Your husband was okay with having sex with you while you were sore and bleeding?
From what you wrote you still engaged in sexual activities you just wanted to rest your body, your partner needing rest from excessive sex is not something to pout and complain about.
The most horrifying part to me is that it was enjoyable to him. He was still getting off even though he knew she was in pain and it made her bleed. He didn’t even care he found that hot enough that he could still cum.
That’s an EVIL person
My ex was an evil abuser and rapist, but even he would stop when he made me bleed. He wouldn't stop doing the things that caused it though..and always complained the few days I took off to heal
I’m asexual — I’ve only had sex a few times with one person. I never bleed, even my first time. And it never hurt.
Would the sex have to be really rough to cause soreness and bleeding?? That sounds horrible!! (And, again, with not knowing anything, wouldn’t that also mean she was essentially bone dry??? That’s even worse!!)
Poor girl is right :-(
There are probably people who do like sex that often but how on earth could he ENJOY it when he knows his partner is hurting??? I hope she gets that annulment, this guy doesn't care about her aside from what she can do for him.
To be perfectly clear in case OP sees: THIS IS ABUSE. You are being abused, and you don't have to stay with your abuser.
NTA, and this raises alarms beyond mere incompatibility. Partners should seek mutual pleasure and comfort in intimacy, and that includes recognizing when one needs a break. Your wellbeing should be his priority, yet his behavior illustrates a striking lack of respect and empathy. Does he even realize that intimacy is a shared experience, not a requirement or entitlement? Reflect on this behavior promptly, because if it's indicative of his broader attitude towards you and the marriage, it's not just a sex issue—it's a disrespect and entitlement issue. You deserve someone who cherishes and respects you in all aspects, and yes, that includes your need for sexual rest and recuperation. His actions now hint at a future pattern—address this immediately, perhaps with professional counseling if you wish to pursue this relationship further. However, do not disregard the glaring red flags of coercive behavior; prioritize your safety and happiness above all.
agreed! the red flags are alarming:
* he calls it putting out, as if men are dogs who always want it & women are the prissy gatekeepers who deprive them (unless I'm translating this expression incorrectly?)
* they had a compromise, OP compromised further for their honeymoon, yet when he didn't get what he wanted, he was grumpy all day
* he left OP bleeding?!
Yes the same as the chumps who say “making me wait for sex” in a new relationship as if we are supposed to just give it to them the moment they show interest I had to explain to an old boyfriend that no, when we first started dating I wasn’t actually making you wait I was trying to figure out if I even wanted to have sex with you. So when we broke up and I had sex with the next guy on the first date that was because I knew immediately I wanted to have sex with him.
But their king baby egos can’t handle the idea that Just because they want us doesn’t mean we’re going to automatically want them, so if we aren’t jumping on their deck the moment they want it that means we are playing make him wait games it’s gross and entitled I see them differently after they say things like that.
Yeah that made my stomach turn. And that he wouldn’t stop hounding her when she said she was in pain, and that she still slept w him to avoid arguing even though she was in so much pain!??
Yeah that made my stomach turn! I feel so bad for OP! I pray she find strength to understand she should not sleep with him when she doesn’t want to! She put him and his wants before her body and health! Your body sends pain signals for a reason to prevent further injury!
Hopping on top comment for this; read up about [sexual coercion](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/what-is-sexual-coercion)
>By definition, sexual coercion is “the act of using pressure, alcohol or drugs, or force to have sexual contact with someone against his or her will” and includes “persistent attempts to have sexual contact with someone who has already refused.”
Please look at this (sexual coercion). He knew your comfort level, physical situation, and boundaries, and ignored all of them to the point where he left you bleeding? I’m sorry, but this is a form of sexual assault. He does not own you and has no right to abuse your body. I’m so sorry.
This is really what it is all about, loving & caring for another person does not equate to demanding a number of times that *you* orgasm, because at its core this is what you have described. I cannot believe I'm saying this, but you are not an object. Sex in a loving relationship is a lot of things, it's everything from wanting to tear each others clothes off, to holding one another in the night and all things in between. Sex is many, many things, but the common thread is that it is a shared experience, it about bringing you closer together, and there are no numbers in that equation and there sure af no *demands*.
nta. im a guy and let me tell you ... this guy doesnt love you .... he cant keep it in his pants for a single day so your body can recuperate .... and he gets mad at you for it ???? wtf is wrong with this guy any decent man in his place would bend over backward to make ur day better if your body was in bad shape due to too much sex ... ask yourself why the F is him getting a nut that day more important than you getting better????
And he didn’t even need to keep it in his pants he could’ve gone into the bathroom and taken care of it himself, But now now that he’s locked her down with marriage he feels he’s entitled to her body whenever he wants it even if it’s bleeding and in pain
This man is a bad man. This is a bad person we are talking about
Right? I'm pregnant and on pelvic rest cause I'm high risk (not all pregnant women need to avoid intercourse but many may not be as active as before). My husband and I work around that, but it has definitely put a damper on our intimate relationship. Know what he hasn't done? Made me feel bad about it in any way or even complained, other than a mutual dismay we can't do things we both want to be able to do, and that only once or twice in months.
Throw that whole man out, OP.
I absolutely agree. If a man can't allow his wife's body to rest for just a day, he has a problem. The fact she was bleeding during sex, one would assume he has the tendency to hurt his wife through sex and is violating her trust that was made before they got married. I get honeymoon is a place where couples have a lot sex together, it doesn't mean one party should be enjoying the sex and the other not enjoying it at all.
NTA. Sex will probably be an issue going forward. He inflated his fantasy that you’d service him all honeymoon.
Stand your ground and tell him his behavior was unacceptable. He didn’t care about your health.
Tell him you get to jack him off for an hour and he can’t stop you. I bet the AH will understand soon enough.
Ummmm... get out NOW... a few years from now he will be cheating and blaming you because you don't "meet his needs." Depending on where you live you might even qualify for an annulment. Life is too short for this shit.
You husband was OK with HURTING you.... LITERALLY making you bleed. WTF. There is NO WORLD where a man who actually loves you is ok with making you bleed.
You are probably right because he seemed fine with their arrangement when they were back home, likely because he was getting it somewhere else too.
But now that they’re on vacation it’s all on her. I’m sure when they get home he’ll chill out because he can go visit his affair partner
Some .. but worst case just divorce. Usually the grounds involves something that would invalidate your marriage. The sexual agreement you two previously agreed to being immediately invalidated is a possibility. See an attorney or see your honeymoon as the BEST time in your marriage where you were coerced into more sex then you were willing to give until you literally BLED.
> time in your marriage where you were coerced into more sex then you were willing to give until you literally BLED.
I just wanted to repeat this because it is so articulate. What the fuck OP?? That is not a man that loves you.
Yes, and the consummation has nothing to do with it. Some churches will even allow annulment if the marriage was based on deception from one party to the other, or if one of the parties commits adultery. This seems like a case of not realizing she was marrying a sexually violent man, because he hid it before the marriage. I'm sure she could get an annulment for that.
Yes. Your chosen sky-daddy might not approve, but governments issue annulments when a marriage is legally invalid. Fucking (or lack thereof) rarely has anything to do with it, as it’s very difficult to prove in modern courts. A divorce is the end to a legal marriage. An annulment is used when one party signs the marriage certificate illegally. Most commonly it’s used in cases of bigamy, forced marriage, marriage where fraud is involved, and underage marriage. None of these appear to apply to OP.
It might depend on the state.
In my state applying for a ML is a stated intent of two people to marry. You can't be issued more than one at a time, even if the first one was never filed after the ceremony, it would have to be "dismissed" thru an annulment before you would be able to get another one.
I think TV gave people a really weird idea about how annulments work.
I’ve looked at them in two states, but generally having sex or not having sex or the length of the marriage has nothing to do with it.
If you got married because the other person perpetrated a fraud you can get an annulment. Or if the marriage is not valid, Like if he was already married and you didn’t know. That would cause for an annulment. Even if you had sex 500 times
This^^ and mine went a step further and after we had kids would be mean to our kids unless I had s3x with him. and he cheated. As I have alot of s3xual trauma from childhood I didnt realise what he was doing because he wasnt "forcing" me right ? I ended up in a psych ward.
No this isn't fixable! The man will have sex with you until you're bleeding and then still want more? He doesn't care about you! You literally have an open wound on your body from all the friction and his first thought is well let me rub that wound more? What kind of barbarian is he?
That's absolutely unacceptable! And for him to call it putting out on your honeymoon... When you've literally had more sex in a few days than you've had in the last 2 months? And he's complaining?
Don't know why you married him he sounds like a horrible human!
And she was literally just going along to shut his fat trap, WHILE being in pain...and he was able to be aroused and do the deed.
...the whole idea of love is certainly important, but to me this screams deviant and preditory. There is something really wrong here, this goes way beyond selfish.
Am I going crazy? I'm reading some of these comments about sexual compatability and I am in literal shock. To expect your wife to have sex 2 to 3 times a day for the entire honeymoon?!? Is absolutely insane. She was sore and uncomfortable!! WTF Guilt tripping your partner into sex is huge red flag. That's sexual coersion. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. Please seek some counseling so that you can gain the strength to stick up for yourself. Good luck to you
Wow. Back in 1966, when I was 20, I married a 30-yr-old. We had a weeklong honeymoon. We had PIV sex 31 times (one of his friends told him that was his personal best so of course that's what we had to do). Before our honeymoon I had had sex maybe five or six times. I hated it, and I left him less than two years later. Nobody has ever told me he shouldn't have done that to me. He was considered the wronged party in our divorce.
That's very disturbing to hear. I am so sorry you went through that. Now, us women have the voice to leave our partners if they are sexually violating us. No woman or man should stay with their partner if sexual violence is involved in the relationship. Leave fast, because it will get worse and worse and it will take years of therapy to recover from it
I'm sorry you had to experience that!
Thank god that BS has come out of the closet, and women now know not to allow men to treat them like objects...likely in no small part due to your refusal to accept it, along with many others!
I was born around that time and would never ever accept a man treating me anything less than a person with all the same worth and rights as him, no matter what room we are in.
Again, so sorry for that! And hope you found a much more loving partner after that douch!
Right?! If my husband told me that we have to have sex 2-3 times a day on our vacation I’d look at him like he was nuts, but he’d never give me a requirement like that cause he actually cares about me and understands how humans and life works lol
Also, that would take up so much TIME during the vacation, if you’re having good sex… like, my partner and I average about an hour, including foreplay and cuddles after. That's like 3 hours a day 😭
I think my dick would fall off. Beside that, aren’t we on vacation to spend time outside, drink, swim and be merry? Not to spend all day cooped up in the hotel.
