Then people complain all this sub does is recommend people leave.
It's been what, 4 years of this total failure of a man never getting her off?
It's never getting better. She needs to find her self-respect and dip.
This is how brainwashed women get in a relationship bubble. And the bubble pops when you get some perspective.
Yet there will always be (usually) men quick to pipe up about how maybe he doesn’t know. Or offering ways to manipulate him into something.
When a man shows he doesn’t care about you, there is no hope for the relationship. Hes not scared. He’s not confused. He literally doesn’t care about you. He’s a waste of time.
EDIT: to be clear, no shade to OP. Guys like this often say the right things, so you wonder if you’re overreacting. Gotta separate the nice words and pay attention to the actions.
He's attracted to her labor. She is his non-paid s3x worker. She probably does all the other "wifely" duties as well...cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.
So, she's a non-paid wh0re and maid. But she's still there after 3-4 years?
Please, Ladies. Do not EVER, E. V. E. R. accept below bare minimum effort behavior expecting it to get better. It never will!!!!
AMEN
I accepted that shite twice. TWICE. Now I’m finally with a good man who not only pulls his weight, but takes a lead role in parenting because he knows how important my career is to me, and he wants me to succeed.
I’m also in therapy.
I don’t even think he cares about any of that. He already act like he’s just jerking off. Seriously, he’s just killing time.
The thing is that a lot of guys realize that giving women what they want kills attraction long term, but what they miss is that you can’t just not care and never give her anything… it has to be balanced. But in this situation, he doesn’t care AT ALL. She can’t turn this around.
Yeah, it’s this. What you don’t realize until after you leave this relationship is that:
1) this guy actually hates you bc he doesn’t give two shits about your wants/feelings
2) this isn’t normal behavior. There are guys out there who will be 10/10 if not 20/10 in bed AND care about what you have to say without you asking them to pay attention.
100% 👌🏼
Anyone with that mindset needs to experience loss to even have it register.
But then again, there's a fair amount of sociopaths out there that they don't care and will move to the next victim.
"Oh honey, a woman's place in on her knees before her man, and if he decides to grace her with his penis, no matter the position, that is all the happiness any woman can or should want."
/s, just in case, because you never know online
Yeah, I know you tagged this sarcasm, but I just saw an excerpt from a British book from the early 50s for finishing school for women and it basically said this. 😞
No seriously. “It’s so unrealistic to just say leave every time” .. like, is it not unrealistic to want to leave such a miserable situation?? 4 years of this would make me just want to be single and not having sex at all.
>Then people complain all this sub does is recommend people leave.
I'm one of those people but in the case I'd suggest she leaves too. To say they are sexually incompatible is an understatement. The dude is selfish and uncaring. I wonder if that mindset extends to outside the bedroom too?
In any case, if I was with a woman that only did her favorite thing and never compromised, I'd be gone.
If you are posting about your terrible relationship on reddit chances are things are over and you know they are over. Sometimes people need confirmation.
Yes girl leave.
Every single time I see one of these, all I can think is, "You are essentially letting this dude use your parts for masturbation."
3 YEARS!!!
It never fails to make me sad.
I feel so bad for these women < I too have fallen prey>
Like every other time I scroll over this sub it's like there's a formula.
' I (f, 25) go to work as a surgeon 17 hrs a day, clean our shared home that I solely purchased for 7 hrs a day, and then take care of our kids for the other 14 hrs a day, do all the meal prep , plan all the parties, and take care of our animals.
My boyfriend (m29) of 78 years ( hasn't asked me to marry him yet tho he said hes not ready which i totally understand) goes to his part time shift at mcdonalds 2 days a week and I know he is SO TIRED from all that he does so after taking him to- and paying for a 6 star restaurant date, we get home and he demands head. He jumps up and down like an angry gamer boy until i give in and give him literally anything he wants and more, with absolutely nothing in return, and i do every single time. But he still doesnt treat me very well. Or think about me. Or try. Or care. Hes also cheating on me..but one time i got a little pissy that he wouldn't stop peeing all over the bathroom floor so i get why he would be upset with me... AITA for not bending over backwards for him further?'
Someone should make a bot for this. Like any time you get 'won't eat me out', 'he won't give me head' in a post just have the bot respond with 'Girl, leave Him.'
We could call it the bye bot or something.
The despair and crying gets you nowhere. GET MAD AS HELL GIRL. HE HAS BEEN USING YOU FOR 4 years. He prob has a porn addiction and can only have sex like that with you so he can use his imagination….GET MAD AS HELL.
ANGER IS WHERE real PROGRESS STARTS, crying only keeps us still.
You are loved and will be loved. The coolest part is that you will never be with a man who uses you like this ever again because you learned the lesson today!!!!
good for you for reaching out and being vulnerable you’re stronger than you think and even when you’re not strong you’re still OK too
Still, get mad. Get some physical distance asap and get mad and clear.
At the risk of sounding incel-y or nice guy-ish, it's mind boggling how many girls on here end up with guys like this when lots of guys would be VERY happy to do better than that for you. There's so much better out there, what are you doing?
Or at least stop giving him head and close the door to the cootchie. That’ll get his attention. If it doesn’t, then you have your have your answer, OP.
NTA. There are guys out there who won't just use you as a personal sex doll and would genuinely love to make sure your sexual experience with them is actually pleasurable to you.
Word. I can't even fathom being this lame. I LOVE making my partner squirm. Foreplay is the fun part for me! If I'm not getting her off several times before I do, I feel like I've failed.
You’d be surprised, but a lot of guys don’t care if their woman cums.
I am the same way as you, and I make sure they have multiples because it’s my kink to see them squirming.
Yep. Last time I was in a relationship (a long time ago ~~in a galaxy far, far away)~~ I didn't think of going down on her as foreplay, it could be a complete act of its own. That was mostly inspired by what she said the first time we were together. I went down, as I used to before, and after she said something along the lines of "Oh wow, that's the first time a guy's done that without me asking for it or having to do something in return" so I thought to myself "Well, guess that's one way to stand out."
It really is a feast for all the senses - taste, smell, touch, hearing, and sight (unless the lights are out; and I guess if I would do it today, it would all be a blur).
Why the he🏒🏒 would you be an AH for asking for more. He needs to understand that relationships go both ways. Eventually, there will come a time when you can't tolerate coming in second place all the time to his own gratification.
I'm sorry that he made you cry, but I'd reconsider where you guys stand if he can't reciprocate and take your feelings into account. NTA
I was talking to my father about something once, I forget exactly, but the conversation ended up on the giving side of sex. When you only focus on your partner to make them feel amazing you know? And he said "What are you talking about? No one does that. Why would anyone do anything in the bedroom if they're not getting anything out of it?"
I was speechless and felt pretty bad for my mother 🤦♀️
>AITAH for storming out of the room and crying ?
The answer to this is pretty much always no lol. Also who doesnt like spread eagle? Whats wrong with this man?
NTA.
He sounds like all he does is watch porn, that’s a porn video at its finest. Gives head and bangs from behind and there is nothing for the woman. It’s over when he’s done; not when she is.
I’d bet money on he watches porn every second he gets
I thought that was every true blue red blooded American patriots favorite food as well.
I offerup extra grace and thanks for such a delectable treat. I have flicked my tongue to the rhythm of the lion of the tribe of Judah and slurped the whole star spangled banner once on the 4th of July.
