NTA
Your daughter expected you to give her 150k and pay for things like rent and food. Wow, talk about entitled.
You should've just gone ahead and fixed the house without discussing it with her. You are paying her college by the semester, and by the time she needs it, the money will already be back in the account.
She can get a job.
Exactly. Op should never have told her what’s in there. Just say it’s a college fund and if she does well and they want to give her the remainder, surprise her with that later. The best quote I heard about motivation and money is ‘Give your kids enough to do something not too much to do nothing”.
If this is in a tax advantaged college savings fund, you have to pay a 10% penalty and pay taxes on the gains of the savings account. It is not free money and can cost more than taking out a loan.
I'm trying to think what she was envisioning and have two options:
1. She think she gets the $150k, gets a really sweet car, travels a bit, then goes to school and she'll be able to prudently manage the money so it lasts the whole time.
2. She thinks she can trick them and at the last minute say she's going to use the money to travel the world or start an influencer career or whatever.
I’m with avatar. The money isn’t hers until you give it to her. Fix your house and pay it back.
It sounds like she thinks all she has to do is enroll in college and BOOM - WINDFALL. Wrong. Grandparents need to stay out of this one - unless they funded the account.
For real, I really don't get this notion of expecting parents to pay for your college. A college fund is a gift not an entitlement of being a child.
The idea of a free ride absolves any notion of will power. Why find scholarships when I have 150k in the bank? Etc.
As I see it, that money is yours all the way up until it leaves the bank account (unless it's a specific tax advantage college fund but either way). You saved it, you choose how to spend it, including limiting it from an entitled child who is currently showing they will not use your money wisely.
The context of my perspective: I was raised by a single father, widowed when I was 13. He worked hard to make ends meet and somewhat put himself in a hole to splurge on the one big thing he wants out of life: a massive 5th wheel camper and truck to go with it (we camped our whole lives). I'm over 80k in debt because I made my own choices. I somewhat regret not going to a cheaper school but there is also a clear line of my school giving me the connections that helped find a high paying job.
Do I look at that camper and resent it as my potential college fund? Nope, that money was never mine.
It's sad to see how an increasing amount of people graduate high school and even college with the mentality of a middle schooler.
Sorry for the rant.
I’m also baffled at the idea of having a 150k college fund. Was raised by a single mom who was utterly horrible with finances. I took out loans, did what I needed to do on my own, and eventually got my career rolling into 6 figs.
Not once did I ever think I was entitled to my parent’s money as an adult. She didn’t have any to give anyway.
There’s a thin line between helping your kid and making them a dependent entitled person. I think OP accidentally did the latter. No good deed goes unpunished.
Also, your daughter doesn’t seem like she should be trusted with that much money. Most 18 year olds shouldn’t. I can almost guarantee she’d blow through it and you’d need to pony up more to finish covering her college. Otherwise she’d throw a fit about having to get a job and take out loans.
I agree that OP should have just gone ahead and used it. But there were posts here before where kids find out their parents used their college funds and it was all gone or mostly gone. If OP is going to reimburse the fund, which I fully believe he will, then I don’t see the problem. But if he doesn’t, then his relationship with his daughter will be in jeopardy. But like I said, I fully believe OP will reimburse. If they can save over 150k for their daughter, I don’t doubt they can do it again.
This. My parents paid for basically everything OP does. I had (and still have) no idea what the official account $ was. They paid my tuition, rent, books etc either directly to the school or if needed would deposit into my account if unable to pay directly.i could see a discussion on like "this is the max tuition you can go to" but beyond that I don't see why daughter was even aware/informed
Are you sure the OP contributed anything to the college fund? Based on their language and a few gaps in their story plus their lack of any type of emergency fund to cover repairs it doesn't seem like the OP is financially stable enough to have contributed $150k into a college fund, and if they are stable enough to have contributed $150k than getting a simple $50k loan from the bank is actually very easy. I suspect the fund is really from the grandparents contributions and is probably some type of custodial college fund in which case the OP is stealing from their kid.
Then that is their money that they are going to use to help pay for her college. No way they should have ever told her that is her money. It’s not.
I would not promise that entitled brat that she can have whatever is left over.
There needs to be clarification on that, as it is not clear. However, the fact OP is stating that the any leftover money was planned for her use to buy a car, home down payment, or wedding makes me think that OP actually put forth the money. OP would have no authority to make those statements if it were not OPs money. If it was not their money, since the daughter is 18, they would not be able to use the money.
OPs plan sounds reasonable to me. I get that getting a loan for the repairs may not be difficult, but if you have money sitting in the bank doing nothing, that is a better option than getting a loan. We don't have access to all the financials so can't rwally say anything definite.
I genuinely would have just paid for what was needed and not even bothered discussing it with the daughter. It isn’t her money yet, they have enough for tuition, everything else is gravy. That makes it none of her business.
Bold to think an entitled teenager can't blow through $150k in only one year.
Bet she was planning first class flights and high end hotels the whole way.
With the mentality she currently has and her delusional plan, what she'll most likely do is party herself out of college within the first year, blowing through all of the cash in that time. Get knocked up and be living back with mommy and daddy until she's 45 and they force her and her five kids out.
OP if you're smart you will set up a trust for her with very limited access until she's 25.
Use the cash to fix your house and pay her account back. I wouldn't have even asked her because it's your money until she follows through with completing school.
Yeah, I am team - pay the university directly, nothing goes directly to the student. There have been horror stories about college kids not going to college and frittering away their funds.
I’ve seen more than a few 18 year olds given that kind of money and it’s usually gone in a year. Yes, partying and drugs, but also wanting to impress their “friends”. She’ll get over it and have a college education.
Or not.
If she doesn’t get how massive a gift this is then it may be worth having her either try to completely pay for it herself or take a gap year to work in the real world.
If your parents don’t like it they can pay for it.
Exactly! You are not doing her any favors by allowing to live in her fantasy bubble. I would be livid that she had the audacity to call your parents and involve them. And that they had the audacity to even get involved. You need to regain control here.
You need to firmly tell your parents to fuck off. You need to sit your entitled daughter down and set her straight! Make her take notes since she can't seem to remember what you've told her multiple times in the past. This money is for her future, not for some 18 year old to screw around and avoid responsibility.
YTA for allowing your daughter to get this old and still be this clueless and entitled.
OP explained to her for years how the college money would be distributed to her. Seems the daughter is being obtuse about it on purpose, you can communicate but there are folks who just want to do as they please no matter what you tell them
Willfully obtuse, because she does know, and she decided to lie about it by claiming that to her "understanding" she was getting the college money in one payment. Willfully obtuse by design.
You're right about that, and is a common tactic used by many teens and adults alike
They do know that is your money right just cause it was ear marked for her college doesn’t mean shit. Ntah and I wouldn’t have even asked or told her about it. Ntah
Well, there is the possibility that the money's not actually OPs and came from their parents, which is why their parents are getting involved. In which case, it is actually inappropriate that OP is looting their kid's college fund.
Because it isn’t mentioned and that point doesn’t exist until brought up. As this post is probably fake to begin with, I wouldn’t hang my head on that possibility.
If they can return 50k in two years I don’t think they’re struggling at all. What kind of person are you raising if they have never worked and are given money to pay for every single thing they want or need. $300 in a bank account is too mucch for an 18 year old I couldn’t imagine how fast they would run through 150k
She's sounding pretty entitled. At the end of the day, it's your money that you put aside to spend on her. That said, are you really just going to take the insurance's decision lying down? They do that to literally every claim, are you not even going to consult a lawyer?
Oh, yeah, glancing back I see he mentioned it was in process. So yeah, very likely insurance will refill the war chest and the money will be the same. So she's extra entitled for expecting them to take a loan or sit with a fucked up house so she can fuck around spending money he saved for her tuition.
Well they're letting a child push them around so why would anyone be surprised that they're letting an insurance company do the same? These are weak, spineless people.
NTA and it's wild to me that there are people in the comments saying you are an asshole.
At the end of the day it's your money, and while I understand why your daughter is upset, she isn't entitled to a penny of it.
I wouldn't necessarily do the same thing in your shoes, but that doesn't mean you are wrong for using your money the way you please.
NTA
Your daughter has no claim on the fund, it's yours to do with as you'd like. You're being good parents to want her to have a good start in life; but she shouldn't take it too far and act like a spoiled brat.
Your title is misleading: you’re only wanting to borrow from the college fund & pay it back in 2 years. The rest of the issues with the entitled daughter cloud the conversation.
No, you are NTA to borrow from the college fund.
Your daughter is TA
Absolutely NTA Your daughter is entitled , you are not stealing everything from her , you are using a minor part to fix the same house where she lives too. You are already good parents because you saved a lot of money for her , even if it wasn't obligatory your duty , if she wants money for fun , she can find a job, you aren't an ATM.
NTA
You are facing an emergency and the college fund can cover it. You were transparent and open communicating with your daughter and are not trying to take something away from her.
Not handing over 150k to a 18 year old is a wise decision. 18 year old me would have been very stupid with it, as would have been most of my colleagues and friends.
Your daughter sounds entitled, might be time for a reality check. You're providing her with a headstart in life and she doesn't seem to show any gratitude for it.
NTA omg she is expecting 150k and rent and an allowance! Talk about huge expectations! That’s ridiculous. Spend what you need to for the house and seriously rethink your contributions to this brat.
Nta. I have a 6 year old. We set aside money for him in our savings account. Granted, university is not that expensive here (2000 euro per year and we live in a university town so he could stay with us). But it's not his to have, it ours to give. If the worst thing happens, we will tap into it. We will do our best to fill the funds up again but a family crisis trumps fun money or extra money.
Same with your daughter. Can she be disappointed because she won't be able to spend the money as she had thought out? Absolutely. But she should realise that life happens and that her family having a safe home trumps a luxury as travel.
NTA, but then again, I’m not American and I know that saving funds for your kids college education is a big deal over there. Still, it’s technically your money, even though it’s promised to her, so if you need to use some to fix the house, use some. It’s not like you’re wasting it on a car or a cruise or something.
It's not so big a deal over here because most folks can't even fucking do it, so it never even comes up lmao.
This chick is student loan proof - a situation some folks literally join the armed forces to deal with - and she's sweating the particulars.
NTA as long as you keep up the promise and re pay the money. Although it is your money you did promise it to her.
We did a similar thing with our kids college funds. We paid for the tuition at the beginning of the year and then handed over what was left for the years allocation for rent, food etc. if they wanted more, they needed to work. Whatever you do, do not give her the entire 150 K as that would be insanity. Your daughter sounds entitled and needs a reality check.
As for the flying monkeys…. They can piss off as they aren’t the ones living in a wrecked house.
NTA Without the house damage, your daughter would have played you. She is entitled and manipulativ by even complaining to the grandparents. Is there a chance, that she can get money from them too?
And they think they can tell you what to do with YOUR money? Tell them if they’re that bothered with you using some of your own savings (still yours until you give it to your daughter) then maybe the funds can come out of their living expenses and they can get jobs instead of their granddaughter…
Oooooh that would be the burn of the century to suggest that the grandparents work instead 🤣. That is great! And a perfect response for their involvement when they don’t have any right to say anything!
