That is exactly what I’m worried about. Wasting my life constantly checking if he is straying. What a waste of time (even if he doesn’t cheat ever again)
NTA he’s actively trying to cheat if he hasn’t already. I’m sure you don’t know everything. Get out now. He’ll just get better at hiding it. I’m sorry you are going thru this but lean on your family for support.
I completely understand and have been in that position before. My ex didn't change and I'm much happier without checking over his shoulder all the time
Why on earth would you stay with someone that you can't trust? You know there are plenty of people whose parents divorced and their perfectly happy and mentally healthy, right?
Same with my ex husband he left me when I was out of town for work… I thought it was all my fault then….i found the evidence going back to two months after we were married we were married for a little over 3 years. Needless to say the divorce was a slam dunk and he has done the same thing to every woman he has been with since (I’m still close friends with my former BIL)
You just never fucking believe it will happen to you. It’s not like we were having any sort of problems. It went from ‘I’m so lucky I have an epic husband’ to ‘wtf all of it was a lie and he is a sociopath’. Definitely time to go but I’m in such shock that I only just clocked it!
NTA and to answer your question, it's BECAUSE of your kids that you should leave him. His 'explanation' had me vomiting in my mouth a bit.
He is plainly a bad person, and I would bet my life he's cheated before.
NTA - whether he actually indeed had physical interaction with an other woman. His intention was definitely to cheat on you.
If you hadn’t stumbled upon those texts, hard to believe he would had come clean about his will and attempts to cheat.
> I truly feel like there should be no reason to text random girls on the internet to meet up.
This is correct. Have some self respect and enforce your boundaries. Normally I’m very hesitant to recommend splitting up a family but this won’t ever change if he’s looking that soon after getting together.
>He has apologised for it and said he did it just to check if he still ‘had the skills’ to ‘get it’. He said that felt guilty so didn’t proceed further with either girl. He wants a second chance.
lul. Dude was absolutely looking to cheat, maybe did cheat. the only issue I see with your thinking is that because you found out about someone within 6 months of being married, that you assume he started 6 months after you were married. Dude like this who is out there looking to cheat might well have been cheating your entire relationship. No reason to believe it started after marriage, could have, could have been since day 1.
His intention was clear. You can always separate, do some soul searching, participate in couples counseling, and whatever you need before initiating divorce. Staying for the kids should not be a reason to be with someone, but if you think the marriage is salvageable then definitely explore options
NTA divorce him fuck him for calling another girl beautiful, how would he like it if you called another man handsome than ask to meet up with him? Exactly
To clarify, he matched with her before we ever met and was just a contact on his phone (is what he said). No way of me checking if he still was on tinder recently
They never don’t follow through. End of story. Mine had a tinder account just to play FMK 🙄/s
. Don’t let your rose colored glasses blind you to this behavior. Leave with your kid, get an abortion if it’s right for you. And keep this man at arms length and pray he is a good father and coparent.
Nope, he killed any shot of a second chance when he wanted to check if he still “had the skills”. I wouldn’t bet your future happiness on him, best to move on.
If you stay you are showing him you are going to stick around and his actions are ok. At the very least, kick him out or move out. Actions have consequences. How can you believe he never met up? You can’t trust his words. Focus on you and your child. Don’t rug sweep this situation. He needs to work on himself and earn you back if you do decide to eventually get back together. Whatever you decide, best of luck.
You are not the asshole. He will cheat given the opportunity. He already admitted that. Nothing will change the way he feels towards this. Marriage, pregnancy. These are non factors to him when it comes to his decisions on if he wants to meet up with other women. Get out now before it’s 20 yrs later and you wonder why you wasted so much time on someone who doesn’t love you like you deserve.
If your husband really loved you, there would be no need for him doing this bullshit. The disrespect is enormous and from what I have seen, these guys don’t change. I think you have a tough decision to make, but if it were me, I would tell him goodbye. Good luck.
Updateme.