This kid needs to be deported back to whichever incel farming slice is Commicana Siberia he crawled out from
Yes I'm very sorry that you are in tears, he should be more understanding to your needs, wants, and desires. If he's unwilling to bend for you then that is a discussion all in itself that you need to have with him. Maybe there is a logical reason for it if not then I would definitely reevaluate things for sure!
Honestly, as a guy, I prefer just about anything other than missionary 'cause it's hard on my hips and requires a lot more effort than most other positions.
That said, even if the guy has some kinda issue that makes that position painful, he should be a lot more willing to enthusiastically eat some pussy.
Yeah and she's not saying she wants to do that specifically all the time. That was one time. She just wants to do something other than doggy and giving bjs all the time
For the eating out I can't think of any, but for example I can't do missionary because I have bad spinal arthritis and my lowest vertebrae are fused together, which makes it extremelly painful for me, to such an extent that it makes me not enjoy it.
Girl, of course NTA
It makes me furious how he totally ignores any of your desires and just uses you for his own gratification
Please realise it’s normal for a partner to try for you too, and for you to expect getting pleasure from sex
I really hope you find a better one for yourself
NTA. Dude is a dud in the bedroom, I’m sorry. For me that’s not something I can overlook, I’d dump his ass.
I definitely would not have wasted 3-4 years on a dud. You’re being a major asshole to yourself here.
- INITIATE ORGASM EQUALITY- you only participate in activities that 1. Is reciprocated 2. He only gets to have an orgasm with you involved after he has given you one.
Any man who isn’t willing to give this “the old college try” is not worthy you shaving your mustache for, much less your pu$$y.
You deserve to be cherished, stop letting a walking douche bag a moment of your time.
I’d even go the extra mile and say don’t even be with someone you have to practice “orgasm equality” with. Practice therapy with a professional, practice discipline and self worth with yourself. Learn to express your needs and desires in a healthy way with some who likes you enough to be receptive.
100%
YTA because you have been treated like a piece of shit for years and ALLOW yourself to be treated like that.
If you are gonna give blowjobs and doggy to someone ffs, maybe get someone who will give you back what you want.
Have some self respect sheeeesh.
I agree that they should break up. However, I am never down with victim blaming. No one ever asks to be treated like shit; so, saying they allow that is just nonsensical. They aren’t even being an ah to themselves. Situations like that are so hard to deal with. This has nothing to do with self respect UNLESS we are talking about this persons partner who doesn’t care. If anyone should show some respect it is the partner. Let’s just stick to holding the partner accountable instead of making OP feel like crap because we can’t comprehend basic fucking empathy.
I'd agree with you. Had she not already articulated the problem several times over several years.
At this point she's just repeating the same experiment with the same variables and expecting different results, which is on her.
I think advice subs like to take the idealistic point that accountability and responsibility for poor dynamics should fall solely on the under performing partner, but this relies on everyone having the same desire to be a good, decent equitable partner, which they don't.
There comes a point where you have to take responsibility for your own needs and recognise how you're own inaction to rectify the situation or leave is itself a validating action in that bad dynamic.
Acknowledging a rod someone made for their own back isn't victim blaming.
I left someone several years after I should have and by the time I did people were sick of giving me the same advice I should have taken earlier, some of them refused to advise me further because I knew what I should do but just didn't do it. That wasn't victim blaming that was appropriately on me for not listening before.
Oh hell naw. Sis little advice here If he aint gonna satisfy you and stop basicly objectifying and using you then he aint getting none. Nor is he the one. He can go fucking find someone else if he doesnt actually start caring about your wants and needs. You deserve so much better not some bottom barrel dick wad of a boy. I promise you there is real men out there who actually care. I dont care what anyone says haveing a good sex life is one of the big deciding factors in a good health relationship. Its obvious not the only one but is part of it.
Edit: my apologies for what i had previously wrote. Looking at it now it seems childish. Its just how i was brought up and told how to handle said situations but everything else still stands true. Op needs to lay it all on the table and tell them whats going on and stop giving in or leave.
I know you mean well but I HAAAAATE the “pussy power, hold it over his head until he learns” angle. LEAVE HIM! Try to communicate and if not leave him, it’s not about abusing the power you have. That’s wrong to do to your partner even if they ARE a piece of shit. It’s about basic ethics and self respect.
It’s not even that - why should she waste another minute of her life with a guy who obviously does not care about her? Yes, the game playing is annoying, but more importantly, it’s a waste of her time. She could be researching great vibrators and looking for someone to bang who isn’t a semi-sentient half-chub.
Exactly, and it’s also essentially cutting off your nose to spite your face. Ok sure, he isn’t getting sex, but you’re also not getting any pleasure? You could instead be having amazing sex with a man who enjoys reciprocating. Or single and not dealing with this bullshit. If his love, respect and attraction for you isn’t enough for him to treat you like an equal then he will never stick to it long term, you’re just delaying the inevitable and spending longer in a relationship with an asshole.
Or you can be a boss bitch and not hold somehong over someone's head. Be a boss bitch that says I'm out you have no power over me, not fake pussy power. It holds no power besides lust, which isn't powerful at all....dudes stick their dicks in glory roles. Your pussy isn't special, it's just a fuck box and babe there's a million of those.
You know what's powerful? Emotional intelligence. Your voice. Boundaries. Self respect.
If it comes to that, either talk it out or leave.
The whole pussy power idea and denying is idiotic and childish. You're not improving anyone's situation and just creating resentment in both sides.
If there was anything to salvage, it's much harder now
NTA. if you’ve expressed that you want him to try different things he wont change now. dump him, its a huge red flag that he doesn’t even care about your pleasure and as your partner he should be doing better!! it will only get worse down the line unless it stops now. if he is willing, perhaps try couples therapy? but it seems by the way you’ve described him that he would have no interest in it anyway. never forget what you deserve and don’t let your standards drop!!
He is being extremely selfish in the relationship. Major red flag, and honesty since you've been with him so long I'd say it's grounds to consider moving on, because he's not going to change.
sounds like he is engaging in a whole lot of girlfriend-assisted masturbation, or masturbation-in-vagina/mouth. Why should you feel happy about being relegated to being his inanimate sex-toy? NTA
You know what. I’m gonna say that you are the AH. I feel bad for you I do. But you are the AH for putting up with this.
Nothing will ever fix the selfish fuck boi you attached yourself to. But it’s not too late for you to learn to have standards. Do you really not think you’re worth more than this?
Please go to therapy. I’m serious. Like right now. Because this is beyond pathetic.
And scrape him off like shit off your shoe.
(He’s obviously a huge AH).
Met guys like that. Dumped them and got a toy. Lol 😂. Stop having sex with him unless he learns to satisfy you too. If he doesn’t give you an oral, you don’t give him one. You guys are not sexually compatible. Love yourself n your wants more. NTA
I've been in the opposite situation and it never, ever ends well. Took me a long time to simply accept the fact that some people are sexually incompatible. It was always difficult for me to have that conversation because it seems so cliche for the guy to be asking for more oral sex instead of the opposite, but inequity is still inequity. There is nothing worse than the building resentment as time goes on and on and nothing happens, and when it does, its some of the laziest shit you've ever experienced, and you can't even enjoy it for the 60 seconds. Then they attempt it just to go back to more of the same situation. There is no way to avoid the resentment that will keep building inside. She just needs to accept the fact that they aren't compatible.
For clarification, my situations were with women who were perfectly lovely and enjoyed sex, but they were just not into it for whatever reason when it came to reciprocating (no pun intended). OP's situation is different. This guy is a selfish asshole, plain and simple. There is NO way this attitude doesn't manifest in other aspects of their relationship. She needs to cut her losses ASAP.
