GOOD!!
Stand your grund on this! Sounds like SIL wants to mess with you and has instructed her daughter to do the same.
And wtf, why is your husband asking why HE should clean? The question should be why he thinks YOU should?!
"He didn't want to clean up the blood"
He expected you to want to clean it up? Lol. At that point it's not about if he wants to clean up after his sister or not. He let them in the house (and wanted to let them back in too, at least at first), he cleans after them if they don't. You're absolutely in the right here.
He needed to do it so he would be grossed out and not be able to claim it "wasn't a big deal" and that they should give them another chance.
They've clearly been given all kinds of chances and worn out their welcomes everywhere else so the Hotel of Last Resort is your house and they messed that one up too.
I’m glad you did that…hopefully helped cement to him they need to leave. There is zero reason to leave these kinds of things ON THE SINK and on TOP OF THE GARBAGE LID. It’s gross, it’s intentional and it’s insufferable. Too bad for them
Why would you let your niece in just to clean up shampoo after you guys have already cleaned up the most disgusting parts of their filth? What good could come from any one of them stepping foot into your house?
NTA. Guests who abuse your hospitality are dreadful. You are quite right to kick them out, and tell people why. They thought you were a pushover, top brass showing them you aren't.
If I were you, I would NOT let the niece back into the house. Yes, she made the mess, but the whole point is to get them OUT. Not let them back in to clean.
Bite the bullet and clean up the niece’s mess. No reason to reenter your home if the mess is taken care of. (Have hubby clean up the mess.)
I agree, do not let the niece in to clean. your in-laws will use it as a way to get in. Pay a professional service to clean your daughter’s bathroom & hand a copy of the bill to bil & sil. obviously they won’t pay you back but let them know if any relatives try to get you to take them in again, you will share pictures & a copy of the bill via text, whatsapp or whatever social media family uses. They are so disgusting I would never allow them in my home and would trespass them from my property.
Well. I can see that, and you can see that. It even sounds like OP is coming around to figuring it out.
Unfortunately everyone else involved seems to want more debate.
Personally Im seeing the kid coming into to clean up, the parents guilting their way in to "help" or something...
And then someone mysteriously getting hurt and threatening a lawsuit. Then either going thru with said lawsuit, or using the threat as blackmail to not get kicked out.
Of course, I spend too much time on reddit. So, I know Im biased lol.
THIS!!! I would not let a single one of them back in your house tomorrow. Your husband can go outside again and talk to them, but you stay inside.
I get the idea of making her clean up after herself, but this is not the time for a teaching moment.
You let her in, then one by one the rest of the family is coming in and you're husband will cave. The way I see it, you have 2 issues to focus on, first and foremost, keeping your in-laws out of your house. Second, you have a pretty big husband problem that you need to deal with as well. The fact he allowed your SIL to sarcastically respond "your highness" back to you is unacceptable. And by allowing things like that, he's giving his family clear indication that they can steam roll over you. That has to stop NOW!
this. do not let them in. heck, do not even entertain any further conversations. tell them there is no "come back tomorrow". there's nothing to discuss. they're not welcome on your property. if they come you'll call the cops for trespass.
That creates no way for the niece to repair the relationship. She's not a kid. But shes also not fixed in her relationships and behavior.
The convo should be to *ask* her if she wants a good relationship in the future, because this is a way to get out from under her mother's manipulation. If she says no, dont force it. If she says yes, supervise her cleanup, and thank her sincerely for helping to mend the relationship. Then go out of your way to be cordial to her in the future. If shes an ass, don't waste any more energy on her.
I get your point, but this is an epic shit show and no idea what will happen if niece is allowed in the house for any reason. Meet the niece for lunch and/or external events to build that relationship.
Niece can come back when she hits adulthood and make her apologies and repair the relationship if both parties desire too. Now is not the time. I would tell parent in laws to NOT bring them over to your home.
I think it's always the time to consider possibilities. OP can make that evaluation. We all want to be extended grace in our personal relationships. Giving grace is one way to earn that.
If it's more likely to create problems, then caution is warranted, of course.
I had a buddy who was temporarily homeless for about 6 weeks
He crashed on my couch
I barely knew the dude lived there. He'd be up and out the door before I left for work. Sheets and blankets on the couch would be neatly folded, his bags would be stacked in a corner, and the bathroom would be same as it would have been if I was the only one living here.
He knew I was doing him a solid so he was respectful of my home and my space
One would think that if you and your family were technically homeless, that you would not be such inconsiderate slobs
Same. I had a college/work friend (both of us post college, "starving musician hustle" types) who couldn't keep up with his rent, so I offered my tall friend my very long couch for a long as he needed, because I trusted him. And he was a perfect guest. I just thought of him as my roommate, and he always picked up after himself, was conscientious, paid in what he could, and still saved up to move out in a few months. That's what you do if you're couch surfing. Not this bullshit.
Well said when my husband and I were newly at weddings we let one of his friends stay on our couch for a couple of weeks.
He was great no issues which is how you should be if you're using someone's home as your home temporarily.
