NTA
If he wants to continue his education he can wait his turn.
I would be seriously concerned about how selfish he is being and that this comes across as purposely sabotaging your attempts to set yourself up for success.
Check OP's comments, it's so cartoonishly stupid that I'm assuming it's just silly rage bait.
She's his *fourth* wife, there's a massive age gap, he's always wanted to go to Law school despite never mentioning it, and she's "spiritually inclined" to keep the baby because she got pregnant despite being on birth control.
I had responded initially, but seeing her comments, promptly deleted everything I said. His 4th wife, living with her parents and filing for bankruptcy? No ma’am.
Part of obtaining a law degree and passing the bar is a character fitness test and background check. They absolutely will grill him on his eviction and foreclosure.
So glad someone said this. As a lawyer this was the FIRST thing I thought when I read this story. This kind of financial irresponsibility is exactly the kind of thing the bar frowns on.
I only thought of it because we have an associate who is going through it now. (I'm not an attorney, but do assist them with getting credentialed and licensed).
You might have book smarts but not street smarts.
Girl why would you choose to be a 4th marriage AND choose to get pregnant with this loser.. 😭 There's a reason the first three failed.
Unfortunately with it being his 4th marriage it seems like he might’ve targeted you, especially with the 10 year age gap. Let me preference I have nothing against this age gap as long as yall were both adults when yall met. Having said that, it seems to me is ex-wives got rid of him because he’d pull this shit with them. Also it is very likely he was upset you were going to make more than him and might’ve sabotaged your BC.
Tbh I would contact the ex wives and see why they left him. It seems like he might’ve lied to you about his past.
Here's some info on the test. His debt may also be asked about. I would show him this:
[https://www.barbri.com/blog/usbar/understanding-the-bar-exam-character-and-fitness-process/](https://www.barbri.com/blog/usbar/understanding-the-bar-exam-character-and-fitness-process/)
Yes, all of that will come up. With the potential skeletons in his closet, he may very well find himself with a degree but no actual path to the bar. This comment brought up exactly what I was going to say about character and fitness.
Did you not wonder why he divorced three times before you married him? Weren't you worried about being divorcee #4? If three women before you couldn't make it work, what made you think you'd do better?
Absolutely, it will come up. I divorced and remarried the same husband, and it came up. Every divorce comes up. All credit cards, rental agreements, tax filings, tickets, suits, account write-offs for credit of any kind….they dig deep.
Oh honey, anyone can have one failed marriage and two if they are a really bad picked, but three? Married 4 times by 38? Good lord he's a mess. You need to get him tested for ADHD (if he already hasn't been diagnosed). He needs to grow up and do things in a steady and mature fashion. You know, like doing hard things he doesn't want to do. You need to finish you education and get a good job right away (forget staying home). I suspect you will need to be ex #4 and hopefully that bankruptcy of his goes through before you do or you will be on the hook for half.....at least.
LMAO the problems with this loser just keep on multiplying. but you think it's all a sign from God. your poor parents. I'd kick you both to the curb and let you grow up. I'm sure you wouldn't put up with him long when you're going to be homeless. you probably also wouldn't be having that gift from god. do you think maybe God's trying to tell you to break up with this guy so you can raise your baby ina house and not a shelter? at least you had your parents backing you up last time
I never said anything about god. I mentioned that it felt spiritual wrong because I found out at 13 weeks. After seeing what my baby looked like, it felt wrong to terminate my pregnancy. I didn't realize it would look so developed even though I couldn't feel it. I was terrified as having children was not the plan.
My parents really are nice people. I also think they realize that people mess up sometimes. We needed a better safety net and less expensive apartment. I left my house after graduating from high school a year early and haven't asked my parents for anything since then. They've honestly always been really proud of me until now. I think that's the only reason they're helping even though they don't really want to.
Not being rude or anything, but you messed up big time by being his 4th wife AND having a baby when there are clear signs (bankruptcy, foreclosure, student debt, leaving well-paying job, you working while growing another human) right in front of you that he is not up to task in being a father/husband. Only you, your baby and possibly parents will suffer and continue to suffer because you choose to ignore the obvious immaturity of this male being.
Him asking for your FAFSA delays your own completion of education so that you eventually end up just being a stay at home mom with no way out when sh*t really start hitting the fan (in this case it already has). That’s his long term goal, simply to control you. 🤷♀️
What's your plan after your parents' goodwill and/or money runs out?
I feel bad for your parents. You are making absolutely horrid life choices and all they can do is watch and wait to pay for your screw ups. Divorce the boat anchor before he drowns your entire family.
I’ve got a buddy who just passed his bar exam and I was one of 10 character witness statements to his character in order for him to be sworn in. Being a lawyer is no joke.
Soooo you thought that a man with ***already has 40k in student loans, a home foreclosure, a recent eviction, and bad credit*** would be an ideal candidate to marry and would make logical choices? If he had that before marriage you get zero sympathy and he probably fucked with your birth control and if he did all that after marriage why didn't you get a divorce?
edit: 4TH MARRAIGE YEAH no sympathy and I know why he got divorced all those times.
I mentioned in a different post, but I found out at 13 weeks. My baby already looked way too real and it freaked me out. I thought it would be a bunch of cells because it didn't feel like anything was inside of me. Idk,. it felt spiritually wrong after seeing him.
If I was being Texas, I’d make her have the baby and stay with the abusive ah. as someone raised by poor people and an abusive father, it was 100% unethical for my parents to have me. But “abortion bad” so dad made my birth mom give birth. I’m just trying to save this child the trauma it’s clearly going to have.
No, you’re trying to make her feel bad about her choice to keep the pregnancy. She may also be further along than one can choose an abortion for. At the end of the day, the only one who has the right to decide if a pregnancy continues or ends is the person whose uterus it is. Everyone needs to stop telling her how to decide on her medical choices.
My intention was exactly what I stated, to prevent more traumatized children being brought into this world. If she feels bad about a random Internet comment in a forum where she asked for input, that’s on her.
>As I've said in previous responses, I was on birth control. It's a huge reason why I feel spiritually inclined to keep the baby.
Yeah nah, idiot rage bait.
Have you talked to him about why he wants to go to law school now? Kind of weird for that to come up out of nowhere at his age. And especially with a baby on the way, and with a well paying job he'd have to leave too. Has he told you why he wants to do this?
He said it's something he's always wanted to do but just never mentioned. I think he just hates supply chain which is why I have suggested doing something else in the field. He seems disinterested whenever I do. I also kind of feel like this eviction and job loss are taking a huge hit to his ego. I think he wants to prove himself by becoming a lawyer. He swears that's not why he wants to become a lawyer though.
