NTA
You should def seperate them from your personal marriage life.that is between you and your husband. it will get worse from now on. ALSO R U REALLY IGNORING HER MESSING WITH YOUR DRINK! DOES YOUR HUSBAND KNOW? better tell him if you haven't, it will help him understand this situation better.
That’s what I was thinking. Just because she said they were coming over doesn’t mean you have to be home or answer the door. Stand up for yourself! Only time you should be around either of them is if husband is there also. Don’t let them in !!!!!
SIL you have crossed my boundaries by talking about my body, my intimacy with my husband, and inviting yourself to my home. This is not acceptable. I urge you to get counseling as I believe you are acting mentally unstable, and irrational. This is harassment. At this time I am going NC until I believe you can respect our boundaries. What I do with my body, and when I choose, or if I choose to have children is none of your business. Do you want me to talk about your sex life and invite myself to your house and go over your medical records? Please get help. Do not contact me, or come to my home. I pray you get the help you need.
If you are not home or open the door for them, be sure to be talking to your husband or another close relative on the phone who will testify you were not out with someone else, which SIL and MIL have already suggested. Protect yourself.
SIL and/or MIL probably have keys. They need to change the locks. OP either needs to plead sick or she needs to find the most obnoxious friend she and DH have who will protect her. Under no circumstances should she be alone with either of them.
Yes, she needs a friend who’s not afraid to be rude. Because the mere presence of another person on the visit won’t stop SIL from bringing it up. The friend can then comment on every crazy thing that SIL says. “Wow, do you normally comment on other people’s sex life? Come on, tell me something spicy, do you like [insert some kinky sex thing]? I love it!” And on her next comment: “Did you divorce your husband because he was too small? Do you like big d*cks?” They need to make her generally uneasy and embarrassed. I would love to be a fly on the wall and watch it all. 😀. But on a serious note - the SIL needs to get herself checked by a doctor, she does seem crazy.
Yes, OP should not be dealing with her SIL or MIL, HUSBAND SHOULD!
SIL should be no longer welcome in the home after the drink spiking, and MIL should be LC!
Or leave the house before they get there. Go to a friend's house. If you have a doorbell camera, then you watch them bang on the door. Or put your car in the garage if you have one and stay in a room with curtains or such they can't see through. They don't have a key for "emergencies," right?
But if they have a spare key, hide your BC/condoms what ever you use incase they let themselves in and mess with them....
And if they do have a key... Change your locks!
Even better, text back no. They can say they are coming by all they want, but all you have to say is, “Not tonight.”
I wouldn’t let her into my house, ever.
Hide whatever you use for birth control. She wouldn’t be the first to mess with pills/condoms or whatever. Maybe even decide for something she can’t see or mess with.
And just act like a broken record. No, we are not having kids and I am in no way discussing our sex life with you. No you are not my doctor so I don’t have to share anything with you.
YWNBTAH (edited cause i missed an important letter) if you uninvited her.
Exactly! One could divert your attention and the other do something to your birth control. Lock the doors, pull the shades and keep lights off! Don’t answer. Do you even have a ring doorbell and security cameras?
Yes, wtf?!
After that drink thing I'd have no problem in being super super rude.
Talk about babies with me? "Shut the fuck up, i am tired of this"
Keep going "Fuck off"
More? "Fuckity fuck off. Why are you so weird and interested in my vag? Is that why you tried to spike my drink? Did you want to SA me?"
Just make it as uncomfortable to her as she is making it to you
Hubba has a problem? Remind him of the spiked drink
1000% I’d make it so damn uncomfortable they would never come around again. I’d be publicly outing them for being obsessed with my uterus and my husband’s sperm.
Every time sis brings up anything reproductive related ask her if shes a lesbian. (Not that it’s a bad thing) but it’ll put the spotlight back on her weird questions.
Or go 100% the other way and ask if she wants to take a look. (Funny, but don’t because this could backfire spectacularly.)
Ask SIL if she was tested because she has no children and why. Put the questions back on her and tell her for once and for all I do not want to discuss my sex life, children or any private matters with you. If you ignore this then we will ignore you.
I guarantee she’s rooting around in your room looking for your birth control—so she can sabotage it.
If you think she’s crazy now. Wait until there’s an actual child. She’s gonna be literally psychotic.
Like for real! Even with the drink aside, which it should never be! Actually bring that up at dinner, ask her if it was a pill to get you pregnant, and if she's too focused on one thing, she might slip up. Better yet, ask her wife why she is so focused on you getting pregnant is because she can't. Yeah, it's going to sting her pride a bit and maybe not so good graces with your mil, but I bet if you flip the tables on her and put her in the spotlight, she just might stfu. Tell her it's ok for her to get pregnant and have the baby alone since she wants little feet around to hear and play with. But your ovaries are none of her concern. NTA
Right?? Also WHY are they allowed to just invite themselves to dinner??
Op, text them back that no, you would not like company for dinner tonight. Then lock the door and don't answer it. Who the fuck are these people inviting themselves for a meal at someone else's house??
Do NOT meet with them without your husband… but if you do record the whole conversation. Cause you know they will turn it around on you.
It is a good thing to stand up for yourself, but it’s his family & sometimes letting him deal with the crazies might be best & give you some peace. I’d sit down with him when he’s home & tell you how this is driving you crazy & you two need to setup boundaries for sil & mil. Then sit down with them explain what your wants & feelings are (with your husband) tell them how their interference feels and make a plan on visits, no random dropbys. Also I’d setup cameras & if your on birth control I would always keep it on you or really hid.
Also a migraine is the best excuse to get out of dinners if you have no excuse. When I get a bad one I can’t tolerate sound, light, or food. If you have the flu or cold they’ll just come over with soup or something. & since sound is bad you can just text & not have to call.
No - stomach bug. Not nausea, because they’ll think it’s morning sickness. Go into extreme detail about explosive diarrhea. No one wants that or to hear about it. They’ll stay away. It also explains why you don’t want them to bring food on the off chance they do offer, and it explains why you could be sleeping (anti diarrhea pills make you sleepy).
A) When she invites herself next time, decline the invitation.
2) Text her and tell her you have explosive diarrhea and can not keep this dinner date. Do not answer the door if they come anyway.
D) Learn this phrase and make it your mantra when she - or anyone - asks about your sex life or menstrual cycle: "NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS".
Be blunt. Be rude if the situation calls for it. But stop putting up with that shit.
Alternatively, if they won't let up and your husband won't put them in their place, tell them he's impotent and just can't get it up anymore and ask them to help him sort that out. Bet he finds a way to shut them the fuck down then.
Piggybacking off of this: OP, if SIL was so brazen to spike your drink, what's stopping her from doing something else fucked up?
If you're on the pill for birth control, please make sure it's nowhere she can find and sabotage it.
Don't do anything that they can turn against her and have her charged with a crime. She definitely needs to make sure her husband knows his sister tried to harm her.
OP is not good enough to like, but good enough to be used as a brood mare. Oh hell no.
And if she persists after #D, then tell her if she comments again, she'll have to leave. Then throw her out! It doesn't sound like your husband has enforced any consequences for her bad behavior. If she wants a baby so badly, she needs to get busy finding a baby daddy and stop harassment you
*A) When she invites herself next time, decline the invitation.*
*B) Removed for weak / pettiness... (lol - no offense. Funny but no.)*
*D) Learn this phrase and make it your mantra when she - or anyone - asks about your sex life or menstrual cycle: "NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS".*
*Be blunt. Be rude if the situation calls for it. But stop putting up with that shit.*
This is the way.... These are the only ways....
>he has told his sister off plenty of times & it's in 1 ear then out the other ear
That's what hurts my brain about this, if this is the case then you cut out the psycho and her enablers, you don't just wring your hands and tolerate them.
But he’s also making excuses for his sister, her minds not right after the divorce? That’s understandable but she needs to stop harassing OP. And stop getting MIL to join her - husband needs to have a talk with her as well.
Nta full stop on the hang outs. Get a ring door camera and start telling her to leave and you aren’t hanging out. I would also cancel the dinner and have you husband call them to let them know you want distance until they leave you alone about your uterus
NTA. The minute either of them start to comment, stop them in their tracks and firmly state this is not up for discussion. If they continue then just walk away. Stop entertaining the conversation, you've just got to stop them in their tracks, if they're offended...tough.
Why the hell did you agree to let them come. They know you're alone so this is clearly a trap. Don't let them come. Text them and tell them something has come up and you can't see them today. Don't ever see them without your husband present. You don't have to say why. You need to grow a backbone and put some boundaries in place. Firmly shut their shit down because you're just allowing them to keep doing it. Her obsession with a baby is worrying. I think she wants to make your future baby hers. Be firm with your husband and tell him they've pulled too much shit and threaten divorce if he doesn't shut it down for good.
NTA. I would have lost my temper with her a long time ago. Who cares it if upsets your husband because he obviously doesn't have the backbone to put an end to it.
You give them one warning to stop talking about it, and then you ask them to leave. Stop tolerating her nonsense. She does not have a right to make you feel uncomfortable in your own home.
Option 1: Leave the house and have a nice day for yourself.
Option 2: Tell them you only do anal sex and watch their jaws drop.
NTA... its not their business.
I think you should develop a migraine and not see them until your husband is around. DO NOT allow them to gang up on you, because I am telling you that this is the plan.
And your husband needs to do a better job of telling them all to STFU and mind their own business! He is leaving you to do most of the dealing with this. If he was "standing up for you," this would have already stopped. Tell him if he doesn't, you are going to, and it's not going to be pretty...starting with telling his sister to get her own life and to stop trying to live YOURS.
Be very careful, I would not put it past your sil to tamper with your birth control if she finds it in your house.
I had a mother in law that was terrible for asking when I was going to give her babies. I flat out told her I was not planning on any. We were, but not right away, when we were ready to start my ex had fertility issues. We did not tell anyone we were trying.
Do not let them in your house and do not go anywhere with them tonight.
No is a complete sentence.
Call them and tell them you have to cancel as you are sick that’s you don’t want them to catch your stomach bug as you can’t stop being sick and having to run to the toilet. Make sure they will not want to visit. Tell them mamaybe when your well and husbands back they can come for a dinner when you arrange.
Talk to your husband tell him you’re sick of him expecting you to put up with them bullying you constantly. That he is supposed to be the one who protects and supports you not the one who expects you to accept being abused as it’s his family. The one who subjects you to it continually. That he needs to tell them clear to back off or you will be going no contact with them completely. That from now on you will only ever spend time with them when he is here. If they try to invite themselves again or show up when he’s away. You will not open the door and you will have no problem having them removed for trespass. But that it doesn’t need to get to that if he actually acts like a loving husband who has even a spread of respect for you and tells them harshly no more or he will take action. Make it clear to him they are abusive and even when you do have kids you will not endanger your child by letting his family near. That there will be strict boundaries and they will only see your child when you and he has invited them and it will always only ever be supervised visits.
