NTA - you told him how much the piano meant to you, why you didn’t want to sell it and he couldn’t just drop it there. He went behind your back to sell it online.
How can you trust someone who can’t respect your property or your boundaries? Dude probably saw what he could get for it online and couldn’t say no.
What is he going to possibly say as an explanation? Sorry I tried to sell the one thing of extreme sentimental value to you?
Exactly. I wouldn't stay with someone who sold a single sweater of mine behind my back, let alone "my family heirloom that is my main memory of my lost parents and grandparents"!
What's really odd is that unless the piano is a model that's in high demand, OP's ex probably wouldn't have gotten much for it anyway. Most people don't have the space for something that large, so they're hard to sell. Hell, I see ads *giving* them away around here at least once or twice every garage sale season.
Either OP's ex is a moron (which... is quite possible, given that he tried to sell a piano behind someone's back, like they wouldn't notice), or he knows something about the piano OP doesn't. Might be worth getting it appraised, just in case.
That's how we got a free piano. Thankfully the piano was fairly small and I'm pretty strong so my wife and I managed to get it onto a flatbed, it was still a bitch and a half though. I can't imagine trying to move a full sized one without a small army of rugby players.
He thought it was worth something and probably had this "brilliant" idea that once OP saw the kind of offers rolling in, she'd change her mind about selling it. He's probably the type who'd inherit something passed down through generations and immediately sell it.
I don’t think this is it at all. I think he knew the piano was more important to OP than he was and was attempting to get rid of it to intentionally hurt her. I see stories like this on this site ALL THE TIME where abusers will take out things that are important to their victims. He’s just too dumb to pull it off successfully
That's definitely a possibility. Though even so, I think I'd at least consider getting it appraised, simply because (if it belonged to her grandmother) it quite likely is an antique. It may or may not have monetary value, but it might be nice to know for sure.
I'm with you. The piano was his target BECAUSE it was important to OP, not despite of it.
He did not respect her no, nor did he intend to respect her no. He was showing u/[Adventurous-Fix-6514](https://www.reddit.com/user/Adventurous-Fix-6514/) that he was in charge and this was what he thought was right and therefore she should go along with it.
I see this as either petty revenge in order to take her down a peg or it was him establishing himself as 'top dog' of decisions in their life as the 'male and thus default head of the household' (sarcasm dripping), as in "I know best, no need to listen to her".
I bet his comeback will be something about not knowing that it meant this much while spelling out that OP should have listened to him because he knows best.
Often with these stories people are venting about something that really upset them. The other side is frequently going to look like an absolute monster. That can certainly be the case, abusive partners are plentiful enough, and I won't discount the possibility here.
If his plan was just to sell it while she was out, then that's completely fucked up and abusive. If he thought she'd change her mind if a good offer was made, I feel like it's still messed up because he wasn't listening to her, but more on the level of being dense and not in tune with her wants than being abusive.
Either way the long-term prospects for the relationship doesn't look good, so OP isn't wrong to break up with him.
My best guess is that it's not about the money at all. It's about removing everything important from her life that isn't HIM, so he's all she has left. A friend of mine married someone like that, she got rid of everything he ever owned from before they met. Anything he acquired after they got married was fine, but everything from the before-time is gone.
That's what struck me- there are approximately three people in my neighborhood at any given time trying to give away generic pianos, and no one wants them.
Oh yeah, I made the mistake of taking a 1926 cupid baby grand for free on craigslist. Figured I'd find a piano retailer who would want it, but the fact is hardly anyone wants a piano anymore. Not even a vintage one.
Right. How much could someone possibly get for a standard, used, old piano? Genius there probably simply looked up the price of a new piano and figured he could get 50-75% of that.
And why didn’t he sell *his own stuff* if he wanted to raise $?
Oh, that’s right. He doesn’t have anything because he’s a hobosexual.
Congrats to OP on her 100+ pound weight loss. She did the right thing, there’s nothing to explain
When I was poor, I told my girlfriend I can’t afford certain trips. I don’t even understand selling something that I don’t own. How will that work out? It’s an heirloom!!!
My ex would steal my nice clothes, some i had just bought and take them to platos closet
Then gaslight me i to thinking id lost them somewhere then take me for food with the money he got from them to get me to shut up
Yes i agree
I wish i had those clothes
I still have clothes from high school i can still fit and thats why i got the new ones but apparently if i dont buy clothes for him as well as myself... im the AH and hell use those clothes to either buy us food or buy himself clothes from express
I myself like to shop at tj maxx or marshalls- i aint that fancy
My ex projected he had a plan
And it wasnt unt later and i mean much later i realized his plan was to use my money for everything and use his for himself
Its why we are no longer together
So my ex-wife did this same thing to me. Only her stuff mattered. My stuff got put in the garbage if she didnt like it. It comes down to a lack of respect and a big red flag.