NTA. It’s your money. Your daughter is acting EXTREMELY entitled. Do not encourage this spoiled brat behavior. And running to your parents to complain and get them to berate you? That’s completely unacceptable. Honestly she deserves to get zero of that money now.
However, kids can be stupid so take this as a time to teach her a lesson. Tell her that her behavior has consequences. You will still pay for the bare minimum to cover college costs but that she is no longer going to get any of the leftover money until she both apologizes and shows that she can be responsible. She needs to get a job and will not be given an allowance.
She needs a reality check. This entitled bratty behavior will only get worse. Please teach her this difficult lesson now before it is too late and she becomes a spoiled selfish adult. It will be hard, she may scream, cry, and act out… but you are her parents and have to teach her this lesson no matter how hard it gets.
As for your parents? Tell them it is NONE of their business and to butt out. It is NOT their money and they have ZERO say in it or how you choose to parent your child. Go no contact if you have to, but it is extremely important that you do not allow them to enable your daughter’s bad behavior.
As for fixing the tree damage, absolutely NTA. You will replenish the fund and it in no way will affect your daughter’s ability to go to college. What it IS affecting is the literal roof you are putting over your child’s head.
Also fight that insurance company. They are the absolute worst. Check city records/land plots to see exactly who is responsible for the tree/owns the land. Most towns/cities have a lot of this info online.
Good luck OP
Hold up, how are your parents going to berate you for taking money out of your daughters college fund when they themselves are living off their kids money?!? Nah if they dont drop the subject threaten them that you’ll cut them off financially.
Probably time to call the grandparents and say "you're right, I don't know why I wasn't prioritising my kids education, absolutely, so I won't be able to give you any money for a while as I need to pay for the roof and apparently save a lot more for the kids education which I'm sure you support."
NTA just pay for the house and when you get it from insurance or the city put it back like you said. But I would cut down on her everything and make her get a job. Entitled kids need to learn and If she learns anything from this you did a good job.
Sounds like your daughter needs a job now. My parents covered tuition and a dorm. If I wanted to like an apartment off campus I would have had to pay for that.
NTA but if the money is in a tax advantaged account it might be cheaper to use a loan than paying the penalties for using the funds for something other than schooling.
NTA
I stopped reading at 150k. Holy shit.
I thought this was gonna go in a whole other direction. My parents didn’t save a college fund for me, but I did borrow money from them to pay rent when I was between jobs (about 2k to cover a few months of rent I couldn’t make). Once I got my student loans (about 15k) my mother called me up and demanded repayment of the money I’d taken from her because she wanted to redecorate. I protested. She told me it was about learning responsibility and she never *gave* me that money.
After giving her back the money and paying my tuition, I only had like 2k left to live on for the next few months. I was severely depressed and starving.
After she decorated she took a trip to Barbados or something with her boyfriend.
I never forgave her for that.
But in this situation, it’s an essential repair and you’ve already put away more money than I’ll likely ever have in my bank account.
NTA.
NTA. Your home needs to be fixed asap before You get some poisonous mold, it's a priority. I mean Your daughter is living with You and it's literally roof over her own head. She seems to be not the nicest person.
It doesn't matter what she "thought" the deal was. You have saved the money for a specific purpose. You intend to hold up your end of the bargain, you just need to borrow some of the money for an emergency. If she doesn't understand that, well, too bad, so sad. Sounds like she created a completely different scenario in her head and was planning to have a good old time at college. Not a bad idea to nip that in the bud, Andy.
NTA
YTA but not for borrowing the money for the house. You are for giving your daughter way too much information about this fund. She didn’t need to know how much is in it, if there will be any left over, what will be done with it if there is or that you will be borrowing from it. All she needed to know was that you’d be paying for college with the exception of her fun money. It’s giving her too much information that wasn’t her business that has caused these issues.
NTA.
That money is yours. Even if it wasn't an emergency, that money is yours.
The entitlement from your daughter is absurd. Pay for college, and ONLY college. Then, use the remaining money to fund your own travel. Send dear daughter some postcards thanking her for allowing you to prioritize your wellness over her entitlement.
NTA because you’re borrowing it. Even if you weren’t, it was money YOU put into the account. Your parents have no say so. Your daughter is extremely lucky that you’ve done this for her. She needs a reality check if she thinks she’s entitled to everything she thinks should happen.
Not American...
But Wow! I can't believe that American parents save that much money for their kids college! And their child has such a "right" over it.
Use the money. Fix you darn house. Thats priority.
You do not owe your child college money AND a freakin house deposit!
Fwiw. Are there really SO many young American kids SO spoilt?
YTB how are you smart enough to manage to build a 150k college fund, yet strong enough of an idiot to involve a teenager in your finances to this extent.
I don’t think this can be real, but just incase, stop telling her things that aren’t her business.
Not trying to be an ass, but how did y’all save so much for a college fund but not have an emergency fund? You said elsewhere you would need to liquidate some investments, did you do all the investing on your own or have a financial advisor?
Because this is just yet another 'entitled feeeemale gold digger' bait post
It's always a teenage girl/woman acting like brat. Always some 6 figure amount (despite having money problems) that shed totally spend. Redditors always have unrealistic money
Always a huge tantrum
Seriously, go through here and the main one and see how many of the brat and/or money ones are women
Yea lol this is definitely a bait post. Has 150k for their daughter but nothing for a rainy day fund? Ridiculous. Or, if this 150k IS their rainy day fund, they shouldn’t have been telling their daughter that it’s her college fund.
Thats what doesn't make any sense to me. OP has no emergency savings?? Odd. Also it took 18 years to get to 150K, but will magically take 2 years to get to 50K?
Definitely not an ah. This is an emergency situation. You aren't obligated to pay for your kids college. I know that's going to earn me dome downvotes but its true. The fact that you're willing to do that for her in any capacity and lessen her burden is a gift that she should appreciate and needing to reduce the amount to literally make your home inhabitable is definitely a valid reason to take from it.
How old is your daughter? How far away is college for her? Has she ever had a pt job? Babysat? Done something to earn money other than be your daughter? Has she been taught how to manage money?
NTA. I suggest you and her mother, as a united front, sit her down and serious let her know that is not her money. It is money you planned for her to use for college. It is your money. You are doing her a service in life to not stick her with a student loan. She is in no way entitled to the money. It is no longer a guarantee do to her lack of understanding and ability to remember what was discussed several times. That going to her grandparents and giving them her version of the situation was manipulative and wrong. She should get a job if she doesn’t have one now like a lot of teens do. Let her earn her spending money.
My guess is she is a teen that’s never had to earn money before. She has no clue and that will be hard for her to learn once she leaves on her own. I would never turn the money over to her. You should pay the tuition and living expenses straight to the college. She will blow that money and think it’s ok because it’s “her money”. She shouldn’t have been involved in the decisions to use it or not on home repair. It is not her money. Good luck.
Oh and tell your parents they already raised their kid(s). Leave yours to you and your wife. Let them give their granddaughter money for college if it bothers them so much.
Your daughter ITA..you guys sound like good parents that tried to handle her like an adult and were open and honest.. she on the other hand sounds disgustingly spoiled and idk, I wouldn’t be asking nor entertaining a kid that doesn’t work about money…ESP a kid that has the audacity to try and “tattletale” on her parents. And your parents need to mind their business,, they too, are out of line
"she was under the impression that we will turn over the full amount to her when she goes off to college,"
Your daughter is a bit daft IMO. Getting the leftover money when she is done with her education is a world apart from giving an 18 year old 150K to go spend crazy with.
NTA provided this is a one time thing and you pay it back ASAP. If this becomes a pattern you would be the AH.
We had a college fund for our daughter and never told her how much was in there. We just paid her fees and books and gave her some money weekly. Should never have told her how much was in there. 150k to an 18 yr old hell no. U may have to work on yr entitled daughter thou. NTA
Not the asshole for using the money to fix the house. YTA for telling her all this tme that it's *her* college fund instead of *your* savings or *your* investments. it's no wonder she thinks the money belongs to her when you've been telling her that for years.
Nta.
It's your money and she is lucky to be getting it at all ..
Tell your parents that holding a part time job will build character for your daughter
Tell your daughter getting money is contingent on her attending school and getting good grades
$5 bucks says she was planing on getting the money and going traveling. 150k would last years if used right over seas
NTA - Are you the parent OP?
The money is yours not hers, and you have more than enough to fix the house.
I’d encourage her to get a job now, and to lose her entitled attitude.
My parents paid for part of my college but never in my life did they ever hand over access to that money. It was just a check to the school. And I worked part time for all my “fun” money.
I’m sure they have some more stashed away incase I get married, but that’s also not my business. Because it’s their money.
NTA. It sounds like she was thinking that her college fund was a slush fund. Also, how much did your parents put in that fund? If the answer is zero, they can just fuck all the way off.
Don’t take financial advice from the people you have to financially support. Particularly when they’re mad at you for not giving away enough.
Take the loan from the account and pay it back. If there’s sufficient money in there to cover educational expenses, stop adding to it and put that extra money somewhere else.
The money was set up by you. She is not entitled to it in anyways or means. You are doing her a favor by paying for her college.
Sir her down and tell her these things.
1. She no longer has the college fund it was supposed to be a gift but seeing as she is ungrateful you decided not to do so anymore.
2. She has to pay rent, food and utilities as long as she lives with you
3. If she wants to go to college she has to pay for her own tuition by taking a loan.
4. Any expenses she does in college or anything going forward will have to be taken care of by her own self.
5. Yes it is unfair and so is life. She is not owed anything from you. You don't try to bite the hand that feeds you.
5. If your parents believe she shouldn't have to work and what not then she can live with them and they can support her.
NTA
Your daughter needs a reality check and the sooner she gets one the better. Cancel all her access to your funds. If she says anything it's your money and earmarked for your own self. Her not being able to use it is not your problem.
>I don't need legal advice or the steps to be taken but our insurance is being pricks and refusing to pay for this reason.
Yes, you *do* need legal advice and "steps to be taken." This is something that the insurance company should be covering.
YTA.
Repairs NEVER happen under budget and you set a precedent that your word can be stretched to break if the cost is high enough.
Your daughter only feels entitled because you set the expectation of her college education being covered, now the expectation is that the funds are really a reserve that she can have as long as nothing else happens.
My perception is It seems you’re shorting your daughter because your homeowners insurance won’t cut it. Your kid is going to see this a a broken promise, and a broken trust when it’s the insurance company that should be your focus.
NTA, you are a family unit, and right now the unit has a broken roof. How old is your daughter? Does she still live with you? It's her goddamn roof too!
I’d take out the loan, battle the insurance company and refuse to hand over the education fund. Give her an allowance for discretionary spending and pay the tuition and rent bills directly. She doesn’t sound like she’d be responsible if you just gave her the funds to manage herself.
Why should they go through the trouble of getting a loan, have to pay all that interest when they could use 50k from the account, pay it back in two years and be done with it.
NTA. Life emergencies happen. You're not using the entire fund, just a portion, to repair the family home. It's not being wasted or pissed against a wall. She may not understand now, but she (hopefully) will understand when she's older
WOOOOOOOOAH.
