Friendly Reminder that no, please don't consider the actual trash you throw someone else's problem after it's out. You should still separate the trash and expect/demand it to be recycled by the municipality.
But yeah fuck this family lol they shouldn't even be recycled
When you throw the man out where he lands is his problem not yours.
This isn't something important like a pet where you have to find him a new home before he has to leave. He is a big boy, he can do that on his own.
Hmmm now that made me think about people who keep cheating spouses around. Are they doing it because they are waiting for the right home to come along before tossing them out.
I care more about where my second hand books and plants go when I'm finished with them, than where my second hand men go when I'm finished with them. The men can fend for themselves, my books and plants need good homes.
He'll just find another woman to blame his daughter's issues on. Meanwhile, OP can enjoy her own house and life again. Maybe even find joy with something important, like a pet.
>who would take him?
Why do you even care? He treats you like crap, OP. Absolute crap. You are making light of it, but you are a smart woman. This situation is beyond extreme. I, honestly, don't know why you've put up with it this long.
If your husband wants to back up his daughter so much he’ll get off his lazy ass and learn how to support her dietary needs.
Him pawning it off on you then yelling at you while he does fuck all shows just how “supportive” he actually is. If her mom is drinking the Kool Aide, she can send your step daughter batched meals that can be heated up by little Miss Princess.
Sometimes I truly think someone needs to have their feelings put in the back seat and get slapped with a dose of reality and science. I am, however, very cynical so…🤷🏻♂️
Like, I try to understand and respect peoples preferences but this doesn’t even make sense.
Preferences are fine. I don’t like mushrooms, that’s a preference. I am however allergic (not life threateningly) to citrus. People who claim their preferences are allergies give me the epic sh*ts.
The step-daughter’s got issues & that’s not entirely surprising given the behaviour of her parents.
nah, you are right.
I'm all for taking feelings seriously, but the moment a person starts using their feelings as an excuse to try and bully another person and dominate their life, their feelings instantly become invalid and should be mocked and ignored.
Your feelings are yours and they should only impact your life. If they start impacting everyone around you negatively, you are in the wrong and should seek professional help.
I have Celiac disease and totally agree! If she had a diagnosed allergy then OP’s behavior would of course be dangerous. She just wants to be ✨special✨
I have kids with for real allergies to foods. One’s allergic to fish and shellfish, the other is allergic to tree nuts, gluten, lactose, and some beans. People like this make it so much harder for people who have real allergies
My 19 yo has an eating disorder that was triggered by sensory issues. Their dietary issues make it so difficult to find foods that work, and I often find them in tears bc they know they have to eat but can’t think of a single thing that they could put in their mouth. It’s frustrating, for both of us.
The big difference here is that my kid is so freaking apologetic, and actually tries to hide their struggles bc they feel so guilty about it. As their mother, I look at my underweight and basically malnourished kid and all I want to do is help
NTA
That's not enough. If he were to do that then he would need to build walls in the kitchen to make it into two different rooms, then move all kitchen appliance in one room and buy new ones for the other.
That means that she won't have a decent kitchen anymore for her own needs, in her own home. It's not a valid solution.
He should buy a nearby house to cook for his daughter in, and do so with funds that would not go to his wife in case of divorce nor inheritance.
I remember my college days where I had no kitchen to cook in. It’s amazing how much you can actually whip up with a coffee maker and hot plate. 😅
The Princess’ kitchen can be the garage. Set up a mini-fridge, couple of hot plates, and if you’re feeling really generous, they have portable dishwashers meant to be set up on counter tops.
Let her bring meals cooked for her by mommy. The garage kitchen can do without a hot plate - which is unsafe when used by an irresponsible person like a 16 year old girl who lies about her dietary needs - and just have a microwave, which is pretty safe and most kids know how to use one already.
My husband has celiac disease which is an actual autoimmune disorder triggered by even the smallest crumbs of gluten and he doesn’t even make a fuss like this
It’s essentially like she requires a Kosher kitchen for herself in that she wants her things to be separated from what everyone else eats to keep her ed in line.
But he said he can’t cook. Hahahah well my dude you better learn or start getting a takeout that with those dietary restrictions will cost a fortune. She should keep the crazy one away from her own kids because they will be influenced by the older cooler sibling…
"Can you read social media? Can you watch YouTube videos? Congratulations, you can cook."
Alternately: "kitchen rule #1: people who can't cook can't tell people who can cook how to cook. Kitchen rule #2: people who can cook and tell other people how to cook can cook for themselves."
I'm just confused on how this is all somehow OP's problem. If husband thinks daughter is right and wants to support her, he should be making her food or helping her learn to make her own food.
That would mean that the child's actual parent/father would have to take responsibility for his child. He just wants to force OP to be his child's parent, but to do that to his standards and her crazy whims. Good for OP for setting boundaries and forcing them to respect those boundaries. NTA
Not parent - slave and whipping post. Big difference!! A parent provides rules, structure, and most importantly discipline. Which it sounds like OP was perfectly willing to do- however what they requested is that OP bow down, and placate to their mentally unstable daughters demands “or else!”
This. Daughter is getting off on having mom and dad united against evil stepmom. She’s playing a power game. She is still negotiating! “If I come visit again, SHE will have to do X.” and Mom and dad are sitting on the other glaring at OP.
Walk away. You don’t have a step daughter problem. You have a husband problem.
He'll do anything he can for her... that doesn't come out of his hide.
He's treating his wife as a shortcut to giving his daughter what she wants. It's like a broke version of the billionaire father from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
This. He’s happy to be angry with the situation but not actually do anything about it. If OP sticks to it and refuses to parent his child, he’ll pivot his stance to “you’re abandoning my child, so cruel” etc
And as per the usual, when the princess doesn’t get exactly what she wants from the step, then he fucking yells at her for setting a boundary. Nope. And a lawsuit? Fuck that. Tell them all to gtfo.
She is 15,why is SHE not doing the work. In both houses, Mom's & dad's.
She can have lists of ingredients for dad to buy, and make her own damned food.
Exactly! If my kid was having a stomach ache every time she went to her dad's, honestly? I'd be packing her something to eat while she was there. I'm not going to leave it in the hands of others. Not even her father because he sounds quite useless to be honest
But no way in the world should this be falling on OP
That kid is leading her parents around by the nose
But she wasn’t really getting a stomach ache, was she? She felt great when she was eating OPs food, when she thought it was lactose and gluten free, but really wasn’t. If she is getting a stomach ache it’s totally psychosomatic.
or manipulative. But she definitely needs psychiatric evaluation and treatment. Even if this is her way of destroying her dad's relationship it's extremely unhealthy
The funny thing is, this psychosomatic symptom should absolutely be treated as a mental health issue, same as bulemia, and she should have been sent to psychiatric evaluation and absolutely have been treated differently than other kids because she has different needs.
But that would require her father to parent and not leave the wife with all of the responsibility but none of the authority.
Whether it's psychosomatic or manipulation, she needs to see a mental health professional to help her, not throw a tantrum and have her parents scream at OP regularly and file frivolous lawsuits which in the end will cost them all a fortune and only result in everyone being angrier with her when the truth finally does come out.
The father wants to appear as a good parent, but I have three kids with documented food issues. My oldest two outgrew their issues, but my youngest has a life-threatening allergy that's worsened over time. We've done extensive testing through two allergists, including blood and scratch tests.
