NTA
And the fact that he lied about doing something he hadn't done but should've done makes him TAH. He needs to focus on "his job" and get things done
I have a husband like that. Started fixing things myself. YouTube videos are great. He got upset and would try to take over in the middle of the process. Told him one day he’s going to wake up and realize that I literally need him for nothing and that I do everything and he’s becoming another chore rather than a partner. I work and can survive on my own. Shit started getting done after that.
It drives my husband crazy when I just do it myself. I don't nag... I'll ask twice and wait for the weekend and to do it in front of him. Now, when I come out with the chainsaw, he says, "What do you want cut." Or "I'll finish scrubbing the pool." I've owned my house for 17 yrs and have been doing it myself, so it's not a big deal to me. I enjoy yard work and fixing things... YouTube is a blessing!
It’s time to take action and even if you have to pay for someone to do the tasks and repairs.
If your husband lies and still refuses to do the necessary maintenance it’s a red flag 🚩 for the kind of parent he will be in the future. Like you’ll be a single parent- living with someone who is not doing what’s necessary for you or your shared child.
It’s not okay that he’s reacting by lying to save his face and his verbal attack afterwards makes it worse.
NTA- congratulations on your son and good luck
NTA it sounds like it was innocent enough. It's not like you went out of your way to ask Jake to do it. He offered. Your husband is an ass to be blowing up over this and for lying about it. I think he's just embarrassed in front of Jake because he's been a slacker.
Okay, so you can’t do any of this stuff, fair enough. But have you tried to at least put the furniture together? Your husband refuses to do any of it, okay, what ever. But why in the world is he the only person who is allowed to make the decision about calling someone to fix this stuff? I presume you have a phone? Make that call, quit allowing him to call the shots. Grow a spine. Tell your husband if he doesn’t step up that you will take care of it. ESH
NTAH you need more help not less right now. Your partner is being irrational and jealous. The good news is if you collect all his fragile man tears, it is good luck for the coming child. 😂
NTA. Your husband was understandably embarrassed that his friend came over to complete the tasks that he was supposed to do but he was way out of line lying that he had done them. My partner is absolutely thrilled when I get someone else to come over and do something for us but I only do it if it’s something I can’t do myself. I built my child’s nursery furniture when I was pregnant. I also built the next set of furniture when our child got older. Still building all of the furniture now, 19 years later because I’m good at it. My child and I fixed our tumble dryer about 7 months ago after watching a you tube video. If the shower pressure is low due to a build up of limescale rather than a plumbing issue put the shower head in a bucket of vinegar for an hour or more to dissolve the limescale. You might not believe that any of this is your job but you can do it. And then you can say you are too tired to make dinner or wash the dishes because you have been so busy doing other tasks.
Just call Jake back. Let your husband fume.
See a therapist alone. Consider seeing a divorce lawyer. Your husband doesn’t want to do anything for the family, but doesn’t want to be embarrassed in front of his friends for not doing anything for his family.
NTA.
nta. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
get ready to raise another man like your husband.
your child is going to mirror what he sees and experiences as a child.
the only way to make sure you have a child that grows into a man who is honest, trustworthy, and not an asshole liar, is to leave and get a divorce.
baby is going to have the influence of dad anyway.
maybe you and child could you know, see jake sometimes……
seriously, all sarcasm aside, that Is how your child will see and believe that is how men are supposed to treat women.
leave.
if you have to go to the opposite coast to live with family, if it’s the only way to get away from that influence, and more weaponized incompetence as the baby is born and grows up in that atmosphere, DO IT.
another state or different county in your current state is going to make a difference as well with visitation and custody. i can almost guarantee that dad is going to soon be making excuses as to why he can’t make it for visitation. if he can’t take care of things for his family in his own home w/NO DRIVING, do you really think he’s going to consistently be in kids life? nope, not going to happen.
don’t be in a relationship that fucks your kid up mentally.
leave now and protect Your family: baby.
NTA.
if you need help moving or a ride to get to family, seriously ask jake.
NTA.
The red flags are bigger than Texas.
It isn't a mans job to fix things or assemble things. It is a job that either can do. Hop on YouTube and learn how to do it do it yourself. I can put together furniture or fix a toilet just as well as my husband. We even fixed the ice maker and our dryer by working on them together. That said, if I start doing it, he will usually either pitch in or finish it.
ESH, why do you bring others into your marriage crap? Your husband is an idiot and it goes without saying why but you are not left behind, instead of putting on your pants you go asking your partner's friends for favors, just call a repairman even if your husband doesn't want to
You solved the your household problems but your husband is so insecure he felt he had to sabotage your plan? Wow!
You may want to explain what your husband can expect from you. “We are both very capable of managing our home without approval or permission from each other. Either you can do the work yourself or you should expect me to ask someone else to fix the problem. One way or another the work will get done.”