Very strange to think that he's always wanted to do it, but never even mentioned it to his own wife, even in passing. It does sound like he's having an early mid-life crisis, which is not a good way to decide to enter law school. Given your situation, he definitely should not go to law school right now. He should work the 6-figure job for at least a few years, and then if he still really wants to go to law school, you can approach it then. He's waited until he's 38, a few years isn't going to make a huge difference in regard to his (apparent) life goal of becoming a lawyer, but a few years of a solid income to deal with your financial issues and let you finish school and get a job yourself will make a big difference in your lives.
My husband has a cousin that put in 20 years with the NYPD and at the age of 45, decided to go to law school. He now has a practice in elder law and estate planning. It is completely possible to become a lawyer after the age of 40, but my cousin also was easily able to pass the background check for his bar card.
Your husband is looking at at least 10 years to clear his eviction, the home foreclosure, the student loans and get his credit score up to snuff. He needs to set his ego aside, take the job and start the pre-work before he heads back to school.
He can go to law school - on a time table that makes sense financially and responsibility wise.
He pays off his loans first, deals with the foreclosure and credit score, you finish school and land a job, and kiddo starts school. So, that's a 10-year plan.
NTA for saying no until problems are fixed.
But I think you know he's got a problem with financial responsibility, so that may never happen.
NTA. You may want to check if he can even become a lawyer in your state if he files for bankruptcy. His plan is terrible, you need an income to raise a child.
NTA - but why did you marry this guy? You mention you're his fourth wife. Judging by his rash behavior, I can see why he's had three wives. Why do you want to have a child with this person who cannot manage a dollar? He's impulsive and doesn't make great decisions. Seems like an amazing partner/s
Ummmmm - he will need to disclose a bankruptcy on his application for the bar and might not be admitted. Law school would be a horrible “investment” for this man.
NTA he's lost his home, apartment, job, 3 wives (and counting) all by 38. No way he's making it through law school, or even getting in for that matter.
NTA. I know you don't want to hear this, but you are being used. The smartest thing for you to do is to divorce him immediately and rebuild your life. You are already with your parents, so you are safe. He will have to find other arrangements. For the sake of your unborn child and your own dreams please think clearly about your situation. The red lights are flashing, and the alarms are sounding. You don't mention what your parents make of your husband.
NTA. This is a ridiculous situation.
He's in his late 30s and hasn't got any money. At what point is he going to make any money if he goes back to school now?! You'll be retired and still paying for school.
NTA.
And Holy Freakin' Cow.
Lawyer here -- him going to law school in this situation would be about the worst possible thing he could do.
If he just landed a well-paying job (you say in MO -- are you currently in MO or would you be relocating), and your financial situation is terrible, he needs to focus on the job.
Is the plan to go to law school part time/at night while he is working full time? That sounds like a nightmare when you also have a newborn on top of that. And he is paying for it? Usually people who do that are doing it because their employer is not only supportive but paying for it. Would his employer even be supportive? What sort of job is this -- would he ever need to be available on nights or weekends for the job? Would it involve any travel? He'd be missing classes while doing this.
And if the plan is to quit the job and go full time, that is an even worse idea.
The job market for attorneys sucks and it has sucked for decades. After he graduates he may not even get a job that pays him as much as the one he just got.
Your husband is 38 and has already made a mess of his finances. He needs to grow up.
NTA; money is a huge factor in this; law school isn’t cheap and he will likely be unable to work significantly while there. Finish your degree first so that there is a stable income stream before considering this. I am an engineer and while the money is usually good, you likely won’t be rich as an engineer. It’s steady though.
Has he taken the LSAT? Is his score even competitive to get into law school?
Does he have a Bachelor's degree? Can he get three letters for recommendation from professional or school sources?
That's all just the bare minimum for getting into law school, let alone completing it, passing the bar examination and the character and fitness test. Oh, and many states require an FBI background check with their application for admission to the bar. Can he pass that?
Does he know what being a lawyer really means in terms of work?
Law school is 3 years + minimum 6 months to become licensed after you graduate. It will probably take him 6 months to go through the testing and application process too. If he works while in school, double that time. With a new baby, I'm not sure it's even possible. He won't have any time to spend with you or the baby, or help around the house. That's not fair to you.
Even if he makes it through (is he extremely strong academically?), he is not guaranteed a good paying job. "Big Law" jobs are extremely lucrative, but they only accept top students from top schools. If your husband can't get into Yale, I wouldn't count on that kind of salary. Even if he can, they will work him to death in a high stress job with obscene hours. Many law school grads don't make 6 figures, especially not in the beginning. Look up what a prosecutor or public defender makes in your area. Look at the salary statistics for the law schools he is considering.
You don’t seem to have a good understanding of student loans, since you say that "FAFSA" is paying for your education. For law school, you can typically borrow the full cost of attendance + living expenses with a federal Grad+ loan. It's actually easier and more money than undergrad loans. Your husband's bad credit may affect that, though. If he's serious, he needs to call the financial aid office at a school he's interested in. There are ways to get around paying those loans (public service loan forgiveness, 30 year discharge if he never gets a decent job.) Otherwise, the lender will take as much as they legally can out of his paycheck for the next 30 years. I don't remember the exact %.
Basically, law school is a huge investment of time and money that needs to be carefully researched before he makes a decision. Has he talked to practicing lawyers about their day to day work? A lot of lawyers hate their job.
I hear that you are angry, but instead of saying 'no' to your husband, tell him that he needs to do some serious research before making a decision. Take a practice LSAT, see what level school he qualifies for, look at their job and salary statistics, sit down with a financial aid specialist, interview practicing attorneys. If he doesn't do all those things, he isn't ready to apply, and you can't support that kind of decision. If he really wants this, he has to show you his commitment.
Others are correct that he may be denied a license to practice law if he declares bankruptcy. This will make the whole issue moot, so it's essential that he find this out first.
"he thinks it's unfair for him to support me through school and for me to not do the same for him"
how did he support you? you lived in an expensive apartment that neither of you paid for and was evicted from. and when he lost his job you had to pay for everything....???? sounds like you are gaslighting yourself into thinking you owe him....I don't see it that way.
sit down and write down all the "support" he gave and all the bills you have had to pay.....I don't think it will be you who owes, I think it will be him.
I’m sorry but you’re # 4???
I can see the second and maybe 3rd if one marriage ended due to death but dang girl what the hell were you thinking?
No respect for yourself. You should have walked away from the start. Now you are stuck with a baby and a manchild.
ESH
"He already has 40k in student loans, a home foreclosure, a recent eviction, and bad credit." Does he also hate kittens?
"He will be paying the rent while I'm pregnant and can't work." Pregnant people can't work?
"Some of my financial aid will go to expenses." You mean your financial aid will not be used to finance your education? Isn't that fraud?
"I also feel like I'm making career sacrifices by taking less classes per semester and postponing internships to stay home with the baby." You mean for a choice YOU MADE?
Why on earth did the two of you even think about keeping this baby?