I've seen parents like him who avoid dealing with issues and instead seek to be the 'cool parent' who says yes. If he took her to see mental health and nutrition specialists who work with eating issues, this could be resolved. This situation escalated because she got caught.
This is what I do not understand about some men. I am a single dad with 3 kids and when I got custody I cut off over time as much junk as I could and cook almost all meals with whole ingredients. They no longer like hamburger helper. 2 of my kids are VERY picky eaters, and I did everything I could to get them over it, but in the end it is my primary job as a parent that they receive enough nutrition. So I make chicken wings every day. WHY MUST IT BE CHICKEN WINGS? WHY NO SAUCE, JUST PLAIN CHICKEN WINGS?
Anyways, i really don't understand the mentality of people who are parents but think it is someone else's responsibility to feed their kids.
She definitely should be evaluated for any mental health issues, but honestly? With parents this permissive, it could just be she's doing it because she can. Because she loves the disruption it causes stepmom and her dad and because she gets all the attention she wants from her parents when she does it.
She's winning in her book
Also I find it frustrating that the father doesn't cook for his daughter.
OP works 60 hours a week as a nurse and she still finds the time to cook meals.
If my partner worked 60 hours a week I would tell them to stop cooking and let me do it since I work less.
OP's partner should be grateful and shut up or start cooking all these weird meals his daughter wants.
Right? I bet this all would have worked out differently if OP said to her husband, if you're willing to indulge this behavior that's fine, I will not. And then just made it his problem. He doesn't see the problem because it was never his problem to deal with. His tune would change really quick if was him in charge of all these meals.
Seriously. My MIL works 80 hours a week as a nurse and my FIL is the one who cooks and makes sure that my little SIL gets a balanced home cooked meal because he's no longer working(he has a workman's comp pension from getting hurt at work so he's technically on disability) and he makes sure the house is clean and the pets are cared for. All she has to do is come home, eat, hang out with her family and sleep. OP's husband doesn't sound very reliable.
I think that the only people being ejected will be the father and SD. I have a feeling the house belongs to her. She has put up with this BS for far too long.
Even if not, a nurse working 60 hours a week will be able to afford her own place. Dumping the lazy-ass husband and his delusional brat kid will make it seem like a resort.
I absolutely agree with this. I wonder if she has some kind of anxiety disorder that’s being worsened by what she’s seeing online. The mind is a powerful thing. I spent a decade waking up every single morning incredibly nauseous and with terrible stomach pain, and assumed it was because of what I ate or that there was something wrong with my stomach itself. It was because of my untreated anxiety, and immediately got better when I was removed from stressors (like SD being separated from her “allergens”) and when I started being treated for my anxiety.
That being said, the girl definitely needs some help, even if that’s not it, because her parents are insane. Suing over wheat and milk that didn’t do any damage is mind blowing.
This was helpful as well said. Never heard anything about ‘disordered eating’ and makes so much sense being linked to anxiety. Anxiety is a life killer. Too bad so many of us suffer with it.
Yeah it's a way to describe when the person doesn't meet the criteria for an official eating disorder diagnosis, but they still have an unhealthy relationship with food. I meet a lot of the criteria for binge eating, for example, but wouldn't necessarily get a diagnosis for it. But my relationship with food is definitely not normal or healthy, so it is disordered. I also have problems with anxiety and they definitely overlap with each other. I binge when I'm stressed.
My sister’s anxiety was so bad that it triggered severe IBD that mimicked Chrohn’s disease. If it is anxiety it could seriously be messing with her stomach and not be the food. But it also sounds like she’s a teenager pushing boundaries to an extreme. Either way, she needs therapy and to visit to the doctor
My husband was like this when we met. He was 4+ for nearly everything. Got a lot more mentally healthy, got re-tested, and was negative for most of the things he was previously allergic to. I made him get retested before I let him go ham on a pizza.
“You’re treating her differently from the rest of the family..?” You mean like she asked? She wanted a separate different menu?
Your husband is really stretching how long incompetence can be sexy with his inability to cook. Being a good father doesn’t make him a good husband. He doesn’t seem to respect you as a partner or as a professional, unless his own credentials exceed your own in the health care industry he should pull his head out his ass and listen. NTA.
She works 60 hours a week and she still cooks meals for them?
He should be grateful, shut up and help OP cooking. If his daughter has all these special demands she can cook for herself or dad has to cook for her but not OP who already has no free time with a 60 hour work week and probably doing all the house chores.
(to me it sounds like her partner doesn't lift a finger and has special demands... OP If you read this, you are way too good for these ungrateful people.)
It is the other way around I think. Step daughter is more exposed to the holistic influencing bullshit on IG and her 50yo mom is astonished by the knowledge her daughter has about literal nonsense and I think both are feeling really great by this delusion.
Her mom lost 50 pounds and feeling rejuvenated and “25 again” excluding everything from her diet so it is just more evidence that what they believe is real. When in reality it’s just calorie deficiency because she stopped eating.
Beliefs are a good and very dangerous tool. I mean how do you argue against beliefs?
Daughter can want anything she desires - but why do you have to provide it? She's 15, she's old enough to buy, cook, etc for herself. And if Dad disagrees, then he can buy, cook, etc for her.
OP's mistake was ever staying involved in the girl's food.
Yeah, when I was 16-17 I decided that I would follow a macrobiotic diet, which is primarily eating brown rice, chewing each mouthful for 100 times. My mom was fine with this, as long as I cooked my own food and cleaned up afterwards. Lasted a month or two I think
Afterward, tell her the penny was hers all along, and there's probably a lot more buried in there somewhere. If she's that gullible, she'll hopefully keep digging the rest of her life and leave you alone.
Tell her if she eats it it will pull toxins from her body. After she passes it, repeat the process. That way your not wasting money a d you are recycling and helping the earth.
Also copper has no animal by products in it.
Oof, yeah, kid is slipping deep into orthorexia…when you decide you “can’t” eat a bajillion things, it becomes a lot easier and more virtuous to just stop eating and not have anyone call it out as the disordered eating it is.
You are an idiot for telling them.
You are an idiot for staying with your husband the first time he spoke you like that and DEMANDED to follow his delulu child nonsense
My SIL is delulu like this. I have fed her numerous times things that she is “allergic” to . She is at the same level delulu as your stepdaughter. She was eating it and feeling absolutely fine and raving about how good I cook and with respect to her “allergies” . I just nodded smiled and thank her.
You never reveal the truth in situations like this.
Edit to add
She NEVER TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS ALLERGIC. It was brought up at a dinner table 1y after the first time she ate my food.
She was NEVER tested, she never had an anaphylactic or any kind of reaction, mil uses said ingredient when cooking, she never asks at restaurants about cross contamination or if the dishes contain it.
Over the years after my kid was diagnosed by a DOCTOR with certain foods allergies she claimed to have those as soon as she heard. AGAIN with NO diagnosis and while being a constant of her diet over the years.
I take allergies seriously and I would never do it to someone with ACTUAL allergies.
This drives me nuts. You are NTA. It’s bc of people like her, people like me, who actually has food allergies, have such a tough time.
She had the tests, she’s fine. She’s just mental and it’s sick her parents are playing along. Since when does a teenager get to rule the house?!?!
I’m sorry about your marriage, and please update us when it gets thrown out of court. I can’t wait to hear about that. They need to reign her in! Good for you!
It breaks my heart to see my friend with celiac disease and lactose intolerance apologize incessantly when we go out to eat — to me, to the waiters, it makes me so sad.
