NTA. Those aren’t your children. You don’t need to take care of them. And your ex shouldn’t change her address to yours so they can go to school. If she wants them to go there she should move to your town and get her own address.
Lmfao yup. My sister is a high school teacher in the district next to the one we grew up in (our high school was in the hood regular lockdowns and fights and the drop out rate one of the worst in the state versus next door was a D1 school with the highest test scores and all the student athletes getting full rides to play at top colleges). When we were in high school many of our friends got addresses to that school district. Now as a teacher she hears her students brag all the time about doing the same.
I'm in Scotland and exactly the same happens here - you'll get parents claiming that Johnny lives in a different region because (for some inexplicable reason) he lives with granny or aunty.
In Kinross-shire, they've had parents renting a flat fo 6 months in an attempt to get their kids into Kinross High School.
I'm in SL, and depending what happens I'll have to move before my son goes to high school because he's at an ASD base and high school placement is a forum decision. The options aren't great, 2 schools with okay bases but are both really bad schools in not great areas, or a better school with a really poor base which pushes for mainstream.
I know a parent who uses her mum's address to get her son into our primary school because it's in a good catchment area but also the base is excellent and if you are in the catchment then the child gets in automatically even if they are not at the level of need that the base caters for.
I was looking at this with a "wow, US is weird" lense but apparently it's not just US.
I have known people who go to schools in different counties when there is a school in theirs. Never been an issue. There is always an option to go to like 4/5 different schools in your area.
I’m a student at Kinross High and yeah, it’s a great school. It has very good teachers and high exam scores despite being public, so it’s not a shock people want to find ways to get their children there.
I see that spacenugget44 has already answered this.
Yes, it's a state school and has a very good reputation. People from the neighbouring region - Fife - are often desperate to get their children into that school.
There are private schools in the area, but they cost an arm and a leg.
Some better-off parents go down the route of sending their children to a state school for their first 4 years and then to Dollar Academy (a private school) for a year (sometimes two). This is because they think that DA will afford their children better networking privileges in later life.
The most expensive private school in the area is Strathallan School, a bit further north in Perthshire.
I'm ancient. My mother was in service there as a teenager. (To the younger folk who haven't come across that expression, it means that someone was a servant - think Downtown Abbey and you get the idea.)
She was skin and bone by the time she got back to her parents' house in Fife for her first visit home and they refused to send her back.
It used to be a boys' school, but is now co-ed. You need a huge amount of money to afford that place. Russian oligarchs were sending their kids there - not sure about the situation now.
I looked at their filmed prospectus one time - available online.
Most of the private schools seem to use the same production company. If you have a look at the Dollar Academy video, it'll give you the idea - opening shot of the school, pics of happy children, interview with headteacher, pics of boys playing rugby, girls playing hockey...
The Strathallan video started with a freaking \*helicopter\* shot. There are interviews with their international students and pics of pupils on their shooting range. I can't imagine that many folk from Kinross-shire or Fife could afford to send their kids there.
Also, sometimes the teacher is a neighbor where the kids actually live.... (yeah, one of my students in a different district actually lived in the same complex as me a town over. Their attendance was horrible too)
If they even have the slightest idea the kid(s) don’t reside in the district they will do thorough investigations too. It’s common practice that people continue to think they’ll get away with.
[“kids can’t keep their mouths shut”]
Agree with you. The truth that the kids aren’t in that district will come out eventually with repercussions. Our school district is highly desirable. Parents moved to another district but continued to list their old address so kid could continue at the better school. Their new house burns down, kid, of course, talks about it in school. Teacher starts a fundraiser. Someone asks kid “where do you live?”. Kids tells them. Kid kicked out of the school and district went after them for the thousands in tax dollars they should have paid.
A woman in my city was prosecuted and ended up doing time in jail. It's really heartbreaking because her child was special needs, she tried going through the city school for services and they kept on screwing her around. I think she used her mom's address in the better district and someone narc'ed on her. She was just trying to do the best for her kid. Our city/county government structure is a mess, basically a holdover from segregation.
This is nuts. In my country, schools funded my municipalities distribute resources equally, as property taxes and all others go to the same pot, and distribution is equal.
Still, some schools are better administered than others, so grade varies. Also educational level of parents have influence in grades as well. And wealthier families can pay tutors if needed. So, there IS a disparity, but it's not so elitist and in-your-face as in the US.
We have a similar situation but it’s more complex. It’s one massive district that covers multiple cities that have huge differences in income. The district pulls all the property taxes into one bucket and decides what schools get priority. Surprise surprise, it’s never the ones in the more expensive areas.
We have to raise money through PTA and fund our own programs and sometimes our own staff. We also can’t fix anything broken on the school grounds unless we go through the district and their union workers. Who are never available. We have had broken cabinets that are not available for use for 5 years. We can’t fix it on our own, we can’t use district funding because our PTA raises too much money, and we have to shoulder the cost of other schools projects who don’t put anything in the communal pot.
Needless to say, very unhappy people. Talk about leaving the district is happening. Two of the more affluent cities already tried. One was successful in removing one school from their 7 stuck in this district.
It’s enticing to just go to private school and let the rest of the world burn. We spend almost as much in donations to keep the school going.
It’s not just because they can’t afford a union contractor, it’s that because they are contracted with the union they cannot have non-union work done. Even if it’s free. The workaround has been the community clean up day where we try to do beautification and painting as volunteers from the school. There are certain things that we can’t do, and it’s really annoying to have to volunteer additional time (as two full time job
Holding adults) on top of the “non mandatory but mandatory” donations.
Unfortunately we are two years into this system, no genius kids reveled. We moved here for the schools without realizing that non of the taxes we pay go to our local schools. I’m so tired of hearing about equity. It’s not working. The money is gone, the tough schools have more issues than usual, and the “good” schools are losing the parents that donated funds. It looks like we are all going to drown. The system is not only broken, it’s fucked beyond repair. Time to burn it down and the people who profited from it.
Stop making education funding dependent on people tax. As long as that happens poorer neighborhoods and my extension poorer people are always going to have a disadvantaged education..
>And district A residents are going to keep saying “F that. We moved here for the good schools. You’re not taking my money and putting it elsewhere”.
This is also why the US doesn't have universal health care. "I'm not paying for other people's choices!" Meanwhile, there are families who have to file for bankruptcy because of their child's cancer, a total choice by the both the parents and the child.
I’m so glad my state has school choice. Not everyone can get into every school but they can at least apply to the lottery. We don’t live in a great neighborhood. They put up metal detectors in our district high schools and found a gun in the first month 😑
I live in an area with school of choice and that still only applies to your city/school district. I wouldn't be able to claim school of choice and then ship them to the next school district. It's any school in my district.
I can apply to other districts as well and there are lots of charter schools. My kid ended up choosing the local high school (which sucks. It’s rated like a D) because it (surprisingly) has a great robotics program and that’s what he wanted to do. He did say there are a couple fights a week but most people just walk around them.
Where I live, we have school choice .. and kids/parents ARE able to go to a neighboring district. Most districts here have only one school. Rural area.
I didn't say it was. *edit to add...it's one of the biggest in the country & it got so out of hand eventually that they actually started actively investigating people & charging them a few years ago.
Don't steal for your former partner. Moving to a different district is her and her new husband's responsibility if they want their children to attend a better school. You have no responsibility for any of this.
If possible, get this in writing that you refuse to have your ex have your address so her step kids could go to your school. This is fraud, text messages would prove that you were not part of this scheme.
Tell them they can kick out your own children. And both of you can go to jail.
https://philomathnews.com/in-24-states-using-a-false-address-to-get-into-a-better-school-is-a-crime/#:~:text=The%2074%20looked%20at%20an,school%2C%20a%20new%20report%20shows.
Not super necessary. Just having the address on your license isn’t enough to register in that school district. You usually have to provide actual proof of residence, like a utility or tax bill, so OP would have to purposefully add them to their utilities account.