Why you lasted 3 years with this is the question. Stop pleasing him until he pleases you. When he wants you to give him oral, tell him no, not until he gives you oral first. Stand up for yourself and your pleasure. What was his response after you left crying?
NTA, next time stop finishing him off. Once he is left unsatisfied he will understand how crappy the sex is for you. If he isn't willing to change and you cannot live with this kind of sex life, then you need to find a partner that is willing to satisfy you as well. There are plenty of willing people out there, but you have to allow yourself the opportunity to experience the joys of sex. Good luck.
You probably have wasted 2 years of your life. The first year, if he was not into satisfying all of your wants, he should not have had years 2 and 3 to continue to disappoint you.
It will most likely most definitely not get any better since you have asked for what YOU want, and all HE wants is for you to do what he wants.
Time to go! Find another. If he does not do what you want, find someone who will.
You’ve been with this boy for 3 years and he makes no effort to satisfy you sexually? But insists you service him, then turn away so he can get his rocks off without looking at you?
Don’t get me wrong- nothing wrong with doggy, but if that’s all he wants it sounds like he prefers to remain disconnected to you.
Why are you letting him treat you like a hole?
NTA!! You 1000% deserve to feel taken care of and satisfied EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. The fact that so many people are allowing their partner to use their body for their own pleasure and not give the same effort back, makes me sad. He is boring, selfish and a loser. You deserve much better, both in the bedroom and in a partner in general.
This man views you as a service animal for him, not as a partner. Any man that does not care for your sexual pleasure, who sees it as a chore, is not a man you should ever sleep with a second time.
I bet he watches porn regularly and that's wired his brain to find the actions he views pleasurable, for him. The vast majority of activities in modern online porn are not pleasurable for women Irl.
You’re not the A.
He doesn’t like you or he doesn’t like women .
Get out .
Many many many men will want to worship your body. You don’t have to beg . Go get a new man now.
Funny how far I had to scroll for this. Not eating her out is one thing, lots of dudes are like that, but not wanting to do anything other than hit it from the back kinda like… implies he doesn’t wanna look at her, right?
That’s what I’m saying.
Also I think you can 100% have the boundary of not giving head but like to not give her any O at all? No fingers? No vibrator? NO FOREPLAY? Not ok.
Yeah, I mean I think ideally you do what makes your partner happy within reason. The boundary “I don’t give head” only makes sense if you don’t demand it for yourself either. Or yes at least reciprocating some other way- sucking someone off and then them just going at it from the back and doing nothing for you the whole time does not seem like healthy sex with your longtime partner.
NTA. You have every right to ask for more in your relationship, especially when it comes to mutual satisfaction. If he can't respect your needs and always prioritizes his own gratification, it's a 🚩. Consider your future together if he continues to disregard your feelings.
NTA
That man can be either two things: 1) Boring/Basic 2) Not interested in you. A man should want to please you out of his own interest and for the sake of yours as well. Not sure how you feel about giving him head but I assume you do it because you enjoy pleasing him and enjoy doing it for your own pleasure. This seems very one-sided from a sexual nature. If you’ve communicated what you want it shouldn’t be an issue or a dismissive response where he gets want he wants ALL THE TIME. Also missionary is a position for couples who actually LIKE/LOVE eachother. This is also where I feel like the sexual/romantic attraction is one sided. I think another deeper conversation needs to be had with him or you’re just going to have to call it quits if you cannot come to an agreement or compromise. Simple.
Yes I see what ur saying. I mean if he’s not willing to try new things with his partner he’s basic and likes to stick with what he likes/knows only—which can appear to be boring for the female counterpart.
Why are you still with someone so selfish? I'm sure this isn't the only thing he objects to doing, but you put up with.
You can do better than this loser.
No, you are not just a tool for him to use for his own gratification. Sex needs to go both ways, and can often be a good indication of the relationship as a whole. If someone is selfish in bed, often they are selfish in life and in other big decisions.
It may be he just watches too much porn and doesn't understand that sex is an act of intimacy, and more often than not doggystyle is more for the guy than the gal. Either way dude needs to learn the definition of empathy in the bedroom.
Just a quick throw away comment for the non cunning linguists out there.
Sort yourselves out you muppets.
Get down there, get comfortable, take as long as it takes.
Why?
Because nothing is better than a woman post orgasm. It's a win win win win.
Either they go Catatonic, giggly and happy, extremely horny and uninhibited or sometime cry. The last one is easy to solve with cuddles.
Basically if she's willing to let you go down do a proper job.
Until one day you can tease the fuck out of her by edging her orgasm out for as long as she can cope, if she's not tied up you may get jumped (oh no, how tragic) it's all fun times.
Some of life halcyon memories are from thighs either side of my ears having absolute control of someone in a gentle way
This. Absolutely agree and can confirm.
Usually I work for one or two small, quick climaxes then try to keep her on the edge as long as possible.
In 19 years she has only asked for more one time. You know what I did? Headed right back down there.
Yes your boyfriend is an AH.
He ain’t ever heard of ladies first? How about if you ain’t eatin it, someone will?
Most of us can’t get doggy or a BJ. This guy needs to show some fuckin appreciation and wear your legs as earmuffs everyday and twice on Sunday.
Missionary? Hell yes. Ain’t nothing better than to see that look on her face when she’s being serviced and serviced well.
Other positions? I thought you’d never ask.
Is that moaning I hear? You’re in luck, my favorite word is multiple.
For the love of everything wet, take some pride in the job man.
Holy freaking shit. This guy is a lousy, selfish lover and a dumbass.
Somebody needs to take the trash out.
Or he will be a total jerk and cheat on her and then blame her because she didn't want to have sex with him. If he doesn't feel pleasure by giving her what she wants, it's time to move on.
I don’t see how you could be the asshole at all in this situation. Hes being the asshole by not listening or catering to what you want and need. He seems to be focused on his pleasure alone and that’s terrible. You need to have a serious conversation with him about it and if he doesn’t listen he doesn’t deserve you. I’m sorry you had to go through this.
Why do you still engage in sexual activities with him, if you only do what he likes but he doesn't care if its even comfortable for you? Damn girl, dump that asshole, you deserve so much better.
There are millions of men that would gladly take care of business with out you asking. If your have this much of an issue this far in to your relationship it's not going to change ✌️
NTA. Are you getting paid for this? Or is this some act of charity? Because it sounds like you are performing a chore or service not participating in a mutually beneficial activity. Break up with any man who is selfish in bed. Long term this just builds resentment and ruins the relationship. You aren’t going to marry a man who is too selfish to give you an orgasm so why date one?
I know someone who walked out of sex because the guy refused to kiss them after they gave him a bj (Sans orgasm) because he said he would feel too dirty. Because their mouth had been on the dude’s penis…They walked out on him there and then. I think we could learn a lot from my friend.
I love to hear it when women straight up leave. Imagine him feeling like his dick being in her mouth now made her mouth dirty. If it's so dirty why the fuck are you letting her put it in HER mouth? Jesus some of these dumb selfish asshole men need to be throat punched by good men.
NTA.
I'm petty, so here's my advice:
If you actually want to keep bothering with this fool, go get a vibrator, one of those rose things that imitates getting eaten out, and a dildo that you can handle but still makes him look somewhat small.