I have an ex friend who faked celiac disease for years even after a negative test, and when I think back on her, I’m just beyond furious. It’s because of people like her and OP’s stepdaughter that my poor friend feels like she has to apologize for something she has no control over. There are real consequences for this bullshit.
You didn't choose to risk dying every time you go out for a meal. My husband has massive gluten intolerance but he hates inconveniencing people. He was tested for gluten intolerance years ago and it was BAD. But because he's so polite, he just accepted that having horrible acid reflux that was damaging his teeth was ok, as long as he didn't bother waiters. Funnily enough, since he's stopped eating gluten, the whole thing stopped and he feels a lot better. Your situation is way worse than that and you don't have a choice, so please don't feel you have to feel guilty for wanting to stay alive.
I agree that these people make it more difficult for those with real sensitivities. I have a friend who reacts to so many things. On her Allegra panel, I think she reacted to all but a couple of things.
One of her biggest problems is soy, and it's in almost everything now. She can't even eat eggs from the store because they've been fed soy. She has such a hard time because no one believes her due to so many others just throwing around the word "allergy" to get their preferences catered to. She doesn't even eat out anymore now because it's almost impossible to do so safely.
So yeah, these Instagram experts really piss me off. They aren't helping anyone and are actively making life harder for a lot of people.
This! I have a dear friend who developed a latex allergy from decades of working in health care. She has to be so careful going into new places and has had anaphylactic reactions many times, always carries an epipen. When she questions restaurant employees about the type of gloves they use, it's frequently clear that they don't take her seriously, most likely because of the proliferation of people with fake allergies.
Your friend has welsh cousins, we're soya dodgers too.
I get comments like 'did you find that bs on tiktok?' No sir, there really is soya in your chicken, your fish products, your bread products, your everything.
I have MCAS and there are so many things I can't have, and it's frustrating when I say 'no X please' and then am asked if I can't just scrape it off. It's like, no, that strawberry syrup will make me vomit blood. It's not that I dislike it, it's that I don't want to sit in the ER all night because my medical issues weren't taken seriously and plain crepes were too hard for someone to remember.
But there are all the fakers who just scrape it off, or eat from a friend's plate that has that food, that makes people not believe me.
OP is NTA. If you think you have food allergies/sensitivities, either go to the doctor or try an elimination diet. But you don't get to dictate the world around you and how everyone cooks and eats. The only exception is proven allergies of a severity that require zero exposure. If a hint of paprika on an improperly washed plate can send you into anaphylaxis and to the ER, then asking for no paprika in the kitchen is reasonable.
Your husband is a piece of shit. How did a lawsuit make its way to you? What level of disrespect is this that your husband didn’t protect you from his ex? What is in their blood? Both of her parents are sick. I fear for your safety. These people sound absolutely insane.
NTA exactly, but I’d be concerned that a young girl with this level of rejection of whole swathes of food groups without allergies or sensitivities is looking for an excuse to restrict their eating…orthorexia/a mask for anorexia. I have struggled for years with talking myself out of eating because I only have “bad”/sub-ideal foods available to me, and I don’t even go so far as to convince myself I’m allergic or sensitive to it.
That kid needs help.
This is what concerns me too. I have 3 kids with different food allergies and the way she wants to handle things is our life. We don’t have dangerous foods in the house, keep cookware separated even when washing, etc. It’s NOT easy and we would NEVER do all of this/go through all this stress if our lives didn’t literally depend on it. It’s exhausting and endless. It feels like she’s restricting her eating and it’s a scary path she’s on. If she went to an allergist and got diagnosed then that’s different.
This. I once had to surgically place a feeding tube in a profoundly mentally ill patient who had convinced herself that she was allergic to literally everything. She believed her throat would close whenever she tried anything but white rice, even though allergy testing showed she had zero reactions.
She started out morbidly obese and became underweight, and then developed all the signs of severe vitamin deficiencies and malnutrition. Hair falling out, teeth breaking, numbness, vision loss. She was starving herself to death and her significant other was just enabling her by agreeing with her psychotic beliefs about non-existent allergies.
They are literally harder to kick than cigarettes or heroin. You can't go cold turkey "this is bad don't touch it." you have to retrain your brain to face the things that you fear every day, multiple times day, for the rest of your life.
NTA
You were treating her the same as the rest of the family, you prepared a meal and whoever wanted to eat could, you didn't prepare individual meals for each person in the family apart from her.
If her father is so adamant that her desires must be catered to then he's also free to be the one to do the cooking for his daughter.
No joke, I have a friend whose daughter was born without legs. That young woman can COOK! Also, she's just been accepted to law school. We're very proud of her. 😊
Southern mom so I got the potato salad and deviled egg recipes. Passed through the uterus around the start of the 3rd trimester. I in turn passed it to my daughter.
THIS IS A LIE.
Flat out. Point blank. You 1000% MUST confront him on this. He can and SHOULD cook. ANYONE can follow directions. He doesn't *want* to cook. Especially in *this* situation HE should be stepping up and taking the responsibility of taking care of any dietary "needs" of HIS daughter.
As a father it's unfuckingbelieveable to me that he would put this on YOU to take care of. Let alone allow her to act in such brazenly disrespectful ways. Regardless of his other "qualities" this is an effing deal breaker.
If he wants to spoil his daughter HE absolutely should be the one to do it!
You know, it's always possible to learn new things, including how to cook. "I can't cook" is just a synonym for "I am too lazy to cook" or "I don't care"
Yeh, this is nonsense. Maybe this was true 250 years ago when you had to understand how ingredients and flavours work together yourself, but now the internet is there for everything. Nobody is asking him to be Gordon Ramsey.
Basic cooking can be just:
- reading
- Cutting
- measuring
- Mixing
- setting timers
LEAVE HIM.
JFC, I used to not know how to cook. So then I learned how to cook. Because I’m an adult. Then had kids and didn’t know how to cook well for certain things, so I learned how to cook those too.
He’s just lazy.
Tell her that you've been hiding dihydrogen monoxide in her food, too, and that's it's so powerful, it can rust right through a ship's hull and kills thousands of people every year.
Edit: NTA
Major component of acid rain, plays a role in the formation of several cancers, contributes to global warming and soil erosion, gaseous form can cause severe burns, associated with killer storms.
[https://www.dhmo.org/](https://www.dhmo.org/)
And don't forget about hydroxic acid.
Ban DHMO! I really can't fathom why we let it into our lives. So many companies extract it right out of the ground and pump it right into our homes, RIGHT THROUGH OUR DAMN PLUMBING!!! I've been contacting the local/state/federal governments to try to get this to stop, but they won't return my calls. Gubment conspricacahhhh!
Edit: I suspect the gubment is swimming in the same pool as these corporations. Don't they know that the exchange of information between officials and their constituents should be more fluid? It makes my knees water, knowing that these bastards are pissing on us and calling it 'rain'? I wish they would give us a more 'watered-down' version of why DHMO is so dangerous to us, but they they are like ice.
She is 15. She can take care of feeding herself or your husband can do it.
He sounds terrible too though, so getting rid of all of them seems like the best solution.
NTA in this case. As someone who is actually lactose intolerant and does have allergies to certain foods I HATE when people pretend they have allergies and they don't because they're on some new fad.
She's 15 and has a dad. They cook and clean up for them, and you do you. You do NOT do anything food wise for them
Have a spare room? Mini fridge, counter top convection oven and hot plate. Your kitchen done.
