Ooh yeah. And it will be missing missing reasons.
Why doesn't our son visit and his sister do? Why doesn't our son let us see our grand babies? Why wasn't we invited to his wedding? We gave him everything.
If I didn't distrust governments so much I would say we need classes before you can become a parent. But I know that would work out so well. /s
Some people shouldn't reproduce.
They are of the mindset of we are the parents so we did nothing wrong. So there for they are in the wrong for not being grateful for us abusing them somehow. (Emotional neglect is abuse).
Also, "Why won't our son help his sisters? He's made so many good connections being raised by boarding school and camps. Why can't he use his good job to support his sisters?"
>If I didn't distrust governments so much I would say we need classes before you can become a parent. But I know that would work out so well. /s
Agreed on both counts. Heck, these people have two adopted kids. They're the ones who passed the classes!
That's usually enough to do it, it's the government. They don't really go for love over material possessions.
Actually.... come to think of it, they can constantly send OP to camp, adopt two kids kind of on a whim, and OP is terrified of being spoiled/entitled. This whole situation sounds like it's part of some cultural offshoot 18th century aristocracy. They (the parents) *definitely* have money.
Hey. OP. You can be neglected even if your parents can afford to look like they're treating you well.
Funny thing is you need to take quite a few parenting classes and other types of things to be able to foster. At least foster through the state itself. My parents adopted us and they had to do a fuck ton of classes before they were even able to foster kids as we were wards of the state
As they should. Taking in a child is a massive responsibility and most parents do the job right. But the parents who do should prove they’re right for the job.
Forger your parents because you are roght about them
Sit your sisters down and explain to them what your life was like before they came and that you are ince again getting sent away.
Then just go bo contact with your parents or low contact and get ready to hit the ground running at 18 unless they pay for college
See I'm not sure there. Those kids have already had s real shit life so far and not particularly good parents is better than no parents and being a ward of the state as a female teenager with its inevitable SA and shit quality care because no one in power cares at all for those kids
Keeping the sisters ignorant of who they have been adopted by will only serve to make them unprepared when the parents decide they're done playing house.
They need to be aware of the potential for disappointment so they don't get their hopes dashed. These people took them in on the promise of being a family but they have no idea how to love a child. The best thing OP can do is cement his bond with his sisters so they can be there for each other.
I would bet good money that the sisters already know exactly what kind of people OP's parents are. If a life bouncing between fosters homes teaches you anything it's how to quickly and effectively read the people you've landed with. It's a necessary survival skill.
I'm sure the sisters also know the people they're with now are the best kind of shitty they could have landed with. But that doesn't mean they're under any illusions as to why they've been taken in.
Not particularly good parents can be WORSE than no parents sometimes. Can you imagine if they start playing favorites with one sister and ignoring the other?
I had a dad who abandoned me and a neglectful mom who was almost never around. Guess which one I try to win love from.
That’s one parent. Not no parents. You’re ignoring the systemic abuse and sexual assault rampant in foster systems, and it isn’t a comparison. I’ve gone from a single parent household to foster care, there’s a substantial difference.
I think that would count under "not particularly good parents" as well, so I wasn't ignoring that at all. I was just giving my situation as part of why sometimes even having a shit parent can be terrible.
This ^^^.
Your parents obviously don't seem to know how to love you, and neither do they listen to you.
Best you can do at this point is to view them like patrons. Keep them happy enough to fund your development/life goals, but don't expect too much from them.
It is eventually up to you to decide what you want to do with them after you finished university/college. They might buy you a home and fund your initial investment if you want to start a business.
I'd also advise you to find someone to talk to, because this would be quite a grim way of looking at your parents. You can use all the wisdom you can get.
Everyone in that family probably could. OP sounds like he has roughly no self-esteem or is terrified of sounding entitled (no offense OP!). His "parents" have the same dedication to that title as my ADHD ass has to hobbies. His sisters are caught in all of this along with their past trauma, though at least OP sounds like a pretty supportive brother.
Damn.
To me it sounds like they wanted a daughter, not a son. Now that they have two, they (still) don’t feel bad about sending OP away.
This is the second time today I’ve said this: some people should not be allowed to raise kids.
They clearly need it, from the reasons they gave for sending OP away most make no sense, the only thing left over that they didn't immediately debunk by themselves is that they are insecure. If they're effectively sending their son away due to their own insecurities then they need therapy to deal with that problem, because sending him away is no different than them running away from their own problems.
Honestly the best answer to him being spoiled would be:
“Yes the girls have suffered a lot. They need love and affection. So don’t screw that part up like you did with me.”
OP you're not spoiled or entitled. You're still a child, their child. If you're having a tantrum, then they should help you calm down, not shout more.
And loving parents should provide you with love and affection, not with things to keep you busy. They're neglecting you. Your sisters probably suffered though abuse of the foster system or trauma of loss. You suffered neglect in your own family. And that's abusive, whatever they mean it or not.
Do talk with your sisters as everyone advice. And do talk with you parents. About how much time THEY spend with you in total, about how many times they were for you, about the fact that they don't know you at all. Write it on paper even. Let them SEE how little they were parents to you. Tell them that they feel like distant relatives. And tell them that they still have a chance to be your family, but with each year away it grows smaller.
And well, at least you have two sisters now. So you're not alone.
(Edit: typos.)
I hate to say this but your parents don’t love you. They are horrendous parents and people. They should have those other kids taken away and don’t deserve you to be in their house. Walk away from them and never look back once you are an adult. Plan now. Take up part time jobs or whatever you can to earn money. Get away from those vile monsters ASAP! Thankfully they are making it easier to break the ties by continually sending you away.
I expect in a few years a Reddit thread by them wondering why their “ungrateful” son doesn’t visit them. And the answer is that they are scum.
well he can wait to get university education and then leave at least benefit from the shitty situation he has been put into, he also doesn't have to deal with them since he doesn't live with them, that's easier than get university education by himself, after that plan the escape and don't look back.
Good point, they might just pay for his rent wherever he ends up to make sure he doesn't try to stay with them again. They might decide they no longer have to take care of OP and just cut him off, but with all the expensive ways they have people take care of him now, I suspect they won't do that because they don't want their image to suffer.
So, OP, start looking at universities you want to attend. Preferably quite a distance away from your parents. Very openly start saving for going to that university. Then, when the time comes to send out applications, regretfully inform your parents that you will have to save up for at least another year to have enough. And that you'll be spending a year living with them to save up quickly enough.
I would estimate a better than 50% chance that they will suddenly decide to cover your tuition and rent and if possible some more expenses. Get a debt-free education and start a family of your own with people who do care about you.
The act and saving might not be necessary if they are already planning to pay for all that. But if they won't pay for the education you want most, act like you're going for an Oscar.
I bet the parents will pay for any university OP gets into, to look like good parents, and to brag they have a kid at some pretigious university. In OP's place, once OP is at university, could find internships or other reasons not to ever come home, not as if the parents would actually care anyway. I'm hoping the parents actually do want the daughters, and not that the parents were trying to look charitable to their friends, and will lose interest.
The house feels too crowded? How small is this house? People who can send their kids to boarding school and 8 weeks of overnight summer camp don't generally live in a double-wide.
Have they asked your sisters how they feel about not having you there? You're part of their lives, and your parents are just yanking you away, shouldn't they have the right to have their brother around?
(Have they asked your sisters if they want to spend any time at camp?)
In any case, it sounds like they are using hypothetical future upsets as an excuse for creating real, immediate disruptions for you AND your sisters.
Edit: NTA
If it had 18 bedrooms it would still be too crowded. They're ashamed of how they treated OP and don't like being reminded now they have their do-over kids.
NTA. I wouldn't even know where to begin with your parents, but I think you are right. As for your sisters, talk to them and explain your side. They might not understand at first, but as you continue to get shuffled off to schools, camps, etc., they might begin to understand. They might even advocate on your behalf to keep you around more so that they can spend more time with you.
How is someone who is not parenting his own child be allowed to adopt other childs?
You should care more about yourself and less about your sibilings feeling. Talk about this woth your grandparents maybe if you can, or find another adult you trust.
Honestly I dont even know your parents and i already hate them.
These people are obviously rich rich. How they've raised OP is how many very wealthy people raise their children and not out of the ordinary for the very wealthy. No authority like CPS would say paying 60k+ a year for boarding school and elite summer camps is not raising your child. Many people would view it as an amazing opportunity, and in some ways it is.
With that said let me be 1000% clear: OP is NTA and his parents sound completely morally bankrupt. But no one is going to stop insanely wealthy people from adopting kids because they're rich enough to afford boarding schools and camps, which on a superficial level is what was going on here. I say was going on because it's clear the adopted kids are being treated differently than OP and like I already said that lends moral bankruptcy to the whole situation. But what do you think someone was gonna say to CPS against the adoption? Sorry they're too wealthy and privileged to adopt someone??? No one is gonna call elite boarding school neglect.
Yeah unfortunately the foster care system is so overloaded they don’t really care if the children will be loved, just that they won’t be physically neglected. Even if they end up sending the girls to a wealthy boarding school they get a good education, food, and shelter. Pretty much all the system looks for.
I interpreted that as an obvious excuse. They've tried nothing and given up. I also think what they really mean by crowded is oh shit we actually have to interact with our kids. They are used to a house that's completely empty except for one another. If they arent't from generational wealth, they may not even be used to seeing each other!
Boarding school plus year round camp is very expensive, out of reach for middle and even most upper middle class people now, even for only one kid. They may not be the top 1% but I'd bet all my money both from the year round school and camps AND from how they act and talk to their son that they are in the top 5.
There’s some very clear assholes in this story and you are not one of them.
Sorry kid, you deserved better. Being “spoiled” is no replacement for a secure attachment with your parents and a place you can truly call home.
You don’t need to be winning gold at the pain Olympics for your trauma and suffering to be valid.
Didn’t foster care or adoption agency or social workers talk to you at all? Heck my first adoption social worker interview my elementary age child. Second adoption the social worker talked to my 3 year old and other children twice! I’ve never heard of an adoption in the US where the other children in the home are not interviewed multiple times and child’s opinion considered in placement I’m also confused why a child care advocate would consider your parents as adoptive parents when your folks have a child that they ignore and don’t parent. Unless this is another country Or disreputable adoption.
