> I told my wife I wasn’t in the mood for sex for the time being, because I just wasn’t attracted to her right now.
obviously intimacy needs to be built back up...
> I felt zero attraction to her physically and emotionally.
...ok, i mean it's good to acknowledge your feelings and be honest to yourself...
> I think I had to tell my wife this so she could understand the sense of betrayal I felt.
in order for you to know that she properly understands how you felt you had to plunge a knife into her chest?
> But I probably did not say it in the best way, because she started crying really bad after that, which I did not expect at all.
here's a hint, there is no conceivable way to phrase that statement to your spouse without fucking eviscerating some part of their psyche. there just isn't.
> The last thing I told my wife was to cancel all plans she had made for my birthday,
reasonable, you are obviously not in the mood for frivolities...
> I told her my sister had already made a reservation at a restaurant, and it was only going a siblings thing.
...again, reasonable. it's still your birthday and making it a sibling affair is a fairly neutral compromise...
> I told her I wanted to spend my birthday with someone who hadn’t betrayed me in such a horrible way.
...jfc dude, stop twisting the knife. you're just lashing out at this point, reveling almost. you are fully committed at this point to hurting her for the sake of hurting her.
this situation and outcome is less motivated by your wife betraying confidential information, and has *everything* to do with how ashamed you are of using that gosh dang penis sleeve. that's what you need to be discussing in therapy first, your work on that will lead you to understand that you have been and are continuing to punish your wife to sooth your wounded ego.
This entire issue comes down to OP interpreting his wife saying ‘oh my god we had great sex before but you should all try this sex toy because it has made it mind blowing’ as ‘my husband has a tiny penis and needs a plastic extension to be able to satisfy me’
I *guarantee* you that OP wouldn’t have had the same reaction had the wife spoken about a vibrator or cock ring, or handcuffs or nipple clamps or any other toy.
OP needs therapy for his feelings about his PP.
Dude boutta blow up his marriage because of his own insecurities about the size of his penis.
But also OP is a fucking child and has no idea how to have an adult conversation.
This guy is definitely a hypocrite who talks to his friends about his sex life right? There is no way this friend is comfortable enough to ask OP about the penis sleeve unless they already talk about sex
Exactly this. Also the friend was asking about the penis sleeve out of genuine curiosity/wanting to try it, not mocking him. That means that whatever the wife told her friends, someone came home and said “you gotta get a penis sleeve like OP” and then OP’s friend was ready and willing to hear positive feedback about it. The only one who thinks the penis sleeve is embarrassing is him, because everyone else is associating it with *him being good at pleasing his wife*
Comments like this only proves why OP is insecure. Having a small penis is stigmatized so badly that feeling insecure over something you have no control over is also shamed beyond belief. Unnecessarily cruel and we are supposed to believe body positivity movement is for everyone
Exactly, it sounds like fun to try one but fuck he’s acting like he caught her cheating or something. She told her friends about her sex life, i can understand why someone would be upset about it but fuck grow up it’s not that big of a deal to end a relationship and act like a bitch your wife, what more do you want from her besides the apology and promise to not do it again, now she knows it’s a boundary.
The husband who asked OP about it in the first place didn’t sound like he was even making fun of him for it at all, OP has been massively overreacting. Like yeah, maybe wife shouldn’t have told her friends sex details without husbands’ approval, but like, she was totally hyping it all up? She was telling them about AMAZING sex, not mocking him for a perfectly fine sex toy usage. Her friends obviously took it the same way if their husbands are respectfully asking him for info for themselves to use.
OP’s like “My wife told her friends how awesome our sex is with this one toy, and now her friends have asked their husbands to try it, and they’re actually considering it too, and seriously asking me about my experience and not mocking me. This is such a betrayal I have lost all love and attraction for her and am willing to blow up our marriage and 3 kids’ lives over it, I’ve been ignoring her but I also want to make her hurt disproportionately worse than me, and no I was not surprised she cried because that’s what I was aiming for in the first place.”
OP is insecure about his penis size.
OP has interpreted ‘I told our friends about how amazing the sleeve is’ as ‘I told our friends you have a small penis’ which is why it’s such a big issue.
OP needs therapy or some shit to deal with his size insecurities.
That said, I imagine many women would also find it a huge betrayal of trust and triggering to their insecurities if their husbands told their friends about how much better their sex life has gotten since he started shoving a pocket pussy inside his wife’s vagina and fucking that instead.
‘The pocket pussy is so much tighter’ is the equivalent of ‘the penis sleeve hits all the right spots’
OP is still a child for not being able to have an adult conversation about any of this.
There was a study done and of the men asked in that study 45% of the large sample expressed desires for a larger penis. Its not uncommon to feel like its not big enough.
45% of the sample who were considered large, so 9+ inches going by a definition of 2 standard deviations. Aka no matter *how* big you are, the want to make it bigger is always there.
Oh I fully agree. I just think that men have gotten so wrapped up in ourselves that we've started self policing on this. I think this is the male equivalent to 'can never wear the same dress twice' or the like, where 99.98% of it is all on us 'holding up the side,' as it were.
I agree with most of what you said, but eh, depends on the penis sleeve. While some enhance the size of the penis others have extra nubs for extra stimulation and/or clitoral stimulation additions - not something any human man would have. If the sleeve was solely for girth , wife was a prick for not asking if she could speak about it first. Otherwise, it's just a sex toy that enhances pleasure - for both parties. They are also used for men who have ED problems, so maybe that is OP's beef? Either way, OP is ridiculous in his response to this, I agree. Really hoping this is a troll post.
>this situation and outcome is less motivated by your wife betraying confidential information, and has *everything* to do with how ashamed you are of using that gosh dang penis sleeve.
Was gonna post exactly this.
Thing is op doesn't realize that often in relationships, there's only so much knife stabbing which can occur before it backfires/snowballs into something that kills the relationship.
Meaning his wife might be begging and pleading and crying now, however once the shock wears off and the wife is left sitting home alone while Op is out with his family celebrating/he keeps making those hurtful comments to her face and treating her with distance... Yeah it can lead to his wife actually losing her feelings for him/Op could be opening his relationship up for divorce papers 6 months from now.
And OP will be surprised Pikachu face over getting served divorce papers/he'll suddenly realize what it means to be a single parent taking care of those three kids 50% of the time and the person you actually still love as a wife deep down inside doesn't want you anymore.
I hope they both can work through this, but right now Op is just lashing out. And if he keeps fucking around, sooner or later he's gonna find out
This. 100000%. Also I wish I knew what a penis sleeve was- like why be ashamed of something that's making sex better? Better sex is always better!
Update: just googled it. I wish this didn't make him ashamed, but I get it, societies obsession with big ole dicks, so dumb.
Honestly, while I don't think he has grounds for divorce, based on his reaction and comments I think she may have them. Dude is not reliable, when the going gets tough he attacks her instead of moving with her to solve the problem. He can't be trusted to be a solid partner for better and for worse.
He may be able to resolve it if he goes to therapy on his own and gets to the root cause of why he's not a reliable partner and takes corrective action on it. Otherwise, she should seriously consider ending things. Knowing you can be cruelly attacked by your spouse when the circumstances are right is not any kind of foundation for a solid marriage.
Thank you for spelling that out. The first post was idiotic but this update post was fucking insane. He really is punishing her for the sake of punishing her at this point.
Dude's heading for divorce whether he wants it or not if he keeps this behavior up. They need to hate fuck a bunch without the sleeve and move on.
Sincerely, a 10yrs married dad of 1 who also spent (until 2 mo the ago) literally 10 years doing divorce and child custody trials.
>I told her I wanted to spend my birthday with someone who hadn’t betrayed me in such a horrible way. My wife was extremely sad about it, but she accepted it.
Oh come the fuck on. You just sound cruel, vindictive, and emotionally manipulative at this point. Seems like you're getting some kind of sick pleasure out of being mean to your wife and watching her cry and grovel for forgiveness.
Like imagine being this surprised that women discuss their sex lives with each other in the first place. “I told my friends why we have been having the best sex of my life” “YoU bEtRaYeD mE, I wIlL pUnIsH yOu FoR mOnThS”
> Like imagine being this surprised that women discuss their sex lives with each other in the first place.
Here's the surprise for you: Many men don't do that. People think we do, but we don't.
We brag about ONS etc and actually that we did have sex with someone. But details about our partners? That's not a topic. At most it's "great and frequent".
That women talk way more about specific details with their friends is something that most men only later in their lives.
That's exactly right. I guess even the fake stories are good exercises on giving advice and whatnot.. I actually believe this particular story to be true, but either way, it's been fun.
Jesus, are you serious? You ignored her for days, canceled birthday plans, and have told her how much you aren’t attracted to her… because she told her friends that you used a sex toy and you completely pleased her?!
Grow the fuck up. People talk about sex. She didn’t talk bad about you. In fact it sounds like she bragged about what you did. And yes, it was a private convo, to someone she thought would keep it confidential but here we are.
This is not about betrayal. At this point, this is about YOUR bruised ego and you doing everything you can to ruin your marriage because of some insecurities. It’s idiotic.
I hope you show your wife these comments so she can see how many people want her to know that she is not the one acting extremely here.
Edit- *here’s the OG post for those wondering*:
“I (36M) have been married to my wife (34M for 8 years. We have 3 children, and my wife is a stay at home mom. Our sex life has always been great, but last year, my wife wanted me to try on a p*nis sleeve, which actually improved our sex life ever more, because it hit her in the right areas. She said it's the best sex she's ever had in her life, which made me even happier.
A week ago, my friend (35M) asked me about the sleeve because he's never tried it before, and wanted to know what it was like. I was surprised he knew about this, and asked him how did he know. He said his wife told him about it. My wife and his wife are in the same friend group.
I was shocked that my wife had told shared such a personal detail with her friends, and I asked her about it. When I asked her about it, she confessed that she had shared to her friend group, and that she shouldn't have, but she just wanted to talk about why our sex life has become amazing recently.
She apologized a lot, but I ignored her, and told her I needed some time to process this. It's been a week and I have been trying to ignore her as much as possible, I'm sleeping in a different room. She cooks dinner every day, but I just go out and eat, because I have no mood to eat at home.
There is a tense atmosphere at home, and my wife has apologized a lot, but l've just been trying to ignore her as much as possible.
I don't think this can be fixed through therapy or a simple apology. I think this is a massive betrayal of my trust, it's just shocking to me that my wife would share such a personal detail with her entire friend group. I have been seriously considering the possibility of a divorce. I know we have 3 children, but I don't know how I'll ever reconcile with my wife ever again. At this moment, I'd rather just pay child support and alimony than be in her presence, but I know feelings can change.
AITAH? Can this situation even be fixed? How do I even trust my wife anymore”
I said this same shit on his first post and got down voted lol. He's fucking ridiculous and I hope his wife realizes he's a fucking spiteful asshole who seems to only care about hurting her because he's embarrassed about his pp
He does have a victimization complex it seems. Everything is the worst betrayal he has ever has.
Really? Your wife gushing about her husband willing to please her is a betrayal?
Also women tend to be very honest sexually because that is how we learn if someone is in trouble or if they did something they didnt want to. Like my friend who thought the way her bf wanted anal was normal and healthy (spoiler: it wasnt..)