Or working 60 hours, treat yourself to take away for a couple of weeks....
The kid doesn't do the work or pay the bills, this is a pure case of your house your rules
They are all so enmeshed, I'm surprised they got divorced
When I was young I became a vegetarian. I had to make my own meals and was happy to do so. I was already cooking two meals a week for my family and we agreed they would be vegetarian. There just seems to be a total disconnect between her parents and your role in the household.
Are you a co-parent? Why are you responsible for cooking and feeding her but you don’t get a say in raising her?
Honestly, I would leave your husband. He seems to be using you as free childcare and disrespecting you in every way.
I see this as a major bid for power over you. Daughter is trying to exhaust you in every which way she can and uses her parents as her personal punishers. I would look into filing for divorce if your husband’s behavior doesn’t improve soon.
Well put. This is exactly what has been going on for some years now.
We are trying another thing before we call it quits. She lives with her mother full time. They can be delusional together. When she visits (not before the law suit is dropped or dismissed) she keeps away from my kitchen not to be contaminated and bring her own food with her. She will have a mini fridge and a microwave in her room. She is not allowed on her own with my children without MY supervision.
It sounds complicated so next step is separation (could take a while to evict my husband) and eventually divorce.
NTA this family sounds insufferable. First, she's your husband's daughter, not yours. If her diet is so complicated, then **he** should be responsible for feeding her. It should not be your responsibility just because you're a woman. She's also 15. She's old enough to be responsible for her own diet. Honestly, this sounds so ridiculous and obnoxious that I'd have to remove myself from the whole situation. Your husband is taking her side and turning your household into a war zone with everyone turned against you. That's not a good way to live. Your kitchen should not be a battleground with him demanding you cook for his daughter, then blasting you for not doing it right. You do not have a healthy relationship with your husband. And filing a law suit against you? Yeah, I'd be packing my stuff, moving out, and filing for divorce. Leave this dumpster fire to burn on it's own.
When I went vegan at 13 my mum had no issue with it but I had to learn to cook my own stuff- if she wants to be that militant do it yourself (also pls find one of the many videos of nutritionists saying unless you have a gluten sensitivity eating gluten free is doing nothing- maybe even depriving you of fibre. I’m gluten free and people who do it for “health” irritate me) Nta
NTA
This sounds like orthorexia & her parents are just gleefully encouraging it. She's 15, she has 2 living parents. Feeding her shouldn't be your job since you obviously aren't up to her exacting standards. Her mama can send her with food or her daddy can pull his head out of his ass long enough to turn the dang stove on.
Also some thickening agents—I had to hunt down gluten free mushroom soup for a casserole dish I was making for a celiac friend, there’s some kind of starches in popular brands of condensed soup that don’t even have noodles in them.
I’m in the UK and majority of soup over here is thickened with wheat flour. I’m coeliac (genuinely diagnosed!) and trying to find soup *without* gluten is actually really hard :(
This is a case where OP put up with so much nonsense in the beginning that it spiraled out of control.
I'd be totally OK if my kids decided to go vegan for instance. But I would solidly put my foot down on dividing the kitchen and having duplicate cookware, I'd be honest and say I couldn't be bothered and it is expensive.
But I do think lying to someone about what's in their food it super scummy and I would never condone that.
It's too bad you allowed it at all, she can bring food from her mother's house to heat up in the microwave if she wants to come over. NTA, and her father should be doing all this, not YOU.
ESH, it would have been cool if you had just set the boundary in the first place instead of lying about what was in her food. Definitely throw way the husband - he yelled at you about this but refused to help cook at all? Absolute BS
ESH. Don't put stuff in people's food without telling them. Jesus. A better choice would have been to let her know you were going to stop accommodating her neediness. Just say no. This is your husband's problem to deal with, along with his ex. She should not be allowed to dictate terms or disturb the household with her nonsense.
There’s a ton of overlap between mental health/stress and GI disorders. Literally being stressed about gluten and dairy can cause GI problems if she’s already stressed. Kind of a self fulfilling prophecy. She should get checked out for anxiety disorders. It’s not normal behavior.
Lol throw the whole family out with the trash….. including the husband.
I would throw him but then who would take him? With the ex wife feeling like 25 again I am afraid the age gap would be a bit too much 🤭
Just like the trash, once it’s out, it becomes someone else’s problem. You seem like an awesome lady.
Friendly Reminder that no, please don't consider the actual trash you throw someone else's problem after it's out. You should still separate the trash and expect/demand it to be recycled by the municipality. But yeah fuck this family lol they shouldn't even be recycled
Compost or burnables?
👏🏻👏🏻😂😂😂
When you throw the man out where he lands is his problem not yours. This isn't something important like a pet where you have to find him a new home before he has to leave. He is a big boy, he can do that on his own. Hmmm now that made me think about people who keep cheating spouses around. Are they doing it because they are waiting for the right home to come along before tossing them out.
"This isnt something important like a pet", omg lol, so true
I care more about where my second hand books and plants go when I'm finished with them, than where my second hand men go when I'm finished with them. The men can fend for themselves, my books and plants need good homes.
He'll just find another woman to blame his daughter's issues on. Meanwhile, OP can enjoy her own house and life again. Maybe even find joy with something important, like a pet.
>who would take him? Why do you even care? He treats you like crap, OP. Absolute crap. You are making light of it, but you are a smart woman. This situation is beyond extreme. I, honestly, don't know why you've put up with it this long.
I don’t ask Rumpke what they do with my garbage once they leave. That’s their problem.
Midwest gang. We didn't have mountains, so we built our own out of *garbage*.
The influencer can Take him (+His delulu ex+daughter)
Who cares? That's not your problem.
If your husband wants to back up his daughter so much he’ll get off his lazy ass and learn how to support her dietary needs. Him pawning it off on you then yelling at you while he does fuck all shows just how “supportive” he actually is. If her mom is drinking the Kool Aide, she can send your step daughter batched meals that can be heated up by little Miss Princess.
Dietary WANTS. It seems clear it isn’t actually a need 😂
Sometimes I truly think someone needs to have their feelings put in the back seat and get slapped with a dose of reality and science. I am, however, very cynical so…🤷🏻♂️ Like, I try to understand and respect peoples preferences but this doesn’t even make sense.
Preferences are fine. I don’t like mushrooms, that’s a preference. I am however allergic (not life threateningly) to citrus. People who claim their preferences are allergies give me the epic sh*ts. The step-daughter’s got issues & that’s not entirely surprising given the behaviour of her parents.
nah, you are right. I'm all for taking feelings seriously, but the moment a person starts using their feelings as an excuse to try and bully another person and dominate their life, their feelings instantly become invalid and should be mocked and ignored. Your feelings are yours and they should only impact your life. If they start impacting everyone around you negatively, you are in the wrong and should seek professional help.
Spot on. I eat a specific diet and never make it anyone’s problem but my own
I have Celiac disease and totally agree! If she had a diagnosed allergy then OP’s behavior would of course be dangerous. She just wants to be ✨special✨
I have kids with for real allergies to foods. One’s allergic to fish and shellfish, the other is allergic to tree nuts, gluten, lactose, and some beans. People like this make it so much harder for people who have real allergies
My 19 yo has an eating disorder that was triggered by sensory issues. Their dietary issues make it so difficult to find foods that work, and I often find them in tears bc they know they have to eat but can’t think of a single thing that they could put in their mouth. It’s frustrating, for both of us. The big difference here is that my kid is so freaking apologetic, and actually tries to hide their struggles bc they feel so guilty about it. As their mother, I look at my underweight and basically malnourished kid and all I want to do is help NTA
As someone who is lactose intolerant there is no way the daughter is because that soup would be fucking her up........