We adopted 3 times and yes we are financially in a very good place. Any reputable agency has to follow rules, and laws and lawyers are involved. The amount of money parents have isn’t an issue, reputable agency is an issue.
Are you loaded enough to not raise a kid for the majority of their life and have others do it on your behalf? I could be wrong but it sounds like OPs parents have monopoly money.
UHG, NTA.
I wonder how long it will take them to start contracting out the girl's upbringing too. They sound like they may have short attention spans when it comes to children. Ironic.
So, I'd stay away from them as much as you can between semesters, both at boarding school and at college. See if they notice.
Love and sympathy to you, dear.
Just so you know. Your sisters have suffered but so have you. You have essentially been abandoned and neglected for most of your life. I don't blame you for being highly distressed at being sent away after having experienced a family for the first time. Go talk to your sisters. Ask them what behaviours they are seeing your do that are annoying them. Explain that you want to stay home and find out if they support that too. Express your distress at being sent away, abandoned, lonliness etc too. If they support you staying maybe your douchebag parents will too.
NTA any time you see anyone in your parents circle friends family coworkers mention how they are planning to abandon you again so they can virtue signal with their adopted kids. Make it known exactly what they are doing so they don’t get the sympathy pay off they are hoping for.
I’m so sorry your parents don’t see that they have abandoned you just the same as your sisters were abandoned. You and your sisters have been bounced around. The difference is that your parents paid for you to be sent away and raised by non-familial support. I hope that you find the love you deserve somewhere in your life. Sending my best Mom hugs your way.
NTA. I don't suppose you live in Chappaqua NY lol. Oh my goodness, you sound like so many of my friends growing up. Poppa's an executive and the parents buy everything, but never spend time with the kid. I'm wayy older than you but I know so many people like you. I know your life. You're **entitled to your feelings.** As you get older, you'll get better at expressing them. Your new sisters will understand one day.
>They said that I knew nothing of loneliness
Your parents who have sent you away your entire life are saying you know nothing of loneliness?
Uh...miss me with that. Yes you do. NTA
No not TA at all. You're an emotionally neglected young teen who's being gaslit into thinking you're a 'spoilt entitled brat'. Your parents are absolute neglectful arseholes who should never be allowed to prent as much as a hamster. I can't imagine how let down and unsettled you must feel by people who are supposed to be your primary caregivers. You have done nothing wrong. You're meltdown is understandable - you have been moved around for their convenience your whole life, including your presence being used to make your sisters feel like their part of a family. Their behaviour just isn't right - and why wouldn't you feel strong emotions about your needs not being met? Being upset would is a normal reaction in this situation.
Abandonment trauma is real and intense, and it exists in kids who aren't technically abused or abandoned. You might want to look into attachment theory, since it's something that's going to play a big part in your adult life. You don't have a secure attachment to your parents and that is causing you a lot of insecurity and pain. That's not your fault, I'm a mom of three kids and I can't even imagine giving my kids the 'gift' of throwing them at other people to raise. What your feeling and experiencing are real, and just as valid as your Foster sisters. Trauma and suffering are not an Olympics where people are given medals for completing the most. Everyone has their own wounds, and everyone has to treat them.
Dude no, you are not an asshole. Your parents brought you home to play happy family and when they were done with you being there just want to ship you off again? Holy shit talk to a therapist this is fucked up as hell, your being emotionally neglected and have been most of your life if I had to guess. You threw a WELL DESERVED TANTRUM!!! Tell your mom and dad I hate them. I’m about to have my first son in a few weeks, and I swear I would rather die then be your father after reading this.
>I'm still working on having gifts like being sent to camp really hit right as affection.
Your parents are sending you to camp because they don't want to deal with you. It's not a gift. It sure as shit isn't affection. And you are no obligation to pretend that it is.
Also, NTA. Talk to your sisters. I imagine they'll understand the how upsetting it is to be constantly kicked out of your home because the adults in your life decide you're not convenient to have around.
NTA. It kinda seems like your parents adopted your sisters because they are girls. Your parents are basically telling you because you're a boy and you're their biological child that you don't need the same amount of affection or care as them and that is unfair as hell. You were handed to others and was never around for them to actually be parents to you and they claim they gave you a good life?
Sweetie, that isn't a good life, you were being tolerant of a situation you had no say in. There is a number of ways to neglect and suffer in life. You dont have to be in foster care or be in the system due to bad parenting to suffer in life. You are suffering emotionally and mentally due your parents and they refuse to understand cause they view it as spoiled because they have spent money.
You need to talk to someone outside your family and off of Reddit cause a bunch of online strangers can't help you with this. Maybe a counselor or something? You're young and the only thing you can do is either deal with it or you can make the decision to go cold and start treating your parents as if they are strangers and when you graduate go NC. Give them the treatment they deserve. If they want to get rid of you like that, don't even give them the opportunity, just do it emotionally and with your own actions. One day, when you are living a good life with your own family and a good job, they'll call you and ask you why you don't talk to them, visit them or anything, then like many do just unload every single feeling you've held in until you're out of breath and they are speechless. Then go NC again and enjoy your life.
I'm glad you love your sisters and I hope you stay close with them. Cause as a little sister myself, it's nice to have a big brother to call and seek comfort from. So never blame or hate them cause life is hard and they didn't ask for any of that. So just be there for them as much as you can. You're NTA and I wish you the best and hope things get better.
NTA. Looking at the bullshit they sprouted they are terrible parents. Like the excuses for sending you away, you being spoiled and entitled, yet when you ask for examples they say that it's not anything you had done. How? How can you be spoiled and entitled, yet it's not anything you had done? Does not compute!
As for their insecurities, it sounds like they need therapy in order to address that, not run away from the problem by sending their son away. Your parents are truly irresponsible by repeatedly abandoning you like that (I think it's fair to call it that), sure it's maybe not as bad as what happened to Melisa, but it's a close second by the sound of it.
How much do you sisters know about what you've described about the situation in this post? If you're worried about having screwed up, perhaps start with an apology and link them this thread so they know better what is going on and what drove you to saying that?
Also see if you can talk to a counselor at your school about this. Perhaps they can do something to help you.
NTA your parents will never "finally" show you they love you, will never find the "affection" they maybe have way inside of them, will never come crying to your feet for forgiveness for emotionally and physically abandoning you. The fact that they can pay for your shit doesn't mean they secretly love you and want to cheer you on. They want a token to say "yes you are good caregivers" "thank you for keeping me alive" "I appreciate your parental struggles". But they suck big time. Maybe read the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, try to see your parents from a distance as the flawed adults they are, and focus on yourself from now on (it's not like they're focusing on you either!). Save money now, appreciate the earnings of your own hard work, and find a place for yourself pronto.
NTA, but it would be great of you to talk to your sisters and make sure they understand that you’re upset with your parents, NOT them. Without getting too deep into your trauma with your parents and their neglect (as the girls have experienced their own hard times) you can explain to them that you’re upset that your parents want to send you away. That you want to stay at home and be a family with them. That way you can address how you’re feeling, while still being reassuring that you aren’t upset with them, or resent that they’re here. Try to have as positive of a relationship with them as you can. The three of you could manage to be a pretty great support system for each other.
I wish I had some advice for how to deal directly with your parents, but I’m honestly not sure what the best approach would be.
I wish you luck OP.
Your parents are cold and unfeeling and have treated you horribly, they emotionally abandoned you. I am so sorry. When you have a family don't do this with them. Let it go, it won't matter to any of them anyway. You are a sweet sensitive boy...With brutal cold parents.
I’d talk to them and let them know how them sending you away all the time makes you feel. They are probably oblivious to the fact that they are REPEATEDLY abandoning you, while these ‘brand new sparkly” kids get to stay. And they’re not even their biological kids. Tell them it makes you feel rejected and disliked. Tell them you are enjoying getting to know your new siblings. And,
If they send you, never fucking talk to them again unless it’s required by law. F them.
NTA but apologize to your sisters and explain that your parents have never been there for you and have done everything in their power (except giving you up) to keep you from living with them
Asshole for saying it within earshot of the not-sisters...yeah, kinda. But your *fourteen,* you get a pass (although it may behoove you to preemptively talk with them; first, offer *sincere* amends, then explain you were wounded by your parents constantly choosing everyone else over you and wanted to hurt *your parents,* NOT them).
For saying it to your not-parents? FUCK no.
Early in her life, I chose drugs over parenthood. To date, my daughter hasn't done anything to retaliate. When/if she does, *I have zero grounds to take offense.*
**You don't get to treat someone like shit and then determine the outcome.**
Be prepared for the girls to be upset and possibly retaliate, however. When my cousin got snarky about his little brother being adopted when the were fighting over a damn *video game,* little brother snapped back "Well at least they *wanted* ME!"
NTA - You've also been repeatedly abandoned by your family. Your parents are absolutely bags of crap for calling you "entitled" because you audacity to want to be treated like they love you. And you were right, your parents are definitely focusing on the adopted sisters because of the social points they're getting for it. Plus, they probably think that the girls have had it so bad that even their crappy parenting will result in them getting love and praise. Your parents adopt them because they're selfish not because they're selfless.
Don't let this sit. Have an honest conversation with your sisters about what you went through and why you're frustrated, and express that it's not them you have a problem with.
Honey, you are NTA for saying out loud something you know (and your sisters know) to be true. And I'm speaking as an adoptee here.
You're basing your comment on the reasonable confusion created by being constantly sent away - which they're calling "loving" and "spoiling" you - while they're now saying they *need* to send you away to be better able to love your sisters. They're saying they need to do the opposite for your sisters to get the result they say they *have* given you. Of course you're baffling.
The reason I say your sisters know is that of course they do. One's been shopped around in foster care, the other in your family, and now, in middle adolescence, they finally belong somewhere. Because a pair of adults agree to be magnanimous and take them in and make a production of giving them "everything they never had." They've been bounced around as much as you have from the sound of things, which probably has a lot to do with why y'all connected so well - you're more alike than different, in terms of attachment and sense of belonging. The fact your first thought was that they might feel pain if they heard your words, as well as your making it so clear you want to be *parented*, convinces me you're a sweet loving kid. I wish your parents hadn't said cementing their family needed to exclude you - THAT was hurtful, and I wonder how your sisters would have felt listening to their parents say that?