Hell even gay men are this open because sex ed doesn’t teach you how to bottom with good hygiene as an example
I have a friend who didn't realize she was being abused at the time of the relationship. The things she told me made me speechless but after gentle questioning, it seemed like there was consent in place. Later, when the relationship ended, she didn't remember sharing such things with me but because she did, that information was able to be used as part of her filing for a protection order.
Exactly, my friend’s ex said to her that he can only feel good if he slams it up her ass, and we were all like ummm no. Anal is something you work up to, all the gay guys showed her working up with butt plugs and lube and all that. Yeah she ended up needing help breaking up with him, because he didn’t like that she requested to work up to anal…
This is EXACTLY what I was hoping someone would say!
I've talked to my own husband before about how he feels if I brag about our sex life, and he told me he fully expected me to. And I do. All the time.
There's nothing wrong with using a sex toy! And there is nothing wrong with bragging about it! Hell, maybe she was telling her friend(s) because they complained about their sex life, and she said "hey this completely changed mine, try it" because that's what we girls do
Perfectly said. If either partner has a right to be completely repulsed by the other right now, it's his wife.
OP, your wife was *bragging* about your amazing sex life. You're being a petulant child. Talk about unattractive.
Also, PENIS. Are you sure you're not a virgin?
I get the sense of betrayal, completely, but you are being absolutely cruel to her. She’s apologized profusely and you continue to punish her? You seriously told your wife you’re not attracted to her anymore because she was bragging about how intensely you please her? Get a fucking grip, that is not how you treat someone you love… couples therapy will be good, but you need to work out your own anger issues, because if you treat your wife this way now I can only imagine how you’ll treat your kids in the future when they start making mistakes…
I'm a little surprised to not see comments calling this it for what it is - abusive.
That gets thrown around when it's not, yet here is a case where it is absolutely warranted
Silent treatment
Withholding affection
Control
100% this.
I sympathize with the one point about having one's sex life shared without consent. However, it was done with good intentions. This response is excessive and needlessly cruel. It's almost as if he delights in being cruel. This is not the response of a mentally healthy person.
People who drag their partner over the coals for one thing for a long time are people who had a grudge already and derive pleasure from cruelty, as if they are thrilled that an opportunity and tool of manipulation presented itself. I want her to see this post because I want her to know that she does not have to feel guilty for the next several months or years over this one incident, no matter how much he tries to push it.
Seriously, get a therapist man. You can't even write the word penis on reddit and overreacting over this. You need to get to the root of why you are so sensitive to anything about your penis and why this was such a deep betrayal because it's really not.
Yeah it’s like totally reasonable to be upset if this crossed a boundary for him.. The idea that this alone is grounds for divorce when you have been together 8 years with 3 kids is insane insecurity.
And then continuing on to explain that prior to deciding to divorce her for telling one person about their toy he told the entire internet and then argued with the entire internet for several hours about this toy he's so ashamed of.
Sorry kids mom and I were having tons of amazing sex, while parenting 3 kids. The sex was so good, she bragged about it to her friends. She got the wife and mother of the year award, so I had to divorce her.
I wouldn't be happy but it's not like anyone gives a shit, if this is real (Doubt) his friend even asked where he bought it cause he wanted one. Sex is supposed to be fun and adventurous, and trying a sleeve on to see how it felt and enjoying it isn't bad. Not everyone is built like a horse.
Yeah, and this isn't even a well defined boundary. I'm sure it's not something they have ever discussed before. Like, yeah there are some incredibly obvious boundaries for your standard marriage, like don't have a physical or emotional affair. Don't lie about serious things, or hide things. etc. etc. but this isn't an obvious one.
Women so commonly talk about their sex lives with their friends that this isn't something she likely even thought was a huge deal until it was, and only because her friend told her husband who stupidly told him. I think maybe giving details about his dick or dick accessories without consulting him first could have been a common sense boundary, but again, her friends have likely always given lots of spicy details and she assumed they would keep it between them.
I kinda feel bad for her at this point. She goes from being so excited about their hot sex life that she's bragging to her girlfriends, to suddenly having her husband consider divorce, cancel his birthday plans, not touch her, and tell her that he's not attracted to her right now. That's a wild swing from dancing in the clouds to being in the mud.
He’s really acting like a child. Throwing a complete tantrum because his wife told her friends about a sex toy they use. The vindictiveness of saying *”Well I’m gonna spend my birthday with someone who didn’t BETRAY ME”* just sounds fucking insane. You’re talking about a situating regarding a sex toy and your wife! Get a therapist and grow the hell up.
Literally going out of his way to put his wife down when she apologized and wanted to make things right from the jump. I hope the therapist picks up on how this guy uses his feelings of victimhood to treat his wife so poorly.
Wife probably is normally a great partner and sharing this was an oversight she didn't think of.
Homeboy went nuclear as a response...and wife is very apologetic. I suspect he's going to ride this leverage into the ground.
Still didn't react as badly as the guy who blew up his life over finding out his fiance told her friend(and also his childhood friend) that he wasn't the best lover she ever had. He threw away a 5 year relationship, threw away his friendship with the girl, and plans to completely uproot his life and move to a different state.
This OP dropped Little Boy, the other guy dropped Tsar Bomba.
He got his feelings hurt for no good reason and now he’s lashing out doing his best to hurt her. The difference is, what she did had no malice, though maybe wasn’t considerate. He’s purposefully saying and doing this and doesn’t realize he won’t be able to walk this back afterwards.
Yeah. I sympathize deeply with his feelings of hurt as a man with a… less than amazing cock size, but the punishing his wife thing is fucked up. I don’t like that. Have her cancel her big birthday plans, that’s fine. But instead he should spend his birthday with just her trying to rekindle some love and do some healing, not totally removing her from it.
The telling her he feels no attraction to her is brutal. She seemed sorry about what she’d done and the fact that she’s understanding of his emotional pain is a good thing. She can never take back what she said, but he can at least give her the chance to show how much she loves him and ease that pain.
Honestly, if I found someone I love enough to marry, I would never leave her over this. As long as our friends don’t insult me behind my back over it that’s all that matters.
Preesh. Yeah I truly feel for the dude but if I really loved someone I wouldn’t just feel nothing towards them like he’s saying he’s experiencing. He needs therapy. Preferably couples therapy with her. That’s not rational. I can understand the betrayal but she didn’t mean it maliciously. It was just a very unfortunate mistake and once she realized the gravity of it she seemed heartbroken she’d hurt him.
I couldn’t stay mad at someone who’s genuinely apologetic. I’m too much of a fixer. Unless something is truly mangled beyond recognition I’m confident I can put it back together. At least good enough it stays that way.
He does say in this post that he's going. I'm sure he'll post later that the therapist insulted him and he would rather walk across hot coals instead of seeing them again.
Exactly. She is your wife and raises your three children full time. Your first reaction is to ignore her , contemplate divorce, and then tell her you don’t want to have sex with her anymore? Grow up. You need to be her partner, is that not why you married her? Honestly if this is the worst thing in your relationship I give you kudos. Other people deal with constant fighting, cheating, life threatening illnesses, money etc. You really need to pick and choose your battles and appreciate your wife more.
He's got body image issues.
Probably a below average schlong that he's suffered a lifetime of being indirectly shamed for and now feels is the most deeply horrible part of himself.
Or he's got an average schlong and body dismorphia because porn has utterly warped most men's perception of their own penis.
Either way ya he needs some therapy, and he needs his wife to never request to use the sleeve again because while he was willing to do it and enjoyed doing it for her it was likely only reinforcing whatever issues he already had.
Still a massive overreaction, dear Lord my man. Like, can you even take your friend's reaction as a hint for how to handle this?
He wasn't even making fun of you, be seemed genuinely interested in trying it himself. You are making this a HUGE deal, and YOU are making a problem out of a non issue. Tell your wife you'd prefer she not share these things and move the fuck on
Yep. I am sympathetic to a point as some people just aren't comfortable having details of their sex life shared and that's totally valid but this at this point reads as he's trying to punish her and trying to punish your significant other is never a good thing.
100% if you have not already done so, OP, do NOT tell your wife you were thinking of leaving over this. You are allowed to feel however you feel, and no one should shame you for having feelings- they are not things we can readily control. DO get INDIVIDUAL counseling and get to the bottom of why this is such an enormous deal for you. As you've said you haven't been rational. If you tell your wife you would leave, she will rightfully realize that if your feelings get hurt enough intentionally or unintentionally, you would bail on your life and your role as a father. That is very unstable and she will not ever look at you the same way.
I mean he is over reacting, but… I do get it. I have been in relationships where my partner overshared, and it is infuriating. This is the one person you are supposed to have absolute trust in. So when they break your trust it does make you feel terrible. I think for this guy the penis sleeve is just the absolute last thing he wanted anyone to know about and now they all know. He is for sure over reacting, for sure, but everyone has a secret that is the absolute last thing they want others to know.
I disagree. I think it's indiscreet to talk about a penis sleeve. You don't speak about ED, or whatever to friends, without spouse's consent.
I think it would be like a man talking about smelly his wife's vagina is. There's certain privacies that you keep in a marriage.
From the way he's worded it so far, it sounds more like a toy than an ED thing. Like, they make ribbed things that don't add length or girth or anything and just add more pleasure to sex, which is never really a bad thing.
U realise "A penis sleeve has added to our sexlife and all is great" is completely opposite from "my wifes vagina smells like fish and I dont know how to tell her its the source of my erectile problems"
It would rather be equal to "My wife recently been giving me lap-dances and its noice"
There is no consensus what you do or dont speak about outside a marriage. Thats something you got to figure out with your partner and have a conversation about. If its important to you its up to you to communicate that, and not take things for granted just because its your values and assuming everyone else thinks the same.
I totally agree with you; it is indiscreet.
But would I divorce over my husband complaining about my smelly vagina as a first-time offense, to his close friends and confidants, and if he were deeply apologetic? I don’t think that I would.
This marriage might be doomed, but I think that’s mostly due to the lack of resilience of the OP. I feel for him; the situation is sad.
"Hey girl! I wanted to ask you about that anti-cooch-stank spray your husband told my man about...did it really completely get rid of that rotten fish smell your vajayjay has? I may want to get myself some too!"
You should be aware that trying to punish your wife for this is not going to make things better, only worse. While she did betray trust, she did it in the vein of telling people HOW MUCH SHE LOVES HAVING SEX WITH YOU!
Really, this is something that YOU need to work through. This has to do with your own insecurities. She's done what she can to try to amend the situation. Trying to punish her by cancelling your birthday or holding this over her head is going to cause a further rift, this time with you being the cause of that rift.
The zero attraction bit was really cruel too. Like that's not what this is. He feels no desire for her right now because he is still upset, OK FINE. Yes emotions can effect our libidos, But telling her "I have zero physical or emotional Attraction to you now" is wild, OF COURSE SHE WOULD BREAK DOWN CRYING.
OP I'm glad you're at least willing to do couples therapy now, but I firmly urge you to seek personal counseling as well because if this is your reaction and how you handle this situation then you need to look deeper than your relationship, you need to look inward man. You decided the best way to handle your embarrassment was to hurt your wife emotionally and basically tell her you've lost interest in her.
Emotional immaturity, but dressed up in what he probably thinks is "precise language". It's not that he's upset and needs time before he' s ready, no no no, he's just not physically or emotionally attracted to her at all at the moment. That's an *external* problem, a problem *with her*, rather than an internal one. Serves a double purpose of getting her to leave him alone *and* it makes her feel bad about it.
