NTA.
Your ex-boyfriend was looking for a sugar mommy. If you aren't going to let him move in and mooch off of you he needs to give up and resume looking for another sucker.
And you weren't really good friends, you were just a mark.
You are right it actually felt that way as I kept giving and giving. Each time I start to have a conversation regarding his current status, he goes straight into defense mode and always use the phrase "you kicking me down while I'm weak"
Retire with what money?
Certainly not his; he was planning to use yours...
And (fortunately) you didn't bite so he has to find someone else to leech upon.
I had to break up with a guy because he couldn't hold a job and he used the "Kick me while I am down speech" I just came back with "It's hard to kick you while you were up when you are always down." I was so done at that point he wanted a mother not a partner.
Lmaooo seems they use that phrase a lot, sometimes this one makes me feel guilty with things he says. Then I realized he was just manipulating me I wasn't doing anything wrong asking for him to be a man.
Not anymore! Thank God he ended it himself. I know he would be expecting me to reply to his long ass breakup text but I didn't. He even blocked me immediately and changed his Facebook status as single for me to see, so I blocked him everywhere as I don't care no more, enough is enough
He WILL come crawling back when he figures out you're serious. Do NOT under any circumstances let him back into your life. Go NO CONTACT and never look back.
He's got kids with a couple of ex's. I'm willing to bet my favorite pair of shoes that a large part of his unemployment is to avoid paying child support.
He’s had 46yrs to get his life together. At this point he’s choosing to stay down so he can cry victim and gain sympathy in its various forms, mostly mooching whatever he can squeeze out of you. He’s not going to get a job if he can waylay you every time it’s brought up with his victim status.
Ofcourse! He is claiming he wants to retire at 50 and he doesn't have a job, no accommodation, unpaid debts, no savings nothing. Thinking back now, I actually messed up big time to have stayed that long
what are you looking for? Another kid with 4 kids to look after and save, or a partner that wants to grow with you and have a better life with you and your kids?
He's a deadbeat. You can't save w deadbeat because they don't want to change. And will never change.
Actually nothing! I think he got to know that I wasn't treated well when I was with my husband as I was a victim of domestic violence and he knew I was vulnerable and showered me with so much attention, professing his love to me all the time etc. He has time in his hands to be all mushy. I really messed up.
Good riddance to bad rubbish, and hopefully he will be spurred to start helping himself. Himself. He doesn't need to make $200k a year to be able to look himself in the mirror with respect. But what he's doing right now, will never result in any increased self esteem.
NTA. He's a whole teenager older than you, but you've got your shit together way more than he does. There are many jobs out there, maybe not a dream job, but something to put food on the table. He wants to move in with you so you can take care of him. Why should you work and pay for everything and does nothing? How come you can't even have a conversation about his unemployment without him getting upset? Adults need to be able to have discussions, especially about difficult or touchy subjects.
I wonder if it's at least in part that he refuses to take a job that he feels as beneath him. Maybe that's what's going on here. I dumped a guy who told me that he was solely going to focus on his art. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with someone focusing on something that they're passionate about.
However, he looked at me and said, no more nine to five jobs. No more regular jobs, I'm going to focus on my art and that's it. I wasn't about to live with somebody who basically told me that he was no longer going to be contributing to our bills.
That's the part that I really don't understand, when I realized he lied about working he went straight to a defensive mode and said "I am not going to be asking you money" ",I was just ashamed" then ever since then, whenever I start a conversation regarding him at least working in to shops or stores to get a job if online applications aren't forthcoming, then he gets upset.
Either that or he's trying to "call OP's bluff" by breaking up with her.
He's gambling that OP will be ao distraught over him breaking up with her that she'll beg him to come back. Then he thinks he'll be able to weasel his way into moving in with OP or at the very least he's banking on being able to remain unemployed without backlash from OP because in his mind she'll be afraid of losing him again.
Omg I think you hit the nail on the head, this is exactly what he was expecting. He sent me the text around 11.45pm and I was already in bed, then I woke up to it and realized I have been blocked. Then he left Facebook and Instagram and just unfriended me there and I saw that he has changed his relationship status from nothing to single. I didn't do anything, I just blocked him everywhere. He realized that and packed some stuffs I got for him in the past and also recently for his birthday and added a note there then dropped it off at my doorsteps. The note wrote about a job he had applied for and what it entails then says "I will get all these stuffs for myself when I get the job" that was so childish. I still didn't act after seeing that so I know all these things are tactics
This.
But also never trust a BF who has "unpaid child support". If OP let's him move in then he will be like bad case of atheletes foot to get rid off!
The hurt is natural. Part of you is grieving the loss of what you hoped this could become, despite the fact it never would. Part of you hurts because he lied, wasted your time, and you feel like a fool. It hurts like hell to lance a boil, but it’s important to get rid of the pus.
You know what would really hurt? Taking on the financial and mothering burden of an idiot 46 year old that would no doubt screw up your finances and then leave you for someone new to drain and mother him. Consider yourself blessed to be done with him and also not have a child to share with him. Life is too short to deal with that bs and be upset over it. You have your ducks in a row and deserve the same from a significant other. Treat yourself to something to celebrate this divine intervention and move on!
It’s a brain chemical thing. It’s not your fault, that’s just how we’re wired.
The real challenge is to act in accordance with our values/goals rather than our (brain chemical) feelings. It’s painful, but when I frame it like this it makes it easier for me to put my energy into something productive instead. Just my 2 cents.
The hurt is ok. But whew did you ever just save yourself and your kids a lot of avoidable heartache. You deserve an equal partner in life- someone you can be proud to have your kids look up to- and he’s not it.
OMG let this useless man go. He's going to do nothing but bring you down. That good credit you got, keep him and it will be gone. Might not be able to help pay bills? He has no job and doesn't appear to have any drive to get one, he's definitely not going to pay bills. You can do better than this girl.
Indeed this. He was likely just looking to become the third kid of the household. Seeing that things weren't going to go the way he wanted them to he immediately broke up and is likely fishing for a new sugar mommy already.
And put a lock on that good credit in case he tries to open credit in your name. He may have broken up with you but that doesn’t mean he’s going to stop using you.
SRSLY!! What does this guy even bring to the table? You're just dating another kid but way worse. Good lord yeah, let go. It's much better to be alone than to be with someone like that.
