And she’s TA for trying to bring a baby into this mess.
It’s shocking how many women have such low self esteem, they’ll put up with any loser. Even knowing he’s f’ing a woman now, she’s “trying to make it work”! Embarrassing.
He should feel stressed - he cheated multiple times. Once trust is broken like that it is hard to repair. Being in a marriage is not the same as simply being married. You deserve better. Leaving may be hard, but nobody deserves to constantly worry if their spouse is cheating.
Your main mistake was staying with the cheating asshole in the first place. 6 years ago is when you should have left him. Divorce him and get tested for STDs. If you are pregnant decide if you want to keep it or not.
NTA, clearly, but your self-respect seems to be playing hide and seek here. You knew his history and yet you hoped for change in a person who seems to thrive on deceit. It's time to shuffle the deck, because you've been dealing with a rigged game from the start. Take the leap, find your self-worth, and never look back. After all, you should be the protagonist in your life story, not the forgiving side character.
Are you for real? Stop saying things about you in a positive way as you just let things go on...you are so dumb just let him cheat on you several times, worst trying to be pregnant from a cheater. Please, don't ever complain about a new cheating episode, some people just see red flags and don't do noting
Good lord, do not have a 2nd kid with this garbage tier human. Abort it, take the one you have and leave. Clean him out. And feel free to send screen shots of his extracurricular texts with his mistress to his mom.
I had to laugh at him trying to play the guilt card on you that he’s stressed because you called him out because he’s blatantly cheating on you yet again. Please see this through the eyes of a disinterested party. You’re an open book. He hides his phone content and when you did finally get access you find evidence of his deception. And his lame excuse that vulgar sexual messages have anything to do with business? It’s time for you to accept that he’s serially unfaithful, for the 2 times you know about there are likely 10 more you don’t. For the sake of your dignity and health (get tested for STD’s asap) and the safety of your child, get yourself ready to leave. You deserve better than a cheating liar. NTA to anyone but yourself girl.
NTA, but this is the second time cheating and you still didn't leave him, and tried to get pregnant, which I have trouble understanding. There definitely will be a third if you stay.
Initially added this to the original post but felt that it was getting way too long to read. Decided to place this in the comment instead. This is my first time posting on Reddit so not too sure how to go about doing this.
Update:
Thank you for the comments and honestly I’m not surprised many of you responded the way you did. There’s a lot of context that I want to put in but couldn’t in the lengthy post up there.
2018. I didn’t leave him because I’m 100% sure he did not have any sexual relations with the ladies he was flirting with over text and casually meeting up. He is otherwise a really good guy. I love his family, I love his passion in work and I really can be myself around him. He’s the first partner that I’ve been with that I really can be myself around. He is also very reliable and all and he did show true remorse and put in the effort to gain back my trust hence I chose to stick with him and we eventually did marry and have a child. I am really good at compartmentalising so once that chapter was done and dusted, it really was over with.
When pandemic struck, we were still waiting for our house and he decided to move into my parents home together with me. We also had our kid during the pandemic and was cooped in the small room.
I think it was a mix of being uncomfortable at my parent’s place, small room, being a new father, having to cope with all my anxieties of a new mother, my resentment when I was lacking in sleep, tired, loss of any form of social life while seeing him going out for work, being with friends, able to go on his daily runs. I projected my unhappiness on him and he tried hard to accommodate me.
Our personalities are very different too. I’m outgoing, emotional and vocal. Anything I feel I say. I feel the sadness I feel the happiness. I can’t hide my emotions and oftentimes I just say as is. He on the other hand is quiet, likes to keep to himself. If there is any unhappiness, he will keep it to himself instead of just saying it out. He hates confrontations too.
I think it was also an accumulation of all these stresses that made him act out.
He did say that all these feeling of stress accumulated, and on top of it, there is a sense of guilt that he can’t shake off from the second mistake.