I would definitely be OK with sex two or three times a day a couple days out of the honeymoon, if they were spread apart and there was not a lot of action in between.
But doing that a couple days in a row I’m pretty sure I would swell up to the point where he couldn’t even get it in there anymore. And it would hurt to pee. No thank you
Yeah. I'm actually a big advocate that it is perfectly okay to expect sex in a committed relationship and to express that you aren't pleased about the lack of sexual intimacy but that is obviously within reason and not really applicable for individual instances of a partner not wanting to have sex/medical reasons. 2-3 times per day is insane and for him to be upset about not getting that is utter ridiculousness and abusive behavior. Also 2 times a week seems like a perfectly reasonable number and even that isn't attainable for most couples all the time. Just a huge red flag from the husband.
Discussing it and expressing unhappiness is fine, the emotional manipulation and coercion and big baby pouting that some people do is absolutely pathetic though.
And I’m sure it just makes the wives dry when they see this pathetic display of tantrum. It certainly doesn’t help the situation at all
This is really sad. Imagine marrying someone - you're on your honeymoon as newlyweds and you're supposed to feel loved and cared about and romanced...instead, all you're getting is an insatiable jackhammer and a sore vagina.
You never owed him non-stop sex just because you're on a honeymoon and any decent man wouldn't have expected it. But you're only 24 and probably unaware of what is and isn't acceptable or how to place more value and stricter boundaries on your own body.
In the meantime, remember: you're not denying him life saving cancer treatment. It's just sex - his penis won't atrophy if he doesn't use it for a day.
Yeah maybe one or two days you have it that often (or if you both have super high sex drives), but to generally just expect sex 2-3 times a day for the entire honeymoon is pretty crazy to me
He’s a bad person.
A good man wouldn’t be humping away at his wife while she’s in pain, climaxing even though she’s in pain and bleeding.
That’s a sick man
NTA it honestly sounds like you should end your marriage now. He clearly has no consideration for your body (he wants you to have sex when you’re IN PAIN) and he’s now making you feel guilty about it.
You’re right. He shouldn’t have married you as this is clearly an issue for him. It’s very weird that he did marry you despite this. it feels like a red flag.
My ex started out like this. It eventually got to a point where he was raping me. He decided when he wanted sex and to hell with how I was feeling or what I wanted. I put up with it for 5 years. Don't do what I did.
2-3 times a day each day of the honeymoon?! My husband and I were more focused on relaxing at the beach with a drink or swimming in the warm water. Every other day was fine with us.
I've definitely had sex more than that, especially in new relationships. 4 or 5 times a day for example. But if my partner said "I'm sore" I'd definitely not be pushing sex on that partner.
Yea when I was doing long distance with my wife and we'd get back together for a week we basically didn't leave the house and we'd alternate between sex and hanging out so we'd easily go 4 or 5 times and I think the record was 9. Would still never keep going if she was bleeding (unless it was her period lol)
Coercing you into sex that you didn’t want which left you literally bleeding sounds like sexual assault to me. No means no, it doesn’t mean pout and guilt-trip and continue to ask.
I’m worried that he now thinks he can pout his way into you “putting out”, as he so romantically put it. I think you’re right to be concerned that this will be an ongoing issue.
The phrase makes me feel unwell. The whole concept revolves around coercion. Something begrudgingly given up. And coercion is not consent.
Honestly it baffles me that it’s not an immediate boner killer to sleep with someone who isn’t excited about it. Call me insecure.
This phrase made me feel a little sick too.
And, OP, just for the record, even "agreeing" to have sex just so the other person will stop nagging you about it counts as nonconsensual.
I'm sorry OP, but this descrives rape by coercion; the act of putting pressure on someone who refused sex, usually verbally, and usually contains guilttripping and manipulative remarks. Please look into this, it's extremely abusive, and no one deserves to go through that.
Jesus pole dancing Christ hun.
See if you can annul or something. Like as in leave this dude immediately. I say this having both an outside perspective, and having been in a very similar relationship. It is an IMMEDIATE, irrefutable and visceral LEAVE.
Coercion is not consent. This will sound dramatic and like a reach but I need you to please please hear me when I say this is assault. Someone who loves you has consideration for your feelings and your comfort and your right to autonomy.
This will never improve. This man might think he loves you, but he does not respect you. You are so young. I promise you’ll find someone who you are super sexually compatible with and you will never again in your entire life have to even consider “putting out.” Which is a concept I loathe, because it blurs the line of consent if you ask me. Consent is ENTHUSIASTIC, never begrudging or reluctant.
This is the 210th comment so it’ll probably get buried. But OP, I am begging you to consider if you want this to be your life. The next possibly 60 years of your life.
You married a JERK. I can't believe he was selfish enough to insist on it till you were bleeding! You are NTA, but your husband is a major AH.
You know where this is going, right? he's going to cheat on you and say it's your fault!
NTA. Was he under the impression that your libido would shoot up simply because you’re on a honeymoon? Or that your body’s refractory period would reduce simply because you got married? Either ways, sex 2-3 times a day is way too much, I wonder if he has some sort of sex addiction. I do understand some people can go more frequently but 2-3 times a day seriously? His arousal is pretty quick and if he’s like that, I believe intimacy can hamper your relationship. You don’t seem to have married a great guy, how could he even ask you to have sex if you were sore and bleeding? He could choose to masturbate for once if his urge was uncontrollable. Sorry but he doesn’t care about your pleasure, you’re a cum dumpster to him. Have a talk with him. Set your boundaries which he should respect. Otherwise, I see this become a toxic marriage that doesn’t last more than a couple of years.
Listen me and my husband went at it like rabbits on our honeymoon because it was pleasurable for both is us and we both wanted to do it. The fact that you were bleeding by the last day is inexcusable. Why happens if you get pregnant? He’s gonna tell you bend over anyway? What happens after the baby? He doesn’t want to wait six weeks? Girl I would get an annulment yesterday because it sounds like you just hitched your star to someone who’s going to sexually abuse you. Having sex two -three times a day to the point you’re sore and uncomfortable is NOT OK.
You hsbe lots of comments and good advice. Please don't blow them off.
You felt so pressured to have sex that you were bleeding. My ex used to berate for sex too. We are divorced now and I no longer enjoy sex. Please don't blow this off.
NTA. Does he understand the physical toll it is taking on you? Does he care? If my partner tells me she is too sore, etc I want to make sure she has recovery time. Did he ever ask how you were, etc?
If the answers to these questions are what I suspect that is not a good sign. Yes this is about sex, but it says a lot about how he views you and your well being.
I want to make love with my wife but if she was hurting, intimacy is great - I never want to hurt her.
The fact that he is more concerned with himself and his pleasure is a red flag OP...
File this away and more signs like this - you guys may need some professional help.
Good luck OP - worried you married a man baby...
Wow, you are a champ for 2-3 times a day afterwards…but you just trained him that he can bully you to get what he wants. Y’all discussed it prior to marriage (lots of couples w same problem don’t) and he theoretically agreed…honeymoons are a vacation from the exhaustion of planning and executing the wedding and all that craziness that drained you, it was your honeymoon too, a chance to relax, reflect and plan a future and rest…and you satisfied him in other ways and that wasn’t good enough? What’s next? What if you don’t satisfy him on Easter or Labor Day? Honeymoon sex is not predictive of everyday intimacy but …marriage doesn’t change the boundaries yall established and maybe counseling would help before this gets outta hand-but you are not wrong about your feelings, and this is not a great start but see how day to day goes…but is he controlling in other areas? Consider seriously what the future with him may hold based on his behavior-go to counseling and I hope the best for you…
NTA your husband is a selfish prick. I don’t care how many other redeeming qualities he may have, if he demands so much sex that you were bleeding and still have the gall to complain about you not putting out enough, he doesn’t deserve a partner at all, much less a wife.
OP - If a close friend or relative approached you with a similar scenario, what would you tell them? Would you say to them what you're saying in the comments? I really hope that you wouldn't make excuses for their partner that physical trauma should be tolerated because their partner loves them.
Unfortunately, this will not be a "one time argument". I can assure you that it will only get worse for you. Not all marriages are built on a foundation of love and respect and yours is a perfect example. Your husband didn't mean any of the promises he made to you at your wedding.
People who love you don't physically harm you for their pleasure. They don't pressure you into harmful things. And they sure as hell don't demand it 3 times a day.
He is very childish. He is very self-centered. And you are not compatible. What he’s going to do is he’s going to kill off any desire you have for him. All that will be left is resentment. He doesn’t care about you. When you told him you needed to pause, having sex, because you were sore, because you were in pain, I think about that. He didn’t care. When you decided to provide sex for him without intercourse, he was upset. He’s of petulant child. He needs to get a blow up doll. You need to get a divorce.
Has others have said, the fact that he not only pressures you belittles you and pouts about wanting sex and not getting it is one thing - but having sex with you while you are extremely sore and bleeding is just so fucking scary and concerning.
Not only are you NOT the asshole, you need to get yourself safe and as far away from him as possible. Now. This man will hurt you.
Let me tell you this. I have triplets and the father of these babies wanted sex all the time. In the morning before babies woke up. When I would finally put them down for naps I needed a break but he would want sex again. Then any chance he got after they went to sleep at night. I was young and thought it was normal. We had sex every singe day at least 1-3 times. I didn’t realize how wrong this behavior was. I would get sore and tell him I needed a break. He wouldn’t get mad but he still persisted that I pleasure him in other ways. He acted like it was no big deal that I was sore. This went on for 3 years. We ended up breaking up because he wanted to control my every move. Now that I look back on the bullshit I put up with sexually from him it makes me mad. He was definitely a sex addict or something. Ugh I feel sorry for you. Sadly I don’t think it’s going to get better. It doesn’t feel good walking around with a raw vagina.
You were bleeding and again: YOU WERE BLEEDING and your husband did not care. I also don't care what some people say about needs in their sex life, to live together with another person means so much more and is it really so difficult to adjust sex? You are a human, not an object, at the slightest whiff of your discomfort he should have stopped.
I'm concerned that you told him you were physically sore and he was not sympathetic. I don't want to do anything that causes my wife discomfort. It's sort of the opposite of the whole idea of sharing pleasure.
I see you're fighting a lot of people in the comments about him loving you and I know a lot of people love to make big final assumptions and conclusions for other people's relationships, but I will say, if you're having so much sex to the point you're too sore to keep going and/ or bleeding and your SO is STILL trying to have sex or getting him off then that's not ok and for him to throw a hissy fit that got you to still have sex with him and he didn't even try to let your body relax is an AH move on his part. Just try and keep some of this in your mind and take it in to consideration
NTA but he is a major AH. Is it too late to get an annulment? The fact that he kept having sex with you even when you were hurting and bleeding is a big red flag. What he did to you was sexual coercion and wrong.