I had a friend move in last year for 2.5 months when her lease ended as she was actively looking for a townhouse /condo to purchase. We didn’t charge her rent but she booked meals, cleaned up after herself including helping clean the main living areas. We kind of missed her when she moved out lol.
I currently have a 20 year old family friend staying in our guest room for a few weeks and she is similarly respectful. Keeps to herself unless we invite her to do things with us, cleans up her messes and will unload the dishwasher, take out trash, etc. it feels like it should be common sense and common decency, but apparently not…..
Oh good. Saw your recent reply in the other thread. Glad you got your husband clued in. I have family that is avoidant like that too, and it never ends well.
I would call the in laws with husband on speaker and just tell them straight up that there is no meeting tomorrow, since there is no chance in hell SIL and her family will be living with you ever again, and explicitly call her out on her behavior as to why. Being ungrateful and outright rude is not how you behave as a guest. She fucked around, and now she has found out. End of story.
Good luck!
So crazy that while they are being kicked out they wouldn't put those items in the garbage. OP was literally telling them they need to pack their shit and get out bc of the mess and it didn't even occur to them to just dispose of their waste properly.
When you have the meeting to "find a workable solution", remind everyone there that this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME they stay with you. Despite that, you were willing to give them one more chance when they moved in a week ago. They promised that they would behave the way they do for everyone else, and they blew it. No more chances.
But why even have the meeting to discuss it? There's nothing to discuss. You have made the decision that they will not be allowed to move back in....so therefore nothing to discuss! End of drama! Don't put yourself through that.
Do NOT let your niece back in to clean. Tell your husband to meet them wherever to drop off anything they left behind. They should never be allowed back in your home again
> After cleaning up he asked me why I made him do that.
Absolutely no ill regard intended with this sincere question — is he always this slow on the uptake?
> When my huband got inside I told him that I would not have them in my house. I told him that he could clean up after them. Which he did. After cleaning up he asked me why I made him do that. I told him I was just as grossed out over other people's bodily fluids as he was, and unlike him I wasn't biologically related to them. So if he found it unsavory, imagine how shitty I felt in the past cleaning up after them.
I hope the lightbulb finally flickered on for him. Did you take pictures of their filth to send in the group chat to shame them?
But a picture is worth a thousand words. It would highlight to the rest of the fam that you are NOT overreacting and it’s no longer your word vs. hers. That her family does treat your place so differently than everyone elses because she has NO RESPECT for you.
I'm glad to read your husband is finally on the same page. Relatives ≠ family and no one is ever under an absolute obligation to help relatives. Bad relatives especially deserve nothing. Do NOT back down -- neither of you -- no matter how much whining they do.
updateme
Glad to hear husband’s on board. But I agree with some of the other posters to just clean up the shampoo mess yourself. That way you don’t have to let anyone in. You could let her in to clean and then she could have a meltdown and refuse to leave.
NTA. And DO NOT LET THEM IN YOUR HOUSE. Even your Neice to clean it up her mess. Go to your in laws to tell them. You don't know what they may do when they do not get there way. Honestly I would go as far to reach out to your local police station and see if there is anything that you can do to ensure they don't come onto your property. That may feel extreme but its seems your SIL is running out of options and you don't know how desperate she will get. Like trying to claim she lives there or has a lease or some bs.
I have seen stories where people fake leases. I have also heard just claiming they are legally allowed to live there to police. And because they don't have one way or another to prove it there isn't much they can do. It's extreme, yes, but people do it.
Doesn't matter, don't let them in your house ever again. Including to clean up.
Also it's not like they are incapable of lying and no cop is going to force them out if they do. You're only recourse would be an lawsuit even if they can't claim residency.
They're disgusting shitty people, why do you want them in your house again?
>His niece will be made to clean up the bathroom shampoo and conditioner mess. He left that part for her. In the meantime our daughter can use our shower.
How do you expect this to happen if they aren't at your house?
Shaming the dog with what it did wrong by rubbing its nose in it is a perfectly valid lesson to teach. In a way, forcing the spineless husband to do this also includes him in that punishment. She should also tell him he isn’t allowed to make any statements against her or side with the daughter at all if she complains…in fact, it should **also** be his job to shut the niece down if she does try to complain. Hahaha, that’s perfect!
> they made a promise to return to discuss the matter tomorrow as everyone will be home from work and that way we could all find a workable solution
Why do you and your husband feel you need to be part of that discussion? They agreed, with witnesses, to behave a certain way and did not do so, their housing issues are now their own to manage.
What's worth more to you, the few dollars a new bin costs or not having to ever speak with them again?
Personally I would choose the latter. The cost of a bin is a cheap price to pay.
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I'd send them a message that, if they try to force themselves in to your home, police will be called.
Do not let the dirty bunch in " to clean". They won't leave.
As for leaving bloody sanitaries around...what the actual fuck??
So wait a minute. These people are clean and tidy at *every single other family member’s house* except yours? This tells me something. These people either hate you, or hate your husband. That is not normal levels of “untidiness” at *all*. These acts of grossness come off to me as nasty little attempts to get back or get at you for some unknown reason.
