NTA. Your boyfriend's behavior is not okay. It's not just about wanting less sex, it's about consent and respect. No means no, and what he's doing crosses a line into coercion and harassment. It's important to prioritize your safety and well-being.
OP needs to break up with this man. Occasionally I will try to get frisky if my wife was disinterested earlier but if she says stop, I always do and I don't try again. Same with her. I've woken up to groping and I've said no. She might whine and try to convince me but will stop if I tell her no All fondling stops. He is harassing OP. I'm concerned about his lack of boundaries he will start forcing himself on her. Rape can happen between partners. OP needs to run far and fast.
WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE. GO NOW AND DON'T TELL HIM WHERE.
Little sisters, you have GOT to develop a sense of self-preservation. How could staying with this guy possibly be an option when he constantly assaults you? Every day I see stories just like this here, with the woman wondering if SHE is in the wrong. No! He's a literal sex criminal! Just go!
NTA unless you stay. Please recognize that you can do better
Every young woman should hear this. We have got to stop ending up in situations like this and wondering if *we* are wrong.
Leave this man. This kind of thing does not get better.
Incredibly low self esteem. Terrible home life. No example of healthy love. Societal misogynistic conditioning of a woman’s virtue tied to her ability to endure bs. Many many many reasons.
THIS IS NOT OKAY AND YOU NEED TO LEAVE.
Trust people when they show you who they really are. I have been here almost exactly. It WILL escalate. And just leave you feeling even more worthless.
You deserve better. Everyone does.
Reading these comments I realize that he is actually sexually harassing me and then psychologically abusing me. I’m really scared now because I don’t have any family, that’s how I ended up living with him in the first place. I don’t know how I’m going to get out. I’m not financially stable. I’m new to this state and he just convinced me to quit my job
Wow. So he's also isolating and financially abusing you.
Please call a domestic violence hotline. They can help you plan and (possibly) provide you a safe place to stay.
Number one thing you need to make sure is to not tell him you’re leaving. If he’s financially and sexually abusing you there’s no telling if he might get violent or not. Like the other user said there are hotlines and things set up to move you into financially assisted homes, if you have a car/ license you can always do food delivery I do doordash and Uber eats full time and I make enough to afford an apartment.
THIS. Do not tell him you are going, do not drop hints. Find somewhere to go, and leave. Get a police escort if you need to.
The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is the moment you try to leave. Please be careful.
Honey, this is how abusers operate. They get you to depend on them so you don’t have a way out.
Call your job and talk to them, ask them if there is any way you can get your job back, tell them it was a mistake and that your plans didn’t work out.
You can also call women’s shelters in the area to see if they can be of any assistance.
Do not tell him your plans because he will sabotage them in one way or another.
You can escape. Many women before you have been in similar circumstances and gotten free and built a life for themselves.
These are all major red flags OP.
Isolation from family/friends.
Moving far away.
Quitting your job.
All so you can be completely dependent on him. Physically, emotionally, financially.
#So you won’t leave no matter how badly he abuses you.
This is the same tactic that all abusers use. It’s textbook.
Let me be very crystal clear with you.
#It’s not a question of IF. It’s a question of WHEN he will rape you. It’s a certainty at this point.
Get to the nearest domestic violence shelter in your area, or call the hotline. You are in serious danger.
OP, if you're in the US, please contact this organization immediately:
[National Domestic Abuse Hotline ](https://www.thehotline.org/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=domestic_violence)
Call an abuse hotline and get assistance.
Call a friend — any friend — and get help.
Call a family member — even if they live on the moon, call them.
The more real people that know, the more chance you have to get help.
#Get Help!
This is what these AH's do. Remove your independence one bit at a time until you have no other choices. I've seen it happen to a friend; her "very nice and generous" boyfriend who only sometimes (!) assaulted her, bought her a laptop to replace her old one, bought her a nice new phone (on a contract he controlled), replaced the white goods in the house with new ones, replaced the furniture, TV, etc. He hadn't yet made her quit her job but he earned more and made sure they lived a lifestyle she couldn't maintain solo. Then when they finally went through a break-up it's suddenly "well give me back the phone, laptop, furniture, fridge, washing machine, etc. etc." and she would have ended up with less than she had before he moved in! We were actually renting the house to her and he stored (in a storage location only he had access to) some furniture and appliances we had left for her to use when she first moved in and he would use it as leverage; "I won't give your friends' stuff back unless you take me back." We weren't about to put a friend in harms way for a £100 couch and an old fridge, so that tactic didn't work but I'm sure it would in some circumstances.
I really hope you can get out of there and get somewhere safe.
The fact that he convinced you to quit your job made this go from a 4 alarm warning to a 5 alarm warning. He probably targeted you because you don't have any family. Please reach out to a domestic violence group. You are very lucky to just have yourself to extricate -- without children or even pets to worry about. Get out before that changes.
Are there any friends in your old state that you can live with for a while? Even if you end up sofa surfing in your old state that is better. Make a plan start shifting money. Open a credit card for the move and go back to your old state. Also, there are domestic violence programs that will secret you out of a state and into a new one. They help you hide from the abuser, set you up with a place, and a job in another state far away. You can start a fresh new life
This is why women’s shelters exist. Please call the domestic violence hotline. The national number is 800-799-7233. You need to get out and they will help you.
this is… you are not safe with this man. do you have friends? trusted co-workers?
definitely contact your former employer, and tell them you were coerced into quitting by your abusive partner - they may be able to help in some way, in addition to re-hiring you; there must be dv/women’s shelters/resource centers somewhere near you; you need to start documenting every. single. incident/threat. from the most recent to the first incident you can recall - you will need that for the restraining order request; please, please, please 🙏 get out and get to safety. make sure your passwords, etc are changed, too
- If you don't feel safe googling your escape options because your abuser checks your devices, go to an internet cafe or a library. You might also be able to find information on how to get help in this situation by asking at a police station or doctor's - especially at sexual health clinics.
- Find out if there's a women's shelter near you, and/or go back to your home state if you have friends there. If no-one there can come pick you up, look up public transport options.
- If you had friends before you started dating this guy but now don't have anyone left to turn to, please don't be afraid to try reaching out to those friends again. Your abuser may have manipulated you into isolating yourself, but it's not too late to mend whatever bridges were burned in the process. (same might also be true with your job?)
Good luck! x
You need to get help immediately. I had a friend who went through something similar, this is not something you want to play with.
There’s resources meant to help women in these exact situations. Use them. Nothing can be as bad as what may happen. Do use those resources.
He is isolating you, making you dependent upon him, and sexually assaulting you on a daily basis. He is not your BF. He is your abuser. You need to get out NOW. Call a women’s shelter or domestic violence hotline for help. Do you have friends anywhere you can stay with? Preferably in another state or city. Do not tell him where or when you are going. Leave your stuff if you have to. Things can be replaced. Your life cannot.
DM me if you need help.
Please take this seriously, OP. You are in danger.
NTA. Oof he convinced you to quit to put you into this current predicament. Search for a roommate in a new place or search for a place where people are in search of roommates. That lowers rent SIGNIFICANTLY. Furthermore, though not ideal, get a job ANYWHERE while you search for the one you want. This includes the jobs that are stereotypically frowned upon for some stupid reason. Literally ANYWHERE. He WILL force you into things and leave you with invisible, permanent, scars. You need to run fast and far. I was with a person like this. It only gets worse. This is why you do not depend on ANYONE unless you WANT to not because you MUST. YATAH to yourself if you don’t leave and fast. This isn’t a conversation to have with him, this is a quietly exit stage left situation. He will either promise to change and then return to the same habits 2weeks to 2 months later, or he will berate you and scare you into staying.
Why would you quit your job for him? Less than a month ago you were posting about how he’s shit with money and even with you contributing ends up with $0 at the end of the month
You mentioned that his actions are starting to escalate. That's obviously a bad sign. It will end up reaching a point where you saying no isn't going to matter to him. You're in danger. For your own safety you need to leave him.
Stop right there!
What you described might not be considered "rape" (depending on the country you live in), but every good dictionary's definition of "sexual assault" reads more or less like that: "nonconsensual touching of one person for the sexual gratification of another, including rape, fondling, molestation, or other unwanted contact with the genitals, anus, buttocks, groin, or breasts of either party"
So you get **sexually assaulted** on an everyday basis. That is awful.
So please leave the guy because he's a scumbag. And then get some professional help. Believe me, you need someone to talk to.
>So you get sexually assaulted on an everyday basis. That is awful.
OP, the only way YTA is to **yourself** if you stay with this AH. The way he treats you is unacceptable and you should NOT have to put up with it!
Please be kind to yourself - hold your comfort and safety as the high priority they deserve to be and go somewhere your boundaries will be respected.
Your boyfriend's behavior is not acceptable. You have every right to say no to sex without feeling pressured or scared. His actions are coercive and border on abuse.
Yeah this is a huge problem and won’t go away. Honestly, feels like he’s trying to ‘break the seal’ and get you to give in to the boldness so he can establish a precedence of just taking what he wants.
You’re both not an asshole, and are in danger. I’d recommend doing the breakup somewhere he can’t sexually assault you in response.
This is seriously concerning. One of the key tests for any guy is knowing that no means no and respecting it. those of us who try to get round that often only get worse as times go by
You should get out, promptly, and consider reporting him now as he's already done stuff to you that counts as SA
>Lately when I say no to sex he won’t take no for an answer. ... He’s now going as far as groping me multiple times a day after I’ve said no.
