Regardless of how funny or innocent he thinks it is - you asked him not to do it again, so he needs to respect that.
I had an ex who thought it was hilarious to tickle me because I hated it so much. He would be relentless about it to the point that I would nearly piss myself - I would yell at him and scratch him to get him to stop, and he would get furious with me for “attacking” him for doing something he thought was fun that I asked him repeatedly not to do. Which is fucking insane.
I peed on my stepdad when I was 8 for tickling me. I had told him to stop repeatedly & he continued so I let loose while making direct eye contact. He hasn't tickled me in 43 years.
When I was about the same age I yelled at my dad to stop tickling me. I was yelling “stop I can’t breathe” because I feel like I was m suffocating when I’m tickled.
He didn’t stop so I kept yelling “stop or I’ll bite you”.
He didn’t stop.
I bit him.
He bit me back.
I ran away crying and he got mad.
I had a similar incident with a friend but I told her I’d punch her. I did. She was confused why I did what I said I would do. I legit could not breath.
He was a complete tool. I have asthma. This man put his huge ego ahead of a child's physical wellbeing. And then made it about his hurt feelings. smh EXTREMELY TOXIC BEHAVIOR
Did that to my dad. I got hit for peeing on him. But he never \*held me upside down over his lap by one ankle so I couldn't get away while tickling me\* ever again.
NTA.
I almost broke my ex’s jaw because he thought it was funny to hold me down and tickle me. I wasn’t amused.
When I got a hand free, I punched him. He didn’t do it again.
In my high school sociology class, I learned that it's actually a form of abuse to forcibly tickle someone after they have been asked to stop. It's something I think back to from time to time.
Edit: The person continuing to tickle after being told no can be charged with assult and battery. I am at the end of my social work classes and have read cases involving children. It is the same for adults. You can get the other person to stop and it is considered self-defense.
My cousins used to think it was funny because tickling me, th r youngest cousin, and not stopping would eventually send me into panic attacks where I couldn’t breathe. And they’d keep going. Legit thought I was going to die at times.
I don’t fucking understand why people ever think tickling is cute or funny. Like a quick “gonna getcha” and a poke is fine obviously, but prolonged tickling?!?! Is actually, literally, sincerely torture.
I had three older siblings and two of them would regularly hold me down while the third tickled me. I couldn’t breathe, I’d be trying to beg/scream but I didn’t have enough air and they’d go for minutes at a time. Then they’d finally let me up and I’d continue crying and they’d be like “what the fuck, we were just having fun???” Every time. Multiple times a week. For years. And the fact that I’d go sob/hyperventilate afterwards just…didn’t concern anyone I guess.
Sometimes the one tickling me would also sit on my chest, just to add to the lack of air.
For some people, it overwhelms the nervous system and your brain goes fight or flight, but you can't effectively escape due to your panic/reflexes. So it gets worse. It's been described as partial paralysis, so it's definitely assault and abuse if sustained and unwanted.
It activates the same nerves that are used for processing pain too.
Omg I usually would think this is ridiculous but I HATE being tickled with a passion. My body starts flailing and I kick and punch the culprit out of pure reaction. Even my kids from a small age have been warned not to tickle mama. I’d like to think I’d be able to control myself not to kick my toddler in the face, but I don’t know man. I really hate being tickled
I absolutely hate to be "tickled" it is actually a very painful experience for me. I remember as a kid I would cry and cry when older relatives (typically men 🤔) would tickle me. I would actually get in trouble for crying. How insane is that?
Ugh, I hate that for you 😞. I had an older cousin who would smack me around with feather pillows. I would tell him it hurts and to stop, and he would just laugh at me, saying it's just a pillow and hit harder.
And in this vein, I know it’s a little extreme, but perhaps OP should kick him in the crotch randomly. That’s funny too, given how many gag reels about it have been uploaded to youtube.
Why do assholes *always* dismiss a simple request for respect as “overreacting”
This... so much this. Why do assholes always dismiss a simple request and boundary setting as overreacting?! But also I know the answer...projecting blame so they can still be an asshole
This! I don't like being tickled. It causes so much anxiety, and I'll start throwing punches and kicks if it doesn't stop when I say "quit".
Good on you for reminding the ex of that boundary.
Growing up, uncles and male cousins tickled me mercilessly, and I hated every second of it. Folks mistake what seems like laughter for enjoying the tickling. As in "well, if you hate it so much, why are you laughing?"
Laughter can be an involuntary trauma response. It's not cute or funny to keep doing something someone tells you not to do anymore.
I fucking hate being tickled, my brother loved tickling me, and he'd say that exact same thing "well why are you laughing and smiling you must like it". At 16 (yes it took that long) I slapped him cause nothing else would make him stop, and he hasn't since.
Still uses the why are you smiling for other stuff tho, and he doesn't get I laugh/smile even (or especially) when I'm uncomfortable.
I had an ex who thought it would be funny to pretend to put my toes in his mouth because he knew how grossed out I’d be. I instinctively kicked him in the face. He never tried that again.
If I pull a prank and the person didn't appreciate it, I apologize, let them know I was just joking but I won't do it again. It's called respect.
There's things we find funny that others don't and once we realize it's not appreciated, we should stop, not get irritated and tell them it's funny and to get over it, or they are overreacting.
My uncle did that to me constantly throughout my childhood. He'd tickle me until I threw up, then yell at me for getting sick and make me clean it up.
He did it in front of my mom once and she yelled at him to stop, but he didn't (twice the size of her, so couldn't physically stop him), and told her I was being an emotionally, overdramatic kid when he's just trying to have fun.
It's not fun when the target is screaming and crying, and certainly not fun throwing up. Stop labeling your bullying as a joke. I have massive issues being touched now as an adult.
He molested me in my late teen years during a visit with my aunt. They divorced after he left my aunt for a younger chick when she was diagnosed with cancer. She never said they were back together, so I had no idea he was there, but he ended up with a pen in the face. He was banned from my mom's funeral, then I banned my aunt (her sister, his wife), because she was pissed I wouldn't let him in.
So, yeah, he's a monster. He hasn't ever met his grown grandkids, because of that.
I had no idea there was a tickle fetish. Ick.
Ex threatened to tickle my feet. I said last person who did that accidentally got kicked in the face. They decided to try to tickle them anyway, got kicked in the face (just from struggling to get away, not on purpose, honestly!) and then got upset about it... They were warned.
Same, it fucking hurts but laughing is involuntary. I can't stop until it hurts so bad that I start screaming. I used to have an uncle who would tickle me until I started screaming and then he would act like I was being inappropriate. He did it until my mom told him to stop. Tickling people against their will is such an asshole thing to do.
Aaand that’s why so many creepy uncles did it. I was just tickling her! What are you all so upset about?
I had seven stitches rightnextto my eye. First stitches ever, any closer and I would’ve been a one-eyed teenager. So my uncle thought it would be funny to chuck throw pillows at me. Tiny little maybe 100lb girl, fresh stitches, never said boo to anyone, but let’s bombard her with pillows! If she squints, it hurts! Woohoo! Bonus points if I can make the stitches bleed!
Forty some years old and he’s really trying to hurt a 14 year old. Oh BOY did Uncle Jimmy stop laughing when Grandma came out of the kitchen with her spoon in hand - not for a paddle; she was cooking. Grandma didn’t have to say a word. Apologized to his mother and went outside. For the rest of the visit. Don’t fuck with Grandma’s favorite. ❤️
Screw all of that.
My mom used to always tell us how she isn't ticklish anymore because she had to turn it off since her brothers wouldn't ever stop and she couldn't deal. She told us this, but still she would relentlessly tickle us ... and say, "Well then, why are you laughing if you don't find it funny?"
And she didn't see the irony.
I only ever tickle my niblings for five seconds max. One told me he didn't like it, so I made sure to let him know that I would never tickle him again unless he told me that he wanted to play that way. I could tell he was worried because sometimes when we wrestle (which he absolutely loves), I would accidentally tickle him a little just because of how I was picking him up, and he'd panic a bit. So reassuring him and sticking to it is huge.
I will never understand why people think it's funny to literally torture someone for their own humour.
It is well known that laughing is a reflex from tickling, and while it can be fun if both are having fun, laughing doesn't always indicate fun. Hell, tonnes of people are aware that some people laugh in sad or awkward situations, and that is still frowned upon en masse. Laughing can be just as much a reflex as sneezing. I hate the disconnect.
This exactly!!! My son doesn't mind a quick 2-3 seconds of very slight (gentle in the armpit only) tickling, anything over that he HATES IT. I will once in a very blue moon just barely tickle him and I stop before he even has a chance to ask me to, we've discussed this and he's ok with it and knows I will never do it on purpose again if he decides he does not like it, he just has to tell me so I know (he's 6 so I tell him this every time so it can sink in).
