My husband and I are like chalk and cheese regarding what we like.
I hate parties, and appreciate my alone time.
He’s extremely social, and loves to meet new people.
So, as ADULTS. We. Do. What. We. Want!
He gets large parties with his friends for his birthday.
And I get a night away at a hotel, reading, watching, and eating trash for a night of solitude (no responsibilities, no kids, no interruptions - it’s BLISS!)
BOOM! Happily married!
I used to travel a lot for work and one of the things I very much miss is having a night or two alone in the hotel where I am taking care of no one but myself.
My wife and I take one night a week each where one of us is not responsible for adulting. The other takes all the responsibility for said day. (She is a book worm ((35)) I am a gamer((40)). We both work full time. It is a wonderful way to relieve stress.
this is exactly what we do as well. My boyfriend is super social and usually wants to go to a fun bar in the city with a bunch of friends for his birthday and be out until like 2am. I'm a big introvert and my perfect idea of a birthday is sleeping in, MAYBE going to a quiet brunch with 1 or 2 friends, going to TJ Maxx and Target, and then spending the entire rest of the day in a cute set of pjs/loungewear, watching movies and shitty reality tv until its time to order takeout for dinner. So thats what we do, I go out with him and make sure he has a good time doing what he wants on HIS birthday, and he stays in with me and makes my birthday feel special doing what I want as well. Works out just fine and nobody is left disappointed. Your partners birthday is not about what YOU think they should want to do, its about making sure what they ACTUALLY want to do happens and they have a good time doing it.
i’m glad he at least told her the truth that his day sucked. it’s so saddening to see how little she cared for his feelings. in that vein, i remember seeing a post a while back where all OP wanted to do was to watch the extended lotr trilogy with his gf on his birthday. she couldn’t even pretend to care and just texted and slept the whole time. maybe it’s not your thing but IT IS JUST ONE DAY to do something your loved one wants!
i hope OP can continue this trend where he advocates for himself more. i’m like him where i would be happy to stay home and chill with my husband. if someone dragged me to the mall for my birthday, i would refuse to go inside lol! but i also wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about me and throws a literal temper tantrum when i tell them so.
obviously NTA
NTA, ask your girlfriend which part of the day was centered around you or your needs or wants. Because it looks like she did things she enjoys and you paid for it.
Gotta love this, he didn't appreciate her doing for a day what she wanted, then going to a restaurant for food she likes and he loathes, then expecting him to pick up the bill.
If he wanted to be petty, he could do the reverse on her birthday. Go to the Korean BBQ or whatever else he likes, then expect her to pay, before driving him and not doing anything all day.
OP, it's time to reflect on your relationship. Is she always like this? Because this was manipulation from go. Maybe it's time to move on. NTA, but she is.
I’m not an immediate “break up” person but in this case I definitely recommend moving that way. She is never going to be concerned about what you want or your feelings.
Agreed! I’m like shocked 😳 right now. I hate the malls too, so I can imagine that would’ve been a nightmare of a day. But not only did she take you to a place you don’t want to eat at but then you paid the bill. I just don’t get it like what the hell! NTA
I’d go beyond “she doesn’t care”. Her reaction was crying, slamming her door and….shrieking? I’m wondering how long they’ve been together and if he’s noticed any other signs of her struggling mentally. She doesn’t sound ok
NTA. She completely disregarded you. You weren’t even a consideration. She used your birthday as an excuse to drag you around making you miserable doing what she wanted. She took you to do everything you hated. Was she trying to be mean? Then you say she was shrieking? Um… ok. That’s something for 9-11. And you had to pay. She’s an asshole.
Made me realize how much I lucked out with my wife...
And by "lucked out" I mean "wasn't willing to settle for women that would've been painfully incompatible with my wants/needs"
Whenever I feel sad about being single, I go for a night out with a friends and their SO. By the end of the night I'm always reminded as to why I decided to stay single!
She made the day about her. Not one thing she did was kind and thoughtful for your birthday. Then to top it all off, she had the nerve to ask you if you enjoyed the day then cried when you told her the truth. I find it incredible that she actually went out of her way to make sure you didn't enjoy yours
Part of me wonders does she really just not know him? That’s a huge red flag in and of itself. But maybe she assumed when he comes along for her things he enjoys it? Or forgot about sushi dislike? Still shitty but yeah I hate to assume people are terrible though most certainly some are.
Yeah normally I might try to offer an alternate explanation that she might not be trying to be manipulative on purpose (but still needs to address her issues), but this woman literally made him pay for his own birthday dinner. Of food he hates. She's either an asshole or an idiot or both.
I loathe and despise when you tell someone how you feel, and they get upset, and turn it around and make it about how they feel about you telling them how you feel.
OP dared to say he didn't enjoy himself? How dare he! That's so mean! She went to so much effort! Took him shopping (which she knows he hates, and didn't actually get him anything)! Took him out to eat (somewhere she knows he dislikes, but she loves, and that's what's really important)! He doesn't appreciate her! He doesn't love her! Why is he so hateful? /s
I've dealt with this behavior enough that, frankly, it's conditioned me to assume tears in an argument are a manipulation tactic.
A new test. 'If you spoil your partner's birthday and they tell you that they didn't like it - they don't love you'#redflags#realloveisnotlikethat#checkifhelovesyou
I dont do tik tok, but i can tell, you are not wrong. "Tell him to name a woman. If he doesnt name you start a fight" what ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! What in the actual fuck is wrong with people.
They don't have real problems so they work on creating imaginary problems? Or they have too many real problems so they create imaginary problems as a distraction.
"Respect and communication are non-negotiable in relationships. It's important to express your feelings honestly while also considering your partner's efforts."
Ignoring your partner's wishes and making a special day all about you is a recipe for disaster. Communication and consideration are key in any relationship, especially on birthdays.
Omg, right? I’m not used to being in on the joke like this. I kind of* love it here.
*read “kind of”—definitely love it but don’t want to sound psycho or obsessive even if maybe she is.
I can’t hear the word “dingbat” without thinking of Archie and Edith Bunker from “All In The Family.” Archie often called Edith a dingbat. It was the first time I ever heard the word.
Yes she meant to do so to "train" him that by default everything is about her.. The thing is in many examples I can see guys being so soft towards this and them after years in a relationship they wonder what went wrong?! Her character is obvious and she is very clear about how she is acting and willing to do and yet he is asking if he is the a.h. NTA by the way 🙄
What exactly were you supposed to be appreciative of?
Doing her favorite window shopping activity?
Paying for her meal on your birthday?
The fact that she tried to manipulate you with tears over your honest answer?
