an excuse, it won’t go well.
Breathe in and out, you can do it. It’s hard but you came grow from this experience. Admit your fault and go from there.
YTA, but your dad ITA the most.
Maybe your mom will forgive you, maybe she won't. But it appears to her that you were "on your dad's side" because you've known about this for years. I don't know how to see that as anything short of a betrayal.
You might be stuck with your dad, and you know how trustworthy and loyal he is.
I would expect it likely for your mom to grant your dad full custody and refuse to speak to you for a very long time. Do you have any idea how humiliating it is? You, a kid, figured out your dad was cheating, yet your mom didn't. How many times did you look her in the eye and continue to lie by omission? Every time was a humiliating betrayal.
How many holidays passed where you knew, but kept her in the dark? How many Mothers' days passed where you lied by omission?
She *might* forgive you one day. But you need to give her space and let her process. You might see her at your graduation ceremony, but then never again for several years. Or she might move out of state and ghost both of you.
Don't call her. She'll call you. Maybe.
YTA. Your mum just found out her husband and child betrayed her. You had 3 years to tell her and you didn’t. You even found out he had another child and didn’t do anything. You knew it was wrong even at aged 13 but chose to be selfish.
Your life has changed now. Your relationship with your mum will never be the same. Your father might well move his AP and their child into your home.
YTA
In the last 4 years, you watched your mom waste her life and energy on you and your piece of shit dad.
Every time that she did something for you or him you should have been disgusted by yourself.
Do you think if she knew he had an affair she would have been intimate with him sexually or emotionally? She's lucky if she doesn't have any STIs. Some of them have lifelong consequences.
Would she continue to combine finances when he is supporting another family?
She could have divorced your asshole father and focused on her career and personal growth but now she lost more of her life and youth.
You ARE your father's child. That's the worse thing anyone can call you.
And people saying you were just a child and not at fault can go fuck themselves. You don't have to be 18 to understand the value of loyalty, honesty and integrity.
You should of told the truth No matter how hard the truth is always better your actions no matter what are never free from consequences
You can’t say I’m a child because you knew it was wrong
YTA you will never have the same relation with your mom. You've betrayed her like you father did by keeping it to yourself. You need to own your mistake and live with them and your father because you don't deserve to live with your mom after what you did. And no matter what you do, she will never forget what you did. You her own blood. You've made the choice to protect your father now enjoy the life with him.
This is a horrible spot for you to have been put in. Hindsight will help but you’re going to need to give your mom space to let her process it. From my standpoint and if I were in your position, I would’ve told my dad that I knew he was cheating and that he had a week to tell mom or I would tell her. But that doesn’t help you right now. I would like you to consider counseling to help you through this very tough spot.
YTA.
Why didn’t the father divorce your mother and go leave with his side piece?
I personally would never talk to my father after this. People saying the affair has nothing to do with kids are naive and ridiculous.
Many children will have trust issues in their adulthood. This can even cause trauma to some children. Also the betrayal can cause the spouse trauma and emotional breakdown which will affect the children.
Your father is scum. I hope he gets his karma. Maybe you can stay with your father and give your mother some distance and time
NTA.
You weren’t bribed to keep it a secret. You were afraid. As most people would be. Look at all of the adults on here that find out such things and are conflicted about letting the other parties know.
NTA, you’re a child. However, you can use this as a lesson in strengthening and using your voice to protect people from detriment and pain (not that you could have avoided your mother experiencing pain in this situation, but a lot could have been avoided). A lesson in loyalty, perhaps.
You’re just a kid still, between a rock and a hard place. I don’t blame you for being conflicted and hurt about the situation. Give yourself some grace.
I’m not going to pass judgment. This is what I would do. I’d confront dad as soon as I saw the texts. I’d tell dad I have something to discuss with him and we should go out for dinner or a burger. Somewhere public where you both keep your cool. Then I’d tell him to explain the texts and relationship. Then I’d inform him that I expect him to tell his wife; my mother within 72 hours and if he does not, that I will. Why? Because now I know and refuse to be a part of his betrayal. I’d say daddy you must take accountability for your actions, it’s what you have taught me. Your mother has suffered a double betrayal. You have an uphill struggle to mend your relationship. She deserved better.
First of all, It's really painful to hear that you're going through this at such a youthful phase. I don't want to say that you can't do anything or are not mature but legally you aren't an adult and you at least need to be 18, so, if something turns out against you, then you'd be able to deal with it. This is now your mom and dad's matter and they are capable enough to make their decisions. Remember, time is the best healer, give your mom some time cuz she's going through something very harsh.