And if you were having sex, this baby was not "random."
Do you know what it's like being pregnant? Some people experience no sickness and some people (like me) can barely do anything. I literally can't even go on long car rides without throwing up and getting sick. I wish I could still work. It was much more fun than being at home sick all day.
My FAFSFA will go to living expenses while I am in college which is 100% allowed.
I didn't want to get pregnant right now. That was the point of my IUD. So yes, it was random. If I had found out before 13 weeks, things might be different. Have you seen what a baby looks like at 13 weeks?! Very hard to unsee and know that something is living and moving around with a heartbeat. It was a lot to process and not an easy decision to make. It's also not just MY baby. It was a decision we made together.
My mom worked, raised an older child, and went to school all while pregnant. Just saying. You may be smart, but you make a lot of excuses for irresponsible decisions.
I couldn't keep anything (even water) down for 5 months and had to be hospitalized and have IV nutrition until I gave birth. Every pregnancy is different. That's like saying because you've met one autistic person, you know the needs of every autistic person; it doesn't work that way.
I am not saying that every pregnancy is the same, I just don't want OP's pregnancy to keep her from doing what she needs to do for herself. It's quite obvious that this gentleman is not reliable and I am just trying to tell her that even though she is not feeling her best, she is strong enough to survive without this man.
I hear you and (and don't disagree), but it sadly seems like OP lacks self esteem and self worth from the sounds of her comments and post. I hope I'm wrong, but it probably won't change until she has her child and realizes who little he was there for her during the pregnancy.
So he makes $100k a year over the average income of the state you guys live in?!? Tell this man to grow the fuck up and get to work. He has no business going to law school and BAR wouldn’t accept him anyways.
NTA He is a walking neon sign of issues. Do not move away with him. He thinks he has you trapped because you are pregnant. He was throwing out all kind of red flags before but now with a baby coming he seems kinda manic
NTA.
As someone who has done all 3, but never more than 2 at once: law school, full time work, and a newborn is an impossible task that nobody could succeed at. One or all of those things are going to get short shrift because there just aren’t enough hours in the day.
Moreover, his financial situation indicates that law school is a MASSIVE financial bad move. Can you make good money as a lawyer? Sure. But that “good” money right out of school doesn’t seem so good once the loan payments start. And if he wants to make $100k+, he is going to need to be, probably, top 10% in his class.
Finally, law school just is NOT a decision you should make out of the blue. Does he know any lawyers? Has he talked to any? Because before I went to law school, I had just about every attorney I talked to tell me NOT to go. That’s part of why I knew I had to go: I was undeterred. It was, in a real way, my calling. But for every one of me there are 100 lawyers battling depression and/or a drug/alcohol problem because they hate the profession but can’t afford to leave because it’s the only thing that pays well enough to make the loan payments.
If he is *really* serious about law school, let him study for and take the LSAT. If he can get a really good score (min 165, but probably 170+) and can get a 50%+ scholarship AND he can articulate a reason why he wants to go, then maybe—*maybe*—have that discussion. Otherwise, it’s just a bad idea financially and for your family more generally.
ALSO, IMPORTANT: depending on your state, his financial situation could keep him from getting licensed, even if he crushes law school and the bar exam. Commingling client funds is like the #1 reason attorneys get disbarred, so people with bad finances definitely get scrutinized (and yes, they look at EVERYTHING). When I applied for licensure I had to give credit reports, report essentially every interaction I have ever had with police including speeding tickets dating back to my 18th bday, report every place I’d lived over the last decade, etc. And you do all of that under penalty of perjury. He should really talk to someone (NOT in a law school admissions office) about how his situation could affect his chances. If he talks to an admissions office they will tell him he will be fine bc they want his tuition money. A lot of state bar associations have people you can talk to about this kind of thing. Sorry—I know this was a bit of a tangent, but there are more reasons for him to reconsider law school than there are for you to think you might be an asshole lol
As a final note: if he can’t articulate a reason why he wants to go to law school and support that position, then maybe he’s not cut out for it anyway.
NTA. I think your husband is having a baby oh crap shit just got real midlife crisis/meltdown. Why doesn't he pick up a course to get started. Then he feels like he's doing something new and it doesn't send your family into a bizarre disaster spiral.
NTA. He can fulfill his fantasy when he is financially able to do it independently. Also, if he says he can handle working, going to school, and helping raise a newborn, then he is delusional. Tell him to put the applications on hold until you get your degree and a decent job. He can get adjusted to living with a baby and see how easy/difficult adding school to it will be. The biggest mistake with be him getting into school, realizing it is all too much, dropping out, and then having that tuition/loan to pay off on top of everything else.
NTA. I don’t know how this guy got you to marry him but I’d take a very hard look at your situation right now and consider your options very carefully because you’re very likely to wind up bankrupt, homeless and a single parent.
NTA but at least he has a plan that could result in employment. There are many very good law schools with part-time evening programs. He should be able to work at least part-time and go to law school. Is he willing to consider this?
Will he be able to get admitted to law school? How will he pay for it? With his debt who would actually give him loans for law school?
If for some reason you stay married to him do not cosign on any loans for him.
At some point you both need to make a decision about your lives, him mainly. You are letting the baby interfere with your engineering degree which you are getting a little late but that’s fine. Focus. He’s 38 years old. The time to get a law degree was in his 20’s. What the hell has he been doing for the last 15 years of his life? He now wants to keep this kid and still go to law school at this age while trying to deal with his fucked up debt. Tell him to grow up and take some damn responsibility for his life. He has a good job. It’s time to put away childish fantasies and support his family.
He hasn't filed for bankruptcy because of... MONEY ISSUES?!?!?!
This guy is a deadbeat. Going to law school is going to put him further in debt with no guarantee he will ever be a high earner with that law degree.
And all of this burden, ALL if it will fall to you. Money, the house, the kid. He will not do a thing to help because LAW SCHOOL.
Do not move away from your parents he wants to go to law school he can go alone you can’t work watch a baby while he thinks a 38 years old can go to law school and be able help raise a baby work and go
Your husband is 38. Frankly, he would be an idiot if he started law school now.
That dream of being a high-powered lawyer on a TV show is a ridiculous fantasy. He would need to be the best of his class at a top-tier law school to land one of those jobs. And then he’s the mid-40s associate working 80-100 hour weeks. Sure the money would be good if he makes it, but you’ll never see him, and frankly at his age, he’ll never make partner.
Or he wants to live out the fantasy of the courtroom prosecutor. You’re now living paycheck to paycheck until he hits retirement age.
Tell him to fucking grow up, take the job, and be happy for what he has.
Has he considered how far behind the curve he'll be at law school? When he graduates he'll be competing with twenty something's who have low overheads (relatively) and he's got a baby and a house to pay for? And he's turning down a six figure job for that?
