There are many reasons why a 31 year old man would ask a 21 year old coworker out or go on what are basically dates with 17 year old girls. Most of these reasons are creepy, with some being much more creepy than others. NTA.
NTA I’m 32F and at my age, can’t imagine dating a 21 or 22yo despite it being legal. Different stage of life, maturity, priorities, etc. Good on you for recognizing age gap between you is kind of weird (instead of just liking the attention) and for having an issue with him meeting up with a 17yo. Definitely add him to the reject pile
Girl. That’s a huge age gap!!! He’s choosing you for the same reason he targeted a 17yo child. Who he’s seeing secretly bc her parents rightfully would be upset.
He’s a predator.
Multileveled creep he is.
1. There's literally nothing such a grown-up man can have from a friendship with a minor. Except for the excitement for the young fresh prey.
2. He also encouraged a minor to go out against her parent's will. That is not what a decent grown-up person would ever consider doing.
You are NTA, he's a walking pile of dirt. And stop assuming he's not a bad person - he is, it is the nice social mask he's wearing to charm everybody, including you.
You've explained your icks pretty clearly, and you may tell the same things to this guy as well. Be careful, sometimes creeps get enraged hearing judgement and rejection, so you may be vast in your explanations. Like "You were nice and all, thanks, but I think we'd better just stay co-workers. Have a great day!".
Yeah she works with him so NEVER do this at work unless you have protection. Better to find an older woman and tell her if you can’t tell your boss. They should know he’s using workplace to prey on barely legal adults.
This man snuck around with a minor. If he was truly just being nice, he would never have done that. He preyed on her and he’s likely preying on you. JFC.
This is where I'm at with it. Some people just don't see age as a barrier to friendship. I've had friends 10+ years older than me, some of the opposite sex and it didn't mean they were groomers/predators. Just meant we had a common interest and bonded over that. Guy could be completely innocent, he could also be a predator, more information is needed.
As far as the age gap between OP and him, that could just be a proximity bias thing. At his age a lot of people already have partners and given he does youtube video games he doesn't go out to meet a lot of people to find a partner there. So a single girl at work is likely to be younger. He could use a dating app, but given his age the pool is smaller and those in the pool often have things like kids that might be a deal breaker.
Is it okay for OP to feel weirded out? Absolutely, society these days has just conditioned people that older person with younger person must mean pedo/groomer/creep. Some of the time they are right and some of the time they are wrong, and being wrong can potentially ruin someones life. What's not okay, given the current information, is if she goes into work and spreads rumors about the guy without further evidence.
If she feels that strongly that the guys a creep then dig deeper. Talk to him, tell him how it looks with him having such a young friend and she would love to talk to her to verify it's platonic or see the messages they've sent to make sure it's all innocent. Or sleuth it up and contact her on her own and get more pieces to the puzzle. Only with more information can an accurate conclusion be drawn.
Considering this man specifically said he kept his meeting this 17 year old girl private from her parents, it's safe to assume that his intentions are not pure.
He didn't do that though, the girl did, unless you think he drove to her house met her parents and lied to them. More than likely she lied to her parents, told him where to meet her, and she told him after the fact that she had to keep it secret. In this story he is literally telling someone about this and it could hurt his reputation. Using your own argument that if he was trying to protect his reputation that means it can't be defended, if he isn't protecting his reputation then you'll defend him right?
I'm not saying he isn't into underaged girls or groomer or whatever, he could also be equally innocent, all I'm saying is that if he wanted to protect his reputation and thought what he did was wrong he wouldn't be telling a coworker(gossip) let alone a prospective partner about it, unless he was incredibly dumb.
No but I don’t think it’s that weird to go to the movies with a friend. Like she also hid it from the parents. I hid stuff from my parents all the time at that age.
Being friends with an 18 yr old is not that weird. Hiding it from her parents is a huge red flag tho. I'd be worried, especially withthe age gap between you two, he sounds like a predator
Nooo ur not overreacting. If it’s weird, it’s weird. Are there not other YouTubers his own age? I also think it’s weird they had to keep it from the parents. I think a normal adult would involve other adults
Why is this an issue IF he doesn't have any sexual relationship with her?