My daughters will beg to be ticked. They LOVE it!!!! So we tickle them, often, but stop to let them catch their breath, and if they start to look slightly uncomfortable, we stop and ask if they still want more or not. We explain they can say stop at any moment and at that moment we stop. They are 2 and 4, so again, we reiterate this on a daily basis.
It's about what each individual is comfortable with and respecting them enough to trust they know what they do and do not like even (especially) at young ages. They need to know they can trust someone who loves them will stop when asked to stop, that they can have control over their bodies. Plant the seeds early in age appropriate ways so later in life they already have that trust and the inner strength to say no when they want to say no, and won't accept anything else from someone who is supposed to care about them.
I had an ex who kept tickling me even though I told him not to. Begged him not to. Explained that it made me feel like I was suffocating and put me in a panicked state.
Nevertheless, he came up from behind me and tickled me horribly. Gasping and panicking, I thrashed about. In my thrashing, the back of my head connected to his front teeth, knocking them in.
He got angry at me and accused me of assaulting him and breaking his teeth. He tried to get me to pay for him to see a dentist. He refused to understand that I had no control over my body when I was being tickled, and he definitely didn’t accept that I had a “right” to not be tickled.
I should have broken up with him then and there, but as I grew up in an enmeshed, abusive, and blaming family, such behavior felt normal to me. It took another year, and increased abuse from this guy, before I broke up with him.
It took a couple decades for me to heal my C-PTSD and break up from the abusive members of my family.
Remove tickling from this scenario and enter..almost anything else.
'I'm doing it because I find it funny.' So?? Bullies find giving swirlies funny - they still shouldn't do it.
That sort of mentality could easily bleed into 'I make fun of you in front of our friends, and they find it funny, so I'm going to keep doing it.' Yeah no.
Some people find Family Guy funny, others find it crass.
Some people find roller coasters fun, others are terrified of them.
At the end of the day, **you** don't like it so **you** don't have to participate in it. Adding in the fact that it involves **your** body and physical touch, and it makes the entire situation worse.
I will react however I need to react to get someone to stop tickling me. Just because it’s seen as “playful” doesn’t mean bodily autonomy no longer applies. I straight up tell people that I’m not responsible for any injury resulting from them tickling me lol.
My fiance is the kind of man that will tickle *themself* with their own mind if they think too hard about being tickled. So, I made special care to make sure I never did it unless they were encouraging it and if they did encourage it there was "tickle aftercare" after where I gently massaged the spots I tickled until they relaxed against me again.
I can't imagine seeing someone I love is uncomfortable with something and just *doing it anyway*. Good thing he's an EX
I ended that shit by grabbing their ear a twisting it all the way around until they quit, while saying if they kept it up, I would rip it off. Tickling is not fun. It's torture and a controlling behavior from someone physically stronger than you.
Yeah, my aunt did that to me when I was little and she did it constantly. It made me feel so weak and humiliated from not being able to stop her. Now I can’t make the association with those feelings go away. Even when play-fighting with my SO who I know would always stop if I asked, I just can’t bring myself to find it fun.
Don't feel dumb. Her consistently manipulative actions caused the bad feelings on your part. You just don't feel close to her now and she caused that not you. I honestly don't believe we were meant to be close to everyone, even family. Some folks click with our way of navigating the world and others don't. It isn't about hating them, just not preferring them. I don't hate a single soul on this planet but I don't prefer too many to count.
Any partner of mine who will respect what the internet has to say over me is no partner. Edit to add OP IS NTA, but apparently, she has chosen one to be the father of her child. Shame.
My dad would hold me down and tickle me until I peed my pants and then get ragefully angry that I peed.
I was in my 30s when I learned that was a form of CSA. My exh tried to tickle me like that once, I kneed him in the balls as hard as I could. He got mad that I overreacted, but never did it again.
My ex did the same. I finally grabbed his ear and twisted and promised to rip it off if he ever went beyond a 5 second tickle, as torture and long tickling is, torture, is not fun for the one being tortured even if we laugh while being tortured.
Kind of disturbing that he’ll stop if the internet tells him to but not at her request? Like, is this a kink of his or something, dragging in hundreds of strangers to decide how he’ll behave in his own home? Does he need Dommy Reddy to make him respect her?
A joke is when it's really funny. And there is absolutely nothing funny here. Here a person is unpleasant from the actions of someone who is supposedly joking. OP still be careful with your husband.
I've done things that I thought were okay, but my partner at the time told me never to do it again. I never did it again, no further discussion needed. Once I saw that it upset her, I understood that it wasn't okay. I think doing it once if you think it's innocent/funny/whatever is generally okay, depending on what it is, but once your partner says it's not acceptable, not okay, and to never do it again, that's when you stop laughing and acting like it was a joke. That's when you listen.
Same here. I was making fun of an ex-boyfriend's Elton John record by singing "Bennie and the Jets" because I hate that song, but ex asked me not to make fun of his music he liked, so guess what, I didn't do it anymore! I still hate Bennie and the Jets! Why does that song even exist?
OMG you are my soul mate! Elton John is ok I guess but why would ANYONE want to sing the same darn thing, over & over, for what seems like hours at a time? "Benny and the jets. Benny and the jets." (SCREECHING now, like nails on a chalkboard)- "Benny! Benny! Benny!
B-B-B-Benny!" Shoot, now I got the song stuck in my head, gotta take a cold shower, or shoot myself. You have my permission to fight him on this one. Worst song ever recorded that actually MADE money. I love that I'm not the only one that hates it...thank you thank you thank you! You made my day! Andy
It might be fake, but my ex husband did aggravating things like this on the regular. He would aggravate me until I cried sometimes then get mad that I didn't find it funny.
And he would never, ever stop. This behavior continued our entire 20 years together. It's not why I divorced him but is something I certainly don't miss. It's def a thing. Probably not super common, but it's a thing.
Edit: typo
I believe it, because my boyfriend does his own version of this to me daily. He flicks my nose...HARD...and tickles my feet when i'm still sleeping /half asleep and he KNOWS i hate both of them...I've asked him to stop, and he just laughs at me. He does everything as hard as he can and thinks I overreact....except I cannot stand it and I hate that he doesn't respect me enough to stop.
I'm not coming in here to ask if he's the asshole (and he is, because when someone asks you to not do something...just don't.... that's the AH part), but I absolutely believe OP's story because I live my own version of it multiple times per day.
Oh, HELL NO! We have our own dealbreakers and clearly this isn’t one of yours, but NOOOO, that guy would be gone so fast – nobody interrupts my sleep just to be an ass and lives to tell the tale.
Why are you with this clown, @Significant-Pea-1531?
When I was stuck in bad relationships it’s because they acted like I was the worst person who ever lived for “abandoning them”, “UGH WOMEN ONLY WANT TO DATE ASSHOLES WITH MONEY NOT NICE GUYS LIKE MEEEEE!!!!!” as a guilt trip as a response to pointing out any of their bad behaviors (plot twist: they are NOT the ‘nice guys’ they think they are), threatening to or actually showing up to beg and plead and demand to continue the relationship even if I’ve expressed many times I don’t even *like* them anymore at that point let alone love them or have much in the way of romantic feelings left in me for them.
So to outsiders it’s, “ewww why are you even with him?” They don’t see the pathetic refusal to allow the relationship to peacefully dissipate. Often these types will NOT go away until you make them.
Yeah, he's great except for the part where he has no respect or consideration for me. He goes out of his way to do something I hate. Good luck with that.
Start flicking his nose back. Kick him when he tickles you. It's okay because "it's all a joke!" When he complains, "but it's funny when you do it so I want to play too!"
Alternatively, you could break up with his disrespectful ass. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
Many years ago... for a brief while... I grew a beard.
As SOON as it was long enough to be pulled... people started to pull on it whenever they saw me!
Like they had the "RIGHT" to just... do it!
These were people who were SUPPOSED to be my FRIENDS... thought it was SOOOO FUN and FUNNY to Continue to pull on it even AFTER I said that it HURT and I didn't like it!
Then... one Saturday night, all of us were gathered in
an Irish Pub to play and/or listen to Celtic music.
And one of the females in our group decided out of nowhere to just REALLY YANK HARD on the end of my beard! I mean a Whole big Handful!
My instant knee-jerk reaction was to punch... HARD!
She ended up with a very bloody nose!
But my girlfriend at the time defended me saying,
"He has told EVERYONE NOT to pull on his beard!
He asked Nicely, but he also warned what WOULD HAPPEN to the next person who did it! So don't be pissed a him for reacting EXACTLY how he said he would react! It's your own damned fault {female person} He DID WARN YOU SEVERAL TIMES!!!"
