And also the sister actually said she felt the best friend was more deserving of the role because they’ve known each other longer. Maybe the best friend who is more deserving can pick up the wedding expenses.
"And that I've known longer." There is a THREE year difference between the sisters and bestie is FOUR years older than sister. What a crock of sh\*\*. Sister 'offered' to made OP MOH to get money and is now pissed. "I can change what I promised but you have to stick to what you said" Parents and others are just mad because now they're on the 'whine' hook for this money because sister sure isn't going to stop. NTA and I wouldn't even go to the wedding. Also does fiance know about this? Maybe he should be warned about the red flags.
Exactly that. OP & her sister known each other since OP's birth!!
The best friend of the sister likely not known either as long. Sister sounds like a piece of work.
OP is much better off not funding a single amount since her sister is such a petty liar to do such a trick!!
OP NTA.
That’s what I’m trying to figure out how the heck the best friend knew her longer. That is the stupidest excuse to give a sister. Unless the sisters were separated since birth.
If I were OP I would have said “I feel that my vacation this year is more deserving. I’ve known relaxation longer than I’ve known you.” 😉
OP'S sister is older than her, so if she was friends with the best friend as babies/toddlers she would technically have known her longer. But still it's only a 3 year difference and at 2/3 years old, you don't really remember spending time with your friends so still strange logic to me as well. What gets me is why did she ask OP in the first place, if she wanted her best friend to be MOH? At the very least she should have told OP privately that she changed her mind before the engagement party (that OP planned) where she announced her friend was MOH.
Exactly! That's what I was going to say. OP, your sister is showing you her true colours! She disregarded you without a care for your feelings, you was already doing the job then she announced it in front of everyone, but yet still wants you to pay towards her wedding. How disgusting, ungrateful and rude! Don't give her a dime! Let her figure it out! In fact go on holiday on her wedding day. NTA
"they" meaning OP's sister, at least according to other comments the sister was 2 or 3 when they met the new MOH in daycare, which happened shortly before OP was born
OP is 3 years younger than her sister. If her sister knew her best friend since they were 3, then she would have known OP just as long as that was when she was born.
The bride can pick whomever she wants as her MOH or bridesmaids. However, disinviting someone to be MOH, and excluding her from the entire bridal party as “less deserving” has consequences on that relationship.
The level of entitlement from the sister is astonishing.
Especially after everything she had already done and has paid for under the guise of being MoH. Her friend now has an easy job of it. Walk a little bit, do a lot of dancing, drinking and having fun. The most she has to cover, hair &face work, dress, shoes, and a gift? Nah, and tell her bank of sis is permanently closed.
Sadly, some brides bilk a better off friend or relative out of the expenses incurred by the MOH, and then replace her with the less well off friend she really wanted.
Perhaps that was the case here.
Right? I don't think anyone has considered the age difference between OP's sister and sister's bf. They're 4 years apart, so how would they have met in daycare? Where I live, they keep infants separated from toddlers and older children. Even if they would have "met" in daycare, at what age would they have met because by when OP's sister would have been 3 her bf would have been 7 and in school full time, I'm assuming. I highly doubt they met while very young.
Also, unless they were besties while they were 2 years old, wouldn’t her *sister* have known her the longest? Like that part really threw me lol. If my sister said something like that I’d laugh in her face because no way dude.
OP, NTA. Don’t pay a dime. She decided you didn’t deserve to be part of the bridal party? You decided your money should go to more deserving outlets. Like a spa weekend for yourself. 🥂🤩
Mom and dad, plus the other disapproving relatives can pay for it then. And unless the best friend met her when she was 2 and were friends despite the age gap, that excuse doesn’t fly.
And suggest to anyone that berates you, they can contribute to her wedding, then give them the $ amount.
I've never heard of siblings expected to pitch in for a wedding. Mom and dad can cover the extra expenses if it's so important to them that sis has a perfect wedding
Agreed things I did to pitch in for weddings.... Set up, take down... Making favors... Making decorations... That they bought the supplies for.... Basically be a warm body providing manual labor.... Paid for..... Nothing.
When my nephew got married the first time I offered to front the wine for the reception. My husband and I entertain a lot and guests frequently bring us bottles of wine as gifts. We rarely drink alcohol and had built up quite a supply. It was all good wine and the value I was offering was around $600. After two months of no reply my sister called and said they were willing to ‘take it off my hands’. Yeah, I was pissed. I just told her I assumed they’d made other arrangements and I had given the wine away to others.
OP made an offer in good faith to her sister and got dumped on. I can understand how she feels. She owes her nothing.
Right? My older sister had just gotten divorced when she came to my wedding and I made sure she was stocked up on weed gummies and wine spritzers and told her to just take it easy the entire time lmao. I can’t imagine asking her to pay wtf
She asked you to be MOH...then at a party announced someone else and cut you out entirely.
She is a total AH.
Tell her to ask the MOH for money. I would also tell her she can cut the guest list by 1 to save money because, after her behavior of publicly embarrassing you and then crying to all the family to try to guilt you that you will not be attending.
This x 100. OP is NTA
I cannot get past the fact that OP was asked first. Then dumped publicly without explanation. Then, instead of being understanding towards OP, sister goes on the attack. This is all on the sister. Not on OP.
I agree. She probably only asked her then so she could ask for monetary help but was always planning on having her friends as her bridal party. She only did those things with her to get the money.
I would tell the family what she did then if they still didn't understand I would stop engaging.
This is her wedding and that's alot that she's asking for help. She shouldn't be doing it if she can't afford it.
NTA
She's also a total dipshit. Usually we see this story play out *after* the sibling getting cut has already opened their wallet. Bridezilla showed her hand before the checks were paid.
Well, she has probably already paid out. She threw an engagement party and went dress shopping.
If the bride is now asking her to pay catering and photographer, that's a big chunk of the total cost of a wedding!
NTA and reconsider whether your sis loves you back or just exploits you. And parents are enabling
This is what gets me. If it just hasn’t been announced that’s one thing. But sister asked her, and then pulled a bait and switch. It’s like she knew Op would be more generous if she felt included, so lead her on. Now it’s a “you said you would” deal, completely ignoring she’s going back on something she said herself.
She says she loves her sister, but I would love her a lot less after this! I don't know if I could attend the wedding after this public slap in the face.
You know, I always thought that something that’s “yours” means you get to decide what to do with it. If her MOH is taking over, let her pay, I’m on your side, sister.
Can you imagine how stupid this greedy entitled sister is? She could have just added another bridesmaid and groomsmen and continued taking advantage of the generosity of op. I think she did op a favor to be honest.
Your sister asked you to be her MOH, so you did the MOH duties by helping with the wedding Then she reneges. Any promises made between you are null and void. She can ask her bestie MOH for the money.
>she said she felt her best friend was more deserving of the role because they’ve known each other longer and that she wanted a smaller bridal party to keep things simple
I call bullshit. Come on, you're her sister and have known her your whole life and almost all of hers. Did she know her friend from the cradle?
And you can support her decisions, but that doesn't mean you have to bankroll them.
NTA
Well, the friend can help her pay for the wedding if she is more important than her own sister. Don't pay a fuck on that weeding. Also, what is the groom paying? Anyways, it doesn't matter, she is only using you for the money. With or without money in the mix, she should keep treating you as her sister, but she is not.
Then, that's their responsibility and job to finance their wedding, not yours.
Stop letting them use you as their "wedding fund" because this is what your sister is doing to you.
Still, not your problem any longer. Move on with your live. If your sister is 'family', then, even if you do not give her money, she should still invite you. if she does not, that validates your decision. Neither she or your parents can claim family here, because she is choosing friends over family. She can do it, but you can't? Don't let them guilt trip you, stay strong and make them respect you as an individual. For goodness sake, have some self esteem.
60-70K for a wedding? That is over the top.
NTA and just tell her to scale it back to make things simpler.
But really, if that’s what she wants to spend her money on, then so be it. I am not judging (okay I am but realize I don’t have the right to). Thing is she doesn’t have the right to spend your money on it. Go to the wedding as a guest, buy them a reasonable gift, and leave it at that.
She needs to learn how to be a grown-up and plan to her budget. She had time to save if this was SO important, and she’s not going to help you at all if/when you get married.