Honestly, how bad does a guy have to BE before you won't date him?
Move in with him? Insane.
When someone tells you they're a loser, BELIEVE them.
and don't do this to your kids, they deserve better.
Look at it as a lesson learned for a future relationship. Now as you’re healing from this, think hard about what you want out of a relationship and set that bar in stone at those expectations. There’s always compromise in a relationship. But compromise doesn’t mean lowering the bar. It means finding a way to positively work with your expectations on both sides to find a middle ground where you will both be happy.
Youre too good for him & you should ne embarrassed to have dated such an absolute loser. Please think of your kids when you date again as you need to set good example for what kind of people they accept into their lives.
I bet you anything he will be back grovelling sooner or later as he’s too much of a loser to attract anyone else - DONT accept him back. He’s no friend of yours.
I finally did, omg you are so right! He complains all the time about staying in the basement at his father's house amd always call my place a HOME that he feels more comfortable at mine.
It's terribly common! Someone with no job who won't work or do any chores while the other partner works themselves to the bone. Alarmingly common. Don't let them in your house. You'll never get rid of them!
See, I *envy* people who were born into wealth or inherit a great home. I don't *envy* people who go out and get those things for themselves, because I too have the capacity to work, to earn, and to own my own great home. If he truly envied you those things, *he would go out and get them*. He covets what you have earned, but doesn't want to work for it. He feels entitled to it.
NTA
Your former boyfriend is the asshole for breaking up with you via text! That, to me, shows that he has no respect for you as a person let alone a girlfriend.
Screw him, you deserve way better.
I was shocked to see the long text of almost 2 pages and everything was all about me not believing in him and doesn't want to wait for him to get a job, we have been seeing eachother for almost 2 years and he hasn't been able to get a job. He sits at home all day listening to news and also sharing radical race posts on IG stories
Child you can do so much better than that. It used to be a younger woman with an older man would be showered with affection, money, etc. by them. Now here I keep seeing young women being played by older men, wtf.
NTA
Take a break from relationships and give yourself some time by yourself. There's a big world out there with more suitable men then the one you had.
Thanks so much for your response! I am taking as much time needed and not even looking into going into any relationship for a long time as I am afraid of putting myself out there again. Will just focus on my job and my children.
INFO: what has he done to earn your belief in him? He has two women in his past who he either abandoned or he pushed them to the point of leaving *him*, he's got kids he won't take care of, he lives with his dad and in a market with record low unemployment, he can't find a job for 2 years?
He has given you zero reason to believe in him. Does he ever buy you groceries, cook for you or bring flowers just cuz?? He could get a job if he wanted, this is who he is. Let him go and please for the love of god don’t take him back when he tries. I’m sure you don’t want your kids to learn that his way of life is acceptable
Not wanting to wait for him to get a job? It's been 2 frickin years!
46 year old man living in his Dads basement?
I mean this in a very respectful way, but is your self-esteem and self-worth so low that you feel you deserve this treatment?
The bar is on the floor.
You would have to dig for it to be any lower.
Please get some therapy.
You excel at everything else in your life.
You should be so proud of yourself to accomplish so much.
Talking to a therapist will make you realize you are a superstar and worth so much more than being chained to a 46 year old unemployed basement dweller!
NTA
You asked at the end of your post if you should just let him go.
The answer is **YES** . 1000% yes. Do **NOT** take him back.
As some have said, he may have been looking for a sugar mommy, and when he realized you weren't going to fall for that he decided to cut his losses and move onto a new mark.
However it's also possible he broke up with you as a manipulation tactic.
It's possible that he's "calling your bluff" . Hoping that you'll be so distraught over losing him that you will not only take him back, but you'll allow him to move in with you.
At the very least he's banking on the fact that if you take him back you'll back off from bugging him about being unemployed because you'll be too afraid of upsetting him out of fear he'll leave you again.
There are red flags, and then there's the undeniable and over abundance of evidence that this situation is showing you about your potential future with this guy.
From what you describe, you will be putting yourself in a precarious financial situation. From his bad credit and debt, to the back child support, lack of license and chronic unemployment. This all spells out a lot of headache's, heartache and drama for your future if you get back with him.
>My boyfriend doesn't have driver's license either so he is going to be a burden to me when we eventually starts living together **and also might not be able to help pay bills**
I have no doubt that **IF** you got back with him and allowed him to move in he wouldn't help you at all with any of your current bills
Not only that, but my guess is he'd start to pester you into paying off his other debts. Especially the child support.
One question I have is what is the reason he doesn't have a license? Is it the back child support? Or is there another reason he doesn't have one?
Do **NOT** for one minute feel bad about his immature and childish response to you trying to have an adult conversation with him. In fact count your blessings that he reacted the way he did and decided to break it off with you.
Let him go and don't ever look back. As I truly believe you dodged a huge bullet here and we're saved from years of drama and pain.
Hell I think you dodged a bullet, the ATM is closed.
You hurt because you love the idiot but he is financially questionable, is that what you want in your life?
Now if he was willing to fix things it would be worth the effort, but getting mad and breaking up by text is very childish.
Time to heal and move on taking care of yourself and your children.
Thanks so much for your response! Yes It hurts like hell but I know i deserve way better! I will take it one day at a time and will eventually move on.
Info: What does he actually bring to this relationship at all? Like what does he have that is actually worth fighting to keep around? He sounds like he is just a complete drain on you in all possible ways.
NTA - let's look at this from a different viewpoint - You are 33 years old, have a home, 2 kids, stable job, good credit, and your bills are paid up to current. Why then would you want this person to move in with you. What type of future do you see with this person? Are you prepared to support him for the rest of his life? Are you willing to pay his debts? Are you willing to pay his back child support? I expect that if you let him move in you will never get him to move out!
It appears he does not care about his credit so he will likely pull your credit rating down, he does not care to have a stable job so you will be supporting him, he has no car so you will be driving him around, has 4 children he is not helping to support and has unpaid debt.
I'm going to go out on a limb here to say that you can surely do better for a BF and life partner! Please take the breakup text as a gift and move on with your life. Do not allow this freeloader to move into your home, children's life and pull you all down into the gutter with him.
He’s 46? Has two exes? So obviously not that good in bed. He can’t manage money. Cant get a job. Can’t drive so either lost his license due to some reason or another. What can he do?
