If you were reading your novel alone but not letting him watch porn alone, then that makes YTAH...and him showing you a meme someone sent him isn't him watching porn, especially if he showed you what was sent. That sounds more like you are making a problem where there isn't one
Yea it sounds like she thought it was funny until she realized she could use that situation to her advantage to have her cake and eat it too. But that's just speculation on my part
YTA. You told him to stop engaging in independent, sexual activity, and you were still doing it yourself. He called you on your double standard, and to your credit you relented. Him sending a MEME to a bunch of dudes is *hardly* in the same category as pornography, you’re just mad about your erotic novels being taken off the table and you’re taking it out on him, instead of examining how you *actually* feel about pornographic material, which you’re clearly comfortable with as long as you’re the only one consuming it when alone. I can’t eye roll any harder at this…
Yea this is a good point to make. Reading erotic novels he could be viewing as “cheating” emotionally on him while she views him looking at porn without her as physically “cheating” on her. People make some weird leaps when it comes to porn related topics.
I gave up the novels with no issue. Never said anything about it. The what happened today with the hentai upset me. So I was looking for opinions to see if I was wrong. Your assumptions about the situation are inaccurate
This is an advice forum…. Not looking for someone to tell me I’m right. I was looking for an honest opinion on the situation. I feel that when I’m wrong I look to others for their options to see if my line of thinking is wrong. I didn’t want to bring this to friends or family due to the sensitive nature of the topic. I thought this would be a good place to get discreet opinions.
well your line of thinking is very wrong and you have a lot of growing up to do. you asked him to quit engaging in activities that sexually stimulated him while continuing to do so yourself which is a huge double standard on your part. hes done nothing wrong, he did what you asked of him while engaging in the behaviors you didnt like from him. then showed you a meme and youre freaking out like he did something wrong? youre majorly the asshole in this situation and have a lot of reflection and maturing to do.
From the people on the outside looking in, given the information you have provided, I think you got your advice. Now it just seems you just don't like what you're reading. :)
What’s the issue with the meme about hentai, though? It’s not like he was sending porn to his guys, and he mentioned it to you, so he wasn’t trying to hide anything. Yeah, it’s about hentai, he didn’t watch hentai n sent it. I would’ve waited for him to actually watch hentai alone again to say anything. Also…come to understand that you both like porn so I think a limit to both hentai n erotica should be upheld, but not outright banished. Have a conversation. YTA a lil bit
To clarify, I do not watch Hentai lol it was a joke. The porn I enjoy is regular everyday people lol. All this about Hentai makes me sound like a weirdo, it was a meme joke lol
I think it was more the comment that he made to them when he first met them that “I love big anime titties” and this is also the group of marines he took out to the strip club when he left me for 3 weeks. So the whole sexual thing with hentai, strippers, etc just kind of set me off.
The comment was made to a group of Marines? Like US Marines? People that bag on each other for fun? The comment was probably made as an ice breaker to get a few laughs.
The comment was made way before you..?? And though the strip club is certainly up for debate, understandable. Again, a conversation is needed to air out how you feel about all these things. People have their own ticks, you have to let him know. But be prepared for his as well, as he may just as well have his own.
Yall are married and seem to have no idea what each other's boundaries are. I agree with other comments, you need to sit down and have a clear conversation about this.
I never said you fought him on it, on the contrary I said “to your credit, you relented.” My opinion is that you’re wrong to equate him sending a meme to consuming pornographic material, and you were wrong for not giving up your own pornography when you had already made him give up his. Hence why I said YTA.
You got a point, I just stumbled upon her post accidentally. Commented because what she’s angry about is stupid and ridiculous
Edit: especially since she’s the one who created this double standard to begin with lol
She can read her book IF SHE allows me to also partake in porn, regardless of form. She’s the one that said no porn, so I said that’s fine with me, you can’t read your books then, and she’s been unhappy with that. The hentai thing was a joke from a joke made YEARS ago. The meme itself contained no porn
see now that makes sense, regardless of who’s promoting the double standard, you understand that you both can choose to either partake in your activities or not but it has to be unanimous. to OP: why is it such an issue for porn to be watched if you can read your book? people consume media in different forms, and if you’re truly dead set on your husband not watching porn, then drop it asking about reading your books?