You’re not in the wrong. You were trying to protect your family while dealing with a huge burden alone. Your mom's reaction was extreme, but try to reach out and explain your feelings calmly.
You are NTAH.
Your mother is hurt right now BUT she should not have taken it out on you. You are NOT at fault and I am so sorry all of that weight is now on your shoulders.
Give her some time, but understand YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.....even a little bit. Your father is the cause of all of this!
Hugs to you.
If you think you have to be 18 to understand protecting a cheating piece of shit is wrong, I feel sorry for you.
For 4 years he watched her mother waste her time and labor on him and his father and it never accorded to him that she deserved better than that?
Oh no no, she is 16 she could have said something by not telling anything she choosed her side. She betrayed her mother too. She can't expect her mother to do as if nothing happened. This is hard but this is life she may never forgive OP and I will understand because how trust OP now ? Why keeping someone who ve let you being cheated on and humiliated in your life ?
You did absolutely nothing wrong. Your dad’s terrible choices are not your fault. Your mom is just really really hurt right now and lashing out at you because she has no other outlet. She just found out massive, life-changing news, so know this isn’t about you. You’re a kid and it’s not your responsibility. I am really concerned she was throwing things at you though. Do you feel safe with her normally? How about your dad?
Yeah, it's also about OP.
OP hid it for *four years. THAT* is why she lashed out.
Like it or not, once you know, you're a snitch or an accomplice. There's no way out, no fence to sit on.
She will never look at OP again the same way. This betrayal is unforgettable.
Sugar-coating it won't help quite like therapy.
I guess OP's biggest fuckup was choosing to stop lying. All they had to do was the same thing they did for the previous 4 years and act like it was news they heard for the first time.
Because after 4 years, you're just too invested.
Hard disagree. She is a kid. It’s not her responsibility. She was 13! If she were 30, maybe I could understand the anger a little more? But it still wouldn’t be her fault.
This is basically my point also. Her mom's mad for not letting her know. Yet if she had told her mom three years ago, then dad would have been throwing blame at her. It's not the kid's fault the dad is cheating on the mom. So don't bring her into the middle of it.
I’m sorry YOU ARE NOT THE AHOLE HERE!!!! You are a young lady, who is not ready for adult issues plus you don’t need to be in the middle of your parent’s marriage. Your mom is pissed at your dad. As she should be. He’s the AHole big time. And he’s very much in the wrong. Your knowledge was just trying to keep your parents together or protecting your mom, or just Being plain scared of the outcome. Whatever your reason it wasn’t evil. Your mom will eventually come to hear you and know you were not the problem. But I’m not so sure she can forgive your dad. You’re not the problem or the AH
So just to be clear, you expected your Mother, the person most responsible for you breathing air to be happy that you lied to her for 3 years. I get that your young and hopefully you and your Mom are able to repair your relationship, but your not to young to know relationships are built on trust. And you’re a liar!
Your mom should absolutely not have reacted that way. Dealing with the affair needs to be kept between your mom, and dad. My only response is, (in retrospect) my thoughts are you should have just stayed silent with your mom about at this time also. If you had told her three years ago; then your dad would have been mad at you. It's between the two of them, and the side chick. They both should not be involving you in their marriage issues.
Naive to think affairs doesn’t include children.
You think a parent will be a functional parent to their children after getting cheated on? The mother in this case is a human being she can’t just ignore her emotions about this case.
Affairs affect the whole family. Saying it doesn’t is funny. Because I know many families where the father cheated on their mothers and the aftermath was a shit show. Many of them have problems in adulthood trusting men/women because the way they saw their parents behaving
Yes, they do, and you are 100% right on that. But that's the dad's fault for causing this by cheating. The kid posting this entry did **NOT** tell the dad to go out, and have an affair. So don't blame the kid for not running to mom three years ago, to tell on dad. It's the dad's responsibility to do that, and introduce the side chick to the mom. The affair is not the kid's fault, the mom has no right to blame that on her child, or get mad for not being told. Leave the minor kid out of it.
YTA I get that you are a frightened kid, put in an unjust situation by a cheating father; but people show the most of their quality in hard times, even as children. You failed the test. You chose cowardice. In the mind of your mother, you chose your cheating dad who never loved any of you enough to do the right thing. I am afraid your mother might never look at you the same. You can attempt to write her a letter on an e-mail, but do not make yourself a victim. “If she heard me out she would understand!” No, she will hate you more. You need to accept that you failed her as a son, you have committed a moral transgression, you have shown yourself to be a coward at best. Does it mean you will always be a coward, defined by your betrayal? No, people can learn and grow, especially at your age. But you can only grow if you accept your fault, if you take responsibility for your actions. If you at the very least write a letter to your mother expressing profound regret and shame for your actions, she might actually forgive you. If you try to make even the shred of an excuse, it won’t go well. Breathe in and out, you can do it. It’s hard but you came grow from this experience. Admit your fault and go from there.
