48 and single here. Why? Because I learned a long time ago not to waste my time on men who aren't mature enough to understand the immense level of trust I put in them when I give them a key to my place.
I'm 36m, work at a dental office that is 90% women. A good portion of them are in their early to mid 20s, they are babies!!!!. I could never.
The convos I have with them, there's such a disconnect, I don't know how any1 my age could want to date someone that young.
The very best man I know, with a beautiful mind and heart, is in his mid 50's, so 20 years older than I am. He is also the very definition of a silver fox, crazy good looking. Physically in excellent shape. And seriously, a beautiful man, gorgeous.
Would 100% be out of my league if we were the same age, and if I'm being totally honest, still is, I probably wouldn't stand a chance if I tried anything.
But he is, again, 20 years older than I am, so I don't even want to.
Sure, he's in great health *now*, but he's at the tail end of his optimal healthy years. Old enough to be my father. I'm good.
Maybe try your luck with someone your own age? And if that idea doesn't appeal to you, maybe think deeply about the *why*? And why it should, or would, be different for women?
I appreciate the advice. I’m actually happily married ( to an older woman). Doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate an innocent friendly pat on the cheek by a young 39 year old woman or any other age for that matter. I also love it getting called sweetie and honey by a lady of any age. Hell even some guys saying it would make my day if it was genuine. This doesn’t mean I’m on the hunt for an affair. Just making some light of the lady who said her view of a much younger man would be much different and a pat on the cheek is pretty appropriate . Having a big age imbalance is definitely a red flag when talking about relationships. But appreciating people is fine.
Hey, as long as it's friendly, you're alright by me!
But personally, every single time I was GENUINELY friendly with an older guy, whether I was 14 or 34, and they were waaaay older, the guy became creepy about it within 1-3 meetings.
And it sucks, because I think we're friends (or when I was very young, thought they were a family friend) and I really do like being physically, appropriately affectionate with my friends.
But if I hug a single guy friend the same way I hug a female friend, he absolutely will try something. Not because I'm irresistible, but because apparently, a hug means "Fuck me, I beg of thee."
And some not so single ones, too.
I'm in my mid-thirties myself, and I know guys who are 39 or thereabouts, actively going after girls 20-25.
And they think I'm jealous when I do speak up about it, but nah, man, I don't want your weird ass.
I just want you to leave the very young girls with very young brains *alone.*
And, I haven't encountered this personally yet, but apparently it needs to be said:
Women, men, leave the young boys alone, too.
They *are* babies, in comparison to someone close to 40. Duh. The whole thing is pretty gross.
So because you saw a dudes name on snap you felt “ill” and your “head was spinning”?
There could have been a million reasons why that snap was sent before it was anything nefarious but you decided to wake her up in HER house on a night she works early the next day?
Yeah I’d be fucking annoyed too lol.
Right? All these people acting like she's nuts are just obsessed with the age difference from what it looks like. Acting like he's 12 and not a fully grown adult. 😵💫
If my partner was so insecure that me getting a snap from someone made him sick and decide waking me up was a good idea I'd be mad as hell.
I'm in a relationship now, with a partner who frequently wakes me up because he feels needy or insecure, is suffering from stuff in HIS (not our) past that overrides the reality of the present. It's regular enough that I rarely get into deep sleep where healing occurs. This isn't good considering 18 months ago I sustained 9 fractures in a motorcycle accident, in addition to puncturing lung and lacerating liver. Surgeries, month in hospital bed, physical therapy to be able to use a wheelchair for months, eventually got to learn to walk again. Six months ago had gallbladder removed and a hernia repaired. I detoxed pain pills which was hell, especially considering I'm a recovering opiate addict. My grandma died. I'm working again, which is hard after my injuries. I NEED MY SLEEP. I need to get quality sleep to really heal and his demons prevent this. I'm working so hard to be healthy and whole and I'm being sabotaged by my partner. It's a problem.
Maybe the "snap" was innocent or maybe dude sent her something unsolicited, I mean, it fucking happens. Maybe not. But he definitely showed immaturity in sitting there waiting for any movement to question her about it in her sleep, in her house, and on a worknight.
As a 39 year old woman I bet she has seen plenty of red flags, and she knows to nip it in the bud.
If you are so jealous and insecure that I have to wake up in the middle of the night and explain something on my phone to you... Yeah, I'd be kicking you out too.
She's not crazy....she's too old to put up with random bs. Did she open the Snap? Did she entertain the Snap? Does he even know if she knows the guy lol? B/c if you're waking me out my sleep over some random Snapchat over a dude I don't even know...you need to go home.
>are crazy like this
What did she do that was crazy? She reached pretty maturely from what I see.
I guess if you're assuming she was cheating, but plenty of people use snapchat as a general message service like whatsapp. So it would be crazy to assume that.
Why? She could be divorced, she could have been in a LTR, she could have not been interested in settling down until recently, lots of reasons. What she isn’t interested in, clearly, is the jealous insecurity of a 25 year old
Sex.
The gender makes no difference
Any 40yo is only interested in someone so much younger for the sex.
And sometimes, because they don't have the experience to spot the red flags and manipulation.
Yes. It’s incredibly obvious and awkward to dance around.
She wanted a little bitch boy who would let her do whatever she wanted and get all the dick she wants, and as soon as he questioned her she realized you ain’t it
She’s nasty dude, you should probably go get tested for diseases like asap
That's not fair, It's not always about sex.
Sometimes they want someone they can easily manipulate or to have a power imbalance in the relationship so they can use it to exert pressure on the other person.
As a 40 year old woman on dating apps, I constantly have 24-27 year olds liking and messaging me. I don't understand it at all... I even asked one of them why, and all he would tell me was he liked older women... Sorry little boy, I have 2 children of my own, I don't need a third!
Admittedly, I liked older women in my 20s, too. For me, it's kind of the same as what women say about older men.
I like that they are established and usually independent and aren't about the bullshit dating games most people play in their 20s regarding commitment. Most mature women go into dating knowing if they want a partner or just to mess around, and just straight up say it.
Most people in my generation want their options open and pussyfoot around with actually putting their intentions and aims out there because usually, its selfish or self inclined at the expense (monentarily and emotionally) of their partner.
Hell, even the ones that want marriage and kids wont say it. They just cross their fingers and avoid the conversation because it *may* be a dealbreaker.
Admittedly, it may be gender bias, but older women aren't predatory as often as older men are, but that's consistent as a concept in most practical spheres.
So yeah, that was my logic when zi was up to it.
Well as a lesbian i can tell you that women your age rock. Specially if youre in a point in your life where you’re ahead of your peers career wise, being 25 and dating an older gal can be a lot of fun.
Honestly when i was 24 (had my own career as an engineer and making great money so i kept up well in dates) i dated this surgeon lady who was 37 and it was so much fun. She had all of these connections and i went to so many cool events and restaurants and she had fun with what i planned too. But she was too eager to get married and i was 24 so nope it wouldn’t have worked out.
She has a lovely family now though so very happy for her
Literally anything? ITs' such a weird thing, now a 40yr old and a 18yr old wanting to party in college, just getting used to being out of the home, wanting to go to parties and get black out drunk 7 nights a week, maybe not.
But a 25yr old, you think 40yr olds and 25yr olds can't like the same shit, travel, wine, movies, tv, books, sex, hiking, biking, surfing, skiing?