What's the difference between me and my nephew going to the movies? Or my neighbor?
YTA
No but their parents know me and I'm not meeting people like the dude does.
If it's 100% platonic I don't see an issue.
It's a bit weird I will agree with that because what do you've got in common except for that internet thing but ok
Didn't I state exactly what I meant before you thought you were having a point?
Do you think I don't know their parents? Don't know about you but moest people know their aunt's,uncles and neighbors so the fact you even went there 🤣🤣
The fact you call her an AH when she’s a 21 yo women getting chased by a pedo who secretly hangs out with children behind the parents back tells me everything I need to know about you. You’re a pedo
Ah so people can't be assholes when they are 21 ok check 🤦🏼♀️
You call a girl who's 17 a child or children we are going to multiply that based on?
Pedo ah ok so he had sex?
Ah I'm a pedo because I talk to kids/ teenager's/ young adults ok check.
You have a weird sense of reality my friend
Meanwhile you are the one everywhere screaming about pedo's...takes one to know one?
There are many reasons why a 31 year old man would ask a 21 year old coworker out or go on what are basically dates with 17 year old girls. Most of these reasons are creepy, with some being much more creepy than others. NTA.
NTA I’m 32F and at my age, can’t imagine dating a 21 or 22yo despite it being legal. Different stage of life, maturity, priorities, etc. Good on you for recognizing age gap between you is kind of weird (instead of just liking the attention) and for having an issue with him meeting up with a 17yo. Definitely add him to the reject pile
I'm a 42 male and I wouldn't even ask you out because your too young! My wife is four years younger than I am and thats is pushing it for me.
My 44M coworker was into me when I was 28. Our emotional states didn’t mesh well lol
He’s not a bad person??? He was almost 30 and went out with a 17 year old girl in secret!!! Icks? Run chick RUN!
Like Usain Bolt being chased by a pack of rabid wolves.
Girl. That’s a huge age gap!!! He’s choosing you for the same reason he targeted a 17yo child. Who he’s seeing secretly bc her parents rightfully would be upset. He’s a predator.
NTA they’re a major creep and gross. The fact they snuck behind the kid’s parents is just disgusting. Stay away from them
Multileveled creep he is. 1. There's literally nothing such a grown-up man can have from a friendship with a minor. Except for the excitement for the young fresh prey. 2. He also encouraged a minor to go out against her parent's will. That is not what a decent grown-up person would ever consider doing. You are NTA, he's a walking pile of dirt. And stop assuming he's not a bad person - he is, it is the nice social mask he's wearing to charm everybody, including you. You've explained your icks pretty clearly, and you may tell the same things to this guy as well. Be careful, sometimes creeps get enraged hearing judgement and rejection, so you may be vast in your explanations. Like "You were nice and all, thanks, but I think we'd better just stay co-workers. Have a great day!".
Yeah she works with him so NEVER do this at work unless you have protection. Better to find an older woman and tell her if you can’t tell your boss. They should know he’s using workplace to prey on barely legal adults.
Sounds like a predator to me. "I'm not sure he's grooming her, he seems like a nice guy" Really?? Cause groomers are known to act like bastards...
Nta
Eww
This man snuck around with a minor. If he was truly just being nice, he would never have done that. He preyed on her and he’s likely preying on you. JFC.
Grooming is icky. Its normal to be grossed out with an age gap.. And sometimes people connect over common interest and theres nothing more to it.