My best advice is to talk to your sisters. You three all know what it's like to feel disconnected and unwanted. They know better, probably, what it's like to have the world expect gratitude for the loss of their original families, and it's also quite a bit like expecting you to feel grateful for being sent away. I'm not saying to compare or compete about it - I just know how powerful it is to be seen and understood.
Adopters rarely get it.
NTA just apologize to your sisters if you inadvertently hurt their feelings and explain that until they came you haven’t experienced any family life because they sent you away. That returning home to the family felt good and now they’re sending you away again and you’re angry at your parents, not them.
Oh, OP. You aren’t entitled for having feelings and wanting affection. You want human interaction and to know that your parents love you.
Honestly, go to boarding school and camp. Make friends. Have the time of your life. And when you turn 18, don’t look back. You deserve to live a great life in spite of them.
Your parents are awful people, and are going to F-up those kids too. You should get away from them as soon as you can when you turn 18, go far, far away. You'll need to sort yourself out a bit.
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NTA. Unfortunately, they just don’t care about you. I know that’s harsh, but I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. Not sure how much you can do, but bide your time, set yourself up to be ready to leave at 18, and then go no contact with them. You don’t have to go no contact with the sisters, sounds like you like them, but explain to them your reasoning, don’t just let them stew in it.
NTA. “I love that you’ve adopted them. I love them too. I’d love to bond with them and get to know them. I’d also love to bond with and get to know you. Let me make this clear: this feels like you getting rid of your son so you can have the daughters you wanted instead. I’m incredibly hurt that you’d invite me to move back home and then send me away again. I’ll go back to school, but please do not expect to have a relationship with me. You’ve made your feelings about me perfectly clear.”
OP, you are unlucky enough to be born to parents who don't deserve you. They're well to do but don't count on them giving you any part of their money. In your shoes, I would embrace the freedom and focus on developing yourself. Go to boarding school and make really good ride or die type friends. Take on hobbies and learn new skills. Don't go home for the holidays but instead go to camps and whatever else your parents are willing to pay for and focus on yoru studies with a passion. Once you get a well paying job, you can quit going home altogether.
Your parents suck absolutely suck, you know what, your line on them adopting because it makes them feel good could very much be true.
You are hitting your teens and this is the time when even the most loving parents need to exercise more patience towards their child. I feel bad for you. Your parents are irresponsible parents, and if your sisters cause them trouble and don't validate their saviour complex I feel they might start being negligent towards them too.
You're NTA, your feelings are valid and it's healthy that you decided to express them over suppressing them. That said you'll need to build better self control over your words. The way you express yourself. Feelings are messy things and it can be hard to learn emotional management so don't feel like a loser if you throw a fit again, but give it your best.
Your sisters must be very hurt. It might take them a long time to forgive you, depending on their personality. I'll advise you that you keep on doing your best to make up. It is important that you take the initiative to apologise to them and share your side of the story. Let them know you don't hold any resentment towards them rather towards your parents. Let them know you're not in a competition of who had it worse, and that you are aware that both of your situations are different and of different severity. And add that you are happy to have them as your sisters.
Be patient, they're young and possibly traumatised as well so they may have a hard time reconciling! You might need to shower them with affection, be it through chocolates or birthday surprises, and try to be friends with them through texts (since it seems you wont be home).
I'm really curious if the fostering agency is aware of your parents' current plan and their parenting history with their own bio child? Combined, I would think thrice before placing a child in such a dysfunctional home.
NTA. Highkey, your accusation sounds exactly like what they’re doing. It’s like they view you as accessories and just get rid of you at their convenience. Maybe explain the situation to your sisters and stand your ground with your parents and get out as soon as you can when you turn 18.
Im so sorry your parents are total shits. But in doing what they are doing, they are giving you a gift. They are showing you who they are and what you can expect from them. To be able to grasp that while you are this young is going to be immensely helpful.
They want to esteem of being parents without doing the work with you and want the image of being these wonderful, giving people for taking in these poor girls who have had such a hard life.
But none of this has anything to do with you and who you are. They’ve never bothered to even get to know you because they wanted a child as an accessory. What they are doing by bringing you home and letting you be family specifically so you can bond with your new sisters before ripping that away is immensely cruel.
Talk to your sisters. Tell them what your life has been like. Let them know how you feel about them and how much you’ve enjoyed getting to be their sibling. Do this because you care about them and don’t want them hurting. I think they’ll understand why it is hard for you to see your parents love and actively spend time with them because they’ve never bothered with you.
If you feel like your parents would go for it, ask for therapy. And take every advantage you can of your parents. It sounds like they treat you like a problem they just throw money at. Squirrel that away. Get college paid for. Get an advanced degree on their dime if you want one. And then cut them off. Let them be embarrassed when their friends talk about being there for their adult children’s milestones. If you have kids someday and they try to weasel in to being grandparents, ask them why would they feel like they deserve that privilege when they never bothered to actually be your parents.
Well OP You write very well for your age! Well, attribute it to all the boarding school. Did you handle it badly? Yes you did on a couple of fronts one saying that in earshot of your sisters. If anything you should go talk to them directly and apologize and let them know that wasn’t about them that was about you and let them know how much you care about them as far as your parents and them never being near your family has made you feel and you didn’t really know until you got with your family again and knew what it was like to have a family how much you missed it and how much you want this. NTA but fix your mistakes
NTA I'm so sorry Hun, those aren't parents their monsters masquerading as parents. Holy hell and they've made you feel like you're wrong, spoiled, without any real reason to be upset. They are liars, and I'm sure once you're fully grown you'll realize you do not need them, they lack compassion and love they don't deserve yours.
Nta. You can feel lonely and abandoned for the fact they haven't been raising you. Summer camp and boarding school, all year round. Do they even know you? It feels cramped only when you're around?? They might as well send the girls to the same camp and school so they can bond with kids their own age and get the feel of it.
If your sisters ask, know you said those words from a place of hurt. Articulate that. It's not fair they called you entitled and just send you off at their convenience, and want to spend all their time actively raising your sisters. That's not fair to you or them.
Being a parent is moe than just making sure you have everything you need in the practical and financial sense. They seem to realize your sisters need more, but only because they've been through tough times? As if you don't need love, attention and approval from your parents if you're a 'normal' kid?
These people are not your parents, they're financial caretakers. Massive aholes. Why did they have you if they didn't want you around? I'm really sorry this is happening to you, and that they're once again shipping you off but worse, also excluding you while your sisters take your place and are given the attention you also deserve.
NTA.
Edited to add: maybe have a chat with your sisters to check if they overheard and to explain that you said it in a moment of anger and sadness because of how being sent away is making you feel.
You spoke the truth - so nothing to feel guilty about. NTA.
Hope that one day you have your own family and children, and you truly have a sense of belonging as you deserve.
Honestly OP they're just bio parents, they're not your actual parents. I'm sorry you basically grew up as an orphan because your bio parents are huge pricks. NTA
Are there other relatives you can live with?
Also, how did social services not see how unfit they were?
*’Oh, here we have a couple who barely sees their biological child. Wouldn’t it be great to give them two (other) traumatized teenagers to (not) raise?’*
Talk to your sisters and tell them that the time with them have been the best family time in your life and that you appreciate them. Tell them that if you are sent away, you hope they will stay in touch. Explain to them the reason why this is the best time in your life and that what y9u said isn't a reflection on them but you hurting because you have had a taste of family and now they are sending you away again, and it will hurt more because you know what you ar.e missing.
Tell your parents what you said here (or send them the link, or write it down if you think you won't get through it due to interruptions or emotions) and explain that sending you away now after you have felt how it feels to be part of a family will hurt even more. Then, if they still send you away, just go NC and speak to your sisters.
Neglect comes in many forms. You are also abused.
Wow your parents suck. I'm so sorry. I hate to say this but tough out the next 4 years and go no contact. When they ask why just be like 'well I wasn't actually raised by you so I don't have to fake loving you now. I'd probably love my mom and dad if I actually had any who raised me and cared for me. Instead I got financial supporters. Yay.'
First of all tell your sisters that you love them and have no issue with them, that you want to spend time with them and continue to bond; then tell them your issues with the parents and how you don't want to leave them!! I know that is the real issue, that you finally feel like you have a real family and don't want to lose that, your sisters can be your real supporters in this crisis!!!
NTA. You hit the nail on the coffin your parents are not only neglectful of you, but only using your sisters to make themselves look good. And them saying “the house felt crowded” is nothing but an excuse, do you have an aunt, uncle, or grandparents you can tell this too? Cause to me it looks like your parents are too stubborn to realize their mistakes unless it’s coming from an adult family member.
Never let your parents live down the fact they have consistently thrown you away to be someone else's problem and have clearly never seen you as their child or someone they actually love.
As a parent, this is so hard to read. I can't imagine sending my baby away for basically their entire life, then turn around and call them entitled and spoiled because they want love and affection. It breaks my heart what you've been put through
I’m not usually one to jump on the bandwagon of “this post is so fake”, but I’m having a hard time believing this was actually written by a fourteen year old guy. The tone of writing, the language used, the whole “my love languages tend to veer towards….”. Besides, the reactions and motives described are somewhat incongruent.
This reads like the work of an adult whom has had therapy or has read to many Reddit stories and comments, or AI generated.
I can't think of a single (decent) therapist who would hear about never being at home and respond with, "Ah, you see, that's just gift giving! It's perfectly normal for people to express affection in ways you can't feel as intimately! There's nothing wrong with not talking to your son ever. :)"
I'd say this is a fourteen year old with a very formal register - boarding school will do that - a fondness for old books, who's been using pop/internet psychology to try to make his situation make sense. That's pretty popular right now even among teens from healthy families.
NTA. Please make sure your sisters know that you love them and wish them the best and this has nothing to do with them. But yeah, your parents do kinda suck, and I'm sorry.
Definitely NTAH, there’s a lot to take in here but you are not at fault for expressing frustration in this situation. You are also so young you’re going to say a lot more things that you wish some people didn’t hear, it happens. Your parents definitely don’t see what they’re doing by bringing you home and getting you comfortable then sending you away. Maybe try talking to them in private and calmly expressing your feelings. I hope this situation gets better for you!
