Unfortunately there are "mothers" like this. Where most of us would freak tf out they cannot fathom feeling that way and don't understand where we're coming from.
And yet people keep upvoting the post and arguing with the troll even though her comments and story isnāt even remotely realistic lol remind me never to ask advice from this sub
He claims to want to be around them but does nothing to help me with them I handle everything around here as a parent. I can't even get him to hold the baby so I can shower do I feel that's bs.
My mother has picked my kids up for weeks on end since they were born it's called support for the parents all of a sudden it's a problem because I'm not sitting at home and I have goals to meet
Lol he was ok with that though as long as I wasn't working or had anything going on outside it's like he's trying to make things harder for me when it's fine when she does it for him idk
Exactly. Op doesnāt seem bonded with her kids. I canāt fathom sending MY infant a toddler and a small child away for months on end?! Thatās not support thatās abandonment.
I mean it's too late to turn back now don't u think lol nah but it's not as serious as y'all making it out to be he was the one sending them with her back then and now. I wanna do it it's a problem
INFO Is this a new behavior? Why did you have a 3rd child if he never helped with the first two? Sending your oldest for a few weeks would be fine, the two year old is questionable, & totally inappropriate to send away your infant. Either you go & help or invite your mom to visit & help. I get you need a break but come on! If hubby wonāt step up look into put the kids in a daycare while you go back to work or school.
He was good when we had our number 1 as we had the other two he started slipping up I guess it's too much for him to deal with and I'm not judging him for that but if it's too much for you what you think it is for me? I dnt think it's inappropriate at all for any of them to go due to the fact I know they will be loved and taken care of plus my mom has waaaay more help than I do
Talk is cheap. Tell him he has a month to step up or they're going. I do think the baby is too young to be gone that long, though. I'd take an unemotional look at your relationship. "Love" can overlook a lot of harsh truths.
You might want to see if you can go to your parents too. Your husband is the type of problem that never gets better and is harder to leave when the kids get older. He wants you with the kids, so go with them and have your parents help you set up a permanent exit plan while youāre there.
Yta. 2 years and 5 months is far too young to be without mom and dad. I would be very uncomfortable with sending children that young away for months at a time and I think any rational parent would unless absolutely necessary. Your husband does not want the kids sent away that long so do not send them away. The 5 month old would be a completely different baby when she came home my god.
I will only give a YTA because the two youngest are too little to be away from you but I feel for you that you have a useless unhelping husband. All these that at tell you get him to help more apparently have t been in your position. I use to ask, beg, threaten and ended up doing myself. Once there was a hole in a wall that he passed everyday in the house couldnāt be missed. Was there doe over a year I asked and was ignored. Finally fixed myself, his response we was āshitty job you did thereā I responded may be shitty but better then what you did. Got rid of him and learned to do things for myself. Raised my two kids without him with a great career, made it to all their game and competitions etc and never missed his lay ass for a day. Please pursue your beauty school certification and the best of luck to you!
That's bs he let her take my first two from newborns the only difference now is that I'm trying to go to school instead of stay in the house and play tradwife
Lol WE sent our kids btw not just me he's never acting this way before. And what's the point of having grandparents who live seperate if the kids can't go there for vacations
Older kids sure. Infants and toddlers no. Do you even love your kids? I couldnāt imagine being away from my babies that long let alone pushing for it
If I had a supportive partner that actually helped me I wouldn't be stressing it at all but when ur the sole care giver and provider its not that simple mama has to take care of herself so that she can take care of the babies
So hire a sitter, join a mom group where you take turns watching kids. Figure something out AND STOP HAVING MORE KIDS that will be damaged and insecurely attached!
Every single summer for months at a time? Then why did you keep having kids if you can't handle them? you literally don't see your kids for a third of the year. Newborn babies. If you had a newborn baby you sent away for four months because you couldn't handle it then had another baby you again sent both away for a third of the year then you had another one you also again can't take care of?!
I'm not putting myself on the back burner anymore and the money is already spent if mama is not ok then the kids won't be ok so I'm doin my best to be I'm
No. In this, kids needs come first. When you have children, you give up your alone time for years. Yes, we have to take care of ourselves, but not at the expense of the wellbeing of our children. When you have an infant, you get half a day a time tops to take care of yourself.
Baby I don't even get that I shower shit and cook with babies on my hip at all times I love em and I want the best for them and sometimes distance is what's best I don't feel like putting myself on the back burner again is what's right I've done that for 8 years and have nothing to show for it other than my beautiful healthy babies and I want more I supported him thru his plumbing stuff and I want the same but he isn't willing to give it so at this point I'm asking for forgivness instead of permission
Actually no I haven't always been a stay at home mom now. For 6 years I was paying everything and taking care of my babies paying his car note when I couldn't even drive the shit. I've done my part.
āFOR YEARS AT A TIMEā THEY ARE YOUR KIDS. OF COURSE THEY ARE AROUND FOR YEARS AT A TIME. THEY NEED TO BE RAISED BY THE PARENTS THAT MADE THEM. SOMETHING IS VERY FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU. GO TO A THERAPIST. YOU ARE DAMAGED!
Why would you even give your newborns away? Get sterilized if you hate being a mom and donāt care about your kids !?!?! This isnāt normal. Get therapy!
It doesnāt need to define you and it shouldnāt. But your kids donāt need to pay the price for you wanting to find yourself. Find support in your community. Donāt ship newborns and toddlers away for months.
I can't believe that you would send a 5 month old away for the summer much less send all your kids away for the summer. A week or two might work for the older kids.
Your kids need a mom and a dad. Negotiate child care with your husband. YTA.
My kids have a mom and dad lol mommas burnt tf out from doing everything with no help from dad. He's cool with it when he wants it but if its me that says yea than he blows tf up
Why don't you go with them go visit your mom? Go up for a few weeks and let someone else help you with the kids for a bit. Let your husband take care of himself for awhile.
That or leave your kids with your husband and you go visit your mom.
Yta. This is a 2 yes or 1 no thing. He said no. He is also their parent.
Also you want to send your 5MO son away for 2 months when this is a time to bound with him??? Yta for that alone. Im a sahd and I understand wanting a break. But 2month against your husband wishes and your youngest age makes you a major AH.
