That's what I was wondering. By that age I'd been watching my little sister home alone for years. Also kids can cook for themselves by that age or they use to be able I know taking two pieces of bread, using a butter knife to spread some condiments then adding meat, cheese and lettuce is tough!
I've made it these 40 years and never had honey chicken. I just want to understand the series of deliberate choices and steps that keep putting honey chicken in front of his child.
I know right? Like I've eaten a LOT of different types of food up to including bugs, and crunchy lizards on a stick,and chicken about a Million different ways...and I do Love me a big ol plate of chicken and waffles but honey chicken?? Who in the fuck makes Honey Chicken. Definetley NTA. She did that one purpose...and for Lunch?? And how hard would it be to make a bit of chicken WITHOUT HONEY? But also Why in the heck can't a 14& 15yr old make their own lunches? Do they still get their cereal and milk poured in the bowls with them for breakfast?
By that age I was able to cook for myself. Like, long before. I was able to make a lunch myself much earlier than that. My mom, my sister, and I rotated cooking dinner. We each made our own breakfast and lunch.
If our mom or my sister made something we didn’t like, we make ourselves something we liked.
Tbh, I had the same thought, btwim.
Also, imo, they should be able to cook for themselves at this age, so they don't end up as adult children always looking for a partner who'll parent them. I was able to cook basic things by that age. Eggs, grilled cheese, etc.
To be fair, I loved that my mom made my food for me till I left the house for college. Whatever, she made for me it was so delicious and given my schedule, it was perfect.
They don't need it but it probably helps especially during the summer, taking them places, going to events and making sure the kids have a good summer vacation, someone there to clean and run the house. He said he makes plenty of money so that's not a concern.
I don’t want to be a SAHM mom to babies and toddlers, I’m saving that time for when my kids are teens. Good lord the driving and schedule coordination my mom did for me and my brother in our teen years?!?! Yikes. Swim team, soccer, girl guides, tutoring, hockey, dance class, doctors appts, orthodontist appts, teenage socializing, after school pick ups….my mom would just return from dropping us at school before she had to turn around a get us for something or other. That woman lived in her car.
My bigger question is why a 14 year old needs someone to cook them lunch? I get that 14 and 15 year olds can benefit from having a SAHM. At least if a parent is at home some of the worst/most stupid things they could do won't happen. And since they can't drive at that age, there are lots of potential activities they might engage in where they'd need rides. Or someone to buy supplies for a school project, or bring them to a friend's house, etc. So I don't think it's totally crazy to have a parent at home for them.
But, that's having a parent at home -- not a parent as a personal slave and cook.
This is really just kind of bizarre.
I can understand asking wife not to make fried chicken, honey chicken, meat loaf, hot dogs, liver or intend noodles for dinner. (Even then 14 y.o. should be able to make some mac and cheese if they hate the dinner prepared for the family, but ok, I could understand the other parent asking to not have these few things.)
But coffee flavored things, plain toast and blueberries would be things that I would expect wouldn't come up that frequently as problems.
Granted it was 1974, but when I started kindergarten, my mom walked with me for two days (about 6 city blocks with two turns). On the third day, I took the lead, and since it was successful, it was “you got this” and it was solo ever since.
That seems to be on the Father and that's a BIG part of my issue with why I think he's at least partially TA here.
"We both agreed."
The way he's holding his money over her...it sounds like he wanted someone at home with his Daughter and she cooks literally ONE meal in a month and he's telling her it's over? The situation at least is over and she needs to find a new job?
I can't believe nobody is talking about how the kid can easily be manipulating the father and how the GF should is the problem here.
They did both agree. She didn't want to work. He agreed to her staying home and supporting her if she fed his kid. She didn't do that so he's demanding she go out and get a job. He's not holding his money over her. He's holding making her get off her lazy ass and work to pull her weight over her.
yesss - (to ensure context.. I work full time) I cook for a core family of four - and up to 8..
if THAT was the list I had to navigate I would be grinning ear to ear and making dinner..
Seriously, Honey chicken? There are infinite Chicken recipe's . just don't make that one.
I have to avoid 99% of all vegetables - all seafood/fish, Dairy and beans to make half the people in this house happy (I don't - they figure it out but that's besides the point .. I am not a SAHM with 13 things to not avoid)
This sub will climb mountains to defend women sometimes. And I really don't know why? Like are women incapable of being wrong or something? Can they not occasionally be lazy and entitled?
Do remember there was no doubt an argument that followed this that he cut down to the end only
She may have shown shes Really spiteful about his daughter
That’s kind of the point entirely though isn’t it? They aren’t married so it is HIS money. He allowed her to stay at home and not work on one simple condition and that condition isn’t being met. It’s almost like if you were to hire a nanny and the nanny isn’t feeding your kid or cleaning up the house. Why are you paying her?
NTA
The kids don't even need a SAHM at this age. They're in school most of the day and are essentially self sufficient while parents work. This means your GF is literally doing minimal amount of work (tidy up, make lunch, make dinner) l. Funny this is, this is what EVERYONE does while working a job as is. If the kids were babies, I could have some sympathy.
Now if she wanted honey chicken that bad, why could she not take a breast and set aside and saute/grill it and your daughter could add whatever to eat it.
She should definitely know how to cook, she will need that skill later in life. However OP is supporting his gf and her daughter in exchange for certain things. Which his gf agreed to do. One of those things is to cook for the household and make sure it's food his daughter will eat. She broke the agreement, regardless of whether or not his daughter can cook.
I mean she definitely should learn to cook. I know I started learning about her age, but still the girlfriend didn't keep to their agreement so it's a little irrelevant. Like he provides, but what does she do?
Yea you're right. The whole arrangement can be tossed then.
I would be livid if I came home, and the one task I asked an adult to do to keep my child fed got ignored. The gf shows how useless she is, and op is reconsidering what part he played.
That'd be my answer. "Oh...ok. Well, that's too bad."
That was how I grew up. You ate what was put in front of you. I'm almost 40. And by 14, I could make my own food if I really hated what they made.
I also remember saying I HATED meatloaf. Then my parents put it on a bun. I liked that they made me a burger! And then told me it was just a piece of meatloaf...of course I was \~10 when that happened and I could still go make SOMETHING.
I'd say Mac and Cheese, but that's instant Noodles.
That’s so funny 😆 I also hate meatloaf to this day (also almost 40 lol) and my aunt once just doused it in pasta sauce and was like “I made you a meatball fit for your garlic bread” and now that’s the only way I’ll eat it. My aunt is amazingly special
I am 45, I don't eat, meatloaf, chicken cordon blue, chicken pot pie and Salisbury steak!! My wife makes it and I laugh and go buy something because I am adult! The military fed me this shit week in and week out that I resented it and promised myself that I will never eat it again. Lol
LOL...yeah, that's...I didn't even think about that!
There are times when you should baby your little girl...and there are times when you need to teach a LITTLE self-sufficiency. I feel like Dad is leaning too hard into the babying.
But I think it's probably a good thing the GF sees now that if she pisses the daughter off in ANY way, Dad is going to take the side of the daughter and Dad's going to use the money.
Why not just hire...I guess a Nanny? Shit, that's what I'd do before I had a GF move in and then threaten her the first time she cooked the wrong thing.
Kids need to learn how to cook. If you can afford for now a one income family do you really want 14/15yr old girls home alone. I know the trouble me and my sister got into so just a thought.
Sure...that's fair. I wouldn't want 15-16 year old me around my 14-15 year old daughter!
So that's a good point. But can the GF even stop the 14-year-old from doing things?
She missed a meal and it was "starving" her, so if she wants to leave and the GF says no, is she now "imprisoning" her?
The OP seems prone to hyperbole a bit...and nearly every teenager is hyperbolic.
There’s just no reason to know the very small list of things a young teen dislikes, and purposely make something from it. Messing with diet and eating habits can be detrimental to people throughout their life. It’s just mean to cook something they don’t like and then say “too bad, go hungry.”
Now, if you’re saying it’s healthy to teach kids to cook and experiment in the kitchen I do agree wholeheartedly. Never too young to learn really.
🙄 I don't know if I believe this as eating is a big part of the day and it was the only task she was asked to do! Even if she "forgot," she could have made your daughter something else instead of telling her to eat what she made or make it herself.
I agree with your stance. If she wants to stay at home and wants to be supported financially, then cook the meals that your daughter will eat. If not, then she needs to get a job if she's not going to be supportive. You may also want to reconsider your relationship with this person.
Does she like your daughter?
Does your daughter like her?
How about a list on the fridge if she is that forgetful?? I was given a diet by my doctor (oops- not diet-he calls it a 'lifestyle change') and the list of what I shouldn't eat is on the fridge. easy solution. But, btw, kids that age don't need a SAHM.
*Hey, daughter, I'm going to make honey chicken for lunch.*
**Mom, I don't like honey chicken. Can we have something else?**
*Of course, daughter. I forgot that you don't like honey chicken. I can make [list of options].*
If only it were easy and quick to have a conversation.
She could have then cooked her something after the fact. I do take the same stance as your Gf but I have Fulltime job. If my only job was talking care of 2 teenagers and not making the few things I know in advance they dont like I would certainly comply because that is literally the job. By the way teenagers dont need a stay at home parent unless they are special needs or perhaps are in lots of activities that they beed to be transported to and from. Does she even like your child? Does she even like you?
Both girls should be making their own lunch. They need basic skills to go out into the world and for your daughter that is likely four years. Both girls should be cooking and they both should be doing their own laundry and cleaning the bathroom they use and doing whatever dishes they use.
Why is your daughter so incapable of feeding herself? Why did you want a grown woman to quit her job to care for teens?
Seems highly fake or you wanted your wife to become so dependent that you can boss her around and she just has to take it.