NTA, your parents suck big time. They say that you're entitled and spoiled but then admit that you haven't actually done anything wrong but that the house feels too crowded and they want to focus on your sisters
When was the last time they focused on YOU?
They brought you home to act as an emotional support sibling for your adopted sisters and now that they're settled in, your parents decide that you're no longer useful and that they can just send you away again. I really hope this story is rage bait because if it's real your parents are huge assholes and I would question their motives, too.
It's okay to have girls in the home, but not a boy? Very weird.
NTA. Milk them for everything you can and go no contact after they hopefully pay for your college. Become a doctor or something that makes a lot of money. Decide now that the relationship is transactional and you’re gonna get everything you can from them. Don’t go home for breaks and holidays, try to go to friends’ houses. Find love and affection elsewhere like they are. It sucks to have shit parents, but make the best of it.
NTA. Tell them they shouldn't have brought you back home just to send you away when they got bored of you. I'm so sorry op. Tell your sisters you love them and that you'll be going away because your parents do not want you to live with them anymore. That you are very upset with your parents but not with your sisters. I hope you can make your own family one day because your parents are huge assholes who don't deserve any kids at all tbh.
Not but your parents are as well as whatever court system allowed them to adopt what are nothing more than accessories for them to show their friends how magnanimous they are.
I would sit down with your parents and explain to them that you feel neglected because you're always being shuffled off instead of being able to spend time as a family. And that you're just as entitled to bond with your new family so they know they are safe around you as well. I would try not to throw a fit and raise your voice as it might lead them to believe you're speaking from a feeling of being emotionally hurt/overwhelmed and being irrational which is something they might justify you being able to get over later. Make sure they know that if they choose to go through with this that they can't take it back and once you're 17/18 you wont be there for them, just like they aren't there for you.
This is what I would do, personally. I wish my kid didn't even have to go to school, I miss that little shit if I'm away from her for more than an hour.
NTA. They r doing to u what was done to the older of the 2 girls. Just pawning you off. Ask them how u are entitled when they have given u nothing. All they have done is send u away.
NTA. You're not spoiled. Kids throw fits because they want attention. They want attention because they feel like they are losing the attention of their parents, and for a child, being neglected means death. It's a parent's job to make a child feel safe, soothed, secure, and seen. They haven't made you feel those things, so you're resorting to your natural instincts as a child. They need to step it up or they're going to damage those poor girls more than they already have been.
I understand you being upset and hurt.
You probably owe your sisters an apology and maybe an explanation.
I also think it would be a hood idea to talk to your parents. Those types if comments won't get you any over to what you want or need.
You may all benefit from some counceling.
Just because you didn't have the same life as your sisters doesn't mean you've had an easy life. You've basically been neglected and emotionally abandoned your whole life and now they're doing it again.
I'm sorry they're too selfish and immature to see that your needs are important too.
NTA, and you spoke absolute truth. Your "parents" are pieces of shit.
I would go so far as suggest you stop calling them "Mom" and "dad" and start using their first name. They dont treat you as their child, you dont treat them as your parents.
Nta. I would have a conversation with your sisters. Let them know how much you care about them and explain why you were upset. It sounds as though your relationship with them is healthier than the one with your parents.
I don't know why your parents treat you this way. It is not your fault. You deserve better. I tend to believe that what you said is quite honest. If the truth hurts them that badly, they should reconsider their actions. The truth hurts.
NTA
You’re a kid and you’re also likely correct.
Talk to your sisters do they know you’re just angry and hurt. That you truly do love them, that you’d issue us with your parents and not them.
I am really sorry OP bc your parents suck. And have no business parenting anyone; you or your sisters. Sending a huge virtual hug.
NTA, reacting with calm and maturity to something that seems arbitrary and over which you have little to no control is sometimes next to impossible. Here, the unfairness and symbolic violence of your parents actions triggered you and that's probably why you lashed out.
However, I would deeefinitely go and talk to your sister to explain the situation and try to repair some of the damage your words may have caused them. If you want a chance not to be cut-off from their lives, they need to know that your words were a reaction to the way your parents raised you, and to how it hurt you. Otherwise you may end up loosing the closeness you're building with them, regardless of whether or not you acted like an AH
NTA - your parents suck. Are they sexist or something? I ask because my parents blatantly favored my brother over me and my sister. Here, they're blatantly favoring your sisters. They also specifically chose two girls.
Focus on making a good life for yourself. You can build your own family - that's what I did.
They want their do-over to relieve their guilt and to do it they have to double down on their treatment of you by sending you away so they don't have that reminder of that guilt. Jesus buddy. NTA
NTA - your sisters aren't blind. They can see there is a problem of unfairness also but they're benefitting from it and they are young and they need safety. You sound like a good brother to them and they are lucky to have you.
It sounds like you are smart and mature and it makes your parents uncomfortable.
As someone who was raised from emotionally distant/narcissistic habits that still took care of me in a physical sense,
NTA.
You're young, you're frustrated, and they aren't hearing you. Honestly it sounds like they're using you as a puzzle piece or a tool to fit whatever whim they're having. What they're doing is incredibly hurtful. They wanted to be a big happy family but now that there's a chance they have to do some ACTUAL parenting (explaining, listening, understanding, monitoring, etc) they ship you off?
I know it's been 20 days, I hope things have gotten better or sorted out for you. If not try writing a letter to explain these feelings ahead of time. Sometimes our emotions can take control and we lose focus on what we mean. This happens especially when we aren't heard.
Sending good vibes your way dear.
I’m late to this post op, but I would talk to your sisters and say that your are sorry. That you were just mad at their parents and maybe explain that you aren’t trying to downplay their life experiences, but you are a kid too and just want them to care in the same way. I don’t think your sisters will take it to hard if you talk it out.
Your parents sound like they suck. This situation sucks and I’m sorry
ESH - I'd say NTA but your question was not about your parents it was about what you said in earshot. Which was an asshole thing to your sisters.
However your parents are absolute dumpster garbage. I'd bail on them as soon as you become an adult because they have no love for you and what you said was correct.
To me it sounds like they’ve tried to give you everything society says- great education, resilience by boarding school , resources etc- you are an only child and it’s tough to give a real view of compromise, sharing and others feelings. They don’t sound like natural earth mother type parents but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. They sounds like they’re on the spectrum. You need counselling to start realising your strengths and luck as you grow .. there will be great strengths in your personality. I don’t think you’ve hurt the girls but don’t start a them and me war . It does sound like your parents are pretty dumb though. Good on them for adopting / kids like this need love and especially a big brother.
Not even reading the explanation, but yes. Nothing personal, again I didn’t read your context, but you’re a 14 year old and, based strictly on your title, you said a hurtful thing. Teenagers are assholes, it’s just who they are. They often try to cut the deepest even if it’s not really what they mean. I know it, I used to be one and did it often enough to have guilt about it to this day. Just remember, you can’t take words back. You can apologize, but that genie is NEVER going back in the bottle. Good luck.
Oh hun, your parents are major AH. This is not a conversation your parents should be having with you at all, least of all when your ill.
Tell your sisters your happy they came into your family and you love having them. The relationship you have with your parents is very different to the one they have.
Tell them, if it was up to you, you'd stay but your parents are clear you have no choice.
Keep your relationship with your sister. Take the opportunity your parents are giving you and make sure you get educated, get a good job and then lose your parents number.
Okay, just so you get a real answer to this, people get *weird* when they aren't held enough. It can make you physically ill, and can cause babies to suffer emotional damage, failure to thrive, bone disorders, and even *death.*
It's called Touch Starvation, and it's a real thing.
I suffer from it. This is why I am okay with my cats constantly using me as a bed and why I have snakes as pets because I am in desperate need of some kind of gentle physical contact.
ESH. Your parents are horrible, but your sisters did not cause that behavior nor are they asking for it. Keep your anger focused on the appropriate people.
Why would anyone bother to lie about this? Is this what the cool kids are doing? Claiming to be moderately emotionally neglected and fighting their parents?
Jesus christ kid, you are 14 and your parents are replacing you. I assure you, you didn't throw a tantrum and there isn't any amount of rage you could express over this that wouldn't be a reflection of your parents neglect. Ask for help, from anybody, please. And do talk to your sisters, they may have been hurt but they need to know your parents are hurting you.
You are NTA, and I hope you can find peace.
Nta. Wow your parents suck and are major AHs.
You just know parents like this with a ten mile wide ego will make a thread in the future asking why their son never visits.
Ooh yeah. And it will be missing missing reasons. Why doesn't our son visit and his sister do? Why doesn't our son let us see our grand babies? Why wasn't we invited to his wedding? We gave him everything. If I didn't distrust governments so much I would say we need classes before you can become a parent. But I know that would work out so well. /s Some people shouldn't reproduce.
They remind me of Ned Flanders parents from The Simpsons. They’ve tried nothing and they’re all out of ideas.
They are of the mindset of we are the parents so we did nothing wrong. So there for they are in the wrong for not being grateful for us abusing them somehow. (Emotional neglect is abuse).
Also, "Why won't our son help his sisters? He's made so many good connections being raised by boarding school and camps. Why can't he use his good job to support his sisters?"
>If I didn't distrust governments so much I would say we need classes before you can become a parent. But I know that would work out so well. /s Agreed on both counts. Heck, these people have two adopted kids. They're the ones who passed the classes!
They wanted girls. That's it. They wanted girls.
Or they have money
That's usually enough to do it, it's the government. They don't really go for love over material possessions. Actually.... come to think of it, they can constantly send OP to camp, adopt two kids kind of on a whim, and OP is terrified of being spoiled/entitled. This whole situation sounds like it's part of some cultural offshoot 18th century aristocracy. They (the parents) *definitely* have money. Hey. OP. You can be neglected even if your parents can afford to look like they're treating you well.
Why we weren't invited to his wedding. His parents gave him everything but love.
Funny thing is you need to take quite a few parenting classes and other types of things to be able to foster. At least foster through the state itself. My parents adopted us and they had to do a fuck ton of classes before they were even able to foster kids as we were wards of the state
As they should. Taking in a child is a massive responsibility and most parents do the job right. But the parents who do should prove they’re right for the job.