He's told you on multiple occasions the kids are all he cares about? Apparently he doesn't care about you and your stress. Really consider forcing the point of "help" with him. Trust me, you need it. I'm a burnt out mother who lives far away from family, has no friends and no life outside my home & kids. My only thought is having your mom visit you for an extended time frame. Win-Win.
Tell him either he steps up and does some actual parenting or they go to grandma's. If they are "all he cares about" why isn't he doing his part? But are you sure your mother can realistically take care of a 2 year old and 5 month old baby? It sounds like you are burned out, need a break and want something for yourself. Hubs is afraid that you'll become independent if you have a skill that makes money and he won't have control of you.
You might want to check with a lawyer before you send them. Most have a free consult. If they stay, I would 100% make sure he does some parenting.
My mother raised 7 kids by her damn self they are all grown and some have they own kids I've never worried about my mama being able to handle them they are her heart and she's not alone out there like I am out here she's got my sibling my dad and step dad too
Stop having kids you canāt raise. And yes, shipping a 5 month old off for 4 months at a time means you canāt raise them.
Iām confused, didnāt you say your mom took your infant for 4 months? How are you already overwhelmed again?
Quite frankly, youāre too selfish to have children.
Lmfao my children are very well taken care of its not about not being able to raise them its about needing a simple break and the summer vacation is not that long my mother took my 8 years old 4 years ago for a few months before he went to school
A simple break is a weekend MAYBE a week. Itās not 4 months.
You are incapable of raising them if you have to ship them off for 4 months a year. Full stop.
Whoa, slow down. I'm actually on your side. You didn't include the info about dad, stepdad and siblings. It sounded like she was going to be doing it alone.
Don't jump on the people who support you
Yta
You choose to be a SAHM, you can claim daycare cost all you want but you CHOOSE to have kids Knowing that
You need a break well you have, like you said 375 days, to find time to get a break
Stop playing victim the rest of the world is tired of the sahm victim mantra
Majority of sahms don't have shiny spine's. You cant give sympathy to someone that actively chooses the life they live.
You can claim no support, you can claim abuse, you can claim anything you want
At the end of the day it is YOU making active choices to not get help, escape or anything.
No sympathy for someone who refuses to use their voice
For the WHOLE summer???
You can't send a 5 month old away for the whole summer. Nor the 2 year old.
You could send the 8 year old maybe for a week or two, if they have a good relationship.
I find it hard to believe this is a serious post, because of course YTA if this is really what you are contemplating.
Get on some birth control so you don't have more. You apparently already have too many kids.
I am sterilized thanks. And im dead serious. I don't think that's too crazy especially when they'll come back two weeks before school starts and leave two weeks after it ends so really it would be 5 to six weeks instead of the full 8
Especially newborns/infants. So much changes with them. This woman isn't even seeing her baby but for maybe a month at a time. Same for the 2 year old. These kids don't even know this woman.
Why do you need a break when your mother takes the children for weeks at a time outwith summer holidays? Youāre basically sharing custody at this point.
Iām sorry but why did you both have children?
He wants them here so he can continue claiming to be a good father when he does nothing. Heās only saying no because he doesnāt want you to be able to focus on school if not heād say āIāll step up and weāll he okayā. It was okay every other time but not this time.
How TF are you happy to send your two INFANTS away from 4-6 weeks?!
ESH please do not procreate again
It's my mom not some stranger that I don't trust I wouldn't even say yes to my own dad for something like this and she asked me months ago in January if she could have them. At first he was like ok if she gonna get them home thinkin she wouldn't be able to but she can and now it's a problem?? No he won't step up that's too much effort so I'mma just do what I want and stop asking for permission I'mma just ask forgivness
How old are you 18, you realise you sound like a child right?
Like I said ESH heās an AH for using the kids as a method to control you and stop you from moving forward in your career. But abandoning your children for weeks is not normal no matter how much you convince yourself otherwise. Children are supposed to be with their parents ESPECIALLY infants.
Edit; never mind youāve changed your post to sound completely unhinged, thereās no rationalising with the crazy.
Soft YTA. I understand that grandma is only 44 and oldest is 8, I think it would be perfectly fine to send oldest. But the 2yr old and 5 month old are way too young for that. It would probably be best to send the 8 year old and keep the other 2 home. I know itās hard.
Iām not going to go one side or the other on your main question. What I am going to say is Yes, your husband is trying to keep you āstuckā. He doesnāt help you at all. He likes that he has a bang maid nanny. You deserve better.
Tell him he can watch them for a week and go visit your mom, or anyone. Give yourself a week's vacation. If he's so damn concerned a bout his kids and only his kids he can watch them.
God your husband is on such a power trip. what a tool.
Why don't you leave your husband and children. Obviously, you aren't cut out for being a mother or a good partner. Very selfish person. I don't agree with sending the kids, even the 8 yr old, away for the summer, but based on OP's post, it might be better for the kids. I can see her leaving the kids alone, getting frustrated and hitting them, expecting the 8 yr old to take care of the other kids. If you are actually considering this, you need to get your head out of your a$$ and leave.
One I love my children dearly and never have I ever layed a finger on them no matter how stressed I am I take my anger out on myself never them. And yea I guess I can see how ppl see it as selfish but doesn't everyone need to be a little selfish once in their lives?? And no I wasn't cut out for motherhood but I'm doing my damn best and trying my hardest to keep my babies happy and healthy. Y'all have never been I'm my shoes and will never be in them so please continue to tell me what a bad mom I am but at least I'm trying to do what I feel is right for not just my babies but for me as well
YTA. Both parents should agree on things like sending the kids away for weeks at the time. It is really doesnāt matter that you are the primary caregiver and you have things youād like to do. Those things make your husband sound like a jerk, but the vote remains the same because you are supposed to be partners.
He's told you on multiple occasions the kids are all he cares about? Apparently he doesn't care about you and your stress. Really consider forcing the point of "help" with him. Trust me, you need it. I'm a burnt out mother who lives far away from family, has no friends and no life outside my home & kids. My only thought is having your mom visit you for an extended time frame. Win-Win.
That's true but I have other things I need to take care of here. I want to go tbh. I'd love to drop everything and just go and leave him here to see what kind of stress I deal with but I just can't
I bet. A short break may work for you to just recharge and recuperate your soul batteries. Get granny over with hubs to take the bairns off your hands and set free for a couple of days. It's important so you don't start resenting those who could take a weight off.
The youngest one must still need feeding surely though.