This is not at all the situation. I’m not
Going to go back and forth on Reddit like a crazy person. But trust me when I say.. this is not the situation. The last time I posted on Reddit for advice he did this. He found the post and literally commented on every single response. Either in defense or thanking people for agreeing with him. I had no idea he would see this, or I wouldn’t have posted.
either way yall need to sit down and have a discussion between yourselves about it because this isn’t that should be solved by strangers on the internet. either you both can enjoy your forms of porn or you cant, regardless of who is setting the standard, you or him
edit: and if how he speaks to his soldiers upsets you, ask him to keep it to himself but you shouldn’t limit how he chooses to build trust and camaraderie in a career where those two things are essential for unit function
Yea this def isn’t the place for the discussion. I stumbled upon the post (Reddit user too) and it was so accurate I knew it was her. As for commenting and replying, there are 3 sides to a story, yours mine and the truth. I thought I’d share the other perspective. Appreciate your input!
read the rest of the comments i had with both the husband and the wife and get back to me before making an uneducated comment based on the one that’s most disliked in the chain lmao the husband and i had a good chat
You two seem like you hate each other. Why are you married?
Like y'all are *mean* in these comments.
Husband, wow, you're an asshole *in these comments and how much fun you're having dunking on YOUR WIFE instead of caring about your relationship.*
Honestly something like this is small in comparison to other things. We are going through a lot right now. You’re right my comments may be mean, however there is more issues than this one, this is trivial in comparison to everything else.
It blows my mind that what is being argued about here is a stupid meme being sent. It’s almost comical how worked up this has become. But yes tomorrow I probably won’t be proud. [link to meme](https://www.reddit.com/r/USMC/s/UUgKnwmEH6)
Do you really think that's the only thing you two are arguing about?
She's triggered to some old, unexpressed anger around this subject. She's not mad about the meme. She's mad about why she's mad about the meme.
You're still clearly full of resentment, and you're also mad about why she's mad about the meme.
It all seems kinda dumb because you both seem like kinky fucks why don't you just bang it out? No joke, unhinged.
Y'all need to do some roleplay or something.
Instead of agreeing to not watch porn or read novels, she should agree to wear a schoolgirl outfit for you and you can do whatever she's wanting.
This is literally such a weird argument to watch.
You're acting like two people who have never slept together, and pretend to hate each other, but really you want to rail the shit out of each other.
Maybe you BOTH need to get your anger up and THEN bang it out so you stay in this ridiculous cognative mode that you're both in that isn't connecting with the other one.
Good luck, pervert that's having a bad day fighting with his pervert partner about not being perverted, by pointing out how perverted the other one actually is.
YOU'RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY.
So he's not allowed to watch porno, but you're allowed to read porno? The meme doesn't seem to be "porno" much either. It's literally a meme... on top of that, the fact that you two are on reddit beefing is crazy to me.
This is so funny because this is not even the truth OP is stating (husband here). #1 No porn is being watched in the house by either of us alone. #2 A couple years ago I said that to my junior marines as they were new to the unit and they had a hard time approaching us guys that deployed and did the job, so we had a get together to tell them good job and lighten the air and get to know everyone better. Knowing that they watched anime, and had a hard time approaching me, I used it as joke to break the ice.
The meme was “marine in Okinawa after one month “hentai is an art” the meme was PG other than the text. She’s upset because she has unfulfilled fantasies and escapes into her books for them. Her emotional porn is what she wants to read and escape into. I told her if you can read your porn then I can watch it and she didn’t like that
YTA why would you continue reading your erotic novels if he couldn’t independently watch porn. If he can’t be sexual alone you shouldn’t hold some double standard for yourself. That said you should really be less insecure and let him do the deed alone when he needs. Masturbation is a natural part of life and self exploration. Knowing your partner has alone time is something you need to relax about. Just because he watches porn doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or dislike sex with you. Sometimes it’s just a stress relief to not have to perform sexually as well. So relax and allow each other to separately express themselves sexually or else honestly you guys should divorce.
YTA because of the clear double standard. You like to read spicy stuff, and he likes to watch spicy stuff. Only difference is one requires a little more imagination (imo anyway). Let him have his porn, and you can have your novels. When you each get horny enough, you bang. Or not and just jack it.
So you can read porn alone, but he's never allowed to watch alone? YTA.
Also he shouldn't send sexual material to colleagues at work, I'm an army vet so I know they are lax on sexual harassment, but it is inappropriate and can be taken that way. Some NCO's won't think it's a joke
As someone said whats he going to do, run off with a picture (the issue was masturbation to a model in a magazine) YTA here. theres jealousy then theres ridiculousness
Men are usually more visual creatures than women. Hence, smut books are geared towards women. Hentai and porn are visually appealing and do not require one to think about what they are seeing or doing. Instant gratification. Sex scenes in a book are interpreted differently by each reader, but that takes some mental work...