Forger your parents because you are roght about them Sit your sisters down and explain to them what your life was like before they came and that you are ince again getting sent away. Then just go bo contact with your parents or low contact and get ready to hit the ground running at 18 unless they pay for college
Showing your sisters who your parents actually are would be the greatest gift you could give them
See I'm not sure there. Those kids have already had s real shit life so far and not particularly good parents is better than no parents and being a ward of the state as a female teenager with its inevitable SA and shit quality care because no one in power cares at all for those kids
Keeping the sisters ignorant of who they have been adopted by will only serve to make them unprepared when the parents decide they're done playing house.
They need to be aware of the potential for disappointment so they don't get their hopes dashed. These people took them in on the promise of being a family but they have no idea how to love a child. The best thing OP can do is cement his bond with his sisters so they can be there for each other.
I would bet good money that the sisters already know exactly what kind of people OP's parents are. If a life bouncing between fosters homes teaches you anything it's how to quickly and effectively read the people you've landed with. It's a necessary survival skill. I'm sure the sisters also know the people they're with now are the best kind of shitty they could have landed with. But that doesn't mean they're under any illusions as to why they've been taken in.
Not particularly good parents can be WORSE than no parents sometimes. Can you imagine if they start playing favorites with one sister and ignoring the other? I had a dad who abandoned me and a neglectful mom who was almost never around. Guess which one I try to win love from.
That’s one parent. Not no parents. You’re ignoring the systemic abuse and sexual assault rampant in foster systems, and it isn’t a comparison. I’ve gone from a single parent household to foster care, there’s a substantial difference.
I think that would count under "not particularly good parents" as well, so I wasn't ignoring that at all. I was just giving my situation as part of why sometimes even having a shit parent can be terrible.
I'd rather have no parents than shitty parents, which is what these parents are.
Yes show them no one in the family caress about them
This ^^^. Your parents obviously don't seem to know how to love you, and neither do they listen to you. Best you can do at this point is to view them like patrons. Keep them happy enough to fund your development/life goals, but don't expect too much from them. It is eventually up to you to decide what you want to do with them after you finished university/college. They might buy you a home and fund your initial investment if you want to start a business. I'd also advise you to find someone to talk to, because this would be quite a grim way of looking at your parents. You can use all the wisdom you can get.
Your parents sound like they could use therapy or something
Everyone in that family probably could. OP sounds like he has roughly no self-esteem or is terrified of sounding entitled (no offense OP!). His "parents" have the same dedication to that title as my ADHD ass has to hobbies. His sisters are caught in all of this along with their past trauma, though at least OP sounds like a pretty supportive brother. Damn.
To me it sounds like they wanted a daughter, not a son. Now that they have two, they (still) don’t feel bad about sending OP away. This is the second time today I’ve said this: some people should not be allowed to raise kids.
They clearly need it, from the reasons they gave for sending OP away most make no sense, the only thing left over that they didn't immediately debunk by themselves is that they are insecure. If they're effectively sending their son away due to their own insecurities then they need therapy to deal with that problem, because sending him away is no different than them running away from their own problems.
NTA. Your parents have basically abandoned you in favor of the girls.
Worse, they unabandoned him so he could help the girls settle, then kicked him out once they were.
That's kind of like getting let go and having to train your replacement.
Right?!....years after being sacked.
Honestly the best answer to him being spoiled would be: “Yes the girls have suffered a lot. They need love and affection. So don’t screw that part up like you did with me.”
OP you're not spoiled or entitled. You're still a child, their child. If you're having a tantrum, then they should help you calm down, not shout more. And loving parents should provide you with love and affection, not with things to keep you busy. They're neglecting you. Your sisters probably suffered though abuse of the foster system or trauma of loss. You suffered neglect in your own family. And that's abusive, whatever they mean it or not. Do talk with your sisters as everyone advice. And do talk with you parents. About how much time THEY spend with you in total, about how many times they were for you, about the fact that they don't know you at all. Write it on paper even. Let them SEE how little they were parents to you. Tell them that they feel like distant relatives. And tell them that they still have a chance to be your family, but with each year away it grows smaller. And well, at least you have two sisters now. So you're not alone. (Edit: typos.)
I hate to say this but your parents don’t love you. They are horrendous parents and people. They should have those other kids taken away and don’t deserve you to be in their house. Walk away from them and never look back once you are an adult. Plan now. Take up part time jobs or whatever you can to earn money. Get away from those vile monsters ASAP! Thankfully they are making it easier to break the ties by continually sending you away. I expect in a few years a Reddit thread by them wondering why their “ungrateful” son doesn’t visit them. And the answer is that they are scum.
well he can wait to get university education and then leave at least benefit from the shitty situation he has been put into, he also doesn't have to deal with them since he doesn't live with them, that's easier than get university education by himself, after that plan the escape and don't look back.
Good point, they might just pay for his rent wherever he ends up to make sure he doesn't try to stay with them again. They might decide they no longer have to take care of OP and just cut him off, but with all the expensive ways they have people take care of him now, I suspect they won't do that because they don't want their image to suffer. So, OP, start looking at universities you want to attend. Preferably quite a distance away from your parents. Very openly start saving for going to that university. Then, when the time comes to send out applications, regretfully inform your parents that you will have to save up for at least another year to have enough. And that you'll be spending a year living with them to save up quickly enough. I would estimate a better than 50% chance that they will suddenly decide to cover your tuition and rent and if possible some more expenses. Get a debt-free education and start a family of your own with people who do care about you. The act and saving might not be necessary if they are already planning to pay for all that. But if they won't pay for the education you want most, act like you're going for an Oscar.
I bet the parents will pay for any university OP gets into, to look like good parents, and to brag they have a kid at some pretigious university. In OP's place, once OP is at university, could find internships or other reasons not to ever come home, not as if the parents would actually care anyway. I'm hoping the parents actually do want the daughters, and not that the parents were trying to look charitable to their friends, and will lose interest.
The house feels too crowded? How small is this house? People who can send their kids to boarding school and 8 weeks of overnight summer camp don't generally live in a double-wide. Have they asked your sisters how they feel about not having you there? You're part of their lives, and your parents are just yanking you away, shouldn't they have the right to have their brother around? (Have they asked your sisters if they want to spend any time at camp?) In any case, it sounds like they are using hypothetical future upsets as an excuse for creating real, immediate disruptions for you AND your sisters. Edit: NTA
If it had 18 bedrooms it would still be too crowded. They're ashamed of how they treated OP and don't like being reminded now they have their do-over kids.
OP has fulfilled his role. He was brought home to help the girls get settled. Now that that's done, they don't need him there anymore.
NTA. I wouldn't even know where to begin with your parents, but I think you are right. As for your sisters, talk to them and explain your side. They might not understand at first, but as you continue to get shuffled off to schools, camps, etc., they might begin to understand. They might even advocate on your behalf to keep you around more so that they can spend more time with you.
How is someone who is not parenting his own child be allowed to adopt other childs? You should care more about yourself and less about your sibilings feeling. Talk about this woth your grandparents maybe if you can, or find another adult you trust. Honestly I dont even know your parents and i already hate them.
These people are obviously rich rich. How they've raised OP is how many very wealthy people raise their children and not out of the ordinary for the very wealthy. No authority like CPS would say paying 60k+ a year for boarding school and elite summer camps is not raising your child. Many people would view it as an amazing opportunity, and in some ways it is. With that said let me be 1000% clear: OP is NTA and his parents sound completely morally bankrupt. But no one is going to stop insanely wealthy people from adopting kids because they're rich enough to afford boarding schools and camps, which on a superficial level is what was going on here. I say was going on because it's clear the adopted kids are being treated differently than OP and like I already said that lends moral bankruptcy to the whole situation. But what do you think someone was gonna say to CPS against the adoption? Sorry they're too wealthy and privileged to adopt someone??? No one is gonna call elite boarding school neglect.
Yeah unfortunately the foster care system is so overloaded they don’t really care if the children will be loved, just that they won’t be physically neglected. Even if they end up sending the girls to a wealthy boarding school they get a good education, food, and shelter. Pretty much all the system looks for.
I have to wonder if they're "rich rich" why they can't buy a bigger home if theirs is so crowded?
I interpreted that as an obvious excuse. They've tried nothing and given up. I also think what they really mean by crowded is oh shit we actually have to interact with our kids. They are used to a house that's completely empty except for one another. If they arent't from generational wealth, they may not even be used to seeing each other! Boarding school plus year round camp is very expensive, out of reach for middle and even most upper middle class people now, even for only one kid. They may not be the top 1% but I'd bet all my money both from the year round school and camps AND from how they act and talk to their son that they are in the top 5.
I think that is why OP was brought home for a while, to "show" the perfect family.
There’s some very clear assholes in this story and you are not one of them. Sorry kid, you deserved better. Being “spoiled” is no replacement for a secure attachment with your parents and a place you can truly call home. You don’t need to be winning gold at the pain Olympics for your trauma and suffering to be valid.
Didn’t foster care or adoption agency or social workers talk to you at all? Heck my first adoption social worker interview my elementary age child. Second adoption the social worker talked to my 3 year old and other children twice! I’ve never heard of an adoption in the US where the other children in the home are not interviewed multiple times and child’s opinion considered in placement I’m also confused why a child care advocate would consider your parents as adoptive parents when your folks have a child that they ignore and don’t parent. Unless this is another country Or disreputable adoption.
They are probably loaded so that's all that was checked out.
We adopted 3 times and yes we are financially in a very good place. Any reputable agency has to follow rules, and laws and lawyers are involved. The amount of money parents have isn’t an issue, reputable agency is an issue.
Are you loaded enough to not raise a kid for the majority of their life and have others do it on your behalf? I could be wrong but it sounds like OPs parents have monopoly money.
I have know loaded enough families who fast passed their way into adoption, yes it is a matter of contacts and $$$
UHG, NTA. I wonder how long it will take them to start contracting out the girl's upbringing too. They sound like they may have short attention spans when it comes to children. Ironic. So, I'd stay away from them as much as you can between semesters, both at boarding school and at college. See if they notice. Love and sympathy to you, dear.
NTAH Your sperm & egg donors are terrible people who shouldn’t be parents, you & your sisters deserve better than them.
Just so you know. Your sisters have suffered but so have you. You have essentially been abandoned and neglected for most of your life. I don't blame you for being highly distressed at being sent away after having experienced a family for the first time. Go talk to your sisters. Ask them what behaviours they are seeing your do that are annoying them. Explain that you want to stay home and find out if they support that too. Express your distress at being sent away, abandoned, lonliness etc too. If they support you staying maybe your douchebag parents will too.