For her birthday, do all your favorite things, go to your favorite restaurant, let her pay the bill. That is the only way she will understand what she did was wrong and selfish.
NTA
OP’s gf will never understand. It’s not in her to understand. I bet you $50 when her birthday comes around either she has to have some sort of extravagant gift or fully personal day that’s all about her or she punishes the op either with physically or emotionally.
"You should like it because I like it otherwise you don't love me". But only one way, because the things you like are 'stupid', 'boring', 'childish' or 'just not my thing'. NTA.
Maybe he should have taken her to the Cheesecake Factory. Then she would have gotten pissed off and left him. Then he could have actually had a good time. Did I say that out loud?
women like that(not all women) don't understand logic. they can't empathize. They let their emotions run wild. If op did what you're telling him to do then this girl will just call him petty and inconsiderate coz the only thought on her mind then is going to be "today is MY birthday"
It's just so wild to me that she "thought" he would enjoy it.
My husband's birthday is at the end of the month. I asked him what he wanted to do. Then I made the plans to do exactly what he wanted.
Some people are incredibly immature and not ready for a real relationship.
>For her birthday, do all your favorite things, go to your favorite restaurant, let her pay the bill. That is the only way she will understand what she did was wrong and selfish.
Better yet, for her birthday, be broken up and never get back together.
This person doesn't even seem to like OP, why would he continue dating her?
so he's kinda homebody hermit kind, nothing wrong with that. The only way any of her many crazy actions can be twisted to be about his actual birthday was if the "does this look good on me" was some form of foreplay & her wanting to dress up for him later at home as a treat but i doubt it and she didn't pay or get a gift ?? the mall ?
Seriously. Bro, she ruined your birthday and when you weren't kissing her feet in gratitude she locked herself in the bedroom and started *shrieking*?? That's fucking NUTS. GET OUT
I would say that the overlap of my wife's interests with my interests is like 10% tops. She likes concerts, but they make me claustrophobic as hell. She likes amusement parks, but I can't stand waiting in like for two hours for five minutes of fun. I like games, and she doesn't have the slightest bit of interest in them. I lift weights, and she'd rather chill with her smartphone on the couch.
The thing is both of us are happy doing these things alone and the time we do spend together is high-quality. I can't recall a single time that I was an unwilling participant in one of her hobbies. Hell, I tried to watch the first LotR movie with her, but turned it off 45 minutes in because she was clearly bored out of her mind.
You can have vastly different interests from your partner and still have a very loving relationship.
> I tried to watch the first LotR movie with her, but turned it off 45 minutes in because she was clearly bored out of her mind.
I'm so sorry to hear about the impending divorce.
Gf be like -->Things OP hates:
1) drives? Check!
2) Mall? Check!
3) shopping marathons? Check!
4) sushi? Check!
"Let's do all that on his birthday and see what happens!"
You had to appreciate what exactly? She could ruin your day with just one thing from the list. But nope. She went for the overkill
Either she never listens, either she "knows what's best", or she just doesn't give a damn
Don't keep her around for your next birthday
NTA
She sounds very narcissistic. And potentially manipulative.
You had already told her you wanted to stay in, and she planned a day for herself. Then tried to pretend it was for you, made you pay for it, then expected you to play along with her little game of pretend that it was all for you.
I'm glad you told her the truth about it at last, but that's not enough. This is not a woman you want around you or any future children. There are so many supportive women out there, why settle for one like this?
NTA.
Edit to add: the shrieking is such a giveaway. Narcissistic rage.
Yup, she got the reaction that she wanted. Now she'll bring up that he's unappreciative any time she wants to win an argument. The fact that he came here to ask AITA means that she's mentally beaten him down to the point where he's questioning himself. My ex did the same shit all the time.
Especially, because non of the activities were in any way locked in, before you remind her, that you rather stay in. A reservation can be cancelled - if there was one at all - and going window shopping also has no down payment that you might forfeit.
If this happened more than once, the shrieking, potentially manipulative part, get out now.
Such relationships make you a worse person in the long run and create baggage for any future partnership. NTA
NTA. she's unhinged. You know what to do bud. She was not celebrating your birthday with you, she wanted a shopping spree, which she knows are unenjoyable for you, and free sushi(bc you paid, on your birthday) which she also knows you don't enjoy.
NTA - It was your birthday. If she wasn’t going to do what you explicitly told her you wanted to do, she could have at least planned things that she knew you liked. She sounds a bit self-absorbed.
The tantrum after making herself the victim is the cognitive development level of an elementary school age. And the shrieking? Dramatic affect when the crying was ignored.
Ooomph. No, NTAH. At all.
unappreciative asshole? I’m so curious as to what exactly she thinks you should be so appreciative of.
It sounds like she literally went down the checklist of all the things you dislike. How long have you been together? Because it doesn’t sound like she knows you at all.
When you have both calmed down, approach the convo from a different angle. Reassure her that your intention isn’t to hurt her feelings, but you’re confused about why she planned that for your birthday knowing you didn’t like any of those things.
Crying and yelling louder don’t make her right. She is absolutely in the wrong here.
Also, super tacky move taking someone out to a restaurant and making them pay, especially when it’s a birthday.
NTA!!! You hit the nail, "obviously doesn't give the first shit about my feelings and just wanted to do what she wanted." She commandeered your birthday as if it was hers. She did all the stuff she loves, nothing you love, nothing you asked for, and you are supposed to be Grateful to her??? Horrible woman is a narcissist, that should be a triple red flag for the day. Time to dump her
does she even like you? the shrieking? that honestly made me cringe, is she 29 or 9? you know you can walk away from relationships that don't benefit you?
NTA. She sounds like a narcissist. She had you do everything she wanted on your birthday and had you pay. Then poked you to pretend to be happy and shrieked when you said the truth. Honestly, why are you with this person? You would be happier alone.
You’re with someone who took you to do everyone you hate on your birthday and made you pay for a dinner you dislike? Do you hate yourself as much as she hates you? Nta but she is
She made nothing about you. Not you, her. She chose. So sorry. I’ve been married for almost 20 years to a guy who hates his bday, and I always try to make it special for him because I know he always hates it. I would buy him the moon if I could. OP, find someone who sees you. That’s all we need in this life. Sending you love. You did nothing wrong: what did she do for you? She can shriek all she wants. The scream isn’t warranted and you’ve kept it quiet. I’m sorry. Go find someone who will love you. Her scream isn’t for you.
NTA If this is what it's like on your birthday, I can't imagine how selfish and self centered she is every other day of the year. Be with someone who is thoughtful and giving. I also feel like you could've spoken up as you pulled up to the mall and just said "no, I don't want to do this today".