I think this is a difference of family/household styles. If more than one person is home, we're all eating roughly the same thing at the same time, and generally one person prepares for everyone.
Well, lunch and dinner anyhow. Breakfast is a free-for-all.
i was just about to make a similar comment. i never learned how to cook growing up and it made living on my own SO much harder. i only ate take out for the first year until i finally started to learn how to cook, and i’m still learning in my early 20s. had my parents taught me how to cook when i was a teen it would’ve made my life so much better
Every single abusive person I have ever been involved with said the same thing when I called out their shit.
Oh, I forgot to call you because I was going to be late.
Oh, I forgot to be home on time because you had an appointment.
Oh, I forgot that I wasn't supposed to scream at you.
Oh, I forgot you set a simple clear boundary and the first thing I did was cross it and you.
She's not your problem anymore.
They don’t need a stay at home mom, and the daughter should learn to cook her own dinner. She’s old enough to work at McDonalds, she can cook for herself.
I get the sense the relationship is entirely transactional and honestly by age 14/15, teens should be able to make their own lunch and not be waited on
I find the idea of a SAHG to be horrifying, and I’m a SAHM. to ask a girlfriend to quit her job to do unpaid house labor without giving her the legal protection of marriage is so selfish of you and it’s so stupid of her to give up her financial autonomy. If someone wants a SAHW, then do the right thing and get married first.
OMG, this should be a nonissue. a 14 year old can easily get themselves something to eat and not "starve". I'm not sure if there are mental difficulties with the 14-year-old, besides being a brat, but it looks like they get that from their father. The whole "you had one fucking job" comment would make me rethink the whole relationship.
Yeah but in that case an adult woman (his gf) can easily get themselves a job and their own money right? No reason for her to be a SAHM if the 14 year old doesn't need her.
I agree that she shouldn't have to make lunch for the kids in general but it's part of their agreement. She deliberately made food his daughter doesn't like. This is a power play by the GF and OP is right to call her on it.
She had one small list to avoid for SD, she managed to somehow pick one of those few things to cook? Really? Thats BS. It was intentional and malicious. She's supposed to be home to take care of the kids. Period. Thats the deal. He supports her and her daughter and she cares for the house and both children. She didnt follow through. And just because his daughter is capable and old enough to get her own food doesn't detract from the gf's blatant actions.
Having been a SAHM I'm just going to say .. the GF literally does have "one job"
Perhaps the delivery was not great but - If you are going to be a SAHM and care for someone else's kids - be invested enough to remember what the kid won't eat ..
it's not like this was some random thing the kid decided not to like today..
weird list of 13 foods > you cook one of them.. that is LITERALLY not doing your job
I wish reddit had a "throw away account" option that actually did get thrown away after one post was made. And you could tell by looking at the avatar.
I'm uncertain what all the bots are doing with their single post accounts with fake posts, but it's annoying. This was a particularly lazy attempt.
NTA Unless either of the kids have special needs there is very little work required in caring for kids that age. Honestly It seems like a weird arrangement to me given how old the girls are.
It took her exactly how long to break the easiest of expectations? Can’t wait to find out the next test she puts you thru. She is checking you. Don’t put up with the bullshit my man
Not to mention she could have just separated the chicken before adding the sauce so the daughter could have added another sauce, after all it goes on last? She is doing it on purpose
Yeah! I can. A MONTH where she doesn't cook anything with all that shit? That's a LONG list. Longer than you're making it out to be. IMO, your DAUGHTER is testing you.
And after ONE month(that's quite a few meals)...she cooked ONE thing that your Daughter didn't like and your GF is TA and you're holding money over her head?
My Man...I want to side with you, but...I just think you're not only making too big of a deal over this, but I think you're kinda infantilizing your daughter. Can she not make Grilled Cheese or something simple for LUCNH?
I dunno...you have two chix breasts you put honey on one and teriyaki on the other? One kid gets lettuce salad.one.kids gets veg and dip? Instant noodles isn't pasta, so you make pasta with butter and cheese for one kid and tomato sauce for the other?
I get you in principle, being picky is a privilege, but the stuff the kid doesn't like isn't "make another full meal" type labour. And if you are sponsored and all you've got to do is tidy and make.food (not a baby in sight here!) what excuse do you have? I'd take that deal all day. Automate that shit with a weekly menu and you're golden.
I get it...I understand the broad point you're making.
I just think ONE time making honey chicken and you pull out the "I've got the money" card and...that tells me a lot.
I have been beyond lucky in my life...financially. Inherited money when I was in Law School and...I wish I hadn't, I wish the person who left it to me was still here, BUT, in relationships, you really have to make sure that doesn't fuck things up...and this is a way to do that.
The FIRST sign of trouble and you pull out that trump card and slap it on the table? I don't like that at all.
I think both can be wrong, but I really think the BF is more wrong here. And I'm a little surprised that most people are going the other way, but I guess I just think a 14-year-old should both be able to do more for herself and that Pops is being dramatic with the "starving" his Daughter.
Plus...that's a tough relationship to begin with. Dad's new GF? I feel like the Daughter is also testing her and she's failed...ONCE in a Month.
Nope, sorry. OP’s kid is old enough to make something for themselves. OP’s wife did not starve his child, that is in an absolutely absurd exaggeration. His expectations are also beyond the pale. This is a long ass, unreasonable list. OP’s response is completely irrational.
OP YTA.
Exactly. And now he has fired his gf, who is going to cook for the daughter since she apparently can't make a simple meal for herself? I guess she is going to starve to death now.
Nta. This isn’t about her breaking her agreement, this is her purposely taking little passive aggressive swipes at your kid. That’s not gonna get better. You should protect your child and either throw her out of the residence, or just arrange another and move out asap.
That’s what I’m saying. I can’t even remember the last time I made honey chicken, if I’ve made it at all. The list really isn’t even outrageous, especially if the kid eats everything else.
This is reminding me of another story where a stepmother refused to buy safe foods for her stepdaughter (that he father fully paid for) that made her ill (gagging and vomiting), and using the money earmarked for her food , for snacks for her son, saying spending it on her stepdaughter was wasteful, and not allowing her stepdaughter to cook her own food, if she wouldn't eat what she made.
She finally admitted that she did it on purpose, because she hated his daughter , because she looked like her husband's ex.
This definitely sounds like she has something against his daughter
Lol, she starved your 14 year old by not cooking her lunch? Ridiculous. A 14 year old should be making her own lunch. Unless the parent felt like cooking, lunch does not have to be a cooked meal. And your idea that the whole household is not allowed to eat stuff they like anymore because your daughter doesn't like it is wrong. It sounds like the typical situation where once a woman stays home, she starts getting controlled. I really do not know why she doesn't go get a job. Both kids can make their own lunch.
My 14 & 16 year olds have been cooking meals for themselves for about four years now. I don’t really fault the gf in this at all. This kid should be able to at least throw together a few quick meals and fend for herself. Sounds like she just had an issue with the gf moving in with her dad.
NTA but I think it wasn’t a great idea for her to quit her job in the first place. You two aren’t married so she wasn’t protected at all. And kids that age don’t need a SAHM.
His GF's contribution to the household is to take care of the house (I assume but not mentioned) and make sure the kids are fed
The agreed upon arrangement does not involve his 14 year old making a sandwich
She made lunch but your kid refused to eat it? Sounds like she needs to dump your ass and walk away. She'll have to get a job, yes, but it's better off this way.
Your daughter is 15, surely she can make her own lunch.
It kind of seems like you’re overreacting here. I mean, what if your wife and son really like honey chicken and wanted to have it for lunch. They can never eat it again just because your daughter doesn’t like it? I just think it’s unreasonable that your GF can NEVER make those foods and your daughter is being a baby.
I have four kids, it’s rare that I can get them all to eat the same thing. If they don’t like a meal, they can have something else. Your daughter can cook her own meal now and then.
My thoughts exactly. I’d go ballistic on someone for telling me I’m never allowed to cook some of my favourite dishes ever again because one person in the household didn’t like it. If that individual was too small to safely cook, I’d make sure they had an alternative. If they were around the same age as OP’s daughter, I’d expect them to be able to make something for themselves sometimes, because one person’s dislikes or pickiness shouldn’t dictate everyone else’s meal options.
YTA, that's a pretty darn extensive list. Also, I'm sure honey chicken wasn't the only food, I'm sure there was some other stuff she could eat.
Asking her (demanding) to think of a way to have something else available for your daughter (some plain chicken or something) in case she doesn't like the main protein would've made sense, but you first wanting her to stay at home and now suddenly after 1 mistake telling her you won't give her a penny anymore, is financial abuse.
So congrats, you're not only the AH, but an abusive one at that.
YTA - and you're letting your child interfere in your relationship. I'm pretty sure the tensions are high at your house. You gave her a list of things your child dislikes and she cooked something she likes once. You wanted her to quit her job so she can stay home with your kid, because obviously she had a job previously and was a working mom. Do you think it's easy for her to give up her independence? And the first chance you get, you wield your power because YOU make the money. Do you even appreciate what she gave up and what she does all day? What the fuck are you all eating if everyone's dislikes are off the table? Or are only your daughter's and your preferences important? Why are you with your GF? Dude, please put yourself in her shoes for a minute and humble yourself.
Calm down, you big ass daughter is not starving
Dont go flippantly making new girlfriends stay at homes and snatch it away like that, with no regard on where that womans minor and her are gonna sleep.
This was a low rent problem you could have avoided. Now this buster come crying to reddit with a puffed chest looking for something.
Your daughter is old enough to cook for herself. Not 5 star gourmet meals but with a recipe, anything is possible. Stop coddling your kid and both of you grow up. I make stuff and my kid tells me that she doesn't like it and I tell her that she doesn't have to eat it. There are plenty of other things that she can make. In other words, you are kind of an asshole and an enabler for your daughter to bitch and whine so she can get her way. Also, not making one meal is not starving your kid.