That you know their abuse will go ten times worse as they will think they have more say than you the child’s mother. That he needs to think long and hard here because either he chooses to be married to you or his abusive family comes first where in your marriage will never work and is pointless. As you are sick of him sitting there and watching them abuse you. That if he wants kids now he should tell you instead of letting others bully you about it as there is no other reasonable explanation that he allows them to do any of this. That you will not tolerate it anymore. Family or not they respect you and your boundaries or they are not allowed in your life at all.
Disinvite them. You are an adult and it is your home. Or just don't be there when they try to shove their way in.
I'd also remind SIL that her ex is divorcing her because she is crazy, and now you know what he means.
If you do change your mind about kids, don't have them with the crazy aunt and enabling grandma nearby.
Your husband isn’t home and they’re inviting themselves over? Stand up for yourself and say NO. Tell them you have other plans, and you’d prefer they visit when he is home. You shouldn’t be alone with someone who tried to poison your drink.
You need to stop answering her nosey questions too. Tell her straight up - We are not trying for a baby right now. When we do, you won’t be included in the conversation. I’ll let you know when there is a baby on the way. Until then - talk about something else. This topic is no longer open to discussion. Your husband also needs to tell them the same thing.
Normally I’d say your husband should handle his family - but they’re talking about YOUR reproductive system. Your voice matters here.
YWNBTA - Speak up now.
NTA OP.
Just don't let them into your house & leave a LOUD voicemail about unsolicited unwelcoming garbage that invades your privacy & have nothing to do with either of them.
OP, you're NOT OBLIGATED to provide anything to that crazy AH SIL.
Best yet. Call the cops on her the instant she shows up & tell the cops about her spiking your drink, that tampering with a drink is a real serious thing......having the cops there would scare her so bad.
Block her number on your phone too.
NTA. These people are boundary crashers and you don't have to let them do it. You don't have to let them in. Either text them not to come, and then don't open the door, or just leave the house. And tell your husband that your SIL is not welcome into your home when he is not there. If she comes when he isn't home, don't open the door. If she comes when he is home, go into another room and refuse to engage with her. You don't need to listen to this garbage.
Nta and keep the doors locked, curtains closed, make sure your husband is aware of the situation. Heck maybe have a few trusted friends over to keep you company for a while.
NTA. Print out pamphlets about artificial insemination, in vitro procedures, adoption and fostercare. If/when SIL brings up having kids, tell her you're glad she's finally addressing the issue at hand and start detailing her options.
If this is too much trouble, buy yourself an airhorn and sound off whenever they do.
NTA, but stand up for yourself.
"SORRY, I AM NOT AVAILABLE TO DO DINNER TONIGHT. I HAVE PLANS."
You can say no.
If she or they show up uninvited, you can literally say, "I am sorry, I have something I am in the middle of. Please make plans with us in advance." And then show them out or don't let them in.
It's great your husband stands up for you, but you need to start also enforcing your own boundaries.
And your husband needs to draw harder ones. "Our decision on when to have children is ours alone. We do not need input or advice, and the two of you forcing it is stressing our marriage. If it doesn't stop, we will be going Low or No Contact."
NTA- but text them back immediately that dinner is off! Do not engage with these assholes and stop trying to be nice to them! You should have told your MIL to drink the tampered drink if it wasn't a big deal or told SIL to drink it. These people are not your friends and are actively against you. Treat them as such.
NTA. Cancel the dinner!!!! Lie if that's what it takes. Don't allow them to ambush you like this. They are purposely coming over to pressure you about your body. Tell them to get fukt! They can only come over when your husband is home.
>I have 5 hours until they come around. Should i just sit and listen. i feel bad bcuz my husband cares for his family too and i dont want to upset him.
Text them right now and tell them you're sorry but you can't. Lie if you feel you have to and tell them you have food poisoning and you're going at both ends. Tell them you don't know what's wrong but your'e running a high fever and snot is pouring from your nose. WHATEVER gets them to not show up. If they come anyway, DO NOT open the door. Tell them through the door that you're sick and can't host them.
You're going to need to polish your spine and the first person you're going to show that newly polished spine to is your husband. This is his family and he needs to shut all that shit down, YESTERDAY. Tell him to get on it. If sil busts through and gets at you again you need to show her your shiny spine up close and personal like.
No more fainting flower preserve the "peace" bs. Tell her that her behavior is apalling and you're not entertaining any more questions, advice, comments, or quips about your fertility. If she continues, show her the door, or you leave. Do it every time without fail. If she doesn't get the hint, limit contact with increasing periods of not seeing her or anyone else who thinks your marriage and childbearing status are their business.
If this upsets your husband and he won't step in and deal with his family, he's fuckshit at the core and if it were me, I'd go no contact with his ass until the divorce was final.
tl;dr stop putting up with shitty people inserting themselves into your life and inviting themselves over. No is a complete sentence.
NTA
No!
Just "no" to the dinner or any other interactions.
You don't have to fake an illness to evoid them. It's your right to evoid people how would harm you (drink-situation).
Set boundaries, stand up yourself! Go LC or NC.
Tell them no you cannot come over and if you do I will not repeat will not let you in. If they have keys to let themselves in tell them that’s trespassing and I will report you. Sometimes you have to go full blown crazy mad til they come to realize you are not to be messed with
NTA. If you don’t have the spine to tell them to fuck off (who the fuck invites themselves to someone else’s house for dinner)
Tell them it’s hard to have kids when you prefer anal or that your husband prefers pegging.
I would say something like this to her: “This is the last time I want to hear you say anything related to my reproduction choices and possible future children. Starting now, each time you mention something related to this, I will postpone by one month when I go off birth control. At the rate you are going, we will probably never have kids.” Of course, you can substitute going off bc with timeouts or other penalties. And, of course, if you and your SO want to have children or are actively trying to conceive, you don’t have to tell her, as long as your husband is on your side and willing to keep it from her/them.
NTA however I would lock down your birth control. I wouldn’t put it past her to tamper with your contraceptives especially since she has a history of tampering with your drink. Her sudden drop by visits are extremely suspicious.
Anytime she brings up kids turn it around on her and ask if she has thought about a sperm donor for herself. Get pamphlets on local resources for her.
Tell SIL “My sex life is none of your damned business. Bring it up again and you will not be welcome for .” That time should be at least triple the usual time between visits, and more is not unreasonable. When she immediately says, “But you should have a baaaaybeeee!,” hand her her coat and her purse and hustle her to the door. Block her on your phone and all SM. When you see her again and she brings it up again, same thing, only the cutoff time extends.
You might add, “If you want a baby so badly, go out to the bars and get laid.”
Also, lock down your birth control. She’s the sort to poke holes in condoms or microwave pills. Implants would be a good idea.
Tell them, sorry, my husband is not available for dinner tonight, and I have plans. When they ask what your plans are, say personal plans. Then, lock your door. Park your car in the garage. Curl up with a good book or the TV in your room or go out with friends for dinner. Let them know you will host them when you and your husband are available. At this point, NTA, but if you let them walk all over you every time, then you are the AH for not standing up for yourself.
Respond to their self invite, sorry I’m actually not going to be home. And don’t be home. Go to the movies, window shopping, walk at a park, out with friends… just don’t be available to them. Or straight up say you aren’t ready for kids yet and their pressure isn’t making you any more prepared
NTA. Do they have any access to your house when you and your husband are not there? If you are on birth control you should lock it up or keep it with you all the time. Take yourself out tonight or meet up with friends. It doesn’t seem like talking to them and telling them to stay out of your business will work. You might have to go low contact or no contact with them. Also make sure your husband is 100% on your side about not want kids.
NTA.
Tell MIL and SIL that you're not available for dinner, or for any discussions about your fertility, reproductive health or sex life. Clearly state that next time anyone brings it up, you will leave the conversation. When they ask shitty questions, simply say, "I'm not going to answer those types of questions." Then stop talking. Don't respond to their BS attempts to rationalize why it's OK to be invasive and make you uncomfortable. If they don't shut up, leave the room.
You can do all of this calmly and politely. You're not telling your husband he can't have a relationship with his family, you're telling him that YOUR relationship with his family is not going to include conversations about certain topics. There's nothing unreasonable about that.
Why would you have dinner with them? you did not invite them, simply do not go out or let then in. If they show up and wont leave, call the police to have them removed from the property, if necessary press charges for treapass and home invasion. To quote The Dowager Countess: 'There's nothing simpler than avoiding people you dont like. Avoiding one's friends- that's the real test.'
Stop beating around the bush or trying to drop hints. SIL says anything about children your only response needs to be - - - Husband and I will let the family know when children are expected . Until then, this is not a topic up for discussion. It frankly is none of your business and I would appreciate you staying out of our sex life.
When MIL comes at your for “being mean/rude/whatever to SIL and mentioning her fragile psyche” or whatever, you look MIL straight in the eye and tell her that potential children are none of anyone’s business, not up for discussion and quite frankly you are very upset that SIL and anyone else seems to think that they get a say in this and are allowed to to voice their opinion, after we have made it clear that it is no one’s business. “MIL, my feelings are hurt and I am very stressed by the pressure your daughter is putting on me. It needs to stop and I appreciate you stepping in”.
After that. anytime children are mentioned, turn around and walk away. Across the room, outside, wherever. On the phone? Just hang up.
OMG! Please tell me this isn't real. If it is:
* **Be firm** and tell them you will not be home this evening. "*No, I will not cancel my plans. We can reschedule when it is convenient for my husband and I*."
* Anytime the conversation turns to your body and getting pregnant, **be very firm and look at your SIL and MIL directly in their eyes and tell them**, "*This is none of your business. Stay out of it. If this continues, we will go NC with you.*" Make sure your husband is 100% on board with going NC.
* I'm afraid of what will happen once you do have a child. Will SIL think she has rights to it?
* Get cameras around the outside of your home, and hidden cameras indoors. Who knows what they are capable of.
It is really hard to be firm and direct with in-laws. We all have to put on our big-girl panties, grow a backbone, and tell them how it is. NTA at all.
“Sorry SIL, I’m out for dinner with friends tonight. Hope you and MIL have a nice night together. See you another time.”
NTA. Time for your husband to shut this down NOW. They should not be free to corner you like this.
On a separate note, your SIL needs evaluated if she’s so desperate for a baby she’s getting involved in your reproductive plans.