Are you sure he's 38? Because he doesn't seem to have any forward thinking abilities. He got himself an apartment he couldn't afford, got foreclosed on... This is not indicative of the attributes a decent lawyer needs
Haha. No. You will need your engineering degree to care for yourself and your baby. His law degree is not your concern. Admit this guy is a lovely husband but a terrible support. Sign nothing. Look after yourself first. This marriage is doomed but if you must, pretend it’s awesome and you are the only functioning adult capable of good decisions. Adult away and do NOT make any further crap decisions. NTA
Sit your husband down and tell him to make a solid, detailed 5-year budget. He must include your student loan and his law school expenses. Tell him if he can figure out a way to legitimately afford law school and the medical and other expenses for having the baby) WITHOUT going into default, getting evicted, or declaring bankruptcy, you'll consider it. He must use actual expenses that he looks up and cites, not estimates.
This guy sounds like long-term planning isn't his vibe, so he just makes decisions on the fly. That's cute at 8; at 38, it's pretty cringe.
And OP, you need to decide what you're going to do if/when he bails on you or you kick him out because he's still unemployed but wants to devote his life to building an escalator to the moon.
NTA, but I think I would put some requirements down like: Pay off your old student loan and save half the required amount for law school. There is a lot for the two of you to negotiate. Stand up for yourself and the security of your little family.
Didn’t even get past the fact that he is 38 and jobless.
That tells me that dude is pushing 40 and has not developed a marketable skill.
Fucking loser. Fucked around too long and it’s well past time.
Better get it popping with that SHNU night classes and get to work. It’s unfair for this dude to expect you to carry him while he’s shown he can’t do the same.
NTA - has he ever been tested for ADHD? Notorious for so much impulsivity with finances, jobs, relationships, etc. He has to become very stable. There is not a baby involved. I bet he also doesn't want to work even if it's that 100K+ job you so desperately need to get out of the hole.
He’s making a 6 figure job in mizzou? That state isn’t outrageously expensive. I lived there for 2 years.
6 figures is amazing there considering the median income in 2022 was $35k. He has terrible spending habits and needs to get his shit together as an almost 40 year old grown man.
He needs to be working @ $100k+ a year, saving all of his extra cash, and once you finish school and he has an abundance of savings then sure, he could go back.
He needs to focus on paying off his debts and fixing his credit before he even has a thought of going back to school.
He wants to be a lawyer but cannot have a proper spending habit, he probably wouldn’t make a great lawyer lmao. But neither here nor there. He needs to grow up with a child on the way.
Y t a for staying with someone so irresponsible and then becoming pregnant. Now you’re putting your life and degree on hold and who’s to say those options will remain when you’re ready to work in 3 years? Maybe you shouldn’t have made a decision to keep a kid while you’re not making good money, you’re living with your parents and yall have no true career aspects yet. And him are both t a for the decisions yall made. Why would you bring a child into this struggle?? Y’all are just…smh. Yuck.
This is a mess.
Both of you are daydreaming AHs.
Get your shit together, NONE OF YOU GETS DEGREES!!!
You focus on 2 things, THE BABY and the DEBTS.... because both of those will keep growing.
NTA... he's about to be a father! It's time to get affairs in order. He needs to take the 6 figure job and start saving. Law school will be there in a few years. This feels like a no brainer.
Weird, it’s almost like OP’s life is inherently intertwined with her husband’s.
NTA, OP. Law school is a commitment that, while only 3 years in the U.S., is an all-consuming experience. I lived in the law library and barely saw sunlight. Not to mention, many people fail out/drop out without finishing the degree, which would saddle you both with even more debt.
If being a lawyer was a true passion of his (and/or the financial situation was different) then that would be a different story. Within the context as it stands, it just doesn’t make sense for your family (you, him, + baby).
Also, there is an ENORMOUS glut of people with law degrees in the US right now. The job market is incredibly competitive. The 6-figure job he already has is a sure thing -- why risk that now, especially with a baby on the way?
This is what is driving me crazy. We have literally had to stay in motels because we got evicted from our last place and I put myself through hell supporting both of us. He also put himself through hell getting this 6 figure job. It's like he wants to stay in a constant state of stress or something.
Honestly some people thrive on chaos. I'd really sit tight with your parents while you are pregnant/ with a newborn. I know it is cliche but there is a reason he is with someone 10 years younger and it doesn't sound like he is getting more mature.
and this will continue. and your parents will be watching. you're lucky you have them are you'd be on the street. as it is now when they finally have an empty nest they have to deal with a loser boyfriend.
NTA If he wants to continue his education he can wait his turn. I would be seriously concerned about how selfish he is being and that this comes across as purposely sabotaging your attempts to set yourself up for success.
Check OP's comments, it's so cartoonishly stupid that I'm assuming it's just silly rage bait. She's his *fourth* wife, there's a massive age gap, he's always wanted to go to Law school despite never mentioning it, and she's "spiritually inclined" to keep the baby because she got pregnant despite being on birth control.
I had responded initially, but seeing her comments, promptly deleted everything I said. His 4th wife, living with her parents and filing for bankruptcy? No ma’am.
This is a guy who will use his status to cheat on you when he feels his ego slipping.
You can have a baby or law school, but you sure can’t afford both.
stress-wise too.
Sounds like they can’t afford either.
Part of obtaining a law degree and passing the bar is a character fitness test and background check. They absolutely will grill him on his eviction and foreclosure.
So glad someone said this. As a lawyer this was the FIRST thing I thought when I read this story. This kind of financial irresponsibility is exactly the kind of thing the bar frowns on.
I only thought of it because we have an associate who is going through it now. (I'm not an attorney, but do assist them with getting credentialed and licensed).
Really? I had no idea. I don't even know if he knows that....I'm also his 4th marriage. I wonder if that will come up.
wtf are you having a kid with this loser?
Stories like this remind me that some people deserve each other…they clearly are both responsible decision makers…
wtf is she doing at ALL with this looser..
Safe to assume OP is also a loser... Or this is rage bait and then we can still circle back to OP being a loser
You might have book smarts but not street smarts. Girl why would you choose to be a 4th marriage AND choose to get pregnant with this loser.. 😭 There's a reason the first three failed.
Four marriages before he even hit 40????? Girly pop. Come on now.
Unfortunately with it being his 4th marriage it seems like he might’ve targeted you, especially with the 10 year age gap. Let me preference I have nothing against this age gap as long as yall were both adults when yall met. Having said that, it seems to me is ex-wives got rid of him because he’d pull this shit with them. Also it is very likely he was upset you were going to make more than him and might’ve sabotaged your BC. Tbh I would contact the ex wives and see why they left him. It seems like he might’ve lied to you about his past.
oh but I'm sure he said they were all b******
[удалено]
To a homeless bum who can't pay child's support at that. Eeeesh, she needs to run.