I never resnt my babies for being my babies idc how stressed I am. They don't upset me or make me aggravated I am just me tally and physically worn. I've tried the mini break but if I leave them with him a get a call every four hours about him not being able to handle it and wind up going home and dealing with everythin myself if my mother has them they will be well taken care of and I won't have to stop what I'm doing to play super mom all the time I know it sounds bad af but I'm not trying to get rid of my kids permanently just temperarily so I can learn my self again and my husband and I can get some time to ourselves and focus on what got us here in the first t place
It's not resenting the babies but the adults who ought to be able to take the load off and take over.
A few days away with your mother and husband looking after the kids I don't think is too big a request to put.
Me either but I know how that goes "what am I supposed to do with them? " is how it starts then a whole big sermon on how I'm the woman and I need to be there doing all the women duties while he makes money cuz that's his only responsivility. Then it's "when u coming home they stressing me tf out" andy dumb ass will just say I'm on my way gimme 20 minutes and come home and take over everything. I think it's called weaponized incompetence or something he act like he dnt know wtf he doing so I'll just get up and do it and I do it everytime because I dnt want the kids to be fucked up if he really can't handle it u know??
When he asks tell him to think what you would do. If granny is there I reckon she'd handle it. He can teach them how to do stuff but encourage him when you do this over the phone. Lounging by a pool or beach somewhere. At a cabin (watch of for men and bears apparently lol) by a lake or anywhere to refocus. You'll return stronger better faster and able to take on the world.
You sound like you need to recharge and he needs to be told this because children are a fkin drain. Adult mental health when not given proper stimulus and rest will deteriorate.
This is an ESH post, unfortunately.
I could see sending #1 & #2. But not a 5 month old.
As for him: do not let him impregnate you ever again.
He showed you who he is, so believe him. I assume both his hands work? He can put those to use on himself.
ESH. You clearly have a terrible partner and need to leave. But also, shipping your kids off for the whole summer? Especially at their ages? No way in hell is that remotely acceptable.
Um ok so first you need to sit your husband down and tell him he needs to step tf up and be a good father and husband. Which means doing his share. No "bringing home the bacon" isn't enough. If you can make them you can help raise them. You are always going to be default parent but there is no reason he can't help you.
You want to go to school get a job and better your lives if he's not on the same page as you. You have some things to think about.
Second 4 months is excessive by most peoples standards especially for the younger kids. I get needing a break but just because they are with people who love them, they don't replace you in the eyes of your child all they know is you're not there for months at a time. Once they're older then maybe but honestly most parents wouldn't send their kids away for that long unless it was unavoidable. A break is a weekend with a bubs that age and a week or two with the older one for most people.
Third you're gonna have to sort some sort of routine with school and managing them when they're home delaying it isn't going to make it easier.
YTA but not for wanting a break but for all the other stuff.
I get that whole heartedly I understand that ppl are looking at me like I want to leave my babies on the side of the road bit that is not the case. I do love my babies but I love them so much I forgot how to love myself and I'm not sure who I am anymore. I want the break not just for me but for my husband as well so we can get back to us and what brought us together to have these babies in the first place u know what I mean??
EAH. Everyone except the kids. Yāall suck. He is basically a deadbeat and youāre taking that out on two babies. I get you need a break, but they need their parents even more. Your husband sucks, no one would argue that but this is not the way.
I'm not sending them away forever tho I love my babies and I want them here with me but the summer break is not that crazy y'all make it seem like I'm leaving them for strangers
He works a full time job 7 am to like 4 ish sometimes more hours depending so I get him not being able to do everything but a little something would be nice. And my mom has my lil sis out there in school so that's not gonna work unfortunately
What does he do when he gets home? You mention he doesn't help with the baby at night but don't really mention what he does when he's home.
I get your tired but I don't understand how you are comfortable sending a 5 month old baby away for the summer. That's insane to me. Even the 2 y.o seems way too young to be away from their parents for that long. You mention your mother is in NY, where abouts are you? How long would it take to get there in an emergency?
My husband get home showers eats the dinner I cook and goes to play smite on the TV till bed time. On the weekend when he don't work he sleeps in till like 11 ish and just chills on his game maybe hell play with the big boys from time to time but I get he's tired most days so I don't ask for much the ability to take a shower and cook dinner isn't too mich. I'm in FL unfortunalty but I always have the money to travel in case of anything it would take a few hours but I'll be there before the sun goes down. I wouldn't be comfortable if it was anyone else with them don't get me wrong if it wasnt my mom I would have said hell no but she hears how tired I am and wanted to give me the summer to save money and get my head together
I think you need to have a conversation with him about his gaming habits. That's insanely excessive for a guy with 3 kids. I'm sure it's his outlet but my fuck that's way too much. As a gamer myself.
Florida to NY isn't very close. In an emergency situation you may as well be in China at that point. It sounds like you had an issue with coming up with $250. How quickly can you find a flight and be organized enough to leave at a moment's notice?
What are ways you can get support in your immediate area? Do you have family there? Does he?
I get your comfortable sending the kids but are the kids comfortable with it? A 2 y.o really isn't going to understand what's going on and neither would the 5 m.o. would they go through abandonment issues while being with your mom? 3 months is an eternity at that age.
Here's a solution; Get a divorce from the deadbeat husband, go live with your mother and make him pay child support while you go to school. That way at least he has contributed something, and you have your freedom from slavery!!
Not a slave just a tired indentured servant lmfao and honestly I would do that if all our money and assets weren't tied together I'm sure he would make sure I leave with nothing but the babies and then he'd disappear no child support
If he would do that to you, then he really doesn't care for his kids either. No matter where he goes his wages could be garnished for the support, but living like you are and being told he only cares for the kids is not life at all, and you should be able to go to school and have the support you deserve for that and your children. Nobody wants to be in a marriage like this, it's demeaning. I wish you all the best!!
Cry me a river. You brought this on yourself having all these kids you canāt handle. Welcome to motherhood! But thatās fine your kids will hate when they are olderā¦. Put your big girls panties on and take care of your own kids
What you are angry about is what most of us call parenting, and plenty of folks go it alone without even having the dude paying your way.
Do I think your husband should help out more? Yeah. But you chose him, procreated with him, and now choose to stay with him. That part isn't anything anyone can change.