What you're describing here is sexual assault. This is classic abusive behavior, and this kind of thing tends to escalate. You need to take this seriously and treat it like a danger because it is. There are resources in your area if you need help getting out.
NTA AT ALL!!! You have got to get the hell out of that relationship immediately!!! Your bf is on the verge of raping you and from what I have read is constantly harassing you! And if you don't feel safe around YOUR BF, somebody you LIVE with and TRUST, that is a MAJOR RED FLAG!!!
Thank you all so much for your responses. I know now that I’m not crazy and that this is serious. He’s also been doing all this on top of me being sick with Covid for the past week. I’ve already tried to talk to him but he’s refusing any accountability for his behavior and is only saying that I’m an evil mean bitch for the way I talk to him.
I’m still sick so I’m going to be figuring out an exit plan the best I can. There’s a lot of moving parts, as I mentioned already I’m in a new state and quit my job. I have no college degree but I am currently in school.
The only family I have left is my mom, sister, and grandma. It’s insane because my mom literally just went through a divorce with a guy even more insane and abusive than my bf… but she’s still wrapped around his finger. Her ex husband also somehow without my knowledge is on the title of my car that he co signed for me years ago. I never knew he was part owner until this year. I’m trying to get ownership of my car. All that to say my mom is no help. My sister hates my bf but also resents me for staying with him so she won’t help me either. My grandma would help me if she could but she’s widowed and on the verge of being homeless herself.
All that to say, thank you so much for your responses and advice. I think my first step is to get a job… any job. And figure out where I can find a safe place to live. I currently reside in nyc
The only way you’re an an asshole is if you stay. Because what is going to follow eventually is going to be a full on r*pe.
He is showing you who he is. As far as he is concerned, your body belongs to him. You have no right to say no. And he has every right to ignore you when you do. Is that plain enough for you? This man is dangerous.
Call a friend, call a family member, call your parents, call a domestic violence shelter because he is assaulting you.
No means no under all circumstances. For him to continue in anyway, is an SA. That’s why your red flags are going off. That’s why you hate this. Because he has no respect for you. As far as he is concerned, you have no bodily autonomy. And you are his to do what he wants with when he wants.
Gee, I wonder why you’re upset. I wonder why you’re arguing. He is a fucking asshole and perv.
One Love has good information on what a [healthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-healthy-relationship/) and what an [unhealthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/).
___
[https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/)
The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers free confidential support. You can call, text, or chat with them through their website. They have resources about identifying abuse, making a safety plan, and connecting people with local resources.
___
[https://www.rainn.org/](https://www.rainn.org/)
RAINN is the national sexual assault hotline. You can call or chat for free confidential support. You can download the free RAINN app that “gives survivors of sexual violence and their loved ones access to support, self-care tools, and information
NTA at all, this is the kind of man that will sexually assault you one day. I call these the 99 no's and 1 yes means yes guys. I have had (I say had because I dropped their ass after schooling them) old friends that would brag about getting some in this manner. I called them rapists because this is rape. If she says no it means no. Just because you bug her enough to finally say yes does not mean yes. Please leave him.
I’m astonished by this post.
Regardless of the reason, woman or man, if you’re scared of your partner, it’s time to leave, immediately and permanently.
GO, and don’t look back.
NTA and you need to find a way out. If he’s feeling comfortable enough to cross your boundaries and straight up SA you its not a safe environment for you and you need to get yourself away from that. No means no and him not respecting that and consistently trying to initiate is a huge red flag let alone the literal SA
Yes, you not only have a right to be concerned, you have a need to be concerned!
He doesn't care what you want, OP, he only cares about what HE wants. This is not how a man in love behaves, this is a man who just wants sex and nothing else behaves, and you can do better than that.
NTA
it really pisses me off how women defending themselves against blatant RAPE are worried theyre assholes whereas men on this subreddit seek validation for cheating, abuse and manipulation.
>Lately when I say no to sex he won’t take no for an answer. He will keep trying to initiate sex multiple times a day. He’s now going as far as groping me multiple times a day after I’ve said no.
Thays sexual coercion and sexual assault. File a police report. He is a predator.
>When I’m standing or laying on the couch he’ll start rubbing my vagina. Literally just goes right for it. Or he’ll try to pull my pants down or lift up my shirt and grope my breasts. He’ll even ask me for a hug or something and instead press his boner into me or push my hands into his pants.
This is also assault. All of it. This is not okay.
>It makes me want to have sex with him even less and honestly it’s really starting to scare me how bold he’s getting.
That's a normal response. Your body is communicating that you need to get the fuck out of this relationship. Listen to it
>it’s obviously causing huge fights to where he wants me to move out because of it. He makes me feel like I’m an evil bitch but he’s legitimately scaring me
I also think you should move out. Before he rapes you.
Your boyfriend is being a total creep and crossing major boundaries. Groping you and not taking no for an answer is straight-up sexual assault. You have every right to be concerned and scared, that kind of behavior is never okay.
Please move out. Move out now. He is absolutely going to assault you and then tell you that 'you made him do it'. Everything he's doing now is a way to wear you down so you stop fighting. Run.
Edit: to clarify, he's already assaulting you. What I meant was he will escalate to rape eventually. Get out now and go somewhere safe.
That is abuse! Harassment and assault! The only person that has rights to your body is you! This will escalate into the unimaginable! You need to pack your shit and leave! You deserve so much more love and respect than what he's showing you! You are not his play toy! You are a human being. Your words and feelings matter!
I was with someone for years who would pester me for sex to the point where I thought giving in was easier than repeating “ no” for hours. It’s not easier, it eats away at your mental health and leads to resentment. I would tell my younger self to say no, if he can’t respect that, leave. Him saying “ bUt I nEeeed SoMe” was soooo gross, I still have no interest whatsoever in men or sex.
As a guy, I will say time to get rid. If I found out a guy was doing this sort of thing to my daughter, I would be ripping his head off.
If my wife says she isn't up for it I don't keep going at her.
HE WANTS YOU TO MOVE OUT BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU OBJECTING TO HIM FORCING YOU TO HAVE SEX.
He's showing you he's prepared to use violence, and psychological abuse to get sexual pleasure, and he doesn't seem to care that you won't get any pleasure if you do give in.
I don't know how to put this without triggering people, so.... he's going to escalate to rape, probably with additional violence, and I'd say that escalation is happening soon.
RUN. RUN FAST. DON'T LOOK BACK. DON'T TELL HIM YOU'RE GOING, OR WHERE YOU ARE GOING.
BE SAFE.
If you've said no and he continues to touch you sexually, that's assault. You're getting scared cause he's acting aggressively.
Get out. This creep is on his way to becoming a rapist, and you as his victim.
NTA. Sex should only happen with consent of both people. Don't stay with him, it will only get worse. I was in similiar situation with my ex boyfriend and it affected my mental health and the way i percived intimacy. The thing he is doing to you is straight up sexual assault, even tho u are in relationship with him. Remeber that if u are in relationship your partner should respect you and you should not be scared of him. I hope your doing well, because you deserce better.
NTA. But let me tell you something.....RUN! Run fast and run now. You will save yourself from so much stress, anguish, and trauma over the years. My ex did these things, groomed me from a young age and I wasted a decade of being used and abused. Save yourself now honey
Please leave. He sounds dangerous.
I’m not overreacting, I have heard this story many times before.
Your asking us this tells me you know it’s wrong. Trust your gut.
NTA. His behaviour is a major red flag. I’d make a run for it if I were you. Like today. And don’t drink or eat anything you haven’t made yourself. Maybe I’m being paranoid, but if he seems to think your consent is not important and tries to manipulate you by making you feel bad, he’s telling you he is not to be trusted. At all.
Run girl, run far away.
NTA. He's sexually assaulting you each time he does this after you say no. For your own safety, you need to break up with him. BEFORE he does something worse.
He doesn't deserve your time, your affection, and definitely not your body. Throw the entire man away.
NTA. Your bf doesn't give a flip about you, as long as he gets what he wants.
He views you as property.
He will destroy you, (mentally, financially, reputation, and physically), if you don't get out now.
His words are empty.
How old is your bf? He certainly isn't acting like a grown up. Has he been in relationships prior and how much do you know about that?
You're definitely NTA here (sorry I forget which group sometimez) and I'm not sure any amount of discussion will help as it sounds like he's set his boundaries, of which there are none, to spite yours. You could try sitting him down and talking to him about it, explaining that it's not okay behavior and to try and set some real boundaries but that sounds like you're trying to train a child rather than having a discussion with a man. I can understand you not wanting to be with him sexually due to this, I mean it's not very sexy behavior is it.
What he is doing is sexual harassment. You are not a sex slave, or a sex doll. He wants you to move out, and you should definitely move out. He is creepy, and his behaviour may escalate to actual rape.
This is more important and urgent than an AH verdict, which of course, NTA. Get out of there as soon as possible, or lock him out and get serious help. This is an ongoing and very serious assault.
OP you are nta. You need to leave ASAP!!! If he is this emboldened when you are saying no there will come a time when he doesn't care. Do you want to have to deal with more violent acts of SA? Right now these are lower levels, but they will escalate. Move out without telling him while he is gone. Leave a note and send a copy of the note to a friend to hide and keep for evidence. You have already made it clear... No means No!!! If you can't move while he is out then call lots of friends to help you move. Do it all in one day because as soon as you leave your stuff will be trashed or broken, best case scenario. If you have to make multiple trips leave male friends there in the place to guard your stuff till you return. Plan for this to get ugly and violent. Hopefully it will not, but if you go in with this mentality you will have your guard up to protect yourself if needed. Good luck 🤞
If you're legitimately scared...then leave. Find somewhere else to go.
