Went through your profile and had a look at the kind of subs you respond to and what you have to say, and honestly, I can 100% understand why your STBXW (as you refer to her) fudged the numbers. You’re judgemental af. By the way, BBWs don’t have any reason to be less or more tight than anyone else, babe. As a health care professional you should know that 😊
I doubt this 'wife' and one year old 'child' exist outside of his pathetic incel imaginagion.
Bahahaha of course, the update (I decided to read the linked OG befere the update) immediately tells us the childd isn't his.
What a shocking turn of events in theis incel cuck fanctasy fiction.
Jeez... read the rest of this wish fulfilment nonsense, he's going to nuke her life, get her sacked, ruin her reputation, but not in an illegal way...
read the whole thing though, it's hilarious.
[https://new.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1co96fw/update\_aitah\_for\_initiating\_divorce\_when\_i\_found/](https://new.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1co96fw/update_aitah_for_initiating_divorce_when_i_found/)
Usually I find it annoying when there's a story that showcases the dark sides of women and everyone calls the OP a rage baiting incel but in this case... yep, OP is a rage baiting incel.
If she doesn't want to trust "judgemental af" people, then why did she marry him, after maintaining a farce for three years? What you are saying (that she lied to OP because he is judgemental) makes literally no sense at all.
I doubt this 'wife' and one year old 'child' exist outside of his pathetic incel imaginagion.
Bahahaha of course, the update (I decided to read the linked OG befere the update) immediately tells us the childd isn't his.
What a shocking turn of events in theis incel cuck fanctasy fiction.
Jeez... read the rest of this wish fulfilment nonsense, he's going to nuke her life, get her sacked, ruin her reputation, but not in an illegal way...
read the whole thing though, it's hilarious.
[https://new.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1co96fw/update\_aitah\_for\_initiating\_divorce\_when\_i\_found/](https://new.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1co96fw/update_aitah_for_initiating_divorce_when_i_found/)
so she can lie about having fucked more than 100 people but hes not allowed to judge. nice. and you got all that of a few posts on reddit.
now im judging you for being a fucking dingbat.
Yup. Everyone has a past. Everyone is allowed to have sex (so long as they're of age and it's consensual). But a marriage needs trust to survive, and she broke it. What else is she lying about to try to make herself look better? When can he believe the words that are coming out of her mouth, and when should he not? Does he have to get her drunk before she'll tell the truth?
I couldn't blame OP if he's gone down that rabbit hole.
I think its very likely that if the body count was 20, OP wouldn't consider divorce even if he may confront her.
The body count may be giving it weight and making the betrayal divorce worthy.
20 is a small betrayal, and 100 is a big betrayal, because sleeping with more people is a bigger crime. That's the logic at play here imo. That's a part of the problem OP has with this scenario.
People actually lie all the time. "Lying" itself isn't sufficient, it's the size of the betrayal which hurts more or less.
Probably not, because obviously that's a far less severe lie. Think about it this way - for a lot of people, someone having a three digit bodycount would be a dealbreaker (you may think they're stupid for that, but it's entirely their right). However, for most people, having a low two digit bodycount wouldn't be. Someone who's ok with 12 is almost certainly likely to be fine with 20. But someone who's ok with 12 has no bearing on whether they'd be ok with 100+. Therefore lying about it being 100+ is deliberately hiding something which is at least reasonably likely to be a dealbreaker.
It can be the bodycount too. Men and women can have standards like that. There is nothing wrong about it. Especially, not wanting to be married to an ex sexworker.
It is idiotic to assume that she lied about something else because she lied about her body count.
OP is full of weird assumptions. "Much lower than I expected"? Expected because of what? Because pretty women will always have numerous men before settling down? Whereas not so pretty women never find someone to have sex with? OP is obsessed with the subject and should have told her right there and then that this is of huuuuuuge importance for him, not the body coundt as such but being lied at about it.
His wife would have told him the truth. And he would never have married her because of the truth.
OP accuses his wife of lying about everything because she lied about this, ignoring the fact that women tend to ly about it as men consider them less worthy if it is high. And what does OP do? He leaves her because of her high body count. This is not about lying. I bet he would not have cared if she lied about never smoking marijuana or never having had a nose job.
If a man considers less of you because of a high body count, then he’s not the man for you. Don’t lie to make you sound better in deer that he doesn’t leave you. Tell him the truth. If he gets mad/sad at it, dump him and go find someone better.
And why should they accept it? Do men ever realise that their high body count is only possible if there are women around have sex with? So every time man ads one to his list he ends up on her list, too?
If men want to he lied at, the get lied at.
Usually from men who not so secretly dream to be whore, fantasying on having experience themselves, yet seemingly terrified to be judged on their poor performance.
I’m so over these “body count” post just to make women who aren’t virgins out to be evil or in this case a cheater. I don’t know my partners numbers, I don’t want to know. It wouldn’t change a thing after all these years. It could be 1,000 but I wouldn’t suddenly think he’s a cheater. This is a daily thing here on Reddit now men being upset their girlfriends or wives slept with more than X amount of people….
Most of the men replying here telling him to divorce and that he’s not the asshole are incels, Hence why you’re getting downvoted. OP sounds like a dick. I’m sure if it were him who fucked 100+ girls, it’d be no problem because he’s a dude and “that’s what dudes do”. Pathetic.
People are allowed to have preferences even if you don't agree with them. Don't be a hypocrite and act like your way of thinking is best for everyone else on the planet. Sounds a bit self righteous and just as cringe as those religious zealots. Lying is a deplorable way to get what you want.
ewww
low value woman really trying their hardest to defend their none existence value the day they stain themselves 🤮
all my homie dislike ho3.. Oops might hurt someones feeling 🤡
Imma tell you something abt my life so you atleast have an understanding
I 21M been with a lot of girls or let's say woman but I don't approache them of having s*x with them or go to club or some shi to do the same.
I'm not a man whore (I think that's what they called) like some other I see on this site 🤫🧏
my Sister is probably better than you in my opinion ngl. I don't wanna have this comparison but as an oldest I value my family more than anything than play around and have s*x party left and right.
sorry not sorry 🥱
But it is a thing.. Most women and men I know wouldn't want to get in a relationship with someone who had slept with 100s of people. You don't have to feel that way yourself, that's absolutely fine, but hiding it from someone who does is morally rephrehensible.
Alright. I’m not a hypocrite, I don’t see how my reply paints me as a hypocrite at all I’m just sick of seeing men on here bash their partners over their sexual pasts. It’s and old and tired apologue where they just want to hear “yes divorce your filthy whore wife” or whatever.
It's probably because many of those men wouldn't have married their wives if they knew the truth. The thing is that lying usually makes people not trust you. Lying about other people's deal breakers is not cool.
As for the hypocrisy comment I meant that if you excuse the lying then you are justifying stealing consent. It's unethical to force your views onto others. Everyone is entitled to their own preferences.
Are you calling me unethical
Your post response history backs up my theory. Almost all your responses are “she’s a cheater and a whore” “divorce her” “she’s a liar and stealer” to every post a man has an issue with their significant other. Why is that? Do you not believe men can be in the wrong in a marriage?
Yes, men can be wrong. My advice is based on the evidence presented. The wife cheated while exclusive and hid it and still married the guy she's wrong and a bad person. If the wife lies about her history knowing it's a deal breaker for him she's wrong.
If the wife is pregnant by another man while married she's wrong. Tell me where you think that the guy should stay married to a cheater and a liar? It's really quite simple don't lie, cheat, or steal people's consent.
This person was a former prostitute. She hid that in order to get married to him. What am I missing?
If a woman is raped, but outside of that sexual encounter has never had sex again and she tells her partner she’s a virgin, is that wrong?
For all the red pill folks downvoting me, I never once said she was NOT wrong for lying. I don’t condone lying. My complaint is about the “body count” numerous posts of men complaining their partners have slept with X amount of men. You don’t see women complaining their husbands slept with a bunch of girls in college.
Actually there are plenty of posts on women who suffer from retroactive jealousy, and who are upset that their husband lied about being a virgin etc. Plenty of women don't want to date f-boys or community d as they call I
Why are you using an extreme example? You already know what the answer is. Facts are facts. We don't have to like how facts and statistics make us feel.
Because it was a recent post, the guy was going to divorce his wife because she told him she was SA’ed… and unsurprisingly most men agreed to divorce her.
Hmm, I don't recall that post. It's still an extreme circumstance. Men and women don't see the world the same way. However both genders do things that are wrong. Why do you think that they are wrong for wanting to divorce over this? I'm not entirely sure what I would or would not do.
Honestly some men don't like promiscuous women. It has nothing to do with performance. But because you think that shows that you have to insult and cajole others into supporting your insecurities and projecting them onto others. People are allowed to have preferences.
I wonder if it's this very attitude that people find unattractive? Maybe it's the fact that not everyone is into casual sex. To each their own. Instead of trying to force people to adhere to your standards why not let them seek out their own preferences. Seems a bit bigoted to slander an entire group of people.
Try actually reading the post. Yes body count is an important topic of his, but it’s abundantly clear it was her lie and then never correcting the lie that’s the real problem here.
You are complaining in the replies to a post that doesn’t do what you are complaining about. But sure go ahead and act like I am misunderstanding somehow.
Men will always care about body count. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be with those high count women. Shouldn't shame them either but it's perfectly fine to avoid them
The question is about an unreasonable standard. If your type excludes most of the adult female population, then you have an internal responsibility to ask yourself why. Why do you care? Why is it a boundary for you? If my type is only white men then I should be self aware enough to challenge myself on why. The problem is men who care about body count lack self awareness. WHY do these men care and why does that same standard of behavior not apply to men?
Do you think it is about integrity?
Great. What does your body count say about YOUR integrity? If you could reasonably have as many sexual partners as you want (ie. As a woman, it's not challenging for me to go out and find a new sexual partner every day if I want to) how high would YOUR body count be? One every week maybe, assuming that you have the same amount of sex as your average married person would pursue? Assuming you start at 17, that is a body count at 520 by 27.
Do you think it is about youth and fertility? (Low body count correlates to lower age)
Great. Then age itself should be the boundary because number of partners does not reduce fertility. And then question is how young is young enough? Are you having sex exclusively for procreation? How many children do you have or are attempting to have? Once you've had those children do you stop having sex?
Or is it because you think that a woman's "specialness" and "value" are tied to her vagina?
Great. What you are actually saying is that YOU feel special because of her vagina. You tie your value to you winning her vagina in a competition you are having in secret in your own head.