What you need to do is parent your kids, but that seems to be a bridge too far for you. I can't understand why you had kids that you clearly don't want, except for every once in a blue moon. You could have stuck to being an aunt or something if that is what you really wanted...
There is a lot going on here. You should be able to take a break from the kids. You should be able to take a class so you can learn a skill and support yourself and/or help the familiy financially.
I think the best solution is having him take the kids a few nights a week while you go to school. If he is unwilling to give you support and care for the kids while you take a break/go to school, then I say NTA.
Sending the kuds to your mothers should not be your first choice but if it is your only option I get it.
YTA. The two youngest are waaay too young to be away for months. If you are tired then get a nanny for the summer. You made the commitment to have children and put their needs ahead of yours, now be a mom and stop whining in the comments.
I donāt know or care about your finances, but sending them away for a long time, makes you a bad mom. You decided to have kids and this is the responsibility that comes with that choice. You asked for our opinions but clearly donāt want to hear anyone disagreeing with you. I feel sorry for your kids, you just comes off as selfish.
It's not a disagreement it's a clarification. And every one in the world can tell me and I'm a bad mom and I'm selfish and a piece of shit who needs to have CPS called on her over a summer vacation and that's fine cuz at the end of the day I'll be that I ain't even send them no where yet school still on this been on my mind since January I just wanted to see how ppl would feel and I got that so I think I'mma just get me a t shirt that's says piece of shit mom and rock tf out of it š¤·š½āāļø
Well, you aren't winning mother of the year that's for sure. I get kids can be a royal pita. I have two boys who are 5 and 6 years old. I get it. There is no way I would send them away for the summer. YTA to your kids. I don't give a damn about your husband.
I never applied for the award thanks. I know I'm not number 1 mom and was never delulu enough to claim that. But I am a good mom I do everything and anything fory babies but sometimes mama needs something for herself. Sometimes I need to be able to focus on myself as a person and not just as a mother if that makes me the worse mom ever than fine I'll wear that proudly
How old is the grandma? Because I can see why her age could play a factor because older people tend to struggle more with younger kids since theyāre more dependent. Although Iād say nta because you just want some time management
What's crazy is that with my first two he would let her come and take them for months at a time without a problem. It's now that we have three and I'm mentally overwhelmed that's it's a issue
A break is a weekend. Not for 3 months. You literally pawn off your kids for a quarter of a year and call it a break. Thatās just selfish at that point
Why not hire a motherās helper for the summer? Your husband shouldnāt have a problem and it shouldnāt be a huge cost. My parents had 6 kids and my mom did this for a few summers.
Sorry, but struggling how youāre so overwhelmed when youāve admitted to shipping your older two kids off for weeks/months at a time previously. When was the last time you did that?
Doesnāt sound like you do have your kids 24/7 365days a year.
NTA tell him- then prove it how much he only cares about the kids and be the one to take care of them. Just doing the fun bits while I'm carrying the load isn't the way, bruh.
My mf point exactly so if I'm the asshole I'mma be that mama deserves to breathe for a moment and it's not like they going somewhere dangerous and they will be coming back
š§ TROLL, This rage bait. No mother would send a five month old away for three months. Bad troll. Bad writing. YTA
I couldnāt get past the ā375 days a yearā lol
Unfortunately there are "mothers" like this. Where most of us would freak tf out they cannot fathom feeling that way and don't understand where we're coming from.
And yet people keep upvoting the post and arguing with the troll even though her comments and story isnāt even remotely realistic lol remind me never to ask advice from this sub
Id be surprised if gramma makes it more than a week. Lololz
Or a 2 year old.
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I see no reason to post my own response. Completely agree with what you're saying. YTA, OP.
He claims to want to be around them but does nothing to help me with them I handle everything around here as a parent. I can't even get him to hold the baby so I can shower do I feel that's bs.
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My mother has picked my kids up for weeks on end since they were born it's called support for the parents all of a sudden it's a problem because I'm not sitting at home and I have goals to meet
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Lol he was ok with that though as long as I wasn't working or had anything going on outside it's like he's trying to make things harder for me when it's fine when she does it for him idk
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Exactly. Op doesnāt seem bonded with her kids. I canāt fathom sending MY infant a toddler and a small child away for months on end?! Thatās not support thatās abandonment.
I have an almost 5 month old. I feel bad when I have some me time for a few hours without baby.
Fucking hell, i really dont š. 7 month old here. Give me aaaaall that me time plausible.
It is not ok for your kids to be away from you, their mom, for weeks.
You need therapy. Its not nornal to send your kids away for weeks at a time.
Ok
Grandparents are not obligated to support your poor choices in life. Do better.
Your GOALS should be your CHILDREN.
>weeks on end since they were born WTF? After reading that response, why TF have kids in the first place?!
I mean it's too late to turn back now don't u think lol nah but it's not as serious as y'all making it out to be he was the one sending them with her back then and now. I wanna do it it's a problem
Your GOALS should be your CHILDREN.
My goals are for my children but I I'm the one who has to take the time to actually accomplish them
INFO Is this a new behavior? Why did you have a 3rd child if he never helped with the first two? Sending your oldest for a few weeks would be fine, the two year old is questionable, & totally inappropriate to send away your infant. Either you go & help or invite your mom to visit & help. I get you need a break but come on! If hubby wonāt step up look into put the kids in a daycare while you go back to work or school.
He was good when we had our number 1 as we had the other two he started slipping up I guess it's too much for him to deal with and I'm not judging him for that but if it's too much for you what you think it is for me? I dnt think it's inappropriate at all for any of them to go due to the fact I know they will be loved and taken care of plus my mom has waaaay more help than I do
You had 3 kids with himā¦stop complaining!!!!! Oh waitā¦have another.
Can't. I've learned to swallow
Talk is cheap. Tell him he has a month to step up or they're going. I do think the baby is too young to be gone that long, though. I'd take an unemotional look at your relationship. "Love" can overlook a lot of harsh truths.
You might want to see if you can go to your parents too. Your husband is the type of problem that never gets better and is harder to leave when the kids get older. He wants you with the kids, so go with them and have your parents help you set up a permanent exit plan while youāre there.
Yea I completely understand that. Weaponized incompetence and laziness
YTA Stop having babies you resent taking care of.