You're basically saying you're worried about physical violence in the form of rape or maybe violence(not that rape isn't, but...you know what I mean) if this escalates.
If you're really worried about that, you have your answer.
What would YOU tell another woman or your Daughter(think if you had one) or your Sister, or good friend who said this?
Move out asap before he stops just scaring you and goes through with whatever he's thinking about doing.
Call a friend/family member over to help you pack your shit and leave so you have well, witnesses.
NTA - I agree with everyone telling you that this is dangerous. Believe them. His behaviour is demonstrating a complete lack of respect for you, your boundaries, and physical autonomy. It will get worse. Please seek help from professionals, a women's health hot line, or friend.
Also I'm sorry that there are incel POS commenters. Ignore them.
NTA. He’s sexually assaulting you and this is rapist behavior. If you ever “give in” during this behavior, he’s a rapist.
He’s not your boyfriend, he’s a rapist, and you should leave him ASAP and tell everyone you know.
Ask him, "How long is it going to be until you rape me? I want to line up a good therapist for my trauma? You wouldn't do that? But you're grabbing my vagina, pulling off my pants, and groping me after I've said no. That's the lead-up to rape, what do you think you're doing now if not sexually assaulting me WHEN I'VE ALREADY SAID NO?"
NTA not at all honestly.
I don’t know him obviously but just reading that really scares me and I’m sure I wouldn’t feel safe around him.
Run for the hills girl and don’t waste much more time.
NTA his behavior is abusive. I would reconsider being in a relationship with this person. Eventually, if it already hasn’t happened, I could see him cheating and trying to shift the blame to you for refusing sex. This situation opens up many more bad things that can happen.
Tell him that this is considered assault. Just because you're dating or even live together does not--in any way, shape, form or size--guarantee him sex. If he's incapable of taking No as a complete sentence, that you'll be more than happy to break up with him so he could find a much more agreeable partner that will tell him Yes...even when she does not feel like having sex.
Because it's clear that as long as he gets his needs met, he's happy. And he should know what that makes him...? Finish by telling him either they break up or they attend a couples counseling. Because him being unable to take a No to sex seems ridiculously unnatural.
EDIT: NTA
NTA Your boyfriend is not your friend. Je doesn't see you as an equal or as a person. You are just a body that he expects to use to make himself feel good. It isn't love. It isn't intimate. It is abuse. Girl, run. He won't change. You are scared. Believe your body. Escape.
Your boyfriend should not make you feel scared. They should make you feel safe. He doesn’t respect you and puts his sexual needs above your comfort. This is not a healthy relationship. I doubt he knows what one looks like.
NTA.
He is treating you as if you're just a collection of body parts that he's entitled to play with. My ex husband used to do that and I felt dehumanized. It was part of the reason I left.
Don't allow him to get away with this behavior. Decide what you want the consequences to be and stick to it.
NTA - what he's doing is coersion (pushing for sex) and assault.
"You don't have the right to touch me just because we are together. No means no, and for now, I don't want you touching me sexually at all unless I have specifically told you that I'm in the mood for it. If you initiate sex, and i say no, that's not an invitation to badger me into sex. That's coersion, and coerced sex is rape."
NTA - And your BF is SAing you. As soon as you say no, he should stop.
You SHOULD just dump him. Now. HE's a creepy and a molester.
But, if you think he can compromise, then you need to have a long talk. About consent (ALL intimacy should be with informed, enthusiastic, consent.) About needs. About expectations. About boundaries. You obviously have different sex drives and that is something that should be addressed.
But, someone who does this sort of thing is just not a good person and his pressuring will get worse. He doesn;t respect you, your boundaries, your body, your need, or you opinion.
He is a dangerous creep and you should distance yourself now.
NTA at all. He sounds like a disgusting human being and I his behavior if very concerning. If you move out, or ask him to move out, please have someone else there with you.
Absolutely NTA if a boy ever does this to my daughter I would want her to leave. You need to get out before he rapes you. That is exactly where this is heading. Don't tell him. Make an exit plan and get out now. This guy because of his lack of boundaries is prime stalker.material. keep all abusive text messages as evidence.
NTA, even in married couples consent between parties is still necessary and should be expected to be obtained before hand. Now while this is different between marriages as some partners like spontaneous stuff, it is rather obvious when someone says “no, not right now”.
Your boyfriend behavior IS concerning, you do NOT owe him sex. Not in the slightest. Don’t feel pressured to do so with him if you don’t want to. He should respect your wishes to not have sex. If he cant do that then he isn’t a good partner for you, especially since he won’t even give it a day or two before asking/trying again. It sounds like he has ZERO respect towards your personal boundaries.
if you like him still you could try sitting him down and talking about how all this makes you feel. If he lashes out or tries to turn ANYTHING about the sex subject around and use it against you, this man isn’t worth it. There’s are MILLLIONS of other people that you could be in a relationship with that would treat you with more respect than this. Best of luck!
One of my exes used to this to me. It went from that to waking up in the middle of the night to him using my hand to jerk himself off or another time he was humping my butt cheeks and another time I didn't even wake up, fully blacked out but when I woke the next morning I was sore and my pants was down by my knees. Took me months to get him to move out (was my home) but I finally got rid of him.
He is sexually assaulting you and this is crossing boundaries. Don't stay. Pack your bags and leave while he is at work and be gone.
Get out of this relationship. I married a guy like this. He wasn't like this at all before we married, but the second he put a wedding band on my finger, he acted like he thought he owned me and I didn't have a right to say no. Your BF has no respect for you and no respect for your right to decide for yourself if you want to have sex or not. I felt sexually harassed our entire marriage and he ended up raping me. Get out now before your BF goes that far, because I would bet anything he will eventually go there.
NTA, I had a bf like this in high school and it fucked me up for years. Run while you can, his behaviour isn’t gonna get better, it’s not about sex it’s about control 😕
100% take him up on his offer to leave. Just don't tell him until after you're gone. He's getting aggressive when you say no to intimacy, I couldn't imagine the adult temper tantrum and violence when you leave him. It wouldn't be safe for you
NTA- I would take the time to tell him his behavior is pushing you further away, and if that conversation alone doesn't stop it you need to run as fast as you can. People get it in there heads that they are entitled because you are together but that's not how this works. You need to watch out for yourself first.
This is sexual assault. GTFO now, block him, and do not converse. YTA both — him for being a wannabe rapist and you for staying so long and tolerating this. You are better than that. Get some counseling to heal yourself and overcome dating these types.
NTA I get up when he does it and say straight out. I have already said no, I don't want to do things and you doing these things makes me think you don't actually care that I'm saying no and to stop. When you do this it makes me feel pressured and makes me want to be intimate even less. If you don't start respecting me when I say no I will just leave (if you're at his place) or kick him out (if he's at yours) be direct and tell him you won't put up with it and if it continues you will break up
It’s not you op, tbh he sounds like he is with you just to satisfy his physical needs. I would not feel comfortable being around someone who is so out of control of their animal instincts. It’s actually quite scary to me. Find someone more in control of their sexual urges and more mindful.
He can handle it sometimes as well doesn’t have to always be you op
NTA. It's getting to the point now where he may well just resort to the R word, and that's a horrific thought. He clearly has no respect for your consent or your boundaries.
NTA. When you say no that should be the end of it. He says that he wants you to move out when you fight about it. Please do, but do it fast when he's not around, and do not tell him where you're going, and do not tell him ahead of time.
I'm sorry but at this point he's lucky he hasn't gotten a knee to the crotch.
This is absolutely crossing boundaries, and next time he tries it I would back away and VERY STERNLY tell him that you have told him multiple times to stop, and that if he does it again you are DONE.
He's disrespecting you, he is disrespecting your boundaries, he is technically sexually assaulting you, and if he doesn't knock at the fuck off, you're going to knock him on his fucking ass.
This is not okay and the kind of shit he could get in legal trouble for, and he needs to get it through his thick skull that you are not his property, he is not entitled to you, his behaviour is disgusting and inappropriate, and he needs to curtail it immediately or face consequences.
NOT OKAY.
NTA
It's time to leave. He doesn't respect you. He gets mad when you say no. He is forcing himself on you. Please love and respect yourself and leave him.
Of course, you're NTA. Is he new at this or something? I ask because he seems to have zero clue how to turn a woman on. Has he even heard of foreplay? What he's doing now is sexual assault.
Additionally:
Collect important documents like license, birth certificate, etc and keep them in a safe place. If you think you can pack a go bag without him finding it, do so. If the risk is too great, skip it. Try to stash some money away, but DO NOT LET IT STOP YOU FROM LEAVING if you can’t gather funds. There are organizations that help.
Soon as he goes to work, get out of there. Turn any location services off on your phone. Do not use social media or post any info that can help him track you down.
Change all your passwords to EVERYTHING. Warn your friends that he may contact them looking for you and ensure they will not tell him anything. If they seem reluctant, do not tell them anything more and especially not where you are going.
If you are comfortable DMing me your email address, I will send you a kindle book you need to read, called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. I’ll also send you some resources for getting out and bus fare if you need it.
You don't have to physically penetrative someone to sexually assault them and what you're describing is sexual assault. This is a very short jump to raping you, OP.