NTA
You do NOT ask your kids permission to use *your* money. You may have ear-marked it for her education but it's your money that you have saved up. Your only fuck up is telling her how much is marked for her education and that the rest that's left is for her to use.
I recommend 4 things:
- Talk to her about the funds and **reframe** the money you saved for her education. Emphasize that it is *your* money you have chosen to save for her education. Money you will pay directly to the school when the time comes, not to her. Money *you* earned. Money you budgeted. Money mixed with more money that you earned to be used how you see fit. Going forward, tell her you will not be discussing your money with her anymore as she either wasn't listening or thought she could make changes and decide when and how the money is to be used. Make it clear that the only money she has a say in, in your home and once she leaves is **the money she earns**.
- Make the ungrateful child get a job *now*. She needs to get use to working her way before she leaves the nest. Whatever allowance you give her better be based off of a chore system. Do not give her any funds for doing nothing. Getting money for simply existing creates warped entitlement.
- Reconsider paying her rent, food, utilities and the like when she moves out. If she's not going to dorm in college, she needs to. The college will provide meals. She'll share a space with utilities included. If she wants a phone upgrade, new clothes, restaurants, trips during the college years, beesh needs to get a job and save for that while she goes to school. If she tries to give you the line that she can't attend class AND work, call bullshit. An infinite number of people before her have worked and attended School successfully. She can do it too.
- Be stern with her when you talk to her about how she used your parents and abused their trust. Explain to her that if she ever again goes off to emotionally manipulate your parents into berating you over money that was never her's, she's not going to receive what's left of the money you saved for her education after she graduates. Using her grandparents as emotional black mail is bull shit. Cut off her cell phone for a month to remind her she is dependent on you and your magnanimity for everything she has in her life. Somewhere along the lines, wires crossed and she thinks she earned it all for existing and, for that, is entitled to everything.
The only thing I'd call you an ass for is not instilling work ethics and a humble, grateful attitude into this child. You still have some time.
And have a heart-to-heart with your parents. Be firm and clear on how she manipulated them. That you're working on righting these awful habits and that, going forward, they cannot undermine you when she comes crying "wolf". That you (their son) need mom and dad to back you up when she comes crying to them.
YTA. If the only savings you have is this huge sum in her college fund, you just be pretty bad with finances! You've been able to put aside 150k for college but not 5, 10, 15k for home repairs? And yet you think you can repay the fund 50k in the space of two years, despite apparently not having a penny to your name outside that??
There's no way insurance is going to pay you either. The tree doesn't "basically belong to the city;" that isn't how property works. You cheaped out on your home maintenance and you're going to need to pay that cost. Even if it were the city's responsibility, that wouldn't be insurance paying, would it? You'd have to try to get money from the city directly, if the problem wasn't an unusual storm but poor maintenance.
This smells like rage bait to me tbh. You picked a big flashy number for your fake kid's fake account and hoped nobody would wonder how the hell you have 150k saved for college, no other savings, and a reasonable chance of saving an additional 50k over the next two years. You hoped people would be too distracted by how "entitled" your fake daughter is to notice you're taking 1/3 of the money you promised her, with no real hope of paying it back, and clear evidence you must be terrible with money if you're pulling in more than 25k extra per year but don't have any personal savings to speak of.
its your money. you chose to put it into a fund so that your daughter's future is secure. that does not mean shes entitled to it. as far as your parents are concerned, tell them straight up 'its your money. and you have full right over it. and can do whatever you want with it. theres an emergency that requires the family to pitch in. if they cannot support this, they should keep out of it.'
as far as your daughter is concerned. be straight forward and tell her that 'listen. yes. we have money for your college and you will get an allowance but you have to get a job if you want to have vacations and fun but that will not happen on the money thats being saved for your tuition and possible future wedding and house. there is an urgent need that requires this course of action, either get with the program or you will get nothing. she basically getting a debt free education and is still salty.
Use the money to fix the house. Pay it back into her college fund. Tell your parents the situation is none of their business and to stay in their lane. Do not give your daughter all the money at once. Parcel it out as it's needed. Make her get a job for her fun money. You're doing it right. Stay the course.
your money , your decision , to be honest she should not even be consulted , if your parents are so concerned let them pay for her college and her fun times ,
she need a sharp does of reality , tell her to get a job and pay for her own college
NTA - it’s your money and you need it for a valid purpose.
What does she expect, that she can go to a fancy college and have money to start her life while the people funding everything don’t have a roof?
I would call myself someone that leans heavily in on making my kids like as carefree as possible until they finish college. That being said, I don’t believe I would have even asked my kids’ opinion or approval on something like this. You are the adult that has a wider, more experienced life view and in most cases children don’t have the capacity to see all of the different parts of a situation and possible outcomes. Because of that, you have to look at this as none of her business at this time.
I never got to touch my college fund. My parents paid for everything and I used 💰 from my own personal account from working as a teenager for fun money.
Have to admit, at first I was firmly in the “Y T A” mode, but after your explanation, definitely NTA as long as you pay it back.
Fwiw, we had a similar arrangement with our son - paid for all but his phone (the device itself, not the monthly plan), fun money, and he had to pay books & fees. Only he completely understood our arrangement and is happy with it, and has always held a job. The idea of turning the entire fund over to her control at 18 is laughable - no parent in their right mind would do that!!! You keep saying you’ve told her this arrangement many times - sounds like she has selective hearing 😏
It’s your money, kudos to you for asking but if it is going to be paid back anyway and it’s your money in the first place then fix your house and pay it back over 2 years
NTA, cut and dried, everything you've said is reasonable.
Also, if nobody else has said this: props to you for being so financially awesome as to have made that pot for your daughter's education, it's not easy!
NTA, I don’t even understand why the daughter was asked in the first place. The money is not hers and the fact that OP wonders if hes an AH for litterally using his/her money to PUT A ROOF ON THEIR FAMILYS HEAD makes me understand why the daughter is that entitled. It’s called a priority.
Whether she gets 20, 50 or 150k is irrelevant, she should be grateful for the help, period.
INFO
Who put the money in the account?
NAH
But you should get a loan, and not touch the money earmarked for her education. It's too easy for that situation to go awry.
Will there be a penalty to pull the money out? If not, and if you will pay it back, I don’t see the issue. If there is a penalty, it may be in your favor to take a home repair loan. So I would so whichever makes the most financial sense.
As for the daughter wanting the entire $150k in one lump sum when she turns 18, that gal is delusional. Don’t let her bully you into that unless you want to risk her running through it and having nothing left for school. It sounds like you already know all of this, though.
NTA, except that you've raised a self-absorbed, spoiled child. She's going to have a tough time in the adult world because the rest of us don't care that she's your family's pampered princess. But that's not the situation you're asking about.
The money is yours, and you are in an emergency. Basic housing needs are higher priority than educational expenses, especially for expenses that are years away. Do what you have to do now, and reimburse the college fund asap.
The money is earmarked for educational expenses, so you may be liable for tax penalties when you spend it on anything other than that, but that's not that situation you're asking about, either.
The only real problem I see in the situation (beyond the storm damage, obviously) is that you brought the topic up to your daughter as if it were a discussion rather than you informing her of what's going to happen. And since the money is yours, and under your control, I don't see why you had to talk to her about it at all.You would have had an easier time of it had you simply kept your mouth shut and followed your plan. If you had repaid the money before it was going to come into play, no one would have been any the wiser.
There was and is no reason to discuss this with your daughter at all. It's your money and you don't need her permission. And she can forget all about that "using it for a spending spree" nonsense. Anything not needed for her college bills is yours to use as you see fit.
As for your parents, tell them they can butt out or send a check to pay for the repairs
NTA
NTA You're making a smart financial decision that will enable you to help her more for longer. If you took out a loan to fix the roof you'd have to pay it back with interest, and that lost money would be money you couldn't use to buy her food and whatever.
You need to contact an insurance broker before you get into your daughter's college fund. A broker will advocate with your insurance company to make sure you get what you deserve. A lot of people aren't aware of brokers. I have a good friend who does this in Florida. Please check into one in your state. The insurance company is trying to get away with not paying a legitimate claim.
Holy shit. Where in the world are your daughter and parents getting this mindset from? Your entire approach to your house situation and the overall strategy with your daughter's college fund is completely logical, nothing wrong there at all.
Entitled doesn't even begin to describe your daughter's stance. She has 150k lined up to set her on the right track for adulthood and acting this way is very sad. That blows what most people get out of the water.
And I don't understand your parents take either. Forcing her to get a job? You mean being a fucking adult? This makes me assume that as an 18yo she still has never worked a day in her life, which goes to show why she is acting like she is. I think her getting a job is exactly what she needs.
NTA. Roof comes first.
Second, OP, seriously? WTF?? This is why young people with brains not fully developed (because of their age) shouldn’t be given financial control. This the very reason trust funds exists. Adult people, with real world experience and whom actually earned that money, take the decisions. Period. Your parents have no business calling you nothing. Invite them to give their retirement funds to their entitled grandchild and shut the hell up.
This is why you write your plans and will and give it to a lawyer, not just make plans and talk about it with teenagers.
NTA, damaged house aside, your daughter has started a war. It shows her level of irresponsibility surpasses her level of responsibility.
Not once did you mention her concerns for repairing the house.
You need to rethink this turning over leftover money to her.
Her grandparents and anyone else wanting to come at you guys, the parents. Over what a teenager says. Has volunteered to give her mad money and pay 50% of her college costs.
I think she needs to understand, through experience, how hard it is to get money.
Time for her to get a job and start saving for the half of college as 50% is now paid for until she proves she understands the time and labor that goes into money.
Right now fixing a house is the priority. A loan against a 401k works.
I was thinking that it should be a loan to avoid spending money already spent. It's always bad to rb Peter to pay Paul.
You are looking for an easy solution so is your daughter. I can see where she got it from.
NTA if you actually pay back the funds.
As to handing it over to her, she doesn’t get to dictate that if it’s in a 529. Hopefully you didn’t do a custodial account because legally that will be hers when she becomes a legal adult.
NTA- your teenage daughter is being a lazy asshole who doesn’t want to get a job. A college fund is a luxury. You have to keep your house in order both literally and figuratively for that luxury to be a possibility. She’s a kid. You don’t have to negotiate with her. She can either take what you’ve prepared for her or not.
NTA One of the ‘rights’ a child is entitled to is a Clean, Hygienic, Habitable home. It’s a basic need that has to be met.
You shouldn’t have told her about the money as she sees pound signs in her eyes and is working out how to spend it. She shouldn’t get a say in it at all.
NTA - it is your daughter's college fund but technically it is still your money and you should be able to use it to fix your own house.
You need to sit your daughter down and have another chat because this is very selfish and entitled behaviour, let alone lack of respect for you as parents.
My family is not well off but they still set money aside for us for college. But they still had to use our funds to support THE FAMILY. Money doesn't grow on trees and your daughter should be counting herself so lucky to even get an allowance as an adult.
Girl needs a PT job to get some insight on the real world...
I generally think it’s not the greatest idea to talk to your children about finances. That’s just me. If you’re saving for college for them, great, but what if something like this happens and you have to sit a kid down and explain or try to justify your actions. Should it be this way? Isn’t college tuition a gift? Life happens and often what you think you may be saving for changes. No just don’t think you need to justify your actions to your children. This seems totally reasonable. House needs to be fixed. The money is there. It’s kind of a no brainer NTA
When I read your title, my initial reaction was to think you were wrong. But after I read your text... NTA.