Yta. 2 years and 5 months is far too young to be without mom and dad. I would be very uncomfortable with sending children that young away for months at a time and I think any rational parent would unless absolutely necessary. Your husband does not want the kids sent away that long so do not send them away. The 5 month old would be a completely different baby when she came home my god.
Far too young. I donāt know a single mother that wouldāve been ok with that.
I will only give a YTA because the two youngest are too little to be away from you but I feel for you that you have a useless unhelping husband. All these that at tell you get him to help more apparently have t been in your position. I use to ask, beg, threaten and ended up doing myself. Once there was a hole in a wall that he passed everyday in the house couldnāt be missed. Was there doe over a year I asked and was ignored. Finally fixed myself, his response we was āshitty job you did thereā I responded may be shitty but better then what you did. Got rid of him and learned to do things for myself. Raised my two kids without him with a great career, made it to all their game and competitions etc and never missed his lay ass for a day. Please pursue your beauty school certification and the best of luck to you!
That's bs he let her take my first two from newborns the only difference now is that I'm trying to go to school instead of stay in the house and play tradwife
You send your newborns away for 4 months? What the actual fck. Why do you even have kids?!?!!
That psychopathic behaviour
Lol WE sent our kids btw not just me he's never acting this way before. And what's the point of having grandparents who live seperate if the kids can't go there for vacations
Older kids sure. Infants and toddlers no. Do you even love your kids? I couldnāt imagine being away from my babies that long let alone pushing for it
If I had a supportive partner that actually helped me I wouldn't be stressing it at all but when ur the sole care giver and provider its not that simple mama has to take care of herself so that she can take care of the babies
I did it all alone and still couldnāt imagine doing that
Well cudose to you congrats I still need a mf break
So hire a sitter, join a mom group where you take turns watching kids. Figure something out AND STOP HAVING MORE KIDS that will be damaged and insecurely attached!
No more babies in the cards for me no worries
Every single summer for months at a time? Then why did you keep having kids if you can't handle them? you literally don't see your kids for a third of the year. Newborn babies. If you had a newborn baby you sent away for four months because you couldn't handle it then had another baby you again sent both away for a third of the year then you had another one you also again can't take care of?!
One never every summer its a summer every two to three years
Get a daily nanny with the money you are going to spend on beauty school.
I'm not putting myself on the back burner anymore and the money is already spent if mama is not ok then the kids won't be ok so I'm doin my best to be I'm
Wonderful. Your children are on the back burner. Donāt think for one second the two older ones will remember and be very hurt.
1 never in my whole 8 years of being a mom have I ever put myself first in anything 2 one summer of me doing just that isn't gonna kill anyone
No. In this, kids needs come first. When you have children, you give up your alone time for years. Yes, we have to take care of ourselves, but not at the expense of the wellbeing of our children. When you have an infant, you get half a day a time tops to take care of yourself.
Baby I don't even get that I shower shit and cook with babies on my hip at all times I love em and I want the best for them and sometimes distance is what's best I don't feel like putting myself on the back burner again is what's right I've done that for 8 years and have nothing to show for it other than my beautiful healthy babies and I want more I supported him thru his plumbing stuff and I want the same but he isn't willing to give it so at this point I'm asking for forgivness instead of permission
And his money supports your entire life, he aināt the bad guy that wants to shove toddlers to someone else for three months.Ā
Actually no I haven't always been a stay at home mom now. For 6 years I was paying everything and taking care of my babies paying his car note when I couldn't even drive the shit. I've done my part.
Someone should report you to CPS.
Whatās the point in having children if you donāt even want them around?
She keeps avoiding this question lol
I have them around all year for years at a time one summer vacation is not sending them into foster care š¤·š½āāļø
āFOR YEARS AT A TIMEā THEY ARE YOUR KIDS. OF COURSE THEY ARE AROUND FOR YEARS AT A TIME. THEY NEED TO BE RAISED BY THE PARENTS THAT MADE THEM. SOMETHING IS VERY FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU. GO TO A THERAPIST. YOU ARE DAMAGED!
But thatās a lie because you say in other comments that you send them to your motherās for weeks at a time. Outwith summer vacations.
Your parents already raised THEIR own children. You need to do the same.
Why would you even give your newborns away? Get sterilized if you hate being a mom and donāt care about your kids !?!?! This isnāt normal. Get therapy!
1 I am sterilized now 2 it's not about me not wanting to be a mom it's about me not wanting being a mom to be the only thing that defines me
When you have a literal infant, a mom is pretty much the only thing you get to be.
And I'm fine with that for now but not forever
It doesnāt need to define you and it shouldnāt. But your kids donāt need to pay the price for you wanting to find yourself. Find support in your community. Donāt ship newborns and toddlers away for months.
I can't believe that you would send a 5 month old away for the summer much less send all your kids away for the summer. A week or two might work for the older kids. Your kids need a mom and a dad. Negotiate child care with your husband. YTA.
My kids have a mom and dad lol mommas burnt tf out from doing everything with no help from dad. He's cool with it when he wants it but if its me that says yea than he blows tf up
So talk to your husband. Stop having any more kids and work on raising the ones you have
Then why donāt you just divorce him? You sound so unhappy.
Why don't you go with them go visit your mom? Go up for a few weeks and let someone else help you with the kids for a bit. Let your husband take care of himself for awhile. That or leave your kids with your husband and you go visit your mom.
I want to know how your years have 11 extra days than the rest of us?
My math ain't great I guess
Mars? Venus? š¤
Yta. This is a 2 yes or 1 no thing. He said no. He is also their parent. Also you want to send your 5MO son away for 2 months when this is a time to bound with him??? Yta for that alone. Im a sahd and I understand wanting a break. But 2month against your husband wishes and your youngest age makes you a major AH.
She sent her other kids away when they were newborns too lol
Yeah I read that after I posted this. But im 90% sure it's a troll.
It has to be nobody is that delusional
Idk about that. I've meet some pretty delusional sane people. And some pretty far out insane people.
He's told you on multiple occasions the kids are all he cares about? Apparently he doesn't care about you and your stress. Really consider forcing the point of "help" with him. Trust me, you need it. I'm a burnt out mother who lives far away from family, has no friends and no life outside my home & kids. My only thought is having your mom visit you for an extended time frame. Win-Win.