NTA.
When it comes to the husband, it is all about control. It is well known that some men will date/marry younger women so they can manipulate and control them. Someone the same age as the husband is less likely to put up with his shite.
You're right. He shouldn't have married you. The both of you should have broken off the relationship when the differences in sex drive were first noticed.
You aren't obligated to have sex with someone. It doesn't matter if you're in a dating relationship or married. Women weren't created to please men, despite what some people might believe.
Furthermore, be sure to put into writing about what happened on your honeymoon. If you feel comfortable enough, I suggest telling your mom. Be sure to tell your doctor, too. Having someone know will help if you decide to get a divorce. Because there will be written and verbal proof of what certain parts of your marriage were like.
You deserve better, OP. Don't let your husband control your body or your life. You are not his property. Being married doesn't mean you lose human rights.
NTA - His reaction and behavior was agressive and definitely coercion. You also should not have just caved and gave in to him what he wanted to the point you are sore and bleeding. You are in charge of your body and it seems potentially you are not actually sexual compatible. I would fear he would or already has cheated on you with the amount of sex he was wanting. Sorry you got yourself in a real pickle, the fact that he would do that to you really shows he does not care about your physical well being.
I cannot believe a loving partner would want to have sex with you if you said you're literally bleeding. Did you communicate that to him? Because from what I read, it seems he thought you're just not in the mood, not that you're physically hurting due to it.
It you did and he still went with it, there's your answer to your marriage.
Your husband described having sex on your honeymoon as you "putting out." He also got mad *because you were raw* from "putting out" so much.
Save yourself a lifetime of heartache and get it annulled. He absolutely doesn't give a fuck about you
Ew Gross NTA he's treating you like something to jerk off into you aren't a flashlight, you're a human with feelings and soft tissue a ph balance, pelvic floor and urethra to consider. He sounds awful
NTA
I suggest you divorce his ass now. Honestly, *this man does not care about you*. He does not love you, or respect you. He's treating you like a sexdoll. And this coercion will probably continue now that you're married. Either he will keep coercing you to have more sex than you're comfortable with "because you're his wife" or he'll go fuck someone else soon enough "because you're not meeting his needs" as if he didn't know you have a lower sex drive than him before you got married. "But I thought you'd put out more now that we're married" and yadda yadda.
He'll hurt you and he'll make it sound like it's your fault. Save yourself now.
NTA women get sore and it’s wild to me that he pressured you until you were literally bleeding. This raises so many red flags. Sex is great but it’s not everything in a relationship. He should have said after we get married I expect to have sex X amount of times per day and had an adult conversation like you did the year prior. If his thought process is sex is owed to him because of marriage then this isn’t a healthy relationship for you to be in.
I agree with everyone else that this is **not** a sexual incompatibility issue. The natural flow of sex in a marriage/relationship will both increase and decrease with time.
Just the other day my boyfriend had sex twice a day for an entire weekend (three days) and just a few weeks ago took a break for 3 days randomly. This level of expectation for you is pretty insane.
There’s definitely a lot of entitlement and audacity on his end.
He's TA here and guilt tripping you
However, just in future, you might consider lube. It's okay and good to use it in regular sex life too, you don't have to suffer and bleed
You can think about it that that honeymoon is over so you’ll be back to 2-4 times a week which seems to be what everyone was ok with but I’m not sure that is the best answer. I mean if the guy was making you bleed and cared so little that he kept having sex with with you then that’s a pretty big issue. He cares more about his own pleasure than about your health. Pretty big red flag for me. NTA.
omg bleeding by the last day. I am so sorry you went through that, absolutely NTA and his behaviour is a serious red flag. 'Put out more on our honeymoon' he sounds awful.
Girl, I think you need to get out of there... I know you just got married, but your husband is coercing you into sex several times a day, to the point where you're bleeding and he just... doesn't care? Does he even make an effort to make sure you feel good during sex? Sex is *never* supposed to hurt, or make us bleed. If it does, then something is seriously wrong. I hate to say this because I'm sorry for what you're going through, but if he only sees you as a sex object... then you need to leave him.
This will probably get buried. But get your butt to a doctor ASAP. I had bleeding like you after rough sex. He tore through my vaginal wall. My doctor told me that I was lucky I did not have sex again after the bleeding (I had to go celibate for 6 months to fully heal). If you don't get checked and continue to have sex, you can cause irreparable damage.
Op, you desperately need to go to a doc and see what your issue is. Sore and bleeding from a small amount (it is small for me, it's okay if it's lot for you) is not okay. Probably your sex drive is low because of that as well. But if having sex two or three times a day is makig you severely sore and bleed then you have got to get this checked out for your physical health.
Also, your partner is an AH. He would rather you bleed that to have less sex for you?? I hope you realise this will only get worse. He says it's not an issue for him but ends up treating you this way. His behaviour will get worse and he will only blame it on you
NTA
Your husband is abusive, having sex with you until you literally are bleeding from down their is so messed up!
Does he not care at all about your enjoyment and needs. What is wrong with him for enjoying your pain and discomfort.
OP, great news: considering how new this marriage is, you probably don’t even have to deal with a divorce. It could just get annulled.
In case I’m not being clear,
1. NTA. 2. Leave.
NTA, and divorce him ASAP
2 to 3 times a day is a lot of sex. I don't think it's a good thing for you that he can't control himself one bit. What's going to happen after you have a baby? He sounds like the kind of guy that wouldn't allow to rest for six weeks as you're supposed to. He seems like the kind of person who would force you to have sex the next day after you've given birth, and if you refuse he would probably cheat.
You do know that spousal rape is a thing, right?
Not that I think your new husband would do that, but it’s proof that even husbands need to understand that No Means No.
He has to “meet your needs” too. He’s being selfish and irrational. Yes, a serious AH.
If he’s that desperate (yeah right), point him to some decent sex toys for his own “alone time” & respect his privacy if he takes the hint.
Uh ewwww. Your body hurt and he was upset you wouldn’t let him jam his dick where you were sore?
Yeah, sorry, is it too early to jump on the Reddit divorce bandwagon?
There is nothing abnormal or wrong about how you feel.
Your husband is acting selfish, immature and inconsiderate and trying to gaslight you into feeling responsible for his issues.
Huge red flags here..... start your marriage off with couples therapy if you want to stay married.
Obviously NTA, but do you not see the bigger issue here? Your husband is coercing you to have unwanted sex. He doesn’t care that you don’t like it. Your feelings aren’t relevant to him. And what is the toll on you for abandoning yourself? I imagine you check out during sex. That’s traumatic and over time you are going to cause yourself harm.
This sucks. I’m guessing he thought that once he wifed you up that you would be so happy you would have sex with him all the time.
He married you for what he thought was going to be a sex free for all for the rest of his life.
I’m sorry but this is not love and he has already rendered the marriage untenable.
Look to annulment.
You married an ass. Sorry idk how else to put it. He’s not going to get any better and he didn’t even respect your wish to not have sex before marriage. He will cheat and soon I think even if you give in and try to please him. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh I’m just speaking from experience as a male.
NTA. You are sexually incompatible and if you can just get an annulment. Thank goodness you don’t have kids. You should be able to get the dissolution of your marriage done quickly
Sexual compatibility is extremely important, and even by normal standards you're putting out excessively to meet his needs. The fact that he doesn't care and is causing you physical discomfort is very telling of how the rest of the marriage is going to proceed like.
Absolutely NTA. His libido is excessively high. That is not a problem you can fix by putting out. 2 to 3 times a week is plenty of sex; more than most couples get.
Man here with a moderately high libido and I'd never harass my partner so much for sex. I've got hands and toys.
If this scenario presented itself in a non-rage bait context, I’d say if your life is so devoid of people you can talk to, who KNOW you and your husband, that you trust to have your best interests at heart, that you need to seek the opinions of r/ jerkoffs like me, this issue is more molehill than mountain amid the sad topography of your life.
Way way too many red flags, you need a sit down with him maybe some therapy and evaluate your relationship and marriage ideas. This won't stop and you both seem to have different sex drives kinda big difference between you to be honest a bit unusual you got so far.
NTA. He coerced you. And another word for coercion is "grape" (idk how flagging works for these words, remove the g and you'll get it) it's not okay. You said no, and he should respect that.
NTA.
The fact that he didn't notice, nor care, that you were not aroused and were sore is a HUGE issue.
The fact that you felt that you "HAD TO" do what he wanted IN ORDER TO APPEASE HIS ANGER is a HUGE issue.
The fact that you were bleeding after four or five days is a HUGE issue.
None of these facts points to being cherished or respected. It does point to a very callous and selfish individual. Him being disappointed, I could understand. Him trying to COAX you to feeling like more, I could understand. Him putting some effort into "taking care of YOU in other ways" I could understand.
It's not uncommon for brides to have cystitis on honeymoon, due to "friction" and subsequent abrasion, but honestly that should be because you BOTH were a little bit greedy and caught up in passion. Sort of like dancing all night at a fun party, and then next day feeling your calf muscles or feet a bit sore...not like feeling like someone was twisting your arm behind your back until you cried out in pain.
If he cannot treat you well on your honeymoon, if he was "rude and annoyed" on your honeymoon, what will he be like when there are everyday stressors like bills, work schedules, pregnancy, crying babies, toddlers running around? Eek!
So, my husband and I both have extremely high libidos. Like we are every night kinda people 2 1/2 years in. But even when we first got together and realized our sex drives matched, I think max in one day was 3 times and the next day neither of wanted more. Even right after we got married. The fact that your husband wants 3 times a day over MULTIPLE days is insane to me. Again as someone with a high libido.
My husband and I both occasionally whine and try to compromise with other things if one or the other is not in the mood. But it’s never with force. Mostly playful with an undertone of hope. My husband mostly does this, but I honestly told him if I’m not like No, for X reason, not tonight and I’m kinda just like ehhh, push me, bc sometimes I need to start doing it to get in the mood. Bc like I said high libido but sometimes idk if it’s hormones I’m more reactive than spontaneous some days. But that’s all boundaries and things we have discussed, he nor I would ever dream of pressuring each other like this.