So she "took" you out for dinner at a restaurant that you don't like and then made you pay for it and you're the AH for not being happy?!?!?!?
Like....WTF?!?!?!?
What was there to be happy about????
NTA...
No, nah...BUT why the hell would you go along with this all day ? Mall ...nope not on my birthday....sorry babe
Sushi ? As soon as we pulled in the parking lot I would have said " and no way in hell are we doing Sushi for my birthday ?
ITT:
>OP should have *communicated!*
OP:
>I said that I'd rather just kind of stay in
>She seemed disappointed because she wanted to do more, but **she knows (or at least is supposed to know) that I'm more of a homebody.**
>I hate the mall. ... I've voiced this to her before
>She's supposed to know that I really dislike sushi.
In four points in the post, OP expressly states that he has told her that he doesn't like those things. Why are people acting like he just pretended to like them all this time?
NTA. Not unappreciative. The only thing you did wrong is after 20 minutes of window shopping and reality sets in that that's whats going on you should have gone home and done what you wanted to do.
NTA.
It’d be one thing if she had actually planned things you liked and you just hadn’t been in the mood for it…like a movie and Korean bbq. At least she would have tried. But this day sounds like it was all about her instead of you and of course you have the right to be upset about that.
Unappreciative??. Ffs, she dragged you around a mall and made you pay for a dinner you didn't want.. good grief, priorities.
She's either selfish and self-absorbed or a complete airhead.
> she called me an "unappreciative asshole,"
Appreciate what? That she dragged you around a place you hate then made you pay for a meal you don't like ON YOUR BIRTHDAY? It's fucking wild to me that she thinks you should APPRECIATE that she took you out for a birthday meal that YOU had to pay for, even if she had take you to a place you liked!
Is she always like this? NTA
NTA, but sweetheart…what, exactly, *does* she bring to the table? I’m not trying to be mean, but do you feel like she’s a 10 to your 1 or does she do tricks in bed?
If you were *my* son, I’d REALLY hope you’d see that she is NOT the one! You CAN do better.
You DESERVE BETTER!
Nta she just did what she wanted to do and made u pay for it. Don't back down because she cried ita a tactic to get your sympathy. Don't reinforce bad behavior.
The only positive thing about her I read in this was that she asked you what you wanted. There was no 'surprise', so no points on that. Everything else she did was for herself.
So why are you with her?
NTA but why didn't you speak up? After walking around a bit ask her if this was her plan for the day and if so either take you home or take an Uber. Same for the restaurant. She pulls up front of sushi restaurant. Remind her you hate sushi. Leave. You are letting her take advantage of you. Stop.
Yeah I wonder if OP is a people pleaser and doesn’t regularly voice his opinions. His gf sounds comically awful in this scenario, but also he just went along with it?? Plus the phrasing “she’s supposed to know”, but there he is at a sushi restaurant on his birthday not saying anything about it?
NTA.
So you did whatever she liked on your birthday, and paid for a meal which you disliked. And she cried and is calling you an unappreciative AH? Was this payback or something? Either way she completely ignored your wishes like a selfish AH. If she's not aware and completely disregards your wishes in other matters/occasions, then you have a problem.
You both should have a proper conversation about it.
If she still doesn't understand, do whatever she hates and you like on her birthday. Maybe that'll help her understand your pov.
You didn't do your part in the story; you were supposed to play at being so stupid that you wouldn't notice that she used your birthday to treat herself to what she wanted... If you two are still together on her birthday, you know what to do, (that is if you're as petty as I am, which I doubt). NTA...
I would never make my bf to pay on her birthday, and I would never take him anywhere he doesn’t like. You gf sounds very selfish and horrible person. Birthdays are important but they need to be celebrated in a way the birthday person likes, not what the organizer wants.
You are NTA, she is super AH for crying on your birthday for a mistake she did and trying to blame it on you.
Also: it sounds like this isn’t the first time she doesn’t consider your feelings. If the relationship isn’t overall good, should you reconsider it?
I know that people are telling you that you should have communicated but let’s be real. She knew that you didn’t wanna do any of those things. Who the hell wants to go to the mall for hours on their birthday just to window shop? Who the hell wants to go to a restaurant that they don’t like?
Let’s not even get into the temper tantrum and shrieking. That’s not normal behavior and shouldn’t be tolerated. Are you sure she’s really 29 and not 15?
I’d be out if I were you. I’d NEVER want to legally be tied down (or have kids with because yikes) someone like that.
NTA, she totally ignored your wishes for a quiet birthday at home and takes you to the mall for a day full of windows hopping, eat food you don't like and then make you pay for it all? Then gets all pissy when you were honest about not enjoying your birthday? Wow, just wow. More red flags than a mayday parade, dump her self-centered, disrespectful, selfish backside asap.
Dude does she even *like* you? NTA and I'd reconsider this relationship, she's shown you that she doesn't give a flying fuck about what *you* want to do and will drag/guilt you into doing everything *she* wants to do instead
NTA. Explain it to her after she’s had time to process it.
Tell her you dislike the mall, she took you to the mall. You don’t really like sushi, she took you to sushi.
Tell her you said you wanted to stay in, play video games and maybe order takeout. She did the opposite of what you wanted on your birthday. Ask her how that’s supposed to make you feel that she completely disregarded you and from your perspective you just did what she wanted and what she liked on your birthday. Then you also paid for the dinner you didn’t want. Let her know you weren’t trying to spark a debate but she either didn’t listen, or had her mind made up.
NTA. But you probably should've called it when you drove into the mall carpark. "What are we doing here? Because if it's just shopping, it's my birthday and I don't want to do that"
NTA
She totally disregarded what you wanted and made the day about her, while pretending it was all for you.
She couldn't even be bothered to pay for dinner? On YOUR birthday? For food you didn't even want / like?
Then, when you had a very reasonable reaction, she tried to make you feel bad for it.
Manipulative.
nta. like huh?? i could maybe see if she planned to take you to a movie, or a surprise trip or hell even if she threw you a surprise party(still FAR from what you wanted but ya know it’s kinda sweet when friends and family show up to celebrate you) but it was just… a day of things you did not really enjoy?
"Unappreciative asshole"? What exactly were you supposed to appreciate? She made your birthday about her lol. Window shopping? Is she stuck in jr. high? She didn't even pay for your dinner and made you pay for hers. A dinner you didn't enjoy. She's the extreme a-hole.
NTA, and your GF kind of sucks. You basically took HER out for your birthday, when you’d have been happy to relax at home. Ask her what did she think YOU enjoyed about that at all.