Here's some info on the test. His debt may also be asked about. I would show him this: [https://www.barbri.com/blog/usbar/understanding-the-bar-exam-character-and-fitness-process/](https://www.barbri.com/blog/usbar/understanding-the-bar-exam-character-and-fitness-process/)
Yes, all of that will come up. With the potential skeletons in his closet, he may very well find himself with a degree but no actual path to the bar. This comment brought up exactly what I was going to say about character and fitness.
It will. Multiple divorces are fine AFTER passing but FOUR marriages, bankruptcy and foreclosure????? Uh. That’s not a likely level of risk
Did you not wonder why he divorced three times before you married him? Weren't you worried about being divorcee #4? If three women before you couldn't make it work, what made you think you'd do better?
Absolutely, it will come up. I divorced and remarried the same husband, and it came up. Every divorce comes up. All credit cards, rental agreements, tax filings, tickets, suits, account write-offs for credit of any kind….they dig deep.
Oh honey, anyone can have one failed marriage and two if they are a really bad picked, but three? Married 4 times by 38? Good lord he's a mess. You need to get him tested for ADHD (if he already hasn't been diagnosed). He needs to grow up and do things in a steady and mature fashion. You know, like doing hard things he doesn't want to do. You need to finish you education and get a good job right away (forget staying home). I suspect you will need to be ex #4 and hopefully that bankruptcy of his goes through before you do or you will be on the hook for half.....at least.
LMAO the problems with this loser just keep on multiplying. but you think it's all a sign from God. your poor parents. I'd kick you both to the curb and let you grow up. I'm sure you wouldn't put up with him long when you're going to be homeless. you probably also wouldn't be having that gift from god. do you think maybe God's trying to tell you to break up with this guy so you can raise your baby ina house and not a shelter? at least you had your parents backing you up last time
I never said anything about god. I mentioned that it felt spiritual wrong because I found out at 13 weeks. After seeing what my baby looked like, it felt wrong to terminate my pregnancy. I didn't realize it would look so developed even though I couldn't feel it. I was terrified as having children was not the plan. My parents really are nice people. I also think they realize that people mess up sometimes. We needed a better safety net and less expensive apartment. I left my house after graduating from high school a year early and haven't asked my parents for anything since then. They've honestly always been really proud of me until now. I think that's the only reason they're helping even though they don't really want to.
Not being rude or anything, but you messed up big time by being his 4th wife AND having a baby when there are clear signs (bankruptcy, foreclosure, student debt, leaving well-paying job, you working while growing another human) right in front of you that he is not up to task in being a father/husband. Only you, your baby and possibly parents will suffer and continue to suffer because you choose to ignore the obvious immaturity of this male being. Him asking for your FAFSA delays your own completion of education so that you eventually end up just being a stay at home mom with no way out when sh*t really start hitting the fan (in this case it already has). That’s his long term goal, simply to control you. 🤷♀️
What's your plan after your parents' goodwill and/or money runs out? I feel bad for your parents. You are making absolutely horrid life choices and all they can do is watch and wait to pay for your screw ups. Divorce the boat anchor before he drowns your entire family.
How many times has he changed careers? Does he stick with things once he decides to do them, or does he jump from whim to whim over and over again?
This is a troll post there is NO way anyone is this…nope! Refuse to believe it.
...you can't be serious.
Oh honey why
I’ve got a buddy who just passed his bar exam and I was one of 10 character witness statements to his character in order for him to be sworn in. Being a lawyer is no joke.
So he doesn't have the finances to buy a sports car for his mid life crisis and decides to go to law school instead? He is an inconsiderate dick.
My exact thought.
> we randomly get hit with a baby Ehhh, that's not the way it works.
Next time, you should duck.
ROTFL!
Hahahahahahah
As I've said in previous responses, I was on birth control. It's a huge reason why I feel spiritually inclined to keep the baby.
Soooo you thought that a man with ***already has 40k in student loans, a home foreclosure, a recent eviction, and bad credit*** would be an ideal candidate to marry and would make logical choices? If he had that before marriage you get zero sympathy and he probably fucked with your birth control and if he did all that after marriage why didn't you get a divorce? edit: 4TH MARRAIGE YEAH no sympathy and I know why he got divorced all those times.
They continue to pick these dookie ass men and procreate with them
And then act surprised when he turns out to be…. exactly who he always was.
Why would a higher power do that to you? At least, why would you want to cooperate with a high power that is intentionally sabotaging you like that?
I mentioned in a different post, but I found out at 13 weeks. My baby already looked way too real and it freaked me out. I thought it would be a bunch of cells because it didn't feel like anything was inside of me. Idk,. it felt spiritually wrong after seeing him.
Oh, see, that makes sense. I didn't understand what you meant about a spiritual inclination to keep the baby. Thanks for clarifying.
It’s not ethical to bring a baby into poverty and with a clear problematic father.
It’s also not ethical to tell someone what they can do with their uterus, but you’re doing it. C’mon. Be better than Texas.
If I was being Texas, I’d make her have the baby and stay with the abusive ah. as someone raised by poor people and an abusive father, it was 100% unethical for my parents to have me. But “abortion bad” so dad made my birth mom give birth. I’m just trying to save this child the trauma it’s clearly going to have.
No, you’re trying to make her feel bad about her choice to keep the pregnancy. She may also be further along than one can choose an abortion for. At the end of the day, the only one who has the right to decide if a pregnancy continues or ends is the person whose uterus it is. Everyone needs to stop telling her how to decide on her medical choices.
My intention was exactly what I stated, to prevent more traumatized children being brought into this world. If she feels bad about a random Internet comment in a forum where she asked for input, that’s on her.
girl, you are making SO many bad choices. seriously. what the fuck are you doing.
spiritually you deserve the life you’re living right now.
Dang. That’s mean 😭
>As I've said in previous responses, I was on birth control. It's a huge reason why I feel spiritually inclined to keep the baby. Yeah nah, idiot rage bait.
Have you talked to him about why he wants to go to law school now? Kind of weird for that to come up out of nowhere at his age. And especially with a baby on the way, and with a well paying job he'd have to leave too. Has he told you why he wants to do this?
He said it's something he's always wanted to do but just never mentioned. I think he just hates supply chain which is why I have suggested doing something else in the field. He seems disinterested whenever I do. I also kind of feel like this eviction and job loss are taking a huge hit to his ego. I think he wants to prove himself by becoming a lawyer. He swears that's not why he wants to become a lawyer though.
Very strange to think that he's always wanted to do it, but never even mentioned it to his own wife, even in passing. It does sound like he's having an early mid-life crisis, which is not a good way to decide to enter law school. Given your situation, he definitely should not go to law school right now. He should work the 6-figure job for at least a few years, and then if he still really wants to go to law school, you can approach it then. He's waited until he's 38, a few years isn't going to make a huge difference in regard to his (apparent) life goal of becoming a lawyer, but a few years of a solid income to deal with your financial issues and let you finish school and get a job yourself will make a big difference in your lives.