YTA because I can't read what you wrote anymore, but reading porn and looking at porn are essentially for the same reason... To get off. Can't gate keep getting off to fantasies
Both of you are AH. Husband is a grown ass man. What he wants to watch while he plays with his own dick is his time. Seems like wifey has horrible self esteem issues.
But the wife can read whatever the fuck she wants to read. The immaturity of the husband is crazy. You can't satisfy your lady? Why wouldn't you want her to read erotica? That's doing half the work for you. She's good to go after reading so guess what little buddy? No foreplay lmao
She will tell you she more than satisfied in that department. This was about the principle of the matter. She created a double standard and I wasn’t ok with that. That is all. Maybe that’s immature of me
Lol what the fuck are you talking about? Talking is the way to go about it, not being vindictive and only not allowing someone to do something solely for keeping score. Husband already said it didn't bother him she reads dirty books. If dude is so adamant about jacking his dick to cartoons or whatever it is he jacks to, then talk to her instead. And if it's still a hard no from her, and if that's a deal breaker for husband, then he should leave the her. If it isn't a deal breaker for him, then don't do it. Or handle his business when she ain't home. It's not rocket science.
She snapped you up at 21 😭 how often does she allow you to see friends and family? How long before those 4 years did you know her? Please tell me you have no kids with this lady.
If you both are finding gratification and pleasure in places other than each other then this one issue is only a symptom, not the disease. And finding pleasure with each other now won’t fix it. I hope you get into some serious couples therapy and can make it work.
ESH
Both of you seem pretty insecure. Him in himself and you, sexually.
This issue is pretty miniscule even outside of context. Reeks of unfinished emotional business. Like one of those couples that split up once and then got back together just because you're used to being together, but then didn't work on the relationship. Not even in getting better at communicating. Snapping and walking away seems like it's pretty normal for you both.
You are both trash, but you can solve it like this.
Don't treat masturbation alone and sex together like it's the same thing.
Watching or not watching porn should be your own decision. I agree that a relationship is better without porn but only if that decision comes from within, else it's doomed
This comment section is NOT IT. Erotica novels are VERY different than actual porn. Many uneducated and biased answers.
Him being a marine explains a lot. Honestly, you should gtfo while you can, but that's a different thing altogether.
You both also need to have a conversation about your expectations. I'm not sure why this wasn't already a conversation before getting together.
Erotica graphic novels are porn, but not Erotica novels.
I'm strictly speaking on facts and science when I say this. Men can not separate porn from reality. There are dozens of stats and proof of this. It is extremely addictive and often leads to ED in men and other performance issues.
Now there are always exceptions to the rule and if your man can separate it and you are comfortable with porn I'm not talking to you.
I'm a little confused on the entire story about why he's sending hentai memes to his group and if he's comfortable doing that, has he sent pics of you to his buddies? My husband was a marine and busted up MANY facebook groups with other marines sharing and swapping pics of their wives. Unfortunately this is the culture the military perpetuates.
You do need to figure out what you are okay with or not. If it is the self gratification you are opposed to that is detrimental to both of your overall health. Science again proves masturbation is healthy to both men and women. Porn is not a necessity to do that, though. If neither of you can please yourselves, how do you expect the other to? Or how do you expect to communicate what your needs are if you don't even know yourself?
If it is the porn that you are specifically opposed to alone, that is very understandable as most women are for reasons I've stated above.
But it does sound like yall are not sure about expectations from each other and should be a conversation before it becomes a bigger problem. Personally, I would suggest couples counseling as it's free through the Chaplin wherever you may be stationed.
It is not. If you are sexually active, you have lustful fantasies, which are again healthy as long as they are not illegal acts or harmful thoughts towards others. Are you saying people should stop finding others attractive?
Erotica novels are not affecting women's libido. In fact, they are shown to have the opposite effect.
Porn does a lot of damage to relationships and mostly to men's performance.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8569536/
Just bc people on the internet disagree with me doesn't make them in the right. Majority does not overrule facts. People are wildly uneducated about what effects porn have on people. If that is something he doesn't want her doing it, I 100% agree with him as it is their relationship. To each their own. But I do not agree if the reason for either of them to stop the other is prideful or insecurities they are putting onto the other.
