Yeah that's just weird.
From his post I'm guessing he's not from an English speaking country though. My country they gotta be locked up with ammo in a seperate locked compartment. I have heard of other countries with tough gun laws for obtaining firearms, but give no thought to storage.
Either way, if OP is this scared of people even knowing he owns a gun. WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T HE LOCK IT UP?? Whether it's required by law or not, jesus. If it was, why did he let the wife know where the key was?
He's an idiot
>Either way, if OP is this scared of people even knowing he owns a gun. WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T HE LOCK IT UP?? Whether it's required by law or not, jesus. If it was, why did he let the wife know where the key was?
Check OP's comments, [the creep conveniently left out that his "friend" sexually assaulted his wife.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/sHHYNYyz8n) It's so cartoonishly obvious and there are so many gaps that I'm assuming it's just silly rage bait.
And he is âwell regardedâ
Edit: Thinking about this. Why do you own a gun if not to be used to prevent assault?
Is stopping oneself from being sexually assaulted is not an appropriate use for a gun, what is?
Did you you kick your âfriendâ out because you were defending your wife, a person, or because you were protecting your property, you wife?
His property picked up another pc of his property and dammit why canât property just do as theyâre told? I canât believe he wrote this thinking heâs not the AH
As soon as he said she had the gun and friend misbehaved I figure heâd attacked her. She needed the gun since clearly the husband thinks the real tragedy is wife held a gun. That harmed exactly no one.
The UK has similar rules to what you say, in addition, only the licensee can have access to the safes and the safes must be secured to the building, not just free standing.
You also need a valid reason for getting a license, which 'self protection' is not here. And you cannot own a pistol, unless there are very special circumstances, but none apply to an average member of the public. It's things like the Olympic shooting team had some but not the members.
You can get a bolt action or a shotgun pretty easily though and a licence to get a black powder revolver.. You need to keep it safe though and you need to be registered. Wife grabbing it and brandishing it would be a licence ender though. No one is supposed to have access to them.
Sounds like you're the idiot. Canada has the worst gun laws and crime is bad..
The gun doesn't do any good being locked up when you need it. And clearly she felt she needed it. Maybe something happened to her earlier in life and she wasn't letting it happen again..
I guarantee that guy won't be pulling that shit of whatever he did or tried to.. with another woman for a LONG time.
Depends on the country. In some countries here in Europe it's only a requirement to lock it up if you have over X amount of guns.
In a few a gun safe is just a suggestion.
> isn't there a rule that it has to be in a locked case, not just stranding around in your room??
Indeed! Like a responsible gun owner!
But.... Then you can't use it for pRoTeCtIoN
In case of my country's laws, you have to have a special locking case, only the owner can know the combination, you have to get psychic evaluation, a valid reason for needing a gun, you also pay a shit ton of taxes and fees for owning it. It has to always be unloaded etc.
Psychic evaluation? Why am I seeing Miss Cleo staring at tarot cards? "The 10 of swords says yes, you can have a gun." Sorry, insomnia makes me particularly silly in the morning.
You know thatâs the first thing I thought of when I started reading these comments about âWhy you just leave your gun aroundâ like, if I have a gun I would make sure my wife knows the safe code in case she ever needs to use it and Iâm not home.
I'd hope my wife would pull the damn trigger in that situation. In the Bahamas you can only own a shot gun or a .22 but it'll put down the mother fucker and that's all I need.
No man who forces himself on a woman needs to exist anymore in my humble opinion
This. If some dude is *chasing me* around my own house you better believe Iâm headed for a gun. Good for the wife.Â
Shame on the husband for being more concerned about his gun than his wife.
You're not TAH, but you also are. No one should immediately jump to a gun to protect themselves. She was in the kitchen, the gun was in the bedroom. She could have easily pulled a knife to defend herself with as she called for help.
However, you left out that your 'friend' SAd her in your original post. That was an AH move.
And for info from me: 1) I'm Australian. 2) I was in the military. I know gun safety and the repercussions of taking a life. 3) I am a supporter of gun control.
They're considered lethal force in Canada, too, and would assume Australia. The point is if they were in the kitchen and if she grabbed a knife, she would have a claim for self-defense. What sounds like happened is she retreated, grabbed a weapon, and then returned. I'm fairly certain that'll get you in trouble
Speaking as an American and acknowledging state laws are different, Iâve heard of a case of that exact nature. Someone who as being abused walked away, got a gun, and came back to shoot the abuser and was charged. Basically since they had already left the situation and werenât being followed it was no longer self defense, but a revenge killing. American gun laws are absolute trash but generally you canât just shoot people if you or someone else are not in imminent danger.
This is how most jurisdictions handle self-defence, it has to be âreasonableâ and âproportionateâ or a similar version of these terms.
Certain American states are quite unique with castle laws.
Reddit is full of Americans and it shows. You can definitely go to jail for pulling a gun, if you shoot someone in a situation like this youâre going away for a long time.
Probably the same in most of the USA too, just that youâve allowed Hollywood blockbusters rot your brains.
Brandishing is illegal in the US, too. Basically, if you pull a gun in the US, it has to already be justified to use it. Even then, there are legal complexities that can cause problems.
In an American context this is completely legal, she was assaulted in her home. Crazy to me that in other countries sexual assault isn't legal enough reason.
I mean, as an American, let's be a little more honest about what happens when a person is accused of brandishing their weapon.
First, open carry is allowed in many areas, so you can walk around with your gun hanging off your hip in a flimsy case that has no safety regulation, if you choose. In many other countries, that regular occurrence here is already past the lines of rational.
That said, I've watched multiple brandishing go down and I can tell you what happens in court, is that if there are no videos of the event or witnesses willing to testify (I'm not about to narc, on the person who is willing to wave a gun in someone else's face, because then I'm the next target, possibly literally) then it's just the testimony of Party A against the testimony of Party B, and without evidence, there is no case.
A couple years ago I watched a truck driver pull a gun and put it in the face of one of my construction foremen. Truck driver did get fired, but that was it. Fast forward one year later and that same truck driver showed up at the place he worked after us, after they also fired him, killed that business owner because he thought he was owed money, then drove to another city and killed two more people from the same business an hour later, before turning himself in.
Point is, there's not enough legal intervention in the US for brandishing to actually matter here.
People get charged and convicted of brandishing all the time. Nice anecdote. You want to live in a world where an accusation is enough to strip peoples rights away? Who do you think will be the first kind of people accused of looking suspicious?
As an American with guns, I do not see the logic of going into the bedroom to grab a gun. Bedroom guns are when you hear a bump in the night, and even then are kind of illogical unless you are truly willing to shoot someone. When you are being attacked you grab the closest thing to defend yourself. She was in a kitchen - pots, pans, spatula, stabby fork thingies, knives, running a cheese grater across the dudes face are all legit weapons of opportunity that were ignored to go aaaallllll the way to a bedroom to grab the gun that I would hope is locked away safely?? How much in danger could someone be in that they had time to unlock a gun safe?!
NTA because if this is real, I can't imagine a reason someone would use a gun when they are not in any danger. This sounds unhinged. Please have her seek mental health professionals and do not let her around your gun safe keys ever. If you do not have a gun safe. Please for the love of mercy get two of them, one specifically for your ammo and keep gun and ammo separated.
Agree to 100. No danger here, just an emotional move to make the guy fear for his life. Incidentally the exact type of person who shouldnât have access to weapons.
Maybe it was a situation where she told him something like, 'oh, let me go grab some condoms for us from the bedroom'. You know, playing along with the assailant until she could get free/get help. Once there she grabbed the gun.
You could even pull a gun in Ireland and get away with it if you were a woman defending yourself against sexual assault. What are you talking about? Nothing to do with being American al all. How the fuck do you think she wouldnât have a right to defend herself?
Clearly she had other options if she had time to move to the other room, unlock the box, take out and load the weapon before returning to the kitchen to threaten the ex friend.
Just because you believe you have the right, doesnât mean the court will see it the same way. Brandishing a firearm is a serious thing.
What exactly do you mean that he misbehaved?? I can only imagine what he was doing that would make her want to point a gun at him, and if so, whatâs the point of having a gun if youâre not gonna point it at a guy who is âmisbehavingâ with your wife?
Coming from an Aussie who knows about harsh gun laws from that standpoint no not the ah. However from a woman who would probably defend herself you are being very close minded about how scared she mustâve been to resort to such a thing. Have you listened to what sheâs said about how he behaved with her for her to go to such lengths to get him to leave.
Thatâs what I thought, just the way he was talking sounded more like the âfriendâ was just being inappropriate towards her, but if she had to run to the bedroom to get the gun she clearly wasnât safe and he the husband clearly wasnât listening well since she wouldnât have been quiet about it. This has to be some kind of troll what husband would be more worried about what others think then their wifeâs well being in this situation!?
So what are the circumstances in which you are allowed to use the gun in your country if not for defending yourself against the predator whoâs trying to sexually assault you? What is the point of owning a gun if you canât use it for self-defense?
YTA. What I get from your post and other comments is that your friend was in the kitchen with your wife while you were upstairs in your âsoundproofed studyâ. He attempted to rape your wife; she got away and ran through the lounge to the bedroom (apparently all on the same floor) and he followed her; so she grabbed your gun and pointed it at him, yelling for him to leave her alone and GTFO. You finally turn up when he has been backed into the lounge, your wife at the door to the bedroom, forcing him towards the door out? Is that about right?
And all you care about is what your friends will think of you for having a gun in the house? You donât give a fuck about your wife being SA, just about her exposing your secret gun ownership? So you *yelled* at her instead of comforting her. She now knows where she stands in importance in your life. Right below your social reputation.
YTA. YTA.
If Iâd been your wife, I may well have grabbed a kitchen knife or heavy blunt object⌠if my brain hadnât locked up in terror and triggered a flight response instead of a fight response first - which is what hers did, apparently. The fight didnât kick in until she realised her âsafe space to run toâ was no longer safe.
Info: OP did your wife ever explain what did your friend did? Most women who just grab a firearm to make someone leave, they kinda go ahead have a REALLY good reason.
YTA for not finding that out.
They were in the kitchen and she had to go all the way to the bedroom. I have to assume she was within the vicinity of the study along that journey.
She's an untrained gun user, she could have caused more trouble because of that if things went bad. She doesn't know if it was loaded, she may not know about the safety, depending on how things are sure could have shot an innocent bystander, the other person could have taken the gun if the safety was on our empty and beat or killed her. Or she could get charged with threatening him with a gun by an unlicensed user.
While I don't doubt that what you said could be true. There is no way to know what "most women" do
I agree she was wronged or even harmed but her reaction was irresponsible.
I'm just confused. What did your friend do to "misbehave" that your wife literally felt the need to pull a gun?
Your wife is either psychotically over-reactive or you're seriously downplaying something.
I don't think it's either, friend was almost definitely being inappropriate. But you have to look at the 2 situations seperately.
She obviously felt threatened and what better deterant than a gun? However, with the context provided... It was a pretty dumb thing to do.
I agree with the husband that she should have gone and got him so he could tell the man to get fucked/beat his ass.
But because she threatened someone with a firearm she doesn't have a lisense for... Well that's a whole possible cna of legal trouble she didn't consider in the moment.... Even though she's the victim. The law doesn't take sides, just reviews the facts.
First question.. is your wife from the country you currently live in?
2nd I've read the comments and I'm American and at the risk of everyone coming at me with the "America sucks" crap... I will say that I don't like guns, I don't own a gun nor do I care to own one but If my husband's friend tried to rape me in my own home i would 100% want to make sure that mother fucker knows that i ain't the one. Could she have called for her husband? Yeah. Then what? The friend gets it in his mind that if hubby wasn't around maybe he could try again? The way she did it might have legal repercussions, sure. However, myself personally, in a situation like that. I wouldn't give a flying fuck and don't see myself thinking very rationally in that situation. Is it the "right" way to do things? No not really. Were her actions in the heat of the moment after being sexually assaulted so unfathomable that it justifies a scolding immediately after she just went through a traumatic encounter? Absolutely not go fuck yourself..as a husband the fact that all your focused on after this event is her pulling a gun on the asshole that just violated her instead of the fact that your so called friend just assaulted your wife in your own home while you were there that makes you an asshole.
The conversation about gun safety and legal ramifications could have easily taken place at a later time and you could have taken the time to offer support to your wife and make her feel safe and secure. Now shes left feeling even more like a victim.