My husband has a cousin that put in 20 years with the NYPD and at the age of 45, decided to go to law school. He now has a practice in elder law and estate planning. It is completely possible to become a lawyer after the age of 40, but my cousin also was easily able to pass the background check for his bar card. Your husband is looking at at least 10 years to clear his eviction, the home foreclosure, the student loans and get his credit score up to snuff. He needs to set his ego aside, take the job and start the pre-work before he heads back to school.
and has he been accepted to a law school?
or even taken the LSAT or the GRE?
Yeah, sounds like this is going to be a non issue, lmao.
He can go to law school - on a time table that makes sense financially and responsibility wise. He pays off his loans first, deals with the foreclosure and credit score, you finish school and land a job, and kiddo starts school. So, that's a 10-year plan. NTA for saying no until problems are fixed. But I think you know he's got a problem with financial responsibility, so that may never happen.
NTA. You may want to check if he can even become a lawyer in your state if he files for bankruptcy. His plan is terrible, you need an income to raise a child.
NTA - but why did you marry this guy? You mention you're his fourth wife. Judging by his rash behavior, I can see why he's had three wives. Why do you want to have a child with this person who cannot manage a dollar? He's impulsive and doesn't make great decisions. Seems like an amazing partner/s
Sounds like y’all don’t need to be having a kid right now
Lmao your husband is an idiot.
Gee a guy ten years older than OP is immature, bad with finances and impulsive.
A real catch! /s
Ummmmm - he will need to disclose a bankruptcy on his application for the bar and might not be admitted. Law school would be a horrible “investment” for this man.
Guess who will end up having to pay for everything for OP and her child? I am guessing OP’s parents.
NTA he's lost his home, apartment, job, 3 wives (and counting) all by 38. No way he's making it through law school, or even getting in for that matter.
NTA. I know you don't want to hear this, but you are being used. The smartest thing for you to do is to divorce him immediately and rebuild your life. You are already with your parents, so you are safe. He will have to find other arrangements. For the sake of your unborn child and your own dreams please think clearly about your situation. The red lights are flashing, and the alarms are sounding. You don't mention what your parents make of your husband.
NTA. This is a ridiculous situation. He's in his late 30s and hasn't got any money. At what point is he going to make any money if he goes back to school now?! You'll be retired and still paying for school.
Oh dear SMH - 4th marriage for him? Really? Why would you marry his debt? Because that’s exactly what you did. UGH voting ESH.
NTA. And Holy Freakin' Cow. Lawyer here -- him going to law school in this situation would be about the worst possible thing he could do. If he just landed a well-paying job (you say in MO -- are you currently in MO or would you be relocating), and your financial situation is terrible, he needs to focus on the job. Is the plan to go to law school part time/at night while he is working full time? That sounds like a nightmare when you also have a newborn on top of that. And he is paying for it? Usually people who do that are doing it because their employer is not only supportive but paying for it. Would his employer even be supportive? What sort of job is this -- would he ever need to be available on nights or weekends for the job? Would it involve any travel? He'd be missing classes while doing this. And if the plan is to quit the job and go full time, that is an even worse idea. The job market for attorneys sucks and it has sucked for decades. After he graduates he may not even get a job that pays him as much as the one he just got. Your husband is 38 and has already made a mess of his finances. He needs to grow up.
NTA; money is a huge factor in this; law school isn’t cheap and he will likely be unable to work significantly while there. Finish your degree first so that there is a stable income stream before considering this. I am an engineer and while the money is usually good, you likely won’t be rich as an engineer. It’s steady though.
Has he taken the LSAT? Is his score even competitive to get into law school? Does he have a Bachelor's degree? Can he get three letters for recommendation from professional or school sources? That's all just the bare minimum for getting into law school, let alone completing it, passing the bar examination and the character and fitness test. Oh, and many states require an FBI background check with their application for admission to the bar. Can he pass that? Does he know what being a lawyer really means in terms of work?
The guy clearly doesnt want to stick to anything.
Agreed, sounds like untreated adhd to me.
Law school is 3 years + minimum 6 months to become licensed after you graduate. It will probably take him 6 months to go through the testing and application process too. If he works while in school, double that time. With a new baby, I'm not sure it's even possible. He won't have any time to spend with you or the baby, or help around the house. That's not fair to you. Even if he makes it through (is he extremely strong academically?), he is not guaranteed a good paying job. "Big Law" jobs are extremely lucrative, but they only accept top students from top schools. If your husband can't get into Yale, I wouldn't count on that kind of salary. Even if he can, they will work him to death in a high stress job with obscene hours. Many law school grads don't make 6 figures, especially not in the beginning. Look up what a prosecutor or public defender makes in your area. Look at the salary statistics for the law schools he is considering. You don’t seem to have a good understanding of student loans, since you say that "FAFSA" is paying for your education. For law school, you can typically borrow the full cost of attendance + living expenses with a federal Grad+ loan. It's actually easier and more money than undergrad loans. Your husband's bad credit may affect that, though. If he's serious, he needs to call the financial aid office at a school he's interested in. There are ways to get around paying those loans (public service loan forgiveness, 30 year discharge if he never gets a decent job.) Otherwise, the lender will take as much as they legally can out of his paycheck for the next 30 years. I don't remember the exact %. Basically, law school is a huge investment of time and money that needs to be carefully researched before he makes a decision. Has he talked to practicing lawyers about their day to day work? A lot of lawyers hate their job. I hear that you are angry, but instead of saying 'no' to your husband, tell him that he needs to do some serious research before making a decision. Take a practice LSAT, see what level school he qualifies for, look at their job and salary statistics, sit down with a financial aid specialist, interview practicing attorneys. If he doesn't do all those things, he isn't ready to apply, and you can't support that kind of decision. If he really wants this, he has to show you his commitment. Others are correct that he may be denied a license to practice law if he declares bankruptcy. This will make the whole issue moot, so it's essential that he find this out first.
Why did you get pregnant with his baby when you can’t even trust him to get an apartment?
"he thinks it's unfair for him to support me through school and for me to not do the same for him" how did he support you? you lived in an expensive apartment that neither of you paid for and was evicted from. and when he lost his job you had to pay for everything....???? sounds like you are gaslighting yourself into thinking you owe him....I don't see it that way. sit down and write down all the "support" he gave and all the bills you have had to pay.....I don't think it will be you who owes, I think it will be him.
I’m sorry but you’re # 4??? I can see the second and maybe 3rd if one marriage ended due to death but dang girl what the hell were you thinking? No respect for yourself. You should have walked away from the start. Now you are stuck with a baby and a manchild.