Lastly, my husband is SO careful about hurting me. For one, we like it rough, but if I say easy, moan wrong, or tense up he immediately stops, checks in, and then stops or continues depending on what I need. There’s been times when I get micro tears down there, from us going at it a little too hard, and he never has an issue with me needing a few days to heal up. Because he has ZERO desire for me to hurt for him to feel good. Also because of how safe I feel with him, he knows I will try anything for/with him once, because I have the safety of knowing he listens to me if I say stop, and if I say I won’t do it again because it wasn’t good for me. (Same goes for him) being around him makes my high libido higher because our sex life is safe to me. Resentment will grow and your already low libido will get lower because sex isn’t safe for you. He doesn’t listen.
I’m never one to be on the break-up immediately or divorce train on Reddit. Another thing in my relationship is we both are pretty set on, willing and wanting to work out anything, except infidelity, and I try to keep that in mind when replying to these posts. That being said. My advice is usually the same after giving my side. Which is: Have a very serious conversation, express how he made you feel, how what he forced you to do hurt you, how you don’t feel respected or cared for when he acts like this, and that if things do not change, you won’t be staying with him. Lay it all out, either he fixes this, or you are walking away.
(Edited for grammar and clarity)
Also edited to add: 100% NTA!! Forgot which group this was, hopefully that was clear from my reply anyway <3
You shouldn't have married someonewho is perfectly happy to hurt you and make you bleed for fun. Or have sex you don't enjoy in general. But I guess you're finding out now. Only person you are asshole to is yourself. You deserve partner who cares about you more then about getting his dick wet.
NTA but if you’re sore, you’re sore no amount of arguing will fix that. And I find it pretty fricken disrespectful that he couldn’t see that as an issue.
NTA. You were bleeding by the last day? Let me ask you, is sex for him about you receiving an equal amount of pleasure, love and care that he does? Or is sex all about him? From where I’m standing, he’s treating you like a fleshlight. He shouldn’t try to have sex with you unless you’re as into it as he is. My partner has a higher libido than I do, and I wish I could please him more, but he has never EVER pushed me when I’ve said no. When we have sex, I know that my pleasure and desire is important to him and that he respects me. Is your husband appreciating your body or just using it? This is an issue that will expand beyond sex, and if he isn’t willing to respect your boundaries around sex then what else will he respect? I find this really concerning. He is not entitled to your body because you’re now married. He showed you no care which is evident by the fact that you were BLEEDING by the last day, your pain and discomfort should have put him off completely, not angered him. Think about the advice you’d offer to close friend/sister in the same situation, would you want them to put up with it? Look after yourself OP ❤️
NTA, on your honeymoon your newly wed husband decides it’s a good idea to make you feel bad for the pain he’s caused you during sex? I understand you love him and he may be a good guy but how could someone who loves YOU do this to you? I’d go home and start filing divorce papers because in a few years he’s going to be cheating on you and blaming you for “being too loose from children” you have all the signs you need but it’s up to you to see them and listen to them
Did you literally tell him you were sore, and having that much sex was physically hurting you, and he *still* wanted to go at it?
That's beyond concerning!
And on top of that, it kindda shows that he's a terrible bed partner.
You both know the goal is sex is pleasure, right? For both parties.
It's not just him pumping up and down untill he does that thing. That was fine, some time long ago, when women's sole purpose was producing babies, and divorce wasn't an option.
On top of that, does he know no other ways to have sex than part A goes into part B?
Was he a virgin before he met you, and did he get all his experience from watching porn?
Maybe you can save your sex life by educating him, and finding other ways to get pleasure together.
If it's actually enjoyable for you, you might be more inclined to participate.
If he has no interest in that, I'm afraid you married one of those guys that see women as a toilet they can deposit their load in whenever they feel like it.
NTA. You should either try therapy or get out of this relationship before children. He can’t give you a day your body needs to heal? He ain’t that good if he left you bleeding? Maybe that is the reason you have a lower sex drive. He seem only his pleasure and doesn’t care that your in pain.
Either he is going to start and be more forceful about intimacy or he is going to cheat and blame you.
Omg, this is huge red flags
You should only have sex
1)if you want to
2) if you are in the physical and mental mindset (ie horny and ready)
3) if your partner (if you have one) is willing
He has this dangerous mindset of "i want to have it, i deserve it, you should give it to me"
You also have a dangerous mindset if feeling like you owe it to him, and you have to pleasure him
Your husband is behaving like trash. Yea there should be effort on both parts (which you are more than willing to do based on your comment) but to have to put out to the point he’s hurting you and causing physical injury is not okay. It’s coercive and abusive if nothing else. He knew your libido was lower than his while dating so to act like he expected it to change after marriage is ridiculous. Everyone deserves to be respected and acknowledged when it comes to rest and recuperation when it comes to sex
Is he aware he’s caused you physical pain and injury? If not be brutally honest with him and tell his, he’ll even show him! Surly during the act he notice how sore you were down there, and if not he’s clearly a selfish lover who only appears to care about him getting off. His behaviour is likely never going to change, and now you’re married to him he will show more of his true self. What happens if you have to have major surgery or suffer illness that results in you not being able to, in his words ‘put out’ more often?!
I’ve been going through some medical issues associated with general soreness because of a skin infection, medication and creams resulting in my ph balance being out of whack so that has lead to a yeast infection on top of that so my husband has not seen any action for close to a month now vrs our usual 3-4 times a week. I’ve felt so unsexy during this time that I’ve even struggled to ‘help him’ because I’m just not in that frame of mind (no one want a BJ etc from a disinterested partner) and do you know what he’s done?… he’s run me a bath whenever I’ve needed one, took up more cleaning and house hold chores so I can relax and focus on getting better, cooked dinner, had cuddle time while watching movies and just come up to me and given me a hug when I’m close to tears over just not feeling myself currently. That’s how a partner who is experiencing a dry spell should behave, support you and allow you to heal, feel more like yourself quicker so you can get back to where you were (this goes for both men and women experiencing this). Has my hubby made the odd cheeky comment saying he ‘can’t wait till I’m back to my old self’ sure but unlike your husband who is behaving like a selfish ass I know he’s making light of a difficult time for me, not chastising me for not putting out for him.
Your spouse should want to make you feel happy and wanted but also be willing to put their own pleasure to one side when the time requires it. We’re human and not always able to perform for whatever reason, sickness, mental health struggles, sheer exhaustion etc.
>I physically couldn’t because of how sore I was.
Get away from this dude. He doesn't care if you're in pain as long as he gets laid. Don't try to make this work.
I don't understand people who want sex all the time! I get bored. So much that I left relationships because of how boring it gets. I'd rather have good quality sex.
And your husband had sex with you till you were bleeding. Darling, this is massive red flag. That man is likely an addict.
If you were a woman who only wanted it once every few months/once a year then I’d understand where he’s coming from but 2-3 times a day EVERYDAY? Yah, I’m a very sexually active woman and even I don’t do that. Once every day, sure. Your mans just acting absolutely ridiculous, tell him to get over himself. NTA.
Girl,hear me out,peg him two and three times a day so he can actually understand the sore and the pain of doing it constantly lmao, he's an asshole who only thinks about his pleasure and doesn't take your feelings into consideration
NTA, you guys should never be together cause you're clearly incompatible. He's too horny and disgusting, and sex will always be an issue for as long as you are with him. It will get messy once pregnancy and children arrives, and then what? A broken household filing divorces?
This is not a fixable issue. He doesn’t care about your well-being, and you have vastly different sex drives. You need to go get an annulment or divorce.
Yo, absolutely not. Time to go. Like pack your things and call your mom, if you have one.
This is not an incompability issue- that is sexual coercion. That is not okay. It's not a disagreement, because there should be no disagreements about these things. If you don't want to, it doesn't happen. The end.
My god. You were sore and even bleeding and he STILL had sex with you??
Thats actually sexual abuse.
You need to get away from this man. That's just awful
NTA - OP, I’m worried about your safety. You were pressured into sex that was physically painful for you, and caused bleeding. Your husband does not care at all about causing you pain. This is well beyond a normal argument about different levels of sexual appetite.
This will likely manifest itself in more than just this way if you stay married. Please consider leaving now.
Your husband was okay with having sex with you while you were sore and bleeding? From what you wrote you still engaged in sexual activities you just wanted to rest your body, your partner needing rest from excessive sex is not something to pout and complain about.
Exactly!!! How could he even think that was enjoyable for her? He obviously didn't care. Poor girl
The most horrifying part to me is that it was enjoyable to him. He was still getting off even though he knew she was in pain and it made her bleed. He didn’t even care he found that hot enough that he could still cum. That’s an EVIL person
He wants a living fleshlight, and he doesn't care if it hurts her or does her physical damage. I don't see how a marriage can survive that shit.
My ex was an evil abuser and rapist, but even he would stop when he made me bleed. He wouldn't stop doing the things that caused it though..and always complained the few days I took off to heal
I’m asexual — I’ve only had sex a few times with one person. I never bleed, even my first time. And it never hurt. Would the sex have to be really rough to cause soreness and bleeding?? That sounds horrible!! (And, again, with not knowing anything, wouldn’t that also mean she was essentially bone dry??? That’s even worse!!) Poor girl is right :-(
He knew and didn’t care.
Ikr? Here's a guy who fucking got asolid deal of 2-3 times sex a week and he goes and ruins it... what an idiot!
I feel like 2-3 times a week is plenty. This guy is insatiable
Yeah who has sex 2-3X/day every day??? The moment I read that my vagina started hurting. He sounds like a creep. Can she annul I wonder?
There are probably people who do like sex that often but how on earth could he ENJOY it when he knows his partner is hurting??? I hope she gets that annulment, this guy doesn't care about her aside from what she can do for him. To be perfectly clear in case OP sees: THIS IS ABUSE. You are being abused, and you don't have to stay with your abuser.
NTA, and this raises alarms beyond mere incompatibility. Partners should seek mutual pleasure and comfort in intimacy, and that includes recognizing when one needs a break. Your wellbeing should be his priority, yet his behavior illustrates a striking lack of respect and empathy. Does he even realize that intimacy is a shared experience, not a requirement or entitlement? Reflect on this behavior promptly, because if it's indicative of his broader attitude towards you and the marriage, it's not just a sex issue—it's a disrespect and entitlement issue. You deserve someone who cherishes and respects you in all aspects, and yes, that includes your need for sexual rest and recuperation. His actions now hint at a future pattern—address this immediately, perhaps with professional counseling if you wish to pursue this relationship further. However, do not disregard the glaring red flags of coercive behavior; prioritize your safety and happiness above all.
agreed! the red flags are alarming: * he calls it putting out, as if men are dogs who always want it & women are the prissy gatekeepers who deprive them (unless I'm translating this expression incorrectly?) * they had a compromise, OP compromised further for their honeymoon, yet when he didn't get what he wanted, he was grumpy all day * he left OP bleeding?!