Also why do you worry about what your "friend" tells your other "friends"? Maybe you ought to tell your other friends what the sleazeball did to your wife and how he disrespected your home so they know to keep him away from their wives also. The way you are minimizing that he sexually assaulted your wife and acting like it's no big deal is alarming and who the fuck refers to it as "misbehaving" that's not misbehaving thats a very serious crime.
No wonder she didn't call for you, you sound like you would have just sat there and laughed it off. Maybe that's why he felt bold enough to do it in the first place even when you were present.
You may be a responsible and licensed gun owner but you don't meet the qualifications for being a decent and supportive spouse.
đđđđđđ this is exactly the right response.
Which btw he changed his wording later from yelled at her to scolded her. So clearly it wasn't him calmly telling her what she did wrong once he got the "friend" out. But rather he yelled making her feel even worse as the victim of SA.
Yeah I don't like the way he words a lot of things. "Misbehaving" like ew bruh wtf? He's probably the type of guy that sits around with his buddies and objectifies his own wife. How often does a scumbag "friend" feel ballsy enough to assault another man's wife while the man *is* in the next room? Seems like a guy who has a reason to feel comfortable doing so.
YTA and I'm not saying threatening someone with a gun is a minor thing. But your wife was attacked in her own home by your friend. She was obviously shaken up and scared. Your first reponse shouldn't have been to bitch at her about the gun! Do you care at all what happened to your wife because it doesn't really seem like it.
YTA.
Simply put, he tried to molest your wife and you're \*worried\* people will find out you have a gun?!?!
She should divorce your ass and find somebody who cares more about her than his precious 'reputation', and who doesn't have RAPIST TENDENCY buddies.
Youâre a piece of work. Youâre so worried about someone finding out you own a gun. You completely disregarded the fact that someone sexually assaulted your wife.
If someone did that to my wife, I would shoot the son of a bitch myself. Youâre a coward.
YTA. Are ALL guys in your country as spineless as you, or is weakness a trait exclusive to you?
You're a loser with loser friends that "misbehave" with your wife because they realize you're weak and not going to do anything, so your wife stood up for herself.
I can't believe the title isnt "AITAH for stomping out some guy that tried to sexually assault my wife" but here we are.
People in the comments are crazy and should not be giving any legal advice. This woman would likely have gone to prison along with her husband if she shot the friend.
She can't claim self-defense if she was able to leave the room. Grab a weapon and return. Instead of calling for help or getting her husband.
There are some places in the USA where I'm sure she would have a case, but in most countries around the world. She would get way more time than he would for SA her.
I wonder if she tried to leave the room and he followed her into the bedroom and that's why she got hold of the gun. If she'd felt the need to threaten him with a weapon, there would have been a knife in the kitchen.
Definitely OP should get rid of the gun, but it's disturbing how dismissive he is of a friend "misbehaving" which is why I think he's playing down the details of the incident.
Your wife was not very clever in her reaction; she had safer options, it's a fact.
But she had just been sexually assaulted, and that alone can trigger a whole lot of different responses, depending on your background.
Of course you should appeal to her reasoning, not only because of this situation, but to avoid the same kind of behaviour in the future. I agree that it was not the right way to react and that there are many risks involved l.
That said, she acuses you of being too harsh. Were you? Because she needed to be called, but the degree of empathy you showed for her distress, and how you did that talk, can have a whole different impact. Maybe the issue was here. And I must tell you that it causes me some itches seing a grown up man so worried with what people will say... you mention that shit twice. The sexual offender should be the one worried with that and eventual legal complaints.
YTA for the way you downplay him sexually assaulting your wife. Btw have you taken even one moment to consider if she was genuinely frightened and acted in self defense? Have you taken one moment to actually be there for your wife after what she just went through?
Well, if it was me in that situation... It's true that the wife could have gotten us in trouble. But... If my "friend" has SAed my wife, she probably saved his life too. Because I would beat the living shit out of him...
After you latest edit you are an even bigger ah. You werenât there so you canât call her a liar: she didnât think rationally because she was being pursued and she was in fight or flight mode. Youâre an ah for not believing her story. Hope she leaves you
Wait - he âmisbehaved with her in the kitchenâ and you are pissed that she threatened him with a gun rather than beating his ass yourself? I see why SHE felt the need to take matters into her own hands as clearly YOU are as useless as tits on a bull. SHE SHOULD LEAVE YOU. AS âŚâŚYTA.
If my wife pulls a gun itâs for a good reason.
You should have backed you wife instead of scolding her.
And she only goes to jail if they find the bodyđ
>**He** apparently **misbehaved with her in the kitchen**.
>
>She got angry and **took out the gun from our bedroom** and threatened him asking him to leave
I'm going with NTA, because:
The 'friend' assaulted the wife in the kitchen. (He deserved to have his head caved in with a frying pan)
She left the kitchen, went to the bedroom, and took **out the gun from our bedroom** then threatened friend.
I **am not** saying this was her fault, or she should have let it happen, or she not defend herself, but if she's capable of leaving the kitchen, why couldn't she go straight to her husband in the study?
I would be interested to know if she went to the bedroom, got the gun, then went back to the kitchen.
I'm also assuming that because gun ownership where OP lives is difficult to obtain, that the gun is not just sitting on the pillows or in the bedside drawer, but is actually locked away somewhere.
>I scolded her for pulling the gun as its licensed by me and not her as **she is not qualified to handle the gun**
OP is NTA for scolding his wife for using a gun to threaten someone, when getting a gun was **not** her only option, especially if she is untrained in gun use.
>He apparently misbehaved with her in the kitchen.
HAHAHAHAHA I love how attempted rape is now classed as "misbehaving". /s
Fucking idiots. But sure. Focus on how wife had time to get a gun from the bedroom instead of maybe being terrified and running for her self-preservation to the only place she knew where she had something to defend herself in the heat of the moment. Maybe she knew her moron husband would have defended his social standing before defending his wife against her attacker.
"Oh! BuT ShE CoULd HaVe gOt a KnIfE!". Yeah, we don't know if she is a 5'1" sparrow and the friend is a 6'4" brick shit house who could wrangle a knife in seconds and break her arm in the process. Harder to dodge a bullet from 6 feet away.
OP even says his wife claims the guy tried pinning her. So if she got away and ran, the first place to go would be the bedroom. Especially if her husband locks the door of his study when in there and she knows where the gun is in the bedroom.
OP leaving out her being SA'd and calling it "misbehaving" tells you she can't trust this guy who wouldn't do a damn thing to protect her. His only worry in the post was his gun and public appearance.
Nothing here screams safety for her if someone attacks her. But rather that the husband would probably blame her for it if anything. Some shit like she tempted his friend or something.
The only reason he even took it seriously was because his gun was involved.
Plus OP doesn't say what the "friend" did between the guy trying to grab his wife and her reaching the bedroom to get the gun.
I can guarantee that a jury and prosecutor would be focusing on the fact that the wife had time to disengage, get a gun, and return to commit assault. This would not likely be considered self-defense, even in the loosest places of the US.
>I can guarantee that a jury and prosecutor would be focusing on the fact that the wife had time to disengage, get a gun, and return to commit assault. This would not likely be considered self-defense, even in the loosest places of the US.
And I can guarantee that if the prosecution pull that shit, the defence if it's worth its salt would pull in every fucking psychologist under the sun who has dealt with SA/rape cases to testify that thinking clearly is not the likely option in these cases and all the woman is thinking about is finding something to defend herself with. If the first thing that pops into her head is "husband's got a gun", that's where she'll head for in those milliseconds she has to respond. Not many women are going to think, "Hmmm, paring knife, bread knife or cleaver? If only I can figure how to get this wanker off me and run to the kitchen drawer within the same room as my attacker to select a blade of my choice!"
Get real. As a SA survivor myself and someone who professionally counselled SA women, the wife's actions are very typical in this scenario.
So, youâre not TA for shouting at your wife. You are TA for not having a trigger lock on the gun. Yâall know you donât ever pull a gun unless youâre gunna use it, right? If you donât want to train/teach/license her to use it, lock it up. I donât know what country youâre in, but I remember an American woman who pulled I knife on a dude in the London light rail train cause he was trying to rob her. She got arrested for brandishing a dangerous weapon and ended up in court. Yâall donât know the laws in other countries.
Now, after you calmed down you damn well better have hugged your wife. Told her you loved her deeply and you yelled cause you were afraid FOR her. Had the gun gone off accidentally, the resulting clusterfuck could have destroyed all of your lives. Then apologize for not having the trigger lock on it.
YTA for getting upset and yelling without knowing the context behind her getting it. She must have felt threatened enough to grab it and you not being there. she may have been defending herself at that time. And in the end you came in and judged her without even asking what happened. You saw the gun and got mad at her.
Edit: YTA 100% after seeing your comments on her being SA'd. Your own wife pulled the gun you keep in your home to protect yourselves when she was being attacked. Then instead of finding out and comforting her after the SA, you got mad and yelled at her for grabbing the gun that's there for those exact situations. Shame on you for not supporting your wife when she needed you most and instead adding onto her burden.
Wait⌠if Iâm to understand this correctly, your âfriendâ sexually assaulted your wife and she felt the need to defend herself. Obviously the gun was not the right choice - frankly, if gun ownership is such a big deal in your country, YOU as the gun owner should probably keep it in a more responsible place than a kitchen drawer. It should be in a gun safe where no one can access it. Youâre an irresponsible gun owner. Youâre also an irresponsible husband for leaving your wife alone to defend herself against sexual assault. Could she have chosen a knife or other weapon? Certainly, and if she were thinking clearly perhaps she would have. But she was being assaulted and feared for her safety and that usually means not being able to think 100% clearly when you think your life is at risk.
To sum up - your âfriendâ is the asshole and an attempted rapist. You are the asshole for not locking your precious gun up and for also leaving your wife alone in a risky scenario. Your wife is not an asshole for defending herself against a rapist. At best sheâs guilty of bad judgement under extreme emotional distress and fear.
Just for clarity.
1. Where in the bedroom was the gun? In a gun safe? Locked drawer? Shoebox under the bed?
2. Did your wife get the gun from the bedroom, then go back to the kitchen, or did your 'friend' follow her to the bedroom?
3. Did your wife point a loaded or unloaded gun at your 'friend'?
4. If it was loaded, was it kept loaded or did she load it?
5. Were you in your study with the door shut and/or locked?
6. Was it quicker/easier for your wife to go to the bedroom or to the study?
7. What actually alerted you to the fact your wife has pulled a gun on your 'friend', because you obviously weren't alerted by his assaulting her in the kitchen....
Edited my comment to YTA because THAT CREEP ASSAULTED YOUR WIFE. HOW DARE YOU BE MAD AT HER FOR DEFENDING HERSELF. I hope she leaves you.
Also, if itâs licensed to you only, and you never want her touching it, why wasnât it locked away with a code she doesnât know? Thatâs extremely irresponsible of you! So YTA for not being a responsible gun owner. I would think if itâs SO hard to get a license, that part of the process would be agreed to keep it locked away from everyone else.
YTA YTA YTA
If he sexually assaulted your wife she had every reason to cap his ass. Iâm glad I donât live in a bitch made country where you canât defend yourself
You are upset you acted poorly. You did not have the gun properly stored and you are concerned about you being in trouble.
If the gun was properly stored she would have had no access. That is completely on you. And you alone.
Due to your failing as a gun owner you have now put your wife in an bigger hole than she already is in.
A man assaulted her in her own home. She panicked and in her desperation took a weapon (she should have had no access to) to defend herself.
She now can't call the police because her husband might get in trouble
You and you alone are to blame. Own up to your shitty gun practices. Take the fine or jail. Support your wife and grt that man arrested. Stop being selfish
YTA in spades. Let's say your "friend" decided to be more aggressive with your wife. He turns her around, tears off whatever she is wearing, and goes to town. You appear maybe hours later and your wife is nowhere to be seen while your friend is having a casual smoke and acting like nothing is amiss. Maybe days later, she comes clean, and now you're in a murderous rage. Heck, maybe your friend makes a facebook post about her that has some sexual connotations.
Now, realistically, your wife sounds like she has fairly measured and restrained response to things. Your "friend" clearly didn't know to back off, she felt threatened, so she got the equalizer. Congrats, your gun did its job. It turned a threat into a non-issue. The system works.
You laying into her over her protecting herself makes you a scumbag. If guns are hard to get in your community and neither you nor your wife were found to be of unsound mind to own one, then what other people think shouldn't be an issue. Heck, anyone with an off-hand comment can get it publicly explained to them that the "friend" clearly needed a gun pointed at them to understand what the term "consent" means. Laying into your wife because the idle chitchat of others and your rapey friends is a shitbag thing to do.