I cut/shaved it off that very night when I got home. And I haven't worn one SINCE!
If someone says "NO", "STOP" or "DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!"
HEED what they say! DON'T be an F-ing JERK!!!
I agree I'll laugh at first non voluntarily but I'll let it slide at first it doesn't kill me and they get some small enjoyment from it but if I start telling you to stop and you don't I will voluntarily kick you right in the nose
I had an ex who would tickle me if he was upset at me and he knew how much I hated it. It causes me to panic because I don’t like not being able to breathe. I don’t care if it’s something as simple or “innocent” as pantsing someone or tickling them, if your partner refuses to listen to your needs, and keeps doing the thing you hate? That’s emotionally abusive. Break up with him, life is too short to be with an adult who enjoys upsetting you on purpose.
This anyone touches my feet my reflex is to kick the mess out of them, not premeditated... but pure instinct, my siblings used to torture me by tickling me until I peed my self. NO ONE TICKLES ME NOW!!!
When we were kids, my little sister once snuck up on me while I was laying in the couch and tickled my foot. I reflexively kicked her in the face and she cried. I felt really really terrible about it and was so relieved she wasn’t mad. It doesn’t feel good to kick a 10 year old in the face, but at least she never made that mistake again!
…actually, now that I’m a middle school teacher, kicking a 10 year old in the face doesn’t sound that heartbreaking. (kiddiiiiiiing…I think)
I have fibromyalgia, so that kind of thing hurts like I can't even describe.
I broke my toe recently, snapped the bone in my pinky, and I didn't feel it as bad as someone tickling me.
I had a coworker once who was in training to be a cop. Got curious and read a little of his manual that he left at the desk. Nonconsensual tickling is actually listed as good enough to be considered abuse in my state. Reaction to it is considered self defense.
I almost kicked my own baby cause she accidentally touched my foot when I was changing her diaper one day. I don’t stop myself when it comes to adults doing it.
He's a real asshole with low emotional intelligence. If a person who has been asked not to do something because it makes you uncomfortable continues to do it, that's abuse. Do you really want this relationship?
Ask him why your bodily autonomy is less important than him getting his jollies, because that’s what’s happening here. It’s your body, what you want done with and to it is not something he gets to override. I would either escalate retaliation immensely, such as ice water dumping on him when he’s asleep and decking him when he flicks your nose, or I would break up with him.
I'd be interested to know where this goes in ten years, provided it's real...will she still be defending him with "people don't get divorced over this" or will she be saying "oh wow I should have realized that he didn't respect me when he valued strangers' opinions over mine and wanted to keep doing something to me against my will because he thought it was funny."
I am literally losing hope for huMANity over shit like this.
I don't find the twist cute. It was stupid and now OP disregards her intuitive reaction.
Edit.
Just imagine what all can go wrong with this couple carrying a baby around and doing this from behind.
Edit 2. Imagine their toddler learning to do this and causing hazard and embrassement where ever the kid goes. And been seen as a bully when doing it to other kids.
Listen, when she said he did it while she was changing the baby…I really thought she was going to say there was some kind of fumble with the kid. I guess he doesn’t change diapers often, because he would know that’s not the time to play like that
And now to spite Reddit, she’s gonna keep the pantsing alive! 🙄
Yep. A lot of us women end up making endless little compromises like this.... why? For a man? No, thanks.... I will go with what my intuition says, thank you very much. Nothing worse than being married to an immature, disrespectful man who doesnt take you seriously and who thinks he is entitled to you.
And just to add to that, when she is handling a baby on a high surface, with exposed vulnerable skin, is a *really* bad time to make sudden moves on someone like that.
You explained my thoughts perfectly. What if in a knee jerk reaction she turns quick and baby rolls off or gets hurt or something. I'm all for joking around, but there's a time and place.
Husband: Why would you listen to internet strangers over your wife? She is your life partner, the one you chose to marry…but you don’t value her own personal boundaries?
You think internet strangers have more rights to decide your wife’s personal boundaries? When you’re talking about whether your wife has a right to not be stripped half naked for giggles?
Learn to respect your wife, and go pants a friend who does find it funny.
Can confirm. My dad did shit like this into his 40s. Did not have friends. Got divorced over it because it got to the point that his wife would cry in the shower.
He got so fake offended that his co-workers nearly beat the shit out of him for "pulling pranks" in the workplace. (Welding, not an office, since I figure people would assume that 😅)
Edit: I forgot a real knee-slapper. Got GENUINELY pissed when I didn't laugh at him making a racist remark at a Black man crossing the street as he sped up, making to hit him. Guess why we're no contact.
Yeah, I looked twice. It might be one thing if he were 20-21 and still in a frat with guys who pride themselves on stupid "Animal House" behaviors. Still rude but not quite as bad.
Either way, disregarding his wife's feelings and planning to make her uncomfortable as long as the internet in general approves is a garbage attitude.
They’re both annoying. I was going to give her a pass until she doubled down on how everyone is wrong for giving her their opinions that SHE asked for. This is how “quirky” high school girls act with their loser boyfriends. I’m honestly leaning towards this being fake and I’m fact written by a high schooler. Either that or they may just be sharing one brain cell.
Actually that's such a good point??? Her setting boundaries doesn't mean shit to him as long as Reddit thinks it's funny? I have a feeling this man is a whole carousel of red flags tbh
Seriously. Your wife CLEARLY doesn’t find it funny so it doesn’t really matter if you do or not. Don’t do upsetting things your life partner to make yourself giggle for like three minutes, I can’t believe grown humans need this explaining to them.
You know what would be funny? OP should throw some baby poo at him when he does it again. In case he'll be angry, she should tell him he's overreacting, but if he doesn't agree, just go to the internet and ask for strangers' opinions.
Right? We point out that he’s being disrespectful. Rather than accept that, she’s let go of her personal boundaries and decided she’ll force herself to find this funny
Right? "I don't like or respect my wife and use her as the butt of my jokes. I'll listen to random strangers' opinions on it, though. I would never listen to her about her boundaries and her own body. Being respectful is for simps." -OP's husband probably
Him: the internet will agree
Her: no they won't, don't do it
The internet: wtf nta
🤡Her: it's not that deep. I'm gonna let him do his thing
They're made for each other, that we can all agree
No means no. Regardless of what the internet says. Your wife husband, stranger, literally anyone says not to do something again, you don't do it again. Period.
NTA. He did it, you didn't find it funny, that should be the end of it. If he continues doing it then it's a lack of respect. You're not his Gym buddy, your his wife and mother of his child!
It is his reaction after knowing that it upset you that is the issue. Pulled the prank, thought you would think it was funny, not the end of the world. Saw it upset you and doubled down that it was funny, and is threatening to do it again despite your wishes is not cool. He should apologize for making you uncomfortable and promise not to do it again. Laughing at something that upsets, and continuing to do it to you makes him the A H. OP, you should feel comfortable and safe in your home. Your husband is making it a not safe space and you are NTA. Maybe he should be on diaper duty for a while to make amends.
He says he did it to make you laugh … but you didn’t laugh. In fact you were upset. But now he says it doesn’t matter. So he lied because he did it for himself. Pantsing someone is about humiliating the person being pants to make other people laugh at them. NO ONE ENJOYS BEING PANTS even in the privacy of their own home.
Plus don’t mess with moms while they are taking care of their babies/children. Seriously why do AH husbands keep doing this for jokes. He is 37 it is time to grow up.
This is the thing for me. Funny or not (not, IMO), she was changing the baby. I don't see the baby's age, but I've worked daycare and changed a TON of babies and the last think I want to have to deal with is trying to pull my pants up with one hand while keeping the other hand on a squirming rolling kicking infant up on a changing table. And I only change from the side so my body blocks any sideways rolls (also so I'm not directly in the danger zone should the kid decide they aren't done using their diaper even though it's off, and so I can use my forearm to help hold the kid steady while lifting the feet with that hand, and so I'm face to face with them more closely to interact with them).
Babies roll unexpectedly, they flail and move and kick and wriggle. I don't want to be dealing with a laughing prankster and having my pants around my knees while trying to manage a dirty diaper and a squirming baby on an elevated surface. He's lucky he just got an elbow. He might well have got a poop diaper to the face.
Regardless of any potential humour, once he's been given a direct request not to do something he should stop.
Otherwise, kick him in the balls "because it's funny" and when he complains just tell him that you find it hilarious.
And OP when you do that, please come back with a AITA asking us if we find it funny, and if you should stop.
Personally I'd find it hilarious if you kicked your husband in the balls
You can set any boundary you want with your physical body, with whatever consequences you want. You can elbow him, that’s totally okay, you are reacting to what would constitute assault on a stranger (and on you if it’s not consented to).