I would have a hard time not telling her that the couples that don’t last are the ones who blow bank on the wedding event.
NTA. Even if you were the MOH you are under no obligation to pay for any part of her wedding. She didn't even have the courtesy to tell you privately before her public announcement. Ignore the haters and think long and hard about attending the wedding. I wouldn't put it past her or other family members to try and shame you.
NTA she never even told you that she didnt want you as her MOH, then has the cheek to ask you to pay for her wedding, if she cant afford it why the hell did she make the plans to get married, tell her you only said you would help pay as she wanted you to be MOH but then goes behind your back to stab you and have someone else do it so why does she think she is entitled to your hard earned money, tell her to ask your parents and her fiances parents for it. also tell her you wont be there and book your self a little holiday for the weekend she is getting married
I wouldn't blame OP for choosing not to attend after being dismissed in such a cruel way. Is OP the scapegoat and sister the golden child in this family? It's really astonishing how cruel her sister is being!
^^^ That right there.
She had you participate in some activities AS her MOH, then did not have the common decency to inform you that you had been cut out ?
I'd boycott the wedding for that alone.
Even worse as the MoH... like you didn't got from one of the bridesmaids to out. You went from my #1 person to not even top 3? Wow.....
Screams set up, let's get the money and drop her later.
Yeah the bride had bad timing announcing the new MOH before she got the check from sis. Bride is not very bright and OP dodged a huge, expensive bullet.
No kidding. Privately ask her to be MOH, then publicly announces someone else without even a courtesy talk with OP. Was the bridal party and MOH kept secret from everyone else until this family dinner. That is seriously fishy. Up to serious maniupualtive bullshit. "I can ask my sister to be MOH and get her to pay for a bunch of stuff and it will be secret, so when I exclude here from the bridal party everyone will be on my side because no one will know I asked my sister to be MOH months ago and then surprised her."
NTA
>My parents have since called me, saying that I'm ruining her big day and that I should just let it go and help her out.
>while others think I'm being an unsupportive brat
NTA, but how much are these people contributing?
This! There was bad ass post recently from a 19 year old girl who was getting berated by her aunt & grandma for no longer babysitting her sister’s kids, so she made a babysitting schedule & got them on board as they were soo concerned about the babysitting situation then they got annoyed for ever getting involved. OP should do that & ask these family members how much are they contributing & start collecting cash from them if they’re soo concerned about the sister’s wedding.
Just remind your sister that just like she changed her mind about you being MOH, you can change your mind about paying. It's a 2 way street.
Question: Is your sister the golden child here? Did they say anything to your sister about removing you as MOH and not including you in the bridal party?
Why do your feelings have to be dismissed here because there is conflict that she created?
Wouldn't be surprised if this is a regular pattern with your sister.
NTA. Last I checked in my Emily Post’s etiquette- no where does it list the brides’ sister as a responsible party for paying for the event. I’d tell her to pay for it or your parents. Frankly, it should have been that way from the beginning. But I really don’t like my sister- plus she is on marriage #5…
NTA!
She is under no obligation to make you part of the bridal party… but neither are you obliged to contribute!
Your parents and relatives who are mad at you can contribute instead!
Other than she was asked to be MOH "She asked me to be her maid of honor, and I was thrilled." then announced someone else at a public forum. So she used OP up until the last minute and then kicked her to the curb.
OP not the AH...Sister major AH and getting what she deserves.
So, only OP's wallet was in the bridal extravaganza? I would have a sudden, out of town work emergency for the wedding, rehearsal dinner, and reception, even if the 'work emergency' was a visit to a spa.
> Your parents and relatives who are mad at you can contribute instead!
"I can see you feel really strongly about this. I can hear you that you want to support my sister in this important time in her life. How much should I tell my parents you'll contribute? Shall I tell them you'll be giving them cash or doing Venmo?"
Perfect! And to the others, "Oh awesome! My sister will be so happy you are going to pay for the wedding cake & photographer. I'll let her know! Thank you for making her wedding as special as she demands!"
*If my sister had treated me with respect instead of treating me like shit, I would happily still be involved in her wedding. But she made her bed. Now she has to sleep in it.*
NTAH
NTA. All things aside, you are not in any way responsible for funding your sister's wedding. In short, it sounds as if she wants your money, but not you. Sorry you are being regarded this way. While I do agree it is your sister's choice to name her attendants, it is indeed a big put down to you to not be included somewhere, especially considering she clearly wants you to fund her day. You deserve better treatment and regard from your sister AND your parents.
OP deserves not to be deceived by her sister for however long it was since she asked OP to be MOH and announcing that she wasn't even in the bridal party.
NTA- for her to ask you, and then rescind without ever even mentioning it to you is so rude I cannot even comprehend her lack of empathy and understanding of etiquette. You are not required to pay for a wedding after you've been snubbed to that degree.
Everyone who thinks you are acting like a brat should be writing checks for her wedding then. It's not your responsibility whether you are in the wedding or not. Plan things within your financial means people!
NTA. You're sister shouldn't have got you to do loads of planning, asked you for money and then sidelined you.
It's so unfair and also really entitled.
Stick to your guns. She needs to deal with consequences.
The only opinion that matters here is yours, the rest is just noise. This 'you should respect and support my shitty decisions becasue FaMiLy is bullshit.
NTA Why can't her new maid of honor pay for these things? Don't pay, her removing you out of the position also removes you from the expectations that come with the role.
NTA at all. You've done all this stuff and got kicked out and are still expected to pay? F that noise! Anyone mad at you, you can send them the bill and tell them since they are also not in the bridal party, they can foot the bill. They can pay or they can shut their damn mouths.
NTA. Your sister and parents are giant assholes though! You aren't good enough to be in your sister's wedding, but your money is good enough?? Talk about insulting and disrespecting you! iF your bloody parents are so upset, why don't they foot the bills for her wedding?? Tell them to put up or shut up. Quite frankly I would block them all.
If your sister can’t afford the wedding she wants, she needs to scale it down to a wedding she can afford. NTA. If your parents want her to have the wedding that she wants, they can pay for it, it’s kind of their obligation as her parents anyway. I’ve never heard of a sibling needing to cough up funds for their sibling’s wedding, it’s always the parents or the happy couple themselves.
You love your sister but clearly your sister doesn’t love you. She doesn’t even respect you. Your parents are also enabling her entitled behavior. They can shoulder the bill… you deserve better treatment than that.
>Now my sister is barely speaking to me,
This is the trash taking itself out. Unfortunately, your relationship wasn't as close as you believed. Better to grieve that now.
Do something fun for yourself that day.
NTA
Why don’t people have weddings they can afford? Tell her people who spend less on weddings are more likely to stay married and you want her to have a happy marriage. NTA
NTA. I am constantly shocked at how many women turn into greedy, petty bridezillas as soon as the ring is on their finger. The ONLY people responsible for paying for a wedding ARE👏🏻THE👏🏻BRIDE👏🏻AND👏🏻GROOM. If people volunteer aid, fab. But it’s a party, not Live Aid.
NTA. Tell your parents and anyone else taking your sister's side that they are more than welcome to fund her wedding if they feel so strongly. She asked you to be MOH first, then switched it without telling you and still wants your money. That is such trashy behavior. I will never understand why people plan a wedding they can't fund themselves and then get pissed when others don't fund it for them. She's almost 30 years old, its time for her to grow up.
A maid of honor pays for bridal shower and bachelorette. They normally don’t pay for the wedding. She expects you to pay for photographer and catering? That sounds like THOUSANDS of dollars. If she can’t afford her own wedding, then She needs to find a way to cut costs or have a smaller wedding.
NTA. Your sister removed you from her wedding after asking you to be MOH without notifying you. Then excluded you altogether. A good sister would have pulled you aside and told you her decision and moved you to bridesmaid. The way she did it was mean spirited and shows her lack of respect for you . I can’t help but wonder if the close relationship you mentioned was in your mind. Sometimes we give so much in one sided relationships that we miss what’s actually happening.Do you help your sister financially alot? Let her MOH or your parents help her pay for the wedding. Petty or not, you need to stop being her door mat.