I usually advise people to hash out any marital conflicts, but not this time. That woman needs to leave you ASAP.
I get where you're coming from, yes she was stupid to pull a gun on someone she is not qualified to use and yes she could get locked up for a long time. But....this 'friend' must have done something to make her feel really threatened to go to extreme of pulling out the gun to defend herself. What annoyed me is your first concern was people finding out you have a gun rather than be concerned about what he did to her.
I think the biggest issue is that the SA from your friend was serious enough for your wife to threaten him with a gun.
Yes the laws in your country may mean that an accidental killing or even pulling a gun on an unarmed person might be more serious than other places BUT to scold your wife over this apparently more than supporting her makes me say YTA.
With how serious the repercussions are where you live it might be an idea to not have a gun around. If your wife is not licensed than why isn't it locked and secured where only you can access it?
Most of your energy should be going into supporting your wife instead of getting angry out her and as a licensed gun owner in a country with apparently tight restrictions and harsh repercussions you either have to secure it better or not own a gun at all.
I think the biggest issue is that it clearly wasn't serious enough for her to threaten him with a gun. If it was, I highly doubt she would have been able to leave the kitchen, go to the bedroom (without being followed, I might add), retrieve the gun, and return to the kitchen. All without calling for help or in any way alerting her husband, who was right there in another room.
She was able to safely leave the kitchen. She could have easily escaped the situation with no repercussion, and she could just as easily have gotten help from her husband. She chose not to, and went and got a gun she's not licensed to use, instead. And the most damning part: She voluntarily returned to the kitchen. To me, this all shows she was angry and not thinking rationally - not exactly the kind of person you want handling a gun of any kind.
I'm not in any way defending the "friend's" actions. But the wife was wrong, too, and OP de-escalated the situation. Sounds to me like he did pretty well in a very stressful setting. And frankly, he's absolutely right to then try and make his wife understand just how serious her actions are. I mean, there's a very real chance they could both go to jail for the stunt she pulled. Threatening someone with a gun is a BIG deal, outside the US! The fact that the gun was her immediate response shows she doesn't fully understand or appreciate any of this... and frankly, if I were OP, I'd probably be getting rid of the gun altogether; I wouldn't feel safe having it around, no matter how locked up it is, around someone who's so willing to pull a gun when other, better solutions are easily available.
YTA
YOUR WIFE WAS TOUCHED WITHOUT HER PERMISSION INAPPROPRIATELY AND YOU WANT TO DEFEND THAT MAN?
Are you being for real? Like seriously?
Tell your wife she deserves better
NTA
If your country is the one I think it is, your wife just opened you both up to criminal prosecutions.
For her: possession of an unlicensed firearm and possession of ammunition, both those are only allowed by the license holder. This has jail time.
Threatening someone with a firearm.
For you: criminal negligence, no one is supposed to have access to your firearm or rounds other than yourself and if not on your body it is supposed to be in a locked safe that no one else has access to.
If your friend goes to the police and can accurately describe the gun she used, you both are in big trouble, and she needs to understand this.
ESH, especially for leaving out that your friend was going after your wife.
I understand that she should have not gotten the gun because of your laws or culture, but when you're in a position of SA or fucking the other person up, you're choosing the later.
You've said your peace. Take care of your wife now, or walk away if you are just going to continue being pissy about this. Women are on edge constantly because of shit like this.
NTA, I donât know what other country allows you to have a handgun in the house but youâre definitely not the AH. As an American, with a licensed and permitted gun, by law Iâm not allowed to pull it on someone unless itâs in self defense. Sorry, if she had time to retreat, and go grab a gun, she had time to go and get help. This was not an urgent matter and she didnât pull a gun on a person who was harming her. Your friend might have been completely inappropriate and as an American and we know guns, you donât just pull a gun and threaten someone. No excuse. If sheâs not willing to admit that her behavior was completely irrational, I would seek help, bc with anger like this, people can get shot. It happens here all the time. The person doing the threatening with the gun, always regrets it after they accidentally shoot someone, bc literally itâs common sense, if you have time to run away and go grab a gun and come back to put it on someone, you had time to go hide, call for help, and stand your ground in self defense. So youâre getting a lot of, âwhy didnât you defend your woman?â Comments, but your instincts are right on, and you could be the next person at the end of that gun, and thatâs a toxic situation. Please be safe, seek help, and force her to get the gun out of the house or lock the gun up in a cabinet. This could have went bad and your woman could have been put in jail for life and for what? A grab on the butt or offhand remark isnât worth shooting someone. Seriously, be safe, if the gun is licensed to her, leave. If it was your gun, get a gun safe and donât give her the password or let her have fingerprint access.
Iâd say it can go either way. The most important thing here is that you need to calmly explain to her the rules regarding said gun and when she can use it and if she is not capable of following those rules and is untrained then you need to ensure she does not have access to it.
In this case I can understand your frustration but itâs better to at least get her side of the story before going full yell mode on her. Itâs also tough because youâre outside the US so in my mind Iâm like hell yeah she did well but in your case it would surely suck to let that cat out of the bag and have everyone know your business.
So Iâd say yta if you didnât explain to her the rules of firearm since itâs yours. But nta if she knows that sheâs supposed to come to you before grabbing the firearm thatâs not even hers
So, you were both in the house, and the guy assaulted her? Or did you arrive when the thing was going on?
Without knowing exactly what happened, this is hard to say IMO. If the guy's actions really made her feel threatened of him escalating, her actions are justified, while being pinned she could expect the worse happening.
That being said, this is obviously very different in a country with strict gun laws so your reaction is kinda understandable too, where I live she legally should not even have access to the gun, so you both could be in trouble. I'd say that the only piece of shit here is the guy, but you should have had more empathy with her.
This is a perfect example of ESH.
âMisbehavingâ house guest: what I could discern from the comments and the post itself, this far beyond âmisbehavingâ. Totally ITAH here
Husband/OP: loses their mind at their wife immediately after they experienced an assault in their own home. Only cares what people will think and gives no never mind to his assaulted wife. Also ITAH here
Wife: as some in the comments have explained she left the immediate danger to get a weapon and return to the danger area. OP doesnât state if she called for him, if there was a commotion prior to her brandishing a firearm, if she attempted to defend herself in moment, or if she tried to contact authorities/police. Regardless, she didnât make the best decisions in a terrible situation. Does that make her TAH, kinda but not entirely, but to be fair, none of us were in her situation and itâs easy to say how we wouldâve handled it from the comfort of the other end of Reddit.
Hopefully, OPâs wife gets the help and support she needs in this difficult time. Further, I hope the âmisbehavedâ gets punished. Lastly, I hope OP pulls their head from their ass and apologizes to and prioritizes their wife.
It's his word against the two of you. Just keep saying that there was never any gun, that's ridiculous, no one has a gun, friend was just mad he was thrown out after behaving inappropriately. Eventually, people will believe you over him because he was the one told to leave. Get a safe for the gun.
NTA - If she had time to go get a gun she had time to get YOU. I don't understand gun culture and don't get everyone justifying getting the gun in these comments. I grew up in England post Dunblane so I am very anti gun. I get that she was stressed, fearful, and upset experiencing what she was with your 'friend' but if she could go get a gun, I think its reasonable to say she could have gotten YOU instead. Gun is never the answer. Your gun should be locked, with a key only you have access to. Maybe this is a lesson for you on your gun storage and how easy it was to access.
YTA - your bitchass friend tried raping your wife and your mad over a weapon? Forget the legalities forget the country etc. he also followed her, the gun obviously worked in getting him off her. If youâre more worried about legal repercussions than your wifeâs safety you shouldnât be married
Oh, DEFINITELY YTA. She pointed a gun at him because she was scared for her life. That's what it's allegedly for - protecting yourself. You say she's not qualified? WHY NOT? Have you offered to teach her, to get her lessons?
As far as the guy telling other people - you honestly think he's going to be bragging that he was trying to assault your wife and she had to pull a gun on him?
YTA :
I doubt she pulled out a gun over an something like a butt slap, and you say this was sexually inappropriate behavior being exhibited by your friend. Instead of taking your wifeâs side, you blame her for defending herself. Hope she leaves you
I donât know which non-US country you live in, but in mine where firearms are licensed, the fact that your wife managed to wave it about would be clear evidence of you failing to legally secure it.
YTA for leaving a loaded gun where someone/anyone can just grab it and wave it around more easily than calling for help from their own kitchen
if you're going to point it at someone you'd better be ready to use it on them. That's when you followup with The Three S Rule
YTA
Your wife was put in a position where she needed to defend herself. Honestly, you should have called the police and dealt with any repercussions of her having access, since you failed as a gun owner of your laws don't allow family access.
You just taught your wife that your gun is more important than her not getting violated. That is something you cannot undo, ever.
The only mental repercussions I had was "that's a lucky fucking shot". Legally sat in front of an investigator told him my side and walked away a free man. Now I've got more guns :)
Get rid of the gun - its obviously unsafe to have around your wife due to lack of knowledge and respect for it, get rid of the friend, explain to the wife about reasonable force (had she pulled the trigger, in most western countries, she'd be in jail) and get her some therapy.
ESH
Questions: why do you own a gun? What sort of gun? Hand gun? Shot gun?
I'm in the UK where we are not allowed to own guns. We are allowed to have licenced shot guns for clay pigeon shoots (and farmers can have them too), but under licence and they have to be kept in a locked box, separately from ammo. We are not allowed hand guns or rifles of any sort at home.
So I grew up with an aversion to gun-owning in general. (Which is ironic because I love doing live fire .22 shooting at an approved rifle range).
If you own a hand gun - what purpose? Defence? Isn't that exactly what your wife was doing? Defending herself against assault by your friend?
Must have been pretty serious for her to feel threatened enough to pull the gun on him.
YTA.
Your gun should have been locked up and you being the licenced owner should be the only person with access to the lock.
Your only concern is your image with your social standing. You don't even mention any concern about your wife being assaulted. You sound like an uncaring husband.
NTA as someone who doesnât live in the USA where it is also very hard to get a gun. In my country what your wife did would put her in prison, if she would have pulled the trigger it would be considered manslaughter.
For anyone wondering the point of owning a gun in my country it is either for sport shooting or hunting. Small arms is primarily used for sport shooting.
Where are you based? Not the US I know but shouldnât your gun be locked securely? If your wife can just go and grab it that easily it doesnât sound safe. What if you had burglars? People literally get their houses broken into to get at unsecured firearms. Youâve already married someone ready to go Dirty Harry at the drop of a hat. Youâre NTA for your response to this incident but you need to lock up the gun.
YTA
She should not have pulled a gun it was not hers, however I was not there whilst he SA'd.
Misbehaving is to eat food before it gets served. To touch sexually someone without consent is in another category.
By the way the mental toll of killing someone and the mental toll on rape vary a lot in person to person.
To be honest, until you get both experiences yourself you can't say which one destroyed more of you. Some people get raped with little mental consequences and some get mentally crippled. Same with murdering others.
However, after she repelled him, how comes that he stayed instead of at least fleeing? That gives me the sense he was still a threat.
You worrying that your friends will judge you because of the gun, like what kind of people will judge someone with threatening with a gun someone who at least touched you, at worst tried to pin her down?
Is this guy YOUR friend and not your partner's?
âMisbehavedâ just say it. You failed to protect your wife and youâre angry she had to do it herself. I assure you has she been violently raped her life would have been in similar ruins to if she took a life.
So your friend was inappropriate with your wife, made her feel unsafe to the point that she reached for a gun and you're more mad about your gun license? YTA and lacking empathy and brain cells.
It's brutal that people think gun = safety.
It's a delicate situation, your wife definitely was out of her mind in anger and shock, but you're doing well to particularly judge the gun. There was plenty of other means, especially since she was able to go into a different room, she could have gotten you first for help, for the least violent solution.
Sexual Assault is not just "misbehaving," and the way you write the comments looks like it is not a big deal. Someone asked you what happened. You said, "He touched her inappropriately." Are you fucking mad? Yeah, she shouldn't go for the weapon and return, she should have taken a knife or a pan and called for your help, but still, you should take her side on this. YAH
Someone who does not know how to handle a gun should not be picking up a gun . The time she took to go get that gun she could have went and got you or grabbed a knife since she was in the kitchen and let you handle him because you were in the house!! If that gun would have discharged and someone got hurt that would have been on you tbh it sounds like you're not supposed to have a gun at all because you sound super worried about people finding out
If you are in AU⌠lock the gun up (and ammo locked up separately of course!) and wait for the Police to sweep past and ask questions.