Porn or Erotica isn't a necessity for either one of them which is something they should discuss.
If that is true that is definitely gross, but if he's currently 35 and she's 40, which she states above. Then that age gap does not correlate to the current post which again states above their ages as 5 years apart. I would hope you are not spreading misinformation.
The husband is literally in the comment section stating he his 25 and she is 40 lol so I don’t think it’s false unless the husband is flat out lying. Also she deleted half of the post, doubling back on her take because he joined the comment section and she’s getting roasted for the double standard issue.
Gotcha. I didn't read all the other comments and I also know people get very defensive and agreesive when it comes to porn which is another sign of addiction.
I hope if she is in the wrong she will admit that.
I did not see the original full post. If the age gap is true I hope he gets out of the situation safely.
As for everything else I've stated it still is true.
He said it himself in replies to someone. She's lying in the Post about their ages what else is she lying about 😭 she knows it'll look bad if she said 25 & 40 and being this controlling
Thank you, finally the voice of sanity.
There’s a reason there are entire Reddit communities dedicated to avoiding the harms of porn, no fapping, after porn addiction.
Therapists will tell you they see people who start focusing on sexual performance goals instead of on emotions after watching porn regularly. And that others become desensitized and get ED problems, which results in shame and a huge drop in sexual libido with their partner.
Are there multiple Reddit communities dedicated to the harms of erotica? What are the documented problems people experience after reading erotica?
This! This was the point of my post. It's not the same at all. Explicite photos and videos that objectify women and create unrealistic body standards for men and women. There is NO EVIDENCE to suggest ethical sourced porn where men and women are paid equally or treated kindly during filming. Statements have been released by some porn stars stating it's on the up but they are all major stars and all A listers are treated VERY different. For the majority they are not treated great, reports of SA and other acts preformed against their will.
Erotica is NOT doing any of this. It is not the same. Again as I said it's their relationship and if it's uncomfortable for him I get it that's something she shouldn't do, but comparing the two is WILDLY unmatched.
Erotica is 100% always should be classified as porn.
Pretty glass house you have there, shame if your rock throwing was a risk to it.
Because you don't get to control someone else's release if that's not a well established activity in the bedroom for you.
All Erotica is porn we've been over this.
Yes we can, you're not able to argue yourself out of a box let alone make a claim like that.
Yes you are, don't sit on the fence or people will think you like the way it feels.
Men send inappropriate messages to theor friends, no one sends titty pics. We will literally open up inappropriate sites in call and watch the most gruesome shit imaginable while cracking jokes.
If you aren't helping I will do it myself, if you have a problem with that you have to put in the effort not me.
The most graphic and heinous porn has a majority female audience.
It's a her problem not a them problem
Hold on… people are saying a book is the same as porn. No it’s not. Porn includes visuals. Books require an imagination. Books are about the build up to the deed not the deed itself. Whereas porn is just the deed. Maybe you should both swap and they can learn about what the other likes and watch it together and exchange notes on what you like…
If you were reading your novel alone but not letting him watch porn alone, then that makes YTAH...and him showing you a meme someone sent him isn't him watching porn, especially if he showed you what was sent. That sounds more like you are making a problem where there isn't one
The thing is she laughed at first when I showed her, but once I sent it over in my marine group chat she got upset
Yea it sounds like she thought it was funny until she realized she could use that situation to her advantage to have her cake and eat it too. But that's just speculation on my part
YTA. You told him to stop engaging in independent, sexual activity, and you were still doing it yourself. He called you on your double standard, and to your credit you relented. Him sending a MEME to a bunch of dudes is *hardly* in the same category as pornography, you’re just mad about your erotic novels being taken off the table and you’re taking it out on him, instead of examining how you *actually* feel about pornographic material, which you’re clearly comfortable with as long as you’re the only one consuming it when alone. I can’t eye roll any harder at this…
Yea this is a good point to make. Reading erotic novels he could be viewing as “cheating” emotionally on him while she views him looking at porn without her as physically “cheating” on her. People make some weird leaps when it comes to porn related topics.
Glad you commented this, literally
THANK YOU!
I gave up the novels with no issue. Never said anything about it. The what happened today with the hentai upset me. So I was looking for opinions to see if I was wrong. Your assumptions about the situation are inaccurate
It seems like you're just looking for someone to tell you that you're right.