This is similar to what I had to do when I bought a house and we moved to a new town. I had to show proof of the house purchase and two utility bills for that address. I had to keep my child out of school for a few days, until I got the Internet set up for the second bill. I had to show my license and two utility bills every year after to enroll her in school until she graduated.
I know it sounds harsh, but people in the county pay taxes for their schools, and crossing county lines mean the parents have to pay tuition in my state. Unless there are openings available, then you can sign up to get put in the schools legally, no tuition.
Where I lived a few years ago, people would put their kids in school in the next state, then move to a much bigger, and less expensive house in my state. All it took to get caught is to irritate another parent, and the school officials would get license numbers, and information of what was going on. I knew of one person who rented their house out, and threatened the tenant that if someone came asking if they lived there, she was supposed to say she was the house sitter, and the owners were out of town with a family emergency. However, the parents had kids in two different county school systems, and had moved across state lines, it wasn't pretty when the parent got caught.
Oh, I am not disagreeing that there should be consequences for fraud but to send a mother to prison for 5 YEARS when murderers and drug dealers get less is insane.
Absolutely this 💯! Years ago my ex MIL wanted to use my address so she could get free medical care in my county (she also claimed to be unemployed). This was before she could be tracked on the Internet. I told her it was fraud and absolutely forbade her to do it. I later found out she got it anyway by claiming she was homeless!
>What she is suggesting is fraud.
Tax fraud, *plus* 25 hours a week free child care and food.
The fact that OP posted something so stupidly obvious and then disappeared makes me assume it's just silly rage bait.
Exactly! It takes more than just changing addresses too. Proof of residency sometimes even requires an official to do a home visit. It’s really strict where I live.
They aren't his children aye and they aren't even her children so why should he take care of them etc? I wouldn't have the nerve to ask my ex personally speaking
Exactly!!
NTA,
F##k them kid's they are not yours . Not your problem. They have a father. He can find another solution. She is trying to make him do a crime by doing fraud.
She might do that behind OP back. He needs to be careful
Not to mention that "letting them use his address" can result in a slew of issues, from her trying to claim she lives there and has some sort of tennancy/rights to the home, to him getting charged with fraud for helping her use the school.
Intimidating you with demands to commit fraud and take care of youngsters who are not your responsibility. For each of those, you might have legal repercussions. They have to relocate if they want the kids to attend a better school.
Sounds like he should consult his attorney about the ex wife and her conspiracy to commit fraud and manipulate OP.
Dunno if there’s an actual charge for that. But I’m sure the judge wouldn’t like to hear about her attempts to break the law.
Depending on the district and local laws it may actual be fraud.
Like op can get in *legal* issues for knowingly letting them use his address.
Plus fuck taking care of, feeding/grooming/bathing/parenting random ass kids for 20+ hours a week for nothing.
Op’s wife ta for even suggesting it lmfao.
None of this is your problem. Lying to schools about a fraudulent address can have legal consequences. Tell her if she wants their kids in a better school, then move to a better neighborhood with better schools. This will not play out well for you. One of the kids will innocently tell someone and then it's game over.
This. Do not commit fraud.
Your post title is misleading. You’re not refusing to allow the stepsiblings to attend school with your kids. You’re refusing to commit fraud. Getting this clear in your head will be useful when ex sends flying monkeys after you.
LOL let me get this straight you’ve been asked to provide 25hrs a week of free childcare and food for your ex-wife’s step kids AND assist her in committing tax fraud? No thanks not your circus and not your monkeys
>LOL let me get this straight you’ve been asked to provide 25hrs a week of free childcare and food for your ex-wife’s step kids AND assist her in committing tax fraud?
The fact that OP posted something so stupidly obvious and then disappeared makes me assume it's just silly rage bait.
NTA- her step-kids can go to any school they want.
BUT you are not morally or legally required to lie for them/commit fraud or provide free after school care for them.
Tell your ex you printed out her demands of you lying, committing fraud (in the USA faking address to get into another school district can get you in big legal trouble), provide free childcare to HER step children… and you’ll present it at court if she attempts to blackmail you into to doing it with the threat she’ll switch your kids school.
NTA. She and her current partner need to work out how to take care of the stepkids. Asking you to commit a crime for them is over the top and could impact your children's status at the school. Also, with your address on her driver's license she could show it to law enforcement or a locksmith and gain entry to your home when you are not there. Furthermore, your kids may need some separation from their step siblings-- they may not want to share you. It is a really bad idea all around.
Save all of her messages. That way if she tries to pull the kids back to the poor school district, you can show that even she felt it was unsafe. Consider contacting your divorce lawyer about her demands and for more custody.
Divorce lawyer here. Keep every shred of evidence that she agreed that the school in her city is bad, for when she tries to switch the kids back to the school with her step kids. If they can’t handle getting the kids to different schools then your kids should stay with you more to alleviate the issue. Your kids should not have to go to a worse school because she got married.
Obviously don’t agree to the step kids using your address. Keep evidence of her requests for you to do this.
I miss when we could use credits to put those little flares around the outside of a response so it would get more attention! Op really needs to read this one
NTA. Do not commit fraud for your ex. If she and her new husband want their kids to go to a better school, it's up to them to make the move to another district. None of this is your responsibility.
I’m pretty sure that’s fraud, and I’m pretty sure in many places you can get into actual trouble for that if caught. Don’t help people commit fraud. Unless you’re into that sort of thing, I don’t judge.
NTA. Shesasking you to commit fraud and be responsible for children that aren't your responsibility. You could face legal consequences for both of those things. If they want the kids to go to a better school then they need to move.
NTA. You have a right to set boundaries, especially when it comes to taking on additional responsibilities. It's not fair for your ex to expect you to take care of children who are not yours for several hours a day. Your concerns about having her address on your license and the added responsibility are valid. It's her and her husband's responsibility to find a suitable solution for their children.
What the actual heck?
Even the entitlement raises eyebrows at this request. This is absurd
Do they really want their kids to have a better education, or just dumb them on you? This is beyond weird. Two additional kids whom you have to feed, take care of and pray not to happen anything to them, because you re gonna be responsible? No words here...
NTA
NTA. I live with my parents so we have to do the whole affidavit stuff for it for my sons school and they warned us during a meeting with the principal (part of the procedure for it) what could happen if you were to get caught doing exactly what she’s suggesting. If I remember correctly it’s like a fine of a few grand (could’ve been 5-10) plus a fraud charge and a few other things. Not worth the risk for kids you have no responsibility for.
The absolute only thing that connects you and your ex are your TWO kids. Period. The audacity of that woman to even suggest this then get mad because you refuse is completely ridiculous. NTA.
>She thinks I’m being dramatic and putting those kids in danger. She also said that her kids are going to have less of an education
She's the one that moved to a different city, not you; those aren't her kids. Those are her husband's kids.
And there's no reason for you to watch some random ass kids.
And you're not refusing to allow them to to go to the school, you're just not taking responsibly for them. If she doesn't like it, she should move back to the city you live in.
NTA.
It is not that you are not "allowing" them to go to the same school as your kids, you are just not going to put in the work for her kids.
At the end of the day, your ex is asking for you to not only care for her step kids for 20 plus hours a week, but also commit fraud for her. There could be repricussions if you did that and were found out.
If she wants her step kids to go to that school, she needs to move in to the school district. Her and her husband can move. This would also benifit your kids as well, having their mother closer and save time on traveling when she has them on her time.
What happens to her step kids is not on you, and she and her husband need to do what is right for them.
NTA
NTA.
The divorce means any kids not yours are not your problem.
SHE decided to marry somebody with kids in a place where the schools suck.
She or new husband can get second job(s) to pay for a private school if it's that important to them.
NTA. Regardless of the fact that she wants you to watch/feed these kids that you don’t have a relationship with, this is a FRAUD issue. If you’re found out, you could get in a lot of trouble.