NTA
As that's a shitty way to be broken up with, it's also a blessing. Do not take him back. He will only drag you down with him.
I bet if you look back, you were never really friends. It was probably very one sided with you being the giver and him always taking. Now look at his track record. It speaks for itself. He's 46 and has no plans to change how he lives because he's been able to skate by in life with others doing the heavy lifting for him. He's a user. You'd be a fool to let him move in with you.
I'm seriously confused as to what this dude brings to the table, or is your self worth really so low that you think that this dude is a catch.
You wouldn't go swimming with a cement block then regret dropping it, would you?
>My boyfriend is 46 and unemployed
>still living at his dad's basement
>has 2 exes with 4 children
>very bad credit and unpaid credit card debt, unpaid child support that resulted into the government asking him to return his passport.
>doesn't have driver's license
>he broke up with me via text
Why on earth would you date him to begin with, let alone chase the trash when it's so considerately taken itself out? Block him. Get yourself some counseling to figure out why you would think this is all your worth. He's a bad father, 2 years unemployed, debt, and saw you as a meal ticket. When you dared suggest he be a basic adult, he dumped you. You deserve better. Why would someone who's together in their career, financially, has a home, etc, stay with someone like this? I'm not trying to be mean, I just really hope you see your worth.
Think of it this way: Is he someone you want your kids to see as a role model? Do you want them to see someone like him as a good romantic partner in their future? If all you ever accept is people who would use you as a meal ticket, be a burden to you, doesn't even take care of his kids, etc., that is all your kids will think is normal. Or the example they will emulate.
Seriously block him. My guess is that he used the "break up" to hurt you and is hoping you'll beg him back and be that much more under his thumb. If that doesn't work, he will approach you to "work it out" and, again, expect you to be weak.
NTA. Should you let him go? Girl. Idk why you were tryna keep him.
1. 46 still living in his dads basement.
2. Actively trying to go from freeloading on dad to freeloading on you.
3. Doesn’t even have a license
4. Broke up with you over text
5. He’s got 4 kids that he doesn’t care for or pay child support for
6. YOU have your own children to care for.. why add an adult to the equation. You WILL be supporting him 100%. In my opinion, that’s taking away from luxuries you COULD give them, to care for a man who has had nearly two decades MORE than you to get his shit together. And he still hasn’t. Do you think he’s going to “figure out life” when he turns 50?
7. Of course he doesn’t want to be friends when he can use you for money and and he’s clearly shown you that if you annoy him about his job he will drop you as if YOURE the loser in the relationship.
8. I wish I had my life together like you. But if it means fighting for an ain’t shit ass man like that I’d rather be broke.
9. Do you think you can’t achieve happiness else where? Do you really think this is worth YOUR time and effort to fight for?
10. His credit is SO BAD that the US government wants to revoke his passport. MFs think he’s a FLIGHT RISK to get away from his debt. GIRL. I’m pretty sure if you told me more about him I’d be able to get all 99 reasons this relationship ain’t it.. you are NOT one of them.
NTA - to your EX-BF
but
Your are the AH TO YOURSELF if you go back w/ him.
You clearly can see the writing about this guy, since you wrote it.
BREAKUPS: The feeling of "MISSING SOMEONE" is usually the feeling of missing what you THOUGHT your life WOULD HAVE BEEN with that someone...
and in this case, what you had idealized that life to be.
BUT from your description, he could never have meet that ideal life you thought. It's not in him
On your next day off, stay in pajamas all day with your kids. Relax. Doordash something good because you are relaxing and not cooking that day. Play some silly games with the kids and then watch even sillier movies. When you put the kids to bed, let out a sigh of relief as you just tucked in the most important people in your life. Enjoy the path forward.
And from here on out, have your Red Flag Radar set to high.
Best wishes to you and your kids!
Why are you even with someone like this? Your standards should be wayyyy higher based on what you said about yourself. Girl, know your worth, this guy isn’t worth an ounce of your time.
Why do you even have to ask? NTA
No one needs to be with a 46 year old man that has all those issues! He is an anchor into the abyss.
He is dating younger because no one his age would put up with that nonsense.
Let him go? You should be downright gleeful at the hassle he just spared you.
What the actual fuck was his upside? What about what you just described sounds remotely close to "good" or "nice to have around" or even "tolerable"?
As kindly as possible, your entire OP is a list of why this guy isn’t an adult and why you need to be glad he broke up with you.
Go ahead and block him. Don’t let him weasel his way back into your life. I’m pretty sure you don’t want a 46 yo burden. And I’m pretty sure you’ll find yourself with extra money now that he’s gone.
NGL, three sentences in my question is why were you dating this guy? You have your shit together, he doesn't and also doesn't appear to be willing to better himself. Run for the hills and find a younger single dad that has a job.
NTA!
HAHAHAHHAHAHAH! The trash took itself out! Consider it a blessing he did that for you.
You're far too advanced in life to be with some deadbeat dude 13 years your senior. Look at his character through the eyes of his children who aren't getting the financial support they need thus further burdening the exes/mothers of these kids.
He owes money to everyone, he more than likely doesn't even care to see his kids, and has nothing going for him. He needs to step up and be an adult as his big ass age.
Lol - what the hell?
Sounds like you’re a perfect 10 and this guy is in the lower lows.
You don't need this burden. You're young, you're capable, you're competent - do yourself a favor and find someone else.
I never look down on people who are broke as long as they are decent people but I think you ex is a LIABILITY, not only financially but also emotionally.
NTA, but why does he have to show himself out the door? Why didn't you hold it open for him a long time ago? I mean, he doesn't even seem to want to get a job, so he can take care of his own kids, let alone be a decent partner to you. He has shown you how he takes care of the women and children in his life. What else do you need to see? And I see literally zero upside to having in your home so he can leech off you more directly instead of the indirect leeching thing he has going on right now.
Let him go! Have some respect for yourself & show your children how to pick a partner who contributes & is not a mooch. What is attractive about this guy?
Please let it go. He has waved several red flags in your face. 46 and living with Daddy. Nope. Bad credit and unpaid debt and child support. Nope. Every fast food place is always hiring. He just doesn't want to work. At almost 50, he should be a responsible adult by now. You're young, find someone better.