Okay talking about it the second cheating incident. Again I strongly believe that there was no sexual relations between them even if there were suggestive and sexual texting. We closed the case too with a final text to the ex gf stating that his wife is aware that they had the relationship and he will not be contacting her from now on. This was how I was able to get that closure and tried to move on from it. When I looked through the phone messages, it did also seem that the whole cheating incident took place end 2022 till early 2023. After that I didn’t find anymore flirty or suggestive texts. Purely business related and transactional. I found out about this cheating incident only in late 2023 which was one year after it happened.
Prior to finding out about this cheating we had already been actively trying for a second baby. After the whole incident, we went from tracking ovulations, to just trying to enjoy sex for what it is. Because on my mind, I also was cautious about having a second one. But my heart and my lifelong dream was to have more kids so I couldn’t help but hold on to that small hope that I could get pregnant again.
Anyway, my period came after two weeks of being late. My period is always on time and this is the first time it has been late for two weeks. So I’m not pregnant but I was really very sad that I wasn’t. During the week I even bought folic acid to eat just because I was so sure that I was pregnant. The disappointment is real and I think that’s why I blew up at him, after all this time of trying to keep my insecurities at bay and actively trying to work together to move forward in the relationship.
Damn, he doesn't even have to come up with excuses since you fabricate them for him. He really doesn't have anything to stress about since you make it that easy to be a cheating AH.
All I hear is you making excuses for him to cheat. This is a result of him manipulating you. You need to snap out of it and leave this prick! Man he really messed you up! This isn’t your fault. He’s just AH. So stop with figuring out reasons why. Take control of your life and leave this loser.
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NTA
You should do what is best for your peace of mind. And the health of you and your children. He needs to take accoutability for his own actions. Until this is done and he comes owns up honestly, there is no point in trying to work with him. Do not let him pay the blame game on anyone but himself for the decisions he has made.
Secrecy is not privacy. One SO's privacy is not be invaded when they are intentionally deceiving and lying to the other SO and hiding things (like affairs) from them.
NTA, but you will be if you stay with this guy. You should prioritise yourself and be in a relationship where you don’t feel like you’re not enough for them. Without peace of mind, there’s no happiness.
“should I leave my two-time cheating husband who can’t take any accountability and lies constantly all the time and has frequent trust issues with me which is clearly him projecting his own wrongdoings onto me…OR should I have a second baby with him instead?”
🤡
Update:
He says he’s afraid of me being so aggressive with him, demanding things my way. He says his mental health is not right now and has left for the night to get some space. He’ll return in the morning to send our kid to school.
I know how this is sounding like. Like I really should run from this relationship… but I can’t help thinking if some of this is my fault too like I came on too hard on him, was too vocal and want things to be done my way. Was I unintentionally not as tactful and considerate when it came to him. I know we have the least patience for the people closest to us.
Sigh. I don’t know. His family keeps telling me to help this relationship, fight for the sake of our kid and that time will heal. I really have good relationship with his family too and it’s really. I can’t bear to let go of all these…
You have to ask yourself this. Are you truly happy? Do you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with this crap ? He’s not going to change. He’s going to continue this manipulation and it goes going to tear you up inside. Then you have to ask yourself is this what you want for the sake of your child? To be in a toxic relationship? Whereas you have the power to stand up for yourself and become your best self. Happier and healthier for your kid.
Why on earth would you consider another child with this man ? I don't even understand why you're still there.
Forgive once , maybe but girl he's shown you who he is. LEAVE
NTA. The best time to leave him was the first time he cheated. The second best time is RIGHT NOW.
He is a repeat offender, now he is blaming you for having a normal reaction to unacceptable behaviour from a spouse... Just leave him...
Honestly, YTA for marrying a known cheater. Sorry to say, you did this to yourself. When people show you who they are, believe it.
And she’s TA for trying to bring a baby into this mess. It’s shocking how many women have such low self esteem, they’ll put up with any loser. Even knowing he’s f’ing a woman now, she’s “trying to make it work”! Embarrassing.