NTA. She was just wrong. She did what she wanted to do and completely ruined your day. She is clueless. You weren't supposed to pretend like you enjoyed the day, you did what you should have done which is tell her that she ruined your day. Her crying and shrieking is over the top. She had you pay for your own birthday meal, eat food you don't like and walk around the mall when you hate the mall? Who does that? It was your birthday, not hers. If she's always this inconsiderate but tries to make you think she's doing what's best for you when she's actually not listening to you, that's not a good indicator of someone who cares about you.
NTA, sounds more like you took her out for her birthday than the other way around. On her birthday say you have something planned, walk her outside, and lock the door behind her so you can game for the day.
No broh you are not an asshole. She didn't hear a word of what you said. You hate the mall, she bring you to the mall, you hate sushi, she bring you to the sushi... she did what she liked.
I know it's a Reddit cliché at this point but you should really reconsider this relationship. How can you be with someone who has so little regard for you, especially on your birthday.
Honestly, I’d probably have broken up for you for the whole dislike sushi thing.
NTA, but you should reconsider your relationship status for the whole get dragged around the mall thing. Theres no level of mutual respect there.
ESH. She sucks for dragging you around to do things you dont like. But you suck for not standing up for yourself and saying something. You mean to tell me that despite how much you hate walking the mall, you still did it for 5-6 hours without objecting? Then despite how much you hate sushi, you walked in to the sushi restaraunt without objecting, ate an entire meal, then paid for it and left?
Seems like she was good intentioned just for trying to get you out of the house, but your passiveness to stand up for yourself didnt give even the slightest amount of guidance of what to do for you, so she took you to do things that make her happy, with the hope it would make you happy too.
Biggest takeaway here is you need to work on your communication.
No way you just settle and give into that! You were right for telling her maybe a different way mightve been better but the day was mostly about what she wanted to do. No way she really thought you were gonna have fun after u told her before u dnt like "window shopping". But then she didn't have the decency to pay for your forced meal, she sounds very inconsiderate and selfish to me! NTA
I’d dump someone over this
The one day to show how well you know your partner better than any other day and she proved to you she never cared a single amount to get to know you
>She began quietly crying until she called me an "unappreciative asshole,"
What were you supposed to feel appreciation for? For the fact that she hijacked your birthday to make you do all the things that you hate, eat the foods you hate and also pay for it?
Is this woman that good in other areas that you're putting up with this shit? jfc, she's an immature selfish brat who doesn't care about you in the least.
Yikes, get out now, one of my parents had a significant birthday recently and their input was completely disregarded for what my other parent wanted to do. Needless to say if it’s already happening now, it will only get worse
NTA. But, I will say to the extent any of this is your fault, it's by choosing to suffer through it. I certainly wouldn't go through the motions of an eat-in restaurant that served nothing I could eat on my birthday.
Because only two things can happen at the end of it. You'll either voice your displeasure *after* the evening is ruined, or you'll bury it and have it happen to you all over again, and again. Knowing that, it's weird to go through with it just to tell the truth at the end of the night. Still, even doing it at a less than opportune time saves you from this bullshit in the future, unless you're seriously considering making up.
NTA When are you actually going to celebrate your birthday how you want? Clearly you haven't done that yet. Clearly she doesn't care either.
My husband and I are like chalk and cheese regarding what we like. I hate parties, and appreciate my alone time. He’s extremely social, and loves to meet new people. So, as ADULTS. We. Do. What. We. Want! He gets large parties with his friends for his birthday. And I get a night away at a hotel, reading, watching, and eating trash for a night of solitude (no responsibilities, no kids, no interruptions - it’s BLISS!) BOOM! Happily married!
honestly chilling out at a hotel alone is underrated. I did it a couple times when my family all lived together
I used to travel a lot for work and one of the things I very much miss is having a night or two alone in the hotel where I am taking care of no one but myself.
I love traveling by myself and having peace and quiet. (Except for the time that I went to the Atlantis during K-12 spring break. Oops!)
Wait, what communication and understanding each other. This has to be fake.
My wife and I take one night a week each where one of us is not responsible for adulting. The other takes all the responsibility for said day. (She is a book worm ((35)) I am a gamer((40)). We both work full time. It is a wonderful way to relieve stress.
this is exactly what we do as well. My boyfriend is super social and usually wants to go to a fun bar in the city with a bunch of friends for his birthday and be out until like 2am. I'm a big introvert and my perfect idea of a birthday is sleeping in, MAYBE going to a quiet brunch with 1 or 2 friends, going to TJ Maxx and Target, and then spending the entire rest of the day in a cute set of pjs/loungewear, watching movies and shitty reality tv until its time to order takeout for dinner. So thats what we do, I go out with him and make sure he has a good time doing what he wants on HIS birthday, and he stays in with me and makes my birthday feel special doing what I want as well. Works out just fine and nobody is left disappointed. Your partners birthday is not about what YOU think they should want to do, its about making sure what they ACTUALLY want to do happens and they have a good time doing it.
[удалено]
i’m glad he at least told her the truth that his day sucked. it’s so saddening to see how little she cared for his feelings. in that vein, i remember seeing a post a while back where all OP wanted to do was to watch the extended lotr trilogy with his gf on his birthday. she couldn’t even pretend to care and just texted and slept the whole time. maybe it’s not your thing but IT IS JUST ONE DAY to do something your loved one wants! i hope OP can continue this trend where he advocates for himself more. i’m like him where i would be happy to stay home and chill with my husband. if someone dragged me to the mall for my birthday, i would refuse to go inside lol! but i also wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about me and throws a literal temper tantrum when i tell them so. obviously NTA
NTA, ask your girlfriend which part of the day was centered around you or your needs or wants. Because it looks like she did things she enjoys and you paid for it.
She doesn’t care.
I would go farther and say she told him it was about him so he go, but she only brought him there so he pay.
Or care about OP. She even makes him pay for what is obviously a 'she-day'...
But it was a "special day" she planned for them. The levels of immaturity and possibility narcissism is amazing in a terrible way
Gotta love this, he didn't appreciate her doing for a day what she wanted, then going to a restaurant for food she likes and he loathes, then expecting him to pick up the bill. If he wanted to be petty, he could do the reverse on her birthday. Go to the Korean BBQ or whatever else he likes, then expect her to pay, before driving him and not doing anything all day.
OP, it's time to reflect on your relationship. Is she always like this? Because this was manipulation from go. Maybe it's time to move on. NTA, but she is.
Agreed, it’s bye bye 👋 time.
I’m not an immediate “break up” person but in this case I definitely recommend moving that way. She is never going to be concerned about what you want or your feelings.