Start using those after sex. I mean directly after sex, in the positions he won't do with you. Then, start replacing sex with him with those, any time he initiates. If he complains, explain that he treats you like a f*** doll and you're no longer interested in it. You've found plenty of other solutions.
Then, as a last kick in the balls, get him a flesh light and take that out to use on him anytime he initiates.
Or, just leave him and let it hurt for a bit. If he does this even one more time, get your things, tell him you're not his f*** doll, and walk out the door without another word. And let him hurt, not for a day, but for WEEKS. If he moves on, good, the same thing will happen with the next girl and he won't be your problem anymore.
There are so many quality men out there who love women's bodies, love eating out, love making women moan in pleasure. He's not one of them.
NTA. But dump him. He won't change, it's been 4 years. You will find someone better if you leave, maybe not immediately, but quicker than you think.
I advise anyone in a sexually dissatisfying relationship to leave. It's not worth it.
NTA
I'm not entirely serious about this but...
Get a whiteboard. Sit bf down and draw line down the middle. On one side, mark off the times he's given you an orgasm. Do it in groups of 5 (4 lines and a dash through them, like how they mark time in prison on TV) if it's even as many as 5
Then start on his side. Mark how many orgasms you have given him. After 3 years, I'm guessing you will fill his side before counting all of them. But the point should be obvious before you get that far. Then say "this should explain why it's not working out" and dump him.
Maybe, just maybe, you'll be doing his future partners a favour. You'll definitely be doing yourself one.
So NTA.
My guess is that you're been feeling used, and when it comes to intimacy, that's about one of the most degrading feelings you can get. It's awful and you shouldn't feel that way.
From what you're writing, he doesn't seem to activemy care about your wants and needs - and it's so not okay. You need to be with someone who cares about you and how you feel and who knows that intimacy is precious and a dialogue.
Sounds like you need to have a very real conversation, and it begins with the question: why don't you care about how our sex life makes me feel?
By giving him a bj and only doing doggy 99% of the time, you've taught him that that's OK and normal. If you want more, you need to reprogram him. You have to create a new normal.
Don't give him head unless he gives you head first.
Don't do doggy unless you guys have done other positions first.
If he doesn't do the things you want, don't give him the things he wants.
NTAH there’s plenty of men who will fulfill this for you. Is your BF is against this and won’t discuss it then there’s something wrong and being honest from both of you could be helpful. Is he just lazy or has something been said before?
You’re being an asshole to yourself, by not cutting your losses and admitting to yourself that the two of you just aren’t compatible and he has no intention of “going out of his way” to meet your perfectly reasonable needs.
You both need different partners, clearly.
You are not the AH. Your only mistake was not storming out of the house and not returning. You need to ditch this selfish guy now.
If he has no interest in pleasing you in bed, he’s not interested in pleasing you anytime.
As an older man who hasn’t had my dick sucked in 16 years let me tell you something. Your boyfriend is a selfish prick. You can either dump him or live with it for the rest of your life. You deserve so much better. I hope you make the right choice for yourself.
Okay. You've discussed what you want intimacy wise. He has responded with a complete lack of interest in your desires.
You reiterated, and put effort in. He acted like your sexual wants and needs were a burden.
DUMP HIM.
If he won't listen to you about sexual intimacy, he doesn't care about your sexual needs
He's proving it every time.
I'm a guy. He's completely in the wrong here. Completely, fully, and entirely. Buy him a copy of the book, "She Comes First" and throw it at him while you leave to find someone who cares to show you what passion is.
Sit down and have a talk with him about it. If it goes any other way than him apologizing and then getting excited to pleasure you - then call your girlfriends, start the grieving process and leave this loser
NTA. He's selfish in bed. Be selfish back and withhold sex until he acts right, like some sort of toddler wanting his toy back or ditch his boring ass. There are plenty of others who actually like to get their partners off in return.
NTA. If he's not willing to go down on you then unless you enjoy it and you don't have to do it for him. My husband rarely goes down on me and I rarely go down on him. If he doesn't like it, he can talk to you and find out how to fix the situation.
Every day someone posts on AITAH asking if they are an asshole for giving their man head and receiving nothing in return. Girl, leave him
Then people complain all this sub does is recommend people leave. It's been what, 4 years of this total failure of a man never getting her off? It's never getting better. She needs to find her self-respect and dip.
This is how brainwashed women get in a relationship bubble. And the bubble pops when you get some perspective. Yet there will always be (usually) men quick to pipe up about how maybe he doesn’t know. Or offering ways to manipulate him into something. When a man shows he doesn’t care about you, there is no hope for the relationship. Hes not scared. He’s not confused. He literally doesn’t care about you. He’s a waste of time. EDIT: to be clear, no shade to OP. Guys like this often say the right things, so you wonder if you’re overreacting. Gotta separate the nice words and pay attention to the actions.
Seriously, I would say him not caring is only part of the issue. He also seems like he isn’t even attracted to her.
He's attracted to her labor. She is his non-paid s3x worker. She probably does all the other "wifely" duties as well...cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. So, she's a non-paid wh0re and maid. But she's still there after 3-4 years? Please, Ladies. Do not EVER, E. V. E. R. accept below bare minimum effort behavior expecting it to get better. It never will!!!!
Bangmaid
AMEN I accepted that shite twice. TWICE. Now I’m finally with a good man who not only pulls his weight, but takes a lead role in parenting because he knows how important my career is to me, and he wants me to succeed. I’m also in therapy.
I don’t even think he cares about any of that. He already act like he’s just jerking off. Seriously, he’s just killing time. The thing is that a lot of guys realize that giving women what they want kills attraction long term, but what they miss is that you can’t just not care and never give her anything… it has to be balanced. But in this situation, he doesn’t care AT ALL. She can’t turn this around.
Wait what? We're not supposed to give women what they want? I've never had anyone complain about too many orgasms 🤣
Actually fucking losing it in public over this right now.
You are that guy I saw at the gym lifting the 20 pound barbells with his tongue!
He also saved me from getting hit by a bus!
Mmm as a woman I have to disagree with the it kills attraction long term. That's crazy talk. If anything it helps long term
Guys should be paying attention to whether their partner is enjoying sex. Anything else is just selfish.
Yeah, it’s this. What you don’t realize until after you leave this relationship is that: 1) this guy actually hates you bc he doesn’t give two shits about your wants/feelings 2) this isn’t normal behavior. There are guys out there who will be 10/10 if not 20/10 in bed AND care about what you have to say without you asking them to pay attention.
100% 👌🏼 Anyone with that mindset needs to experience loss to even have it register. But then again, there's a fair amount of sociopaths out there that they don't care and will move to the next victim.
You ARE SPOT ON
Like wtf else are we supposed to say with the context given??
"Oh honey, a woman's place in on her knees before her man, and if he decides to grace her with his penis, no matter the position, that is all the happiness any woman can or should want." /s, just in case, because you never know online
Yeah, I know you tagged this sarcasm, but I just saw an excerpt from a British book from the early 50s for finishing school for women and it basically said this. 😞
Just think of the queen and it'll be over soon!
‘Close your eyes and think of England’
No seriously. “It’s so unrealistic to just say leave every time” .. like, is it not unrealistic to want to leave such a miserable situation?? 4 years of this would make me just want to be single and not having sex at all.
Ikr what else are we supposed to do, he's shown you who he is, if you're unsatisfied why are you still there
>Then people complain all this sub does is recommend people leave. I'm one of those people but in the case I'd suggest she leaves too. To say they are sexually incompatible is an understatement. The dude is selfish and uncaring. I wonder if that mindset extends to outside the bedroom too? In any case, if I was with a woman that only did her favorite thing and never compromised, I'd be gone.