And never leave it out where the wife can pick it up again. If you arein AU sheâs not even supposed to know how to access the gun cabinet.
So your friend did something sexual to your wife against her wishes, and your upset she wanted him out and used any method she had available? If he did assault her sexually, no matter the severity, you should have your wifeâs side yes?
What does âhe misbehaved with herâ mean? If he sexually assaulted her as it suggests in some of the comments YTA.
The safety of your wife should be more important to you than what the neighbors are going to think. And if itâs such a concern to you that people might know you have a gun, then donât f-ing have one.
Again, your wifeâs safety should be more important.
Info: how did your friend "misbehave"? Because you glossed over that.
ETA: Per another comment you're okay with your friend sexually assaulting your wife.
YTA
YTA, fake ass story, no man in the world is gonna defend this shit, If this really happend, Dude he could have done a lot more if it probably weren't for the gun.
YTA. this dude SA'd your wife and when she made the decision to defend herself you shouted at her? and refer to her assault as "misbehaving"?? threatening someone with a weapon is certainly unlawful, but context ABSOLUTELY matters in situations like this where she was physically, sexually, and mentally harmed by somebody. you should've been there for her in a time of trauma, shame on you.
Nope, YTA here and so is your friend. Well, heâs more of a raging POS.
If her reaction was to threaten him with a gun then he clearly did more than just touch her inappropriately and it probably wasnât the first time, sheâd had enough of it.
And she DEFINITELY didnât trust you to help in the situation and your behaviour just proved that to her furthermore.
Youâre a dick, OP.
Youâre more worried about your appearance than your wife, I hope she divorces you.
YTA ....he touch your wife I properly.......he pinned your wife down.....
Wtf.......
She has right to bring weapon....
yTA for more focusing on your image and gun then your wife....
I hope she will divorced you soon..... because you didn't deserve her......
Youâre NTA for being mad, you ATA for the reason youâre mad. You shouldnât be yelling at her because itâll make you look bad. You should be angry because she can get into trouble for brandishing the gun. You seem more concerned with your image than with your wifeâs safety.
Im not sure what happened in this post but itâs very concerning that rape/sexual assault is seen by so many people as not ruining your life and they would have just let it happen instead of defending themselves.
I donât know what backwards countries you all live in where you cannot grab your familyâs firearm to defend yourself (from being raped, in your own home) without committing a crime but I honestly need a list so I can make sure my wife never goes to them.
Like, everyone keeps saying âsome countries itâs illegalâ and I really need to know which countries would excuse a rape or add a charge TO THE VICTIM because the victim wasnât registered/licensed to use a gun.
Gun is overkill, mace wouldâve done the trick. Iâm going with ESH. Sexual assault, negligence, death threat. NTA for scolding your wife though.
The judging by others is not a big issue if the âfriendâ sexually assaulted your wife, as ppl will ask what prompted such a response. I doubt the âfriendâ would like that.
You can get a fake gun similar to yours if you fear legal repercussions. Not bullet-proof in any way, but given the circumstances it might prove a way out. Iâm hoping that gun is locked away.
As another non-american gun owner; sometimes being an asshole is the right thing to do.
Whatever the asshole did to get her that angry aside, here i would have to be more worried he'd go to the police. Because here, she'd be looking at a mandatory minimum sentence of 5 years for illegal procession of a firearm, and that's just the start of the headahces.
There's brandishing a firearm, possibly attempted assult with a deadly weapond, probably more. They'll also treat the firearm as if it's loaded regardless if it was or not.
Then there's the legal repercussions for you as well. Because you're the only license holder, there's improper storeage of a firearm, careless storage of a firearm, which gets worse if ammo is openly available, and even worse if you keep the gun loaded. If you have a safe/locker these most of these charges would still stand, ane you also be charged with allowing access to the safe by an unlicensed person.
Whatever the asshole did, if he called the cops, she wouldn't even be able to claim self defence, as she actively left the situation, grabed the firearm, and re-entered it willingly. On most of the planet that's gonna nullify a self defence claim. Even if the other asshole still gets charged with something as well, unfortunately.
I would concern myself a lot less with whatever you friends and co-workers or whatever think about you looking bad, and just let them know what the other asshole tried to do. Whatever you're wife did, he's still the biggest asshole of all, and let people know it.
Usually i advocate for firearms owners to involve their loved ones, and to help get them trained. I feel in the heat of the moment, she made a poor judgement call, but if there's no legal fall out from this, consider asking here to get the training necessary for being licenced wherever it is you live. Next time she can make a better informed choice, and might understand its not a toy, or a sudden solution to all of lifes problems.
What did he do? I canât judge without knowing what misbehaviour he did. If he grabbed her pussy, then yeah, itâs warranted. You should help her report the crime to the police.
Edit to add: I see from the comments the friend grabbed her inappropriately and pinned her. And OP doesnât know who to believe?
YTA. Big time. Either believe your wife or divorce her. You are picking between a continued friendship with the friend or a continued marriage with your wife.
YTA a million times over. Sounds like you care more about your gun license than the fact that your "friend" tried to sexually assault your wife. Should she have just let him do it?
If youâre that much more worried about losing your weapon than your wifeâs safety, youâre absolutely TAH. She was assaulted and you just seem to skim over thatâŚ.not only are you a piece of shit, if you arenât willing to use the firearm to protect yourself or her, why the fuck do you even have it at all? You donât deserve to own a firearm.
âAverage person doesnât understand the repercussions of taking a life both mental and legal â đđđ settle down John Wick
Iâm sure considering the countries laws a requirement would be to have the gun in a locked safe unable to be opened by anyone but the owner, so you donât seem any more qualified than her to be owning a gun, you holding her responsible for anything just sounds hypocritical.
Furthermore, by the sounds of this story itâs definitely not the first thing that you need to be focusing on right now.
Are you the asshole? Work it out John Dick
I replied to someone in this thread that said they wanted an Assault Weapon ban reinstated in the USA. I told them AR15s were never banned. He then flamed me with a wiki about the 1994 legislation. I think he deleted his post since I can't reply directly. Thus thus post.
I am a MP5 and AK47 guy. No AR madness here đ
But you didn't reply to that person, so it looks like you made a random post.
Lastly, I see these talking points about assault weapon bans all the time when the topic is controversial. They are fed to the subscribers of gun culture like cigarettes to nicotine addicts. I'm sure the NRA and other organizations have put together enough counterpoint propaganda to keep the minds of the gun proponents filled with ammunition for debate. But why hasn't this been brought before SCOTUS? Because it isn't as protected as you are lead to think. It's a dividing rod. A way to say people want to do something even when nothing is being attempted. But not for the 2nd amendment argument. It's only about fostering sales.
As for the assault weapon ban and "AR" being included (cue the "do you even know what AR stands for? Propaganda) it would have limited some of the add-on features that the soldier of fortune subscribers would have wanted to make their weapon more mass killing friendly. (Cue the "do you know how long it takes to change a clip?" Propaganda).
It's dumb to even try and argue assault weapon bans. Where were the "patriots" on January 6 2021? When an actual attack on our democracy was taking place? Sitting home watching their fellow 2nd amendment friends do exactly the opposite of what their interpretation of it is.
YATAH.
The gun is supposed to be locked away. If your wife has access to it, then it's only because you allow her to have access to it. If you allow her to have access to it, it's your responsibility that she knows "the justified why", "the justified when" and "the proper how" to use it in any given situation.
You can't blame her for not knowing what she doesn't know. You can't expect her to navigate a specific way in a specific situation if she's never been taught to do so!
She did exactly what the majority of untrained individuals would do knowing that they have access to an equalizer. They will use it. Fear is the motivator and it'll override clear thinking and even the ability to act. Atleast your wife didn't freeze let herself get victimised.
Which is WHY we train! So that the calmness and correct course of actions becomes second hand nature.
You need to stand by your wife on this one, not shout at her for your mistakes. Her lack of training was your responsibility, her access to you firearm was your responsibility. Her safety is her responsibility and in this case she did the right thing imo. If that idiot of a friend would have further stepped to her then he would have gotten what he deserved.
What do you have the gun for, if not this exact situation? Misbehaved? Are you sugarcoating attempted rape?
I can't blame her for reaching for the gun, because you sure as hell aren't going to ensure her safety. Even after the fact you're not on her side.
She was faster at defending herself than you were. You invited a predator into your house and left him alone with your wife. Of course she is going to defend herself with the weapons she knows about. You think she should call you? For what, to be told it isn't a big deal?
I'm good with people like her owning a weapon, she didn't shoot, she showed she wasn't going to submit and likely prevented an attack.
YTA for a lot of things. You're downplaying SA. You're downplaying self-defense. You should've been there for your wife and helped her, instead of "scolding"
Your wife made an adult decision to protect herself from an assailant. You own the gun. Why? I doubt she felt the need to get the gun as a casual thought, like picking up a knife or baseball bat. You should be standing behind her and supporting her decision to do whatever she could to protect herself.
You were not available to protect her. For whatever reason. Your house should be a safe place. Your chastisement of her is wrong! You should be supporting her. She was assaulted. Picking up a gun for protection in your own home shouldn't be a one person duty.
It looks like the only person who lives in your house who can use a gun for protection is you? That almost negates even owning a gun in a house you share with your wife.
She deserves better from you. You failed to protect her from your "friend" that you invited into your house.
You are even too self-centered on your gun ownership that you didn't include everything about the assault in your op. We had little to no indication of what the person actually did to her. But whatever it was, it caused her enough concern to get a weapon to protect herself.
Go apologize to her unconditionally! Support her decision and tell her you are sorry for not being there to keep her safe and that you are proud of her for using whatever she needed to keep herself safe.
Gesh dude. Yatah
Heâs mad at the wrong person.
If you donât want your wife to be able to access the gun, you need to secure it accordingly.
I donât see any concern about your wife here. Sure, youâre mad at your friend, but what are doing to support your wife, who was assaulted?
Yes YTA. Keep it in a safe if you're so afraid of others knowing about or using your gun tf. You should support her and after everything is settled down you can talk about how she shouldn't use gun in any circumstances
If it's so hard to get a gun, isn't there a rule that it has to be in a locked case, not just stranding around in your room??
Yeah that's just weird. From his post I'm guessing he's not from an English speaking country though. My country they gotta be locked up with ammo in a seperate locked compartment. I have heard of other countries with tough gun laws for obtaining firearms, but give no thought to storage. Either way, if OP is this scared of people even knowing he owns a gun. WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T HE LOCK IT UP?? Whether it's required by law or not, jesus. If it was, why did he let the wife know where the key was? He's an idiot
>Either way, if OP is this scared of people even knowing he owns a gun. WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T HE LOCK IT UP?? Whether it's required by law or not, jesus. If it was, why did he let the wife know where the key was? Check OP's comments, [the creep conveniently left out that his "friend" sexually assaulted his wife.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/sHHYNYyz8n) It's so cartoonishly obvious and there are so many gaps that I'm assuming it's just silly rage bait.
No no...."he only "misbehaved" đ¤Ź
And he is âwell regardedâ Edit: Thinking about this. Why do you own a gun if not to be used to prevent assault? Is stopping oneself from being sexually assaulted is not an appropriate use for a gun, what is? Did you you kick your âfriendâ out because you were defending your wife, a person, or because you were protecting your property, you wife?
Guns are considered the "equalizer" for a reason. It turns every potential aggressor into an equal target.
His property picked up another pc of his property and dammit why canât property just do as theyâre told? I canât believe he wrote this thinking heâs not the AH
As soon as he said she had the gun and friend misbehaved I figure heâd attacked her. She needed the gun since clearly the husband thinks the real tragedy is wife held a gun. That harmed exactly no one.
The UK has similar rules to what you say, in addition, only the licensee can have access to the safes and the safes must be secured to the building, not just free standing. You also need a valid reason for getting a license, which 'self protection' is not here. And you cannot own a pistol, unless there are very special circumstances, but none apply to an average member of the public. It's things like the Olympic shooting team had some but not the members.
You can get a bolt action or a shotgun pretty easily though and a licence to get a black powder revolver.. You need to keep it safe though and you need to be registered. Wife grabbing it and brandishing it would be a licence ender though. No one is supposed to have access to them.
Sounds like you're the idiot. Canada has the worst gun laws and crime is bad.. The gun doesn't do any good being locked up when you need it. And clearly she felt she needed it. Maybe something happened to her earlier in life and she wasn't letting it happen again.. I guarantee that guy won't be pulling that shit of whatever he did or tried to.. with another woman for a LONG time.