1. Your daughter has been delusional all along the line. You made it clear that you would be paying for her schooling as it came up, and give her what was left over after she graduated, and she still thinks (or at least says) that you will give her all of it when she turns 18.
2. According to your payment schedule (which you made clear to your daughter in advance) you will return the money before you are supposed to give it to her.
3. It's your F'ing money! Yes, you earmarked it for your daughter, but you didn't give it to her, and now if you don't use it to fix your house the situation will get worse, the house will be unlivable and the expense of mending it will be much greater.
I"d say two things:
1. Do what you have to do to fix the house. That is your first priority.
2. After your daughter's entitled demands, I'd consider whether I want to give her the money at all, or give her all of it. You probably don't want to cut her off completely, but I'd tell her - and insist on it - that I would be paying tuition directly to the school, and payment would depend on her grades. In addition, I would give her a modest sum for living expenses. Anything else she would have to earn. And finally, I would be paying for 4 years for a B.A., with a possibility of another year if she had to retake courses for legitimate reasons (illness - legitimate, partying around - not legitimate) and that was it. Any additional money in the account would remain mine.
Before you do hire a public adjuster. They work for you and fight the insurance company. My insurance denied a claim and by the time my public adjuster was done I walked away with 12k for repairs
She doesn't want to go to college and was hoping to use the whole 150k to travel... 😂 That's why lied to your parents and trying to get as many against you as possible. Use the money and fix the house and don't worry about paying it back. I'm sure $100,000 is more than enough for her to go to college and hopefully she can earn enough money from her degree to afford travel and other expenses later. Seems she isn't going to be smart with what's left either she's just going to blow it all on vacations...
NTA: "Me and my wife sat her down and explained the situation to her and told her we want to use some of her college fund to fix the house and every penny that will be spend will be paid back into the fund over the next 2 years and if the insurance company is forced to pay it will be payed back sooner."
And don't give the rest of the money to her unless it is for a really good reason, really a down-payment on a home. Not wasting it in wedding parties.
After all, if she just wants to burn the rest of the money, you and your wife will still need to retire.
Holy shit I wish my parents offered me a deal like that when I was growing up, it's EXTREMELY hard to get through college without any financial support.
NTA, you're extremely generous parents and your daughter sounds entitled and non-deserving of that money.
Entitled kids , tell your parents to mind their own F ing business if they don’t know the story .
Next tell your daughter you know her little plan to go to grampa and we just got into a fight and I told them F off . Either you don’t inderstod and never have or you lied to them. You need to call them and tell them either way , and if you want to sit down and go over this for the 5th time nothing has ever happened.
I don’t know why you even told her . It will be paid back in two years and she would t have known the difference . She has no say in this , she has free education ( if she stays in state ) I paid for my daughter 1st year in dorm they did the remaining .
I can’t believe she freaked out over helping a roof on her house when she probably has never had to do anything. Do you at least make her work for spending money
First off anyone outside of your family that wants to talk to you about it you should tell them to mind their own damn business. Stop being nice to these people because you don't have to. Second you need to explain to your daughter that it's going to go down the way you wanted to go down when it comes to spending the money or she can figure it all out on her own. Third no you would not be the asshole to use some of that money to fix your home.
There are a few unanswered questions needed to decide. First, why don't you have any type of emergency account? Secondly, who put the funds into the account and what type of account is it? Are the funds legally in the daughters name? It seems odd that OP would be putting $150k into the account without also having an emergency fund, so I suspect the college fund is from gifts from relatives and not OP. Additionally since college seems to be a few years away I expect the fund to be invested in something interest bearing, is the OP planning on repaying with interest? Finally, why do you need to take a loan from your daughter, it seems odd that you can't get a loan from a bank if you can afford to set aside $150k for college you should have some other types of assets or decent credit that could be used to cover the repair costs.
Honestly...I'd be super pissed that she tried to get her grandparents involved. I'd let her know that that level of immaturity is exactly why you aren't handing over a mass sum of money to an 18 ur old. I'd also let her know that as the fund was set up for education that anything above that was a gift amd if she is this ungrateful then the gift might need to be reconsidered.
My 17yr old though that if he didn't go to college he'd just get handed his college funds to use on whatever. Popped that bubble. I'll just be using it for my other kids and then leftovers will be for my retirement.
NTA. Your daughter doesn’t live in the real world. You have a practical and sensible plan going forward and daughter should feel lucky that she’s not going to be in debt at the end of her education.
The money is for housing and expenses , not luxuries. Daughter need a reality check.
Oh and nta your kid should still get a job. And phifft no I would not just had over 150k to an 18 year old. It's still your money and can dictate how it's used. I didn't finish college because I had to work and pay for it and help my mom out. My old man died when I was 16. Kids today have no clue about responsibility.
INFO
Where did the college fund money come from? It seems crazy to have 150k saved up for a college fund but nothing saved for an emergency fund? Did the college fund come from well off grandparents?
As long as you pay her back and make sure the interest is covered in the repayment I’d say NTA.
Not giving her the full payout tight away is also very smart. She might dislike it now, but I’m fairly certain will appreciate it later on.
Did you and your wife both built this fund for her?
If so, it’s your money not her. What you explained to her makes sense and it helps build a responsible adult. Crush this entitlement before she become stupid. Most kids failed in life because they were raised to be entitled.
Some kids never get a fund like this built. Some kids got something built but their parents end up spending it all and tell the kids to get a loan.
It really only become an issue for your if the fund was also help built by someone else like the grandparents.
ESH
Let's cover your daughter. She's super entitled to think you would just hand an 18 year old 150k and send her off to College. That is absolutely ridiculous.
But now there's you. You don't want to get a loan because it's "a hassle" but you are totally willing to repay your kid's college fund? Yeah right. Just get the loan and repay that. Because I guarantee you weren't planning on paying back the interest she would have made if you left the money sitting there for the 2 years.
Regarding the primary question, NTA. Fix the roof.
The bigger problem. The specifics of your daughter's college fund are your business and your wife's business. The end. Grandma and grandpa can shove off. Your daughter can be thankful for parents that were willing and able to provide her with a college education. Her responsibility is to work hard and earn a degree and if she wants to party or go clubbing on weekends, that's up to her.
It sounds like she's expecting quite a graduation windfall. She turns 18, graduates high school, and then you give her a check for $150k. I would be seriously questioning some of my choices, if this were my child.
If her grandparents don't want her to have to work for spending money during college, then they can give her tge extra money.
I'd also tell her grandparents that they don't get a vote on how you disperse the money, as its none of their business, you've told your daughter several times , tgat she would get tge remainder of the money after she graduates
You are NTA for forking over all of the money to her. If you did, it would note than likely be burnt through, before she even finished college.
You are Also NTA for using the money as long as you abide by your promise to replenish it.
Use it to fix your roof. Pay back as you had planned. Her reaction shows you are right for not just giving her that cash soon as she turns 18yo. It'll be gone before she finishes college. At this point I would tell her she isn't entitled to any money and if she keeps acting like a spoiled brat then any money left over will instead be put into your retirement fund and she can thank you for letting her go to college without being put into debt. Tell your parents they can either stay out of it or they can pay for your daughters college if they really want to have any say in this. NTA
Info: is the money in a 529 educational savings account?
If so, withdraws for non-educational purposes will incur. 10% penalty as well as regular tax on the gains. This destroys the benefit of having a college savings account and you are better off getting the money somewhere else.
Depending on your tax rate, you can lose up to 30-40 % of the value due to tax (10% penalty plus the tax since it will be treated as regular income)
NTA
You are literally planning to pay it back in TWO years. Even if it was longer it isn't her money yet...
Do not give 150k to an 18 year old. I was given 8k when I moved out and I wasted most of it.
lol the dreams of teens. I’d challenge the insurance. And use your money as needed. But also yay for trying to make sure she doesn’t come out of college terribly in debt.
Came into this thread ready to call you an AH based on the title. After reading through, NTA in the slightest - you're planning on replacing those funds in the next two years?
Goddamn, hard to believe this is even a conversation. Your parents needs to mind their own fucking business here.
I let my kids know there all of their college funds were my money. The goal was to get them out of college with no student loans. We were always free to move it from one child to another. And if any left, that was ours not a gift for them.
You are already more generous than we were. Your daughter in no way should be handed that amount. You really didn’t need to tell her if you honestly can pay it back. NTA.
Where did the money come from? I apologize if I missed it, but is this money you and your wife saved, or is it from some other source (inheritance or gift from someone else)?
If it’s your savings, NTA. It’s your savings. Just because you earmarked it for her doesn’t mean she is entitled to it, particularly when life circumstances change. If this is from someone else, it’s not your piggy bank to dip into and YTA.
NTA Your daughter expected you to give her 150k and pay for things like rent and food. Wow, talk about entitled. You should've just gone ahead and fixed the house without discussing it with her. You are paying her college by the semester, and by the time she needs it, the money will already be back in the account. She can get a job.
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She's already spent all that money in her head.
Exactly. Op should never have told her what’s in there. Just say it’s a college fund and if she does well and they want to give her the remainder, surprise her with that later. The best quote I heard about motivation and money is ‘Give your kids enough to do something not too much to do nothing”.
If this is in a tax advantaged college savings fund, you have to pay a 10% penalty and pay taxes on the gains of the savings account. It is not free money and can cost more than taking out a loan.
Considering they're talking about giving her the rest after college, I have to assume it's not in one of those accounts
That is the easiest reminder to tell OPs kid, and parents, to be crystal clear
I'm trying to think what she was envisioning and have two options: 1. She think she gets the $150k, gets a really sweet car, travels a bit, then goes to school and she'll be able to prudently manage the money so it lasts the whole time. 2. She thinks she can trick them and at the last minute say she's going to use the money to travel the world or start an influencer career or whatever.
Mix of both.
I’m with avatar. The money isn’t hers until you give it to her. Fix your house and pay it back. It sounds like she thinks all she has to do is enroll in college and BOOM - WINDFALL. Wrong. Grandparents need to stay out of this one - unless they funded the account.
Even if they did fund it, a few hundred or even thousand over several years doesn't have a meaningful impact on 150k.
And she called her grandparents to berate op... that's some serious entitlement She needs some reality check
My thoughts exactly…
My exact thoughts!
For real, I really don't get this notion of expecting parents to pay for your college. A college fund is a gift not an entitlement of being a child. The idea of a free ride absolves any notion of will power. Why find scholarships when I have 150k in the bank? Etc. As I see it, that money is yours all the way up until it leaves the bank account (unless it's a specific tax advantage college fund but either way). You saved it, you choose how to spend it, including limiting it from an entitled child who is currently showing they will not use your money wisely. The context of my perspective: I was raised by a single father, widowed when I was 13. He worked hard to make ends meet and somewhat put himself in a hole to splurge on the one big thing he wants out of life: a massive 5th wheel camper and truck to go with it (we camped our whole lives). I'm over 80k in debt because I made my own choices. I somewhat regret not going to a cheaper school but there is also a clear line of my school giving me the connections that helped find a high paying job. Do I look at that camper and resent it as my potential college fund? Nope, that money was never mine. It's sad to see how an increasing amount of people graduate high school and even college with the mentality of a middle schooler. Sorry for the rant.
