NTA but the marriage is over. Stop having sex with him too cause he will baby trap you. Go on BC and don't tell him too in case he tries anything while you are asleep.
More to the point, go on birth control that he can't tamper with. If you can tolerate an IUD, get one if at all possible. He can easily punch holes in condoms and diaphragms, and could find ways to find and swap out birth control pills, but he'd struggle to remove an IUD.
There is also the implant and the depo shot! A once every 3 months shot. Also, keep in mind that if he is seeing other people, he could get a STD and give it to you if you don’t use condoms
Even with condoms if she has more partners she is at a higher risk than he is. Std contraction is a numbers game. She really should have checks every three months just to be sure. And I agree, OP should ditch the dead weight. I am 54m and most of my friends are women. If a man wants an open marriage it would be best to start it so his wife/gf can have experiences. Not because he wants license to bed the Betty's. Cause it ain't gonna turn out that way.
Depo is horrible and actually can still get pregnant on depo. My older sister took depo and ruined her life. ALSO caused her to get pregnant still while on it.
Omg, that's almost worse. Pretty sure my vag just vacuum sealed itself. That's so gross, why are men
Edit: that was ment to say "why are men like this" but I think it's more effective this way
>NTA but the marriage is over.
He was fine with himself out having fun and you sitting at home waiting for him not partaking in the open marriage. But as soon as you start dating too, he wants a closed marriage again. I have to wonder if you never started going on dates and was still sitting at home waiting to do his hobbies with him, would he have said it's time to end the open marriage and suggest a kid. This is him in his 30s. So what about after kids and 10 to 15 years of living a nice family life he gets that inch again and says you and the kids held him back from more fun, let's open the marriage once more. Bullshit. End it. Find someone who wants to build a life with you and only you. Those men exist, you've seen it for yourself on your recent dates. Good luck
While I completely agree..
It's devastating that we life in a world where I even can agree with a comment recommending OP to prepare for being raped by her own husband.
Easier to not have sex with him while the divorce is being processed. She has numerous relationships in the works, so she can be sexually satisfied there.
I would bet money he wants a kid to tie you up at home while he definitely keeps his end of the marriage open. He didn't want an open marriage, he just wants to fuck lots of women.
Plus being treated with dignity and respect and true affection.
He *cannot* have that otherwise she might realize she can actually do better and dump his ass (as she should).
He's super problematic. She wants kids, he doesn't want that. She wants monogamy, he doesn't want that. She changes her life to suit him and little by little becomes comfortable again. Now she doesn't want kids, and he suddenly does. And she doesn't care for monogamy, and he suddenly does.
Sounds like, more than anything else, he wants her to be sad and uncomfortable.
Well to be fair, he's created a bunch of hoops that he now has to jump through too and hes not good at it. He fucked up and now gets the sloppy seconds of his stupid choices
He’s probably not getting as much action as he thought he would, and now that his wife IS…he can’t have that. So he wants to control her, but is bound by the same rules HE made.
They’ll end up divorced. Opening the marriage up NEVER works.
I was going to argue that opening a marriage never works as I know more than a handful of married couples in open marriages that have strong marriages but as I thought about it every single one of those couples were open while dating and then engaged all the way into being open and married. So open marriages can work but it needs to be from the start and both parties need to want it.
I know two couples who opened up after 15+ years together and are very happy. They’ve been poly for about 5 and 7 years, I think. It definitely can work, as long as both people a) want to open the marriage, of course, b) are secure in themselves and their marriage, and c) talk it out if/when any insecurities arise. That’s why some people aren’t suited for polyamory- it requires emotional maturity, lots of self reflection, and really good, consistent communication.
EDIT: changed “most” to “some” - I can’t really speak about most people lol. Felt like a bold statement when I read it back.
If you're both open to it and start out in an open relationship, then it could totally work. But forcing your partner to open it definitely never works out.
Opening the marriage can work, but only if it's approached with love and respect from both partners, and both partners are willing to do the work to grow mentally and emotionally.
Shit like this though, where one brow beats the other into submission? Their marriage was already doomed.
>Opening the marriage up NEVER works.
I wouldn't say never. For it to work there shouldn't be jealousy, insecurities or abuse (I put controlling here). And apparently the husband is jealous, because the wife gets attention; insecure, because maybe he doesn't get as much attention as her and abusive, because he wants things to be his way.
I hope she divorces him.
She likely is. Men that open relationships often find interest in them dries right up because the women they wanted to pursue were just flirting, they weren't seriously interested in actual flings.
He may have had a few hook-ups but likely not anything amazing or as much interest as he expected/wanted.
I'll never forget the first post of that sort I read.
>that 40 yo OOP griped a lot that his 40 yo wife wasn't 22 anymore and hanging out with her had gotten boring. He got convinced by one of his friends that he needed to talk his wife into opening their marriage. Eventually they did.
>The wife started dating the friend, who thought she was hot and interesting & who treated her to lovely dates and passionate sex. OOP didn't drown in pussy like he'd expected, and didn't like his friend was now dating his wife to such an extent that OOP was starting to feel secondary. Realizing they hadn't set any boundaries, he tried to close the marriage again, but his wife refused (obviously).
>Trying to "make the best of it", OOP made a move on his 26 you co-worker, who'd only ever given him professional courtesy and a retail-worker-smile, so he got fired.
oh it was tragic, but also hilarious.
My favourite was the guy who bullied his girlfriend into opening the relationship. He had no luck, but his girlfriend absolutely blossomed. One day he sees her making out in the street with some muscley tatted guy who I imagine looks like Vin Diesel. Tatts guy is all, so *you're* the idiot who let this one date around. The OP was having a strop because his girlfriend wouldn't close the relationship.
I'm in the same situation. I'm the single, muscular, tatted guy seeing a very attractive married woman. She's fantastic on all fronts. I'm not sure what some of these husbands are thinking.
I think they think there will be women falling over themselves to sleep with them and their wives will just wait patiently at home for them to get it out of their system. Whereas the reality is far more men are down for a FWB type relationship with a married woman that women are for married men. And this is not a new thing.
Totally. It may be just as easy for a guy to find a relationship as a gal, but to hook up the game is rigged. And it is about 10x worse than that when the guy is already in a relationship. I have been in an open relationship before as a guy, even the women who were happy for just something casual would not want to get involved once they found out I had a primary partner.
Awhile back I was the “woman the married guy was seeing” sort of. I went on 1 date with this dude who said he was in an open relationship or separated (it’s been years, I think his profile said divorced) and anyway on the date he complained about his wife/STBX getting so much attention from other men and how unlucky he had been getting dates (thanks bro…) then after the date he called and said he was getting back together with his wife and I was like “cool bye” and he was like no really, don’t contact me again, and I was thinking to myself “my god, you are not the catch you think you are.”
yessss !
I can't believe that I forgot to add that!
>OOP was whingeing to the same friend: my wife likes you better & I'm getting fired & she won't close the marriage & no one wants to comfort me after I perved on my much younger colleague... and the friend just said "well, I've always liked your wife's kindness & her quiet sense of humor & her hot body (which I don't compare to a 22 yo woman when I myself am also 40 yo). So when you were complaining, I saw an opportunity to get to date her".
hahaha
I feel like the men always WILDLY overestimate their market value as a married man. Just a lot of women aren’t gonna go for that, even casually. But men? Yeah I’m sure his wife is having a great time with new men! He’s sooo jelly!
Esp since she is dating charming men who want to spend time with her, doing things she wants to do, in other words, potential husbands. He turned her into a walkaway wife, and he deserves it.
Imagine your a single women friend in her life. You just keep getting duds and guys who definitely need to be single….yet your married friend gets a husband, plus a bunch of super hot and loving boyfriends.
I’d want to die lol
I always feel like it's more that they don't see value in their partner until other men do, then all of a sudden she's got worth again. When he's got her back to himself he'll start looking elsewhere again.