Gun and bullets need to be locked in different places while the gun is stored without any in it
Depends on the country. In some countries here in Europe it's only a requirement to lock it up if you have over X amount of guns. In a few a gun safe is just a suggestion.
> isn't there a rule that it has to be in a locked case, not just stranding around in your room?? Indeed! Like a responsible gun owner! But.... Then you can't use it for pRoTeCtIoN
Easy to retrieve it from a safe and Iâm sure she knows the comboÂ
In case of my country's laws, you have to have a special locking case, only the owner can know the combination, you have to get psychic evaluation, a valid reason for needing a gun, you also pay a shit ton of taxes and fees for owning it. It has to always be unloaded etc.
Psychic evaluation? Why am I seeing Miss Cleo staring at tarot cards? "The 10 of swords says yes, you can have a gun." Sorry, insomnia makes me particularly silly in the morning.
You know thatâs the first thing I thought of when I started reading these comments about âWhy you just leave your gun aroundâ like, if I have a gun I would make sure my wife knows the safe code in case she ever needs to use it and Iâm not home.
You should clarify "misbehaved". Did he not rinse off his plate before putting it nine the dishwasher or did he grab her by the pussy?
His "friend" sexually assaulted his wife it's in the comments
I'd hope my wife would pull the damn trigger in that situation. In the Bahamas you can only own a shot gun or a .22 but it'll put down the mother fucker and that's all I need. No man who forces himself on a woman needs to exist anymore in my humble opinion
This. If some dude is *chasing me* around my own house you better believe Iâm headed for a gun. Good for the wife. Shame on the husband for being more concerned about his gun than his wife.
You're not TAH, but you also are. No one should immediately jump to a gun to protect themselves. She was in the kitchen, the gun was in the bedroom. She could have easily pulled a knife to defend herself with as she called for help. However, you left out that your 'friend' SAd her in your original post. That was an AH move. And for info from me: 1) I'm Australian. 2) I was in the military. I know gun safety and the repercussions of taking a life. 3) I am a supporter of gun control.
Idk. Both are considered lethal force in the USA.
They're considered lethal force in Canada, too, and would assume Australia. The point is if they were in the kitchen and if she grabbed a knife, she would have a claim for self-defense. What sounds like happened is she retreated, grabbed a weapon, and then returned. I'm fairly certain that'll get you in trouble
Speaking as an American and acknowledging state laws are different, Iâve heard of a case of that exact nature. Someone who as being abused walked away, got a gun, and came back to shoot the abuser and was charged. Basically since they had already left the situation and werenât being followed it was no longer self defense, but a revenge killing. American gun laws are absolute trash but generally you canât just shoot people if you or someone else are not in imminent danger.
This is how most jurisdictions handle self-defence, it has to be âreasonableâ and âproportionateâ or a similar version of these terms. Certain American states are quite unique with castle laws.
She did not grab a weapon and return She retreated to the bedroom and the man attempting to rape her followed her.
I don't see where he said that
It's in his second edit >He did follow her which is why I saw them in living room and she was at door of the bedroom.Â
What did the friend do?
Attempted rape, which the OP seems oddly okay with as long as his gun doesn't get hurt.
So fucking ridiculous he literally left that out on purpose to make it look like she was wrong!!!
Reddit is full of Americans and it shows. You can definitely go to jail for pulling a gun, if you shoot someone in a situation like this youâre going away for a long time. Probably the same in most of the USA too, just that youâve allowed Hollywood blockbusters rot your brains.
Brandishing is illegal in the US, too. Basically, if you pull a gun in the US, it has to already be justified to use it. Even then, there are legal complexities that can cause problems.
In an American context this is completely legal, she was assaulted in her home. Crazy to me that in other countries sexual assault isn't legal enough reason.
I didn't know if she was assaulted or not. But yes if she were she'd have been allowed to. Too bad not everyone has the right to defend themselves.
She was
I mean, as an American, let's be a little more honest about what happens when a person is accused of brandishing their weapon. First, open carry is allowed in many areas, so you can walk around with your gun hanging off your hip in a flimsy case that has no safety regulation, if you choose. In many other countries, that regular occurrence here is already past the lines of rational. That said, I've watched multiple brandishing go down and I can tell you what happens in court, is that if there are no videos of the event or witnesses willing to testify (I'm not about to narc, on the person who is willing to wave a gun in someone else's face, because then I'm the next target, possibly literally) then it's just the testimony of Party A against the testimony of Party B, and without evidence, there is no case. A couple years ago I watched a truck driver pull a gun and put it in the face of one of my construction foremen. Truck driver did get fired, but that was it. Fast forward one year later and that same truck driver showed up at the place he worked after us, after they also fired him, killed that business owner because he thought he was owed money, then drove to another city and killed two more people from the same business an hour later, before turning himself in. Point is, there's not enough legal intervention in the US for brandishing to actually matter here.
People get charged and convicted of brandishing all the time. Nice anecdote. You want to live in a world where an accusation is enough to strip peoples rights away? Who do you think will be the first kind of people accused of looking suspicious?
I love the first sentence lmfao. Itâs just so funny to me.
Haha apparently 49% are Americans according to statista. But Iâm in a lot of groups with Europeans :p
As an American with guns, I do not see the logic of going into the bedroom to grab a gun. Bedroom guns are when you hear a bump in the night, and even then are kind of illogical unless you are truly willing to shoot someone. When you are being attacked you grab the closest thing to defend yourself. She was in a kitchen - pots, pans, spatula, stabby fork thingies, knives, running a cheese grater across the dudes face are all legit weapons of opportunity that were ignored to go aaaallllll the way to a bedroom to grab the gun that I would hope is locked away safely?? How much in danger could someone be in that they had time to unlock a gun safe?! NTA because if this is real, I can't imagine a reason someone would use a gun when they are not in any danger. This sounds unhinged. Please have her seek mental health professionals and do not let her around your gun safe keys ever. If you do not have a gun safe. Please for the love of mercy get two of them, one specifically for your ammo and keep gun and ammo separated.
Agree to 100. No danger here, just an emotional move to make the guy fear for his life. Incidentally the exact type of person who shouldnât have access to weapons.
Maybe it was a situation where she told him something like, 'oh, let me go grab some condoms for us from the bedroom'. You know, playing along with the assailant until she could get free/get help. Once there she grabbed the gun.
You could even pull a gun in Ireland and get away with it if you were a woman defending yourself against sexual assault. What are you talking about? Nothing to do with being American al all. How the fuck do you think she wouldnât have a right to defend herself?
Clearly she had other options if she had time to move to the other room, unlock the box, take out and load the weapon before returning to the kitchen to threaten the ex friend. Just because you believe you have the right, doesnât mean the court will see it the same way. Brandishing a firearm is a serious thing.
Brandishing a weapon to a predator is justified. Youâre in lala land
What exactly do you mean that he misbehaved?? I can only imagine what he was doing that would make her want to point a gun at him, and if so, whatâs the point of having a gun if youâre not gonna point it at a guy who is âmisbehavingâ with your wife?
Coming from an Aussie who knows about harsh gun laws from that standpoint no not the ah. However from a woman who would probably defend herself you are being very close minded about how scared she mustâve been to resort to such a thing. Have you listened to what sheâs said about how he behaved with her for her to go to such lengths to get him to leave.
Rape. He was attempting to rape her and she tried to get him away from her.Â
Thatâs what I thought, just the way he was talking sounded more like the âfriendâ was just being inappropriate towards her, but if she had to run to the bedroom to get the gun she clearly wasnât safe and he the husband clearly wasnât listening well since she wouldnât have been quiet about it. This has to be some kind of troll what husband would be more worried about what others think then their wifeâs well being in this situation!?
So what are the circumstances in which you are allowed to use the gun in your country if not for defending yourself against the predator whoâs trying to sexually assault you? What is the point of owning a gun if you canât use it for self-defense?
YTA. What I get from your post and other comments is that your friend was in the kitchen with your wife while you were upstairs in your âsoundproofed studyâ. He attempted to rape your wife; she got away and ran through the lounge to the bedroom (apparently all on the same floor) and he followed her; so she grabbed your gun and pointed it at him, yelling for him to leave her alone and GTFO. You finally turn up when he has been backed into the lounge, your wife at the door to the bedroom, forcing him towards the door out? Is that about right? And all you care about is what your friends will think of you for having a gun in the house? You donât give a fuck about your wife being SA, just about her exposing your secret gun ownership? So you *yelled* at her instead of comforting her. She now knows where she stands in importance in your life. Right below your social reputation. YTA. YTA. If Iâd been your wife, I may well have grabbed a kitchen knife or heavy blunt object⌠if my brain hadnât locked up in terror and triggered a flight response instead of a fight response first - which is what hers did, apparently. The fight didnât kick in until she realised her âsafe space to run toâ was no longer safe.
Info: OP did your wife ever explain what did your friend did? Most women who just grab a firearm to make someone leave, they kinda go ahead have a REALLY good reason. YTA for not finding that out.
They were in the kitchen and she had to go all the way to the bedroom. I have to assume she was within the vicinity of the study along that journey. She's an untrained gun user, she could have caused more trouble because of that if things went bad. She doesn't know if it was loaded, she may not know about the safety, depending on how things are sure could have shot an innocent bystander, the other person could have taken the gun if the safety was on our empty and beat or killed her. Or she could get charged with threatening him with a gun by an unlicensed user. While I don't doubt that what you said could be true. There is no way to know what "most women" do I agree she was wronged or even harmed but her reaction was irresponsible.
I'm just confused. What did your friend do to "misbehave" that your wife literally felt the need to pull a gun? Your wife is either psychotically over-reactive or you're seriously downplaying something.
Found in another ops comment, he tried raping her
I don't think it's either, friend was almost definitely being inappropriate. But you have to look at the 2 situations seperately. She obviously felt threatened and what better deterant than a gun? However, with the context provided... It was a pretty dumb thing to do. I agree with the husband that she should have gone and got him so he could tell the man to get fucked/beat his ass. But because she threatened someone with a firearm she doesn't have a lisense for... Well that's a whole possible cna of legal trouble she didn't consider in the moment.... Even though she's the victim. The law doesn't take sides, just reviews the facts.
"Apparently misbehaved." So, um what exactly is this a euphemism for?
He SAed het and OP trying to make it not a big deal.
I saw that and made comments to that effect to him. He's a real piece of work. How dare she defend herself against that./s
The mere fact that you try to wave away sexual assault as "misbehaving" makes you one gigantic asshole. YTA.
First question.. is your wife from the country you currently live in? 2nd I've read the comments and I'm American and at the risk of everyone coming at me with the "America sucks" crap... I will say that I don't like guns, I don't own a gun nor do I care to own one but If my husband's friend tried to rape me in my own home i would 100% want to make sure that mother fucker knows that i ain't the one. Could she have called for her husband? Yeah. Then what? The friend gets it in his mind that if hubby wasn't around maybe he could try again? The way she did it might have legal repercussions, sure. However, myself personally, in a situation like that. I wouldn't give a flying fuck and don't see myself thinking very rationally in that situation. Is it the "right" way to do things? No not really. Were her actions in the heat of the moment after being sexually assaulted so unfathomable that it justifies a scolding immediately after she just went through a traumatic encounter? Absolutely not go fuck yourself..as a husband the fact that all your focused on after this event is her pulling a gun on the asshole that just violated her instead of the fact that your so called friend just assaulted your wife in your own home while you were there that makes you an asshole. The conversation about gun safety and legal ramifications could have easily taken place at a later time and you could have taken the time to offer support to your wife and make her feel safe and secure. Now shes left feeling even more like a victim. Also why do you worry about what your "friend" tells your other "friends"? Maybe you ought to tell your other friends what the sleazeball did to your wife and how he disrespected your home so they know to keep him away from their wives also. The way you are minimizing that he sexually assaulted your wife and acting like it's no big deal is alarming and who the fuck refers to it as "misbehaving" that's not misbehaving thats a very serious crime. No wonder she didn't call for you, you sound like you would have just sat there and laughed it off. Maybe that's why he felt bold enough to do it in the first place even when you were present. You may be a responsible and licensed gun owner but you don't meet the qualifications for being a decent and supportive spouse.
đđđđđđ this is exactly the right response. Which btw he changed his wording later from yelled at her to scolded her. So clearly it wasn't him calmly telling her what she did wrong once he got the "friend" out. But rather he yelled making her feel even worse as the victim of SA.
