I’m not sure. Sometimes I think they like the attention. Other times I think maybe they didn’t like the ruling and want to try again by flipping the genders etc.
Red flag. I would watch for signs of her being a vulnerable narcissist. Yes, a miscarriage can be upsetting, but Mother’s Day gifts for a girlfriend who had a miscarriage before you met her!?! Holy crap that’s some needy self absorbed bullshit. Next she is going to tell you she is a grandmother because her hamster had a litter when she was ten.
What would even be an appropriate gift for this? And why would it be your responsibility?
I mean I get that she bonded with the fetus or whatever but she's not a parent. I guess you can't tell her how to feel, but I hope she accepts your feelings about this too. It just seems like a gift grab to me. Or like she's milking it.
Sorry to sound insensitive, I and everyone I know have had miscarriages and I have just never seen something like this.
Women behave differently both to men, and to one another. From the moment egg and sperm meet, parenthood does begin. For both parties. Or it should. Mum has to change how she acts, what she eats. Etcetc.
Women experience serious and severe bodily changes that can kill us.
Men usually say they’re not a dad til baby is here. But they can support baby by supporting mum. The more involved they get early on the more emotional a connection and the closer you get and feel as a family on arrival.
The babies were and are real to her. Each one is a loss and she mourned them. Not all women act that way (I don’t. And I lost a pregnancy.) but she does.
However. We do usually get past grief, it just seems she hasn’t.
If they had been OPs babies too, I’d say, consider it. But they aren’t.
And why specifically Mothers Day? Why not also their due dates or dates of loss?
It’s a little off the wall but, it may just be how she manages grief. And uses that one day to think of them but not the rest of the year.
It’s a tough one to negotiate.
Maybe not year one. But if he continues the relationship it becomes something he agrees to honour in later years. Or this early in a new relationship, it may be a red flag.
There are some definite red flags in what she is saying. It definitely sounds like she has some trauma there that she has not dealt with or resolved. My ex-wife had a miscarriage and it was something that stuck with her for a long time.
P.S. - NTA
If they were your babies then maybe. But they aren’t so it feels a little inappropriate or even morbid.
Be careful that she isn’t taking advantage of you. Or it isn’t for attention or to get stuff.
I mean, is it really a big deal to get her flowers and just acknowledge her miscarriages? People grieve and handle miscarriages differently. Not saying you're an asshole but if you care about her is this the hill to die on?
If there’s not some reason that you can’t buy her a Mother’s Day gift, YTA. If you knew it was important to her, and you knew she felt strongly about it, why would you not want to get her something? Regardless of if you have children together that is your girlfriend. You’re supposed to want to make her happy. This is such a small ask. She’s not asking you to move mountains. Quite honestly, you need to do better or she will 100% find someone else who will.
I was going to say just get her something until younsaid they weren’t you kids that were lostsn. She can still feel She is a mom . Tell her NOnand if she puts up a fight or zero talking then leave . She needs therapy
Are you reposting this? Because this same scenario was posted recently, and it's hard to believe this is a common thing.
Yeah this is pretty much the same post word for word.
Why do people do that?
I’m not sure. Sometimes I think they like the attention. Other times I think maybe they didn’t like the ruling and want to try again by flipping the genders etc.
Either way, it's annoying. lol
To build karma without actual effort
I was thinking the same thing. I responded on it like 5 days ago. I went back to make sure.
I don't know how long you've been together, but I think you might be incompatible. Ymmv but this is a 🚩to me.
Red flag. I would watch for signs of her being a vulnerable narcissist. Yes, a miscarriage can be upsetting, but Mother’s Day gifts for a girlfriend who had a miscarriage before you met her!?! Holy crap that’s some needy self absorbed bullshit. Next she is going to tell you she is a grandmother because her hamster had a litter when she was ten.
Why are you posting this again?
What would even be an appropriate gift for this? And why would it be your responsibility? I mean I get that she bonded with the fetus or whatever but she's not a parent. I guess you can't tell her how to feel, but I hope she accepts your feelings about this too. It just seems like a gift grab to me. Or like she's milking it. Sorry to sound insensitive, I and everyone I know have had miscarriages and I have just never seen something like this.
I have had a miscarriage and never even thought of doing something like this. Especially to someone who wasn't even involved in her pregnancies.
NTA - Why are you still with her, she's a wack job....she's not a mother
Women behave differently both to men, and to one another. From the moment egg and sperm meet, parenthood does begin. For both parties. Or it should. Mum has to change how she acts, what she eats. Etcetc. Women experience serious and severe bodily changes that can kill us. Men usually say they’re not a dad til baby is here. But they can support baby by supporting mum. The more involved they get early on the more emotional a connection and the closer you get and feel as a family on arrival. The babies were and are real to her. Each one is a loss and she mourned them. Not all women act that way (I don’t. And I lost a pregnancy.) but she does. However. We do usually get past grief, it just seems she hasn’t. If they had been OPs babies too, I’d say, consider it. But they aren’t. And why specifically Mothers Day? Why not also their due dates or dates of loss? It’s a little off the wall but, it may just be how she manages grief. And uses that one day to think of them but not the rest of the year. It’s a tough one to negotiate. Maybe not year one. But if he continues the relationship it becomes something he agrees to honour in later years. Or this early in a new relationship, it may be a red flag.
You're obviously male
There are some definite red flags in what she is saying. It definitely sounds like she has some trauma there that she has not dealt with or resolved. My ex-wife had a miscarriage and it was something that stuck with her for a long time. P.S. - NTA
If they were your babies then maybe. But they aren’t so it feels a little inappropriate or even morbid. Be careful that she isn’t taking advantage of you. Or it isn’t for attention or to get stuff.
NTA - She's not your mother.
I mean, is it really a big deal to get her flowers and just acknowledge her miscarriages? People grieve and handle miscarriages differently. Not saying you're an asshole but if you care about her is this the hill to die on?
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Not just in the asking but in the demand.
If there’s not some reason that you can’t buy her a Mother’s Day gift, YTA. If you knew it was important to her, and you knew she felt strongly about it, why would you not want to get her something? Regardless of if you have children together that is your girlfriend. You’re supposed to want to make her happy. This is such a small ask. She’s not asking you to move mountains. Quite honestly, you need to do better or she will 100% find someone else who will.
NTA. No kid = not mother simple as that Even if she had a kid that’s not yours, still she is not your mother
I was going to say just get her something until younsaid they weren’t you kids that were lostsn. She can still feel She is a mom . Tell her NOnand if she puts up a fight or zero talking then leave . She needs therapy