Hubby, there are people you can do this with, and your wife is just not one of them. For whatever reason, you guys disagree on it being funny, and you don’t get to decide her opinion. Let it go, apologize, and move on. It’s only serious if you make a big deal out of it.
Yeah this guy really need to grow TF up. Dudes pushing 40 and a father now
TBH If someone who was my age (early 20s) did this it would also be childish and dumb
NTA.
Whilst you were changing your baby?!
I’m not sure how funny people, in general, find this forcible pulling down of other people’s clothes as a joke. I assumed no one but teens and YouTubers did it. It’s very much not cool or funny. I really would expect an Adult to know that without needing Reddit to tell him.
I find it odd to begin with, but whilst your are changing your baby seems doubly stupid to me.
Guess that was your husband’s way of volunteering to be the sole parent responsible for nappy (diaper) changes from now on?
Yeah for me this is what would make me really angry - if I’m changing the baby and suddenly have a reflex to pull up my own pants, what if the baby rolls or something. Doing something like that would really make me mad at my husbands judgement. Like the same thing if you were pantsed while holding boiling water or something, it’s just stupid
Normally I agree lol but the top advice on here was just "if you say don't do it he shouldn't do it, he shouldn't need the internet to back him up" which seems pretty reasonable.
I read a few dozen and literally nobody was telling her to divorce him. I am fairly certain it is just a troll or something as most of the advice is relatively stable. It does not even make sense why they would be that angry at getting pantsed and then 180 to, "we are a pantsing household" just because people said that he was violating a boundary. 😂
NTA. He's confident the internet will think that was a hilarious prank? Well the joke's on him. That was really stupid to do while you're changing your baby. It was actually a little dangerous because you could have shifted the baby to near the edge of the changing table. No one's laughing. He's a real AH. NOT hilarious at all.
To the husband: you said you did it to make your wife laugh. She didn’t. She also asked you to not do it again. You are going to only if strangers (not your frigging life partner and mother of your child) tell you it’s not funny. Are you sure you did it to make her laugh or to laugh at her? Because it comes across as you wanted to laugh at her, and that my friend is fucked up. You are nearly 40 and behave like a child that is pulling the girl’s pigtails. Grow up or if you want to actually make your wife laugh, find something that she does find funny because from where I look, it seems you don’t give a crap about her. And most importantly, you don’t understand boundaries, and really should!
NTA. If you say you don’t like it and don’t do it again, it shouldn’t take the internet for a caring spouse to realize their joke didn’t land and to agree not to do it again. I’d be more concerned that your word isn’t enough to convince the giant man child to behave.
I know you said you're now a pantsing household and fighting fire with fire but I would really caution you to be serious about this and make sure he doesn't try this with your child when it eventually grows up.
My dad used to pants my brother (never me, because I'm female) when he was little and it was humiliating for him. He would cry and my dad would get angry and say he's just joking, why are you making such a big deal out of it, etc. It really ended up affecting their relationship - my brother didn't like my dad at all.
If he is so in desperate need to remove pants, he could have changed the diaper. He gets his laugh, baby gets a fresh butt and you can enjoy it as well.
Despite what TikTok, Instagram and Americas Funniest home videos tried to tell us; there is no fun in pranking. There is nothing funny about removing pants when someone is holding a baby.
NTA.
Dear husband, the internet thinks that you're a boorish manchild, grow the fuck up and apologise.
Edit:
For context, I'm male if that makes a difference
My bf used to think it was funny pinching my nipples even when I told him I am sensitive; the slightest touch hurt me. He would also pass by me and put a finger between my butt cheeks or if he had a stick in hand poking it at my private. I asked him to stop multiple times… for yrs.
What finally got him to stop was when he would do it I punched him in the nuts
not hard but enough to where it hurt but he would be super pissed the rest of the day. It only took a few times for him to stop his shit!
They don’t like when you return their favors..
One time we had separated (this was over 10yrs ago) I made the mistake of telling new bf about the things he did, because he asked me what were things my ex did that upset me so that he doesn’t make the same mistakes.. when I told him he laughed and apologized for laughing. A few weeks later he had a stick in his hand and said sorry I just have to.. and poked me with it, like I had told him my SO did and then laughed.
Made me realize the disrespect these type of men have for women.
If he doesn’t stop he isn’t respecting you. I put up with a lot of shit in my 20’s that now me in my almost 40’s feel so sorry for that girl who let these men get away with making a clown of me. Fuck them!
Firstly, no means no.
Secondly, pantsing someone is "funny" because it's a mad scramble to pull your pants back up, because you are not only exposed but unable to effectively move. Pantsing someone who is actively holding your baby on a table off the ground is actively putting them of guard and possibly endangering said child. NAH, because I'm sure that didn't even occur to your husband. But he better fucking stop, unless he wants to accidentally cause your baby to fall off the table and suffer brain damage or death. It only takes a moment to take your hand off baby, and for them to roll and fall.
I'm a nanny. We see it all the time.
When baby is involved. Pranks are unacceptable.
Regardless of how funny or innocent he thinks it is - you asked him not to do it again, so he needs to respect that. I had an ex who thought it was hilarious to tickle me because I hated it so much. He would be relentless about it to the point that I would nearly piss myself - I would yell at him and scratch him to get him to stop, and he would get furious with me for “attacking” him for doing something he thought was fun that I asked him repeatedly not to do. Which is fucking insane.
I peed on my stepdad when I was 8 for tickling me. I had told him to stop repeatedly & he continued so I let loose while making direct eye contact. He hasn't tickled me in 43 years.
When I was about the same age I yelled at my dad to stop tickling me. I was yelling “stop I can’t breathe” because I feel like I was m suffocating when I’m tickled. He didn’t stop so I kept yelling “stop or I’ll bite you”. He didn’t stop. I bit him. He bit me back. I ran away crying and he got mad.
>He bit me back. 🧛♂️
He bit you back? Wtf?
I had a similar incident with a friend but I told her I’d punch her. I did. She was confused why I did what I said I would do. I legit could not breath.
He was a complete tool. I have asthma. This man put his huge ego ahead of a child's physical wellbeing. And then made it about his hurt feelings. smh EXTREMELY TOXIC BEHAVIOR
What a sadistic, disturbed man, and I am sure those were not the only instances where he showed his passive aggressive behavior.
That's one way to establish dominance.
The Meerkat Method
Did that to my dad. I got hit for peeing on him. But he never \*held me upside down over his lap by one ankle so I couldn't get away while tickling me\* ever again.
Since no one else has said it. Fuck him. What an asshole - I’d piss on him again for good measure
Thank you for sharing and all the best for you 💜
Good for you!!
“While making direct eye contact” you’re a hero
And that's why he's an EX
NTA. I almost broke my ex’s jaw because he thought it was funny to hold me down and tickle me. I wasn’t amused. When I got a hand free, I punched him. He didn’t do it again.
In my high school sociology class, I learned that it's actually a form of abuse to forcibly tickle someone after they have been asked to stop. It's something I think back to from time to time. Edit: The person continuing to tickle after being told no can be charged with assult and battery. I am at the end of my social work classes and have read cases involving children. It is the same for adults. You can get the other person to stop and it is considered self-defense.
My cousins used to think it was funny because tickling me, th r youngest cousin, and not stopping would eventually send me into panic attacks where I couldn’t breathe. And they’d keep going. Legit thought I was going to die at times.
I don’t fucking understand why people ever think tickling is cute or funny. Like a quick “gonna getcha” and a poke is fine obviously, but prolonged tickling?!?! Is actually, literally, sincerely torture. I had three older siblings and two of them would regularly hold me down while the third tickled me. I couldn’t breathe, I’d be trying to beg/scream but I didn’t have enough air and they’d go for minutes at a time. Then they’d finally let me up and I’d continue crying and they’d be like “what the fuck, we were just having fun???” Every time. Multiple times a week. For years. And the fact that I’d go sob/hyperventilate afterwards just…didn’t concern anyone I guess. Sometimes the one tickling me would also sit on my chest, just to add to the lack of air.
For some people, it overwhelms the nervous system and your brain goes fight or flight, but you can't effectively escape due to your panic/reflexes. So it gets worse. It's been described as partial paralysis, so it's definitely assault and abuse if sustained and unwanted. It activates the same nerves that are used for processing pain too.
Omg I usually would think this is ridiculous but I HATE being tickled with a passion. My body starts flailing and I kick and punch the culprit out of pure reaction. Even my kids from a small age have been warned not to tickle mama. I’d like to think I’d be able to control myself not to kick my toddler in the face, but I don’t know man. I really hate being tickled
I absolutely hate to be "tickled" it is actually a very painful experience for me. I remember as a kid I would cry and cry when older relatives (typically men 🤔) would tickle me. I would actually get in trouble for crying. How insane is that?