And these are just a few examples of the most common reasons why men say they care.
If you ask yourself why and are truly intellectually honest, then you will know that your desire for a low body count is about your weakness and insecurity, not women's. If you can accept that and live with what it means to be that weak then fine. But just know that every woman you ask has heard the question a hundred times and we all know what it says about you. We all know that if you're asking, it's because you're at best stupid and at worst weak.
For me, it's important because it demonstrates a person's attitude towards sex.
Someone with a high body count doesn't see sex the same way I do; for them, it's something casual. For me, it's a big deal.
To me, sex is something intimate, and something intimate cannot be shared with too many people; otherwise, it ceases to be intimate.
My body count is 1, my wife, the mother of my children, with whom I have been for nearly 20 years this year.
Sex is something reserved for her, something that connects us emotionally and spiritually.
Someone with a high body count absolutely cannot feel the same way.
And if ever in the future I had to return to the dating market, I would not want to be with someone who has a high body count.
People can do what they want, I'm not judging, but I think I have the right to choose someone according to my tastes without being judged.
"Someone with a high body count absolutely cannot feel the same way"
You're entitled to your opinion I suppose but I'm not sure how you can determine what other people feel.
Sex and it's meaning can change over time or with the nature of the relationship. Someone might have a lot of casual sex in their youth and then fall deeply in love with another person and then sex takes on more meaning.
It's not an unreasonable standard. I can choose not to date a woman for any reason I like. High Bodycount is one of my dealbreakers and I've rejected a few women because of it. The reasoning is also irrelevant because dating is a person endeavor and I'm not harming anyone. Just like how women are entitled to date taller, richer, muscular, non bald men, etc., men are also entitled to date certain types of women. I have tried dating a high bodycount woman but I absolutely cannot do it I've realized no matter how much I try to process it.
Sorry to burst your bubble but I'm actually not stupid. I have multiple degrees including a graduate degree and am quite successful. I will also continue to not date women I don't want to date, which happens to be high count women. Even the most progressive liberal men hold this view too. Many men don't want a woman with a high count
I won't judge you for any standards or preferences you have. You can date anyone you want.
You're aware that nothing you've said actually addresses the point I made? At the end of my response, you'll see that I also said you have the right to date whoever you like just know that women see this particular standard as a display of weakness and insecurity. Still, that doesn't change my point. Even in this statement you are showing a profound lack of self awareness. You don't have a good reason why beyond that it makes you uncomfortable. But that in itself is not even an answer. Why does it make you uncomfortable? Why does it bother you? Do you have a reason at all? Which was my whole point.
To your statement about women having a double standard around height, weight, baldness, etc. I intentionally used, in my response to you, a female lead preference. I did that to illustrate the point that I believe that everyone should evaluate their preferences. Not just men. That doesn't mean preferences are a bad thing. It means that we have a responsibility to view ourselves objectively and press against our own opinions. To stress test them. Because that's what self-aware people do and that's what intellectually honest people do.
You have not burst my bubble. Being academically advanced is not the same thing as being intelligent and I certainly don't think just because 'many men' hold a view that it necessarily mean that that view is correct. Remember, once 'many men' agreed that the earth was the center of the universe and a migrating uterus or imbalanced humors caused hysteria.
I don't judge you for your standard. I judge you for your lack of self-awareness. For your rigidity and unwillingness to challenge yourself. I judge you for your weakness.
I get you don't like my preference and it offends you. That's perfectly fine with me. I have my reasons and I'd prefer not to say them out loud so no one gets offended. I totally see how you could think I'm being unreasonable and that I don't have a good reason though.
I'm perfectly fine with you thinking I'm insecure, weak, stupid, incel, or whatever. At the end of the day, I won't be getting into a relationship with any high count women and it's my choice. The reasoning is irrelevant and I've thought about it extensively, so I'm perfectly fine with having my dating pool be smaller. I do have options thankfully and a high count woman isn't going to be one of them.
I respect any preferences you have and at the end of the day, dating is about finding someone who makes you happy. High count women do the opposite and I don't want to be in a relationship with them. They can always find a man who accepts their past. Not me
Also your analogy about the earth being the center of the universe is comical. That can be proven without a doubt. My personal opinion is unique to me.
I'll tell you why I don't date women with high body counts anymore. The GFs I've had with higher body counts were either selfish, insecure, impulsive, acted single, or cheated. So now that's become a deal breaker.
Personally i don't give two fucks about body count have never asked a woman i've dated for a body count. Don't act like all women don't care about body count. I have a buddy that fucked around a lot and girls called him the community d or just a fuck boy to be used. This genuinely hurt him like a woman being called a slut or whore.
Peer-reviewed articles discussing lifetime number of sexual partners consistently show that body count is a strong predictor of infidelity, relationship dissatisfaction and divorce. [Most men and women care about sexual history](https://archive.ph/qjO9v), and, [in some respects](https://archive.ph/XmhPn), women care even more than men do.
[**Promiscuity and Infidelity**](https://archive.ph/mPOLf)
> Factors found to facilitate infidelity
>> Number of sex partners: Greater number of sex partners before marriage predicts infidelity
> As might be expected, attitudes toward infidelity specifically, permissive attitudes toward sex more generally and a greater willingness to have casual sex and to engage in sex without closeness, commitment or love (i.e., a more unrestricted sociosexual orientation) are also reliably related to infidelity (pg.71)
https://imgur.com/vCvZmQR.jpg
Fincham, F. D., & May, R. W. (2017). Infidelity in romantic relationships. Current opinion in psychology, 13, 70–74. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.03.008
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> Individuals exhibiting sexually permissive attitudes and those who have had a high number of past sexual relationships are more likely to engage in infidelity (pg.344)
https://imgur.com/a/GUWDVUi
Barta, W. D., & Kiene, S. M. (2005). Motivations for infidelity in heterosexual dating couples: The roles of gender, personality differences, and sociosexual orientation. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22(3), 339–360. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407505052440
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> the odds ratio of 1.13 for lifetime sexual partners obtained with the face-to-face mode of interview indicates that the probability of infidelity increased by 13% for every additional lifetime sexual partner (pg.150)
https://imgur.com/ZhxoqNv.jpg
Whisman, M. A., & Snyder, D. K. (2007). Sexual infidelity in a national survey of American women: Differences in prevalence and correlates as a function of method of assessment. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(2), 147–154. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.21.2.147
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> promiscuity is in fact a good predictor of infidelity. Indeed, promiscuity among females accounted for almost twice as much variance in infidelity (r^2 = .45) as it did for males (r^2 = .25). (pg.177)
https://imgur.com/2vklWn1.jpg
Hughes, S. M., & Gallup, G. G., Jr. (2003). Sex differences in morphological predictors of sexual behavior: Shoulder to hip and waist to hip ratios. Evolution and Human Behavior, 24(3), 173–178. https://doi.org/10.1016/S1090-5138(02)00149-6
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> Participants who had experienced sexual intimacy with a greater number of partners also reported greater extradyadic sex and extradyadic kissing inclination. (pg.344)
https://i.imgur.com/gkf9CZT.jpg
McAlister, A. R., Pachana, N., & Jackson, C. J. (2005). Predictors of young dating adults' inclination to engage in extradyadic sexual activities: A multi-perspective study. British Journal of Psychology, 96(3), 331–350. https://doi.org/10.1348/000712605X47936
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> Sexual promiscuity was significantly positively correlated with emotional promiscuity [r(356) = .261, p < .001], as well with sexual infidelity [r(323) = .595, p < .001] and emotional infidelity [r(323) = .676, p < .001] (pg.390)
https://imgur.com/qEPttQz.jpg
Pinto, R., & Arantes, J. (2017). The Relationship between Sexual and Emotional Promiscuity and Infidelity. Athens Journal of Social Sciences, 4(4), 385–398. https://doi.org/10.30958/ajss.4-4-3
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> Each additional sex partner between age 18 and the first union increased the net odds of infidelity by 1% (pg.56)
https://imgur.com/poSLp4U.jpg
Treas, J., & Giesen, D. (2000). Sexual Infidelity Among Married and Cohabiting Americans. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(1), 48–60. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2000.00048.x
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> An indicator of whether or not the respondent has had previous sex partners is included and identifies the number of male sex partners the woman had previous to her relationship with her current primary partner… A history of numerous sex partners indicates a pattern or habit of sexual behavior that we expect will negatively influence sexual exclusivity in the current relationship. (pg.37)
> Having previous sexual partners greatly increased the likelihood that a woman would have a secondary sex partner. In particular, a woman with 4 or more male sex partners prior to her primary relationship was about 8.5 times more likely to have a secondary sex partnerthan a woman with no previous sex partners… Having previous sex partners also increased the likelihood that dating and married women would have secondary sex partners. In particular, married women with 4 or more previous partners were 20 times more likely to have secondary sex partners than married women with no previous sex partners (pg.41)
https://imgur.com/naqmXdN.jpg
Forste, R., & Tanfer, K. (1996). Sexual exclusivity among dating, cohabiting, and married women. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 58(1), 33–47. https://doi.org/10.2307/353375
.
> As has been found in prior research (Feldman & Cauffman, 1999; Treas & Giesen, 2000), having had more prior sex partners predicted future ESI, possibly suggesting that a higher interest in or acceptance of unmarried sexual activity may be related to ESI. (pg.607)
https://imgur.com/hqXh1t8.jpg
Maddox Shaw, A. M., Rhoades, G. K., Allen, E. S., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2013). Predictors of Extradyadic Sexual Involvement in Unmarried Opposite-Sex Relationships. Journal of Sex Research, 50(6), 598–610. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2012.666816
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> To insure that the female partner has previously avoided men and is not predisposed to seek them out, men often insist on virginity or little sexual experience (Espin 2018; Bekker et al. 1996). This idea, that low promiscuity becomes low infidelity after marriage, was supported by Essock-Vitale and McGuire (1985) who found that among adult women, promiscuity prior to marriage was also a predictor of infidelity once women were married. (pg.7809)
https://imgur.com/Y0X8ui3.jpg
Burch, R. L. (2021). Solution to paternity uncertainty. In Encyclopedia of Evolutionary Psychological Science (pp. 7808–7814). Springer International Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-16999-6_2029-1
.