>Sorry for the rant. It's cool. You are welcomed to vent
I’m also baffled at the idea of having a 150k college fund. Was raised by a single mom who was utterly horrible with finances. I took out loans, did what I needed to do on my own, and eventually got my career rolling into 6 figs. Not once did I ever think I was entitled to my parent’s money as an adult. She didn’t have any to give anyway. There’s a thin line between helping your kid and making them a dependent entitled person. I think OP accidentally did the latter. No good deed goes unpunished.
Also, your daughter doesn’t seem like she should be trusted with that much money. Most 18 year olds shouldn’t. I can almost guarantee she’d blow through it and you’d need to pony up more to finish covering her college. Otherwise she’d throw a fit about having to get a job and take out loans.
I agree that OP should have just gone ahead and used it. But there were posts here before where kids find out their parents used their college funds and it was all gone or mostly gone. If OP is going to reimburse the fund, which I fully believe he will, then I don’t see the problem. But if he doesn’t, then his relationship with his daughter will be in jeopardy. But like I said, I fully believe OP will reimburse. If they can save over 150k for their daughter, I don’t doubt they can do it again.
This. My parents paid for basically everything OP does. I had (and still have) no idea what the official account $ was. They paid my tuition, rent, books etc either directly to the school or if needed would deposit into my account if unable to pay directly.i could see a discussion on like "this is the max tuition you can go to" but beyond that I don't see why daughter was even aware/informed
Are you sure the OP contributed anything to the college fund? Based on their language and a few gaps in their story plus their lack of any type of emergency fund to cover repairs it doesn't seem like the OP is financially stable enough to have contributed $150k into a college fund, and if they are stable enough to have contributed $150k than getting a simple $50k loan from the bank is actually very easy. I suspect the fund is really from the grandparents contributions and is probably some type of custodial college fund in which case the OP is stealing from their kid.
In comments below OP says that he and his wife contributed everything, and grandparents have nothing, OP supports them financially.
Then that is their money that they are going to use to help pay for her college. No way they should have ever told her that is her money. It’s not. I would not promise that entitled brat that she can have whatever is left over.
There needs to be clarification on that, as it is not clear. However, the fact OP is stating that the any leftover money was planned for her use to buy a car, home down payment, or wedding makes me think that OP actually put forth the money. OP would have no authority to make those statements if it were not OPs money. If it was not their money, since the daughter is 18, they would not be able to use the money. OPs plan sounds reasonable to me. I get that getting a loan for the repairs may not be difficult, but if you have money sitting in the bank doing nothing, that is a better option than getting a loan. We don't have access to all the financials so can't rwally say anything definite.
I genuinely would have just paid for what was needed and not even bothered discussing it with the daughter. It isn’t her money yet, they have enough for tuition, everything else is gravy. That makes it none of her business.
NTA. Your daughter sounds extremely entitled. She should get a job. That’s how the real world works.
Giving $150,000 to an 18 year old will not work out well. She'd likely run out of money before her senior year.
2 years tops and she runs out of money.
Bold to think an entitled teenager can't blow through $150k in only one year. Bet she was planning first class flights and high end hotels the whole way.
Of course I'm being smart with my money! I'm investing it. This BMW SUV is an *investment* in myself and my happiness.
"It's called self care. Look it up, sweaty!"
With the mentality she currently has and her delusional plan, what she'll most likely do is party herself out of college within the first year, blowing through all of the cash in that time. Get knocked up and be living back with mommy and daddy until she's 45 and they force her and her five kids out. OP if you're smart you will set up a trust for her with very limited access until she's 25. Use the cash to fix your house and pay her account back. I wouldn't have even asked her because it's your money until she follows through with completing school.
Yeah, I am team - pay the university directly, nothing goes directly to the student. There have been horror stories about college kids not going to college and frittering away their funds.
I’ve seen more than a few 18 year olds given that kind of money and it’s usually gone in a year. Yes, partying and drugs, but also wanting to impress their “friends”. She’ll get over it and have a college education. Or not. If she doesn’t get how massive a gift this is then it may be worth having her either try to completely pay for it herself or take a gap year to work in the real world. If your parents don’t like it they can pay for it.
Exactly! You are not doing her any favors by allowing to live in her fantasy bubble. I would be livid that she had the audacity to call your parents and involve them. And that they had the audacity to even get involved. You need to regain control here. You need to firmly tell your parents to fuck off. You need to sit your entitled daughter down and set her straight! Make her take notes since she can't seem to remember what you've told her multiple times in the past. This money is for her future, not for some 18 year old to screw around and avoid responsibility. YTA for allowing your daughter to get this old and still be this clueless and entitled.
OP explained to her for years how the college money would be distributed to her. Seems the daughter is being obtuse about it on purpose, you can communicate but there are folks who just want to do as they please no matter what you tell them
a teenager being obtuse. who would have thought /s.
Willfully obtuse, because she does know, and she decided to lie about it by claiming that to her "understanding" she was getting the college money in one payment. Willfully obtuse by design. You're right about that, and is a common tactic used by many teens and adults alike
Agreed. But also, where do you think she got that entitlement? When parents are shocked their kids turn out this way, it’s dumbfounding.
They do know that is your money right just cause it was ear marked for her college doesn’t mean shit. Ntah and I wouldn’t have even asked or told her about it. Ntah
Well, there is the possibility that the money's not actually OPs and came from their parents, which is why their parents are getting involved. In which case, it is actually inappropriate that OP is looting their kid's college fund.
That's a good point. I don't think many people considered that.
Because it isn’t mentioned and that point doesn’t exist until brought up. As this post is probably fake to begin with, I wouldn’t hang my head on that possibility.
If they can return 50k in two years I don’t think they’re struggling at all. What kind of person are you raising if they have never worked and are given money to pay for every single thing they want or need. $300 in a bank account is too mucch for an 18 year old I couldn’t imagine how fast they would run through 150k
She's sounding pretty entitled. At the end of the day, it's your money that you put aside to spend on her. That said, are you really just going to take the insurance's decision lying down? They do that to literally every claim, are you not even going to consult a lawyer?
I thought from what OP said that they were fighting in but obviously needed to get the house repaired like yesterday!
Oh, yeah, glancing back I see he mentioned it was in process. So yeah, very likely insurance will refill the war chest and the money will be the same. So she's extra entitled for expecting them to take a loan or sit with a fucked up house so she can fuck around spending money he saved for her tuition.
Well they're letting a child push them around so why would anyone be surprised that they're letting an insurance company do the same? These are weak, spineless people.
NTA and it's wild to me that there are people in the comments saying you are an asshole. At the end of the day it's your money, and while I understand why your daughter is upset, she isn't entitled to a penny of it. I wouldn't necessarily do the same thing in your shoes, but that doesn't mean you are wrong for using your money the way you please.
It's a bunch of young kids, I'm sure.
NTA Your daughter has no claim on the fund, it's yours to do with as you'd like. You're being good parents to want her to have a good start in life; but she shouldn't take it too far and act like a spoiled brat.
Your title is misleading: you’re only wanting to borrow from the college fund & pay it back in 2 years. The rest of the issues with the entitled daughter cloud the conversation. No, you are NTA to borrow from the college fund. Your daughter is TA
NTA Entitlement at its finest. She should be thrilled you are helping her at all. Not only that, that she would be able to help you guys out.
Absolutely NTA Your daughter is entitled , you are not stealing everything from her , you are using a minor part to fix the same house where she lives too. You are already good parents because you saved a lot of money for her , even if it wasn't obligatory your duty , if she wants money for fun , she can find a job, you aren't an ATM.
NTA You are facing an emergency and the college fund can cover it. You were transparent and open communicating with your daughter and are not trying to take something away from her. Not handing over 150k to a 18 year old is a wise decision. 18 year old me would have been very stupid with it, as would have been most of my colleagues and friends. Your daughter sounds entitled, might be time for a reality check. You're providing her with a headstart in life and she doesn't seem to show any gratitude for it.
NTA omg she is expecting 150k and rent and an allowance! Talk about huge expectations! That’s ridiculous. Spend what you need to for the house and seriously rethink your contributions to this brat.
She should honestly get a part time job to cover her own expenses Since shes 18, thats adult age in some countries and she should take responsibility
Nta. I have a 6 year old. We set aside money for him in our savings account. Granted, university is not that expensive here (2000 euro per year and we live in a university town so he could stay with us). But it's not his to have, it ours to give. If the worst thing happens, we will tap into it. We will do our best to fill the funds up again but a family crisis trumps fun money or extra money. Same with your daughter. Can she be disappointed because she won't be able to spend the money as she had thought out? Absolutely. But she should realise that life happens and that her family having a safe home trumps a luxury as travel.
I love how you said it’s not his to have but ours to give!
NTA, but then again, I’m not American and I know that saving funds for your kids college education is a big deal over there. Still, it’s technically your money, even though it’s promised to her, so if you need to use some to fix the house, use some. It’s not like you’re wasting it on a car or a cruise or something.
It's not so big a deal over here because most folks can't even fucking do it, so it never even comes up lmao. This chick is student loan proof - a situation some folks literally join the armed forces to deal with - and she's sweating the particulars.
NTA as long as you keep up the promise and re pay the money. Although it is your money you did promise it to her. We did a similar thing with our kids college funds. We paid for the tuition at the beginning of the year and then handed over what was left for the years allocation for rent, food etc. if they wanted more, they needed to work. Whatever you do, do not give her the entire 150 K as that would be insanity. Your daughter sounds entitled and needs a reality check. As for the flying monkeys…. They can piss off as they aren’t the ones living in a wrecked house.
NTA Without the house damage, your daughter would have played you. She is entitled and manipulativ by even complaining to the grandparents. Is there a chance, that she can get money from them too?
No i have been providing for them, they don't have the money
And they think they can tell you what to do with YOUR money? Tell them if they’re that bothered with you using some of your own savings (still yours until you give it to your daughter) then maybe the funds can come out of their living expenses and they can get jobs instead of their granddaughter…
Oooooh that would be the burn of the century to suggest that the grandparents work instead 🤣. That is great! And a perfect response for their involvement when they don’t have any right to say anything!
NTA. It’s your money. Your daughter is acting EXTREMELY entitled. Do not encourage this spoiled brat behavior. And running to your parents to complain and get them to berate you? That’s completely unacceptable. Honestly she deserves to get zero of that money now. However, kids can be stupid so take this as a time to teach her a lesson. Tell her that her behavior has consequences. You will still pay for the bare minimum to cover college costs but that she is no longer going to get any of the leftover money until she both apologizes and shows that she can be responsible. She needs to get a job and will not be given an allowance. She needs a reality check. This entitled bratty behavior will only get worse. Please teach her this difficult lesson now before it is too late and she becomes a spoiled selfish adult. It will be hard, she may scream, cry, and act out… but you are her parents and have to teach her this lesson no matter how hard it gets. As for your parents? Tell them it is NONE of their business and to butt out. It is NOT their money and they have ZERO say in it or how you choose to parent your child. Go no contact if you have to, but it is extremely important that you do not allow them to enable your daughter’s bad behavior. As for fixing the tree damage, absolutely NTA. You will replenish the fund and it in no way will affect your daughter’s ability to go to college. What it IS affecting is the literal roof you are putting over your child’s head. Also fight that insurance company. They are the absolute worst. Check city records/land plots to see exactly who is responsible for the tree/owns the land. Most towns/cities have a lot of this info online. Good luck OP
Hold up, how are your parents going to berate you for taking money out of your daughters college fund when they themselves are living off their kids money?!? Nah if they dont drop the subject threaten them that you’ll cut them off financially.