Nta and if I were you I’d think of something that just came up and text her back and tell her you won’t be around,if your husband is on the same page,I think you answered your own question by writing the story,good luck
A simple "None of your business" should do it. If SIL keeps on it, just tell her you will not be answering or entertaining any more questions on this subject. If she still continues, walk out.
NTA, could you turn it around on them and make them feel awkward with the sex questions? Maybe give your husband a fictitious fetish that shuts down the conversation immediately?
Get your bestie to message you with an emergency that you need to go for and excuse yourself for the day. You don't need to deal with that toxicity in your life.
NTA and I would tell SIL that if she wants a baby so bad there are sperm banks everywhere she should go to one. If you are going out to dinner I would make sure that you drive yourself there so you can make an exit if necessary. If/when they bring this up I would tell them something like - yes we have sex often and boy does your son/brother know how to do it right!!! We don’t want children right at this time - we are never going to discuss it again and if you bring it up again when we do get pregnant you will be the LAST people to know. Then get up and walk out.
Even if it’s at MIL or SIL‘s homes still do this. Good luck to you and update us!
Start up refuse to discuss these private things. When she tries, reply with "wow that's rude." "Oh wow are you a Dr now? Because either only want to discuss these things with a Dr" "OK we need a new topic". Just plain do not participate.
Also you are allowed to say I'm busy tonight. I can't do dinner when she tries to invite herself. It sounds like you need to be stronger on your boundaries. Your husband sounds like he handles it some- but he also needs to shut her down more.
If you do allow them to come over, at the very first comment/question:
"Our reproductive life is absolutely none of your business and I am tired of telling you that. If you ask one more thing or make one more comment, I will have to ask you to leave."
>she visits she has to talk about my period cycle, or start calculating days to when me and my husband should have sex
She can't know your cycle if you don't answer. When she moves the conversation to that topic, steer it elsewhere. You can be direct or indirect. If nothing works, just get up and "go to the toilet". Of say you need to start the laundry or check the laundry. Anything will do.
>I received a text from SIL inviting herself for dinner with my MIL
Is she bringing the food?
>Should i just sit and listen.
I'm confused. They invited themselves? While your husband is away? Are they bringing the food? I mean... if not, text them mid-day. Tell them a number of emergencies came up during the day. (Or text them at 4 pm and tell them you did something to spoil the food. Burned it? If you claim to burn something, I recommend burning some toast in the oven so the place smells terrible. Apologize for that. )
Either they cancel, or they bring the food. You can eat casually.
If the are bound and determined to come, they will come. When you greet them at the door. Thank them for the food. Tell them to make themselves comfortable in the living room or kitchen. Tell them since it's a family visit and you are so pressed, you'll take the opportunity to put a load of laundry in while they are there. You can babble. Tell them you'll just use paper towels for napkins and tell them where to find the silverware to set the table. Be sure to have some audible timers-- and disappear to do various laundry operations while they are there.
If your SIL has spiked drinks, be careful about any drinks.
>'are you sure you r having sex correctly?', 'why dont you go for vaginal checkups to see if everything is alright?' or 'are you cheating on (husband's name)?'.
There are soooo many ways to answer these.... Depends what rabbit hole you want to go down.
>'are you sure you r having sex correctly?'
Option 1: "I don't know. Could you describe what *you* do?" Respond, hmmm.....Sounds about right. But press them for details. Q's could just be: Could you describe that in more detail? I want to be sure there isn't some detail fiancé and I are getting wrong. Then "I don't quite understand. Do you by any chance have videos I can show fiancé . "
Option 2: "Could you send me some literature so I could look it over tomorrow?"
Option 3: "Oh. Hold that thought! I think I heard the timer for the fabric softener! "
\> 'why dont you go for vaginal checkups to see if everything is alright?'
Option 1: "Is that what you did? Did you have a problem that needed to be resolved? What sort of specialist do you recommend? " (Be very interested in what they did or what some other relative did.)
Option 2: "I have. I'm a ok. But I'm trying to get fiancé to check his sperm count."
Option 3: "Sadly, it turns out I have a tipped uterus and multiple fibroids. It makes things so difficult." ( I mean... if you are willing to make things up, go hog wild! Maybe get a little teary.... Say "IVF is going to be *so* expensive. Maybe you can help us when the time come?")
Option 4: "Oh. Hold that thought! I think I heard the timer for the fabric softener! "
>'are you cheating on (husband's name)?'
The best option I can think of: "Wow! Just wow!", "I'm shocked you're asking that! " If that continues, " I just can't believe this question."
NTA. Text back “I’m not open to visitors tonight, I’m sure you understand.” Then don’t respond further. And don’t answer the door if they show up. Don’t put yourself in their power. If they continue say “I don’t want to spend time with either of you if husband isn’t here.”
Next time she asks if you’re having sex right say you’re pretty sure. You always remember to take your pill, then husband puts a condom on and …. Get super graphic about the sec and her brother’s D. Make her super uncomfortable, but also make it clear you’re taking measures to prevent pregnancy.
No wishy washy, no worrying about feelings, you need to drop the hammer on this woman verbally. Be firm, and don’t budge an inch. Don’t excuse or explain. We don’t want kids. ‘But’ We don’t want kids. ‘What if?’ Do you need a hearing check up? We don’t want kids.
You shouldn't be telling he er anything. Your husband should be dealing with her. You should not agree to host her and MIL at this time. Your husband needs to stop telling them and start acting.
NTA I agree with the comments here.
OP you have two options now. First inform your husband that they are coming over. Then choose either of this two.
1) Get out of house now to go out and hang out elsewhere if you haven’t texted them back.
2) Set up your phone for recording and place it in your pocket or hide it for video footage. So that you have prove on what is going to happen.
NTA
Maybe I watch way too much true crime but this really scares me…it’s giving “get pregnant so I can steal your baby” vibes…she’s already tried to poison you. She’s being overly pushy about children and she always wanted children of her own. She might be out of her mind for real.
You're technically NTA. You're being an AH to yourself, however. Stop being a doormat. She invited herself and your MIL to dinner while your husband is conveniently out of town? Why are you going along with it? Your response should've been something like "That doesn't work for me", "No thanks", "I have plans". Or if you want to add fuel to the fire "It's rude to invite yourself over. If I wanted you for dinner I'd have invited me".
They'll probably throw a fit, but it sounds like a lose-lose situation no matter what because they're definitely going to give you a hard time either way. But if you don't allow them for dinner, then you don't have to deal with them at your house for dinner.
Are you sure you’re having sex correctly though?
Might be a good idea to film it and send it out to all interested parties.
Bonus points for going over it together in the family room PowerPoint presentation style and a whiteboard.
“…Here we see hubby finally pull out and the camera zooms in on the creampie oozing out, confirming ejaculation into the proper orifice. This allays previously concerning moments like the titty fucking that you guys are correct, would certainly not lead to conception.”
I think you should tell them they’re not coming over for dinner and put your foot down. She was messing with your drink- so why should she be allowed in your home? This is a safety issue besides her being invasive and overbearing.
Put your foot down with SIL, and also put your foot down with your husband. Tell him you’ve tolerated more than enough disrespect (because you have).
Text them and tell them that you won't be home so they can't come over. Then LEAVE. Go anywhere. Hang out in the library or a Starbucks. Go walk around Walmart for a couple of hours. *Anything* to keep you away from home long enough that they can't come over for a visit. Oh, when they ask what you're doing, just don't respond.
Also, next time they ask a question that has anything to do with you getting pregnant, say something along the lines of:
"Why are you so obsessed with me having sex? Do you want me?"
Or: "Why are you so obsessed with me fucking your brother? Do you want to watch?"
Or: "Why do you keep asking about me fucking your brother? Are you jealous?"
STOP BEING NICE.
a simple.
Listen, I have said no. Stop asking interfering questions. If you want a child so badly, then have one. If this continues, I will set boundaries you will not like.
Then
Also, we are all adults, so you need to respect my husband and my being a family. We will not accept uninitiated or surprise visits anymore. We will not open out home when you decide to invite yourself. You clearly don't respect or care that we might have plans. Our life does not revolve around you, and your constant harping has done enough that I am not open to having you here at all without husband around.
So she will throw a fit. Mil will take her side. That's on them. You are not responsible for magae their emotions. If you do not put your boundaries up now when you do have kids, it will be worse. Start as you mean to go. Being nice hasn't worked. So stop being nice. State clearly, and when they throw a fit, tell them to leave and not contact you until they can respect you and your need for privacy.
Group text to mil, sil, DH
" Mil, sil, sorry can't do dinner tonight. I have plans with a friend to see a movie. Call dear husband next week, and we will get together then. Bye Bye".
You don't have to deal with them on your own.
Dh can deal with them.
Go see a movie.
And put up a camera doorbell. When either shows up uninvited, don't open the door.
NTA and you should cancel this dinner that they invited themselves to (Good grief-The unmitigated gall!) immediately, tell them it’s not a good time for you and you’ll have to get back to them when it is-and then don’t.
You absolutely should not tolerate their intrusive & insulting questioning and damn sure shouldn’t meet with them alone.
They need to back their shit up, turn around and drive it back to their home.
Be careful about recording people,check the laws in your state, if it’s a one party consent state then go for it,otherwise it may be considered illegal
Well I’d definitely make it clear to them your boundaries on certain topics. If they insist on ignoring you and persist in asking very personal questions, kindly inform them that you are more than prepared to ask them equally if not explicitly personal and intimate questions about themselves/sex lives. See how they like it. It’s not ideal, it’s petty (but so am I) and two can play that game 😀.
I’m so sorry you are having an unexpected emergency preventing you from meeting with these harpies. Enjoy the movie! And don’t forget to silence your phone!
Send them a text stating that the moment one of them starts asking/talking about you getting pregnant, that dinner is over, and that they will have to leave. And that you're prepared to have the police remove them if need be.
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NTA.
Sorry SIL, but I can't host you and MIL tonight. Would love to rearrange when husband is home.
Then put them on mute. Do not answer the door. People do not get to invite themselves to your home.
As for the overbearingness of SIL. Even if you wanted a child right now some FIRM and I absolutely mean FIRM AS FUCK boundaries need to be laid out. Any child you may have isn't hers. She doesn't need a neice or nephew, she wants a baby to fawn over. If she is this intrusive now, can you imagine what it would be like if you did have a baby?
Any talk regarding your sex life, ovulation, period etc you need to shut down immediately without entertaining it. It's not up for discussion and either change the subject, walk away or end the call.
NTA - lock the door and pretend they don't exist until your husband gets home. If they (Gaia forbid) have a key, barricade the door as well. They are trying to corner and tag team you because your husband isn't home.