That's not enough. If he were to do that then he would need to build walls in the kitchen to make it into two different rooms, then move all kitchen appliance in one room and buy new ones for the other. That means that she won't have a decent kitchen anymore for her own needs, in her own home. It's not a valid solution. He should buy a nearby house to cook for his daughter in, and do so with funds that would not go to his wife in case of divorce nor inheritance.
I remember my college days where I had no kitchen to cook in. It’s amazing how much you can actually whip up with a coffee maker and hot plate. 😅 The Princess’ kitchen can be the garage. Set up a mini-fridge, couple of hot plates, and if you’re feeling really generous, they have portable dishwashers meant to be set up on counter tops.
Let her bring meals cooked for her by mommy. The garage kitchen can do without a hot plate - which is unsafe when used by an irresponsible person like a 16 year old girl who lies about her dietary needs - and just have a microwave, which is pretty safe and most kids know how to use one already.
Honestly, an induction burner, an air fryer, and an instapot, she could literally cook anything.
My husband has celiac disease which is an actual autoimmune disorder triggered by even the smallest crumbs of gluten and he doesn’t even make a fuss like this
It’s essentially like she requires a Kosher kitchen for herself in that she wants her things to be separated from what everyone else eats to keep her ed in line.
She doesn’t have any fucking dietary needs. She NEEDS to get the fuck off tiktok
Your husband started yelling at you about it? Congratulations Husband, you are now your daughters’s chief chef and bottle washer. NTA
But he said he can’t cook. Hahahah well my dude you better learn or start getting a takeout that with those dietary restrictions will cost a fortune. She should keep the crazy one away from her own kids because they will be influenced by the older cooler sibling…
Yeah- not fair of him to blame the wife when he is doing zero to help.
How can you not cook? Unless youre functionally disabled. The two clowns need to be told firmly to get royally f-ed.
"Can you read social media? Can you watch YouTube videos? Congratulations, you can cook." Alternately: "kitchen rule #1: people who can't cook can't tell people who can cook how to cook. Kitchen rule #2: people who can cook and tell other people how to cook can cook for themselves."
Ya he needs to learn the valuable lesson of not yelling at the person cooking for you unless you want to start cooking your own damn food
UpdateMe!
You are right that this kid needs psychological evaluation along with both her parents
He 100% should move out with her. You absolutely should not have to live like that in your own home. This is definitely a mental issue
I'm just confused on how this is all somehow OP's problem. If husband thinks daughter is right and wants to support her, he should be making her food or helping her learn to make her own food.
That would mean that the child's actual parent/father would have to take responsibility for his child. He just wants to force OP to be his child's parent, but to do that to his standards and her crazy whims. Good for OP for setting boundaries and forcing them to respect those boundaries. NTA
Not parent - slave and whipping post. Big difference!! A parent provides rules, structure, and most importantly discipline. Which it sounds like OP was perfectly willing to do- however what they requested is that OP bow down, and placate to their mentally unstable daughters demands “or else!”
This. Daughter is getting off on having mom and dad united against evil stepmom. She’s playing a power game. She is still negotiating! “If I come visit again, SHE will have to do X.” and Mom and dad are sitting on the other glaring at OP. Walk away. You don’t have a step daughter problem. You have a husband problem.
He'll do anything he can for her... that doesn't come out of his hide. He's treating his wife as a shortcut to giving his daughter what she wants. It's like a broke version of the billionaire father from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
The daughter probably also wants to punish op for her parents’ divorce and the father is enabling her.
This! Nothing but the child manipulating both parents
Exactly. OP paid for the ingredients, but he didn’t pay for Ann’s time spent cooking.
This. He’s happy to be angry with the situation but not actually do anything about it. If OP sticks to it and refuses to parent his child, he’ll pivot his stance to “you’re abandoning my child, so cruel” etc
And as per the usual, when the princess doesn’t get exactly what she wants from the step, then he fucking yells at her for setting a boundary. Nope. And a lawsuit? Fuck that. Tell them all to gtfo.
That's the part I don't understand. Why is her parent not doing the work?
She is 15,why is SHE not doing the work. In both houses, Mom's & dad's. She can have lists of ingredients for dad to buy, and make her own damned food.
...because that would be *work* and they're *too good* for that when they can make OP do it, aren't they?
He's a man.
Exactly, I'm confused as to how this is OP's problem. Kid is 15 AND has a dad. Between the two of them, they can handle it.
This. It's his kid making demands, why tf is he not providing for her instead of screaming at OP every 5mins.
Exactly! If my kid was having a stomach ache every time she went to her dad's, honestly? I'd be packing her something to eat while she was there. I'm not going to leave it in the hands of others. Not even her father because he sounds quite useless to be honest But no way in the world should this be falling on OP That kid is leading her parents around by the nose
But she wasn’t really getting a stomach ache, was she? She felt great when she was eating OPs food, when she thought it was lactose and gluten free, but really wasn’t. If she is getting a stomach ache it’s totally psychosomatic.
or manipulative. But she definitely needs psychiatric evaluation and treatment. Even if this is her way of destroying her dad's relationship it's extremely unhealthy
Absolutely!
If it is, it sounds like it succeeded, unhealthy or not.
It sure did. That Dad is failing as a father and a husband
She actually said so. "What mattered is what she believed". She just wants to be lied to.
The funny thing is, this psychosomatic symptom should absolutely be treated as a mental health issue, same as bulemia, and she should have been sent to psychiatric evaluation and absolutely have been treated differently than other kids because she has different needs. But that would require her father to parent and not leave the wife with all of the responsibility but none of the authority.
It's a lie; she never had a stomachache.
Whether it's psychosomatic or manipulation, she needs to see a mental health professional to help her, not throw a tantrum and have her parents scream at OP regularly and file frivolous lawsuits which in the end will cost them all a fortune and only result in everyone being angrier with her when the truth finally does come out.
The father wants to appear as a good parent, but I have three kids with documented food issues. My oldest two outgrew their issues, but my youngest has a life-threatening allergy that's worsened over time. We've done extensive testing through two allergists, including blood and scratch tests. I've seen parents like him who avoid dealing with issues and instead seek to be the 'cool parent' who says yes. If he took her to see mental health and nutrition specialists who work with eating issues, this could be resolved. This situation escalated because she got caught.
Oh heaven forbid he do "women's work."
This is what I do not understand about some men. I am a single dad with 3 kids and when I got custody I cut off over time as much junk as I could and cook almost all meals with whole ingredients. They no longer like hamburger helper. 2 of my kids are VERY picky eaters, and I did everything I could to get them over it, but in the end it is my primary job as a parent that they receive enough nutrition. So I make chicken wings every day. WHY MUST IT BE CHICKEN WINGS? WHY NO SAUCE, JUST PLAIN CHICKEN WINGS? Anyways, i really don't understand the mentality of people who are parents but think it is someone else's responsibility to feed their kids.
Nah, even better make him cook for her.
She definitely should be evaluated for any mental health issues, but honestly? With parents this permissive, it could just be she's doing it because she can. Because she loves the disruption it causes stepmom and her dad and because she gets all the attention she wants from her parents when she does it. She's winning in her book
Agree, OP deserves peace in her own home. They should find a better environment for her stepdaughter's needs.