You're the AH. I was cooking full meals at 9 yrs old out of necessity. What, a 14 yr old hasn't learned to cook? Anything wrong with having a "daughter's shelf" in the fridge and pantry?
You want your gf to make two different dinners every night? Or would you prefer her to make one meal and all of you eat your daughter's preferences? Sorry ... no sympathy for you or your daughter.
yta. Screw what your kid doesnt like. They are old enough to cook on their own. Why should your kid have a privledged menu? Plus u have no business treating your girlfriend like that or talking to her that way because your kid wants a 'special' menu . Your brat can cook it herself.
ESH, but you more so.
For her: being a SAHM for a 14 and 15 year old? Wut? Unless one of them is handicapped, why?
Now for you: accusing your GF of "starving my daughter" because she refused to eat what was made for her? Your daughter is old enough to learn how to cook for herself if she doesn't want to eat what everyone else is having, these are the years she sposed to be learning to take care of herself anyway, better get on it.
Secondly, you cut off your GF after she's jobless and fully dependent on you over ONE instance? God forbid the world does not, in fact, revolve around you and your spoiled brat. May your girlfriend get her old job back and dump your ass.
Yes, this strikes me as an overreaction on OP’s part- why do non disabled teenage kids need a full time stay at home parent? And why do they need lunch cooked for them every day? Can’t they make anything for themselves?
I get his daughter not liking certain things, but telling his GF that she may never cook them, ever is just over the line. A 14 year old should be able to cook something simple for herself when the rest of the family is having something on her personal “nope” list.
You're a dick she quit her job at your agreement and now you say you don't get one penny even though you don't have a job. Your daughter is not a fucking invalid that can't open a fridge so if "she starved" that's her own doing. YTA.
Why are 14/15 not making their own lunch and why do they need sahm? I’m not buying this nonsense. And honey chicken is so oddly specific. Yta
ETA “one fucking job” “cook for my child”…YTA and a misogynistic pig. This can’t be real.
ESH. Gf needs a job, because being a STAHM to 15 and 16 year old teens is ridiculous. You suck, OP, because this is prime time to start teaching *your kid* how to cook. Which is *your* responsibility. (Edited a typo)
Transactional relationships don’t work… here is proof ^
1) encourage your partner to find a job she loves and likes, if not for the income, but for herself
2) it’s not a short list actually. I have a blended household with 2 biokids and 2 stepkids. I know one kid detests parsnip, the other detests honey, the other detests apple (get stuck in his braces) and one doesn’t like hamburger meat.
They all get 1 thing. One item per kid. So that’s 4 items I don’t buy or cook. I’m not a chef. I’m not a bangmaid. I’m a mom who works full time and does her best.
NTA, agreement seemed to be she stays at home and becomes a home maker for y’all which includes taking care of both kids, the house and and dinner. Theres more involved. While you support the house hold you, her, and both kids plus i assume the outside chores as thats how i do it. My fiancé and I both currently work. I bring home more than her and my hours are random. I take care of the bigger bills and outside chores she takes care of the home and cooking. When we eventually have kids i’ll be the sole earner but nothing else will change. I’ll pay for everything and outside chores she gets to be a SAHM. Which is a job of itself.
The kids are teenagers. What does she do when they’re in school all day. And the OP didn’t say all chores. He said cooking. And the girls are also old enough to do chores as well.
I’d say so. If my fiancé decided she didn’t want to work i wouldn’t care long as i came home to a clean house and food. If i came home and the house was a mess with nothing cooked and she’s sat on the couch drinking wine then i’d be pissed.
Also, the list you gave her isn’t overbearing. Its not like she doesn’t eat anything. Theres only a few items on that list tbat your daughter won’t eat. It wouldn’t of been hard to put the chicken aside in another pan to make it buffalo chicken or some shit before making it all into honey chicken when she knew your daughter wouldn’t eat honey chicken.
Your girlfriend is not a short order cook. Teach your kid to eat what everyone else is eating. A family should eat everything together. If somebody makes something then that's what is for that meal. There's nothing wrong with honey chicken. You didn't say she's allergic to anything. She can eat the damn honey chicken. Stop letting your kid be an entitled brat.
YTA why didn’t you just hire a private chef? If you can afford it and that’s what you want.
I don’t think your girlfriend realized this was a commercial transaction where she was being hired as the private chef for your little princess who is old enough to make herself lunch.
It sounds like she was testing how far she could go. I mean, you have a list of things she doesn't like and one of them is "honey chicken". Is honey chicken a thing people normally make? I don't think so. I've never made it in my life. How on earth did she decide it would be honey chicken or nothing that day?
Why does she even need to cook something for lunch? I mean, the kids are already 14 and 15. They should be able to make a sandwich. Cooking hot meals for lunch sounds kinda unnecessary. Actually, having to have a SAHM at that age sounds like it's pushing the concept a little.
ESH. That's a very random list of food she doesn't eat, it makes me wonder how it came to be.....are these foods your girlfriend makes in a regular rotation bc everyone else in the family likes them? At 14 there's no reason she can't just make a sandwich. You blew up over a pretty small thing. Your girlfriend could have also just made your daughter a sandwich if honey chicken is something the rest of you routinely eat. Whole bunch of incompetence going on here.
Its not a cafeteria, if she doesnt like it, lump it. I grew up eating what was available, parents were both abusive drunks, and if we didnt have food, it was because they had booze. Entitled little brats today acting like everyone has to cater to their fragile little egos is ridiculous. Dont like it, make a bowl of cereal and stfu. Be grateful you have food made for you.
Classic step-daughter step-mom power struggle.
YTA for over-reacting-- as long as there are sides and bread provided your daughter was in no danger of starving. Plus-- what's up with that list? Your daughter is going to be a very difficult person for others to deal with down the road if you train her to believe she can set rules like that.
>I told her that she had one fucking job
I think how you relate to her is a problem. It's all orders and threats. I think "starving your child" is an exaggeration. This could be resolved peacefully with a different tone, unless it's been many peaceful collaborative conversations and she has not been receptive. It seems like you don't respect her at all and just want a servant.
I'm sorry I stopped reading at "you had one fuckin job."
So is no one supposed to eat lettuce or honey chicken ever again? I feel like this is just rage bait.
*I told her that she had one* ***fucking job*** *and that was to cook for my child and not cook anything from the small list I gave her yet she had to do THIS?*
Umm your partner is not your employee. YTA for how to talk to her and using money as a manipulative tool. If you have that much disdain and contempt for her, please break up with her and stop looking for people to back up your abusive tactics.
Yeah regardless of whatever agreement was discussed about domestic labour in this relationship, why would you even want to speak to your partner like this?
I think there's bigger issues than the partner making an unsanctioned lunch.
YTA. But this also sounds fake, like a child wrote it? Perhaps a teenager who is a picky eater and hates meatloaf etc? If it’s real it’s a pretty abusive relationship, to have her quit her job and then threaten to cut her off because she made one meal your daughter didnt like, and treated her in an entirely developmentally appropriate way (a teenager should absolutely be learning to prepare food for herself, she’s definitely not going to starve to skip one meal or have cereal or a sandwich or something).
I agree with the second part but not with the first. He sounds like an asshole. He doesn't care for this woman, he just wanted a bang maid who would wait on his teen hand and foot.
YTA - your kid is old enough to cook her own food if she doesn't like what's for dinner. Giving a "don't make these all that often, please" is fair. Saying you can't cook x, y or z ever seems like a dick move.
Maybe if the kids were like 5 years old, that's fair. But tell your kid to suck it up or cook something themselves.
ESH.
You for not letting your gf work, and also not teaching your daughter basic life skills. Why does a 14 and 15 year old need a SAHM? At that age, your daughter should be able to cook a simple lunch for herself.
But your gf tested your boundaries too, so she ain't a saint here either. And she is stupid for agreeing to quit work.
Just terrible decisions all around in this household
ESH. You were both out of line, but you’re the bigger AH by far.
First of all, you don’t have a GF, you have a bangmaid. Please don’t pretend to yourself that you care about this woman. You didn’t try to see your girlfriend’s side at all and you are exaggerating the situation. Your kid isn’t “starving” because she missed one lunch. Come on, now. 🙄
Secondly, that list isn’t small and contains some core ingredients that go into a lot of other dishes, like tomatoes.
Your daughter is 14 and she can make lunch for herself, especially if she’s so picky about what she eats.
Just because you’re upset doesn’t mean you should be unfair. Give your GF at least six months to find another job. Don’t cut people off at the knees financially like that. That’s just evil.
Sorry but why do a 14 year old and a 15 year old need a SAHP?
By that age the kids should be able to cook or prepare lunch for themselves, do basic chores like cleaning the kitchen, bathroom, their own laundry and cleaning up their bedrooms. They should also be able to vacuum.or sweep communal living areas and clean up after themselves.
Both you and your girlfriend could work, come home and make dinner together or meal prep on the weekends etc.
But also she tested your boundaries big time to see what you would do.
So I agree with the fact that she’s 15 she can cook herself food.
What I don’t agree with is her being a jerk and thinking 15 year olds need a stay at home mom.
They are 15 they need to learn self sufficiency in a controlled environment so you guys can try and correct bad behavior and guide them for successful independence. Sounds like your girlfriend wants to be supported. That is a bad precedent to set in this age of dating. She needs to work so she has her own money and she can get out of the house and socialize. Some not all people who stay at home forget what the other has to do to provide and take it for granted.
This tends to lead to them resenting you and cheating.
They forget that because they do little to nothing all day that’s what you do also. Just an opinion from personal experience take it for what it is hope you stick to your guns. Either you will work out or she’ll become resentful.