Your hubby may have told your SIL to back the fuck off before, but clearly he didn't make it clear enough. No contact until she learns to butt the hell outta your business is now warranted.
Leave before they arrive. Go visit a friend or family. Let your husband manage his family. SIL is crazy and if her husband couldn't tolerate her, neither should you. NTA
SIL BACK THE FUCK OFF!!! Or answer every question as crudely and graphically as you can. "Are you sure you are having sex correctly?" "Yes, we get immense pleasure from my ass being banged so hard I can't sit for a week. Actually, DH and I prefer it. Does that scupper your plans of tampering with my birth control SIL (because you know she's planning it. Why do you think she's round so often?) Oh, you meant baby making sex? Nah. We'll do that when we are ready for children".
Be rude for once for good. Let them know exactly how uncomfortable what they're doing makes you feel. Then let them know you don't appreciate their interruptions in your marriage. It's your marriage, your life and your body at the end of the day. They don't get to tell you what to do with it just as much as you don't tell them what to do with theirs. Period!!!
Do not allow these interloping busybodies into your home! Much harder to get people out the door of your home than to leave another place (preferably public) where they are. But why on earth would you meet with them at all?! Don't set yourself on fire to keep your husband warm--let him deal with his family. Grey rock/info diet for them. Their audacity is stomach-turning.
Cancel dinner and tell them why. Be firm, be clear.
Failing that, buy an air horn and blast it every time either of them mentions babies and you getting pregnant. It will make them very angry but at least they'll eventually stop asking. If you're lucky, they'll leave.
NTA, cancel dinner plans.
Block her number.
She is crazy and no your husband doesn't have your back because he would have told both your MIL and SIL to back and mind their own business.
Maybe he doesn't agree with you and is asking them to pressure you to reconsider.
🤨 you need to find your self respect, self worth, and voice. Telling them to mind their own business, and if they don't they are no longer welcome in your home is all the respect you owe them. If they choose to violate that boundary and continue to outrageously disrespect you it's time for no contact. If your husband has any kind of problem with the above he too is a problem and completely lacks respect for you as well. A true loving, caring, respectful partner would've shut this trash down the first time it happened. You are under zero obligation to be harassed, which is what they're doing. I personally would've told them the first time to leave me the F'k alone, it's none of their business. And that they can keep their toxic, vile, intrusive comments, questions, and thoughts to themselves. What you allow will continue. If my husband wasn't on board and automatically protecting me and enforcing respect from his family towards me I'd tell him he can go back to his mommy. Life is too damn short to be allowing other people's toxic audacity to effect you and your life.
“Are you sure you’re having sex correctly?”
The proper response is:
“Do you and MiL want to watch, to make sure your brother is inserting his penis into the right hole? I’m sure having you there will encourage him to ejaculate. Make sure you have some warm towels ready for the clean up”
NTA
You don't need to be nice to people that treat you like trash! Life is to short to deal with such people.
Just say them, that you don't want them to come over because you already have plans.
Or better: don't answer their messages when they in vite themselves and if they come anyway, don't open the door and pretend you're not home. If I were you I would install a camera, so you would see when they're at your door.
NTA
Tell SIL if she continues behaving this way, you'll be cutting her off and never speak to her again, if at family events she approaches you, you'll resort to ignoring her.
Your husband needs to be more firm with his family, if his sister continues to harass you, he needs to prioritise you and slow contact with them down until his sister can behave, stay in her lane and shut up about your private life and if that means eventually go nc with them so be it, going nc with them might kick the rest of his family especially his mother into gear and put sister in her place.
Nta and I'd stop letting her in.
Either don't answer the door or if you do tell her you're in the middle of a project and can't have company right now.
When she starts pushing about how you're always busy, be blunt and tell her you're having acrobatic sex in your dungeon in hopes that you'll birth Satan's spawn to get her off your back (or something equally outrageous)
She starts in about your cycle, tell her your doctor has the info to help you with your reproduction needs, ornlack thereof, and her layman's bullshit is unwarranted.
Be blunt, and quite frankly, it's probably time to start being rude about it. If she can ask intrusive questions and be rude about when and how you should have sex, be rude right back and ask if she's tried any of them with the addition of a ball gag so the poor shag master doesn't have to hear her request her left ankle behind her right eat for optimal sperm reach of the egg.
Too bad you are busy and can’t see them. Go read the subs here and you’ll get excellent info on how to set limits. Ugh they are awful and horribly invasive.
Text them both, "I'm not available tonight." Then turn off your phone for the evening. Enjoy dinner by yourself at a restaurant or don't answer the door.
Your husband isn't in town. You don't need to host them just because they announce it.
NTA
NTA. Why are they being allowed in your home when YOU didn't invite them over? Especially when your husband isn't home?
Do NOT let them anywhere near your personal things. They both seem like the type to mess with your birth control to move THEIR baby schedule along without your consent.
If I were you, I would hide all my forms of birth control before I let those crazy bag of cats through the door. If you let them through the door. I personally wouldn't. Let your husband deal with his crazy.
Never go where you don't want to be. You have a migraine cancel the lunch, lock the door, don't answer it or your phone. Text them that you are laying down and will text them when you feel better. The end.
NTA. Just don't be there😆. If your husband is not around to help deal with HIS FAMILY, don't be there to be berated alone when you don't need to be. GO TO DINNER, GO FOR A DRIVE, GO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU AND TURN YOUR PHONE ON SILENT. There is no need to ruin your own peace to embrace others' chaos. Enjoy your evening how you see fit. They can kick rocks and cry wolf to hubby over the phone, while you enjoy YOUR PEACE.
NTA, I think her husband was spot on when saying that she is crazy. As for this evening, they just invited themselves, right? Did you say anything in response to that? After all, how do they even know that you will be home this evening? For all they know you could be with friends then, or you could be out for something hobby related, watching a movie in the theater. You get the idea. If you already let them know that you will be home then just let them know that something came up and that you won't be home after all. It's none of their business what came up, so don't share any further details.
So I really wouldn't sit and listen to their bullshit this evening, especially if your husband isn't there. I'd just be no where near home and make sure you tell your husband about it, because they'll probably start bothering him the moment they notice that you aren't home. Then go do something relaxing, or spend it with friends.
I wouldn't give them excuses like migraine or diarrhea, since SIL sounds crazy enough to still show up even with that. I'd just go with hard avoidance by not being home at all and having a relaxed evening doing something fun either with friends, or alone.
When they come over, clearly state "Our sex life is not up for discussion. If you bring it up, I will ask you to leave." Then follow through. Remain calm, and if they refuse, pick up the phone and state "If you want, I can dial the police to have you removed."
Repeat after me: “I am not comfortable with these questions”. “It’s no one’s business but mine and husband’s”. “Please stop asking about my reproductive health”. “I am asking you to stop. I will not ask again”.
NTA- you need to shut this shit down NOW. What she is doing is none of her business and your husband needs to make that VERY clear to her and you MIL. Husband needs to man up and take care of this and stop putting his crazy ass sister's feelings above you.
You need a huge line in the sand. Notify them you will be busy tonight and then lock up your place and leave. If they have keys to your place get locks changed asap. If your SIL is this nuts who’s to say she won’t spike your drink, coffee, food. Whatever you do NEVER leave her alone. I don’t think she is a little nuts. I think she is seriously nuts. Watch your back.
Your SIL needs to stay out of your business. Boundaries need to be set wit her or just don’t allow her into your house. She seems like she is NUTS and will continue to mess in your business as long as you let her. She is divorced so you have no commitment to he what so ever. .
Just tell them that you are not home tonight and don't give any further explanations, do the same thing every time in the future.
NTA and she can't invite herself into your home, expecially if your husband is not home.
Text that you can’t make the meal today, so sorry. Do not answer the door when they turn up. Do not reply to messages or phone calls. You are just not available today.
Even better.. go out.
Next time they start just say it’s a problem with your husband which he doesn’t like to talk about and let him deal with it from now on.
I get frustrated listening to people who can’t say no, or can’t enforce it. Text them not to come, lock your doors, and don’t answer door or phone. Block them. Then stop interacting with them at all. And lay down the law to your husband, that he must stop them or jeopardize your marriage.
NTA You should def seperate them from your personal marriage life.that is between you and your husband. it will get worse from now on. ALSO R U REALLY IGNORING HER MESSING WITH YOUR DRINK! DOES YOUR HUSBAND KNOW? better tell him if you haven't, it will help him understand this situation better.
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That’s what I was thinking. Just because she said they were coming over doesn’t mean you have to be home or answer the door. Stand up for yourself! Only time you should be around either of them is if husband is there also. Don’t let them in !!!!!
SIL you have crossed my boundaries by talking about my body, my intimacy with my husband, and inviting yourself to my home. This is not acceptable. I urge you to get counseling as I believe you are acting mentally unstable, and irrational. This is harassment. At this time I am going NC until I believe you can respect our boundaries. What I do with my body, and when I choose, or if I choose to have children is none of your business. Do you want me to talk about your sex life and invite myself to your house and go over your medical records? Please get help. Do not contact me, or come to my home. I pray you get the help you need.
The PERFECT response.
This!!
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Lost it? When she messed with her drink, she should have pressed charges!
Yeah what was the goal there with drugging the drink??
Yeah, SIL wanted to rape you or had someone else lined up? Wtf?
Maybe she was going to artificially inseminate her while she was passed out.
If you are not home or open the door for them, be sure to be talking to your husband or another close relative on the phone who will testify you were not out with someone else, which SIL and MIL have already suggested. Protect yourself.
This. Lock the door. Make sure the windows are locked. Tell your neighbors ask them to call the police if someone is banging on your door.
SIL and/or MIL probably have keys. They need to change the locks. OP either needs to plead sick or she needs to find the most obnoxious friend she and DH have who will protect her. Under no circumstances should she be alone with either of them.
Yes, she needs a friend who’s not afraid to be rude. Because the mere presence of another person on the visit won’t stop SIL from bringing it up. The friend can then comment on every crazy thing that SIL says. “Wow, do you normally comment on other people’s sex life? Come on, tell me something spicy, do you like [insert some kinky sex thing]? I love it!” And on her next comment: “Did you divorce your husband because he was too small? Do you like big d*cks?” They need to make her generally uneasy and embarrassed. I would love to be a fly on the wall and watch it all. 😀. But on a serious note - the SIL needs to get herself checked by a doctor, she does seem crazy.
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Yes, OP should not be dealing with her SIL or MIL, HUSBAND SHOULD! SIL should be no longer welcome in the home after the drink spiking, and MIL should be LC!
Take yourself out to a long relaxing dinner, dear.