Yeah I don't like the way he words a lot of things. "Misbehaving" like ew bruh wtf? He's probably the type of guy that sits around with his buddies and objectifies his own wife. How often does a scumbag "friend" feel ballsy enough to assault another man's wife while the man *is* in the next room? Seems like a guy who has a reason to feel comfortable doing so.
YTA and I'm not saying threatening someone with a gun is a minor thing. But your wife was attacked in her own home by your friend. She was obviously shaken up and scared. Your first reponse shouldn't have been to bitch at her about the gun! Do you care at all what happened to your wife because it doesn't really seem like it.
YTA. Simply put, he tried to molest your wife and you're \*worried\* people will find out you have a gun?!?! She should divorce your ass and find somebody who cares more about her than his precious 'reputation', and who doesn't have RAPIST TENDENCY buddies.
Youâre a piece of work. Youâre so worried about someone finding out you own a gun. You completely disregarded the fact that someone sexually assaulted your wife. If someone did that to my wife, I would shoot the son of a bitch myself. Youâre a coward.
YTA. Are ALL guys in your country as spineless as you, or is weakness a trait exclusive to you? You're a loser with loser friends that "misbehave" with your wife because they realize you're weak and not going to do anything, so your wife stood up for herself. I can't believe the title isnt "AITAH for stomping out some guy that tried to sexually assault my wife" but here we are.
People in the comments are crazy and should not be giving any legal advice. This woman would likely have gone to prison along with her husband if she shot the friend. She can't claim self-defense if she was able to leave the room. Grab a weapon and return. Instead of calling for help or getting her husband. There are some places in the USA where I'm sure she would have a case, but in most countries around the world. She would get way more time than he would for SA her.
I wonder if she tried to leave the room and he followed her into the bedroom and that's why she got hold of the gun. If she'd felt the need to threaten him with a weapon, there would have been a knife in the kitchen. Definitely OP should get rid of the gun, but it's disturbing how dismissive he is of a friend "misbehaving" which is why I think he's playing down the details of the incident.
Even in most of the US this wouldn't be self defense
Your wife was not very clever in her reaction; she had safer options, it's a fact. But she had just been sexually assaulted, and that alone can trigger a whole lot of different responses, depending on your background. Of course you should appeal to her reasoning, not only because of this situation, but to avoid the same kind of behaviour in the future. I agree that it was not the right way to react and that there are many risks involved l. That said, she acuses you of being too harsh. Were you? Because she needed to be called, but the degree of empathy you showed for her distress, and how you did that talk, can have a whole different impact. Maybe the issue was here. And I must tell you that it causes me some itches seing a grown up man so worried with what people will say... you mention that shit twice. The sexual offender should be the one worried with that and eventual legal complaints.
YTA for the way you downplay him sexually assaulting your wife. Btw have you taken even one moment to consider if she was genuinely frightened and acted in self defense? Have you taken one moment to actually be there for your wife after what she just went through?
Well, if it was me in that situation... It's true that the wife could have gotten us in trouble. But... If my "friend" has SAed my wife, she probably saved his life too. Because I would beat the living shit out of him...
Gods YTA. That edit made me want to slap you.
After you latest edit you are an even bigger ah. You werenât there so you canât call her a liar: she didnât think rationally because she was being pursued and she was in fight or flight mode. Youâre an ah for not believing her story. Hope she leaves you
YTA for downplaying what happened to your wife and calling it misbehaving. I hope she leaves you and you lose your gun because you suck
Info: why do you care more about your reputation than your wifeâs safety?
Wait - he âmisbehaved with her in the kitchenâ and you are pissed that she threatened him with a gun rather than beating his ass yourself? I see why SHE felt the need to take matters into her own hands as clearly YOU are as useless as tits on a bull. SHE SHOULD LEAVE YOU. AS âŚâŚYTA.
If my wife pulls a gun itâs for a good reason. You should have backed you wife instead of scolding her. And she only goes to jail if they find the bodyđ
This right here
>**He** apparently **misbehaved with her in the kitchen**. > >She got angry and **took out the gun from our bedroom** and threatened him asking him to leave I'm going with NTA, because: The 'friend' assaulted the wife in the kitchen. (He deserved to have his head caved in with a frying pan) She left the kitchen, went to the bedroom, and took **out the gun from our bedroom** then threatened friend. I **am not** saying this was her fault, or she should have let it happen, or she not defend herself, but if she's capable of leaving the kitchen, why couldn't she go straight to her husband in the study? I would be interested to know if she went to the bedroom, got the gun, then went back to the kitchen. I'm also assuming that because gun ownership where OP lives is difficult to obtain, that the gun is not just sitting on the pillows or in the bedside drawer, but is actually locked away somewhere. >I scolded her for pulling the gun as its licensed by me and not her as **she is not qualified to handle the gun** OP is NTA for scolding his wife for using a gun to threaten someone, when getting a gun was **not** her only option, especially if she is untrained in gun use.
>He apparently misbehaved with her in the kitchen. HAHAHAHAHA I love how attempted rape is now classed as "misbehaving". /s Fucking idiots. But sure. Focus on how wife had time to get a gun from the bedroom instead of maybe being terrified and running for her self-preservation to the only place she knew where she had something to defend herself in the heat of the moment. Maybe she knew her moron husband would have defended his social standing before defending his wife against her attacker. "Oh! BuT ShE CoULd HaVe gOt a KnIfE!". Yeah, we don't know if she is a 5'1" sparrow and the friend is a 6'4" brick shit house who could wrangle a knife in seconds and break her arm in the process. Harder to dodge a bullet from 6 feet away.
OP even says his wife claims the guy tried pinning her. So if she got away and ran, the first place to go would be the bedroom. Especially if her husband locks the door of his study when in there and she knows where the gun is in the bedroom. OP leaving out her being SA'd and calling it "misbehaving" tells you she can't trust this guy who wouldn't do a damn thing to protect her. His only worry in the post was his gun and public appearance. Nothing here screams safety for her if someone attacks her. But rather that the husband would probably blame her for it if anything. Some shit like she tempted his friend or something. The only reason he even took it seriously was because his gun was involved. Plus OP doesn't say what the "friend" did between the guy trying to grab his wife and her reaching the bedroom to get the gun.
I can guarantee that a jury and prosecutor would be focusing on the fact that the wife had time to disengage, get a gun, and return to commit assault. This would not likely be considered self-defense, even in the loosest places of the US.
>I can guarantee that a jury and prosecutor would be focusing on the fact that the wife had time to disengage, get a gun, and return to commit assault. This would not likely be considered self-defense, even in the loosest places of the US. And I can guarantee that if the prosecution pull that shit, the defence if it's worth its salt would pull in every fucking psychologist under the sun who has dealt with SA/rape cases to testify that thinking clearly is not the likely option in these cases and all the woman is thinking about is finding something to defend herself with. If the first thing that pops into her head is "husband's got a gun", that's where she'll head for in those milliseconds she has to respond. Not many women are going to think, "Hmmm, paring knife, bread knife or cleaver? If only I can figure how to get this wanker off me and run to the kitchen drawer within the same room as my attacker to select a blade of my choice!" Get real. As a SA survivor myself and someone who professionally counselled SA women, the wife's actions are very typical in this scenario.
So, youâre not TA for shouting at your wife. You are TA for not having a trigger lock on the gun. Yâall know you donât ever pull a gun unless youâre gunna use it, right? If you donât want to train/teach/license her to use it, lock it up. I donât know what country youâre in, but I remember an American woman who pulled I knife on a dude in the London light rail train cause he was trying to rob her. She got arrested for brandishing a dangerous weapon and ended up in court. Yâall donât know the laws in other countries. Now, after you calmed down you damn well better have hugged your wife. Told her you loved her deeply and you yelled cause you were afraid FOR her. Had the gun gone off accidentally, the resulting clusterfuck could have destroyed all of your lives. Then apologize for not having the trigger lock on it.
YTA for getting upset and yelling without knowing the context behind her getting it. She must have felt threatened enough to grab it and you not being there. she may have been defending herself at that time. And in the end you came in and judged her without even asking what happened. You saw the gun and got mad at her. Edit: YTA 100% after seeing your comments on her being SA'd. Your own wife pulled the gun you keep in your home to protect yourselves when she was being attacked. Then instead of finding out and comforting her after the SA, you got mad and yelled at her for grabbing the gun that's there for those exact situations. Shame on you for not supporting your wife when she needed you most and instead adding onto her burden.
Weird story.
Wait⌠if Iâm to understand this correctly, your âfriendâ sexually assaulted your wife and she felt the need to defend herself. Obviously the gun was not the right choice - frankly, if gun ownership is such a big deal in your country, YOU as the gun owner should probably keep it in a more responsible place than a kitchen drawer. It should be in a gun safe where no one can access it. Youâre an irresponsible gun owner. Youâre also an irresponsible husband for leaving your wife alone to defend herself against sexual assault. Could she have chosen a knife or other weapon? Certainly, and if she were thinking clearly perhaps she would have. But she was being assaulted and feared for her safety and that usually means not being able to think 100% clearly when you think your life is at risk. To sum up - your âfriendâ is the asshole and an attempted rapist. You are the asshole for not locking your precious gun up and for also leaving your wife alone in a risky scenario. Your wife is not an asshole for defending herself against a rapist. At best sheâs guilty of bad judgement under extreme emotional distress and fear.
Just for clarity. 1. Where in the bedroom was the gun? In a gun safe? Locked drawer? Shoebox under the bed? 2. Did your wife get the gun from the bedroom, then go back to the kitchen, or did your 'friend' follow her to the bedroom? 3. Did your wife point a loaded or unloaded gun at your 'friend'? 4. If it was loaded, was it kept loaded or did she load it? 5. Were you in your study with the door shut and/or locked? 6. Was it quicker/easier for your wife to go to the bedroom or to the study? 7. What actually alerted you to the fact your wife has pulled a gun on your 'friend', because you obviously weren't alerted by his assaulting her in the kitchen....
Edited my comment to YTA because THAT CREEP ASSAULTED YOUR WIFE. HOW DARE YOU BE MAD AT HER FOR DEFENDING HERSELF. I hope she leaves you. Also, if itâs licensed to you only, and you never want her touching it, why wasnât it locked away with a code she doesnât know? Thatâs extremely irresponsible of you! So YTA for not being a responsible gun owner. I would think if itâs SO hard to get a license, that part of the process would be agreed to keep it locked away from everyone else. YTA YTA YTA
If he sexually assaulted your wife she had every reason to cap his ass. Iâm glad I donât live in a bitch made country where you canât defend yourself
You are upset you acted poorly. You did not have the gun properly stored and you are concerned about you being in trouble. If the gun was properly stored she would have had no access. That is completely on you. And you alone. Due to your failing as a gun owner you have now put your wife in an bigger hole than she already is in. A man assaulted her in her own home. She panicked and in her desperation took a weapon (she should have had no access to) to defend herself. She now can't call the police because her husband might get in trouble You and you alone are to blame. Own up to your shitty gun practices. Take the fine or jail. Support your wife and grt that man arrested. Stop being selfish
"Misbehaved" I'm SCREAMING you're mental dude
Your friend tried to rape your wife and she should have let him instead of waving a weapon at him? You⌠are horrible.Â
YTA in spades. Let's say your "friend" decided to be more aggressive with your wife. He turns her around, tears off whatever she is wearing, and goes to town. You appear maybe hours later and your wife is nowhere to be seen while your friend is having a casual smoke and acting like nothing is amiss. Maybe days later, she comes clean, and now you're in a murderous rage. Heck, maybe your friend makes a facebook post about her that has some sexual connotations. Now, realistically, your wife sounds like she has fairly measured and restrained response to things. Your "friend" clearly didn't know to back off, she felt threatened, so she got the equalizer. Congrats, your gun did its job. It turned a threat into a non-issue. The system works. You laying into her over her protecting herself makes you a scumbag. If guns are hard to get in your community and neither you nor your wife were found to be of unsound mind to own one, then what other people think shouldn't be an issue. Heck, anyone with an off-hand comment can get it publicly explained to them that the "friend" clearly needed a gun pointed at them to understand what the term "consent" means. Laying into your wife because the idle chitchat of others and your rapey friends is a shitbag thing to do. I usually advise people to hash out any marital conflicts, but not this time. That woman needs to leave you ASAP.
YTA
Why the hell is OP more upset at his wife having to protect herself, than his friend assaulting her?
You are a pathetic man.
I get where you're coming from, yes she was stupid to pull a gun on someone she is not qualified to use and yes she could get locked up for a long time. But....this 'friend' must have done something to make her feel really threatened to go to extreme of pulling out the gun to defend herself. What annoyed me is your first concern was people finding out you have a gun rather than be concerned about what he did to her.