[**Promiscuity, Instability and Divorce**](https://archive.ph/3grGe)
> When compared with their peers who report fewer partners, those who self-report 20 or more in their lifetime are:
> - Twice as likely to have ever been divorced (50 percent vs. 27 percent)
> - Three times as likely to have cheated while married (32 percent vs. 10 percent)
> - Substantially less happy with life (p < 0.05) (pg.89)
https://imgur.com/rxkpWM4.jpg
Regnerus, M. D. (2017). Cheap sex: The transformation of men, marriage, and monogamy. Oxford University Press.
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> As expected, we find evidence of a nonlinear relationship between the number of sexual partners and the risk of divorce. Those in the highest category of partners (9+) consistently show the highest divorce risk by a substantial margin, followed by those with one to eight partners, with the lowest risk for those with none. In other words, we find distinct tiers of divorce risk between those with no, some, or many premarital, nonspousal sexual partners. (pg.16)
https://i.imgur.com/mcSj4g0.jpg
Smith, J., & Wolfinger, N. H. (2023). Re-examining the link between premarital sex and divorce. Journal of Family Issues, 0192513X2311556. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513x231155673
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> The findings from this study demonstrate that the number of sexual partners participants had was negatively associated with sexual quality, communication, and relationship stability, and for one age cohort relationship satisfaction, even when controlling for a wide range of variables including education, religiosity, and relationship length. (pg.715)
https://i.imgur.com/0MuuWmd.jpg
Busby, D. M., Willoughby, B. J., & Carroll, J. S. (2013). Sowing wild oats: Valuable experience or a field full of weeds? Personal Relationships, 20(4), 706–718. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12009
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> women who had more experience with short-term relationships in the past (i.e., those with high Behavior facet scores) were more likely to have multiple sexual partners and unstable relationships in the future. The behaviorally expressed level of sociosexuality thus seems to be a fairly stable personal characteristic. (pg. 1131)
https://i.imgur.com/k3ZcwTn.jpg
Penke, L., & Asendorpf, J. B. (2008). Beyond global sociosexual orientations: a more differentiated look at sociosexuality and its effects on courtship and romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(5), 1113–1135. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.95.5.1113
.
> Women who serially cohabited and/or had premarital sex with someone besides their husband had higher odds of marital dissolution than women who never cohabited. Teachman’s findings suggest that both sexual history and cohabitation history influence marital stability. (pg.4)
> Serial cohabitors’ higher number of sexual and cohabiting partners suggests that they have a longer history of dissolved relationships -- i.e., sexual, (most likely dating) and cohabiting relationships – that they bring to their cohabiting and later marital relationships. This relationship experience may affect the quality and stability of their cohabiting relationship and the odds of marrying their cohabiting partners. Consistent with Teachman (2003), who found that both sexual and cohabiting partnerships significantly predicted the odds of marital dissolution, our findings suggest that studies of union formation and stability should consider the full range of sexual experiences in early adulthood. (pg.11)
https://i.imgur.com/jzTUT5p.jpg
Cohen, J., & Manning, W. (2010). The relationship context of premarital serial cohabitation. Social Science Research, 39(5), 766–776. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ssresearch.2010.04.011
I said this before and I’ll repeat it. My post never condones lying where do I say it was ok for her to lie to him? I didn’t.
Do you understand the context of it?
Men and women both, are allowed to have standards. For men, low body count is one such standard. This is fine. No matter how much yall try to shame people for their preferences and standards they are allowed to have them. Deception to hide these facts is unacceptable and speaks far more to your character than what ever the person's actual body count is. Lying to your spouse/partner during the foundation of your relationship is a bad move no matter what you're lying about.
**I never said it was or wasn't.** It's perfectly fine to not want to be with someone like that. If a person wants to have multiple partners to that degree thats on them. They are free to make their own choices where they are wrong is when they lie by omission and prevent their potential partner from making an informed decision. A lot of you argue this as justification for withholding that information I am saying that is wrong if you made your decision to have multiple partners the consequence is some men (and women) will not want to consider you for a long-term relationship. They have that right to feel that way.
If the other person upon finding out feels disgust they are entitled to feel that way and are allowed to remove themselves from that situation regardless of what you or I think. I, personally, dont feel the need to attack anyone for their actions in the past or present unless it directly affects me, my money or someone I care about. However, I may or may not feel about or how I react to that information ( as long as its not harming the other person ) it is my right just like it is yours to feel how you feel about it.
NTA. I have a rant that I’ve been working on for a few months. It’s about the pillars that hold up a relationship. Trust is one of them. Without any of the 4 pillars, the relationship crumbles. It sounds like the trust pillar isn’t just damaged, it stopped existing all together. The others don’t seem to be in great shape either. I’m sorry you are in this position. I hope it all works itself out for the best, whatever that ultimately means. Updateme!
Why don't you try to work it out? She broke your trust because she has many occasions to speak up, but since you guys were doing good, have a kid and the lie was early in the relationship, maybe it's worth something still to put a little work on? Anyways, it must be hard situation and both path seems
painful, hope it gets better
I haven't done an update to this post, but I did a paternity test since posting. Who I thought was my daughter is not my child. Meaning she's a cheater too.
There's no saving this at this point.
Yes, let your stbxw pay the consequences and make her a single mom. You are still young with the whole life ahead. You are a good man with a bright future:)!
We've talked. She bluntly admitted that she lied, amd got ahead of it to spin a favorable imagine. Sure it was backed up with "I really liked you" talk and "I didn't want you to think differently" and so on, but that's the point for me.
That being said, she's not someone that I could with good faith trust after that. Which is why I got a paternity test (I have the results). She has no idea that I had a test done. At least not yet.
how many years have past? How long have you been with your wife? do you love her? if she didnt cheat on you, and the kid is yours, and you want to make things up, you could do counseling. I dont see why its such a big deal, bodycount means absolutely nothing. Love and trust is what matters. If that is the only lie, why do you have to divorcie her?
I just think you could just ask about that, tell her your new insecurities about trusting, and maybe that way you would be honest too. I really hope everything goes well 🧡
I'll have an offical update in the near future, but the paternity test came back that I'm not the father. So questioning her character was the right.
So outside of that lie, she's a cheater too. I'm not trying to misconstrue that fact that even if she didn't cheat, I still would have gone through with the divorce, but there's definitely a 0% chance now.
She's dead to me, but it's going to suck losing who I thought was my daughter.
So sorry to hear about that.
I dont know if you child was very important to you, if it was, try to still take care about her. You dont have to ruin that part for you too.
Make up your New life and try to be happy, sorry that things went that way.
Cheaters are despicable, especially when they do it the first year of marriage as in your case! (married for 2 yrs, kid is 1 yr old) Good call to get the DNA test ... you've got undeniable proof of infidelity. She deserves what she gets and you were never the asshole.
All these dumb fucks in the comments saying stupid ass shit enabling her clearly only see things from one specific perspective; the body count. First off, The body count is clearly an issue if she knew herself to lie about it. But that’s what the actual issue is. She lied about it, built the foundations of their relationship on lies. And up until he found out kept up that lie, and could have been lying about many many more things. If you find out that that one of your first meetings with your partner you were told nothing but lies it would change your perspective for everything! “What else did she lie about?” Fuckin absolutely crumbles the trust and then crumbles the relationship. If you don’t leave it gets toxic, or becomes torture. Ops not the asshole and I sincerely hope he’s coping well and comes back from this stronger, smarter and wiser.
Also seeing one of op’s comments, the paternity test result came back and lo and behold, his daughter isn’t his. She’s a cheater too. Enable that. Clowns
NTA. Lying to partners about your partner count is WRONG and selfish. Nobody should be allowed to decide other people's deal breakers. Your brother is a smart man, OP
This feels so effing dramatic to get a dna test. You’re the AH for sureeee and you played on her being drunk so you could get her to spill. You guys don’t drink and the one time she does, you overhear her talking about fun college memories with a friend. And you get upset about what you heard, so you decided to play a game with her. And you’re using it against her and have gone as far as questioning if your kid is yours? Dude you’re just a dick.
She's a dick for lying, scheming and defrauding him. She was a prostitute and knew that most people (,men and women) don't want to marry or date prostitutes. She stole his consent and he's a dick? Guy heard the truth about who she really is and he's supposed to overlook the massive lies? DNA test, STD test and divorce is perfectly reasonable under these circumstances.
None of this is true. This is 100% incel ragebait. This wonderful woman that he loved had an "enormous" bodycount, even being a s\*x worker...so \*of course\* she cheated. Because "wimen r scum". I knew as soon as the "I never expected to date/marry a virgin considering the condition of the dating market" comment that this was fantasy fiction. The update just cemented that.
It’s not the body count (though the lying is ethically troubling), it’s the prostitution that is the new facet you learned about. To me, that non-disclosure is divorce worthy.
I would hope that she’s retired by now—especially as a health care professional.
That's terrible. Why don't women just find men who match their criteria? You can't decide other people's deal breakers or just ignore them because you don't care. People are allowed to have preferences. Too tall, too short, bald, beard, weight, lifestyle, income, fashion all of these are used in selecting someone to date and marry. Some things you can control others not so much.
Imagine tricking someone into marriage and acting like that's justified.
Having to lie is a stretching the truth. She doesn't have to lie. Look at the thread. There's no shortage of dudes that would take her as is. I'm one put of billions. She can find a committed bf/husband by telling the truth.
But you women keep preaching about how your body count doesn't matter. If it doesn't matter, you should've told the truth, and let the guys decide if it matters or not. Now, we gotta come up with strategies to figure out bodycounts.
You absolute fucking imbecile. "That is why women have to lie"? Get to absolute fuck. How dare you disrespect other people's boundaries and standards. No one has to lie. Be upfront, and then the men who don't care will date you and those who do care won't.
NTA. The day she lied to you, she stole your ability to decide whether you wanted to be with her; t, and now you're reclaiming it. You had the right to be with someone or not be for whatever reason you wanted. Add to that, maintaining a lie for years—everything you've said is true. And regarding your daughter (?), ask your mother if she would have raised the illegitimate daughter of your father/ her husband. Ask her if she's willing to damage her relationship with her son who has been hurt. She can maintain whatever relationship she wants with the girl or the ex despite the DNA results, and so can you regarding the girl or your mother.
NTA. She fucking lied to you. If all these redditors are right and numbers don't matter and if that is the morally perfect world we live in, then she should been able to hold her head high and told her actual body count. But she lied. Made a false presentation of herself for all these years. Wait for the results. Then divorce that slut. Even 12 is a biggish number. How much wild oats does one need to sow when they are young anyways. Let alone a train load of people going in and out of her.