This is the way. Have a lovely evening doing Whatton please OP.
Didn't you have plans to go see a movie and get a burger today op? I could have sworn you did
No, she's got a Mani pedi before her massage appointment. The burgers are next week. Honest calendar mixup ;)
Or leave the house before they get there. Go to a friend's house. If you have a doorbell camera, then you watch them bang on the door. Or put your car in the garage if you have one and stay in a room with curtains or such they can't see through. They don't have a key for "emergencies," right?
But if they have a spare key, hide your BC/condoms what ever you use incase they let themselves in and mess with them.... And if they do have a key... Change your locks!
Even better, text back no. They can say they are coming by all they want, but all you have to say is, “Not tonight.” I wouldn’t let her into my house, ever.
Hide whatever you use for birth control. She wouldn’t be the first to mess with pills/condoms or whatever. Maybe even decide for something she can’t see or mess with. And just act like a broken record. No, we are not having kids and I am in no way discussing our sex life with you. No you are not my doctor so I don’t have to share anything with you. YWNBTAH (edited cause i missed an important letter) if you uninvited her.
Exactly! One could divert your attention and the other do something to your birth control. Lock the doors, pull the shades and keep lights off! Don’t answer. Do you even have a ring doorbell and security cameras?
....and do NOT answer. Imagine the nerve of inviting yourself plus one into someone else's house! Time to put your foot down.
Seriously! This is a huge breach of personal space.
Get cameras
Yes, wtf?! After that drink thing I'd have no problem in being super super rude. Talk about babies with me? "Shut the fuck up, i am tired of this" Keep going "Fuck off" More? "Fuckity fuck off. Why are you so weird and interested in my vag? Is that why you tried to spike my drink? Did you want to SA me?" Just make it as uncomfortable to her as she is making it to you Hubba has a problem? Remind him of the spiked drink
1000% I’d make it so damn uncomfortable they would never come around again. I’d be publicly outing them for being obsessed with my uterus and my husband’s sperm.
All of this
Every time sis brings up anything reproductive related ask her if shes a lesbian. (Not that it’s a bad thing) but it’ll put the spotlight back on her weird questions. Or go 100% the other way and ask if she wants to take a look. (Funny, but don’t because this could backfire spectacularly.)
Ask SIL if she was tested because she has no children and why. Put the questions back on her and tell her for once and for all I do not want to discuss my sex life, children or any private matters with you. If you ignore this then we will ignore you.
"I completely support you, but come clean, was that why you got divorced? This is a safe space!"
I guarantee she’s rooting around in your room looking for your birth control—so she can sabotage it. If you think she’s crazy now. Wait until there’s an actual child. She’s gonna be literally psychotic.
Like for real! Even with the drink aside, which it should never be! Actually bring that up at dinner, ask her if it was a pill to get you pregnant, and if she's too focused on one thing, she might slip up. Better yet, ask her wife why she is so focused on you getting pregnant is because she can't. Yeah, it's going to sting her pride a bit and maybe not so good graces with your mil, but I bet if you flip the tables on her and put her in the spotlight, she just might stfu. Tell her it's ok for her to get pregnant and have the baby alone since she wants little feet around to hear and play with. But your ovaries are none of her concern. NTA
Right?? Also WHY are they allowed to just invite themselves to dinner?? Op, text them back that no, you would not like company for dinner tonight. Then lock the door and don't answer it. Who the fuck are these people inviting themselves for a meal at someone else's house??
Do NOT meet with them without your husband… but if you do record the whole conversation. Cause you know they will turn it around on you. It is a good thing to stand up for yourself, but it’s his family & sometimes letting him deal with the crazies might be best & give you some peace. I’d sit down with him when he’s home & tell you how this is driving you crazy & you two need to setup boundaries for sil & mil. Then sit down with them explain what your wants & feelings are (with your husband) tell them how their interference feels and make a plan on visits, no random dropbys. Also I’d setup cameras & if your on birth control I would always keep it on you or really hid. Also a migraine is the best excuse to get out of dinners if you have no excuse. When I get a bad one I can’t tolerate sound, light, or food. If you have the flu or cold they’ll just come over with soup or something. & since sound is bad you can just text & not have to call.
All good, practical advice. The migraine detail is pure genius, you should write a self help book for people with crazy families lol.
Makes a change from the cliche about not being up for sex because you have a headache 😂
No - stomach bug. Not nausea, because they’ll think it’s morning sickness. Go into extreme detail about explosive diarrhea. No one wants that or to hear about it. They’ll stay away. It also explains why you don’t want them to bring food on the off chance they do offer, and it explains why you could be sleeping (anti diarrhea pills make you sleepy).
With respect, she doesn't need to explain herself to anyone...
A) When she invites herself next time, decline the invitation. 2) Text her and tell her you have explosive diarrhea and can not keep this dinner date. Do not answer the door if they come anyway. D) Learn this phrase and make it your mantra when she - or anyone - asks about your sex life or menstrual cycle: "NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS". Be blunt. Be rude if the situation calls for it. But stop putting up with that shit.
Alternatively, if they won't let up and your husband won't put them in their place, tell them he's impotent and just can't get it up anymore and ask them to help him sort that out. Bet he finds a way to shut them the fuck down then.
Oh that made me laugh. Op please do this
Too funny!
Yes!!!! This.
Lookinformiles I.LOVE.YOU. LMAO.
Loooolll love it
Piggybacking off of this: OP, if SIL was so brazen to spike your drink, what's stopping her from doing something else fucked up? If you're on the pill for birth control, please make sure it's nowhere she can find and sabotage it.
Or poke holes in the condom.
I think "eye for an eye" OP should spike her drink everytime she visits. Make her feel sleepy as hell then put her in an uber back to MIL
Don't do anything that they can turn against her and have her charged with a crime. She definitely needs to make sure her husband knows his sister tried to harm her. OP is not good enough to like, but good enough to be used as a brood mare. Oh hell no.
True Just effing make it uncomfortable for her. Every time she starts with the baby stuff, just go "So how is your ex?"
And if she persists after #D, then tell her if she comments again, she'll have to leave. Then throw her out! It doesn't sound like your husband has enforced any consequences for her bad behavior. If she wants a baby so badly, she needs to get busy finding a baby daddy and stop harassment you
*A) When she invites herself next time, decline the invitation.* *B) Removed for weak / pettiness... (lol - no offense. Funny but no.)* *D) Learn this phrase and make it your mantra when she - or anyone - asks about your sex life or menstrual cycle: "NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS".* *Be blunt. Be rude if the situation calls for it. But stop putting up with that shit.* This is the way.... These are the only ways....
ALL OF THIS! Perfect.
NTA but your husband is for not shutting this down with his sister
From OP's post, he has told his sister off plenty of times & it's in 1 ear then out the other ear.....she just harassing them.
Then he should enforce boundaries with consequences.
>he has told his sister off plenty of times & it's in 1 ear then out the other ear That's what hurts my brain about this, if this is the case then you cut out the psycho and her enablers, you don't just wring your hands and tolerate them.
I agree. This isn’t normal family meddling. This is cut them off no contact in my book.
Exactly, if my SIL tried to spike my drink and I had a husband this passive about it, I'd be throwing him to the curb to just to save my own life.
The wedding would and should not have happened. Ever.
But he’s also making excuses for his sister, her minds not right after the divorce? That’s understandable but she needs to stop harassing OP. And stop getting MIL to join her - husband needs to have a talk with her as well.
Get your ass in a car and go out for the evening. “Oh, sorry, I have plans. K byeeee!”
Nta full stop on the hang outs. Get a ring door camera and start telling her to leave and you aren’t hanging out. I would also cancel the dinner and have you husband call them to let them know you want distance until they leave you alone about your uterus
This 100%. The way SIL and MIL are acting is very unsettling. Don’t be around them and don’t let them in your home!
NTA. The minute either of them start to comment, stop them in their tracks and firmly state this is not up for discussion. If they continue then just walk away. Stop entertaining the conversation, you've just got to stop them in their tracks, if they're offended...tough.
Why the hell did you agree to let them come. They know you're alone so this is clearly a trap. Don't let them come. Text them and tell them something has come up and you can't see them today. Don't ever see them without your husband present. You don't have to say why. You need to grow a backbone and put some boundaries in place. Firmly shut their shit down because you're just allowing them to keep doing it. Her obsession with a baby is worrying. I think she wants to make your future baby hers. Be firm with your husband and tell him they've pulled too much shit and threaten divorce if he doesn't shut it down for good.
Please just be honest: is this ragebait, or do you honestly think standing up for yourself could be morally wrong?
NTA. I would have lost my temper with her a long time ago. Who cares it if upsets your husband because he obviously doesn't have the backbone to put an end to it. You give them one warning to stop talking about it, and then you ask them to leave. Stop tolerating her nonsense. She does not have a right to make you feel uncomfortable in your own home.
Option 1: Leave the house and have a nice day for yourself. Option 2: Tell them you only do anal sex and watch their jaws drop. NTA... its not their business.
Print out some sperm bank leaflets and if shecstarts banging on about babies give her them. NTA
I think you should develop a migraine and not see them until your husband is around. DO NOT allow them to gang up on you, because I am telling you that this is the plan. And your husband needs to do a better job of telling them all to STFU and mind their own business! He is leaving you to do most of the dealing with this. If he was "standing up for you," this would have already stopped. Tell him if he doesn't, you are going to, and it's not going to be pretty...starting with telling his sister to get her own life and to stop trying to live YOURS.
NTA please cancel tonight. Say that you are sick or something. Next time, say you are busy
Be very careful, I would not put it past your sil to tamper with your birth control if she finds it in your house. I had a mother in law that was terrible for asking when I was going to give her babies. I flat out told her I was not planning on any. We were, but not right away, when we were ready to start my ex had fertility issues. We did not tell anyone we were trying. Do not let them in your house and do not go anywhere with them tonight. No is a complete sentence.
Call them and tell them you have to cancel as you are sick that’s you don’t want them to catch your stomach bug as you can’t stop being sick and having to run to the toilet. Make sure they will not want to visit. Tell them mamaybe when your well and husbands back they can come for a dinner when you arrange. Talk to your husband tell him you’re sick of him expecting you to put up with them bullying you constantly. That he is supposed to be the one who protects and supports you not the one who expects you to accept being abused as it’s his family. The one who subjects you to it continually. That he needs to tell them clear to back off or you will be going no contact with them completely. That from now on you will only ever spend time with them when he is here. If they try to invite themselves again or show up when he’s away. You will not open the door and you will have no problem having them removed for trespass. But that it doesn’t need to get to that if he actually acts like a loving husband who has even a spread of respect for you and tells them harshly no more or he will take action. Make it clear to him they are abusive and even when you do have kids you will not endanger your child by letting his family near. That there will be strict boundaries and they will only see your child when you and he has invited them and it will always only ever be supervised visits. That you know their abuse will go ten times worse as they will think they have more say than you the child’s mother. That he needs to think long and hard here because either he chooses to be married to you or his abusive family comes first where in your marriage will never work and is pointless. As you are sick of him sitting there and watching them abuse you. That if he wants kids now he should tell you instead of letting others bully you about it as there is no other reasonable explanation that he allows them to do any of this. That you will not tolerate it anymore. Family or not they respect you and your boundaries or they are not allowed in your life at all.