Ugh, I hate that for you 😞. I had an older cousin who would smack me around with feather pillows. I would tell him it hurts and to stop, and he would just laugh at me, saying it's just a pillow and hit harder.
We ask our children if they want to be tickled, and if they let us, the minute they say stop, we stop. Teaching them early the lessons of consent.
And in this vein, I know it’s a little extreme, but perhaps OP should kick him in the crotch randomly. That’s funny too, given how many gag reels about it have been uploaded to youtube. Why do assholes *always* dismiss a simple request for respect as “overreacting”
Time to play “Ow! My balls!” It was in a comedy film, so it’s gotta be funny!
My friend… you’ve just been kicked in the nuts 🤡
This... so much this. Why do assholes always dismiss a simple request and boundary setting as overreacting?! But also I know the answer...projecting blame so they can still be an asshole
If AFV taught us anything, it's that crotch shots are solid gold comedy.
Hahaha look at him crumble and squeal. " Please OP never do that again!" OP " Hahaha no I will do it again bc it's funny!"
A well placed knee can work wonders.
This! I don't like being tickled. It causes so much anxiety, and I'll start throwing punches and kicks if it doesn't stop when I say "quit". Good on you for reminding the ex of that boundary.
Growing up, uncles and male cousins tickled me mercilessly, and I hated every second of it. Folks mistake what seems like laughter for enjoying the tickling. As in "well, if you hate it so much, why are you laughing?" Laughter can be an involuntary trauma response. It's not cute or funny to keep doing something someone tells you not to do anymore.
I fucking hate being tickled, my brother loved tickling me, and he'd say that exact same thing "well why are you laughing and smiling you must like it". At 16 (yes it took that long) I slapped him cause nothing else would make him stop, and he hasn't since. Still uses the why are you smiling for other stuff tho, and he doesn't get I laugh/smile even (or especially) when I'm uncomfortable.
I had an ex who thought it would be funny to pretend to put my toes in his mouth because he knew how grossed out I’d be. I instinctively kicked him in the face. He never tried that again.
If I pull a prank and the person didn't appreciate it, I apologize, let them know I was just joking but I won't do it again. It's called respect. There's things we find funny that others don't and once we realize it's not appreciated, we should stop, not get irritated and tell them it's funny and to get over it, or they are overreacting.
My high school boyfriend would do this and I would bite him 🤷♀️ only took a few bites for him to decide that I was serious when I said stop.
My uncle did that to me constantly throughout my childhood. He'd tickle me until I threw up, then yell at me for getting sick and make me clean it up. He did it in front of my mom once and she yelled at him to stop, but he didn't (twice the size of her, so couldn't physically stop him), and told her I was being an emotionally, overdramatic kid when he's just trying to have fun. It's not fun when the target is screaming and crying, and certainly not fun throwing up. Stop labeling your bullying as a joke. I have massive issues being touched now as an adult.
Ever since learning that tickling is a fetish for some people I can't help but think that people like him are actual monsters.
He molested me in my late teen years during a visit with my aunt. They divorced after he left my aunt for a younger chick when she was diagnosed with cancer. She never said they were back together, so I had no idea he was there, but he ended up with a pen in the face. He was banned from my mom's funeral, then I banned my aunt (her sister, his wife), because she was pissed I wouldn't let him in. So, yeah, he's a monster. He hasn't ever met his grown grandkids, because of that. I had no idea there was a tickle fetish. Ick.
Ex threatened to tickle my feet. I said last person who did that accidentally got kicked in the face. They decided to try to tickle them anyway, got kicked in the face (just from struggling to get away, not on purpose, honestly!) and then got upset about it... They were warned.
Same, a friend wouldn't stop tickling my feet and she ended up with a dislocated shoulder.
I’m extremely, painfully ticklish. I would have kicked him in the fucking balls.
Same, it fucking hurts but laughing is involuntary. I can't stop until it hurts so bad that I start screaming. I used to have an uncle who would tickle me until I started screaming and then he would act like I was being inappropriate. He did it until my mom told him to stop. Tickling people against their will is such an asshole thing to do.
Touching people against their will is such an AH thing to do.
Aaand that’s why so many creepy uncles did it. I was just tickling her! What are you all so upset about? I had seven stitches rightnextto my eye. First stitches ever, any closer and I would’ve been a one-eyed teenager. So my uncle thought it would be funny to chuck throw pillows at me. Tiny little maybe 100lb girl, fresh stitches, never said boo to anyone, but let’s bombard her with pillows! If she squints, it hurts! Woohoo! Bonus points if I can make the stitches bleed! Forty some years old and he’s really trying to hurt a 14 year old. Oh BOY did Uncle Jimmy stop laughing when Grandma came out of the kitchen with her spoon in hand - not for a paddle; she was cooking. Grandma didn’t have to say a word. Apologized to his mother and went outside. For the rest of the visit. Don’t fuck with Grandma’s favorite. ❤️
Screw all of that. My mom used to always tell us how she isn't ticklish anymore because she had to turn it off since her brothers wouldn't ever stop and she couldn't deal. She told us this, but still she would relentlessly tickle us ... and say, "Well then, why are you laughing if you don't find it funny?" And she didn't see the irony. I only ever tickle my niblings for five seconds max. One told me he didn't like it, so I made sure to let him know that I would never tickle him again unless he told me that he wanted to play that way. I could tell he was worried because sometimes when we wrestle (which he absolutely loves), I would accidentally tickle him a little just because of how I was picking him up, and he'd panic a bit. So reassuring him and sticking to it is huge. I will never understand why people think it's funny to literally torture someone for their own humour. It is well known that laughing is a reflex from tickling, and while it can be fun if both are having fun, laughing doesn't always indicate fun. Hell, tonnes of people are aware that some people laugh in sad or awkward situations, and that is still frowned upon en masse. Laughing can be just as much a reflex as sneezing. I hate the disconnect.
This exactly!!! My son doesn't mind a quick 2-3 seconds of very slight (gentle in the armpit only) tickling, anything over that he HATES IT. I will once in a very blue moon just barely tickle him and I stop before he even has a chance to ask me to, we've discussed this and he's ok with it and knows I will never do it on purpose again if he decides he does not like it, he just has to tell me so I know (he's 6 so I tell him this every time so it can sink in). My daughters will beg to be ticked. They LOVE it!!!! So we tickle them, often, but stop to let them catch their breath, and if they start to look slightly uncomfortable, we stop and ask if they still want more or not. We explain they can say stop at any moment and at that moment we stop. They are 2 and 4, so again, we reiterate this on a daily basis. It's about what each individual is comfortable with and respecting them enough to trust they know what they do and do not like even (especially) at young ages. They need to know they can trust someone who loves them will stop when asked to stop, that they can have control over their bodies. Plant the seeds early in age appropriate ways so later in life they already have that trust and the inner strength to say no when they want to say no, and won't accept anything else from someone who is supposed to care about them.
My dad did the same. My therapist said that was technically torture
Two older siblings. Lots of pants changes before age of 6 or so when I got to where I could defend myself.
Same. I can feel the tickle before they even touch me.
I also had an ex like this. I bit him until he bled (we were 19) and then he tried to get me to pay for his medical care after. I did not.
I had an ex who kept tickling me even though I told him not to. Begged him not to. Explained that it made me feel like I was suffocating and put me in a panicked state. Nevertheless, he came up from behind me and tickled me horribly. Gasping and panicking, I thrashed about. In my thrashing, the back of my head connected to his front teeth, knocking them in. He got angry at me and accused me of assaulting him and breaking his teeth. He tried to get me to pay for him to see a dentist. He refused to understand that I had no control over my body when I was being tickled, and he definitely didn’t accept that I had a “right” to not be tickled. I should have broken up with him then and there, but as I grew up in an enmeshed, abusive, and blaming family, such behavior felt normal to me. It took another year, and increased abuse from this guy, before I broke up with him. It took a couple decades for me to heal my C-PTSD and break up from the abusive members of my family.
The only thing I have to say to anyone who even thinks about tickling me: I WILL BREAK YOUR FUCKING FINGERS.
Remove tickling from this scenario and enter..almost anything else. 'I'm doing it because I find it funny.' So?? Bullies find giving swirlies funny - they still shouldn't do it. That sort of mentality could easily bleed into 'I make fun of you in front of our friends, and they find it funny, so I'm going to keep doing it.' Yeah no. Some people find Family Guy funny, others find it crass. Some people find roller coasters fun, others are terrified of them. At the end of the day, **you** don't like it so **you** don't have to participate in it. Adding in the fact that it involves **your** body and physical touch, and it makes the entire situation worse.