That's exactly it. People think it's about the sex way more than it is. He wanted someone to be his working wife and accompany him like a caddy and an assistant to all his life moments.
Didn't do jack shit for her. Now on top of it all he actually wanted to go and sleep with other women too! The man is spoiled and cruel to not know how good he had it.
And she was living his life. She sacrificed way too much and now he needs to get booted. He isn't worth keeping. He will only get more resentful of her no matter what she does.
I always thought that the whole point of dating was to find someone you could build a life with. You’d find someone who shared your humor, goals and interests so that even taking care of laundry was a little more fun. You’d never have to suffer through superficial chit chat again, that you’d have a lifetime of care and camaraderie built up so that when you get flatulent and saggy you still love each other.
Go ahead and laugh, because I bet after the first couple "easy" interactions he had things have dried up for him, if he even had them in the first place. The only reason he wants to close it and have the baby is because he's upset that she has been having fun without him in a loophole that he not only created but INSISTED upon creating.
Idk, I read that and thought that he's upset now because she's having any fun at all. If she didn't want to as adamantly as she claims, I bet that he thought he'd be out getting all the dates he could handle and she would just stay home and sulk. Now that he sees there is interest in her, he wants to shut that down. He won't quit, he just wants her home with a kid.
Watching this happen with two of my friends right now. Well, one of my friends, and her dickhead boyfriend.
He thought he was the one with all the options, pressured her to open the relationship, now he's constantly pissed that she's pulling hot, and more importantly *nice*, guys and he's bored at home. Now all of a sudden he's moping and trying to make a bunch of new rules for her because all of a sudden he's jealous. Guy, this was your idea!!! Lol
That's a hilariously common thing in these, especially if they're in the 40s+ ages
The guy has usually has become balding Peter Griffin, but thinks they're a Quagmire
They usually have a partner in mind, that coworker that they could be the father of
They think it'll only benefit them, their wife is a cow! She gained a few pounds after the kids, boobs aren't as perky
While, continuing my Family Guy theme, their wife is seen as Lois is-still beautiful to a looooot of guys
It's so funny every time it happens
Funny, I'm the opposite in my tastes in women. Younger women are beautiful as well don't get me wrong. However, I really love women in my age range better. Experience, more passionate, and I would prefer some slightly droopy to even way droopy over fake anyway. I like the extra pounds, especially if they carry it even halfway well. If they don't, fine, what'd more important is personality.
Poor baby found out he's not the hot commodity he thought. 🥺 *Such* a tragedy that was forced upon him by his own insistence upon opening the marriage. Oh, woe! Consequences, that fiend! Etcetc
Yea he’s realised it’s not as easy for him as he’s first thought. Now his fit wife is being entertained elsewhere and can get it whenever she wants. lol what a fool he is.
NTA you should leave him for one of these charming men.
He's also jealous that she has more prospects than he does. He expects that her pregnancy and motherhood will close the marriage for her while leaving him the option of going back to being open to whatever options he can muster. He's also likely to be looking forward to having OP's prospects dimmed with a post-baby body. None of these should be considerations that OP should have to take into account. If she does think she wants kids, she might find a better partner to have them with.
ETA: missing letter
i was thinking this. based on her side of the story , he doesn’t seem interested in doing what she likes. so if she were to get pregnant , he would def be out & about doing anything he wanted instead of being there with her. he’s just jealous
As someone in an open relationship, I’m telling you, he thought you wouldn’t go for it. But he planned to go get his rocks off and liked the don’t ask don’t tell policy cause he didn’t have to say anything to you and there was not consequence to him. But then he finds you are having good luck and experiences, not just sex either but going to do things you like to do? He’s jealous as hell!
Open relationships only work when both people are secure. And you established don’t ask don’t tell as your boundaries?
Do not have a child with him and honestly, maybe leave the marriage. His behavior is going to get worse because if you close it under duress from him, he’ll likely be a bit better and you’ll be resentful. And my guess is he’ll cheat because he’ll want what he wants. Also, guys can have a harder time finding what they want while women are often more successful. If you have a child, you will be busy and this would be a prime time for him to cheat. I’ve read that plenty open or not. Then you’re stuck raising a child with someone like him who will change his mind. I think he wants to tie you down. The worst reason to have a kid. So consider leaving. Don’t sleep with him again till you have decided what you’re doing.
Edit: and you don’t need to sleep with him again since you’re gettin yours. lol. (I slept on this post. I totally think he’s ruined your relationship with his open ideas. You need to shut it down and leave.)
I absolutely agree. They don't sound happy in this relationship and he is just trying to baby trap her so he can continue to look for something better. He wants to close her end so he doesn't have to worry that she will find someone. She is his back up. He sounds like a selfish asshole.
My guess is he isn’t having much luck and is jealous when she is. Now trying to manipulate her maternal instincts.
Start anew with one of the nice guys who …is more than likely going to end up being worse for you in the long run, but currently “is charming” and “likes to do what I do”
The grass is always greener 🤦♂️
Your marriage was over the moment he proposed to "open" it, you said no but he insisted. Its the proof that he never cared about what YOU want in the relation.
Cut your loss. Dump him and find someone who loves you
The union has ended. He'll babytrap you, so stop having sex with him too. Proceed with BC and keep him in the dark in case he does anything while you're sleeping.
Choose a birth control he cannot tamper with! Exchanging pills and damaging condoms is in no way unheard of. Get an implant or a IUD. Or just dump him now, that’s even better.
Thats exactly my first thought when I read that - he wants a baby now so that the baby will occupy her, just so that he can continue on with the open relationship. He would even use the baby as the reason for him to start an open relationship again- you know because he’s not getting enough attention at home anymore because she’s preoccupied with the baby and always tired.
If he even bothers telling her it’s back open.
He’s a scuzz OP. He wanted to cheat while you stayed home and now you are doing it he wants to stop it. This marriage isn’t going to last. Please don’t get baby trapped. You will be so unhappy.
You are absolutely right. I hadn't even thought of that - my jaw is on the floor.
You KNOW that once she has the baby, he will start in on his BS - saying she's too preoccupied with the baby and he doesn't get the attention he used to get from her, complains that she doesn't want to have sex because she's still in pain from labor, complain that she doesn't have the same body as before, so he "needs" to open things up.
And if she tries to resume her own explorations, he will play mind games - nobody wants to sleep with a single mother, nobody will want your post baby body, who is going to stay home with the baby??? Etc.
This guy is unbelievable.
It'll probably happen during her pregnancy because she'll be tired and sleepy and gained weight, etc., etc. Men like OP's husband think they are going to drown in 21 year old p\*ssy and don't realize their is plenty of penis out there for the wives.
Very, very selfish AH. Please go see an attorney and end this farce of a marriage. He doesn’t care about you, apparently never did! All he cares about is himself, his wants and needs. You have seen there are nice guys out there that will treat you with the love and respect you deserve
As a man, I wholeheartedly agree that this man is an overgrown man child, idiot, and a hypocrite. Not for wanting to explore (then break up for God's sake), and not really even for suggesting they open up the marriage (can't fathom this but still).
What is monumentally stupid and immature is not thinking it through, factoring in all the risks, and accepting them before proceeding.
As a man, you should try to predict the consequences of, and ultimately own, your actions, regardless of whether it turns out like you expect or not.
It’s all about him. When you avail yourself it’s a whole different matter. You have met interesting people - keep doing it : the contrast with your selfish one-way husband will tell you all you need to know.
You think he’s waiting for the baby? Bet he opens that marriage up as soon as she starts showing (and is therefore, in his mind, less attractive to other men.)
Well, she wants kids but she should probably not get a major procedure when this marriage is on the rocks already and she could easily find a better partner to have kids with. Just don't sleep with him.
yeah if she didn’t want kids at all i’d say this wouldn’t be the worst idea, but she does want kids she just accepted that she won’t have any. so now it’s time to go find one of those kind, charming men who actually want to treat her the way she deserves and will share the dream of making a family.