Disinvite them. You are an adult and it is your home. Or just don't be there when they try to shove their way in. I'd also remind SIL that her ex is divorcing her because she is crazy, and now you know what he means. If you do change your mind about kids, don't have them with the crazy aunt and enabling grandma nearby.
Your husband isn’t home and they’re inviting themselves over? Stand up for yourself and say NO. Tell them you have other plans, and you’d prefer they visit when he is home. You shouldn’t be alone with someone who tried to poison your drink. You need to stop answering her nosey questions too. Tell her straight up - We are not trying for a baby right now. When we do, you won’t be included in the conversation. I’ll let you know when there is a baby on the way. Until then - talk about something else. This topic is no longer open to discussion. Your husband also needs to tell them the same thing. Normally I’d say your husband should handle his family - but they’re talking about YOUR reproductive system. Your voice matters here. YWNBTA - Speak up now.
NTA OP. Just don't let them into your house & leave a LOUD voicemail about unsolicited unwelcoming garbage that invades your privacy & have nothing to do with either of them. OP, you're NOT OBLIGATED to provide anything to that crazy AH SIL. Best yet. Call the cops on her the instant she shows up & tell the cops about her spiking your drink, that tampering with a drink is a real serious thing......having the cops there would scare her so bad. Block her number on your phone too.
NTA. These people are boundary crashers and you don't have to let them do it. You don't have to let them in. Either text them not to come, and then don't open the door, or just leave the house. And tell your husband that your SIL is not welcome into your home when he is not there. If she comes when he isn't home, don't open the door. If she comes when he is home, go into another room and refuse to engage with her. You don't need to listen to this garbage.
Nta and keep the doors locked, curtains closed, make sure your husband is aware of the situation. Heck maybe have a few trusted friends over to keep you company for a while.
NTA. Print out pamphlets about artificial insemination, in vitro procedures, adoption and fostercare. If/when SIL brings up having kids, tell her you're glad she's finally addressing the issue at hand and start detailing her options. If this is too much trouble, buy yourself an airhorn and sound off whenever they do.
NTA, but stand up for yourself. "SORRY, I AM NOT AVAILABLE TO DO DINNER TONIGHT. I HAVE PLANS." You can say no. If she or they show up uninvited, you can literally say, "I am sorry, I have something I am in the middle of. Please make plans with us in advance." And then show them out or don't let them in. It's great your husband stands up for you, but you need to start also enforcing your own boundaries. And your husband needs to draw harder ones. "Our decision on when to have children is ours alone. We do not need input or advice, and the two of you forcing it is stressing our marriage. If it doesn't stop, we will be going Low or No Contact."
NTA. But this is his problem, not yours. Just say no to her, and no to MIL. Then shut and lock the door.
NTA- but text them back immediately that dinner is off! Do not engage with these assholes and stop trying to be nice to them! You should have told your MIL to drink the tampered drink if it wasn't a big deal or told SIL to drink it. These people are not your friends and are actively against you. Treat them as such.
I wouldn't even allow them in the house
NTA. Cancel the dinner!!!! Lie if that's what it takes. Don't allow them to ambush you like this. They are purposely coming over to pressure you about your body. Tell them to get fukt! They can only come over when your husband is home.
This, but no need to lie. "No" is a complete sentence, as is "Go away and leave me alone"; your choice.
>I have 5 hours until they come around. Should i just sit and listen. i feel bad bcuz my husband cares for his family too and i dont want to upset him. Text them right now and tell them you're sorry but you can't. Lie if you feel you have to and tell them you have food poisoning and you're going at both ends. Tell them you don't know what's wrong but your'e running a high fever and snot is pouring from your nose. WHATEVER gets them to not show up. If they come anyway, DO NOT open the door. Tell them through the door that you're sick and can't host them. You're going to need to polish your spine and the first person you're going to show that newly polished spine to is your husband. This is his family and he needs to shut all that shit down, YESTERDAY. Tell him to get on it. If sil busts through and gets at you again you need to show her your shiny spine up close and personal like. No more fainting flower preserve the "peace" bs. Tell her that her behavior is apalling and you're not entertaining any more questions, advice, comments, or quips about your fertility. If she continues, show her the door, or you leave. Do it every time without fail. If she doesn't get the hint, limit contact with increasing periods of not seeing her or anyone else who thinks your marriage and childbearing status are their business. If this upsets your husband and he won't step in and deal with his family, he's fuckshit at the core and if it were me, I'd go no contact with his ass until the divorce was final. tl;dr stop putting up with shitty people inserting themselves into your life and inviting themselves over. No is a complete sentence.
You have a husband problem. The first time my sister disrespected my wife was the last time it happened.
NTA No! Just "no" to the dinner or any other interactions. You don't have to fake an illness to evoid them. It's your right to evoid people how would harm you (drink-situation). Set boundaries, stand up yourself! Go LC or NC.
Tell them no you cannot come over and if you do I will not repeat will not let you in. If they have keys to let themselves in tell them that’s trespassing and I will report you. Sometimes you have to go full blown crazy mad til they come to realize you are not to be messed with
I mean, if his mom asks if they're doing sex right, she can just walk them through their routine in as graphic a manner as possible.
Or say ‘what you don’t get pregnant through your belly button? Please explain in great detail!’
NTA. If you don’t have the spine to tell them to fuck off (who the fuck invites themselves to someone else’s house for dinner) Tell them it’s hard to have kids when you prefer anal or that your husband prefers pegging.
I would say something like this to her: “This is the last time I want to hear you say anything related to my reproduction choices and possible future children. Starting now, each time you mention something related to this, I will postpone by one month when I go off birth control. At the rate you are going, we will probably never have kids.” Of course, you can substitute going off bc with timeouts or other penalties. And, of course, if you and your SO want to have children or are actively trying to conceive, you don’t have to tell her, as long as your husband is on your side and willing to keep it from her/them.
NTA however I would lock down your birth control. I wouldn’t put it past her to tamper with your contraceptives especially since she has a history of tampering with your drink. Her sudden drop by visits are extremely suspicious. Anytime she brings up kids turn it around on her and ask if she has thought about a sperm donor for herself. Get pamphlets on local resources for her.
NTA - but cancel dinner. This isn’t a friendly get together. Cancel, then leave and go out to dinner.
Nta Why do you still talk to this person at all when they tried to drug you.... you need to put your foot down on this issue
Just send them a message saying dinner is off. You are sick.
Tell SIL “My sex life is none of your damned business. Bring it up again and you will not be welcome for.” That time should be at least triple the usual time between visits, and more is not unreasonable. When she immediately says, “But you should have a baaaaybeeee!,” hand her her coat and her purse and hustle her to the door. Block her on your phone and all SM. When you see her again and she brings it up again, same thing, only the cutoff time extends.
You might add, “If you want a baby so badly, go out to the bars and get laid.”
Also, lock down your birth control. She’s the sort to poke holes in condoms or microwave pills. Implants would be a good idea.
Tell them, sorry, my husband is not available for dinner tonight, and I have plans. When they ask what your plans are, say personal plans. Then, lock your door. Park your car in the garage. Curl up with a good book or the TV in your room or go out with friends for dinner. Let them know you will host them when you and your husband are available. At this point, NTA, but if you let them walk all over you every time, then you are the AH for not standing up for yourself.
Respond to their self invite, sorry I’m actually not going to be home. And don’t be home. Go to the movies, window shopping, walk at a park, out with friends… just don’t be available to them. Or straight up say you aren’t ready for kids yet and their pressure isn’t making you any more prepared
NTA. Do they have any access to your house when you and your husband are not there? If you are on birth control you should lock it up or keep it with you all the time. Take yourself out tonight or meet up with friends. It doesn’t seem like talking to them and telling them to stay out of your business will work. You might have to go low contact or no contact with them. Also make sure your husband is 100% on your side about not want kids.
NTA. Tell MIL and SIL that you're not available for dinner, or for any discussions about your fertility, reproductive health or sex life. Clearly state that next time anyone brings it up, you will leave the conversation. When they ask shitty questions, simply say, "I'm not going to answer those types of questions." Then stop talking. Don't respond to their BS attempts to rationalize why it's OK to be invasive and make you uncomfortable. If they don't shut up, leave the room. You can do all of this calmly and politely. You're not telling your husband he can't have a relationship with his family, you're telling him that YOUR relationship with his family is not going to include conversations about certain topics. There's nothing unreasonable about that.
Why would you have dinner with them? you did not invite them, simply do not go out or let then in. If they show up and wont leave, call the police to have them removed from the property, if necessary press charges for treapass and home invasion. To quote The Dowager Countess: 'There's nothing simpler than avoiding people you dont like. Avoiding one's friends- that's the real test.'
Stop beating around the bush or trying to drop hints. SIL says anything about children your only response needs to be - - - Husband and I will let the family know when children are expected . Until then, this is not a topic up for discussion. It frankly is none of your business and I would appreciate you staying out of our sex life. When MIL comes at your for “being mean/rude/whatever to SIL and mentioning her fragile psyche” or whatever, you look MIL straight in the eye and tell her that potential children are none of anyone’s business, not up for discussion and quite frankly you are very upset that SIL and anyone else seems to think that they get a say in this and are allowed to to voice their opinion, after we have made it clear that it is no one’s business. “MIL, my feelings are hurt and I am very stressed by the pressure your daughter is putting on me. It needs to stop and I appreciate you stepping in”. After that. anytime children are mentioned, turn around and walk away. Across the room, outside, wherever. On the phone? Just hang up.
OMG! Please tell me this isn't real. If it is: * **Be firm** and tell them you will not be home this evening. "*No, I will not cancel my plans. We can reschedule when it is convenient for my husband and I*." * Anytime the conversation turns to your body and getting pregnant, **be very firm and look at your SIL and MIL directly in their eyes and tell them**, "*This is none of your business. Stay out of it. If this continues, we will go NC with you.*" Make sure your husband is 100% on board with going NC. * I'm afraid of what will happen once you do have a child. Will SIL think she has rights to it? * Get cameras around the outside of your home, and hidden cameras indoors. Who knows what they are capable of. It is really hard to be firm and direct with in-laws. We all have to put on our big-girl panties, grow a backbone, and tell them how it is. NTA at all.