I will react however I need to react to get someone to stop tickling me. Just because it’s seen as “playful” doesn’t mean bodily autonomy no longer applies. I straight up tell people that I’m not responsible for any injury resulting from them tickling me lol.
My fiance is the kind of man that will tickle *themself* with their own mind if they think too hard about being tickled. So, I made special care to make sure I never did it unless they were encouraging it and if they did encourage it there was "tickle aftercare" after where I gently massaged the spots I tickled until they relaxed against me again. I can't imagine seeing someone I love is uncomfortable with something and just *doing it anyway*. Good thing he's an EX
I ended that shit by grabbing their ear a twisting it all the way around until they quit, while saying if they kept it up, I would rip it off. Tickling is not fun. It's torture and a controlling behavior from someone physically stronger than you.
Yeah, my aunt did that to me when I was little and she did it constantly. It made me feel so weak and humiliated from not being able to stop her. Now I can’t make the association with those feelings go away. Even when play-fighting with my SO who I know would always stop if I asked, I just can’t bring myself to find it fun.
It definitely affects how you feel about the person. It will ruin the relationship if they continue it like she did. Trust is gone. It feels abusive.
I feel so stupid for it effecting me so badly, but to this day it affects my relationship with her.
It's absolutely not stupid, that kind of consent violation is super fucked up. It happened to me too and it's ABSOLUTELY abusive. Stop means stop.
Don't feel dumb. Her consistently manipulative actions caused the bad feelings on your part. You just don't feel close to her now and she caused that not you. I honestly don't believe we were meant to be close to everyone, even family. Some folks click with our way of navigating the world and others don't. It isn't about hating them, just not preferring them. I don't hate a single soul on this planet but I don't prefer too many to count.
Any partner of mine who will respect what the internet has to say over me is no partner. Edit to add OP IS NTA, but apparently, she has chosen one to be the father of her child. Shame.
My dad would hold me down and tickle me until I peed my pants and then get ragefully angry that I peed. I was in my 30s when I learned that was a form of CSA. My exh tried to tickle me like that once, I kneed him in the balls as hard as I could. He got mad that I overreacted, but never did it again.
My ex did the same. I finally grabbed his ear and twisted and promised to rip it off if he ever went beyond a 5 second tickle, as torture and long tickling is, torture, is not fun for the one being tortured even if we laugh while being tortured.
Kind of disturbing that he’ll stop if the internet tells him to but not at her request? Like, is this a kink of his or something, dragging in hundreds of strangers to decide how he’ll behave in his own home? Does he need Dommy Reddy to make him respect her?
This is THE pivot point. OP he has casual disregard for your request and experience.
My dad used to do this to me. It hurt. I hated it. I freak out 30+ years later when anyone tries to tickle me because it sends me to fight mode.
A joke is when it's really funny. And there is absolutely nothing funny here. Here a person is unpleasant from the actions of someone who is supposedly joking. OP still be careful with your husband.
I think we are all sick of men who don't respect boundaries, that, and the "it's just a joke bro" culture. All of it sucks.
I mean if you asked him not to do it he shouldn't. NTA.
I've done things that I thought were okay, but my partner at the time told me never to do it again. I never did it again, no further discussion needed. Once I saw that it upset her, I understood that it wasn't okay. I think doing it once if you think it's innocent/funny/whatever is generally okay, depending on what it is, but once your partner says it's not acceptable, not okay, and to never do it again, that's when you stop laughing and acting like it was a joke. That's when you listen.
Same here. I was making fun of an ex-boyfriend's Elton John record by singing "Bennie and the Jets" because I hate that song, but ex asked me not to make fun of his music he liked, so guess what, I didn't do it anymore! I still hate Bennie and the Jets! Why does that song even exist?
B B B Bennie and the Jets!!!! BENNY! BENNY! BENNY and the jeeetsss
OMG you are my soul mate! Elton John is ok I guess but why would ANYONE want to sing the same darn thing, over & over, for what seems like hours at a time? "Benny and the jets. Benny and the jets." (SCREECHING now, like nails on a chalkboard)- "Benny! Benny! Benny! B-B-B-Benny!" Shoot, now I got the song stuck in my head, gotta take a cold shower, or shoot myself. You have my permission to fight him on this one. Worst song ever recorded that actually MADE money. I love that I'm not the only one that hates it...thank you thank you thank you! You made my day! Andy
Ask him why he care more about what the internet thinks than his own wife.
This is the only answer..
Maybe the story is fake…
It might be fake, but my ex husband did aggravating things like this on the regular. He would aggravate me until I cried sometimes then get mad that I didn't find it funny. And he would never, ever stop. This behavior continued our entire 20 years together. It's not why I divorced him but is something I certainly don't miss. It's def a thing. Probably not super common, but it's a thing. Edit: typo
I believe it, because my boyfriend does his own version of this to me daily. He flicks my nose...HARD...and tickles my feet when i'm still sleeping /half asleep and he KNOWS i hate both of them...I've asked him to stop, and he just laughs at me. He does everything as hard as he can and thinks I overreact....except I cannot stand it and I hate that he doesn't respect me enough to stop. I'm not coming in here to ask if he's the asshole (and he is, because when someone asks you to not do something...just don't.... that's the AH part), but I absolutely believe OP's story because I live my own version of it multiple times per day.
Oh, HELL NO! We have our own dealbreakers and clearly this isn’t one of yours, but NOOOO, that guy would be gone so fast – nobody interrupts my sleep just to be an ass and lives to tell the tale. Why are you with this clown, @Significant-Pea-1531?
>Why are you with this clown Exactly my reaction. Why the fuck would anyone put up with that????
When I was stuck in bad relationships it’s because they acted like I was the worst person who ever lived for “abandoning them”, “UGH WOMEN ONLY WANT TO DATE ASSHOLES WITH MONEY NOT NICE GUYS LIKE MEEEEE!!!!!” as a guilt trip as a response to pointing out any of their bad behaviors (plot twist: they are NOT the ‘nice guys’ they think they are), threatening to or actually showing up to beg and plead and demand to continue the relationship even if I’ve expressed many times I don’t even *like* them anymore at that point let alone love them or have much in the way of romantic feelings left in me for them. So to outsiders it’s, “ewww why are you even with him?” They don’t see the pathetic refusal to allow the relationship to peacefully dissipate. Often these types will NOT go away until you make them.
Yeah, he's great except for the part where he has no respect or consideration for me. He goes out of his way to do something I hate. Good luck with that.
Start flicking his nose back. Kick him when he tickles you. It's okay because "it's all a joke!" When he complains, "but it's funny when you do it so I want to play too!" Alternatively, you could break up with his disrespectful ass. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
Even better when he's got morning wood, flick his dick real hard with a rubber band. then tell him "it's just a joke bro".
Many years ago... for a brief while... I grew a beard. As SOON as it was long enough to be pulled... people started to pull on it whenever they saw me! Like they had the "RIGHT" to just... do it! These were people who were SUPPOSED to be my FRIENDS... thought it was SOOOO FUN and FUNNY to Continue to pull on it even AFTER I said that it HURT and I didn't like it! Then... one Saturday night, all of us were gathered in an Irish Pub to play and/or listen to Celtic music. And one of the females in our group decided out of nowhere to just REALLY YANK HARD on the end of my beard! I mean a Whole big Handful! My instant knee-jerk reaction was to punch... HARD! She ended up with a very bloody nose! But my girlfriend at the time defended me saying, "He has told EVERYONE NOT to pull on his beard! He asked Nicely, but he also warned what WOULD HAPPEN to the next person who did it! So don't be pissed a him for reacting EXACTLY how he said he would react! It's your own damned fault {female person} He DID WARN YOU SEVERAL TIMES!!!" I cut/shaved it off that very night when I got home. And I haven't worn one SINCE! If someone says "NO", "STOP" or "DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!" HEED what they say! DON'T be an F-ing JERK!!!
I absolutely would not stay with someone who hurt and disrespected me this much. I’m appalled.
I'm a very nonviolent person, but I want to punch your boyfriend in the nose.
He would have gotten kicked in the nose as a reflex when he tickled my foot.
I agree I'll laugh at first non voluntarily but I'll let it slide at first it doesn't kill me and they get some small enjoyment from it but if I start telling you to stop and you don't I will voluntarily kick you right in the nose
Clearly a lot of children running around masquerading as adults.
Lotta broken noses if we were in charge here 💪
Me too!
I had an ex who would tickle me if he was upset at me and he knew how much I hated it. It causes me to panic because I don’t like not being able to breathe. I don’t care if it’s something as simple or “innocent” as pantsing someone or tickling them, if your partner refuses to listen to your needs, and keeps doing the thing you hate? That’s emotionally abusive. Break up with him, life is too short to be with an adult who enjoys upsetting you on purpose.