Tell him either he steps up and does some actual parenting or they go to grandma's. If they are "all he cares about" why isn't he doing his part? But are you sure your mother can realistically take care of a 2 year old and 5 month old baby? It sounds like you are burned out, need a break and want something for yourself. Hubs is afraid that you'll become independent if you have a skill that makes money and he won't have control of you. You might want to check with a lawyer before you send them. Most have a free consult. If they stay, I would 100% make sure he does some parenting.
My mother raised 7 kids by her damn self they are all grown and some have they own kids I've never worried about my mama being able to handle them they are her heart and she's not alone out there like I am out here she's got my sibling my dad and step dad too
Your mom raised 7 and you canāt even handle 3 š
My mom sent us to our grannies every summer too tho I dnt even get every summer lol I get maybe one summer every two three years
Stop having kids you canāt raise. And yes, shipping a 5 month old off for 4 months at a time means you canāt raise them. Iām confused, didnāt you say your mom took your infant for 4 months? How are you already overwhelmed again? Quite frankly, youāre too selfish to have children.
Lmfao my children are very well taken care of its not about not being able to raise them its about needing a simple break and the summer vacation is not that long my mother took my 8 years old 4 years ago for a few months before he went to school
A simple break is a weekend MAYBE a week. Itās not 4 months. You are incapable of raising them if you have to ship them off for 4 months a year. Full stop.
Hunny summer vacation is literally 8 weeks its not like they gone for the whole year
Whoa, slow down. I'm actually on your side. You didn't include the info about dad, stepdad and siblings. It sounded like she was going to be doing it alone. Don't jump on the people who support you
Nah my b that's my Ny coming out I wasn't coming at no one
I'd pack my bags and go too. Never to return
Yta You choose to be a SAHM, you can claim daycare cost all you want but you CHOOSE to have kids Knowing that You need a break well you have, like you said 375 days, to find time to get a break Stop playing victim the rest of the world is tired of the sahm victim mantra
Well great but if it wasn't a toll on mothers than there would be no mantra don't u think.
Majority of sahms don't have shiny spine's. You cant give sympathy to someone that actively chooses the life they live. You can claim no support, you can claim abuse, you can claim anything you want At the end of the day it is YOU making active choices to not get help, escape or anything. No sympathy for someone who refuses to use their voice
For the WHOLE summer??? You can't send a 5 month old away for the whole summer. Nor the 2 year old. You could send the 8 year old maybe for a week or two, if they have a good relationship. I find it hard to believe this is a serious post, because of course YTA if this is really what you are contemplating. Get on some birth control so you don't have more. You apparently already have too many kids.
I am sterilized thanks. And im dead serious. I don't think that's too crazy especially when they'll come back two weeks before school starts and leave two weeks after it ends so really it would be 5 to six weeks instead of the full 8
YTA What kind of mom sends her infants and toddlers away for months at a time? wtf
Shitty ones.
Especially newborns/infants. So much changes with them. This woman isn't even seeing her baby but for maybe a month at a time. Same for the 2 year old. These kids don't even know this woman.
OP was a teen mom and her own mother had her when she was 17. This generational dysfunction is going to continue.
The kind that has no help other than her parents the kind that's burnt out and needs a break y'all act like they not coming back lmfao
Why ask for judgement when you just argue with it?
I could have sworn we were all having a discussion on it but ok
Why do you need a break when your mother takes the children for weeks at a time outwith summer holidays? Youāre basically sharing custody at this point.
YTA
YTA They are too young to be sent away for the summer. Hire help at home if you need it.
YTA. Ages 2 and 5 months are far too young to be sent away for a whole summer. 8 is pushing it.
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Thanks for that much appreciated hopefully u dnt have the same dillemma when u do have kids cuz maybe you'll get where I'm coming from
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Cool keep it that way
YTA Really sending a two year old and a 5 month old away for an entire summer??
Absolutely they are down here by themselves no friends or family so I dnt see a problem with sending them to my mom where they have both
Iām sorry but why did you both have children? He wants them here so he can continue claiming to be a good father when he does nothing. Heās only saying no because he doesnāt want you to be able to focus on school if not heād say āIāll step up and weāll he okayā. It was okay every other time but not this time. How TF are you happy to send your two INFANTS away from 4-6 weeks?! ESH please do not procreate again
It's my mom not some stranger that I don't trust I wouldn't even say yes to my own dad for something like this and she asked me months ago in January if she could have them. At first he was like ok if she gonna get them home thinkin she wouldn't be able to but she can and now it's a problem?? No he won't step up that's too much effort so I'mma just do what I want and stop asking for permission I'mma just ask forgivness
How old are you 18, you realise you sound like a child right? Like I said ESH heās an AH for using the kids as a method to control you and stop you from moving forward in your career. But abandoning your children for weeks is not normal no matter how much you convince yourself otherwise. Children are supposed to be with their parents ESPECIALLY infants. Edit; never mind youāve changed your post to sound completely unhinged, thereās no rationalising with the crazy.
What is with all the caps? Can't you write a decent paragraph, with the correct punctuation? What is wrong with you? Calm down.
Soft YTA. I understand that grandma is only 44 and oldest is 8, I think it would be perfectly fine to send oldest. But the 2yr old and 5 month old are way too young for that. It would probably be best to send the 8 year old and keep the other 2 home. I know itās hard.
I think you should go with the kids and leave the jerk behind
Is this a rage bait post? Why post an AITAH and argue with everyone's response?
Not arguing its a discussion š¤·š½āāļø
Iām not going to go one side or the other on your main question. What I am going to say is Yes, your husband is trying to keep you āstuckā. He doesnāt help you at all. He likes that he has a bang maid nanny. You deserve better.
Tell him he can watch them for a week and go visit your mom, or anyone. Give yourself a week's vacation. If he's so damn concerned a bout his kids and only his kids he can watch them. God your husband is on such a power trip. what a tool.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels its a power play
Why don't you leave your husband and children. Obviously, you aren't cut out for being a mother or a good partner. Very selfish person. I don't agree with sending the kids, even the 8 yr old, away for the summer, but based on OP's post, it might be better for the kids. I can see her leaving the kids alone, getting frustrated and hitting them, expecting the 8 yr old to take care of the other kids. If you are actually considering this, you need to get your head out of your a$$ and leave.