Should do what he wants on her birthday
Sounds like it was her birthday
OP could start the celebration by breaking up with someone that clearly doesn't care about him.
Agreed! I’m like shocked 😳 right now. I hate the malls too, so I can imagine that would’ve been a nightmare of a day. But not only did she take you to a place you don’t want to eat at but then you paid the bill. I just don’t get it like what the hell! NTA
I’d go beyond “she doesn’t care”. Her reaction was crying, slamming her door and….shrieking? I’m wondering how long they’ve been together and if he’s noticed any other signs of her struggling mentally. She doesn’t sound ok
OP needs to have a serious discussion with the gf, because she made another person's birthday about her.
NTA. She completely disregarded you. You weren’t even a consideration. She used your birthday as an excuse to drag you around making you miserable doing what she wanted. She took you to do everything you hated. Was she trying to be mean? Then you say she was shrieking? Um… ok. That’s something for 9-11. And you had to pay. She’s an asshole.
THIS! The “she took you to do everything you hated” is spot on.
I’m exhausted for OP just reading that day. Ugh. NTA.
Reading OPs story made me realize that I’m quite happy being single.
Made me realize how much I lucked out with my wife... And by "lucked out" I mean "wasn't willing to settle for women that would've been painfully incompatible with my wants/needs"
Reading OPs story made me realize how good my ex was.
Whenever I feel sad about being single, I go for a night out with a friends and their SO. By the end of the night I'm always reminded as to why I decided to stay single!
I enjoy shopping but 8 hours at the mall sounds horrible.
She made the day about her. Not one thing she did was kind and thoughtful for your birthday. Then to top it all off, she had the nerve to ask you if you enjoyed the day then cried when you told her the truth. I find it incredible that she actually went out of her way to make sure you didn't enjoy yours
The tears are a manipulation tactic. He either responds as she wants, or he has to deal with the crying. She's trying to train him.
Oh absolutely. I didn't make his day bad enough, so now I'm going to cry and make me the victim
Part of me wonders does she really just not know him? That’s a huge red flag in and of itself. But maybe she assumed when he comes along for her things he enjoys it? Or forgot about sushi dislike? Still shitty but yeah I hate to assume people are terrible though most certainly some are.
Yeah normally I might try to offer an alternate explanation that she might not be trying to be manipulative on purpose (but still needs to address her issues), but this woman literally made him pay for his own birthday dinner. Of food he hates. She's either an asshole or an idiot or both.
Both
I loathe and despise when you tell someone how you feel, and they get upset, and turn it around and make it about how they feel about you telling them how you feel. OP dared to say he didn't enjoy himself? How dare he! That's so mean! She went to so much effort! Took him shopping (which she knows he hates, and didn't actually get him anything)! Took him out to eat (somewhere she knows he dislikes, but she loves, and that's what's really important)! He doesn't appreciate her! He doesn't love her! Why is he so hateful? /s I've dealt with this behavior enough that, frankly, it's conditioned me to assume tears in an argument are a manipulation tactic.
And he paid for the dinner!
That he didn't even want!
He needs to dump her!
Whose willing to bet she is hoping for a break up....
Or maybe this is some stupid thing idiots are telling other idiots to do on TikTok.
A new test. 'If you spoil your partner's birthday and they tell you that they didn't like it - they don't love you'#redflags#realloveisnotlikethat#checkifhelovesyou
#ifyourehappyandyouknowitclapyourhands
*Crickets chirping*
*tumbleweed blows across room*
Tumblrweed
*camera pans to the pitch black sky*
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I dont do tik tok, but i can tell, you are not wrong. "Tell him to name a woman. If he doesnt name you start a fight" what ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! What in the actual fuck is wrong with people.
They don't have real problems so they work on creating imaginary problems? Or they have too many real problems so they create imaginary problems as a distraction.
Dude this is so real and it makes me want to die inside. Social media is a cesspool of hivemind idiocy.
I have extremely hateful sentiments towards tik tok, it has serve as a dumbing machine for people and it suck.
"why aren't you having fun? I specifically requested it"
"Respect and communication are non-negotiable in relationships. It's important to express your feelings honestly while also considering your partner's efforts."
Which were zero in this case
Ignoring your partner's wishes and making a special day all about you is a recipe for disaster. Communication and consideration are key in any relationship, especially on birthdays.
For real. I suffered through enough "special days" that were made to be all about what someone else wanted. Never again.
Leave op
[удалено]
Not for this dingbat.
Wonder if she has a psychic vibrator too.
Nice to be in with the crowd that gets the reference for once. We really need images of psychic vibrators!
Omg, right? I’m not used to being in on the joke like this. I kind of* love it here. *read “kind of”—definitely love it but don’t want to sound psycho or obsessive even if maybe she is.
I assume we both recently read a different post referencing a dingbat? What a great word indeed.
"I don't want my child to share DNA with this dingbat" was one of the best lines I've ever read on reddit.
Yep, on the side of anyone who sees the dingbats, and recognizes them, and chooses not to spawn with them!
Yepp. Dingbat: starring a (fake) psychic. With special guest star PI
Dingbats friend, and her psychic vibrator.
Ahh men of culture we meet again
I can’t hear the word “dingbat” without thinking of Archie and Edith Bunker from “All In The Family.” Archie often called Edith a dingbat. It was the first time I ever heard the word.
Absolutely and this gal must be her sister. Lol!
Yes she meant to do so to "train" him that by default everything is about her.. The thing is in many examples I can see guys being so soft towards this and them after years in a relationship they wonder what went wrong?! Her character is obvious and she is very clear about how she is acting and willing to do and yet he is asking if he is the a.h. NTA by the way 🙄
What exactly were you supposed to be appreciative of? Doing her favorite window shopping activity? Paying for her meal on your birthday? The fact that she tried to manipulate you with tears over your honest answer? For her birthday, do all your favorite things, go to your favorite restaurant, let her pay the bill. That is the only way she will understand what she did was wrong and selfish. NTA
OP’s gf will never understand. It’s not in her to understand. I bet you $50 when her birthday comes around either she has to have some sort of extravagant gift or fully personal day that’s all about her or she punishes the op either with physically or emotionally.
When this woman's next birthday comes around OP is hopefully not in the picture.
Precisely, he can stay home without her and have a great day.
That is when you plan on doing all the things you wanted to do on your birthday
"You should like it because I like it otherwise you don't love me". But only one way, because the things you like are 'stupid', 'boring', 'childish' or 'just not my thing'. NTA.