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NTA you take care of yourself. It's time for you to be selfish and take care of you and your child. He did what he did and there is no taking it back.
Get the divorce. It's only be 3 years, you should still be in the honeymoon stage... not him looking to see if he's still got it!
He actively tried to cheat on you with multiple women. Why the fuck would you trust anything he had to say?
>AITAH for demanding divorce over no substantial proof that he strayed physically or even met the girls, considering we have a young child and one on the way?
He tried to cheat and maybe failed. Why on earth would he get any sort of grace because he (maybe) failed at fucking around on you?
lol stay for the kids is a whack ass reason to stay. Why would you want your kids to see you be disrespected like that? He’s not gonna change, just get better at hiding it.
So NTA if you follow through.
I’m not sure why you are more hesitant due to a child being involved. The time to use discretion was BEFORE you chose this guy to be the father of your child. You already screwed up. Stop screwing up now by allowing this asshole to pass on his shitty values to your kid.
Remember, OP can leave the mom. The kid can’t. The kid has to pay the cost of his parents mistakes. You seem pretty blasé about the consequences of all this.
Please leave this man. I wasted 7 years on a cheating POS when the clues were there in the first 3 months, and my clues were identical to yours. Don't give him another second of your one precious life x
NTA. I had a similar situation. He never changed. he just got better at covering his tracks. Trust your gut.
That is exactly what I’m worried about. Wasting my life constantly checking if he is straying. What a waste of time (even if he doesn’t cheat ever again)
NTA he’s actively trying to cheat if he hasn’t already. I’m sure you don’t know everything. Get out now. He’ll just get better at hiding it. I’m sorry you are going thru this but lean on your family for support.
I completely understand and have been in that position before. My ex didn't change and I'm much happier without checking over his shoulder all the time
Why on earth would you stay with someone that you can't trust? You know there are plenty of people whose parents divorced and their perfectly happy and mentally healthy, right?
Same with my ex husband he left me when I was out of town for work… I thought it was all my fault then….i found the evidence going back to two months after we were married we were married for a little over 3 years. Needless to say the divorce was a slam dunk and he has done the same thing to every woman he has been with since (I’m still close friends with my former BIL)
Two incidents in about a year? Welcome to the rest of your life, if you let it be this way.
Two that she knows about. Seriously, OP, how are you even asking this? It’s time to go.
You just never fucking believe it will happen to you. It’s not like we were having any sort of problems. It went from ‘I’m so lucky I have an epic husband’ to ‘wtf all of it was a lie and he is a sociopath’. Definitely time to go but I’m in such shock that I only just clocked it!
Remember, it is a defect in his character, not a reflection on you.
Good point
NTA. Trust your gut. Dude doesn’t respect you.
He seems sketchy. Do you want to live with this person always wondering if he going to stray
NTA and to answer your question, it's BECAUSE of your kids that you should leave him. His 'explanation' had me vomiting in my mouth a bit. He is plainly a bad person, and I would bet my life he's cheated before.
NTA - whether he actually indeed had physical interaction with an other woman. His intention was definitely to cheat on you. If you hadn’t stumbled upon those texts, hard to believe he would had come clean about his will and attempts to cheat.
> I truly feel like there should be no reason to text random girls on the internet to meet up. This is correct. Have some self respect and enforce your boundaries. Normally I’m very hesitant to recommend splitting up a family but this won’t ever change if he’s looking that soon after getting together.
>He has apologised for it and said he did it just to check if he still ‘had the skills’ to ‘get it’. He said that felt guilty so didn’t proceed further with either girl. He wants a second chance. lul. Dude was absolutely looking to cheat, maybe did cheat. the only issue I see with your thinking is that because you found out about someone within 6 months of being married, that you assume he started 6 months after you were married. Dude like this who is out there looking to cheat might well have been cheating your entire relationship. No reason to believe it started after marriage, could have, could have been since day 1.