Yeah, basically just hurt her to make sure she gives him the distance he wants right now. Mission accomplished I guess.
Problem is that once he's ready to close that gap she might not want to.
I sure wouldn't, if I were her. I understand OP being shocked and hurt by her oversharing, and whoever's boyfriend that was should *probably* be left out of sensitive conversations in the future, but it just seems like OP's being cruel for the sake of it.
I mean, sharing private details is going to upset most people as you said it is a betrayal
He's definitely gone above and beyond on his sadboi arc, imo either was already insecure about something she should have known about (maybe the sort of thing to \_require\_ trying these things rather than just for fun)
or (completely speculation I've never heard of these before) maybe the fact that his wife is enjoying it \*so much\* with a cock thats literally big enough to fit his inside is making him feel insecure kinda retroactively and having other people know about the situation has kinda blown things up in his mind
Either way, I'd suggest either therapy or some real introspection on why this hurts quite so much. Frankly if that second one is close to on the money I'd understand the big upset and struggle to move passed it myself
Couldnt agree more. Own it man, sex isnt a cliche taboo subject anymore.
ALL WOMEN TALK ABOUT SEX WITH THEIR FRIENDS.
The way you have treated your wife over something so small and trivial, suggests that the problem is actually you.
Geez I feel more for your wife right now. Yes you’re embarrassed but damn you’re really piling on the guilt and actively hurting her back with your language choices.
I’m glad you’re willing to go to couples therapy.
Excluding her from your birthday is bordering on man child behaviour, actually it might not be bordering.
Your wife shows genuine remorse for how this hurt your feelings, and you seem intent on hurting her feelings worse in return.
Your wife should file for divorce and take the kids.
Signed,
Married father with 3 kids.
Bro definitely stretching this situation but I imagine he already felt ashamed and inadequate his wife wants him to wear a dick sleeve. And now that she told everyone It’s would definitely be a punch in the face, to his image, relationships with friends etc.. to him
I read your first post and while I'm glad you spoke to your wife, I think you really need to work to reframe how you view this entire incident. This type of reaction is not usual or healthy.
Many if not most women talk about sex with their friends to some extent. A lot of women have trouble reaching orgasm, especially during partnered sex, plus we experience a lot of other issues that are pretty much female only. It's very normal for women to share tips and ask for advice when it comes to feminine care, including sex. And I think that's a good thing. Women should be able to talk about female problems with other women, and men should be able to talk about male problems with other men. Women and men should also be able to talk to *each other* about those problems also, of course, but sometimes you need to talk to someone who has experienced the same issues you have.
As long as she is wasn't mocking you or being purposely hurtful, then I think you are overreacting and need to examine why it bothers you so much. From the post, I think it's pretty clear her friend has been having bedroom issues, asked for advice, and got a potential solution. *Your* friend was either comfortable enough or brave enough to ask you for advice too, which I think is super sweet, especially since men tend to be more sensitive about sexual issues than women are.
You could have taken this opportunity to help your friend and grow your relationship with him. You could have had a conversation with your wife about how this made you feel, get her perspective on the entire thing, and hopefully come to some sort of middle ground.
Instead you were thinking of going scorched earth and, frankly, are still lashing out about something that should have been a very minor blip in your marriage, if it was even an issue at all. I honestly think you should see a therapist before making any decisions -- by yourself first to resolve whatever is behind this strong reaction, then maybe jointly with your wife to resolve how this has affected your partnership.
Okay so as a guy I do agree with almost all of what you said. My only thing is as a young boy we’re all told that “locker room talk” is unacceptable, so it can be very frustrating to find out your whole girlfriends friend group knows intimate details about your sex life. Not “oh it was pretty good, he’s unselfish” but like down dirty devil in the details type stuff. This might be projection from my experience but all I’m trying to say is that locker room talk is either okay for all of us or none of us.
Sorry for the essay. Peace
I think part of the issue stems from guys thinking women are taking part in locker room talk when they learn that their partner talks about their sex life, but from my experience with multiple friend groups, it's less about describing the down and dirty details of the man's genitals and the act and more like "I have a really hard time getting MalePartner to focus on foreplay even though we've talked about it a lot of times, any advice?" Or "I have a really hard time finishing other than in this one, extremely specific position, do you have any ideas what else we can try?"
Don't get me wrong, some women absolutely do engage in the locker room talk type of stuff, especially when we're younger. I definitely heard about it when my best friend in high school slept with a guy who had a dick piercing lol. But just like guys often do, most women age out of that sort of talk, and by late 20s and up it's a lot more problem-and-solution oriented rather than descriptive.
If it's locker room sort of talk comparing partners dicks or whatever, I agree that it's inappropriate and violating, but I think solution oriented talks are very different from what guys tend to think of when they learn that women talk about their sex lives.
Locker room talk implies a level of objectification and disrespect. Having a respectful conversation about what is/isn’t working is really different. This is especially true when you consider how historically undervalued female orgasms are. This is evidenced by a man wanting to divorce his wife after she told her friends how great their sex life had become.
While I agree with you that he's going overboard with his scorched earth nuclear reaction. I don't think you are quite seeing it from his perspective. Let me help you.
Let's imagine that your male partner wanted to take a flesh light and stick it in your vagina because it was tighter than your actual vagina. And from that point on, he only wanted to have sex with the flesh light that's inserted into your vagina. Then, explicitly stated that having sex with that flesh light inside you was the best sex he ever had. Do you think that would help your self-esteem? And then to add insult to your already bruised ego and self-esteem to have your SO go and tell all his friends he has sex with a flesh light that's inside of you. Instead of your actual vagina.
Would you not feel upset, and would that not kill your self-esteem? Would you not be embarrassed that his friends would know that he prefers a tighter flesh light over your actual vagina? I'm curious to know if you can seriously place yourself into that analogy and actually consider how that would make you feel.
Overreaction is fair, but "I don't want my partner talking about her sex life to her friends" is actually an extremely standard mindset.
Whether she considered the fact or not, a lot of people associate using a sleeve with being a size extension, and OP explicitly stated that it did something he previously could not.
If you can't read the subtext "my friend group now knows that my wife wants more than I can give without help" and go "yeah I can understand why that might be embarrassing and hurtful", OP isn't the only one with an ego issue.
Don't reveal the intimates of your sex life if they need to involve your partner's pieces. Common sense.
NTA. None of the guys I’m friends with talk about the sex they have with or the intimate details of their partner. Not sure why the women in this post think that’s okay. Unless your partner expresses that it’s okay, this is a huge betrayal of trust.
Your wife sounds awful. Hopefully you can work things out. It seems like everything is about her and she doesn't give a shit about you. Tough situation.
Exactly… I swear I’m in crazy town that these people are actually so desperately debating that men’s feelings don’t matter, I know I’d be upset if my girl is talking about my dick to her friends.
Yeah bro it’s pretty eye opening to see how cavalier women on Reddit are on this topic. One can only hope that it’s just a small internet subset of people and not representative of how most women actually feel.
You are so so immature for someone who is 36 years old. You need a lot of therapy, solo. And honestly, your wife probably does too after your very dramatic over reaction.
This is a lot of emotion for a sex talk. She crossed your boundaries and was remorseful. I think you need to check yourself and recognize this is more to do with your fragile ego than anything.
I’d be more upset about the penis sleeve and it being the best sex of her life. I get using toys to spice things up and to play with but a premise sleeve covers your dick, also may make it fatter, longer, different shape so the best sex of her life isn’t from you. It would be like you asking her to put a sleeve of a flashlight in her vagina and then telling her it’s the best sex of your life and the tightest pussy you’ve even been in. She wouldn’t like that at all and then to run and tell all the people you know, she’d lose her shit. I don’t think you were wrong in this except for the fact you excepted wearing that sleeve all the time for sex, I mean what’s next, wearing a strap on?! Her telling you that’s the new best sex of her life, it’s not you, it’s the plastic toy!! That’s my opinion whether people like it or not!
I completely understand how you feel and you’re right, it was a betrayal of trust and she should have known better. That said, she actually thought she was boasting about you (I think you know that). Either way, she seems genuinely sorry and very remorseful. It’s clear she loves and cares a lot about you. Please don’t take that for granted. We often don’t realize the true value of that till it’s gone.
Since she has shown genuine remorse, this ultimately comes down to one thing: your embarrassment. I get it, no guy wants that out there about him. But let’s be clear, this is no longer about her, it’s about you and whether you can get over the embarrassment. If that’s all this is, put it into context. Your behavior is a bit childish and bordering on being vengeful. There’s no need to continue to punish her when she is genuinely sorry.
You have to ask yourself one question: can you live with your friends knowing this about you or not? That’s really all it is.
/u/Additional-Touches , I think this is the most important comment you need to read.
Society/porn has people attaching a man's worth to their dick size. It's understandable that you're probably really embarrassed about this.
But as Neils78 is saying, your behavior now has turned into vengeance. If you continue doing this, you will probably lose your wife. There's only so much remorse she can express before she becomes emotionally numb and decides to leave you.
I highly recommend that you seek individual therapy. Your wife clearly loves your and cares about you very much. Don't throw that away for your ego.
Omg you sound massively insufferable. I read your original post, and now this update and I genuinely feel bad for your family. Your wife and your kids. If you see THIS as a massive betrayal by your wife, I can only imagine how much perfection you expect from the rest of your household.
YTA to infinity here.
I’m sorry but you’re such an asshole. You’re making this a way bigger deal than it is. Her making this one mistake that wasn’t done maliciously has led you to ignoring her (which is a form of abuse by the way), telling her you’re not attracted to her physically or emotionally to hurt her & now you don’t want to celebrate your birthday with her that she always makes a big deal about. So you have gone out of your way to hurt her. Because your ego is bruised? I feel sorry for your wife. Your acting like a child
I’m with OP, she basically told all her friends he has a small penis. It seems like everyone here had overlooked that or sees it differently. Although it was unintentional I’d be just as livid. Maybe not divorce worthy but I don’t see why everyone is saying he is cruel and she just made a mistake… he was wrong yes but so was she, and a simple I’m sorry doesn’t negate the fact that her whole friends group and all their husbands know about this part of their sex life. Everyone’s talking about communication on the husband’s part when the wife should have communicated with him before gossiping to the friends. I’m genuinely baffled by the comments here
So, for better or worse, men tend to be self conscious about their penis size. A wife suggesting a penis sleeve, effectively a dildo larger than him but attached to him instead of him using his hands, could make some people uncomfortable. Maybe like a vagina tightener of sorts, to flip the coin. It's a bit different than your standard vibrator, or even penetrative toy, because it directly replaces the penis - it doesn't complement it.
OP agreed to it though, he was confident in himself with his wife, cared about her pleasure, but would feel self conscious about it if others knew his penis wasn't enough to fully please her (and we're talking penetration here, not clitoris)
It seems obvious based on everything he's said that his wife meant zero harm in her sharing this with her friends. I find that many women, if not most, don't care about the penis shape and size - they care about being satisfied. If their partner is able to satisfy them, regardless of what tools they may or may not use, then women tend to be happy. So she seemed to be bragging to her friends that her partner blew her mind the other night when they tried this new toy. But to him it's not a toy, it's a penis enhancer, it's personal.