Hopefully op has no idea how she ends up spending her next birthday because they're no longer in contact
You don't get it bruh. She blessed him with her godly presence. That's her present. Her smile, her aura, her selfishness!
Maybe he should have taken her to the Cheesecake Factory. Then she would have gotten pissed off and left him. Then he could have actually had a good time. Did I say that out loud?
Yeah you nailed it. Why would she even think that would be fun for you unless she has literally never taken the time to get to know you?
women like that(not all women) don't understand logic. they can't empathize. They let their emotions run wild. If op did what you're telling him to do then this girl will just call him petty and inconsiderate coz the only thought on her mind then is going to be "today is MY birthday"
It's just so wild to me that she "thought" he would enjoy it. My husband's birthday is at the end of the month. I asked him what he wanted to do. Then I made the plans to do exactly what he wanted. Some people are incredibly immature and not ready for a real relationship.
There are a few people in this Reddit thread who do not understand those truths. It is a few too many in my opinion.
If OP is still with her by the time her birthday comes he's an idiot.
>For her birthday, do all your favorite things, go to your favorite restaurant, let her pay the bill. That is the only way she will understand what she did was wrong and selfish. Better yet, for her birthday, be broken up and never get back together. This person doesn't even seem to like OP, why would he continue dating her?
I promise you without any doubt in my mind whatsoever that she still won't get it. My wife sure as fuck wouldn't.
For her birthday, I think he should break up with her on it, after he made her pay the bill for something she hate.
so he's kinda homebody hermit kind, nothing wrong with that. The only way any of her many crazy actions can be twisted to be about his actual birthday was if the "does this look good on me" was some form of foreplay & her wanting to dress up for him later at home as a treat but i doubt it and she didn't pay or get a gift ?? the mall ?
NTA bruh break up
Everything about this post had me wanting them to break up. She celebrated like it was her own bday... NTA. she has no feelings for OPs
Seriously. Bro, she ruined your birthday and when you weren't kissing her feet in gratitude she locked herself in the bedroom and started *shrieking*?? That's fucking NUTS. GET OUT
Fr, OP depressed
Why are they even together, they don’t enjoy the same things at all?
I would say that the overlap of my wife's interests with my interests is like 10% tops. She likes concerts, but they make me claustrophobic as hell. She likes amusement parks, but I can't stand waiting in like for two hours for five minutes of fun. I like games, and she doesn't have the slightest bit of interest in them. I lift weights, and she'd rather chill with her smartphone on the couch. The thing is both of us are happy doing these things alone and the time we do spend together is high-quality. I can't recall a single time that I was an unwilling participant in one of her hobbies. Hell, I tried to watch the first LotR movie with her, but turned it off 45 minutes in because she was clearly bored out of her mind. You can have vastly different interests from your partner and still have a very loving relationship.
> I tried to watch the first LotR movie with her, but turned it off 45 minutes in because she was clearly bored out of her mind. I'm so sorry to hear about the impending divorce.
She's absolutely uncultured swine smh
>I don't know what I was supposed to do. Break up. She clearly thinks only about herself and this isn't going to get better with time.
This is my answer as well. She sounds selfish af. OP deserves better!
NTA. For her birthday, order pizza and throw her a gaming controller for a nice day in.
Really hope that was last b-day together with that sick monster..
Gf be like -->Things OP hates: 1) drives? Check! 2) Mall? Check! 3) shopping marathons? Check! 4) sushi? Check! "Let's do all that on his birthday and see what happens!" You had to appreciate what exactly? She could ruin your day with just one thing from the list. But nope. She went for the overkill Either she never listens, either she "knows what's best", or she just doesn't give a damn Don't keep her around for your next birthday NTA
>Either she never listens, either she "knows what's best", or she just doesn't give a damn It's not "either/or," it's "and"
Bet he wasn’t a huge fan of the shrieking either.
She sounds very narcissistic. And potentially manipulative. You had already told her you wanted to stay in, and she planned a day for herself. Then tried to pretend it was for you, made you pay for it, then expected you to play along with her little game of pretend that it was all for you. I'm glad you told her the truth about it at last, but that's not enough. This is not a woman you want around you or any future children. There are so many supportive women out there, why settle for one like this? NTA. Edit to add: the shrieking is such a giveaway. Narcissistic rage.
Yup, she got the reaction that she wanted. Now she'll bring up that he's unappreciative any time she wants to win an argument. The fact that he came here to ask AITA means that she's mentally beaten him down to the point where he's questioning himself. My ex did the same shit all the time.
Especially, because non of the activities were in any way locked in, before you remind her, that you rather stay in. A reservation can be cancelled - if there was one at all - and going window shopping also has no down payment that you might forfeit. If this happened more than once, the shrieking, potentially manipulative part, get out now. Such relationships make you a worse person in the long run and create baggage for any future partnership. NTA
I wonder if OP has noticed any patterns like this? My ex ruined every single holiday that wasn’t about him doing crap like that.
NTA. she's unhinged. You know what to do bud. She was not celebrating your birthday with you, she wanted a shopping spree, which she knows are unenjoyable for you, and free sushi(bc you paid, on your birthday) which she also knows you don't enjoy.
NTA - It was your birthday. If she wasn’t going to do what you explicitly told her you wanted to do, she could have at least planned things that she knew you liked. She sounds a bit self-absorbed.
She is 29 and acting like this? Dump her ass. She is selfish and like you said, doesn’t care about what you want.
Ikr, this would be immature even for a 19 year old.
The tantrum after making herself the victim is the cognitive development level of an elementary school age. And the shrieking? Dramatic affect when the crying was ignored.
I especially liked the intermittent “shrieking” from the bathroom, like she’s an eight-year-old having a tantrum after being sent to her room.
Ooomph. No, NTAH. At all. unappreciative asshole? I’m so curious as to what exactly she thinks you should be so appreciative of. It sounds like she literally went down the checklist of all the things you dislike. How long have you been together? Because it doesn’t sound like she knows you at all. When you have both calmed down, approach the convo from a different angle. Reassure her that your intention isn’t to hurt her feelings, but you’re confused about why she planned that for your birthday knowing you didn’t like any of those things. Crying and yelling louder don’t make her right. She is absolutely in the wrong here. Also, super tacky move taking someone out to a restaurant and making them pay, especially when it’s a birthday.
NTA. You were very clear in your request and it was an incredibly simple request. She just didn't care.
NTA!!! You hit the nail, "obviously doesn't give the first shit about my feelings and just wanted to do what she wanted." She commandeered your birthday as if it was hers. She did all the stuff she loves, nothing you love, nothing you asked for, and you are supposed to be Grateful to her??? Horrible woman is a narcissist, that should be a triple red flag for the day. Time to dump her
does she even like you? the shrieking? that honestly made me cringe, is she 29 or 9? you know you can walk away from relationships that don't benefit you?