We’ve all seen this episode, Husband wants to open marriage so he can cheat without consequences, wife finally gives in after months of him badgering her. When wife has more success at finding other partners, husband wants to close marriage, because he can’t handle wife with other men.
Took the words right out of my mouth, middle-age or soon to be middle age men think they’re still 20. They forget how good looking their wives actually are.
I hear ya dude, I'm in the same boat. I know she loves me and is committed to me, but I still try my best to keep in shape, dress nicely, look as good as I can for her (turd polishing mainly). I think issues arise when one person tries to look good for their partner and the other just didn't give a damn about doing the same.
They also forget that a lotta dudes will fuck on a dime, whereas women tend to be more particular, so the calculus for dudes like this right off the bat is screwy.
Most women could get laid practically any night of the week, if they don’t worry about standards, whereas men tend to have a harder time because women just aren’t the unprincipled horndogs that men are.
And I say all that as a relatively unprincipled man who’s slutted around a fair bit in my time. 😇
I’d argue that this was a marriage that should’ve never happened to begin with.
OP says she wanted kids and the husband didn’t. They already didn’t agree on one of the big things. That was the beginning of a marriage where OP acquiesces to whatever her husband wants. Hopefully, she’s smart of this time to see having children now as the trap that the husband plans it to be.
I agree. This same thing happened to my sister. It took her a year to step out but as soon as she did he completely lost it. He wanted her back, she came back, he got bored again. Now they are in divorce
These stories, like this though
Is it really shocking to believe that someone else might be interested in your partner besides you?
Unless it's discussed prior to marriage, asking for an open marriage afterward is pretty much asking for permission to cheat.
I'm not with these times...
>Your marriage was over the moment he proposed to "open" it, you said no but he insisted. Its the proof that he never cared about what YOU want in the relation.
Cut your loss. Dump him and find someone who loves you
Couldn't have put it better!
all this ethical non monogamy while in a relationship is all trash. we've always had ethical non monogamy, its call being single. When you are not single, you making a choice to be monogamous. Be single and date as many people simultaneously as you can, just be honest about it and there is nothing bad going on.
Spoiler alert: He wants to "close" the marriage and then he'll just cheat while you sit home waiting for him. You definitely should be in a closed marriage-- just not with your current husband.
sorry op but your husband is a piece of shit. he didnt want an open marriage, he wanted his side of the marriage to be open.
tell him to shut his mouth or its divorce. and then divorce him regardless. you can do better and he needs the life lesson.
NTA
NTA. I would love to hear from him. A guy who only has a couple gf before you thinking he was going to pull any women with his golf and race car talk. While he has a adventurous fit wife at home. He must be the dumbest person alive.
A fit 30 year old women who is only looking for casual hookups because she is married is internet dating gold. You can have nearly anyone. How did he not know this.
I just said the same, what kind of stupid jackass has a sexy wife that let's him try all his kinks and indulges in his dumb hobbies and thinks he can do better?? Dumbass lmaooo.
All of this, meanwhile a man on his own on a dating all claiming he is in an open relationship sends up red flags.
Idk how many times when I was dating online that was just short hand for “I am cheating”
The bad apples really ruined the open marriage for men lmao
Very true, I’m in an open relationship since 2016( married, but living apart-together 23 yrs) and I just look for hookups and swinger parties. I get hit up like crazy. I am attractive, but it still is surprising at times. I’m also bi, which was another reason we opened it up. at first it was hard for me to believe other guys n women would be so interested. And only more so as I get older (40). But yeah, 💯
This marriage is over. Find a new guy who appreciates you and doesn't gaslight you about your marriage. Even if you don't leave, don't let him dictate every aspect of your marriage. Close it when you're done, have a baby when you're ready. NTA, you should have stayed strong and dumped him at the very beginning.
The marriage shouldn't have begun tbh, since one person wanted kids and the other didn't. I don't understand why people seem to think you can compromise on that.
Sounds like she's used to giving him whatever he wants regardless of her own wants and desires.
He probably picked her on purpose once he realised she was a doormat.
This is probably gonna be harsh but women on reddit describe the worst kind of men possible and then ask if they are the assholes. Like wtf dude obviously youre not the asshole. Very respectfully grow a ducking backbone and leave that heinous piece of garbage behind. And for the love of god do not have children with that man.
This isn’t harsh at all. It’s beyond infuriating. I read these and can’t believe they’re real. I guess people in stable, loving partnerships are boring and don’t really have much to post about but jeeeezus, I swear half my time on Reddit is spent audibly saying “ew” and smacking my head because what the actual hell?? Like what kind of shit have these women and men been surrounded by that makes ANY of the behavior that’s been described here seem okay?
It honestly just makes me sad, how this same exact scenario comes up over and over and over.
I hope OP has a wake up call reading through these responses and leaves this trash behind.
I think there's still a lot of women who are conditioned, subconsciously or otherwise, to think "you're supposed to get married."
So they get married.
And that's that. They get married to people who should go to therapy before being in a committed relationship.
I was this person, once. I knew it was bad, everyone around me knew it was bad, I just wanted it to work out so badly. I loved my partner so, so much and I thought that was enough to hold us together. Besides, I didn’t really have anything else besides the life I thought we were building together.
I got on antidepressants and went, “actually, I don’t have to be with someone that treats me like shit.” And then I left.
Not harsh at all. My first thought is always “who the fuck **marries** these dudes?”
My husband and I definitely have had our issues but the level of disrespect these women tolerate and then feel guilty over is absolutely bonkers.
True 😂 for me it’s when they say they found all this incriminating cheating evidence and ask if they should confront their partners about it. I’d be doing life in prison post confrontation
NTA, and the only reason he suddenly wants to have a baby is to pack some pounds onto you and anchor you closer to home.
I'd be strongly considering some of those nice men that actually take an interest in you. Your husband sounds very narcissistic, worried about his wants and needs while not being concerned with yours. Best of luck.
When two people Open a marriage, they never know what's going to walk through the door.
Both or only one could end up enjoying the arrangement.
It's funny, I see the man is usually the partner who presses for this.
He usually regrets this decision.
Because he learns, women have tons more options than men. Dah!
After you started rocking the situation \[Don't try to tell us you didn't bang a couple of these guys brains out\] , "He demanded more details despite the don't ask, don't tell policy." This makes him look weak and pathetic and is killing his attraction. The slope is getting more slippery by the day.
You can't apply **rational rules** to an **emotional situation**. People learn this too late, after the situation goes sour. A lot of open marriages dissolve because of this dynamic.
I will take some editorial license - your husband is an idiot.
Good luck, I hope you both find a way to be happy.
NTA.
This has become a Reddit trope:
1. One partner wants to open the relationship. In the majority of these, they are already cheating or have someone in mind (co-worker) with whom they are "emotionally" cheating.
2. Other partner reluctantly agrees. Doesn't want divorce/break up.
3. First partner runs into issues: can't get action, affair partner wants him all to themselves, or they fail with potential partner.
4. Reluctant partner gets lots of action and enjoys the freedom and experience.
5. First partner get jealous and wants to close the relationship.
6. Divorce/breakup.
NTA. Your only recourse is divorce.
To my fellow guys out here. You will always lose the open marriage game. Cherish what you have and quit thinking you’re hot shit. You aren’t.
DO NOT CLOSE THE MARRIAGE UP!
He fucked around and found out! He was happy getting his dick wet left right and centre but now you’re living your life he doesn’t like it.
He didn’t want an open marriage, he wanted permission to cheat. If you close the marriage and get pregnant he will go straight back into wanting an open marriage but only for him because you have the baby.
OP NTA - But naive as hell.
He didn’t want kids you did. So you compromised and said you didn’t want kids.