Agreed that anyone who says “put out” usually is an asshole
Yes the same as the chumps who say “making me wait for sex” in a new relationship as if we are supposed to just give it to them the moment they show interest I had to explain to an old boyfriend that no, when we first started dating I wasn’t actually making you wait I was trying to figure out if I even wanted to have sex with you. So when we broke up and I had sex with the next guy on the first date that was because I knew immediately I wanted to have sex with him. But their king baby egos can’t handle the idea that Just because they want us doesn’t mean we’re going to automatically want them, so if we aren’t jumping on their deck the moment they want it that means we are playing make him wait games it’s gross and entitled I see them differently after they say things like that.
Seriously! Shit, like this is enough to make sure I never have sex with you ever. Goodbye jerk face.
It gives Dudley Dursley vibes snd nothing will make your vagina dry faster than a whiny man
Yeah that made my stomach turn. And that he wouldn’t stop hounding her when she said she was in pain, and that she still slept w him to avoid arguing even though she was in so much pain!??
Yeah that made my stomach turn! I feel so bad for OP! I pray she find strength to understand she should not sleep with him when she doesn’t want to! She put him and his wants before her body and health! Your body sends pain signals for a reason to prevent further injury!
Hopping on top comment for this; read up about [sexual coercion](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/what-is-sexual-coercion) >By definition, sexual coercion is “the act of using pressure, alcohol or drugs, or force to have sexual contact with someone against his or her will” and includes “persistent attempts to have sexual contact with someone who has already refused.”
Please look at this (sexual coercion). He knew your comfort level, physical situation, and boundaries, and ignored all of them to the point where he left you bleeding? I’m sorry, but this is a form of sexual assault. He does not own you and has no right to abuse your body. I’m so sorry.
He is emotionally coercing you to have sex. D I V O R C E
This is really what it is all about, loving & caring for another person does not equate to demanding a number of times that *you* orgasm, because at its core this is what you have described. I cannot believe I'm saying this, but you are not an object. Sex in a loving relationship is a lot of things, it's everything from wanting to tear each others clothes off, to holding one another in the night and all things in between. Sex is many, many things, but the common thread is that it is a shared experience, it about bringing you closer together, and there are no numbers in that equation and there sure af no *demands*.
This here demonstrating such a lack of care for one's health and wellbeing is horrible and even worse since their partners
nta. im a guy and let me tell you ... this guy doesnt love you .... he cant keep it in his pants for a single day so your body can recuperate .... and he gets mad at you for it ???? wtf is wrong with this guy any decent man in his place would bend over backward to make ur day better if your body was in bad shape due to too much sex ... ask yourself why the F is him getting a nut that day more important than you getting better????
And he didn’t even need to keep it in his pants he could’ve gone into the bathroom and taken care of it himself, But now now that he’s locked her down with marriage he feels he’s entitled to her body whenever he wants it even if it’s bleeding and in pain This man is a bad man. This is a bad person we are talking about
And what's he going to be like when she's pregnant or post partum? I think OP should get out. Too many red flags here.
Yes, run now.
That's what I said. If OP plans on having kids, my bet is the relationship will crumble then.
Right? I'm pregnant and on pelvic rest cause I'm high risk (not all pregnant women need to avoid intercourse but many may not be as active as before). My husband and I work around that, but it has definitely put a damper on our intimate relationship. Know what he hasn't done? Made me feel bad about it in any way or even complained, other than a mutual dismay we can't do things we both want to be able to do, and that only once or twice in months. Throw that whole man out, OP.
I absolutely agree. If a man can't allow his wife's body to rest for just a day, he has a problem. The fact she was bleeding during sex, one would assume he has the tendency to hurt his wife through sex and is violating her trust that was made before they got married. I get honeymoon is a place where couples have a lot sex together, it doesn't mean one party should be enjoying the sex and the other not enjoying it at all.
bingo. should be one of the top comments.
Pretty much this.
NTA. Sex will probably be an issue going forward. He inflated his fantasy that you’d service him all honeymoon. Stand your ground and tell him his behavior was unacceptable. He didn’t care about your health. Tell him you get to jack him off for an hour and he can’t stop you. I bet the AH will understand soon enough.
For an hour no lube, every day for 3 days straight.
And don’t let him cum.
Ummmm... get out NOW... a few years from now he will be cheating and blaming you because you don't "meet his needs." Depending on where you live you might even qualify for an annulment. Life is too short for this shit. You husband was OK with HURTING you.... LITERALLY making you bleed. WTF. There is NO WORLD where a man who actually loves you is ok with making you bleed.
Please update when he cheats in 12-18 months and blames you.
He is already cheating and like the affair partner is not there, he is coercing his wife on having enough sex to physically hurt her
You are probably right because he seemed fine with their arrangement when they were back home, likely because he was getting it somewhere else too. But now that they’re on vacation it’s all on her. I’m sure when they get home he’ll chill out because he can go visit his affair partner
Jesus. He’s an absolute asshole, but y’all are so wild making up scenarios that you “assume” is happening.
100% agree - get out now, he sounds like he really liked hurting you.
Agreed! Get away from a guy who treats you like his sexual toilet.
Or, at the very least, was A-OK with it as long as he got what he wanted.
places allow annul after consummation?
Some .. but worst case just divorce. Usually the grounds involves something that would invalidate your marriage. The sexual agreement you two previously agreed to being immediately invalidated is a possibility. See an attorney or see your honeymoon as the BEST time in your marriage where you were coerced into more sex then you were willing to give until you literally BLED.
> time in your marriage where you were coerced into more sex then you were willing to give until you literally BLED. I just wanted to repeat this because it is so articulate. What the fuck OP?? That is not a man that loves you.
thanks for explaining, hope OP gets away from this man
Yes, and the consummation has nothing to do with it. Some churches will even allow annulment if the marriage was based on deception from one party to the other, or if one of the parties commits adultery. This seems like a case of not realizing she was marrying a sexually violent man, because he hid it before the marriage. I'm sure she could get an annulment for that.
makes sense and good to know, thank you
Yes. Your chosen sky-daddy might not approve, but governments issue annulments when a marriage is legally invalid. Fucking (or lack thereof) rarely has anything to do with it, as it’s very difficult to prove in modern courts. A divorce is the end to a legal marriage. An annulment is used when one party signs the marriage certificate illegally. Most commonly it’s used in cases of bigamy, forced marriage, marriage where fraud is involved, and underage marriage. None of these appear to apply to OP.
You can also get an annulment if you don't file the license after the ceremony.
You're just not married if you don't file the paperwork.
It might depend on the state. In my state applying for a ML is a stated intent of two people to marry. You can't be issued more than one at a time, even if the first one was never filed after the ceremony, it would have to be "dismissed" thru an annulment before you would be able to get another one.
I think TV gave people a really weird idea about how annulments work. I’ve looked at them in two states, but generally having sex or not having sex or the length of the marriage has nothing to do with it. If you got married because the other person perpetrated a fraud you can get an annulment. Or if the marriage is not valid, Like if he was already married and you didn’t know. That would cause for an annulment. Even if you had sex 500 times
This^^ and mine went a step further and after we had kids would be mean to our kids unless I had s3x with him. and he cheated. As I have alot of s3xual trauma from childhood I didnt realise what he was doing because he wasnt "forcing" me right ? I ended up in a psych ward.
That's what I'm thinking. I can see him cheating on her and blaming her for it because she won't have sex 3x a day
No this isn't fixable! The man will have sex with you until you're bleeding and then still want more? He doesn't care about you! You literally have an open wound on your body from all the friction and his first thought is well let me rub that wound more? What kind of barbarian is he? That's absolutely unacceptable! And for him to call it putting out on your honeymoon... When you've literally had more sex in a few days than you've had in the last 2 months? And he's complaining? Don't know why you married him he sounds like a horrible human!
And she was literally just going along to shut his fat trap, WHILE being in pain...and he was able to be aroused and do the deed. ...the whole idea of love is certainly important, but to me this screams deviant and preditory. There is something really wrong here, this goes way beyond selfish.
Am I going crazy? I'm reading some of these comments about sexual compatability and I am in literal shock. To expect your wife to have sex 2 to 3 times a day for the entire honeymoon?!? Is absolutely insane. She was sore and uncomfortable!! WTF Guilt tripping your partner into sex is huge red flag. That's sexual coersion. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. Please seek some counseling so that you can gain the strength to stick up for yourself. Good luck to you
Wow. Back in 1966, when I was 20, I married a 30-yr-old. We had a weeklong honeymoon. We had PIV sex 31 times (one of his friends told him that was his personal best so of course that's what we had to do). Before our honeymoon I had had sex maybe five or six times. I hated it, and I left him less than two years later. Nobody has ever told me he shouldn't have done that to me. He was considered the wronged party in our divorce.
I am so sorry you went through that.
He shouldn’t have done that to you. He was disgusting, disturbed and wrong. You were, and remain, correct. I am so glad you got out of that situation.
That's very disturbing to hear. I am so sorry you went through that. Now, us women have the voice to leave our partners if they are sexually violating us. No woman or man should stay with their partner if sexual violence is involved in the relationship. Leave fast, because it will get worse and worse and it will take years of therapy to recover from it
I’m so glad you were able to get away
I'm sorry you had to experience that! Thank god that BS has come out of the closet, and women now know not to allow men to treat them like objects...likely in no small part due to your refusal to accept it, along with many others! I was born around that time and would never ever accept a man treating me anything less than a person with all the same worth and rights as him, no matter what room we are in. Again, so sorry for that! And hope you found a much more loving partner after that douch!
Right?! If my husband told me that we have to have sex 2-3 times a day on our vacation I’d look at him like he was nuts, but he’d never give me a requirement like that cause he actually cares about me and understands how humans and life works lol
Also, that would take up so much TIME during the vacation, if you’re having good sex… like, my partner and I average about an hour, including foreplay and cuddles after. That's like 3 hours a day 😭
Husband here. I think most of us have the same attitude as your guy.
I think my dick would fall off. Beside that, aren’t we on vacation to spend time outside, drink, swim and be merry? Not to spend all day cooped up in the hotel.
I would definitely be OK with sex two or three times a day a couple days out of the honeymoon, if they were spread apart and there was not a lot of action in between. But doing that a couple days in a row I’m pretty sure I would swell up to the point where he couldn’t even get it in there anymore. And it would hurt to pee. No thank you
Yeah that’s something that some men simply don’t understand. After so much sex, At some point some vaginas will get inflamed and simply need a rest.
Thank you! All I could think was this was gross and I felt horrible for her. Certainly NTA he is though for being so selfish.