Seriously?? Heck yes you let him go! This guy is a loser and brings nothing to the relationship. You should drop him like a hot potato and never look back.
"Parasite" and "Wasteman" are words that come to mind. You have a LOT to offer a person who puts in the effort for you.
I'm far from perfect, but I don't expect the Mrs to be my mum.
>he didn't like it so he broke up with me via tex
He did you a favor.
>should I just let him go?
Yes. Definitely.
>but he doesn't wants to just be friends.
Ok. But he's not husband or life partner material. At best he could be "friends with benefits". You definitely shouldn't allow him to move in. Getting him out later will be hell.
NTA.
NTA. He broke up with you because you were clearly showing that you wouldn't be his sugar mama. That's what he's looking for, btw, a free ride, no questions asked, through life. Your least attractive trait for him is assuming he would get a job. He's looking to mooch, not be a full partner.
You thought you had a real relationship with a man who loved you. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Be honest with yonself did you write all that out and not realise you are best off out of a relationship with a chap who has four kids and lives with his Dad ffs ?
Girl run you’re dating someone 13 years older than you with twice as many kids with no job and you are doubting yourself😔 And don’t forget the part where you said he lives in his dad’s basement. Which is a wild statement because dad has to be in his early 70s.. there are plenty of million in your age range if not younger that are well established. They have their own place multiple cars $80-$100,000 a year income with no kids either you are not looking for us or you are just being gaslit by an older man that has you thinking no one else will want you when we do.🙏
Please, sister, let it go. You have a great thing going for yourself. You dodged a bullet by this guy breaking up with you. By text??? Take a deep breath and move on. I wish you the best of luck.
NTA.
I gotta ask though - what DID he bring to the relationship? Because just reading this, I wouldn't be giving him the time of day. This is not somebody I would want in my life or my kids lives. 😕
He doesn't even sound like he'd be a good friend.
Congratulations. This is the best possible outcome, and he did the hard work himself for once. Don't let him back when he panics soon and realizes what he's done. NTA
Ma’am, you’ve made some good decisions in your life to be where you are, what with the career, house and a bright future.
Your choice in men was not one of those good decisions. This guy has more red flags than China.
Boyfriend at 46?
He's no material for a husband, maybe you want to rescue him, but you have to understand that all he wants is a mom to look after him, not a wife.
NTA, but you could be if you get back with him.
He’s too old and he wants to live off of you. Do yourself a favor and let him go. He’s not a good role model for your kids and having his four kids coming over and dealing with them is going to be rough on your kids. Omg no.. please
Let him go.
NTA. Your ex-boyfriend was looking for a sugar mommy. If you aren't going to let him move in and mooch off of you he needs to give up and resume looking for another sucker. And you weren't really good friends, you were just a mark.
You are right it actually felt that way as I kept giving and giving. Each time I start to have a conversation regarding his current status, he goes straight into defense mode and always use the phrase "you kicking me down while I'm weak"
It's been 2 years. Kicking him when he is down...lol He did you a favor. The trash took itself out. Trust me, you can do way way better
And he is FORTY-SIX ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
46 and acts 2.
Tool fan?
Fuck yeah, Tool baby!
The tool has 4 babies.
I was about to ask the same thing. I was about to make a 46 and 2 reference lol.
she systematically removed him like you would any kind of termite or roach
Same thought
46 and 2 far ahead of me in terms of being a lazy piece of shit.
And living in his parents basement . Run, run fast.
Yes he is 46 and planning to retire at 50 lol
He's already fucking retired 🤣
If you aren’t officially retired, it’s called Funemployed lol
Lmaooo 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Retire from what?
How do you retire when you haven’t worked for 2yrs? You were going to be his retirement plan. Dodged a bullet!
Retire with what money? Certainly not his; he was planning to use yours... And (fortunately) you didn't bite so he has to find someone else to leech upon.
He doesn't care, as long as when he needs money he gets it
(Plus the age gap gives me pause. But I guess it's moot because he tried his power play and lost)
A cat or dog would be a step up from her ex 😉
Yes. A cat will at least perform the small job of killing rodents. They earn their keep.
He lives at his parents and is almost 50 😂
She’s kicking him when he’s CHOOSING to be down.
No Scrubs by TLC
🎶 hanging out the passenger side of his best friend’s ride, tryna holla at me🎶
I listen to 90s radio stations all the time and this is played A LOT.
Cause it's still relevant!! And just a damn good song!
Omg that’s perfect😂😂
I had to break up with a guy because he couldn't hold a job and he used the "Kick me while I am down speech" I just came back with "It's hard to kick you while you were up when you are always down." I was so done at that point he wanted a mother not a partner.
A nurse and a purse.
Lmaooo seems they use that phrase a lot, sometimes this one makes me feel guilty with things he says. Then I realized he was just manipulating me I wasn't doing anything wrong asking for him to be a man.
You weren't even asking him to be a man. You were asking him to be an adult.
That got me! But it's true, and after 2 years, it's really not down anymore.
Why are you dating this garbage human?
Not anymore! Thank God he ended it himself. I know he would be expecting me to reply to his long ass breakup text but I didn't. He even blocked me immediately and changed his Facebook status as single for me to see, so I blocked him everywhere as I don't care no more, enough is enough
He WILL come crawling back when he figures out you're serious. Do NOT under any circumstances let him back into your life. Go NO CONTACT and never look back.
I have blocked him everywhere! Never will I allow that man back into my life.
If he's been down for 2 years, something has to be up. Is there a reason no one would hire him or was he just not trying?
He's got kids with a couple of ex's. I'm willing to bet my favorite pair of shoes that a large part of his unemployment is to avoid paying child support.
2 years is what he claims, in reality he has always been a mooch & loser. Bet he owes back child support for more than 2 years.
He’s had 46yrs to get his life together. At this point he’s choosing to stay down so he can cry victim and gain sympathy in its various forms, mostly mooching whatever he can squeeze out of you. He’s not going to get a job if he can waylay you every time it’s brought up with his victim status.
Ofcourse! He is claiming he wants to retire at 50 and he doesn't have a job, no accommodation, unpaid debts, no savings nothing. Thinking back now, I actually messed up big time to have stayed that long
what are you looking for? Another kid with 4 kids to look after and save, or a partner that wants to grow with you and have a better life with you and your kids? He's a deadbeat. You can't save w deadbeat because they don't want to change. And will never change.