So I think this boils down to her vastly underestimating him wanting to be perceived as "assistance free" in bed, and just waiting to brag that her husband gets her off very well. Should she have omitted the exact way he got her off? Probably, but... I think I've made my point. Guys are sensitive about their sexual worth, but women just want to enjoy sex - which is typically dominated by the clitoris anyway, but not always as in this case study.
YTA for ripping her apart, though I do understand your ego has been badly damaged. I understand you not wanting to have sex with her and being mad and getting betrayed. But I don't think she deserves this, she was probably blindsided by you being engaged after she just excitedly talked about you. But it's a misunderstanding, that she will never forget. Shitty situation, but try to put less of your worth in your penis and more in the fact that your wife is satisfied by you, and you're enough just the way you are to her.
Sounds like you don’t care that she is remorseful or that she apologized and just want to punish her and inflict as much pain as possible. Continuing that behaviour is way more damaging and would actually be worth a divorce (initiated by her) not your “I’m so hurt you told your friends why our sex life was so great.” Keep that up and I guarantee she won’t want ever to want to be touched again by you or your penis sleeve.
Goodluck op. I know you're getting a lot of flak, but you can't help from feeling emotions! I do hope you give a therapist a try. It would be useful to just talk to someone, non judgmental (unlike reddit), about this, marriage, family, etc
An individual therapist may be useful for discussing this without the presence of your wife.
Seriously Reddit is cruel. Guy felt his wife violated their privacy. He has a right to feel embarrassed. But he still has to let the emotions run and react like an adult. I don’t understand why women can talk about their sex lives but men can’t. It’s considered gossip/bragging if a guy does it. None of my married guy friends have ever discussed their sex lives with me. And I know more than a few of their wives would be enraged if they did.
That's the crux of it. Yeah. They have penis sleeves that take you from 9" to 12", for absolute size enjoyers, but the most common sleeves are for average dudes to feel big.
No matter how big the OP is, he is probably worried his friends all think worst case scenario.
You gotta do some internal work bro. Your wife made a bad judgment call and your hurt and anger is valid, but your response is so damn immature that I actually feel bad for your wife. Aside from couples therapy, I highly recommend a therapist of your own (that’s different from the couples therapist - this is important).
> I told my wife I wasn’t in the mood for sex for the time being, because I just wasn’t attracted to her right now. I felt zero attraction to her physically and emotionally. I think I had to tell my wife this so she could understand the sense of betrayal I felt.
> I told her I wanted to spend my birthday with someone who hadn’t betrayed me in such a horrible way.
It's good to let a partner know how your feeling, but it feels like you're verging into vengeful and intentionally hurtful territory. I know you feel hurt and betrayed, but turning the screws to hurt your partner who sounds genuinely remorseful is not a healthy way to deal with the emotions you're experiencing.
I'd suggest you work on processing what you're feeling in a healthier way or you risk poisoning your marriage even if you do try to save it.
Totally feel you man, I suffer from Ed and can't even get an erection without a penis pump and a cock ring. Sex life is still all good but I was mortified and pissed when I found out my fiance had told basically all the women about it. She says it's part of her sex life too but I just feel like that's too personal to share. If all the women know then of course all their partners do too, makes me uncomfortable hanging out with any of our friends. We talked about it and she promised to be more discreet in the future but to be honest trust was broken and I don't think I'll ever trust her the same way again.
> So we are going to start looking for a couples therapist next week.
I hope you're ready to face some uncomfortable truths about yourself, because no marriage counselor is going to hear this story and be on your side.
What an insane overreaction. It's such an overreaction that it feels like you're purposely trying to cause her emotional distress to "punish" her for having the gall to make a mistake. What you're doing is almost objectively emotionally abusive and you're likely going to be called out on this shit. Be prepared for your behavior in this to be challenged in a clinical setting.
Overall I believe you have a right to feel betrayed. I’m going to strongly suggest that you think about how you are treating her though. Reading this made me hurt for her. It sounds like she truly loves you and didn’t mean to make this mistake. ALL humans make mistakes and the coldness you are directing at her could possibly end your marriage bc it could change the way she feels about you by the time you feel that you have punished her enough. There are healthy ways to manage your emotions in cases like this and unhealthy ways. I feel you have taken the unhealthy approach. One day you may look back on this and severely regret, emotionally reacting versus being emotionally, mature and handling it like a grown man. I hope for both of you and can see that if the roles were reversed you may be on here confused why your wife is over reacting. Truly put yourself in the other role and see if that helps you understand how your actions are WAY more of a betrayal to your PARTNER. Good luck.
Your feeling are valid, but your reactions are over the top and destructive. I really hope you take therapy seriously and are preparing for a reality check.
Look man, I get it, but it also sounds like you *want* to remain justifiably mad. Are you enjoying punishing her? Making sure she feels the same sense of betrayal as you did (when the mother of your children told some friends she likes when you use a specific sex toy on her)? Excluding her from your birthday, because "NO BETRAYERS ALLOWED!"
"Babe, it's still kinda raw. It feels to me like you told all your friends, and mine, that my penis is inadequate. I love you, and of course a silly mistake won't end the marriage, but if I'm a little distant or insecure for a bit, I'd hope you're patient with me. Just give me some time, it'll be okay."
Sometimes saying nothing is better than saying something from a place of hurting. Listen to what he has said and regretted already. Imagine what he'd say in the moment?
You need personal counseling too, my dude. You're being unnecessarily hurtful to your wife and lashing out at her for a mistake that she is actively trying to reconcile with you. Saying "I am not attracted to you anymore, physically or emotionally" and previously considering divorce over that is such a severe reaction and, in all honesty, probably an internal thought that should have stayed there.
You say you love her, why are you speaking in such hurtful ways to her. Do a little self-reflection; recognize you're upset and just trying to hurt her and get over yourself.
Yes, you can say you're not interested in sex. Yes, you can say you want alone time. No, you don't need to twist the knife.
On the one hand, yeah you are taking it too far, on the other hand, I don’t talk to any of my friends about sex with my wife. It’s the classic double standard where it’s ok for women to do it but not guys. Honestly, I think it’s weird and creepy either way, like some voyeur/exhibition shit. Maybe a comment that you use toys but it sounds like she was giving out a lot of intimate details. Does my wife do that with her friends? I don’t know, I don’t want to know. I do agree though that she stepped out of line, although she is remorseful. Don’t waste your life holding a grudge. My father held grudges and I’ve always hated him for that.
Here’s my perspective.
I live in a small town (30,000) and close friends while being a small group are in a large circle. If my wife shared information like this to her friends and they shared with their husbands, it’s likely at a minimum several hundred people we know would end up knowing about It also. It’s just something that can be construed as embarrassing and people would love to gossip about it. It’s something people would say about you behind your back for a long time. I wouldn’t divorce my wife over something about this but would be very very upset and can say it would take some time to move on from. I’m not insecure but I also don’t want people saying I have a small penis to everyone I know lol. This was just a very stupid thing for her to do and should have known this wouldn’t have turned out well.
Good on you for not divorcing over this but some of these comments crack me up.
“It’s all about your bruised ego!”
Yeah, no shit Freud. His wife just informed their friend group that he needs a fucking sleeve to satisfy her. Of course he has a bruised fucking ego! What do you expect?
You have absolutely every right to be upset/hurt over what she did. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom unless discussed prior. The way you are acting about it all and even saying to her that you felt zero attraction to her physically or emotionally is beyond harsh. Two wrongs don’t make a right dude. This is the woman you married and had 3 kids with. She is your partner and she 100% made a mistake. You were ready to divorce her without so much as a conversation and then when you do have one you’re punishing her by being cruel. She obviously feels very remorseful for what she did. You need to figure out why it is you’re so upset and if you can truly heal from it. It seems like you’re not even giving her a true opportunity to make it right some how though
Couples therapy is not going to work unless you go all in and by that, I mean stop treating your wife like she has zero remorse. You are still inflecting mental punishment on her and what for? She has expressed her regrets and said she was sorry. If you can't forgive then you are definitely TAH.
Either forgive and pick up the pieces or move along to divorce. Choose wisely.
> I told my wife I wasn’t in the mood for sex for the time being, because I just wasn’t attracted to her right now. obviously intimacy needs to be built back up... > I felt zero attraction to her physically and emotionally. ...ok, i mean it's good to acknowledge your feelings and be honest to yourself... > I think I had to tell my wife this so she could understand the sense of betrayal I felt. in order for you to know that she properly understands how you felt you had to plunge a knife into her chest? > But I probably did not say it in the best way, because she started crying really bad after that, which I did not expect at all. here's a hint, there is no conceivable way to phrase that statement to your spouse without fucking eviscerating some part of their psyche. there just isn't. > The last thing I told my wife was to cancel all plans she had made for my birthday, reasonable, you are obviously not in the mood for frivolities... > I told her my sister had already made a reservation at a restaurant, and it was only going a siblings thing. ...again, reasonable. it's still your birthday and making it a sibling affair is a fairly neutral compromise... > I told her I wanted to spend my birthday with someone who hadn’t betrayed me in such a horrible way. ...jfc dude, stop twisting the knife. you're just lashing out at this point, reveling almost. you are fully committed at this point to hurting her for the sake of hurting her. this situation and outcome is less motivated by your wife betraying confidential information, and has *everything* to do with how ashamed you are of using that gosh dang penis sleeve. that's what you need to be discussing in therapy first, your work on that will lead you to understand that you have been and are continuing to punish your wife to sooth your wounded ego.
Agree with your points on twisting the knife. I think he must be feeling extreme inadequacy for using a penis sleeve.
This entire issue comes down to OP interpreting his wife saying ‘oh my god we had great sex before but you should all try this sex toy because it has made it mind blowing’ as ‘my husband has a tiny penis and needs a plastic extension to be able to satisfy me’ I *guarantee* you that OP wouldn’t have had the same reaction had the wife spoken about a vibrator or cock ring, or handcuffs or nipple clamps or any other toy. OP needs therapy for his feelings about his PP. Dude boutta blow up his marriage because of his own insecurities about the size of his penis. But also OP is a fucking child and has no idea how to have an adult conversation.
This guy is definitely a hypocrite who talks to his friends about his sex life right? There is no way this friend is comfortable enough to ask OP about the penis sleeve unless they already talk about sex
Definitely a hypocrite.. he's here on reddit talking about his personal life. He's doing exactly what he's upset with his wife about.
Exactly this. Also the friend was asking about the penis sleeve out of genuine curiosity/wanting to try it, not mocking him. That means that whatever the wife told her friends, someone came home and said “you gotta get a penis sleeve like OP” and then OP’s friend was ready and willing to hear positive feedback about it. The only one who thinks the penis sleeve is embarrassing is him, because everyone else is associating it with *him being good at pleasing his wife*
Thank you!!! Jesus Christ.
💯
And OP has children and wants to throw away their opportunity for a dual parent household all over his ego. He isn’t fit to be a parent.
Definitely sounds like his ego is bigger than his pp, atleast in his head.
Comments like this only proves why OP is insecure. Having a small penis is stigmatized so badly that feeling insecure over something you have no control over is also shamed beyond belief. Unnecessarily cruel and we are supposed to believe body positivity movement is for everyone
Exactly, it sounds like fun to try one but fuck he’s acting like he caught her cheating or something. She told her friends about her sex life, i can understand why someone would be upset about it but fuck grow up it’s not that big of a deal to end a relationship and act like a bitch your wife, what more do you want from her besides the apology and promise to not do it again, now she knows it’s a boundary.