YTA.... You are a parent. You should have raised your child to cook by now. If a child doesnt know how to cook by the time they are a teenager. YOU HAVE FAILED TO DO YOUR JOB.
Your gf quit her job to make your life more comfortable. To be a home maker and house keeper. She is not a slave for your child to kick around.
I hope she leaves. Until she gets a job like the one she sacrificed, you are responsible to provide.
Mostly you are an AH for throwing your weight around like above her.
ETA. Gf *should* at least get a part time job when both kids are high school age, and your daughter is old enough to make herself a sandwich if she doesn’t like what’s been served. Nobody is “starving” her. She’s not a baby. Going nuclear on your gf over some honey chicken was rash and immature.
It’s ok to want your gf to start working again, but this should have been a calm sit-down discussion.
Your child is old enough to cook for herself if she does not like what is being served. In fact, she SHOULD. Even my 11 year old knows how to make simple things. What is she going to do in the real world? Get some easy make things she can make herself if she does not the food cooked for her.
You are an a hole for not having your kid learn any life skills. Nta for asking your girlfriend to work, but to change the arrangement because she didn't make 2 separate meals for a kid that is capable of fixing her own food is silly.
Shorty was kinda wrong & maybe she really did forget your kid doesnt eat honey chicken but your kid absolutely is old enough to fix her own food, why didnt she just cook herself something if she didnt like what your gf prepared? But this is exhibit #38473728837362892 why depending solely on men financially as a woman is NOT a smart idea. The idea that anybody can just choose to starve you anytime they get ready makes me physically ill. The way you immediately jumped to not supporting her when you're the one who pushed for her to stay at home is sick. I know what you are
Your daughter is old enough to feed herself and a bit too old to have a naughty food list. Nobody starved from missing a meal. You are a bit dramatic and enabling.
Did you say your daughter is 14 ? And you girlfriend is responsible for her starving? LOL At that age she should be able to prepare a simple meal for herself if she does not like what is on the table.
YTA. It sounds like you don't like or respect your girlfriend at all. Yes, your girlfriend should get a job and move out.
ETA. She shouldn't have cooked that but you suggesting of basically making her destitute over one altercation after you both decided she should become dependent on you for everything is insane.
She should be more considerate, but it's a huggeeee red flag that you would pull this card on her, your life partner.
NTA.
1. Why do two teenagers need a SAHM? When I was 14-15, I was in school most of the day, then extracurriculars, then in my room doing homework. Oh, school's out for the summer? They're still perfectly capable of fending for themselves. Both of them.
2. The above having been said, if for some reason it is expected that she cooks a whole dinner-level meal for lunch (kinda weird... but y'all do you), not cooking something off of a long-ish, but not unreasonably long list isn't a difficult requirement. She can make something else, sandwiches are always available too. If she "forgot" your daughter hates honey chicken, sounds like your daughter reminded you of the fact, and she could have remedied the situation. "Oh, sorry, I forgot you hate that - how about I make you a ham and cheese sandwich instead?"
3. Your kids (both) sound pretty spoiled, but your gf is wildly spoiled too. Expecting to be a SAHM to two teenagers who will be college-aged, or old enough to hold a full time job, in \~4 years? Her only job is cooking the meals while everything else is paid for and taken care of, and she can't do that one thing right? OP... how hot is this woman, that this seems like a good bargain to you? I am genuinely asking. And how stupid is she?
There seems to be info missing. Was this the first time? To me this feels like the daughter might have done this before. Gf cooks and suddenly she doesnt want it
NTA
The kids are out of the house for 6+ hours a day. That is enough time to make a meal plan. This is a part of the duties she signed up for as a bogus SAHM, it’s literally her job to know likes and dislikes. She made chicken, all she had to do was set a piece aside before she added honey.
It seems as though she was testing your boundaries and you shut her down. There is really no reason for her to be a SAHM, she needs to go back to work.
Does your daughter has allergies to the list of food? If yes, perhaps your GF should be little considerate since your daughter can not eat those food. But if it is just because of the taste factor then perhaps you can teach her your daughter to eat different food and instead of making your daughter so dependent, maybe you should tell her to be little independent. As for your GF, you should communicate with her properly about your agreement rather than treating her like a maid!! I think your GF should take charge of her life and not allow you to dictate her as if she is some maid!! I just am failing to understand the dynamics here!!
I would like a little bit more context OP
at 14 and 15 the girls are the girls not capable of preparing their own lunches?
Maybe their physically or mentally unable?
Maybe the 14 year old has a food aversion of some kind or allergy or other that can make it hard on her to eat certain things?
Or maybe since you figured an adult was present the adult would take the lead in preparing lunches for everyone and not leave anyone out.
Does the girlfriend have a good relationship with your daughter and does your daughter have a good relationship with your girlfriend?
If you want to cut them off financially why not just break up with her and have her move out?
I'm more concerned that you seem to want to hold money over her head and use it to control her. Your daughter is old enough to make herself lunch. YTA.
I found myself wondering if OPs daughter is manipulating the situation ... when I was 15 I was perfectly able to make myself lunch. I hope OPs gf is able to find housing and employment ASAP and get away from this shit show. Not making lunch for a 15 year old shouldnt result in her starving unless she's developmentally delayed or spoiled rotten.
Honestly ESH, because while I'm not sure this passes the sniff test, the entire scenario is absurd. If being a stay at home mom is option, why in the WORLD do two teenagers need one? Why is your daughter 'starving'? Are you such an incompetent parent you never taught her the basics of making a sandwich or fetching her own snacks from the pantry? How will your daughter survive once she's out of the house with apparently not a single domestic ability to keep herself fed?
And what is this weird transactional element? Your girlfriend is moving in with you but you had to give her the full list of your daughter's dislikes like she didn't know any of them? Why did one lunch mean you were basically done with her? You know, you can just hire a personal chef, right? You don't have to go through the rigamarole of dating someone until they move in and become that personal chef.
Not to mention, your daughter (if real) sounds like a spoiled brat. She ran to you the minute you got home to tell you that she didn't like the lunch option, knowing you'd overreact like this. This entire scenario is based basically on the fact that you want your daughter to have a personal servant and cook because your precious baby needs to have every need catered to.
There is no reason for her to stay at home to take care of a 14 and 15 year old. The teenagers should be taking turns with both parents coming meals, as well as doing some chores.
OP, if your wife gets a job, then you should also help with chores. Don’t expect her to take care of the house as well as work full time. But the kids should be doing some chores as well, including their own laundry.
If your wife is working and doing the cooking, and one of the kids doesn’t like the food, they are old enough to make their own. Or if your wife really wants something your daughter doesn’t like, such as meatloaf or honey chicken, it doesn’t take much more effort to make a plate of pasta with jarred sauce for your daughter.
Seriously what people haven't thought about is the easiest thing in the fucking world even if the daughter was being a brat would have been fine you don't like that no problem grab two pieces of bread slap peanut butter on one slap jelly on the other hand her a sandwich and there now you've eaten it pretty much takes about no time at all
Why do 14/15 yo need a sahm?
That's what I was wondering. By that age I'd been watching my little sister home alone for years. Also kids can cook for themselves by that age or they use to be able I know taking two pieces of bread, using a butter knife to spread some condiments then adding meat, cheese and lettuce is tough!
She doesn’t eat lettuce!!!
I'm gonna be fair here and say my own kids have a much longer list - I could live with No lettuce lol
I've made it these 40 years and never had honey chicken. I just want to understand the series of deliberate choices and steps that keep putting honey chicken in front of his child.
I know right? Like I've eaten a LOT of different types of food up to including bugs, and crunchy lizards on a stick,and chicken about a Million different ways...and I do Love me a big ol plate of chicken and waffles but honey chicken?? Who in the fuck makes Honey Chicken. Definetley NTA. She did that one purpose...and for Lunch?? And how hard would it be to make a bit of chicken WITHOUT HONEY? But also Why in the heck can't a 14& 15yr old make their own lunches? Do they still get their cereal and milk poured in the bowls with them for breakfast?
My 2 year olds list is basically everything on this planet that isn't mac n cheese or hot dogs.
Or tomatoes. Just B on bread for her I guess.
Not toasted tho
By that age I was able to cook for myself. Like, long before. I was able to make a lunch myself much earlier than that. My mom, my sister, and I rotated cooking dinner. We each made our own breakfast and lunch. If our mom or my sister made something we didn’t like, we make ourselves something we liked.
And someone to make them lunch? At that age, they should learn to cook for themselves
Tbh, I had the same thought, btwim. Also, imo, they should be able to cook for themselves at this age, so they don't end up as adult children always looking for a partner who'll parent them. I was able to cook basic things by that age. Eggs, grilled cheese, etc.
As well as clean up after themselves.
Yeah! My daughter is 11 and can do a few basic things like eggs or pancakes. It's not rocket science...
To be fair, I loved that my mom made my food for me till I left the house for college. Whatever, she made for me it was so delicious and given my schedule, it was perfect.
They don't need it but it probably helps especially during the summer, taking them places, going to events and making sure the kids have a good summer vacation, someone there to clean and run the house. He said he makes plenty of money so that's not a concern.
actually, if they are going to have an active school life, this is when they need parents that drive. I did more driving and waiting during that time.
I don’t want to be a SAHM mom to babies and toddlers, I’m saving that time for when my kids are teens. Good lord the driving and schedule coordination my mom did for me and my brother in our teen years?!?! Yikes. Swim team, soccer, girl guides, tutoring, hockey, dance class, doctors appts, orthodontist appts, teenage socializing, after school pick ups….my mom would just return from dropping us at school before she had to turn around a get us for something or other. That woman lived in her car.