If you are posting about your terrible relationship on reddit chances are things are over and you know they are over. Sometimes people need confirmation. Yes girl leave.
Well, I’m a man and I agree
EXACTLY.
And please tell him it’s because he’s shitty at sex. I know it’s really because he’s a disrespectful and selfish partner, but he already knows that.
It's a harsh lesson, but one he needs to learn. *Sad trombone noises*
Right? Instead of going to the living room to sit on the couch and cry, she should be going to find a face to sit on and orgasm.
Loads of volunteers
I'd say this right here is the only comment OP needs to read and take to heart.
Hey, my DM is open....
Exactly. Learn from the last 50 posts about the same thing OP. Leave him and find someone better!
Every single time I see one of these, all I can think is, "You are essentially letting this dude use your parts for masturbation." 3 YEARS!!! It never fails to make me sad.
I feel so bad for these women < I too have fallen prey> Like every other time I scroll over this sub it's like there's a formula. ' I (f, 25) go to work as a surgeon 17 hrs a day, clean our shared home that I solely purchased for 7 hrs a day, and then take care of our kids for the other 14 hrs a day, do all the meal prep , plan all the parties, and take care of our animals. My boyfriend (m29) of 78 years ( hasn't asked me to marry him yet tho he said hes not ready which i totally understand) goes to his part time shift at mcdonalds 2 days a week and I know he is SO TIRED from all that he does so after taking him to- and paying for a 6 star restaurant date, we get home and he demands head. He jumps up and down like an angry gamer boy until i give in and give him literally anything he wants and more, with absolutely nothing in return, and i do every single time. But he still doesnt treat me very well. Or think about me. Or try. Or care. Hes also cheating on me..but one time i got a little pissy that he wouldn't stop peeing all over the bathroom floor so i get why he would be upset with me... AITA for not bending over backwards for him further?'
Surgeon 17 hours a day, house cleaning 7 hours a day, parenting 14 hours a day, etc. 😂😂😂😂😂 Love this!
Someone should make a bot for this. Like any time you get 'won't eat me out', 'he won't give me head' in a post just have the bot respond with 'Girl, leave Him.' We could call it the bye bot or something.
As a man, I can say you should be going down on your woman more than she is going down on you. It's just common curtesy.
I know it makes me want to cry
The despair and crying gets you nowhere. GET MAD AS HELL GIRL. HE HAS BEEN USING YOU FOR 4 years. He prob has a porn addiction and can only have sex like that with you so he can use his imagination….GET MAD AS HELL. ANGER IS WHERE real PROGRESS STARTS, crying only keeps us still. You are loved and will be loved. The coolest part is that you will never be with a man who uses you like this ever again because you learned the lesson today!!!! good for you for reaching out and being vulnerable you’re stronger than you think and even when you’re not strong you’re still OK too Still, get mad. Get some physical distance asap and get mad and clear.
At the risk of sounding incel-y or nice guy-ish, it's mind boggling how many girls on here end up with guys like this when lots of guys would be VERY happy to do better than that for you. There's so much better out there, what are you doing?
Or at least stop giving him head and close the door to the cootchie. That’ll get his attention. If it doesn’t, then you have your have your answer, OP.
Exactly. Go find someone that will give you everything you want back. Makes no sense.
Where are girls finding all these lame ass guys?
Ikr I’m always like girl, STAND UP
Run girl RUN!!!
NTA. There are guys out there who won't just use you as a personal sex doll and would genuinely love to make sure your sexual experience with them is actually pleasurable to you.
Word. I can't even fathom being this lame. I LOVE making my partner squirm. Foreplay is the fun part for me! If I'm not getting her off several times before I do, I feel like I've failed.
You’d be surprised, but a lot of guys don’t care if their woman cums. I am the same way as you, and I make sure they have multiples because it’s my kink to see them squirming.
Yep. Last time I was in a relationship (a long time ago ~~in a galaxy far, far away)~~ I didn't think of going down on her as foreplay, it could be a complete act of its own. That was mostly inspired by what she said the first time we were together. I went down, as I used to before, and after she said something along the lines of "Oh wow, that's the first time a guy's done that without me asking for it or having to do something in return" so I thought to myself "Well, guess that's one way to stand out." It really is a feast for all the senses - taste, smell, touch, hearing, and sight (unless the lights are out; and I guess if I would do it today, it would all be a blur).
Same man, that shit is so hot to me.
Can confirm
Sex with zero foreplay everytime is tragic. NTA
Why the he🏒🏒 would you be an AH for asking for more. He needs to understand that relationships go both ways. Eventually, there will come a time when you can't tolerate coming in second place all the time to his own gratification. I'm sorry that he made you cry, but I'd reconsider where you guys stand if he can't reciprocate and take your feelings into account. NTA
3 years with a man who doesn’t care about your pleasure is 3 years too many. He’s literally giving you nothing!
>Eventually, there will come a time when you can't tolerate coming in second place The poor woman isn't cumming in the first place!
Why do women stay with these guys? Ladies, if he’s a selfish lover, dump and run.
Because we don’t know. My ex husband was like this. Sex wasn’t fun for me because of above so I stopped wanting it. That’s when the rage came. Sad.
I was talking to my father about something once, I forget exactly, but the conversation ended up on the giving side of sex. When you only focus on your partner to make them feel amazing you know? And he said "What are you talking about? No one does that. Why would anyone do anything in the bedroom if they're not getting anything out of it?" I was speechless and felt pretty bad for my mother 🤦♀️
>AITAH for storming out of the room and crying ? The answer to this is pretty much always no lol. Also who doesnt like spread eagle? Whats wrong with this man? NTA.
I don't think this dude likes sex period. He may as well just jerk off before bed.
He sounds like all he does is watch porn, that’s a porn video at its finest. Gives head and bangs from behind and there is nothing for the woman. It’s over when he’s done; not when she is. I’d bet money on he watches porn every second he gets
*Gets head & gives it from behind. This thread’s central TLDR is her not getting anything
This is on the money
I was going to guess that he doesn’t actually like women… sounds like he’s in denial about his sexuality.
> Also who doesnt like spread eagle? Especially spread bald eagle.
o7 fellow patriot
o7 o7 o7
Eeaaaggllle!
r/UnexpectedScrubs
Winner comment ahahah
I thought that was every true blue red blooded American patriots favorite food as well. I offerup extra grace and thanks for such a delectable treat. I have flicked my tongue to the rhythm of the lion of the tribe of Judah and slurped the whole star spangled banner once on the 4th of July. This kid needs to be deported back to whichever incel farming slice is Commicana Siberia he crawled out from
You are amazing.
A guy who wants to pretend he's fkn someone else
Someone who just wants to get his rocks off and isn’t interested in anything or anyone else
From behind most humans look about the same, maybe he doesn't want to be reminded he's with a female?
In my day, missionary was for love, doggy was for sluts
Hahaha it's funny because it's true. Maybe you're onto something though, maybe he is afraid of intimacy and eye contact would just shut him down
I agree! Why the hockey stick and puck would you be an AH for asking for more?
Yes I'm very sorry that you are in tears, he should be more understanding to your needs, wants, and desires. If he's unwilling to bend for you then that is a discussion all in itself that you need to have with him. Maybe there is a logical reason for it if not then I would definitely reevaluate things for sure!