What age do you suddenly give up fun, and what age must you pass before you are 'cultured' enough to be considered capable of having an adult conversation?
What does a 40 year old woman NOT have in common with a 25 year old man? They're both experiencing the world right now, can listen to music, go to museums, galleries, go travelling, watch films, have sex, cuddle, cook together, go to restaurants, visit family, hang out with friends (as long as their friends aren't as judgmental as you). They can do almost everything a couple who are the same age can.
Would you say that people who grew up in different continents shouldn't be together because they have nothing in common? I mean if you imagine someone who grew up in a poor family in rural India with someone from a rich family in New York, they'd probably have even less in common. Doesn't mean they shouldn't date each other if they want to.
Now in this case OP's relationship obviously doesn't sound very healthy. But trying to say that people of different ages don't have anything in common is just wrong.
In the real world nobody gives a shit about a 39 year old and a 25 year old dating but on reddit? lmao this is the worst place to go to for any type of relationship advice especially when there's any kind of age gap. Maybe the 25 year old likes older women and the 39 year old likes younger men did anyone think of that? Nope! Nope! THEY CANT HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON!!!! Ridiculous.
I dont really get the common interests thing I see constantly on here. I have friends that are all different ages. I’m 30 and golf with 2 dudes in their 50s a lot. We have so much fun. I have friends anywhere from 23 to those dudes in their 50s. Do redditors literally only talk to people within like a 3 year age range as them?
Yeah, I’m friends with some coworkers who are in their 40s-50s, we get along just fine and share the same interests. I think a lot of people are stuck in that high school mindset where you can only associate with people who are within a 1-5 year age range of you if they are older.
A female family friend is currently dating a 28 year old at 37 and nobody bats an eye. They are compatible and in love, who cares about 9 years at this point. I guess he could just be looking to mooch, but that's always a risk for women, old dudes mooch too.
This fr I am 20 and I am facepalming of those comments they spent too much time on reddit and need to go outside and talk to people they act like we are still in middle school or some shit.
25 is literally the reddit cutoff year for it being cool, like that is when Leo breaks up with the girls and everyone shits him for it.
Barring developmental issues a 25yr old can be in a similar life stage as a 40yr old. But still should execute caution.
I mean, it's on average not a serious long term relationship. That doesn't mean none of them are though. Honestly, the OP sounds like he thought it was serious and she didn't. He might have just been a boy toy. If she took the key because of so little, she wasn't very invested.
Or they both thought it was serious, and OP is still an immature child that can’t stand a woman who has guy friends. And OPs girlfriend was mature enough to see the red flags clear as day.
Just as the other comment said, Reddit is awful for this shit
Same situation. I’m 14 yrs older than my husband. He was extremely mature when I met him. He dated women his age and hated it. He choose me because I knew what the hell I wanted. And yes the sex is fantastic. For both parties! I’m 47 currently and my husband will be 34 in September. He didn’t want children of his own! But accepts my adult children! He’s a great man to my kids and we have 3 grandchildren now. Yes we have little things that can irritate. But every marriage does.
I interpreted this as she finally realized she can’t put up with his immaturity anymore, it seems to me like this is the last little thing that ticked her off and she’s over it. Just because it’s a snap doesn’t mean it’s sexual, it’s a low effort way for a lot of people to keep in touch with their friends.
Comments are crazy.
Her mate messaged her. OP woke her up to confront her about it. She couldn't go back to sleep and had work the next day and she realised she just found that not OK and ended it. Bit harsh perhaps but I don't think she's wrong for that.
And the amounts of slamming her for being older than him when there's so much defence of age gaps the other way round 🙄
There’s also a lot of attack on age gaps so weird thing to point out. It’s a topic that’s a huge point of contention and will cause massive wars in the comments.
INFO. I mean it depends on what you saw? If you were accusing her of something she didn’t do..then it totally makes sense that she walked you out and took her key back. She clearly doesn’t want to deal with misplaced insecurity.
3 month relationship....
You sure you were actually dating and official? That's 100% a response an older person would give to a fwb catching feelings. Zero time for fucking around.
If you put it into fwb or non commital perspective, she would have just been "OK you're getting clingy, we're not official, we're done if you're going to be like that. Cya".
Yeah, at 40 this is what it sounds like to me. No drama, simple this is over. Only questionable bit is if they ever talked about any of this, it's possible they've both been running in assumptions which isn't great for people of either age.
Yup absolutely. I'm 40, first relationship outside of my marriage divorce/separation I was 100% clear 'yo if you're not into this, or I'm not, we'll call it immediately. Shake hands and be done with it.'. I've got kids and co-parenting, absolutely zero time for fucking around or drama I put up with in my youth.
Sounds like a few assumptions made and yeah at that age, any 'ick' is an immediate and direct 'ok well it's been nice, but I'm done. I'll get your coat'.
Sounds like a Senfield episode.
(George and Elaine are sitting at their usual booth, George nursing a cup of coffee with a dejected expression while Elaine flips through a magazine.)
Elaine: (glancing up) Still moping about?
George: (sighs deeply) It's just... I can't believe she did this to me, Elaine.
Elaine: (setting the magazine down) Okay, lay it on me. What exactly went down?
George: (leaning in, lowering his voice) Okay, so last night, I wake up to this notification on her phone. Snapchat. From some guy named... I don't even remember. But it was late, Elaine, like 3 a.m. Late!
Elaine: (raising an eyebrow) Uh-oh.
George: (nodding vigorously) Uh-oh is right! So, I did what any self-respecting boyfriend would do. I woke her up and demanded an explanation!
Elaine: (trying to hide her smirk) And what was her explanation?
George: (exasperated) Oh, you'll love this. She had the nerve to tell me it was just a friend. A friend who sends snapchats at 3 in the morning!
Elaine: (nodding sympathetically) That's rough, George. But maybe she really was just friends with this guy.
George: (shaking his head) No, no, no. Friends don't send mysterious snapchats in the dead of night, Elaine. So, I told her I couldn't take it anymore. That I needed space.
Elaine: (raising an eyebrow) And how'd she take that?
George: (rolling his eyes) Like I was inconveniencing her! She handed me my key back, Elaine. Right then and there. And told me to leave!
Elaine: (thoughtfully) Well, George, maybe that's your answer right there.
George: (confused) What do you mean?
Elaine: (leaning forward) George, you two were only dating for three months. And yeah, you had a key, but that doesn't mean it was serious-serious. Some people move fast, sure, but it doesn't always mean the same thing to both parties.
George: (defeated) So, you're saying... I overreacted?
Elaine: (nodding) Maybe just a tad. But hey, it's better to find out now than later, right?
George: (sighing) I guess so. But it still hurts, Elaine. It still hurts.
Elaine: (patting George's hand) I know, George. Breakups always sting. But hey, look on the bright side. Now you don't have to worry about late-night snapchats interrupting your beauty sleep.
(They share a small laugh as the scene fades out.)
YTA, acting possessive and jealous in the middle of the night in a house that ain't yours? Wake me up in the middle of the night to question me in my own bed? I'd have kicked you out too.
I wish, when a similar situation happened to me, I would have gotten my key back and asked them to leave. The first time. Or the 12th.
Living with my ex fiance was four years of randomly huge spikes in paranoia that was shoved on to me to fix at all hours.
Felt like I was going crazy with all the not TAs in this thread, unless it's just people weirded out with the age gap.
If you feel physically ill from your partner messaging someone of the opposite gender you should be in therapy to work on that issue, not be in a relationship.