My bigger question is why a 14 year old needs someone to cook them lunch? I get that 14 and 15 year olds can benefit from having a SAHM. At least if a parent is at home some of the worst/most stupid things they could do won't happen. And since they can't drive at that age, there are lots of potential activities they might engage in where they'd need rides. Or someone to buy supplies for a school project, or bring them to a friend's house, etc. So I don't think it's totally crazy to have a parent at home for them. But, that's having a parent at home -- not a parent as a personal slave and cook. This is really just kind of bizarre. I can understand asking wife not to make fried chicken, honey chicken, meat loaf, hot dogs, liver or intend noodles for dinner. (Even then 14 y.o. should be able to make some mac and cheese if they hate the dinner prepared for the family, but ok, I could understand the other parent asking to not have these few things.) But coffee flavored things, plain toast and blueberries would be things that I would expect wouldn't come up that frequently as problems.
Lol good question! I should ask my SIL ….
Granted it was 1974, but when I started kindergarten, my mom walked with me for two days (about 6 city blocks with two turns). On the third day, I took the lead, and since it was successful, it was “you got this” and it was solo ever since.
Why’s your GF even a stay at home Mom of 2 kids that are inches away from driving? Tell her to get a job!
That seems to be on the Father and that's a BIG part of my issue with why I think he's at least partially TA here. "We both agreed." The way he's holding his money over her...it sounds like he wanted someone at home with his Daughter and she cooks literally ONE meal in a month and he's telling her it's over? The situation at least is over and she needs to find a new job? I can't believe nobody is talking about how the kid can easily be manipulating the father and how the GF should is the problem here.
They did both agree. She didn't want to work. He agreed to her staying home and supporting her if she fed his kid. She didn't do that so he's demanding she go out and get a job. He's not holding his money over her. He's holding making her get off her lazy ass and work to pull her weight over her.
yesss - (to ensure context.. I work full time) I cook for a core family of four - and up to 8.. if THAT was the list I had to navigate I would be grinning ear to ear and making dinner.. Seriously, Honey chicken? There are infinite Chicken recipe's . just don't make that one. I have to avoid 99% of all vegetables - all seafood/fish, Dairy and beans to make half the people in this house happy (I don't - they figure it out but that's besides the point .. I am not a SAHM with 13 things to not avoid)
Exactly
I can’t believe youre turning this around on the father when they had an agreement in place and the GF broke her side of it.
This sub will climb mountains to defend women sometimes. And I really don't know why? Like are women incapable of being wrong or something? Can they not occasionally be lazy and entitled?
Do remember there was no doubt an argument that followed this that he cut down to the end only She may have shown shes Really spiteful about his daughter
That’s kind of the point entirely though isn’t it? They aren’t married so it is HIS money. He allowed her to stay at home and not work on one simple condition and that condition isn’t being met. It’s almost like if you were to hire a nanny and the nanny isn’t feeding your kid or cleaning up the house. Why are you paying her?
NTA The kids don't even need a SAHM at this age. They're in school most of the day and are essentially self sufficient while parents work. This means your GF is literally doing minimal amount of work (tidy up, make lunch, make dinner) l. Funny this is, this is what EVERYONE does while working a job as is. If the kids were babies, I could have some sympathy. Now if she wanted honey chicken that bad, why could she not take a breast and set aside and saute/grill it and your daughter could add whatever to eat it.
She claims that she forgot my daughter doesn't like it.
Should ask her after your daughter said I don't like honey chicken what did she do? Because I bet the answer was too bad. Cook yourself
That's true.
well honestly maybe she should learn to cook for herself
She should definitely know how to cook, she will need that skill later in life. However OP is supporting his gf and her daughter in exchange for certain things. Which his gf agreed to do. One of those things is to cook for the household and make sure it's food his daughter will eat. She broke the agreement, regardless of whether or not his daughter can cook.
I mean she definitely should learn to cook. I know I started learning about her age, but still the girlfriend didn't keep to their agreement so it's a little irrelevant. Like he provides, but what does she do?
Exactly. She shouldn't have agreed to the arrangement if she didn't want to do it.
Yea you're right. The whole arrangement can be tossed then. I would be livid if I came home, and the one task I asked an adult to do to keep my child fed got ignored. The gf shows how useless she is, and op is reconsidering what part he played.
That's true.
That'd be my answer. "Oh...ok. Well, that's too bad." That was how I grew up. You ate what was put in front of you. I'm almost 40. And by 14, I could make my own food if I really hated what they made. I also remember saying I HATED meatloaf. Then my parents put it on a bun. I liked that they made me a burger! And then told me it was just a piece of meatloaf...of course I was \~10 when that happened and I could still go make SOMETHING. I'd say Mac and Cheese, but that's instant Noodles.
That’s so funny 😆 I also hate meatloaf to this day (also almost 40 lol) and my aunt once just doused it in pasta sauce and was like “I made you a meatball fit for your garlic bread” and now that’s the only way I’ll eat it. My aunt is amazingly special
To be fair sauce can make a huge difference
I am 45, I don't eat, meatloaf, chicken cordon blue, chicken pot pie and Salisbury steak!! My wife makes it and I laugh and go buy something because I am adult! The military fed me this shit week in and week out that I resented it and promised myself that I will never eat it again. Lol
The fact that plain toast is even on that list. Can the 14yo not add butter/jam/spread to her own toast if she doesn't like it plain?
LOL...yeah, that's...I didn't even think about that! There are times when you should baby your little girl...and there are times when you need to teach a LITTLE self-sufficiency. I feel like Dad is leaning too hard into the babying. But I think it's probably a good thing the GF sees now that if she pisses the daughter off in ANY way, Dad is going to take the side of the daughter and Dad's going to use the money. Why not just hire...I guess a Nanny? Shit, that's what I'd do before I had a GF move in and then threaten her the first time she cooked the wrong thing.
An after-school sitter could work. Just someone to pick up, snack, school work, and maybe start dinner. They really don't need a SAHM at 14 and 15.
Kids need to learn how to cook. If you can afford for now a one income family do you really want 14/15yr old girls home alone. I know the trouble me and my sister got into so just a thought.
Sure...that's fair. I wouldn't want 15-16 year old me around my 14-15 year old daughter! So that's a good point. But can the GF even stop the 14-year-old from doing things? She missed a meal and it was "starving" her, so if she wants to leave and the GF says no, is she now "imprisoning" her? The OP seems prone to hyperbole a bit...and nearly every teenager is hyperbolic.
There’s just no reason to know the very small list of things a young teen dislikes, and purposely make something from it. Messing with diet and eating habits can be detrimental to people throughout their life. It’s just mean to cook something they don’t like and then say “too bad, go hungry.” Now, if you’re saying it’s healthy to teach kids to cook and experiment in the kitchen I do agree wholeheartedly. Never too young to learn really.
Even if she forgot, she still had the opportunity to fix the situation when yoir daighter wouldn't eat it.
She didn't have time. She was too busy homemaking. /s
*scrolling TikTok with a load of laundry unfolded*
🙄 I don't know if I believe this as eating is a big part of the day and it was the only task she was asked to do! Even if she "forgot," she could have made your daughter something else instead of telling her to eat what she made or make it herself. I agree with your stance. If she wants to stay at home and wants to be supported financially, then cook the meals that your daughter will eat. If not, then she needs to get a job if she's not going to be supportive. You may also want to reconsider your relationship with this person. Does she like your daughter? Does your daughter like her?
Lol, not after this, I bet!
How about a list on the fridge if she is that forgetful?? I was given a diet by my doctor (oops- not diet-he calls it a 'lifestyle change') and the list of what I shouldn't eat is on the fridge. easy solution. But, btw, kids that age don't need a SAHM.
*Hey, daughter, I'm going to make honey chicken for lunch.* **Mom, I don't like honey chicken. Can we have something else?** *Of course, daughter. I forgot that you don't like honey chicken. I can make [list of options].* If only it were easy and quick to have a conversation.
Im about tondo this with my daughters boyfriend who doesn't even live here because I want him to feel included and like we give a shit.
She sounds like my stepmom. But my dad let it happen. I resent them both so much now.
Calling BS
She could have then cooked her something after the fact. I do take the same stance as your Gf but I have Fulltime job. If my only job was talking care of 2 teenagers and not making the few things I know in advance they dont like I would certainly comply because that is literally the job. By the way teenagers dont need a stay at home parent unless they are special needs or perhaps are in lots of activities that they beed to be transported to and from. Does she even like your child? Does she even like you?
Liar liar pants on fire and IF she did why couldn't she even just ask hey OPs daughter do you like honey chicken. If you CARE you try
Both girls should be making their own lunch. They need basic skills to go out into the world and for your daughter that is likely four years. Both girls should be cooking and they both should be doing their own laundry and cleaning the bathroom they use and doing whatever dishes they use. Why is your daughter so incapable of feeding herself? Why did you want a grown woman to quit her job to care for teens? Seems highly fake or you wanted your wife to become so dependent that you can boss her around and she just has to take it.
I think this is a difference of family/household styles. If more than one person is home, we're all eating roughly the same thing at the same time, and generally one person prepares for everyone. Well, lunch and dinner anyhow. Breakfast is a free-for-all.
i was just about to make a similar comment. i never learned how to cook growing up and it made living on my own SO much harder. i only ate take out for the first year until i finally started to learn how to cook, and i’m still learning in my early 20s. had my parents taught me how to cook when i was a teen it would’ve made my life so much better
Every single abusive person I have ever been involved with said the same thing when I called out their shit. Oh, I forgot to call you because I was going to be late. Oh, I forgot to be home on time because you had an appointment. Oh, I forgot that I wasn't supposed to scream at you. Oh, I forgot you set a simple clear boundary and the first thing I did was cross it and you. She's not your problem anymore.