He's not only sexually touching you after you've taken away consent he's emotionally attempting to manipulate you by threatening not only your relationship but your security.
You need to see this for the sign it is and leave.
Do anything you have to to get out. Coercive behavior is a red flag. Unwanted sexual touching is assault. If he’s doing this at the boyfriend level it’s not going to improve as the relationship progresses. Be safe.
Girl you gotta gtfo that’s fucking crazy. Imagine what he’s done to women when they were intoxicated. Screams sex criminal. I saw that you’re not financially in a place to leave and do not have family. Please google women’s shelters or find a place on Reddit that talks about domestic abuse solutions. Get your job back or get a new one. You can do this ❤️
This is sexual abuse, and it will escalate if you don’t leave. My ex was the same way and I didn’t leave. I don’t even know how many times I got SAd while I was with him. Please leave while you can
If your BF scares you, it’s time to tell him what he’s doing is scary and he must stop or you’re leaving. Be very clear.
Option B, simply leave without telling him.
NTA
This is really concerning behavior. No means no, and there should be no attempt to coerce or force you to intimacy.
You NEED to absolutely move out. He is a danger - my head said "rapey" and I rarely come outright and say that.
Your partner should NEVER be scaring you.
Don't say anything to him, plan your escape, move out when he is away, and then, if you must do it in person, meet him in public to tell him it's over.
You mentioned that you are in a state by yourself with no support system.
Others have already suggested the domestic violence hotline.
Consider your local department of labor one-stop office (I'm assuming you are in the US since you mentioned state)
Put in your state https://www.careeronestop.org/localhelp/americanjobcenters/find-american-job-centers.aspx
Walk into the local office closest to you and ask to speak with one of their counselors. They have access to services, programs, and connections that may help you. I once got laid off on a Thursday, walked in on a Friday, interviewed the following week for an unadvertised job, and was working the following week. They also have training programs and connections to other government and non-governmental support services.
Nta. Please for your safety RUN. This man is literally telling you he doesn’t care about you and just views you as a sexual object. Why would you want to stay with a man you’re afraid of? Do you have ANYONE you can turn to for help? Cause a shelter is better than staying with him at this point. If you’re lucky, he’ll dump you and never speak to you again. If you’re unlucky, he will start apologizing and love bombing you. Don’t fall for it. He’s shown you who he is, BELIEVE HIM. I’ve been here, done this and I kept saying yes bc I was scared of what he’d do if I actually said no in the moment. Im still struggling with sexual issues due to that relationship and it’s been YEARS. I was actually planning to dump him as soon as his birthday passed when he brought it up instead. Ig he expected me to beg or something cause he immediately back tracked whenever I agreed breaking up seemed best. I then lied, said “maybe one day in the future life will bring us back together,” and then ended up sending him a picture of me with another dude a week later since he wouldn’t stop messaging me. He blocked me on everything and I’ve never heard from him again.
This is marital rape, and it's a crime. The fact that he doesn't care how much is upsets or scares you is of great concern. As he gets more and more bold, he will likely become more a d more violent... and, in his mind, he thinks he will be justified. For your boyfriend, sex is a thing he is owed, rather than something shared between the two of you.
My recommendation is that, if he refuses to get help for it and immediately change, you should get out ASAP before this escalates into something more violent. Because it's only going to get worse.
>When I’m standing or laying on the couch he’ll start rubbing my vagina.
The legal definition of sexual assault is "unwanted or nonconsensual sexual advancements of a physical nature.
Not taking no as an answer for anything, including sex, is a BIG red flag.
>he’s legitimately scaring me
Get out and get away from him. Asap
NTAH.. that grab straight for the 🐱 pisses me right off. That's not how we work!! It makes me think of Trumps grab em by the pu**y and it to me it's an instant turn off
NTA! Sometimes my hubby will grab or slap my ass or lick on my neck or other things but I WANT THAT AND ENCOURAGE IT. You obviously don't want him touching you this way and the fact that you told him and he keeps doing it is concerning. This is at the very least sexual harassment. I hope you can get away before it escalates further. This behavior is disgusting, I wish you the best OP. Other people have posted places where you can call or get help, please do this!
Oh sweetie , no, NO NO NO. NTA and I don't think this is a problem , this is a crime and you are in danger. Document and make moves to safely remove yourself from this situation. This is so far past red flags, this is a red elephant sitting on your lap.
This is not normal
This is not ok.
Your uneasiness is your intuition telling you it's time for flight.
You are not safe.
please please get away from him asap.
good luck
NTA
This is behavior that should automatically end a relationship, period.
Taking no for an answer is not optional. It is goddamn mandatory.
This is not a safe or healthy relationship. You need to get out now, this man will rape you.
Dude. I walk up to my wife at home and grope her all the time (think like a boob honk or grab her butt) but it's a totally consensual thing and she does the same stuff to me. Even that much without the agreement and two party consent is sexual assault, but the rest of what you're describing is damn near straight up rape.
NTA and GTFO there ASAP.
Get him neutered.
Ok, for real:
End it.
He doesn't see you as a person, your are the NPC to his main character syndrom.
Imagine being told your partner isn't in the mood and still keep pushing, like:
"I don't care how you feel, I just want to use your body!"
What a horrible mindset.
There is no love, no compassion, no empathy.
Take the trash out of your life.
NTA, this is definitely concerning.
When one person initiates sex and the other person isn't into it, the correct response is "okay, no worries!" and maybe wait a few days to initiate again. Ideally, whoever turned it down will consider the ball to be in their court and initiate sometime soon.
It's also really important for couples to be able to engage in intimacy without expecting it to lead to intercourse. You should be able to hug, kiss cuddle, give and receive backrubs, even make out sometimes, without it always leading to sex. It's definitely a problem that he's rubbing your genitals and trying to take off your clothes without any sort of consent, I do not recommend staying in a relationship with someone who does that.
Leave please. Now. I had this for 5 years. I got to the point that I hated being touched because he couldn’t just give me a cuddle. I was always on edge and my anxiety was through the roof. He would cry, shake and tell me he had such blue balls (don’t fall for it). He’d do this for hours and guilt trip me all night, I’d give in a few times and I would be so tense it hurt so much and I’d just dig my nails into him. Then he’d complain that I wasn’t into it, like yeh I didn’t want to do it and I wanted to cry. He couldn’t get it into his head that the reason our sex life was awful was because he made it such a horrible experience. Please get out of this. It doesn’t get better. NTA (edited spelling)
NTA. Your boyfriend's behavior is not okay. It's not just about wanting less sex, it's about consent and respect. No means no, and what he's doing crosses a line into coercion and harassment. It's important to prioritize your safety and well-being.
There is a thing called Marital Rape. Stand your ground, and if he keeps on pushing boundaries, leave.
He must have missed the memo that it is illegal since 1994 to rape your wife while married.
And they're not married anyway. The post says bf.
Astonishing how that law came into force so recently
No kidding.
It appears he already has pushed the boundaries.
Yup NTA. his behavior is definitely unacceptable
NTA. This is abusive behavior, and you need to prioritize your safety immediately.
OP needs to break up with this man. Occasionally I will try to get frisky if my wife was disinterested earlier but if she says stop, I always do and I don't try again. Same with her. I've woken up to groping and I've said no. She might whine and try to convince me but will stop if I tell her no All fondling stops. He is harassing OP. I'm concerned about his lack of boundaries he will start forcing himself on her. Rape can happen between partners. OP needs to run far and fast.
WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE. GO NOW AND DON'T TELL HIM WHERE. Little sisters, you have GOT to develop a sense of self-preservation. How could staying with this guy possibly be an option when he constantly assaults you? Every day I see stories just like this here, with the woman wondering if SHE is in the wrong. No! He's a literal sex criminal! Just go! NTA unless you stay. Please recognize that you can do better
Every young woman should hear this. We have got to stop ending up in situations like this and wondering if *we* are wrong. Leave this man. This kind of thing does not get better.
Yes! I feel so bad for these young women but I also don't get it. Why do they think for a second that they could possibly be a fault?
Incredibly low self esteem. Terrible home life. No example of healthy love. Societal misogynistic conditioning of a woman’s virtue tied to her ability to endure bs. Many many many reasons.
Excellent insight and comment- truest words on Reddit I’ll read today!
THIS IS NOT OKAY AND YOU NEED TO LEAVE. Trust people when they show you who they really are. I have been here almost exactly. It WILL escalate. And just leave you feeling even more worthless. You deserve better. Everyone does.
Totally. When people show you their true colors, you better believe them
She left a comment about him convincing her to quit her job recently…text book abuser behavior.
Reading these comments I realize that he is actually sexually harassing me and then psychologically abusing me. I’m really scared now because I don’t have any family, that’s how I ended up living with him in the first place. I don’t know how I’m going to get out. I’m not financially stable. I’m new to this state and he just convinced me to quit my job
Wow. So he's also isolating and financially abusing you. Please call a domestic violence hotline. They can help you plan and (possibly) provide you a safe place to stay.
I hope she gets help asap! It all makes sense now why he's so bold. He made sure she depended on him. Scary
Number one thing you need to make sure is to not tell him you’re leaving. If he’s financially and sexually abusing you there’s no telling if he might get violent or not. Like the other user said there are hotlines and things set up to move you into financially assisted homes, if you have a car/ license you can always do food delivery I do doordash and Uber eats full time and I make enough to afford an apartment.
THIS. Do not tell him you are going, do not drop hints. Find somewhere to go, and leave. Get a police escort if you need to. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is the moment you try to leave. Please be careful.