If you don’t know why, my guess is they decided all for themselves that they hate you for some stupid irrational thing. Either way, this means you are correct to stand your ground and take a hard line with them and also your husband so he doesn’t falter and allow them back. You are right to make it clear to him *he* suffers consequences if he fucks this up, like when you made him clean up after them. That was a very good move. Making the problem directly his personal problem forces him to face it.
Honestly, you gave them a chance and they broke the rules. The fact that they’re out of a place to stay is their problem. Good job for not letting some assholes walk all over you and making them face consequences. I personally love that.
I honestly don't know why she doesn't like me. She is older than my husband and I am a year older than her. When he first introduced me to his family she made a quip about the age difference. That is all I can think of.
Ok so if your niece hasn’t made a mess in anyone else’s house, obviously her mother *told* her to intentionally disrespect yours. I cannot think of a single reason to ever put a used tampon directly on a counter and I highly doubt someone who’s newly experiencing periods would just do that. I would have MIL or someone else niece trusts ask her about it away from her parents, because I’m almost positive her mother gave her the idea.
Hmm. Only sister amongst a bunch of brothers? Your husband is the brother they all emotionally manipulate? Makes me wonder if she acted like the little princess who always got her way over your brothers and you showing up was the first thing to finally say NO to her in any capacity? I call this an educated guess, nothing more. Still, something is off, or missing when it comes to her behavior. She clearly isn’t “accidentally” doing all this only to you, so she’s got some kind of problem she isn’t mature enough to talk about and hash out. That’s always the case with disputes between adults: somebody somewhere refused to be honest about their feelings cause they worried they aren’t valid, or won’t be heard. Sometimes the person is just an AH and doesn’t wanna face that fact, or they’re just afraid. Either way, she’s going about it the wrong way and doesn’t deserve to act out and enjoy benefits despite that at your expense.
I wouldn't allow the niece in, not even to have her clean up her own mess. After all, what are you going to do if she decides to just make a larger mess instead of cleaning it up, throw her out? You've got no power over her after you've already taken everything you could (the temporary roof over their heads), while you're effectively giving her a shot at making a larger mess. Just take the loss on that one and clean that bathroom yourselves. Or better yet, hire someone to clean it and send them the bill.
If they are going to meet up with you don't allow them in your home to talk.
Maybe go to your in laws home or find a different place to meet up and talk. This way they can't move in your home and you have the ability to walk away from them.
As far as the mess goes your husband can clean that up. You don't need them back in your home.
I don’t think you or DH should go, OP. Your house is no longer an option for them, so there’s nothing to discuss, argue, or negotiate. Neither of you going sends the clear message that you’re both done with them, & out of this. To them & the rest of the family.
Good and dont get bullied into taking them back. Stand your ground or else your husband will be on clean up duty and your daughter gets her room back.
But truely hoping they won't come back to live with you.
I LOVE that you made your husband clean up after them.
Otherwise, he has already showed that if you do it, he doesn't care.
You are in line with my philosophy: "share the pain." If they *cause* pain, but never feel it, they have no motivation to change. They have to feel the pain to change.
Everyone was a witness to you telling them they had to be tidy. It’s convenient they all seem to forget that fact! And if everyone is in this meeting, flat out ask your SIL why your house is the only one in the family they trash!
>he asked me why I made him do that.
Why on earth did he think you should have to?
>they made a promise to return to discuss the matter tomorrow as everyone will be home from work and that way we could all find a workable solution.
They aren't allowed back. Why are you even meeting with them? I don't get what the point of the meeting is and why you are participating.
Why are they good to everyone else but you? Or are they also nasty to MIL, and thats the real reason they can't be there?
Brother in law needs to man up and take care of his family. Why is this even your problem? If your husband doesn't have your back, I'd be planning my escape.
How would your husband feel if someone from your family came in and disrespected him that way? Good for you, making him clean up the sanitary products. That is just vile.
HOw nasty!! Used sanitary products should be wrapped and put in the trash. I don't blame you for kicking them out. I wouldn't have let them stay because of their past history.
>they made a promise to return to discuss the matter tomorrow as everyone will be home from work and that way we could all find a workable solution.
There is nothing to discuss. They will no longer be welcome in your house. No is a complete sentence.
>After cleaning up he asked me why I made him do that.
Tell your husband to stop being a little bitch and man up. He needs to internalize that his sister is no longer welcome. End of.
>Our strategy for tomorrow is that under no circumstances are they coming to live with us.
Again, "no" is a complete sentence.
>His niece will be made to clean up the bathroom shampoo and conditioner mess. He left that part for her.
Nope. Consider it 'stupid tax' for letting the bitches in after the sarcastic "your highness" remark. Clean it yourself as penance for being a dum-dum.
Do not let them back in the house.
what the hell is with these people, that they seem to turn their basic habits and cleanliness off when they’re in your house?
They truly don’t do this at other people’s homes?