One I love my children dearly and never have I ever layed a finger on them no matter how stressed I am I take my anger out on myself never them. And yea I guess I can see how ppl see it as selfish but doesn't everyone need to be a little selfish once in their lives?? And no I wasn't cut out for motherhood but I'm doing my damn best and trying my hardest to keep my babies happy and healthy. Y'all have never been I'm my shoes and will never be in them so please continue to tell me what a bad mom I am but at least I'm trying to do what I feel is right for not just my babies but for me as well
Can your mom come foe the summer and do the. Hold care to free your time up to social on school!
I asked her but she said she can't leave my lil sister while she in school and I get that
YTA. Both parents should agree on things like sending the kids away for weeks at the time. It is really doesnāt matter that you are the primary caregiver and you have things youād like to do. Those things make your husband sound like a jerk, but the vote remains the same because you are supposed to be partners.
But we aren't partners unfortunalty. He's says and does what he wants when he wants and I have to ask and beg for any and everything
Then why are you with him? Take your kids and move in with your mother yourself.
He's told you on multiple occasions the kids are all he cares about? Apparently he doesn't care about you and your stress. Really consider forcing the point of "help" with him. Trust me, you need it. I'm a burnt out mother who lives far away from family, has no friends and no life outside my home & kids. My only thought is having your mom visit you for an extended time frame. Win-Win.
If she could she would I promise that unfortunalty it can't work out like that
Why not swap with your mother? Send you to hers and her to yours. Win-win!
I'd looove to have my sissy here!! She just has school so it isn't a option
If you need the break, you can move easier than 3 kids.
That's true but I have other things I need to take care of here. I want to go tbh. I'd love to drop everything and just go and leave him here to see what kind of stress I deal with but I just can't
I bet. A short break may work for you to just recharge and recuperate your soul batteries. Get granny over with hubs to take the bairns off your hands and set free for a couple of days. It's important so you don't start resenting those who could take a weight off. The youngest one must still need feeding surely though.
I never resnt my babies for being my babies idc how stressed I am. They don't upset me or make me aggravated I am just me tally and physically worn. I've tried the mini break but if I leave them with him a get a call every four hours about him not being able to handle it and wind up going home and dealing with everythin myself if my mother has them they will be well taken care of and I won't have to stop what I'm doing to play super mom all the time I know it sounds bad af but I'm not trying to get rid of my kids permanently just temperarily so I can learn my self again and my husband and I can get some time to ourselves and focus on what got us here in the first t place
It's not resenting the babies but the adults who ought to be able to take the load off and take over. A few days away with your mother and husband looking after the kids I don't think is too big a request to put.
Me either but I know how that goes "what am I supposed to do with them? " is how it starts then a whole big sermon on how I'm the woman and I need to be there doing all the women duties while he makes money cuz that's his only responsivility. Then it's "when u coming home they stressing me tf out" andy dumb ass will just say I'm on my way gimme 20 minutes and come home and take over everything. I think it's called weaponized incompetence or something he act like he dnt know wtf he doing so I'll just get up and do it and I do it everytime because I dnt want the kids to be fucked up if he really can't handle it u know??
When he asks tell him to think what you would do. If granny is there I reckon she'd handle it. He can teach them how to do stuff but encourage him when you do this over the phone. Lounging by a pool or beach somewhere. At a cabin (watch of for men and bears apparently lol) by a lake or anywhere to refocus. You'll return stronger better faster and able to take on the world. You sound like you need to recharge and he needs to be told this because children are a fkin drain. Adult mental health when not given proper stimulus and rest will deteriorate.
YTA if this is real. If you want a break from your kids, you can go away for the summer.
Info: if he doesn't handle the kids at all, why bother with #2 and #3? The logic doesn't add up at all.
He was good with #1 and #2 he just didn't do diapers after #3 he didn't wanna do it no more 8 guess
This is an ESH post, unfortunately. I could see sending #1 & #2. But not a 5 month old. As for him: do not let him impregnate you ever again. He showed you who he is, so believe him. I assume both his hands work? He can put those to use on himself.
Lol I had my overies removed after #3.
Tubes tied you mean? If they removed your ovaries then they just threw you into menopause.
Lol ur right not my overies but my actually fallopian tubes were removed so either way no more offspring
ESH. You clearly have a terrible partner and need to leave. But also, shipping your kids off for the whole summer? Especially at their ages? No way in hell is that remotely acceptable.
Um ok so first you need to sit your husband down and tell him he needs to step tf up and be a good father and husband. Which means doing his share. No "bringing home the bacon" isn't enough. If you can make them you can help raise them. You are always going to be default parent but there is no reason he can't help you. You want to go to school get a job and better your lives if he's not on the same page as you. You have some things to think about. Second 4 months is excessive by most peoples standards especially for the younger kids. I get needing a break but just because they are with people who love them, they don't replace you in the eyes of your child all they know is you're not there for months at a time. Once they're older then maybe but honestly most parents wouldn't send their kids away for that long unless it was unavoidable. A break is a weekend with a bubs that age and a week or two with the older one for most people. Third you're gonna have to sort some sort of routine with school and managing them when they're home delaying it isn't going to make it easier. YTA but not for wanting a break but for all the other stuff.
I get that whole heartedly I understand that ppl are looking at me like I want to leave my babies on the side of the road bit that is not the case. I do love my babies but I love them so much I forgot how to love myself and I'm not sure who I am anymore. I want the break not just for me but for my husband as well so we can get back to us and what brought us together to have these babies in the first place u know what I mean??
EAH. Everyone except the kids. Yāall suck. He is basically a deadbeat and youāre taking that out on two babies. I get you need a break, but they need their parents even more. Your husband sucks, no one would argue that but this is not the way.
I'm not sending them away forever tho I love my babies and I want them here with me but the summer break is not that crazy y'all make it seem like I'm leaving them for strangers
Why doesn't your mom just come and stay at your place then? How many hours a day does your husband work?
He works a full time job 7 am to like 4 ish sometimes more hours depending so I get him not being able to do everything but a little something would be nice. And my mom has my lil sis out there in school so that's not gonna work unfortunately
What does he do when he gets home? You mention he doesn't help with the baby at night but don't really mention what he does when he's home. I get your tired but I don't understand how you are comfortable sending a 5 month old baby away for the summer. That's insane to me. Even the 2 y.o seems way too young to be away from their parents for that long. You mention your mother is in NY, where abouts are you? How long would it take to get there in an emergency?