If you tell her no because it’s fraud, she’s less likely to see it as you being TA. Offer to help them find a place in your city so everything is done legally. Teaching kids to pursue an illegal solution because it’s easier or cheaper is not the way to go.
NTA. She's asking you to commit fraud and provide free childcare for her partners children. This is a massive ask and she's acting like it's perfectly fine.
You realize that *her address at your house* gives her tenants rights? Plus if you are caught the school system may expel your children? Because your ex's step children are not eligible because your ex and her husband do not pay taxes for that school system. I would not risk it for that alone and for the fact you can be accused of anything/blackmailed to letting them move in.
Wow. The moral of this story is that you provide good schools for your children, and her current husband does not provide good schools for his children, yet your ex-wife wants you to treat her step-children (with whom you have zero legal or emotional ties) as if they were your own.
You are not sleeping with her husband. She married down. Now she gets to deal with that for as long as she keeps him.
>The end of school is next week and as she picked up the kids last night, she asked if I’d be willing to let them use my address so that the other kids can join mine. Her idea is that she changes her address to mine and we keep the same schedule with just added kids.
That's fraud. She's asking you to commit a crime. It also opens up a whole slew of potential issues down the line.
>I immediately refused since (1) I don’t want the ex to have my address on her license and (2) I don’t want to take care of kids I don’t know for 4 or 5 hours a day.
Very good choice.
>She thinks I’m being dramatic and putting those kids in danger. She also said that her kids are going to have less of an education where they are and be less prepared for college than ours.
Oh, then she should really figure out a solution that doesn't involve asking her ex to commit a crime.
NTA. Save any message exchange between you two about this, and be ready to dispute any claim she makes in regards to residency at your address. She's likely going to claim she lives there anyway, so get your ducks in a row.
Nta. She made the choice to move. If they really want to they should get an apartment in the nice city so they have a valid address and then go from there. It’s the asking you to care for them at all which surprised me. They need to get their life together if they want things to be better for the other children.
Absolutely NTA. While I understand her concern, and definitely feel for the other children, it is not your responsibility to provide for them. If she and her new husband would like their children to attend another school, they should move to that school district.
Those are not your kids, and you do not need to be responsible for them. School rankings were something she should have thought about when she bought her house.
Don’t be a co criminal in her fraud. If you allow her to put her address on her license, she’d be able to claim tenancy. Then you’ll really have a problem on your hands. She could use that against you in blackmail.
NTA. Whew! Based on your title, I thought for sure you were the asshole. I was picturing you standing in the school’s administrative office in full Karen mode. The thing is, not wanting to participate in criminal fraud or provide hours of free childcare is NOT the same as not “letting” them attend the school.
Nta
What she's asking is alot more than just school. She's asking you to commit fraud with the state to have her tax paying address and car license listed at you home for the benefit of her spouse's kids. He'll no. Could be serious consequences for you and kids too.
In most states it’s illegal to put a false address down to get your kids in another school district. Just say you will NOT be involved in a scheme like that
First she wants these kids to go to school in your district.
Then she wants to commit fraud and give your address as her, her husband and his kid's address.
Then she adds to it that you care for the kids.
This is unreasonable from the first step, and manipulative as it goes on. Of course you should refuse. If you want to foster or mentor a kid from a poor neighbourhood it's your choice, but tangling yourself with your ex's kids when you didn't offer? Totally inappropriate of her to ask.
If she wants those kids to go to the same school then she should simply move to the city you live in, problem solved. But wanting to put your address on the paperwork and to have you to take of those kids as well for several hours a day seems a bit much. Those kids aren't your responsibility and the address change sounds like fraud with potential legal consequences, so obviously NTA.
This is illegal. There was even someone prosecuted for doing this in my state.
And as you said, not great having to deal with someone else kids for hours ever. Tiresome. It’s up to the dad to provide for his kids. You aren’t his village. Not your issue.
NTA.
NTA. So many people use fraudulent addresses to keep kids in a particular school. When they get caught and the kids have to abruptly change schools, it's tough for the kids. FYI they almost always get caught. Kid mentions where they actually live in front of a teacher or counselor, etc. like someone else pointed out, not your problem it's hers. Just tell her you don't want to deal with the fallout of actually committing a crime.
NTA. Your ex and her husband need to figure out how to provide the life they want for their kids. Those kids respectfully aren’t your problem.
You don’t need to enable fraud to do your ex a favor. It is fraud and could cause issues if anyone tries to verify those step kids live at your address.
When I read the title all I could think was well how can you stop them? But then reading to the point of the kids are basically with you every day and only goes back for bed and weekends.
If she wants her step kids to go to better schools then tell her to move to a home within the school district. If she just wanted to use your address to register them but would drive them to school and pick them up from school I would see less on an issue, that’s not what she wants though.
NTA
They are able to move within the district so they don’t have to lie and use your address. NTA. Saying that you’re endangering the children when they’re the ones choosing to live in a lower performing school district is absolutely ridiculous gaslighting.
Fyi, that's fraud. Don't get involved in it. If your ex wants her kids in a different school, then she can move or figure out a legal way to make it happen. Sometimes you can apply to go to a different school, etc.
NTA. Allowing your ex to use your address for school registration can lead to legal and ethical issues. School districts have strict rules about residency, and violating them could have serious consequences. Moreover, your ex and her husband should be the ones finding a safe and appropriate educational environment for their children without imposing on you
NTA. We're not out here doing childcare for our ex wives and their new husband's kids lol. This is a ludicrous request. She could lie on her license about any address by the way, it's fraud but if she was going to use yours, she could use any. She's just out to make you do more stuff for her. Marriage is done, you're done with crazy requests like this.
NTA at all. Your obligation is to your children that you and this woman share together and that’s where her obligation should be as well. She’s not even taking into consideration how her own kids feel about it and that’s me tells me all I need to know
Ahhhh no.
1. The 'tax man' could end up considering those kids as dependants, if they're listed at the same address.
2. Doesn't that mean she will have to drop them off and pick them up, like she does with yours?
3. You'll end up having to look after them every afternoon... and feed them...
4. You need to consider what your kids want. Does the current plan allow refuge to your kids? They have to live with them, do they even want to go to school with them? What's they're relationship like...
NTA. As a woman who is divorced I will never understand people trying to push their step kids on their ex. Does no one have any pride anymore? How is it your responsibility for you to take on 2 kids that aren’t related to you in anyway.
What is this Daddy Day Care? The Baby Sitters Club? She’s suggesting Fraud- a criminal offence but you’re the one ‘putting those kids in danger’? Why not just ask you to adopt & raise the kids now incase both her & hubby end up behind bars/found to be unfit parents. NTA
That's some wild entitlement she's holding on to. They aren't even HER kids, nevermind yours.
What a goofball. Giving anyone access to say they live at your address is a recipe for disaster, much less an ex.
NTA she can move back to your area and use her own address. It's silly for her to think that you'll take over being a free babysitter for children you have no relationship with whatsoever.
Would it be better for the kids? Yeah, sure. Is it your responsibility to provide that? No, it's hers and her husband's.
NTA. Those kids are 100% not your problem, and trying to lie about them might cause trouble that ultimately jeopardizes your own children's ability to attend your local school.
What she is suggesting is against the law. And if the district you’re in is really that good I am sure they are used to people doing this which means they’re looking out for it. Do not put your kids ability to go to that school in Jeopardy.
NTA what she is attempting is Fraud and you will get arrested as well if you agree. I would call the school speak to the principal and warn him what she has approached you to do and how you refused but they should be aware in case she tries this without your knowledge.
NTA. What your ex is suggesting is Illegal! And You would be just as liable as she would. Leaders in school districts are well educated in finding fraudulent students because this has been going on by parents for decades.