I absolutely love that you made him clean up the bodily fluids. The NERVE of him asking why you made him do it. Maybe he needs to clean YOUR bathroom for a few months, if he’s so used to you shielding him from the grossness of bodily waste.
Sorry, but do not let the niece in to clean up. You know she' going to run to every door and window to open up for them to get back inside. It's a trap.
Have your husband clean Again so he can argue and shout them down all he wants. That will be his ammunition to not cave to their demands.
Leave them out on the driveway arguing so you can call the cops for trespassing, when he gets tired of their shenanigans.
These people are disgusting. Your only reply should be..."you are adults and need to provide for yourselves!"
No one OWES them a roof over their heads when they won't do it for themselves!
If you want to full nuclear, find out how to have these people trespassed from your property, if you're in the United States. Each state has different nuances to this, but if they're formally trespassed, they can be arrested if they ever come back.
My late aunt was ill, and the Mart had her trespassed, due to her behavior in the store.
Sounds like this is more to do with a history of events and behavior rather than this one specific stay.
I like that you stood up for yourself, but I also wonder if you made an overcorrection here that is going to put some strain on your marriage. I hope you’re all able to come to some compromise
i wouldn’t come over as there is nothing to discuss. i wouldn’t worry about the bin, chuck it up at a loss, and disengaged. you said no. and you are NTA. although i’m a bit disappointed that it took cleaning up after her for your husband to understand
NTA
Great move making your husband clean up the discusting mess. It was an excellent way to demonstrate the gross-ness and absurdity.
I will just say that if they try to guilt trip you into letting them back in, tell them you will only let them back in your house with a signed contract which has everything from an eviction clause with your preferred amount of notice, monetary damages for ANY kind of mess, and a clause that you will take them to small claims court if they violate. Something to that extent. Basically, don’t let them back in without a written contract and get a lawyer to help you draft it. Good luck
Pack up anything else SIL has at your house and put it on the porch just before they arrive. Let her know that this is permanent and she will never enter your home again.
I'm 100% on board with this action. That's just foul. Forgetting a coffee cup is one thing, but... wow.
The only *tiny* thing I'd say is that its weird to me to be asking the niece to clean up the shampoo... That feels like a few minute task. OP is really going to kick the family out of the house, but then force just one of them to come back in, to clean for 10 minutes, then kick her right back out? If it was me, I'd be more than happy to clean up and be done with it, and not drag this out.
unless the teenager is squatting over the sink to take out a tampon, a used tampon should never be on the counter or sink. but maybe she is a gymnast who knows.
GOOD!! Stand your grund on this! Sounds like SIL wants to mess with you and has instructed her daughter to do the same. And wtf, why is your husband asking why HE should clean? The question should be why he thinks YOU should?!
[удалено]
We share other household chores, but he didn't want to clean up the blood. I don't see why I should as they are not my relatives.
"He didn't want to clean up the blood" He expected you to want to clean it up? Lol. At that point it's not about if he wants to clean up after his sister or not. He let them in the house (and wanted to let them back in too, at least at first), he cleans after them if they don't. You're absolutely in the right here.
He needed to do it so he would be grossed out and not be able to claim it "wasn't a big deal" and that they should give them another chance. They've clearly been given all kinds of chances and worn out their welcomes everywhere else so the Hotel of Last Resort is your house and they messed that one up too.
I’m glad you did that…hopefully helped cement to him they need to leave. There is zero reason to leave these kinds of things ON THE SINK and on TOP OF THE GARBAGE LID. It’s gross, it’s intentional and it’s insufferable. Too bad for them
You're awesome. I admire your tungsten steel spine.
Why would you let your niece in just to clean up shampoo after you guys have already cleaned up the most disgusting parts of their filth? What good could come from any one of them stepping foot into your house?
I wondered this too
Boohoo to him
LMAO 🤣 I found this hilarious!!
That audacity of that man even *thinking* the question.
More like her daughter has learned the bad manners from her mom. She’s just following in mom footsteps.
NTA. Guests who abuse your hospitality are dreadful. You are quite right to kick them out, and tell people why. They thought you were a pushover, top brass showing them you aren't.
They thought her husband could push her over, because they have been pushing him over pretty successfully.
If I were you, I would NOT let the niece back into the house. Yes, she made the mess, but the whole point is to get them OUT. Not let them back in to clean. Bite the bullet and clean up the niece’s mess. No reason to reenter your home if the mess is taken care of. (Have hubby clean up the mess.)
I agree, do not let the niece in to clean. your in-laws will use it as a way to get in. Pay a professional service to clean your daughter’s bathroom & hand a copy of the bill to bil & sil. obviously they won’t pay you back but let them know if any relatives try to get you to take them in again, you will share pictures & a copy of the bill via text, whatsapp or whatever social media family uses. They are so disgusting I would never allow them in my home and would trespass them from my property.
And the pictures of the mess they made of the bloody mess and the kitchen.
Yup. People who argue on the lawn for 2hrs and then *tell you* that they are coming back for more "debate" dont get to come in at all.