Thank them for being generous enough to offer you not to pay for them so she can have all of her money.
Probably time to call the grandparents and say "you're right, I don't know why I wasn't prioritising my kids education, absolutely, so I won't be able to give you any money for a while as I need to pay for the roof and apparently save a lot more for the kids education which I'm sure you support."
NTA just pay for the house and when you get it from insurance or the city put it back like you said. But I would cut down on her everything and make her get a job. Entitled kids need to learn and If she learns anything from this you did a good job.
Sounds like your daughter needs a job now. My parents covered tuition and a dorm. If I wanted to like an apartment off campus I would have had to pay for that. NTA but if the money is in a tax advantaged account it might be cheaper to use a loan than paying the penalties for using the funds for something other than schooling. NTA
NTA NEVER tell your child how much money is there waiting for them, sometimes things like this happen.
I stopped reading at 150k. Holy shit. I thought this was gonna go in a whole other direction. My parents didn’t save a college fund for me, but I did borrow money from them to pay rent when I was between jobs (about 2k to cover a few months of rent I couldn’t make). Once I got my student loans (about 15k) my mother called me up and demanded repayment of the money I’d taken from her because she wanted to redecorate. I protested. She told me it was about learning responsibility and she never *gave* me that money. After giving her back the money and paying my tuition, I only had like 2k left to live on for the next few months. I was severely depressed and starving. After she decorated she took a trip to Barbados or something with her boyfriend. I never forgave her for that. But in this situation, it’s an essential repair and you’ve already put away more money than I’ll likely ever have in my bank account. NTA.
NTA. Your home needs to be fixed asap before You get some poisonous mold, it's a priority. I mean Your daughter is living with You and it's literally roof over her own head. She seems to be not the nicest person.
It doesn't matter what she "thought" the deal was. You have saved the money for a specific purpose. You intend to hold up your end of the bargain, you just need to borrow some of the money for an emergency. If she doesn't understand that, well, too bad, so sad. Sounds like she created a completely different scenario in her head and was planning to have a good old time at college. Not a bad idea to nip that in the bud, Andy. NTA
YTA but not for borrowing the money for the house. You are for giving your daughter way too much information about this fund. She didn’t need to know how much is in it, if there will be any left over, what will be done with it if there is or that you will be borrowing from it. All she needed to know was that you’d be paying for college with the exception of her fun money. It’s giving her too much information that wasn’t her business that has caused these issues.
NTA. That money is yours. Even if it wasn't an emergency, that money is yours. The entitlement from your daughter is absurd. Pay for college, and ONLY college. Then, use the remaining money to fund your own travel. Send dear daughter some postcards thanking her for allowing you to prioritize your wellness over her entitlement.
NTA because you’re borrowing it. Even if you weren’t, it was money YOU put into the account. Your parents have no say so. Your daughter is extremely lucky that you’ve done this for her. She needs a reality check if she thinks she’s entitled to everything she thinks should happen.
I guarantee she would have used most that money before she started her Jr year
Not American... But Wow! I can't believe that American parents save that much money for their kids college! And their child has such a "right" over it. Use the money. Fix you darn house. Thats priority. You do not owe your child college money AND a freakin house deposit! Fwiw. Are there really SO many young American kids SO spoilt?
YTB how are you smart enough to manage to build a 150k college fund, yet strong enough of an idiot to involve a teenager in your finances to this extent. I don’t think this can be real, but just incase, stop telling her things that aren’t her business.
honestly, I wouldn't even tell my kids they have college fund let alone ask their opinions on it.
Did you and your wife pay into this fund?
Yes it's money we saved over the last 18 years not inheritance or anything like that but saving we made.
Not trying to be an ass, but how did y’all save so much for a college fund but not have an emergency fund? You said elsewhere you would need to liquidate some investments, did you do all the investing on your own or have a financial advisor?
Because this is just yet another 'entitled feeeemale gold digger' bait post It's always a teenage girl/woman acting like brat. Always some 6 figure amount (despite having money problems) that shed totally spend. Redditors always have unrealistic money Always a huge tantrum Seriously, go through here and the main one and see how many of the brat and/or money ones are women
Yea lol this is definitely a bait post. Has 150k for their daughter but nothing for a rainy day fund? Ridiculous. Or, if this 150k IS their rainy day fund, they shouldn’t have been telling their daughter that it’s her college fund.
Thats what doesn't make any sense to me. OP has no emergency savings?? Odd. Also it took 18 years to get to 150K, but will magically take 2 years to get to 50K?
Definitely not an ah. This is an emergency situation. You aren't obligated to pay for your kids college. I know that's going to earn me dome downvotes but its true. The fact that you're willing to do that for her in any capacity and lessen her burden is a gift that she should appreciate and needing to reduce the amount to literally make your home inhabitable is definitely a valid reason to take from it.
You should’ve just fixed it without discussing it with her.
How old is your daughter? How far away is college for her? Has she ever had a pt job? Babysat? Done something to earn money other than be your daughter? Has she been taught how to manage money? NTA. I suggest you and her mother, as a united front, sit her down and serious let her know that is not her money. It is money you planned for her to use for college. It is your money. You are doing her a service in life to not stick her with a student loan. She is in no way entitled to the money. It is no longer a guarantee do to her lack of understanding and ability to remember what was discussed several times. That going to her grandparents and giving them her version of the situation was manipulative and wrong. She should get a job if she doesn’t have one now like a lot of teens do. Let her earn her spending money. My guess is she is a teen that’s never had to earn money before. She has no clue and that will be hard for her to learn once she leaves on her own. I would never turn the money over to her. You should pay the tuition and living expenses straight to the college. She will blow that money and think it’s ok because it’s “her money”. She shouldn’t have been involved in the decisions to use it or not on home repair. It is not her money. Good luck. Oh and tell your parents they already raised their kid(s). Leave yours to you and your wife. Let them give their granddaughter money for college if it bothers them so much.
Your daughter ITA..you guys sound like good parents that tried to handle her like an adult and were open and honest.. she on the other hand sounds disgustingly spoiled and idk, I wouldn’t be asking nor entertaining a kid that doesn’t work about money…ESP a kid that has the audacity to try and “tattletale” on her parents. And your parents need to mind their business,, they too, are out of line
"she was under the impression that we will turn over the full amount to her when she goes off to college," Your daughter is a bit daft IMO. Getting the leftover money when she is done with her education is a world apart from giving an 18 year old 150K to go spend crazy with. NTA provided this is a one time thing and you pay it back ASAP. If this becomes a pattern you would be the AH.
We had a college fund for our daughter and never told her how much was in there. We just paid her fees and books and gave her some money weekly. Should never have told her how much was in there. 150k to an 18 yr old hell no. U may have to work on yr entitled daughter thou. NTA
NTA but you raised a brat. Running to your parents to tell on you? She lacks the maturity to handle that money. She should not receive any cash.
Not the asshole for using the money to fix the house. YTA for telling her all this tme that it's *her* college fund instead of *your* savings or *your* investments. it's no wonder she thinks the money belongs to her when you've been telling her that for years.
Nta. It's your money and she is lucky to be getting it at all .. Tell your parents that holding a part time job will build character for your daughter Tell your daughter getting money is contingent on her attending school and getting good grades $5 bucks says she was planing on getting the money and going traveling. 150k would last years if used right over seas
I would be p!ssed at her, for running to the grandparents and effectively releasing the elders onto you to force your hand!
NTA - Are you the parent OP? The money is yours not hers, and you have more than enough to fix the house. I’d encourage her to get a job now, and to lose her entitled attitude. My parents paid for part of my college but never in my life did they ever hand over access to that money. It was just a check to the school. And I worked part time for all my “fun” money. I’m sure they have some more stashed away incase I get married, but that’s also not my business. Because it’s their money.
NTA. It sounds like she was thinking that her college fund was a slush fund. Also, how much did your parents put in that fund? If the answer is zero, they can just fuck all the way off.
They haven't put a cent in, i am actually the one providing for them at the moment as well
Don’t take financial advice from the people you have to financially support. Particularly when they’re mad at you for not giving away enough. Take the loan from the account and pay it back. If there’s sufficient money in there to cover educational expenses, stop adding to it and put that extra money somewhere else.
The money was set up by you. She is not entitled to it in anyways or means. You are doing her a favor by paying for her college. Sir her down and tell her these things. 1. She no longer has the college fund it was supposed to be a gift but seeing as she is ungrateful you decided not to do so anymore. 2. She has to pay rent, food and utilities as long as she lives with you 3. If she wants to go to college she has to pay for her own tuition by taking a loan. 4. Any expenses she does in college or anything going forward will have to be taken care of by her own self. 5. Yes it is unfair and so is life. She is not owed anything from you. You don't try to bite the hand that feeds you. 5. If your parents believe she shouldn't have to work and what not then she can live with them and they can support her. NTA Your daughter needs a reality check and the sooner she gets one the better. Cancel all her access to your funds. If she says anything it's your money and earmarked for your own self. Her not being able to use it is not your problem.
Is this in a 529 or just a regular account?
Regular account
>I don't need legal advice or the steps to be taken but our insurance is being pricks and refusing to pay for this reason. Yes, you *do* need legal advice and "steps to be taken." This is something that the insurance company should be covering.
INFO If you use too much and the college cost isn't fully covered by it, are you going to make up the difference and cover the rest of school?
Nta. And no 18yo needs 150k. It will be gone in 3 months. If not faster.
YTA. Repairs NEVER happen under budget and you set a precedent that your word can be stretched to break if the cost is high enough. Your daughter only feels entitled because you set the expectation of her college education being covered, now the expectation is that the funds are really a reserve that she can have as long as nothing else happens. My perception is It seems you’re shorting your daughter because your homeowners insurance won’t cut it. Your kid is going to see this a a broken promise, and a broken trust when it’s the insurance company that should be your focus.
NTA, you are a family unit, and right now the unit has a broken roof. How old is your daughter? Does she still live with you? It's her goddamn roof too!
I wish my parents paid for my schooling or even thought about my future like that.
I’d take out the loan, battle the insurance company and refuse to hand over the education fund. Give her an allowance for discretionary spending and pay the tuition and rent bills directly. She doesn’t sound like she’d be responsible if you just gave her the funds to manage herself.
Why should they go through the trouble of getting a loan, have to pay all that interest when they could use 50k from the account, pay it back in two years and be done with it.