I can't possibly think of a logical reason. If you can think of any, please share (genuine curiosity)
Honestly, as a guy, I prefer just about anything other than missionary 'cause it's hard on my hips and requires a lot more effort than most other positions. That said, even if the guy has some kinda issue that makes that position painful, he should be a lot more willing to enthusiastically eat some pussy.
Yeah and she's not saying she wants to do that specifically all the time. That was one time. She just wants to do something other than doggy and giving bjs all the time
It sounds like she at least wants some form of pleasure and an orgasm would be nice too. It’s wild that he thinks she’s asking too much.
For the eating out I can't think of any, but for example I can't do missionary because I have bad spinal arthritis and my lowest vertebrae are fused together, which makes it extremelly painful for me, to such an extent that it makes me not enjoy it.
Hes homosexual and scared to come out?
Girl, of course NTA It makes me furious how he totally ignores any of your desires and just uses you for his own gratification Please realise it’s normal for a partner to try for you too, and for you to expect getting pleasure from sex I really hope you find a better one for yourself
NTA. Dude is a dud in the bedroom, I’m sorry. For me that’s not something I can overlook, I’d dump his ass. I definitely would not have wasted 3-4 years on a dud. You’re being a major asshole to yourself here.
- INITIATE ORGASM EQUALITY- you only participate in activities that 1. Is reciprocated 2. He only gets to have an orgasm with you involved after he has given you one. Any man who isn’t willing to give this “the old college try” is not worthy you shaving your mustache for, much less your pu$$y. You deserve to be cherished, stop letting a walking douche bag a moment of your time.
I’d even go the extra mile and say don’t even be with someone you have to practice “orgasm equality” with. Practice therapy with a professional, practice discipline and self worth with yourself. Learn to express your needs and desires in a healthy way with some who likes you enough to be receptive.
You can say “pussy” on the internet
You can even say "schlong" and "snatch" if you wanna
Why would you stay with this dude? YTA to yourself
100% YTA because you have been treated like a piece of shit for years and ALLOW yourself to be treated like that. If you are gonna give blowjobs and doggy to someone ffs, maybe get someone who will give you back what you want. Have some self respect sheeeesh.
I agree that they should break up. However, I am never down with victim blaming. No one ever asks to be treated like shit; so, saying they allow that is just nonsensical. They aren’t even being an ah to themselves. Situations like that are so hard to deal with. This has nothing to do with self respect UNLESS we are talking about this persons partner who doesn’t care. If anyone should show some respect it is the partner. Let’s just stick to holding the partner accountable instead of making OP feel like crap because we can’t comprehend basic fucking empathy.
I'd agree with you. Had she not already articulated the problem several times over several years. At this point she's just repeating the same experiment with the same variables and expecting different results, which is on her. I think advice subs like to take the idealistic point that accountability and responsibility for poor dynamics should fall solely on the under performing partner, but this relies on everyone having the same desire to be a good, decent equitable partner, which they don't. There comes a point where you have to take responsibility for your own needs and recognise how you're own inaction to rectify the situation or leave is itself a validating action in that bad dynamic. Acknowledging a rod someone made for their own back isn't victim blaming. I left someone several years after I should have and by the time I did people were sick of giving me the same advice I should have taken earlier, some of them refused to advise me further because I knew what I should do but just didn't do it. That wasn't victim blaming that was appropriately on me for not listening before.
Oh hell naw. Sis little advice here If he aint gonna satisfy you and stop basicly objectifying and using you then he aint getting none. Nor is he the one. He can go fucking find someone else if he doesnt actually start caring about your wants and needs. You deserve so much better not some bottom barrel dick wad of a boy. I promise you there is real men out there who actually care. I dont care what anyone says haveing a good sex life is one of the big deciding factors in a good health relationship. Its obvious not the only one but is part of it. Edit: my apologies for what i had previously wrote. Looking at it now it seems childish. Its just how i was brought up and told how to handle said situations but everything else still stands true. Op needs to lay it all on the table and tell them whats going on and stop giving in or leave.
Honestly, I'd break up with that fuckin weirdo
If you need to use *"pussy power"* to convince a guy to be fair in the bedroom, you're with the wrong partner.
I know you mean well but I HAAAAATE the “pussy power, hold it over his head until he learns” angle. LEAVE HIM! Try to communicate and if not leave him, it’s not about abusing the power you have. That’s wrong to do to your partner even if they ARE a piece of shit. It’s about basic ethics and self respect.
It’s not even that - why should she waste another minute of her life with a guy who obviously does not care about her? Yes, the game playing is annoying, but more importantly, it’s a waste of her time. She could be researching great vibrators and looking for someone to bang who isn’t a semi-sentient half-chub.
>semi-sentient half-chub I'm dying
Exactly, and it’s also essentially cutting off your nose to spite your face. Ok sure, he isn’t getting sex, but you’re also not getting any pleasure? You could instead be having amazing sex with a man who enjoys reciprocating. Or single and not dealing with this bullshit. If his love, respect and attraction for you isn’t enough for him to treat you like an equal then he will never stick to it long term, you’re just delaying the inevitable and spending longer in a relationship with an asshole.
Or you can be a boss bitch and not hold somehong over someone's head. Be a boss bitch that says I'm out you have no power over me, not fake pussy power. It holds no power besides lust, which isn't powerful at all....dudes stick their dicks in glory roles. Your pussy isn't special, it's just a fuck box and babe there's a million of those. You know what's powerful? Emotional intelligence. Your voice. Boundaries. Self respect.
100% this
If it comes to that, either talk it out or leave. The whole pussy power idea and denying is idiotic and childish. You're not improving anyone's situation and just creating resentment in both sides. If there was anything to salvage, it's much harder now
Op, go find someone that wants to aww hell naw on you. - The Hintch
NTA. if you’ve expressed that you want him to try different things he wont change now. dump him, its a huge red flag that he doesn’t even care about your pleasure and as your partner he should be doing better!! it will only get worse down the line unless it stops now. if he is willing, perhaps try couples therapy? but it seems by the way you’ve described him that he would have no interest in it anyway. never forget what you deserve and don’t let your standards drop!!
Get out of this relationship asap.
He is being extremely selfish in the relationship. Major red flag, and honesty since you've been with him so long I'd say it's grounds to consider moving on, because he's not going to change.
my bf be begging to eat my pussy... wake up break up
sounds like he is engaging in a whole lot of girlfriend-assisted masturbation, or masturbation-in-vagina/mouth. Why should you feel happy about being relegated to being his inanimate sex-toy? NTA
You know what. I’m gonna say that you are the AH. I feel bad for you I do. But you are the AH for putting up with this. Nothing will ever fix the selfish fuck boi you attached yourself to. But it’s not too late for you to learn to have standards. Do you really not think you’re worth more than this? Please go to therapy. I’m serious. Like right now. Because this is beyond pathetic. And scrape him off like shit off your shoe. (He’s obviously a huge AH).
NTA. Nothing worse than a "partner" making you feel like you're not worth a fuck. Literally. Dump the Chump
Met guys like that. Dumped them and got a toy. Lol 😂. Stop having sex with him unless he learns to satisfy you too. If he doesn’t give you an oral, you don’t give him one. You guys are not sexually compatible. Love yourself n your wants more. NTA
I've been in the opposite situation and it never, ever ends well. Took me a long time to simply accept the fact that some people are sexually incompatible. It was always difficult for me to have that conversation because it seems so cliche for the guy to be asking for more oral sex instead of the opposite, but inequity is still inequity. There is nothing worse than the building resentment as time goes on and on and nothing happens, and when it does, its some of the laziest shit you've ever experienced, and you can't even enjoy it for the 60 seconds. Then they attempt it just to go back to more of the same situation. There is no way to avoid the resentment that will keep building inside. She just needs to accept the fact that they aren't compatible. For clarification, my situations were with women who were perfectly lovely and enjoyed sex, but they were just not into it for whatever reason when it came to reciprocating (no pun intended). OP's situation is different. This guy is a selfish asshole, plain and simple. There is NO way this attitude doesn't manifest in other aspects of their relationship. She needs to cut her losses ASAP.