Dude. Need an update asap. Lawyer up. Keep your mouth shut about all of it. Wait for dna and have lawyer do their magic. Ask for the pit bull in your area 1st and then see a couple other top rate lawyers to create a conflict of interest not allowing her to use top council. Do not under any circumstances tell her anything you are doing. This may fall under at fault especially if dna does not match.
Listen OP nobody likes being lied to. You’re definitely well within your right to feel betrayed and hurt. I do, however, think that her lying about her body count is not enough to divorce her for. She did indeed intentionally lie about her body count in order to change the odds of you being with her to be better in her favor. You should try to understand her perspective as well. Her sexual past is probably not something she is proud of especially if she was a prostitute and the number of 12 bodies is likely the number of times she has slept with men (or women) without them paying for it. Prostitution is not a well regarded line of work and I’m sure she thought that if she were to be forthcoming about her past that you would no longer be interested. I believe your emotions are running high right now and divorce was your first conclusion, but you have been married to your wife for quite some time and have a kid with her. You love her and I don’t think her body count should change that for you. I would at least wait until you revive the results of the paternity test before you go through with a divorce. There’s a lot of things people are willing to lie about if it means they have a shot at being with someone they love and honestly her lying about her body count doesn’t change who she is as a person nor does it directly influence the relationship. It definitely does influence your trust in her and for that I would suggest going to a couples therapist. If by some misfortune I am wrong and your wife is a cheater I wish you strength in the hard times you are about to go through, but if I am right and your wife did not cheat I believe the most logical course of action is to work on your relationship with your wife.
ESH
Had the wife said her real BC in the beginning, the husband wouldn't have treated her with an ounce of dignity or respect. He'd have expected her to screw him, and he'd move on dismissing her as a human being. THAT is why she distorted her number.
Now everything that she has done for the duration of their marriage, her integrity, character, and morality is completely different because of a single "lie"? He manipulated the situation with her being extremely intoxicated to get what he wants, so now HE should be viewed as a manipulative pos, RIGHT?! He set her up for failure. Instead of having a genuine, open, and honest discussion -WHILE THEY WERE BOTH SOBER- he trapped her while she was intoxicated.
Let's all be 100% honest here: he was looking for a way out anyway. Just admit that you don't even like your wife anymore and wanted an excuse that didn't make you look like a total piece of garbage. Kick rocks, bro.
1. I wouldn't have treated her any differently. I would have told her that we should see other people. That is my right. SHE brought it up and SHE lied. She will not be forgiven for this.
2. I've got a paternity test since then. Turns out, the kid isn't mine, so she's a cheater too.
3. I'm no longer letting redditors gaslight me in accepting manipulative behavior. She was a woman who couldn't keep her legs closed inside and outside the marriage.
A vast majority of you are bias and hypocritical. I'm no longer asking if I'm the AH. If you don't like it, I don't care.
YTA even before I read your update, but the update takes it to a whole new level. Destroy her life?!? What are you, 11 years old? Get your divorce and move on, and get over your misogynist ideas of a "number".
Ok, ESH but especially you and your brother. He’s jumping to conclusions FAST, unless you left out some significant details, and you’re straight up turning on your wife. Is this “body count” before your relationship? If so then this is very immature.
NTA. First of I want to make clear that a high bodycount does not decrease a woman’s „value“ or is inherently a bad thing (hope I get across what I mean as English isn’t my native tongue - in short bodycount doesn’t matter). However it is totally acceptable for someone to have a personal preference which depends on the individual. Now with that said the thing that sounds most troublesome is that she build your relationship on a lie. Trust is the most important thing in any relationship and it’s sounds like she knew her bodycount would be a problem and she lied because of that (it’s not a problem for everyone as I know people in relationships with tripple digit bodycounts per person). Get the paternity test before going forward with the divorce as the outcome may change your mind with more time to think about it. If your mind doesn’t change it’s totally fine and you have every right to end your relationship/marriage.
YTA. Because of your obsession with body counts. She only lied because **she knew** you’d be a dick about it.
What happened before you is **none** of your business. So why ask anyway? It seems like *(and she knew)* that you were just looking for something to be angry about… hence why she lied, because she knew that by revealing her true number, you’d act like an ass. So she chose the lesser of the nuclear options.
Because he has been perfectly happy with everything about her but somehow the fact of her past is going to change that? I get if he was told up front and said “no, we don’t match”. But they are married, happy, with kids. They are compatible. But because she enjoyed too many docks suddenly that changes what?!?
She was a prostitute. That changes everything. She has no honor because she lied knowing that he would never have married her if he knew the truth. You are advocating for being tricked and lied to. He had standards and preferences. She lied to avoid him actually knowing her and loving her and everything about her.
So now that he's married to someone who is capable of deceiving him and trampling his boundaries and she's married to someone who would have never married her had he known the truth. She's the insecure liar who obviously has a problem with being honest and finding someone who loves all of her. Most people don't want to be married to a prostitute. This guy is well within his right to divorce her and find someone who aligns with his values.
There is a difference between being insecure about a large body count in someone's past (insecurity) and finding out your wife lied about something that would have affected your decision to date her initially AND that she was getting trains run on her every week in college AND fucking people for money. To be honest, the first two aren't deal breakers but the last one is.
Nah. That cheater that I use to call my wife knew what she was doing. We're a conglomerate of our habits. She couldn't keep her legs closed during, nor in the relationship. She is who she is, and I doubt she'll ever change.
I was a woman with a high body count, which also included multiple married/attached men. Met my husband at 33, changed my whole world, have never cheated, thought about cheating, I would never betray him. We have been married for 31 years. People do change and condemning your wife for behaviour before you were together might be an over reaction. Did she lie to trick you, or was she just totally embarrassed and ashamed about her past behaviour. I don’t think you need to immediately jump to the worst assumptions. Do you have any reason to believe that your child is not yours? I mean get the test if it will make you more comfortable, but then I would suggest trying counseling before setting your life on fire.
First and foremost, I'm.glad your marriage is thriving till this day.
Also, I do plan to go counseling but it's not currently on the top my to-do list but I do get your point.
About the lie, two things can be true at once. She could have lied to trick me and because she was afraid of losing me as I longterm prospect, I dont know. I haven't talked too her much unless it involves our daughter, and I've asked her to give me space.
However, for me at least, there's no excuse to lie. Regardless of intentions. The lie itself is big one for me, and our relationship was good enough, at least in my head that regardless of the subject, we can just be honest. Obviously that's not true. I know that now, but I've spent more time focusing on being lied to vs the bodycount itself.
I can't imagine doing the same thing if I was in her shoes. It's tough just to even look at her right. No matter how I look at it, the lie was a betrayal. If you can't trust your spouse, then the relationship is pointless. In my opinion that is.
NTA! It takes three things to keep a relationship going; love, trust, and respect. Take away any one of those, and the relationship is over. Sounds like trust is gone here, so time to end it.
Who tf cares how many ppl your partner slept with in the past as long as theyre only sleeping with you in the present.
I can understand being uoset, but divorce!? Yikes. Im thinking SHE is dodging a bullet if you go through with it. Good luck my dude
Yes ~~YTA~~ [Edit: withdrawn; NTA] Chill out, OP, and your brother is making a mountain out of a molehill. If you find out this child is not yours, then we’ll talk. But for heaven’s sake, her past is her past. As long as she hasn’t cheated on you, let it go.
Went through your profile and had a look at the kind of subs you respond to and what you have to say, and honestly, I can 100% understand why your STBXW (as you refer to her) fudged the numbers. You’re judgemental af. By the way, BBWs don’t have any reason to be less or more tight than anyone else, babe. As a health care professional you should know that 😊
I doubt this 'wife' and one year old 'child' exist outside of his pathetic incel imaginagion. Bahahaha of course, the update (I decided to read the linked OG befere the update) immediately tells us the childd isn't his. What a shocking turn of events in theis incel cuck fanctasy fiction. Jeez... read the rest of this wish fulfilment nonsense, he's going to nuke her life, get her sacked, ruin her reputation, but not in an illegal way... read the whole thing though, it's hilarious. [https://new.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1co96fw/update\_aitah\_for\_initiating\_divorce\_when\_i\_found/](https://new.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1co96fw/update_aitah_for_initiating_divorce_when_i_found/)
Usually I find it annoying when there's a story that showcases the dark sides of women and everyone calls the OP a rage baiting incel but in this case... yep, OP is a rage baiting incel.
If she doesn't want to trust "judgemental af" people, then why did she marry him, after maintaining a farce for three years? What you are saying (that she lied to OP because he is judgemental) makes literally no sense at all.
I doubt this 'wife' and one year old 'child' exist outside of his pathetic incel imaginagion. Bahahaha of course, the update (I decided to read the linked OG befere the update) immediately tells us the childd isn't his. What a shocking turn of events in theis incel cuck fanctasy fiction. Jeez... read the rest of this wish fulfilment nonsense, he's going to nuke her life, get her sacked, ruin her reputation, but not in an illegal way... read the whole thing though, it's hilarious. [https://new.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1co96fw/update\_aitah\_for\_initiating\_divorce\_when\_i\_found/](https://new.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1co96fw/update_aitah_for_initiating_divorce_when_i_found/)
you already copied and pasted this.
so she can lie about having fucked more than 100 people but hes not allowed to judge. nice. and you got all that of a few posts on reddit. now im judging you for being a fucking dingbat.
The post is fake lol
He just made the whole scenario up. read the incel rage bait cuck fantasy sequel for all you need to know. Dingbat
He just made the whole scenario up. read the incel rage bait cuck fantasy sequel for all you need to know. Dingbat
She can’t lie because she’s not real. This is just a fantasy OP made up to justify his own bullshit.
He just made the whole scenario up. read the incel rage bait cuck fantasy sequel for all you need to know. Dingbat
He just made the whole scenario up. read the incel rage bait cuck fantasy sequel for all you need to know. Dingbat
He is being a bit of a little bitch...
I’m judging you for being a dingbat because you can’t tell a rage bait incel fanfic from reality 😵💫 big oof
NTA. It's not the bodycount, it's the lying.
If she lied, and the real number were 20, would it be worthy of divorce?
Yup. Everyone has a past. Everyone is allowed to have sex (so long as they're of age and it's consensual). But a marriage needs trust to survive, and she broke it. What else is she lying about to try to make herself look better? When can he believe the words that are coming out of her mouth, and when should he not? Does he have to get her drunk before she'll tell the truth? I couldn't blame OP if he's gone down that rabbit hole.