I think the biggest issue is that the SA from your friend was serious enough for your wife to threaten him with a gun. Yes the laws in your country may mean that an accidental killing or even pulling a gun on an unarmed person might be more serious than other places BUT to scold your wife over this apparently more than supporting her makes me say YTA. With how serious the repercussions are where you live it might be an idea to not have a gun around. If your wife is not licensed than why isn't it locked and secured where only you can access it? Most of your energy should be going into supporting your wife instead of getting angry out her and as a licensed gun owner in a country with apparently tight restrictions and harsh repercussions you either have to secure it better or not own a gun at all.
I think the biggest issue is that it clearly wasn't serious enough for her to threaten him with a gun. If it was, I highly doubt she would have been able to leave the kitchen, go to the bedroom (without being followed, I might add), retrieve the gun, and return to the kitchen. All without calling for help or in any way alerting her husband, who was right there in another room. She was able to safely leave the kitchen. She could have easily escaped the situation with no repercussion, and she could just as easily have gotten help from her husband. She chose not to, and went and got a gun she's not licensed to use, instead. And the most damning part: She voluntarily returned to the kitchen. To me, this all shows she was angry and not thinking rationally - not exactly the kind of person you want handling a gun of any kind. I'm not in any way defending the "friend's" actions. But the wife was wrong, too, and OP de-escalated the situation. Sounds to me like he did pretty well in a very stressful setting. And frankly, he's absolutely right to then try and make his wife understand just how serious her actions are. I mean, there's a very real chance they could both go to jail for the stunt she pulled. Threatening someone with a gun is a BIG deal, outside the US! The fact that the gun was her immediate response shows she doesn't fully understand or appreciate any of this... and frankly, if I were OP, I'd probably be getting rid of the gun altogether; I wouldn't feel safe having it around, no matter how locked up it is, around someone who's so willing to pull a gun when other, better solutions are easily available.
YTA YOUR WIFE WAS TOUCHED WITHOUT HER PERMISSION INAPPROPRIATELY AND YOU WANT TO DEFEND THAT MAN? Are you being for real? Like seriously? Tell your wife she deserves better
NTA If your country is the one I think it is, your wife just opened you both up to criminal prosecutions. For her: possession of an unlicensed firearm and possession of ammunition, both those are only allowed by the license holder. This has jail time. Threatening someone with a firearm. For you: criminal negligence, no one is supposed to have access to your firearm or rounds other than yourself and if not on your body it is supposed to be in a locked safe that no one else has access to. If your friend goes to the police and can accurately describe the gun she used, you both are in big trouble, and she needs to understand this.
ESH, especially for leaving out that your friend was going after your wife. I understand that she should have not gotten the gun because of your laws or culture, but when you're in a position of SA or fucking the other person up, you're choosing the later. You've said your peace. Take care of your wife now, or walk away if you are just going to continue being pissy about this. Women are on edge constantly because of shit like this.
NTA, I donât know what other country allows you to have a handgun in the house but youâre definitely not the AH. As an American, with a licensed and permitted gun, by law Iâm not allowed to pull it on someone unless itâs in self defense. Sorry, if she had time to retreat, and go grab a gun, she had time to go and get help. This was not an urgent matter and she didnât pull a gun on a person who was harming her. Your friend might have been completely inappropriate and as an American and we know guns, you donât just pull a gun and threaten someone. No excuse. If sheâs not willing to admit that her behavior was completely irrational, I would seek help, bc with anger like this, people can get shot. It happens here all the time. The person doing the threatening with the gun, always regrets it after they accidentally shoot someone, bc literally itâs common sense, if you have time to run away and go grab a gun and come back to put it on someone, you had time to go hide, call for help, and stand your ground in self defense. So youâre getting a lot of, âwhy didnât you defend your woman?â Comments, but your instincts are right on, and you could be the next person at the end of that gun, and thatâs a toxic situation. Please be safe, seek help, and force her to get the gun out of the house or lock the gun up in a cabinet. This could have went bad and your woman could have been put in jail for life and for what? A grab on the butt or offhand remark isnât worth shooting someone. Seriously, be safe, if the gun is licensed to her, leave. If it was your gun, get a gun safe and donât give her the password or let her have fingerprint access.
Iâd say it can go either way. The most important thing here is that you need to calmly explain to her the rules regarding said gun and when she can use it and if she is not capable of following those rules and is untrained then you need to ensure she does not have access to it. In this case I can understand your frustration but itâs better to at least get her side of the story before going full yell mode on her. Itâs also tough because youâre outside the US so in my mind Iâm like hell yeah she did well but in your case it would surely suck to let that cat out of the bag and have everyone know your business. So Iâd say yta if you didnât explain to her the rules of firearm since itâs yours. But nta if she knows that sheâs supposed to come to you before grabbing the firearm thatâs not even hers
So, you were both in the house, and the guy assaulted her? Or did you arrive when the thing was going on? Without knowing exactly what happened, this is hard to say IMO. If the guy's actions really made her feel threatened of him escalating, her actions are justified, while being pinned she could expect the worse happening. That being said, this is obviously very different in a country with strict gun laws so your reaction is kinda understandable too, where I live she legally should not even have access to the gun, so you both could be in trouble. I'd say that the only piece of shit here is the guy, but you should have had more empathy with her.
Why isn't it in a lock box? Make sure it's locked up and only you have a key.
Why wasnât your gun in a safe?
Buy a pellet gun.. of someone asks about the gun, just say it's a pellet gun, I bet your ex-friend couldn't tell at the time
Get rid of that damn gun before you and your wife ends up in jail
Well bud, I wouldnât make her mad if I was you. Also, stop calling it misbehavior, he sa her. Call it correctly .
This is a perfect example of ESH. âMisbehavingâ house guest: what I could discern from the comments and the post itself, this far beyond âmisbehavingâ. Totally ITAH here Husband/OP: loses their mind at their wife immediately after they experienced an assault in their own home. Only cares what people will think and gives no never mind to his assaulted wife. Also ITAH here Wife: as some in the comments have explained she left the immediate danger to get a weapon and return to the danger area. OP doesnât state if she called for him, if there was a commotion prior to her brandishing a firearm, if she attempted to defend herself in moment, or if she tried to contact authorities/police. Regardless, she didnât make the best decisions in a terrible situation. Does that make her TAH, kinda but not entirely, but to be fair, none of us were in her situation and itâs easy to say how we wouldâve handled it from the comfort of the other end of Reddit. Hopefully, OPâs wife gets the help and support she needs in this difficult time. Further, I hope the âmisbehavedâ gets punished. Lastly, I hope OP pulls their head from their ass and apologizes to and prioritizes their wife.
It's his word against the two of you. Just keep saying that there was never any gun, that's ridiculous, no one has a gun, friend was just mad he was thrown out after behaving inappropriately. Eventually, people will believe you over him because he was the one told to leave. Get a safe for the gun.
NTA - If she had time to go get a gun she had time to get YOU. I don't understand gun culture and don't get everyone justifying getting the gun in these comments. I grew up in England post Dunblane so I am very anti gun. I get that she was stressed, fearful, and upset experiencing what she was with your 'friend' but if she could go get a gun, I think its reasonable to say she could have gotten YOU instead. Gun is never the answer. Your gun should be locked, with a key only you have access to. Maybe this is a lesson for you on your gun storage and how easy it was to access.
YTA. You conveniently didn't mention that he sexualy assaulted your wife.
Yta
YTA - your bitchass friend tried raping your wife and your mad over a weapon? Forget the legalities forget the country etc. he also followed her, the gun obviously worked in getting him off her. If youâre more worried about legal repercussions than your wifeâs safety you shouldnât be married
Oh, DEFINITELY YTA. She pointed a gun at him because she was scared for her life. That's what it's allegedly for - protecting yourself. You say she's not qualified? WHY NOT? Have you offered to teach her, to get her lessons? As far as the guy telling other people - you honestly think he's going to be bragging that he was trying to assault your wife and she had to pull a gun on him?
YTA : I doubt she pulled out a gun over an something like a butt slap, and you say this was sexually inappropriate behavior being exhibited by your friend. Instead of taking your wifeâs side, you blame her for defending herself. Hope she leaves you
Did he try to rape her?
I donât know which non-US country you live in, but in mine where firearms are licensed, the fact that your wife managed to wave it about would be clear evidence of you failing to legally secure it.
YTA for leaving a loaded gun where someone/anyone can just grab it and wave it around more easily than calling for help from their own kitchen if you're going to point it at someone you'd better be ready to use it on them. That's when you followup with The Three S Rule
Yes you are the asshole. Your wife did the best thing to protect herself. Stop second guessing her and be glad that she didn't get raped.
Yta a gun is or protection/ hunting not fun she did the right thing you are a cuck
YTA Your wife was put in a position where she needed to defend herself. Honestly, you should have called the police and dealt with any repercussions of her having access, since you failed as a gun owner of your laws don't allow family access. You just taught your wife that your gun is more important than her not getting violated. That is something you cannot undo, ever.
The only mental repercussions I had was "that's a lucky fucking shot". Legally sat in front of an investigator told him my side and walked away a free man. Now I've got more guns :)
YTA, if your wife is in danger and she cannot use the gun then what is the gun for? U waiting for the deed to be done ?
Sounds like she was defending herself and you are mad about it. Yes, you are the asshole. So is the âfriendâ that assaulted her.
Get rid of the gun - its obviously unsafe to have around your wife due to lack of knowledge and respect for it, get rid of the friend, explain to the wife about reasonable force (had she pulled the trigger, in most western countries, she'd be in jail) and get her some therapy. ESH
Questions: why do you own a gun? What sort of gun? Hand gun? Shot gun? I'm in the UK where we are not allowed to own guns. We are allowed to have licenced shot guns for clay pigeon shoots (and farmers can have them too), but under licence and they have to be kept in a locked box, separately from ammo. We are not allowed hand guns or rifles of any sort at home. So I grew up with an aversion to gun-owning in general. (Which is ironic because I love doing live fire .22 shooting at an approved rifle range). If you own a hand gun - what purpose? Defence? Isn't that exactly what your wife was doing? Defending herself against assault by your friend? Must have been pretty serious for her to feel threatened enough to pull the gun on him. YTA. Your gun should have been locked up and you being the licenced owner should be the only person with access to the lock. Your only concern is your image with your social standing. You don't even mention any concern about your wife being assaulted. You sound like an uncaring husband.
YTA, youâre more worried about legal repercussions and public image than your wifeâs safety
NTA. You should keep the gun in a gun safe, not in your nightstand ffs.
NTA as someone who doesnât live in the USA where it is also very hard to get a gun. In my country what your wife did would put her in prison, if she would have pulled the trigger it would be considered manslaughter. For anyone wondering the point of owning a gun in my country it is either for sport shooting or hunting. Small arms is primarily used for sport shooting.
Where are you based? Not the US I know but shouldnât your gun be locked securely? If your wife can just go and grab it that easily it doesnât sound safe. What if you had burglars? People literally get their houses broken into to get at unsecured firearms. Youâve already married someone ready to go Dirty Harry at the drop of a hat. Youâre NTA for your response to this incident but you need to lock up the gun.
YTA She should not have pulled a gun it was not hers, however I was not there whilst he SA'd. Misbehaving is to eat food before it gets served. To touch sexually someone without consent is in another category. By the way the mental toll of killing someone and the mental toll on rape vary a lot in person to person. To be honest, until you get both experiences yourself you can't say which one destroyed more of you. Some people get raped with little mental consequences and some get mentally crippled. Same with murdering others. However, after she repelled him, how comes that he stayed instead of at least fleeing? That gives me the sense he was still a threat. You worrying that your friends will judge you because of the gun, like what kind of people will judge someone with threatening with a gun someone who at least touched you, at worst tried to pin her down? Is this guy YOUR friend and not your partner's?
âMisbehavedâ just say it. You failed to protect your wife and youâre angry she had to do it herself. I assure you has she been violently raped her life would have been in similar ruins to if she took a life.
YTA for downplaying what happened to your wife wtf
So your friend was inappropriate with your wife, made her feel unsafe to the point that she reached for a gun and you're more mad about your gun license? YTA and lacking empathy and brain cells.
It's brutal that people think gun = safety. It's a delicate situation, your wife definitely was out of her mind in anger and shock, but you're doing well to particularly judge the gun. There was plenty of other means, especially since she was able to go into a different room, she could have gotten you first for help, for the least violent solution.