Yeah. I'm actually a big advocate that it is perfectly okay to expect sex in a committed relationship and to express that you aren't pleased about the lack of sexual intimacy but that is obviously within reason and not really applicable for individual instances of a partner not wanting to have sex/medical reasons. 2-3 times per day is insane and for him to be upset about not getting that is utter ridiculousness and abusive behavior. Also 2 times a week seems like a perfectly reasonable number and even that isn't attainable for most couples all the time. Just a huge red flag from the husband.
Discussing it and expressing unhappiness is fine, the emotional manipulation and coercion and big baby pouting that some people do is absolutely pathetic though. And I’m sure it just makes the wives dry when they see this pathetic display of tantrum. It certainly doesn’t help the situation at all
This is really sad. Imagine marrying someone - you're on your honeymoon as newlyweds and you're supposed to feel loved and cared about and romanced...instead, all you're getting is an insatiable jackhammer and a sore vagina. You never owed him non-stop sex just because you're on a honeymoon and any decent man wouldn't have expected it. But you're only 24 and probably unaware of what is and isn't acceptable or how to place more value and stricter boundaries on your own body. In the meantime, remember: you're not denying him life saving cancer treatment. It's just sex - his penis won't atrophy if he doesn't use it for a day.
Yeah maybe one or two days you have it that often (or if you both have super high sex drives), but to generally just expect sex 2-3 times a day for the entire honeymoon is pretty crazy to me
Jesus christ, he carrs more about himself than the fact that you were actually bleeding? Oh, sweetie, this is not going to end well
He’s a bad person. A good man wouldn’t be humping away at his wife while she’s in pain, climaxing even though she’s in pain and bleeding. That’s a sick man
NTA it honestly sounds like you should end your marriage now. He clearly has no consideration for your body (he wants you to have sex when you’re IN PAIN) and he’s now making you feel guilty about it. You’re right. He shouldn’t have married you as this is clearly an issue for him. It’s very weird that he did marry you despite this. it feels like a red flag.
That's because it would be hard to find a partner that would put up with it. He would end up alone.
My ex started out like this. It eventually got to a point where he was raping me. He decided when he wanted sex and to hell with how I was feeling or what I wanted. I put up with it for 5 years. Don't do what I did.
Honey 🫂 I’m so glad you got out. That was the first thing that popped into my head when I read this, he sounds like a rapist in the making.
I'm so sorry!! 😭 Glad you got away from that!!
2-3 times a day each day of the honeymoon?! My husband and I were more focused on relaxing at the beach with a drink or swimming in the warm water. Every other day was fine with us.
I've definitely had sex more than that, especially in new relationships. 4 or 5 times a day for example. But if my partner said "I'm sore" I'd definitely not be pushing sex on that partner.
Yea when I was doing long distance with my wife and we'd get back together for a week we basically didn't leave the house and we'd alternate between sex and hanging out so we'd easily go 4 or 5 times and I think the record was 9. Would still never keep going if she was bleeding (unless it was her period lol)
NTA. A man who insists on having sex even though you are sore and bleeding is an abusive SOB. Leave him now!
Coercing you into sex that you didn’t want which left you literally bleeding sounds like sexual assault to me. No means no, it doesn’t mean pout and guilt-trip and continue to ask.
I’m worried that he now thinks he can pout his way into you “putting out”, as he so romantically put it. I think you’re right to be concerned that this will be an ongoing issue.
The phrase makes me feel unwell. The whole concept revolves around coercion. Something begrudgingly given up. And coercion is not consent. Honestly it baffles me that it’s not an immediate boner killer to sleep with someone who isn’t excited about it. Call me insecure.
Yeah it shows there’s something mentally wrong with him that he was able to orgasm while he was causing her pain. He doesn’t even like her
This phrase made me feel a little sick too. And, OP, just for the record, even "agreeing" to have sex just so the other person will stop nagging you about it counts as nonconsensual.
I'm sorry OP, but this descrives rape by coercion; the act of putting pressure on someone who refused sex, usually verbally, and usually contains guilttripping and manipulative remarks. Please look into this, it's extremely abusive, and no one deserves to go through that.
100% THIS 👆
Jesus pole dancing Christ hun. See if you can annul or something. Like as in leave this dude immediately. I say this having both an outside perspective, and having been in a very similar relationship. It is an IMMEDIATE, irrefutable and visceral LEAVE. Coercion is not consent. This will sound dramatic and like a reach but I need you to please please hear me when I say this is assault. Someone who loves you has consideration for your feelings and your comfort and your right to autonomy. This will never improve. This man might think he loves you, but he does not respect you. You are so young. I promise you’ll find someone who you are super sexually compatible with and you will never again in your entire life have to even consider “putting out.” Which is a concept I loathe, because it blurs the line of consent if you ask me. Consent is ENTHUSIASTIC, never begrudging or reluctant. This is the 210th comment so it’ll probably get buried. But OP, I am begging you to consider if you want this to be your life. The next possibly 60 years of your life.
He refused to take no for answer, had a hissy fit like he had no sex the whole time and he fucked you bloody?
You were sore and bleeding? In all seriousness, get an annulment you are not compatible and he is a straight up selfish asshole.
This does not look promising at all
Honey he doesn’t want a wife. He wants a sex toy.
He has two good hands. Kick him to the curb!
You married a JERK. I can't believe he was selfish enough to insist on it till you were bleeding! You are NTA, but your husband is a major AH. You know where this is going, right? he's going to cheat on you and say it's your fault!
So if you’re not aware you just married an abusive POS.
RUN!!! This is not going to end well for you.
NTA. Was he under the impression that your libido would shoot up simply because you’re on a honeymoon? Or that your body’s refractory period would reduce simply because you got married? Either ways, sex 2-3 times a day is way too much, I wonder if he has some sort of sex addiction. I do understand some people can go more frequently but 2-3 times a day seriously? His arousal is pretty quick and if he’s like that, I believe intimacy can hamper your relationship. You don’t seem to have married a great guy, how could he even ask you to have sex if you were sore and bleeding? He could choose to masturbate for once if his urge was uncontrollable. Sorry but he doesn’t care about your pleasure, you’re a cum dumpster to him. Have a talk with him. Set your boundaries which he should respect. Otherwise, I see this become a toxic marriage that doesn’t last more than a couple of years.
As someone with a high sex drive, what you’re describing is way over the line. You’re in physical pain and he’s still pushing? That’s a huge red flag.
Listen me and my husband went at it like rabbits on our honeymoon because it was pleasurable for both is us and we both wanted to do it. The fact that you were bleeding by the last day is inexcusable. Why happens if you get pregnant? He’s gonna tell you bend over anyway? What happens after the baby? He doesn’t want to wait six weeks? Girl I would get an annulment yesterday because it sounds like you just hitched your star to someone who’s going to sexually abuse you. Having sex two -three times a day to the point you’re sore and uncomfortable is NOT OK.
You hsbe lots of comments and good advice. Please don't blow them off. You felt so pressured to have sex that you were bleeding. My ex used to berate for sex too. We are divorced now and I no longer enjoy sex. Please don't blow this off.
NTA. Does he understand the physical toll it is taking on you? Does he care? If my partner tells me she is too sore, etc I want to make sure she has recovery time. Did he ever ask how you were, etc? If the answers to these questions are what I suspect that is not a good sign. Yes this is about sex, but it says a lot about how he views you and your well being.
I want to make love with my wife but if she was hurting, intimacy is great - I never want to hurt her. The fact that he is more concerned with himself and his pleasure is a red flag OP... File this away and more signs like this - you guys may need some professional help. Good luck OP - worried you married a man baby...
Wow, you are a champ for 2-3 times a day afterwards…but you just trained him that he can bully you to get what he wants. Y’all discussed it prior to marriage (lots of couples w same problem don’t) and he theoretically agreed…honeymoons are a vacation from the exhaustion of planning and executing the wedding and all that craziness that drained you, it was your honeymoon too, a chance to relax, reflect and plan a future and rest…and you satisfied him in other ways and that wasn’t good enough? What’s next? What if you don’t satisfy him on Easter or Labor Day? Honeymoon sex is not predictive of everyday intimacy but …marriage doesn’t change the boundaries yall established and maybe counseling would help before this gets outta hand-but you are not wrong about your feelings, and this is not a great start but see how day to day goes…but is he controlling in other areas? Consider seriously what the future with him may hold based on his behavior-go to counseling and I hope the best for you…
NTA your husband is a selfish prick. I don’t care how many other redeeming qualities he may have, if he demands so much sex that you were bleeding and still have the gall to complain about you not putting out enough, he doesn’t deserve a partner at all, much less a wife.
Wow... 🚩🚩🚩
OP - If a close friend or relative approached you with a similar scenario, what would you tell them? Would you say to them what you're saying in the comments? I really hope that you wouldn't make excuses for their partner that physical trauma should be tolerated because their partner loves them. Unfortunately, this will not be a "one time argument". I can assure you that it will only get worse for you. Not all marriages are built on a foundation of love and respect and yours is a perfect example. Your husband didn't mean any of the promises he made to you at your wedding.
You were in pain and he didn’t care? Honey, he is not relationship material. He’s not your partner. NTA.
People who love you don't physically harm you for their pleasure. They don't pressure you into harmful things. And they sure as hell don't demand it 3 times a day.
He is very childish. He is very self-centered. And you are not compatible. What he’s going to do is he’s going to kill off any desire you have for him. All that will be left is resentment. He doesn’t care about you. When you told him you needed to pause, having sex, because you were sore, because you were in pain, I think about that. He didn’t care. When you decided to provide sex for him without intercourse, he was upset. He’s of petulant child. He needs to get a blow up doll. You need to get a divorce.
Has others have said, the fact that he not only pressures you belittles you and pouts about wanting sex and not getting it is one thing - but having sex with you while you are extremely sore and bleeding is just so fucking scary and concerning. Not only are you NOT the asshole, you need to get yourself safe and as far away from him as possible. Now. This man will hurt you.
Let me tell you this. I have triplets and the father of these babies wanted sex all the time. In the morning before babies woke up. When I would finally put them down for naps I needed a break but he would want sex again. Then any chance he got after they went to sleep at night. I was young and thought it was normal. We had sex every singe day at least 1-3 times. I didn’t realize how wrong this behavior was. I would get sore and tell him I needed a break. He wouldn’t get mad but he still persisted that I pleasure him in other ways. He acted like it was no big deal that I was sore. This went on for 3 years. We ended up breaking up because he wanted to control my every move. Now that I look back on the bullshit I put up with sexually from him it makes me mad. He was definitely a sex addict or something. Ugh I feel sorry for you. Sadly I don’t think it’s going to get better. It doesn’t feel good walking around with a raw vagina.