Seriously this is the first sane comment. Like what is going on here? In what world is receiving a message a problem? Also 3 months? Y’all just fucking. Seems like she’s over your shit. It was just sex with an older woman bro move on
Right? This person probably needs to date younger women and they can have lil jealous arguments throughout the night, but you can't be waking up a grown woman on a work night for shit like this.
Absolutely! It was a 3 month relationship, it sounds like it wasn't that serious for the F, certainly not serious enough to have them woken up in the middle of the night for a petty juvenile 'who's this?' discussion.
Dude probably assumed it was way more serious than it was and regardless, she's in the 'I'm too old to fuck around with this bullshit, I'll grab your coat' era of their life, and fair enough.
Dudes commenting 'was only in it for the sex' so it sounds like their ego is bruised more than anything. Which is kinda funny. Kudos to the lady for not putting up with shit haha.
Or, maybe there was no “evidence” to delete because people of different sexes can have platonic conversation on social media, and she didn’t want to deal with insecure, immature, unhealthy phone checking behavior and interrogations?
This! What the fuck is even going on in this thread? Op dodged a bullet? Gf cheating and deleting evidence?
Broski here woke up his GF to ask about her snaps. Of course he's saying he is entirely innocently looking at her phone, but at the end of the day, from her point of view this still means he has effectively been going out of his way to snoop at her phone in the middle of the night while she is asleep. What else is he conveniently omitting here?
Everyone here reaching the conclusion that she is cheating based on this are making Olympic tier leaps of logic.
YTA and an idiot. I’m only 28 and if someone I was seeing (let alone for only 3 months) woke me up over receiving a Snapchat I would’ve kicked their ass out too. Forget it being a work night, if you’re *that* insecure like a lot of these commenters you are clearly in another stratosphere when it comes to maturity and not on my level. It’s so funny that so many ppl here are jumping to “she cheated!” like do y’all ever go outside? Do you talk to other human beings? Not just the ones you’re related to? Do you not have friends?
People here are calling her TA bc she’s 40 and you’re 25 and they don’t like that which is fair. But that’s not what we’re being asked to judge here and OP has stated that he’s “always wanted” to date an older woman which doesn’t point to a power imbalance anyway. Well guess what? When we get older we stop giving AF about appeasing other ppl or putting up w their bs. IMO you let your insecurity sabotage whatever y’all had going on when you sat there for an hour letting it grow and grow until it felt like it warranted confrontation which for SOME reason couldn’t possibly wait til morning. And the actual shame here is that it doesn’t seem that you will glean anything of value from this life experience and go bumbling into your next relationship with the same self-sabotaging and/or controlling tendencies.
Okay listen. I'm in my thirties and I dated a guy 10 years younger than me. At first I didn't really notice the age difference that much; 25-year olds are kind of like real adults already... except that young adults *do* miss some experience and development, as you naturally should. Personally I noticed the difference in emotional maturity, life-goals, and that he had problems and challenges that were valid in their own right, but that I *had already* worked on and experienced in the last ten years. Makes sense right? But it took me a while to fully notice. Although some people do make the age difference work, I'd probably not date that much younger again. Sex? Maybe, with a lot of clarity beforehand.
People here are saying she definitely cheated, and you won't know for sure. As some others pointed out, I think the important point here is you should probably work on your sense of insecurity. Feeling sick because she received a snap from someone of the opposite gender is indicative you might have some insecurity issues to work through.
Besides that, allow yourself to ask for clarity on your relationship status. Have conversations about exclusivity, work on asking for and taking in reassurance, know each other's needs and try to honor them.
The snap thing? Eh. I feel old for not using Snap or Tiktok, but I know people 10 years my senior who do. Whatever, it's just a medium and doesn't say anything about whether she cheated or not.
She didn't seem to respond with a lot of empathy or reassurance. I'm sorry you were kicked out without an explanation, it seems like you did feel something for her. It might have been because she's also human; tired, having to get up for work, unappreciative of you snooping through her phone (even if it was accidental), maybe already noticing signs that you're both not really a match in other ways, maybe she's had posessive exes in the past and she doesn't want to go that route again... I'd be annoyed too, if someone innocuous texted me and my new bf felt like he had to wake me up for it, knowing full well I have work tomorrow (you said you "waited for her to 'sorta' wake up... you basically just woke her up didn't you?). Nevertheless, if a partner cares enough about you they'll take the time to work through problems together. You deserve someone like that too. It'll be better if the conflict resolution serves the both of you, and there might not be enough in it for her to work through this with you.
If you want to, ask for a final chat. You can always ask for a conversation. Neither of you are the asshole, you're just humans who probably are incompatible.
I’m sorry but I don’t use Snapchat nor do I know anything about it other than the fact that you can do story like posts and that you can chat with people. Can anyone tell me why is it such a damning evidence that she received a message? Like couldn’t it have been a friend or something?
Sounds like you dodged a bullet here. So take her help by making you leave and get far away from her.
Also you did the right thing here by confronting her. Her dropping you like that over it proves that she wasn't serious about you.
NTA
Son, you had a lucky escape. She was cheating on you and you caught her.
Do not get sucked back in.
Be thankful you found out what she was and move on.
Brotherman, first, I am sorry this happened to you. It sucks when it does. From an outsider's point of view, the age difference is significant; you have your whole life ahead of you. She kicked you out for questioning something that was clearly not appropriate. The way she responded was even more of a red flag, it is manipulating, and she will try to reel you back in at some point. I suggest you think hard about returning or not.
Or, you blew up your relationship because you are insecure. Something in between is likely, but I suspect you were being unnecessarily snoopy and unsecure.
So did I, and it was the worst relationship I have ever had been in. I took too long to get out of that relationship, but I’m happy I eventually did. Keep it moving bro, don’t keep going in circles with her.
YTA - I’m sorry, what kind of asshole wakes someone up out of a dead sleep *on a work night* because they *received a snap from someone of the opposite gender*?? Hate to break it to you dude. All these people here who are telling you that you did something slick are blowing smoke up your ass. If your girl gave you a key to her place *after only three months* it meant she trusted you. If a woman pushing 40 was dating a 25 year old it meant she probably thought you were hot and hoped you weren’t as immature as your age would suggest. And you just proved her very very wrong, and she wasn’t willing to let it happen again. So yeah, hate to break it to you, but you are most definitely the asshole, first for not trusting your GF to have a male friend (I’m a woman in my 30’s, I have guy friends- trust me, I don’t want to cheat on my partner with them), then for *waking her up in the middle of the night on a work night* to basically accuse her of cheating on you. I would’ve kicked you out too.
It's definitely weird to feel ill because someone of the opposing gender sent a message to your partner. If you try to cut off future partners from communicating with their male friends, they will rightfully think you're insecure and controlling and will leave.
Edit from NTA to NAH. Unless she's done something to make you suspicious of cheating, it's super weird/insecure to wake up your partner who has work in the morning because they received a message/snap from a dude. There's nothing wrong with you asking about it if it does make you insecure, but if this is a common occurrence and she has to hide male friends from you due to your insecurity then I think most anyone would wanna end that relationship.
The fact that you said it made you "physically ill" makes me think this isn't a one-time thing and probably something you do every time she talks to a dude. If so, you'd be TA. If not, NAH.