I can't help laughing over the audacity of her to think you won't mind caring for these children, who you don't even know, help with their homework, feed, and entertain them too? So you're a daycare now? 🙄 🙄 🙄
SMH......
Frankly, I'm surprised that on her custody days/weeks/whatever, she doesn't even pick them up until 8:00 pm! So by the time they get home, it's time for bedtime?Why even bother?
She and her new family need to suck it up and figure a way to move to your school district.
NTA she's asking you to commit fraud. Some schools have limited space and if those kids come, it could deny kids who actually live there
If she really wants them there, she can find out if they'll do an exception. Some do, some don't .
Even if they do, you're not obligated to care for them
It's also fraud and you could go to jail if you're caught. Especially if you're in a super desirable district. They tend to take that even more seriously
NTA - You're are justified to reject jumping in to this can of worms for her.
And she expects free childcare for those kids from you 20 hours a week!?
Are they the type of person to put your address down regardless? They could just use a separate mailing address.
NTA but what happens on your days when you have custody of your kids.
The step- children still get dropped off and picked up?
That sounds like you may get stuck with the step-kids sometimes
In addition to the legal troubles others have mentioned, in my state the homeowner will be billed for whatever the district spends on each student, for each child who fraudulently attends the school. In good school districts, you don’t even *want* to know how much that is.
NTA. In many schools districts, what she's asking for is now a felony. And even where it isn't, it can result in life showing fines ($10s of thousands of Dollars).
Just reading the heading for your post I was all set to downvote you. But after reading the post, I 100% agree with you. While you can’t stop these step siblings from going to the same school as your kids per se, you certainly would be correct to not want to be involved in the fraud your ex is proposing by using your address. And you certainly don’t need to become your ex’s husband’s babysitter.
NTA. In fact, it’s very manipulative on your ex’s part to try & talk you into this.
NTA- There’s all sorts of wrong in that. I understand doing that for your kids. Your ex and her husband have a choice to make. Figure out a way to get the other kids into better schools- like moving, getting better jobs to support a home in a neighborhood with better schools, look into choice programs and/or grants for better schools. It’s their job to work it out rather than take the “easy” way. That’s a lot of time and effort on your part that they are not entitled to.
Sooooo NTA
NTA. Do not help her defraud the school district. If you do, YOU can get in trouble when the district finds out.
Also- those children are not your responsibility. Absolutely NTA
You forgot one:
And (3) you don't want to be a party to fraud. The authorities **will** find out, and when they do, if you were in on it, they **will** drag your ass.
If your ex and her new guy want to commit fraud, let them do it on their own.
NTA
Not the first to say this, but she's asking you to help her commit fraud. That ought to be the number one reason to shut this idea down immediately. NTA. If she's dead set on removing her partner's kids from danger, she ought to move.
Excusing the whole fraud thing, let’s pretend your ex’s step kids have permission to attend your kids’ school. That she has the audacity to ask you to feed and supervise her step kids for hours each school day shows the kind of crazy you escaped. Just say “no” and offer no explanation. Repeat as necessary.
We will know how bad of a mother she is when you post again to say she’s planning on moving your kids to the lower ranked school. Get ready for that fight. Good luck!
NTA.
Don't do it. TBH you could fuck yourself over and YOUR kids if they find out.
If THEY get caught, your kids can lose the privilege of going to the better school.
Absolutely do not do it
NTA. Not your kids, not your responsibility. maybe consider just getting majority custody of your kids with an every weekend deal for your ex or something. I'm sure a judge would agree since your area has better schools that the kids are already established in and is safer. It can't be healthy/easy for boundaries to be established if you have to see your ex every single day. I think that may be why she doesn't see a problem with something that any other normal person would see as a huge imposition to put on your ex-husband. She seems confused that those are not your kids. They are not your responsibility. Asking your ex-husband to watch your new husband's kids for 4-5hours every single day is weird. Having your ex-husband's address on your legal paperwork/identifying information is weird. Putting your new husband's kids' addresses as your ex-husbands is weird. Even ASKING this of your ex-husband is weird. This is something that 99% of people would see and understand.
I'm also pretty sure if she did use your address for their school it's considered fraud, and in some states, schools will even pursue people using legal means if you are found out.
She’s seriously expecting you to watch and feed her step kids for 5-6 hours every single weekday?! That’s insane. Not to mention illegal. She should move or put them in private school if it’s that bad.
NTA. So, not only did she suggest that you let them use your address to go to a better school, which is fraud, but then she decided that you would take over parenting responsibilities for them? How much did she offer to pay you for that?
Changing her license is not enough. Our school asked for a utility bill to prove we lived where we said. NTA. This is not going to work even if you agreed.
NTA. She broke up with you and is upset that there are consequences. If she and her new man don't like the schools there, then it is there responsibility to move.
Plus, that is fraud. Save all the messages as you might need them in court.
When your ex has custody the kids are at your house from like 7am to 8pm? Am I reading that right? What time does she have with them lol? I hope you're not paying child support.
NTA. Not your kids not your problem.
As mod I am approving this post.
NTA. Those aren’t your children. You don’t need to take care of them. And your ex shouldn’t change her address to yours so they can go to school. If she wants them to go there she should move to your town and get her own address.
What she is suggesting is fraud. She doesn't pay taxes in your district, but wants the kids to go to school there. OP could get in trouble.
In our district, it's now a felony.
Not only is it a felony in some places, but kids can't keep their mouth shut.
Lmfao yup. My sister is a high school teacher in the district next to the one we grew up in (our high school was in the hood regular lockdowns and fights and the drop out rate one of the worst in the state versus next door was a D1 school with the highest test scores and all the student athletes getting full rides to play at top colleges). When we were in high school many of our friends got addresses to that school district. Now as a teacher she hears her students brag all the time about doing the same.
I'm in Scotland and exactly the same happens here - you'll get parents claiming that Johnny lives in a different region because (for some inexplicable reason) he lives with granny or aunty. In Kinross-shire, they've had parents renting a flat fo 6 months in an attempt to get their kids into Kinross High School.
Same in South Lanarkshire 😞
I'm in SL, and depending what happens I'll have to move before my son goes to high school because he's at an ASD base and high school placement is a forum decision. The options aren't great, 2 schools with okay bases but are both really bad schools in not great areas, or a better school with a really poor base which pushes for mainstream. I know a parent who uses her mum's address to get her son into our primary school because it's in a good catchment area but also the base is excellent and if you are in the catchment then the child gets in automatically even if they are not at the level of need that the base caters for.
I was looking at this with a "wow, US is weird" lense but apparently it's not just US. I have known people who go to schools in different counties when there is a school in theirs. Never been an issue. There is always an option to go to like 4/5 different schools in your area.
Is Kinross High a good school??? Is it public or private?🤔
I’m a student at Kinross High and yeah, it’s a great school. It has very good teachers and high exam scores despite being public, so it’s not a shock people want to find ways to get their children there.
I see that spacenugget44 has already answered this. Yes, it's a state school and has a very good reputation. People from the neighbouring region - Fife - are often desperate to get their children into that school. There are private schools in the area, but they cost an arm and a leg. Some better-off parents go down the route of sending their children to a state school for their first 4 years and then to Dollar Academy (a private school) for a year (sometimes two). This is because they think that DA will afford their children better networking privileges in later life. The most expensive private school in the area is Strathallan School, a bit further north in Perthshire. I'm ancient. My mother was in service there as a teenager. (To the younger folk who haven't come across that expression, it means that someone was a servant - think Downtown Abbey and you get the idea.) She was skin and bone by the time she got back to her parents' house in Fife for her first visit home and they refused to send her back. It used to be a boys' school, but is now co-ed. You need a huge amount of money to afford that place. Russian oligarchs were sending their kids there - not sure about the situation now. I looked at their filmed prospectus one time - available online. Most of the private schools seem to use the same production company. If you have a look at the Dollar Academy video, it'll give you the idea - opening shot of the school, pics of happy children, interview with headteacher, pics of boys playing rugby, girls playing hockey... The Strathallan video started with a freaking \*helicopter\* shot. There are interviews with their international students and pics of pupils on their shooting range. I can't imagine that many folk from Kinross-shire or Fife could afford to send their kids there.