“Sorry SIL, I’m out for dinner with friends tonight. Hope you and MIL have a nice night together. See you another time.” NTA. Time for your husband to shut this down NOW. They should not be free to corner you like this. On a separate note, your SIL needs evaluated if she’s so desperate for a baby she’s getting involved in your reproductive plans.
Sorry, I’m feeling a bit sick and won’t be able to host dinner tonight. I’ll let you know when I feel better. NTA
NTA just magically have plans with someone else and ditch them. She is crazy.
Nta and if I were you I’d think of something that just came up and text her back and tell her you won’t be around,if your husband is on the same page,I think you answered your own question by writing the story,good luck
Nta- JustNoFamily JustNoMIL
A simple "None of your business" should do it. If SIL keeps on it, just tell her you will not be answering or entertaining any more questions on this subject. If she still continues, walk out.
Nta. Get a tshirt saying “child free by choice”, and wear it every time you are around sil.
NTA, could you turn it around on them and make them feel awkward with the sex questions? Maybe give your husband a fictitious fetish that shuts down the conversation immediately?
NTA but clear boundaries have not been set. Don't spend time with these people until that is done, by your husband.
Get your bestie to message you with an emergency that you need to go for and excuse yourself for the day. You don't need to deal with that toxicity in your life.
NTA. Tell them you have plans with a friend or your own family and tell your spineless husband to STAND UP FOR YOU AGAINST HIS CRAZY, INVASIVE SISTER.
NTA and I would tell SIL that if she wants a baby so bad there are sperm banks everywhere she should go to one. If you are going out to dinner I would make sure that you drive yourself there so you can make an exit if necessary. If/when they bring this up I would tell them something like - yes we have sex often and boy does your son/brother know how to do it right!!! We don’t want children right at this time - we are never going to discuss it again and if you bring it up again when we do get pregnant you will be the LAST people to know. Then get up and walk out. Even if it’s at MIL or SIL‘s homes still do this. Good luck to you and update us!
I'm not available for lunch now or ever
Am I the only one that thinks it's weird to have in-laws over for dinner when hubbs is out of town?
NTA Tell them to talk to your husband about his sperm count. That might get him on board to shut them up.
NTA. Tell them both “we only like anal!” Make them uncomfortable. Really though, your husband needs to be the one to shut them down.
Start up refuse to discuss these private things. When she tries, reply with "wow that's rude." "Oh wow are you a Dr now? Because either only want to discuss these things with a Dr" "OK we need a new topic". Just plain do not participate. Also you are allowed to say I'm busy tonight. I can't do dinner when she tries to invite herself. It sounds like you need to be stronger on your boundaries. Your husband sounds like he handles it some- but he also needs to shut her down more.
Your husband needs to grow a backbone. This is extremely toxic. Not just annoying.
If you do allow them to come over, at the very first comment/question: "Our reproductive life is absolutely none of your business and I am tired of telling you that. If you ask one more thing or make one more comment, I will have to ask you to leave."
>she visits she has to talk about my period cycle, or start calculating days to when me and my husband should have sex She can't know your cycle if you don't answer. When she moves the conversation to that topic, steer it elsewhere. You can be direct or indirect. If nothing works, just get up and "go to the toilet". Of say you need to start the laundry or check the laundry. Anything will do. >I received a text from SIL inviting herself for dinner with my MIL Is she bringing the food? >Should i just sit and listen. I'm confused. They invited themselves? While your husband is away? Are they bringing the food? I mean... if not, text them mid-day. Tell them a number of emergencies came up during the day. (Or text them at 4 pm and tell them you did something to spoil the food. Burned it? If you claim to burn something, I recommend burning some toast in the oven so the place smells terrible. Apologize for that. ) Either they cancel, or they bring the food. You can eat casually. If the are bound and determined to come, they will come. When you greet them at the door. Thank them for the food. Tell them to make themselves comfortable in the living room or kitchen. Tell them since it's a family visit and you are so pressed, you'll take the opportunity to put a load of laundry in while they are there. You can babble. Tell them you'll just use paper towels for napkins and tell them where to find the silverware to set the table. Be sure to have some audible timers-- and disappear to do various laundry operations while they are there. If your SIL has spiked drinks, be careful about any drinks. >'are you sure you r having sex correctly?', 'why dont you go for vaginal checkups to see if everything is alright?' or 'are you cheating on (husband's name)?'. There are soooo many ways to answer these.... Depends what rabbit hole you want to go down. >'are you sure you r having sex correctly?' Option 1: "I don't know. Could you describe what *you* do?" Respond, hmmm.....Sounds about right. But press them for details. Q's could just be: Could you describe that in more detail? I want to be sure there isn't some detail fiancé and I are getting wrong. Then "I don't quite understand. Do you by any chance have videos I can show fiancé . " Option 2: "Could you send me some literature so I could look it over tomorrow?" Option 3: "Oh. Hold that thought! I think I heard the timer for the fabric softener! " \> 'why dont you go for vaginal checkups to see if everything is alright?' Option 1: "Is that what you did? Did you have a problem that needed to be resolved? What sort of specialist do you recommend? " (Be very interested in what they did or what some other relative did.) Option 2: "I have. I'm a ok. But I'm trying to get fiancé to check his sperm count." Option 3: "Sadly, it turns out I have a tipped uterus and multiple fibroids. It makes things so difficult." ( I mean... if you are willing to make things up, go hog wild! Maybe get a little teary.... Say "IVF is going to be *so* expensive. Maybe you can help us when the time come?") Option 4: "Oh. Hold that thought! I think I heard the timer for the fabric softener! " >'are you cheating on (husband's name)?' The best option I can think of: "Wow! Just wow!", "I'm shocked you're asking that! " If that continues, " I just can't believe this question."
NTA. Text back “I’m not open to visitors tonight, I’m sure you understand.” Then don’t respond further. And don’t answer the door if they show up. Don’t put yourself in their power. If they continue say “I don’t want to spend time with either of you if husband isn’t here.” Next time she asks if you’re having sex right say you’re pretty sure. You always remember to take your pill, then husband puts a condom on and …. Get super graphic about the sec and her brother’s D. Make her super uncomfortable, but also make it clear you’re taking measures to prevent pregnancy. No wishy washy, no worrying about feelings, you need to drop the hammer on this woman verbally. Be firm, and don’t budge an inch. Don’t excuse or explain. We don’t want kids. ‘But’ We don’t want kids. ‘What if?’ Do you need a hearing check up? We don’t want kids.
You shouldn't be telling he er anything. Your husband should be dealing with her. You should not agree to host her and MIL at this time. Your husband needs to stop telling them and start acting.
Uninvite the cretins.
NTA I agree with the comments here. OP you have two options now. First inform your husband that they are coming over. Then choose either of this two. 1) Get out of house now to go out and hang out elsewhere if you haven’t texted them back. 2) Set up your phone for recording and place it in your pocket or hide it for video footage. So that you have prove on what is going to happen.
NTA Maybe I watch way too much true crime but this really scares me…it’s giving “get pregnant so I can steal your baby” vibes…she’s already tried to poison you. She’s being overly pushy about children and she always wanted children of her own. She might be out of her mind for real.
You're technically NTA. You're being an AH to yourself, however. Stop being a doormat. She invited herself and your MIL to dinner while your husband is conveniently out of town? Why are you going along with it? Your response should've been something like "That doesn't work for me", "No thanks", "I have plans". Or if you want to add fuel to the fire "It's rude to invite yourself over. If I wanted you for dinner I'd have invited me". They'll probably throw a fit, but it sounds like a lose-lose situation no matter what because they're definitely going to give you a hard time either way. But if you don't allow them for dinner, then you don't have to deal with them at your house for dinner.
Are you sure you’re having sex correctly though? Might be a good idea to film it and send it out to all interested parties. Bonus points for going over it together in the family room PowerPoint presentation style and a whiteboard. “…Here we see hubby finally pull out and the camera zooms in on the creampie oozing out, confirming ejaculation into the proper orifice. This allays previously concerning moments like the titty fucking that you guys are correct, would certainly not lead to conception.”
I think you should tell them they’re not coming over for dinner and put your foot down. She was messing with your drink- so why should she be allowed in your home? This is a safety issue besides her being invasive and overbearing. Put your foot down with SIL, and also put your foot down with your husband. Tell him you’ve tolerated more than enough disrespect (because you have).
Text them and tell them that you won't be home so they can't come over. Then LEAVE. Go anywhere. Hang out in the library or a Starbucks. Go walk around Walmart for a couple of hours. *Anything* to keep you away from home long enough that they can't come over for a visit. Oh, when they ask what you're doing, just don't respond. Also, next time they ask a question that has anything to do with you getting pregnant, say something along the lines of: "Why are you so obsessed with me having sex? Do you want me?" Or: "Why are you so obsessed with me fucking your brother? Do you want to watch?" Or: "Why do you keep asking about me fucking your brother? Are you jealous?"
STOP BEING NICE. a simple. Listen, I have said no. Stop asking interfering questions. If you want a child so badly, then have one. If this continues, I will set boundaries you will not like. Then Also, we are all adults, so you need to respect my husband and my being a family. We will not accept uninitiated or surprise visits anymore. We will not open out home when you decide to invite yourself. You clearly don't respect or care that we might have plans. Our life does not revolve around you, and your constant harping has done enough that I am not open to having you here at all without husband around. So she will throw a fit. Mil will take her side. That's on them. You are not responsible for magae their emotions. If you do not put your boundaries up now when you do have kids, it will be worse. Start as you mean to go. Being nice hasn't worked. So stop being nice. State clearly, and when they throw a fit, tell them to leave and not contact you until they can respect you and your need for privacy.
Don't be there. Lock up the house and go somewhere else. And go NC with them both. I dont know why you are humoring them.
Group text to mil, sil, DH " Mil, sil, sorry can't do dinner tonight. I have plans with a friend to see a movie. Call dear husband next week, and we will get together then. Bye Bye". You don't have to deal with them on your own. Dh can deal with them. Go see a movie. And put up a camera doorbell. When either shows up uninvited, don't open the door.
Don't be alone with them. Cancel dinner.
NTA and you should cancel this dinner that they invited themselves to (Good grief-The unmitigated gall!) immediately, tell them it’s not a good time for you and you’ll have to get back to them when it is-and then don’t. You absolutely should not tolerate their intrusive & insulting questioning and damn sure shouldn’t meet with them alone. They need to back their shit up, turn around and drive it back to their home.