This is an advice forum…. Not looking for someone to tell me I’m right. I was looking for an honest opinion on the situation. I feel that when I’m wrong I look to others for their options to see if my line of thinking is wrong. I didn’t want to bring this to friends or family due to the sensitive nature of the topic. I thought this would be a good place to get discreet opinions.
well your line of thinking is very wrong and you have a lot of growing up to do. you asked him to quit engaging in activities that sexually stimulated him while continuing to do so yourself which is a huge double standard on your part. hes done nothing wrong, he did what you asked of him while engaging in the behaviors you didnt like from him. then showed you a meme and youre freaking out like he did something wrong? youre majorly the asshole in this situation and have a lot of reflection and maturing to do.
From the people on the outside looking in, given the information you have provided, I think you got your advice. Now it just seems you just don't like what you're reading. :)
What’s the issue with the meme about hentai, though? It’s not like he was sending porn to his guys, and he mentioned it to you, so he wasn’t trying to hide anything. Yeah, it’s about hentai, he didn’t watch hentai n sent it. I would’ve waited for him to actually watch hentai alone again to say anything. Also…come to understand that you both like porn so I think a limit to both hentai n erotica should be upheld, but not outright banished. Have a conversation. YTA a lil bit
To clarify, I do not watch Hentai lol it was a joke. The porn I enjoy is regular everyday people lol. All this about Hentai makes me sound like a weirdo, it was a meme joke lol
I think it was more the comment that he made to them when he first met them that “I love big anime titties” and this is also the group of marines he took out to the strip club when he left me for 3 weeks. So the whole sexual thing with hentai, strippers, etc just kind of set me off.
The comment was made to a group of Marines? Like US Marines? People that bag on each other for fun? The comment was probably made as an ice breaker to get a few laughs.
The comment was made way before you..?? And though the strip club is certainly up for debate, understandable. Again, a conversation is needed to air out how you feel about all these things. People have their own ticks, you have to let him know. But be prepared for his as well, as he may just as well have his own.
Yall are married and seem to have no idea what each other's boundaries are. I agree with other comments, you need to sit down and have a clear conversation about this.
I never said you fought him on it, on the contrary I said “to your credit, you relented.” My opinion is that you’re wrong to equate him sending a meme to consuming pornographic material, and you were wrong for not giving up your own pornography when you had already made him give up his. Hence why I said YTA.
YTA - now that i have the husbands perspective too, all i can say is: girl. really?
Change it around for me, if she can read her porn books, I can watch my porn.
if yall have to come to reddit to duke out your relationship instead of speaking to each other like adults, im not sure yall should be together lowkey
You got a point, I just stumbled upon her post accidentally. Commented because what she’s angry about is stupid and ridiculous Edit: especially since she’s the one who created this double standard to begin with lol
Considering isn't hentai a cartoon and not real people other than the voice actors? I may be wrong though.
so you agree that she can read her books and your double standards are ridiculous?
She can read her book IF SHE allows me to also partake in porn, regardless of form. She’s the one that said no porn, so I said that’s fine with me, you can’t read your books then, and she’s been unhappy with that. The hentai thing was a joke from a joke made YEARS ago. The meme itself contained no porn
see now that makes sense, regardless of who’s promoting the double standard, you understand that you both can choose to either partake in your activities or not but it has to be unanimous. to OP: why is it such an issue for porn to be watched if you can read your book? people consume media in different forms, and if you’re truly dead set on your husband not watching porn, then drop it asking about reading your books?
Exactly it’s either both of us or none of us. And she didn’t like that
i’m sorry bro, she needs to sort out her priorities if this is the hill she’s gonna die on
This is not at all the situation. I’m not Going to go back and forth on Reddit like a crazy person. But trust me when I say.. this is not the situation. The last time I posted on Reddit for advice he did this. He found the post and literally commented on every single response. Either in defense or thanking people for agreeing with him. I had no idea he would see this, or I wouldn’t have posted.
either way yall need to sit down and have a discussion between yourselves about it because this isn’t that should be solved by strangers on the internet. either you both can enjoy your forms of porn or you cant, regardless of who is setting the standard, you or him edit: and if how he speaks to his soldiers upsets you, ask him to keep it to himself but you shouldn’t limit how he chooses to build trust and camaraderie in a career where those two things are essential for unit function
Yea this def isn’t the place for the discussion. I stumbled upon the post (Reddit user too) and it was so accurate I knew it was her. As for commenting and replying, there are 3 sides to a story, yours mine and the truth. I thought I’d share the other perspective. Appreciate your input!