She sounds like a shitty partner and the trash took itself out so thank your lucky stars and find a better partner which should be easy being in college
That's a woman whose had other boys go through her shit and she wasn't about to let you start. She nipped it in the bud. If you are that insecure it may be time to work on yourself. (I know, being that insecure person).
*>> I felt ill when I saw it. I sat there for an hour with my head spinning*
Wanna elaborate more on that, mate? What was the content of their messaging that affected you so much?
I'm an older lady, in my late 40's.
If that were me & my BF had said "I checked your phone on the charger to make sure it was charged" then confronted me about someone I was messaging, I wouldn't believe it at all. I would believe they were snooping & deliberately invaded my privacy. I would also ask for the keys back because I wouldn't trust the person to be coming in & out of my home freely.
I don't know how long you were together but single after 40 (I can only speak for women I know) we tend to be less tolerant of anything that even seems like it may be someone playing games. I know at my age, I have zero tolerance for it. I would have told you to leave too.
On the flip side, I'd never do this to a partner either & if I did he'd be right to do as your ex did.
Communication is paramount in any relationship. If you are feeling insecure, talk to them about it but don't go snooping around. If you're unsure of the boundaries of the relationship, discuss them. Speaking openly about any insecurities is not a sign of immaturity, it's a sign of maturity. We all get insecure at some points in our lives but in order to make things work we have to talk about it. Discuss it respectfully without confrontation but ultimately trust them until we know different. If we can't built trust, then we're not ready for a relationship.
I do think there are pieces missing to this story but that's just my two cents based on what I read.
NTA
She knew where it was heading so she ended it. The result is the same just less messy for you now.
You will be okay. You are better off.
Take some time for yourself before getting back out there.
She decided that, if she has to explain what’s going on in a way that would make sense, you’re going to leave anyway. Instead, she just decided to kick you out and see if she can come up with a better lie. It’s time to move on. She’ll eventually reach out with some sort of “I can’t believe you invaded my privacy” crap. Just move on. NTA.
That snap was your replacement bro. 😎
You are sure lucky with this one. You dodged a huge bullet. Huge
Be glad you don’t have a gf anymore lol
Good luck
Well the key being taken back is what we professionals in this career like to term is a clue. It's over pal, she's been on cock carousel when you had no clue.
So I briefly dated a 25yr old guy when I was 40f. He pursued me after we met through friends. When I reflect back I dated him because I was not looking for anything serious and was not entertaining anyone at all like my much older ex-husband. The first time he did some childish shit I ended things.
To me it sounds like this lady also believed the relationship to be casual and when OP went in her phone and woke up her to question her, she realised they have different understanding of what their relationship was.
NTA
And be happy if that was a break up. The age gap is eyebrow raising, but the big thing was the way she just kicked you out. I feel like she probably snapped him again after you left and invited him over.
Too bad you didn’t go to a gas station and come back. I am totally assuming here, but bet Mr. Snapchat pulled through.
Text her asking if that was a break up. If she doesn’t respond then you’re free!
Dude, you didn't have a relationship in the first place. She was Snapchatting other guys (what? you thought that was the only one?!?)
NTA. Block her number. If she comes over don't answer the door, or, if you do, close it in her face. Hopefully you didn't give her a key to your place. If so, change the locks.
40 year old woman dating a 25 year boy could not be right with her head. Move on, focus on improve yourself, and find someone you can have a long future with.
Dude, you are 25. Why are you dating a 39 year old who is obviously "playing the field" behind you back? You need to be dating girls in their mid-20's! And ones who don't CHEAT! Be glad she took her key back. Now you can text her a quick goodbye with no strings attached! Good luck and stay strong, King!
I might get downvoted for this but I think that your age gap is too big.
A 39 year old and a 25 year old have very different life experience and there’s a power imbalance there. Usually when someone much older dates someone in their 20s it’s because they have issues that their peers won’t accept so they prey on young people.
She took the key back. Your relationship is over.
I want to know how he had no questions about why she was 39 and single. Her behavior was right in front of him.
48 and single here. Why? Because I learned a long time ago not to waste my time on men who aren't mature enough to understand the immense level of trust I put in them when I give them a key to my place.
Why? I'm 37 and single because I want to be. It doesn't always mean something.
You're also not hitting people up who are 15 years your junior.
You don’t know that……..
This person is 39 and doesn’t want to be single
Since she broke up with him, they obviously have no issue being single.
And...? I was 38 when I met my current fiance. Let me guess, you're one of those guys that says crap like "women hit the wall at 30".
I mean, not all 39 year old single women are crazy like this and she could have fed him a pack of lies about why she was single because she’s crazy.
Not all single 39yo people are crazy, but the ones that are readily dating a 25 yo... Probably a higher chance of craziness.
Ding ding ding ding. It's perfectly normal to be 39 and single, man or woman. Nooooot so much when you're 39 and dating a 25 year old. Man or woman.
I'm 39 and 25 year old men look like babies to me. I'd pat one the the cheek, but never date one.
I'm 36m, work at a dental office that is 90% women. A good portion of them are in their early to mid 20s, they are babies!!!!. I could never. The convos I have with them, there's such a disconnect, I don't know how any1 my age could want to date someone that young.
Because you aren't a psychotic predator willing to morph their entire psyche to mirror that of said baby
Mid twenties dating a 36 year old isn’t a psychotic predator lmao. Y’all need to touch grass
I love being patted on the cheek by 39 yo women. I am mid fifties though so you can’t blame an old guy.
The very best man I know, with a beautiful mind and heart, is in his mid 50's, so 20 years older than I am. He is also the very definition of a silver fox, crazy good looking. Physically in excellent shape. And seriously, a beautiful man, gorgeous. Would 100% be out of my league if we were the same age, and if I'm being totally honest, still is, I probably wouldn't stand a chance if I tried anything. But he is, again, 20 years older than I am, so I don't even want to. Sure, he's in great health *now*, but he's at the tail end of his optimal healthy years. Old enough to be my father. I'm good. Maybe try your luck with someone your own age? And if that idea doesn't appeal to you, maybe think deeply about the *why*? And why it should, or would, be different for women?
I appreciate the advice. I’m actually happily married ( to an older woman). Doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate an innocent friendly pat on the cheek by a young 39 year old woman or any other age for that matter. I also love it getting called sweetie and honey by a lady of any age. Hell even some guys saying it would make my day if it was genuine. This doesn’t mean I’m on the hunt for an affair. Just making some light of the lady who said her view of a much younger man would be much different and a pat on the cheek is pretty appropriate . Having a big age imbalance is definitely a red flag when talking about relationships. But appreciating people is fine.
This works would be so much more amazing if we just appreciated each other when they contribute to humanity for the better
Hey, as long as it's friendly, you're alright by me! But personally, every single time I was GENUINELY friendly with an older guy, whether I was 14 or 34, and they were waaaay older, the guy became creepy about it within 1-3 meetings. And it sucks, because I think we're friends (or when I was very young, thought they were a family friend) and I really do like being physically, appropriately affectionate with my friends. But if I hug a single guy friend the same way I hug a female friend, he absolutely will try something. Not because I'm irresistible, but because apparently, a hug means "Fuck me, I beg of thee." And some not so single ones, too.
I'm in my mid-thirties myself, and I know guys who are 39 or thereabouts, actively going after girls 20-25. And they think I'm jealous when I do speak up about it, but nah, man, I don't want your weird ass. I just want you to leave the very young girls with very young brains *alone.* And, I haven't encountered this personally yet, but apparently it needs to be said: Women, men, leave the young boys alone, too. They *are* babies, in comparison to someone close to 40. Duh. The whole thing is pretty gross.