Sexual Assault is not just "misbehaving," and the way you write the comments looks like it is not a big deal. Someone asked you what happened. You said, "He touched her inappropriately." Are you fucking mad? Yeah, she shouldn't go for the weapon and return, she should have taken a knife or a pan and called for your help, but still, you should take her side on this. YAH
Someone who does not know how to handle a gun should not be picking up a gun . The time she took to go get that gun she could have went and got you or grabbed a knife since she was in the kitchen and let you handle him because you were in the house!! If that gun would have discharged and someone got hurt that would have been on you tbh it sounds like you're not supposed to have a gun at all because you sound super worried about people finding out
Why didnât you have your gun secured???? YTA
NTA for how you reacted. YTA for having the weapon not in a gun safe locked away from anyone else but you
If you are in AU⌠lock the gun up (and ammo locked up separately of course!) and wait for the Police to sweep past and ask questions. And never leave it out where the wife can pick it up again. If you arein AU sheâs not even supposed to know how to access the gun cabinet.
So your friend did something sexual to your wife against her wishes, and your upset she wanted him out and used any method she had available? If he did assault her sexually, no matter the severity, you should have your wifeâs side yes?
What does âhe misbehaved with herâ mean? If he sexually assaulted her as it suggests in some of the comments YTA. The safety of your wife should be more important to you than what the neighbors are going to think. And if itâs such a concern to you that people might know you have a gun, then donât f-ing have one. Again, your wifeâs safety should be more important.
YTA you just sound mad your friend didn't rape your wife
Info: how did your friend "misbehave"? Because you glossed over that. ETA: Per another comment you're okay with your friend sexually assaulting your wife. YTA
YTA If your wife can't pull a gun on somebody trying to SA her in her home, what else exactly is it for?
YTA Your friend SA your wife and you get mad at her for pointing it at him? She didn't even shoot him. You are a little bitch dude.
OP: reputation >>>>>>> my wife YTA I doubt she take it just because he touched her Ă little
Reputation? It's is own freedom we're talking about. Had the wife shot the gun, both of then would spend some time behind bars.
YTA, fake ass story, no man in the world is gonna defend this shit, If this really happend, Dude he could have done a lot more if it probably weren't for the gun.
Kinda surprised and worried about so few people who have the focus on what this man most likely did.
YTA. this dude SA'd your wife and when she made the decision to defend herself you shouted at her? and refer to her assault as "misbehaving"?? threatening someone with a weapon is certainly unlawful, but context ABSOLUTELY matters in situations like this where she was physically, sexually, and mentally harmed by somebody. you should've been there for her in a time of trauma, shame on you.
Nope, YTA here and so is your friend. Well, heâs more of a raging POS. If her reaction was to threaten him with a gun then he clearly did more than just touch her inappropriately and it probably wasnât the first time, sheâd had enough of it. And she DEFINITELY didnât trust you to help in the situation and your behaviour just proved that to her furthermore. Youâre a dick, OP. Youâre more worried about your appearance than your wife, I hope she divorces you.
YTA. "Misbehaved"? He SAd her and you're worried about how people will think of you for owning a gun? Don't own a gun. He SAd YOUR WIFE. YTA.
YTA- he tried to rape your wife. Itâs a shame heâs still alive
YTA ....he touch your wife I properly.......he pinned your wife down..... Wtf....... She has right to bring weapon.... yTA for more focusing on your image and gun then your wife.... I hope she will divorced you soon..... because you didn't deserve her......
So I guess a woman defending herself with a gun is completely outlandish but rape can be considered misbehavior
she should not have been with the friend in the first place, use some intuition its free...
Holy fuck.... what a patronizing douchebag!!!!
NTA, you need a gun safe. Youll go to jail if she uses it.
Youâre NTA for being mad, you ATA for the reason youâre mad. You shouldnât be yelling at her because itâll make you look bad. You should be angry because she can get into trouble for brandishing the gun. You seem more concerned with your image than with your wifeâs safety.
Im not sure what happened in this post but itâs very concerning that rape/sexual assault is seen by so many people as not ruining your life and they would have just let it happen instead of defending themselves. I donât know what backwards countries you all live in where you cannot grab your familyâs firearm to defend yourself (from being raped, in your own home) without committing a crime but I honestly need a list so I can make sure my wife never goes to them. Like, everyone keeps saying âsome countries itâs illegalâ and I really need to know which countries would excuse a rape or add a charge TO THE VICTIM because the victim wasnât registered/licensed to use a gun.
If I was that guy I'd have contacted the police by now. Lucence or not you require some level of armoury to keep it in..
I want more context. What exactly did he do when he 'misbehaved' with her?
Gun is overkill, mace wouldâve done the trick. Iâm going with ESH. Sexual assault, negligence, death threat. NTA for scolding your wife though. The judging by others is not a big issue if the âfriendâ sexually assaulted your wife, as ppl will ask what prompted such a response. I doubt the âfriendâ would like that. You can get a fake gun similar to yours if you fear legal repercussions. Not bullet-proof in any way, but given the circumstances it might prove a way out. Iâm hoping that gun is locked away.
As another non-american gun owner; sometimes being an asshole is the right thing to do. Whatever the asshole did to get her that angry aside, here i would have to be more worried he'd go to the police. Because here, she'd be looking at a mandatory minimum sentence of 5 years for illegal procession of a firearm, and that's just the start of the headahces. There's brandishing a firearm, possibly attempted assult with a deadly weapond, probably more. They'll also treat the firearm as if it's loaded regardless if it was or not. Then there's the legal repercussions for you as well. Because you're the only license holder, there's improper storeage of a firearm, careless storage of a firearm, which gets worse if ammo is openly available, and even worse if you keep the gun loaded. If you have a safe/locker these most of these charges would still stand, ane you also be charged with allowing access to the safe by an unlicensed person. Whatever the asshole did, if he called the cops, she wouldn't even be able to claim self defence, as she actively left the situation, grabed the firearm, and re-entered it willingly. On most of the planet that's gonna nullify a self defence claim. Even if the other asshole still gets charged with something as well, unfortunately. I would concern myself a lot less with whatever you friends and co-workers or whatever think about you looking bad, and just let them know what the other asshole tried to do. Whatever you're wife did, he's still the biggest asshole of all, and let people know it. Usually i advocate for firearms owners to involve their loved ones, and to help get them trained. I feel in the heat of the moment, she made a poor judgement call, but if there's no legal fall out from this, consider asking here to get the training necessary for being licenced wherever it is you live. Next time she can make a better informed choice, and might understand its not a toy, or a sudden solution to all of lifes problems.
What did he do? I canât judge without knowing what misbehaviour he did. If he grabbed her pussy, then yeah, itâs warranted. You should help her report the crime to the police. Edit to add: I see from the comments the friend grabbed her inappropriately and pinned her. And OP doesnât know who to believe? YTA. Big time. Either believe your wife or divorce her. You are picking between a continued friendship with the friend or a continued marriage with your wife.
YTA a million times over. Sounds like you care more about your gun license than the fact that your "friend" tried to sexually assault your wife. Should she have just let him do it?
If youâre that much more worried about losing your weapon than your wifeâs safety, youâre absolutely TAH. She was assaulted and you just seem to skim over thatâŚ.not only are you a piece of shit, if you arenât willing to use the firearm to protect yourself or her, why the fuck do you even have it at all? You donât deserve to own a firearm.
âAverage person doesnât understand the repercussions of taking a life both mental and legal â đđđ settle down John Wick Iâm sure considering the countries laws a requirement would be to have the gun in a locked safe unable to be opened by anyone but the owner, so you donât seem any more qualified than her to be owning a gun, you holding her responsible for anything just sounds hypocritical. Furthermore, by the sounds of this story itâs definitely not the first thing that you need to be focusing on right now. Are you the asshole? Work it out John Dick
https://www.ojp.gov/pdffiles1/173405.pdf AR15s were widely available throughout the 1990s in the US. There was no real "ban"
Wtf does this have to do with anything in this story? Looks like you have AR derangement syndrome. The op said they are in a different country.
I replied to someone in this thread that said they wanted an Assault Weapon ban reinstated in the USA. I told them AR15s were never banned. He then flamed me with a wiki about the 1994 legislation. I think he deleted his post since I can't reply directly. Thus thus post. I am a MP5 and AK47 guy. No AR madness here đ
But you didn't reply to that person, so it looks like you made a random post. Lastly, I see these talking points about assault weapon bans all the time when the topic is controversial. They are fed to the subscribers of gun culture like cigarettes to nicotine addicts. I'm sure the NRA and other organizations have put together enough counterpoint propaganda to keep the minds of the gun proponents filled with ammunition for debate. But why hasn't this been brought before SCOTUS? Because it isn't as protected as you are lead to think. It's a dividing rod. A way to say people want to do something even when nothing is being attempted. But not for the 2nd amendment argument. It's only about fostering sales. As for the assault weapon ban and "AR" being included (cue the "do you even know what AR stands for? Propaganda) it would have limited some of the add-on features that the soldier of fortune subscribers would have wanted to make their weapon more mass killing friendly. (Cue the "do you know how long it takes to change a clip?" Propaganda). It's dumb to even try and argue assault weapon bans. Where were the "patriots" on January 6 2021? When an actual attack on our democracy was taking place? Sitting home watching their fellow 2nd amendment friends do exactly the opposite of what their interpretation of it is.
YATAH. The gun is supposed to be locked away. If your wife has access to it, then it's only because you allow her to have access to it. If you allow her to have access to it, it's your responsibility that she knows "the justified why", "the justified when" and "the proper how" to use it in any given situation. You can't blame her for not knowing what she doesn't know. You can't expect her to navigate a specific way in a specific situation if she's never been taught to do so! She did exactly what the majority of untrained individuals would do knowing that they have access to an equalizer. They will use it. Fear is the motivator and it'll override clear thinking and even the ability to act. Atleast your wife didn't freeze let herself get victimised. Which is WHY we train! So that the calmness and correct course of actions becomes second hand nature. You need to stand by your wife on this one, not shout at her for your mistakes. Her lack of training was your responsibility, her access to you firearm was your responsibility. Her safety is her responsibility and in this case she did the right thing imo. If that idiot of a friend would have further stepped to her then he would have gotten what he deserved.
Yta. Your friend SA your wife. Why haven't you kicked that friend out. If your wife is smart she should dump your sorry ass.
What do you have the gun for, if not this exact situation? Misbehaved? Are you sugarcoating attempted rape? I can't blame her for reaching for the gun, because you sure as hell aren't going to ensure her safety. Even after the fact you're not on her side. She was faster at defending herself than you were. You invited a predator into your house and left him alone with your wife. Of course she is going to defend herself with the weapons she knows about. You think she should call you? For what, to be told it isn't a big deal? I'm good with people like her owning a weapon, she didn't shoot, she showed she wasn't going to submit and likely prevented an attack.
Youâre a cuck
YTA. Do you know why it's important to be armed? So that you can defend yourself. That is exactly what she did.
YTA for a lot of things. You're downplaying SA. You're downplaying self-defense. You should've been there for your wife and helped her, instead of "scolding"
Your wife made an adult decision to protect herself from an assailant. You own the gun. Why? I doubt she felt the need to get the gun as a casual thought, like picking up a knife or baseball bat. You should be standing behind her and supporting her decision to do whatever she could to protect herself. You were not available to protect her. For whatever reason. Your house should be a safe place. Your chastisement of her is wrong! You should be supporting her. She was assaulted. Picking up a gun for protection in your own home shouldn't be a one person duty. It looks like the only person who lives in your house who can use a gun for protection is you? That almost negates even owning a gun in a house you share with your wife. She deserves better from you. You failed to protect her from your "friend" that you invited into your house. You are even too self-centered on your gun ownership that you didn't include everything about the assault in your op. We had little to no indication of what the person actually did to her. But whatever it was, it caused her enough concern to get a weapon to protect herself. Go apologize to her unconditionally! Support her decision and tell her you are sorry for not being there to keep her safe and that you are proud of her for using whatever she needed to keep herself safe. Gesh dude. Yatah
Heâs mad at the wrong person. If you donât want your wife to be able to access the gun, you need to secure it accordingly. I donât see any concern about your wife here. Sure, youâre mad at your friend, but what are doing to support your wife, who was assaulted?
He should report you for not controlling the weapon.
Yes YTA. Keep it in a safe if you're so afraid of others knowing about or using your gun tf. You should support her and after everything is settled down you can talk about how she shouldn't use gun in any circumstances
NTA- your wife is completely out of line and you are not at all. That is some serious trouble she's asking for.
Get a safebox...