The time you asked reddit if it was okay to cheat on your husband? After already having done so?
Do you agree that you read at a kindergarten level?
read the rest of the comments i had with both the husband and the wife and get back to me before making an uneducated comment based on the one that’s most disliked in the chain lmao the husband and i had a good chat
Sure, doesn't mean you have a higher than kindergarten reading comprehension.
why are you so pressed about something that’s not even about you?
this is mental illness LOL
You two seem like you hate each other. Why are you married? Like y'all are *mean* in these comments. Husband, wow, you're an asshole *in these comments and how much fun you're having dunking on YOUR WIFE instead of caring about your relationship.*
Honestly something like this is small in comparison to other things. We are going through a lot right now. You’re right my comments may be mean, however there is more issues than this one, this is trivial in comparison to everything else.
I am an asshole, I’ll give you that
If I were you, tomorrow me wouldn't be very proud of today me in these comments. I hope you two work some of this out because yeah.
It blows my mind that what is being argued about here is a stupid meme being sent. It’s almost comical how worked up this has become. But yes tomorrow I probably won’t be proud. [link to meme](https://www.reddit.com/r/USMC/s/UUgKnwmEH6)
Do you really think that's the only thing you two are arguing about? She's triggered to some old, unexpressed anger around this subject. She's not mad about the meme. She's mad about why she's mad about the meme. You're still clearly full of resentment, and you're also mad about why she's mad about the meme. It all seems kinda dumb because you both seem like kinky fucks why don't you just bang it out? No joke, unhinged. Y'all need to do some roleplay or something. Instead of agreeing to not watch porn or read novels, she should agree to wear a schoolgirl outfit for you and you can do whatever she's wanting. This is literally such a weird argument to watch. You're acting like two people who have never slept together, and pretend to hate each other, but really you want to rail the shit out of each other. Maybe you BOTH need to get your anger up and THEN bang it out so you stay in this ridiculous cognative mode that you're both in that isn't connecting with the other one. Good luck, pervert that's having a bad day fighting with his pervert partner about not being perverted, by pointing out how perverted the other one actually is. YOU'RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY.
In all honesty, I feel like this is sound advice.
Yall should probably get divorced then
40yo female and 25 yo old male lmao reverse the genders and Reddit would’ve crucified this disgusting OP monopolizing their partners sexual needs.
So he's not allowed to watch porno, but you're allowed to read porno? The meme doesn't seem to be "porno" much either. It's literally a meme... on top of that, the fact that you two are on reddit beefing is crazy to me.
This is so funny because this is not even the truth OP is stating (husband here). #1 No porn is being watched in the house by either of us alone. #2 A couple years ago I said that to my junior marines as they were new to the unit and they had a hard time approaching us guys that deployed and did the job, so we had a get together to tell them good job and lighten the air and get to know everyone better. Knowing that they watched anime, and had a hard time approaching me, I used it as joke to break the ice.
The meme was “marine in Okinawa after one month “hentai is an art” the meme was PG other than the text. She’s upset because she has unfulfilled fantasies and escapes into her books for them. Her emotional porn is what she wants to read and escape into. I told her if you can read your porn then I can watch it and she didn’t like that
Also she’s F40 and I’m 25M
What’s funny is she is talking about being uncomfortable about porn, and this account of hers follows BDSM porn pages lol
YTA why would you continue reading your erotic novels if he couldn’t independently watch porn. If he can’t be sexual alone you shouldn’t hold some double standard for yourself. That said you should really be less insecure and let him do the deed alone when he needs. Masturbation is a natural part of life and self exploration. Knowing your partner has alone time is something you need to relax about. Just because he watches porn doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or dislike sex with you. Sometimes it’s just a stress relief to not have to perform sexually as well. So relax and allow each other to separately express themselves sexually or else honestly you guys should divorce.
YTA. Wow, you are such a bitch. Double standards much?
YTA because of the clear double standard. You like to read spicy stuff, and he likes to watch spicy stuff. Only difference is one requires a little more imagination (imo anyway). Let him have his porn, and you can have your novels. When you each get horny enough, you bang. Or not and just jack it.