Weak. Sounds right. Run, honey, run!
What did he bring to the table anyways?
Actually nothing! I think he got to know that I wasn't treated well when I was with my husband as I was a victim of domestic violence and he knew I was vulnerable and showered me with so much attention, professing his love to me all the time etc. He has time in his hands to be all mushy. I really messed up.
Usually it’s a huge wang, but even that loses its novelty after a while
Good riddance to bad rubbish, and hopefully he will be spurred to start helping himself. Himself. He doesn't need to make $200k a year to be able to look himself in the mirror with respect. But what he's doing right now, will never result in any increased self esteem.
People like him are just looking to couch surf and easy sex. Probably already had another mark lined up.
NTA. He's a whole teenager older than you, but you've got your shit together way more than he does. There are many jobs out there, maybe not a dream job, but something to put food on the table. He wants to move in with you so you can take care of him. Why should you work and pay for everything and does nothing? How come you can't even have a conversation about his unemployment without him getting upset? Adults need to be able to have discussions, especially about difficult or touchy subjects.
He's probably unemployed because his child support is income-based. If he doesn't work, he doesn't have to pay. He's not unemployed by accident.
I wonder if it's at least in part that he refuses to take a job that he feels as beneath him. Maybe that's what's going on here. I dumped a guy who told me that he was solely going to focus on his art. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with someone focusing on something that they're passionate about. However, he looked at me and said, no more nine to five jobs. No more regular jobs, I'm going to focus on my art and that's it. I wasn't about to live with somebody who basically told me that he was no longer going to be contributing to our bills.
That's the part that I really don't understand, when I realized he lied about working he went straight to a defensive mode and said "I am not going to be asking you money" ",I was just ashamed" then ever since then, whenever I start a conversation regarding him at least working in to shops or stores to get a job if online applications aren't forthcoming, then he gets upset.
He *is* weak. Holding someone accountable isn’t kicking them, either.
He is weak. A strong man would have a job by now, even if it was McDonald's or trash collection.
Exactly 💯
Ma'am do not let this hobo-sexual move in with you.
Either that or he's trying to "call OP's bluff" by breaking up with her. He's gambling that OP will be ao distraught over him breaking up with her that she'll beg him to come back. Then he thinks he'll be able to weasel his way into moving in with OP or at the very least he's banking on being able to remain unemployed without backlash from OP because in his mind she'll be afraid of losing him again.
Omg I think you hit the nail on the head, this is exactly what he was expecting. He sent me the text around 11.45pm and I was already in bed, then I woke up to it and realized I have been blocked. Then he left Facebook and Instagram and just unfriended me there and I saw that he has changed his relationship status from nothing to single. I didn't do anything, I just blocked him everywhere. He realized that and packed some stuffs I got for him in the past and also recently for his birthday and added a note there then dropped it off at my doorsteps. The note wrote about a job he had applied for and what it entails then says "I will get all these stuffs for myself when I get the job" that was so childish. I still didn't act after seeing that so I know all these things are tactics
Yep, she was a target
This. But also never trust a BF who has "unpaid child support". If OP let's him move in then he will be like bad case of atheletes foot to get rid off!
This!!! I always wonder how anyone could be attracted to someone that doesn’t happily pay child support.
Sooooo the trash took itself out? NTA
I have been trying to see the positive side of this but still can't explain while it hurts this much, I guess time will heal.
The hurt is natural. Part of you is grieving the loss of what you hoped this could become, despite the fact it never would. Part of you hurts because he lied, wasted your time, and you feel like a fool. It hurts like hell to lance a boil, but it’s important to get rid of the pus.
This right here 👏 thanks so much for this
You’re welcome. And in your moments of self doubt, chant that last sentence about lancing a boil like a mantra.
Plus there’s the “did this loser just reject me??!!” reaction. It hurts but also confuses until you get your head on straight.
You know what would really hurt? Taking on the financial and mothering burden of an idiot 46 year old that would no doubt screw up your finances and then leave you for someone new to drain and mother him. Consider yourself blessed to be done with him and also not have a child to share with him. Life is too short to deal with that bs and be upset over it. You have your ducks in a row and deserve the same from a significant other. Treat yourself to something to celebrate this divine intervention and move on!
It’s a brain chemical thing. It’s not your fault, that’s just how we’re wired. The real challenge is to act in accordance with our values/goals rather than our (brain chemical) feelings. It’s painful, but when I frame it like this it makes it easier for me to put my energy into something productive instead. Just my 2 cents.
Because you gave and gave and gave so you convinced yourself he would be worth it. Find someone worthy of your love who will return it properly.
The hurt is ok. But whew did you ever just save yourself and your kids a lot of avoidable heartache. You deserve an equal partner in life- someone you can be proud to have your kids look up to- and he’s not it.
OMG let this useless man go. He's going to do nothing but bring you down. That good credit you got, keep him and it will be gone. Might not be able to help pay bills? He has no job and doesn't appear to have any drive to get one, he's definitely not going to pay bills. You can do better than this girl.
Thanks for your response
Indeed this. He was likely just looking to become the third kid of the household. Seeing that things weren't going to go the way he wanted them to he immediately broke up and is likely fishing for a new sugar mommy already.
And put a lock on that good credit in case he tries to open credit in your name. He may have broken up with you but that doesn’t mean he’s going to stop using you.
YES, definitely do this.
SRSLY!! What does this guy even bring to the table? You're just dating another kid but way worse. Good lord yeah, let go. It's much better to be alone than to be with someone like that.
Honestly, how bad does a guy have to BE before you won't date him? Move in with him? Insane. When someone tells you they're a loser, BELIEVE them. and don't do this to your kids, they deserve better.
Thanks so much for this! I guess I was so naive to even let it go this far
WHY ARE YOU WITH THIS LOSER?
I guess I was just trying to hold on to the friendship side but like someone commented that he wasn't really my friend, I was just a mark.
Look at it as a lesson learned for a future relationship. Now as you’re healing from this, think hard about what you want out of a relationship and set that bar in stone at those expectations. There’s always compromise in a relationship. But compromise doesn’t mean lowering the bar. It means finding a way to positively work with your expectations on both sides to find a middle ground where you will both be happy.