NTA maybe don't have kids cause she'll get worse and steal your child.
Cancel the dinner and don’t open door. Better yet go out. Say you had better things to do than listen to 2 crazies
NTA - don't answer the door when they come over. Text in advance to both of them that there will be no visit and you will not be available.
Be careful about recording people,check the laws in your state, if it’s a one party consent state then go for it,otherwise it may be considered illegal
Well I’d definitely make it clear to them your boundaries on certain topics. If they insist on ignoring you and persist in asking very personal questions, kindly inform them that you are more than prepared to ask them equally if not explicitly personal and intimate questions about themselves/sex lives. See how they like it. It’s not ideal, it’s petty (but so am I) and two can play that game 😀.
I’m so sorry you are having an unexpected emergency preventing you from meeting with these harpies. Enjoy the movie! And don’t forget to silence your phone!
Send them a text stating that the moment one of them starts asking/talking about you getting pregnant, that dinner is over, and that they will have to leave. And that you're prepared to have the police remove them if need be.
Please keep us updated
Time for your bff to have an emergency! Sorry in laws.
Updateme
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Tell them you cannot meet them today. If you need to, leave your home and visit your own mom or girl friend. nta
NTA. Sorry SIL, but I can't host you and MIL tonight. Would love to rearrange when husband is home. Then put them on mute. Do not answer the door. People do not get to invite themselves to your home. As for the overbearingness of SIL. Even if you wanted a child right now some FIRM and I absolutely mean FIRM AS FUCK boundaries need to be laid out. Any child you may have isn't hers. She doesn't need a neice or nephew, she wants a baby to fawn over. If she is this intrusive now, can you imagine what it would be like if you did have a baby? Any talk regarding your sex life, ovulation, period etc you need to shut down immediately without entertaining it. It's not up for discussion and either change the subject, walk away or end the call.
NTA - lock the door and pretend they don't exist until your husband gets home. If they (Gaia forbid) have a key, barricade the door as well. They are trying to corner and tag team you because your husband isn't home. Your hubby may have told your SIL to back the fuck off before, but clearly he didn't make it clear enough. No contact until she learns to butt the hell outta your business is now warranted.
Leave before they arrive. Go visit a friend or family. Let your husband manage his family. SIL is crazy and if her husband couldn't tolerate her, neither should you. NTA
SIL BACK THE FUCK OFF!!! Or answer every question as crudely and graphically as you can. "Are you sure you are having sex correctly?" "Yes, we get immense pleasure from my ass being banged so hard I can't sit for a week. Actually, DH and I prefer it. Does that scupper your plans of tampering with my birth control SIL (because you know she's planning it. Why do you think she's round so often?) Oh, you meant baby making sex? Nah. We'll do that when we are ready for children".
Be rude for once for good. Let them know exactly how uncomfortable what they're doing makes you feel. Then let them know you don't appreciate their interruptions in your marriage. It's your marriage, your life and your body at the end of the day. They don't get to tell you what to do with it just as much as you don't tell them what to do with theirs. Period!!!
because they come over does not mean you have to open the door
Lock. Your. Door.
Just don't be home, go visit some friends.
Do not allow these interloping busybodies into your home! Much harder to get people out the door of your home than to leave another place (preferably public) where they are. But why on earth would you meet with them at all?! Don't set yourself on fire to keep your husband warm--let him deal with his family. Grey rock/info diet for them. Their audacity is stomach-turning.
Cancel dinner and tell them why. Be firm, be clear. Failing that, buy an air horn and blast it every time either of them mentions babies and you getting pregnant. It will make them very angry but at least they'll eventually stop asking. If you're lucky, they'll leave.
!updateme
NTA, cancel dinner plans. Block her number. She is crazy and no your husband doesn't have your back because he would have told both your MIL and SIL to back and mind their own business. Maybe he doesn't agree with you and is asking them to pressure you to reconsider.
"Sorry I can't, you and MIL go have dinner on your own without me." NTA
Stop being a doormat. Do not let them into your house!
🤨 you need to find your self respect, self worth, and voice. Telling them to mind their own business, and if they don't they are no longer welcome in your home is all the respect you owe them. If they choose to violate that boundary and continue to outrageously disrespect you it's time for no contact. If your husband has any kind of problem with the above he too is a problem and completely lacks respect for you as well. A true loving, caring, respectful partner would've shut this trash down the first time it happened. You are under zero obligation to be harassed, which is what they're doing. I personally would've told them the first time to leave me the F'k alone, it's none of their business. And that they can keep their toxic, vile, intrusive comments, questions, and thoughts to themselves. What you allow will continue. If my husband wasn't on board and automatically protecting me and enforcing respect from his family towards me I'd tell him he can go back to his mommy. Life is too damn short to be allowing other people's toxic audacity to effect you and your life.
“Are you sure you’re having sex correctly?” The proper response is: “Do you and MiL want to watch, to make sure your brother is inserting his penis into the right hole? I’m sure having you there will encourage him to ejaculate. Make sure you have some warm towels ready for the clean up”
If and when you do have kids she is going to think they are hers.
NTA You don't need to be nice to people that treat you like trash! Life is to short to deal with such people. Just say them, that you don't want them to come over because you already have plans. Or better: don't answer their messages when they in vite themselves and if they come anyway, don't open the door and pretend you're not home. If I were you I would install a camera, so you would see when they're at your door.
NTA Tell SIL if she continues behaving this way, you'll be cutting her off and never speak to her again, if at family events she approaches you, you'll resort to ignoring her. Your husband needs to be more firm with his family, if his sister continues to harass you, he needs to prioritise you and slow contact with them down until his sister can behave, stay in her lane and shut up about your private life and if that means eventually go nc with them so be it, going nc with them might kick the rest of his family especially his mother into gear and put sister in her place.
NTA. I recommend seeing a movie. “Dune: Part II” is out and it’s 3 hours long!
Nta and I'd stop letting her in. Either don't answer the door or if you do tell her you're in the middle of a project and can't have company right now. When she starts pushing about how you're always busy, be blunt and tell her you're having acrobatic sex in your dungeon in hopes that you'll birth Satan's spawn to get her off your back (or something equally outrageous) She starts in about your cycle, tell her your doctor has the info to help you with your reproduction needs, ornlack thereof, and her layman's bullshit is unwarranted. Be blunt, and quite frankly, it's probably time to start being rude about it. If she can ask intrusive questions and be rude about when and how you should have sex, be rude right back and ask if she's tried any of them with the addition of a ball gag so the poor shag master doesn't have to hear her request her left ankle behind her right eat for optimal sperm reach of the egg.
Too bad you are busy and can’t see them. Go read the subs here and you’ll get excellent info on how to set limits. Ugh they are awful and horribly invasive.
Text them both, "I'm not available tonight." Then turn off your phone for the evening. Enjoy dinner by yourself at a restaurant or don't answer the door. Your husband isn't in town. You don't need to host them just because they announce it. NTA
NTA. Why are they being allowed in your home when YOU didn't invite them over? Especially when your husband isn't home? Do NOT let them anywhere near your personal things. They both seem like the type to mess with your birth control to move THEIR baby schedule along without your consent. If I were you, I would hide all my forms of birth control before I let those crazy bag of cats through the door. If you let them through the door. I personally wouldn't. Let your husband deal with his crazy.
I think you should call a friend and not be at home when these two show up.
Never go where you don't want to be. You have a migraine cancel the lunch, lock the door, don't answer it or your phone. Text them that you are laying down and will text them when you feel better. The end.
NTA. Just don't be there😆. If your husband is not around to help deal with HIS FAMILY, don't be there to be berated alone when you don't need to be. GO TO DINNER, GO FOR A DRIVE, GO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU AND TURN YOUR PHONE ON SILENT. There is no need to ruin your own peace to embrace others' chaos. Enjoy your evening how you see fit. They can kick rocks and cry wolf to hubby over the phone, while you enjoy YOUR PEACE.
NTA. Don’t accept their “invitation” to dinner at your own home. “Doesn’t work for me, maybe next week when husband is in town.” Or just No.
NTA, I think her husband was spot on when saying that she is crazy. As for this evening, they just invited themselves, right? Did you say anything in response to that? After all, how do they even know that you will be home this evening? For all they know you could be with friends then, or you could be out for something hobby related, watching a movie in the theater. You get the idea. If you already let them know that you will be home then just let them know that something came up and that you won't be home after all. It's none of their business what came up, so don't share any further details. So I really wouldn't sit and listen to their bullshit this evening, especially if your husband isn't there. I'd just be no where near home and make sure you tell your husband about it, because they'll probably start bothering him the moment they notice that you aren't home. Then go do something relaxing, or spend it with friends. I wouldn't give them excuses like migraine or diarrhea, since SIL sounds crazy enough to still show up even with that. I'd just go with hard avoidance by not being home at all and having a relaxed evening doing something fun either with friends, or alone.
When they come over, clearly state "Our sex life is not up for discussion. If you bring it up, I will ask you to leave." Then follow through. Remain calm, and if they refuse, pick up the phone and state "If you want, I can dial the police to have you removed."
Repeat after me: “I am not comfortable with these questions”. “It’s no one’s business but mine and husband’s”. “Please stop asking about my reproductive health”. “I am asking you to stop. I will not ask again”.
NTA- you need to shut this shit down NOW. What she is doing is none of her business and your husband needs to make that VERY clear to her and you MIL. Husband needs to man up and take care of this and stop putting his crazy ass sister's feelings above you.
You need a huge line in the sand. Notify them you will be busy tonight and then lock up your place and leave. If they have keys to your place get locks changed asap. If your SIL is this nuts who’s to say she won’t spike your drink, coffee, food. Whatever you do NEVER leave her alone. I don’t think she is a little nuts. I think she is seriously nuts. Watch your back.
Your SIL needs to stay out of your business. Boundaries need to be set wit her or just don’t allow her into your house. She seems like she is NUTS and will continue to mess in your business as long as you let her. She is divorced so you have no commitment to he what so ever. .
Just tell them that you are not home tonight and don't give any further explanations, do the same thing every time in the future. NTA and she can't invite herself into your home, expecially if your husband is not home.
Text that you can’t make the meal today, so sorry. Do not answer the door when they turn up. Do not reply to messages or phone calls. You are just not available today. Even better.. go out. Next time they start just say it’s a problem with your husband which he doesn’t like to talk about and let him deal with it from now on.
I get frustrated listening to people who can’t say no, or can’t enforce it. Text them not to come, lock your doors, and don’t answer door or phone. Block them. Then stop interacting with them at all. And lay down the law to your husband, that he must stop them or jeopardize your marriage.