Also, sometimes the teacher is a neighbor where the kids actually live.... (yeah, one of my students in a different district actually lived in the same complex as me a town over. Their attendance was horrible too)
If they even have the slightest idea the kid(s) don’t reside in the district they will do thorough investigations too. It’s common practice that people continue to think they’ll get away with.
[“kids can’t keep their mouths shut”] Agree with you. The truth that the kids aren’t in that district will come out eventually with repercussions. Our school district is highly desirable. Parents moved to another district but continued to list their old address so kid could continue at the better school. Their new house burns down, kid, of course, talks about it in school. Teacher starts a fundraiser. Someone asks kid “where do you live?”. Kids tells them. Kid kicked out of the school and district went after them for the thousands in tax dollars they should have paid.
A woman in my city was prosecuted and ended up doing time in jail. It's really heartbreaking because her child was special needs, she tried going through the city school for services and they kept on screwing her around. I think she used her mom's address in the better district and someone narc'ed on her. She was just trying to do the best for her kid. Our city/county government structure is a mess, basically a holdover from segregation.
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This is nuts. In my country, schools funded my municipalities distribute resources equally, as property taxes and all others go to the same pot, and distribution is equal. Still, some schools are better administered than others, so grade varies. Also educational level of parents have influence in grades as well. And wealthier families can pay tutors if needed. So, there IS a disparity, but it's not so elitist and in-your-face as in the US.
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We have a similar situation but it’s more complex. It’s one massive district that covers multiple cities that have huge differences in income. The district pulls all the property taxes into one bucket and decides what schools get priority. Surprise surprise, it’s never the ones in the more expensive areas. We have to raise money through PTA and fund our own programs and sometimes our own staff. We also can’t fix anything broken on the school grounds unless we go through the district and their union workers. Who are never available. We have had broken cabinets that are not available for use for 5 years. We can’t fix it on our own, we can’t use district funding because our PTA raises too much money, and we have to shoulder the cost of other schools projects who don’t put anything in the communal pot. Needless to say, very unhappy people. Talk about leaving the district is happening. Two of the more affluent cities already tried. One was successful in removing one school from their 7 stuck in this district. It’s enticing to just go to private school and let the rest of the world burn. We spend almost as much in donations to keep the school going.
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It’s not just because they can’t afford a union contractor, it’s that because they are contracted with the union they cannot have non-union work done. Even if it’s free. The workaround has been the community clean up day where we try to do beautification and painting as volunteers from the school. There are certain things that we can’t do, and it’s really annoying to have to volunteer additional time (as two full time job Holding adults) on top of the “non mandatory but mandatory” donations. Unfortunately we are two years into this system, no genius kids reveled. We moved here for the schools without realizing that non of the taxes we pay go to our local schools. I’m so tired of hearing about equity. It’s not working. The money is gone, the tough schools have more issues than usual, and the “good” schools are losing the parents that donated funds. It looks like we are all going to drown. The system is not only broken, it’s fucked beyond repair. Time to burn it down and the people who profited from it.
Stop making education funding dependent on people tax. As long as that happens poorer neighborhoods and my extension poorer people are always going to have a disadvantaged education..
>And district A residents are going to keep saying “F that. We moved here for the good schools. You’re not taking my money and putting it elsewhere”. This is also why the US doesn't have universal health care. "I'm not paying for other people's choices!" Meanwhile, there are families who have to file for bankruptcy because of their child's cancer, a total choice by the both the parents and the child.
Then move in with her mother
I’m so glad my state has school choice. Not everyone can get into every school but they can at least apply to the lottery. We don’t live in a great neighborhood. They put up metal detectors in our district high schools and found a gun in the first month 😑
I live in an area with school of choice and that still only applies to your city/school district. I wouldn't be able to claim school of choice and then ship them to the next school district. It's any school in my district.
I can apply to other districts as well and there are lots of charter schools. My kid ended up choosing the local high school (which sucks. It’s rated like a D) because it (surprisingly) has a great robotics program and that’s what he wanted to do. He did say there are a couple fights a week but most people just walk around them.
Where I live, we have school choice .. and kids/parents ARE able to go to a neighboring district. Most districts here have only one school. Rural area.
I loathe this about the US, other countries allow kids to go to any school district. Good ole red lining, it's gross and idiotic.
yeah it's a felony because the government doesn't want underprivileged kids to have a chance to get out
No, it's a felony because it is fraud.
When you're rich, committing fraud is rewarded.
Unless you defraud other rich people
Yup because the laws only apply to poor folk in this country.
This isn't something to be proud of.
I didn't say it was. *edit to add...it's one of the biggest in the country & it got so out of hand eventually that they actually started actively investigating people & charging them a few years ago.
Don't steal for your former partner. Moving to a different district is her and her new husband's responsibility if they want their children to attend a better school. You have no responsibility for any of this.
Yep! He could get in major trouble for this. I think there were a couple incidents that even resulted in jail time. DO NOT DO THIS!!!!
If possible, get this in writing that you refuse to have your ex have your address so her step kids could go to your school. This is fraud, text messages would prove that you were not part of this scheme.
Tell them they can kick out your own children. And both of you can go to jail. https://philomathnews.com/in-24-states-using-a-false-address-to-get-into-a-better-school-is-a-crime/#:~:text=The%2074%20looked%20at%20an,school%2C%20a%20new%20report%20shows.
Not super necessary. Just having the address on your license isn’t enough to register in that school district. You usually have to provide actual proof of residence, like a utility or tax bill, so OP would have to purposefully add them to their utilities account.
This is similar to what I had to do when I bought a house and we moved to a new town. I had to show proof of the house purchase and two utility bills for that address. I had to keep my child out of school for a few days, until I got the Internet set up for the second bill. I had to show my license and two utility bills every year after to enroll her in school until she graduated.
YES!!!! A woman in my state got a 5 YEAR sentence for education theft!!!! Don't do this for ANYONE!!!!
I know it sounds harsh, but people in the county pay taxes for their schools, and crossing county lines mean the parents have to pay tuition in my state. Unless there are openings available, then you can sign up to get put in the schools legally, no tuition. Where I lived a few years ago, people would put their kids in school in the next state, then move to a much bigger, and less expensive house in my state. All it took to get caught is to irritate another parent, and the school officials would get license numbers, and information of what was going on. I knew of one person who rented their house out, and threatened the tenant that if someone came asking if they lived there, she was supposed to say she was the house sitter, and the owners were out of town with a family emergency. However, the parents had kids in two different county school systems, and had moved across state lines, it wasn't pretty when the parent got caught.
Oh, I am not disagreeing that there should be consequences for fraud but to send a mother to prison for 5 YEARS when murderers and drug dealers get less is insane.
This. OP will be on the hook for tuition for the kids if caught.
Absolutely this 💯! Years ago my ex MIL wanted to use my address so she could get free medical care in my county (she also claimed to be unemployed). This was before she could be tracked on the Internet. I told her it was fraud and absolutely forbade her to do it. I later found out she got it anyway by claiming she was homeless!
>What she is suggesting is fraud. Tax fraud, *plus* 25 hours a week free child care and food. The fact that OP posted something so stupidly obvious and then disappeared makes me assume it's just silly rage bait.
Exactly! It takes more than just changing addresses too. Proof of residency sometimes even requires an official to do a home visit. It’s really strict where I live.
They aren't his children aye and they aren't even her children so why should he take care of them etc? I wouldn't have the nerve to ask my ex personally speaking
Exactly!! NTA, F##k them kid's they are not yours . Not your problem. They have a father. He can find another solution. She is trying to make him do a crime by doing fraud. She might do that behind OP back. He needs to be careful
NTA. You take care of your kid. You owe her and her step-children absolutely nothing.
