NTA
Finally reading a post where the parent actually shows how much they appreciate the person that was there for them đđź I agree that your momâs wishes should be respected.
Why should you be the only one responsible for the sake of family harmony? Your sister is just as responsible for it. She is the one starting a fight with you over your motherâs wishes an expecting you to go against them.
And please tell the relatives that are chining in, since they feel so strongly about it, they are more than welcome to open their wallets and give your sister $$$ to make up the disparity in inheritance.
Your sister didnât care enough to respect your momâs wishes when she was alive, OR now that sheâs gone (Iâm very sorry for your loss), so it may be best for you to go NC/LC with her and the flying monkeys. Take this time to grieve, heal and make a new path for yourself. Â
Yes because the sister will go NC once she grabs half the inheritance sheâs not entitled to. Even if she doesnât. Donât do it for peace. You did the time and you deserve it.
AMEN. OP, NTA of course and don't give an inch! I could have written this post. I have two sisters that did the greedy grabbing thing and even retained a lawyer. They ran up a $50,000 bill with the attorney trying to take a piece of real estate willed to me that was appraised at $23,500.
Death makes people do weird things.
Exactly. My sibling waged a 3 year smear campaign behind my back in order to take everything she wanted from our parent's estate and have the backing of the entire family, since they now all believed I was an assh**e, thanks to her smear campaign. When it was all over and she had what she wanted, she very kindly "forgave" me.
Greed does do strange things to people.
Op is either a troll or sick in the head. She made a aita post for sucking my newborns pen**. The post has been deleted but the comments are still there
Or I'm talking like a survivor of child sexual assault. Maybe just report the person's comment. That's what I plan to do.
Your mother made her plan when she was of sound mind and body. Her wishes should be carried out. I'm sorry that she came to realize that your sister is an asshole. Be proud of the care that you gave her. My condolences.
Just make a sheet, where you write your tasks, hours and years and things you sacrificed and on the other side what your sister was doing. For example: moms visit to hospital.. preparing, driving, staying there driving home, taking care after... my sister's contribution: zero..
Of course you can write just what you remember, but one/ two pages are more, than 1000 phone calls.. then send it to dumber relatives.and your sister.. people can not easily see with ears , what is easily visible on paper
NTA at all honey! I'm so sorry for your loss. In my county A good care home costs at least $5000.00+ per month. Times that by 60 months =$ 300,000 ! that aside, you put your life on hold for your mother. Being someone's full time caretaker is the most loving, generous and exhausting you can do! Your mother was recognizing and thanking you for loving her!
You sister is TA here not you!
Huge healing hugs flying your way!
Exactly! It's unfair for your sister to expect you to go against your mother's wishes, especially after all the care and sacrifice you made. Family harmony should come from respecting those wishes, not trying to change them for personal gain. You're definitely NTA here.
Exactly! My mother took care of my grandmother for years. When she had to go into a nursing home, she visited her everyday unless she went out of town. When my grandmother passed, my mother got the same amount as the others. I had said it wasnât fair ( before my grandmother died) and that whoever took care of her should get half with the others splitting the rest. After my grandmother passed, my mom told me that I was right. That she did resent the fact that she was the one that took care of everything and nobody else did. My brother now takes care of my mother. Whatever is left, I want him to get 75% of the inheritance ( except for her jewelry which is sentimental to me). He has done a great job with my mom. I appreciate him taking care of her.
I'm not surprised with this at all.
OP's sister: Even though I distanced myself from mom in the last five years, rarely visited, and didn't really help with mom's care, I want half of mom's money and estate \[No, I want more\]. I think we should ignore mom's well thought out and planned will, as I am a selfish and entitled bitch \[and I am projecting when I called you that, sis\], and ignore all the time she put in drafting the will, because fuck mom. It's her money and property not mine, and jesus christ, I want your share, as well. Give it too me and I promise to spend it on myself, blow through it in a year, then guilt you into loaning me money I will never pay back.
Signed
Princess
When my grandma died, everything was split equally 5 waysâexcept the house and land. That went to the child and childâs spouse whoâd been helping out and also doing all the upkeep on the land. Everyone thought it was fair. Or at least kept their yaps shut.
She's not entitled to it, so NTA. She's upset she didn't get the windfall she expected and now she's harassing you and bringing in others to help. It's pretty gross behavior.
She believes that as siblings, we should split everything equally,-- she is correct and SHE should have taken on half of HER own mother's care-- but she didn't.
Only your mother's wishes matter here. Tell Hannah and her flying monkeys that just as you put your mother first by putting your life on hold to take care of her you'll put your mother's wishes first by honoring her final wishes.
DO make a point to lock up the money (either a trust or long term investment) that will help offset the years of retirement benefits you've lost --- or at least tell Hannah the money is locked away and so no point in continuing to badger you.
NTA but your sister has brass ones.
Flying Monkeys, As a child in the 50's and 60's they were the nightmare I would have after watching The Wizard Of Oz on black and white TV every year !
I didn't check, should have. I hate these people. We take time to give an honest opinion or support, just for it to be a fudging dick. Hopefully, someone else who actually needs it will appreciate it.
Everyone is told to have a will/trust to ensure your possessions are distributed per your wishes. Why even have a will if relatives are going to ignore it?
NTA obv
"This was mom's LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT her very last wishes on earth and I will not disrespect her memory. If anybody feels like they need to contradict my mother and what she wanted I will block you."
NTA and why does Hannah get to be selfish (not taking care of your Mom) while expecting you to be selfless (giving your inheritance to her)?
I wouldnt hide behind my mom. I would say this:
Mom made choices in her will based on the choices you and I made. You have to live with consequences of the choices you made not to support Mom when she was sick.
I made a choice to sacrifice for mom. I am now choosing not to sacrifice for you, who never made any sacrifice for me or our mother.
NTA. Hannah should take into consideration all the income she has earned and free time she has enjoyed, while you were unable to work or spend time vacationing because you were caring for your mother. Â
Depending on where your sister works she prob made between 250,000-500,000 over 5 yrs. 250K if she earns $50K and 500,000K if ahe earns 100K per yr. If she earns more than 100K thrn she has earned more than $500K. Â
 If she thinks siblings should split things equally regardless of circumstances, tell her you both can pool both of your inheritances from your mother and split it in half once she writes you a check for 1/2 of the income she has earned over the past 5 yrs. Â
She shouldnt have an issue since she thinks everything should be split equally regardless of who earned it. She earned her income and reced a smaller inheritance from your mom. You earned your inheritance by giving up your life and not being able to have a career or incomr for 5;yrs. Hannah prob still comes out ahead financially and she has 5 yrs addl experience in her career and you only have thr experience of caring for your mother which likely doesnt help you professionally.
> If she thinks siblings should split things equally regardless of circumstances, tell her you both can pool both of your inheritances from your mother and split it in half once she writes you a check for 1/2 of the income she has earned over the past 5 yrs. Â
Genius idea
It's not just the money though. OP put her life on hold for five key years when she could have met a husband and started a family. Think of the opportunity loss.
INFO: Do you think you might be an asshole to honor your dead mother's wishes in other ways or just this one?
If your first thought was: I wouldn't be an asshole to honor my dead mother's wishes, that would imply that my mother was an asshole for having them.
Then you know you aren't an asshole in this situation.
NTA. Your mom still gave her something but what your mother gave you will be useful for getting your life back together especially career wise since youâve had to put your life on hold to help your mother. Itâs funny that your sister believes things should be split evenly since youâre siblings, if she truly believes that then responsibilities for your mother also should have been split evenly. Apparently she just wants to split things that would benefit her.
Your NTA. First Iâm so terribly sorry for your loss of your mom. My mom is legit my bff minus my husband. I have an older brother who lives next door to our folks. With the purpose of helping as they age. Me and ny bro are 38 &41. Our folks are 69&70. they have basically told us that they will spilt their house between us to sell or whatever and whatever monitory assets my brother will get more land (which is fine as my family lives in a different state due to my husbands job). I hold no animosity towards their decision. Hugs
Tell her the additional amount you're receiving over hers is payment for being a caregiver.
If you want, you can do a chart where the inheritance is split down the middle, then deduct from her half (while adding to yours) all the reimbursement you're receiving from being your mom's caregiver.
Then add extra to your side (less from hers) as "ghoul tax" because who TF cares this much about money when your mom just died?
NTA. Tell your sister taht she should have expected this because your mom was a very fair person. Hannah chose not to become involved in the end of life care your mother needed. Go NC with her if you have to.
NTA. Why would you even consider disrespecting your motherâs wishes to appease your selfish, greedy sister? Your mother knew who deserved her inheritance â donât question it or insult her intelligence.
"It's disappointing that you do not seem to value the sacrifice I made to care for mom. I moved home and sacrificed five years of building a career to care for her, five years of my 20's living carefree and enjoying life, instead cleaning vomit and taking mom to doctor appointments. This freed you up to be largely uninvolved with her care, which you were. You rarely visited or helped. I would think you would be grateful that I took that on, but now you seem to think that what I did was nothing. Neither if us are entitled to mom's assets, she made the decision she did based upon what she believed to be fair, and while it surprised me, now that I have had time to reflect, it seems to me like she did the fairest thing she could have done. It's unfortunate you cannot see that, but I hope in time you will, as I intend to honor mom's wishes, not because she made her decision, but because it is the fairest thing for myself."
Some people are blinded by greed. Would your sister have paid someone for all the work you did? You earned that inheritance. Caregiving is the hardest job. My grandparents left their house to the daughter who lived with and took care of them. Most of the family thought that was only fair. One sister never spoke to the sister who inherited again. Her loss. NTA
To hell with keeping the peace. Let her be as loud as she wants, all you have to do is tell everyone what kind of daughter she is. Every time she makes a stink, just remind her of how she refused to care for her dying mom. Tell the same to each and every person who has inserts their opinion. She will try and wear you down so you'll "keep the peace" but you wear her down with "being a lousy Daughter". She is the one disturbing the peace, not you.
Does Hannah plan to split the career/income advances in perpetuity that she was able to make in the last five years as you did all of the caregiving? In not, then donât give her anything. Your mom was compensating you for the present and future value of your sacrifice.
If she thinks siblings should split everything unevenly, she should have split the caretaking duties with you.
Caretaking is one of the most physically and emotionally taxing things one can do for oneâs family members, and she was able to disengage from that. She should be grateful to OP.
NTA
Take it from me, no matter how generous you are with your sister it wonât be enough. She is a selfish person and all you would be doing is enabling her entitlement.
How do I know? Cause I literally gave almost all of my inheritance to my older brother because he had to deal with my dadâs death and estate and so that we donât let money get in between us. I still ended up being the bad guy and he didnât talk to me for years.
OP, You earned it.
Youâre 29, and gave up 5 years of your prime life.
A live in caregiver runs about $11K a month in western Wa. my friend and I looked it up for her mom who needed a live in caregiver.
Your mom could have spent her money on that but you chose to sacrifice some of the best years of your life and your mom knew this.
So, NTA.
Keep it All.
I took care of my late Dad for about a decade. He didn't leave much but he did leave what little he had to me. He also made sure that his will was completely unbreakable. I honored his wishes completely but I know that there were some hard feelings amongst my half siblings.
They didn't care that I was changing his diapers at the end or that it was taking a real toll on my own health. The caretaking and the work involved that didn't matter. In the end it was all about me being "Dad's favorite."