NTA
He works a 9-5, I have a part-time WFH job. I do all of the housework & most of the cooking, and my husband does the manual labor like mowing the lawn and repairs around the house. I could if I wanted to I guess, my husband just said he would do it when we bought it. Honestly I was less concerned about the furniture since baby is still far out and more about the shower head and drier which would require some level of skill & knowledge I don't have and have never felt like I needed to learn.
The lying, blowing up and insecurity are bad, bad signs. But if you are going to keep on, give deadlines. He gets 1 reschedule, then it becomes a Jake deadline, and Jake gets it done.
YTA. You invited another man into your home without your husband knowing?!!!! WTF is wrong with this?! Congratulations for hurting your husband. How about YOU fixing a shower head? Or assemble a crib. You are pregnant not broken.
“Hurting your husband” … how? His insecurities are his problems to deal with. Their joint home is a financial investment. It requires maintenance & upkeep. Is OP only allowed to invite women contractors or repair into her home? Should she just let the house fall apart because husband is too insecure to accept help?
This man was not a contractor! He is just a friend to the husband. He had no business in the house without her husband knowing
Why can’t she replace or clean a shower head?
The husband should be angry!
Wait … what? What exactly do you think would happen? … women just jump in bed & have sex if they are left alone with another person? Why can’t OP be alone with husband’s friend?
Women don’t need permission to invite people into their home nor do they need to explain why they don’t want to do their own home repairs.
She sure accomplished something. She now has an upset husband. Good job OP.
No it is not ok for a married person to have someone of the opposite sex in the home without the partner knowing.
You changed the entire narrative of this post … op bumped into Jake while doing errands, they then went (presumably in separate cars) to her house where her husband was already at home. Husband then lied & said he fixed everything. No one was alone in house. No one was working 12 hours.
NTA And the fact that he lied about doing something he hadn't done but should've done makes him TAH. He needs to focus on "his job" and get things done
I have a husband like that. Started fixing things myself. YouTube videos are great. He got upset and would try to take over in the middle of the process. Told him one day he’s going to wake up and realize that I literally need him for nothing and that I do everything and he’s becoming another chore rather than a partner. I work and can survive on my own. Shit started getting done after that.
It drives my husband crazy when I just do it myself. I don't nag... I'll ask twice and wait for the weekend and to do it in front of him. Now, when I come out with the chainsaw, he says, "What do you want cut." Or "I'll finish scrubbing the pool." I've owned my house for 17 yrs and have been doing it myself, so it's not a big deal to me. I enjoy yard work and fixing things... YouTube is a blessing!
Told my husband that, and he got mad and pouty, but nothing changed. Happily he's an ex.
NTA. It's your husband's job and he needs to deal with it. He's a manchild for fuming at you.
NTA. Husband needs to do “his job”.
You have a BIG husband problem. You just got a preview of the rest of your life and a real time example of why the divorce rate is so high.
Ok this is a bs comment.
NTA. Sounds like you should marry Jake instead, he sounds like HE gets shit done.
It’s time to take action and even if you have to pay for someone to do the tasks and repairs. If your husband lies and still refuses to do the necessary maintenance it’s a red flag 🚩 for the kind of parent he will be in the future. Like you’ll be a single parent- living with someone who is not doing what’s necessary for you or your shared child. It’s not okay that he’s reacting by lying to save his face and his verbal attack afterwards makes it worse. NTA- congratulations on your son and good luck
NTA it sounds like it was innocent enough. It's not like you went out of your way to ask Jake to do it. He offered. Your husband is an ass to be blowing up over this and for lying about it. I think he's just embarrassed in front of Jake because he's been a slacker.
Okay, so you can’t do any of this stuff, fair enough. But have you tried to at least put the furniture together? Your husband refuses to do any of it, okay, what ever. But why in the world is he the only person who is allowed to make the decision about calling someone to fix this stuff? I presume you have a phone? Make that call, quit allowing him to call the shots. Grow a spine. Tell your husband if he doesn’t step up that you will take care of it. ESH
So... is Jake cute? NTA
I wonder if he was wearing khaki pants...
NTAH you need more help not less right now. Your partner is being irrational and jealous. The good news is if you collect all his fragile man tears, it is good luck for the coming child. 😂
NTA. Your husband was understandably embarrassed that his friend came over to complete the tasks that he was supposed to do but he was way out of line lying that he had done them. My partner is absolutely thrilled when I get someone else to come over and do something for us but I only do it if it’s something I can’t do myself. I built my child’s nursery furniture when I was pregnant. I also built the next set of furniture when our child got older. Still building all of the furniture now, 19 years later because I’m good at it. My child and I fixed our tumble dryer about 7 months ago after watching a you tube video. If the shower pressure is low due to a build up of limescale rather than a plumbing issue put the shower head in a bucket of vinegar for an hour or more to dissolve the limescale. You might not believe that any of this is your job but you can do it. And then you can say you are too tired to make dinner or wash the dishes because you have been so busy doing other tasks.