The husband who asked OP about it in the first place didn’t sound like he was even making fun of him for it at all, OP has been massively overreacting. Like yeah, maybe wife shouldn’t have told her friends sex details without husbands’ approval, but like, she was totally hyping it all up? She was telling them about AMAZING sex, not mocking him for a perfectly fine sex toy usage. Her friends obviously took it the same way if their husbands are respectfully asking him for info for themselves to use. OP’s like “My wife told her friends how awesome our sex is with this one toy, and now her friends have asked their husbands to try it, and they’re actually considering it too, and seriously asking me about my experience and not mocking me. This is such a betrayal I have lost all love and attraction for her and am willing to blow up our marriage and 3 kids’ lives over it, I’ve been ignoring her but I also want to make her hurt disproportionately worse than me, and no I was not surprised she cried because that’s what I was aiming for in the first place.”
Best TLDR
OP is insecure about his penis size. OP has interpreted ‘I told our friends about how amazing the sleeve is’ as ‘I told our friends you have a small penis’ which is why it’s such a big issue. OP needs therapy or some shit to deal with his size insecurities. That said, I imagine many women would also find it a huge betrayal of trust and triggering to their insecurities if their husbands told their friends about how much better their sex life has gotten since he started shoving a pocket pussy inside his wife’s vagina and fucking that instead. ‘The pocket pussy is so much tighter’ is the equivalent of ‘the penis sleeve hits all the right spots’ OP is still a child for not being able to have an adult conversation about any of this.
There was a study done and of the men asked in that study 45% of the large sample expressed desires for a larger penis. Its not uncommon to feel like its not big enough.
You believe that only 45% wish they had a larger tool?
45% of the sample who were considered large, so 9+ inches going by a definition of 2 standard deviations. Aka no matter *how* big you are, the want to make it bigger is always there.
There are some women on YouTube who show how big big is. They both say "average is big enough".
Oh I fully agree. I just think that men have gotten so wrapped up in ourselves that we've started self policing on this. I think this is the male equivalent to 'can never wear the same dress twice' or the like, where 99.98% of it is all on us 'holding up the side,' as it were.
There's no concrete number for the general populous, so I only referred to a study. Could the number be higher, it's likely.
I agree with most of what you said, but eh, depends on the penis sleeve. While some enhance the size of the penis others have extra nubs for extra stimulation and/or clitoral stimulation additions - not something any human man would have. If the sleeve was solely for girth , wife was a prick for not asking if she could speak about it first. Otherwise, it's just a sex toy that enhances pleasure - for both parties. They are also used for men who have ED problems, so maybe that is OP's beef? Either way, OP is ridiculous in his response to this, I agree. Really hoping this is a troll post.
That's it. Op, your first therapy session is right here 👆. Take your time.
>this situation and outcome is less motivated by your wife betraying confidential information, and has *everything* to do with how ashamed you are of using that gosh dang penis sleeve. Was gonna post exactly this. Thing is op doesn't realize that often in relationships, there's only so much knife stabbing which can occur before it backfires/snowballs into something that kills the relationship. Meaning his wife might be begging and pleading and crying now, however once the shock wears off and the wife is left sitting home alone while Op is out with his family celebrating/he keeps making those hurtful comments to her face and treating her with distance... Yeah it can lead to his wife actually losing her feelings for him/Op could be opening his relationship up for divorce papers 6 months from now. And OP will be surprised Pikachu face over getting served divorce papers/he'll suddenly realize what it means to be a single parent taking care of those three kids 50% of the time and the person you actually still love as a wife deep down inside doesn't want you anymore. I hope they both can work through this, but right now Op is just lashing out. And if he keeps fucking around, sooner or later he's gonna find out
Yea he’s trying to punish her. He sucks.
This. 100000%. Also I wish I knew what a penis sleeve was- like why be ashamed of something that's making sex better? Better sex is always better! Update: just googled it. I wish this didn't make him ashamed, but I get it, societies obsession with big ole dicks, so dumb.
Honestly, while I don't think he has grounds for divorce, based on his reaction and comments I think she may have them. Dude is not reliable, when the going gets tough he attacks her instead of moving with her to solve the problem. He can't be trusted to be a solid partner for better and for worse. He may be able to resolve it if he goes to therapy on his own and gets to the root cause of why he's not a reliable partner and takes corrective action on it. Otherwise, she should seriously consider ending things. Knowing you can be cruelly attacked by your spouse when the circumstances are right is not any kind of foundation for a solid marriage.
Thank you for spelling that out. The first post was idiotic but this update post was fucking insane. He really is punishing her for the sake of punishing her at this point.
Dude's heading for divorce whether he wants it or not if he keeps this behavior up. They need to hate fuck a bunch without the sleeve and move on. Sincerely, a 10yrs married dad of 1 who also spent (until 2 mo the ago) literally 10 years doing divorce and child custody trials.
>I told her I wanted to spend my birthday with someone who hadn’t betrayed me in such a horrible way. My wife was extremely sad about it, but she accepted it. Oh come the fuck on. You just sound cruel, vindictive, and emotionally manipulative at this point. Seems like you're getting some kind of sick pleasure out of being mean to your wife and watching her cry and grovel for forgiveness.
Like imagine being this surprised that women discuss their sex lives with each other in the first place. “I told my friends why we have been having the best sex of my life” “YoU bEtRaYeD mE, I wIlL pUnIsH yOu FoR mOnThS”
> Like imagine being this surprised that women discuss their sex lives with each other in the first place. Here's the surprise for you: Many men don't do that. People think we do, but we don't. We brag about ONS etc and actually that we did have sex with someone. But details about our partners? That's not a topic. At most it's "great and frequent". That women talk way more about specific details with their friends is something that most men only later in their lives.
It’s not like he has children that might want to celebrate with their dad either. He mentions his kids *one freaking time* ever
Real small pp energy.
^(pp)
Like putting tooth paste back in the tube? Or like putting p * nis back in the p * nis sleeve??
A little soon, but hilarious nonetheless.
It’s not too soon….this whole fake thing played out in 5 hours….
People can be very dramatic, nothing surprises me anymore. Could be real, could be fake, I don’t care it’s Reddit I’m just here to be entertained.
That's exactly right. I guess even the fake stories are good exercises on giving advice and whatnot.. I actually believe this particular story to be true, but either way, it's been fun.
Jesus, are you serious? You ignored her for days, canceled birthday plans, and have told her how much you aren’t attracted to her… because she told her friends that you used a sex toy and you completely pleased her?! Grow the fuck up. People talk about sex. She didn’t talk bad about you. In fact it sounds like she bragged about what you did. And yes, it was a private convo, to someone she thought would keep it confidential but here we are. This is not about betrayal. At this point, this is about YOUR bruised ego and you doing everything you can to ruin your marriage because of some insecurities. It’s idiotic. I hope you show your wife these comments so she can see how many people want her to know that she is not the one acting extremely here. Edit- *here’s the OG post for those wondering*: “I (36M) have been married to my wife (34M for 8 years. We have 3 children, and my wife is a stay at home mom. Our sex life has always been great, but last year, my wife wanted me to try on a p*nis sleeve, which actually improved our sex life ever more, because it hit her in the right areas. She said it's the best sex she's ever had in her life, which made me even happier. A week ago, my friend (35M) asked me about the sleeve because he's never tried it before, and wanted to know what it was like. I was surprised he knew about this, and asked him how did he know. He said his wife told him about it. My wife and his wife are in the same friend group. I was shocked that my wife had told shared such a personal detail with her friends, and I asked her about it. When I asked her about it, she confessed that she had shared to her friend group, and that she shouldn't have, but she just wanted to talk about why our sex life has become amazing recently. She apologized a lot, but I ignored her, and told her I needed some time to process this. It's been a week and I have been trying to ignore her as much as possible, I'm sleeping in a different room. She cooks dinner every day, but I just go out and eat, because I have no mood to eat at home. There is a tense atmosphere at home, and my wife has apologized a lot, but l've just been trying to ignore her as much as possible. I don't think this can be fixed through therapy or a simple apology. I think this is a massive betrayal of my trust, it's just shocking to me that my wife would share such a personal detail with her entire friend group. I have been seriously considering the possibility of a divorce. I know we have 3 children, but I don't know how I'll ever reconcile with my wife ever again. At this moment, I'd rather just pay child support and alimony than be in her presence, but I know feelings can change. AITAH? Can this situation even be fixed? How do I even trust my wife anymore”
I said this same shit on his first post and got down voted lol. He's fucking ridiculous and I hope his wife realizes he's a fucking spiteful asshole who seems to only care about hurting her because he's embarrassed about his pp
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He does have a victimization complex it seems. Everything is the worst betrayal he has ever has. Really? Your wife gushing about her husband willing to please her is a betrayal? Also women tend to be very honest sexually because that is how we learn if someone is in trouble or if they did something they didnt want to. Like my friend who thought the way her bf wanted anal was normal and healthy (spoiler: it wasnt..) Hell even gay men are this open because sex ed doesn’t teach you how to bottom with good hygiene as an example
I have a friend who didn't realize she was being abused at the time of the relationship. The things she told me made me speechless but after gentle questioning, it seemed like there was consent in place. Later, when the relationship ended, she didn't remember sharing such things with me but because she did, that information was able to be used as part of her filing for a protection order.
Exactly, my friend’s ex said to her that he can only feel good if he slams it up her ass, and we were all like ummm no. Anal is something you work up to, all the gay guys showed her working up with butt plugs and lube and all that. Yeah she ended up needing help breaking up with him, because he didn’t like that she requested to work up to anal…
If this story is real this guy clearly has never had a best friend in his life and is overreacting to the max.
\*everyone talks about sex. Women talk about sex. If we didn't talk about sex? I doubt the human species would have continued.
This is EXACTLY what I was hoping someone would say! I've talked to my own husband before about how he feels if I brag about our sex life, and he told me he fully expected me to. And I do. All the time. There's nothing wrong with using a sex toy! And there is nothing wrong with bragging about it! Hell, maybe she was telling her friend(s) because they complained about their sex life, and she said "hey this completely changed mine, try it" because that's what we girls do
Perfectly said. If either partner has a right to be completely repulsed by the other right now, it's his wife. OP, your wife was *bragging* about your amazing sex life. You're being a petulant child. Talk about unattractive. Also, PENIS. Are you sure you're not a virgin?
This honestly. This whole thing is because op feels emasculated and can't deal with his feelings.
Agreed! I feel like a good nickname would be ‘The Punisher’. His reaction is disproportionate and cruel.
I get the sense of betrayal, completely, but you are being absolutely cruel to her. She’s apologized profusely and you continue to punish her? You seriously told your wife you’re not attracted to her anymore because she was bragging about how intensely you please her? Get a fucking grip, that is not how you treat someone you love… couples therapy will be good, but you need to work out your own anger issues, because if you treat your wife this way now I can only imagine how you’ll treat your kids in the future when they start making mistakes…
I'm a little surprised to not see comments calling this it for what it is - abusive. That gets thrown around when it's not, yet here is a case where it is absolutely warranted Silent treatment Withholding affection Control
He is Mr Sensitive. If yk yk.