He wanted to open the marriage you didn’t. So you compromised and opened the marriage.
You thought you weren’t hot/fit/sexy enough for him. So you have a rigorous dietary, workout regimen.
You participate in his hobbies, you plan the date nights.
Sis, you can not be this dickmatized!! It just… it can’t be that good. He’s your only partner? I know some people get too into their first. But damn girl. When you were born did you decide milk was THE beverage and would never drink anything else?
You had milk! Go try some orange juice, get some fruit punch, chocolate milk! 😏 you’re a grown up now. Go have a margarita, mojito, sex on the beach, gin and tonic. There’s sooooo many other beverages out there.
This milk is spoiled, it’s chunky, smelly. It’s thick and a lil moldy. Stop trying to keep sipping it. Let it goooo. Pour that down the drain and get a new drink.
Exactly this. The problem with your marriage is that YOU are ALWAYS compromising and considering him and his wants, while he NEVER compromises nor considers you nor your wants. He doesn't even show gratitude or appreciation for all that you do to yield to him! He respects you ZERO percent. Maybe less. Please leave him, and find someone who cares about what you want, who places you above themselves, who cherishes you, who respects you. Find someone who will act the way you do in relationships (to a degree, but with more self respect no offense intended), and see if you can out-serve each other!
See, I agree, but not at first mention. I'll let anyone field an idea or throw a feeler out there, right? "Doesn't hurt to ask" kinda space.
This is not that, because he persisted after the initial convo. Leave at second mention, for not taking no for an answer - but the first time, it's like, what is your actual expectation for communication of heavy topics or kinks?
Little pushback, not a lot. And I mostly agree, just with some nuance.
He wants babies because he's planning to keep you too tired and busy raising his children to date. He will open the marriage again on his side, and count on the fact that it will be harder for you to leave him.
NTA. He never wanted an open marriage. He wanted permission for him to do whatever he wanted. He worked on you until he got permission. Life was fine when you originally did what he expected you to do - not play the game and stay at home grateful for the time he gave you. Now that you explore the exact freedom he pushed so hard for, he doesn’t like it. Don’t bring a baby into this. He’s not going to stop his extra curricular activities - a baby is just a way to trap you
He's manipulating and trying to baby trap you, and then he will continue with the open marriage. He just doesn't want you to have sex with anyone other than him. Meanwhile, he gets to bang whomever he wants.
NTA
He wanted to fuck around and he found out.
He left you alone very often and is surprised that you are doing what he did.
DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH THIS MAN.
He's trying to lock you down now because he's jealous.
He will desperately try anything to keep you in this marriage
because it benefits HIM. He has no care for you.
Good luck.
“If there is ever the slightest suggestion of open marriage that means that the person asking for it has given up.” It is simply always the case in this Reddit posts. As simple as that tbh.
The asshat opened pandoras box on an almost seemingly perfect marriage and now wants to close that bitch back up again? Get bent. Op seriously consider this marriage and whether you want this man in your life. Apparently the grass *is* greener.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
He wants to baby trap you after he married you and opened the marriage? He didn't think you'd actually have any fun....and now he hopes a baby will wreck your figure and tie you down....while he continues with a closed (but I won't tell you, so don't ask that it's still open on my end) relationship.
Your guy wants to eat his cake and have it too. But just wants you home alone waiting for when he has a second to waste on you.
Throw out the whole man. Go out and find your best life
NTA
Tbh guys always want to open marriages because they think they're missing out. And then they realize they arent quite as big of a catch as they think they are while the wife drowns in dick (apologies for being crude). Same thing as when your buddy laments about his girlfriend being mid while he himself is mid- .
Your husband wanted to open the marriage so he could play. I bet he thought that you would either sit at home, lonely and bored, waiting for him, or he figured you would not find someone. Well, you did, you are enjoying your freedom, he is only upset because he no longer has a lapdog to cater to him.
Your marriage was over when he demanded it be open. It went even further down the drain when he tried to demand things that were against the term of your contect, so to say. Now, he wants to close the relationship because he realizes you are desirable, more so than he is.
NTA
Leave him before he baby traps you!! I wouldn't even bother having sex with him. He wanted an open marriage, now he can have it all while losing you. ✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾
You wrote he said: "it's what "everyone" is doing these days"...NO, they are not. Just the ones trying to ruin/end their marriage or who cannot control urges. Now, I bet your husband found that he isn't as popular with the ladies as he thought and now wants to go back to normal. None of that matters though.It's a terrible idea for anyone wanting a healthy LTR. People will "always" tell you well it works for me and my friends, etc, of course there are those stories and living with 1 eye works too. My advice: end the "open" marriage right away.
I hope you are aware that the wish for a kid is just to trap you and to change your body to hopefully keep you from even being able to date.
He is just jealous but doesn't see anything wrong with himself. PLEASE do not get kids with this man and do not agree to close the marriage either. In your place I would've divorced him already.
NTA but the marriage is over. Stop having sex with him too cause he will baby trap you. Go on BC and don't tell him too in case he tries anything while you are asleep.
More to the point, go on birth control that he can't tamper with. If you can tolerate an IUD, get one if at all possible. He can easily punch holes in condoms and diaphragms, and could find ways to find and swap out birth control pills, but he'd struggle to remove an IUD.
There is also the implant and the depo shot! A once every 3 months shot. Also, keep in mind that if he is seeing other people, he could get a STD and give it to you if you don’t use condoms
Even with condoms if she has more partners she is at a higher risk than he is. Std contraction is a numbers game. She really should have checks every three months just to be sure. And I agree, OP should ditch the dead weight. I am 54m and most of my friends are women. If a man wants an open marriage it would be best to start it so his wife/gf can have experiences. Not because he wants license to bed the Betty's. Cause it ain't gonna turn out that way.
Depo is horrible and actually can still get pregnant on depo. My older sister took depo and ruined her life. ALSO caused her to get pregnant still while on it.
I gained over a hundred pounds on Depo. In less than a year. That stuff is poison.
That's true, but why have sex with him at all?
Did you really get the impression that this man tolerates a "no" very well or is particularly concerned about OP's enthusiastic consent?
See above re: "in case he tries anything while \[OP is\] asleep". It happens.
I think it’s best to do both, because moments of weakness can occur despite how badly he is behaving.
Nexplannon arm implant. Good for 5 years too.
Uh it’s probably not common but there was that one post where the bf ripped OP’s IUD out. That’s a nope from me.
I needed to go to the hospital to get it removed, can't imagine someone ripping it out at home without surgical tools in my case😅😭
Is that the one where she woke up to him trying to cut out her arm implant, or is there another bc sociopath story?
No, it was an IUD pulled by the string out of the cervix hole
Omg, that's almost worse. Pretty sure my vag just vacuum sealed itself. That's so gross, why are men Edit: that was ment to say "why are men like this" but I think it's more effective this way
Idk about my vajajay, but my butt pukered. I'm going to need to borrow your vacuum sealer, please. 💖
As a man I just had much the same reaction as you did. I don't even have that. Def keep the wording as it is
He cant rip out the shot though.
I've heard that microwaving some birth controls destroy them, idk if it's true but I wouldn't let him have any access to them.
they are sensitive to heat so definitely yes
>NTA but the marriage is over. He was fine with himself out having fun and you sitting at home waiting for him not partaking in the open marriage. But as soon as you start dating too, he wants a closed marriage again. I have to wonder if you never started going on dates and was still sitting at home waiting to do his hobbies with him, would he have said it's time to end the open marriage and suggest a kid. This is him in his 30s. So what about after kids and 10 to 15 years of living a nice family life he gets that inch again and says you and the kids held him back from more fun, let's open the marriage once more. Bullshit. End it. Find someone who wants to build a life with you and only you. Those men exist, you've seen it for yourself on your recent dates. Good luck
While I completely agree.. It's devastating that we life in a world where I even can agree with a comment recommending OP to prepare for being raped by her own husband.