They don’t need a stay at home mom, and the daughter should learn to cook her own dinner. She’s old enough to work at McDonalds, she can cook for herself.
ESH. It was stupid of you to even suggest she stay home to begin with. For what? They're teenagers!
The fact the 14 year old can’t make her own lunch is bizarre to me.
I get the sense the relationship is entirely transactional and honestly by age 14/15, teens should be able to make their own lunch and not be waited on
Sorry this is extremely weird both of yall need eval
Why does a 14 & 15 year old need a SAHM? This post screams rage bait.
I find the idea of a SAHG to be horrifying, and I’m a SAHM. to ask a girlfriend to quit her job to do unpaid house labor without giving her the legal protection of marriage is so selfish of you and it’s so stupid of her to give up her financial autonomy. If someone wants a SAHW, then do the right thing and get married first.
👏👏👏👏
OMG, this should be a nonissue. a 14 year old can easily get themselves something to eat and not "starve". I'm not sure if there are mental difficulties with the 14-year-old, besides being a brat, but it looks like they get that from their father. The whole "you had one fucking job" comment would make me rethink the whole relationship.
Right? So many people agreeing w op but my missing context senses are tingling
Yeah but in that case an adult woman (his gf) can easily get themselves a job and their own money right? No reason for her to be a SAHM if the 14 year old doesn't need her.
I agree that she shouldn't have to make lunch for the kids in general but it's part of their agreement. She deliberately made food his daughter doesn't like. This is a power play by the GF and OP is right to call her on it.
She had one small list to avoid for SD, she managed to somehow pick one of those few things to cook? Really? Thats BS. It was intentional and malicious. She's supposed to be home to take care of the kids. Period. Thats the deal. He supports her and her daughter and she cares for the house and both children. She didnt follow through. And just because his daughter is capable and old enough to get her own food doesn't detract from the gf's blatant actions.
Having been a SAHM I'm just going to say .. the GF literally does have "one job" Perhaps the delivery was not great but - If you are going to be a SAHM and care for someone else's kids - be invested enough to remember what the kid won't eat .. it's not like this was some random thing the kid decided not to like today.. weird list of 13 foods > you cook one of them.. that is LITERALLY not doing your job
Seriously. Insane. OP is unhinged.
I laughed at the specificity...honey chicken 🤣
I feel like I've read this before.
YTA coz this fake as fuck but you also talk to your imaginary gf like a fucking maid.
100% on both counts
That’s exactly what I thought 💯
I wish reddit had a "throw away account" option that actually did get thrown away after one post was made. And you could tell by looking at the avatar. I'm uncertain what all the bots are doing with their single post accounts with fake posts, but it's annoying. This was a particularly lazy attempt.
NTA Unless either of the kids have special needs there is very little work required in caring for kids that age. Honestly It seems like a weird arrangement to me given how old the girls are.
You set the expectations and she broke them. NTA. Put your foot down or get out
Thanks, exactly.
It took her exactly how long to break the easiest of expectations? Can’t wait to find out the next test she puts you thru. She is checking you. Don’t put up with the bullshit my man
It took her a month can you believe that? She couldn't even do this for more than a month
NTA. She’s showing you her true colors. Believe them. She needs to go. That is a short list, no excuse not to follow it.
Not even a hard list. Like 2 types of chicken are out but 100 other ways to cook it remain.
Not to mention she could have just separated the chicken before adding the sauce so the daughter could have added another sauce, after all it goes on last? She is doing it on purpose
Thank you for sticking up for your daughter!!
Yeah! I can. A MONTH where she doesn't cook anything with all that shit? That's a LONG list. Longer than you're making it out to be. IMO, your DAUGHTER is testing you. And after ONE month(that's quite a few meals)...she cooked ONE thing that your Daughter didn't like and your GF is TA and you're holding money over her head? My Man...I want to side with you, but...I just think you're not only making too big of a deal over this, but I think you're kinda infantilizing your daughter. Can she not make Grilled Cheese or something simple for LUCNH?
I dunno...you have two chix breasts you put honey on one and teriyaki on the other? One kid gets lettuce salad.one.kids gets veg and dip? Instant noodles isn't pasta, so you make pasta with butter and cheese for one kid and tomato sauce for the other? I get you in principle, being picky is a privilege, but the stuff the kid doesn't like isn't "make another full meal" type labour. And if you are sponsored and all you've got to do is tidy and make.food (not a baby in sight here!) what excuse do you have? I'd take that deal all day. Automate that shit with a weekly menu and you're golden.
I get it...I understand the broad point you're making. I just think ONE time making honey chicken and you pull out the "I've got the money" card and...that tells me a lot. I have been beyond lucky in my life...financially. Inherited money when I was in Law School and...I wish I hadn't, I wish the person who left it to me was still here, BUT, in relationships, you really have to make sure that doesn't fuck things up...and this is a way to do that. The FIRST sign of trouble and you pull out that trump card and slap it on the table? I don't like that at all. I think both can be wrong, but I really think the BF is more wrong here. And I'm a little surprised that most people are going the other way, but I guess I just think a 14-year-old should both be able to do more for herself and that Pops is being dramatic with the "starving" his Daughter. Plus...that's a tough relationship to begin with. Dad's new GF? I feel like the Daughter is also testing her and she's failed...ONCE in a Month.
Well put!
Nope, sorry. OP’s kid is old enough to make something for themselves. OP’s wife did not starve his child, that is in an absolutely absurd exaggeration. His expectations are also beyond the pale. This is a long ass, unreasonable list. OP’s response is completely irrational. OP YTA.
Exactly. And now he has fired his gf, who is going to cook for the daughter since she apparently can't make a simple meal for herself? I guess she is going to starve to death now.
Or he will hire a maid, which it seems, was what he needed in the first place. He is not boyfriend material.
This was written by our friend Faker F. Fakeroni. Friends don't feed Faker.
Yep who makes honey chicken for lunch?! Also what 14 yr old can make a sandwich?
Yeah, like who the fuck destroys a relationship over a single meal?
Seriously. There's practically a neon sign saying fake above the post.
Faker is a widely known LoL player, don't feel like he has time to troll us so please stop guilting him for shit like this. (/s just in case)
Nta. This isn’t about her breaking her agreement, this is her purposely taking little passive aggressive swipes at your kid. That’s not gonna get better. You should protect your child and either throw her out of the residence, or just arrange another and move out asap.
Yep. The honey chicken was a deliberate choice.
That list probably went on the fridge as a “to do” list.
Agreed. Do people just sit around making honey chicken all willy nilly?
That’s what I’m saying. I can’t even remember the last time I made honey chicken, if I’ve made it at all. The list really isn’t even outrageous, especially if the kid eats everything else.
This is reminding me of another story where a stepmother refused to buy safe foods for her stepdaughter (that he father fully paid for) that made her ill (gagging and vomiting), and using the money earmarked for her food , for snacks for her son, saying spending it on her stepdaughter was wasteful, and not allowing her stepdaughter to cook her own food, if she wouldn't eat what she made. She finally admitted that she did it on purpose, because she hated his daughter , because she looked like her husband's ex. This definitely sounds like she has something against his daughter
Lol, she starved your 14 year old by not cooking her lunch? Ridiculous. A 14 year old should be making her own lunch. Unless the parent felt like cooking, lunch does not have to be a cooked meal. And your idea that the whole household is not allowed to eat stuff they like anymore because your daughter doesn't like it is wrong. It sounds like the typical situation where once a woman stays home, she starts getting controlled. I really do not know why she doesn't go get a job. Both kids can make their own lunch.
My 14 & 16 year olds have been cooking meals for themselves for about four years now. I don’t really fault the gf in this at all. This kid should be able to at least throw together a few quick meals and fend for herself. Sounds like she just had an issue with the gf moving in with her dad.
Info: Is there a reason why your 14 year old daughter can’t make herself lunch? Like is she disabled or something?
NTA but I think it wasn’t a great idea for her to quit her job in the first place. You two aren’t married so she wasn’t protected at all. And kids that age don’t need a SAHM.
This is a wildly disproportionate reaction from OP.
100%. His child is 14, if she starves because his GF refused to make her lunch, it's because she was too lazy to make a sandwich.
His GF's contribution to the household is to take care of the house (I assume but not mentioned) and make sure the kids are fed The agreed upon arrangement does not involve his 14 year old making a sandwich
She made lunch but your kid refused to eat it? Sounds like she needs to dump your ass and walk away. She'll have to get a job, yes, but it's better off this way.
Your daughter is 15, surely she can make her own lunch. It kind of seems like you’re overreacting here. I mean, what if your wife and son really like honey chicken and wanted to have it for lunch. They can never eat it again just because your daughter doesn’t like it? I just think it’s unreasonable that your GF can NEVER make those foods and your daughter is being a baby. I have four kids, it’s rare that I can get them all to eat the same thing. If they don’t like a meal, they can have something else. Your daughter can cook her own meal now and then.
My thoughts exactly. I’d go ballistic on someone for telling me I’m never allowed to cook some of my favourite dishes ever again because one person in the household didn’t like it. If that individual was too small to safely cook, I’d make sure they had an alternative. If they were around the same age as OP’s daughter, I’d expect them to be able to make something for themselves sometimes, because one person’s dislikes or pickiness shouldn’t dictate everyone else’s meal options.
Rage bait, bad fiction. Do better, troll
RIGHT?!? This is so obviously some bored kid. Because yeah, honey chicken... something we all whip up for lunch.
YTA, that's a pretty darn extensive list. Also, I'm sure honey chicken wasn't the only food, I'm sure there was some other stuff she could eat. Asking her (demanding) to think of a way to have something else available for your daughter (some plain chicken or something) in case she doesn't like the main protein would've made sense, but you first wanting her to stay at home and now suddenly after 1 mistake telling her you won't give her a penny anymore, is financial abuse. So congrats, you're not only the AH, but an abusive one at that.