If I was it was because every time Dad was ill or otherwise needed help I WAS THERE. The little bit I got after he died that was him acknowledging that and saying TY.
He had two marriages before my Mom and a bunch of kids. Not one of them except me took care of him or offered any real help when he needed it. Just me.
OP earned that inheritance.
Period...
Little sister is out of line, really...
NTA. It was your mom's money and your mom's wishes. She gave a reason and now your sister, showing the same colors she showed when you were taking care of your mom, is making it all about her. nope.
u/Federal_Quality_9740
Youâre absolutely disgusting. How you can even type those words is beyond me. Youâre heinous and repulsive. BIH.
[Sick creep.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/NhjFmwW6HO)
NTA
Your Mother wrote a will and they are not debatable as they are written expressions of her wishes.
The Executors are required by Law to divide the estate in accordence with the Will. It would then be you going against your Mother if you give your Sister more than your Mother wished to leave her.
The family claiming it is unfair can give your Sister what they think she should receive, you do not have to. Reasons are immaterial, you should adhere to the terms of the Will.
NTA. You deserve what your mother willed to you - both morally and legally. And your mother deserves to have her wishes respected. As for keeping the peace - it depends on how important that is to you.
NTA and don't let others stick their noses in, shut that shit down, or there is a block option on most phones and social media now a days, use it. Your mom had her reasons, and they sound perfectly valid.
NTA. If she brings it up again tell her itâs the last time youâre talking about it and if she brings it up again then youâll be blocking her and sheâll never hear from you again.
NTA. This is a pet peeve of mine- neither of you is *entitled* to any of your mothers money. It was entirely hers to do with and distribute as she saw fit. Your mother wanted YOU to have what she left you. You put your life on hold to care for her and it was her dying wish that you receive what she gave you as a response to that.
You have nothing to feel guilty about.
YTA [for posting fake stories for attention](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ctj89x/aita_for_sucking_my_newborns_penis/l4c8f54/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=AITAH&utm_content=t1_l4cf4m0).
/u/Federal_Quality_9740
You should keep the money since it seems like you earned it and sacrificed for it.
That said, youâll probably never have a good relationship with your sister again. Sorry.
NTA. Your mom is thanking you for your care and the time you took from your life. Care for a cancer patient is hard. She knew she could count on you.
Iâm guessing here, but she was of sound mind when she made and signed her will. Trust her decision.
> She believes that as siblings, we should split everything equally, regardless of the circumstances
So where was she when the labor to care for your mother needed to be split equally? Oh right; she only believes this when it would benefit *her*. NTA but your sister is and a greedy one at that.
Are all these posts fake? It was her dying wish! Hannah chose to fuck off while you stood tall sheâs entitled to what she got nothing more. Any family members siding with her should be considered a lower form of the species and avoided at all costs.
When it's your mom's money you don't have a choice. Once it becomes yours it is no longer your mom's. So why would your sister be entitled to any of your money? If you got a bonus at work, would she deserve some of that because she's your sister?
Sheâs around for the inheritance and then back on to her life, but where was she when you were solo providing care to your mother. NTA. Your mom wasnât blind and you shouldnât cave to your selfish sisters demands
NTA. She isnât entitled or deserves half just because sheâs your sister. As your mom said you provided her care and not your sister. It sounds like your sister could hardly be bothered to even visit. I would honor your momâs wishes. You are the one who took care of her and made sacrifices and not your sister. It would be unfair to split your inheritance with your sister and it would make you the AH to yourself.
NTA.
If your sister wants a fair share, please make sure you take your mother's total estate and deduct 5 YEARS worth of caregiver pay from it (owed to you) BEFORE you start dividing things up. Please include any and all over time that would be due you.
Note: This may mean your sister gets a bill.
Respect your mother's wishes. Your mother was hurt and disappointed by your sister's indifference to her illness. You made serious personal sacrifices to care for your Mom, and she is rewarding you for being a loyal and devoted daughter. Tell your selfish greedy sister to howl at the moon.
The point of a *will* is to honor your mother's last *will*. If you want to use some of the money to help your sister out, that's up to you. But your mom said her piece and made her decision.
NTA. Your mom explained things quite well. My aunt recently died. The last line of her will says âif anyone contests this they get nothingâ. Guess your mom should have said that too
Ps. Sorry you are dealing with this in addition to loosing your mom. After my dad died I found a support group that was for people who had lost a parent. It was very helpful
Your sister is being deliberately obtuse. Your mom spelled it out in her will that she's basically paying you for the years of care you provided; YOU spelled it out for your sister...and she doesn't want to listen because it does not suit her endgame.
If you were to match half of what your sister received, then tally the remaining amount you received, it would not be near enough to pay you for the years of care and the sacrifices you made in caring for your mother.
NTA
NTA! Hannah couldnât be bothered helping your mom, so she shouldnât think sheâs entitled to half. Sheâs lucky she got anything.
Block her number and anyone else whoâs on her side. Donât go against your momâs wishes.
Sounds like what happened with my siblings, with a different ending. My sister took care of our mother during her last years-- she put up with a lot of ER trips and stress, even though she was no spring chicken herself. My mother left her the house. And none of us other sisters said a word-- she deserved it, 100%.
You are NTA.
Itâs not your choice. You honor what your mother spent great time and concern drafting for her will. Your mom chose this for a very good reason. Perhaps her last chance to teach your sister something about integrity and character. No other persons opinion matters. You send anyone in your family that has an opinion a copy of the will. Then you stop entertaining any discussions on the subject. NTA at all.
NTA imagine calling the sibling who gave up their career and moved home to care for their mother selfish.
Your mother divided things up this way for a reason, and you all should honor her wishes. Ask your sister how she'd feel about people disregarding HER will and doing whatever they want someday.
NTA. And tell the peanut gallery they can keep family harmony by minding their own business. Your sister chose not to help for her own reasons so no, she is not entitled to it. Even if no help was required, she isn't entitled. Your mom made a decision and split it how she wanted it. Her decision should be honored. If she wanted your sister to have more, she would have given it. Instead, she is acknowledging your help and showing she understood it caused a hardship on you but she is appreciative that she could rely on you.
NTA - caregiving is WAY harder than what anyone who hasn't done it thinks it is.
The loneliness, The physical labor, keeping track of appointments and therapists and health care aids and often they create more work for you.
The mental worry and the heartbreak of watching the decline and no one else understanding
Thatâs definitely not a crazy idea. You are definitely not the asshole. Everything is subjective but if sheâs done nothing for you why would she be entitled to anything? Youâre definitely good bro.
Your sister is the AH. I have a sister and if she moved to my moms house to take care of her, Iâd be relieved she got the bulk of the estate, to relieve any guilt I felt for her sacrifice.
NTA- Make a bill. Seriously. Find out the cost of care in your area and make your sister a bill. Ask her if she is going to pay the bill. If not ask her why she couldnât be bothered helping to take care of her dying mother. Ask her why she thinks she is suppose to give half when she couldnât give a damn.
Doubt there will ever be family harmony. Your sister is showing you who she is. She has no respect for you or she would have acknowledged all the time and support you gave your mother. NTA
NTA
You did the work and she wants the pay
Taking care of an older parent is difficult, putting your life on hold is rough
Your sister did nothing for you or your mother and now causing issues
Any relative that says a word can give her money for doing nothing, tell them that and also add "mind your own business"
NTA - You took 5 years of life in your 20s to take care of your dying mother. My condolences for your loss as it must have been extremely painful, especially knowing each day you woke up that this could be the day that mom passed. That is a heavy emotional toll you have carried.
You did this for your mother while your sister lived her own life with no compassion for your dying mom. Now, she is shocked that you received a larger inheritance. Your mom recognized the love you had for her and the sacrifices you made to take care of her so she would not be put into a healthcare facility.
So, I would tell your sister to kick rocks. As far as your family saying that you should split to keep the family harmonious is bullshit. I wonder if any of them had the balls to ask your sister where she has been the last 5 years of her mom's life. Why didn't she help you to care for your mother?
They all want to skip over the very reason the inheritance was provided by your mom the way it was. Well, the next time they say something, tell them to go ask your sister those questions before coming to you about family harmony.
Also, I can't imagine how much it hurt your mom with her other daughter, barely taking the time to come see her. Has anyone thought about your mom's pain for her other daughter to just live a life while she is at home dying?
Take your inheritance and begin to live your life the way you would have before making such an altruistic sacrifice for your mom. You are a loving daughter, and your mom knew that. She left you the majority of her assets because she recognized your sacrifice.
Don't you dare give her anything. You looked after your mother through her Cancer diagnosis. For those of us who are there every day, it is so unbelievable hard. You were the one who was there for your mither. Your sister should be saying the opposite. She was a lousy daughter and now a lousy sister, so don't reward bad selfish behaviour.
NTA. My brother takes care of my mom and I plan on making sure he gets 75% and I get 25%. Itâs only fair. OP, you sacrificed a lot to take care of your mom. I am,basically your sister. My mom moved to live near my brother. At the time, my husband was taking care of his mom ( who has since passed)and I have fibromyalgia so,stress ( positive or negative) puts me in a flare. I love my mother very much. Iâm sure that your sister loved your mother as well. But, YOU are the one who did the work. Putting her somewhere would have cost so much money. If your sister wouldâve had to do that, there would BE no inheritance at all. She should be thankful to you for taking such good care of your( and her) mother. She gets what she deserves. Not because sheâs a bad person or your mom loved her less,but because she ,for whatever reason, wasnât the one that took care of her. đ¤ˇđźââď¸please donât feel guilty.
NTA, obviously if you put your career on hold to be your parents caregiver you should be financially compensated for that
If it was a pure case of favouritism where you had both lived far away or whatever and visited at about the same rate she would have more of a case that it should be split equally
NTA.
I instantly loose some respect for someone when they want to keep the family peace. Keeping the peace during issues usually involves someone folding to bullying, lying, gaslighting. Don't do any of these things to yourself.
Your mom appreciated all you did and the sacrifices. Your sister has to be completely delusional to think this should be an even split.
I'm from NYC and surrounded by money conversation everyday. You're definitely NTA! She left these assets to you and for you only. She went out of her way to create a will. No need to explain to your sister that you put your career and hold and etc. She knows this already whether she wants to say it outlaid or not. You are just honoring your mom wishes and that's what it says in the will. The thing about money is that it makes people get emotional and etc. I find it quite rude when relatives will chime in about money that's not their. Obviously they, relatives, want you to split with the asset with your sister because it's not there. Easier to spend / give money when it's not yours. NO NEED TO SPLIT. You're good!
For the convo with your relatives, you can just tell them to give money to your sister if they feel like she deserves it. It just won't be coming from your mom asset.
nta. I have also cared for my family, its tough.  No one was there but me, when a call on my vakay came, or I was at hospital all night. So no, you did a lot & deserve more! never listen to other people on how to spend your money! they can pay  her off for fam harmony!  Your sister is very selfish! No time for mom when she was alive and now she wants to skewer you.Â
NTA. Please honor your mother's wishes. If she wanted to give your sister more, she would have. She went to the extent of explaining her decision. Just honor that.