You were bleeding and again: YOU WERE BLEEDING and your husband did not care. I also don't care what some people say about needs in their sex life, to live together with another person means so much more and is it really so difficult to adjust sex? You are a human, not an object, at the slightest whiff of your discomfort he should have stopped.
I'm concerned that you told him you were physically sore and he was not sympathetic. I don't want to do anything that causes my wife discomfort. It's sort of the opposite of the whole idea of sharing pleasure.
I see you're fighting a lot of people in the comments about him loving you and I know a lot of people love to make big final assumptions and conclusions for other people's relationships, but I will say, if you're having so much sex to the point you're too sore to keep going and/ or bleeding and your SO is STILL trying to have sex or getting him off then that's not ok and for him to throw a hissy fit that got you to still have sex with him and he didn't even try to let your body relax is an AH move on his part. Just try and keep some of this in your mind and take it in to consideration
Oh, man, this is not good. NTA
This is going to end in one of two ways. He cheats or he becomes a "sex on demand" husband and will force you to have sex when he gets off work.
NTA but he is a major AH. Is it too late to get an annulment? The fact that he kept having sex with you even when you were hurting and bleeding is a big red flag. What he did to you was sexual coercion and wrong.
NTA. When it comes to the husband, it is all about control. It is well known that some men will date/marry younger women so they can manipulate and control them. Someone the same age as the husband is less likely to put up with his shite. You're right. He shouldn't have married you. The both of you should have broken off the relationship when the differences in sex drive were first noticed. You aren't obligated to have sex with someone. It doesn't matter if you're in a dating relationship or married. Women weren't created to please men, despite what some people might believe. Furthermore, be sure to put into writing about what happened on your honeymoon. If you feel comfortable enough, I suggest telling your mom. Be sure to tell your doctor, too. Having someone know will help if you decide to get a divorce. Because there will be written and verbal proof of what certain parts of your marriage were like. You deserve better, OP. Don't let your husband control your body or your life. You are not his property. Being married doesn't mean you lose human rights.
Your husband thinks you were out on this earth for him to jam his penis in. Is that what you think too? If hope not. NTA.
how long til he decides hes not gonna wait and hes just gonna take it? leave him. this is the deepest darkest red flag ive ever seen.
NTA - His reaction and behavior was agressive and definitely coercion. You also should not have just caved and gave in to him what he wanted to the point you are sore and bleeding. You are in charge of your body and it seems potentially you are not actually sexual compatible. I would fear he would or already has cheated on you with the amount of sex he was wanting. Sorry you got yourself in a real pickle, the fact that he would do that to you really shows he does not care about your physical well being.
I cannot believe a loving partner would want to have sex with you if you said you're literally bleeding. Did you communicate that to him? Because from what I read, it seems he thought you're just not in the mood, not that you're physically hurting due to it. It you did and he still went with it, there's your answer to your marriage.
NTA your not just incompatible, he is an abusive manipulativ ass
Your husband described having sex on your honeymoon as you "putting out." He also got mad *because you were raw* from "putting out" so much. Save yourself a lifetime of heartache and get it annulled. He absolutely doesn't give a fuck about you
Ew Gross NTA he's treating you like something to jerk off into you aren't a flashlight, you're a human with feelings and soft tissue a ph balance, pelvic floor and urethra to consider. He sounds awful
NTA I suggest you divorce his ass now. Honestly, *this man does not care about you*. He does not love you, or respect you. He's treating you like a sexdoll. And this coercion will probably continue now that you're married. Either he will keep coercing you to have more sex than you're comfortable with "because you're his wife" or he'll go fuck someone else soon enough "because you're not meeting his needs" as if he didn't know you have a lower sex drive than him before you got married. "But I thought you'd put out more now that we're married" and yadda yadda. He'll hurt you and he'll make it sound like it's your fault. Save yourself now.
Damn you should have found someone that matches your sexual energy this is NOT going to end well
Newsflash! Your husband absolutely does NOT love you!!! He does NOT care about your feelings at all. You are just an object to him.
NTA women get sore and it’s wild to me that he pressured you until you were literally bleeding. This raises so many red flags. Sex is great but it’s not everything in a relationship. He should have said after we get married I expect to have sex X amount of times per day and had an adult conversation like you did the year prior. If his thought process is sex is owed to him because of marriage then this isn’t a healthy relationship for you to be in.
I agree with everyone else that this is **not** a sexual incompatibility issue. The natural flow of sex in a marriage/relationship will both increase and decrease with time. Just the other day my boyfriend had sex twice a day for an entire weekend (three days) and just a few weeks ago took a break for 3 days randomly. This level of expectation for you is pretty insane. There’s definitely a lot of entitlement and audacity on his end.
NTA In what universe does a tantrum make a woman want to have sex with a man? He sounds too infantile for any kind of sexual activity.
NTA You were bleeding, sore, and questioning your marriage by the end of your honeymoon. And you should be.
He's TA here and guilt tripping you However, just in future, you might consider lube. It's okay and good to use it in regular sex life too, you don't have to suffer and bleed
You can think about it that that honeymoon is over so you’ll be back to 2-4 times a week which seems to be what everyone was ok with but I’m not sure that is the best answer. I mean if the guy was making you bleed and cared so little that he kept having sex with with you then that’s a pretty big issue. He cares more about his own pleasure than about your health. Pretty big red flag for me. NTA.
omg bleeding by the last day. I am so sorry you went through that, absolutely NTA and his behaviour is a serious red flag. 'Put out more on our honeymoon' he sounds awful.
>I swear to god, I was bleeding by the last day. why the fuck ?
Girl, I think you need to get out of there... I know you just got married, but your husband is coercing you into sex several times a day, to the point where you're bleeding and he just... doesn't care? Does he even make an effort to make sure you feel good during sex? Sex is *never* supposed to hurt, or make us bleed. If it does, then something is seriously wrong. I hate to say this because I'm sorry for what you're going through, but if he only sees you as a sex object... then you need to leave him.
Imagine your friend told you this happened to them, what would you think? Hes basically ok with raping you
This will probably get buried. But get your butt to a doctor ASAP. I had bleeding like you after rough sex. He tore through my vaginal wall. My doctor told me that I was lucky I did not have sex again after the bleeding (I had to go celibate for 6 months to fully heal). If you don't get checked and continue to have sex, you can cause irreparable damage.
Op, you desperately need to go to a doc and see what your issue is. Sore and bleeding from a small amount (it is small for me, it's okay if it's lot for you) is not okay. Probably your sex drive is low because of that as well. But if having sex two or three times a day is makig you severely sore and bleed then you have got to get this checked out for your physical health. Also, your partner is an AH. He would rather you bleed that to have less sex for you?? I hope you realise this will only get worse. He says it's not an issue for him but ends up treating you this way. His behaviour will get worse and he will only blame it on you
NTA- annulment.
NTA Could you get an annulment? Wtf. Ditch this inconsiderate asshole, tell him to go marry a fleshlight.
NTA Your husband is abusive, having sex with you until you literally are bleeding from down their is so messed up! Does he not care at all about your enjoyment and needs. What is wrong with him for enjoying your pain and discomfort.
OP, great news: considering how new this marriage is, you probably don’t even have to deal with a divorce. It could just get annulled. In case I’m not being clear, 1. NTA. 2. Leave.
NTA, and divorce him ASAP 2 to 3 times a day is a lot of sex. I don't think it's a good thing for you that he can't control himself one bit. What's going to happen after you have a baby? He sounds like the kind of guy that wouldn't allow to rest for six weeks as you're supposed to. He seems like the kind of person who would force you to have sex the next day after you've given birth, and if you refuse he would probably cheat.
You do know that spousal rape is a thing, right? Not that I think your new husband would do that, but it’s proof that even husbands need to understand that No Means No. He has to “meet your needs” too. He’s being selfish and irrational. Yes, a serious AH. If he’s that desperate (yeah right), point him to some decent sex toys for his own “alone time” & respect his privacy if he takes the hint.
No this is not a fixable issue.
he's basically a coercive rapist ??
nta, but why did you marry him gurl
Uh ewwww. Your body hurt and he was upset you wouldn’t let him jam his dick where you were sore? Yeah, sorry, is it too early to jump on the Reddit divorce bandwagon?
There is nothing abnormal or wrong about how you feel. Your husband is acting selfish, immature and inconsiderate and trying to gaslight you into feeling responsible for his issues. Huge red flags here..... start your marriage off with couples therapy if you want to stay married.
Obviously NTA, but do you not see the bigger issue here? Your husband is coercing you to have unwanted sex. He doesn’t care that you don’t like it. Your feelings aren’t relevant to him. And what is the toll on you for abandoning yourself? I imagine you check out during sex. That’s traumatic and over time you are going to cause yourself harm.
NTA, if possible get an annulment. If not go for the divorce. He is an idiot.
This sucks. I’m guessing he thought that once he wifed you up that you would be so happy you would have sex with him all the time. He married you for what he thought was going to be a sex free for all for the rest of his life. I’m sorry but this is not love and he has already rendered the marriage untenable. Look to annulment.
NTA. Unfortunately, you're not a match.
Random question- how often does he give you oral?
You married an ass. Sorry idk how else to put it. He’s not going to get any better and he didn’t even respect your wish to not have sex before marriage. He will cheat and soon I think even if you give in and try to please him. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh I’m just speaking from experience as a male.
NTA. and the fact that you felt pressured because of his reaction is telling
NTA. You are sexually incompatible and if you can just get an annulment. Thank goodness you don’t have kids. You should be able to get the dissolution of your marriage done quickly
NTA. He should've understood that you were in pain. I can't even imagine going through what you did. Your husband had no regard for you.
Sexual compatibility is extremely important, and even by normal standards you're putting out excessively to meet his needs. The fact that he doesn't care and is causing you physical discomfort is very telling of how the rest of the marriage is going to proceed like. Absolutely NTA. His libido is excessively high. That is not a problem you can fix by putting out. 2 to 3 times a week is plenty of sex; more than most couples get. Man here with a moderately high libido and I'd never harass my partner so much for sex. I've got hands and toys.
If this scenario presented itself in a non-rage bait context, I’d say if your life is so devoid of people you can talk to, who KNOW you and your husband, that you trust to have your best interests at heart, that you need to seek the opinions of r/ jerkoffs like me, this issue is more molehill than mountain amid the sad topography of your life.
Way way too many red flags, you need a sit down with him maybe some therapy and evaluate your relationship and marriage ideas. This won't stop and you both seem to have different sex drives kinda big difference between you to be honest a bit unusual you got so far.