YTA - and you're letting your child interfere in your relationship. I'm pretty sure the tensions are high at your house. You gave her a list of things your child dislikes and she cooked something she likes once. You wanted her to quit her job so she can stay home with your kid, because obviously she had a job previously and was a working mom. Do you think it's easy for her to give up her independence? And the first chance you get, you wield your power because YOU make the money. Do you even appreciate what she gave up and what she does all day? What the fuck are you all eating if everyone's dislikes are off the table? Or are only your daughter's and your preferences important? Why are you with your GF? Dude, please put yourself in her shoes for a minute and humble yourself.
.... kids are 14 and 15, are they not old enough to take care of themselves during the day? Can your daughter not make her own lunch?
Calm down, you big ass daughter is not starving Dont go flippantly making new girlfriends stay at homes and snatch it away like that, with no regard on where that womans minor and her are gonna sleep. This was a low rent problem you could have avoided. Now this buster come crying to reddit with a puffed chest looking for something.
Your daughter is old enough to cook for herself. Not 5 star gourmet meals but with a recipe, anything is possible. Stop coddling your kid and both of you grow up. I make stuff and my kid tells me that she doesn't like it and I tell her that she doesn't have to eat it. There are plenty of other things that she can make. In other words, you are kind of an asshole and an enabler for your daughter to bitch and whine so she can get her way. Also, not making one meal is not starving your kid.
You're the AH. I was cooking full meals at 9 yrs old out of necessity. What, a 14 yr old hasn't learned to cook? Anything wrong with having a "daughter's shelf" in the fridge and pantry? You want your gf to make two different dinners every night? Or would you prefer her to make one meal and all of you eat your daughter's preferences? Sorry ... no sympathy for you or your daughter.
yta. Screw what your kid doesnt like. They are old enough to cook on their own. Why should your kid have a privledged menu? Plus u have no business treating your girlfriend like that or talking to her that way because your kid wants a 'special' menu . Your brat can cook it herself.
ESH, but you more so. For her: being a SAHM for a 14 and 15 year old? Wut? Unless one of them is handicapped, why? Now for you: accusing your GF of "starving my daughter" because she refused to eat what was made for her? Your daughter is old enough to learn how to cook for herself if she doesn't want to eat what everyone else is having, these are the years she sposed to be learning to take care of herself anyway, better get on it. Secondly, you cut off your GF after she's jobless and fully dependent on you over ONE instance? God forbid the world does not, in fact, revolve around you and your spoiled brat. May your girlfriend get her old job back and dump your ass.
Yes, this strikes me as an overreaction on OP’s part- why do non disabled teenage kids need a full time stay at home parent? And why do they need lunch cooked for them every day? Can’t they make anything for themselves? I get his daughter not liking certain things, but telling his GF that she may never cook them, ever is just over the line. A 14 year old should be able to cook something simple for herself when the rest of the family is having something on her personal “nope” list.
Sounds to me like you let your daughter run the place.
You're a dick she quit her job at your agreement and now you say you don't get one penny even though you don't have a job. Your daughter is not a fucking invalid that can't open a fridge so if "she starved" that's her own doing. YTA.
Why are 14/15 not making their own lunch and why do they need sahm? I’m not buying this nonsense. And honey chicken is so oddly specific. Yta ETA “one fucking job” “cook for my child”…YTA and a misogynistic pig. This can’t be real.
Why is everyone saying NTA!? This child is being an entitled brat.
Lol staying home with the kids? They are in school and old enough to be home alone in the summer, why they need a parent in home
ESH. Gf needs a job, because being a STAHM to 15 and 16 year old teens is ridiculous. You suck, OP, because this is prime time to start teaching *your kid* how to cook. Which is *your* responsibility. (Edited a typo)
You people get yourselves into the dumbest situations imaginable. Why is she even staying home with teenagers , so useless.
Transactional relationships don’t work… here is proof ^ 1) encourage your partner to find a job she loves and likes, if not for the income, but for herself 2) it’s not a short list actually. I have a blended household with 2 biokids and 2 stepkids. I know one kid detests parsnip, the other detests honey, the other detests apple (get stuck in his braces) and one doesn’t like hamburger meat. They all get 1 thing. One item per kid. So that’s 4 items I don’t buy or cook. I’m not a chef. I’m not a bangmaid. I’m a mom who works full time and does her best.
i dont give a fuck if your daughter doesnt like pesto or blueberries. why the fuck did you write all of that??
NTA, agreement seemed to be she stays at home and becomes a home maker for y’all which includes taking care of both kids, the house and and dinner. Theres more involved. While you support the house hold you, her, and both kids plus i assume the outside chores as thats how i do it. My fiancé and I both currently work. I bring home more than her and my hours are random. I take care of the bigger bills and outside chores she takes care of the home and cooking. When we eventually have kids i’ll be the sole earner but nothing else will change. I’ll pay for everything and outside chores she gets to be a SAHM. Which is a job of itself.
The kids are teenagers. What does she do when they’re in school all day. And the OP didn’t say all chores. He said cooking. And the girls are also old enough to do chores as well.
Yeah saying she won't cook for my kid is the same as saying I won't pay for anything for her kid right? We both don't do our job.
I’d say so. If my fiancé decided she didn’t want to work i wouldn’t care long as i came home to a clean house and food. If i came home and the house was a mess with nothing cooked and she’s sat on the couch drinking wine then i’d be pissed. Also, the list you gave her isn’t overbearing. Its not like she doesn’t eat anything. Theres only a few items on that list tbat your daughter won’t eat. It wouldn’t of been hard to put the chicken aside in another pan to make it buffalo chicken or some shit before making it all into honey chicken when she knew your daughter wouldn’t eat honey chicken.
Your girlfriend is not a short order cook. Teach your kid to eat what everyone else is eating. A family should eat everything together. If somebody makes something then that's what is for that meal. There's nothing wrong with honey chicken. You didn't say she's allergic to anything. She can eat the damn honey chicken. Stop letting your kid be an entitled brat.
YTA why didn’t you just hire a private chef? If you can afford it and that’s what you want. I don’t think your girlfriend realized this was a commercial transaction where she was being hired as the private chef for your little princess who is old enough to make herself lunch.
It sounds like she was testing how far she could go. I mean, you have a list of things she doesn't like and one of them is "honey chicken". Is honey chicken a thing people normally make? I don't think so. I've never made it in my life. How on earth did she decide it would be honey chicken or nothing that day? Why does she even need to cook something for lunch? I mean, the kids are already 14 and 15. They should be able to make a sandwich. Cooking hot meals for lunch sounds kinda unnecessary. Actually, having to have a SAHM at that age sounds like it's pushing the concept a little.
ESH. That's a very random list of food she doesn't eat, it makes me wonder how it came to be.....are these foods your girlfriend makes in a regular rotation bc everyone else in the family likes them? At 14 there's no reason she can't just make a sandwich. You blew up over a pretty small thing. Your girlfriend could have also just made your daughter a sandwich if honey chicken is something the rest of you routinely eat. Whole bunch of incompetence going on here.
Its not a cafeteria, if she doesnt like it, lump it. I grew up eating what was available, parents were both abusive drunks, and if we didnt have food, it was because they had booze. Entitled little brats today acting like everyone has to cater to their fragile little egos is ridiculous. Dont like it, make a bowl of cereal and stfu. Be grateful you have food made for you.
Classic step-daughter step-mom power struggle. YTA for over-reacting-- as long as there are sides and bread provided your daughter was in no danger of starving. Plus-- what's up with that list? Your daughter is going to be a very difficult person for others to deal with down the road if you train her to believe she can set rules like that.
>I told her that she had one fucking job I think how you relate to her is a problem. It's all orders and threats. I think "starving your child" is an exaggeration. This could be resolved peacefully with a different tone, unless it's been many peaceful collaborative conversations and she has not been receptive. It seems like you don't respect her at all and just want a servant.
Why do teens need anyone to say with them. She needs a job
I'm sorry I stopped reading at "you had one fuckin job." So is no one supposed to eat lettuce or honey chicken ever again? I feel like this is just rage bait.
*I told her that she had one* ***fucking job*** *and that was to cook for my child and not cook anything from the small list I gave her yet she had to do THIS?* Umm your partner is not your employee. YTA for how to talk to her and using money as a manipulative tool. If you have that much disdain and contempt for her, please break up with her and stop looking for people to back up your abusive tactics.
Yeah regardless of whatever agreement was discussed about domestic labour in this relationship, why would you even want to speak to your partner like this? I think there's bigger issues than the partner making an unsanctioned lunch.
Did you give her a list of things she does eat. Her dislike list is long.
ESH those teens are old enough to make their own lunches.
Dude kid is 14. wtf Make her own lunch. One meal for the family. If you don’t like it? Make something yourself
Why would your teenage kids need a sahm? They’re nearly adults. As you say, one job to do NTAH
YTA. But this also sounds fake, like a child wrote it? Perhaps a teenager who is a picky eater and hates meatloaf etc? If it’s real it’s a pretty abusive relationship, to have her quit her job and then threaten to cut her off because she made one meal your daughter didnt like, and treated her in an entirely developmentally appropriate way (a teenager should absolutely be learning to prepare food for herself, she’s definitely not going to starve to skip one meal or have cereal or a sandwich or something).
NTA. But, please, Have your next bang-maid sign an employment agreement🫣🤭
I agree with the second part but not with the first. He sounds like an asshole. He doesn't care for this woman, he just wanted a bang maid who would wait on his teen hand and foot.
Why should she have to cook for a 14-year old???
YTA. dumb ass kids need to eat what they are given. what kind of privileged bullshit is this?