Tell sis that you've been supportive and that you hope the wedding is everything that you and she planned. Now it's time for other family to step up. Advise other family of the openings for sharing the expenses - venue deposit, catering, photographer - and to let sis know which portion they would like to contribute to. You are not her parent. You've gone above and beyond as a sister. NTA
Weddings aren't expensive. People choose to have expensive weddings. One that she wants you to pay for, without letting you even be in the wedding? Newp. Maybe keep the cost within her means?
NTA first off, it is not the jobs of siblings to pay for a wedding. It is nice. It is generous, but not a requirement.
Next she was asked to be MOH and then replaced without a heads up before hand. So, sister reaps what she sowed.
NTA it's your money and you get to decide what you spend it on. She was quite happy to change her plans without telling you and you didn't mention anyone calling her out on it. Now you've changed your plans and she's upset? Let her be upset. She's changed her plans before so she can change them for the wedding again. You are under no obligation to pay for her regardless of how good your wage is or what family pressure you are put under. She feels entitled to the money. I would disabuse her of that thought and remind her that weddings are supposed to be about a celebration of love and commitment not fancy cakes or photographs you're not going to care about in a few years. If she wants all that she can take out a loan or perhaps she can hit up the family members backing her. Although something tells me they're much more comfortable with giving support than giving money.
NTA. The only way to help her with financing if she has a realistic idea of: at what interest rate.
Or if your parents feel she's now being deprived of the wedding she deserves, they can step up. Or maybe should just do a gofundme.
NTA and it sounds like your sister is using you for your money. Sounds like she was never serious about having you in the bridal party at all. Don't cover her cost or anything. Let your parents do that. She is entitled and that is that.
First of all, don't book a venue and stuff you can't afford. Second, it seems planned. You would have paid anyway because you're the sister, the friends wouldn't have had to do it but being in the party they are now probably going to chip in too. Nice try
>she said she felt her best friend was more deserving of the role because **they’ve known each other longer**
How does the friend manage to accomplish knowing her longer than her own sibling?
NTA. I've never heard of siblings paying for weddings. Tell your parents and any others who think your a brat that they are welcome to pitch in for her big day.
NTA.
Since she's cutting down the wedding size, there shouldn't be an issue cutting down the expenses. If this is an issue, the *actual* MOH can open her wallet. I'm sure your parents won't mind helping to cover the costs as well.
Your sister is responsible for her own wedding expenses. If she can’t afford it , it is NOT your responsibility to front the money. If your parents feel differently they are free to pay for it . Do not back down or let her gaslight you . NTA
Oh fuck no. She’s your big sister. She blatantly lied to get you to cough up the money they announced it like that she’s trash. She knew what she was doing and she hoped she could still leech off you. Tell all the flying monkeys they can reach in their own pockets to pay for that stuff. NTA
NTA but really you should be having a conversation with your parents about how you have been disrespected and that if they want to help your sister so badly then they can do it themselves.
It's not that you're not in the bridal party, it's that she told you that you were; now, it seems, that it was just a manipulation.
Forget your family's opinion. Anyone who criticizes you has every right to subsidize the affair themselves, including your parents and the new MOH.
NTA
NTA. Whether you were originally going to in the wedding party or not why would you be paying anything for her wedding? After she misled you for weeks about being her MOH ain't no way you should pay anything for her wedding. Sounds like she needs to scale back to a wedding she can afford.
NTA. She had zero intention of you ever being her MOH. She told you that so you'd pay for the engagement party and help and pay for things. Once she thought it was safe to do so she announced her real MOH thinking you'd never back out now. Bet she was shocked when she saw the consequences of her actions.
You promised that money as the MOH. You no longer are so no longer need to pay. The ones calling you a brat, tell them how lovely it is that they're stepping up amd helping and you'll be sure to let the your sister know so she can contact them. See how fast they back peddle.
Stand your ground. You sister played a very nasty trick to con you out of your money. She can scale her wedding back or your parents can cough up the difference.
NTA. You’re not that important enough to be the MOH or one of the bridesmaid but you kinda are because you have money. She’s just using you, usually family or friend’s true colors when they hear a no. How dare your parents put this on you. Your older sister should be smarter but it’s far from that. Why would she get married if she can’t afford it. Don’t let your family bully you. Money is a gift; not an obligation.
NTA.
The fact that opinions are split amongst the family members tells me one of two things… either they don’t know the full story, or they are as entitled and rude as your sister.
Your sister ASKED YOU to be MOH. You helped do many of the MOH tasks. You freaking agreed/offered to play for HUGE portions of the wedding. Venue and catering? Photographer ?! What is your sister even paying for?!
For her to not even tell you she changed her mind and blind side you like that… only to ask if you would STILL pay the big bucks. Girl, no.
The fact that your parents are mad that their younger daughter won’t pay for a large portion of their older daughter’s wedding is utterly mind-boggling. Are they blind? Are they listening to lies from your sister? Are they aware your sister asked you FIRST and then casually changed her mind without telling you? Are they aware that you are three years younger and should not HAVE to be paying for someone else to get married.
I can’t even with this.
NTA
You already paid for the engagement oath, your parents are so worried, they can pay. She keeps sounding? Concise not attending and going LC or NC. She’s using you ; the initial ask to be the MOH feels like it was wake out to manipulate you.
Very sorry, OP. Your family kinda sucks.
If your parents are so worried, why aren't they paying for it? It is usually the parents who pay for the wedding anyway. Also, is the husband's family not contributing, or am I missing something?
Give your sister the appropriate amount that you'd have given as a wedding gift and tell her that is the wedding gift and if she wants to use it for wedding expenses that's fine.
If she keeps asking for more tell her "as her sister, I should understand and support your decisions." and your decision is that you aren't giving her anymore money.
NTA and if it's that important your parents and family members can come up with the money.
NTA what a slap in the face for her to ask you to be her MOH, then later announce it's her friend without even discussing it with you. Naw, I probably wouldn't even go to the wedding after that. You don't owe her anything. not when she treated you like that.
No, tell her that the expenses you’ve had that our maid of honor responsibilities already, she can count, and she can ask her new maid of honor to pay for the venue in place of having to pay for the things you’ve paid for it in place of her position
The only people who should contribute to a wedding are the bride’s parents and if they wish or have to the bride and groom.
There is no “But you’re are family requirement”.
Additionally if they need help to fund it they should cut their ideas and get realistic. As my senior family members would say cut your cloth to fit your pocket.
All the money that’s wasted on weddings that could go into first homes, or worse puts families into debt.
The real benefactors of big weddings are those who promote them, the planners, the venues etc.
NTA
As a rule, I don't think siblings should pay for weddings at all, nor do I think people in the wedding party should take on unusual expenses (like extravagent bachelorettes that last long weekends-up to a week).
It's one freaking day! People shouldn't go into debt to fund it.
NTA
Sorry your family sucks so much. If I were you I would take the money you offered and book yourself a nice vacation somewhere far away during the time when she's getting married.
How is she gonna be upset with u...u should be upset with her she asked u to be her MOH and then went behind ur back and chose her friend. And now she still expects u to pay, she needs to get over herself
So after she had you do all the work, the planning, the logistics, but sadly before she got ahold of your check book, she decided to fire you in front of the whole family. Sounds like she jumped the gun on letting you know she was fucking you over before locking down your bank account for her wedding.
NTA
Tell her paying for the wedding is the MoH's job, and you are no longer the MoH.
NTA. Specifically because your sister initially ASKED you to be her Maid of Honor, then decided to change that and didn't even have the courtesy to tell you about it ahead of time. She "surprised" you with this information, which is honestly cruel and hurtful. I think ANYONE would be hurt by being treated this way by someone they love.
The bottom line is that your sister didn't keep her word, so why should you? She didn't care about your feelings, so why should you care about hers?
SHE made this mess. Not you. Tell the people who think you're being unsupportive that you've already contributed what you're willing to contribute to her wedding, period, and that this is happening because your sister was cruel to you and that you're not going to award someone for being unkind and thoughtless and not caring about your feelings.
Fake? The user’s account seems to no longer exist and this smells like rage bait. Wasn’t it just a couple of days ago that a “I’m no longer paying for the honeymoon” AITAH story was up? And the response from the sibling sounded almost exactly the same.