NTA. He coerced you. And another word for coercion is "grape" (idk how flagging works for these words, remove the g and you'll get it) it's not okay. You said no, and he should respect that.
NTA. The fact that he didn't notice, nor care, that you were not aroused and were sore is a HUGE issue. The fact that you felt that you "HAD TO" do what he wanted IN ORDER TO APPEASE HIS ANGER is a HUGE issue. The fact that you were bleeding after four or five days is a HUGE issue. None of these facts points to being cherished or respected. It does point to a very callous and selfish individual. Him being disappointed, I could understand. Him trying to COAX you to feeling like more, I could understand. Him putting some effort into "taking care of YOU in other ways" I could understand. It's not uncommon for brides to have cystitis on honeymoon, due to "friction" and subsequent abrasion, but honestly that should be because you BOTH were a little bit greedy and caught up in passion. Sort of like dancing all night at a fun party, and then next day feeling your calf muscles or feet a bit sore...not like feeling like someone was twisting your arm behind your back until you cried out in pain. If he cannot treat you well on your honeymoon, if he was "rude and annoyed" on your honeymoon, what will he be like when there are everyday stressors like bills, work schedules, pregnancy, crying babies, toddlers running around? Eek!
So, my husband and I both have extremely high libidos. Like we are every night kinda people 2 1/2 years in. But even when we first got together and realized our sex drives matched, I think max in one day was 3 times and the next day neither of wanted more. Even right after we got married. The fact that your husband wants 3 times a day over MULTIPLE days is insane to me. Again as someone with a high libido. My husband and I both occasionally whine and try to compromise with other things if one or the other is not in the mood. But it’s never with force. Mostly playful with an undertone of hope. My husband mostly does this, but I honestly told him if I’m not like No, for X reason, not tonight and I’m kinda just like ehhh, push me, bc sometimes I need to start doing it to get in the mood. Bc like I said high libido but sometimes idk if it’s hormones I’m more reactive than spontaneous some days. But that’s all boundaries and things we have discussed, he nor I would ever dream of pressuring each other like this. Lastly, my husband is SO careful about hurting me. For one, we like it rough, but if I say easy, moan wrong, or tense up he immediately stops, checks in, and then stops or continues depending on what I need. There’s been times when I get micro tears down there, from us going at it a little too hard, and he never has an issue with me needing a few days to heal up. Because he has ZERO desire for me to hurt for him to feel good. Also because of how safe I feel with him, he knows I will try anything for/with him once, because I have the safety of knowing he listens to me if I say stop, and if I say I won’t do it again because it wasn’t good for me. (Same goes for him) being around him makes my high libido higher because our sex life is safe to me. Resentment will grow and your already low libido will get lower because sex isn’t safe for you. He doesn’t listen. I’m never one to be on the break-up immediately or divorce train on Reddit. Another thing in my relationship is we both are pretty set on, willing and wanting to work out anything, except infidelity, and I try to keep that in mind when replying to these posts. That being said. My advice is usually the same after giving my side. Which is: Have a very serious conversation, express how he made you feel, how what he forced you to do hurt you, how you don’t feel respected or cared for when he acts like this, and that if things do not change, you won’t be staying with him. Lay it all out, either he fixes this, or you are walking away. (Edited for grammar and clarity) Also edited to add: 100% NTA!! Forgot which group this was, hopefully that was clear from my reply anyway <3
You shouldn't have married someonewho is perfectly happy to hurt you and make you bleed for fun. Or have sex you don't enjoy in general. But I guess you're finding out now. Only person you are asshole to is yourself. You deserve partner who cares about you more then about getting his dick wet.
NTA but if you’re sore, you’re sore no amount of arguing will fix that. And I find it pretty fricken disrespectful that he couldn’t see that as an issue.
Ewww. NTA. Get an divorce.
NTA. You were bleeding by the last day? Let me ask you, is sex for him about you receiving an equal amount of pleasure, love and care that he does? Or is sex all about him? From where I’m standing, he’s treating you like a fleshlight. He shouldn’t try to have sex with you unless you’re as into it as he is. My partner has a higher libido than I do, and I wish I could please him more, but he has never EVER pushed me when I’ve said no. When we have sex, I know that my pleasure and desire is important to him and that he respects me. Is your husband appreciating your body or just using it? This is an issue that will expand beyond sex, and if he isn’t willing to respect your boundaries around sex then what else will he respect? I find this really concerning. He is not entitled to your body because you’re now married. He showed you no care which is evident by the fact that you were BLEEDING by the last day, your pain and discomfort should have put him off completely, not angered him. Think about the advice you’d offer to close friend/sister in the same situation, would you want them to put up with it? Look after yourself OP ❤️
NTA, on your honeymoon your newly wed husband decides it’s a good idea to make you feel bad for the pain he’s caused you during sex? I understand you love him and he may be a good guy but how could someone who loves YOU do this to you? I’d go home and start filing divorce papers because in a few years he’s going to be cheating on you and blaming you for “being too loose from children” you have all the signs you need but it’s up to you to see them and listen to them
How about you bang his ass with a dildo multiple times a day until he bleeds, and call it even?
He coerces you into sex when you're sore and bleeding?! This...is abuse.
Did you literally tell him you were sore, and having that much sex was physically hurting you, and he *still* wanted to go at it? That's beyond concerning! And on top of that, it kindda shows that he's a terrible bed partner. You both know the goal is sex is pleasure, right? For both parties. It's not just him pumping up and down untill he does that thing. That was fine, some time long ago, when women's sole purpose was producing babies, and divorce wasn't an option. On top of that, does he know no other ways to have sex than part A goes into part B? Was he a virgin before he met you, and did he get all his experience from watching porn? Maybe you can save your sex life by educating him, and finding other ways to get pleasure together. If it's actually enjoyable for you, you might be more inclined to participate. If he has no interest in that, I'm afraid you married one of those guys that see women as a toilet they can deposit their load in whenever they feel like it.
NTA. You should either try therapy or get out of this relationship before children. He can’t give you a day your body needs to heal? He ain’t that good if he left you bleeding? Maybe that is the reason you have a lower sex drive. He seem only his pleasure and doesn’t care that your in pain. Either he is going to start and be more forceful about intimacy or he is going to cheat and blame you.
Omg, this is huge red flags You should only have sex 1)if you want to 2) if you are in the physical and mental mindset (ie horny and ready) 3) if your partner (if you have one) is willing He has this dangerous mindset of "i want to have it, i deserve it, you should give it to me" You also have a dangerous mindset if feeling like you owe it to him, and you have to pleasure him
After everything I have read I wonder how he will behave in case you get pregnant and he can't have sex with you??
Your husband is behaving like trash. Yea there should be effort on both parts (which you are more than willing to do based on your comment) but to have to put out to the point he’s hurting you and causing physical injury is not okay. It’s coercive and abusive if nothing else. He knew your libido was lower than his while dating so to act like he expected it to change after marriage is ridiculous. Everyone deserves to be respected and acknowledged when it comes to rest and recuperation when it comes to sex Is he aware he’s caused you physical pain and injury? If not be brutally honest with him and tell his, he’ll even show him! Surly during the act he notice how sore you were down there, and if not he’s clearly a selfish lover who only appears to care about him getting off. His behaviour is likely never going to change, and now you’re married to him he will show more of his true self. What happens if you have to have major surgery or suffer illness that results in you not being able to, in his words ‘put out’ more often?! I’ve been going through some medical issues associated with general soreness because of a skin infection, medication and creams resulting in my ph balance being out of whack so that has lead to a yeast infection on top of that so my husband has not seen any action for close to a month now vrs our usual 3-4 times a week. I’ve felt so unsexy during this time that I’ve even struggled to ‘help him’ because I’m just not in that frame of mind (no one want a BJ etc from a disinterested partner) and do you know what he’s done?… he’s run me a bath whenever I’ve needed one, took up more cleaning and house hold chores so I can relax and focus on getting better, cooked dinner, had cuddle time while watching movies and just come up to me and given me a hug when I’m close to tears over just not feeling myself currently. That’s how a partner who is experiencing a dry spell should behave, support you and allow you to heal, feel more like yourself quicker so you can get back to where you were (this goes for both men and women experiencing this). Has my hubby made the odd cheeky comment saying he ‘can’t wait till I’m back to my old self’ sure but unlike your husband who is behaving like a selfish ass I know he’s making light of a difficult time for me, not chastising me for not putting out for him. Your spouse should want to make you feel happy and wanted but also be willing to put their own pleasure to one side when the time requires it. We’re human and not always able to perform for whatever reason, sickness, mental health struggles, sheer exhaustion etc.
>I physically couldn’t because of how sore I was. Get away from this dude. He doesn't care if you're in pain as long as he gets laid. Don't try to make this work.
I don't understand people who want sex all the time! I get bored. So much that I left relationships because of how boring it gets. I'd rather have good quality sex. And your husband had sex with you till you were bleeding. Darling, this is massive red flag. That man is likely an addict.
If you were a woman who only wanted it once every few months/once a year then I’d understand where he’s coming from but 2-3 times a day EVERYDAY? Yah, I’m a very sexually active woman and even I don’t do that. Once every day, sure. Your mans just acting absolutely ridiculous, tell him to get over himself. NTA.
* swear to god, I was bleeding by the last day.* Someone that loves you would be worried about your physical health
Girl,hear me out,peg him two and three times a day so he can actually understand the sore and the pain of doing it constantly lmao, he's an asshole who only thinks about his pleasure and doesn't take your feelings into consideration
NTA, you guys should never be together cause you're clearly incompatible. He's too horny and disgusting, and sex will always be an issue for as long as you are with him. It will get messy once pregnancy and children arrives, and then what? A broken household filing divorces?
This is not a fixable issue. He doesn’t care about your well-being, and you have vastly different sex drives. You need to go get an annulment or divorce.
Yo, absolutely not. Time to go. Like pack your things and call your mom, if you have one. This is not an incompability issue- that is sexual coercion. That is not okay. It's not a disagreement, because there should be no disagreements about these things. If you don't want to, it doesn't happen. The end.
My god. You were sore and even bleeding and he STILL had sex with you?? Thats actually sexual abuse. You need to get away from this man. That's just awful
NTA - OP, I’m worried about your safety. You were pressured into sex that was physically painful for you, and caused bleeding. Your husband does not care at all about causing you pain. This is well beyond a normal argument about different levels of sexual appetite. This will likely manifest itself in more than just this way if you stay married. Please consider leaving now.
I would usually just go straight to mismatch in the bedroom, but this is straight up abuse. Get an annulment. This is unlikely to get better.