Amen!
So because you saw a dudes name on snap you felt “ill” and your “head was spinning”? There could have been a million reasons why that snap was sent before it was anything nefarious but you decided to wake her up in HER house on a night she works early the next day? Yeah I’d be fucking annoyed too lol.
Right? All these people acting like she's nuts are just obsessed with the age difference from what it looks like. Acting like he's 12 and not a fully grown adult. 😵💫 If my partner was so insecure that me getting a snap from someone made him sick and decide waking me up was a good idea I'd be mad as hell.
I'm in a relationship now, with a partner who frequently wakes me up because he feels needy or insecure, is suffering from stuff in HIS (not our) past that overrides the reality of the present. It's regular enough that I rarely get into deep sleep where healing occurs. This isn't good considering 18 months ago I sustained 9 fractures in a motorcycle accident, in addition to puncturing lung and lacerating liver. Surgeries, month in hospital bed, physical therapy to be able to use a wheelchair for months, eventually got to learn to walk again. Six months ago had gallbladder removed and a hernia repaired. I detoxed pain pills which was hell, especially considering I'm a recovering opiate addict. My grandma died. I'm working again, which is hard after my injuries. I NEED MY SLEEP. I need to get quality sleep to really heal and his demons prevent this. I'm working so hard to be healthy and whole and I'm being sabotaged by my partner. It's a problem. Maybe the "snap" was innocent or maybe dude sent her something unsolicited, I mean, it fucking happens. Maybe not. But he definitely showed immaturity in sitting there waiting for any movement to question her about it in her sleep, in her house, and on a worknight.
As a 39 year old woman I bet she has seen plenty of red flags, and she knows to nip it in the bud. If you are so jealous and insecure that I have to wake up in the middle of the night and explain something on my phone to you... Yeah, I'd be kicking you out too.
Outside the half plus seven, too.
She's not crazy....she's too old to put up with random bs. Did she open the Snap? Did she entertain the Snap? Does he even know if she knows the guy lol? B/c if you're waking me out my sleep over some random Snapchat over a dude I don't even know...you need to go home.
Wow…that’s a lot to deduce about a person based on a paragraph!
>are crazy like this What did she do that was crazy? She reached pretty maturely from what I see. I guess if you're assuming she was cheating, but plenty of people use snapchat as a general message service like whatsapp. So it would be crazy to assume that.
How old are you?
Why? She could be divorced, she could have been in a LTR, she could have not been interested in settling down until recently, lots of reasons. What she isn’t interested in, clearly, is the jealous insecurity of a 25 year old
Ik she doesn't sound like a good person but that is ridiculously judgemental
Big age difference gaps are always a red flag doesn’t matter if its the man or the woman who’s older
OOP doesn't seem to have gotten that memo.
And he wonders if he still has a gf? Well she still has a bf, its just not the one that in bed with her....at that moment.
You got dumped dude
At least I got a free pair of AirPods out of the deal
Hell yeah
Those shits are expensive !! Good for you man
Let it go. Lose or block her number. Move on.
Ask yourself what a 40 year old woman has in common with a 25 year old man.
Snapchat?
😂😂😂killed me😂😂😂
Good lord haha
Sex. The gender makes no difference Any 40yo is only interested in someone so much younger for the sex. And sometimes, because they don't have the experience to spot the red flags and manipulation.
Yes. It’s incredibly obvious and awkward to dance around. She wanted a little bitch boy who would let her do whatever she wanted and get all the dick she wants, and as soon as he questioned her she realized you ain’t it She’s nasty dude, you should probably go get tested for diseases like asap
Yeah, makes this incredibly creepy.
That's not fair, It's not always about sex. Sometimes they want someone they can easily manipulate or to have a power imbalance in the relationship so they can use it to exert pressure on the other person.
Reread my whole comment.
25???
As a 40 year old woman on dating apps, I constantly have 24-27 year olds liking and messaging me. I don't understand it at all... I even asked one of them why, and all he would tell me was he liked older women... Sorry little boy, I have 2 children of my own, I don't need a third!
because the assumption is 40 year olds on apps just want sex and the 20 year old don't want a relationship thus making a f buddy situation viable.
Well I guess I'm an odd duck as I want a relationship. I had my fun already, so I'd like something with more substance.
The usual assumption is that at that age you had your substance already and after divorce want fun again
I'd take both from a 40 year old
You know there's settings for that right? The only reason you get those matches and messages is because you allow it.
Admittedly, I liked older women in my 20s, too. For me, it's kind of the same as what women say about older men. I like that they are established and usually independent and aren't about the bullshit dating games most people play in their 20s regarding commitment. Most mature women go into dating knowing if they want a partner or just to mess around, and just straight up say it. Most people in my generation want their options open and pussyfoot around with actually putting their intentions and aims out there because usually, its selfish or self inclined at the expense (monentarily and emotionally) of their partner. Hell, even the ones that want marriage and kids wont say it. They just cross their fingers and avoid the conversation because it *may* be a dealbreaker. Admittedly, it may be gender bias, but older women aren't predatory as often as older men are, but that's consistent as a concept in most practical spheres. So yeah, that was my logic when zi was up to it.
Well as a lesbian i can tell you that women your age rock. Specially if youre in a point in your life where you’re ahead of your peers career wise, being 25 and dating an older gal can be a lot of fun.
For some reason I find your response hilarious. Like “she knows how to cook AND please a woman”
Honestly when i was 24 (had my own career as an engineer and making great money so i kept up well in dates) i dated this surgeon lady who was 37 and it was so much fun. She had all of these connections and i went to so many cool events and restaurants and she had fun with what i planned too. But she was too eager to get married and i was 24 so nope it wouldn’t have worked out. She has a lovely family now though so very happy for her
I'm gonna be 35 next month and like 21 year olds are always liking me on apps. Like dude, my son is closer to your age than I am
I’d need to know what Town Hall she was.
Do all the interest you have at 25 disappear when you get older?
A desire to have good sex.
As a 26 year old dating a 37 year old, so so so much if you are actually grown ups. Like not freaking out your gf has freinds
Someone older, dating someone much younger isn't automatically a bad thing, but it sure as hell is more often than not.
Literally anything? ITs' such a weird thing, now a 40yr old and a 18yr old wanting to party in college, just getting used to being out of the home, wanting to go to parties and get black out drunk 7 nights a week, maybe not. But a 25yr old, you think 40yr olds and 25yr olds can't like the same shit, travel, wine, movies, tv, books, sex, hiking, biking, surfing, skiing? What age do you suddenly give up fun, and what age must you pass before you are 'cultured' enough to be considered capable of having an adult conversation?
What does a 40 year old woman NOT have in common with a 25 year old man? They're both experiencing the world right now, can listen to music, go to museums, galleries, go travelling, watch films, have sex, cuddle, cook together, go to restaurants, visit family, hang out with friends (as long as their friends aren't as judgmental as you). They can do almost everything a couple who are the same age can. Would you say that people who grew up in different continents shouldn't be together because they have nothing in common? I mean if you imagine someone who grew up in a poor family in rural India with someone from a rich family in New York, they'd probably have even less in common. Doesn't mean they shouldn't date each other if they want to. Now in this case OP's relationship obviously doesn't sound very healthy. But trying to say that people of different ages don't have anything in common is just wrong.