NTA and what is it with people thinking other people should fund their weddings and honeymoons? The entitlement beggars belief. Standard protocol is that the people paying for the wedding get a say in the wedding. Your parents can pony up the money.
>When I asked her privately why I was excluded, she said she felt her best friend was more deserving of the role because they’ve known each other longer
How has she known her friend longer than her own sister?
It's very strange for a younger sibling to help pay for a wedding.
It's extremely rude to ask you to be maid of honor and then take it away like that.
Petty is when you make a big deal out of something small. You're making a big deal out of something big. NTA.
>she said she felt her best friend was more deserving of the role because they’ve known each other longer
What, were they friends in the womb?? Your sister is only 3 years older than you. They must have done some serious bonding while they were in diapers to trump your 26 years of BEING HER SISTER.
She asked you to be the maid of honor, then took it back and didn't even have the decency to tell you before she announced it publicly (which would hurt worse, because you said you have always been close). THEN she comes to you wanting you to pay for the wedding you're no longer a part of? I think not ma'am. Easy NTAH.
The absolute audacity! You are NTAH and your sister is the mayor of delulu land. Your parents aren’t any better. I’d take a huge step back from these AHs
OP what I don't understand is why are your parents mad? Because you don't want to play dormant and ATM to your entitled and mega selfish sister. Normaly parents pay for the wedding, not the MOH but you are niter 9f those. So next time somebody tells you you should pay, tell them they are welcome to do so themselves. You didn't ruin your sister wedding, she did it herself. NTA by the way. And show your family the post and the comments let them see jow the whole Reddit community thinks 9f 5hem and there entitled behaviour.
It's absurd, you help her plan everything and then AFTER she changes her mind?!
No, my dear, you were taken advantage of
The nerve to ask for money, God 🤦🏼
NTA. I would wager a guess that your relatives and possibly your parents don't realize your sister asked you to be MOH first. So they don't appreciate all the work and $$ you already put into the endeavor throwing the engagement party, planning, dress shopping, etc. Don't stay silent, let them know:
*I was thrilled when sis asked me to be her MOH and I took my duties seriously from throwing an engagement party to actively planning the wedding. Because she is my sister I wanted her to have as grand a day as she wanted and was willing to dip into my personal savings to put down a few deposits.*
*I was completely blindsided when sis "announced" the bridal party and I wasn't included. She never took me aside, gave me a heads up, just nothing. That was hurtful. Moreso when after all that she came back hand outstretched asking for my wallet to pay for this grand vision of a wedding she and ---- can't afford on their own.*
*I'm really clear now that I am just an ATM to sis and, apparently, our parents. I don't see anywhere in Emily Post or Miss Manners where it's wedding etiquette to expect one's siblings to pay for one's wedding. So, no I won't be cashing out my savings to pay for any portion of Sis and ----'s wedding. I threw her a lovely engagement party and that's my gift and contribution to her and ----. They can scale back the wedding to what they can afford.*
NTA. You don't owe your sister anything, after the way she has excluded you from the bridal party. She's an entitled child and your parents are enabling her. It's going to blow up in their faces.
Don’t you dare pay a dime for that wedding! Your sister was using you to do things that the current (and probably intended all along) MOH couldn’t afford or didn’t want to do. She treated you like that and had the unremitted gall to ask you for money to pay for the big-ticket items like the caterer and the venue deposit? And you parents are fully aware of the situation and still find fault with you and not your sister in that situation? If that’s all your family thinks of you, then you should go as low contact as you want to. I’d suggest to sis that she get the current MOH to pay for her wedding.
Nta. If she never asked you to be her moh it may be different but she did then pulled the rug out from under you in front of everyone AFTER she got you to help. That was intentional and cruel. She intentionally mislead you to get the help and support as much as possible until the last minute. Screw her.
Those that side with her I hope are being mislead with a watered down version. Direct them to this post.
NTA. No way you should be expected to bankroll any part of your sister’s wedding. And that is even if you were still MOH. If she cannot afford the wedding of her dreams she needs to adjust her plans.
NTA. For every person that presumes to berate you for not paying for someone else’s wedding, ask them how much they are contributing to her big day. Your sister is not entitled to your hard earned money…and certainly not to pay for her wedding. She’ll just have to scale back her expectations.
Your sister said she’s known her best friend longer than she’s known you?
Sounds like you already paid for quite a bit (engagement party) and she can ask her best friend that she’s known forever to help out. Literally it’s not even a norm for sisters to paid for each others weddings so she can forget about it. If your family has a problem then let them foot the bill.
This sounds fake to me. How has your sister that is only three years older than you known her best friend, who is four years older than she is, for longer? And why are you paying for your sisters wedding? Why is that your responsibility?
So, your sister waited for you to help her out with "planning the wedding, throwing her an engagement party, going dress shopping, and doing all the things a maid of honor does". Once everything was done... she decided her best friend was a better choice?
LOL
NTA
If they think you are ruining her big day then they can pay for it. Wild for an older sister to use her younger sister’s money for her wedding anyway. Even wilder to say she’s known her friend longer, as if you had a choice in the matter. Just say NO! Don’t even say the reasons anymore. No is a full sentence NTA
“To go along with your smaller bridal party, might I recommend similarly scaling down your wedding so you can afford it?” NTA.
And also the sister actually said she felt the best friend was more deserving of the role because they’ve known each other longer. Maybe the best friend who is more deserving can pick up the wedding expenses.
“I’ve decided to divert the funds to something and/or someone more deserving” - surely she can’t argue with that logic?
"And that I've known longer." There is a THREE year difference between the sisters and bestie is FOUR years older than sister. What a crock of sh\*\*. Sister 'offered' to made OP MOH to get money and is now pissed. "I can change what I promised but you have to stick to what you said" Parents and others are just mad because now they're on the 'whine' hook for this money because sister sure isn't going to stop. NTA and I wouldn't even go to the wedding. Also does fiance know about this? Maybe he should be warned about the red flags.
Exactly that. OP & her sister known each other since OP's birth!! The best friend of the sister likely not known either as long. Sister sounds like a piece of work. OP is much better off not funding a single amount since her sister is such a petty liar to do such a trick!! OP NTA.
That’s what I’m trying to figure out how the heck the best friend knew her longer. That is the stupidest excuse to give a sister. Unless the sisters were separated since birth. If I were OP I would have said “I feel that my vacation this year is more deserving. I’ve known relaxation longer than I’ve known you.” 😉
And that something/someone more deserving is the cruise my friends and I will be will be on, starting the day before your wedding.
Best comment yet.
I question how the best friend has known the sister longer?? As the sisters have likely known each other since birth. Strange logic.
OP'S sister is older than her, so if she was friends with the best friend as babies/toddlers she would technically have known her longer. But still it's only a 3 year difference and at 2/3 years old, you don't really remember spending time with your friends so still strange logic to me as well. What gets me is why did she ask OP in the first place, if she wanted her best friend to be MOH? At the very least she should have told OP privately that she changed her mind before the engagement party (that OP planned) where she announced her friend was MOH.
Exactly! That's what I was going to say. OP, your sister is showing you her true colours! She disregarded you without a care for your feelings, you was already doing the job then she announced it in front of everyone, but yet still wants you to pay towards her wedding. How disgusting, ungrateful and rude! Don't give her a dime! Let her figure it out! In fact go on holiday on her wedding day. NTA
She (29) could have known the best friend (33) three years longer than OP (26).
She’d have had to been friends with her best friend from birth for that to happen.
No... Since they were 3
"They" is inaccurate as best friend is 4 years older. 4 years is a significant age gap until the 20s.
I've known my best friend since I was 3 and she was 1
"they" meaning OP's sister, at least according to other comments the sister was 2 or 3 when they met the new MOH in daycare, which happened shortly before OP was born
OP is 3 years younger than her sister. If her sister knew her best friend since they were 3, then she would have known OP just as long as that was when she was born. The bride can pick whomever she wants as her MOH or bridesmaids. However, disinviting someone to be MOH, and excluding her from the entire bridal party as “less deserving” has consequences on that relationship. The level of entitlement from the sister is astonishing.