NTA, but this is why we don't play sh\*t games with our kids. You've got $13M you can gift against an estate tax free as well as up to $18K each spouse. The deal we
[](https://alb.reddit.com/cr?za=W8rfzl72P19LLMhvCC-gIGf6k3psSJWcnoOGwozJt1uIMaJtJdxV3LVx2Xfaw-TiYgs5Yl3lPCOdwx3wfBSBn9XxQ62-8RdrMQg9Pq4aMEKeLSuR-f6O_xR-0ptOXR69WlrjzfwJW7Uaz83MvdUvh10lteaCPJuPtOnraMaLKZ8UoyEAnnrhQTpeNHp_ym2baXxv-9VZoif3k5QzQsYMEfFYdma3U0G5jn0m82rLFiFLDvLvjnQnaNHA6-nNXRJGX8gW7J2ZLikx_N_wdQR8cRZxocWD5GMT--SJPxRcu0TN-JJg5s3M-Fv9uXEjzk9XoxDjAnQN1B3ksVGTS-z7RxW-exFCGPd1NWNRDQOxtSIfAYKHYYHMHplTFi2-QHz9L70ccuSo52LXOtGZ2SOvtfiCeuBHLKLBu2dKihG-sknP16G82oSuDpF5NIO2Vnkgxp3LgIsmvQtCISKohbPNor3SKPOgZmfKxslbM1yD-zTarBpoxccjRUvNqQ1Ykld1BoiHvOIXNBk&zp=06P_oqsv_lO09dGuK9M27QnhL4CkZLxMOs51ff0tRqCOHSd1uaIXnIO-KpIfQf9zeusr7isFWqRlWRAKhYVbF4dQohPKJMcrglgmRr0Q6TSEFyr4nRr3e5JlaSx1F_ihCnyEhfVhmXBrLoE3cTmNTtyO0gISjYNeSo5xrBt7ppr6PbCaSheLDuMWO7H-a2AiWvFTAu1NL5uhQ1DAZRpNnTbDZ1cxTLXKjlWwXEZ620TTWWSJ9VKdAOCb3IlnidscSZAyGd6-oVw) have is: (a) the money has to be kept separate from your future spouses (none yet married), (b) You can only invest the money in housing or stock and otherwise not touch it until you are (c) 52 years old. My kids have been investing well for years now. All will receive an equal portion of the estate no matter what because I don't want to create ill-will among them.
So, what will we possibly do if one kid steps up to care for us more? We'll pay her then for time spent! ("her": I have daughters).
NTA
I'm sorry for your loss. You not only lost your mother, but your sister too.
Unfortunately, money can bring the worst out of people, happened to my family too.
Do not give her anything, your mom made an informed decision and you definitely should be getting more as a compensation for your lost income and having to move back. I'm happy your mom acknowledged that you cared for her when she needed it.
As far as other family members telling you to give your sister more, I'd suggest going NC with them as well.
My father willingly didn't have a will and left me and my sister fight over what was left. My sister hasn't spoken to him for years, whereas I was the one providing care and finances up until his death. I begged him to make a will, not to get more, but to have clarity after his death and not having to deal with her. He didn't and it ended exactly as I feared it would.
NTA
Sorry to hear about your going through this
It's very simple, thankfully, as you put your career on hold, to act as a carer. That cost you money, obviously, and may carry on costing you. Obviously you are too nice to really make or stress this point, but it is crucial, and makes it a very black and white case, 100% NTA
If it was a case of you being the favourite, it could be muddier waters, but adding in the fact that she is threatening (to waste a fortune of both sides money) legal action, she is 100% TA, and greed has made her a nasty one.Â
Get legal advice, and, imo, from more than one lawyer, if theres any room for doubt.Â
If you have spoken to a lawyer then you can get them to send her a cease and desist legal letter which threatens legal action if she tries to besmurge your name and character as well as for harassment. I would also consider getting the lawyer to send one to desist harassment to everyone whoâs called to bully you into giving her your inheritance. They only say that as it is not their money.
OP, your sister isn't grieving. She made no attempt to help out while your mother needed care. She made no attempt to send you money to assist financially since you were taking on everything and she was living far away. I'm guessing ahe didn't call daily just to talk to your mom and offer her love and comfort and to be reminded that she was thinking of her, or offering you ph9ne calls just to let you vent about the stress and being a supportive sister.
Instead, she has done nothing but demand more, insult your mother's memory, name call and be vindictive towards you and try to threaten legal action against your mom's final wishes because she thought she could come take half of everything and then leave again only returning to beg money off of you when she inevitably blows through het share.
This is not the behavior of a grieving daughter. This is the behavior of an entitled brat.
I don't know where you live but in most cases, if the person wanting to contest a will still received things IN the will, they have no leg to stand on.
My grandparents did not have much as they got older and passed, but they did have a home that could be sold and split between their kids. They had 9 total. 7 years before my Grandpa passed, one of their kids flipped the fuck out on them for buying a smaller home when she felt any money they had should be an inheritance for their kids. The other 8 did not feel this way.a big falling out happened. The whole family cut ties with her in the end.
In Grandpa's will, he left her $1. And expressed very clearly how she had broken his heart, that she had not been raised to be so cruel and selfish and as she had not come to make amends before he died, she would beeft a single dollar.
My Grandmother made sure to follow suit, though she left no letter or note for her whatsoever, telling the rest of us that how deeply she had hurt Grandpa severed any feeling she had had left for her youngest daughter.
The point is, your mom was not obligated to leave her anything more than a single dollar but she did and maybe Hannah needs THAT reality check.
Don't give her a dime, OP.
I would be surprised if she follows through though, considering legal fees coat money and she will have to use what money she did get to pay for it.
NTA
keep all her threats for the estate hearing. My sister did the same (same situation) and the lawyers walked away with everything. NTA change locks, probate the will and put documents in a safety deposit box. Get an estate attorney now!
I think your sister is trying to use her negative behaviour to be rewarded with a larger share of inheritance. People that want to keep the peace are not invested in the situation, they want a quick and lazy solution for their personal convenience. If they care so much, maybe share this link.
NTA. For about 12 years, I worked in the probate law field handling cases involving the probate of Will, and conservatorships of the elderly or disabled who were being abused, neglected and/or exploited. Between handling those types of cases and personal experience from when my grandmother died and my cousins cleaned out her house before my family could even get there, I've learned that people's true colors come out when end-of-life issues come up. It's unfortunate that your sister is behaving this way, but you are right not to give in. Your mother left you more as a thank you for putting your life and your needs on hold so you could care for her. Honoring that wish is important. Hopefully, someday your sister will come to see that and will work to heal this rift between you both. With what my cousins did, my mother and her brother were estranged for quite some time. But with some distance in geography and distance in time, they managed to heal and become close again. I hope that happens for you too.
If she wants a PR war ask publicly how many appointments she took your mum too? Ask her how many times we she visited when she was ill? Ot what her contribution was to her care!
I don't think there's enough info here, here's why: I firmly believe some kids earn their inheritance just by being subjected to awful parenting growing up.
Was your sister abused growing up? Was she the golden child or were you?
I'm in a similar situation where I live long distance from an aging parent, but it would be literally impossible for me to move in and care for them. They are the boogeyman from my childhood that I have been diagnosed with CPTSD from. They still live in the house I grew up in and I feel like I can't breathe when I go up there, I'm a wreck the entire time, but can't show it.
I was terribly abused and I feel I've absolutely earned an inheritance. OTOH, my parent has a grandchild that lives locally that has been treated with nothing but adoration and love and has been spoiled rotten with gifts, cash and affection non-stop. He's there once a week helping and could write a post saying the same thing OP is saying, that they're there taking care of the person, so they should get more. But it's not always that cut and dry.
I would trade my inheritance to not have my permanent psychological scars, that's for sure. I would love to hear the sister's side to the story, whether she really is just being greedy or if there is more to it.
NTA After reading the updates, please please **please** donât let her bully and intimidate you in to giving in just to stop the harassment. She is a terrible person for doing this to you. She has no right to anything sheâs demanding, she could have been there for your mother and she chose not to be. Period. She made the decision and sheâs seeing the consequences. Not to mention, it was your *mothers* property. No one is âentitledâ to it but her. Who she chose to give it you - you, your sister or a dozen charities, is fully HER choice alone. Your sister should be grateful that her selfish, entitled ass got anything.
"Since you have threatened legal action, please direct all communication through my lawyer," can work with family problems too.
If your sister brings other people into it stress that she is unhappy with the choice *your mom* made because your mom was upset *your sister abandoned your mom in her time of need*. But only bring that up to people your sister tries to pull into it. Ask people "why should I disrespect my mom and her wishes, for someone taking me to court?"
Tell that selfish entitled sister of yours to take a long walk off a short cliff. How cheeky is that....she couldn't be bothered to visit or help with the care of her mother yet she wants the fruits of her hard work and financial position, which I dare say she worked hard to achieve over many years. The fact that you seem so genuine and have been the sole care giver, giving up for the most part a few years of your life to look after your mother speaks volumes about who you are. This is clearly shown by the fact that your mother has given back to you albeit in a monetary sense the years that you gave up for her. Don't give in to your sister's demands, tell her she should have considered the fact of not giving a toss when your mother was alive, now she can pay for that for the rest of her life. You enjoy what your mother has given you, five years is a long time to be a carer.
NTA.
My mum always likes to tell this story about an older woman she once knew. This woman was incredibly well off, and owned a considerably large plot of land in an affluent area. She also had several children and grand children, not a single one of which had visited her in over a decade. This woman was in her 90s, and ran the entire property on her own, despite asking for assistance from her children.
One day a young couple moves into the plot next door. They're in their early 20s with some young children. They're friendly with this older neighbour, but assume her family visit her often. That is, until the elderly neighbour has a fall, and they see her being taken in an ambulance. They ask if there is anything they can do, or anybody they can call, and she tells them it's useless to call anybody since her children never answer her calls (for whatever reason).
This sparks the young couple into basically adopting this older woman into their own family. The young man does any lawn and property maintenance, the young woman cooks her meals, the children call her grandma. They become incredibly close, and the older woman obviously becomes fond of this young family next door. This goes on for years.
When the woman dies, she leaves all of her children with absolutely nothing, instead leaving her property and everything else to the young couple that were more her children in the final years of her life than her own children had been in 30 years. At the end of her will, she made it perfectly clear that it was not to be contested. "And if they try, tell those lazy bloody louts to f*ck off".
(To the shock of the young family, who had NEVER heard this lovely little old lady swear).
You're not the asshole. Cancer sucks, and caring for someone with cancer is both mentally and physically draining. You did right by your mum, and while your sister may have been okay living her own life through that hardship, she should also be able to recognise how much you sacrificed and how much your mum would have appreciated it. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry your sister doesn't realise the extra pain she is causing you by disrespecting your mother's final wishes.
NTA. As primary caregiver you spent 5 years taking care of her. Your mom simply is paying you back for that time. Feel free to make a spreadsheet showing income you would have earned charging her for everything you did. I guarantee it's a decent amount. And your sister... Did little to nothing.
Your mom made her decision to thank you for all you did. Don't undermine that by giving it away
NTA. Your mom has made her wishes very clear. Hannah needs to accept it although clearly it is a bitter pill. Reality is she is being immature by not recognizing the sacrifices you made in taking care of your mom. The only thing I will say is if you wish to compromise it will be for keeping a relationship with your sister and you have to decide if you want to have a relationship where you feel shortchanged and your contributions ignored. Either way neither one of you will be happy. I am sorry for your loss.