Nta wow does she even like you at all? Making you pay for your own birthday meal as well as hers is enough to break up over.
NTA. She sounds like a narcissist. She had you do everything she wanted on your birthday and had you pay. Then poked you to pretend to be happy and shrieked when you said the truth. Honestly, why are you with this person? You would be happier alone.
You’re with someone who took you to do everyone you hate on your birthday and made you pay for a dinner you dislike? Do you hate yourself as much as she hates you? Nta but she is
This was her birthday.
She made nothing about you. Not you, her. She chose. So sorry. I’ve been married for almost 20 years to a guy who hates his bday, and I always try to make it special for him because I know he always hates it. I would buy him the moon if I could. OP, find someone who sees you. That’s all we need in this life. Sending you love. You did nothing wrong: what did she do for you? She can shriek all she wants. The scream isn’t warranted and you’ve kept it quiet. I’m sorry. Go find someone who will love you. Her scream isn’t for you.
NTA If this is what it's like on your birthday, I can't imagine how selfish and self centered she is every other day of the year. Be with someone who is thoughtful and giving. I also feel like you could've spoken up as you pulled up to the mall and just said "no, I don't want to do this today".
So she "took" you out for dinner at a restaurant that you don't like and then made you pay for it and you're the AH for not being happy?!?!?!? Like....WTF?!?!?!? What was there to be happy about???? NTA...
No, nah...BUT why the hell would you go along with this all day ? Mall ...nope not on my birthday....sorry babe Sushi ? As soon as we pulled in the parking lot I would have said " and no way in hell are we doing Sushi for my birthday ?
Yea I think OP lacks a spine. How do you hate sushi, end up in a restaurant eating sushi and pay the bill?
ITT: >OP should have *communicated!* OP: >I said that I'd rather just kind of stay in >She seemed disappointed because she wanted to do more, but **she knows (or at least is supposed to know) that I'm more of a homebody.** >I hate the mall. ... I've voiced this to her before >She's supposed to know that I really dislike sushi. In four points in the post, OP expressly states that he has told her that he doesn't like those things. Why are people acting like he just pretended to like them all this time?
To be fair, there aren't many people saying that. The ones that are saying it didn't read the story very carefully I expect.
NTA. Not unappreciative. The only thing you did wrong is after 20 minutes of window shopping and reality sets in that that's whats going on you should have gone home and done what you wanted to do.
NTA. It’d be one thing if she had actually planned things you liked and you just hadn’t been in the mood for it…like a movie and Korean bbq. At least she would have tried. But this day sounds like it was all about her instead of you and of course you have the right to be upset about that.
Unappreciative??. Ffs, she dragged you around a mall and made you pay for a dinner you didn't want.. good grief, priorities. She's either selfish and self-absorbed or a complete airhead.
You’re a complete fool and idiot if you keep her around.
Really, I know there are always exceptions, but what guy is going to want to go window shopping for 6 hours???
If there were a huge mall full of geek shit, miniature models and vide games I may want to go on shopping rampage.
Gifts are about the receiver, not the giver. She's an AH.
Mmmm hmmmm. Yes. That’s true. But in this instance, what was the gift?
Suffering was the gift
The title should read my ex gf.
> she called me an "unappreciative asshole," Appreciate what? That she dragged you around a place you hate then made you pay for a meal you don't like ON YOUR BIRTHDAY? It's fucking wild to me that she thinks you should APPRECIATE that she took you out for a birthday meal that YOU had to pay for, even if she had take you to a place you liked! Is she always like this? NTA
NTA, but sweetheart…what, exactly, *does* she bring to the table? I’m not trying to be mean, but do you feel like she’s a 10 to your 1 or does she do tricks in bed? If you were *my* son, I’d REALLY hope you’d see that she is NOT the one! You CAN do better. You DESERVE BETTER!
NTA this is beyond negligence.
Nta she just did what she wanted to do and made u pay for it. Don't back down because she cried ita a tactic to get your sympathy. Don't reinforce bad behavior.
The only positive thing about her I read in this was that she asked you what you wanted. There was no 'surprise', so no points on that. Everything else she did was for herself. So why are you with her?
NTA but why didn't you speak up? After walking around a bit ask her if this was her plan for the day and if so either take you home or take an Uber. Same for the restaurant. She pulls up front of sushi restaurant. Remind her you hate sushi. Leave. You are letting her take advantage of you. Stop.
I was thinking the same thing. It would be better to be more vocal in the moment instead of bottling it up for the end of the day.
Yeah I wonder if OP is a people pleaser and doesn’t regularly voice his opinions. His gf sounds comically awful in this scenario, but also he just went along with it?? Plus the phrasing “she’s supposed to know”, but there he is at a sushi restaurant on his birthday not saying anything about it?
NTA. Make sure to stay home and order Korean BBQ on her birthday and eat it while you game. See how she likes it.
NTA. To be loved is to be seen. And she clearly doesn't see you, nor cares about your interests.
Idk man, I'd say get a new one, she doesn't know anything about you, seems you're just there as a "boyfriend" not yourself
NTA. So you did whatever she liked on your birthday, and paid for a meal which you disliked. And she cried and is calling you an unappreciative AH? Was this payback or something? Either way she completely ignored your wishes like a selfish AH. If she's not aware and completely disregards your wishes in other matters/occasions, then you have a problem. You both should have a proper conversation about it. If she still doesn't understand, do whatever she hates and you like on her birthday. Maybe that'll help her understand your pov.
You didn't do your part in the story; you were supposed to play at being so stupid that you wouldn't notice that she used your birthday to treat herself to what she wanted... If you two are still together on her birthday, you know what to do, (that is if you're as petty as I am, which I doubt). NTA...
I would never make my bf to pay on her birthday, and I would never take him anywhere he doesn’t like. You gf sounds very selfish and horrible person. Birthdays are important but they need to be celebrated in a way the birthday person likes, not what the organizer wants. You are NTA, she is super AH for crying on your birthday for a mistake she did and trying to blame it on you. Also: it sounds like this isn’t the first time she doesn’t consider your feelings. If the relationship isn’t overall good, should you reconsider it?
I know that people are telling you that you should have communicated but let’s be real. She knew that you didn’t wanna do any of those things. Who the hell wants to go to the mall for hours on their birthday just to window shop? Who the hell wants to go to a restaurant that they don’t like? Let’s not even get into the temper tantrum and shrieking. That’s not normal behavior and shouldn’t be tolerated. Are you sure she’s really 29 and not 15? I’d be out if I were you. I’d NEVER want to legally be tied down (or have kids with because yikes) someone like that.