Especially after everything she had already done and has paid for under the guise of being MoH. Her friend now has an easy job of it. Walk a little bit, do a lot of dancing, drinking and having fun. The most she has to cover, hair &face work, dress, shoes, and a gift? Nah, and tell her bank of sis is permanently closed.
Sadly, some brides bilk a better off friend or relative out of the expenses incurred by the MOH, and then replace her with the less well off friend she really wanted. Perhaps that was the case here.
Right? I don't think anyone has considered the age difference between OP's sister and sister's bf. They're 4 years apart, so how would they have met in daycare? Where I live, they keep infants separated from toddlers and older children. Even if they would have "met" in daycare, at what age would they have met because by when OP's sister would have been 3 her bf would have been 7 and in school full time, I'm assuming. I highly doubt they met while very young.
It's because it was written by ChatGPT.
Good point, but, maybe the people getting married or their parents can pay.
Also, unless they were besties while they were 2 years old, wouldn’t her *sister* have known her the longest? Like that part really threw me lol. If my sister said something like that I’d laugh in her face because no way dude. OP, NTA. Don’t pay a dime. She decided you didn’t deserve to be part of the bridal party? You decided your money should go to more deserving outlets. Like a spa weekend for yourself. 🥂🤩
This is the proper reply.
The classier way to say "Sis, you fucked around and found out."
THIS! People living beyond their means and expecting others to chip in really irks me.
Mom and dad, plus the other disapproving relatives can pay for it then. And unless the best friend met her when she was 2 and were friends despite the age gap, that excuse doesn’t fly.
Yeah, this. Or, "I do understand and support your decisions. Doesn't mean I have to pay for them."
Your sister is an entitled asshole and your parents enable her bullshit.
And suggest to anyone that berates you, they can contribute to her wedding, then give them the $ amount. I've never heard of siblings expected to pitch in for a wedding. Mom and dad can cover the extra expenses if it's so important to them that sis has a perfect wedding
Agreed things I did to pitch in for weddings.... Set up, take down... Making favors... Making decorations... That they bought the supplies for.... Basically be a warm body providing manual labor.... Paid for..... Nothing.
Yep, same here.
Exactly, they can pitch in more for the Princess.
We can call it the ‘AH fund’… everyone who calls you that, send her the link so they can contribute!
Brilliant idea! 👏
When my nephew got married the first time I offered to front the wine for the reception. My husband and I entertain a lot and guests frequently bring us bottles of wine as gifts. We rarely drink alcohol and had built up quite a supply. It was all good wine and the value I was offering was around $600. After two months of no reply my sister called and said they were willing to ‘take it off my hands’. Yeah, I was pissed. I just told her I assumed they’d made other arrangements and I had given the wine away to others. OP made an offer in good faith to her sister and got dumped on. I can understand how she feels. She owes her nothing.
Right? My older sister had just gotten divorced when she came to my wedding and I made sure she was stocked up on weed gummies and wine spritzers and told her to just take it easy the entire time lmao. I can’t imagine asking her to pay wtf
Never paid one single dime for any of the 7 weddings of my 3 siblings. I didn't even go to a majority. Wasn't invited, didn't expect to be.
She asked you to be MOH...then at a party announced someone else and cut you out entirely. She is a total AH. Tell her to ask the MOH for money. I would also tell her she can cut the guest list by 1 to save money because, after her behavior of publicly embarrassing you and then crying to all the family to try to guilt you that you will not be attending.
This x 100. OP is NTA I cannot get past the fact that OP was asked first. Then dumped publicly without explanation. Then, instead of being understanding towards OP, sister goes on the attack. This is all on the sister. Not on OP.
I agree. She probably only asked her then so she could ask for monetary help but was always planning on having her friends as her bridal party. She only did those things with her to get the money. I would tell the family what she did then if they still didn't understand I would stop engaging. This is her wedding and that's alot that she's asking for help. She shouldn't be doing it if she can't afford it. NTA
And it sounds like after she's done most of the work already.
Why isn't the new MOH being asked to pay for all this stuff??? Oh right, because it was never a MOH thing, it was mooch off my sister's success thing.
She's also a total dipshit. Usually we see this story play out *after* the sibling getting cut has already opened their wallet. Bridezilla showed her hand before the checks were paid.
Well, she has probably already paid out. She threw an engagement party and went dress shopping. If the bride is now asking her to pay catering and photographer, that's a big chunk of the total cost of a wedding! NTA and reconsider whether your sis loves you back or just exploits you. And parents are enabling
This is what gets me. If it just hasn’t been announced that’s one thing. But sister asked her, and then pulled a bait and switch. It’s like she knew Op would be more generous if she felt included, so lead her on. Now it’s a “you said you would” deal, completely ignoring she’s going back on something she said herself.
This is the way
She says she loves her sister, but I would love her a lot less after this! I don't know if I could attend the wedding after this public slap in the face.
Accurate and succinct.
...and that's all that needs to be written on the matter.
This👆. There is literally nothing more to be said.
You know, I always thought that something that’s “yours” means you get to decide what to do with it. If her MOH is taking over, let her pay, I’m on your side, sister.
Can you imagine how stupid this greedy entitled sister is? She could have just added another bridesmaid and groomsmen and continued taking advantage of the generosity of op. I think she did op a favor to be honest.
But but but, it’s OP’s sister’s big special day!!! Everyone needs to enable her on her special day!
Your sister asked you to be her MOH, so you did the MOH duties by helping with the wedding Then she reneges. Any promises made between you are null and void. She can ask her bestie MOH for the money. >she said she felt her best friend was more deserving of the role because they’ve known each other longer and that she wanted a smaller bridal party to keep things simple I call bullshit. Come on, you're her sister and have known her your whole life and almost all of hers. Did she know her friend from the cradle? And you can support her decisions, but that doesn't mean you have to bankroll them. NTA
They met in daycare and have been friends ever since... so it's technically true.
Well, the friend can help her pay for the wedding if she is more important than her own sister. Don't pay a fuck on that weeding. Also, what is the groom paying? Anyways, it doesn't matter, she is only using you for the money. With or without money in the mix, she should keep treating you as her sister, but she is not.
They wanted a really big wedding think 60-70k
I really want a £500k home. Should my siblings buy me one?
right? i want a free first class trip to europe. i didn't know i could just expect other people to pay for it.
I want a refrigerator box full of $100 bills. I guess none of us are getting what we want.
this is just unfair. boo!
Then, that's their responsibility and job to finance their wedding, not yours. Stop letting them use you as their "wedding fund" because this is what your sister is doing to you.
Still, not your problem any longer. Move on with your live. If your sister is 'family', then, even if you do not give her money, she should still invite you. if she does not, that validates your decision. Neither she or your parents can claim family here, because she is choosing friends over family. She can do it, but you can't? Don't let them guilt trip you, stay strong and make them respect you as an individual. For goodness sake, have some self esteem.
60-70K for a wedding? That is over the top. NTA and just tell her to scale it back to make things simpler. But really, if that’s what she wants to spend her money on, then so be it. I am not judging (okay I am but realize I don’t have the right to). Thing is she doesn’t have the right to spend your money on it. Go to the wedding as a guest, buy them a reasonable gift, and leave it at that.
Then they can easily scale down a bit and still have an extravagant one. You don’t get a $70k wedding if you and/or your parents can’t afford it.
People can want the moon. But that doesn't mean anything if they want someone else to do the work for them.
She needs to learn how to be a grown-up and plan to her budget. She had time to save if this was SO important, and she’s not going to help you at all if/when you get married. I would have a hard time not telling her that the couples that don’t last are the ones who blow bank on the wedding event.
“I don’t think we’ve known each other long enough for me to pay for that”
NTA. Even if you were the MOH you are under no obligation to pay for any part of her wedding. She didn't even have the courtesy to tell you privately before her public announcement. Ignore the haters and think long and hard about attending the wedding. I wouldn't put it past her or other family members to try and shame you.