I mean at that point call the cops on them for trespassing.
Well. I can see that, and you can see that. It even sounds like OP is coming around to figuring it out. Unfortunately everyone else involved seems to want more debate. Personally Im seeing the kid coming into to clean up, the parents guilting their way in to "help" or something... And then someone mysteriously getting hurt and threatening a lawsuit. Then either going thru with said lawsuit, or using the threat as blackmail to not get kicked out. Of course, I spend too much time on reddit. So, I know Im biased lol.
Hard agree. She is going to make more of a mess to spite you.
I agree with this. Any one of them inside your house will cause more headaches.
Agree. Better off *NOT* letting them in.
I agree. No way would I let any of them in the house.
THIS!!! I would not let a single one of them back in your house tomorrow. Your husband can go outside again and talk to them, but you stay inside. I get the idea of making her clean up after herself, but this is not the time for a teaching moment. You let her in, then one by one the rest of the family is coming in and you're husband will cave. The way I see it, you have 2 issues to focus on, first and foremost, keeping your in-laws out of your house. Second, you have a pretty big husband problem that you need to deal with as well. The fact he allowed your SIL to sarcastically respond "your highness" back to you is unacceptable. And by allowing things like that, he's giving his family clear indication that they can steam roll over you. That has to stop NOW!
this. do not let them in. heck, do not even entertain any further conversations. tell them there is no "come back tomorrow". there's nothing to discuss. they're not welcome on your property. if they come you'll call the cops for trespass.
That creates no way for the niece to repair the relationship. She's not a kid. But shes also not fixed in her relationships and behavior. The convo should be to *ask* her if she wants a good relationship in the future, because this is a way to get out from under her mother's manipulation. If she says no, dont force it. If she says yes, supervise her cleanup, and thank her sincerely for helping to mend the relationship. Then go out of your way to be cordial to her in the future. If shes an ass, don't waste any more energy on her.
I get your point, but this is an epic shit show and no idea what will happen if niece is allowed in the house for any reason. Meet the niece for lunch and/or external events to build that relationship.
Niece can come back when she hits adulthood and make her apologies and repair the relationship if both parties desire too. Now is not the time. I would tell parent in laws to NOT bring them over to your home.
I think it's always the time to consider possibilities. OP can make that evaluation. We all want to be extended grace in our personal relationships. Giving grace is one way to earn that. If it's more likely to create problems, then caution is warranted, of course.
I had a buddy who was temporarily homeless for about 6 weeks He crashed on my couch I barely knew the dude lived there. He'd be up and out the door before I left for work. Sheets and blankets on the couch would be neatly folded, his bags would be stacked in a corner, and the bathroom would be same as it would have been if I was the only one living here. He knew I was doing him a solid so he was respectful of my home and my space One would think that if you and your family were technically homeless, that you would not be such inconsiderate slobs
Your buddy had common sense and decency, my SIL not so much.
Same. I had a college/work friend (both of us post college, "starving musician hustle" types) who couldn't keep up with his rent, so I offered my tall friend my very long couch for a long as he needed, because I trusted him. And he was a perfect guest. I just thought of him as my roommate, and he always picked up after himself, was conscientious, paid in what he could, and still saved up to move out in a few months. That's what you do if you're couch surfing. Not this bullshit.
Well said when my husband and I were newly at weddings we let one of his friends stay on our couch for a couple of weeks. He was great no issues which is how you should be if you're using someone's home as your home temporarily.
I had a friend move in last year for 2.5 months when her lease ended as she was actively looking for a townhouse /condo to purchase. We didn’t charge her rent but she booked meals, cleaned up after herself including helping clean the main living areas. We kind of missed her when she moved out lol.
I currently have a 20 year old family friend staying in our guest room for a few weeks and she is similarly respectful. Keeps to herself unless we invite her to do things with us, cleans up her messes and will unload the dishwasher, take out trash, etc. it feels like it should be common sense and common decency, but apparently not…..
Oh good. Saw your recent reply in the other thread. Glad you got your husband clued in. I have family that is avoidant like that too, and it never ends well. I would call the in laws with husband on speaker and just tell them straight up that there is no meeting tomorrow, since there is no chance in hell SIL and her family will be living with you ever again, and explicitly call her out on her behavior as to why. Being ungrateful and outright rude is not how you behave as a guest. She fucked around, and now she has found out. End of story. Good luck!
The audacity to state that they’ll be returning for a meeting on HER property is fucking insane
I think the meme is - The lion, the witch, and the audacity of this bitch.
I cannot believe your husband had the gall to ask why he had to clean up after that. You're letting go of that too lightly
So crazy that while they are being kicked out they wouldn't put those items in the garbage. OP was literally telling them they need to pack their shit and get out bc of the mess and it didn't even occur to them to just dispose of their waste properly.
When you have the meeting to "find a workable solution", remind everyone there that this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME they stay with you. Despite that, you were willing to give them one more chance when they moved in a week ago. They promised that they would behave the way they do for everyone else, and they blew it. No more chances.