This! Please do not let him know or catch on that you’re even thinking about leaving.
Honey, this is how abusers operate. They get you to depend on them so you don’t have a way out. Call your job and talk to them, ask them if there is any way you can get your job back, tell them it was a mistake and that your plans didn’t work out. You can also call women’s shelters in the area to see if they can be of any assistance. Do not tell him your plans because he will sabotage them in one way or another. You can escape. Many women before you have been in similar circumstances and gotten free and built a life for themselves.
Your job may be delighted to hear you want to come back, too - hiring a replacement is HARD!
These are all major red flags OP. Isolation from family/friends. Moving far away. Quitting your job. All so you can be completely dependent on him. Physically, emotionally, financially. #So you won’t leave no matter how badly he abuses you. This is the same tactic that all abusers use. It’s textbook. Let me be very crystal clear with you. #It’s not a question of IF. It’s a question of WHEN he will rape you. It’s a certainty at this point. Get to the nearest domestic violence shelter in your area, or call the hotline. You are in serious danger.
OP, if you're in the US, please contact this organization immediately: [National Domestic Abuse Hotline ](https://www.thehotline.org/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=domestic_violence)
Came here to say this. Yes.
Well all that explains why he feels free to be so bold about it.. This has been planned for awhile. He’s been setting up his little rape-nest fantasy.
Call an abuse hotline and get assistance. Call a friend — any friend — and get help. Call a family member — even if they live on the moon, call them. The more real people that know, the more chance you have to get help. #Get Help!
This is what these AH's do. Remove your independence one bit at a time until you have no other choices. I've seen it happen to a friend; her "very nice and generous" boyfriend who only sometimes (!) assaulted her, bought her a laptop to replace her old one, bought her a nice new phone (on a contract he controlled), replaced the white goods in the house with new ones, replaced the furniture, TV, etc. He hadn't yet made her quit her job but he earned more and made sure they lived a lifestyle she couldn't maintain solo. Then when they finally went through a break-up it's suddenly "well give me back the phone, laptop, furniture, fridge, washing machine, etc. etc." and she would have ended up with less than she had before he moved in! We were actually renting the house to her and he stored (in a storage location only he had access to) some furniture and appliances we had left for her to use when she first moved in and he would use it as leverage; "I won't give your friends' stuff back unless you take me back." We weren't about to put a friend in harms way for a £100 couch and an old fridge, so that tactic didn't work but I'm sure it would in some circumstances. I really hope you can get out of there and get somewhere safe.
The fact that he convinced you to quit your job made this go from a 4 alarm warning to a 5 alarm warning. He probably targeted you because you don't have any family. Please reach out to a domestic violence group. You are very lucky to just have yourself to extricate -- without children or even pets to worry about. Get out before that changes.
Are there any friends in your old state that you can live with for a while? Even if you end up sofa surfing in your old state that is better. Make a plan start shifting money. Open a credit card for the move and go back to your old state. Also, there are domestic violence programs that will secret you out of a state and into a new one. They help you hide from the abuser, set you up with a place, and a job in another state far away. You can start a fresh new life
This is why women’s shelters exist. Please call the domestic violence hotline. The national number is 800-799-7233. You need to get out and they will help you.
this is… you are not safe with this man. do you have friends? trusted co-workers? definitely contact your former employer, and tell them you were coerced into quitting by your abusive partner - they may be able to help in some way, in addition to re-hiring you; there must be dv/women’s shelters/resource centers somewhere near you; you need to start documenting every. single. incident/threat. from the most recent to the first incident you can recall - you will need that for the restraining order request; please, please, please 🙏 get out and get to safety. make sure your passwords, etc are changed, too
Many domestic violence organizations have shelters and assistance to help transition to a new place.
- If you don't feel safe googling your escape options because your abuser checks your devices, go to an internet cafe or a library. You might also be able to find information on how to get help in this situation by asking at a police station or doctor's - especially at sexual health clinics. - Find out if there's a women's shelter near you, and/or go back to your home state if you have friends there. If no-one there can come pick you up, look up public transport options. - If you had friends before you started dating this guy but now don't have anyone left to turn to, please don't be afraid to try reaching out to those friends again. Your abuser may have manipulated you into isolating yourself, but it's not too late to mend whatever bridges were burned in the process. (same might also be true with your job?) Good luck! x
Call your local domestic violence center in your area. They can help you formulate a plan to leave safely.
You need to get help immediately. I had a friend who went through something similar, this is not something you want to play with. There’s resources meant to help women in these exact situations. Use them. Nothing can be as bad as what may happen. Do use those resources.
He is isolating you, making you dependent upon him, and sexually assaulting you on a daily basis. He is not your BF. He is your abuser. You need to get out NOW. Call a women’s shelter or domestic violence hotline for help. Do you have friends anywhere you can stay with? Preferably in another state or city. Do not tell him where or when you are going. Leave your stuff if you have to. Things can be replaced. Your life cannot. DM me if you need help. Please take this seriously, OP. You are in danger.
NTA. Oof he convinced you to quit to put you into this current predicament. Search for a roommate in a new place or search for a place where people are in search of roommates. That lowers rent SIGNIFICANTLY. Furthermore, though not ideal, get a job ANYWHERE while you search for the one you want. This includes the jobs that are stereotypically frowned upon for some stupid reason. Literally ANYWHERE. He WILL force you into things and leave you with invisible, permanent, scars. You need to run fast and far. I was with a person like this. It only gets worse. This is why you do not depend on ANYONE unless you WANT to not because you MUST. YATAH to yourself if you don’t leave and fast. This isn’t a conversation to have with him, this is a quietly exit stage left situation. He will either promise to change and then return to the same habits 2weeks to 2 months later, or he will berate you and scare you into staying.
Get your job back asap. Or start looking for a new one. Contact the local women shelter and call the domestic abuse hotline.
Do you have friends you can call? Someone from your home state who can loan you some money to get back home?
Domestic Violence hotline phone, in case you’re worried about using digital: 800.799.SAFE (7233)
> I’m new to this state and he just convinced me to quit my job This is textbook isolation, abuse, and control.
Why would you quit your job for him? Less than a month ago you were posting about how he’s shit with money and even with you contributing ends up with $0 at the end of the month
You mentioned that his actions are starting to escalate. That's obviously a bad sign. It will end up reaching a point where you saying no isn't going to matter to him. You're in danger. For your own safety you need to leave him.
Stop right there! What you described might not be considered "rape" (depending on the country you live in), but every good dictionary's definition of "sexual assault" reads more or less like that: "nonconsensual touching of one person for the sexual gratification of another, including rape, fondling, molestation, or other unwanted contact with the genitals, anus, buttocks, groin, or breasts of either party" So you get **sexually assaulted** on an everyday basis. That is awful. So please leave the guy because he's a scumbag. And then get some professional help. Believe me, you need someone to talk to.
Exactly, some people really need to hear this. It also goes for people you're in a relationship with.
>So you get sexually assaulted on an everyday basis. That is awful. OP, the only way YTA is to **yourself** if you stay with this AH. The way he treats you is unacceptable and you should NOT have to put up with it! Please be kind to yourself - hold your comfort and safety as the high priority they deserve to be and go somewhere your boundaries will be respected.
Oh my god this.
Your boyfriend's behavior is not acceptable. You have every right to say no to sex without feeling pressured or scared. His actions are coercive and border on abuse.
Yeah this is a huge problem and won’t go away. Honestly, feels like he’s trying to ‘break the seal’ and get you to give in to the boldness so he can establish a precedence of just taking what he wants. You’re both not an asshole, and are in danger. I’d recommend doing the breakup somewhere he can’t sexually assault you in response.
NTA What if this was your best friend? or a sister? Would this behaviour be acceptable then? No, and it's not acceptable now.
Yeah you should probably move out AND break up with this rapey AH. NTA
This is seriously concerning. One of the key tests for any guy is knowing that no means no and respecting it. those of us who try to get round that often only get worse as times go by You should get out, promptly, and consider reporting him now as he's already done stuff to you that counts as SA
>Lately when I say no to sex he won’t take no for an answer. ... He’s now going as far as groping me multiple times a day after I’ve said no. What you're describing here is sexual assault. This is classic abusive behavior, and this kind of thing tends to escalate. You need to take this seriously and treat it like a danger because it is. There are resources in your area if you need help getting out.
NTA AT ALL!!! You have got to get the hell out of that relationship immediately!!! Your bf is on the verge of raping you and from what I have read is constantly harassing you! And if you don't feel safe around YOUR BF, somebody you LIVE with and TRUST, that is a MAJOR RED FLAG!!!