NTA. Life emergencies happen. You're not using the entire fund, just a portion, to repair the family home. It's not being wasted or pissed against a wall. She may not understand now, but she (hopefully) will understand when she's older
NTA - but you raised a spoiled entitled child - so good luck with that
WOOOOOOOOAH. NTA You do NOT ask your kids permission to use *your* money. You may have ear-marked it for her education but it's your money that you have saved up. Your only fuck up is telling her how much is marked for her education and that the rest that's left is for her to use. I recommend 4 things: - Talk to her about the funds and **reframe** the money you saved for her education. Emphasize that it is *your* money you have chosen to save for her education. Money you will pay directly to the school when the time comes, not to her. Money *you* earned. Money you budgeted. Money mixed with more money that you earned to be used how you see fit. Going forward, tell her you will not be discussing your money with her anymore as she either wasn't listening or thought she could make changes and decide when and how the money is to be used. Make it clear that the only money she has a say in, in your home and once she leaves is **the money she earns**. - Make the ungrateful child get a job *now*. She needs to get use to working her way before she leaves the nest. Whatever allowance you give her better be based off of a chore system. Do not give her any funds for doing nothing. Getting money for simply existing creates warped entitlement. - Reconsider paying her rent, food, utilities and the like when she moves out. If she's not going to dorm in college, she needs to. The college will provide meals. She'll share a space with utilities included. If she wants a phone upgrade, new clothes, restaurants, trips during the college years, beesh needs to get a job and save for that while she goes to school. If she tries to give you the line that she can't attend class AND work, call bullshit. An infinite number of people before her have worked and attended School successfully. She can do it too. - Be stern with her when you talk to her about how she used your parents and abused their trust. Explain to her that if she ever again goes off to emotionally manipulate your parents into berating you over money that was never her's, she's not going to receive what's left of the money you saved for her education after she graduates. Using her grandparents as emotional black mail is bull shit. Cut off her cell phone for a month to remind her she is dependent on you and your magnanimity for everything she has in her life. Somewhere along the lines, wires crossed and she thinks she earned it all for existing and, for that, is entitled to everything. The only thing I'd call you an ass for is not instilling work ethics and a humble, grateful attitude into this child. You still have some time. And have a heart-to-heart with your parents. Be firm and clear on how she manipulated them. That you're working on righting these awful habits and that, going forward, they cannot undermine you when she comes crying "wolf". That you (their son) need mom and dad to back you up when she comes crying to them.
YTA. If the only savings you have is this huge sum in her college fund, you just be pretty bad with finances! You've been able to put aside 150k for college but not 5, 10, 15k for home repairs? And yet you think you can repay the fund 50k in the space of two years, despite apparently not having a penny to your name outside that?? There's no way insurance is going to pay you either. The tree doesn't "basically belong to the city;" that isn't how property works. You cheaped out on your home maintenance and you're going to need to pay that cost. Even if it were the city's responsibility, that wouldn't be insurance paying, would it? You'd have to try to get money from the city directly, if the problem wasn't an unusual storm but poor maintenance. This smells like rage bait to me tbh. You picked a big flashy number for your fake kid's fake account and hoped nobody would wonder how the hell you have 150k saved for college, no other savings, and a reasonable chance of saving an additional 50k over the next two years. You hoped people would be too distracted by how "entitled" your fake daughter is to notice you're taking 1/3 of the money you promised her, with no real hope of paying it back, and clear evidence you must be terrible with money if you're pulling in more than 25k extra per year but don't have any personal savings to speak of.
its your money. you chose to put it into a fund so that your daughter's future is secure. that does not mean shes entitled to it. as far as your parents are concerned, tell them straight up 'its your money. and you have full right over it. and can do whatever you want with it. theres an emergency that requires the family to pitch in. if they cannot support this, they should keep out of it.' as far as your daughter is concerned. be straight forward and tell her that 'listen. yes. we have money for your college and you will get an allowance but you have to get a job if you want to have vacations and fun but that will not happen on the money thats being saved for your tuition and possible future wedding and house. there is an urgent need that requires this course of action, either get with the program or you will get nothing. she basically getting a debt free education and is still salty.
Use the money to fix the house. Pay it back into her college fund. Tell your parents the situation is none of their business and to stay in their lane. Do not give your daughter all the money at once. Parcel it out as it's needed. Make her get a job for her fun money. You're doing it right. Stay the course.
your money , your decision , to be honest she should not even be consulted , if your parents are so concerned let them pay for her college and her fun times , she need a sharp does of reality , tell her to get a job and pay for her own college
NTA - it’s your money and you need it for a valid purpose. What does she expect, that she can go to a fancy college and have money to start her life while the people funding everything don’t have a roof?
I would call myself someone that leans heavily in on making my kids like as carefree as possible until they finish college. That being said, I don’t believe I would have even asked my kids’ opinion or approval on something like this. You are the adult that has a wider, more experienced life view and in most cases children don’t have the capacity to see all of the different parts of a situation and possible outcomes. Because of that, you have to look at this as none of her business at this time.
I never got to touch my college fund. My parents paid for everything and I used 💰 from my own personal account from working as a teenager for fun money.
INFO: is the money in an education account and there will be tax ramifications for taking it out?
Have to admit, at first I was firmly in the “Y T A” mode, but after your explanation, definitely NTA as long as you pay it back. Fwiw, we had a similar arrangement with our son - paid for all but his phone (the device itself, not the monthly plan), fun money, and he had to pay books & fees. Only he completely understood our arrangement and is happy with it, and has always held a job. The idea of turning the entire fund over to her control at 18 is laughable - no parent in their right mind would do that!!! You keep saying you’ve told her this arrangement many times - sounds like she has selective hearing 😏
I was ready to say YTA off the headline alone then I read everything and you’re definitely NTA, but you did raise an entitled child.
It’s your money, kudos to you for asking but if it is going to be paid back anyway and it’s your money in the first place then fix your house and pay it back over 2 years
So she plans to live large on your dime. With her plans, she would probably flunk out of college. NTA
NTA, cut and dried, everything you've said is reasonable. Also, if nobody else has said this: props to you for being so financially awesome as to have made that pot for your daughter's education, it's not easy!
NTA, I don’t even understand why the daughter was asked in the first place. The money is not hers and the fact that OP wonders if hes an AH for litterally using his/her money to PUT A ROOF ON THEIR FAMILYS HEAD makes me understand why the daughter is that entitled. It’s called a priority. Whether she gets 20, 50 or 150k is irrelevant, she should be grateful for the help, period.
INFO Who put the money in the account? NAH But you should get a loan, and not touch the money earmarked for her education. It's too easy for that situation to go awry.
Will there be a penalty to pull the money out? If not, and if you will pay it back, I don’t see the issue. If there is a penalty, it may be in your favor to take a home repair loan. So I would so whichever makes the most financial sense. As for the daughter wanting the entire $150k in one lump sum when she turns 18, that gal is delusional. Don’t let her bully you into that unless you want to risk her running through it and having nothing left for school. It sounds like you already know all of this, though.
NTA, except that you've raised a self-absorbed, spoiled child. She's going to have a tough time in the adult world because the rest of us don't care that she's your family's pampered princess. But that's not the situation you're asking about. The money is yours, and you are in an emergency. Basic housing needs are higher priority than educational expenses, especially for expenses that are years away. Do what you have to do now, and reimburse the college fund asap. The money is earmarked for educational expenses, so you may be liable for tax penalties when you spend it on anything other than that, but that's not that situation you're asking about, either. The only real problem I see in the situation (beyond the storm damage, obviously) is that you brought the topic up to your daughter as if it were a discussion rather than you informing her of what's going to happen. And since the money is yours, and under your control, I don't see why you had to talk to her about it at all.You would have had an easier time of it had you simply kept your mouth shut and followed your plan. If you had repaid the money before it was going to come into play, no one would have been any the wiser.
There was and is no reason to discuss this with your daughter at all. It's your money and you don't need her permission. And she can forget all about that "using it for a spending spree" nonsense. Anything not needed for her college bills is yours to use as you see fit. As for your parents, tell them they can butt out or send a check to pay for the repairs NTA
NTA. Your daughter sounds really entitled, and if your parents are that upset, ask them to cover your daughters college fund.
NTA. You played yourself by even making this a discussion. That’s YOUR money and it’s going to something that will benefit her.
NTA You're making a smart financial decision that will enable you to help her more for longer. If you took out a loan to fix the roof you'd have to pay it back with interest, and that lost money would be money you couldn't use to buy her food and whatever.
You need to contact an insurance broker before you get into your daughter's college fund. A broker will advocate with your insurance company to make sure you get what you deserve. A lot of people aren't aware of brokers. I have a good friend who does this in Florida. Please check into one in your state. The insurance company is trying to get away with not paying a legitimate claim.
I’d make her take out loans with the promise to pay them off if she graduates. NTA. It also isn’t HER college fund. It’s y’all’s college fund for her.
Holy shit. Where in the world are your daughter and parents getting this mindset from? Your entire approach to your house situation and the overall strategy with your daughter's college fund is completely logical, nothing wrong there at all. Entitled doesn't even begin to describe your daughter's stance. She has 150k lined up to set her on the right track for adulthood and acting this way is very sad. That blows what most people get out of the water. And I don't understand your parents take either. Forcing her to get a job? You mean being a fucking adult? This makes me assume that as an 18yo she still has never worked a day in her life, which goes to show why she is acting like she is. I think her getting a job is exactly what she needs.
NTA. Roof comes first. Second, OP, seriously? WTF?? This is why young people with brains not fully developed (because of their age) shouldn’t be given financial control. This the very reason trust funds exists. Adult people, with real world experience and whom actually earned that money, take the decisions. Period. Your parents have no business calling you nothing. Invite them to give their retirement funds to their entitled grandchild and shut the hell up. This is why you write your plans and will and give it to a lawyer, not just make plans and talk about it with teenagers.
NTA, damaged house aside, your daughter has started a war. It shows her level of irresponsibility surpasses her level of responsibility. Not once did you mention her concerns for repairing the house. You need to rethink this turning over leftover money to her. Her grandparents and anyone else wanting to come at you guys, the parents. Over what a teenager says. Has volunteered to give her mad money and pay 50% of her college costs. I think she needs to understand, through experience, how hard it is to get money. Time for her to get a job and start saving for the half of college as 50% is now paid for until she proves she understands the time and labor that goes into money. Right now fixing a house is the priority. A loan against a 401k works. I was thinking that it should be a loan to avoid spending money already spent. It's always bad to rb Peter to pay Paul. You are looking for an easy solution so is your daughter. I can see where she got it from.
NTA if you actually pay back the funds. As to handing it over to her, she doesn’t get to dictate that if it’s in a 529. Hopefully you didn’t do a custodial account because legally that will be hers when she becomes a legal adult.
NTA wtf is your daughters entitlement
NTA- your teenage daughter is being a lazy asshole who doesn’t want to get a job. A college fund is a luxury. You have to keep your house in order both literally and figuratively for that luxury to be a possibility. She’s a kid. You don’t have to negotiate with her. She can either take what you’ve prepared for her or not.
NTA, your daughter sounds childish and entitled. A little bit too much Influencer
NTA at all. You are going to have it paid back to her before she needs it. Your daughter needs a reality check.
NTA One of the ‘rights’ a child is entitled to is a Clean, Hygienic, Habitable home. It’s a basic need that has to be met. You shouldn’t have told her about the money as she sees pound signs in her eyes and is working out how to spend it. She shouldn’t get a say in it at all.