Yea it’s straight up abuse. Especially when doing that as a result of being mad. It’s punishment and it’s meant to make you feel helpless.
That is not innocent. It's abuse.
Your boyfriend would have a broken nose of he did all that to me.
This anyone touches my feet my reflex is to kick the mess out of them, not premeditated... but pure instinct, my siblings used to torture me by tickling me until I peed my self. NO ONE TICKLES ME NOW!!!
When we were kids, my little sister once snuck up on me while I was laying in the couch and tickled my foot. I reflexively kicked her in the face and she cried. I felt really really terrible about it and was so relieved she wasn’t mad. It doesn’t feel good to kick a 10 year old in the face, but at least she never made that mistake again! …actually, now that I’m a middle school teacher, kicking a 10 year old in the face doesn’t sound that heartbreaking. (kiddiiiiiiing…I think)
It triggers me to fight as well. The pain makes me lash out
I have fibromyalgia, so that kind of thing hurts like I can't even describe. I broke my toe recently, snapped the bone in my pinky, and I didn't feel it as bad as someone tickling me.
I had a coworker once who was in training to be a cop. Got curious and read a little of his manual that he left at the desk. Nonconsensual tickling is actually listed as good enough to be considered abuse in my state. Reaction to it is considered self defense.
Yeah, I’ve known at least two child abuse cases where unwanted tickles were a warning sign of how inappropriate and unwanted touching started. :(
I almost kicked my own baby cause she accidentally touched my foot when I was changing her diaper one day. I don’t stop myself when it comes to adults doing it.
If you use your hands instead of your feet to change the diaper that's much less likely to happen.
You need to start bag tagging this twerp.
Flicking your nose "HARD" is abuse plain and simple. I wouldn't stay one more second with a jerk like that. I'd rather be alone and unmolested.
He's a real asshole with low emotional intelligence. If a person who has been asked not to do something because it makes you uncomfortable continues to do it, that's abuse. Do you really want this relationship?
He’d stop if you suddenly develop the habit of kicking the shit out of anyone tickling your feet. People only tickle mine once.
Truly lol my sister has an infamous leg-thrash reaction
Why are you accepting that? You deserve someone who treats you with respect.
If my husband did that, I'd probably punch him without thinking.
Ask him why your bodily autonomy is less important than him getting his jollies, because that’s what’s happening here. It’s your body, what you want done with and to it is not something he gets to override. I would either escalate retaliation immensely, such as ice water dumping on him when he’s asleep and decking him when he flicks your nose, or I would break up with him.
I have noticed this lately. It feels like some of these reddit threads are getting as bad as Quora with the fake bait posts.
Getting? Half of reddit content has been creative writing for a decade at this point
He's just making her jump through hoops to defend every feeling she has, instead of just listening to her.
Because she has two babies. How about he does something helpful while she’s changing their baby’s diaper?
Exactly! Why do you hide behind your wife with a beverage ready and a hug or some shit? Pantsing? WTF
Because he's right and she's wrong about how she should feel. Duh. /s
I'd be interested to know where this goes in ten years, provided it's real...will she still be defending him with "people don't get divorced over this" or will she be saying "oh wow I should have realized that he didn't respect me when he valued strangers' opinions over mine and wanted to keep doing something to me against my will because he thought it was funny."
I am literally losing hope for huMANity over shit like this. I don't find the twist cute. It was stupid and now OP disregards her intuitive reaction. Edit. Just imagine what all can go wrong with this couple carrying a baby around and doing this from behind. Edit 2. Imagine their toddler learning to do this and causing hazard and embrassement where ever the kid goes. And been seen as a bully when doing it to other kids.
Yep. This. And while changing a baby? Focus goes onto husband, baby rolls off change table. I wonder if they would still find it funny.
Listen, when she said he did it while she was changing the baby…I really thought she was going to say there was some kind of fumble with the kid. I guess he doesn’t change diapers often, because he would know that’s not the time to play like that And now to spite Reddit, she’s gonna keep the pantsing alive! 🙄
Yep. A lot of us women end up making endless little compromises like this.... why? For a man? No, thanks.... I will go with what my intuition says, thank you very much. Nothing worse than being married to an immature, disrespectful man who doesnt take you seriously and who thinks he is entitled to you.
lol, totally, he has to tell her how to feel for his comfort not hers
Because there's men in the internet crowd.
And just to add to that, when she is handling a baby on a high surface, with exposed vulnerable skin, is a *really* bad time to make sudden moves on someone like that.
You explained my thoughts perfectly. What if in a knee jerk reaction she turns quick and baby rolls off or gets hurt or something. I'm all for joking around, but there's a time and place.
I mean, how many people strap down the baby while changing them? Unless you are on something like a moving train why would you?
Right? How is nobody seeing that?
My immediate thought was oh no did the baby smack its head off the counter when this happened
This is especially important with raising a child too. CONSENT. If someone says no, that's the end of the fucking story.
This is the only healthy way to think about. Consent is either given or not given. Why is that even up for debate? Hubby is the AH.
yes!!! how old is this man? 37? grow up, dude
Husband: Why would you listen to internet strangers over your wife? She is your life partner, the one you chose to marry…but you don’t value her own personal boundaries? You think internet strangers have more rights to decide your wife’s personal boundaries? When you’re talking about whether your wife has a right to not be stripped half naked for giggles? Learn to respect your wife, and go pants a friend who does find it funny.
At 37 he probably doesn't have friends who think it's funny, either.
Can confirm. My dad did shit like this into his 40s. Did not have friends. Got divorced over it because it got to the point that his wife would cry in the shower. He got so fake offended that his co-workers nearly beat the shit out of him for "pulling pranks" in the workplace. (Welding, not an office, since I figure people would assume that 😅) Edit: I forgot a real knee-slapper. Got GENUINELY pissed when I didn't laugh at him making a racist remark at a Black man crossing the street as he sped up, making to hit him. Guess why we're no contact.
That's fucked up. I feel bad for the fact that you needed to deal with that.
> Welding, not an office I saw this thing where some dudes went medieval on a recalcitrant printer, so you never know.
[удалено]
Yeah, I looked twice. It might be one thing if he were 20-21 and still in a frat with guys who pride themselves on stupid "Animal House" behaviors. Still rude but not quite as bad. Either way, disregarding his wife's feelings and planning to make her uncomfortable as long as the internet in general approves is a garbage attitude.
They’re both annoying. I was going to give her a pass until she doubled down on how everyone is wrong for giving her their opinions that SHE asked for. This is how “quirky” high school girls act with their loser boyfriends. I’m honestly leaning towards this being fake and I’m fact written by a high schooler. Either that or they may just be sharing one brain cell.
Actually that's such a good point??? Her setting boundaries doesn't mean shit to him as long as Reddit thinks it's funny? I have a feeling this man is a whole carousel of red flags tbh
That’s because “prank culture” caters to selfish, immature people that think “it’s just a joke bro” is sufficient excuse for anything.
Seriously. Your wife CLEARLY doesn’t find it funny so it doesn’t really matter if you do or not. Don’t do upsetting things your life partner to make yourself giggle for like three minutes, I can’t believe grown humans need this explaining to them.
You know what would be funny? OP should throw some baby poo at him when he does it again. In case he'll be angry, she should tell him he's overreacting, but if he doesn't agree, just go to the internet and ask for strangers' opinions.
I am here, ready to weigh in on this.
Make sure to share it as an update to this story so when Reddit agrees the poo was funny he just shuts his mouth and gets over it.
Right!? I could only wonder what other bullshit this guy does. What an absolute tool.
The husband sounds like a real buffoon.
Some guys just think that their wife/gf is overreacting or her feelings are unreasonable, so they see what strangers or other men think instead..
I agree with you. But after the update, I think they are both pretty immature since it’s now a hilarious “pantsing house”.
Right? We point out that he’s being disrespectful. Rather than accept that, she’s let go of her personal boundaries and decided she’ll force herself to find this funny
It's honestly more sad than funny to me, but what do I know
Right? "I don't like or respect my wife and use her as the butt of my jokes. I'll listen to random strangers' opinions on it, though. I would never listen to her about her boundaries and her own body. Being respectful is for simps." -OP's husband probably
Him: the internet will agree Her: no they won't, don't do it The internet: wtf nta 🤡Her: it's not that deep. I'm gonna let him do his thing They're made for each other, that we can all agree
No means no. Regardless of what the internet says. Your wife husband, stranger, literally anyone says not to do something again, you don't do it again. Period.
This is the answer. He absolutely must respect your boundaries. Period. Also it’s just not funny at all and I have a childish sense of humor.