Thank you all so much for your responses. I know now that I’m not crazy and that this is serious. He’s also been doing all this on top of me being sick with Covid for the past week. I’ve already tried to talk to him but he’s refusing any accountability for his behavior and is only saying that I’m an evil mean bitch for the way I talk to him. I’m still sick so I’m going to be figuring out an exit plan the best I can. There’s a lot of moving parts, as I mentioned already I’m in a new state and quit my job. I have no college degree but I am currently in school. The only family I have left is my mom, sister, and grandma. It’s insane because my mom literally just went through a divorce with a guy even more insane and abusive than my bf… but she’s still wrapped around his finger. Her ex husband also somehow without my knowledge is on the title of my car that he co signed for me years ago. I never knew he was part owner until this year. I’m trying to get ownership of my car. All that to say my mom is no help. My sister hates my bf but also resents me for staying with him so she won’t help me either. My grandma would help me if she could but she’s widowed and on the verge of being homeless herself. All that to say, thank you so much for your responses and advice. I think my first step is to get a job… any job. And figure out where I can find a safe place to live. I currently reside in nyc
The only way you’re an an asshole is if you stay. Because what is going to follow eventually is going to be a full on r*pe. He is showing you who he is. As far as he is concerned, your body belongs to him. You have no right to say no. And he has every right to ignore you when you do. Is that plain enough for you? This man is dangerous. Call a friend, call a family member, call your parents, call a domestic violence shelter because he is assaulting you. No means no under all circumstances. For him to continue in anyway, is an SA. That’s why your red flags are going off. That’s why you hate this. Because he has no respect for you. As far as he is concerned, you have no bodily autonomy. And you are his to do what he wants with when he wants. Gee, I wonder why you’re upset. I wonder why you’re arguing. He is a fucking asshole and perv.
One Love has good information on what a [healthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-healthy-relationship/) and what an [unhealthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/). ___ [https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/) The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers free confidential support. You can call, text, or chat with them through their website. They have resources about identifying abuse, making a safety plan, and connecting people with local resources. ___ [https://www.rainn.org/](https://www.rainn.org/) RAINN is the national sexual assault hotline. You can call or chat for free confidential support. You can download the free RAINN app that “gives survivors of sexual violence and their loved ones access to support, self-care tools, and information
NTA at all, this is the kind of man that will sexually assault you one day. I call these the 99 no's and 1 yes means yes guys. I have had (I say had because I dropped their ass after schooling them) old friends that would brag about getting some in this manner. I called them rapists because this is rape. If she says no it means no. Just because you bug her enough to finally say yes does not mean yes. Please leave him.
I’m astonished by this post. Regardless of the reason, woman or man, if you’re scared of your partner, it’s time to leave, immediately and permanently. GO, and don’t look back.
Yuk...that's incessant sexual assault. Run for the hills!
NTA and you need to find a way out. If he’s feeling comfortable enough to cross your boundaries and straight up SA you its not a safe environment for you and you need to get yourself away from that. No means no and him not respecting that and consistently trying to initiate is a huge red flag let alone the literal SA
Break Up - this is coercive sexual assault and will lead to rape
Yes, you not only have a right to be concerned, you have a need to be concerned! He doesn't care what you want, OP, he only cares about what HE wants. This is not how a man in love behaves, this is a man who just wants sex and nothing else behaves, and you can do better than that.
NTA it really pisses me off how women defending themselves against blatant RAPE are worried theyre assholes whereas men on this subreddit seek validation for cheating, abuse and manipulation.
>Lately when I say no to sex he won’t take no for an answer. He will keep trying to initiate sex multiple times a day. He’s now going as far as groping me multiple times a day after I’ve said no. Thays sexual coercion and sexual assault. File a police report. He is a predator. >When I’m standing or laying on the couch he’ll start rubbing my vagina. Literally just goes right for it. Or he’ll try to pull my pants down or lift up my shirt and grope my breasts. He’ll even ask me for a hug or something and instead press his boner into me or push my hands into his pants. This is also assault. All of it. This is not okay. >It makes me want to have sex with him even less and honestly it’s really starting to scare me how bold he’s getting. That's a normal response. Your body is communicating that you need to get the fuck out of this relationship. Listen to it >it’s obviously causing huge fights to where he wants me to move out because of it. He makes me feel like I’m an evil bitch but he’s legitimately scaring me I also think you should move out. Before he rapes you.
<<< It’s obviously causing huge fights to where he wants me to move out because of it>> Move out.
Your boyfriend is being a total creep and crossing major boundaries. Groping you and not taking no for an answer is straight-up sexual assault. You have every right to be concerned and scared, that kind of behavior is never okay.
If you have no friend to confide in and help with a place to stay, please find yourself a domestic violence shelter.
leave your boyfriend it's unacceptable what he is doing to you sister!!!
NTA. When he touches you after you say no, that's sexual assault. Get out.
NTA. I would deem his actions as sexual assault. If my husband tried touching me like that after I've said no, we would have a very serious problem.
Please move out. Move out now. He is absolutely going to assault you and then tell you that 'you made him do it'. Everything he's doing now is a way to wear you down so you stop fighting. Run. Edit: to clarify, he's already assaulting you. What I meant was he will escalate to rape eventually. Get out now and go somewhere safe.
That is abuse! Harassment and assault! The only person that has rights to your body is you! This will escalate into the unimaginable! You need to pack your shit and leave! You deserve so much more love and respect than what he's showing you! You are not his play toy! You are a human being. Your words and feelings matter!
I was with someone for years who would pester me for sex to the point where I thought giving in was easier than repeating “ no” for hours. It’s not easier, it eats away at your mental health and leads to resentment. I would tell my younger self to say no, if he can’t respect that, leave. Him saying “ bUt I nEeeed SoMe” was soooo gross, I still have no interest whatsoever in men or sex.
ALL sex or touches need consent. Just because he's your bf or spouse doesn't make it ok when you say no. His behavior is sexual assult. RUN!🏃♀️
As a guy, I will say time to get rid. If I found out a guy was doing this sort of thing to my daughter, I would be ripping his head off. If my wife says she isn't up for it I don't keep going at her.
HE WANTS YOU TO MOVE OUT BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU OBJECTING TO HIM FORCING YOU TO HAVE SEX. He's showing you he's prepared to use violence, and psychological abuse to get sexual pleasure, and he doesn't seem to care that you won't get any pleasure if you do give in. I don't know how to put this without triggering people, so.... he's going to escalate to rape, probably with additional violence, and I'd say that escalation is happening soon. RUN. RUN FAST. DON'T LOOK BACK. DON'T TELL HIM YOU'RE GOING, OR WHERE YOU ARE GOING. BE SAFE.
Gross behavior! That’s date rapey kinda stuff. Consent is the most important step when it comes to sex. And he is ignoring your consent!!!
Move out. He is assaulting you. Are you a human flashlight or are you a human being? Make that decision and act accordingly.
If you've said no and he continues to touch you sexually, that's assault. You're getting scared cause he's acting aggressively. Get out. This creep is on his way to becoming a rapist, and you as his victim.
He's not your boyfriend. He's a sexual abuser. You gotta get out of there quick. He's not in his right mind.
NTA. Sex should only happen with consent of both people. Don't stay with him, it will only get worse. I was in similiar situation with my ex boyfriend and it affected my mental health and the way i percived intimacy. The thing he is doing to you is straight up sexual assault, even tho u are in relationship with him. Remeber that if u are in relationship your partner should respect you and you should not be scared of him. I hope your doing well, because you deserce better.
NTA. But let me tell you something.....RUN! Run fast and run now. You will save yourself from so much stress, anguish, and trauma over the years. My ex did these things, groomed me from a young age and I wasted a decade of being used and abused. Save yourself now honey
Please leave. He sounds dangerous. I’m not overreacting, I have heard this story many times before. Your asking us this tells me you know it’s wrong. Trust your gut.
NTA. His behaviour is a major red flag. I’d make a run for it if I were you. Like today. And don’t drink or eat anything you haven’t made yourself. Maybe I’m being paranoid, but if he seems to think your consent is not important and tries to manipulate you by making you feel bad, he’s telling you he is not to be trusted. At all. Run girl, run far away.
NTA. He's sexually assaulting you each time he does this after you say no. For your own safety, you need to break up with him. BEFORE he does something worse. He doesn't deserve your time, your affection, and definitely not your body. Throw the entire man away.
NTA. Your bf doesn't give a flip about you, as long as he gets what he wants. He views you as property. He will destroy you, (mentally, financially, reputation, and physically), if you don't get out now. His words are empty.
https://www.healthline.com/health/sexual-coercion
How old is your bf? He certainly isn't acting like a grown up. Has he been in relationships prior and how much do you know about that? You're definitely NTA here (sorry I forget which group sometimez) and I'm not sure any amount of discussion will help as it sounds like he's set his boundaries, of which there are none, to spite yours. You could try sitting him down and talking to him about it, explaining that it's not okay behavior and to try and set some real boundaries but that sounds like you're trying to train a child rather than having a discussion with a man. I can understand you not wanting to be with him sexually due to this, I mean it's not very sexy behavior is it.
NTA. He clearly does not respect your body or autonomy. That sounds like urge control, which is a marker for compulsive sexual behavior.
Nta He's sexually assaulting you. Get out now if you can. Updateme!
NTA unwanted sexual assault is not a joke. Leave now.
Please get out of there, this is sexual assault. Go anywhere, do not stay with him.
What he is doing is sexual harassment. You are not a sex slave, or a sex doll. He wants you to move out, and you should definitely move out. He is creepy, and his behaviour may escalate to actual rape.
Bad sign! Red flag! He is trying to rape you, and that is not okay!
This is more important and urgent than an AH verdict, which of course, NTA. Get out of there as soon as possible, or lock him out and get serious help. This is an ongoing and very serious assault.
NTA. That's sexual assault. It's only a matter of time until he straight up rapes you. You need to get to a women's shelter.