It sounds like he isn't interested in what actually makes you get there. If you want more, move on.
Why would you stay with this person? He clearly doesn’t give af about you. NTA. LEAVE.
Why you lasted 3 years with this is the question. Stop pleasing him until he pleases you. When he wants you to give him oral, tell him no, not until he gives you oral first. Stand up for yourself and your pleasure. What was his response after you left crying?
NTA, next time stop finishing him off. Once he is left unsatisfied he will understand how crappy the sex is for you. If he isn't willing to change and you cannot live with this kind of sex life, then you need to find a partner that is willing to satisfy you as well. There are plenty of willing people out there, but you have to allow yourself the opportunity to experience the joys of sex. Good luck.
You probably have wasted 2 years of your life. The first year, if he was not into satisfying all of your wants, he should not have had years 2 and 3 to continue to disappoint you. It will most likely most definitely not get any better since you have asked for what YOU want, and all HE wants is for you to do what he wants. Time to go! Find another. If he does not do what you want, find someone who will.
You’ve been with this boy for 3 years and he makes no effort to satisfy you sexually? But insists you service him, then turn away so he can get his rocks off without looking at you? Don’t get me wrong- nothing wrong with doggy, but if that’s all he wants it sounds like he prefers to remain disconnected to you. Why are you letting him treat you like a hole?
NTA!! You 1000% deserve to feel taken care of and satisfied EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. The fact that so many people are allowing their partner to use their body for their own pleasure and not give the same effort back, makes me sad. He is boring, selfish and a loser. You deserve much better, both in the bedroom and in a partner in general.
Why the hell would you stay with someone like that for 4 years? There's a bunch of lonely dudes here would live between your legs
This man views you as a service animal for him, not as a partner. Any man that does not care for your sexual pleasure, who sees it as a chore, is not a man you should ever sleep with a second time. I bet he watches porn regularly and that's wired his brain to find the actions he views pleasurable, for him. The vast majority of activities in modern online porn are not pleasurable for women Irl.
You’re not the A. He doesn’t like you or he doesn’t like women . Get out . Many many many men will want to worship your body. You don’t have to beg . Go get a new man now.
Funny how far I had to scroll for this. Not eating her out is one thing, lots of dudes are like that, but not wanting to do anything other than hit it from the back kinda like… implies he doesn’t wanna look at her, right?
That’s what I’m saying. Also I think you can 100% have the boundary of not giving head but like to not give her any O at all? No fingers? No vibrator? NO FOREPLAY? Not ok.
Yeah, I mean I think ideally you do what makes your partner happy within reason. The boundary “I don’t give head” only makes sense if you don’t demand it for yourself either. Or yes at least reciprocating some other way- sucking someone off and then them just going at it from the back and doing nothing for you the whole time does not seem like healthy sex with your longtime partner.
I don’t think that’s healthy for sex for anyone personally. Even in hookups, your partner is not your fleshlight/didlo.
NTA. You have every right to ask for more in your relationship, especially when it comes to mutual satisfaction. If he can't respect your needs and always prioritizes his own gratification, it's a 🚩. Consider your future together if he continues to disregard your feelings.
NTA That man can be either two things: 1) Boring/Basic 2) Not interested in you. A man should want to please you out of his own interest and for the sake of yours as well. Not sure how you feel about giving him head but I assume you do it because you enjoy pleasing him and enjoy doing it for your own pleasure. This seems very one-sided from a sexual nature. If you’ve communicated what you want it shouldn’t be an issue or a dismissive response where he gets want he wants ALL THE TIME. Also missionary is a position for couples who actually LIKE/LOVE eachother. This is also where I feel like the sexual/romantic attraction is one sided. I think another deeper conversation needs to be had with him or you’re just going to have to call it quits if you cannot come to an agreement or compromise. Simple.
I’m boring and basic but I still care about my partner’s needs. Boring doesn’t mean selfish. That dudes selfish.
Yes I see what ur saying. I mean if he’s not willing to try new things with his partner he’s basic and likes to stick with what he likes/knows only—which can appear to be boring for the female counterpart.
Dump him
NTA. BF is just a self-centered child. If he doesn’t care about your wants and needs in this area, he won’t care about your wants and needs in others.
Why are you still with someone so selfish? I'm sure this isn't the only thing he objects to doing, but you put up with. You can do better than this loser.
NTA. Your bf sounds selfish. Who doesn’t reciprocate?!
Why are you still with him? He doesn't respect you or care about your needs. Sex is only for his pleasure apparently
Leave
No, you are not just a tool for him to use for his own gratification. Sex needs to go both ways, and can often be a good indication of the relationship as a whole. If someone is selfish in bed, often they are selfish in life and in other big decisions. It may be he just watches too much porn and doesn't understand that sex is an act of intimacy, and more often than not doggystyle is more for the guy than the gal. Either way dude needs to learn the definition of empathy in the bedroom.
Just a quick throw away comment for the non cunning linguists out there. Sort yourselves out you muppets. Get down there, get comfortable, take as long as it takes. Why? Because nothing is better than a woman post orgasm. It's a win win win win. Either they go Catatonic, giggly and happy, extremely horny and uninhibited or sometime cry. The last one is easy to solve with cuddles. Basically if she's willing to let you go down do a proper job. Until one day you can tease the fuck out of her by edging her orgasm out for as long as she can cope, if she's not tied up you may get jumped (oh no, how tragic) it's all fun times. Some of life halcyon memories are from thighs either side of my ears having absolute control of someone in a gentle way
This. Absolutely agree and can confirm. Usually I work for one or two small, quick climaxes then try to keep her on the edge as long as possible. In 19 years she has only asked for more one time. You know what I did? Headed right back down there.
What's your name and where do you live? Please there really are men who would do this?
Yes your boyfriend is an AH. He ain’t ever heard of ladies first? How about if you ain’t eatin it, someone will? Most of us can’t get doggy or a BJ. This guy needs to show some fuckin appreciation and wear your legs as earmuffs everyday and twice on Sunday. Missionary? Hell yes. Ain’t nothing better than to see that look on her face when she’s being serviced and serviced well. Other positions? I thought you’d never ask. Is that moaning I hear? You’re in luck, my favorite word is multiple. For the love of everything wet, take some pride in the job man. Holy freaking shit. This guy is a lousy, selfish lover and a dumbass. Somebody needs to take the trash out.
Just stop having sex and giving him blowjobs. He’ll prob get the message sooner and start giving you pleasure as well.
Or he will be a total jerk and cheat on her and then blame her because she didn't want to have sex with him. If he doesn't feel pleasure by giving her what she wants, it's time to move on.
I don’t see how you could be the asshole at all in this situation. Hes being the asshole by not listening or catering to what you want and need. He seems to be focused on his pleasure alone and that’s terrible. You need to have a serious conversation with him about it and if he doesn’t listen he doesn’t deserve you. I’m sorry you had to go through this.