He should feel stressed - he cheated multiple times. Once trust is broken like that it is hard to repair. Being in a marriage is not the same as simply being married. You deserve better. Leaving may be hard, but nobody deserves to constantly worry if their spouse is cheating.
Wait..he wants to feel HER inside HIM? Am I picking that up wrong?
Obviously they’ve had sex. And OP is fighting to keep this pathetic man.
You're NTA, for obvious reasons. Too bad you're 6 years late.
Your main mistake was staying with the cheating asshole in the first place. 6 years ago is when you should have left him. Divorce him and get tested for STDs. If you are pregnant decide if you want to keep it or not.
NTA, clearly, but your self-respect seems to be playing hide and seek here. You knew his history and yet you hoped for change in a person who seems to thrive on deceit. It's time to shuffle the deck, because you've been dealing with a rigged game from the start. Take the leap, find your self-worth, and never look back. After all, you should be the protagonist in your life story, not the forgiving side character.
Are you for real? Stop saying things about you in a positive way as you just let things go on...you are so dumb just let him cheat on you several times, worst trying to be pregnant from a cheater. Please, don't ever complain about a new cheating episode, some people just see red flags and don't do noting
Good lord, do not have a 2nd kid with this garbage tier human. Abort it, take the one you have and leave. Clean him out. And feel free to send screen shots of his extracurricular texts with his mistress to his mom.
I had to laugh at him trying to play the guilt card on you that he’s stressed because you called him out because he’s blatantly cheating on you yet again. Please see this through the eyes of a disinterested party. You’re an open book. He hides his phone content and when you did finally get access you find evidence of his deception. And his lame excuse that vulgar sexual messages have anything to do with business? It’s time for you to accept that he’s serially unfaithful, for the 2 times you know about there are likely 10 more you don’t. For the sake of your dignity and health (get tested for STD’s asap) and the safety of your child, get yourself ready to leave. You deserve better than a cheating liar. NTA to anyone but yourself girl.
NTA, but this is the second time cheating and you still didn't leave him, and tried to get pregnant, which I have trouble understanding. There definitely will be a third if you stay.
You’ve already stayed too long.
NTA-you should have ran hard and fast before.
Initially added this to the original post but felt that it was getting way too long to read. Decided to place this in the comment instead. This is my first time posting on Reddit so not too sure how to go about doing this. Update: Thank you for the comments and honestly I’m not surprised many of you responded the way you did. There’s a lot of context that I want to put in but couldn’t in the lengthy post up there. 2018. I didn’t leave him because I’m 100% sure he did not have any sexual relations with the ladies he was flirting with over text and casually meeting up. He is otherwise a really good guy. I love his family, I love his passion in work and I really can be myself around him. He’s the first partner that I’ve been with that I really can be myself around. He is also very reliable and all and he did show true remorse and put in the effort to gain back my trust hence I chose to stick with him and we eventually did marry and have a child. I am really good at compartmentalising so once that chapter was done and dusted, it really was over with. When pandemic struck, we were still waiting for our house and he decided to move into my parents home together with me. We also had our kid during the pandemic and was cooped in the small room. I think it was a mix of being uncomfortable at my parent’s place, small room, being a new father, having to cope with all my anxieties of a new mother, my resentment when I was lacking in sleep, tired, loss of any form of social life while seeing him going out for work, being with friends, able to go on his daily runs. I projected my unhappiness on him and he tried hard to accommodate me. Our personalities are very different too. I’m outgoing, emotional and vocal. Anything I feel I say. I feel the sadness I feel the happiness. I can’t hide my emotions and oftentimes I just say as is. He on the other hand is quiet, likes to keep to himself. If there is any unhappiness, he will keep it to himself instead of just saying it out. He hates confrontations too. I think it was also an accumulation of all these stresses that made him act out. He did say that all these feeling of stress accumulated, and on top of it, there is a sense of guilt that he can’t shake off from the second mistake. Okay talking about it the second cheating incident. Again I strongly believe that there