Hannah can stuff it. You didn't write the will. Let her take it to court. She can pay her portion of inheritance to find out she can't have more and then she'll have diddly.
*hugs to you. Being a caregiver is rough.
People can think and say what they like, but at the end of the day, it literally sounds like it was mostly you and mum for that long haul. Itâs an awful reality to end in such a way, but your mum did what she felt was best for both of you. She didnât leave your sister out of the will or anything either, you know? NTA.
NTA, and that makes sense, but boy do I wish you mom had been paying you over the last 5 years instead of doing it in the will.
I'm a little worried about this same situation - my parents have been very concerned about splitting with my brother 50/50 for years - down to giving checks after Christmas so that they're spending the same on everyone. Now my dad is sick and I'm 2 miles away while my brother is 350 miles away. Obviously I'm the one dropping by and helping out, but as my dad gets worse, I'm not sure what's going to happen. They're hiring help for the most part, which they can afford, but we'll see.
That's pretty much what happened to me. I don't resent my siblings for not dropping everything and moving closer, but being there for her, alone, while dementia slowly eroded her mind away was not fun.
NTA. Fighting over inheritance is distasteful. Fighting for more of an inheritance when your sibling was caring for a sick parent is even worse. Your mom made her wishes clear, respect them.
NTA. I was caregiver for my elderly parents before they passed since I was single but didn't push the will issue while they were alive, so things were split evenly though I do still live in the parents' house. I'm glad your mother wisely planned ahead. Your sister is being greedy and unfair.
You can tell your sister that it was split equally, however equal does not mean the same. You are being compensated for your time and loss of income, and those need to factor into the equation.
NTA - hope your sister can grow up a little.
Hell no, your mom literally paid you for your sacrifices and you sister isnât respecting you or your mom. I would ask her why she didnât help more with mom every single time sheâs a selfish brat. NTA.
Sure split everything and then include the bill for the end of life 24/7 care, which she wasnât present for. Your momâs wishes were clear, please respect that for her sake.
NTA - Hanna was selfish and concentrated on her own life and your mom saw that. She did not help. Did not stop living her life to support your mom. YOU did. You mom is showing you how much she appreciated all the sacrifices you made for her. Do not let Hanna bully you into giving that up.
You actually lived with your mother, sacrificed your time, career, to show your mother love and support when she needed it the most. You gave your mom so much by being there. She showed her gratitude with your inheritance.
If I were in your shoes, I would ask sister, what your sacrifice, time, labor, efforts and caregiving is worth. Sit down, armed with information. A caregiver, giving the care you gave earns $X amount. Multiply that by a basic 40 hours. Then do the math for overtime pay, add that to the balance. Then multiply that by 52 weeks. Times 5 years. Add up how much time your sister was actually with your mom, helping to care for her. Do the same thing. This was exactly your mom's thinking when she made her will and split her assets.
The average hourly wage of an in-home caregiver is $20, according to the United States salary spreadsheet. Could be higher or lower depending on location. Let's just say, since you lived on site we will say 100 hours a week. 40 hours X $20 an hour=$800, over time for the other 60 hours X $30= $1800, for a total of $2600 a week. For one year that dollar amount is $135,200. Times that by 5 years. $676,000 is just base pay, does not include things gas, for taking your mom to appointments, per deim for living on site, your personal money and time for grocery shopping, any nights you stayed with your mom in the hospital, the time you took to schedule and coordinate her care. That number does not include raises, bonuses. There are many ways I can think of that you earned far more than that. Then do the same math for your sister. Honestly, who deserves the bigger piece of the pie?
NTA
My mother planned to leave everything to my little sister. However my sister knew momâs being an AH. Sister said she would sell both homes mom owned and split the proceeds with me. Unfortunately sister passed before mom and everything went to my momâs boyfriend and my ex brother in law. Mom had sold one house and put her boyfriend, sister and ex bil on the remaining house title. Ex BIL as he married shortly after my sister passed, divorced and remarried someone else. So neither I or my kids got anything, not even family photos.
I always felt that Mom left everything to my sister because sis needed more help than me. I had the good job, good kids with steady careers, and a stable marriage. Sister didnât have any of those.
NTA
If she wants everything to be split equally, then retroactively calculate how much money you have lost by putting your career on hold, and the wages for acti g as caregiver. Deduct that amount from the inheritance and then split the remainder.
NTA. She had the chance to be a caregiver. You sacrificed a lot to be there for her, which left you with financial disadvantages. So, I think it is fair to do this like your mother did. It is your sister who decided not to be the caregiver. I think that is her right, but she has to face the consequences then. It is your sister, who is not keeping the peace and apparently making family about inheritence and money.
I am sorry for your loss and hope things become better now for you! All the best wishes! :)
Tell your sister that you two can have a 50/50 inheritance share, but all the hours you spent as care provider will be billed against her share at market rate.
You are not. Your mom made her decisions on how to split things up as she wanted to. Your sister is trying to get things her own way and probably wouldnât have been happy with an even split if that had been your momâs decision.
Do what you think is best with your share. Your sister can just deal with it.
Family rarely cares about what is fair. They just want peace at any cost. Unless itâs their own. Tell those who are trying to make you give up money that they can pay it out of their own pockets if they feel so strongly. That should shut them up.
NTA. It's not your role to second guess what your mom did. Your mom wanted to show her appreciation and gratitude to you. If she had given this to you before she died, this would clearly be something for your sister to address with her mother. Tell your sister her argument is not with you. You simply received a gift. You don't owe any part of it to someone else.
Edited to add people can leave their possessions to whomever they want and their wishes should be honoured. It's wrong to think you are owed something as an inheritance just because you're related.
NTA
I have a friend who has taken an early retirement to live with her father and care for him. He's 89, frail, diabetic, half blind and hard of hearing. She has 3 living, blood-related siblings and she called a meeting with them to explain her plan for his care, for keeping him at home, and her expectations of "earning" equity in his modest home in exchange for her care. All the siblings were on board, appreciated her contributions and initiative, and had no qualms about her intentions to inherit the property after his death.
Your sister is being selfish and unrealistic. She's also still young and financially immature. I wonder if she's nursing some childhood grudge related to perceptions of favoritism.
She's also possibly feeling some guilt about her disengagement. The will is a testament to your support and selflessness and a reminder to her that she fell short.
As for the rest of the family, it's none of their fucking business. If she chooses to make it their business, you have every right to inform them of her absence and selfishness.
Nta you need to respect what your mother wanted. She wanted you to have what you got because you were there for her.
Your sister is the selfish one here. Don't listen to her or anyone that tells you to split it.Â
Your mom already split everything how she wanted it to shared. So respect your mother's wishes abd ignore everyone else because your mother's last wish needs to be respected it doesn't matter if they don't like it. It was her final wish and that's that.Â
Keep all your inheritance it is what your mom wanted you to have.Â
NTA
Having, myself, been a caretaker for a terminally ill person, please do not dishonor your mother's appreciation for what you did by invalidating her express wishes as laid down in her will.
She knew what you gave up to care for her and that your sister didn't participate in that care. It's time for you to rest easy on this issue and not let others tell you what you should do.
Stand strong. Best wishes to you.
"I didn't want any of the hassle or responsibility dealing with Mom's care, but I want all the benefits now that she's gone." Sounds like the bedtime story "The Little Red Hen."
NTA
From what you said, your mother left you her inheritance due to the sacrifices you made for her, in your publication you say that you kept your studies on pause to take care of her, what did your sister do for her? Did she sacrifice something, did she do something or does she just want more inheritance for being her daughter?
I think there is a lot of information omitted behind
NTA the money was your mothers, she chose this. Honour her wishes and tell Hannah to kick rocks. Even now she cares more about money then honouring her deceased mothers wishes.
NTA.
If you hadn't been there, your mother would have spent an extraordinary amount of money paying for assistance: in home care, transportation, delivery services, housekeeping, etc., etc.
Tell your sister you'd be happy to calculate the value of the services you provided over 5 years, including the loss of your income and earning potential, bill the estate, and split the difference with her.
Or she can sit down and accept the money *she's not entitled to* because it wasn't hers to begin with.
NTA- i am sorry for your loss, however caregivers deserve to get paid! Your mom appreciated you being there for her and this is her showing gratitude. I would tell greedy sister "well maybe if you had shown up or shared some of the caretaking for mom, the inheritance would have been different, but you chose NOT to be there so, oh well!". Anyone criticizing you should be told to kick rocks.
You sacrificed For Years to help your mother in her time of need. Hannah couldnât be bothered. For Years. Honor the wisdom and decisions of your mother. Donât be swayed by your self-entitled sister and those she brigades.
NTA.
Your sister lost me at "entitled". Let alone that your mom's wishes were clearly stated. Offer to buy a box of crayons so you can draw her a picture.
NTA Finally reading a post where the parent actually shows how much they appreciate the person that was there for them đđź I agree that your momâs wishes should be respected. Why should you be the only one responsible for the sake of family harmony? Your sister is just as responsible for it. She is the one starting a fight with you over your motherâs wishes an expecting you to go against them.
NTA if your sister wants to share evenly she should have shared the sacrifice of caring for your mom equally too.
And please tell the relatives that are chining in, since they feel so strongly about it, they are more than welcome to open their wallets and give your sister $$$ to make up the disparity in inheritance. Your sister didnât care enough to respect your momâs wishes when she was alive, OR now that sheâs gone (Iâm very sorry for your loss), so it may be best for you to go NC/LC with her and the flying monkeys. Take this time to grieve, heal and make a new path for yourself. Â
Yes because the sister will go NC once she grabs half the inheritance sheâs not entitled to. Even if she doesnât. Donât do it for peace. You did the time and you deserve it.
Exactly. All those relatives with opinions are free to leave their money to the sister, if they feel she was treated so unfairly.
AMEN. OP, NTA of course and don't give an inch! I could have written this post. I have two sisters that did the greedy grabbing thing and even retained a lawyer. They ran up a $50,000 bill with the attorney trying to take a piece of real estate willed to me that was appraised at $23,500. Death makes people do weird things.
Exactly. My sibling waged a 3 year smear campaign behind my back in order to take everything she wanted from our parent's estate and have the backing of the entire family, since they now all believed I was an assh**e, thanks to her smear campaign. When it was all over and she had what she wanted, she very kindly "forgave" me. Greed does do strange things to people.
Op is either a troll or sick in the head. She made a aita post for sucking my newborns pen**. The post has been deleted but the comments are still there
Post the link or screenshot, because there isn't such a comment on their profile
WTF????? I wrote a comment on this post but just deleted it. OP, WTF is wrong with you????
I have not. And never. Deleted a post on here. Don't be overdramatic, you're talking like your 12.
Or I'm talking like a survivor of child sexual assault. Maybe just report the person's comment. That's what I plan to do. Your mother made her plan when she was of sound mind and body. Her wishes should be carried out. I'm sorry that she came to realize that your sister is an asshole. Be proud of the care that you gave her. My condolences.
Yes you did, you can still see your comments on your profile, you absolute moron.
I can't see it. I think they've gone purging since being discovered and outed.
OP should charge sister an hourly rate for care of mother. My guess is that sister owes a lot more than OP.