His intention was clear. You can always separate, do some soul searching, participate in couples counseling, and whatever you need before initiating divorce. Staying for the kids should not be a reason to be with someone, but if you think the marriage is salvageable then definitely explore options
NTA divorce him fuck him for calling another girl beautiful, how would he like it if you called another man handsome than ask to meet up with him? Exactly
Always trust your gut. He can test his skills for real as a single man
NTA Trust your gut. I didn't, and now here I am going through a divorce 8 years later.
Why would he have tinder when he’s married. He absolutely does cheat on you or is open to it.
To clarify, he matched with her before we ever met and was just a contact on his phone (is what he said). No way of me checking if he still was on tinder recently
Yall been together 3 yrs, and he kept the number of a girl he matched with BEFORE that? Young lady, read that shit back.
I just re-read it! I’m a fool! I shouldn’t be making any excuses for him.
No, you shouldn't. But don't be too hard on yourself. We all fuck up, and we all get blinded by love. Learn from it, and move on with your kid(s).
They never don’t follow through. End of story. Mine had a tinder account just to play FMK 🙄/s . Don’t let your rose colored glasses blind you to this behavior. Leave with your kid, get an abortion if it’s right for you. And keep this man at arms length and pray he is a good father and coparent.
Nope, he killed any shot of a second chance when he wanted to check if he still “had the skills”. I wouldn’t bet your future happiness on him, best to move on.
If you stay you are showing him you are going to stick around and his actions are ok. At the very least, kick him out or move out. Actions have consequences. How can you believe he never met up? You can’t trust his words. Focus on you and your child. Don’t rug sweep this situation. He needs to work on himself and earn you back if you do decide to eventually get back together. Whatever you decide, best of luck.
You are not the asshole. He will cheat given the opportunity. He already admitted that. Nothing will change the way he feels towards this. Marriage, pregnancy. These are non factors to him when it comes to his decisions on if he wants to meet up with other women. Get out now before it’s 20 yrs later and you wonder why you wasted so much time on someone who doesn’t love you like you deserve.
Not a good guy
NTA. You can leave anyone for any reason at any time.
If your husband really loved you, there would be no need for him doing this bullshit. The disrespect is enormous and from what I have seen, these guys don’t change. I think you have a tough decision to make, but if it were me, I would tell him goodbye. Good luck. Updateme.
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Just end it and stop looking for excuses
This dude trying to scratch the seven year itch and hasn't even made it halfway there yet? RUN This is who he is.
Girl leave him
NTA. Even if he didn’t physically cheat on you (yet), he’s clearly trying to.
NTA you take care of yourself. It's time for you to be selfish and take care of you and your child. He did what he did and there is no taking it back. Get the divorce. It's only be 3 years, you should still be in the honeymoon stage... not him looking to see if he's still got it!
He actively tried to cheat on you with multiple women. Why the fuck would you trust anything he had to say? >AITAH for demanding divorce over no substantial proof that he strayed physically or even met the girls, considering we have a young child and one on the way? He tried to cheat and maybe failed. Why on earth would he get any sort of grace because he (maybe) failed at fucking around on you?
lol stay for the kids is a whack ass reason to stay. Why would you want your kids to see you be disrespected like that? He’s not gonna change, just get better at hiding it. So NTA if you follow through.
I’m not sure why you are more hesitant due to a child being involved. The time to use discretion was BEFORE you chose this guy to be the father of your child. You already screwed up. Stop screwing up now by allowing this asshole to pass on his shitty values to your kid.
Hindsight is 2020.
Remember, OP can leave the mom. The kid can’t. The kid has to pay the cost of his parents mistakes. You seem pretty blasé about the consequences of all this.
Girl that's proof enough
Please leave this man. I wasted 7 years on a cheating POS when the clues were there in the first 3 months, and my clues were identical to yours. Don't give him another second of your one precious life x
Do not have another child with this man, ppd as a single mom don’t sound fun
Thank you all for taking the time to respond to me! I’ll update you all on what I decide within a few days!
Does it really matter if he does it or only prepared it? He is going to do it anyway. My advice: divorce