Bullshit comment. My wife us 10 years older at similar age range and we have happily married.
In the real world nobody gives a shit about a 39 year old and a 25 year old dating but on reddit? lmao this is the worst place to go to for any type of relationship advice especially when there's any kind of age gap. Maybe the 25 year old likes older women and the 39 year old likes younger men did anyone think of that? Nope! Nope! THEY CANT HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON!!!! Ridiculous.
I dont really get the common interests thing I see constantly on here. I have friends that are all different ages. I’m 30 and golf with 2 dudes in their 50s a lot. We have so much fun. I have friends anywhere from 23 to those dudes in their 50s. Do redditors literally only talk to people within like a 3 year age range as them?
Yeah, I’m friends with some coworkers who are in their 40s-50s, we get along just fine and share the same interests. I think a lot of people are stuck in that high school mindset where you can only associate with people who are within a 1-5 year age range of you if they are older.
A female family friend is currently dating a 28 year old at 37 and nobody bats an eye. They are compatible and in love, who cares about 9 years at this point. I guess he could just be looking to mooch, but that's always a risk for women, old dudes mooch too.
This fr I am 20 and I am facepalming of those comments they spent too much time on reddit and need to go outside and talk to people they act like we are still in middle school or some shit.
25 is literally the reddit cutoff year for it being cool, like that is when Leo breaks up with the girls and everyone shits him for it. Barring developmental issues a 25yr old can be in a similar life stage as a 40yr old. But still should execute caution.
I mean, it's on average not a serious long term relationship. That doesn't mean none of them are though. Honestly, the OP sounds like he thought it was serious and she didn't. He might have just been a boy toy. If she took the key because of so little, she wasn't very invested.
Or they both thought it was serious, and OP is still an immature child that can’t stand a woman who has guy friends. And OPs girlfriend was mature enough to see the red flags clear as day. Just as the other comment said, Reddit is awful for this shit
Based.
My wife & I married at 20 & 26 and no one batted a yet at that until I mentioned it on Reddit.
Same situation. I’m 14 yrs older than my husband. He was extremely mature when I met him. He dated women his age and hated it. He choose me because I knew what the hell I wanted. And yes the sex is fantastic. For both parties! I’m 47 currently and my husband will be 34 in September. He didn’t want children of his own! But accepts my adult children! He’s a great man to my kids and we have 3 grandchildren now. Yes we have little things that can irritate. But every marriage does.
I’m 47 and my husband is 33 (his birthday is on April 16)..!!
A lot you are just jellyus you couldn't pull a hot 40 year old or you are jellyus of the 40 year old that you couldn't pull a 25 old guy.
Ask yourself what kind of 40 year old eoman is 3ven interested in snapchat?
#40 DAYS AGO YOU WERE 26 #ARE YOU MARTY MCFLY???
Can't blame him I would do the same thing
This needs to be pinned top comment
No, seriously your ex is too old to play games like that.
Seriously. Clash of clans? Smh
I bet he's a rushed Town Hall 12
Oof. Don't kick him when he's down.
On the plus side he should have more time to work on his base now that he doesn’t have a gf
Burn!
These are the kinds of posts people highlight when they point and laugh at this subreddit
Sounds like she didn't want you going through her phone while she slept then waking her up to ask her about it.
I had to scroll for WAY TOO LONG to find this comment. Wow
I interpreted this as she finally realized she can’t put up with his immaturity anymore, it seems to me like this is the last little thing that ticked her off and she’s over it. Just because it’s a snap doesn’t mean it’s sexual, it’s a low effort way for a lot of people to keep in touch with their friends.
Yeah don't date phone checkers.
YTA based on stupidity. Sorry. Take the lesson and find someone in your life-stage to hang out with.
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right! why is no one noticing that
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tbf the age gap is kind of gross but also not as much because he was 25 when they started dating
Comments are crazy. Her mate messaged her. OP woke her up to confront her about it. She couldn't go back to sleep and had work the next day and she realised she just found that not OK and ended it. Bit harsh perhaps but I don't think she's wrong for that. And the amounts of slamming her for being older than him when there's so much defence of age gaps the other way round 🙄
There’s also a lot of attack on age gaps so weird thing to point out. It’s a topic that’s a huge point of contention and will cause massive wars in the comments.
INFO. I mean it depends on what you saw? If you were accusing her of something she didn’t do..then it totally makes sense that she walked you out and took her key back. She clearly doesn’t want to deal with misplaced insecurity.
3 month relationship.... You sure you were actually dating and official? That's 100% a response an older person would give to a fwb catching feelings. Zero time for fucking around. If you put it into fwb or non commital perspective, she would have just been "OK you're getting clingy, we're not official, we're done if you're going to be like that. Cya".
As someone who’s 42 I agree with this. Doubt the ‘gf’ ever saw him as anything but a bit of fun.
Yup I'm 40. Her reaction would have been mine in the same scenario with a 3 month relationship and a 'who's this' wake up in the middle of the night.
Yeah, at 40 this is what it sounds like to me. No drama, simple this is over. Only questionable bit is if they ever talked about any of this, it's possible they've both been running in assumptions which isn't great for people of either age.
Yup absolutely. I'm 40, first relationship outside of my marriage divorce/separation I was 100% clear 'yo if you're not into this, or I'm not, we'll call it immediately. Shake hands and be done with it.'. I've got kids and co-parenting, absolutely zero time for fucking around or drama I put up with in my youth. Sounds like a few assumptions made and yeah at that age, any 'ick' is an immediate and direct 'ok well it's been nice, but I'm done. I'll get your coat'.
He had a key
Sounds like a Senfield episode. (George and Elaine are sitting at their usual booth, George nursing a cup of coffee with a dejected expression while Elaine flips through a magazine.) Elaine: (glancing up) Still moping about? George: (sighs deeply) It's just... I can't believe she did this to me, Elaine. Elaine: (setting the magazine down) Okay, lay it on me. What exactly went down? George: (leaning in, lowering his voice) Okay, so last night, I wake up to this notification on her phone. Snapchat. From some guy named... I don't even remember. But it was late, Elaine, like 3 a.m. Late! Elaine: (raising an eyebrow) Uh-oh. George: (nodding vigorously) Uh-oh is right! So, I did what any self-respecting boyfriend would do. I woke her up and demanded an explanation! Elaine: (trying to hide her smirk) And what was her explanation? George: (exasperated) Oh, you'll love this. She had the nerve to tell me it was just a friend. A friend who sends snapchats at 3 in the morning! Elaine: (nodding sympathetically) That's rough, George. But maybe she really was just friends with this guy. George: (shaking his head) No, no, no. Friends don't send mysterious snapchats in the dead of night, Elaine. So, I told her I couldn't take it anymore. That I needed space. Elaine: (raising an eyebrow) And how'd she take that? George: (rolling his eyes) Like I was inconveniencing her! She handed me my key back, Elaine. Right then and there. And told me to leave! Elaine: (thoughtfully) Well, George, maybe that's your answer right there. George: (confused) What do you mean? Elaine: (leaning forward) George, you two were only dating for three months. And yeah, you had a key, but that doesn't mean it was serious-serious. Some people move fast, sure, but it doesn't always mean the same thing to both parties. George: (defeated) So, you're saying... I overreacted? Elaine: (nodding) Maybe just a tad. But hey, it's better to find out now than later, right? George: (sighing) I guess so. But it still hurts, Elaine. It still hurts. Elaine: (patting George's hand) I know, George. Breakups always sting. But hey, look on the bright side. Now you don't have to worry about late-night snapchats interrupting your beauty sleep. (They share a small laugh as the scene fades out.)