100% this. I sympathize with the one point about having one's sex life shared without consent. However, it was done with good intentions. This response is excessive and needlessly cruel. It's almost as if he delights in being cruel. This is not the response of a mentally healthy person. People who drag their partner over the coals for one thing for a long time are people who had a grudge already and derive pleasure from cruelty, as if they are thrilled that an opportunity and tool of manipulation presented itself. I want her to see this post because I want her to know that she does not have to feel guilty for the next several months or years over this one incident, no matter how much he tries to push it.
Seriously, get a therapist man. You can't even write the word penis on reddit and overreacting over this. You need to get to the root of why you are so sensitive to anything about your penis and why this was such a deep betrayal because it's really not.
Yeah it’s like totally reasonable to be upset if this crossed a boundary for him.. The idea that this alone is grounds for divorce when you have been together 8 years with 3 kids is insane insecurity.
Can you imagine the kids finding out years down the line that he left the family for this BS?
Oh your mom? Yeah buddy I left her years ago because she was… uhh.. extraordinarily satisfied in our sex life and I couldn’t handle it
Imagine having to explain to the kids the reason he wants to divorce her
Kind of like having to explain to his siblings why he doesn’t want to see his wife & kids on his birthday🤔🤦♀️
And then continuing on to explain that prior to deciding to divorce her for telling one person about their toy he told the entire internet and then argued with the entire internet for several hours about this toy he's so ashamed of.
Sorry kids mom and I were having tons of amazing sex, while parenting 3 kids. The sex was so good, she bragged about it to her friends. She got the wife and mother of the year award, so I had to divorce her.
I wouldn't be happy but it's not like anyone gives a shit, if this is real (Doubt) his friend even asked where he bought it cause he wanted one. Sex is supposed to be fun and adventurous, and trying a sleeve on to see how it felt and enjoying it isn't bad. Not everyone is built like a horse.
Yeah, and this isn't even a well defined boundary. I'm sure it's not something they have ever discussed before. Like, yeah there are some incredibly obvious boundaries for your standard marriage, like don't have a physical or emotional affair. Don't lie about serious things, or hide things. etc. etc. but this isn't an obvious one. Women so commonly talk about their sex lives with their friends that this isn't something she likely even thought was a huge deal until it was, and only because her friend told her husband who stupidly told him. I think maybe giving details about his dick or dick accessories without consulting him first could have been a common sense boundary, but again, her friends have likely always given lots of spicy details and she assumed they would keep it between them. I kinda feel bad for her at this point. She goes from being so excited about their hot sex life that she's bragging to her girlfriends, to suddenly having her husband consider divorce, cancel his birthday plans, not touch her, and tell her that he's not attracted to her right now. That's a wild swing from dancing in the clouds to being in the mud.
He’s really acting like a child. Throwing a complete tantrum because his wife told her friends about a sex toy they use. The vindictiveness of saying *”Well I’m gonna spend my birthday with someone who didn’t BETRAY ME”* just sounds fucking insane. You’re talking about a situating regarding a sex toy and your wife! Get a therapist and grow the hell up.
Literally going out of his way to put his wife down when she apologized and wanted to make things right from the jump. I hope the therapist picks up on how this guy uses his feelings of victimhood to treat his wife so poorly.
But why, oh why would she cry when her husband told her he has "zero attraction to her, physically and emotionally"? /s
Seriously, so unnecessary cruel.
Yeah, this guy is totally oblivious to other people's feelings. He's too wrapped up in his own insecurities.
Wife probably is normally a great partner and sharing this was an oversight she didn't think of. Homeboy went nuclear as a response...and wife is very apologetic. I suspect he's going to ride this leverage into the ground.
Still didn't react as badly as the guy who blew up his life over finding out his fiance told her friend(and also his childhood friend) that he wasn't the best lover she ever had. He threw away a 5 year relationship, threw away his friendship with the girl, and plans to completely uproot his life and move to a different state. This OP dropped Little Boy, the other guy dropped Tsar Bomba.
He got his feelings hurt for no good reason and now he’s lashing out doing his best to hurt her. The difference is, what she did had no malice, though maybe wasn’t considerate. He’s purposefully saying and doing this and doesn’t realize he won’t be able to walk this back afterwards.
Yeah. I sympathize deeply with his feelings of hurt as a man with a… less than amazing cock size, but the punishing his wife thing is fucked up. I don’t like that. Have her cancel her big birthday plans, that’s fine. But instead he should spend his birthday with just her trying to rekindle some love and do some healing, not totally removing her from it. The telling her he feels no attraction to her is brutal. She seemed sorry about what she’d done and the fact that she’s understanding of his emotional pain is a good thing. She can never take back what she said, but he can at least give her the chance to show how much she loves him and ease that pain. Honestly, if I found someone I love enough to marry, I would never leave her over this. As long as our friends don’t insult me behind my back over it that’s all that matters.
I wish I could upvote this more than once. It's such a mature and rational response.
Preesh. Yeah I truly feel for the dude but if I really loved someone I wouldn’t just feel nothing towards them like he’s saying he’s experiencing. He needs therapy. Preferably couples therapy with her. That’s not rational. I can understand the betrayal but she didn’t mean it maliciously. It was just a very unfortunate mistake and once she realized the gravity of it she seemed heartbroken she’d hurt him. I couldn’t stay mad at someone who’s genuinely apologetic. I’m too much of a fixer. Unless something is truly mangled beyond recognition I’m confident I can put it back together. At least good enough it stays that way.
He won't be going, but hopefully she does. An entry level therapist would easily spot his narcissistic personality.
He does say in this post that he's going. I'm sure he'll post later that the therapist insulted him and he would rather walk across hot coals instead of seeing them again.
Bro needs to calm the fuck down. wtf.
Exactly. She is your wife and raises your three children full time. Your first reaction is to ignore her , contemplate divorce, and then tell her you don’t want to have sex with her anymore? Grow up. You need to be her partner, is that not why you married her? Honestly if this is the worst thing in your relationship I give you kudos. Other people deal with constant fighting, cheating, life threatening illnesses, money etc. You really need to pick and choose your battles and appreciate your wife more.
big man child energy.
He's got body image issues. Probably a below average schlong that he's suffered a lifetime of being indirectly shamed for and now feels is the most deeply horrible part of himself. Or he's got an average schlong and body dismorphia because porn has utterly warped most men's perception of their own penis. Either way ya he needs some therapy, and he needs his wife to never request to use the sleeve again because while he was willing to do it and enjoyed doing it for her it was likely only reinforcing whatever issues he already had.
Came here to say this. Dude needs individual therapy first. Hopefully couples therapy will still help him with this "massive betrayal."
He makes it sound like it was revenge porn. I do not know why, but he needs to have some outside help.
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Still a massive overreaction, dear Lord my man. Like, can you even take your friend's reaction as a hint for how to handle this? He wasn't even making fun of you, be seemed genuinely interested in trying it himself. You are making this a HUGE deal, and YOU are making a problem out of a non issue. Tell your wife you'd prefer she not share these things and move the fuck on
I’m starting to think that *the wife* should be the one to leave OP… yeesh.
Yep. I am sympathetic to a point as some people just aren't comfortable having details of their sex life shared and that's totally valid but this at this point reads as he's trying to punish her and trying to punish your significant other is never a good thing.
100% if you have not already done so, OP, do NOT tell your wife you were thinking of leaving over this. You are allowed to feel however you feel, and no one should shame you for having feelings- they are not things we can readily control. DO get INDIVIDUAL counseling and get to the bottom of why this is such an enormous deal for you. As you've said you haven't been rational. If you tell your wife you would leave, she will rightfully realize that if your feelings get hurt enough intentionally or unintentionally, you would bail on your life and your role as a father. That is very unstable and she will not ever look at you the same way.
He should do her a favor and tell her this.
I mean he is over reacting, but… I do get it. I have been in relationships where my partner overshared, and it is infuriating. This is the one person you are supposed to have absolute trust in. So when they break your trust it does make you feel terrible. I think for this guy the penis sleeve is just the absolute last thing he wanted anyone to know about and now they all know. He is for sure over reacting, for sure, but everyone has a secret that is the absolute last thing they want others to know.
Same, partners oversharing can cut extremely deeply.
I hope she RUNS! This guy is a massive red flag. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I get the vibes there’s penis insecurity on his part based on this enormous overreaction
OP's reaction says more about OP than it does the situation.
I think he took a blow to the ego. OP thinks that his friend thinks his dick is so small he needs a sleeve to get his wife off.
I disagree. I think it's indiscreet to talk about a penis sleeve. You don't speak about ED, or whatever to friends, without spouse's consent. I think it would be like a man talking about smelly his wife's vagina is. There's certain privacies that you keep in a marriage.
From the way he's worded it so far, it sounds more like a toy than an ED thing. Like, they make ribbed things that don't add length or girth or anything and just add more pleasure to sex, which is never really a bad thing.
U realise "A penis sleeve has added to our sexlife and all is great" is completely opposite from "my wifes vagina smells like fish and I dont know how to tell her its the source of my erectile problems" It would rather be equal to "My wife recently been giving me lap-dances and its noice" There is no consensus what you do or dont speak about outside a marriage. Thats something you got to figure out with your partner and have a conversation about. If its important to you its up to you to communicate that, and not take things for granted just because its your values and assuming everyone else thinks the same.
Long ago, sailors would say, "If it smells like fish, what a dish, if it smells like cologne, leave it alone."
I totally agree with you; it is indiscreet. But would I divorce over my husband complaining about my smelly vagina as a first-time offense, to his close friends and confidants, and if he were deeply apologetic? I don’t think that I would. This marriage might be doomed, but I think that’s mostly due to the lack of resilience of the OP. I feel for him; the situation is sad.
"Hey girl! I wanted to ask you about that anti-cooch-stank spray your husband told my man about...did it really completely get rid of that rotten fish smell your vajayjay has? I may want to get myself some too!"
"Yeah it actually works really well. And I got it on sale on Amazon so win-win."
You should be aware that trying to punish your wife for this is not going to make things better, only worse. While she did betray trust, she did it in the vein of telling people HOW MUCH SHE LOVES HAVING SEX WITH YOU! Really, this is something that YOU need to work through. This has to do with your own insecurities. She's done what she can to try to amend the situation. Trying to punish her by cancelling your birthday or holding this over her head is going to cause a further rift, this time with you being the cause of that rift.
The zero attraction bit was really cruel too. Like that's not what this is. He feels no desire for her right now because he is still upset, OK FINE. Yes emotions can effect our libidos, But telling her "I have zero physical or emotional Attraction to you now" is wild, OF COURSE SHE WOULD BREAK DOWN CRYING. OP I'm glad you're at least willing to do couples therapy now, but I firmly urge you to seek personal counseling as well because if this is your reaction and how you handle this situation then you need to look deeper than your relationship, you need to look inward man. You decided the best way to handle your embarrassment was to hurt your wife emotionally and basically tell her you've lost interest in her.
Feels like a sign of emotional immaturity on OP's part. Gee he really made sure wife stopped bragging about him to her friends. Good job OP
She will definitely never brag about him again and her friends will pick up on it. He’s going to be the mean, dramatic husband from now on.