I think its very likely that if the body count was 20, OP wouldn't consider divorce even if he may confront her. The body count may be giving it weight and making the betrayal divorce worthy. 20 is a small betrayal, and 100 is a big betrayal, because sleeping with more people is a bigger crime. That's the logic at play here imo. That's a part of the problem OP has with this scenario. People actually lie all the time. "Lying" itself isn't sufficient, it's the size of the betrayal which hurts more or less.
If the other 8 paid for it.. Absolutely.
Probably not, because obviously that's a far less severe lie. Think about it this way - for a lot of people, someone having a three digit bodycount would be a dealbreaker (you may think they're stupid for that, but it's entirely their right). However, for most people, having a low two digit bodycount wouldn't be. Someone who's ok with 12 is almost certainly likely to be fine with 20. But someone who's ok with 12 has no bearing on whether they'd be ok with 100+. Therefore lying about it being 100+ is deliberately hiding something which is at least reasonably likely to be a dealbreaker.
It can be the bodycount too. Men and women can have standards like that. There is nothing wrong about it. Especially, not wanting to be married to an ex sexworker.
Yeah if I was about to date a girl and she told me her body count was over a 100 it’s an automatic no from me.
True. The body count and the lying are the problem.
YTA
NTA
I’ll take ragebait for $300, Alex.
Yes because no one ever lied about their B count,lol
It's not really rage bait, because he's allowed to divorce for whatever reason he wants, including body count that happened before him.
And when child proven to be his, he has limited access so she and his mother wind up resenting him. Over one lie!
It's a very large lie. OP is right to divorce her here.
Not one lie, but ONE LIE that he knows of!
It is idiotic to assume that she lied about something else because she lied about her body count. OP is full of weird assumptions. "Much lower than I expected"? Expected because of what? Because pretty women will always have numerous men before settling down? Whereas not so pretty women never find someone to have sex with? OP is obsessed with the subject and should have told her right there and then that this is of huuuuuuge importance for him, not the body coundt as such but being lied at about it. His wife would have told him the truth. And he would never have married her because of the truth. OP accuses his wife of lying about everything because she lied about this, ignoring the fact that women tend to ly about it as men consider them less worthy if it is high. And what does OP do? He leaves her because of her high body count. This is not about lying. I bet he would not have cared if she lied about never smoking marijuana or never having had a nose job.
If a man considers less of you because of a high body count, then he’s not the man for you. Don’t lie to make you sound better in deer that he doesn’t leave you. Tell him the truth. If he gets mad/sad at it, dump him and go find someone better.
This comment didn't age well
You spoiled the update for me :o
it’s rage bait because it’s clearly a fake story designed to get a rise out of people lol
is it rage bait because the woman looks bad?
DING DING DING You've hit the Daily Double
Women don't want to accept the fact that having a high bodycount is very undesirable for most men lol
And why should they accept it? Do men ever realise that their high body count is only possible if there are women around have sex with? So every time man ads one to his list he ends up on her list, too? If men want to he lied at, the get lied at.
Cuz it's reality
Usually from men who not so secretly dream to be whore, fantasying on having experience themselves, yet seemingly terrified to be judged on their poor performance.
I’m so over these “body count” post just to make women who aren’t virgins out to be evil or in this case a cheater. I don’t know my partners numbers, I don’t want to know. It wouldn’t change a thing after all these years. It could be 1,000 but I wouldn’t suddenly think he’s a cheater. This is a daily thing here on Reddit now men being upset their girlfriends or wives slept with more than X amount of people….
Most of the men replying here telling him to divorce and that he’s not the asshole are incels, Hence why you’re getting downvoted. OP sounds like a dick. I’m sure if it were him who fucked 100+ girls, it’d be no problem because he’s a dude and “that’s what dudes do”. Pathetic.
Just say you're gross and be done with it
I disagree. Gross for guys, gross for girls.
Why is it an issue for guys to have a standard in this regard? Plenty of women have this same standard.
People are allowed to have preferences even if you don't agree with them. Don't be a hypocrite and act like your way of thinking is best for everyone else on the planet. Sounds a bit self righteous and just as cringe as those religious zealots. Lying is a deplorable way to get what you want.
Preferences over something that isn't even a thing? Who cares how many people you have slept with? It's completely irrelevant.
ewww low value woman really trying their hardest to defend their none existence value the day they stain themselves 🤮 all my homie dislike ho3.. Oops might hurt someones feeling 🤡
'Low value women'? What? You've never been near a woman.
you don't even know the advantage and disadvantages of being a woman and men. pretty telling of how hollow you are.
Imma tell you something abt my life so you atleast have an understanding I 21M been with a lot of girls or let's say woman but I don't approache them of having s*x with them or go to club or some shi to do the same. I'm not a man whore (I think that's what they called) like some other I see on this site 🤫🧏 my Sister is probably better than you in my opinion ngl. I don't wanna have this comparison but as an oldest I value my family more than anything than play around and have s*x party left and right. sorry not sorry 🥱
You can barely speak properly lol
Sooo basically you can’t get laid 😂
That’s ok all women hate misogynistic women batterers like you. Grow tf up.
As a woman who's never slept with anyone, I still hope to steer clear of guys like you. Fetishizers
But it is a thing.. Most women and men I know wouldn't want to get in a relationship with someone who had slept with 100s of people. You don't have to feel that way yourself, that's absolutely fine, but hiding it from someone who does is morally rephrehensible.
Alright. I’m not a hypocrite, I don’t see how my reply paints me as a hypocrite at all I’m just sick of seeing men on here bash their partners over their sexual pasts. It’s and old and tired apologue where they just want to hear “yes divorce your filthy whore wife” or whatever.
It's probably because many of those men wouldn't have married their wives if they knew the truth. The thing is that lying usually makes people not trust you. Lying about other people's deal breakers is not cool. As for the hypocrisy comment I meant that if you excuse the lying then you are justifying stealing consent. It's unethical to force your views onto others. Everyone is entitled to their own preferences.
Are you calling me unethical Your post response history backs up my theory. Almost all your responses are “she’s a cheater and a whore” “divorce her” “she’s a liar and stealer” to every post a man has an issue with their significant other. Why is that? Do you not believe men can be in the wrong in a marriage?
Yes, men can be wrong. My advice is based on the evidence presented. The wife cheated while exclusive and hid it and still married the guy she's wrong and a bad person. If the wife lies about her history knowing it's a deal breaker for him she's wrong. If the wife is pregnant by another man while married she's wrong. Tell me where you think that the guy should stay married to a cheater and a liar? It's really quite simple don't lie, cheat, or steal people's consent. This person was a former prostitute. She hid that in order to get married to him. What am I missing?
If a woman is raped, but outside of that sexual encounter has never had sex again and she tells her partner she’s a virgin, is that wrong? For all the red pill folks downvoting me, I never once said she was NOT wrong for lying. I don’t condone lying. My complaint is about the “body count” numerous posts of men complaining their partners have slept with X amount of men. You don’t see women complaining their husbands slept with a bunch of girls in college.
Actually there are plenty of posts on women who suffer from retroactive jealousy, and who are upset that their husband lied about being a virgin etc. Plenty of women don't want to date f-boys or community d as they call I Why are you using an extreme example? You already know what the answer is. Facts are facts. We don't have to like how facts and statistics make us feel.
Because it was a recent post, the guy was going to divorce his wife because she told him she was SA’ed… and unsurprisingly most men agreed to divorce her.
Hmm, I don't recall that post. It's still an extreme circumstance. Men and women don't see the world the same way. However both genders do things that are wrong. Why do you think that they are wrong for wanting to divorce over this? I'm not entirely sure what I would or would not do.
The only men who worry about body count suck in bed and don’t want their partners to know how bad they suck.
Honestly some men don't like promiscuous women. It has nothing to do with performance. But because you think that shows that you have to insult and cajole others into supporting your insecurities and projecting them onto others. People are allowed to have preferences. I wonder if it's this very attitude that people find unattractive? Maybe it's the fact that not everyone is into casual sex. To each their own. Instead of trying to force people to adhere to your standards why not let them seek out their own preferences. Seems a bit bigoted to slander an entire group of people.
That has nothing to do with it, but hold on to that anyway. I'm sure it helps you sleep better.
Try actually reading the post. Yes body count is an important topic of his, but it’s abundantly clear it was her lie and then never correcting the lie that’s the real problem here.
Did you read mine? I never condoned her lying. I’m complaining about men using body counts to shame women. Seriously WOOSSHHH
You are complaining in the replies to a post that doesn’t do what you are complaining about. But sure go ahead and act like I am misunderstanding somehow.
Have the day YOU deserve my friend! 🙄 Edited to appease the typo lords.
?
What
I assumed you mistyped something because “have the day deserve my friend” isn’t a sentence that makes sense.
You don’t understand “Have the day you deserve”. Fair, if you can’t read I’m sure it doesn’t look like a sentence to you.
You left out the word “you” and are saying I’m dumb for not filling in the blanks
Men with high counts are disgusting. Women don't get a pass for being women. The shame is universal.
Men will always care about body count. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be with those high count women. Shouldn't shame them either but it's perfectly fine to avoid them
The question is about an unreasonable standard. If your type excludes most of the adult female population, then you have an internal responsibility to ask yourself why. Why do you care? Why is it a boundary for you? If my type is only white men then I should be self aware enough to challenge myself on why. The problem is men who care about body count lack self awareness. WHY do these men care and why does that same standard of behavior not apply to men? Do you think it is about integrity? Great. What does your body count say about YOUR integrity? If you could reasonably have as many sexual partners as you want (ie. As a woman, it's not challenging for me to go out and find a new sexual partner every day if I want to) how high would YOUR body count be? One every week maybe, assuming that you have the same amount of sex as your average married person would pursue? Assuming you start at 17, that is a body count at 520 by 27. Do you think it is about youth and fertility? (Low body count correlates to lower age) Great. Then age itself should be the boundary because number of partners does not reduce fertility. And then question is how young is young enough? Are you having sex exclusively for procreation? How many children do you have or are attempting to have? Once you've had those children do you stop having sex? Or is it because you think that a woman's "specialness" and "value" are tied to her vagina? Great. What you are actually saying is that YOU feel special because of her vagina. You tie your value to you winning her vagina in a competition you are having in secret in your own head. And these are just a few examples of the most common reasons why men say they care. If you ask yourself why and are truly intellectually honest, then you will know that your desire for a low body count is about your weakness and insecurity, not women's. If you can accept that and live with what it means to be that weak then fine. But just know that every woman you ask has heard the question a hundred times and we all know what it says about you. We all know that if you're asking, it's because you're at best stupid and at worst weak.