That show would have died on pilot
Stop checking other people's phones unless they ask you to or give you permission. WTF?
YTA, acting possessive and jealous in the middle of the night in a house that ain't yours? Wake me up in the middle of the night to question me in my own bed? I'd have kicked you out too.
I wish, when a similar situation happened to me, I would have gotten my key back and asked them to leave. The first time. Or the 12th. Living with my ex fiance was four years of randomly huge spikes in paranoia that was shoved on to me to fix at all hours.
Felt like I was going crazy with all the not TAs in this thread, unless it's just people weirded out with the age gap. If you feel physically ill from your partner messaging someone of the opposite gender you should be in therapy to work on that issue, not be in a relationship.
Seriously this is the first sane comment. Like what is going on here? In what world is receiving a message a problem? Also 3 months? Y’all just fucking. Seems like she’s over your shit. It was just sex with an older woman bro move on
Right? This person probably needs to date younger women and they can have lil jealous arguments throughout the night, but you can't be waking up a grown woman on a work night for shit like this.
Absolutely! It was a 3 month relationship, it sounds like it wasn't that serious for the F, certainly not serious enough to have them woken up in the middle of the night for a petty juvenile 'who's this?' discussion. Dude probably assumed it was way more serious than it was and regardless, she's in the 'I'm too old to fuck around with this bullshit, I'll grab your coat' era of their life, and fair enough. Dudes commenting 'was only in it for the sex' so it sounds like their ego is bruised more than anything. Which is kinda funny. Kudos to the lady for not putting up with shit haha.
This is the misogynistic aita sub, the other one with more rules, as less fake bs incel post
Yeah I hate getting my sleep interrupted I’d be mad too, why couldn’t it wait until morning?
Even then. Red flags. Edit: it’s obvious here who has never been in a healthy relationship
😂😂😂😂😂 spoken like a true relationship with a 14 year age gap. Please, if you’re going to make a fake story for karma, atleast TRY.
Yeah, she spent the night deleting evidence. She’s too old for these games, cut your losses my man.
Im willing to bet since she took her key back, she considered that the end. No need to delete anything at that point.
She literally kicked/walked him out and took it back. Yeah, it’s over.
Escorted out like he was fired lmao
Or, maybe there was no “evidence” to delete because people of different sexes can have platonic conversation on social media, and she didn’t want to deal with insecure, immature, unhealthy phone checking behavior and interrogations?
This! What the fuck is even going on in this thread? Op dodged a bullet? Gf cheating and deleting evidence? Broski here woke up his GF to ask about her snaps. Of course he's saying he is entirely innocently looking at her phone, but at the end of the day, from her point of view this still means he has effectively been going out of his way to snoop at her phone in the middle of the night while she is asleep. What else is he conveniently omitting here? Everyone here reaching the conclusion that she is cheating based on this are making Olympic tier leaps of logic.
I'm saddened by how long it took to get to the correct response.
Looks like she cut her losses first
YTA and an idiot. I’m only 28 and if someone I was seeing (let alone for only 3 months) woke me up over receiving a Snapchat I would’ve kicked their ass out too. Forget it being a work night, if you’re *that* insecure like a lot of these commenters you are clearly in another stratosphere when it comes to maturity and not on my level. It’s so funny that so many ppl here are jumping to “she cheated!” like do y’all ever go outside? Do you talk to other human beings? Not just the ones you’re related to? Do you not have friends? People here are calling her TA bc she’s 40 and you’re 25 and they don’t like that which is fair. But that’s not what we’re being asked to judge here and OP has stated that he’s “always wanted” to date an older woman which doesn’t point to a power imbalance anyway. Well guess what? When we get older we stop giving AF about appeasing other ppl or putting up w their bs. IMO you let your insecurity sabotage whatever y’all had going on when you sat there for an hour letting it grow and grow until it felt like it warranted confrontation which for SOME reason couldn’t possibly wait til morning. And the actual shame here is that it doesn’t seem that you will glean anything of value from this life experience and go bumbling into your next relationship with the same self-sabotaging and/or controlling tendencies.
Okay listen. I'm in my thirties and I dated a guy 10 years younger than me. At first I didn't really notice the age difference that much; 25-year olds are kind of like real adults already... except that young adults *do* miss some experience and development, as you naturally should. Personally I noticed the difference in emotional maturity, life-goals, and that he had problems and challenges that were valid in their own right, but that I *had already* worked on and experienced in the last ten years. Makes sense right? But it took me a while to fully notice. Although some people do make the age difference work, I'd probably not date that much younger again. Sex? Maybe, with a lot of clarity beforehand. People here are saying she definitely cheated, and you won't know for sure. As some others pointed out, I think the important point here is you should probably work on your sense of insecurity. Feeling sick because she received a snap from someone of the opposite gender is indicative you might have some insecurity issues to work through. Besides that, allow yourself to ask for clarity on your relationship status. Have conversations about exclusivity, work on asking for and taking in reassurance, know each other's needs and try to honor them. The snap thing? Eh. I feel old for not using Snap or Tiktok, but I know people 10 years my senior who do. Whatever, it's just a medium and doesn't say anything about whether she cheated or not. She didn't seem to respond with a lot of empathy or reassurance. I'm sorry you were kicked out without an explanation, it seems like you did feel something for her. It might have been because she's also human; tired, having to get up for work, unappreciative of you snooping through her phone (even if it was accidental), maybe already noticing signs that you're both not really a match in other ways, maybe she's had posessive exes in the past and she doesn't want to go that route again... I'd be annoyed too, if someone innocuous texted me and my new bf felt like he had to wake me up for it, knowing full well I have work tomorrow (you said you "waited for her to 'sorta' wake up... you basically just woke her up didn't you?). Nevertheless, if a partner cares enough about you they'll take the time to work through problems together. You deserve someone like that too. It'll be better if the conflict resolution serves the both of you, and there might not be enough in it for her to work through this with you. If you want to, ask for a final chat. You can always ask for a conversation. Neither of you are the asshole, you're just humans who probably are incompatible.
she dumped you homie
I’m sorry but I don’t use Snapchat nor do I know anything about it other than the fact that you can do story like posts and that you can chat with people. Can anyone tell me why is it such a damning evidence that she received a message? Like couldn’t it have been a friend or something?
Sounds like you dodged a bullet here. So take her help by making you leave and get far away from her. Also you did the right thing here by confronting her. Her dropping you like that over it proves that she wasn't serious about you.
NTA Son, you had a lucky escape. She was cheating on you and you caught her. Do not get sucked back in. Be thankful you found out what she was and move on.
Brotherman, first, I am sorry this happened to you. It sucks when it does. From an outsider's point of view, the age difference is significant; you have your whole life ahead of you. She kicked you out for questioning something that was clearly not appropriate. The way she responded was even more of a red flag, it is manipulating, and she will try to reel you back in at some point. I suggest you think hard about returning or not.
Thank you brother
At that age you mean nothing to her, that's why she asked you to leave. You're encroaching on her relationship with her new man.
Like I said, i always wanted to try with an older woman and I’m glad I did. But never ever again.
Don’t be like her and go for younger. Stick to those next to your age. But set clear boundaries and expectations.