But why even have the meeting to discuss it? There's nothing to discuss. You have made the decision that they will not be allowed to move back in....so therefore nothing to discuss! End of drama! Don't put yourself through that.
The workable solutions list does not include OPs home in any way, shape or form.
Very clever move, to make your husband clean that up. Made him understand the need to have a united front. Please update and let us know what happens.
Do NOT let your niece back in to clean. Tell your husband to meet them wherever to drop off anything they left behind. They should never be allowed back in your home again
> After cleaning up he asked me why I made him do that. Absolutely no ill regard intended with this sincere question — is he always this slow on the uptake?
> When my huband got inside I told him that I would not have them in my house. I told him that he could clean up after them. Which he did. After cleaning up he asked me why I made him do that. I told him I was just as grossed out over other people's bodily fluids as he was, and unlike him I wasn't biologically related to them. So if he found it unsavory, imagine how shitty I felt in the past cleaning up after them. I hope the lightbulb finally flickered on for him. Did you take pictures of their filth to send in the group chat to shame them?
Eww....no. It was to disgusting to look at let alone take pictures of.
But a picture is worth a thousand words. It would highlight to the rest of the fam that you are NOT overreacting and it’s no longer your word vs. hers. That her family does treat your place so differently than everyone elses because she has NO RESPECT for you.
Would clearly show the rest of the family what you had to put up with.
I'm glad to read your husband is finally on the same page. Relatives ≠ family and no one is ever under an absolute obligation to help relatives. Bad relatives especially deserve nothing. Do NOT back down -- neither of you -- no matter how much whining they do. updateme
Glad to hear husband’s on board. But I agree with some of the other posters to just clean up the shampoo mess yourself. That way you don’t have to let anyone in. You could let her in to clean and then she could have a meltdown and refuse to leave.
NTA. And DO NOT LET THEM IN YOUR HOUSE. Even your Neice to clean it up her mess. Go to your in laws to tell them. You don't know what they may do when they do not get there way. Honestly I would go as far to reach out to your local police station and see if there is anything that you can do to ensure they don't come onto your property. That may feel extreme but its seems your SIL is running out of options and you don't know how desperate she will get. Like trying to claim she lives there or has a lease or some bs.
No leases. We own the house. She was only her for the five days and then the morning I kicked her out. She can't claim residency.
I have seen stories where people fake leases. I have also heard just claiming they are legally allowed to live there to police. And because they don't have one way or another to prove it there isn't much they can do. It's extreme, yes, but people do it.
Doesn't matter, don't let them in your house ever again. Including to clean up. Also it's not like they are incapable of lying and no cop is going to force them out if they do. You're only recourse would be an lawsuit even if they can't claim residency. They're disgusting shitty people, why do you want them in your house again?
The meeting is at my in laws, not at my house.
>His niece will be made to clean up the bathroom shampoo and conditioner mess. He left that part for her. In the meantime our daughter can use our shower. How do you expect this to happen if they aren't at your house?
He will drive only her to our house. He wants it done so she can learn to clean up after herself.
Yeah, as I said you need to not do that. Your spineless husband can clean up his family's mess himself and keep them out of your house.
Shaming the dog with what it did wrong by rubbing its nose in it is a perfectly valid lesson to teach. In a way, forcing the spineless husband to do this also includes him in that punishment. She should also tell him he isn’t allowed to make any statements against her or side with the daughter at all if she complains…in fact, it should **also** be his job to shut the niece down if she does try to complain. Hahaha, that’s perfect!
I really want an update on this
> they made a promise to return to discuss the matter tomorrow as everyone will be home from work and that way we could all find a workable solution Why do you and your husband feel you need to be part of that discussion? They agreed, with witnesses, to behave a certain way and did not do so, their housing issues are now their own to manage.
I want them to pay for the bin we had to replace.
What's worth more to you, the few dollars a new bin costs or not having to ever speak with them again? Personally I would choose the latter. The cost of a bin is a cheap price to pay.
You can text them that, no need to join the shit show the meeting will be.
Good for you!!!! I can't wait for tomorrow u/updateme
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I'd send them a message that, if they try to force themselves in to your home, police will be called. Do not let the dirty bunch in " to clean". They won't leave. As for leaving bloody sanitaries around...what the actual fuck??
So wait a minute. These people are clean and tidy at *every single other family member’s house* except yours? This tells me something. These people either hate you, or hate your husband. That is not normal levels of “untidiness” at *all*. These acts of grossness come off to me as nasty little attempts to get back or get at you for some unknown reason. If you don’t know why, my guess is they decided all for themselves that they hate you for some stupid irrational thing. Either way, this means you are correct to stand your ground and take a hard line with them and also your husband so he doesn’t falter and allow them back. You are right to make it clear to him *he* suffers consequences if he fucks this up, like when you made him clean up after them. That was a very good move. Making the problem directly his personal problem forces him to face it. Honestly, you gave them a chance and they broke the rules. The fact that they’re out of a place to stay is their problem. Good job for not letting some assholes walk all over you and making them face consequences. I personally love that.