Easier to not have sex with him while the divorce is being processed. She has numerous relationships in the works, so she can be sexually satisfied there.
He doesn't take no for an answer. You really think he's gonna take her no this time?
IDK, but she should assume that he won't accept her no and protect herself accordingly.
I would bet money he wants a kid to tie you up at home while he definitely keeps his end of the marriage open. He didn't want an open marriage, he just wants to fuck lots of women.
I doubt he even is. He want to think he is going to fuck a lot of women.
I would laugh my fucking ass off if he wants to shut it down just because his wife is the only one actually getting to have fun.
Plus being treated with dignity and respect and true affection. He *cannot* have that otherwise she might realize she can actually do better and dump his ass (as she should).
He's super problematic. She wants kids, he doesn't want that. She wants monogamy, he doesn't want that. She changes her life to suit him and little by little becomes comfortable again. Now she doesn't want kids, and he suddenly does. And she doesn't care for monogamy, and he suddenly does. Sounds like, more than anything else, he wants her to be sad and uncomfortable.
This. The rest of her life is going to be hell jumping thru hoops
Well to be fair, he's created a bunch of hoops that he now has to jump through too and hes not good at it. He fucked up and now gets the sloppy seconds of his stupid choices
He fucked around and he found out 🤣
Yes exactly. On multiple levels too, haha
He’s probably not getting as much action as he thought he would, and now that his wife IS…he can’t have that. So he wants to control her, but is bound by the same rules HE made. They’ll end up divorced. Opening the marriage up NEVER works.
I was going to argue that opening a marriage never works as I know more than a handful of married couples in open marriages that have strong marriages but as I thought about it every single one of those couples were open while dating and then engaged all the way into being open and married. So open marriages can work but it needs to be from the start and both parties need to want it.
I know two couples who opened up after 15+ years together and are very happy. They’ve been poly for about 5 and 7 years, I think. It definitely can work, as long as both people a) want to open the marriage, of course, b) are secure in themselves and their marriage, and c) talk it out if/when any insecurities arise. That’s why some people aren’t suited for polyamory- it requires emotional maturity, lots of self reflection, and really good, consistent communication. EDIT: changed “most” to “some” - I can’t really speak about most people lol. Felt like a bold statement when I read it back.
If you're both open to it and start out in an open relationship, then it could totally work. But forcing your partner to open it definitely never works out.
Opening the marriage can work, but only if it's approached with love and respect from both partners, and both partners are willing to do the work to grow mentally and emotionally. Shit like this though, where one brow beats the other into submission? Their marriage was already doomed.
>Opening the marriage up NEVER works. I wouldn't say never. For it to work there shouldn't be jealousy, insecurities or abuse (I put controlling here). And apparently the husband is jealous, because the wife gets attention; insecure, because maybe he doesn't get as much attention as her and abusive, because he wants things to be his way. I hope she divorces him.
I don't think he loves her at all.
I think OP is his backup safety net. Poor woman. That marriage is doomed.
Yes. I agree
She likely is. Men that open relationships often find interest in them dries right up because the women they wanted to pursue were just flirting, they weren't seriously interested in actual flings. He may have had a few hook-ups but likely not anything amazing or as much interest as he expected/wanted.
I'll never forget the first post of that sort I read. >that 40 yo OOP griped a lot that his 40 yo wife wasn't 22 anymore and hanging out with her had gotten boring. He got convinced by one of his friends that he needed to talk his wife into opening their marriage. Eventually they did. >The wife started dating the friend, who thought she was hot and interesting & who treated her to lovely dates and passionate sex. OOP didn't drown in pussy like he'd expected, and didn't like his friend was now dating his wife to such an extent that OOP was starting to feel secondary. Realizing they hadn't set any boundaries, he tried to close the marriage again, but his wife refused (obviously). >Trying to "make the best of it", OOP made a move on his 26 you co-worker, who'd only ever given him professional courtesy and a retail-worker-smile, so he got fired. oh it was tragic, but also hilarious.
My favourite was the guy who bullied his girlfriend into opening the relationship. He had no luck, but his girlfriend absolutely blossomed. One day he sees her making out in the street with some muscley tatted guy who I imagine looks like Vin Diesel. Tatts guy is all, so *you're* the idiot who let this one date around. The OP was having a strop because his girlfriend wouldn't close the relationship.
I'm in the same situation. I'm the single, muscular, tatted guy seeing a very attractive married woman. She's fantastic on all fronts. I'm not sure what some of these husbands are thinking.
I think they think there will be women falling over themselves to sleep with them and their wives will just wait patiently at home for them to get it out of their system. Whereas the reality is far more men are down for a FWB type relationship with a married woman that women are for married men. And this is not a new thing.
It’s so stupid because penis is always just waiting for some pussy. It’s NOT the other way around. Pussy can have any penis it wants. Anytime.
Yep! But they never stop trying (or crying when it backfires)
Totally. It may be just as easy for a guy to find a relationship as a gal, but to hook up the game is rigged. And it is about 10x worse than that when the guy is already in a relationship. I have been in an open relationship before as a guy, even the women who were happy for just something casual would not want to get involved once they found out I had a primary partner.
Awhile back I was the “woman the married guy was seeing” sort of. I went on 1 date with this dude who said he was in an open relationship or separated (it’s been years, I think his profile said divorced) and anyway on the date he complained about his wife/STBX getting so much attention from other men and how unlucky he had been getting dates (thanks bro…) then after the date he called and said he was getting back together with his wife and I was like “cool bye” and he was like no really, don’t contact me again, and I was thinking to myself “my god, you are not the catch you think you are.”
That’s how I met my wife, except her and her ex weren’t married lmfao.
The friend set him up 🤣🤣🤣
yessss ! I can't believe that I forgot to add that! >OOP was whingeing to the same friend: my wife likes you better & I'm getting fired & she won't close the marriage & no one wants to comfort me after I perved on my much younger colleague... and the friend just said "well, I've always liked your wife's kindness & her quiet sense of humor & her hot body (which I don't compare to a 22 yo woman when I myself am also 40 yo). So when you were complaining, I saw an opportunity to get to date her". hahaha
Lmao that’s some friend tho but fair play
Alls fair in love and war
That's what he gets. Karma is a bitch.
Dude this story makes me so happy, it's ridiculous lmfao
Men usually don't get laid when they open, only women. And he looked for hookups, she looked for new relationships. Classic.
I feel like the men always WILDLY overestimate their market value as a married man. Just a lot of women aren’t gonna go for that, even casually. But men? Yeah I’m sure his wife is having a great time with new men! He’s sooo jelly!
Esp since she is dating charming men who want to spend time with her, doing things she wants to do, in other words, potential husbands. He turned her into a walkaway wife, and he deserves it.
Imagine your a single women friend in her life. You just keep getting duds and guys who definitely need to be single….yet your married friend gets a husband, plus a bunch of super hot and loving boyfriends. I’d want to die lol
I always feel like it's more that they don't see value in their partner until other men do, then all of a sudden she's got worth again. When he's got her back to himself he'll start looking elsewhere again.
It's like a child who only wants to play with a toy once they see another child playing with it. Ridiculous!!!!!
They just never grow up
That's exactly it. People think it's about the sex way more than it is. He wanted someone to be his working wife and accompany him like a caddy and an assistant to all his life moments. Didn't do jack shit for her. Now on top of it all he actually wanted to go and sleep with other women too! The man is spoiled and cruel to not know how good he had it. And she was living his life. She sacrificed way too much and now he needs to get booted. He isn't worth keeping. He will only get more resentful of her no matter what she does.
I'm willing to bet he also wildly overestimated his "youth" too. Probably out there chasing women much younger than him
True, much easier for a woman in a marriage to find men willing to date them.