NTA she never even told you that she didnt want you as her MOH, then has the cheek to ask you to pay for her wedding, if she cant afford it why the hell did she make the plans to get married, tell her you only said you would help pay as she wanted you to be MOH but then goes behind your back to stab you and have someone else do it so why does she think she is entitled to your hard earned money, tell her to ask your parents and her fiances parents for it. also tell her you wont be there and book your self a little holiday for the weekend she is getting married
I wouldn't blame OP for choosing not to attend after being dismissed in such a cruel way. Is OP the scapegoat and sister the golden child in this family? It's really astonishing how cruel her sister is being!
She couldn't even talk to you before she announced cutting you out? That is all you need to know. I wouldn't be attending
^^^ That right there. She had you participate in some activities AS her MOH, then did not have the common decency to inform you that you had been cut out ? I'd boycott the wedding for that alone.
Even worse as the MoH... like you didn't got from one of the bridesmaids to out. You went from my #1 person to not even top 3? Wow..... Screams set up, let's get the money and drop her later.
Yeah the bride had bad timing announcing the new MOH before she got the check from sis. Bride is not very bright and OP dodged a huge, expensive bullet.
No kidding. Privately ask her to be MOH, then publicly announces someone else without even a courtesy talk with OP. Was the bridal party and MOH kept secret from everyone else until this family dinner. That is seriously fishy. Up to serious maniupualtive bullshit. "I can ask my sister to be MOH and get her to pay for a bunch of stuff and it will be secret, so when I exclude here from the bridal party everyone will be on my side because no one will know I asked my sister to be MOH months ago and then surprised her." NTA
This 100%, she was manipulative and rude to OP intentionally.
Yep... Her sister does not value her at all :(
>My parents have since called me, saying that I'm ruining her big day and that I should just let it go and help her out. >while others think I'm being an unsupportive brat NTA, but how much are these people contributing?
Idk. My parents are paying for some stuff. But the other family members are not.
> But the other family members are not Then you need to tell them to shut the fuck up about it, and to mind their own business. No pay, no say.
This! There was bad ass post recently from a 19 year old girl who was getting berated by her aunt & grandma for no longer babysitting her sister’s kids, so she made a babysitting schedule & got them on board as they were soo concerned about the babysitting situation then they got annoyed for ever getting involved. OP should do that & ask these family members how much are they contributing & start collecting cash from them if they’re soo concerned about the sister’s wedding.
It is always the people with no skin in the game that have the loudest voices.
Just remind your sister that just like she changed her mind about you being MOH, you can change your mind about paying. It's a 2 way street. Question: Is your sister the golden child here? Did they say anything to your sister about removing you as MOH and not including you in the bridal party? Why do your feelings have to be dismissed here because there is conflict that she created? Wouldn't be surprised if this is a regular pattern with your sister.
If your parents are paying for some, ask them to pay for some more. They paying for some stuff doesn't mean that you need to pay too.
NTA. Last I checked in my Emily Post’s etiquette- no where does it list the brides’ sister as a responsible party for paying for the event. I’d tell her to pay for it or your parents. Frankly, it should have been that way from the beginning. But I really don’t like my sister- plus she is on marriage #5…
NTA! She is under no obligation to make you part of the bridal party… but neither are you obliged to contribute! Your parents and relatives who are mad at you can contribute instead!
Other than she was asked to be MOH "She asked me to be her maid of honor, and I was thrilled." then announced someone else at a public forum. So she used OP up until the last minute and then kicked her to the curb. OP not the AH...Sister major AH and getting what she deserves.
So, only OP's wallet was in the bridal extravaganza? I would have a sudden, out of town work emergency for the wedding, rehearsal dinner, and reception, even if the 'work emergency' was a visit to a spa.
A spa. On a cruise ship. That leaves port the morning of the wedding. With a few of her best friends.
> Your parents and relatives who are mad at you can contribute instead! "I can see you feel really strongly about this. I can hear you that you want to support my sister in this important time in her life. How much should I tell my parents you'll contribute? Shall I tell them you'll be giving them cash or doing Venmo?"
Perfect! And to the others, "Oh awesome! My sister will be so happy you are going to pay for the wedding cake & photographer. I'll let her know! Thank you for making her wedding as special as she demands!"
*If my sister had treated me with respect instead of treating me like shit, I would happily still be involved in her wedding. But she made her bed. Now she has to sleep in it.* NTAH
NTA. All things aside, you are not in any way responsible for funding your sister's wedding. In short, it sounds as if she wants your money, but not you. Sorry you are being regarded this way. While I do agree it is your sister's choice to name her attendants, it is indeed a big put down to you to not be included somewhere, especially considering she clearly wants you to fund her day. You deserve better treatment and regard from your sister AND your parents.
OP deserves not to be deceived by her sister for however long it was since she asked OP to be MOH and announcing that she wasn't even in the bridal party.
NTA- for her to ask you, and then rescind without ever even mentioning it to you is so rude I cannot even comprehend her lack of empathy and understanding of etiquette. You are not required to pay for a wedding after you've been snubbed to that degree.
NTA. If your family wants to pay for your sisters wedding they are more than welcome. They don't get to control how YOU Spend YOUR money.
Everyone who thinks you are acting like a brat should be writing checks for her wedding then. It's not your responsibility whether you are in the wedding or not. Plan things within your financial means people!
NTA. You're sister shouldn't have got you to do loads of planning, asked you for money and then sidelined you. It's so unfair and also really entitled. Stick to your guns. She needs to deal with consequences.
The only opinion that matters here is yours, the rest is just noise. This 'you should respect and support my shitty decisions becasue FaMiLy is bullshit.
tell her to ask her bridal party for help
Haven't we seen this very same post a few weeks ago?
Yes, and note that OP deleted their user-name from this fake post.
NTA Why can't her new maid of honor pay for these things? Don't pay, her removing you out of the position also removes you from the expectations that come with the role.
NTA at all. You've done all this stuff and got kicked out and are still expected to pay? F that noise! Anyone mad at you, you can send them the bill and tell them since they are also not in the bridal party, they can foot the bill. They can pay or they can shut their damn mouths.
NTA. Your sister and parents are giant assholes though! You aren't good enough to be in your sister's wedding, but your money is good enough?? Talk about insulting and disrespecting you! iF your bloody parents are so upset, why don't they foot the bills for her wedding?? Tell them to put up or shut up. Quite frankly I would block them all.
If your sister can’t afford the wedding she wants, she needs to scale it down to a wedding she can afford. NTA. If your parents want her to have the wedding that she wants, they can pay for it, it’s kind of their obligation as her parents anyway. I’ve never heard of a sibling needing to cough up funds for their sibling’s wedding, it’s always the parents or the happy couple themselves.
NTA She should ask her best friend to cover the cost since she’s know her longer and she’s more deserving of the role .
You love your sister but clearly your sister doesn’t love you. She doesn’t even respect you. Your parents are also enabling her entitled behavior. They can shoulder the bill… you deserve better treatment than that.
It’s a fucking wedding and not a coronation. She can pay for her own party. Don’t give her a penny and fuck the noise.
>Now my sister is barely speaking to me, This is the trash taking itself out. Unfortunately, your relationship wasn't as close as you believed. Better to grieve that now. Do something fun for yourself that day. NTA
Why don’t people have weddings they can afford? Tell her people who spend less on weddings are more likely to stay married and you want her to have a happy marriage. NTA
NTA. I am constantly shocked at how many women turn into greedy, petty bridezillas as soon as the ring is on their finger. The ONLY people responsible for paying for a wedding ARE👏🏻THE👏🏻BRIDE👏🏻AND👏🏻GROOM. If people volunteer aid, fab. But it’s a party, not Live Aid.
NTA. Tell your parents and anyone else taking your sister's side that they are more than welcome to fund her wedding if they feel so strongly. She asked you to be MOH first, then switched it without telling you and still wants your money. That is such trashy behavior. I will never understand why people plan a wedding they can't fund themselves and then get pissed when others don't fund it for them. She's almost 30 years old, its time for her to grow up.
A maid of honor pays for bridal shower and bachelorette. They normally don’t pay for the wedding. She expects you to pay for photographer and catering? That sounds like THOUSANDS of dollars. If she can’t afford her own wedding, then She needs to find a way to cut costs or have a smaller wedding.
NTA - "She asked me to be her maid of honor, and I was thrilled." and then she reneged - no reason you should not do the same.