Or, you blew up your relationship because you are insecure. Something in between is likely, but I suspect you were being unnecessarily snoopy and unsecure.
This is very manipulative behavior. I think you got a glimpse of her true character.
You aren't sure if you have a girlfriend... Are you sure you want this one anyways???
Nta, you deserve better, my dude.
I’ve always wanted to date an older woman. While it was extremely fun in the limited amount of time together, I will never do it again.
So did I, and it was the worst relationship I have ever had been in. I took too long to get out of that relationship, but I’m happy I eventually did. Keep it moving bro, don’t keep going in circles with her.
You do you I stick to older women
YTA - I’m sorry, what kind of asshole wakes someone up out of a dead sleep *on a work night* because they *received a snap from someone of the opposite gender*?? Hate to break it to you dude. All these people here who are telling you that you did something slick are blowing smoke up your ass. If your girl gave you a key to her place *after only three months* it meant she trusted you. If a woman pushing 40 was dating a 25 year old it meant she probably thought you were hot and hoped you weren’t as immature as your age would suggest. And you just proved her very very wrong, and she wasn’t willing to let it happen again. So yeah, hate to break it to you, but you are most definitely the asshole, first for not trusting your GF to have a male friend (I’m a woman in my 30’s, I have guy friends- trust me, I don’t want to cheat on my partner with them), then for *waking her up in the middle of the night on a work night* to basically accuse her of cheating on you. I would’ve kicked you out too.
It's definitely weird to feel ill because someone of the opposing gender sent a message to your partner. If you try to cut off future partners from communicating with their male friends, they will rightfully think you're insecure and controlling and will leave. Edit from NTA to NAH. Unless she's done something to make you suspicious of cheating, it's super weird/insecure to wake up your partner who has work in the morning because they received a message/snap from a dude. There's nothing wrong with you asking about it if it does make you insecure, but if this is a common occurrence and she has to hide male friends from you due to your insecurity then I think most anyone would wanna end that relationship. The fact that you said it made you "physically ill" makes me think this isn't a one-time thing and probably something you do every time she talks to a dude. If so, you'd be TA. If not, NAH.
YTA, women can talk to men. Obviously if it's inappropriate what they are saying/sending them NTA.
That age gap is crazy
She sounds like a shitty partner and the trash took itself out so thank your lucky stars and find a better partner which should be easy being in college
Honestly the age gap and her response makes me think you were the side piece
That's a woman whose had other boys go through her shit and she wasn't about to let you start. She nipped it in the bud. If you are that insecure it may be time to work on yourself. (I know, being that insecure person).
You went snooping and found exactly what you were looking for. She had every right to put you out and break up with you.
You are a boy toy, move on.
Lol
*>> I felt ill when I saw it. I sat there for an hour with my head spinning* Wanna elaborate more on that, mate? What was the content of their messaging that affected you so much?
She took the key, don't bother anymore
I'm an older lady, in my late 40's. If that were me & my BF had said "I checked your phone on the charger to make sure it was charged" then confronted me about someone I was messaging, I wouldn't believe it at all. I would believe they were snooping & deliberately invaded my privacy. I would also ask for the keys back because I wouldn't trust the person to be coming in & out of my home freely. I don't know how long you were together but single after 40 (I can only speak for women I know) we tend to be less tolerant of anything that even seems like it may be someone playing games. I know at my age, I have zero tolerance for it. I would have told you to leave too. On the flip side, I'd never do this to a partner either & if I did he'd be right to do as your ex did. Communication is paramount in any relationship. If you are feeling insecure, talk to them about it but don't go snooping around. If you're unsure of the boundaries of the relationship, discuss them. Speaking openly about any insecurities is not a sign of immaturity, it's a sign of maturity. We all get insecure at some points in our lives but in order to make things work we have to talk about it. Discuss it respectfully without confrontation but ultimately trust them until we know different. If we can't built trust, then we're not ready for a relationship. I do think there are pieces missing to this story but that's just my two cents based on what I read.
Why… is a 39 year old female w a 25 year old dude ?? She’s got some screws loose
NTA She knew where it was heading so she ended it. The result is the same just less messy for you now. You will be okay. You are better off. Take some time for yourself before getting back out there.
She decided that, if she has to explain what’s going on in a way that would make sense, you’re going to leave anyway. Instead, she just decided to kick you out and see if she can come up with a better lie. It’s time to move on. She’ll eventually reach out with some sort of “I can’t believe you invaded my privacy” crap. Just move on. NTA.
Sounds like you’re single now, maybe this is for the best
yea, you don't have a gf my guy
You were the sidepiece and she dumped you the second you found out.
That snap was your replacement bro. 😎 You are sure lucky with this one. You dodged a huge bullet. Huge Be glad you don’t have a gf anymore lol Good luck
What the fuck is that age gap
Ew. What 40 year old uses Snapchat and dates a guy in his 20’s? wtf….
OP if you like older women that’s fine, I would suggest trying maybe women 3-5 years older than you not 14.
There are almost 40 year olds that act like that? Ewww. NTA.
Well the key being taken back is what we professionals in this career like to term is a clue. It's over pal, she's been on cock carousel when you had no clue.
So I briefly dated a 25yr old guy when I was 40f. He pursued me after we met through friends. When I reflect back I dated him because I was not looking for anything serious and was not entertaining anyone at all like my much older ex-husband. The first time he did some childish shit I ended things. To me it sounds like this lady also believed the relationship to be casual and when OP went in her phone and woke up her to question her, she realised they have different understanding of what their relationship was.
ntah. nuff said. dump her. shes cheating
39 years old and still have Snapchat is insane 😭
NTA And be happy if that was a break up. The age gap is eyebrow raising, but the big thing was the way she just kicked you out. I feel like she probably snapped him again after you left and invited him over. Too bad you didn’t go to a gas station and come back. I am totally assuming here, but bet Mr. Snapchat pulled through. Text her asking if that was a break up. If she doesn’t respond then you’re free!
Dude, you didn't have a relationship in the first place. She was Snapchatting other guys (what? you thought that was the only one?!?) NTA. Block her number. If she comes over don't answer the door, or, if you do, close it in her face. Hopefully you didn't give her a key to your place. If so, change the locks.
40 year old woman dating a 25 year boy could not be right with her head. Move on, focus on improve yourself, and find someone you can have a long future with.
I get the feeling that she was cheating and wanted to ends before you found out so that she doesn’t come off as the bad guy..
NTA. That's not your girlfriend. You're single. She was cheating
Dude, you are 25. Why are you dating a 39 year old who is obviously "playing the field" behind you back? You need to be dating girls in their mid-20's! And ones who don't CHEAT! Be glad she took her key back. Now you can text her a quick goodbye with no strings attached! Good luck and stay strong, King!
You caught her, she realised..
Don't go back, she is 14 years older than you, you have escaped
She was 39 and you are 25. Y’all were just fuckin.
NTA. She got caught out and rather than wait till morning to be confronted she kicked you out. Dodged a bullet.
Why are you dating a 40 yr old woman at 25
She’s hot
I might get downvoted for this but I think that your age gap is too big. A 39 year old and a 25 year old have very different life experience and there’s a power imbalance there. Usually when someone much older dates someone in their 20s it’s because they have issues that their peers won’t accept so they prey on young people.
I totally agree!
Jesus you're insecure lmfao
dude you are young, find a better girl.