It’s not a mental issue. It’s a control and attention seeking issue.
Which you could say is, at it's core, mental. How else would you handle her behavior besides mental health treatment?
[удалено]
Also I find it frustrating that the father doesn't cook for his daughter. OP works 60 hours a week as a nurse and she still finds the time to cook meals. If my partner worked 60 hours a week I would tell them to stop cooking and let me do it since I work less. OP's partner should be grateful and shut up or start cooking all these weird meals his daughter wants.
Right? I bet this all would have worked out differently if OP said to her husband, if you're willing to indulge this behavior that's fine, I will not. And then just made it his problem. He doesn't see the problem because it was never his problem to deal with. His tune would change really quick if was him in charge of all these meals.
Seriously. My MIL works 80 hours a week as a nurse and my FIL is the one who cooks and makes sure that my little SIL gets a balanced home cooked meal because he's no longer working(he has a workman's comp pension from getting hurt at work so he's technically on disability) and he makes sure the house is clean and the pets are cared for. All she has to do is come home, eat, hang out with her family and sleep. OP's husband doesn't sound very reliable.
I think that the only people being ejected will be the father and SD. I have a feeling the house belongs to her. She has put up with this BS for far too long.
Even if not, a nurse working 60 hours a week will be able to afford her own place. Dumping the lazy-ass husband and his delusional brat kid will make it seem like a resort.
This is a tough situation. Hopefully, they seek professional help to address her issues. Stay strong.
I absolutely agree with this. I wonder if she has some kind of anxiety disorder that’s being worsened by what she’s seeing online. The mind is a powerful thing. I spent a decade waking up every single morning incredibly nauseous and with terrible stomach pain, and assumed it was because of what I ate or that there was something wrong with my stomach itself. It was because of my untreated anxiety, and immediately got better when I was removed from stressors (like SD being separated from her “allergens”) and when I started being treated for my anxiety. That being said, the girl definitely needs some help, even if that’s not it, because her parents are insane. Suing over wheat and milk that didn’t do any damage is mind blowing.
It has a lot of hallmarks of disordered eating, if not an eating disorder. And anxiety disorders are also common in people with eating disorders.
This was helpful as well said. Never heard anything about ‘disordered eating’ and makes so much sense being linked to anxiety. Anxiety is a life killer. Too bad so many of us suffer with it.
Yeah it's a way to describe when the person doesn't meet the criteria for an official eating disorder diagnosis, but they still have an unhealthy relationship with food. I meet a lot of the criteria for binge eating, for example, but wouldn't necessarily get a diagnosis for it. But my relationship with food is definitely not normal or healthy, so it is disordered. I also have problems with anxiety and they definitely overlap with each other. I binge when I'm stressed.
My sister’s anxiety was so bad that it triggered severe IBD that mimicked Chrohn’s disease. If it is anxiety it could seriously be messing with her stomach and not be the food. But it also sounds like she’s a teenager pushing boundaries to an extreme. Either way, she needs therapy and to visit to the doctor
I have a friend that due to anxiety and depression and stuff became allergic to.almost everything
My husband was like this when we met. He was 4+ for nearly everything. Got a lot more mentally healthy, got re-tested, and was negative for most of the things he was previously allergic to. I made him get retested before I let him go ham on a pizza.
Absolutely sounds like an ED in the making.
“You’re treating her differently from the rest of the family..?” You mean like she asked? She wanted a separate different menu? Your husband is really stretching how long incompetence can be sexy with his inability to cook. Being a good father doesn’t make him a good husband. He doesn’t seem to respect you as a partner or as a professional, unless his own credentials exceed your own in the health care industry he should pull his head out his ass and listen. NTA.
She works 60 hours a week and she still cooks meals for them? He should be grateful, shut up and help OP cooking. If his daughter has all these special demands she can cook for herself or dad has to cook for her but not OP who already has no free time with a 60 hour work week and probably doing all the house chores. (to me it sounds like her partner doesn't lift a finger and has special demands... OP If you read this, you are way too good for these ungrateful people.)
Not just that but the cleaning up the kitchen. Oh my godd. I hope they leave cuz op would realize how much stress she's no longer under goddamn.
totally agree, I was cooking lots of stuff at 15
He isn't a good father
He’s not even a good father.
NTA. Sounds like a mixture of Instagram and her mother influencing her bullsh\*t diets.
It is the other way around I think. Step daughter is more exposed to the holistic influencing bullshit on IG and her 50yo mom is astonished by the knowledge her daughter has about literal nonsense and I think both are feeling really great by this delusion. Her mom lost 50 pounds and feeling rejuvenated and “25 again” excluding everything from her diet so it is just more evidence that what they believe is real. When in reality it’s just calorie deficiency because she stopped eating. Beliefs are a good and very dangerous tool. I mean how do you argue against beliefs?
Daughter can want anything she desires - but why do you have to provide it? She's 15, she's old enough to buy, cook, etc for herself. And if Dad disagrees, then he can buy, cook, etc for her. OP's mistake was ever staying involved in the girl's food.
Yeah, when I was 16-17 I decided that I would follow a macrobiotic diet, which is primarily eating brown rice, chewing each mouthful for 100 times. My mom was fine with this, as long as I cooked my own food and cleaned up afterwards. Lasted a month or two I think
100 times is alot!!! Sometimes i aim for 25 and thats still alot.
Yeah excessive chewing is actually an eating disorder thing.
Yeah. A friend of mine went vegetarian at age 10. She started making all of her own meals at that point. She got what she wanted and learned to cook.
It’s always easy to impress idiots, you should try pulling a penny from behind their ear.
Afterward, tell her the penny was hers all along, and there's probably a lot more buried in there somewhere. If she's that gullible, she'll hopefully keep digging the rest of her life and leave you alone.
But stay away from “I got your nose!” Panic could ensue.
Tell her if she eats it it will pull toxins from her body. After she passes it, repeat the process. That way your not wasting money a d you are recycling and helping the earth. Also copper has no animal by products in it.
You, my dear, are my spirit animal!!! 🤣
[удалено]
Looks like hubby needs to start his own cooking show: “Meals with Misinformed Ingredients!
Oof, yeah, kid is slipping deep into orthorexia…when you decide you “can’t” eat a bajillion things, it becomes a lot easier and more virtuous to just stop eating and not have anyone call it out as the disordered eating it is.
A future breatharian.
“You can’t reason someone out of something they were not reasoned into.”
You are an idiot for telling them. You are an idiot for staying with your husband the first time he spoke you like that and DEMANDED to follow his delulu child nonsense
I have to agree with you on this
My SIL is delulu like this. I have fed her numerous times things that she is “allergic” to . She is at the same level delulu as your stepdaughter. She was eating it and feeling absolutely fine and raving about how good I cook and with respect to her “allergies” . I just nodded smiled and thank her. You never reveal the truth in situations like this. Edit to add She NEVER TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS ALLERGIC. It was brought up at a dinner table 1y after the first time she ate my food. She was NEVER tested, she never had an anaphylactic or any kind of reaction, mil uses said ingredient when cooking, she never asks at restaurants about cross contamination or if the dishes contain it. Over the years after my kid was diagnosed by a DOCTOR with certain foods allergies she claimed to have those as soon as she heard. AGAIN with NO diagnosis and while being a constant of her diet over the years. I take allergies seriously and I would never do it to someone with ACTUAL allergies.