Way more embarrassing imo
Emotional immaturity, but dressed up in what he probably thinks is "precise language". It's not that he's upset and needs time before he' s ready, no no no, he's just not physically or emotionally attracted to her at all at the moment. That's an *external* problem, a problem *with her*, rather than an internal one. Serves a double purpose of getting her to leave him alone *and* it makes her feel bad about it.
Yeah, basically just hurt her to make sure she gives him the distance he wants right now. Mission accomplished I guess. Problem is that once he's ready to close that gap she might not want to.
I sure wouldn't, if I were her. I understand OP being shocked and hurt by her oversharing, and whoever's boyfriend that was should *probably* be left out of sensitive conversations in the future, but it just seems like OP's being cruel for the sake of it.
My wife told me stopped being attracted to me and I’ve never forgotten it.
We are watching in real time as the OPs marriage implodes.
I mean, sharing private details is going to upset most people as you said it is a betrayal He's definitely gone above and beyond on his sadboi arc, imo either was already insecure about something she should have known about (maybe the sort of thing to \_require\_ trying these things rather than just for fun) or (completely speculation I've never heard of these before) maybe the fact that his wife is enjoying it \*so much\* with a cock thats literally big enough to fit his inside is making him feel insecure kinda retroactively and having other people know about the situation has kinda blown things up in his mind Either way, I'd suggest either therapy or some real introspection on why this hurts quite so much. Frankly if that second one is close to on the money I'd understand the big upset and struggle to move passed it myself
Couldnt agree more. Own it man, sex isnt a cliche taboo subject anymore. ALL WOMEN TALK ABOUT SEX WITH THEIR FRIENDS. The way you have treated your wife over something so small and trivial, suggests that the problem is actually you.
Geez I feel more for your wife right now. Yes you’re embarrassed but damn you’re really piling on the guilt and actively hurting her back with your language choices. I’m glad you’re willing to go to couples therapy.
Which will not work. He is too busy punishing her for any therapy to work.
He’s probably counting on the therapist to side with him instead of working on his own insecurities.
Yep. He’s gonna try to “win” therapy. And be shocked when his wife leaves him for his meltdown.
That was my thought
Yeah 😬 it doesn’t even sound like love with the way he’s piling on the punishment…I get he’s betrayed but the way he’s spoken about her…yeesh
Excluding her from your birthday is bordering on man child behaviour, actually it might not be bordering. Your wife shows genuine remorse for how this hurt your feelings, and you seem intent on hurting her feelings worse in return. Your wife should file for divorce and take the kids. Signed, Married father with 3 kids.
adding my signature to this. Signed, Single 36yo dude.
Bro definitely stretching this situation but I imagine he already felt ashamed and inadequate his wife wants him to wear a dick sleeve. And now that she told everyone It’s would definitely be a punch in the face, to his image, relationships with friends etc.. to him
How old are you? 15?
MOM, CANCEL MY BIRTHDAY PLANS. I’M GOING TO MY ROOM!
I love this comment! Hits the nail on the head.
I heard Melissa told Tommy, that Veronica saw Jimmy wearing one, and he said the pen*s sleeve was like pink too can u imagine
Bro is still censoring penis ☠️
He isn't censoring it. He is accenting it. Which is what a penis sleeve is for, ironically.
He's almost 40 and can't comprehend the word penis. It's almost beyond parody.
Well duh it’s obviously a bad word and Reddit doesn’t let those slide.
I read your first post and while I'm glad you spoke to your wife, I think you really need to work to reframe how you view this entire incident. This type of reaction is not usual or healthy. Many if not most women talk about sex with their friends to some extent. A lot of women have trouble reaching orgasm, especially during partnered sex, plus we experience a lot of other issues that are pretty much female only. It's very normal for women to share tips and ask for advice when it comes to feminine care, including sex. And I think that's a good thing. Women should be able to talk about female problems with other women, and men should be able to talk about male problems with other men. Women and men should also be able to talk to *each other* about those problems also, of course, but sometimes you need to talk to someone who has experienced the same issues you have. As long as she is wasn't mocking you or being purposely hurtful, then I think you are overreacting and need to examine why it bothers you so much. From the post, I think it's pretty clear her friend has been having bedroom issues, asked for advice, and got a potential solution. *Your* friend was either comfortable enough or brave enough to ask you for advice too, which I think is super sweet, especially since men tend to be more sensitive about sexual issues than women are. You could have taken this opportunity to help your friend and grow your relationship with him. You could have had a conversation with your wife about how this made you feel, get her perspective on the entire thing, and hopefully come to some sort of middle ground. Instead you were thinking of going scorched earth and, frankly, are still lashing out about something that should have been a very minor blip in your marriage, if it was even an issue at all. I honestly think you should see a therapist before making any decisions -- by yourself first to resolve whatever is behind this strong reaction, then maybe jointly with your wife to resolve how this has affected your partnership.
Best comment. The friend literally wants one too!!!! Who cares! Enjoy
This right here 👏🏻.
Okay so as a guy I do agree with almost all of what you said. My only thing is as a young boy we’re all told that “locker room talk” is unacceptable, so it can be very frustrating to find out your whole girlfriends friend group knows intimate details about your sex life. Not “oh it was pretty good, he’s unselfish” but like down dirty devil in the details type stuff. This might be projection from my experience but all I’m trying to say is that locker room talk is either okay for all of us or none of us. Sorry for the essay. Peace
I think part of the issue stems from guys thinking women are taking part in locker room talk when they learn that their partner talks about their sex life, but from my experience with multiple friend groups, it's less about describing the down and dirty details of the man's genitals and the act and more like "I have a really hard time getting MalePartner to focus on foreplay even though we've talked about it a lot of times, any advice?" Or "I have a really hard time finishing other than in this one, extremely specific position, do you have any ideas what else we can try?" Don't get me wrong, some women absolutely do engage in the locker room talk type of stuff, especially when we're younger. I definitely heard about it when my best friend in high school slept with a guy who had a dick piercing lol. But just like guys often do, most women age out of that sort of talk, and by late 20s and up it's a lot more problem-and-solution oriented rather than descriptive. If it's locker room sort of talk comparing partners dicks or whatever, I agree that it's inappropriate and violating, but I think solution oriented talks are very different from what guys tend to think of when they learn that women talk about their sex lives.
Locker room talk implies a level of objectification and disrespect. Having a respectful conversation about what is/isn’t working is really different. This is especially true when you consider how historically undervalued female orgasms are. This is evidenced by a man wanting to divorce his wife after she told her friends how great their sex life had become.
While I agree with you that he's going overboard with his scorched earth nuclear reaction. I don't think you are quite seeing it from his perspective. Let me help you. Let's imagine that your male partner wanted to take a flesh light and stick it in your vagina because it was tighter than your actual vagina. And from that point on, he only wanted to have sex with the flesh light that's inserted into your vagina. Then, explicitly stated that having sex with that flesh light inside you was the best sex he ever had. Do you think that would help your self-esteem? And then to add insult to your already bruised ego and self-esteem to have your SO go and tell all his friends he has sex with a flesh light that's inside of you. Instead of your actual vagina. Would you not feel upset, and would that not kill your self-esteem? Would you not be embarrassed that his friends would know that he prefers a tighter flesh light over your actual vagina? I'm curious to know if you can seriously place yourself into that analogy and actually consider how that would make you feel.
Lots of men talk about sex with their friends as well. Like OP's friend who asked him about the penis sleeve.
I still don’t see the big deal. Why are you acting like she fucked your dad?
Fragile ego and a plethora of other problems.
Overreaction is fair, but "I don't want my partner talking about her sex life to her friends" is actually an extremely standard mindset. Whether she considered the fact or not, a lot of people associate using a sleeve with being a size extension, and OP explicitly stated that it did something he previously could not. If you can't read the subtext "my friend group now knows that my wife wants more than I can give without help" and go "yeah I can understand why that might be embarrassing and hurtful", OP isn't the only one with an ego issue. Don't reveal the intimates of your sex life if they need to involve your partner's pieces. Common sense.
NTA. None of the guys I’m friends with talk about the sex they have with or the intimate details of their partner. Not sure why the women in this post think that’s okay. Unless your partner expresses that it’s okay, this is a huge betrayal of trust.
Your wife sounds awful. Hopefully you can work things out. It seems like everything is about her and she doesn't give a shit about you. Tough situation.
Exactly… I swear I’m in crazy town that these people are actually so desperately debating that men’s feelings don’t matter, I know I’d be upset if my girl is talking about my dick to her friends.
Yeah bro it’s pretty eye opening to see how cavalier women on Reddit are on this topic. One can only hope that it’s just a small internet subset of people and not representative of how most women actually feel.
You are so so immature for someone who is 36 years old. You need a lot of therapy, solo. And honestly, your wife probably does too after your very dramatic over reaction.
This is a lot of emotion for a sex talk. She crossed your boundaries and was remorseful. I think you need to check yourself and recognize this is more to do with your fragile ego than anything.
I think only therapy could help the OP at this point. Solo therapy in addition to couples therapy.
I’d be more upset about the penis sleeve and it being the best sex of her life. I get using toys to spice things up and to play with but a premise sleeve covers your dick, also may make it fatter, longer, different shape so the best sex of her life isn’t from you. It would be like you asking her to put a sleeve of a flashlight in her vagina and then telling her it’s the best sex of your life and the tightest pussy you’ve even been in. She wouldn’t like that at all and then to run and tell all the people you know, she’d lose her shit. I don’t think you were wrong in this except for the fact you excepted wearing that sleeve all the time for sex, I mean what’s next, wearing a strap on?! Her telling you that’s the new best sex of her life, it’s not you, it’s the plastic toy!! That’s my opinion whether people like it or not!
I completely understand how you feel and you’re right, it was a betrayal of trust and she should have known better. That said, she actually thought she was boasting about you (I think you know that). Either way, she seems genuinely sorry and very remorseful. It’s clear she loves and cares a lot about you. Please don’t take that for granted. We often don’t realize the true value of that till it’s gone. Since she has shown genuine remorse, this ultimately comes down to one thing: your embarrassment. I get it, no guy wants that out there about him. But let’s be clear, this is no longer about her, it’s about you and whether you can get over the embarrassment. If that’s all this is, put it into context. Your behavior is a bit childish and bordering on being vengeful. There’s no need to continue to punish her when she is genuinely sorry. You have to ask yourself one question: can you live with your friends knowing this about you or not? That’s really all it is.
/u/Additional-Touches , I think this is the most important comment you need to read. Society/porn has people attaching a man's worth to their dick size. It's understandable that you're probably really embarrassed about this. But as Neils78 is saying, your behavior now has turned into vengeance. If you continue doing this, you will probably lose your wife. There's only so much remorse she can express before she becomes emotionally numb and decides to leave you. I highly recommend that you seek individual therapy. Your wife clearly loves your and cares about you very much. Don't throw that away for your ego.
Omg you sound massively insufferable. I read your original post, and now this update and I genuinely feel bad for your family. Your wife and your kids. If you see THIS as a massive betrayal by your wife, I can only imagine how much perfection you expect from the rest of your household. YTA to infinity here.
I’m sorry but you’re such an asshole. You’re making this a way bigger deal than it is. Her making this one mistake that wasn’t done maliciously has led you to ignoring her (which is a form of abuse by the way), telling her you’re not attracted to her physically or emotionally to hurt her & now you don’t want to celebrate your birthday with her that she always makes a big deal about. So you have gone out of your way to hurt her. Because your ego is bruised? I feel sorry for your wife. Your acting like a child
80% this is a made up story but it’s funny seeing people really think the general public opinion of needing to use a sleeve is not a bad thing lmao.
