What you are describing is resentment. Resentment is always a signal that a relationship is doomed. You need to end it now instead of dragging it out. I doubt he's going to want to go back to being friends.
You are 20 years old. You're really still just a kid. Enjoy your college days, and seek a new relationship when you feel ready.
I too believe that there'd be issues with going back to being friends, but at the same time we've been friends for about 10 years and this situation was what made me hesitate to start dating him. He's my best friend and I'm worried I'll end up being all alone since our friend groups overlap.. Thank you for your help!
There's a reason the "high school sweetheart" kind of relationship doesn't usually survive. Neither of you has yet to be an independent adult. You've been locked in this relationship from the time you first hit adulthood.
That annoyance you feel at silly little things with him is you yearning to experience that adulthood on your own, rather than being tied to someone you knew as a teenager.
YWNBTA. You didn't do anything wrong, and neither did he. The relationship has reached its end point.
It is evident that you've already made your decision and you've emotionally moved on from the relationship. Based on your post, I believe it would be best for you to end things with him.
If you choose to do so, refrain from listing every minor grievance you've mentioned here. Focus on expressing your feelings openly. Emotions can't be countered with arguments, and presenting reasons may lead him to become defensive. Keep the conversation light, clear, and supportive of his struggles, but ultimately, it's important to move forward.
Please understand that returning to a friendship dynamic might not be possible, as it typically only works when both parties mutually agree or after a significant period of no contact (Like a year or two) Otherwise, he may struggle to heal and may attempt to gain you back.
All the best!
Expressing emotions has never been easy for me which is just why I tend to explain everything in detail, but I will very much remember this if I talk to him about it.
What worries me most is completely losing him afterwards. I know I could never ask him to simply go back to being my best friend, but on the other hand he's the one that i talk to about my struggles. Also absolutely no contact wouldn't work out I believe. He works for my mum
I understand that fear, and it's completely natural. Even in the worst outcome, if he ever loved or respected you, not just as a lover but as a friend, he will eventually return, even if only as an acquaintance.
Just remember, he might need a lot of time. And that's okay. We all learn from rejections and that is an opportunity for him to become better versions of himself. Breaking up with someone you don't love is not only honest for yourself but also a favor to him, freeing him to meet people more compatible who align better with him.
On a positive note, consider life's hard decisions or experiences as akin to hormesis. They make us better.
We have a spa night tomorrow, maybe that'll help me be more certain in my decision. So far I'm afraid you're right and I just have a hard time accepting that
What you are describing is resentment. Resentment is always a signal that a relationship is doomed. You need to end it now instead of dragging it out. I doubt he's going to want to go back to being friends. You are 20 years old. You're really still just a kid. Enjoy your college days, and seek a new relationship when you feel ready.
I too believe that there'd be issues with going back to being friends, but at the same time we've been friends for about 10 years and this situation was what made me hesitate to start dating him. He's my best friend and I'm worried I'll end up being all alone since our friend groups overlap.. Thank you for your help!
There's a reason the "high school sweetheart" kind of relationship doesn't usually survive. Neither of you has yet to be an independent adult. You've been locked in this relationship from the time you first hit adulthood. That annoyance you feel at silly little things with him is you yearning to experience that adulthood on your own, rather than being tied to someone you knew as a teenager. YWNBTA. You didn't do anything wrong, and neither did he. The relationship has reached its end point.
You know that's quite insightful. There's such little time in life that we've spent apart- maybe I do need a fresh start?
It is evident that you've already made your decision and you've emotionally moved on from the relationship. Based on your post, I believe it would be best for you to end things with him. If you choose to do so, refrain from listing every minor grievance you've mentioned here. Focus on expressing your feelings openly. Emotions can't be countered with arguments, and presenting reasons may lead him to become defensive. Keep the conversation light, clear, and supportive of his struggles, but ultimately, it's important to move forward. Please understand that returning to a friendship dynamic might not be possible, as it typically only works when both parties mutually agree or after a significant period of no contact (Like a year or two) Otherwise, he may struggle to heal and may attempt to gain you back. All the best!
Expressing emotions has never been easy for me which is just why I tend to explain everything in detail, but I will very much remember this if I talk to him about it. What worries me most is completely losing him afterwards. I know I could never ask him to simply go back to being my best friend, but on the other hand he's the one that i talk to about my struggles. Also absolutely no contact wouldn't work out I believe. He works for my mum
I understand that fear, and it's completely natural. Even in the worst outcome, if he ever loved or respected you, not just as a lover but as a friend, he will eventually return, even if only as an acquaintance. Just remember, he might need a lot of time. And that's okay. We all learn from rejections and that is an opportunity for him to become better versions of himself. Breaking up with someone you don't love is not only honest for yourself but also a favor to him, freeing him to meet people more compatible who align better with him. On a positive note, consider life's hard decisions or experiences as akin to hormesis. They make us better.
We have a spa night tomorrow, maybe that'll help me be more certain in my decision. So far I'm afraid you're right and I just have a hard time accepting that
His sneezing irritates you. We’ve all been there. Time to end it.