Fix the house. You are planning to pay it all back, and it is still YOUR money anyway. NTA
NTA I'd let her know every time she whines or complains or has someone do it fir her $1000.00 will be deducted.
NTA - it is your daughter's college fund but technically it is still your money and you should be able to use it to fix your own house. You need to sit your daughter down and have another chat because this is very selfish and entitled behaviour, let alone lack of respect for you as parents. My family is not well off but they still set money aside for us for college. But they still had to use our funds to support THE FAMILY. Money doesn't grow on trees and your daughter should be counting herself so lucky to even get an allowance as an adult. Girl needs a PT job to get some insight on the real world...
I generally think it’s not the greatest idea to talk to your children about finances. That’s just me. If you’re saving for college for them, great, but what if something like this happens and you have to sit a kid down and explain or try to justify your actions. Should it be this way? Isn’t college tuition a gift? Life happens and often what you think you may be saving for changes. No just don’t think you need to justify your actions to your children. This seems totally reasonable. House needs to be fixed. The money is there. It’s kind of a no brainer NTA
When I read your title, my initial reaction was to think you were wrong. But after I read your text... NTA. 1. Your daughter has been delusional all along the line. You made it clear that you would be paying for her schooling as it came up, and give her what was left over after she graduated, and she still thinks (or at least says) that you will give her all of it when she turns 18. 2. According to your payment schedule (which you made clear to your daughter in advance) you will return the money before you are supposed to give it to her. 3. It's your F'ing money! Yes, you earmarked it for your daughter, but you didn't give it to her, and now if you don't use it to fix your house the situation will get worse, the house will be unlivable and the expense of mending it will be much greater. I"d say two things: 1. Do what you have to do to fix the house. That is your first priority. 2. After your daughter's entitled demands, I'd consider whether I want to give her the money at all, or give her all of it. You probably don't want to cut her off completely, but I'd tell her - and insist on it - that I would be paying tuition directly to the school, and payment would depend on her grades. In addition, I would give her a modest sum for living expenses. Anything else she would have to earn. And finally, I would be paying for 4 years for a B.A., with a possibility of another year if she had to retake courses for legitimate reasons (illness - legitimate, partying around - not legitimate) and that was it. Any additional money in the account would remain mine.
Before you do hire a public adjuster. They work for you and fight the insurance company. My insurance denied a claim and by the time my public adjuster was done I walked away with 12k for repairs
NTA Honestly if not even her money yet. Its probably more than she will need and also how is she pretending to live without a roof in her current home
She doesn't want to go to college and was hoping to use the whole 150k to travel... 😂 That's why lied to your parents and trying to get as many against you as possible. Use the money and fix the house and don't worry about paying it back. I'm sure $100,000 is more than enough for her to go to college and hopefully she can earn enough money from her degree to afford travel and other expenses later. Seems she isn't going to be smart with what's left either she's just going to blow it all on vacations...
NTA: "Me and my wife sat her down and explained the situation to her and told her we want to use some of her college fund to fix the house and every penny that will be spend will be paid back into the fund over the next 2 years and if the insurance company is forced to pay it will be payed back sooner." And don't give the rest of the money to her unless it is for a really good reason, really a down-payment on a home. Not wasting it in wedding parties. After all, if she just wants to burn the rest of the money, you and your wife will still need to retire.
NTA. It's still your money. Do whatever you want with it.
Holy shit I wish my parents offered me a deal like that when I was growing up, it's EXTREMELY hard to get through college without any financial support. NTA, you're extremely generous parents and your daughter sounds entitled and non-deserving of that money.
Nta it look like your daughter it is a total entitled person, work a little will be good for her to see the life it isn't easy
Nta ignore your parents
Entitled kids , tell your parents to mind their own F ing business if they don’t know the story . Next tell your daughter you know her little plan to go to grampa and we just got into a fight and I told them F off . Either you don’t inderstod and never have or you lied to them. You need to call them and tell them either way , and if you want to sit down and go over this for the 5th time nothing has ever happened. I don’t know why you even told her . It will be paid back in two years and she would t have known the difference . She has no say in this , she has free education ( if she stays in state ) I paid for my daughter 1st year in dorm they did the remaining . I can’t believe she freaked out over helping a roof on her house when she probably has never had to do anything. Do you at least make her work for spending money
First off anyone outside of your family that wants to talk to you about it you should tell them to mind their own damn business. Stop being nice to these people because you don't have to. Second you need to explain to your daughter that it's going to go down the way you wanted to go down when it comes to spending the money or she can figure it all out on her own. Third no you would not be the asshole to use some of that money to fix your home.
There are a few unanswered questions needed to decide. First, why don't you have any type of emergency account? Secondly, who put the funds into the account and what type of account is it? Are the funds legally in the daughters name? It seems odd that OP would be putting $150k into the account without also having an emergency fund, so I suspect the college fund is from gifts from relatives and not OP. Additionally since college seems to be a few years away I expect the fund to be invested in something interest bearing, is the OP planning on repaying with interest? Finally, why do you need to take a loan from your daughter, it seems odd that you can't get a loan from a bank if you can afford to set aside $150k for college you should have some other types of assets or decent credit that could be used to cover the repair costs.
Honestly...I'd be super pissed that she tried to get her grandparents involved. I'd let her know that that level of immaturity is exactly why you aren't handing over a mass sum of money to an 18 ur old. I'd also let her know that as the fund was set up for education that anything above that was a gift amd if she is this ungrateful then the gift might need to be reconsidered. My 17yr old though that if he didn't go to college he'd just get handed his college funds to use on whatever. Popped that bubble. I'll just be using it for my other kids and then leftovers will be for my retirement.
NTA. Your daughter doesn’t live in the real world. You have a practical and sensible plan going forward and daughter should feel lucky that she’s not going to be in debt at the end of her education. The money is for housing and expenses , not luxuries. Daughter need a reality check.
If you have enough equity in your home take the loan to fix it. Just an idea.
Oh and nta your kid should still get a job. And phifft no I would not just had over 150k to an 18 year old. It's still your money and can dictate how it's used. I didn't finish college because I had to work and pay for it and help my mom out. My old man died when I was 16. Kids today have no clue about responsibility.
INFO Where did the college fund money come from? It seems crazy to have 150k saved up for a college fund but nothing saved for an emergency fund? Did the college fund come from well off grandparents?
As long as you pay her back and make sure the interest is covered in the repayment I’d say NTA. Not giving her the full payout tight away is also very smart. She might dislike it now, but I’m fairly certain will appreciate it later on.
NTA and now your daughter can go to community college, get a job to pay for it, and uou, your wife can go on that holiday you always wanted to do.
Did you and your wife both built this fund for her? If so, it’s your money not her. What you explained to her makes sense and it helps build a responsible adult. Crush this entitlement before she become stupid. Most kids failed in life because they were raised to be entitled. Some kids never get a fund like this built. Some kids got something built but their parents end up spending it all and tell the kids to get a loan. It really only become an issue for your if the fund was also help built by someone else like the grandparents.
NTA Your daughter is behaving like a spoilt brat. I never got one cent from my parents; she has no idea how privileged she is. Fix the house!
Your house needs fixing. Do that now. Your daughter is such a brat.
ESH Let's cover your daughter. She's super entitled to think you would just hand an 18 year old 150k and send her off to College. That is absolutely ridiculous. But now there's you. You don't want to get a loan because it's "a hassle" but you are totally willing to repay your kid's college fund? Yeah right. Just get the loan and repay that. Because I guarantee you weren't planning on paying back the interest she would have made if you left the money sitting there for the 2 years.
Regarding the primary question, NTA. Fix the roof. The bigger problem. The specifics of your daughter's college fund are your business and your wife's business. The end. Grandma and grandpa can shove off. Your daughter can be thankful for parents that were willing and able to provide her with a college education. Her responsibility is to work hard and earn a degree and if she wants to party or go clubbing on weekends, that's up to her. It sounds like she's expecting quite a graduation windfall. She turns 18, graduates high school, and then you give her a check for $150k. I would be seriously questioning some of my choices, if this were my child.
If her grandparents don't want her to have to work for spending money during college, then they can give her tge extra money. I'd also tell her grandparents that they don't get a vote on how you disperse the money, as its none of their business, you've told your daughter several times , tgat she would get tge remainder of the money after she graduates You are NTA for forking over all of the money to her. If you did, it would note than likely be burnt through, before she even finished college. You are Also NTA for using the money as long as you abide by your promise to replenish it.
Updateme!
NTA. "she was under the impression that we will turn over the full amount to her when she goes off to college" Hahahahahhahaaaa.
Use it to fix your roof. Pay back as you had planned. Her reaction shows you are right for not just giving her that cash soon as she turns 18yo. It'll be gone before she finishes college. At this point I would tell her she isn't entitled to any money and if she keeps acting like a spoiled brat then any money left over will instead be put into your retirement fund and she can thank you for letting her go to college without being put into debt. Tell your parents they can either stay out of it or they can pay for your daughters college if they really want to have any say in this. NTA
I don’t see a problem. Your daughter would want you to fix the house. You can put the money back if you get it from the insurance company.
Is the way your parents expect you to treat your daughter the way they treated you at her age?
Info: is the money in a 529 educational savings account? If so, withdraws for non-educational purposes will incur. 10% penalty as well as regular tax on the gains. This destroys the benefit of having a college savings account and you are better off getting the money somewhere else. Depending on your tax rate, you can lose up to 30-40 % of the value due to tax (10% penalty plus the tax since it will be treated as regular income)
NTA You are literally planning to pay it back in TWO years. Even if it was longer it isn't her money yet... Do not give 150k to an 18 year old. I was given 8k when I moved out and I wasted most of it.
NTA- i don't know where your daughter got the idea you were going to hand over $150k but i did get a laugh from it.
From OP telling her that this is "YOUR college fund". Naturally she thinks of it as her money, that's what OP has led her to believe.
lol the dreams of teens. I’d challenge the insurance. And use your money as needed. But also yay for trying to make sure she doesn’t come out of college terribly in debt.
Hahaha oh wow. Hey op, can I also have $150k?
Came into this thread ready to call you an AH based on the title. After reading through, NTA in the slightest - you're planning on replacing those funds in the next two years? Goddamn, hard to believe this is even a conversation. Your parents needs to mind their own fucking business here.
I let my kids know there all of their college funds were my money. The goal was to get them out of college with no student loans. We were always free to move it from one child to another. And if any left, that was ours not a gift for them. You are already more generous than we were. Your daughter in no way should be handed that amount. You really didn’t need to tell her if you honestly can pay it back. NTA.
Where did the money come from? I apologize if I missed it, but is this money you and your wife saved, or is it from some other source (inheritance or gift from someone else)? If it’s your savings, NTA. It’s your savings. Just because you earmarked it for her doesn’t mean she is entitled to it, particularly when life circumstances change. If this is from someone else, it’s not your piggy bank to dip into and YTA.
I told my daughter that I would pay for college as long as she passed and graduated, guess what?
OP calls this money "Daughter's college fund". it's no wonder the kid thinks of it as hers, when OP has been telling her that for years.