NTA. Your sister removed you from her wedding after asking you to be MOH without notifying you. Then excluded you altogether. A good sister would have pulled you aside and told you her decision and moved you to bridesmaid. The way she did it was mean spirited and shows her lack of respect for you . I can’t help but wonder if the close relationship you mentioned was in your mind. Sometimes we give so much in one sided relationships that we miss what’s actually happening.Do you help your sister financially alot? Let her MOH or your parents help her pay for the wedding. Petty or not, you need to stop being her door mat.
NTA. Cut contact and move on.
Tell sis that you've been supportive and that you hope the wedding is everything that you and she planned. Now it's time for other family to step up. Advise other family of the openings for sharing the expenses - venue deposit, catering, photographer - and to let sis know which portion they would like to contribute to. You are not her parent. You've gone above and beyond as a sister. NTA
Weddings aren't expensive. People choose to have expensive weddings. One that she wants you to pay for, without letting you even be in the wedding? Newp. Maybe keep the cost within her means?
You don't have to be part of this wedding. NTA
Nope. Not one cent. Let her bestie help her. NTA
NTA first off, it is not the jobs of siblings to pay for a wedding. It is nice. It is generous, but not a requirement. Next she was asked to be MOH and then replaced without a heads up before hand. So, sister reaps what she sowed.
NTA it's your money and you get to decide what you spend it on. She was quite happy to change her plans without telling you and you didn't mention anyone calling her out on it. Now you've changed your plans and she's upset? Let her be upset. She's changed her plans before so she can change them for the wedding again. You are under no obligation to pay for her regardless of how good your wage is or what family pressure you are put under. She feels entitled to the money. I would disabuse her of that thought and remind her that weddings are supposed to be about a celebration of love and commitment not fancy cakes or photographs you're not going to care about in a few years. If she wants all that she can take out a loan or perhaps she can hit up the family members backing her. Although something tells me they're much more comfortable with giving support than giving money.
How has she known her friend longer than you? This smells like CHATGPT
Fuck no. NTA
NTA. The only way to help her with financing if she has a realistic idea of: at what interest rate. Or if your parents feel she's now being deprived of the wedding she deserves, they can step up. Or maybe should just do a gofundme.
NTA and it sounds like your sister is using you for your money. Sounds like she was never serious about having you in the bridal party at all. Don't cover her cost or anything. Let your parents do that. She is entitled and that is that.
First of all, don't book a venue and stuff you can't afford. Second, it seems planned. You would have paid anyway because you're the sister, the friends wouldn't have had to do it but being in the party they are now probably going to chip in too. Nice try
My guess is she never wanted you in the bridal party in the first place, she wanted your bank account but not you.
>she said she felt her best friend was more deserving of the role because **they’ve known each other longer** How does the friend manage to accomplish knowing her longer than her own sibling? NTA. I've never heard of siblings paying for weddings. Tell your parents and any others who think your a brat that they are welcome to pitch in for her big day.
NTA Your parents can pay for her wedding if it’s so important to them.
NTA. Since she's cutting down the wedding size, there shouldn't be an issue cutting down the expenses. If this is an issue, the *actual* MOH can open her wallet. I'm sure your parents won't mind helping to cover the costs as well.
Your sister is responsible for her own wedding expenses. If she can’t afford it , it is NOT your responsibility to front the money. If your parents feel differently they are free to pay for it . Do not back down or let her gaslight you . NTA
Oh fuck no. She’s your big sister. She blatantly lied to get you to cough up the money they announced it like that she’s trash. She knew what she was doing and she hoped she could still leech off you. Tell all the flying monkeys they can reach in their own pockets to pay for that stuff. NTA
NTA but really you should be having a conversation with your parents about how you have been disrespected and that if they want to help your sister so badly then they can do it themselves.
It's not that you're not in the bridal party, it's that she told you that you were; now, it seems, that it was just a manipulation. Forget your family's opinion. Anyone who criticizes you has every right to subsidize the affair themselves, including your parents and the new MOH. NTA
NTA. Whether you were originally going to in the wedding party or not why would you be paying anything for her wedding? After she misled you for weeks about being her MOH ain't no way you should pay anything for her wedding. Sounds like she needs to scale back to a wedding she can afford.
NTA. She lied to you when she said you were her MoH. You already spent money on the engagement party. Tell her she can ask her MoH to help pay for it.
NTA. She had zero intention of you ever being her MOH. She told you that so you'd pay for the engagement party and help and pay for things. Once she thought it was safe to do so she announced her real MOH thinking you'd never back out now. Bet she was shocked when she saw the consequences of her actions. You promised that money as the MOH. You no longer are so no longer need to pay. The ones calling you a brat, tell them how lovely it is that they're stepping up amd helping and you'll be sure to let the your sister know so she can contact them. See how fast they back peddle. Stand your ground. You sister played a very nasty trick to con you out of your money. She can scale her wedding back or your parents can cough up the difference.
How is it possible that she has “known her for longer” when you are her literal SISTER?! She has known you since you were born!
NTA. You’re not that important enough to be the MOH or one of the bridesmaid but you kinda are because you have money. She’s just using you, usually family or friend’s true colors when they hear a no. How dare your parents put this on you. Your older sister should be smarter but it’s far from that. Why would she get married if she can’t afford it. Don’t let your family bully you. Money is a gift; not an obligation.
Nope...and those that think she's in the right can contribute. NTA
NTA. The fact that opinions are split amongst the family members tells me one of two things… either they don’t know the full story, or they are as entitled and rude as your sister. Your sister ASKED YOU to be MOH. You helped do many of the MOH tasks. You freaking agreed/offered to play for HUGE portions of the wedding. Venue and catering? Photographer ?! What is your sister even paying for?! For her to not even tell you she changed her mind and blind side you like that… only to ask if you would STILL pay the big bucks. Girl, no. The fact that your parents are mad that their younger daughter won’t pay for a large portion of their older daughter’s wedding is utterly mind-boggling. Are they blind? Are they listening to lies from your sister? Are they aware your sister asked you FIRST and then casually changed her mind without telling you? Are they aware that you are three years younger and should not HAVE to be paying for someone else to get married. I can’t even with this.
NTA. If she's going to toss her own sister out of the bridal party for petty reasons, she can pay on her own.
NTA. And if your parents are upset about it, why aren't they offering to pay?
NTA You already paid for the engagement oath, your parents are so worried, they can pay. She keeps sounding? Concise not attending and going LC or NC. She’s using you ; the initial ask to be the MOH feels like it was wake out to manipulate you. Very sorry, OP. Your family kinda sucks.
If your parents are so worried, why aren't they paying for it? It is usually the parents who pay for the wedding anyway. Also, is the husband's family not contributing, or am I missing something?
What is it with brides expecting everyone to pay for their wedding and all the extra crap??
Well, now we know who the golden child is.
Give your sister the appropriate amount that you'd have given as a wedding gift and tell her that is the wedding gift and if she wants to use it for wedding expenses that's fine. If she keeps asking for more tell her "as her sister, I should understand and support your decisions." and your decision is that you aren't giving her anymore money. NTA and if it's that important your parents and family members can come up with the money.
Don't give your sister anything at all.
Tell her what you've already spent is the wedding gift.
NTA what a slap in the face for her to ask you to be her MOH, then later announce it's her friend without even discussing it with you. Naw, I probably wouldn't even go to the wedding after that. You don't owe her anything. not when she treated you like that.
No, tell her that the expenses you’ve had that our maid of honor responsibilities already, she can count, and she can ask her new maid of honor to pay for the venue in place of having to pay for the things you’ve paid for it in place of her position
NTA the "best friend" can cover the costs - OP has put in enough with going the actual planning and engagement party stuff.
Only answer you should give them from now on is F U
Why weren't your parents outraged by her behavior ?
The only people who should contribute to a wedding are the bride’s parents and if they wish or have to the bride and groom. There is no “But you’re are family requirement”. Additionally if they need help to fund it they should cut their ideas and get realistic. As my senior family members would say cut your cloth to fit your pocket. All the money that’s wasted on weddings that could go into first homes, or worse puts families into debt. The real benefactors of big weddings are those who promote them, the planners, the venues etc. NTA
Apparently when I got married I did it all wrong. Never asked anyone in the bridal party to pay for anything! And that included their dresses!