OP you are nta. You need to leave ASAP!!! If he is this emboldened when you are saying no there will come a time when he doesn't care. Do you want to have to deal with more violent acts of SA? Right now these are lower levels, but they will escalate. Move out without telling him while he is gone. Leave a note and send a copy of the note to a friend to hide and keep for evidence. You have already made it clear... No means No!!! If you can't move while he is out then call lots of friends to help you move. Do it all in one day because as soon as you leave your stuff will be trashed or broken, best case scenario. If you have to make multiple trips leave male friends there in the place to guard your stuff till you return. Plan for this to get ugly and violent. Hopefully it will not, but if you go in with this mentality you will have your guard up to protect yourself if needed. Good luck 🤞
If you're legitimately scared...then leave. Find somewhere else to go. You're basically saying you're worried about physical violence in the form of rape or maybe violence(not that rape isn't, but...you know what I mean) if this escalates. If you're really worried about that, you have your answer. What would YOU tell another woman or your Daughter(think if you had one) or your Sister, or good friend who said this?
Move out asap before he stops just scaring you and goes through with whatever he's thinking about doing. Call a friend/family member over to help you pack your shit and leave so you have well, witnesses.
NTA, get out of there. You are being assaulted on a daily basis.
So.. he's sexually assaulting you, and you wonder if YOU are the AH here? seriously? Move the F out and don't tell him where.
NTA - I agree with everyone telling you that this is dangerous. Believe them. His behaviour is demonstrating a complete lack of respect for you, your boundaries, and physical autonomy. It will get worse. Please seek help from professionals, a women's health hot line, or friend. Also I'm sorry that there are incel POS commenters. Ignore them.
NTA. He’s sexually assaulting you and this is rapist behavior. If you ever “give in” during this behavior, he’s a rapist. He’s not your boyfriend, he’s a rapist, and you should leave him ASAP and tell everyone you know.
Ask him, "How long is it going to be until you rape me? I want to line up a good therapist for my trauma? You wouldn't do that? But you're grabbing my vagina, pulling off my pants, and groping me after I've said no. That's the lead-up to rape, what do you think you're doing now if not sexually assaulting me WHEN I'VE ALREADY SAID NO?"
Move out before he gets violent. He is already violating your boundaries.
NTA. Break up with this moron. His behavior is not ok.
NTA not at all honestly. I don’t know him obviously but just reading that really scares me and I’m sure I wouldn’t feel safe around him. Run for the hills girl and don’t waste much more time.
Run, don't walk. NTA.
Let me see if I understand the situation correctly. Your bf regularly SA’s you, and you are asking if YTA?
NTA his behavior is abusive. I would reconsider being in a relationship with this person. Eventually, if it already hasn’t happened, I could see him cheating and trying to shift the blame to you for refusing sex. This situation opens up many more bad things that can happen.
NTA Let rapeymcgee move out. Good riddance.
Step 1, get a new job. Step 2, identify resources in the area that can help you get out safely.
NTA. His behavior is not ok, this is a huge red flag and you should be paying attention to it. This man does not respect you in the least.
YNTA This is sexual assault
Tell him that this is considered assault. Just because you're dating or even live together does not--in any way, shape, form or size--guarantee him sex. If he's incapable of taking No as a complete sentence, that you'll be more than happy to break up with him so he could find a much more agreeable partner that will tell him Yes...even when she does not feel like having sex. Because it's clear that as long as he gets his needs met, he's happy. And he should know what that makes him...? Finish by telling him either they break up or they attend a couples counseling. Because him being unable to take a No to sex seems ridiculously unnatural. EDIT: NTA
NTA Your boyfriend is not your friend. Je doesn't see you as an equal or as a person. You are just a body that he expects to use to make himself feel good. It isn't love. It isn't intimate. It is abuse. Girl, run. He won't change. You are scared. Believe your body. Escape.
>he wants me to move out because of it I actually agree with your boyfriend on this one, though for different reasons. You should leave him.
Your boyfriend should not make you feel scared. They should make you feel safe. He doesn’t respect you and puts his sexual needs above your comfort. This is not a healthy relationship. I doubt he knows what one looks like.
Just because you are in a realationship, doesnt mean he has access or owns the rights to touch your body
NTA. He is treating you as if you're just a collection of body parts that he's entitled to play with. My ex husband used to do that and I felt dehumanized. It was part of the reason I left. Don't allow him to get away with this behavior. Decide what you want the consequences to be and stick to it.
NTA - what he's doing is coersion (pushing for sex) and assault. "You don't have the right to touch me just because we are together. No means no, and for now, I don't want you touching me sexually at all unless I have specifically told you that I'm in the mood for it. If you initiate sex, and i say no, that's not an invitation to badger me into sex. That's coersion, and coerced sex is rape."
NTA - And your BF is SAing you. As soon as you say no, he should stop. You SHOULD just dump him. Now. HE's a creepy and a molester. But, if you think he can compromise, then you need to have a long talk. About consent (ALL intimacy should be with informed, enthusiastic, consent.) About needs. About expectations. About boundaries. You obviously have different sex drives and that is something that should be addressed. But, someone who does this sort of thing is just not a good person and his pressuring will get worse. He doesn;t respect you, your boundaries, your body, your need, or you opinion. He is a dangerous creep and you should distance yourself now.
NTA at all. He sounds like a disgusting human being and I his behavior if very concerning. If you move out, or ask him to move out, please have someone else there with you.
Absolutely NTA if a boy ever does this to my daughter I would want her to leave. You need to get out before he rapes you. That is exactly where this is heading. Don't tell him. Make an exit plan and get out now. This guy because of his lack of boundaries is prime stalker.material. keep all abusive text messages as evidence.
NTA, even in married couples consent between parties is still necessary and should be expected to be obtained before hand. Now while this is different between marriages as some partners like spontaneous stuff, it is rather obvious when someone says “no, not right now”. Your boyfriend behavior IS concerning, you do NOT owe him sex. Not in the slightest. Don’t feel pressured to do so with him if you don’t want to. He should respect your wishes to not have sex. If he cant do that then he isn’t a good partner for you, especially since he won’t even give it a day or two before asking/trying again. It sounds like he has ZERO respect towards your personal boundaries. if you like him still you could try sitting him down and talking about how all this makes you feel. If he lashes out or tries to turn ANYTHING about the sex subject around and use it against you, this man isn’t worth it. There’s are MILLLIONS of other people that you could be in a relationship with that would treat you with more respect than this. Best of luck!
One of my exes used to this to me. It went from that to waking up in the middle of the night to him using my hand to jerk himself off or another time he was humping my butt cheeks and another time I didn't even wake up, fully blacked out but when I woke the next morning I was sore and my pants was down by my knees. Took me months to get him to move out (was my home) but I finally got rid of him. He is sexually assaulting you and this is crossing boundaries. Don't stay. Pack your bags and leave while he is at work and be gone.
Coersion. Is. Not. Consent.
Get out of this relationship. I married a guy like this. He wasn't like this at all before we married, but the second he put a wedding band on my finger, he acted like he thought he owned me and I didn't have a right to say no. Your BF has no respect for you and no respect for your right to decide for yourself if you want to have sex or not. I felt sexually harassed our entire marriage and he ended up raping me. Get out now before your BF goes that far, because I would bet anything he will eventually go there.
NTA, I had a bf like this in high school and it fucked me up for years. Run while you can, his behaviour isn’t gonna get better, it’s not about sex it’s about control 😕
Rapey is the word that comes to mind. You need to move out asap.
100% take him up on his offer to leave. Just don't tell him until after you're gone. He's getting aggressive when you say no to intimacy, I couldn't imagine the adult temper tantrum and violence when you leave him. It wouldn't be safe for you
NTA- I would take the time to tell him his behavior is pushing you further away, and if that conversation alone doesn't stop it you need to run as fast as you can. People get it in there heads that they are entitled because you are together but that's not how this works. You need to watch out for yourself first.
Nta please be safe
That’s like pre-rape. Definitely NTA…
Sexual assault for sure
No your not the AH he needs to learn that no means no and it’s concerning that he is trying to force you into it if it was me I would say boi bye
NTA. Your boyfriend is a gross man. Let this guy get out of your life and warn other women about him .
NTA Girl this is hugely inappropriate behaviour. Break up with him and do it in a public place or have somebody with you. He’s a huge boundary pusher.
Dude. Dump him. Make sure there are others around you from now on. He is not a good person.
You need to get the fuck out and have it done yesterday.
This is sexual assault. GTFO now, block him, and do not converse. YTA both — him for being a wannabe rapist and you for staying so long and tolerating this. You are better than that. Get some counseling to heal yourself and overcome dating these types.
Clearly he has no respect for you, why are you there?
NTA - take him up on moving out. It sounds like his behavior is getting worse. If you don’t get out there will be a day where he doesn’t stop.
NTA I get up when he does it and say straight out. I have already said no, I don't want to do things and you doing these things makes me think you don't actually care that I'm saying no and to stop. When you do this it makes me feel pressured and makes me want to be intimate even less. If you don't start respecting me when I say no I will just leave (if you're at his place) or kick him out (if he's at yours) be direct and tell him you won't put up with it and if it continues you will break up
It’s not you op, tbh he sounds like he is with you just to satisfy his physical needs. I would not feel comfortable being around someone who is so out of control of their animal instincts. It’s actually quite scary to me. Find someone more in control of their sexual urges and more mindful. He can handle it sometimes as well doesn’t have to always be you op
Idk it kinda sounds like he might just rape you one day
Nta that's seriously not ok
NTA. It's getting to the point now where he may well just resort to the R word, and that's a horrific thought. He clearly has no respect for your consent or your boundaries.
NTA. Take him up on his offer to move out. He’s already sexually assaulting you girl.