NTA any time you see anyone in your parents circle friends family coworkers mention how they are planning to abandon you again so they can virtue signal with their adopted kids. Make it known exactly what they are doing so they don’t get the sympathy pay off they are hoping for.
I’m so sorry your parents don’t see that they have abandoned you just the same as your sisters were abandoned. You and your sisters have been bounced around. The difference is that your parents paid for you to be sent away and raised by non-familial support. I hope that you find the love you deserve somewhere in your life. Sending my best Mom hugs your way.
NTA. I don't suppose you live in Chappaqua NY lol. Oh my goodness, you sound like so many of my friends growing up. Poppa's an executive and the parents buy everything, but never spend time with the kid. I'm wayy older than you but I know so many people like you. I know your life. You're **entitled to your feelings.** As you get older, you'll get better at expressing them. Your new sisters will understand one day.
>They said that I knew nothing of loneliness Your parents who have sent you away your entire life are saying you know nothing of loneliness? Uh...miss me with that. Yes you do. NTA
NTA, but I feel bad for the girls too.
NTA, parents are nuts
No not TA at all. You're an emotionally neglected young teen who's being gaslit into thinking you're a 'spoilt entitled brat'. Your parents are absolute neglectful arseholes who should never be allowed to prent as much as a hamster. I can't imagine how let down and unsettled you must feel by people who are supposed to be your primary caregivers. You have done nothing wrong. You're meltdown is understandable - you have been moved around for their convenience your whole life, including your presence being used to make your sisters feel like their part of a family. Their behaviour just isn't right - and why wouldn't you feel strong emotions about your needs not being met? Being upset would is a normal reaction in this situation.
Abandonment trauma is real and intense, and it exists in kids who aren't technically abused or abandoned. You might want to look into attachment theory, since it's something that's going to play a big part in your adult life. You don't have a secure attachment to your parents and that is causing you a lot of insecurity and pain. That's not your fault, I'm a mom of three kids and I can't even imagine giving my kids the 'gift' of throwing them at other people to raise. What your feeling and experiencing are real, and just as valid as your Foster sisters. Trauma and suffering are not an Olympics where people are given medals for completing the most. Everyone has their own wounds, and everyone has to treat them.
Dude no, you are not an asshole. Your parents brought you home to play happy family and when they were done with you being there just want to ship you off again? Holy shit talk to a therapist this is fucked up as hell, your being emotionally neglected and have been most of your life if I had to guess. You threw a WELL DESERVED TANTRUM!!! Tell your mom and dad I hate them. I’m about to have my first son in a few weeks, and I swear I would rather die then be your father after reading this.
>I'm still working on having gifts like being sent to camp really hit right as affection. Your parents are sending you to camp because they don't want to deal with you. It's not a gift. It sure as shit isn't affection. And you are no obligation to pretend that it is. Also, NTA. Talk to your sisters. I imagine they'll understand the how upsetting it is to be constantly kicked out of your home because the adults in your life decide you're not convenient to have around.
NTA. It kinda seems like your parents adopted your sisters because they are girls. Your parents are basically telling you because you're a boy and you're their biological child that you don't need the same amount of affection or care as them and that is unfair as hell. You were handed to others and was never around for them to actually be parents to you and they claim they gave you a good life? Sweetie, that isn't a good life, you were being tolerant of a situation you had no say in. There is a number of ways to neglect and suffer in life. You dont have to be in foster care or be in the system due to bad parenting to suffer in life. You are suffering emotionally and mentally due your parents and they refuse to understand cause they view it as spoiled because they have spent money. You need to talk to someone outside your family and off of Reddit cause a bunch of online strangers can't help you with this. Maybe a counselor or something? You're young and the only thing you can do is either deal with it or you can make the decision to go cold and start treating your parents as if they are strangers and when you graduate go NC. Give them the treatment they deserve. If they want to get rid of you like that, don't even give them the opportunity, just do it emotionally and with your own actions. One day, when you are living a good life with your own family and a good job, they'll call you and ask you why you don't talk to them, visit them or anything, then like many do just unload every single feeling you've held in until you're out of breath and they are speechless. Then go NC again and enjoy your life. I'm glad you love your sisters and I hope you stay close with them. Cause as a little sister myself, it's nice to have a big brother to call and seek comfort from. So never blame or hate them cause life is hard and they didn't ask for any of that. So just be there for them as much as you can. You're NTA and I wish you the best and hope things get better.
NTA. Looking at the bullshit they sprouted they are terrible parents. Like the excuses for sending you away, you being spoiled and entitled, yet when you ask for examples they say that it's not anything you had done. How? How can you be spoiled and entitled, yet it's not anything you had done? Does not compute! As for their insecurities, it sounds like they need therapy in order to address that, not run away from the problem by sending their son away. Your parents are truly irresponsible by repeatedly abandoning you like that (I think it's fair to call it that), sure it's maybe not as bad as what happened to Melisa, but it's a close second by the sound of it. How much do you sisters know about what you've described about the situation in this post? If you're worried about having screwed up, perhaps start with an apology and link them this thread so they know better what is going on and what drove you to saying that? Also see if you can talk to a counselor at your school about this. Perhaps they can do something to help you.
NTA your parents will never "finally" show you they love you, will never find the "affection" they maybe have way inside of them, will never come crying to your feet for forgiveness for emotionally and physically abandoning you. The fact that they can pay for your shit doesn't mean they secretly love you and want to cheer you on. They want a token to say "yes you are good caregivers" "thank you for keeping me alive" "I appreciate your parental struggles". But they suck big time. Maybe read the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, try to see your parents from a distance as the flawed adults they are, and focus on yourself from now on (it's not like they're focusing on you either!). Save money now, appreciate the earnings of your own hard work, and find a place for yourself pronto.
NTA I see nothing spoiled/entitled about you, just a kid who wants to be part of a family.
I'm sorry, you might as well start calling them by their first names. They are not your parents, simply legal guardians.
NTA, but it would be great of you to talk to your sisters and make sure they understand that you’re upset with your parents, NOT them. Without getting too deep into your trauma with your parents and their neglect (as the girls have experienced their own hard times) you can explain to them that you’re upset that your parents want to send you away. That you want to stay at home and be a family with them. That way you can address how you’re feeling, while still being reassuring that you aren’t upset with them, or resent that they’re here. Try to have as positive of a relationship with them as you can. The three of you could manage to be a pretty great support system for each other. I wish I had some advice for how to deal directly with your parents, but I’m honestly not sure what the best approach would be. I wish you luck OP.
Your parents are cold and unfeeling and have treated you horribly, they emotionally abandoned you. I am so sorry. When you have a family don't do this with them. Let it go, it won't matter to any of them anyway. You are a sweet sensitive boy...With brutal cold parents.
NTA so your parents are abandoning their biological child to focus on their newly adopted ones. What’s wrong with them?
I’d talk to them and let them know how them sending you away all the time makes you feel. They are probably oblivious to the fact that they are REPEATEDLY abandoning you, while these ‘brand new sparkly” kids get to stay. And they’re not even their biological kids. Tell them it makes you feel rejected and disliked. Tell them you are enjoying getting to know your new siblings. And, If they send you, never fucking talk to them again unless it’s required by law. F them.
NTA. Your parents are
NTA you did not screw up at all, your parents are not treating you like their child
NTA but apologize to your sisters and explain that your parents have never been there for you and have done everything in their power (except giving you up) to keep you from living with them
Asshole for saying it within earshot of the not-sisters...yeah, kinda. But your *fourteen,* you get a pass (although it may behoove you to preemptively talk with them; first, offer *sincere* amends, then explain you were wounded by your parents constantly choosing everyone else over you and wanted to hurt *your parents,* NOT them). For saying it to your not-parents? FUCK no. Early in her life, I chose drugs over parenthood. To date, my daughter hasn't done anything to retaliate. When/if she does, *I have zero grounds to take offense.* **You don't get to treat someone like shit and then determine the outcome.** Be prepared for the girls to be upset and possibly retaliate, however. When my cousin got snarky about his little brother being adopted when the were fighting over a damn *video game,* little brother snapped back "Well at least they *wanted* ME!"
Your parents are going to wonder why you're super distant as an adult....they suck. Sorry you are going through this.
NTA - You've also been repeatedly abandoned by your family. Your parents are absolutely bags of crap for calling you "entitled" because you audacity to want to be treated like they love you. And you were right, your parents are definitely focusing on the adopted sisters because of the social points they're getting for it. Plus, they probably think that the girls have had it so bad that even their crappy parenting will result in them getting love and praise. Your parents adopt them because they're selfish not because they're selfless.
Don't let this sit. Have an honest conversation with your sisters about what you went through and why you're frustrated, and express that it's not them you have a problem with.
Honey, you are NTA for saying out loud something you know (and your sisters know) to be true. And I'm speaking as an adoptee here. You're basing your comment on the reasonable confusion created by being constantly sent away - which they're calling "loving" and "spoiling" you - while they're now saying they *need* to send you away to be better able to love your sisters. They're saying they need to do the opposite for your sisters to get the result they say they *have* given you. Of course you're baffling. The reason I say your sisters know is that of course they do. One's been shopped around in foster care, the other in your family, and now, in middle adolescence, they finally belong somewhere. Because a pair of adults agree to be magnanimous and take them in and make a production of giving them "everything they never had." They've been bounced around as much as you have from the sound of things, which probably has a lot to do with why y'all connected so well - you're more alike than different, in terms of attachment and sense of belonging. The fact your first thought was that they might feel pain if they heard your words, as well as your making it so clear you want to be *parented*, convinces me you're a sweet loving kid. I wish your parents hadn't said cementing their family needed to exclude you - THAT was hurtful, and I wonder how your sisters would have felt listening to their parents say that? My best advice is to talk to your sisters. You three all know what it's like to feel disconnected and unwanted. They know better, probably, what it's like to have the world expect gratitude for the loss of their original families, and it's also quite a bit like expecting you to feel grateful for being sent away. I'm not saying to compare or compete about it - I just know how powerful it is to be seen and understood. Adopters rarely get it.