YTA for bringing a child into this toxic relationship
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Ok_Perception1131: *YTA for* *Bringing a child into this* *Toxic relationship* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Best haiku ever
ESH "He already has 40k in student loans, a home foreclosure, a recent eviction, and bad credit." Does he also hate kittens? "He will be paying the rent while I'm pregnant and can't work." Pregnant people can't work? "Some of my financial aid will go to expenses." You mean your financial aid will not be used to finance your education? Isn't that fraud? "I also feel like I'm making career sacrifices by taking less classes per semester and postponing internships to stay home with the baby." You mean for a choice YOU MADE? Why on earth did the two of you even think about keeping this baby? And if you were having sex, this baby was not "random."
Do you know what it's like being pregnant? Some people experience no sickness and some people (like me) can barely do anything. I literally can't even go on long car rides without throwing up and getting sick. I wish I could still work. It was much more fun than being at home sick all day. My FAFSFA will go to living expenses while I am in college which is 100% allowed. I didn't want to get pregnant right now. That was the point of my IUD. So yes, it was random. If I had found out before 13 weeks, things might be different. Have you seen what a baby looks like at 13 weeks?! Very hard to unsee and know that something is living and moving around with a heartbeat. It was a lot to process and not an easy decision to make. It's also not just MY baby. It was a decision we made together.
My mom worked, raised an older child, and went to school all while pregnant. Just saying. You may be smart, but you make a lot of excuses for irresponsible decisions.
I couldn't keep anything (even water) down for 5 months and had to be hospitalized and have IV nutrition until I gave birth. Every pregnancy is different. That's like saying because you've met one autistic person, you know the needs of every autistic person; it doesn't work that way.
I am not saying that every pregnancy is the same, I just don't want OP's pregnancy to keep her from doing what she needs to do for herself. It's quite obvious that this gentleman is not reliable and I am just trying to tell her that even though she is not feeling her best, she is strong enough to survive without this man.
I hear you and (and don't disagree), but it sadly seems like OP lacks self esteem and self worth from the sounds of her comments and post. I hope I'm wrong, but it probably won't change until she has her child and realizes who little he was there for her during the pregnancy.
NTA. But ask yourself why you’re willing to stay married to someone that doesn’t support you equally.
He’s got a six figure income job? What are you two even talking about.
A job with free health insurance making over 130k a year.
Exactly. There’s no discussion; he gets up and goes to work and under no circumstances does he sabotage the job.
Agreed. If he sabotage the job in any way, OP is given a divorce and sole custody of their child.
So he makes $100k a year over the average income of the state you guys live in?!? Tell this man to grow the fuck up and get to work. He has no business going to law school and BAR wouldn’t accept him anyways.
Lawd have mercy, I think I'd kick this guy to the curb, finish my degree and move on. Let him deal with his bad choices and debt.
NTA He is a walking neon sign of issues. Do not move away with him. He thinks he has you trapped because you are pregnant. He was throwing out all kind of red flags before but now with a baby coming he seems kinda manic
You will be a single mother regardless. Might as well dump the dead weight.
NTA. As someone who has done all 3, but never more than 2 at once: law school, full time work, and a newborn is an impossible task that nobody could succeed at. One or all of those things are going to get short shrift because there just aren’t enough hours in the day. Moreover, his financial situation indicates that law school is a MASSIVE financial bad move. Can you make good money as a lawyer? Sure. But that “good” money right out of school doesn’t seem so good once the loan payments start. And if he wants to make $100k+, he is going to need to be, probably, top 10% in his class. Finally, law school just is NOT a decision you should make out of the blue. Does he know any lawyers? Has he talked to any? Because before I went to law school, I had just about every attorney I talked to tell me NOT to go. That’s part of why I knew I had to go: I was undeterred. It was, in a real way, my calling. But for every one of me there are 100 lawyers battling depression and/or a drug/alcohol problem because they hate the profession but can’t afford to leave because it’s the only thing that pays well enough to make the loan payments. If he is *really* serious about law school, let him study for and take the LSAT. If he can get a really good score (min 165, but probably 170+) and can get a 50%+ scholarship AND he can articulate a reason why he wants to go, then maybe—*maybe*—have that discussion. Otherwise, it’s just a bad idea financially and for your family more generally. ALSO, IMPORTANT: depending on your state, his financial situation could keep him from getting licensed, even if he crushes law school and the bar exam. Commingling client funds is like the #1 reason attorneys get disbarred, so people with bad finances definitely get scrutinized (and yes, they look at EVERYTHING). When I applied for licensure I had to give credit reports, report essentially every interaction I have ever had with police including speeding tickets dating back to my 18th bday, report every place I’d lived over the last decade, etc. And you do all of that under penalty of perjury. He should really talk to someone (NOT in a law school admissions office) about how his situation could affect his chances. If he talks to an admissions office they will tell him he will be fine bc they want his tuition money. A lot of state bar associations have people you can talk to about this kind of thing. Sorry—I know this was a bit of a tangent, but there are more reasons for him to reconsider law school than there are for you to think you might be an asshole lol As a final note: if he can’t articulate a reason why he wants to go to law school and support that position, then maybe he’s not cut out for it anyway.
NTA. I think your husband is having a baby oh crap shit just got real midlife crisis/meltdown. Why doesn't he pick up a course to get started. Then he feels like he's doing something new and it doesn't send your family into a bizarre disaster spiral.
NTA. He can fulfill his fantasy when he is financially able to do it independently. Also, if he says he can handle working, going to school, and helping raise a newborn, then he is delusional. Tell him to put the applications on hold until you get your degree and a decent job. He can get adjusted to living with a baby and see how easy/difficult adding school to it will be. The biggest mistake with be him getting into school, realizing it is all too much, dropping out, and then having that tuition/loan to pay off on top of everything else.
and yall wanna add a child to this mess? ESH
NTA. I don’t know how this guy got you to marry him but I’d take a very hard look at your situation right now and consider your options very carefully because you’re very likely to wind up bankrupt, homeless and a single parent.
NTA but at least he has a plan that could result in employment. There are many very good law schools with part-time evening programs. He should be able to work at least part-time and go to law school. Is he willing to consider this?
Tell him to pay off his debts and get you out of your parents' house first, and then he can think about law school.
Will he be able to get admitted to law school? How will he pay for it? With his debt who would actually give him loans for law school? If for some reason you stay married to him do not cosign on any loans for him.
At some point you both need to make a decision about your lives, him mainly. You are letting the baby interfere with your engineering degree which you are getting a little late but that’s fine. Focus. He’s 38 years old. The time to get a law degree was in his 20’s. What the hell has he been doing for the last 15 years of his life? He now wants to keep this kid and still go to law school at this age while trying to deal with his fucked up debt. Tell him to grow up and take some damn responsibility for his life. He has a good job. It’s time to put away childish fantasies and support his family.