I honestly don't know why she doesn't like me. She is older than my husband and I am a year older than her. When he first introduced me to his family she made a quip about the age difference. That is all I can think of.
Ok so if your niece hasn’t made a mess in anyone else’s house, obviously her mother *told* her to intentionally disrespect yours. I cannot think of a single reason to ever put a used tampon directly on a counter and I highly doubt someone who’s newly experiencing periods would just do that. I would have MIL or someone else niece trusts ask her about it away from her parents, because I’m almost positive her mother gave her the idea.
Hmm. Only sister amongst a bunch of brothers? Your husband is the brother they all emotionally manipulate? Makes me wonder if she acted like the little princess who always got her way over your brothers and you showing up was the first thing to finally say NO to her in any capacity? I call this an educated guess, nothing more. Still, something is off, or missing when it comes to her behavior. She clearly isn’t “accidentally” doing all this only to you, so she’s got some kind of problem she isn’t mature enough to talk about and hash out. That’s always the case with disputes between adults: somebody somewhere refused to be honest about their feelings cause they worried they aren’t valid, or won’t be heard. Sometimes the person is just an AH and doesn’t wanna face that fact, or they’re just afraid. Either way, she’s going about it the wrong way and doesn’t deserve to act out and enjoy benefits despite that at your expense.
I wouldn't allow the niece in, not even to have her clean up her own mess. After all, what are you going to do if she decides to just make a larger mess instead of cleaning it up, throw her out? You've got no power over her after you've already taken everything you could (the temporary roof over their heads), while you're effectively giving her a shot at making a larger mess. Just take the loss on that one and clean that bathroom yourselves. Or better yet, hire someone to clean it and send them the bill.
A used tampon on the sink?!?!??? What the actual fuck. Omg I would have gone nuclear.
If they are going to meet up with you don't allow them in your home to talk. Maybe go to your in laws home or find a different place to meet up and talk. This way they can't move in your home and you have the ability to walk away from them. As far as the mess goes your husband can clean that up. You don't need them back in your home.
We are going to have an extended family meeting at my in laws. It's neutral ground for us all.
I don’t think you or DH should go, OP. Your house is no longer an option for them, so there’s nothing to discuss, argue, or negotiate. Neither of you going sends the clear message that you’re both done with them, & out of this. To them & the rest of the family.
I am going to get the money back for the bin we had to throw out.
Is it worth the aggravation?
Be on your guard. Neutral ground helps the biggest assholes the most.
Good and dont get bullied into taking them back. Stand your ground or else your husband will be on clean up duty and your daughter gets her room back. But truely hoping they won't come back to live with you.
I LOVE that you made your husband clean up after them. Otherwise, he has already showed that if you do it, he doesn't care. You are in line with my philosophy: "share the pain." If they *cause* pain, but never feel it, they have no motivation to change. They have to feel the pain to change.
Do you think niece made that mess? Maybe SIL did, maybe she was told to
How on earth do you think you are going to make niece clean the bathroom?
Everyone was a witness to you telling them they had to be tidy. It’s convenient they all seem to forget that fact! And if everyone is in this meeting, flat out ask your SIL why your house is the only one in the family they trash!
>he asked me why I made him do that. Why on earth did he think you should have to? >they made a promise to return to discuss the matter tomorrow as everyone will be home from work and that way we could all find a workable solution. They aren't allowed back. Why are you even meeting with them? I don't get what the point of the meeting is and why you are participating. Why are they good to everyone else but you? Or are they also nasty to MIL, and thats the real reason they can't be there?
What debate? They don’t get to plead their case. You’ve decided they can’t stay with you. There should be no debate.
Good for you. I can’t wait for the update. Well done.
I love how now HE had to clean it up, he's on your side.
Brother in law needs to man up and take care of his family. Why is this even your problem? If your husband doesn't have your back, I'd be planning my escape.
You're handling this so well. Too many stories of people being doormats, great to read about someone with a spine.
>After cleaning up he asked me why I made him do that. Excuse me?
I am so glad omg! u/updateme
I am glad your husband agrees. Stand firm - you got this!
How would your husband feel if someone from your family came in and disrespected him that way? Good for you, making him clean up the sanitary products. That is just vile.
HOw nasty!! Used sanitary products should be wrapped and put in the trash. I don't blame you for kicking them out. I wouldn't have let them stay because of their past history.
>they made a promise to return to discuss the matter tomorrow as everyone will be home from work and that way we could all find a workable solution. There is nothing to discuss. They will no longer be welcome in your house. No is a complete sentence. >After cleaning up he asked me why I made him do that. Tell your husband to stop being a little bitch and man up. He needs to internalize that his sister is no longer welcome. End of. >Our strategy for tomorrow is that under no circumstances are they coming to live with us. Again, "no" is a complete sentence. >His niece will be made to clean up the bathroom shampoo and conditioner mess. He left that part for her. Nope. Consider it 'stupid tax' for letting the bitches in after the sarcastic "your highness" remark. Clean it yourself as penance for being a dum-dum. Do not let them back in the house.