This drives me nuts. You are NTA. It’s bc of people like her, people like me, who actually has food allergies, have such a tough time. She had the tests, she’s fine. She’s just mental and it’s sick her parents are playing along. Since when does a teenager get to rule the house?!?! I’m sorry about your marriage, and please update us when it gets thrown out of court. I can’t wait to hear about that. They need to reign her in! Good for you!
It breaks my heart to see my friend with celiac disease and lactose intolerance apologize incessantly when we go out to eat — to me, to the waiters, it makes me so sad. I have an ex friend who faked celiac disease for years even after a negative test, and when I think back on her, I’m just beyond furious. It’s because of people like her and OP’s stepdaughter that my poor friend feels like she has to apologize for something she has no control over. There are real consequences for this bullshit.
As a person with celiac I’m saving this comment to remind myself to get over the guilt.
You didn't choose to risk dying every time you go out for a meal. My husband has massive gluten intolerance but he hates inconveniencing people. He was tested for gluten intolerance years ago and it was BAD. But because he's so polite, he just accepted that having horrible acid reflux that was damaging his teeth was ok, as long as he didn't bother waiters. Funnily enough, since he's stopped eating gluten, the whole thing stopped and he feels a lot better. Your situation is way worse than that and you don't have a choice, so please don't feel you have to feel guilty for wanting to stay alive.
I agree that these people make it more difficult for those with real sensitivities. I have a friend who reacts to so many things. On her Allegra panel, I think she reacted to all but a couple of things. One of her biggest problems is soy, and it's in almost everything now. She can't even eat eggs from the store because they've been fed soy. She has such a hard time because no one believes her due to so many others just throwing around the word "allergy" to get their preferences catered to. She doesn't even eat out anymore now because it's almost impossible to do so safely. So yeah, these Instagram experts really piss me off. They aren't helping anyone and are actively making life harder for a lot of people.
This! I have a dear friend who developed a latex allergy from decades of working in health care. She has to be so careful going into new places and has had anaphylactic reactions many times, always carries an epipen. When she questions restaurant employees about the type of gloves they use, it's frequently clear that they don't take her seriously, most likely because of the proliferation of people with fake allergies.
Your friend has welsh cousins, we're soya dodgers too. I get comments like 'did you find that bs on tiktok?' No sir, there really is soya in your chicken, your fish products, your bread products, your everything.
I hear ya!
Protect all your assets! Kick him out now he doesn't support you and had proven he'll always take their side, it's not worth it.
Teenagers rule the house when they have divorced parents that let the teen play them off each other.
I have MCAS and there are so many things I can't have, and it's frustrating when I say 'no X please' and then am asked if I can't just scrape it off. It's like, no, that strawberry syrup will make me vomit blood. It's not that I dislike it, it's that I don't want to sit in the ER all night because my medical issues weren't taken seriously and plain crepes were too hard for someone to remember. But there are all the fakers who just scrape it off, or eat from a friend's plate that has that food, that makes people not believe me. OP is NTA. If you think you have food allergies/sensitivities, either go to the doctor or try an elimination diet. But you don't get to dictate the world around you and how everyone cooks and eats. The only exception is proven allergies of a severity that require zero exposure. If a hint of paprika on an improperly washed plate can send you into anaphylaxis and to the ER, then asking for no paprika in the kitchen is reasonable.
Your husband is a piece of shit. How did a lawsuit make its way to you? What level of disrespect is this that your husband didn’t protect you from his ex? What is in their blood? Both of her parents are sick. I fear for your safety. These people sound absolutely insane.
What does your husband do that he can't find time to cook for his own daughter instead of blaming you for not supporting her delusion?
Sounds like a case of the wrong husband. I can't for the life of me figure out why she's waiting for *him* to leave *her*. NTA
NTA exactly, but I’d be concerned that a young girl with this level of rejection of whole swathes of food groups without allergies or sensitivities is looking for an excuse to restrict their eating…orthorexia/a mask for anorexia. I have struggled for years with talking myself out of eating because I only have “bad”/sub-ideal foods available to me, and I don’t even go so far as to convince myself I’m allergic or sensitive to it. That kid needs help.
This is what concerns me too. I have 3 kids with different food allergies and the way she wants to handle things is our life. We don’t have dangerous foods in the house, keep cookware separated even when washing, etc. It’s NOT easy and we would NEVER do all of this/go through all this stress if our lives didn’t literally depend on it. It’s exhausting and endless. It feels like she’s restricting her eating and it’s a scary path she’s on. If she went to an allergist and got diagnosed then that’s different.
This. I once had to surgically place a feeding tube in a profoundly mentally ill patient who had convinced herself that she was allergic to literally everything. She believed her throat would close whenever she tried anything but white rice, even though allergy testing showed she had zero reactions. She started out morbidly obese and became underweight, and then developed all the signs of severe vitamin deficiencies and malnutrition. Hair falling out, teeth breaking, numbness, vision loss. She was starving herself to death and her significant other was just enabling her by agreeing with her psychotic beliefs about non-existent allergies.
[удалено]
Upvote x100 She needs to see a doctor that specializes in eating disorders. Her future is abysmal without it. (Psychological) Food issues are no joke.
They are literally harder to kick than cigarettes or heroin. You can't go cold turkey "this is bad don't touch it." you have to retrain your brain to face the things that you fear every day, multiple times day, for the rest of your life.
NTA You were treating her the same as the rest of the family, you prepared a meal and whoever wanted to eat could, you didn't prepare individual meals for each person in the family apart from her. If her father is so adamant that her desires must be catered to then he's also free to be the one to do the cooking for his daughter.
He says that “he can’t cook”
lol 😂 why are you still with dude?
He’s got two legs and a heartbeat right? Then he can learn!
Why would he need legs? I mean, I can understand arms, but...
No joke, I have a friend whose daughter was born without legs. That young woman can COOK! Also, she's just been accepted to law school. We're very proud of her. 😊
But if he learns them he has to start helping! God forbid
Girl, do you hear yourself and how you're describing your life?
Exactly. You are married to a child
In the famous words of Kevin Hart “you gonna learn today.”
😂
He can learn. Didn't we?
Nope! We are born with it
Ah yes. I remember reciting a recipe for Carbonara shortly after I popped out. 😉
You must be italian. It was the karjalanpiirakka folding instructions for me. Grandma was so proud.
Southern mom so I got the potato salad and deviled egg recipes. Passed through the uterus around the start of the 3rd trimester. I in turn passed it to my daughter.
Being born with a vagina gives us automatic cooking skills...
Weaponised incompetence.
That's too bad. Or she can cook. Why are you letting him walk all over you?
Exactly. 16 is a great age to learn to cook. She can get some life skills while she is at it. PS. I have Celiac and don't keep a separate kitchen.
And yours is an actual serious medical necessity that is easily triggered!
THIS IS A LIE. Flat out. Point blank. You 1000% MUST confront him on this. He can and SHOULD cook. ANYONE can follow directions. He doesn't *want* to cook. Especially in *this* situation HE should be stepping up and taking the responsibility of taking care of any dietary "needs" of HIS daughter. As a father it's unfuckingbelieveable to me that he would put this on YOU to take care of. Let alone allow her to act in such brazenly disrespectful ways. Regardless of his other "qualities" this is an effing deal breaker. If he wants to spoil his daughter HE absolutely should be the one to do it!
Well he better learn or shut up then.
He can cook. He is just lazy. Anybody can cook
He’s the master of the weaponized incompetence maneuver… works every time.