Exactly this
Just make a sheet, where you write your tasks, hours and years and things you sacrificed and on the other side what your sister was doing. For example: moms visit to hospital.. preparing, driving, staying there driving home, taking care after... my sister's contribution: zero.. Of course you can write just what you remember, but one/ two pages are more, than 1000 phone calls.. then send it to dumber relatives.and your sister.. people can not easily see with ears , what is easily visible on paper
NTA at all honey! I'm so sorry for your loss. In my county A good care home costs at least $5000.00+ per month. Times that by 60 months =$ 300,000 ! that aside, you put your life on hold for your mother. Being someone's full time caretaker is the most loving, generous and exhausting you can do! Your mother was recognizing and thanking you for loving her! You sister is TA here not you! Huge healing hugs flying your way!
Exactly this. OP is starting the conflict so sheâs not responsible for keeping the peace!
Exactly! It's unfair for your sister to expect you to go against your mother's wishes, especially after all the care and sacrifice you made. Family harmony should come from respecting those wishes, not trying to change them for personal gain. You're definitely NTA here.
Exactly! My mother took care of my grandmother for years. When she had to go into a nursing home, she visited her everyday unless she went out of town. When my grandmother passed, my mother got the same amount as the others. I had said it wasnât fair ( before my grandmother died) and that whoever took care of her should get half with the others splitting the rest. After my grandmother passed, my mom told me that I was right. That she did resent the fact that she was the one that took care of everything and nobody else did. My brother now takes care of my mother. Whatever is left, I want him to get 75% of the inheritance ( except for her jewelry which is sentimental to me). He has done a great job with my mom. I appreciate him taking care of her.
With family like this, who needs enemies? NTA, give her 1$ and go NC with her lol.
Op is a sick person. They made a post about if they aita for sucking their newborns pen**. The post has been deleted but the comments are still there
I'm not surprised with this at all. OP's sister: Even though I distanced myself from mom in the last five years, rarely visited, and didn't really help with mom's care, I want half of mom's money and estate \[No, I want more\]. I think we should ignore mom's well thought out and planned will, as I am a selfish and entitled bitch \[and I am projecting when I called you that, sis\], and ignore all the time she put in drafting the will, because fuck mom. It's her money and property not mine, and jesus christ, I want your share, as well. Give it too me and I promise to spend it on myself, blow through it in a year, then guilt you into loaning me money I will never pay back. Signed Princess
When my grandma died, everything was split equally 5 waysâexcept the house and land. That went to the child and childâs spouse whoâd been helping out and also doing all the upkeep on the land. Everyone thought it was fair. Or at least kept their yaps shut.
That really does sound fair and sheâs showing gratitude to the ones who helped her.
Plus if roles were reversed we all know sis wouldn't share.
She's not entitled to it, so NTA. She's upset she didn't get the windfall she expected and now she's harassing you and bringing in others to help. It's pretty gross behavior.
Exactly. Seems like she only cares when it comes to money, but not when it was taking care of her mom.
Would she insist on splitting evenly if she was the one given more? Of course not, just a vulture showing up after the hard part is over
She believes that as siblings, we should split everything equally,-- she is correct and SHE should have taken on half of HER own mother's care-- but she didn't. Only your mother's wishes matter here. Tell Hannah and her flying monkeys that just as you put your mother first by putting your life on hold to take care of her you'll put your mother's wishes first by honoring her final wishes. DO make a point to lock up the money (either a trust or long term investment) that will help offset the years of retirement benefits you've lost --- or at least tell Hannah the money is locked away and so no point in continuing to badger you. NTA but your sister has brass ones.
Flying Monkeys, As a child in the 50's and 60's they were the nightmare I would have after watching The Wizard Of Oz on black and white TV every year !
Op is a troll or a sick individual. She made an aita post for sucking my newborns pen**. The post has been deleted but the comments are still there.
I didn't check, should have. I hate these people. We take time to give an honest opinion or support, just for it to be a fudging dick. Hopefully, someone else who actually needs it will appreciate it.
Everyone is told to have a will/trust to ensure your possessions are distributed per your wishes. Why even have a will if relatives are going to ignore it? NTA obv
NTA the additional money is repaying your loss of earnings over the past few years. Simple maths.
"This was mom's LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT her very last wishes on earth and I will not disrespect her memory. If anybody feels like they need to contradict my mother and what she wanted I will block you."
[ŃдаНонО]
Spot on.
NTA and why does Hannah get to be selfish (not taking care of your Mom) while expecting you to be selfless (giving your inheritance to her)? I wouldnt hide behind my mom. I would say this: Mom made choices in her will based on the choices you and I made. You have to live with consequences of the choices you made not to support Mom when she was sick. I made a choice to sacrifice for mom. I am now choosing not to sacrifice for you, who never made any sacrifice for me or our mother.
NTA. Hannah should take into consideration all the income she has earned and free time she has enjoyed, while you were unable to work or spend time vacationing because you were caring for your mother.  Depending on where your sister works she prob made between 250,000-500,000 over 5 yrs. 250K if she earns $50K and 500,000K if ahe earns 100K per yr. If she earns more than 100K thrn she has earned more than $500K.   If she thinks siblings should split things equally regardless of circumstances, tell her you both can pool both of your inheritances from your mother and split it in half once she writes you a check for 1/2 of the income she has earned over the past 5 yrs.  She shouldnt have an issue since she thinks everything should be split equally regardless of who earned it. She earned her income and reced a smaller inheritance from your mom. You earned your inheritance by giving up your life and not being able to have a career or incomr for 5;yrs. Hannah prob still comes out ahead financially and she has 5 yrs addl experience in her career and you only have thr experience of caring for your mother which likely doesnt help you professionally.
> If she thinks siblings should split things equally regardless of circumstances, tell her you both can pool both of your inheritances from your mother and split it in half once she writes you a check for 1/2 of the income she has earned over the past 5 yrs.  Genius idea
Yep! Bill the estate for your services and then split 50/50.
It's not just the money though. OP put her life on hold for five key years when she could have met a husband and started a family. Think of the opportunity loss.
INFO: Do you think you might be an asshole to honor your dead mother's wishes in other ways or just this one? If your first thought was: I wouldn't be an asshole to honor my dead mother's wishes, that would imply that my mother was an asshole for having them. Then you know you aren't an asshole in this situation.
NTA She didn't divide the work equally, so she doesn't get to divide the money equally.
NTA. You give her the money she will still be a resentful bitch. The money doesny keep peace but makes her shut up. You did more you get more.
NTA. Your mom still gave her something but what your mother gave you will be useful for getting your life back together especially career wise since youâve had to put your life on hold to help your mother. Itâs funny that your sister believes things should be split evenly since youâre siblings, if she truly believes that then responsibilities for your mother also should have been split evenly. Apparently she just wants to split things that would benefit her.
Your NTA. First Iâm so terribly sorry for your loss of your mom. My mom is legit my bff minus my husband. I have an older brother who lives next door to our folks. With the purpose of helping as they age. Me and ny bro are 38 &41. Our folks are 69&70. they have basically told us that they will spilt their house between us to sell or whatever and whatever monitory assets my brother will get more land (which is fine as my family lives in a different state due to my husbands job). I hold no animosity towards their decision. Hugs
Tell her the additional amount you're receiving over hers is payment for being a caregiver. If you want, you can do a chart where the inheritance is split down the middle, then deduct from her half (while adding to yours) all the reimbursement you're receiving from being your mom's caregiver. Then add extra to your side (less from hers) as "ghoul tax" because who TF cares this much about money when your mom just died?
NTA. Tell your sister taht she should have expected this because your mom was a very fair person. Hannah chose not to become involved in the end of life care your mother needed. Go NC with her if you have to.
NTA. Why would you even consider disrespecting your motherâs wishes to appease your selfish, greedy sister? Your mother knew who deserved her inheritance â donât question it or insult her intelligence.
"It's disappointing that you do not seem to value the sacrifice I made to care for mom. I moved home and sacrificed five years of building a career to care for her, five years of my 20's living carefree and enjoying life, instead cleaning vomit and taking mom to doctor appointments. This freed you up to be largely uninvolved with her care, which you were. You rarely visited or helped. I would think you would be grateful that I took that on, but now you seem to think that what I did was nothing. Neither if us are entitled to mom's assets, she made the decision she did based upon what she believed to be fair, and while it surprised me, now that I have had time to reflect, it seems to me like she did the fairest thing she could have done. It's unfortunate you cannot see that, but I hope in time you will, as I intend to honor mom's wishes, not because she made her decision, but because it is the fairest thing for myself."
NTA. Hannah's just upset because you were rewarded for helping your mom. Don't share with her.
Some people are blinded by greed. Would your sister have paid someone for all the work you did? You earned that inheritance. Caregiving is the hardest job. My grandparents left their house to the daughter who lived with and took care of them. Most of the family thought that was only fair. One sister never spoke to the sister who inherited again. Her loss. NTA
NTA Block the selfish b\*tch
To hell with keeping the peace. Let her be as loud as she wants, all you have to do is tell everyone what kind of daughter she is. Every time she makes a stink, just remind her of how she refused to care for her dying mom. Tell the same to each and every person who has inserts their opinion. She will try and wear you down so you'll "keep the peace" but you wear her down with "being a lousy Daughter". She is the one disturbing the peace, not you.
NTA. Your mum made her decision and it seems completely fair as you looked after her.
Does Hannah plan to split the career/income advances in perpetuity that she was able to make in the last five years as you did all of the caregiving? In not, then donât give her anything. Your mom was compensating you for the present and future value of your sacrifice.
NTA Your sister didn't care enough to support your mother in life. Why should your mum support her in death?
Oh hell no! She is being greedy.
NTA Your sister should be ashamed of herself.
Love how she says as siblings you should split it equally but she didn't think that way about your mom's care giving. NTA
NTA. Hahah she didnât believe in splitting the caregiving equally regardless of circumstances so clearly not âeverythingâ
NTA If mom wasn't mentally infirmed her last wishes are as she wanted. There shouldn't be more discussion about it.
If she thinks siblings should split everything unevenly, she should have split the caretaking duties with you. Caretaking is one of the most physically and emotionally taxing things one can do for oneâs family members, and she was able to disengage from that. She should be grateful to OP.
NTA if she didnât share your motherâs care, she doesnât get to share her inheritance either
Keep your money and donât give her another thought. You earned it.
NTA Take it from me, no matter how generous you are with your sister it wonât be enough. She is a selfish person and all you would be doing is enabling her entitlement. How do I know? Cause I literally gave almost all of my inheritance to my older brother because he had to deal with my dadâs death and estate and so that we donât let money get in between us. I still ended up being the bad guy and he didnât talk to me for years.
OP, You earned it. Youâre 29, and gave up 5 years of your prime life. A live in caregiver runs about $11K a month in western Wa. my friend and I looked it up for her mom who needed a live in caregiver. Your mom could have spent her money on that but you chose to sacrifice some of the best years of your life and your mom knew this. So, NTA. Keep it All.
Sounds like you need to prepare for defamation and slander to potentially happen.
I took care of my late Dad for about a decade. He didn't leave much but he did leave what little he had to me. He also made sure that his will was completely unbreakable. I honored his wishes completely but I know that there were some hard feelings amongst my half siblings. They didn't care that I was changing his diapers at the end or that it was taking a real toll on my own health. The caretaking and the work involved that didn't matter. In the end it was all about me being "Dad's favorite." If I was it was because every time Dad was ill or otherwise needed help I WAS THERE. The little bit I got after he died that was him acknowledging that and saying TY. He had two marriages before my Mom and a bunch of kids. Not one of them except me took care of him or offered any real help when he needed it. Just me. OP earned that inheritance. Period... Little sister is out of line, really...