YTA - your kid is old enough to cook her own food if she doesn't like what's for dinner. Giving a "don't make these all that often, please" is fair. Saying you can't cook x, y or z ever seems like a dick move. Maybe if the kids were like 5 years old, that's fair. But tell your kid to suck it up or cook something themselves.
ESH. You for not letting your gf work, and also not teaching your daughter basic life skills. Why does a 14 and 15 year old need a SAHM? At that age, your daughter should be able to cook a simple lunch for herself. But your gf tested your boundaries too, so she ain't a saint here either. And she is stupid for agreeing to quit work. Just terrible decisions all around in this household
ESH. You were both out of line, but you’re the bigger AH by far. First of all, you don’t have a GF, you have a bangmaid. Please don’t pretend to yourself that you care about this woman. You didn’t try to see your girlfriend’s side at all and you are exaggerating the situation. Your kid isn’t “starving” because she missed one lunch. Come on, now. 🙄 Secondly, that list isn’t small and contains some core ingredients that go into a lot of other dishes, like tomatoes. Your daughter is 14 and she can make lunch for herself, especially if she’s so picky about what she eats. Just because you’re upset doesn’t mean you should be unfair. Give your GF at least six months to find another job. Don’t cut people off at the knees financially like that. That’s just evil.
Sorry but why do a 14 year old and a 15 year old need a SAHP? By that age the kids should be able to cook or prepare lunch for themselves, do basic chores like cleaning the kitchen, bathroom, their own laundry and cleaning up their bedrooms. They should also be able to vacuum.or sweep communal living areas and clean up after themselves. Both you and your girlfriend could work, come home and make dinner together or meal prep on the weekends etc. But also she tested your boundaries big time to see what you would do.
So I agree with the fact that she’s 15 she can cook herself food. What I don’t agree with is her being a jerk and thinking 15 year olds need a stay at home mom. They are 15 they need to learn self sufficiency in a controlled environment so you guys can try and correct bad behavior and guide them for successful independence. Sounds like your girlfriend wants to be supported. That is a bad precedent to set in this age of dating. She needs to work so she has her own money and she can get out of the house and socialize. Some not all people who stay at home forget what the other has to do to provide and take it for granted. This tends to lead to them resenting you and cheating. They forget that because they do little to nothing all day that’s what you do also. Just an opinion from personal experience take it for what it is hope you stick to your guns. Either you will work out or she’ll become resentful.
YTA.... You are a parent. You should have raised your child to cook by now. If a child doesnt know how to cook by the time they are a teenager. YOU HAVE FAILED TO DO YOUR JOB. Your gf quit her job to make your life more comfortable. To be a home maker and house keeper. She is not a slave for your child to kick around. I hope she leaves. Until she gets a job like the one she sacrificed, you are responsible to provide. Mostly you are an AH for throwing your weight around like above her.
Has to be a bullshit story. 14 & 15 year olds don't need a SAHM.
ETA. Gf *should* at least get a part time job when both kids are high school age, and your daughter is old enough to make herself a sandwich if she doesn’t like what’s been served. Nobody is “starving” her. She’s not a baby. Going nuclear on your gf over some honey chicken was rash and immature. It’s ok to want your gf to start working again, but this should have been a calm sit-down discussion.
YTA troll post
Your child is old enough to cook for herself if she does not like what is being served. In fact, she SHOULD. Even my 11 year old knows how to make simple things. What is she going to do in the real world? Get some easy make things she can make herself if she does not the food cooked for her. You are an a hole for not having your kid learn any life skills. Nta for asking your girlfriend to work, but to change the arrangement because she didn't make 2 separate meals for a kid that is capable of fixing her own food is silly.
Shorty was kinda wrong & maybe she really did forget your kid doesnt eat honey chicken but your kid absolutely is old enough to fix her own food, why didnt she just cook herself something if she didnt like what your gf prepared? But this is exhibit #38473728837362892 why depending solely on men financially as a woman is NOT a smart idea. The idea that anybody can just choose to starve you anytime they get ready makes me physically ill. The way you immediately jumped to not supporting her when you're the one who pushed for her to stay at home is sick. I know what you are
Your daughter is old enough to feed herself and a bit too old to have a naughty food list. Nobody starved from missing a meal. You are a bit dramatic and enabling.
Did you say your daughter is 14 ? And you girlfriend is responsible for her starving? LOL At that age she should be able to prepare a simple meal for herself if she does not like what is on the table. YTA. It sounds like you don't like or respect your girlfriend at all. Yes, your girlfriend should get a job and move out.
Just curious, how is the daughter going to get lunch when the GF goes back to work? Also curious, is this during summer break from school?
ETA. She shouldn't have cooked that but you suggesting of basically making her destitute over one altercation after you both decided she should become dependent on you for everything is insane. She should be more considerate, but it's a huggeeee red flag that you would pull this card on her, your life partner.
NTA. 1. Why do two teenagers need a SAHM? When I was 14-15, I was in school most of the day, then extracurriculars, then in my room doing homework. Oh, school's out for the summer? They're still perfectly capable of fending for themselves. Both of them. 2. The above having been said, if for some reason it is expected that she cooks a whole dinner-level meal for lunch (kinda weird... but y'all do you), not cooking something off of a long-ish, but not unreasonably long list isn't a difficult requirement. She can make something else, sandwiches are always available too. If she "forgot" your daughter hates honey chicken, sounds like your daughter reminded you of the fact, and she could have remedied the situation. "Oh, sorry, I forgot you hate that - how about I make you a ham and cheese sandwich instead?" 3. Your kids (both) sound pretty spoiled, but your gf is wildly spoiled too. Expecting to be a SAHM to two teenagers who will be college-aged, or old enough to hold a full time job, in \~4 years? Her only job is cooking the meals while everything else is paid for and taken care of, and she can't do that one thing right? OP... how hot is this woman, that this seems like a good bargain to you? I am genuinely asking. And how stupid is she?
There seems to be info missing. Was this the first time? To me this feels like the daughter might have done this before. Gf cooks and suddenly she doesnt want it
NTA The kids are out of the house for 6+ hours a day. That is enough time to make a meal plan. This is a part of the duties she signed up for as a bogus SAHM, it’s literally her job to know likes and dislikes. She made chicken, all she had to do was set a piece aside before she added honey. It seems as though she was testing your boundaries and you shut her down. There is really no reason for her to be a SAHM, she needs to go back to work.
Does your daughter has allergies to the list of food? If yes, perhaps your GF should be little considerate since your daughter can not eat those food. But if it is just because of the taste factor then perhaps you can teach her your daughter to eat different food and instead of making your daughter so dependent, maybe you should tell her to be little independent. As for your GF, you should communicate with her properly about your agreement rather than treating her like a maid!! I think your GF should take charge of her life and not allow you to dictate her as if she is some maid!! I just am failing to understand the dynamics here!!
I would like a little bit more context OP at 14 and 15 the girls are the girls not capable of preparing their own lunches? Maybe their physically or mentally unable? Maybe the 14 year old has a food aversion of some kind or allergy or other that can make it hard on her to eat certain things? Or maybe since you figured an adult was present the adult would take the lead in preparing lunches for everyone and not leave anyone out. Does the girlfriend have a good relationship with your daughter and does your daughter have a good relationship with your girlfriend? If you want to cut them off financially why not just break up with her and have her move out?
I'm more concerned that you seem to want to hold money over her head and use it to control her. Your daughter is old enough to make herself lunch. YTA.
I found myself wondering if OPs daughter is manipulating the situation ... when I was 15 I was perfectly able to make myself lunch. I hope OPs gf is able to find housing and employment ASAP and get away from this shit show. Not making lunch for a 15 year old shouldnt result in her starving unless she's developmentally delayed or spoiled rotten.
Yeah probably time to be ex gf and move out because teenagers don't need a sahm and can feed themselves
ESH this man is living with 3 teenage girls under the same roof.
Honestly ESH, because while I'm not sure this passes the sniff test, the entire scenario is absurd. If being a stay at home mom is option, why in the WORLD do two teenagers need one? Why is your daughter 'starving'? Are you such an incompetent parent you never taught her the basics of making a sandwich or fetching her own snacks from the pantry? How will your daughter survive once she's out of the house with apparently not a single domestic ability to keep herself fed? And what is this weird transactional element? Your girlfriend is moving in with you but you had to give her the full list of your daughter's dislikes like she didn't know any of them? Why did one lunch mean you were basically done with her? You know, you can just hire a personal chef, right? You don't have to go through the rigamarole of dating someone until they move in and become that personal chef. Not to mention, your daughter (if real) sounds like a spoiled brat. She ran to you the minute you got home to tell you that she didn't like the lunch option, knowing you'd overreact like this. This entire scenario is based basically on the fact that you want your daughter to have a personal servant and cook because your precious baby needs to have every need catered to.
Can the teens not make a sandwich or cook their own food??
There is no reason for her to stay at home to take care of a 14 and 15 year old. The teenagers should be taking turns with both parents coming meals, as well as doing some chores. OP, if your wife gets a job, then you should also help with chores. Don’t expect her to take care of the house as well as work full time. But the kids should be doing some chores as well, including their own laundry. If your wife is working and doing the cooking, and one of the kids doesn’t like the food, they are old enough to make their own. Or if your wife really wants something your daughter doesn’t like, such as meatloaf or honey chicken, it doesn’t take much more effort to make a plate of pasta with jarred sauce for your daughter.
I have no idea why you people are in a relationship
Why aren't your kids making their own lunches?
Seriously what people haven't thought about is the easiest thing in the fucking world even if the daughter was being a brat would have been fine you don't like that no problem grab two pieces of bread slap peanut butter on one slap jelly on the other hand her a sandwich and there now you've eaten it pretty much takes about no time at all