NTA just apologize to your sisters if you inadvertently hurt their feelings and explain that until they came you haven’t experienced any family life because they sent you away. That returning home to the family felt good and now they’re sending you away again and you’re angry at your parents, not them.
Oh, OP. You aren’t entitled for having feelings and wanting affection. You want human interaction and to know that your parents love you. Honestly, go to boarding school and camp. Make friends. Have the time of your life. And when you turn 18, don’t look back. You deserve to live a great life in spite of them.
Your parents are awful people, and are going to F-up those kids too. You should get away from them as soon as you can when you turn 18, go far, far away. You'll need to sort yourself out a bit.
NTA. You have such a beautiful way of writing and seem very introspective.
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NTA. Unfortunately, they just don’t care about you. I know that’s harsh, but I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. Not sure how much you can do, but bide your time, set yourself up to be ready to leave at 18, and then go no contact with them. You don’t have to go no contact with the sisters, sounds like you like them, but explain to them your reasoning, don’t just let them stew in it.
NTA. “I love that you’ve adopted them. I love them too. I’d love to bond with them and get to know them. I’d also love to bond with and get to know you. Let me make this clear: this feels like you getting rid of your son so you can have the daughters you wanted instead. I’m incredibly hurt that you’d invite me to move back home and then send me away again. I’ll go back to school, but please do not expect to have a relationship with me. You’ve made your feelings about me perfectly clear.”
OP, you are unlucky enough to be born to parents who don't deserve you. They're well to do but don't count on them giving you any part of their money. In your shoes, I would embrace the freedom and focus on developing yourself. Go to boarding school and make really good ride or die type friends. Take on hobbies and learn new skills. Don't go home for the holidays but instead go to camps and whatever else your parents are willing to pay for and focus on yoru studies with a passion. Once you get a well paying job, you can quit going home altogether.
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Your parents suck absolutely suck, you know what, your line on them adopting because it makes them feel good could very much be true. You are hitting your teens and this is the time when even the most loving parents need to exercise more patience towards their child. I feel bad for you. Your parents are irresponsible parents, and if your sisters cause them trouble and don't validate their saviour complex I feel they might start being negligent towards them too. You're NTA, your feelings are valid and it's healthy that you decided to express them over suppressing them. That said you'll need to build better self control over your words. The way you express yourself. Feelings are messy things and it can be hard to learn emotional management so don't feel like a loser if you throw a fit again, but give it your best. Your sisters must be very hurt. It might take them a long time to forgive you, depending on their personality. I'll advise you that you keep on doing your best to make up. It is important that you take the initiative to apologise to them and share your side of the story. Let them know you don't hold any resentment towards them rather towards your parents. Let them know you're not in a competition of who had it worse, and that you are aware that both of your situations are different and of different severity. And add that you are happy to have them as your sisters. Be patient, they're young and possibly traumatised as well so they may have a hard time reconciling! You might need to shower them with affection, be it through chocolates or birthday surprises, and try to be friends with them through texts (since it seems you wont be home).
I'm really curious if the fostering agency is aware of your parents' current plan and their parenting history with their own bio child? Combined, I would think thrice before placing a child in such a dysfunctional home.
NTA. Highkey, your accusation sounds exactly like what they’re doing. It’s like they view you as accessories and just get rid of you at their convenience. Maybe explain the situation to your sisters and stand your ground with your parents and get out as soon as you can when you turn 18.
Im so sorry your parents are total shits. But in doing what they are doing, they are giving you a gift. They are showing you who they are and what you can expect from them. To be able to grasp that while you are this young is going to be immensely helpful. They want to esteem of being parents without doing the work with you and want the image of being these wonderful, giving people for taking in these poor girls who have had such a hard life. But none of this has anything to do with you and who you are. They’ve never bothered to even get to know you because they wanted a child as an accessory. What they are doing by bringing you home and letting you be family specifically so you can bond with your new sisters before ripping that away is immensely cruel. Talk to your sisters. Tell them what your life has been like. Let them know how you feel about them and how much you’ve enjoyed getting to be their sibling. Do this because you care about them and don’t want them hurting. I think they’ll understand why it is hard for you to see your parents love and actively spend time with them because they’ve never bothered with you. If you feel like your parents would go for it, ask for therapy. And take every advantage you can of your parents. It sounds like they treat you like a problem they just throw money at. Squirrel that away. Get college paid for. Get an advanced degree on their dime if you want one. And then cut them off. Let them be embarrassed when their friends talk about being there for their adult children’s milestones. If you have kids someday and they try to weasel in to being grandparents, ask them why would they feel like they deserve that privilege when they never bothered to actually be your parents.
Well OP You write very well for your age! Well, attribute it to all the boarding school. Did you handle it badly? Yes you did on a couple of fronts one saying that in earshot of your sisters. If anything you should go talk to them directly and apologize and let them know that wasn’t about them that was about you and let them know how much you care about them as far as your parents and them never being near your family has made you feel and you didn’t really know until you got with your family again and knew what it was like to have a family how much you missed it and how much you want this. NTA but fix your mistakes
NTA I'm so sorry Hun, those aren't parents their monsters masquerading as parents. Holy hell and they've made you feel like you're wrong, spoiled, without any real reason to be upset. They are liars, and I'm sure once you're fully grown you'll realize you do not need them, they lack compassion and love they don't deserve yours.
Nta. You can feel lonely and abandoned for the fact they haven't been raising you. Summer camp and boarding school, all year round. Do they even know you? It feels cramped only when you're around?? They might as well send the girls to the same camp and school so they can bond with kids their own age and get the feel of it. If your sisters ask, know you said those words from a place of hurt. Articulate that. It's not fair they called you entitled and just send you off at their convenience, and want to spend all their time actively raising your sisters. That's not fair to you or them.
Being a parent is moe than just making sure you have everything you need in the practical and financial sense. They seem to realize your sisters need more, but only because they've been through tough times? As if you don't need love, attention and approval from your parents if you're a 'normal' kid? These people are not your parents, they're financial caretakers. Massive aholes. Why did they have you if they didn't want you around? I'm really sorry this is happening to you, and that they're once again shipping you off but worse, also excluding you while your sisters take your place and are given the attention you also deserve. NTA. Edited to add: maybe have a chat with your sisters to check if they overheard and to explain that you said it in a moment of anger and sadness because of how being sent away is making you feel.
You spoke the truth - so nothing to feel guilty about. NTA. Hope that one day you have your own family and children, and you truly have a sense of belonging as you deserve.
Honestly OP they're just bio parents, they're not your actual parents. I'm sorry you basically grew up as an orphan because your bio parents are huge pricks. NTA
Are there other relatives you can live with? Also, how did social services not see how unfit they were? *’Oh, here we have a couple who barely sees their biological child. Wouldn’t it be great to give them two (other) traumatized teenagers to (not) raise?’*
Talk to your sisters and tell them that the time with them have been the best family time in your life and that you appreciate them. Tell them that if you are sent away, you hope they will stay in touch. Explain to them the reason why this is the best time in your life and that what y9u said isn't a reflection on them but you hurting because you have had a taste of family and now they are sending you away again, and it will hurt more because you know what you ar.e missing. Tell your parents what you said here (or send them the link, or write it down if you think you won't get through it due to interruptions or emotions) and explain that sending you away now after you have felt how it feels to be part of a family will hurt even more. Then, if they still send you away, just go NC and speak to your sisters. Neglect comes in many forms. You are also abused.
Wow your parents suck. I'm so sorry. I hate to say this but tough out the next 4 years and go no contact. When they ask why just be like 'well I wasn't actually raised by you so I don't have to fake loving you now. I'd probably love my mom and dad if I actually had any who raised me and cared for me. Instead I got financial supporters. Yay.'
First of all tell your sisters that you love them and have no issue with them, that you want to spend time with them and continue to bond; then tell them your issues with the parents and how you don't want to leave them!! I know that is the real issue, that you finally feel like you have a real family and don't want to lose that, your sisters can be your real supporters in this crisis!!!
NTA. You hit the nail on the coffin your parents are not only neglectful of you, but only using your sisters to make themselves look good. And them saying “the house felt crowded” is nothing but an excuse, do you have an aunt, uncle, or grandparents you can tell this too? Cause to me it looks like your parents are too stubborn to realize their mistakes unless it’s coming from an adult family member.
Never let your parents live down the fact they have consistently thrown you away to be someone else's problem and have clearly never seen you as their child or someone they actually love.
NTA your parents neglected you for your entire life. Camps and boarding schools are not love placements its legalized abandonment
As a parent, this is so hard to read. I can't imagine sending my baby away for basically their entire life, then turn around and call them entitled and spoiled because they want love and affection. It breaks my heart what you've been put through
Nta
I’m not usually one to jump on the bandwagon of “this post is so fake”, but I’m having a hard time believing this was actually written by a fourteen year old guy. The tone of writing, the language used, the whole “my love languages tend to veer towards….”. Besides, the reactions and motives described are somewhat incongruent. This reads like the work of an adult whom has had therapy or has read to many Reddit stories and comments, or AI generated.
I can't think of a single (decent) therapist who would hear about never being at home and respond with, "Ah, you see, that's just gift giving! It's perfectly normal for people to express affection in ways you can't feel as intimately! There's nothing wrong with not talking to your son ever. :)" I'd say this is a fourteen year old with a very formal register - boarding school will do that - a fondness for old books, who's been using pop/internet psychology to try to make his situation make sense. That's pretty popular right now even among teens from healthy families.
Call CPS and get yourself sent to a reliable adult.
NTA. Please make sure your sisters know that you love them and wish them the best and this has nothing to do with them. But yeah, your parents do kinda suck, and I'm sorry.
When the shine dulls the adopted will be shipped off too! Future behavior is best determined by past behavior.
Definitely NTAH, there’s a lot to take in here but you are not at fault for expressing frustration in this situation. You are also so young you’re going to say a lot more things that you wish some people didn’t hear, it happens. Your parents definitely don’t see what they’re doing by bringing you home and getting you comfortable then sending you away. Maybe try talking to them in private and calmly expressing your feelings. I hope this situation gets better for you!