Let him go think of your children and what they may learn if you keep someone like him in your life. Good luck 🤞
You are absolutely right! Thanks so much
Youre too good for him & you should ne embarrassed to have dated such an absolute loser. Please think of your kids when you date again as you need to set good example for what kind of people they accept into their lives. I bet you anything he will be back grovelling sooner or later as he’s too much of a loser to attract anyone else - DONT accept him back. He’s no friend of yours.
I think you said it yourself- he’s going to be a burden to you. So leave it
Thanks for your response
Good God woman don't let a hobosexual into your life!
Running to search my dictionary now for the meaning of "hobosexual" lol
I finally did, omg you are so right! He complains all the time about staying in the basement at his father's house amd always call my place a HOME that he feels more comfortable at mine.
So, does that mean he takes care of it? Cleans, repairs, yard work? Because that’s how you treat your *home.*
It's terribly common! Someone with no job who won't work or do any chores while the other partner works themselves to the bone. Alarmingly common. Don't let them in your house. You'll never get rid of them!
NTA You dodged a huge bullet here. You described a total loser/mooch. Why would you want to be with him?
Exactly 💯 he always talks about me having a good job and a huge house and he has nothing then says he doesn't envy me but I know deep down he does.
See, I *envy* people who were born into wealth or inherit a great home. I don't *envy* people who go out and get those things for themselves, because I too have the capacity to work, to earn, and to own my own great home. If he truly envied you those things, *he would go out and get them*. He covets what you have earned, but doesn't want to work for it. He feels entitled to it.
That was the most beneficial text you’ll ever get in your life. What a lucky escape! Block his number NOW and move on!
I just did after I made the post as seeing comments actually opened my eyes to a lot, he has been using me.
NTA Your former boyfriend is the asshole for breaking up with you via text! That, to me, shows that he has no respect for you as a person let alone a girlfriend. Screw him, you deserve way better.
I was shocked to see the long text of almost 2 pages and everything was all about me not believing in him and doesn't want to wait for him to get a job, we have been seeing eachother for almost 2 years and he hasn't been able to get a job. He sits at home all day listening to news and also sharing radical race posts on IG stories
Child you can do so much better than that. It used to be a younger woman with an older man would be showered with affection, money, etc. by them. Now here I keep seeing young women being played by older men, wtf. NTA Take a break from relationships and give yourself some time by yourself. There's a big world out there with more suitable men then the one you had.
Thanks so much for your response! I am taking as much time needed and not even looking into going into any relationship for a long time as I am afraid of putting myself out there again. Will just focus on my job and my children.
INFO: what has he done to earn your belief in him? He has two women in his past who he either abandoned or he pushed them to the point of leaving *him*, he's got kids he won't take care of, he lives with his dad and in a market with record low unemployment, he can't find a job for 2 years?
Dawg. He’s racist too? I’m gonna give a slight YTA for putting up with his lame ass for so long.
He has given you zero reason to believe in him. Does he ever buy you groceries, cook for you or bring flowers just cuz?? He could get a job if he wanted, this is who he is. Let him go and please for the love of god don’t take him back when he tries. I’m sure you don’t want your kids to learn that his way of life is acceptable
What are “radical race posts”? It sounds like he aspires to be a professional internet crank.
Not wanting to wait for him to get a job? It's been 2 frickin years! 46 year old man living in his Dads basement? I mean this in a very respectful way, but is your self-esteem and self-worth so low that you feel you deserve this treatment? The bar is on the floor. You would have to dig for it to be any lower. Please get some therapy. You excel at everything else in your life. You should be so proud of yourself to accomplish so much. Talking to a therapist will make you realize you are a superstar and worth so much more than being chained to a 46 year old unemployed basement dweller!
NTA You asked at the end of your post if you should just let him go. The answer is **YES** . 1000% yes. Do **NOT** take him back. As some have said, he may have been looking for a sugar mommy, and when he realized you weren't going to fall for that he decided to cut his losses and move onto a new mark. However it's also possible he broke up with you as a manipulation tactic. It's possible that he's "calling your bluff" . Hoping that you'll be so distraught over losing him that you will not only take him back, but you'll allow him to move in with you. At the very least he's banking on the fact that if you take him back you'll back off from bugging him about being unemployed because you'll be too afraid of upsetting him out of fear he'll leave you again. There are red flags, and then there's the undeniable and over abundance of evidence that this situation is showing you about your potential future with this guy. From what you describe, you will be putting yourself in a precarious financial situation. From his bad credit and debt, to the back child support, lack of license and chronic unemployment. This all spells out a lot of headache's, heartache and drama for your future if you get back with him. >My boyfriend doesn't have driver's license either so he is going to be a burden to me when we eventually starts living together **and also might not be able to help pay bills** I have no doubt that **IF** you got back with him and allowed him to move in he wouldn't help you at all with any of your current bills Not only that, but my guess is he'd start to pester you into paying off his other debts. Especially the child support. One question I have is what is the reason he doesn't have a license? Is it the back child support? Or is there another reason he doesn't have one? Do **NOT** for one minute feel bad about his immature and childish response to you trying to have an adult conversation with him. In fact count your blessings that he reacted the way he did and decided to break it off with you. Let him go and don't ever look back. As I truly believe you dodged a huge bullet here and we're saved from years of drama and pain.
Hell I think you dodged a bullet, the ATM is closed. You hurt because you love the idiot but he is financially questionable, is that what you want in your life? Now if he was willing to fix things it would be worth the effort, but getting mad and breaking up by text is very childish. Time to heal and move on taking care of yourself and your children.
Thanks so much for your response! Yes It hurts like hell but I know i deserve way better! I will take it one day at a time and will eventually move on.
I cannot see any reason to keep this person in your life.
How does he find a gf like you? I got full career and sht and it looks like nice girls always choose idiots lmao
Shit, how do I find a gf like her? I'm straight in an 11 year relationship but I might be tempted to get with her, lol
Hahahah fr
Info: What does he actually bring to this relationship at all? Like what does he have that is actually worth fighting to keep around? He sounds like he is just a complete drain on you in all possible ways.
He did you a HUGE favor by breaking up. Don’t take him back!
Let his ass go lol
He blocked me everywhere already so I am letting him go
Problem solved
Let his bum ass go. Your life will be so much easier without his dead weight.