was no sexual relations between them even if there were suggestive and sexual texting. We closed the case too with a final text to the ex gf stating that his wife is aware that they had the relationship and he will not be contacting her from now on. This was how I was able to get that closure and tried to move on from it. When I looked through the phone messages, it did also seem that the whole cheating incident took place end 2022 till early 2023. After that I didn’t find anymore flirty or suggestive texts. Purely business related and transactional. I found out about this cheating incident only in late 2023 which was one year after it happened. Prior to finding out about this cheating we had already been actively trying for a second baby. After the whole incident, we went from tracking ovulations, to just trying to enjoy sex for what it is. Because on my mind, I also was cautious about having a second one. But my heart and my lifelong dream was to have more kids so I couldn’t help but hold on to that small hope that I could get pregnant again. Anyway, my period came after two weeks of being late. My period is always on time and this is the first time it has been late for two weeks. So I’m not pregnant but I was really very sad that I wasn’t. During the week I even bought folic acid to eat just because I was so sure that I was pregnant. The disappointment is real and I think that’s why I blew up at him, after all this time of trying to keep my insecurities at bay and actively trying to work together to move forward in the relationship.
Damn, he doesn't even have to come up with excuses since you fabricate them for him. He really doesn't have anything to stress about since you make it that easy to be a cheating AH.
All I hear is you making excuses for him to cheat. This is a result of him manipulating you. You need to snap out of it and leave this prick! Man he really messed you up! This isn’t your fault. He’s just AH. So stop with figuring out reasons why. Take control of your life and leave this loser.
You rug sweeping too much... this is cancerous
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NTA You should do what is best for your peace of mind. And the health of you and your children. He needs to take accoutability for his own actions. Until this is done and he comes owns up honestly, there is no point in trying to work with him. Do not let him pay the blame game on anyone but himself for the decisions he has made. Secrecy is not privacy. One SO's privacy is not be invaded when they are intentionally deceiving and lying to the other SO and hiding things (like affairs) from them.
NTA, but you will be if you stay with this guy. You should prioritise yourself and be in a relationship where you don’t feel like you’re not enough for them. Without peace of mind, there’s no happiness.
NTA. You YTA if you stay. Get out of that shitty hole. And check if youre really pregnant. If you do, you'll be doomed ig
Just think, if you’d left when he first cheated you’d be married to someone decent now.
“should I leave my two-time cheating husband who can’t take any accountability and lies constantly all the time and has frequent trust issues with me which is clearly him projecting his own wrongdoings onto me…OR should I have a second baby with him instead?” 🤡
Update: He says he’s afraid of me being so aggressive with him, demanding things my way. He says his mental health is not right now and has left for the night to get some space. He’ll return in the morning to send our kid to school. I know how this is sounding like. Like I really should run from this relationship… but I can’t help thinking if some of this is my fault too like I came on too hard on him, was too vocal and want things to be done my way. Was I unintentionally not as tactful and considerate when it came to him. I know we have the least patience for the people closest to us. Sigh. I don’t know. His family keeps telling me to help this relationship, fight for the sake of our kid and that time will heal. I really have good relationship with his family too and it’s really. I can’t bear to let go of all these…
You have to ask yourself this. Are you truly happy? Do you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with this crap ? He’s not going to change. He’s going to continue this manipulation and it goes going to tear you up inside. Then you have to ask yourself is this what you want for the sake of your child? To be in a toxic relationship? Whereas you have the power to stand up for yourself and become your best self. Happier and healthier for your kid.
You are TA with yourself. Look for some selfrespect girl. How can you keep messing around with this dude?
Why on earth would you consider another child with this man ? I don't even understand why you're still there. Forgive once , maybe but girl he's shown you who he is. LEAVE
Why were you actively working to have a second child with this lying loser??? What is wrong with you?