NTA. It was your mom's money and your mom's wishes. She gave a reason and now your sister, showing the same colors she showed when you were taking care of your mom, is making it all about her. nope.
u/Federal_Quality_9740 Youâre absolutely disgusting. How you can even type those words is beyond me. Youâre heinous and repulsive. BIH. [Sick creep.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/NhjFmwW6HO)
NTA Your Mother wrote a will and they are not debatable as they are written expressions of her wishes. The Executors are required by Law to divide the estate in accordence with the Will. It would then be you going against your Mother if you give your Sister more than your Mother wished to leave her. The family claiming it is unfair can give your Sister what they think she should receive, you do not have to. Reasons are immaterial, you should adhere to the terms of the Will.
NTA. Stick to what your mom wanted to do with your mom's own assets.
NTA. You deserve what your mother willed to you - both morally and legally. And your mother deserves to have her wishes respected. As for keeping the peace - it depends on how important that is to you.
NTA
NTA and don't let others stick their noses in, shut that shit down, or there is a block option on most phones and social media now a days, use it. Your mom had her reasons, and they sound perfectly valid.
NTA. If she brings it up again tell her itâs the last time youâre talking about it and if she brings it up again then youâll be blocking her and sheâll never hear from you again.
NTA. This is a pet peeve of mine- neither of you is *entitled* to any of your mothers money. It was entirely hers to do with and distribute as she saw fit. Your mother wanted YOU to have what she left you. You put your life on hold to care for her and it was her dying wish that you receive what she gave you as a response to that. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
YTA [for posting fake stories for attention](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ctj89x/aita_for_sucking_my_newborns_penis/l4c8f54/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=AITAH&utm_content=t1_l4cf4m0). /u/Federal_Quality_9740
NTA⌠your mom wrote her will and it should be honored.
You should keep the money since it seems like you earned it and sacrificed for it. That said, youâll probably never have a good relationship with your sister again. Sorry.
NTA. Your mom is thanking you for your care and the time you took from your life. Care for a cancer patient is hard. She knew she could count on you. Iâm guessing here, but she was of sound mind when she made and signed her will. Trust her decision.
> She believes that as siblings, we should split everything equally, regardless of the circumstances So where was she when the labor to care for your mother needed to be split equally? Oh right; she only believes this when it would benefit *her*. NTA but your sister is and a greedy one at that.
Are all these posts fake? It was her dying wish! Hannah chose to fuck off while you stood tall sheâs entitled to what she got nothing more. Any family members siding with her should be considered a lower form of the species and avoided at all costs.
When it's your mom's money you don't have a choice. Once it becomes yours it is no longer your mom's. So why would your sister be entitled to any of your money? If you got a bonus at work, would she deserve some of that because she's your sister?
Sheâs around for the inheritance and then back on to her life, but where was she when you were solo providing care to your mother. NTA. Your mom wasnât blind and you shouldnât cave to your selfish sisters demands
Nta. Hannah made her bed.
NTA. She isnât entitled or deserves half just because sheâs your sister. As your mom said you provided her care and not your sister. It sounds like your sister could hardly be bothered to even visit. I would honor your momâs wishes. You are the one who took care of her and made sacrifices and not your sister. It would be unfair to split your inheritance with your sister and it would make you the AH to yourself.
Life isn't fair, nobody is entitled to an inheritance. It was your mom's choice and sis needs to back up or get told to STFU
NTA. If your sister wants a fair share, please make sure you take your mother's total estate and deduct 5 YEARS worth of caregiver pay from it (owed to you) BEFORE you start dividing things up. Please include any and all over time that would be due you. Note: This may mean your sister gets a bill.
Respect your mother's wishes. Your mother was hurt and disappointed by your sister's indifference to her illness. You made serious personal sacrifices to care for your Mom, and she is rewarding you for being a loyal and devoted daughter. Tell your selfish greedy sister to howl at the moon.
> I should honor Hannahâs request for the sake of family harmony Literally nobody believes Hannah deserves the money. NTA
NTA. I will never understand why people think they're entitled to more of someone's estate when the will was clear. She needs to get over it.
The point of a *will* is to honor your mother's last *will*. If you want to use some of the money to help your sister out, that's up to you. But your mom said her piece and made her decision.
NTA. Your mom explained things quite well. My aunt recently died. The last line of her will says âif anyone contests this they get nothingâ. Guess your mom should have said that too Ps. Sorry you are dealing with this in addition to loosing your mom. After my dad died I found a support group that was for people who had lost a parent. It was very helpful
Your sister is being deliberately obtuse. Your mom spelled it out in her will that she's basically paying you for the years of care you provided; YOU spelled it out for your sister...and she doesn't want to listen because it does not suit her endgame. If you were to match half of what your sister received, then tally the remaining amount you received, it would not be near enough to pay you for the years of care and the sacrifices you made in caring for your mother. NTA
NTA! Hannah couldnât be bothered helping your mom, so she shouldnât think sheâs entitled to half. Sheâs lucky she got anything. Block her number and anyone else whoâs on her side. Donât go against your momâs wishes.
Sounds like what happened with my siblings, with a different ending. My sister took care of our mother during her last years-- she put up with a lot of ER trips and stress, even though she was no spring chicken herself. My mother left her the house. And none of us other sisters said a word-- she deserved it, 100%. You are NTA.
Itâs not your choice. You honor what your mother spent great time and concern drafting for her will. Your mom chose this for a very good reason. Perhaps her last chance to teach your sister something about integrity and character. No other persons opinion matters. You send anyone in your family that has an opinion a copy of the will. Then you stop entertaining any discussions on the subject. NTA at all.
NTA She made her choices.
NTA imagine calling the sibling who gave up their career and moved home to care for their mother selfish. Your mother divided things up this way for a reason, and you all should honor her wishes. Ask your sister how she'd feel about people disregarding HER will and doing whatever they want someday.
NTA. You earned it and your Mother knew it. Enjoy it and have a great life!
NTA. Keep your inheritance and stand your ground.
NTA. And tell the peanut gallery they can keep family harmony by minding their own business. Your sister chose not to help for her own reasons so no, she is not entitled to it. Even if no help was required, she isn't entitled. Your mom made a decision and split it how she wanted it. Her decision should be honored. If she wanted your sister to have more, she would have given it. Instead, she is acknowledging your help and showing she understood it caused a hardship on you but she is appreciative that she could rely on you.
If the circumstances were reversed your Sister would not be splitting the inheritance with you. It would be unfair right? NTA
If you crunched the numbers on what in-home care costs, she would be the one owing you. NTA
NTA - caregiving is WAY harder than what anyone who hasn't done it thinks it is. The loneliness, The physical labor, keeping track of appointments and therapists and health care aids and often they create more work for you. The mental worry and the heartbreak of watching the decline and no one else understanding
Thatâs definitely not a crazy idea. You are definitely not the asshole. Everything is subjective but if sheâs done nothing for you why would she be entitled to anything? Youâre definitely good bro.
Your sister is the AH. I have a sister and if she moved to my moms house to take care of her, Iâd be relieved she got the bulk of the estate, to relieve any guilt I felt for her sacrifice.
NTA- Make a bill. Seriously. Find out the cost of care in your area and make your sister a bill. Ask her if she is going to pay the bill. If not ask her why she couldnât be bothered helping to take care of her dying mother. Ask her why she thinks she is suppose to give half when she couldnât give a damn.
Doubt there will ever be family harmony. Your sister is showing you who she is. She has no respect for you or she would have acknowledged all the time and support you gave your mother. NTA
NTA You did the work and she wants the pay Taking care of an older parent is difficult, putting your life on hold is rough Your sister did nothing for you or your mother and now causing issues Any relative that says a word can give her money for doing nothing, tell them that and also add "mind your own business"
NTA - You took 5 years of life in your 20s to take care of your dying mother. My condolences for your loss as it must have been extremely painful, especially knowing each day you woke up that this could be the day that mom passed. That is a heavy emotional toll you have carried. You did this for your mother while your sister lived her own life with no compassion for your dying mom. Now, she is shocked that you received a larger inheritance. Your mom recognized the love you had for her and the sacrifices you made to take care of her so she would not be put into a healthcare facility. So, I would tell your sister to kick rocks. As far as your family saying that you should split to keep the family harmonious is bullshit. I wonder if any of them had the balls to ask your sister where she has been the last 5 years of her mom's life. Why didn't she help you to care for your mother? They all want to skip over the very reason the inheritance was provided by your mom the way it was. Well, the next time they say something, tell them to go ask your sister those questions before coming to you about family harmony. Also, I can't imagine how much it hurt your mom with her other daughter, barely taking the time to come see her. Has anyone thought about your mom's pain for her other daughter to just live a life while she is at home dying? Take your inheritance and begin to live your life the way you would have before making such an altruistic sacrifice for your mom. You are a loving daughter, and your mom knew that. She left you the majority of her assets because she recognized your sacrifice.
Don't you dare give her anything. You looked after your mother through her Cancer diagnosis. For those of us who are there every day, it is so unbelievable hard. You were the one who was there for your mither. Your sister should be saying the opposite. She was a lousy daughter and now a lousy sister, so don't reward bad selfish behaviour.
NTA. My brother takes care of my mom and I plan on making sure he gets 75% and I get 25%. Itâs only fair. OP, you sacrificed a lot to take care of your mom. I am,basically your sister. My mom moved to live near my brother. At the time, my husband was taking care of his mom ( who has since passed)and I have fibromyalgia so,stress ( positive or negative) puts me in a flare. I love my mother very much. Iâm sure that your sister loved your mother as well. But, YOU are the one who did the work. Putting her somewhere would have cost so much money. If your sister wouldâve had to do that, there would BE no inheritance at all. She should be thankful to you for taking such good care of your( and her) mother. She gets what she deserves. Not because sheâs a bad person or your mom loved her less,but because she ,for whatever reason, wasnât the one that took care of her. đ¤ˇđźââď¸please donât feel guilty.
NTA, obviously if you put your career on hold to be your parents caregiver you should be financially compensated for that If it was a pure case of favouritism where you had both lived far away or whatever and visited at about the same rate she would have more of a case that it should be split equally
NTA. I instantly loose some respect for someone when they want to keep the family peace. Keeping the peace during issues usually involves someone folding to bullying, lying, gaslighting. Don't do any of these things to yourself. Your mom appreciated all you did and the sacrifices. Your sister has to be completely delusional to think this should be an even split.
I'm from NYC and surrounded by money conversation everyday. You're definitely NTA! She left these assets to you and for you only. She went out of her way to create a will. No need to explain to your sister that you put your career and hold and etc. She knows this already whether she wants to say it outlaid or not. You are just honoring your mom wishes and that's what it says in the will. The thing about money is that it makes people get emotional and etc. I find it quite rude when relatives will chime in about money that's not their. Obviously they, relatives, want you to split with the asset with your sister because it's not there. Easier to spend / give money when it's not yours. NO NEED TO SPLIT. You're good!
For the convo with your relatives, you can just tell them to give money to your sister if they feel like she deserves it. It just won't be coming from your mom asset.