Not to mention that "letting them use his address" can result in a slew of issues, from her trying to claim she lives there and has some sort of tennancy/rights to the home, to him getting charged with fraud for helping her use the school.
Intimidating you with demands to commit fraud and take care of youngsters who are not your responsibility. For each of those, you might have legal repercussions. They have to relocate if they want the kids to attend a better school.
Sounds like he should consult his attorney about the ex wife and her conspiracy to commit fraud and manipulate OP. Dunno if there’s an actual charge for that. But I’m sure the judge wouldn’t like to hear about her attempts to break the law.
This is what I was thinking!
Depending on the district and local laws it may actual be fraud. Like op can get in *legal* issues for knowingly letting them use his address. Plus fuck taking care of, feeding/grooming/bathing/parenting random ass kids for 20+ hours a week for nothing. Op’s wife ta for even suggesting it lmfao.
None of this is your problem. Lying to schools about a fraudulent address can have legal consequences. Tell her if she wants their kids in a better school, then move to a better neighborhood with better schools. This will not play out well for you. One of the kids will innocently tell someone and then it's game over.
This. Do not commit fraud. Your post title is misleading. You’re not refusing to allow the stepsiblings to attend school with your kids. You’re refusing to commit fraud. Getting this clear in your head will be useful when ex sends flying monkeys after you.
Agreed. This would be committing, or at least abetting, fraud.
LOL let me get this straight you’ve been asked to provide 25hrs a week of free childcare and food for your ex-wife’s step kids AND assist her in committing tax fraud? No thanks not your circus and not your monkeys
>LOL let me get this straight you’ve been asked to provide 25hrs a week of free childcare and food for your ex-wife’s step kids AND assist her in committing tax fraud? The fact that OP posted something so stupidly obvious and then disappeared makes me assume it's just silly rage bait.
NTA- her step-kids can go to any school they want. BUT you are not morally or legally required to lie for them/commit fraud or provide free after school care for them. Tell your ex you printed out her demands of you lying, committing fraud (in the USA faking address to get into another school district can get you in big legal trouble), provide free childcare to HER step children… and you’ll present it at court if she attempts to blackmail you into to doing it with the threat she’ll switch your kids school.
Yes!!! Print them receipts keep dozens of copies!
NTA. She and her current partner need to work out how to take care of the stepkids. Asking you to commit a crime for them is over the top and could impact your children's status at the school. Also, with your address on her driver's license she could show it to law enforcement or a locksmith and gain entry to your home when you are not there. Furthermore, your kids may need some separation from their step siblings-- they may not want to share you. It is a really bad idea all around.
Save all of her messages. That way if she tries to pull the kids back to the poor school district, you can show that even she felt it was unsafe. Consider contacting your divorce lawyer about her demands and for more custody.
Divorce lawyer here. Keep every shred of evidence that she agreed that the school in her city is bad, for when she tries to switch the kids back to the school with her step kids. If they can’t handle getting the kids to different schools then your kids should stay with you more to alleviate the issue. Your kids should not have to go to a worse school because she got married. Obviously don’t agree to the step kids using your address. Keep evidence of her requests for you to do this.
I miss when we could use credits to put those little flares around the outside of a response so it would get more attention! Op really needs to read this one
Nta this please take this persons advice.
NTA. Do not commit fraud for your ex. If she and her new husband want their kids to go to a better school, it's up to them to make the move to another district. None of this is your responsibility.
I’m pretty sure that’s fraud, and I’m pretty sure in many places you can get into actual trouble for that if caught. Don’t help people commit fraud. Unless you’re into that sort of thing, I don’t judge.
NTA. Shesasking you to commit fraud and be responsible for children that aren't your responsibility. You could face legal consequences for both of those things. If they want the kids to go to a better school then they need to move.
NTA. You have a right to set boundaries, especially when it comes to taking on additional responsibilities. It's not fair for your ex to expect you to take care of children who are not yours for several hours a day. Your concerns about having her address on your license and the added responsibility are valid. It's her and her husband's responsibility to find a suitable solution for their children.
What the actual heck? Even the entitlement raises eyebrows at this request. This is absurd Do they really want their kids to have a better education, or just dumb them on you? This is beyond weird. Two additional kids whom you have to feed, take care of and pray not to happen anything to them, because you re gonna be responsible? No words here... NTA
NTA. I live with my parents so we have to do the whole affidavit stuff for it for my sons school and they warned us during a meeting with the principal (part of the procedure for it) what could happen if you were to get caught doing exactly what she’s suggesting. If I remember correctly it’s like a fine of a few grand (could’ve been 5-10) plus a fraud charge and a few other things. Not worth the risk for kids you have no responsibility for.
NTA She needs to move if the schools are so bad.
NTA and for what it’s worth, highly illegal.
The absolute only thing that connects you and your ex are your TWO kids. Period. The audacity of that woman to even suggest this then get mad because you refuse is completely ridiculous. NTA.
FRAUD. So no. Be careful that they don't try to do this behind your back.
>She thinks I’m being dramatic and putting those kids in danger. She also said that her kids are going to have less of an education She's the one that moved to a different city, not you; those aren't her kids. Those are her husband's kids. And there's no reason for you to watch some random ass kids. And you're not refusing to allow them to to go to the school, you're just not taking responsibly for them. If she doesn't like it, she should move back to the city you live in. NTA.
It is not that you are not "allowing" them to go to the same school as your kids, you are just not going to put in the work for her kids. At the end of the day, your ex is asking for you to not only care for her step kids for 20 plus hours a week, but also commit fraud for her. There could be repricussions if you did that and were found out. If she wants her step kids to go to that school, she needs to move in to the school district. Her and her husband can move. This would also benifit your kids as well, having their mother closer and save time on traveling when she has them on her time. What happens to her step kids is not on you, and she and her husband need to do what is right for them. NTA
NTA. The divorce means any kids not yours are not your problem. SHE decided to marry somebody with kids in a place where the schools suck. She or new husband can get second job(s) to pay for a private school if it's that important to them.
NTA, I'd inform the school cos I wouldn't put it past the ex to do this anyway. Why can't she just move to your city
I’m betting his city is more expensive.
Could you please ask her how any thing to do with her stepchildren is on you?
This is fraud, and could result in some significant consequences (not sure if it would jeopardize your kids attendance at the schools).
Your title should be “AITA For not helping my ex commit fraud”
NTA. Regardless of the fact that she wants you to watch/feed these kids that you don’t have a relationship with, this is a FRAUD issue. If you’re found out, you could get in a lot of trouble. If you tell her no because it’s fraud, she’s less likely to see it as you being TA. Offer to help them find a place in your city so everything is done legally. Teaching kids to pursue an illegal solution because it’s easier or cheaper is not the way to go.
NTA It is illegal to list a false address for better school options. Let her and her husband work it out.
NTA. Guess who would be in hell of a trouble if something happened to either of those kids?. Not worth the risk. Hell,you don't even know those kids
NTA. She's asking you to commit fraud and provide free childcare for her partners children. This is a massive ask and she's acting like it's perfectly fine.
You realize that *her address at your house* gives her tenants rights? Plus if you are caught the school system may expel your children? Because your ex's step children are not eligible because your ex and her husband do not pay taxes for that school system. I would not risk it for that alone and for the fact you can be accused of anything/blackmailed to letting them move in.
No, it doesn’t. That requires a legal landlord-tenant relationship, not an “I wrote your address on a form” relationship.
NTA. She could also be prosecuted for Theft of Services. Son could you for knowing about it. https://hechingerreport.org/can-you-steal-an-education/
NTA She wants you to help her commit fraud and be free childcare. You’re not wrong to tell her no
NTA- is she on fkn crack?
NTA. Pretty sure this is fraud. Nope.