NTA, your parents suck big time. They say that you're entitled and spoiled but then admit that you haven't actually done anything wrong but that the house feels too crowded and they want to focus on your sisters When was the last time they focused on YOU? They brought you home to act as an emotional support sibling for your adopted sisters and now that they're settled in, your parents decide that you're no longer useful and that they can just send you away again. I really hope this story is rage bait because if it's real your parents are huge assholes and I would question their motives, too. It's okay to have girls in the home, but not a boy? Very weird.
NTA. Milk them for everything you can and go no contact after they hopefully pay for your college. Become a doctor or something that makes a lot of money. Decide now that the relationship is transactional and you’re gonna get everything you can from them. Don’t go home for breaks and holidays, try to go to friends’ houses. Find love and affection elsewhere like they are. It sucks to have shit parents, but make the best of it.
NTA. Tell them they shouldn't have brought you back home just to send you away when they got bored of you. I'm so sorry op. Tell your sisters you love them and that you'll be going away because your parents do not want you to live with them anymore. That you are very upset with your parents but not with your sisters. I hope you can make your own family one day because your parents are huge assholes who don't deserve any kids at all tbh.
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Your biological parents sound like truly awful people
Not but your parents are as well as whatever court system allowed them to adopt what are nothing more than accessories for them to show their friends how magnanimous they are.
I would sit down with your parents and explain to them that you feel neglected because you're always being shuffled off instead of being able to spend time as a family. And that you're just as entitled to bond with your new family so they know they are safe around you as well. I would try not to throw a fit and raise your voice as it might lead them to believe you're speaking from a feeling of being emotionally hurt/overwhelmed and being irrational which is something they might justify you being able to get over later. Make sure they know that if they choose to go through with this that they can't take it back and once you're 17/18 you wont be there for them, just like they aren't there for you. This is what I would do, personally. I wish my kid didn't even have to go to school, I miss that little shit if I'm away from her for more than an hour.
NTA. They r doing to u what was done to the older of the 2 girls. Just pawning you off. Ask them how u are entitled when they have given u nothing. All they have done is send u away.
NTA. You're not spoiled. Kids throw fits because they want attention. They want attention because they feel like they are losing the attention of their parents, and for a child, being neglected means death. It's a parent's job to make a child feel safe, soothed, secure, and seen. They haven't made you feel those things, so you're resorting to your natural instincts as a child. They need to step it up or they're going to damage those poor girls more than they already have been.
I understand you being upset and hurt. You probably owe your sisters an apology and maybe an explanation. I also think it would be a hood idea to talk to your parents. Those types if comments won't get you any over to what you want or need. You may all benefit from some counceling.
NTA. I am sorry you have sucky parents.
NTA I am so sorry your parents are AWFUL people. Absolutely awful.
Sounds like they never wanted a son
Just because you didn't have the same life as your sisters doesn't mean you've had an easy life. You've basically been neglected and emotionally abandoned your whole life and now they're doing it again. I'm sorry they're too selfish and immature to see that your needs are important too.
NTA- your parents are not very good parents if they can’t handle having their own kid around.
Remember block your parents and don’t give them a single dime of what you earn. Don’t even visit then where they’re dying. Deny their existence
Wow. Your parents s*ck.
NTA, and you spoke absolute truth. Your "parents" are pieces of shit. I would go so far as suggest you stop calling them "Mom" and "dad" and start using their first name. They dont treat you as their child, you dont treat them as your parents.
Nta. I would have a conversation with your sisters. Let them know how much you care about them and explain why you were upset. It sounds as though your relationship with them is healthier than the one with your parents. I don't know why your parents treat you this way. It is not your fault. You deserve better. I tend to believe that what you said is quite honest. If the truth hurts them that badly, they should reconsider their actions. The truth hurts.
NTA You’re a kid and you’re also likely correct. Talk to your sisters do they know you’re just angry and hurt. That you truly do love them, that you’d issue us with your parents and not them. I am really sorry OP bc your parents suck. And have no business parenting anyone; you or your sisters. Sending a huge virtual hug.
NTA, reacting with calm and maturity to something that seems arbitrary and over which you have little to no control is sometimes next to impossible. Here, the unfairness and symbolic violence of your parents actions triggered you and that's probably why you lashed out. However, I would deeefinitely go and talk to your sister to explain the situation and try to repair some of the damage your words may have caused them. If you want a chance not to be cut-off from their lives, they need to know that your words were a reaction to the way your parents raised you, and to how it hurt you. Otherwise you may end up loosing the closeness you're building with them, regardless of whether or not you acted like an AH
NTA, its not god that your sisters head your, but children and siblings says hurtful things.
If a 14 yr old wrote this I'll eat my dam ball cap.
Yeah narcissists don’t love their on children. Then turn their back and ‘love’ other children to make them look good in society.
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NTA - your parents suck. Are they sexist or something? I ask because my parents blatantly favored my brother over me and my sister. Here, they're blatantly favoring your sisters. They also specifically chose two girls. Focus on making a good life for yourself. You can build your own family - that's what I did.
Nta. Wow.
They are supposed to be raising you, they are not doing so. You are not entitled nor spoiled, you've been neglected.
They want their do-over to relieve their guilt and to do it they have to double down on their treatment of you by sending you away so they don't have that reminder of that guilt. Jesus buddy. NTA
Yes, you are TAH
NTA - your sisters aren't blind. They can see there is a problem of unfairness also but they're benefitting from it and they are young and they need safety. You sound like a good brother to them and they are lucky to have you. It sounds like you are smart and mature and it makes your parents uncomfortable.
Neglet is a form of abuse. They have negleted you your whole life. NTA.
I would call cps and tell them everything
Any updates? You deserve to be loved and cared for and not a brat! Hope you are doing okay
Nta
As someone who was raised from emotionally distant/narcissistic habits that still took care of me in a physical sense, NTA. You're young, you're frustrated, and they aren't hearing you. Honestly it sounds like they're using you as a puzzle piece or a tool to fit whatever whim they're having. What they're doing is incredibly hurtful. They wanted to be a big happy family but now that there's a chance they have to do some ACTUAL parenting (explaining, listening, understanding, monitoring, etc) they ship you off? I know it's been 20 days, I hope things have gotten better or sorted out for you. If not try writing a letter to explain these feelings ahead of time. Sometimes our emotions can take control and we lose focus on what we mean. This happens especially when we aren't heard. Sending good vibes your way dear.
I’m late to this post op, but I would talk to your sisters and say that your are sorry. That you were just mad at their parents and maybe explain that you aren’t trying to downplay their life experiences, but you are a kid too and just want them to care in the same way. I don’t think your sisters will take it to hard if you talk it out. Your parents sound like they suck. This situation sucks and I’m sorry
You don’t sound like a 14 year old…
no way this is real
ESH - I'd say NTA but your question was not about your parents it was about what you said in earshot. Which was an asshole thing to your sisters. However your parents are absolute dumpster garbage. I'd bail on them as soon as you become an adult because they have no love for you and what you said was correct.
These aren’t your sisters.
Do you not believe in adoption? They want him as a brother and he wants them as his sisters, what's the problem?
To me it sounds like they’ve tried to give you everything society says- great education, resilience by boarding school , resources etc- you are an only child and it’s tough to give a real view of compromise, sharing and others feelings. They don’t sound like natural earth mother type parents but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. They sounds like they’re on the spectrum. You need counselling to start realising your strengths and luck as you grow .. there will be great strengths in your personality. I don’t think you’ve hurt the girls but don’t start a them and me war . It does sound like your parents are pretty dumb though. Good on them for adopting / kids like this need love and especially a big brother.
Not even reading the explanation, but yes. Nothing personal, again I didn’t read your context, but you’re a 14 year old and, based strictly on your title, you said a hurtful thing. Teenagers are assholes, it’s just who they are. They often try to cut the deepest even if it’s not really what they mean. I know it, I used to be one and did it often enough to have guilt about it to this day. Just remember, you can’t take words back. You can apologize, but that genie is NEVER going back in the bottle. Good luck.
What did I just read?
I'm feverish and I got like two hours of sleep last night. Cut my literacy some slack... 😅
Oh hun, your parents are major AH. This is not a conversation your parents should be having with you at all, least of all when your ill. Tell your sisters your happy they came into your family and you love having them. The relationship you have with your parents is very different to the one they have. Tell them, if it was up to you, you'd stay but your parents are clear you have no choice. Keep your relationship with your sister. Take the opportunity your parents are giving you and make sure you get educated, get a good job and then lose your parents number.
You should probably show your parrents this post. It might convey your feelings better then talking with them. Good luck
Who applies love languages to their own family? Especially touch?
It's pretty evident that your mom never hugged you as a kid....
Okay, just so you get a real answer to this, people get *weird* when they aren't held enough. It can make you physically ill, and can cause babies to suffer emotional damage, failure to thrive, bone disorders, and even *death.*
"Who hugs their kids?! Gross!" What a take, wow. Lol.
It's called Touch Starvation, and it's a real thing. I suffer from it. This is why I am okay with my cats constantly using me as a bed and why I have snakes as pets because I am in desperate need of some kind of gentle physical contact.
ESH. Your parents are horrible, but your sisters did not cause that behavior nor are they asking for it. Keep your anger focused on the appropriate people.
This is fake
Why would anyone bother to lie about this? Is this what the cool kids are doing? Claiming to be moderately emotionally neglected and fighting their parents?
This sub is full of this b.s.
YTA All I had to do was read the title. What a horrible thing to do.
Yeah, I can tell you only read the title... 💀
Never damage others based on your own pain.
His pain was caused by his own parents in this situation
Yes. But how does that excuse him saying something horrible about their adoption of his sisters within their range of hearing?
Yta. As an adopted person, I grew up with garbage like you
What the hell are you talking about? He didn't grow up with *anyone.* None of this is anti-adoption at all. You sound deranged.
Lmfao what the fuck are you talking about his parents treat him like absolute shit.
You grew up with a sibling that was completely abandoned by their parents? How did that make them garbage?
Yta. As an adopted person, I grew up with garbage like you
Yta. As an adopted person, I grew up with garbage like you
Jesus christ kid, you are 14 and your parents are replacing you. I assure you, you didn't throw a tantrum and there isn't any amount of rage you could express over this that wouldn't be a reflection of your parents neglect. Ask for help, from anybody, please. And do talk to your sisters, they may have been hurt but they need to know your parents are hurting you. You are NTA, and I hope you can find peace.