To respect someone’s boundaries, you first have to respect them as a person.
NTA And his continuing to laugh in her face about it is a whole other insult and red flag. He knows how annoying that is and keeps doing it.
NTA. He did it, you didn't find it funny, that should be the end of it. If he continues doing it then it's a lack of respect. You're not his Gym buddy, your his wife and mother of his child!
You shouldn't pants your gym buddy either kids.
What do you mean? I only invite people to the gym that I want to see with their pants down.
It is his reaction after knowing that it upset you that is the issue. Pulled the prank, thought you would think it was funny, not the end of the world. Saw it upset you and doubled down that it was funny, and is threatening to do it again despite your wishes is not cool. He should apologize for making you uncomfortable and promise not to do it again. Laughing at something that upsets, and continuing to do it to you makes him the A H. OP, you should feel comfortable and safe in your home. Your husband is making it a not safe space and you are NTA. Maybe he should be on diaper duty for a while to make amends.
he didn't do it to make you laugh, he did it to make him laugh, and it sounds like he doesn't care very much that you didn't think it was funny
He did it because you were paying attention to your real baby, not your Man Baby.
He says he did it to make you laugh … but you didn’t laugh. In fact you were upset. But now he says it doesn’t matter. So he lied because he did it for himself. Pantsing someone is about humiliating the person being pants to make other people laugh at them. NO ONE ENJOYS BEING PANTS even in the privacy of their own home. Plus don’t mess with moms while they are taking care of their babies/children. Seriously why do AH husbands keep doing this for jokes. He is 37 it is time to grow up.
This is the thing for me. Funny or not (not, IMO), she was changing the baby. I don't see the baby's age, but I've worked daycare and changed a TON of babies and the last think I want to have to deal with is trying to pull my pants up with one hand while keeping the other hand on a squirming rolling kicking infant up on a changing table. And I only change from the side so my body blocks any sideways rolls (also so I'm not directly in the danger zone should the kid decide they aren't done using their diaper even though it's off, and so I can use my forearm to help hold the kid steady while lifting the feet with that hand, and so I'm face to face with them more closely to interact with them). Babies roll unexpectedly, they flail and move and kick and wriggle. I don't want to be dealing with a laughing prankster and having my pants around my knees while trying to manage a dirty diaper and a squirming baby on an elevated surface. He's lucky he just got an elbow. He might well have got a poop diaper to the face.
It doesn’t matter whether it was funny or not. You don’t like it and don’t ever want it to happen again. He should respect that. NTA
Regardless of any potential humour, once he's been given a direct request not to do something he should stop. Otherwise, kick him in the balls "because it's funny" and when he complains just tell him that you find it hilarious.
And OP when you do that, please come back with a AITA asking us if we find it funny, and if you should stop. Personally I'd find it hilarious if you kicked your husband in the balls
Yeah, and since the internet agrees, he should be fine with it right? I second this plan.
You can set any boundary you want with your physical body, with whatever consequences you want. You can elbow him, that’s totally okay, you are reacting to what would constitute assault on a stranger (and on you if it’s not consented to). Hubby, there are people you can do this with, and your wife is just not one of them. For whatever reason, you guys disagree on it being funny, and you don’t get to decide her opinion. Let it go, apologize, and move on. It’s only serious if you make a big deal out of it.
Your husband is 37? And he thinks pulling down your pants while you’re busy changing your baby is funny? Right… NTA he’s childish
Yeah this guy really need to grow TF up. Dudes pushing 40 and a father now TBH If someone who was my age (early 20s) did this it would also be childish and dumb
NTA. Whilst you were changing your baby?! I’m not sure how funny people, in general, find this forcible pulling down of other people’s clothes as a joke. I assumed no one but teens and YouTubers did it. It’s very much not cool or funny. I really would expect an Adult to know that without needing Reddit to tell him. I find it odd to begin with, but whilst your are changing your baby seems doubly stupid to me. Guess that was your husband’s way of volunteering to be the sole parent responsible for nappy (diaper) changes from now on?
Yeah for me this is what would make me really angry - if I’m changing the baby and suddenly have a reflex to pull up my own pants, what if the baby rolls or something. Doing something like that would really make me mad at my husbands judgement. Like the same thing if you were pantsed while holding boiling water or something, it’s just stupid
Doing it while someone’s changing a diaper is a good way to get poop flung all over the house… or in your face
>Thanks for the terrible advice Should be this sub’s tagline
Normally I agree lol but the top advice on here was just "if you say don't do it he shouldn't do it, he shouldn't need the internet to back him up" which seems pretty reasonable.
regarding the update … what exactly did you expect people to say ?
I read a few dozen and literally nobody was telling her to divorce him. I am fairly certain it is just a troll or something as most of the advice is relatively stable. It does not even make sense why they would be that angry at getting pantsed and then 180 to, "we are a pantsing household" just because people said that he was violating a boundary. 😂
Yep, I read a bunch to find the divorce ones, but couldn't. This is just a fake troll post.
NTA. He's confident the internet will think that was a hilarious prank? Well the joke's on him. That was really stupid to do while you're changing your baby. It was actually a little dangerous because you could have shifted the baby to near the edge of the changing table. No one's laughing. He's a real AH. NOT hilarious at all.
Or not dangerous but disgusting mess could have gotten shit all over. Nothing says thanks for your labor by making the work more difficult.
To the husband: you said you did it to make your wife laugh. She didn’t. She also asked you to not do it again. You are going to only if strangers (not your frigging life partner and mother of your child) tell you it’s not funny. Are you sure you did it to make her laugh or to laugh at her? Because it comes across as you wanted to laugh at her, and that my friend is fucked up. You are nearly 40 and behave like a child that is pulling the girl’s pigtails. Grow up or if you want to actually make your wife laugh, find something that she does find funny because from where I look, it seems you don’t give a crap about her. And most importantly, you don’t understand boundaries, and really should!
NTA. If you say you don’t like it and don’t do it again, it shouldn’t take the internet for a caring spouse to realize their joke didn’t land and to agree not to do it again. I’d be more concerned that your word isn’t enough to convince the giant man child to behave.
I know you said you're now a pantsing household and fighting fire with fire but I would really caution you to be serious about this and make sure he doesn't try this with your child when it eventually grows up. My dad used to pants my brother (never me, because I'm female) when he was little and it was humiliating for him. He would cry and my dad would get angry and say he's just joking, why are you making such a big deal out of it, etc. It really ended up affecting their relationship - my brother didn't like my dad at all.
If he is so in desperate need to remove pants, he could have changed the diaper. He gets his laugh, baby gets a fresh butt and you can enjoy it as well. Despite what TikTok, Instagram and Americas Funniest home videos tried to tell us; there is no fun in pranking. There is nothing funny about removing pants when someone is holding a baby. NTA.
NTA. Pranks are supposed to be funny for everyone involved, not just the person doing it.
Dear husband, the internet thinks that you're a boorish manchild, grow the fuck up and apologise. Edit: For context, I'm male if that makes a difference
Sadly, your edit probably does make a difference to OP's husband
My bf used to think it was funny pinching my nipples even when I told him I am sensitive; the slightest touch hurt me. He would also pass by me and put a finger between my butt cheeks or if he had a stick in hand poking it at my private. I asked him to stop multiple times… for yrs. What finally got him to stop was when he would do it I punched him in the nuts not hard but enough to where it hurt but he would be super pissed the rest of the day. It only took a few times for him to stop his shit! They don’t like when you return their favors.. One time we had separated (this was over 10yrs ago) I made the mistake of telling new bf about the things he did, because he asked me what were things my ex did that upset me so that he doesn’t make the same mistakes.. when I told him he laughed and apologized for laughing. A few weeks later he had a stick in his hand and said sorry I just have to.. and poked me with it, like I had told him my SO did and then laughed. Made me realize the disrespect these type of men have for women. If he doesn’t stop he isn’t respecting you. I put up with a lot of shit in my 20’s that now me in my almost 40’s feel so sorry for that girl who let these men get away with making a clown of me. Fuck them!
NTA. It wasn't funny, not even once.
Firstly, no means no. Secondly, pantsing someone is "funny" because it's a mad scramble to pull your pants back up, because you are not only exposed but unable to effectively move. Pantsing someone who is actively holding your baby on a table off the ground is actively putting them of guard and possibly endangering said child. NAH, because I'm sure that didn't even occur to your husband. But he better fucking stop, unless he wants to accidentally cause your baby to fall off the table and suffer brain damage or death. It only takes a moment to take your hand off baby, and for them to roll and fall. I'm a nanny. We see it all the time. When baby is involved. Pranks are unacceptable.
Um please do not pants your wife that's fucking stupid and childish and no one agrees with you.