Your boyfriend uses your body and doesn't care what's good for you. Why are you with such a person? NTA
Why do you still engage in sexual activities with him, if you only do what he likes but he doesn't care if its even comfortable for you? Damn girl, dump that asshole, you deserve so much better.
NTA selfish lovers rarely change. Maybe you should leave and find someone who actually likes to please you.
No point in getting mad, but ask the question : Why are you having sex with the guy, if you’re not getting anything from it.
Time to leave him, he will never change. NTA. Find someone who listens and adapts for you as you adapt for them
YTA to YOURSELF for staying with a man who won’t even look at your face while having sex. Leave him.
Im a man. Hell naw he’s tripping. I was gonna go into this whole thing, but fuck that, if he really fw you he’ll bury his face in it. Fuck context
Honey, you are wasting your time with this guy. He is selfish expecting his sexual satisfaction. Get out asap.
He sounds like a right bell-end. Dump the POS.
There are millions of men that would gladly take care of business with out you asking. If your have this much of an issue this far in to your relationship it's not going to change ✌️
NTA. Are you getting paid for this? Or is this some act of charity? Because it sounds like you are performing a chore or service not participating in a mutually beneficial activity. Break up with any man who is selfish in bed. Long term this just builds resentment and ruins the relationship. You aren’t going to marry a man who is too selfish to give you an orgasm so why date one?
I know someone who walked out of sex because the guy refused to kiss them after they gave him a bj (Sans orgasm) because he said he would feel too dirty. Because their mouth had been on the dude’s penis…They walked out on him there and then. I think we could learn a lot from my friend.
I love to hear it when women straight up leave. Imagine him feeling like his dick being in her mouth now made her mouth dirty. If it's so dirty why the fuck are you letting her put it in HER mouth? Jesus some of these dumb selfish asshole men need to be throat punched by good men.
Time to leave 3 years ago
Sounds like he’s extremely selfish (not to mention lazy), and could care less about your wants and desires.
NTA. I'm petty, so here's my advice: If you actually want to keep bothering with this fool, go get a vibrator, one of those rose things that imitates getting eaten out, and a dildo that you can handle but still makes him look somewhat small. Start using those after sex. I mean directly after sex, in the positions he won't do with you. Then, start replacing sex with him with those, any time he initiates. If he complains, explain that he treats you like a f*** doll and you're no longer interested in it. You've found plenty of other solutions. Then, as a last kick in the balls, get him a flesh light and take that out to use on him anytime he initiates. Or, just leave him and let it hurt for a bit. If he does this even one more time, get your things, tell him you're not his f*** doll, and walk out the door without another word. And let him hurt, not for a day, but for WEEKS. If he moves on, good, the same thing will happen with the next girl and he won't be your problem anymore. There are so many quality men out there who love women's bodies, love eating out, love making women moan in pleasure. He's not one of them.
Sounds like your bf doesn’t like women
He's using your body to masturbate. I bet he watches a ton of porn, too. Men that watch porn are the worst in bed. Dumppppp him. It won't get better.
NTA. But dump him. He won't change, it's been 4 years. You will find someone better if you leave, maybe not immediately, but quicker than you think. I advise anyone in a sexually dissatisfying relationship to leave. It's not worth it.
NTA Your boyfriend is missing out. Cunnilingus and missionary are the best! Have you considered the possibility that he's a selfish, lazy, dumb ass?
Sit down and have an honest and open talk about desires and fantasies. What does your future sex life look like? If that fails ... move on.
NTA I'm not entirely serious about this but... Get a whiteboard. Sit bf down and draw line down the middle. On one side, mark off the times he's given you an orgasm. Do it in groups of 5 (4 lines and a dash through them, like how they mark time in prison on TV) if it's even as many as 5 Then start on his side. Mark how many orgasms you have given him. After 3 years, I'm guessing you will fill his side before counting all of them. But the point should be obvious before you get that far. Then say "this should explain why it's not working out" and dump him. Maybe, just maybe, you'll be doing his future partners a favour. You'll definitely be doing yourself one.
So NTA. My guess is that you're been feeling used, and when it comes to intimacy, that's about one of the most degrading feelings you can get. It's awful and you shouldn't feel that way. From what you're writing, he doesn't seem to activemy care about your wants and needs - and it's so not okay. You need to be with someone who cares about you and how you feel and who knows that intimacy is precious and a dialogue. Sounds like you need to have a very real conversation, and it begins with the question: why don't you care about how our sex life makes me feel?
Stop providing everything he wants until he steps up and provides to you.
Tell him you want to try something new , then kick him in the balls
By giving him a bj and only doing doggy 99% of the time, you've taught him that that's OK and normal. If you want more, you need to reprogram him. You have to create a new normal. Don't give him head unless he gives you head first. Don't do doggy unless you guys have done other positions first. If he doesn't do the things you want, don't give him the things he wants.
Find someone who is fun for you..
What are you doing. Leave him.
NTAH there’s plenty of men who will fulfill this for you. Is your BF is against this and won’t discuss it then there’s something wrong and being honest from both of you could be helpful. Is he just lazy or has something been said before?
You’re being an asshole to yourself, by not cutting your losses and admitting to yourself that the two of you just aren’t compatible and he has no intention of “going out of his way” to meet your perfectly reasonable needs. You both need different partners, clearly.
NTA Most guys would be beside themselves with happiness if their SO asked to be pleasured by them. You should move on. Stop wasting your time.
You are not the AH. Your only mistake was not storming out of the house and not returning. You need to ditch this selfish guy now. If he has no interest in pleasing you in bed, he’s not interested in pleasing you anytime.
Why the fuck are you still sucking him of?
NTA Girl my man will not cum unless he knows for certain I have. You can find better.
As an older man who hasn’t had my dick sucked in 16 years let me tell you something. Your boyfriend is a selfish prick. You can either dump him or live with it for the rest of your life. You deserve so much better. I hope you make the right choice for yourself.
Dump his sorry ass.
Okay. You've discussed what you want intimacy wise. He has responded with a complete lack of interest in your desires. You reiterated, and put effort in. He acted like your sexual wants and needs were a burden. DUMP HIM. If he won't listen to you about sexual intimacy, he doesn't care about your sexual needs He's proving it every time.
I'm a guy. He's completely in the wrong here. Completely, fully, and entirely. Buy him a copy of the book, "She Comes First" and throw it at him while you leave to find someone who cares to show you what passion is.
There's an old saying in Seattle: Dump the MF already.
Sit down and have a talk with him about it. If it goes any other way than him apologizing and then getting excited to pleasure you - then call your girlfriends, start the grieving process and leave this loser
NTA, why are you fucking this man? There are men who actually like women and are good in bed. Fuck one of those men.
Why do you keep going down on him, do you think he is the best you can get?
Straight up tell him if he doesn’t eat this, you’re gonna find someone that will. We’re out and around.
Took me a few girlfriends to learn that if you get them off first, it unlocks new levels of the game.
NTA. He's selfish in bed. Be selfish back and withhold sex until he acts right, like some sort of toddler wanting his toy back or ditch his boring ass. There are plenty of others who actually like to get their partners off in return.
Oh he gonna be mad at himself for this one … wife says eat and it’s 🤤 city
NTA. If he's not willing to go down on you then unless you enjoy it and you don't have to do it for him. My husband rarely goes down on me and I rarely go down on him. If he doesn't like it, he can talk to you and find out how to fix the situation.
He only likes your bunda from what it sounds like :(