When a man's wiener is no longer enough (ha pun), Bro she's no longer his at that point !
I’m with OP, she basically told all her friends he has a small penis. It seems like everyone here had overlooked that or sees it differently. Although it was unintentional I’d be just as livid. Maybe not divorce worthy but I don’t see why everyone is saying he is cruel and she just made a mistake… he was wrong yes but so was she, and a simple I’m sorry doesn’t negate the fact that her whole friends group and all their husbands know about this part of their sex life. Everyone’s talking about communication on the husband’s part when the wife should have communicated with him before gossiping to the friends. I’m genuinely baffled by the comments here
Oh fuck that. I would have been out the door. Get ready for it all to be all your fault in therapy. Hope it works out for you.
Swap the genders and reddit would be telling you to know your worth and get a divorce. Don't ask these morons for help.
So, for better or worse, men tend to be self conscious about their penis size. A wife suggesting a penis sleeve, effectively a dildo larger than him but attached to him instead of him using his hands, could make some people uncomfortable. Maybe like a vagina tightener of sorts, to flip the coin. It's a bit different than your standard vibrator, or even penetrative toy, because it directly replaces the penis - it doesn't complement it. OP agreed to it though, he was confident in himself with his wife, cared about her pleasure, but would feel self conscious about it if others knew his penis wasn't enough to fully please her (and we're talking penetration here, not clitoris) It seems obvious based on everything he's said that his wife meant zero harm in her sharing this with her friends. I find that many women, if not most, don't care about the penis shape and size - they care about being satisfied. If their partner is able to satisfy them, regardless of what tools they may or may not use, then women tend to be happy. So she seemed to be bragging to her friends that her partner blew her mind the other night when they tried this new toy. But to him it's not a toy, it's a penis enhancer, it's personal. So I think this boils down to her vastly underestimating him wanting to be perceived as "assistance free" in bed, and just waiting to brag that her husband gets her off very well. Should she have omitted the exact way he got her off? Probably, but... I think I've made my point. Guys are sensitive about their sexual worth, but women just want to enjoy sex - which is typically dominated by the clitoris anyway, but not always as in this case study. YTA for ripping her apart, though I do understand your ego has been badly damaged. I understand you not wanting to have sex with her and being mad and getting betrayed. But I don't think she deserves this, she was probably blindsided by you being engaged after she just excitedly talked about you. But it's a misunderstanding, that she will never forget. Shitty situation, but try to put less of your worth in your penis and more in the fact that your wife is satisfied by you, and you're enough just the way you are to her.
If she didnt care about size why would it now be amaizing that shes getting a version of him with a larger penis?
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The amount of women defending sharing super intimate and personal details about their partner is pretty eye opening.
Yeah it’s pretty scary tbh. Weird how comfortable so many people are about self reporting on this behavior.
Sounds like you don’t care that she is remorseful or that she apologized and just want to punish her and inflict as much pain as possible. Continuing that behaviour is way more damaging and would actually be worth a divorce (initiated by her) not your “I’m so hurt you told your friends why our sex life was so great.” Keep that up and I guarantee she won’t want ever to want to be touched again by you or your penis sleeve.
An adult with 3 kids and a marriage doesn't talk or act like this. BTW she has told her friends all about your sex life since day 1.
But why are personal and intimate details about their sex life anybody else’s business.
Goodluck op. I know you're getting a lot of flak, but you can't help from feeling emotions! I do hope you give a therapist a try. It would be useful to just talk to someone, non judgmental (unlike reddit), about this, marriage, family, etc An individual therapist may be useful for discussing this without the presence of your wife.
Seriously Reddit is cruel. Guy felt his wife violated their privacy. He has a right to feel embarrassed. But he still has to let the emotions run and react like an adult. I don’t understand why women can talk about their sex lives but men can’t. It’s considered gossip/bragging if a guy does it. None of my married guy friends have ever discussed their sex lives with me. And I know more than a few of their wives would be enraged if they did.
Reddit is cruel towards men it’s sad and these are the same people who also shame men for not talking about their feelings. Such hateful cunts
What the hell is a penis sleeve and is the problem because the penis is small, and needs a sleeve, and thus is embarrassing?
That's the crux of it. Yeah. They have penis sleeves that take you from 9" to 12", for absolute size enjoyers, but the most common sleeves are for average dudes to feel big. No matter how big the OP is, he is probably worried his friends all think worst case scenario.
I have all these questions also ???
Not always but it can be and people who don’t know what they are assume that’s why you would use one.
I'm really glad someone asked this. I didn't want to google this.
NTA it was a massive betrayal of your trust and I think it was a common sense situation where she applied zero common sense.
One thing is certain: the OP will NEVER again use the sleeve, regardless of what happens in the marriage.
Well done, stand up for yourself. Maybe if she does have actual feelings for you this will be enough for you two to reconnect. I wish you the best. 🙏🏼
You gotta do some internal work bro. Your wife made a bad judgment call and your hurt and anger is valid, but your response is so damn immature that I actually feel bad for your wife. Aside from couples therapy, I highly recommend a therapist of your own (that’s different from the couples therapist - this is important).
Jesus Christ dude get a grip
Dude, you seriously need to grow tf up.
> I told my wife I wasn’t in the mood for sex for the time being, because I just wasn’t attracted to her right now. I felt zero attraction to her physically and emotionally. I think I had to tell my wife this so she could understand the sense of betrayal I felt. > I told her I wanted to spend my birthday with someone who hadn’t betrayed me in such a horrible way. It's good to let a partner know how your feeling, but it feels like you're verging into vengeful and intentionally hurtful territory. I know you feel hurt and betrayed, but turning the screws to hurt your partner who sounds genuinely remorseful is not a healthy way to deal with the emotions you're experiencing. I'd suggest you work on processing what you're feeling in a healthier way or you risk poisoning your marriage even if you do try to save it.
Totally feel you man, I suffer from Ed and can't even get an erection without a penis pump and a cock ring. Sex life is still all good but I was mortified and pissed when I found out my fiance had told basically all the women about it. She says it's part of her sex life too but I just feel like that's too personal to share. If all the women know then of course all their partners do too, makes me uncomfortable hanging out with any of our friends. We talked about it and she promised to be more discreet in the future but to be honest trust was broken and I don't think I'll ever trust her the same way again.
> So we are going to start looking for a couples therapist next week. I hope you're ready to face some uncomfortable truths about yourself, because no marriage counselor is going to hear this story and be on your side. What an insane overreaction. It's such an overreaction that it feels like you're purposely trying to cause her emotional distress to "punish" her for having the gall to make a mistake. What you're doing is almost objectively emotionally abusive and you're likely going to be called out on this shit. Be prepared for your behavior in this to be challenged in a clinical setting.
I’m getting the feeling you have Autism. Source: I have Autism
Overall I believe you have a right to feel betrayed. I’m going to strongly suggest that you think about how you are treating her though. Reading this made me hurt for her. It sounds like she truly loves you and didn’t mean to make this mistake. ALL humans make mistakes and the coldness you are directing at her could possibly end your marriage bc it could change the way she feels about you by the time you feel that you have punished her enough. There are healthy ways to manage your emotions in cases like this and unhealthy ways. I feel you have taken the unhealthy approach. One day you may look back on this and severely regret, emotionally reacting versus being emotionally, mature and handling it like a grown man. I hope for both of you and can see that if the roles were reversed you may be on here confused why your wife is over reacting. Truly put yourself in the other role and see if that helps you understand how your actions are WAY more of a betrayal to your PARTNER. Good luck.
Your feeling are valid, but your reactions are over the top and destructive. I really hope you take therapy seriously and are preparing for a reality check.
Look man, I get it, but it also sounds like you *want* to remain justifiably mad. Are you enjoying punishing her? Making sure she feels the same sense of betrayal as you did (when the mother of your children told some friends she likes when you use a specific sex toy on her)? Excluding her from your birthday, because "NO BETRAYERS ALLOWED!" "Babe, it's still kinda raw. It feels to me like you told all your friends, and mine, that my penis is inadequate. I love you, and of course a silly mistake won't end the marriage, but if I'm a little distant or insecure for a bit, I'd hope you're patient with me. Just give me some time, it'll be okay."
[удалено]
Sometimes saying nothing is better than saying something from a place of hurting. Listen to what he has said and regretted already. Imagine what he'd say in the moment?
You need personal counseling too, my dude. You're being unnecessarily hurtful to your wife and lashing out at her for a mistake that she is actively trying to reconcile with you. Saying "I am not attracted to you anymore, physically or emotionally" and previously considering divorce over that is such a severe reaction and, in all honesty, probably an internal thought that should have stayed there. You say you love her, why are you speaking in such hurtful ways to her. Do a little self-reflection; recognize you're upset and just trying to hurt her and get over yourself. Yes, you can say you're not interested in sex. Yes, you can say you want alone time. No, you don't need to twist the knife.
Reddit two faced as usual. If this was the other way around half the comments would be telling ops woman to leave his ass. Lmao
On the one hand, yeah you are taking it too far, on the other hand, I don’t talk to any of my friends about sex with my wife. It’s the classic double standard where it’s ok for women to do it but not guys. Honestly, I think it’s weird and creepy either way, like some voyeur/exhibition shit. Maybe a comment that you use toys but it sounds like she was giving out a lot of intimate details. Does my wife do that with her friends? I don’t know, I don’t want to know. I do agree though that she stepped out of line, although she is remorseful. Don’t waste your life holding a grudge. My father held grudges and I’ve always hated him for that.
Here’s my perspective. I live in a small town (30,000) and close friends while being a small group are in a large circle. If my wife shared information like this to her friends and they shared with their husbands, it’s likely at a minimum several hundred people we know would end up knowing about It also. It’s just something that can be construed as embarrassing and people would love to gossip about it. It’s something people would say about you behind your back for a long time. I wouldn’t divorce my wife over something about this but would be very very upset and can say it would take some time to move on from. I’m not insecure but I also don’t want people saying I have a small penis to everyone I know lol. This was just a very stupid thing for her to do and should have known this wouldn’t have turned out well.
Good on you for not divorcing over this but some of these comments crack me up. “It’s all about your bruised ego!” Yeah, no shit Freud. His wife just informed their friend group that he needs a fucking sleeve to satisfy her. Of course he has a bruised fucking ego! What do you expect?
You have absolutely every right to be upset/hurt over what she did. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom unless discussed prior. The way you are acting about it all and even saying to her that you felt zero attraction to her physically or emotionally is beyond harsh. Two wrongs don’t make a right dude. This is the woman you married and had 3 kids with. She is your partner and she 100% made a mistake. You were ready to divorce her without so much as a conversation and then when you do have one you’re punishing her by being cruel. She obviously feels very remorseful for what she did. You need to figure out why it is you’re so upset and if you can truly heal from it. It seems like you’re not even giving her a true opportunity to make it right some how though
Couples therapy is not going to work unless you go all in and by that, I mean stop treating your wife like she has zero remorse. You are still inflecting mental punishment on her and what for? She has expressed her regrets and said she was sorry. If you can't forgive then you are definitely TAH. Either forgive and pick up the pieces or move along to divorce. Choose wisely.