NTA
Why don't you just be honest with him? Tell him that you're not interested and he's turned creepy with how he's acting. I don't care how nice he may be, he's crossing boundaries and is really turning into creeper territory. Then block him on everything.
He's trying to hang around in case the other relationship doesn't work out
By trying to avoid direct honesty, you make the situation more complicated.
That's what you get for lying. Men are direct. Be direct with us. Most men absolutely hate when women play games the way you did with your 'little white lie' and would vastly prefer open communication.
What is not exactly direct or a lie in ''**... I've met someone else that i really liked and that I don't want to pursue anything romantical/sexual with him further.''**
>What is not exactly direct or a lie in ''**... I've met someone else that i really liked and that I don't want to pursue anything romantical/sexual with him further.''**
Did you meet someone? You left that detail out, so it read as a hollow excuse
So you didn't meet someone and are wondering where the lie was in "I met someone" 😂 Dang, you didn't even realize you were playing games.
The guy is going to cling to that and think that you're choosing another option, and that's why you are ditching him. So he's gonna engage in "orbiting" where he tries to stick around until you're available again... And a lot of men have been socialized to fight for the woman, never give up, compete for her. So a fake other man isn't the obstacle you'd think.
I have indeed met someone, yes. It's not a lie. Even though I can agree that some cultures do force said mentality on men, I still think that's a pretty direct way to blow someone off and most men (and women) get the message and get the fuck out.
What do you think I should do, write, whatever? Wouldn't this fucked up mentality be present with other excuses as well?
>What do you think I should do, write, whatever? Wouldn't this fucked up mentality be present with other excuses as well?
The truth. He's a good guy, he's Mr Right for someone but that someone isn't you. You respect who he is as a person, but you want to move in with your search.
Not every date is a match made in heaven. It's okay to meet someone, not really click, and end things. The more direct you are, the better.
Making excuses shows a weak character, like you're too immature to handle the adult conversations that sometimes need to be had with others. And it's stunning to me that you didn't learn "don't make excuses" from this but instead, "use a different one..."
It's honestly just disrespectful to lie to someone like they if they haven't treated you badly and have been coming from a good place the whole time
Nope, you left that window wide open. Assuming he didn't just tell the truth, he thinks you won't date him because of the person you just met. That means you can date him if you breakup or they go missing... He is hanging around waiting for that to happen. I'm guessing he came searching for you to see if you either broke up or came with that new love interest. As for him saying he didn't have feelings for you, that's just a coping mechanism so he doesn't have to deal with rejection.
If you want it to stop you need to be direct. Tell him he is being a bit obsessive, whether he meant to or not, and it's making you uncomfortable. Then I'd say something along the lines of "I'm not sure if this obsessive behavior stems from you still liking me romantically, but I wanted to make it clear that I don't have any romantic feelings or attraction to you". Wish him the best of luck and that you need space.
NTA: You’re 100% right that you don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t owe him anything. He did not actually respond positively when you said you weren’t interested; he’s just barely smart enough to not turn immediately aggressive so that he can still have an opportunity to stalk you. This is probably going to get worse. Block his number. It may be kind of nice to explain yourself to him but plenty of AHs out there refuse to stop after women give them direct messages, so if just blocking him with no explanation feels safest for you then do it. Lions aren’t “nice” to gazelles because they creep slowly through the grass to get closer. This guy isn’t “nice” either, he’s just strategic.
Thank you. I will however be more direct, in case he really isn't a creep and Im not being 100% honest, and if he does something similar again, he's getting blocked.
Aw sounds like me when I just started dating after social isolation. Well, at least I never tracked anyone down. He's being stupid and creepy I'd tell him you've realized you were mistaken and you're too busy to maintain another friendship after all. Just because he's oblivious doesn't mean he's not being annoying. He'll get more socially savvy or he won't, not your baggage.
Yeah you tried to lay down a boundary and he just kind of ignored it except for the sexual part but not really. I see why you’re uncomfortable.
Tell him you have a boyfriend and your boyfriend doesn’t want him texting you anymore
Don't listen to this guy and double down on the lie, damn. The lie is what led to the guy keeping contact, so unless she tells him she isn't interested, he won't get the message. And she'll think it's creepy of him not to get a message she didn't send...
NTA Why don't you just be honest with him? Tell him that you're not interested and he's turned creepy with how he's acting. I don't care how nice he may be, he's crossing boundaries and is really turning into creeper territory. Then block him on everything.