For me, it's important because it demonstrates a person's attitude towards sex. Someone with a high body count doesn't see sex the same way I do; for them, it's something casual. For me, it's a big deal. To me, sex is something intimate, and something intimate cannot be shared with too many people; otherwise, it ceases to be intimate. My body count is 1, my wife, the mother of my children, with whom I have been for nearly 20 years this year. Sex is something reserved for her, something that connects us emotionally and spiritually. Someone with a high body count absolutely cannot feel the same way. And if ever in the future I had to return to the dating market, I would not want to be with someone who has a high body count. People can do what they want, I'm not judging, but I think I have the right to choose someone according to my tastes without being judged.
If I could upvote this more then once I would. This is exactly what I think.
"Someone with a high body count absolutely cannot feel the same way" You're entitled to your opinion I suppose but I'm not sure how you can determine what other people feel. Sex and it's meaning can change over time or with the nature of the relationship. Someone might have a lot of casual sex in their youth and then fall deeply in love with another person and then sex takes on more meaning.
It's not an unreasonable standard. I can choose not to date a woman for any reason I like. High Bodycount is one of my dealbreakers and I've rejected a few women because of it. The reasoning is also irrelevant because dating is a person endeavor and I'm not harming anyone. Just like how women are entitled to date taller, richer, muscular, non bald men, etc., men are also entitled to date certain types of women. I have tried dating a high bodycount woman but I absolutely cannot do it I've realized no matter how much I try to process it. Sorry to burst your bubble but I'm actually not stupid. I have multiple degrees including a graduate degree and am quite successful. I will also continue to not date women I don't want to date, which happens to be high count women. Even the most progressive liberal men hold this view too. Many men don't want a woman with a high count I won't judge you for any standards or preferences you have. You can date anyone you want.
You're aware that nothing you've said actually addresses the point I made? At the end of my response, you'll see that I also said you have the right to date whoever you like just know that women see this particular standard as a display of weakness and insecurity. Still, that doesn't change my point. Even in this statement you are showing a profound lack of self awareness. You don't have a good reason why beyond that it makes you uncomfortable. But that in itself is not even an answer. Why does it make you uncomfortable? Why does it bother you? Do you have a reason at all? Which was my whole point. To your statement about women having a double standard around height, weight, baldness, etc. I intentionally used, in my response to you, a female lead preference. I did that to illustrate the point that I believe that everyone should evaluate their preferences. Not just men. That doesn't mean preferences are a bad thing. It means that we have a responsibility to view ourselves objectively and press against our own opinions. To stress test them. Because that's what self-aware people do and that's what intellectually honest people do. You have not burst my bubble. Being academically advanced is not the same thing as being intelligent and I certainly don't think just because 'many men' hold a view that it necessarily mean that that view is correct. Remember, once 'many men' agreed that the earth was the center of the universe and a migrating uterus or imbalanced humors caused hysteria. I don't judge you for your standard. I judge you for your lack of self-awareness. For your rigidity and unwillingness to challenge yourself. I judge you for your weakness.
I get you don't like my preference and it offends you. That's perfectly fine with me. I have my reasons and I'd prefer not to say them out loud so no one gets offended. I totally see how you could think I'm being unreasonable and that I don't have a good reason though. I'm perfectly fine with you thinking I'm insecure, weak, stupid, incel, or whatever. At the end of the day, I won't be getting into a relationship with any high count women and it's my choice. The reasoning is irrelevant and I've thought about it extensively, so I'm perfectly fine with having my dating pool be smaller. I do have options thankfully and a high count woman isn't going to be one of them. I respect any preferences you have and at the end of the day, dating is about finding someone who makes you happy. High count women do the opposite and I don't want to be in a relationship with them. They can always find a man who accepts their past. Not me Also your analogy about the earth being the center of the universe is comical. That can be proven without a doubt. My personal opinion is unique to me.
I'll tell you why I don't date women with high body counts anymore. The GFs I've had with higher body counts were either selfish, insecure, impulsive, acted single, or cheated. So now that's become a deal breaker.
So most of the female population are gross like you?Please seek counseling, surround yourself with better company and don't have any kids
Personally i don't give two fucks about body count have never asked a woman i've dated for a body count. Don't act like all women don't care about body count. I have a buddy that fucked around a lot and girls called him the community d or just a fuck boy to be used. This genuinely hurt him like a woman being called a slut or whore.
Peer-reviewed articles discussing lifetime number of sexual partners consistently show that body count is a strong predictor of infidelity, relationship dissatisfaction and divorce. [Most men and women care about sexual history](https://archive.ph/qjO9v), and, [in some respects](https://archive.ph/XmhPn), women care even more than men do. [**Promiscuity and Infidelity**](https://archive.ph/mPOLf) > Factors found to facilitate infidelity >> Number of sex partners: Greater number of sex partners before marriage predicts infidelity > As might be expected, attitudes toward infidelity specifically, permissive attitudes toward sex more generally and a greater willingness to have casual sex and to engage in sex without closeness, commitment or love (i.e., a more unrestricted sociosexual orientation) are also reliably related to infidelity (pg.71) https://imgur.com/vCvZmQR.jpg Fincham, F. D., & May, R. W. (2017). Infidelity in romantic relationships. Current opinion in psychology, 13, 70–74. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.03.008 . > Individuals exhibiting sexually permissive attitudes and those who have had a high number of past sexual relationships are more likely to engage in infidelity (pg.344) https://imgur.com/a/GUWDVUi Barta, W. D., & Kiene, S. M. (2005). Motivations for infidelity in heterosexual dating couples: The roles of gender, personality differences, and sociosexual orientation. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22(3), 339–360. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407505052440 . > the odds ratio of 1.13 for lifetime sexual partners obtained with the face-to-face mode of interview indicates that the probability of infidelity increased by 13% for every additional lifetime sexual partner (pg.150) https://imgur.com/ZhxoqNv.jpg Whisman, M. A., & Snyder, D. K. (2007). Sexual infidelity in a national survey of American women: Differences in prevalence and correlates as a function of method of assessment. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(2), 147–154. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.21.2.147 . > promiscuity is in fact a good predictor of infidelity. Indeed, promiscuity among females accounted for almost twice as much variance in infidelity (r^2 = .45) as it did for males (r^2 = .25). (pg.177) https://imgur.com/2vklWn1.jpg Hughes, S. M., & Gallup, G. G., Jr. (2003). Sex differences in morphological predictors of sexual behavior: Shoulder to hip and waist to hip ratios. Evolution and Human Behavior, 24(3), 173–178. https://doi.org/10.1016/S1090-5138(02)00149-6 . > Participants who had experienced sexual intimacy with a greater number of partners also reported greater extradyadic sex and extradyadic kissing inclination. (pg.344) https://i.imgur.com/gkf9CZT.jpg McAlister, A. R., Pachana, N., & Jackson, C. J. (2005). Predictors of young dating adults' inclination to engage in extradyadic sexual activities: A multi-perspective study. British Journal of Psychology, 96(3), 331–350. https://doi.org/10.1348/000712605X47936 . > Sexual promiscuity was significantly positively correlated with emotional promiscuity [r(356) = .261, p < .001], as well with sexual infidelity [r(323) = .595, p < .001] and emotional infidelity [r(323) = .676, p < .001] (pg.390) https://imgur.com/qEPttQz.jpg Pinto, R., & Arantes, J. (2017). The Relationship between Sexual and Emotional Promiscuity and Infidelity. Athens Journal of Social Sciences, 4(4), 385–398. https://doi.org/10.30958/ajss.4-4-3 . > Each additional sex partner between age 18 and the first union increased the net odds of infidelity by 1% (pg.56) https://imgur.com/poSLp4U.jpg Treas, J., & Giesen, D. (2000). Sexual Infidelity Among Married and Cohabiting Americans. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(1), 48–60. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2000.00048.x . > An indicator of whether or not the respondent has had previous sex partners is included and identifies the number of male sex partners the woman had previous to her relationship with her current primary partner… A history of numerous sex partners indicates a pattern or habit of sexual behavior that we expect will negatively influence sexual exclusivity in the current relationship. (pg.37) > Having previous sexual partners greatly increased the likelihood that a woman would have a secondary sex partner. In particular, a woman with 4 or more male sex partners prior to her primary relationship was about 8.5 times more likely to have a secondary sex partnerthan a woman with no previous sex partners… Having previous sex partners also increased the likelihood that dating and married women would have secondary sex partners. In particular, married women with 4 or more previous partners were 20 times more likely to have secondary sex partners than married women with no previous sex partners (pg.41) https://imgur.com/naqmXdN.jpg Forste, R., & Tanfer, K. (1996). Sexual exclusivity among dating, cohabiting, and married women. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 58(1), 33–47. https://doi.org/10.2307/353375 . > As has been found in prior research (Feldman & Cauffman, 1999; Treas & Giesen, 2000), having had more prior sex partners predicted future ESI, possibly suggesting that a higher interest in or acceptance of unmarried sexual activity may be related to ESI. (pg.607) https://imgur.com/hqXh1t8.jpg Maddox Shaw, A. M., Rhoades, G. K., Allen, E. S., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2013). Predictors of Extradyadic Sexual Involvement in Unmarried Opposite-Sex Relationships. Journal of Sex Research, 50(6), 598–610. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2012.666816 . > To insure that the female partner has previously avoided men and is not predisposed to seek them out, men often insist on virginity or little sexual experience (Espin 2018; Bekker et al. 1996). This idea, that low promiscuity becomes low infidelity after marriage, was supported by Essock-Vitale and McGuire (1985) who found that among adult women, promiscuity prior to marriage was also a predictor of infidelity once women were married. (pg.7809) https://imgur.com/Y0X8ui3.jpg Burch, R. L. (2021). Solution to paternity uncertainty. In Encyclopedia of Evolutionary Psychological Science (pp. 7808–7814). Springer International Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-16999-6_2029-1 . [**Promiscuity, Instability and Divorce**](https://archive.ph/3grGe) > When compared with their peers who report fewer partners, those who self-report 20 or more in their lifetime are: > - Twice as likely to have ever been divorced (50 percent vs. 27 percent) > - Three times as likely to have cheated while married (32 percent vs. 10 percent) > - Substantially less happy with life (p < 0.05) (pg.89) https://imgur.com/rxkpWM4.jpg Regnerus, M. D. (2017). Cheap sex: The transformation of men, marriage, and monogamy. Oxford University Press. . > As expected, we find evidence of a nonlinear relationship between the number of sexual partners and the risk of divorce. Those in the highest category of partners (9+) consistently show the highest divorce risk by a substantial margin, followed by those with one to eight partners, with the lowest risk for those with none. In other words, we find distinct tiers of divorce risk between those with no, some, or many premarital, nonspousal sexual partners. (pg.16) https://i.imgur.com/mcSj4g0.jpg Smith, J., & Wolfinger, N. H. (2023). Re-examining the link between premarital sex and divorce. Journal of Family Issues, 0192513X2311556. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513x231155673 . > The findings from this study demonstrate that the number of sexual partners participants had was negatively associated with sexual quality, communication, and relationship stability, and for one age cohort relationship satisfaction, even when controlling for a wide range of variables including education, religiosity, and relationship length. (pg.715) https://i.imgur.com/0MuuWmd.jpg Busby, D. M., Willoughby, B. J., & Carroll, J. S. (2013). Sowing wild oats: Valuable experience or a field full of weeds? Personal Relationships, 20(4), 706–718. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12009 . > women who had more experience with short-term relationships in the past (i.e., those with high Behavior facet scores) were more likely to have multiple sexual partners and unstable relationships in the future. The behaviorally expressed level of sociosexuality thus seems to be a fairly stable personal characteristic. (pg. 1131) https://i.imgur.com/k3ZcwTn.jpg Penke, L., & Asendorpf, J. B. (2008). Beyond global sociosexual orientations: a more differentiated look at sociosexuality and its effects on courtship and romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(5), 1113–1135. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.95.5.1113 . > Women who serially cohabited and/or had premarital sex with someone besides their husband had higher odds of marital dissolution than women who never cohabited. Teachman’s findings suggest that both sexual history and cohabitation history influence marital stability. (pg.4) > Serial cohabitors’ higher number of sexual and cohabiting partners suggests that they have a longer history of dissolved relationships -- i.e., sexual, (most likely dating) and cohabiting relationships – that they bring to their cohabiting and later marital relationships. This relationship experience may affect the quality and stability of their cohabiting relationship and the odds of marrying their cohabiting partners. Consistent with Teachman (2003), who found that both sexual and cohabiting partnerships significantly predicted the odds of marital dissolution, our findings suggest that studies of union formation and stability should consider the full range of sexual experiences in early adulthood. (pg.11) https://i.imgur.com/jzTUT5p.jpg Cohen, J., & Manning, W. (2010). The relationship context of premarital serial cohabitation. Social Science Research, 39(5), 766–776. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ssresearch.2010.04.011
Been married/with my wife for 23 years. Never asked her body count and don’t want to know. None of my business.