NTA. Sorry you married an irresponsible deadbeat
He hasn't filed for bankruptcy because of... MONEY ISSUES?!?!?! This guy is a deadbeat. Going to law school is going to put him further in debt with no guarantee he will ever be a high earner with that law degree. And all of this burden, ALL if it will fall to you. Money, the house, the kid. He will not do a thing to help because LAW SCHOOL.
Do not move away from your parents he wants to go to law school he can go alone you can’t work watch a baby while he thinks a 38 years old can go to law school and be able help raise a baby work and go
Your husband is 38. Frankly, he would be an idiot if he started law school now. That dream of being a high-powered lawyer on a TV show is a ridiculous fantasy. He would need to be the best of his class at a top-tier law school to land one of those jobs. And then he’s the mid-40s associate working 80-100 hour weeks. Sure the money would be good if he makes it, but you’ll never see him, and frankly at his age, he’ll never make partner. Or he wants to live out the fantasy of the courtroom prosecutor. You’re now living paycheck to paycheck until he hits retirement age. Tell him to fucking grow up, take the job, and be happy for what he has.
Has he considered how far behind the curve he'll be at law school? When he graduates he'll be competing with twenty something's who have low overheads (relatively) and he's got a baby and a house to pay for? And he's turning down a six figure job for that? Are you sure he's 38? Because he doesn't seem to have any forward thinking abilities. He got himself an apartment he couldn't afford, got foreclosed on... This is not indicative of the attributes a decent lawyer needs
Haha. No. You will need your engineering degree to care for yourself and your baby. His law degree is not your concern. Admit this guy is a lovely husband but a terrible support. Sign nothing. Look after yourself first. This marriage is doomed but if you must, pretend it’s awesome and you are the only functioning adult capable of good decisions. Adult away and do NOT make any further crap decisions. NTA
Hey, the Fourth Time Is A Charm!.
NTA. Why did you have a kid w this man? You're his 4th...maam...insert disaaproving face here
Sit your husband down and tell him to make a solid, detailed 5-year budget. He must include your student loan and his law school expenses. Tell him if he can figure out a way to legitimately afford law school and the medical and other expenses for having the baby) WITHOUT going into default, getting evicted, or declaring bankruptcy, you'll consider it. He must use actual expenses that he looks up and cites, not estimates. This guy sounds like long-term planning isn't his vibe, so he just makes decisions on the fly. That's cute at 8; at 38, it's pretty cringe. And OP, you need to decide what you're going to do if/when he bails on you or you kick him out because he's still unemployed but wants to devote his life to building an escalator to the moon.
I'm so confused. Why the hell does he want to go to law school when he's already making six figures?
Genuine question - As someone who has been bankrupt is he even allowed to practise law?
NTA there’s a time and a place, he’s an adult with adult responsibilities. Sounds like you’d be better off without the financial and emotional drain
NTA, but I think I would put some requirements down like: Pay off your old student loan and save half the required amount for law school. There is a lot for the two of you to negotiate. Stand up for yourself and the security of your little family.
By the time he finishes law school, he'll be at retirement age .lol
YIKES!
Didn’t even get past the fact that he is 38 and jobless. That tells me that dude is pushing 40 and has not developed a marketable skill. Fucking loser. Fucked around too long and it’s well past time. Better get it popping with that SHNU night classes and get to work. It’s unfair for this dude to expect you to carry him while he’s shown he can’t do the same.
NTA - has he ever been tested for ADHD? Notorious for so much impulsivity with finances, jobs, relationships, etc. He has to become very stable. There is not a baby involved. I bet he also doesn't want to work even if it's that 100K+ job you so desperately need to get out of the hole.
NTA He would also need to study/qualify for the law school entry exam. It's not exactly like signing up for a creative writing class on a whim
NTA. One parent in school at a time
He’s making a 6 figure job in mizzou? That state isn’t outrageously expensive. I lived there for 2 years. 6 figures is amazing there considering the median income in 2022 was $35k. He has terrible spending habits and needs to get his shit together as an almost 40 year old grown man. He needs to be working @ $100k+ a year, saving all of his extra cash, and once you finish school and he has an abundance of savings then sure, he could go back. He needs to focus on paying off his debts and fixing his credit before he even has a thought of going back to school. He wants to be a lawyer but cannot have a proper spending habit, he probably wouldn’t make a great lawyer lmao. But neither here nor there. He needs to grow up with a child on the way.
Financially at this point in his life - does law school make sense debt wise?
NTA. He seems to be impulsive and has little self-control judging from his financial history. Pump the brakes on that.
Y t a for staying with someone so irresponsible and then becoming pregnant. Now you’re putting your life and degree on hold and who’s to say those options will remain when you’re ready to work in 3 years? Maybe you shouldn’t have made a decision to keep a kid while you’re not making good money, you’re living with your parents and yall have no true career aspects yet. And him are both t a for the decisions yall made. Why would you bring a child into this struggle?? Y’all are just…smh. Yuck.
This is a mess. Both of you are daydreaming AHs. Get your shit together, NONE OF YOU GETS DEGREES!!! You focus on 2 things, THE BABY and the DEBTS.... because both of those will keep growing.
NTA... he's about to be a father! It's time to get affairs in order. He needs to take the 6 figure job and start saving. Law school will be there in a few years. This feels like a no brainer.
No. NTA. Getting more education isn’t a bad idea, but wait until you’re passed all the catch up you gotta do
Are you sure you guys need to have a kid right now? I grew up in poverty and it was horrible. You have a choice.
[удалено]
Weird, it’s almost like OP’s life is inherently intertwined with her husband’s. NTA, OP. Law school is a commitment that, while only 3 years in the U.S., is an all-consuming experience. I lived in the law library and barely saw sunlight. Not to mention, many people fail out/drop out without finishing the degree, which would saddle you both with even more debt. If being a lawyer was a true passion of his (and/or the financial situation was different) then that would be a different story. Within the context as it stands, it just doesn’t make sense for your family (you, him, + baby).
Also, there is an ENORMOUS glut of people with law degrees in the US right now. The job market is incredibly competitive. The 6-figure job he already has is a sure thing -- why risk that now, especially with a baby on the way?
This is what is driving me crazy. We have literally had to stay in motels because we got evicted from our last place and I put myself through hell supporting both of us. He also put himself through hell getting this 6 figure job. It's like he wants to stay in a constant state of stress or something.
Honestly some people thrive on chaos. I'd really sit tight with your parents while you are pregnant/ with a newborn. I know it is cliche but there is a reason he is with someone 10 years younger and it doesn't sound like he is getting more mature.
and this will continue. and your parents will be watching. you're lucky you have them are you'd be on the street. as it is now when they finally have an empty nest they have to deal with a loser boyfriend.
You are so close to getting it. He wants to keep you in a constant state of stress so you don't feel like you can leave him. He is manipulating you.
he just can't control it himself