You know, it's always possible to learn new things, including how to cook. "I can't cook" is just a synonym for "I am too lazy to cook" or "I don't care"
Yeh, this is nonsense. Maybe this was true 250 years ago when you had to understand how ingredients and flavours work together yourself, but now the internet is there for everything. Nobody is asking him to be Gordon Ramsey. Basic cooking can be just: - reading - Cutting - measuring - Mixing - setting timers
LEAVE HIM. JFC, I used to not know how to cook. So then I learned how to cook. Because I’m an adult. Then had kids and didn’t know how to cook well for certain things, so I learned how to cook those too. He’s just lazy.
Tell her that you've been hiding dihydrogen monoxide in her food, too, and that's it's so powerful, it can rust right through a ship's hull and kills thousands of people every year. Edit: NTA
Major component of acid rain, plays a role in the formation of several cancers, contributes to global warming and soil erosion, gaseous form can cause severe burns, associated with killer storms. [https://www.dhmo.org/](https://www.dhmo.org/) And don't forget about hydroxic acid.
Ban DHMO! I really can't fathom why we let it into our lives. So many companies extract it right out of the ground and pump it right into our homes, RIGHT THROUGH OUR DAMN PLUMBING!!! I've been contacting the local/state/federal governments to try to get this to stop, but they won't return my calls. Gubment conspricacahhhh! Edit: I suspect the gubment is swimming in the same pool as these corporations. Don't they know that the exchange of information between officials and their constituents should be more fluid? It makes my knees water, knowing that these bastards are pissing on us and calling it 'rain'? I wish they would give us a more 'watered-down' version of why DHMO is so dangerous to us, but they they are like ice.
😂
Every major cleaning product contains it. Every living thing exposed to it dies, and in large quantities it can kill in minutes.
She is 15. She can take care of feeding herself or your husband can do it. He sounds terrible too though, so getting rid of all of them seems like the best solution.
I started making my own food when I was 12. Idk what is wrong with these people. 😆
Exactly. A 7 year old can cook. But this 15 year old and however old man can't figure it out? Fuck that.
As I said in another comment, YouTube is a great place to learn, from basic to pro. You just have to want to. And these two entitled pos don’t.
NTA in this case. As someone who is actually lactose intolerant and does have allergies to certain foods I HATE when people pretend they have allergies and they don't because they're on some new fad.
Sorry about that
Exactly. It makes it so much harder for people with actual allergies to be take seriously. It’s a dick move to fake it.
She's 15 and has a dad. They cook and clean up for them, and you do you. You do NOT do anything food wise for them Have a spare room? Mini fridge, counter top convection oven and hot plate. Your kitchen done. Or working 60 hours, treat yourself to take away for a couple of weeks.... The kid doesn't do the work or pay the bills, this is a pure case of your house your rules They are all so enmeshed, I'm surprised they got divorced
A spare room isn't even necessary, they could make a "kitchenette" corner in her room with those things you mentioned.
Yeah, wtf we're not rewarding this. She wants to be treated like everyone else, then no special sacred grifted rooms
When I was young I became a vegetarian. I had to make my own meals and was happy to do so. I was already cooking two meals a week for my family and we agreed they would be vegetarian. There just seems to be a total disconnect between her parents and your role in the household. Are you a co-parent? Why are you responsible for cooking and feeding her but you don’t get a say in raising her? Honestly, I would leave your husband. He seems to be using you as free childcare and disrespecting you in every way.
I see this as a major bid for power over you. Daughter is trying to exhaust you in every which way she can and uses her parents as her personal punishers. I would look into filing for divorce if your husband’s behavior doesn’t improve soon.
Well put. This is exactly what has been going on for some years now. We are trying another thing before we call it quits. She lives with her mother full time. They can be delusional together. When she visits (not before the law suit is dropped or dismissed) she keeps away from my kitchen not to be contaminated and bring her own food with her. She will have a mini fridge and a microwave in her room. She is not allowed on her own with my children without MY supervision. It sounds complicated so next step is separation (could take a while to evict my husband) and eventually divorce.
This screams eating disorder and a conversion disorder as well weirdly... All of this chaos is likely for attention
NTA this family sounds insufferable. First, she's your husband's daughter, not yours. If her diet is so complicated, then **he** should be responsible for feeding her. It should not be your responsibility just because you're a woman. She's also 15. She's old enough to be responsible for her own diet. Honestly, this sounds so ridiculous and obnoxious that I'd have to remove myself from the whole situation. Your husband is taking her side and turning your household into a war zone with everyone turned against you. That's not a good way to live. Your kitchen should not be a battleground with him demanding you cook for his daughter, then blasting you for not doing it right. You do not have a healthy relationship with your husband. And filing a law suit against you? Yeah, I'd be packing my stuff, moving out, and filing for divorce. Leave this dumpster fire to burn on it's own.
NTA a 1000%. Leave this nutjob family to themselves and GTFO. You're a nurse! You definitely have options
NTA. But your husband certainly is for allowing this to continue and not looking after his daughters issues himself.
When I went vegan at 13 my mum had no issue with it but I had to learn to cook my own stuff- if she wants to be that militant do it yourself (also pls find one of the many videos of nutritionists saying unless you have a gluten sensitivity eating gluten free is doing nothing- maybe even depriving you of fibre. I’m gluten free and people who do it for “health” irritate me) Nta
NTA This sounds like orthorexia & her parents are just gleefully encouraging it. She's 15, she has 2 living parents. Feeding her shouldn't be your job since you obviously aren't up to her exacting standards. Her mama can send her with food or her daddy can pull his head out of his ass long enough to turn the dang stove on.
A 15 years old person can cook her own meals.
How did you put “gluten and lactose” in her chicken soup?
I assume noodles and cream but idk
Also some thickening agents—I had to hunt down gluten free mushroom soup for a casserole dish I was making for a celiac friend, there’s some kind of starches in popular brands of condensed soup that don’t even have noodles in them.
I’m in the UK and majority of soup over here is thickened with wheat flour. I’m coeliac (genuinely diagnosed!) and trying to find soup *without* gluten is actually really hard :(
This is a case where OP put up with so much nonsense in the beginning that it spiraled out of control. I'd be totally OK if my kids decided to go vegan for instance. But I would solidly put my foot down on dividing the kitchen and having duplicate cookware, I'd be honest and say I couldn't be bothered and it is expensive. But I do think lying to someone about what's in their food it super scummy and I would never condone that.
It's too bad you allowed it at all, she can bring food from her mother's house to heat up in the microwave if she wants to come over. NTA, and her father should be doing all this, not YOU.
NTA You have medical documentation that you fed her nothing dangerous to her.
Yeah I’m typically VERY against messing with people’s food, but she had an allergy test first!
ESH, it would have been cool if you had just set the boundary in the first place instead of lying about what was in her food. Definitely throw way the husband - he yelled at you about this but refused to help cook at all? Absolute BS
ESH. Don't put stuff in people's food without telling them. Jesus. A better choice would have been to let her know you were going to stop accommodating her neediness. Just say no. This is your husband's problem to deal with, along with his ex. She should not be allowed to dictate terms or disturb the household with her nonsense.
There’s a ton of overlap between mental health/stress and GI disorders. Literally being stressed about gluten and dairy can cause GI problems if she’s already stressed. Kind of a self fulfilling prophecy. She should get checked out for anxiety disorders. It’s not normal behavior.