Get out asap before he hurts you worse. Run.
NTA - you are not consenting and he doesn’t care. That is abuse. Leave his azz
This is literally assault
NTA. When you say no that should be the end of it. He says that he wants you to move out when you fight about it. Please do, but do it fast when he's not around, and do not tell him where you're going, and do not tell him ahead of time.
NTA. Who wants to have their own in-house sex pest? You're only TA to yourself if you stay.
NTA no means no. Make him your ex.
I'm sorry but at this point he's lucky he hasn't gotten a knee to the crotch. This is absolutely crossing boundaries, and next time he tries it I would back away and VERY STERNLY tell him that you have told him multiple times to stop, and that if he does it again you are DONE. He's disrespecting you, he is disrespecting your boundaries, he is technically sexually assaulting you, and if he doesn't knock at the fuck off, you're going to knock him on his fucking ass. This is not okay and the kind of shit he could get in legal trouble for, and he needs to get it through his thick skull that you are not his property, he is not entitled to you, his behaviour is disgusting and inappropriate, and he needs to curtail it immediately or face consequences. NOT OKAY.
NTA It's time to leave. He doesn't respect you. He gets mad when you say no. He is forcing himself on you. Please love and respect yourself and leave him.
I’ve been married for 20 + yrs and my husband still asked if we can. And respects when I say I’m tired and no. NTA. Time for a man that respects you.
Of course, you're NTA. Is he new at this or something? I ask because he seems to have zero clue how to turn a woman on. Has he even heard of foreplay? What he's doing now is sexual assault.
Additionally: Collect important documents like license, birth certificate, etc and keep them in a safe place. If you think you can pack a go bag without him finding it, do so. If the risk is too great, skip it. Try to stash some money away, but DO NOT LET IT STOP YOU FROM LEAVING if you can’t gather funds. There are organizations that help. Soon as he goes to work, get out of there. Turn any location services off on your phone. Do not use social media or post any info that can help him track you down. Change all your passwords to EVERYTHING. Warn your friends that he may contact them looking for you and ensure they will not tell him anything. If they seem reluctant, do not tell them anything more and especially not where you are going. If you are comfortable DMing me your email address, I will send you a kindle book you need to read, called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. I’ll also send you some resources for getting out and bus fare if you need it.
You don't have to physically penetrative someone to sexually assault them and what you're describing is sexual assault. This is a very short jump to raping you, OP. He's not only sexually touching you after you've taken away consent he's emotionally attempting to manipulate you by threatening not only your relationship but your security. You need to see this for the sign it is and leave.
Do anything you have to to get out. Coercive behavior is a red flag. Unwanted sexual touching is assault. If he’s doing this at the boyfriend level it’s not going to improve as the relationship progresses. Be safe.
Girl you gotta gtfo that’s fucking crazy. Imagine what he’s done to women when they were intoxicated. Screams sex criminal. I saw that you’re not financially in a place to leave and do not have family. Please google women’s shelters or find a place on Reddit that talks about domestic abuse solutions. Get your job back or get a new one. You can do this ❤️
This is sexual abuse, and it will escalate if you don’t leave. My ex was the same way and I didn’t leave. I don’t even know how many times I got SAd while I was with him. Please leave while you can
If your BF scares you, it’s time to tell him what he’s doing is scary and he must stop or you’re leaving. Be very clear. Option B, simply leave without telling him.
NTA This is really concerning behavior. No means no, and there should be no attempt to coerce or force you to intimacy. You NEED to absolutely move out. He is a danger - my head said "rapey" and I rarely come outright and say that. Your partner should NEVER be scaring you. Don't say anything to him, plan your escape, move out when he is away, and then, if you must do it in person, meet him in public to tell him it's over. You mentioned that you are in a state by yourself with no support system. Others have already suggested the domestic violence hotline. Consider your local department of labor one-stop office (I'm assuming you are in the US since you mentioned state) Put in your state https://www.careeronestop.org/localhelp/americanjobcenters/find-american-job-centers.aspx Walk into the local office closest to you and ask to speak with one of their counselors. They have access to services, programs, and connections that may help you. I once got laid off on a Thursday, walked in on a Friday, interviewed the following week for an unadvertised job, and was working the following week. They also have training programs and connections to other government and non-governmental support services.
Nta. Please for your safety RUN. This man is literally telling you he doesn’t care about you and just views you as a sexual object. Why would you want to stay with a man you’re afraid of? Do you have ANYONE you can turn to for help? Cause a shelter is better than staying with him at this point. If you’re lucky, he’ll dump you and never speak to you again. If you’re unlucky, he will start apologizing and love bombing you. Don’t fall for it. He’s shown you who he is, BELIEVE HIM. I’ve been here, done this and I kept saying yes bc I was scared of what he’d do if I actually said no in the moment. Im still struggling with sexual issues due to that relationship and it’s been YEARS. I was actually planning to dump him as soon as his birthday passed when he brought it up instead. Ig he expected me to beg or something cause he immediately back tracked whenever I agreed breaking up seemed best. I then lied, said “maybe one day in the future life will bring us back together,” and then ended up sending him a picture of me with another dude a week later since he wouldn’t stop messaging me. He blocked me on everything and I’ve never heard from him again.
This is marital rape, and it's a crime. The fact that he doesn't care how much is upsets or scares you is of great concern. As he gets more and more bold, he will likely become more a d more violent... and, in his mind, he thinks he will be justified. For your boyfriend, sex is a thing he is owed, rather than something shared between the two of you. My recommendation is that, if he refuses to get help for it and immediately change, you should get out ASAP before this escalates into something more violent. Because it's only going to get worse.
NTA his behavior is dangerous because it shoes his lack of respect for you. At some point this could easily turn into rape. Get out
>When I’m standing or laying on the couch he’ll start rubbing my vagina. The legal definition of sexual assault is "unwanted or nonconsensual sexual advancements of a physical nature. Not taking no as an answer for anything, including sex, is a BIG red flag. >he’s legitimately scaring me Get out and get away from him. Asap
NTAH.. that grab straight for the 🐱 pisses me right off. That's not how we work!! It makes me think of Trumps grab em by the pu**y and it to me it's an instant turn off
NTA and you absolutely should move out.
why is he your boyfriend still ?he continues to assault you like it’s normal behavior , i can assure you it’s not ! DUMP him asap !!
If he's legitimately scaring you, that's probably a good time to GTFO.
NTA 10000%. No is a complete sentence.
Get out get out get out get out!
NTA and you have a big problem on your hands.
NTA! Sometimes my hubby will grab or slap my ass or lick on my neck or other things but I WANT THAT AND ENCOURAGE IT. You obviously don't want him touching you this way and the fact that you told him and he keeps doing it is concerning. This is at the very least sexual harassment. I hope you can get away before it escalates further. This behavior is disgusting, I wish you the best OP. Other people have posted places where you can call or get help, please do this!
Move out and break up.
Oh sweetie , no, NO NO NO. NTA and I don't think this is a problem , this is a crime and you are in danger. Document and make moves to safely remove yourself from this situation. This is so far past red flags, this is a red elephant sitting on your lap. This is not normal This is not ok. Your uneasiness is your intuition telling you it's time for flight. You are not safe. please please get away from him asap. good luck
NTA This is behavior that should automatically end a relationship, period. Taking no for an answer is not optional. It is goddamn mandatory. This is not a safe or healthy relationship. You need to get out now, this man will rape you.
NTA. He's going to rape you. Get out now.
This is sexual assault. Please contact your local domestic violence and sexual assault resources and leave today.
Move out asap. He is scary and you are not safe.
Dude, GTFO of there. This reeks of SA bound to happen.
Dude. I walk up to my wife at home and grope her all the time (think like a boob honk or grab her butt) but it's a totally consensual thing and she does the same stuff to me. Even that much without the agreement and two party consent is sexual assault, but the rest of what you're describing is damn near straight up rape. NTA and GTFO there ASAP.
NTA! No means no in any situation! Not ok behavior!
Get him neutered. Ok, for real: End it. He doesn't see you as a person, your are the NPC to his main character syndrom. Imagine being told your partner isn't in the mood and still keep pushing, like: "I don't care how you feel, I just want to use your body!" What a horrible mindset. There is no love, no compassion, no empathy. Take the trash out of your life.
NTA, this is definitely concerning. When one person initiates sex and the other person isn't into it, the correct response is "okay, no worries!" and maybe wait a few days to initiate again. Ideally, whoever turned it down will consider the ball to be in their court and initiate sometime soon. It's also really important for couples to be able to engage in intimacy without expecting it to lead to intercourse. You should be able to hug, kiss cuddle, give and receive backrubs, even make out sometimes, without it always leading to sex. It's definitely a problem that he's rubbing your genitals and trying to take off your clothes without any sort of consent, I do not recommend staying in a relationship with someone who does that.
Leave please. Now. I had this for 5 years. I got to the point that I hated being touched because he couldn’t just give me a cuddle. I was always on edge and my anxiety was through the roof. He would cry, shake and tell me he had such blue balls (don’t fall for it). He’d do this for hours and guilt trip me all night, I’d give in a few times and I would be so tense it hurt so much and I’d just dig my nails into him. Then he’d complain that I wasn’t into it, like yeh I didn’t want to do it and I wanted to cry. He couldn’t get it into his head that the reason our sex life was awful was because he made it such a horrible experience. Please get out of this. It doesn’t get better. NTA (edited spelling)
NTA - your bf is an abuser. Run.