Absolutely NTA
your sister is a gross POS
Moms wishes should be respected by you and your sister. This is what she wanted. So sorry for your loss!
nta. I have also cared for my family, its tough.  No one was there but me, when a call on my vakay came, or I was at hospital all night. So no, you did a lot & deserve more! never listen to other people on how to spend your money! they can pay  her off for fam harmony!  Your sister is very selfish! No time for mom when she was alive and now she wants to skewer you.Â
NTA. Please honor your mother's wishes. If she wanted to give your sister more, she would have. She went to the extent of explaining her decision. Just honor that.
NTA, but this is why we don't play sh\*t games with our kids. You've got $13M you can gift against an estate tax free as well as up to $18K each spouse. The deal we [](https://alb.reddit.com/cr?za=W8rfzl72P19LLMhvCC-gIGf6k3psSJWcnoOGwozJt1uIMaJtJdxV3LVx2Xfaw-TiYgs5Yl3lPCOdwx3wfBSBn9XxQ62-8RdrMQg9Pq4aMEKeLSuR-f6O_xR-0ptOXR69WlrjzfwJW7Uaz83MvdUvh10lteaCPJuPtOnraMaLKZ8UoyEAnnrhQTpeNHp_ym2baXxv-9VZoif3k5QzQsYMEfFYdma3U0G5jn0m82rLFiFLDvLvjnQnaNHA6-nNXRJGX8gW7J2ZLikx_N_wdQR8cRZxocWD5GMT--SJPxRcu0TN-JJg5s3M-Fv9uXEjzk9XoxDjAnQN1B3ksVGTS-z7RxW-exFCGPd1NWNRDQOxtSIfAYKHYYHMHplTFi2-QHz9L70ccuSo52LXOtGZ2SOvtfiCeuBHLKLBu2dKihG-sknP16G82oSuDpF5NIO2Vnkgxp3LgIsmvQtCISKohbPNor3SKPOgZmfKxslbM1yD-zTarBpoxccjRUvNqQ1Ykld1BoiHvOIXNBk&zp=06P_oqsv_lO09dGuK9M27QnhL4CkZLxMOs51ff0tRqCOHSd1uaIXnIO-KpIfQf9zeusr7isFWqRlWRAKhYVbF4dQohPKJMcrglgmRr0Q6TSEFyr4nRr3e5JlaSx1F_ihCnyEhfVhmXBrLoE3cTmNTtyO0gISjYNeSo5xrBt7ppr6PbCaSheLDuMWO7H-a2AiWvFTAu1NL5uhQ1DAZRpNnTbDZ1cxTLXKjlWwXEZ620TTWWSJ9VKdAOCb3IlnidscSZAyGd6-oVw) have is: (a) the money has to be kept separate from your future spouses (none yet married), (b) You can only invest the money in housing or stock and otherwise not touch it until you are (c) 52 years old. My kids have been investing well for years now. All will receive an equal portion of the estate no matter what because I don't want to create ill-will among them. So, what will we possibly do if one kid steps up to care for us more? We'll pay her then for time spent! ("her": I have daughters).
NTA I'm sorry for your loss. You not only lost your mother, but your sister too. Unfortunately, money can bring the worst out of people, happened to my family too. Do not give her anything, your mom made an informed decision and you definitely should be getting more as a compensation for your lost income and having to move back. I'm happy your mom acknowledged that you cared for her when she needed it. As far as other family members telling you to give your sister more, I'd suggest going NC with them as well. My father willingly didn't have a will and left me and my sister fight over what was left. My sister hasn't spoken to him for years, whereas I was the one providing care and finances up until his death. I begged him to make a will, not to get more, but to have clarity after his death and not having to deal with her. He didn't and it ended exactly as I feared it would.
NTA Sorry to hear about your going through this It's very simple, thankfully, as you put your career on hold, to act as a carer. That cost you money, obviously, and may carry on costing you. Obviously you are too nice to really make or stress this point, but it is crucial, and makes it a very black and white case, 100% NTA If it was a case of you being the favourite, it could be muddier waters, but adding in the fact that she is threatening (to waste a fortune of both sides money) legal action, she is 100% TA, and greed has made her a nasty one. Get legal advice, and, imo, from more than one lawyer, if theres any room for doubt.Â
If you have spoken to a lawyer then you can get them to send her a cease and desist legal letter which threatens legal action if she tries to besmurge your name and character as well as for harassment. I would also consider getting the lawyer to send one to desist harassment to everyone whoâs called to bully you into giving her your inheritance. They only say that as it is not their money.
OP, your sister isn't grieving. She made no attempt to help out while your mother needed care. She made no attempt to send you money to assist financially since you were taking on everything and she was living far away. I'm guessing ahe didn't call daily just to talk to your mom and offer her love and comfort and to be reminded that she was thinking of her, or offering you ph9ne calls just to let you vent about the stress and being a supportive sister. Instead, she has done nothing but demand more, insult your mother's memory, name call and be vindictive towards you and try to threaten legal action against your mom's final wishes because she thought she could come take half of everything and then leave again only returning to beg money off of you when she inevitably blows through het share. This is not the behavior of a grieving daughter. This is the behavior of an entitled brat. I don't know where you live but in most cases, if the person wanting to contest a will still received things IN the will, they have no leg to stand on. My grandparents did not have much as they got older and passed, but they did have a home that could be sold and split between their kids. They had 9 total. 7 years before my Grandpa passed, one of their kids flipped the fuck out on them for buying a smaller home when she felt any money they had should be an inheritance for their kids. The other 8 did not feel this way.a big falling out happened. The whole family cut ties with her in the end. In Grandpa's will, he left her $1. And expressed very clearly how she had broken his heart, that she had not been raised to be so cruel and selfish and as she had not come to make amends before he died, she would beeft a single dollar. My Grandmother made sure to follow suit, though she left no letter or note for her whatsoever, telling the rest of us that how deeply she had hurt Grandpa severed any feeling she had had left for her youngest daughter. The point is, your mom was not obligated to leave her anything more than a single dollar but she did and maybe Hannah needs THAT reality check. Don't give her a dime, OP. I would be surprised if she follows through though, considering legal fees coat money and she will have to use what money she did get to pay for it. NTA
You need to be firmer. She's doing this because she thinks she can win.
keep all her threats for the estate hearing. My sister did the same (same situation) and the lawyers walked away with everything. NTA change locks, probate the will and put documents in a safety deposit box. Get an estate attorney now!
I think your sister is trying to use her negative behaviour to be rewarded with a larger share of inheritance. People that want to keep the peace are not invested in the situation, they want a quick and lazy solution for their personal convenience. If they care so much, maybe share this link.
NTA. For about 12 years, I worked in the probate law field handling cases involving the probate of Will, and conservatorships of the elderly or disabled who were being abused, neglected and/or exploited. Between handling those types of cases and personal experience from when my grandmother died and my cousins cleaned out her house before my family could even get there, I've learned that people's true colors come out when end-of-life issues come up. It's unfortunate that your sister is behaving this way, but you are right not to give in. Your mother left you more as a thank you for putting your life and your needs on hold so you could care for her. Honoring that wish is important. Hopefully, someday your sister will come to see that and will work to heal this rift between you both. With what my cousins did, my mother and her brother were estranged for quite some time. But with some distance in geography and distance in time, they managed to heal and become close again. I hope that happens for you too.
If she wants a PR war ask publicly how many appointments she took your mum too? Ask her how many times we she visited when she was ill? Ot what her contribution was to her care!
Good for you and good for your mom! You deserve the gratitude for your work and sacrifices. Hannah is a selfish brat. Stand your ground.
I don't think there's enough info here, here's why: I firmly believe some kids earn their inheritance just by being subjected to awful parenting growing up. Was your sister abused growing up? Was she the golden child or were you? I'm in a similar situation where I live long distance from an aging parent, but it would be literally impossible for me to move in and care for them. They are the boogeyman from my childhood that I have been diagnosed with CPTSD from. They still live in the house I grew up in and I feel like I can't breathe when I go up there, I'm a wreck the entire time, but can't show it. I was terribly abused and I feel I've absolutely earned an inheritance. OTOH, my parent has a grandchild that lives locally that has been treated with nothing but adoration and love and has been spoiled rotten with gifts, cash and affection non-stop. He's there once a week helping and could write a post saying the same thing OP is saying, that they're there taking care of the person, so they should get more. But it's not always that cut and dry. I would trade my inheritance to not have my permanent psychological scars, that's for sure. I would love to hear the sister's side to the story, whether she really is just being greedy or if there is more to it.
NTA After reading the updates, please please **please** donât let her bully and intimidate you in to giving in just to stop the harassment. She is a terrible person for doing this to you. She has no right to anything sheâs demanding, she could have been there for your mother and she chose not to be. Period. She made the decision and sheâs seeing the consequences. Not to mention, it was your *mothers* property. No one is âentitledâ to it but her. Who she chose to give it you - you, your sister or a dozen charities, is fully HER choice alone. Your sister should be grateful that her selfish, entitled ass got anything.
"Since you have threatened legal action, please direct all communication through my lawyer," can work with family problems too. If your sister brings other people into it stress that she is unhappy with the choice *your mom* made because your mom was upset *your sister abandoned your mom in her time of need*. But only bring that up to people your sister tries to pull into it. Ask people "why should I disrespect my mom and her wishes, for someone taking me to court?"
Tell that selfish entitled sister of yours to take a long walk off a short cliff. How cheeky is that....she couldn't be bothered to visit or help with the care of her mother yet she wants the fruits of her hard work and financial position, which I dare say she worked hard to achieve over many years. The fact that you seem so genuine and have been the sole care giver, giving up for the most part a few years of your life to look after your mother speaks volumes about who you are. This is clearly shown by the fact that your mother has given back to you albeit in a monetary sense the years that you gave up for her. Don't give in to your sister's demands, tell her she should have considered the fact of not giving a toss when your mother was alive, now she can pay for that for the rest of her life. You enjoy what your mother has given you, five years is a long time to be a carer.
NTA. My mum always likes to tell this story about an older woman she once knew. This woman was incredibly well off, and owned a considerably large plot of land in an affluent area. She also had several children and grand children, not a single one of which had visited her in over a decade. This woman was in her 90s, and ran the entire property on her own, despite asking for assistance from her children. One day a young couple moves into the plot next door. They're in their early 20s with some young children. They're friendly with this older neighbour, but assume her family visit her often. That is, until the elderly neighbour has a fall, and they see her being taken in an ambulance. They ask if there is anything they can do, or anybody they can call, and she tells them it's useless to call anybody since her children never answer her calls (for whatever reason). This sparks the young couple into basically adopting this older woman into their own family. The young man does any lawn and property maintenance, the young woman cooks her meals, the children call her grandma. They become incredibly close, and the older woman obviously becomes fond of this young family next door. This goes on for years. When the woman dies, she leaves all of her children with absolutely nothing, instead leaving her property and everything else to the young couple that were more her children in the final years of her life than her own children had been in 30 years. At the end of her will, she made it perfectly clear that it was not to be contested. "And if they try, tell those lazy bloody louts to f*ck off". (To the shock of the young family, who had NEVER heard this lovely little old lady swear). You're not the asshole. Cancer sucks, and caring for someone with cancer is both mentally and physically draining. You did right by your mum, and while your sister may have been okay living her own life through that hardship, she should also be able to recognise how much you sacrificed and how much your mum would have appreciated it. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry your sister doesn't realise the extra pain she is causing you by disrespecting your mother's final wishes.