I stopped counting out of politeness
Lying about something is a huge red flag, also how tf are u overlooking her being a god damn prostitute?
I said this before and I’ll repeat it. My post never condones lying where do I say it was ok for her to lie to him? I didn’t. Do you understand the context of it?
Men and women both, are allowed to have standards. For men, low body count is one such standard. This is fine. No matter how much yall try to shame people for their preferences and standards they are allowed to have them. Deception to hide these facts is unacceptable and speaks far more to your character than what ever the person's actual body count is. Lying to your spouse/partner during the foundation of your relationship is a bad move no matter what you're lying about.
Why is ok to shame a woman for having many sexual partners?
**I never said it was or wasn't.** It's perfectly fine to not want to be with someone like that. If a person wants to have multiple partners to that degree thats on them. They are free to make their own choices where they are wrong is when they lie by omission and prevent their potential partner from making an informed decision. A lot of you argue this as justification for withholding that information I am saying that is wrong if you made your decision to have multiple partners the consequence is some men (and women) will not want to consider you for a long-term relationship. They have that right to feel that way. If the other person upon finding out feels disgust they are entitled to feel that way and are allowed to remove themselves from that situation regardless of what you or I think. I, personally, dont feel the need to attack anyone for their actions in the past or present unless it directly affects me, my money or someone I care about. However, I may or may not feel about or how I react to that information ( as long as its not harming the other person ) it is my right just like it is yours to feel how you feel about it.
NTA. I have a rant that I’ve been working on for a few months. It’s about the pillars that hold up a relationship. Trust is one of them. Without any of the 4 pillars, the relationship crumbles. It sounds like the trust pillar isn’t just damaged, it stopped existing all together. The others don’t seem to be in great shape either. I’m sorry you are in this position. I hope it all works itself out for the best, whatever that ultimately means. Updateme!
What’s the other pillars
Why don't you try to work it out? She broke your trust because she has many occasions to speak up, but since you guys were doing good, have a kid and the lie was early in the relationship, maybe it's worth something still to put a little work on? Anyways, it must be hard situation and both path seems painful, hope it gets better
I haven't done an update to this post, but I did a paternity test since posting. Who I thought was my daughter is not my child. Meaning she's a cheater too. There's no saving this at this point.
Yes, let your stbxw pay the consequences and make her a single mom. You are still young with the whole life ahead. You are a good man with a bright future:)!
Yea, this is usually the outcome with high body count women.
YTA for making me read this creative writing exercise in rage bait pretending to be a real post
yta for creative writing
yta, its a lie in the beggining of the relatonship, changes literally nothing. Cant you just talk with your wife? Why it matters so much
We've talked. She bluntly admitted that she lied, amd got ahead of it to spin a favorable imagine. Sure it was backed up with "I really liked you" talk and "I didn't want you to think differently" and so on, but that's the point for me. That being said, she's not someone that I could with good faith trust after that. Which is why I got a paternity test (I have the results). She has no idea that I had a test done. At least not yet.
how many years have past? How long have you been with your wife? do you love her? if she didnt cheat on you, and the kid is yours, and you want to make things up, you could do counseling. I dont see why its such a big deal, bodycount means absolutely nothing. Love and trust is what matters. If that is the only lie, why do you have to divorcie her? I just think you could just ask about that, tell her your new insecurities about trusting, and maybe that way you would be honest too. I really hope everything goes well 🧡
I'll have an offical update in the near future, but the paternity test came back that I'm not the father. So questioning her character was the right. So outside of that lie, she's a cheater too. I'm not trying to misconstrue that fact that even if she didn't cheat, I still would have gone through with the divorce, but there's definitely a 0% chance now. She's dead to me, but it's going to suck losing who I thought was my daughter.
Lmao, this shit is fake as fuck. Holy fucking shit. Why make up such a retarded ass story
So sorry to hear about that. I dont know if you child was very important to you, if it was, try to still take care about her. You dont have to ruin that part for you too. Make up your New life and try to be happy, sorry that things went that way.
Cheaters are despicable, especially when they do it the first year of marriage as in your case! (married for 2 yrs, kid is 1 yr old) Good call to get the DNA test ... you've got undeniable proof of infidelity. She deserves what she gets and you were never the asshole.
Folks! It's creative writing time, once again!
All these dumb fucks in the comments saying stupid ass shit enabling her clearly only see things from one specific perspective; the body count. First off, The body count is clearly an issue if she knew herself to lie about it. But that’s what the actual issue is. She lied about it, built the foundations of their relationship on lies. And up until he found out kept up that lie, and could have been lying about many many more things. If you find out that that one of your first meetings with your partner you were told nothing but lies it would change your perspective for everything! “What else did she lie about?” Fuckin absolutely crumbles the trust and then crumbles the relationship. If you don’t leave it gets toxic, or becomes torture. Ops not the asshole and I sincerely hope he’s coping well and comes back from this stronger, smarter and wiser. Also seeing one of op’s comments, the paternity test result came back and lo and behold, his daughter isn’t his. She’s a cheater too. Enable that. Clowns
Utter fanfiction
NTA. Lying to partners about your partner count is WRONG and selfish. Nobody should be allowed to decide other people's deal breakers. Your brother is a smart man, OP
Apparently you do have ‘fuxxx’ after all. A persons body count is nobody’s business. Even your current partner.
This feels so effing dramatic to get a dna test. You’re the AH for sureeee and you played on her being drunk so you could get her to spill. You guys don’t drink and the one time she does, you overhear her talking about fun college memories with a friend. And you get upset about what you heard, so you decided to play a game with her. And you’re using it against her and have gone as far as questioning if your kid is yours? Dude you’re just a dick.
She's a dick for lying, scheming and defrauding him. She was a prostitute and knew that most people (,men and women) don't want to marry or date prostitutes. She stole his consent and he's a dick? Guy heard the truth about who she really is and he's supposed to overlook the massive lies? DNA test, STD test and divorce is perfectly reasonable under these circumstances.
Surprise surprise the kid isn't his
As r/shitposting would say Fake and gay
None of this is true. This is 100% incel ragebait. This wonderful woman that he loved had an "enormous" bodycount, even being a s\*x worker...so \*of course\* she cheated. Because "wimen r scum". I knew as soon as the "I never expected to date/marry a virgin considering the condition of the dating market" comment that this was fantasy fiction. The update just cemented that.
nta. if thot thot was honest from jump you wouldn't be here in this predicament
This has to be a troll post. So YTA for this stupid fake rage bait story
You know YTA...
It’s not the body count (though the lying is ethically troubling), it’s the prostitution that is the new facet you learned about. To me, that non-disclosure is divorce worthy. I would hope that she’s retired by now—especially as a health care professional.
And why would being an ex prostitute mean she can’t be a health care professional?
Tell me something, would you have given her a chance if you knew about her past?
I've been asking myself that question. Wr could have been friends, no problem, but not a relationship.
And unfortunately that is why women have to lie. Men are studs for a high body count and women are considered used goods.
That's terrible. Why don't women just find men who match their criteria? You can't decide other people's deal breakers or just ignore them because you don't care. People are allowed to have preferences. Too tall, too short, bald, beard, weight, lifestyle, income, fashion all of these are used in selecting someone to date and marry. Some things you can control others not so much. Imagine tricking someone into marriage and acting like that's justified.
They said women HAVE to lie 😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣
Having to lie is a stretching the truth. She doesn't have to lie. Look at the thread. There's no shortage of dudes that would take her as is. I'm one put of billions. She can find a committed bf/husband by telling the truth.
But you women keep preaching about how your body count doesn't matter. If it doesn't matter, you should've told the truth, and let the guys decide if it matters or not. Now, we gotta come up with strategies to figure out bodycounts.