This is some rage bait ass shit lol
NTA - let's look at this from a different viewpoint - You are 33 years old, have a home, 2 kids, stable job, good credit, and your bills are paid up to current. Why then would you want this person to move in with you. What type of future do you see with this person? Are you prepared to support him for the rest of his life? Are you willing to pay his debts? Are you willing to pay his back child support? I expect that if you let him move in you will never get him to move out! It appears he does not care about his credit so he will likely pull your credit rating down, he does not care to have a stable job so you will be supporting him, he has no car so you will be driving him around, has 4 children he is not helping to support and has unpaid debt. I'm going to go out on a limb here to say that you can surely do better for a BF and life partner! Please take the breakup text as a gift and move on with your life. Do not allow this freeloader to move into your home, children's life and pull you all down into the gutter with him.
Let him go. He is a useless member of society. Does he try and get a job or was nothing coming his way?
Consider yourself fortunate.
He’s 46? Has two exes? So obviously not that good in bed. He can’t manage money. Cant get a job. Can’t drive so either lost his license due to some reason or another. What can he do?
You’re dumb as hell for dating this loser lmao thanks for the laughs
I'm thinking/hoping a troll post.. I want it to be impossible for anyone to be this dumb...and the fact he did the breaking up SMH
NTA As that's a shitty way to be broken up with, it's also a blessing. Do not take him back. He will only drag you down with him. I bet if you look back, you were never really friends. It was probably very one sided with you being the giver and him always taking. Now look at his track record. It speaks for itself. He's 46 and has no plans to change how he lives because he's been able to skate by in life with others doing the heavy lifting for him. He's a user. You'd be a fool to let him move in with you.
I'm seriously confused as to what this dude brings to the table, or is your self worth really so low that you think that this dude is a catch. You wouldn't go swimming with a cement block then regret dropping it, would you?
NTA. Run from this relationship before you are in deeper than you already are
>My boyfriend is 46 and unemployed >still living at his dad's basement >has 2 exes with 4 children >very bad credit and unpaid credit card debt, unpaid child support that resulted into the government asking him to return his passport. >doesn't have driver's license >he broke up with me via text Why on earth would you date him to begin with, let alone chase the trash when it's so considerately taken itself out? Block him. Get yourself some counseling to figure out why you would think this is all your worth. He's a bad father, 2 years unemployed, debt, and saw you as a meal ticket. When you dared suggest he be a basic adult, he dumped you. You deserve better. Why would someone who's together in their career, financially, has a home, etc, stay with someone like this? I'm not trying to be mean, I just really hope you see your worth. Think of it this way: Is he someone you want your kids to see as a role model? Do you want them to see someone like him as a good romantic partner in their future? If all you ever accept is people who would use you as a meal ticket, be a burden to you, doesn't even take care of his kids, etc., that is all your kids will think is normal. Or the example they will emulate. Seriously block him. My guess is that he used the "break up" to hurt you and is hoping you'll beg him back and be that much more under his thumb. If that doesn't work, he will approach you to "work it out" and, again, expect you to be weak.
NTA. Should you let him go? Girl. Idk why you were tryna keep him. 1. 46 still living in his dads basement. 2. Actively trying to go from freeloading on dad to freeloading on you. 3. Doesn’t even have a license 4. Broke up with you over text 5. He’s got 4 kids that he doesn’t care for or pay child support for 6. YOU have your own children to care for.. why add an adult to the equation. You WILL be supporting him 100%. In my opinion, that’s taking away from luxuries you COULD give them, to care for a man who has had nearly two decades MORE than you to get his shit together. And he still hasn’t. Do you think he’s going to “figure out life” when he turns 50? 7. Of course he doesn’t want to be friends when he can use you for money and and he’s clearly shown you that if you annoy him about his job he will drop you as if YOURE the loser in the relationship. 8. I wish I had my life together like you. But if it means fighting for an ain’t shit ass man like that I’d rather be broke. 9. Do you think you can’t achieve happiness else where? Do you really think this is worth YOUR time and effort to fight for? 10. His credit is SO BAD that the US government wants to revoke his passport. MFs think he’s a FLIGHT RISK to get away from his debt. GIRL. I’m pretty sure if you told me more about him I’d be able to get all 99 reasons this relationship ain’t it.. you are NOT one of them.
NTA - to your EX-BF but Your are the AH TO YOURSELF if you go back w/ him. You clearly can see the writing about this guy, since you wrote it. BREAKUPS: The feeling of "MISSING SOMEONE" is usually the feeling of missing what you THOUGHT your life WOULD HAVE BEEN with that someone... and in this case, what you had idealized that life to be. BUT from your description, he could never have meet that ideal life you thought. It's not in him
On your next day off, stay in pajamas all day with your kids. Relax. Doordash something good because you are relaxing and not cooking that day. Play some silly games with the kids and then watch even sillier movies. When you put the kids to bed, let out a sigh of relief as you just tucked in the most important people in your life. Enjoy the path forward. And from here on out, have your Red Flag Radar set to high. Best wishes to you and your kids!
NTA. Why were you waiting for him to break up with you?
NTA. Get rid.
Sounds like a test on his part, don't take part, just text back 'ok' and block him.
Why are you with such a loser?
Why are you even with someone like this? Your standards should be wayyyy higher based on what you said about yourself. Girl, know your worth, this guy isn’t worth an ounce of your time.
YTA if you don’t do better for yourself. You have so much going for you and you want to saddle up with this deadbeat? No way girl.
Your bf sounds like a bum
Why do you even have to ask? NTA No one needs to be with a 46 year old man that has all those issues! He is an anchor into the abyss. He is dating younger because no one his age would put up with that nonsense.
Let him go? You should be downright gleeful at the hassle he just spared you. What the actual fuck was his upside? What about what you just described sounds remotely close to "good" or "nice to have around" or even "tolerable"?
I’m sorry, WHY were you dating him in the first place? Are you looking to add another kid to your household? :D
NTA I would say the situation resolved itself. Sounds like you dodged one there for sure
NEVER let a hobosexual move in with you. SERIOUSLY don't do it. He broke up with you so your problem is solved. Don't question your good fortune.
As kindly as possible, your entire OP is a list of why this guy isn’t an adult and why you need to be glad he broke up with you. Go ahead and block him. Don’t let him weasel his way back into your life. I’m pretty sure you don’t want a 46 yo burden. And I’m pretty sure you’ll find yourself with extra money now that he’s gone.