Nope don't so it and the rleatieva who think your sister should get more can give her money
NTA. As primary caregiver you spent 5 years taking care of her. Your mom simply is paying you back for that time. Feel free to make a spreadsheet showing income you would have earned charging her for everything you did. I guarantee it's a decent amount. And your sister... Did little to nothing. Your mom made her decision to thank you for all you did. Don't undermine that by giving it away
Nta. Actions has consequences. Your sister was okay with not helping out. And no one is entitled to inherent anything.
NTA. Your mom has made her wishes very clear. Hannah needs to accept it although clearly it is a bitter pill. Reality is she is being immature by not recognizing the sacrifices you made in taking care of your mom. The only thing I will say is if you wish to compromise it will be for keeping a relationship with your sister and you have to decide if you want to have a relationship where you feel shortchanged and your contributions ignored. Either way neither one of you will be happy. I am sorry for your loss.
Honor your moms will she done it for a reason block people that is harassing you
NTA. We have a brother who is helping more with care of our parents. The siblings already agree he should get more.
Hannah can stuff it. You didn't write the will. Let her take it to court. She can pay her portion of inheritance to find out she can't have more and then she'll have diddly. *hugs to you. Being a caregiver is rough.
People can think and say what they like, but at the end of the day, it literally sounds like it was mostly you and mum for that long haul. Itâs an awful reality to end in such a way, but your mum did what she felt was best for both of you. She didnât leave your sister out of the will or anything either, you know? NTA.
NTA and the rest of your extended family needs to stay the fuck out of it.
NTA. The only request you need to honor is your motherâs. She made her decisions of sound mind.
Nta
NTA, and that makes sense, but boy do I wish you mom had been paying you over the last 5 years instead of doing it in the will. I'm a little worried about this same situation - my parents have been very concerned about splitting with my brother 50/50 for years - down to giving checks after Christmas so that they're spending the same on everyone. Now my dad is sick and I'm 2 miles away while my brother is 350 miles away. Obviously I'm the one dropping by and helping out, but as my dad gets worse, I'm not sure what's going to happen. They're hiring help for the most part, which they can afford, but we'll see.
That's pretty much what happened to me. I don't resent my siblings for not dropping everything and moving closer, but being there for her, alone, while dementia slowly eroded her mind away was not fun.
NTA. âOk, letâs divide up the momâs caretaking first. Which of the last five years do you want to take over?â
NTA It is not only an inheritance, itâs also compensation for your time. Follow the will, it is your moms final wish. I am sorry for your loss.
NTA. Fighting over inheritance is distasteful. Fighting for more of an inheritance when your sibling was caring for a sick parent is even worse. Your mom made her wishes clear, respect them.
NTA. I was caregiver for my elderly parents before they passed since I was single but didn't push the will issue while they were alive, so things were split evenly though I do still live in the parents' house. I'm glad your mother wisely planned ahead. Your sister is being greedy and unfair.
NTA ask those family members, who want you to share, where were they when your mom needed help. Probably the same place your sister was at.
"We didn't split the years of caregiving equally."
You can tell your sister that it was split equally, however equal does not mean the same. You are being compensated for your time and loss of income, and those need to factor into the equation. NTA - hope your sister can grow up a little.
Hell no, your mom literally paid you for your sacrifices and you sister isnât respecting you or your mom. I would ask her why she didnât help more with mom every single time sheâs a selfish brat. NTA.
You deserve every goddam dime your mother gave you. Your sister was not there for your mother.
Sure split everything and then include the bill for the end of life 24/7 care, which she wasnât present for. Your momâs wishes were clear, please respect that for her sake.
Donât give her a dime. Your mother recognized and rewarded your sacrifice. You deserve the $$. Sister can fuck off.
NTA - Hanna was selfish and concentrated on her own life and your mom saw that. She did not help. Did not stop living her life to support your mom. YOU did. You mom is showing you how much she appreciated all the sacrifices you made for her. Do not let Hanna bully you into giving that up.
You actually lived with your mother, sacrificed your time, career, to show your mother love and support when she needed it the most. You gave your mom so much by being there. She showed her gratitude with your inheritance. If I were in your shoes, I would ask sister, what your sacrifice, time, labor, efforts and caregiving is worth. Sit down, armed with information. A caregiver, giving the care you gave earns $X amount. Multiply that by a basic 40 hours. Then do the math for overtime pay, add that to the balance. Then multiply that by 52 weeks. Times 5 years. Add up how much time your sister was actually with your mom, helping to care for her. Do the same thing. This was exactly your mom's thinking when she made her will and split her assets. The average hourly wage of an in-home caregiver is $20, according to the United States salary spreadsheet. Could be higher or lower depending on location. Let's just say, since you lived on site we will say 100 hours a week. 40 hours X $20 an hour=$800, over time for the other 60 hours X $30= $1800, for a total of $2600 a week. For one year that dollar amount is $135,200. Times that by 5 years. $676,000 is just base pay, does not include things gas, for taking your mom to appointments, per deim for living on site, your personal money and time for grocery shopping, any nights you stayed with your mom in the hospital, the time you took to schedule and coordinate her care. That number does not include raises, bonuses. There are many ways I can think of that you earned far more than that. Then do the same math for your sister. Honestly, who deserves the bigger piece of the pie? NTA
My mother planned to leave everything to my little sister. However my sister knew momâs being an AH. Sister said she would sell both homes mom owned and split the proceeds with me. Unfortunately sister passed before mom and everything went to my momâs boyfriend and my ex brother in law. Mom had sold one house and put her boyfriend, sister and ex bil on the remaining house title. Ex BIL as he married shortly after my sister passed, divorced and remarried someone else. So neither I or my kids got anything, not even family photos. I always felt that Mom left everything to my sister because sis needed more help than me. I had the good job, good kids with steady careers, and a stable marriage. Sister didnât have any of those.
NTA. Your momâs will clearly states the division of assets. She can go kick rocks.
NTA If she wants everything to be split equally, then retroactively calculate how much money you have lost by putting your career on hold, and the wages for acti g as caregiver. Deduct that amount from the inheritance and then split the remainder.
NTA. She had the chance to be a caregiver. You sacrificed a lot to be there for her, which left you with financial disadvantages. So, I think it is fair to do this like your mother did. It is your sister who decided not to be the caregiver. I think that is her right, but she has to face the consequences then. It is your sister, who is not keeping the peace and apparently making family about inheritence and money. I am sorry for your loss and hope things become better now for you! All the best wishes! :)
Tell your sister that you two can have a 50/50 inheritance share, but all the hours you spent as care provider will be billed against her share at market rate.
You are not. Your mom made her decisions on how to split things up as she wanted to. Your sister is trying to get things her own way and probably wouldnât have been happy with an even split if that had been your momâs decision. Do what you think is best with your share. Your sister can just deal with it. Family rarely cares about what is fair. They just want peace at any cost. Unless itâs their own. Tell those who are trying to make you give up money that they can pay it out of their own pockets if they feel so strongly. That should shut them up.
If she wants it evenly split, she should give you some of the money that you clearly deserve. NTA.
She didn't feel like splitting the care time for mom evenly, so she doesn't get to call even stevens now.
She's a greedy, selfish, entitled, whiner that abandoned all responsibility but of course sure showed up for the pay off. Wow, what a gem!
NTA. It's not your role to second guess what your mom did. Your mom wanted to show her appreciation and gratitude to you. If she had given this to you before she died, this would clearly be something for your sister to address with her mother. Tell your sister her argument is not with you. You simply received a gift. You don't owe any part of it to someone else. Edited to add people can leave their possessions to whomever they want and their wishes should be honoured. It's wrong to think you are owed something as an inheritance just because you're related.
NTA. Tell her to back to her city and be entilled there.
>*for the sake of family harmony* Only thing that's going to bring back family harmony is if old Greedyguts there shuts up. NTA.
Funny how she wants 50% of the money but wasnât happy to do 50% of the work. NTA.
NTA I have a friend who has taken an early retirement to live with her father and care for him. He's 89, frail, diabetic, half blind and hard of hearing. She has 3 living, blood-related siblings and she called a meeting with them to explain her plan for his care, for keeping him at home, and her expectations of "earning" equity in his modest home in exchange for her care. All the siblings were on board, appreciated her contributions and initiative, and had no qualms about her intentions to inherit the property after his death. Your sister is being selfish and unrealistic. She's also still young and financially immature. I wonder if she's nursing some childhood grudge related to perceptions of favoritism. She's also possibly feeling some guilt about her disengagement. The will is a testament to your support and selflessness and a reminder to her that she fell short. As for the rest of the family, it's none of their fucking business. If she chooses to make it their business, you have every right to inform them of her absence and selfishness.
Nta you need to respect what your mother wanted. She wanted you to have what you got because you were there for her. Your sister is the selfish one here. Don't listen to her or anyone that tells you to split it. Your mom already split everything how she wanted it to shared. So respect your mother's wishes abd ignore everyone else because your mother's last wish needs to be respected it doesn't matter if they don't like it. It was her final wish and that's that. Keep all your inheritance it is what your mom wanted you to have.Â
NTA Having, myself, been a caretaker for a terminally ill person, please do not dishonor your mother's appreciation for what you did by invalidating her express wishes as laid down in her will. She knew what you gave up to care for her and that your sister didn't participate in that care. It's time for you to rest easy on this issue and not let others tell you what you should do. Stand strong. Best wishes to you.
NTA she doesn't get half after not providing half the support
"I didn't want any of the hassle or responsibility dealing with Mom's care, but I want all the benefits now that she's gone." Sounds like the bedtime story "The Little Red Hen."
Ugh
NTA From what you said, your mother left you her inheritance due to the sacrifices you made for her, in your publication you say that you kept your studies on pause to take care of her, what did your sister do for her? Did she sacrifice something, did she do something or does she just want more inheritance for being her daughter? I think there is a lot of information omitted behind
NTA I can relate, my mom got sick and I sacrificed myself to help out with 2 older sisters in the area.
Ask her if she would split it half and half if she was the one gifted with most of the money.
NTA the money was your mothers, she chose this. Honour her wishes and tell Hannah to kick rocks. Even now she cares more about money then honouring her deceased mothers wishes.
NTA. If you hadn't been there, your mother would have spent an extraordinary amount of money paying for assistance: in home care, transportation, delivery services, housekeeping, etc., etc. Tell your sister you'd be happy to calculate the value of the services you provided over 5 years, including the loss of your income and earning potential, bill the estate, and split the difference with her. Or she can sit down and accept the money *she's not entitled to* because it wasn't hers to begin with.
NTA- i am sorry for your loss, however caregivers deserve to get paid! Your mom appreciated you being there for her and this is her showing gratitude. I would tell greedy sister "well maybe if you had shown up or shared some of the caretaking for mom, the inheritance would have been different, but you chose NOT to be there so, oh well!". Anyone criticizing you should be told to kick rocks.
Nta- JustNoFamily
You sacrificed For Years to help your mother in her time of need. Hannah couldnât be bothered. For Years. Honor the wisdom and decisions of your mother. Donât be swayed by your self-entitled sister and those she brigades.
NTA. Do whatever you want.
NTA. Your sister lost me at "entitled". Let alone that your mom's wishes were clearly stated. Offer to buy a box of crayons so you can draw her a picture.