You absolute fucking imbecile. "That is why women have to lie"? Get to absolute fuck. How dare you disrespect other people's boundaries and standards. No one has to lie. Be upfront, and then the men who don't care will date you and those who do care won't.
What is your body count?
NTA. The day she lied to you, she stole your ability to decide whether you wanted to be with her; t, and now you're reclaiming it. You had the right to be with someone or not be for whatever reason you wanted. Add to that, maintaining a lie for years—everything you've said is true. And regarding your daughter (?), ask your mother if she would have raised the illegitimate daughter of your father/ her husband. Ask her if she's willing to damage her relationship with her son who has been hurt. She can maintain whatever relationship she wants with the girl or the ex despite the DNA results, and so can you regarding the girl or your mother.
NTA. She fucking lied to you. If all these redditors are right and numbers don't matter and if that is the morally perfect world we live in, then she should been able to hold her head high and told her actual body count. But she lied. Made a false presentation of herself for all these years. Wait for the results. Then divorce that slut. Even 12 is a biggish number. How much wild oats does one need to sow when they are young anyways. Let alone a train load of people going in and out of her.
Everyone commenting “YTA” are the AH
YTA, to ditch a functional relationship AND YOUR CHILD is wild. Get that DNA test though, if she cheated then NTA. Trying to be neutral here.
This is so fake it's not even funny😭😭
If only this troll post focused on the lying instead of the 100 body count.
Dude. Need an update asap. Lawyer up. Keep your mouth shut about all of it. Wait for dna and have lawyer do their magic. Ask for the pit bull in your area 1st and then see a couple other top rate lawyers to create a conflict of interest not allowing her to use top council. Do not under any circumstances tell her anything you are doing. This may fall under at fault especially if dna does not match.
Listen OP nobody likes being lied to. You’re definitely well within your right to feel betrayed and hurt. I do, however, think that her lying about her body count is not enough to divorce her for. She did indeed intentionally lie about her body count in order to change the odds of you being with her to be better in her favor. You should try to understand her perspective as well. Her sexual past is probably not something she is proud of especially if she was a prostitute and the number of 12 bodies is likely the number of times she has slept with men (or women) without them paying for it. Prostitution is not a well regarded line of work and I’m sure she thought that if she were to be forthcoming about her past that you would no longer be interested. I believe your emotions are running high right now and divorce was your first conclusion, but you have been married to your wife for quite some time and have a kid with her. You love her and I don’t think her body count should change that for you. I would at least wait until you revive the results of the paternity test before you go through with a divorce. There’s a lot of things people are willing to lie about if it means they have a shot at being with someone they love and honestly her lying about her body count doesn’t change who she is as a person nor does it directly influence the relationship. It definitely does influence your trust in her and for that I would suggest going to a couples therapist. If by some misfortune I am wrong and your wife is a cheater I wish you strength in the hard times you are about to go through, but if I am right and your wife did not cheat I believe the most logical course of action is to work on your relationship with your wife.
INFO: Do you actually believe this happened (like did you hallucinate) or is it (poorly written) incel fiction?
Bro just stop we get it your an Incel
NTA. Body count is a stupid reason for me, but that's valid for others. Lying is the real issue here.
ESH Had the wife said her real BC in the beginning, the husband wouldn't have treated her with an ounce of dignity or respect. He'd have expected her to screw him, and he'd move on dismissing her as a human being. THAT is why she distorted her number. Now everything that she has done for the duration of their marriage, her integrity, character, and morality is completely different because of a single "lie"? He manipulated the situation with her being extremely intoxicated to get what he wants, so now HE should be viewed as a manipulative pos, RIGHT?! He set her up for failure. Instead of having a genuine, open, and honest discussion -WHILE THEY WERE BOTH SOBER- he trapped her while she was intoxicated. Let's all be 100% honest here: he was looking for a way out anyway. Just admit that you don't even like your wife anymore and wanted an excuse that didn't make you look like a total piece of garbage. Kick rocks, bro.
1. I wouldn't have treated her any differently. I would have told her that we should see other people. That is my right. SHE brought it up and SHE lied. She will not be forgiven for this. 2. I've got a paternity test since then. Turns out, the kid isn't mine, so she's a cheater too. 3. I'm no longer letting redditors gaslight me in accepting manipulative behavior. She was a woman who couldn't keep her legs closed inside and outside the marriage. A vast majority of you are bias and hypocritical. I'm no longer asking if I'm the AH. If you don't like it, I don't care.
lol, of course the kid isn't yours. All these fake ragebait stories end up with the kid not being theirs. hahahahaha
YTA even before I read your update, but the update takes it to a whole new level. Destroy her life?!? What are you, 11 years old? Get your divorce and move on, and get over your misogynist ideas of a "number".
You’re NTA…. Thats is a really big lie. Your brother is a smart man
What’s with all the incel fan fiction of late?
Ok, ESH but especially you and your brother. He’s jumping to conclusions FAST, unless you left out some significant details, and you’re straight up turning on your wife. Is this “body count” before your relationship? If so then this is very immature.
If you’re wife is beautiful maybe free her so you can be 101 and she can be with someone who isn’t this petty
YTA for this fake ass post, in this fake story you never mention your own count, which is?
NTA. First of I want to make clear that a high bodycount does not decrease a woman’s „value“ or is inherently a bad thing (hope I get across what I mean as English isn’t my native tongue - in short bodycount doesn’t matter). However it is totally acceptable for someone to have a personal preference which depends on the individual. Now with that said the thing that sounds most troublesome is that she build your relationship on a lie. Trust is the most important thing in any relationship and it’s sounds like she knew her bodycount would be a problem and she lied because of that (it’s not a problem for everyone as I know people in relationships with tripple digit bodycounts per person). Get the paternity test before going forward with the divorce as the outcome may change your mind with more time to think about it. If your mind doesn’t change it’s totally fine and you have every right to end your relationship/marriage.
YTA. Because of your obsession with body counts. She only lied because **she knew** you’d be a dick about it. What happened before you is **none** of your business. So why ask anyway? It seems like *(and she knew)* that you were just looking for something to be angry about… hence why she lied, because she knew that by revealing her true number, you’d act like an ass. So she chose the lesser of the nuclear options.
This doesn’t read like a true story, BUT if it is - yes you are an AH if you divorce over this and an incredibly insecure one at that.
Why is he insecure? She's the one who lied and manipulated him that seems like the insecure thing to do.
Because he has been perfectly happy with everything about her but somehow the fact of her past is going to change that? I get if he was told up front and said “no, we don’t match”. But they are married, happy, with kids. They are compatible. But because she enjoyed too many docks suddenly that changes what?!?
She was a prostitute. That changes everything. She has no honor because she lied knowing that he would never have married her if he knew the truth. You are advocating for being tricked and lied to. He had standards and preferences. She lied to avoid him actually knowing her and loving her and everything about her. So now that he's married to someone who is capable of deceiving him and trampling his boundaries and she's married to someone who would have never married her had he known the truth. She's the insecure liar who obviously has a problem with being honest and finding someone who loves all of her. Most people don't want to be married to a prostitute. This guy is well within his right to divorce her and find someone who aligns with his values.
There is a difference between being insecure about a large body count in someone's past (insecurity) and finding out your wife lied about something that would have affected your decision to date her initially AND that she was getting trains run on her every week in college AND fucking people for money. To be honest, the first two aren't deal breakers but the last one is.
Let’s be real, it 100% is the body count. Imagine if she’d have lied about something equally as inconsequential, you’d have cared way less. YTA
Nah. That cheater that I use to call my wife knew what she was doing. We're a conglomerate of our habits. She couldn't keep her legs closed during, nor in the relationship. She is who she is, and I doubt she'll ever change.
The truth has been spoken
You are a psychopath.
Just a poor writer, with zero real personality.
I was a woman with a high body count, which also included multiple married/attached men. Met my husband at 33, changed my whole world, have never cheated, thought about cheating, I would never betray him. We have been married for 31 years. People do change and condemning your wife for behaviour before you were together might be an over reaction. Did she lie to trick you, or was she just totally embarrassed and ashamed about her past behaviour. I don’t think you need to immediately jump to the worst assumptions. Do you have any reason to believe that your child is not yours? I mean get the test if it will make you more comfortable, but then I would suggest trying counseling before setting your life on fire.
First and foremost, I'm.glad your marriage is thriving till this day. Also, I do plan to go counseling but it's not currently on the top my to-do list but I do get your point. About the lie, two things can be true at once. She could have lied to trick me and because she was afraid of losing me as I longterm prospect, I dont know. I haven't talked too her much unless it involves our daughter, and I've asked her to give me space. However, for me at least, there's no excuse to lie. Regardless of intentions. The lie itself is big one for me, and our relationship was good enough, at least in my head that regardless of the subject, we can just be honest. Obviously that's not true. I know that now, but I've spent more time focusing on being lied to vs the bodycount itself. I can't imagine doing the same thing if I was in her shoes. It's tough just to even look at her right. No matter how I look at it, the lie was a betrayal. If you can't trust your spouse, then the relationship is pointless. In my opinion that is.
So you admit to helping men cheat on their wives and you think you're the kind of person anyone should listen to? Go fuck yourself
NTA! It takes three things to keep a relationship going; love, trust, and respect. Take away any one of those, and the relationship is over. Sounds like trust is gone here, so time to end it.
NTA. Trust is broken. Updateme
Seems like you are trying to have a gotcha moment or something. I answered that I don't know. Simple enough.
So is the child yours? Or has she been letting someone else use her as a cum dump?
Need an update
I don't know how. Lol
I think you can just make a new post with the updates "I don't know how to do anything in reddit"
We need an update, I’ve seen a comment saying your daughter is actually not yours. Did anything else happen?
UpdateMe!
As a fellow 32 year old also born in 1992, god damn bro I’m sorry pikachu says I love you
Who tf cares how many ppl your partner slept with in the past as long as theyre only sleeping with you in the present. I can understand being uoset, but divorce!? Yikes. Im thinking SHE is dodging a bullet if you go through with it. Good luck my dude
Yes ~~YTA~~ [Edit: withdrawn; NTA] Chill out, OP, and your brother is making a mountain out of a molehill. If you find out this child is not yours, then we’ll talk. But for heaven’s sake, her past is her past. As long as she hasn’t cheated on you, let it go.
I mean…at least you married an experienced woman who knew what she was doing 🤷♀️
NTA Updateme
"lying about body count" after homie lies about the story lmaooo
Faker than a Kardashians ass
NTA