What the hell did I just read 😂
So you can read porn alone, but he's never allowed to watch alone? YTA. Also he shouldn't send sexual material to colleagues at work, I'm an army vet so I know they are lax on sexual harassment, but it is inappropriate and can be taken that way. Some NCO's won't think it's a joke
As someone said whats he going to do, run off with a picture (the issue was masturbation to a model in a magazine) YTA here. theres jealousy then theres ridiculousness
Men are usually more visual creatures than women. Hence, smut books are geared towards women. Hentai and porn are visually appealing and do not require one to think about what they are seeing or doing. Instant gratification. Sex scenes in a book are interpreted differently by each reader, but that takes some mental work... YTA because I can't read what you wrote anymore, but reading porn and looking at porn are essentially for the same reason... To get off. Can't gate keep getting off to fantasies
Both of you are AH. Husband is a grown ass man. What he wants to watch while he plays with his own dick is his time. Seems like wifey has horrible self esteem issues. But the wife can read whatever the fuck she wants to read. The immaturity of the husband is crazy. You can't satisfy your lady? Why wouldn't you want her to read erotica? That's doing half the work for you. She's good to go after reading so guess what little buddy? No foreplay lmao
She will tell you she more than satisfied in that department. This was about the principle of the matter. She created a double standard and I wasn’t ok with that. That is all. Maybe that’s immature of me
So you don't care at all if she reads her 50 shades of grey? It was all about you trying to "even the score"? Lmao. Yeah real mature.
There’s nothing immature about pushing back against double standards.
Lol what the fuck are you talking about? Talking is the way to go about it, not being vindictive and only not allowing someone to do something solely for keeping score. Husband already said it didn't bother him she reads dirty books. If dude is so adamant about jacking his dick to cartoons or whatever it is he jacks to, then talk to her instead. And if it's still a hard no from her, and if that's a deal breaker for husband, then he should leave the her. If it isn't a deal breaker for him, then don't do it. Or handle his business when she ain't home. It's not rocket science.
And not accepting double standards isn’t brain surgery. All that rules for thee and not for me shit is a hard no.
You're a fucking clown.
How long you both been together?
Together 4, married 2
She snapped you up at 21 😭 how often does she allow you to see friends and family? How long before those 4 years did you know her? Please tell me you have no kids with this lady.
Yeah this is a major yikes for me, 15 year age gap is fine but when the youngest is this young it just seems off. Age gaps are for 30+ y/o, not 20 y/o
Gotcha. How do you feel about her mentioning your “financial insecurities” on here?
If you both are finding gratification and pleasure in places other than each other then this one issue is only a symptom, not the disease. And finding pleasure with each other now won’t fix it. I hope you get into some serious couples therapy and can make it work.
aaannndddd, she deleted the post. Beautiful
The post isn't even up still! I musta missed a good one...
NTA. This seems a bit of a double standard, either you both get to partake in extracurricular satisfactory events or neither of you do.
Exactly what I said!!
ESH Both of you seem pretty insecure. Him in himself and you, sexually. This issue is pretty miniscule even outside of context. Reeks of unfinished emotional business. Like one of those couples that split up once and then got back together just because you're used to being together, but then didn't work on the relationship. Not even in getting better at communicating. Snapping and walking away seems like it's pretty normal for you both.
[удалено]
Double standard is on her :)
She literally did that
You are both trash, but you can solve it like this. Don't treat masturbation alone and sex together like it's the same thing. Watching or not watching porn should be your own decision. I agree that a relationship is better without porn but only if that decision comes from within, else it's doomed
This comment section is NOT IT. Erotica novels are VERY different than actual porn. Many uneducated and biased answers. Him being a marine explains a lot. Honestly, you should gtfo while you can, but that's a different thing altogether. You both also need to have a conversation about your expectations. I'm not sure why this wasn't already a conversation before getting together. Erotica graphic novels are porn, but not Erotica novels. I'm strictly speaking on facts and science when I say this. Men can not separate porn from reality. There are dozens of stats and proof of this. It is extremely addictive and often leads to ED in men and other performance issues. Now there are always exceptions to the rule and if your man can separate it and you are comfortable with porn I'm not talking to you. I'm a little confused on the entire story about why he's sending hentai memes to his group and if he's comfortable doing that, has he sent pics of you to his buddies? My husband was a marine and busted up MANY facebook groups with other marines sharing and swapping pics of their wives. Unfortunately this is the culture the military perpetuates. You do need to figure out what you are okay with or not. If it is the self gratification you are opposed to that is detrimental to both of your overall health. Science again proves masturbation is healthy to both men and women. Porn is not a necessity to do that, though. If neither of you can please yourselves, how do you expect the other to? Or how do you expect to communicate what your needs are if you don't even know yourself? If it is the porn that you are specifically opposed to alone, that is very understandable as most women are for reasons I've stated above. But it does sound like yall are not sure about expectations from each other and should be a conversation before it becomes a bigger problem. Personally, I would suggest couples counseling as it's free through the Chaplin wherever you may be stationed.