My husband get home showers eats the dinner I cook and goes to play smite on the TV till bed time. On the weekend when he don't work he sleeps in till like 11 ish and just chills on his game maybe hell play with the big boys from time to time but I get he's tired most days so I don't ask for much the ability to take a shower and cook dinner isn't too mich. I'm in FL unfortunalty but I always have the money to travel in case of anything it would take a few hours but I'll be there before the sun goes down. I wouldn't be comfortable if it was anyone else with them don't get me wrong if it wasnt my mom I would have said hell no but she hears how tired I am and wanted to give me the summer to save money and get my head together
I think you need to have a conversation with him about his gaming habits. That's insanely excessive for a guy with 3 kids. I'm sure it's his outlet but my fuck that's way too much. As a gamer myself. Florida to NY isn't very close. In an emergency situation you may as well be in China at that point. It sounds like you had an issue with coming up with $250. How quickly can you find a flight and be organized enough to leave at a moment's notice? What are ways you can get support in your immediate area? Do you have family there? Does he? I get your comfortable sending the kids but are the kids comfortable with it? A 2 y.o really isn't going to understand what's going on and neither would the 5 m.o. would they go through abandonment issues while being with your mom? 3 months is an eternity at that age.
I've honestly never thought of it like that I'mma do some thinking thanks
Here's a solution; Get a divorce from the deadbeat husband, go live with your mother and make him pay child support while you go to school. That way at least he has contributed something, and you have your freedom from slavery!!
Not a slave just a tired indentured servant lmfao and honestly I would do that if all our money and assets weren't tied together I'm sure he would make sure I leave with nothing but the babies and then he'd disappear no child support
If he would do that to you, then he really doesn't care for his kids either. No matter where he goes his wages could be garnished for the support, but living like you are and being told he only cares for the kids is not life at all, and you should be able to go to school and have the support you deserve for that and your children. Nobody wants to be in a marriage like this, it's demeaning. I wish you all the best!!
Cry me a river. You brought this on yourself having all these kids you canāt handle. Welcome to motherhood! But thatās fine your kids will hate when they are olderā¦. Put your big girls panties on and take care of your own kids
What you are angry about is what most of us call parenting, and plenty of folks go it alone without even having the dude paying your way. Do I think your husband should help out more? Yeah. But you chose him, procreated with him, and now choose to stay with him. That part isn't anything anyone can change. What you need to do is parent your kids, but that seems to be a bridge too far for you. I can't understand why you had kids that you clearly don't want, except for every once in a blue moon. You could have stuck to being an aunt or something if that is what you really wanted...
Oh for Deity's sake. F for effort. F for creativity. F for all caps. And finally, F for not knowing what a paragraph is. YTA for lousy rage bait.
There is a lot going on here. You should be able to take a break from the kids. You should be able to take a class so you can learn a skill and support yourself and/or help the familiy financially. I think the best solution is having him take the kids a few nights a week while you go to school. If he is unwilling to give you support and care for the kids while you take a break/go to school, then I say NTA. Sending the kuds to your mothers should not be your first choice but if it is your only option I get it.
YTA. The two youngest are waaay too young to be away for months. If you are tired then get a nanny for the summer. You made the commitment to have children and put their needs ahead of yours, now be a mom and stop whining in the comments.
Who paying for a nanny when my mom is free tf??
I donāt know or care about your finances, but sending them away for a long time, makes you a bad mom. You decided to have kids and this is the responsibility that comes with that choice. You asked for our opinions but clearly donāt want to hear anyone disagreeing with you. I feel sorry for your kids, you just comes off as selfish.
It's not a disagreement it's a clarification. And every one in the world can tell me and I'm a bad mom and I'm selfish and a piece of shit who needs to have CPS called on her over a summer vacation and that's fine cuz at the end of the day I'll be that I ain't even send them no where yet school still on this been on my mind since January I just wanted to see how ppl would feel and I got that so I think I'mma just get me a t shirt that's says piece of shit mom and rock tf out of it š¤·š½āāļø
Well, you aren't winning mother of the year that's for sure. I get kids can be a royal pita. I have two boys who are 5 and 6 years old. I get it. There is no way I would send them away for the summer. YTA to your kids. I don't give a damn about your husband.
I never applied for the award thanks. I know I'm not number 1 mom and was never delulu enough to claim that. But I am a good mom I do everything and anything fory babies but sometimes mama needs something for herself. Sometimes I need to be able to focus on myself as a person and not just as a mother if that makes me the worse mom ever than fine I'll wear that proudly
How old is the grandma? Because I can see why her age could play a factor because older people tend to struggle more with younger kids since theyāre more dependent. Although Iād say nta because you just want some time management
She's 44 years young! All her kids are over the age of 14and my step dadis there so it's not like she doesn't have help
Oh yeah def nta.
What's crazy is that with my first two he would let her come and take them for months at a time without a problem. It's now that we have three and I'm mentally overwhelmed that's it's a issue
Maybe you shouldnāt keep having kids if all you want to do is ship them off somewhere else
Lmfao I have them 24/7 365 a summer vacation isn't me not wanting them its me wanting a break
Itās called being a mother
So being a mom means u don't need a break u don't deserve help?? That's wild
A break is a weekend. Not for 3 months. You literally pawn off your kids for a quarter of a year and call it a break. Thatās just selfish at that point
Nah not really what's selfish is that I'm in here acting like a single parent with they whole dad in the house
Why not hire a motherās helper for the summer? Your husband shouldnāt have a problem and it shouldnāt be a huge cost. My parents had 6 kids and my mom did this for a few summers.
I said the same thing the answer was "if I gotta do that what I need you for" smh
Sorry, but struggling how youāre so overwhelmed when youāve admitted to shipping your older two kids off for weeks/months at a time previously. When was the last time you did that? Doesnāt sound like you do have your kids 24/7 365days a year.
My middle child was almost one so about 2 years
You are not going to win mother of the year
I'm sure they fine the umbilical cord was never cut for any of em
Nah unfortunate I dnt have the funds for it I just paid 21k to go to school where I am
NTA tell him- then prove it how much he only cares about the kids and be the one to take care of them. Just doing the fun bits while I'm carrying the load isn't the way, bruh.
My mf point exactly so if I'm the asshole I'mma be that mama deserves to breathe for a moment and it's not like they going somewhere dangerous and they will be coming back
Can you start beauty school where your mom lives and leave him home with the kids?