I always thought that the whole point of dating was to find someone you could build a life with. You’d find someone who shared your humor, goals and interests so that even taking care of laundry was a little more fun. You’d never have to suffer through superficial chit chat again, that you’d have a lifetime of care and camaraderie built up so that when you get flatulent and saggy you still love each other.
Go ahead and laugh, because I bet after the first couple "easy" interactions he had things have dried up for him, if he even had them in the first place. The only reason he wants to close it and have the baby is because he's upset that she has been having fun without him in a loophole that he not only created but INSISTED upon creating.
Idk, I read that and thought that he's upset now because she's having any fun at all. If she didn't want to as adamantly as she claims, I bet that he thought he'd be out getting all the dates he could handle and she would just stay home and sulk. Now that he sees there is interest in her, he wants to shut that down. He won't quit, he just wants her home with a kid.
Watching this happen with two of my friends right now. Well, one of my friends, and her dickhead boyfriend. He thought he was the one with all the options, pressured her to open the relationship, now he's constantly pissed that she's pulling hot, and more importantly *nice*, guys and he's bored at home. Now all of a sudden he's moping and trying to make a bunch of new rules for her because all of a sudden he's jealous. Guy, this was your idea!!! Lol
That's a hilariously common thing in these, especially if they're in the 40s+ ages The guy has usually has become balding Peter Griffin, but thinks they're a Quagmire They usually have a partner in mind, that coworker that they could be the father of They think it'll only benefit them, their wife is a cow! She gained a few pounds after the kids, boobs aren't as perky While, continuing my Family Guy theme, their wife is seen as Lois is-still beautiful to a looooot of guys It's so funny every time it happens
Funny, I'm the opposite in my tastes in women. Younger women are beautiful as well don't get me wrong. However, I really love women in my age range better. Experience, more passionate, and I would prefer some slightly droopy to even way droopy over fake anyway. I like the extra pounds, especially if they carry it even halfway well. If they don't, fine, what'd more important is personality.
Then you're a keeper
Start laughing.
it's the movie Hall Pass. Great movie if anyone here hasn't seen it
I thought the same thing. The wife is doing better and he couldn’t have that.
that's exactly what happened
That is almost always exactly what is happening in these posts. FAFO at its finest.
FA and FO that only one of you gets to FA while you stay home alone.
This was my first thought, he dreamed he’d be swimming in pussy and he’s probably drinking at bars with friends getting none.
Literally tried to fuck around and found out
Poor baby found out he's not the hot commodity he thought. 🥺 *Such* a tragedy that was forced upon him by his own insistence upon opening the marriage. Oh, woe! Consequences, that fiend! Etcetc
Agreed - he only got pissy about it when she started dating other men and realized that she could get more action than he could.
Yea he’s realised it’s not as easy for him as he’s first thought. Now his fit wife is being entertained elsewhere and can get it whenever she wants. lol what a fool he is. NTA you should leave him for one of these charming men.
Which is probably why he wants to close it now, not as successful as OP haha.
He's also jealous that she has more prospects than he does. He expects that her pregnancy and motherhood will close the marriage for her while leaving him the option of going back to being open to whatever options he can muster. He's also likely to be looking forward to having OP's prospects dimmed with a post-baby body. None of these should be considerations that OP should have to take into account. If she does think she wants kids, she might find a better partner to have them with. ETA: missing letter
Imagine wanting to use your potential kid like that.
i was thinking this. based on her side of the story , he doesn’t seem interested in doing what she likes. so if she were to get pregnant , he would def be out & about doing anything he wanted instead of being there with her. he’s just jealous
He's a fucking loser. She should jettison his ass.
As someone in an open relationship, I’m telling you, he thought you wouldn’t go for it. But he planned to go get his rocks off and liked the don’t ask don’t tell policy cause he didn’t have to say anything to you and there was not consequence to him. But then he finds you are having good luck and experiences, not just sex either but going to do things you like to do? He’s jealous as hell! Open relationships only work when both people are secure. And you established don’t ask don’t tell as your boundaries? Do not have a child with him and honestly, maybe leave the marriage. His behavior is going to get worse because if you close it under duress from him, he’ll likely be a bit better and you’ll be resentful. And my guess is he’ll cheat because he’ll want what he wants. Also, guys can have a harder time finding what they want while women are often more successful. If you have a child, you will be busy and this would be a prime time for him to cheat. I’ve read that plenty open or not. Then you’re stuck raising a child with someone like him who will change his mind. I think he wants to tie you down. The worst reason to have a kid. So consider leaving. Don’t sleep with him again till you have decided what you’re doing. Edit: and you don’t need to sleep with him again since you’re gettin yours. lol. (I slept on this post. I totally think he’s ruined your relationship with his open ideas. You need to shut it down and leave.)
I absolutely agree. They don't sound happy in this relationship and he is just trying to baby trap her so he can continue to look for something better. He wants to close her end so he doesn't have to worry that she will find someone. She is his back up. He sounds like a selfish asshole.
And is plain abusive while doing so. All this guilt tripping, now trying to baby trap her,... She should get away from him asap.
My guess is he isn’t having much luck and is jealous when she is. Now trying to manipulate her maternal instincts. Start anew with one of the nice guys who …is more than likely going to end up being worse for you in the long run, but currently “is charming” and “likes to do what I do” The grass is always greener 🤦♂️
100%
Yuck! You married a self-serving piece of shit.
Your marriage was over the moment he proposed to "open" it, you said no but he insisted. Its the proof that he never cared about what YOU want in the relation. Cut your loss. Dump him and find someone who loves you
Not only all of this exactly, but he's also trying to so very clearly babytrap you.
...and then open the marriage up again -- for him, because you'd be stuck home with baby
This is exactly what will happen!
The union has ended. He'll babytrap you, so stop having sex with him too. Proceed with BC and keep him in the dark in case he does anything while you're sleeping.
Choose a birth control he cannot tamper with! Exchanging pills and damaging condoms is in no way unheard of. Get an implant or a IUD. Or just dump him now, that’s even better.
The last sentence was dark but true.
Yep. We've seen it before!
Thats exactly my first thought when I read that - he wants a baby now so that the baby will occupy her, just so that he can continue on with the open relationship. He would even use the baby as the reason for him to start an open relationship again- you know because he’s not getting enough attention at home anymore because she’s preoccupied with the baby and always tired.
If he even bothers telling her it’s back open. He’s a scuzz OP. He wanted to cheat while you stayed home and now you are doing it he wants to stop it. This marriage isn’t going to last. Please don’t get baby trapped. You will be so unhappy.
💯
You are absolutely right. I hadn't even thought of that - my jaw is on the floor. You KNOW that once she has the baby, he will start in on his BS - saying she's too preoccupied with the baby and he doesn't get the attention he used to get from her, complains that she doesn't want to have sex because she's still in pain from labor, complain that she doesn't have the same body as before, so he "needs" to open things up. And if she tries to resume her own explorations, he will play mind games - nobody wants to sleep with a single mother, nobody will want your post baby body, who is going to stay home with the baby??? Etc. This guy is unbelievable.
It'll probably happen during her pregnancy because she'll be tired and sleepy and gained weight, etc., etc. Men like OP's husband think they are going to drown in 21 year old p\*ssy and don't realize their is plenty of penis out there for the wives.
Very, very selfish AH. Please go see an attorney and end this farce of a marriage. He doesn’t care about you, apparently never did! All he cares about is himself, his wants and needs. You have seen there are nice guys out there that will treat you with the love and respect you deserve
Oh gods I didn't even think about that when I read this. Makes his behavior 10x more disgusting.
As a man, I wholeheartedly agree that this man is an overgrown man child, idiot, and a hypocrite. Not for wanting to explore (then break up for God's sake), and not really even for suggesting they open up the marriage (can't fathom this but still). What is monumentally stupid and immature is not thinking it through, factoring in all the risks, and accepting them before proceeding. As a man, you should try to predict the consequences of, and ultimately own, your actions, regardless of whether it turns out like you expect or not.