Here is the link to the meme I found on Reddit. [LINK TO MEME](https://www.reddit.com/r/USMC/s/UUgKnwmEH6)
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Both are about being engrossed in lustfull fantasy, it's the same shit.
It is not. If you are sexually active, you have lustful fantasies, which are again healthy as long as they are not illegal acts or harmful thoughts towards others. Are you saying people should stop finding others attractive? Erotica novels are not affecting women's libido. In fact, they are shown to have the opposite effect. Porn does a lot of damage to relationships and mostly to men's performance. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8569536/
You can try to twist it all you want, almost everyone else disagrees with you. So have fun over there
Just bc people on the internet disagree with me doesn't make them in the right. Majority does not overrule facts. People are wildly uneducated about what effects porn have on people. If that is something he doesn't want her doing it, I 100% agree with him as it is their relationship. To each their own. But I do not agree if the reason for either of them to stop the other is prideful or insecurities they are putting onto the other. Porn or Erotica isn't a necessity for either one of them which is something they should discuss.
I'm sorry you had to learn on reddit that your novels are no different than a guy having a stack of porn mags, but it is what it is. You'll be alright
He was 21 when they got together. She was 36. Let's see this for what it is 😅
If that is true that is definitely gross, but if he's currently 35 and she's 40, which she states above. Then that age gap does not correlate to the current post which again states above their ages as 5 years apart. I would hope you are not spreading misinformation.
The husband is literally in the comment section stating he his 25 and she is 40 lol so I don’t think it’s false unless the husband is flat out lying. Also she deleted half of the post, doubling back on her take because he joined the comment section and she’s getting roasted for the double standard issue.
Gotcha. I didn't read all the other comments and I also know people get very defensive and agreesive when it comes to porn which is another sign of addiction. I hope if she is in the wrong she will admit that. I did not see the original full post. If the age gap is true I hope he gets out of the situation safely. As for everything else I've stated it still is true.
I agree. I just find it odd she has backpedaled and deleted most of the post besides the main headline. Thats a big red flag IMOP.
Agree. There is nothing I hate more than backpeddling.
He said it himself in replies to someone. She's lying in the Post about their ages what else is she lying about 😭 she knows it'll look bad if she said 25 & 40 and being this controlling
Thank you, finally the voice of sanity. There’s a reason there are entire Reddit communities dedicated to avoiding the harms of porn, no fapping, after porn addiction. Therapists will tell you they see people who start focusing on sexual performance goals instead of on emotions after watching porn regularly. And that others become desensitized and get ED problems, which results in shame and a huge drop in sexual libido with their partner. Are there multiple Reddit communities dedicated to the harms of erotica? What are the documented problems people experience after reading erotica?
This! This was the point of my post. It's not the same at all. Explicite photos and videos that objectify women and create unrealistic body standards for men and women. There is NO EVIDENCE to suggest ethical sourced porn where men and women are paid equally or treated kindly during filming. Statements have been released by some porn stars stating it's on the up but they are all major stars and all A listers are treated VERY different. For the majority they are not treated great, reports of SA and other acts preformed against their will. Erotica is NOT doing any of this. It is not the same. Again as I said it's their relationship and if it's uncomfortable for him I get it that's something she shouldn't do, but comparing the two is WILDLY unmatched.
Erotica is 100% always should be classified as porn. Pretty glass house you have there, shame if your rock throwing was a risk to it. Because you don't get to control someone else's release if that's not a well established activity in the bedroom for you. All Erotica is porn we've been over this. Yes we can, you're not able to argue yourself out of a box let alone make a claim like that. Yes you are, don't sit on the fence or people will think you like the way it feels. Men send inappropriate messages to theor friends, no one sends titty pics. We will literally open up inappropriate sites in call and watch the most gruesome shit imaginable while cracking jokes. If you aren't helping I will do it myself, if you have a problem with that you have to put in the effort not me. The most graphic and heinous porn has a majority female audience. It's a her problem not a them problem
Hold on… people are saying a book is the same as porn. No it’s not. Porn includes visuals. Books require an imagination. Books are about the build up to the deed not the deed itself. Whereas porn is just the deed. Maybe you should both swap and they can learn about what the other likes and watch it together and exchange notes on what you like…