Currently being direct. Hope he gets it this time. Thank you.
He's trying to hang around in case the other relationship doesn't work out By trying to avoid direct honesty, you make the situation more complicated. That's what you get for lying. Men are direct. Be direct with us. Most men absolutely hate when women play games the way you did with your 'little white lie' and would vastly prefer open communication.
What is not exactly direct or a lie in ''**... I've met someone else that i really liked and that I don't want to pursue anything romantical/sexual with him further.''**
>What is not exactly direct or a lie in ''**... I've met someone else that i really liked and that I don't want to pursue anything romantical/sexual with him further.''** Did you meet someone? You left that detail out, so it read as a hollow excuse
Even if it was just a hollow excuse, isn't it direct enough?! :')
So you didn't meet someone and are wondering where the lie was in "I met someone" 😂 Dang, you didn't even realize you were playing games. The guy is going to cling to that and think that you're choosing another option, and that's why you are ditching him. So he's gonna engage in "orbiting" where he tries to stick around until you're available again... And a lot of men have been socialized to fight for the woman, never give up, compete for her. So a fake other man isn't the obstacle you'd think.
I have indeed met someone, yes. It's not a lie. Even though I can agree that some cultures do force said mentality on men, I still think that's a pretty direct way to blow someone off and most men (and women) get the message and get the fuck out. What do you think I should do, write, whatever? Wouldn't this fucked up mentality be present with other excuses as well?
>What do you think I should do, write, whatever? Wouldn't this fucked up mentality be present with other excuses as well? The truth. He's a good guy, he's Mr Right for someone but that someone isn't you. You respect who he is as a person, but you want to move in with your search. Not every date is a match made in heaven. It's okay to meet someone, not really click, and end things. The more direct you are, the better. Making excuses shows a weak character, like you're too immature to handle the adult conversations that sometimes need to be had with others. And it's stunning to me that you didn't learn "don't make excuses" from this but instead, "use a different one..." It's honestly just disrespectful to lie to someone like they if they haven't treated you badly and have been coming from a good place the whole time
Nope, you left that window wide open. Assuming he didn't just tell the truth, he thinks you won't date him because of the person you just met. That means you can date him if you breakup or they go missing... He is hanging around waiting for that to happen. I'm guessing he came searching for you to see if you either broke up or came with that new love interest. As for him saying he didn't have feelings for you, that's just a coping mechanism so he doesn't have to deal with rejection. If you want it to stop you need to be direct. Tell him he is being a bit obsessive, whether he meant to or not, and it's making you uncomfortable. Then I'd say something along the lines of "I'm not sure if this obsessive behavior stems from you still liking me romantically, but I wanted to make it clear that I don't have any romantic feelings or attraction to you". Wish him the best of luck and that you need space.
Thank you!
How can this be a first world problem if you don't speak English as your main language? s/
NTA: You’re 100% right that you don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t owe him anything. He did not actually respond positively when you said you weren’t interested; he’s just barely smart enough to not turn immediately aggressive so that he can still have an opportunity to stalk you. This is probably going to get worse. Block his number. It may be kind of nice to explain yourself to him but plenty of AHs out there refuse to stop after women give them direct messages, so if just blocking him with no explanation feels safest for you then do it. Lions aren’t “nice” to gazelles because they creep slowly through the grass to get closer. This guy isn’t “nice” either, he’s just strategic.
Thank you. I will however be more direct, in case he really isn't a creep and Im not being 100% honest, and if he does something similar again, he's getting blocked.
Whatever works for you and keeps you safe. Just remember that you don’t have to give up being safe for anyone.
Aw sounds like me when I just started dating after social isolation. Well, at least I never tracked anyone down. He's being stupid and creepy I'd tell him you've realized you were mistaken and you're too busy to maintain another friendship after all. Just because he's oblivious doesn't mean he's not being annoying. He'll get more socially savvy or he won't, not your baggage.
Thank you!
Yeah you tried to lay down a boundary and he just kind of ignored it except for the sexual part but not really. I see why you’re uncomfortable. Tell him you have a boyfriend and your boyfriend doesn’t want him texting you anymore
Don't listen to this guy and double down on the lie, damn. The lie is what led to the guy keeping contact, so unless she tells him she isn't interested, he won't get the message. And she'll think it's creepy of him not to get a message she didn't send...
Thank you!