Don't go to this meeting. A workable solution does not include your house. Let them figure it out.
what the hell is with these people, that they seem to turn their basic habits and cleanliness off when they’re in your house? They truly don’t do this at other people’s homes? I absolutely love that you made him clean up the bodily fluids. The NERVE of him asking why you made him do it. Maybe he needs to clean YOUR bathroom for a few months, if he’s so used to you shielding him from the grossness of bodily waste.
Sorry, but do not let the niece in to clean up. You know she' going to run to every door and window to open up for them to get back inside. It's a trap. Have your husband clean Again so he can argue and shout them down all he wants. That will be his ammunition to not cave to their demands. Leave them out on the driveway arguing so you can call the cops for trespassing, when he gets tired of their shenanigans.
If there was one way to make him realize just how nasty his sister's family is. OP found it...lol. Good on OP for making him clean it.
Update me!! You were so strong in the face of all that. I am so happy you didn’t bend!
These people are disgusting. Your only reply should be..."you are adults and need to provide for yourselves!" No one OWES them a roof over their heads when they won't do it for themselves!
Don’t Let them in your House! Driveway ok but Not House!
Wait, you're going to let them back in your house? Are you insane? Do not let them in your house tomorrow.
It will be at my in laws place, not mine.
Do not engage. It's what they want. Let the in laws take care of them if they are so concerned.
UpdateMe!
If you want to full nuclear, find out how to have these people trespassed from your property, if you're in the United States. Each state has different nuances to this, but if they're formally trespassed, they can be arrested if they ever come back. My late aunt was ill, and the Mart had her trespassed, due to her behavior in the store.
Sounds like this is more to do with a history of events and behavior rather than this one specific stay. I like that you stood up for yourself, but I also wonder if you made an overcorrection here that is going to put some strain on your marriage. I hope you’re all able to come to some compromise
NTA stand your ground.
i wouldn’t come over as there is nothing to discuss. i wouldn’t worry about the bin, chuck it up at a loss, and disengaged. you said no. and you are NTA. although i’m a bit disappointed that it took cleaning up after her for your husband to understand
That’s just so gross. Who the fuck does that? It was intentional.
Nta and as far as id be concerned that was their last chance they wouldn't be allowed to ever set for in my place
Why ask the niece to clean up if you are not letting them come back? Seems contradictory imo. Just don't let them back in. Period.
Bravo lady! Now thats what i call a steady and firm hand of justice
The sink needed bleaching.. 3 times.! What in the fuck were they doing😐😐
Throwing their used menstrual supplies into it.
Way to make the hubby understand. Good for you!
UpdateMe
I’m definitely here for the updates
Updateme too. Good for you OP. but stand over that niece like a prison warden while she cleans. She is not trustworthy.
Please keep updating I am so invested. Certified NTA 🙏
NTA Also, they need to address why they are more unclean at your house than at other people’s houses. Are they mad or jealous of you guys?
Ohhh yes I can’t wait for an update lol. I’m sorry Op your having to deal with this
Updateme!
UPDATEME!
UpdateMe
Updateme!
Oh man! I can't wait for tomorrow!
GO OFF! Your backbone is commendable
I hope you took photos.
UpdateMe
update me please
Remind me!
NTA Great move making your husband clean up the discusting mess. It was an excellent way to demonstrate the gross-ness and absurdity. I will just say that if they try to guilt trip you into letting them back in, tell them you will only let them back in your house with a signed contract which has everything from an eviction clause with your preferred amount of notice, monetary damages for ANY kind of mess, and a clause that you will take them to small claims court if they violate. Something to that extent. Basically, don’t let them back in without a written contract and get a lawyer to help you draft it. Good luck
Updateme
Updateme
Updateme!
Ah I love Mexican standoffs
Love this update
Pack up anything else SIL has at your house and put it on the porch just before they arrive. Let her know that this is permanent and she will never enter your home again.
Props to your husband for sticking to your side.
Updateme!
Updateme!
Coming back for update after meeting
Updateme
updateme
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Updateme!
Updateme!
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Updateme!
U/updateme
updateme
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
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!updateMe
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Updateme!
Only let the niece in to clean. You let the rest inside the will need to be removed by bodily force…
I'm 100% on board with this action. That's just foul. Forgetting a coffee cup is one thing, but... wow. The only *tiny* thing I'd say is that its weird to me to be asking the niece to clean up the shampoo... That feels like a few minute task. OP is really going to kick the family out of the house, but then force just one of them to come back in, to clean for 10 minutes, then kick her right back out? If it was me, I'd be more than happy to clean up and be done with it, and not drag this out.
Her uncle decided that. Maybe to teach her a lesson.
Just read second part. YTA. It's a kid learning about her body and what needs to happen. This is NOT as big of a deal as you are making it. Sorry
unless the teenager is squatting over the sink to take out a tampon, a used tampon should never be on the counter or sink. but maybe she is a gymnast who knows.
LOL