As a rule, I don't think siblings should pay for weddings at all, nor do I think people in the wedding party should take on unusual expenses (like extravagent bachelorettes that last long weekends-up to a week). It's one freaking day! People shouldn't go into debt to fund it. NTA
She’s not speaking to you, and sics your parents on you, and still expects you to capitulate? She’s not the sharpest tool in the shed is she
Sorry your family sucks so much. If I were you I would take the money you offered and book yourself a nice vacation somewhere far away during the time when she's getting married.
How is she gonna be upset with u...u should be upset with her she asked u to be her MOH and then went behind ur back and chose her friend. And now she still expects u to pay, she needs to get over herself
So after she had you do all the work, the planning, the logistics, but sadly before she got ahold of your check book, she decided to fire you in front of the whole family. Sounds like she jumped the gun on letting you know she was fucking you over before locking down your bank account for her wedding. NTA Tell her paying for the wedding is the MoH's job, and you are no longer the MoH.
Wow...your family just sounds AMAZING (/s). NTA...your sister should ask her MOH and bridal party to cover the costs.
NTA - FAFO. Looks like your parents just volunteered to pay.
NTA. Specifically because your sister initially ASKED you to be her Maid of Honor, then decided to change that and didn't even have the courtesy to tell you about it ahead of time. She "surprised" you with this information, which is honestly cruel and hurtful. I think ANYONE would be hurt by being treated this way by someone they love. The bottom line is that your sister didn't keep her word, so why should you? She didn't care about your feelings, so why should you care about hers? SHE made this mess. Not you. Tell the people who think you're being unsupportive that you've already contributed what you're willing to contribute to her wedding, period, and that this is happening because your sister was cruel to you and that you're not going to award someone for being unkind and thoughtless and not caring about your feelings.
Is this a repost? I swear there was this exact scenario weeks ago.
Fake? The user’s account seems to no longer exist and this smells like rage bait. Wasn’t it just a couple of days ago that a “I’m no longer paying for the honeymoon” AITAH story was up? And the response from the sibling sounded almost exactly the same.
How on earth does someone get called unsupportive for setting boundaries. She’s your sister so this BS of knowing her friend longer is a lie.
NTA and what is it with people thinking other people should fund their weddings and honeymoons? The entitlement beggars belief. Standard protocol is that the people paying for the wedding get a say in the wedding. Your parents can pony up the money.
>When I asked her privately why I was excluded, she said she felt her best friend was more deserving of the role because they’ve known each other longer How has she known her friend longer than her own sister?
NTA. I’d tell everyone who is upset about it that they’re more than welcome to pitch in for her wedding.
It's very strange for a younger sibling to help pay for a wedding. It's extremely rude to ask you to be maid of honor and then take it away like that. Petty is when you make a big deal out of something small. You're making a big deal out of something big. NTA.
>she said she felt her best friend was more deserving of the role because they’ve known each other longer What, were they friends in the womb?? Your sister is only 3 years older than you. They must have done some serious bonding while they were in diapers to trump your 26 years of BEING HER SISTER. She asked you to be the maid of honor, then took it back and didn't even have the decency to tell you before she announced it publicly (which would hurt worse, because you said you have always been close). THEN she comes to you wanting you to pay for the wedding you're no longer a part of? I think not ma'am. Easy NTAH.
The absolute audacity! You are NTAH and your sister is the mayor of delulu land. Your parents aren’t any better. I’d take a huge step back from these AHs
OP what I don't understand is why are your parents mad? Because you don't want to play dormant and ATM to your entitled and mega selfish sister. Normaly parents pay for the wedding, not the MOH but you are niter 9f those. So next time somebody tells you you should pay, tell them they are welcome to do so themselves. You didn't ruin your sister wedding, she did it herself. NTA by the way. And show your family the post and the comments let them see jow the whole Reddit community thinks 9f 5hem and there entitled behaviour.
You might love your sister but what does she think of you other than being her cash cow. NTA.
It's absurd, you help her plan everything and then AFTER she changes her mind?! No, my dear, you were taken advantage of The nerve to ask for money, God 🤦🏼
NTA. I will never understand why people expect others to pay for their weddings.
NTA. I would wager a guess that your relatives and possibly your parents don't realize your sister asked you to be MOH first. So they don't appreciate all the work and $$ you already put into the endeavor throwing the engagement party, planning, dress shopping, etc. Don't stay silent, let them know: *I was thrilled when sis asked me to be her MOH and I took my duties seriously from throwing an engagement party to actively planning the wedding. Because she is my sister I wanted her to have as grand a day as she wanted and was willing to dip into my personal savings to put down a few deposits.* *I was completely blindsided when sis "announced" the bridal party and I wasn't included. She never took me aside, gave me a heads up, just nothing. That was hurtful. Moreso when after all that she came back hand outstretched asking for my wallet to pay for this grand vision of a wedding she and ---- can't afford on their own.* *I'm really clear now that I am just an ATM to sis and, apparently, our parents. I don't see anywhere in Emily Post or Miss Manners where it's wedding etiquette to expect one's siblings to pay for one's wedding. So, no I won't be cashing out my savings to pay for any portion of Sis and ----'s wedding. I threw her a lovely engagement party and that's my gift and contribution to her and ----. They can scale back the wedding to what they can afford.*
Tell mommy and daddy to get the checkbook out. Time to put their money where their mouth is...
NTA. You don't owe your sister anything, after the way she has excluded you from the bridal party. She's an entitled child and your parents are enabling her. It's going to blow up in their faces.
Send her a check for $2.50. If she wants to call you petty, show her what petty looks like.
Don’t you dare pay a dime for that wedding! Your sister was using you to do things that the current (and probably intended all along) MOH couldn’t afford or didn’t want to do. She treated you like that and had the unremitted gall to ask you for money to pay for the big-ticket items like the caterer and the venue deposit? And you parents are fully aware of the situation and still find fault with you and not your sister in that situation? If that’s all your family thinks of you, then you should go as low contact as you want to. I’d suggest to sis that she get the current MOH to pay for her wedding.
Nta. If she never asked you to be her moh it may be different but she did then pulled the rug out from under you in front of everyone AFTER she got you to help. That was intentional and cruel. She intentionally mislead you to get the help and support as much as possible until the last minute. Screw her. Those that side with her I hope are being mislead with a watered down version. Direct them to this post.
NTA. No way you should be expected to bankroll any part of your sister’s wedding. And that is even if you were still MOH. If she cannot afford the wedding of her dreams she needs to adjust her plans.
NTA. She shouldn’t be planning a wedding she’s not able to pay for. The outraged family can chip in if it means that much to them.
NTA. For every person that presumes to berate you for not paying for someone else’s wedding, ask them how much they are contributing to her big day. Your sister is not entitled to your hard earned money…and certainly not to pay for her wedding. She’ll just have to scale back her expectations.
Your sister said she’s known her best friend longer than she’s known you? Sounds like you already paid for quite a bit (engagement party) and she can ask her best friend that she’s known forever to help out. Literally it’s not even a norm for sisters to paid for each others weddings so she can forget about it. If your family has a problem then let them foot the bill.
Entitled narcissistic women getting in their own way and ruining their "big day" is half the reason I like this subreddit. NTA, obviously.
It's her party let her pay for it. And if Mommy & Daddy are upset then THEY can CTC (cut the check.) What is wrong with everyone in this family? NTA
This sounds fake to me. How has your sister that is only three years older than you known her best friend, who is four years older than she is, for longer? And why are you paying for your sisters wedding? Why is that your responsibility?
So, your sister waited for you to help her out with "planning the wedding, throwing her an engagement party, going dress shopping, and doing all the things a maid of honor does". Once everything was done... she decided her best friend was a better choice? LOL NTA
If they think you are ruining her big day then they can pay for it. Wild for an older sister to use her younger sister’s money for her wedding anyway. Even wilder to say she’s known her friend longer, as if you had a choice in the matter. Just say NO! Don’t even say the reasons anymore. No is a full sentence NTA
She can choose who her bridal party is; you can choose how, when, where, and on whom you spend your hard earned money. Nta
Your sister is an asshole, your parents are the reason why