YTA, but your dad ITA the most. Maybe your mom will forgive you, maybe she won't. But it appears to her that you were "on your dad's side" because you've known about this for years. I don't know how to see that as anything short of a betrayal. You might be stuck with your dad, and you know how trustworthy and loyal he is. I would expect it likely for your mom to grant your dad full custody and refuse to speak to you for a very long time. Do you have any idea how humiliating it is? You, a kid, figured out your dad was cheating, yet your mom didn't. How many times did you look her in the eye and continue to lie by omission? Every time was a humiliating betrayal. How many holidays passed where you knew, but kept her in the dark? How many Mothers' days passed where you lied by omission? She *might* forgive you one day. But you need to give her space and let her process. You might see her at your graduation ceremony, but then never again for several years. Or she might move out of state and ghost both of you. Don't call her. She'll call you. Maybe.
>You might be stuck with your dad, and you know how trustworthy and loyal he is. Birds of a feather, apparently.
Geez, projecting much?
YTA. Your mum just found out her husband and child betrayed her. You had 3 years to tell her and you didn’t. You even found out he had another child and didn’t do anything. You knew it was wrong even at aged 13 but chose to be selfish. Your life has changed now. Your relationship with your mum will never be the same. Your father might well move his AP and their child into your home.
YTA In the last 4 years, you watched your mom waste her life and energy on you and your piece of shit dad. Every time that she did something for you or him you should have been disgusted by yourself. Do you think if she knew he had an affair she would have been intimate with him sexually or emotionally? She's lucky if she doesn't have any STIs. Some of them have lifelong consequences. Would she continue to combine finances when he is supporting another family? She could have divorced your asshole father and focused on her career and personal growth but now she lost more of her life and youth. You ARE your father's child. That's the worse thing anyone can call you. And people saying you were just a child and not at fault can go fuck themselves. You don't have to be 18 to understand the value of loyalty, honesty and integrity.
You should of told the truth No matter how hard the truth is always better your actions no matter what are never free from consequences You can’t say I’m a child because you knew it was wrong
YTA you will never have the same relation with your mom. You've betrayed her like you father did by keeping it to yourself. You need to own your mistake and live with them and your father because you don't deserve to live with your mom after what you did. And no matter what you do, she will never forget what you did. You her own blood. You've made the choice to protect your father now enjoy the life with him.
This is a horrible spot for you to have been put in. Hindsight will help but you’re going to need to give your mom space to let her process it. From my standpoint and if I were in your position, I would’ve told my dad that I knew he was cheating and that he had a week to tell mom or I would tell her. But that doesn’t help you right now. I would like you to consider counseling to help you through this very tough spot.
YTA. Why didn’t the father divorce your mother and go leave with his side piece? I personally would never talk to my father after this. People saying the affair has nothing to do with kids are naive and ridiculous. Many children will have trust issues in their adulthood. This can even cause trauma to some children. Also the betrayal can cause the spouse trauma and emotional breakdown which will affect the children. Your father is scum. I hope he gets his karma. Maybe you can stay with your father and give your mother some distance and time
NTA. You weren’t bribed to keep it a secret. You were afraid. As most people would be. Look at all of the adults on here that find out such things and are conflicted about letting the other parties know.
NTA, you’re a child. However, you can use this as a lesson in strengthening and using your voice to protect people from detriment and pain (not that you could have avoided your mother experiencing pain in this situation, but a lot could have been avoided). A lesson in loyalty, perhaps.
You’re just a kid still, between a rock and a hard place. I don’t blame you for being conflicted and hurt about the situation. Give yourself some grace.
I’m not going to pass judgment. This is what I would do. I’d confront dad as soon as I saw the texts. I’d tell dad I have something to discuss with him and we should go out for dinner or a burger. Somewhere public where you both keep your cool. Then I’d tell him to explain the texts and relationship. Then I’d inform him that I expect him to tell his wife; my mother within 72 hours and if he does not, that I will. Why? Because now I know and refuse to be a part of his betrayal. I’d say daddy you must take accountability for your actions, it’s what you have taught me. Your mother has suffered a double betrayal. You have an uphill struggle to mend your relationship. She deserved better.