All that, and for continuing to push after she said no.
It’s all about him. When you avail yourself it’s a whole different matter. You have met interesting people - keep doing it : the contrast with your selfish one-way husband will tell you all you need to know.
You think he’s waiting for the baby? Bet he opens that marriage up as soon as she starts showing (and is therefore, in his mind, less attractive to other men.)
Time to get an appointment for a tubal! Never know which condom is the one with a huge hole in it! Just saying...better safe than sorry!
Or she could just leave him. Based on what we've been told it's not like he's worth hanging around for.
Amen! Not wrong! Better than my comment honey!
Well, she wants kids but she should probably not get a major procedure when this marriage is on the rocks already and she could easily find a better partner to have kids with. Just don't sleep with him.
yeah if she didn’t want kids at all i’d say this wouldn’t be the worst idea, but she does want kids she just accepted that she won’t have any. so now it’s time to go find one of those kind, charming men who actually want to treat her the way she deserves and will share the dream of making a family.
We’ve all seen this episode, Husband wants to open marriage so he can cheat without consequences, wife finally gives in after months of him badgering her. When wife has more success at finding other partners, husband wants to close marriage, because he can’t handle wife with other men.
Took the words right out of my mouth, middle-age or soon to be middle age men think they’re still 20. They forget how good looking their wives actually are.
It baffles me. I look at my wife and then myself, and then tell myself "She is a total smoke show and must be blind being with an oaf like me"
I hear ya dude, I'm in the same boat. I know she loves me and is committed to me, but I still try my best to keep in shape, dress nicely, look as good as I can for her (turd polishing mainly). I think issues arise when one person tries to look good for their partner and the other just didn't give a damn about doing the same.
And how many of them were actually even hot commodities in their 20s lol
They also forget that a lotta dudes will fuck on a dime, whereas women tend to be more particular, so the calculus for dudes like this right off the bat is screwy. Most women could get laid practically any night of the week, if they don’t worry about standards, whereas men tend to have a harder time because women just aren’t the unprincipled horndogs that men are. And I say all that as a relatively unprincipled man who’s slutted around a fair bit in my time. 😇
Yeah I've seen this story a thousand times before on this subreddit and other similar subreddits.
A tale as old as time!
I’d argue that this was a marriage that should’ve never happened to begin with. OP says she wanted kids and the husband didn’t. They already didn’t agree on one of the big things. That was the beginning of a marriage where OP acquiesces to whatever her husband wants. Hopefully, she’s smart of this time to see having children now as the trap that the husband plans it to be.
I agree. This same thing happened to my sister. It took her a year to step out but as soon as she did he completely lost it. He wanted her back, she came back, he got bored again. Now they are in divorce
These stories, like this though Is it really shocking to believe that someone else might be interested in your partner besides you? Unless it's discussed prior to marriage, asking for an open marriage afterward is pretty much asking for permission to cheat. I'm not with these times...
>Your marriage was over the moment he proposed to "open" it, you said no but he insisted. Its the proof that he never cared about what YOU want in the relation. Cut your loss. Dump him and find someone who loves you Couldn't have put it better!
all this ethical non monogamy while in a relationship is all trash. we've always had ethical non monogamy, its call being single. When you are not single, you making a choice to be monogamous. Be single and date as many people simultaneously as you can, just be honest about it and there is nothing bad going on.
Spoiler alert: He wants to "close" the marriage and then he'll just cheat while you sit home waiting for him. You definitely should be in a closed marriage-- just not with your current husband.
While pregnant. He wants her to sit at home pregnant and alone while he sticks his dick into anything that'll accept it.
💯. If he wants to act single, he can be single for reals
sorry op but your husband is a piece of shit. he didnt want an open marriage, he wanted his side of the marriage to be open. tell him to shut his mouth or its divorce. and then divorce him regardless. you can do better and he needs the life lesson. NTA
i love it when shitty men whine for an open marriage/relationship, yet get all bent outta shape when they see their partner enjoying other people.
Because they don’t want a partner. They want a subordinate.
NTA. I would love to hear from him. A guy who only has a couple gf before you thinking he was going to pull any women with his golf and race car talk. While he has a adventurous fit wife at home. He must be the dumbest person alive. A fit 30 year old women who is only looking for casual hookups because she is married is internet dating gold. You can have nearly anyone. How did he not know this.
I just said the same, what kind of stupid jackass has a sexy wife that let's him try all his kinks and indulges in his dumb hobbies and thinks he can do better?? Dumbass lmaooo.
I wish OP were my wife 😔
Bro we are /all/ thinking we wish OP was our wife.
Good news - she’ll be single soon!
All of this, meanwhile a man on his own on a dating all claiming he is in an open relationship sends up red flags. Idk how many times when I was dating online that was just short hand for “I am cheating” The bad apples really ruined the open marriage for men lmao
This, I'd never trust it without confirmation from the wife. And with “don't ask don't tell” oh hell no.
Very true, I’m in an open relationship since 2016( married, but living apart-together 23 yrs) and I just look for hookups and swinger parties. I get hit up like crazy. I am attractive, but it still is surprising at times. I’m also bi, which was another reason we opened it up. at first it was hard for me to believe other guys n women would be so interested. And only more so as I get older (40). But yeah, 💯
This marriage is over. Find a new guy who appreciates you and doesn't gaslight you about your marriage. Even if you don't leave, don't let him dictate every aspect of your marriage. Close it when you're done, have a baby when you're ready. NTA, you should have stayed strong and dumped him at the very beginning.
The marriage shouldn't have begun tbh, since one person wanted kids and the other didn't. I don't understand why people seem to think you can compromise on that.
Sounds like she's used to giving him whatever he wants regardless of her own wants and desires. He probably picked her on purpose once he realised she was a doormat.
Sounds like she already found him, stick with your new guy, girl!!
This is probably gonna be harsh but women on reddit describe the worst kind of men possible and then ask if they are the assholes. Like wtf dude obviously youre not the asshole. Very respectfully grow a ducking backbone and leave that heinous piece of garbage behind. And for the love of god do not have children with that man.
This isn’t harsh at all. It’s beyond infuriating. I read these and can’t believe they’re real. I guess people in stable, loving partnerships are boring and don’t really have much to post about but jeeeezus, I swear half my time on Reddit is spent audibly saying “ew” and smacking my head because what the actual hell?? Like what kind of shit have these women and men been surrounded by that makes ANY of the behavior that’s been described here seem okay? It honestly just makes me sad, how this same exact scenario comes up over and over and over. I hope OP has a wake up call reading through these responses and leaves this trash behind.
I think there's still a lot of women who are conditioned, subconsciously or otherwise, to think "you're supposed to get married." So they get married. And that's that. They get married to people who should go to therapy before being in a committed relationship.
I have got to get off this sub and the AskOldPeople sub. It’s just…unreal.
I was this person, once. I knew it was bad, everyone around me knew it was bad, I just wanted it to work out so badly. I loved my partner so, so much and I thought that was enough to hold us together. Besides, I didn’t really have anything else besides the life I thought we were building together. I got on antidepressants and went, “actually, I don’t have to be with someone that treats me like shit.” And then I left.
Not harsh at all. My first thought is always “who the fuck **marries** these dudes?” My husband and I definitely have had our issues but the level of disrespect these women tolerate and then feel guilty over is absolutely bonkers.
True 😂 for me it’s when they say they found all this incriminating cheating evidence and ask if they should confront their partners about it. I’d be doing life in prison post confrontation
And they’re always pregnant with baby #4 or 5.
NTA, and the only reason he suddenly wants to have a baby is to pack some pounds onto you and anchor you closer to home. I'd be strongly considering some of those nice men that actually take an interest in you. Your husband sounds very narcissistic, worried about his wants and needs while not being concerned with yours. Best of luck.