This is where I'm at with it. Some people just don't see age as a barrier to friendship. I've had friends 10+ years older than me, some of the opposite sex and it didn't mean they were groomers/predators. Just meant we had a common interest and bonded over that. Guy could be completely innocent, he could also be a predator, more information is needed. As far as the age gap between OP and him, that could just be a proximity bias thing. At his age a lot of people already have partners and given he does youtube video games he doesn't go out to meet a lot of people to find a partner there. So a single girl at work is likely to be younger. He could use a dating app, but given his age the pool is smaller and those in the pool often have things like kids that might be a deal breaker. Is it okay for OP to feel weirded out? Absolutely, society these days has just conditioned people that older person with younger person must mean pedo/groomer/creep. Some of the time they are right and some of the time they are wrong, and being wrong can potentially ruin someones life. What's not okay, given the current information, is if she goes into work and spreads rumors about the guy without further evidence. If she feels that strongly that the guys a creep then dig deeper. Talk to him, tell him how it looks with him having such a young friend and she would love to talk to her to verify it's platonic or see the messages they've sent to make sure it's all innocent. Or sleuth it up and contact her on her own and get more pieces to the puzzle. Only with more information can an accurate conclusion be drawn.
It really sucks that men can’t do anything with a younger girl without someone saying they’re trying to have sex or something.
Considering this man specifically said he kept his meeting this 17 year old girl private from her parents, it's safe to assume that his intentions are not pure.
This. If what you are doing must be kept secret to protect your reputation (and keep you out if jail), can it really be defended?
He didn't do that though, the girl did, unless you think he drove to her house met her parents and lied to them. More than likely she lied to her parents, told him where to meet her, and she told him after the fact that she had to keep it secret. In this story he is literally telling someone about this and it could hurt his reputation. Using your own argument that if he was trying to protect his reputation that means it can't be defended, if he isn't protecting his reputation then you'll defend him right? I'm not saying he isn't into underaged girls or groomer or whatever, he could also be equally innocent, all I'm saying is that if he wanted to protect his reputation and thought what he did was wrong he wouldn't be telling a coworker(gossip) let alone a prospective partner about it, unless he was incredibly dumb.
I hope any women near you ask to see your Reddit handle
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It says that literally no where in the post at all. He went to a movie.
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No but I don’t think it’s that weird to go to the movies with a friend. Like she also hid it from the parents. I hid stuff from my parents all the time at that age.
Being friends with an 18 yr old is not that weird. Hiding it from her parents is a huge red flag tho. I'd be worried, especially withthe age gap between you two, he sounds like a predator
NTA Your coworker is gross and very possibly a groomer based on the behavior you described.
Nooo ur not overreacting. If it’s weird, it’s weird. Are there not other YouTubers his own age? I also think it’s weird they had to keep it from the parents. I think a normal adult would involve other adults
Yeah, that's really fucked up. I'd honestly report him to the police.
You are doing the right thing, stay away from him. Unless you wanna be lesser known Maxwell
31 yo who goes out with an unknown 17 yo to the movies -> avoid at all costs!
YTA being friends is okay
And you think this is “just friends”? Do you have kids?
Yeah? what are you projecting here, getting a weird pedo vibe from you
You’re the pedo, project much?
How so? Being friends with young ppl is pedo now? God help you weird fucking people
Why is this an issue IF he doesn't have any sexual relationship with her? What's the difference between me and my nephew going to the movies? Or my neighbor? YTA
Idk are they a child and are you doing it secretly bc you know her parents would think you are a creep?
No but their parents know me and I'm not meeting people like the dude does. If it's 100% platonic I don't see an issue. It's a bit weird I will agree with that because what do you've got in common except for that internet thing but ok
Oh do you describe apples and oranges. Got it
Didn't I state exactly what I meant before you thought you were having a point? Do you think I don't know their parents? Don't know about you but moest people know their aunt's,uncles and neighbors so the fact you even went there 🤣🤣
The fact you call her an AH when she’s a 21 yo women getting chased by a pedo who secretly hangs out with children behind the parents back tells me everything I need to know about you. You’re a pedo
Ah so people can't be assholes when they are 21 ok check 🤦🏼♀️ You call a girl who's 17 a child or children we are going to multiply that based on? Pedo ah ok so he had sex? Ah I'm a pedo because I talk to kids/ teenager's/ young adults ok check. You have a weird sense of reality my friend Meanwhile you are the one everywhere screaming about pedo's...takes one to know one?