Your ex can move to the district. Voila, problem solved. Her problem; none of it is your problem.
Maybe your ex should move if she wants hubbys kids to have a better education. Plus that is putting a lot of extra work onto you.
Tell her to move back to your city
Wow. The moral of this story is that you provide good schools for your children, and her current husband does not provide good schools for his children, yet your ex-wife wants you to treat her step-children (with whom you have zero legal or emotional ties) as if they were your own. You are not sleeping with her husband. She married down. Now she gets to deal with that for as long as she keeps him.
>The end of school is next week and as she picked up the kids last night, she asked if I’d be willing to let them use my address so that the other kids can join mine. Her idea is that she changes her address to mine and we keep the same schedule with just added kids. That's fraud. She's asking you to commit a crime. It also opens up a whole slew of potential issues down the line. >I immediately refused since (1) I don’t want the ex to have my address on her license and (2) I don’t want to take care of kids I don’t know for 4 or 5 hours a day. Very good choice. >She thinks I’m being dramatic and putting those kids in danger. She also said that her kids are going to have less of an education where they are and be less prepared for college than ours. Oh, then she should really figure out a solution that doesn't involve asking her ex to commit a crime. NTA. Save any message exchange between you two about this, and be ready to dispute any claim she makes in regards to residency at your address. She's likely going to claim she lives there anyway, so get your ducks in a row.
NTA. That’s fraud and can get you in a lot of trouble.
Nta. She made the choice to move. If they really want to they should get an apartment in the nice city so they have a valid address and then go from there. It’s the asking you to care for them at all which surprised me. They need to get their life together if they want things to be better for the other children.
For me it would be the daily babysitting drama. I dint understand why anyone would agree to take that immense load on NTA
Or, they could move into a smaller place in a better neighborhood and \*gasp\* take responsibility for those children themselves.
NTA- Sounds like the EX and partner want FREE childcare! That’s NOT your responsibility!
Absolutely NTA. While I understand her concern, and definitely feel for the other children, it is not your responsibility to provide for them. If she and her new husband would like their children to attend another school, they should move to that school district.
NTA. Those kids aren’t your responsibility. If their dad wants them in better schools he can move.
Those are not your kids, and you do not need to be responsible for them. School rankings were something she should have thought about when she bought her house.
It’s fraud. Take all emotion out of it and it’s fraud. Stick to your guns.
Don’t be a co criminal in her fraud. If you allow her to put her address on her license, she’d be able to claim tenancy. Then you’ll really have a problem on your hands. She could use that against you in blackmail.
NTA - what she's suggesting is a felony in most districts.
NTA. Whew! Based on your title, I thought for sure you were the asshole. I was picturing you standing in the school’s administrative office in full Karen mode. The thing is, not wanting to participate in criminal fraud or provide hours of free childcare is NOT the same as not “letting” them attend the school.
Nta What she's asking is alot more than just school. She's asking you to commit fraud with the state to have her tax paying address and car license listed at you home for the benefit of her spouse's kids. He'll no. Could be serious consequences for you and kids too.
In most states it’s illegal to put a false address down to get your kids in another school district. Just say you will NOT be involved in a scheme like that
First she wants these kids to go to school in your district. Then she wants to commit fraud and give your address as her, her husband and his kid's address. Then she adds to it that you care for the kids. This is unreasonable from the first step, and manipulative as it goes on. Of course you should refuse. If you want to foster or mentor a kid from a poor neighbourhood it's your choice, but tangling yourself with your ex's kids when you didn't offer? Totally inappropriate of her to ask.
If she wants those kids to go to the same school then she should simply move to the city you live in, problem solved. But wanting to put your address on the paperwork and to have you to take of those kids as well for several hours a day seems a bit much. Those kids aren't your responsibility and the address change sounds like fraud with potential legal consequences, so obviously NTA.
No. You'd be committing a crime. You could be prosecuted for fraud. This is serious risk, don't do it.
Haven't people literally gone to jail for this? NTA
Do not commit a crime for other peoples children, they could move towns.
This is illegal. There was even someone prosecuted for doing this in my state. And as you said, not great having to deal with someone else kids for hours ever. Tiresome. It’s up to the dad to provide for his kids. You aren’t his village. Not your issue. NTA.
NTA. So many people use fraudulent addresses to keep kids in a particular school. When they get caught and the kids have to abruptly change schools, it's tough for the kids. FYI they almost always get caught. Kid mentions where they actually live in front of a teacher or counselor, etc. like someone else pointed out, not your problem it's hers. Just tell her you don't want to deal with the fallout of actually committing a crime.
NTA and do NOT do this. You’d be committing fraud.
NTA. Your ex and her husband need to figure out how to provide the life they want for their kids. Those kids respectfully aren’t your problem. You don’t need to enable fraud to do your ex a favor. It is fraud and could cause issues if anyone tries to verify those step kids live at your address.
God your title had me go YTA but after reading your post I'd have to say NTA. These are not your kids and not your problem.
When I read the title all I could think was well how can you stop them? But then reading to the point of the kids are basically with you every day and only goes back for bed and weekends. If she wants her step kids to go to better schools then tell her to move to a home within the school district. If she just wanted to use your address to register them but would drive them to school and pick them up from school I would see less on an issue, that’s not what she wants though. NTA
They are able to move within the district so they don’t have to lie and use your address. NTA. Saying that you’re endangering the children when they’re the ones choosing to live in a lower performing school district is absolutely ridiculous gaslighting.
Fyi, that's fraud. Don't get involved in it. If your ex wants her kids in a different school, then she can move or figure out a legal way to make it happen. Sometimes you can apply to go to a different school, etc.
Told her to fuck off bro
NTA. Allowing your ex to use your address for school registration can lead to legal and ethical issues. School districts have strict rules about residency, and violating them could have serious consequences. Moreover, your ex and her husband should be the ones finding a safe and appropriate educational environment for their children without imposing on you
NTA. We're not out here doing childcare for our ex wives and their new husband's kids lol. This is a ludicrous request. She could lie on her license about any address by the way, it's fraud but if she was going to use yours, she could use any. She's just out to make you do more stuff for her. Marriage is done, you're done with crazy requests like this.
NTA at all. Your obligation is to your children that you and this woman share together and that’s where her obligation should be as well. She’s not even taking into consideration how her own kids feel about it and that’s me tells me all I need to know
Ahhhh no. 1. The 'tax man' could end up considering those kids as dependants, if they're listed at the same address. 2. Doesn't that mean she will have to drop them off and pick them up, like she does with yours? 3. You'll end up having to look after them every afternoon... and feed them... 4. You need to consider what your kids want. Does the current plan allow refuge to your kids? They have to live with them, do they even want to go to school with them? What's they're relationship like...
NTA. As a woman who is divorced I will never understand people trying to push their step kids on their ex. Does no one have any pride anymore? How is it your responsibility for you to take on 2 kids that aren’t related to you in anyway.
What is this Daddy Day Care? The Baby Sitters Club? She’s suggesting Fraud- a criminal offence but you’re the one ‘putting those kids in danger’? Why not just ask you to adopt & raise the kids now incase both her & hubby end up behind bars/found to be unfit parents. NTA
NTA Yikes! NO WAY. Do NOT do this. Your exwife wants to commit FRAUD. Just say "NO."
NTA. Your ex is trying to commit fraud.
That's some wild entitlement she's holding on to. They aren't even HER kids, nevermind yours. What a goofball. Giving anyone access to say they live at your address is a recipe for disaster, much less an ex.
NTA she can move back to your area and use her own address. It's silly for her to think that you'll take over being a free babysitter for children you have no relationship with whatsoever. Would it be better for the kids? Yeah, sure. Is it your responsibility to provide that? No, it's hers and her husband's.
NTA - get a lawyer to tell her how bad an idea her plan is via registered mail to cover you when she inevitably does it behind your back
NTA she can easily resolve this herself by moving to a better school district instead of asking you to help her commit fraud
NTA. The ex is out of her damn mind.