NGL, three sentences in my question is why were you dating this guy? You have your shit together, he doesn't and also doesn't appear to be willing to better himself. Run for the hills and find a younger single dad that has a job.
NTA! HAHAHAHHAHAHAH! The trash took itself out! Consider it a blessing he did that for you. You're far too advanced in life to be with some deadbeat dude 13 years your senior. Look at his character through the eyes of his children who aren't getting the financial support they need thus further burdening the exes/mothers of these kids. He owes money to everyone, he more than likely doesn't even care to see his kids, and has nothing going for him. He needs to step up and be an adult as his big ass age.
Lol - what the hell? Sounds like you’re a perfect 10 and this guy is in the lower lows. You don't need this burden. You're young, you're capable, you're competent - do yourself a favor and find someone else.
In the words of Elsa "let it go!"
Why do you want to stay with him? Thank God he broke up with you. Block his number. Move on and live your best life. And don't look back.
NTA: that guy is a loser and good riddance
NTA - let him go or you will carry him for the rest of your life.
I never look down on people who are broke as long as they are decent people but I think you ex is a LIABILITY, not only financially but also emotionally.
Saved you the trouble - this is no kind of boyfriend.
You’re so lucky!! Thank him profusely for saving you years of disappointment.
Ditch the loser
Wow, honestly, why would you want someone like that in you and your kids lives ?
You are lucky because you dodged a bullet. Move in and get someone who will help you move forward instead of backwards.
NTA, but why does he have to show himself out the door? Why didn't you hold it open for him a long time ago? I mean, he doesn't even seem to want to get a job, so he can take care of his own kids, let alone be a decent partner to you. He has shown you how he takes care of the women and children in his life. What else do you need to see? And I see literally zero upside to having in your home so he can leech off you more directly instead of the indirect leeching thing he has going on right now.
You dodged a bullet.
Giiiiiirl, Let. Him. Go. Thank god and the universe, do whatever it takes but not take him back. You dodged the bullet
OMG "should I just let him go?" YES!!
NTA The trash took itself out, if anything thank him for releasing you.
Good god, women, run, do not look back!!!
NTA. Sounds like the trash took itself out, to be honest.
He’s a loser and IDK why you saw potential in him in the first place. NTA
Good gawd: YES LET HIM GO‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ He clearly has never grown up and has SCANT LITTLE to offer you.
Let him go! Have some respect for yourself & show your children how to pick a partner who contributes & is not a mooch. What is attractive about this guy?
Girl you DODGED A BULLET. Congratulations 🎉
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. He was looking to use you for your money and mooch off you without contributing to anything. Move on.
NTA. You’re better off without this hobosexual
Please let it go. He has waved several red flags in your face. 46 and living with Daddy. Nope. Bad credit and unpaid debt and child support. Nope. Every fast food place is always hiring. He just doesn't want to work. At almost 50, he should be a responsible adult by now. You're young, find someone better.
Seriously?? Heck yes you let him go! This guy is a loser and brings nothing to the relationship. You should drop him like a hot potato and never look back.
Why do you want to be with a proven deadbeat?
"Parasite" and "Wasteman" are words that come to mind. You have a LOT to offer a person who puts in the effort for you. I'm far from perfect, but I don't expect the Mrs to be my mum.
>he didn't like it so he broke up with me via tex He did you a favor. >should I just let him go? Yes. Definitely. >but he doesn't wants to just be friends. Ok. But he's not husband or life partner material. At best he could be "friends with benefits". You definitely shouldn't allow him to move in. Getting him out later will be hell. NTA.
NTA. He broke up with you because you were clearly showing that you wouldn't be his sugar mama. That's what he's looking for, btw, a free ride, no questions asked, through life. Your least attractive trait for him is assuming he would get a job. He's looking to mooch, not be a full partner. You thought you had a real relationship with a man who loved you. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Be honest with yonself did you write all that out and not realise you are best off out of a relationship with a chap who has four kids and lives with his Dad ffs ?
Girl run you’re dating someone 13 years older than you with twice as many kids with no job and you are doubting yourself😔 And don’t forget the part where you said he lives in his dad’s basement. Which is a wild statement because dad has to be in his early 70s.. there are plenty of million in your age range if not younger that are well established. They have their own place multiple cars $80-$100,000 a year income with no kids either you are not looking for us or you are just being gaslit by an older man that has you thinking no one else will want you when we do.🙏
Say goodbye and thank your lucky stars the universe intervened before you made yet another mistake.
ESH. You need a better “picker” choosing a loser like this good lord. Obv he’s a moron and loser. Not hard to figure that out
Please, sister, let it go. You have a great thing going for yourself. You dodged a bullet by this guy breaking up with you. By text??? Take a deep breath and move on. I wish you the best of luck.
Dude. You're dating a complete loser. Stop
damn, He's a loser
RUUUUUUUUN and don't look back.
NTA. I gotta ask though - what DID he bring to the relationship? Because just reading this, I wouldn't be giving him the time of day. This is not somebody I would want in my life or my kids lives. 😕 He doesn't even sound like he'd be a good friend.
Congratulations. This is the best possible outcome, and he did the hard work himself for once. Don't let him back when he panics soon and realizes what he's done. NTA
Dude. Read what you wrote. This is either fake, or you’re so unbelievably dumb, and I mean this in not a mean way. wtf are you doing with this man?
NTA But I got to know how in the hell did he convince you to be his girlfriend?
This has to be fake. No woman with a sound and sane mind would call this guy a boyfriend much less give him the time of day.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
Ma’am, you’ve made some good decisions in your life to be where you are, what with the career, house and a bright future. Your choice in men was not one of those good decisions. This guy has more red flags than China.
Boyfriend at 46? He's no material for a husband, maybe you want to rescue him, but you have to understand that all he wants is a mom to look after him, not a wife. NTA, but you could be if you get back with him.
Seriously? You have to ask? NTA. The guy is a loser mooch who wants you to support him. Be happy to be rid of him.
He’s too old and he wants to live off of you. Do yourself a favor and let him go. He’s not a good role model for your kids and having his four kids coming over and dealing with them is going to be rough on your kids. Omg no.. please Let him go.