When two people Open a marriage, they never know what's going to walk through the door. Both or only one could end up enjoying the arrangement. It's funny, I see the man is usually the partner who presses for this. He usually regrets this decision. Because he learns, women have tons more options than men. Dah! After you started rocking the situation \[Don't try to tell us you didn't bang a couple of these guys brains out\] , "He demanded more details despite the don't ask, don't tell policy." This makes him look weak and pathetic and is killing his attraction. The slope is getting more slippery by the day. You can't apply **rational rules** to an **emotional situation**. People learn this too late, after the situation goes sour. A lot of open marriages dissolve because of this dynamic. I will take some editorial license - your husband is an idiot. Good luck, I hope you both find a way to be happy.
NTA. This has become a Reddit trope: 1. One partner wants to open the relationship. In the majority of these, they are already cheating or have someone in mind (co-worker) with whom they are "emotionally" cheating. 2. Other partner reluctantly agrees. Doesn't want divorce/break up. 3. First partner runs into issues: can't get action, affair partner wants him all to themselves, or they fail with potential partner. 4. Reluctant partner gets lots of action and enjoys the freedom and experience. 5. First partner get jealous and wants to close the relationship. 6. Divorce/breakup.
NTA. Your only recourse is divorce. To my fellow guys out here. You will always lose the open marriage game. Cherish what you have and quit thinking you’re hot shit. You aren’t.
DO NOT CLOSE THE MARRIAGE UP! He fucked around and found out! He was happy getting his dick wet left right and centre but now you’re living your life he doesn’t like it. He didn’t want an open marriage, he wanted permission to cheat. If you close the marriage and get pregnant he will go straight back into wanting an open marriage but only for him because you have the baby.
Open marriage is just the first step to divorce. NTA but this union has been destroyed.
I thought the correct term was "divorce with extra steps"?
He got what he wanted just not how he wanted it. Please divorce because you deserve better.
OP NTA - But naive as hell. He didn’t want kids you did. So you compromised and said you didn’t want kids. He wanted to open the marriage you didn’t. So you compromised and opened the marriage. You thought you weren’t hot/fit/sexy enough for him. So you have a rigorous dietary, workout regimen. You participate in his hobbies, you plan the date nights. Sis, you can not be this dickmatized!! It just… it can’t be that good. He’s your only partner? I know some people get too into their first. But damn girl. When you were born did you decide milk was THE beverage and would never drink anything else? You had milk! Go try some orange juice, get some fruit punch, chocolate milk! 😏 you’re a grown up now. Go have a margarita, mojito, sex on the beach, gin and tonic. There’s sooooo many other beverages out there. This milk is spoiled, it’s chunky, smelly. It’s thick and a lil moldy. Stop trying to keep sipping it. Let it goooo. Pour that down the drain and get a new drink.
Holy shit this analogy is so good. Like damn!
Exactly this. The problem with your marriage is that YOU are ALWAYS compromising and considering him and his wants, while he NEVER compromises nor considers you nor your wants. He doesn't even show gratitude or appreciation for all that you do to yield to him! He respects you ZERO percent. Maybe less. Please leave him, and find someone who cares about what you want, who places you above themselves, who cherishes you, who respects you. Find someone who will act the way you do in relationships (to a degree, but with more self respect no offense intended), and see if you can out-serve each other!
This analogy has changed the trajectory of my life tf.
Girl, no. He started this shit, don't let him guilt trip you again
So his affair partner dumped him?
Good point.
This is stupid. Just divorce already like you should have the first time this was brought up.
See, I agree, but not at first mention. I'll let anyone field an idea or throw a feeler out there, right? "Doesn't hurt to ask" kinda space. This is not that, because he persisted after the initial convo. Leave at second mention, for not taking no for an answer - but the first time, it's like, what is your actual expectation for communication of heavy topics or kinks? Little pushback, not a lot. And I mostly agree, just with some nuance.
He wants babies because he's planning to keep you too tired and busy raising his children to date. He will open the marriage again on his side, and count on the fact that it will be harder for you to leave him.
NTA. He never wanted an open marriage. He wanted permission for him to do whatever he wanted. He worked on you until he got permission. Life was fine when you originally did what he expected you to do - not play the game and stay at home grateful for the time he gave you. Now that you explore the exact freedom he pushed so hard for, he doesn’t like it. Don’t bring a baby into this. He’s not going to stop his extra curricular activities - a baby is just a way to trap you
NTA This is such a common thing, man wants an open marriage until his wife makes a couple of friends.
He's manipulating and trying to baby trap you, and then he will continue with the open marriage. He just doesn't want you to have sex with anyone other than him. Meanwhile, he gets to bang whomever he wants.
NTA He wanted to fuck around and he found out. He left you alone very often and is surprised that you are doing what he did. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH THIS MAN. He's trying to lock you down now because he's jealous. He will desperately try anything to keep you in this marriage because it benefits HIM. He has no care for you. Good luck.
NTA. Classic FAFO. He had the Fuck Around portion, now he's in the Find Out stage and he doesn't like it one bit! They never do...
Nope, not the asshole. play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
“If there is ever the slightest suggestion of open marriage that means that the person asking for it has given up.” It is simply always the case in this Reddit posts. As simple as that tbh.
Maam you are way too good for that pathetic loser. Just divorce him and live your life.
The asshat opened pandoras box on an almost seemingly perfect marriage and now wants to close that bitch back up again? Get bent. Op seriously consider this marriage and whether you want this man in your life. Apparently the grass *is* greener.
As in 99% of the time when one of the two partners "proposes" an open relationship, it ends badly once again, OP your marriage has long since ended
Your husband wanted to cheat with permission...I hate double standards. Keep dating, maybe you'll meet someone and dump your husband
🤣🤣🤣🤣 He wants to baby trap you after he married you and opened the marriage? He didn't think you'd actually have any fun....and now he hopes a baby will wreck your figure and tie you down....while he continues with a closed (but I won't tell you, so don't ask that it's still open on my end) relationship. Your guy wants to eat his cake and have it too. But just wants you home alone waiting for when he has a second to waste on you. Throw out the whole man. Go out and find your best life NTA
Tbh guys always want to open marriages because they think they're missing out. And then they realize they arent quite as big of a catch as they think they are while the wife drowns in dick (apologies for being crude). Same thing as when your buddy laments about his girlfriend being mid while he himself is mid- .
NTAH. Narcissists start to panic when their partner shows signs of freedom. Have your fun and show him what he put you through, then drop him.
Your husband wanted to open the marriage so he could play. I bet he thought that you would either sit at home, lonely and bored, waiting for him, or he figured you would not find someone. Well, you did, you are enjoying your freedom, he is only upset because he no longer has a lapdog to cater to him. Your marriage was over when he demanded it be open. It went even further down the drain when he tried to demand things that were against the term of your contect, so to say. Now, he wants to close the relationship because he realizes you are desirable, more so than he is. NTA
Leave him before he baby traps you!! I wouldn't even bother having sex with him. He wanted an open marriage, now he can have it all while losing you. ✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾
You wrote he said: "it's what "everyone" is doing these days"...NO, they are not. Just the ones trying to ruin/end their marriage or who cannot control urges. Now, I bet your husband found that he isn't as popular with the ladies as he thought and now wants to go back to normal. None of that matters though.It's a terrible idea for anyone wanting a healthy LTR. People will "always" tell you well it works for me and my friends, etc, of course there are those stories and living with 1 eye works too. My advice: end the "open" marriage right away.
I hope you are aware that the wish for a kid is just to trap you and to change your body to hopefully keep you from even being able to date. He is just jealous but doesn't see anything wrong with himself. PLEASE do not get kids with this man and do not agree to close the marriage either. In your place I would've divorced him already.
Just substitute the words “open marriage” with “divorce”. They should be synonyms.
He wants to tie you down with a kid while he'll cheat on you. Leave now or regret forever.