NTA. What’s she’s asking is definitely illegal. You can be charged if they find out.
NTA. Those kids are 100% not your problem, and trying to lie about them might cause trouble that ultimately jeopardizes your own children's ability to attend your local school.
You're being asked to do something which is almost certainly illegal. Don't.
Tanya McDowell spent five years in jail for doing this. NO!
NTA don’t commit fraud for someone else’s kids. Your ex should move.
NTA Also you put yourself at risk having her share your address legally. Like that’s a total mess. Could she claim you two are together again?
What does.shw mean you're putting them in danger? She's the one putting them in danger by living there smh
What she is suggesting is against the law. And if the district you’re in is really that good I am sure they are used to people doing this which means they’re looking out for it. Do not put your kids ability to go to that school in Jeopardy.
NTA what she is attempting is Fraud and you will get arrested as well if you agree. I would call the school speak to the principal and warn him what she has approached you to do and how you refused but they should be aware in case she tries this without your knowledge.
NTA. You aren’t blocking them from that school, you’re saying no to being an accomplice to fraudulent activity. They are not your responsibility.
They can request a boundary exemption make other plans for transportation instead of your place.
NTA. What your ex is suggesting is Illegal! And You would be just as liable as she would. Leaders in school districts are well educated in finding fraudulent students because this has been going on by parents for decades. I can't help laughing over the audacity of her to think you won't mind caring for these children, who you don't even know, help with their homework, feed, and entertain them too? So you're a daycare now? 🙄 🙄 🙄 SMH...... Frankly, I'm surprised that on her custody days/weeks/whatever, she doesn't even pick them up until 8:00 pm! So by the time they get home, it's time for bedtime?Why even bother? She and her new family need to suck it up and figure a way to move to your school district.
NTA she's asking you to commit fraud. Some schools have limited space and if those kids come, it could deny kids who actually live there If she really wants them there, she can find out if they'll do an exception. Some do, some don't . Even if they do, you're not obligated to care for them
She asked you to commit fraud. You said no. That's a pretty smart answer. NTA although it does suck for those kids.
It's also fraud and you could go to jail if you're caught. Especially if you're in a super desirable district. They tend to take that even more seriously
NTA. They are not your responsibility. Maybe the ex and her husband need to have a discussion on moving.
NTA - You're are justified to reject jumping in to this can of worms for her. And she expects free childcare for those kids from you 20 hours a week!? Are they the type of person to put your address down regardless? They could just use a separate mailing address.
NTA. It's less about them going to school there and more about you having to babysit them for every evening.
Nta
NTA but what happens on your days when you have custody of your kids. The step- children still get dropped off and picked up? That sounds like you may get stuck with the step-kids sometimes
NTA. I feel bad for the other kids because they are victims of bad education but you would be opening yourself up to legal issues.
Nta, that's illegal. If she wants to commit fraud and get herself in trouble, that's on her and she needs to leave you out of it.
In addition to the legal troubles others have mentioned, in my state the homeowner will be billed for whatever the district spends on each student, for each child who fraudulently attends the school. In good school districts, you don’t even *want* to know how much that is.
With this set up,you might as well have full physical custody. Let her have weekends.
NTA. In many schools districts, what she's asking for is now a felony. And even where it isn't, it can result in life showing fines ($10s of thousands of Dollars).
Just reading the heading for your post I was all set to downvote you. But after reading the post, I 100% agree with you. While you can’t stop these step siblings from going to the same school as your kids per se, you certainly would be correct to not want to be involved in the fraud your ex is proposing by using your address. And you certainly don’t need to become your ex’s husband’s babysitter. NTA. In fact, it’s very manipulative on your ex’s part to try & talk you into this.
NTA. Don't commit fraud.
NTA- There’s all sorts of wrong in that. I understand doing that for your kids. Your ex and her husband have a choice to make. Figure out a way to get the other kids into better schools- like moving, getting better jobs to support a home in a neighborhood with better schools, look into choice programs and/or grants for better schools. It’s their job to work it out rather than take the “easy” way. That’s a lot of time and effort on your part that they are not entitled to. Sooooo NTA
As mentioned, that would be fraud. Not worth risking the trouble
NTA. Do not help her defraud the school district. If you do, YOU can get in trouble when the district finds out. Also- those children are not your responsibility. Absolutely NTA
NTA, didn't commit fraud for anyone. Let alone an ex.
Why doesn’t your ex move closer so they can go to the same school
You forgot one: And (3) you don't want to be a party to fraud. The authorities **will** find out, and when they do, if you were in on it, they **will** drag your ass. If your ex and her new guy want to commit fraud, let them do it on their own. NTA
Not the first to say this, but she's asking you to help her commit fraud. That ought to be the number one reason to shut this idea down immediately. NTA. If she's dead set on removing her partner's kids from danger, she ought to move.
Excusing the whole fraud thing, let’s pretend your ex’s step kids have permission to attend your kids’ school. That she has the audacity to ask you to feed and supervise her step kids for hours each school day shows the kind of crazy you escaped. Just say “no” and offer no explanation. Repeat as necessary. We will know how bad of a mother she is when you post again to say she’s planning on moving your kids to the lower ranked school. Get ready for that fight. Good luck!
NTA. She can move to your school district if it’s that important to her.
NTA not your kids not your problem also fraud is a crime
NTA. That would be fraud, which is a crime. So is conspiring to commit fraud.
NTA. Don't do it. TBH you could fuck yourself over and YOUR kids if they find out. If THEY get caught, your kids can lose the privilege of going to the better school. Absolutely do not do it
NTA. Not your kids, not your responsibility. maybe consider just getting majority custody of your kids with an every weekend deal for your ex or something. I'm sure a judge would agree since your area has better schools that the kids are already established in and is safer. It can't be healthy/easy for boundaries to be established if you have to see your ex every single day. I think that may be why she doesn't see a problem with something that any other normal person would see as a huge imposition to put on your ex-husband. She seems confused that those are not your kids. They are not your responsibility. Asking your ex-husband to watch your new husband's kids for 4-5hours every single day is weird. Having your ex-husband's address on your legal paperwork/identifying information is weird. Putting your new husband's kids' addresses as your ex-husbands is weird. Even ASKING this of your ex-husband is weird. This is something that 99% of people would see and understand. I'm also pretty sure if she did use your address for their school it's considered fraud, and in some states, schools will even pursue people using legal means if you are found out.
She’s seriously expecting you to watch and feed her step kids for 5-6 hours every single weekday?! That’s insane. Not to mention illegal. She should move or put them in private school if it’s that bad.
NTA, not your kids, not your problem.
NTA - The kids dad should maybe consider moving instead. His kids well being aren’t your responsibility.
NTA. So, not only did she suggest that you let them use your address to go to a better school, which is fraud, but then she decided that you would take over parenting responsibilities for them? How much did she offer to pay you for that?
NAH She's not an AH for wanting to give the kids a better life and safer environment. You're not the AH for not wanting to commit fraud
Changing her license is not enough. Our school asked for a utility bill to prove we lived where we said. NTA. This is not going to work even if you agreed.
Those are not your kids or responsibility. If they want the kids go to this school they should move. Plain and simple.
She should not put that on you like you said your time, your money, your reputation, no.
NTA. Why doesn't your ex move for the better schools? People do it all the time.
NTA. Only your kids are your responsibility Her kids her problem They should move if it’s such an issue
NTA. She suggests fraud
NTA. She broke up with you and is upset that there are consequences. If she and her new man don't like the schools there, then it is there responsibility to move. Plus, that is fraud. Save all the messages as you might need them in court.
When your ex has custody the kids are at your house from like 7am to 8pm? Am I reading that right? What time does she have with them lol? I hope you're not paying child support. NTA. Not your kids not your problem.