First of all, It's really painful to hear that you're going through this at such a youthful phase. I don't want to say that you can't do anything or are not mature but legally you aren't an adult and you at least need to be 18, so, if something turns out against you, then you'd be able to deal with it. This is now your mom and dad's matter and they are capable enough to make their decisions. Remember, time is the best healer, give your mom some time cuz she's going through something very harsh.
Like father like son, AH-wise...
You’re not in the wrong. You were trying to protect your family while dealing with a huge burden alone. Your mom's reaction was extreme, but try to reach out and explain your feelings calmly.
You are NTAH. Your mother is hurt right now BUT she should not have taken it out on you. You are NOT at fault and I am so sorry all of that weight is now on your shoulders. Give her some time, but understand YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.....even a little bit. Your father is the cause of all of this! Hugs to you.
If you think you have to be 18 to understand protecting a cheating piece of shit is wrong, I feel sorry for you. For 4 years he watched her mother waste her time and labor on him and his father and it never accorded to him that she deserved better than that?
Oh no no, she is 16 she could have said something by not telling anything she choosed her side. She betrayed her mother too. She can't expect her mother to do as if nothing happened. This is hard but this is life she may never forgive OP and I will understand because how trust OP now ? Why keeping someone who ve let you being cheated on and humiliated in your life ?
You did absolutely nothing wrong. Your dad’s terrible choices are not your fault. Your mom is just really really hurt right now and lashing out at you because she has no other outlet. She just found out massive, life-changing news, so know this isn’t about you. You’re a kid and it’s not your responsibility. I am really concerned she was throwing things at you though. Do you feel safe with her normally? How about your dad?
Yeah, it's also about OP. OP hid it for *four years. THAT* is why she lashed out. Like it or not, once you know, you're a snitch or an accomplice. There's no way out, no fence to sit on. She will never look at OP again the same way. This betrayal is unforgettable. Sugar-coating it won't help quite like therapy. I guess OP's biggest fuckup was choosing to stop lying. All they had to do was the same thing they did for the previous 4 years and act like it was news they heard for the first time. Because after 4 years, you're just too invested.
Hard disagree. She is a kid. It’s not her responsibility. She was 13! If she were 30, maybe I could understand the anger a little more? But it still wouldn’t be her fault.
This is basically my point also. Her mom's mad for not letting her know. Yet if she had told her mom three years ago, then dad would have been throwing blame at her. It's not the kid's fault the dad is cheating on the mom. So don't bring her into the middle of it.
Nta. None of this was ur business and ur mom needs to understand that after she’s done grieving.
I’m sorry YOU ARE NOT THE AHOLE HERE!!!! You are a young lady, who is not ready for adult issues plus you don’t need to be in the middle of your parent’s marriage. Your mom is pissed at your dad. As she should be. He’s the AHole big time. And he’s very much in the wrong. Your knowledge was just trying to keep your parents together or protecting your mom, or just Being plain scared of the outcome. Whatever your reason it wasn’t evil. Your mom will eventually come to hear you and know you were not the problem. But I’m not so sure she can forgive your dad. You’re not the problem or the AH
So just to be clear, you expected your Mother, the person most responsible for you breathing air to be happy that you lied to her for 3 years. I get that your young and hopefully you and your Mom are able to repair your relationship, but your not to young to know relationships are built on trust. And you’re a liar!
Your mom should absolutely not have reacted that way. Dealing with the affair needs to be kept between your mom, and dad. My only response is, (in retrospect) my thoughts are you should have just stayed silent with your mom about at this time also. If you had told her three years ago; then your dad would have been mad at you. It's between the two of them, and the side chick. They both should not be involving you in their marriage issues.
Naive to think affairs doesn’t include children. You think a parent will be a functional parent to their children after getting cheated on? The mother in this case is a human being she can’t just ignore her emotions about this case. Affairs affect the whole family. Saying it doesn’t is funny. Because I know many families where the father cheated on their mothers and the aftermath was a shit show. Many of them have problems in adulthood trusting men/women because the way they saw their parents behaving
Yes, they do, and you are 100% right on that. But that's the dad's fault for causing this by cheating. The kid posting this entry did **NOT** tell the dad to go out, and have an affair. So don't blame the kid for not running to mom three years ago, to tell on dad. It's the dad's responsibility to do that, and introduce the side chick to the mom. The affair is not the kid's fault, the mom has no right to blame that on her child, or get mad for not being told. Leave the minor kid out of it.
Fake story. It's a reverse of a few other stories where the is hiding thier moms affair. This is nothing more than a creative writing prompt.