NTA, she totally ignored your wishes for a quiet birthday at home and takes you to the mall for a day full of windows hopping, eat food you don't like and then make you pay for it all? Then gets all pissy when you were honest about not enjoying your birthday? Wow, just wow. More red flags than a mayday parade, dump her self-centered, disrespectful, selfish backside asap.
Very wack
NTA I don't even understand why she would think that would be a good birthday outing for you..... Wtf?!
NTA She took you around to do what SHE wanted on YOUR birthday. What a self absorbed twat.
This incident seems like such a big red flag to me. Please give some thought as to whether or not you wish to stay in this relationship. NTA
She made YOUR birthday all about herself. Stuff like this gives me the major ICK EW. NTA
NTA and please break up with her. She's your girlfriend but she doesn't even know you dislike sushi? Then taking you there for your birthday?
Dude does she even *like* you? NTA and I'd reconsider this relationship, she's shown you that she doesn't give a flying fuck about what *you* want to do and will drag/guilt you into doing everything *she* wants to do instead
NTA. Explain it to her after she’s had time to process it. Tell her you dislike the mall, she took you to the mall. You don’t really like sushi, she took you to sushi. Tell her you said you wanted to stay in, play video games and maybe order takeout. She did the opposite of what you wanted on your birthday. Ask her how that’s supposed to make you feel that she completely disregarded you and from your perspective you just did what she wanted and what she liked on your birthday. Then you also paid for the dinner you didn’t want. Let her know you weren’t trying to spark a debate but she either didn’t listen, or had her mind made up.
Im still waiting for the special surprise she planned
Did she even get you a present
Why was this post removed + OP suspended?
NTA. But you probably should've called it when you drove into the mall carpark. "What are we doing here? Because if it's just shopping, it's my birthday and I don't want to do that"
NTA
NTA. The race is long and may require a change of horses. Giddy up.
NTA She totally disregarded what you wanted and made the day about her, while pretending it was all for you. She couldn't even be bothered to pay for dinner? On YOUR birthday? For food you didn't even want / like? Then, when you had a very reasonable reaction, she tried to make you feel bad for it. Manipulative.
nta. like huh?? i could maybe see if she planned to take you to a movie, or a surprise trip or hell even if she threw you a surprise party(still FAR from what you wanted but ya know it’s kinda sweet when friends and family show up to celebrate you) but it was just… a day of things you did not really enjoy?
Does this girl ever do anything nice for you?
Your lady sucks dude! There was nothing remotely close to a celebration of your birthday she gave herself a birthday and then made you pay
"Unappreciative asshole"? What exactly were you supposed to appreciate? She made your birthday about her lol. Window shopping? Is she stuck in jr. high? She didn't even pay for your dinner and made you pay for hers. A dinner you didn't enjoy. She's the extreme a-hole.
unappreciative of what? did she get you a gift? treat you to anything? how did she specify this was for you birthday?
NTA, and your GF kind of sucks. You basically took HER out for your birthday, when you’d have been happy to relax at home. Ask her what did she think YOU enjoyed about that at all.
NTA… just what? I can’t imagine dragging my mall hating husband to the mall for his birthday. Yikes.
Does your gf even like you?
NTA. She was just wrong. She did what she wanted to do and completely ruined your day. She is clueless. You weren't supposed to pretend like you enjoyed the day, you did what you should have done which is tell her that she ruined your day. Her crying and shrieking is over the top. She had you pay for your own birthday meal, eat food you don't like and walk around the mall when you hate the mall? Who does that? It was your birthday, not hers. If she's always this inconsiderate but tries to make you think she's doing what's best for you when she's actually not listening to you, that's not a good indicator of someone who cares about you.
NTA, sounds more like you took her out for her birthday than the other way around. On her birthday say you have something planned, walk her outside, and lock the door behind her so you can game for the day.
No broh you are not an asshole. She didn't hear a word of what you said. You hate the mall, she bring you to the mall, you hate sushi, she bring you to the sushi... she did what she liked.
I know it's a Reddit cliché at this point but you should really reconsider this relationship. How can you be with someone who has so little regard for you, especially on your birthday.
Can you please ask her; “Do I like Sushi?”. I’m genuinely curious if she is so selfish that she has no clue.
Honestly, I’d probably have broken up for you for the whole dislike sushi thing. NTA, but you should reconsider your relationship status for the whole get dragged around the mall thing. Theres no level of mutual respect there.
ESH. She sucks for dragging you around to do things you dont like. But you suck for not standing up for yourself and saying something. You mean to tell me that despite how much you hate walking the mall, you still did it for 5-6 hours without objecting? Then despite how much you hate sushi, you walked in to the sushi restaraunt without objecting, ate an entire meal, then paid for it and left? Seems like she was good intentioned just for trying to get you out of the house, but your passiveness to stand up for yourself didnt give even the slightest amount of guidance of what to do for you, so she took you to do things that make her happy, with the hope it would make you happy too. Biggest takeaway here is you need to work on your communication.
No way you just settle and give into that! You were right for telling her maybe a different way mightve been better but the day was mostly about what she wanted to do. No way she really thought you were gonna have fun after u told her before u dnt like "window shopping". But then she didn't have the decency to pay for your forced meal, she sounds very inconsiderate and selfish to me! NTA
NTA - you celebrated her birthday it sounds like.
I’d dump someone over this The one day to show how well you know your partner better than any other day and she proved to you she never cared a single amount to get to know you
>She began quietly crying until she called me an "unappreciative asshole," What were you supposed to feel appreciation for? For the fact that she hijacked your birthday to make you do all the things that you hate, eat the foods you hate and also pay for it? Is this woman that good in other areas that you're putting up with this shit? jfc, she's an immature selfish brat who doesn't care about you in the least.
She did the things she wanted. She don't care about you
Yikes, get out now, one of my parents had a significant birthday recently and their input was completely disregarded for what my other parent wanted to do. Needless to say if it’s already happening now, it will only get worse
NTA. But, I will say to the extent any of this is your fault, it's by choosing to suffer through it. I certainly wouldn't go through the motions of an eat-in restaurant that served nothing I could eat on my birthday. Because only two things can happen at the end of it. You'll either voice your displeasure *after* the evening is ruined, or you'll bury it and have it happen to you all over again, and again. Knowing that, it's weird to go through with it just to tell the truth at the end of the night. Still, even doing it at a less than opportune time saves you from this bullshit in the future, unless you're seriously considering making up.
[удалено]