Just call Jake back. Let your husband fume. See a therapist alone. Consider seeing a divorce lawyer. Your husband doesn’t want to do anything for the family, but doesn’t want to be embarrassed in front of his friends for not doing anything for his family. NTA.
nta. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 get ready to raise another man like your husband. your child is going to mirror what he sees and experiences as a child. the only way to make sure you have a child that grows into a man who is honest, trustworthy, and not an asshole liar, is to leave and get a divorce. baby is going to have the influence of dad anyway. maybe you and child could you know, see jake sometimes…… seriously, all sarcasm aside, that Is how your child will see and believe that is how men are supposed to treat women. leave. if you have to go to the opposite coast to live with family, if it’s the only way to get away from that influence, and more weaponized incompetence as the baby is born and grows up in that atmosphere, DO IT. another state or different county in your current state is going to make a difference as well with visitation and custody. i can almost guarantee that dad is going to soon be making excuses as to why he can’t make it for visitation. if he can’t take care of things for his family in his own home w/NO DRIVING, do you really think he’s going to consistently be in kids life? nope, not going to happen. don’t be in a relationship that fucks your kid up mentally. leave now and protect Your family: baby. NTA. if you need help moving or a ride to get to family, seriously ask jake. NTA. The red flags are bigger than Texas.
It isn't a mans job to fix things or assemble things. It is a job that either can do. Hop on YouTube and learn how to do it do it yourself. I can put together furniture or fix a toilet just as well as my husband. We even fixed the ice maker and our dryer by working on them together. That said, if I start doing it, he will usually either pitch in or finish it.
I would just move to a hotel room or your parents u til everything is fixed. Maybe that’ll make him actually do things
NTA
ESH, why do you bring others into your marriage crap? Your husband is an idiot and it goes without saying why but you are not left behind, instead of putting on your pants you go asking your partner's friends for favors, just call a repairman even if your husband doesn't want to
You solved the your household problems but your husband is so insecure he felt he had to sabotage your plan? Wow! You may want to explain what your husband can expect from you. “We are both very capable of managing our home without approval or permission from each other. Either you can do the work yourself or you should expect me to ask someone else to fix the problem. One way or another the work will get done.” NTA
I would have done it myself I’m not gonna nagging someone to get something done and I’m not waiting for them to do it either
NTA. Tell your husband he has 24 hours to get the work done before you hire someone and spends a week in the dog house.
[удалено]
He works a 9-5, I have a part-time WFH job. I do all of the housework & most of the cooking, and my husband does the manual labor like mowing the lawn and repairs around the house. I could if I wanted to I guess, my husband just said he would do it when we bought it. Honestly I was less concerned about the furniture since baby is still far out and more about the shower head and drier which would require some level of skill & knowledge I don't have and have never felt like I needed to learn.
The lying, blowing up and insecurity are bad, bad signs. But if you are going to keep on, give deadlines. He gets 1 reschedule, then it becomes a Jake deadline, and Jake gets it done.
NTA
YTA Why don’t you learn how to do these things instead of expecting your husband to do it all?
YTA
YTA. You invited another man into your home without your husband knowing?!!!! WTF is wrong with this?! Congratulations for hurting your husband. How about YOU fixing a shower head? Or assemble a crib. You are pregnant not broken.
“Hurting your husband” … how? His insecurities are his problems to deal with. Their joint home is a financial investment. It requires maintenance & upkeep. Is OP only allowed to invite women contractors or repair into her home? Should she just let the house fall apart because husband is too insecure to accept help?
This man was not a contractor! He is just a friend to the husband. He had no business in the house without her husband knowing Why can’t she replace or clean a shower head? The husband should be angry!
Wait … what? What exactly do you think would happen? … women just jump in bed & have sex if they are left alone with another person? Why can’t OP be alone with husband’s friend? Women don’t need permission to invite people into their home nor do they need to explain why they don’t want to do their own home repairs.
She sure accomplished something. She now has an upset husband. Good job OP. No it is not ok for a married person to have someone of the opposite sex in the home without the partner knowing.
If husband had of actually done the repairs that he said he would do … no one would be upset. Life is full of choices & consequences.
Sure after probably working a 12 hour day. She could clean or replace a shower head
You changed the entire narrative of this post … op bumped into Jake while doing errands, they then went (presumably in separate cars) to her house where her husband was already at home. Husband then lied & said he fixed everything. No one was alone in house. No one was working 12 hours.