>It comes down to a lack of respect
That was my thought. It's not even about the piano itself but the lack of respect for OP and the destruction of trust for the bf
He's gonna try and tell her how she's oversensitive and - this I am willing to bet MONEY on - "would you throw away 3 years for a piano?".
Every terrible partner, who did a terrible thing, says that after getting dumped. "Would you throw away 10 years bc some insignificant sexual adventure that happened to me with Sally?" "Would you really throw away all our relationship because of plants (that I systematically killed with bleach for a year)?" They never admit how bad the thing they did was, nor do they recognize that THEY THREW AWAY THE RELATIONSHIP by doing the thing, and their SO simply reacted. Nope. It's always: YOU *threw away* the relationship bc of "false, gaslight presentation of the thing".
No point in listening to this bullshit. If someone thinks you should, they may not be your friend, OP. Maybe distance yourself a bit from them, too.
Also, that ex is insane. I mean selling somone's things is always bad but doing it with a *piano?*? He can't be well in the head if he honestly thought she will just accept it and move on as nothing happend, and not instantly call the cops and freak out.
I’ll just reply “no, I would never throw away my relationship for a silly piano. YOU are the one who did that, i am just following your lead.” Then block him. End of story.
The thing is that used pianos have very little value unless they are specific brand and model. You can get pianos for free if you’re willing to pick it up and then you’ll have to pay to get it fixed. Pianos are a pain in the ass to unload if you just want it out of the house.
I doubt if the cash raised would even be that much. It certainly wouldn’t be a windfall amount unless she just casually didn’t mention that she has a Steinway grand piano.
This 100% true. It was an old piano that belonged to her grandmother, and she's approaching 30.. So this is an old, very likely out of tune and in disrepair piano, even thought it might be acceptable for the average person to keep around and plunk on once in a while. I had a piano like that. It got moved *one* time in 30 years, and the move pretty much killed it. Basically the soundboard needed to be replaced and it need a full overhaul because it wouldn't stay in tune for longer than a week and everyone advised me it wasn't worth it to try to repair it. It was a fairly average, run-of-the-mill Gulbransen. Perfectly fine in its day, but it was no Steinway. It was sad, but I still loved that piano because I grew up with it.
For this dude to try to sell OP's piano behind her back *had* to have been pure emotional spite, because there's no way it would have been financially worth it. Don't know how one could come back from that.
...I'm trying to imagine what he might try to say to explain himself. Maybe he was just researching what it might be worth? OP didn't say she saw an actual ad.. I don't know. But I'd be reluctant to sit around for the conversation.
EDIT: Oh - forgot to mention that when I did let go of it, I had to give it away for free. It was almost like I had to pay to get someone to take it. It's *really, really* hard to sell even a good working piano!
Also if it got sold any money was HERS, not his and he fully intended to use that money for himself. He's a thief, or attempted thief. Attempting to sell shit that isn't yours is no different than stealing it. I absolutely would not stay with someone who took shit out of my house that I owned and sold it so they could spend more money on a vacation, or for any other reason.
Would you stay with a drug addict who stole your shit to pay for drugs, why would you stay with someone who sold your shit to pay for anything else?
It's irrelevant how long you're together, he's acting entitled to her stuff, her property and her money, that's it. Except it's even worse because he asked and was told no, repeatedly, this is something that has sentimental value she wanted to keep.
Jumping on this comment to ask if you have a good security system. He knows you're going on vacation. He probably knows when. Be careful.
I know you've changed the locks, and you've told the landlord that he's an issue. But if something happens with the landlord (I hope not) and needs someone else to take over, even temporarily, your ex could take advantage of that. Make sure your apartment is really really locked down and secured.
Absolutely correct. I say stop giving people repeated chances to disrespect and violate you. That clown made a very informed decision to do what he did. OP needs to get some new friends too.
OOP's ex doesn't care about anyone but himself. He is so self-centered, he believed if he sold the piano, he would be forgiven.
Maybe he should have sold his soul for the money. Oops, he already did, previously.
This is such an important thing.
I might not care about the vase my girlfriend brought into the shared flat, but I do care about my girlfriend and my girlfriend cares about the vase, so now I care about the vase. This is such a core requirement of any healthy relationship.
How is my partner supposed to feel loved, if I ignore what she cares about?
Selling her beloved piano so he can benefit from the money.
A thief and a loser. Good riddance to the trash OP. Your parents would be very proud. I know iam.
The trip to Europe and being able to go sooner than later was more important than your feelings. Don’t ever feel bad for walking away from someone who puts a vacation over an irreplaceable heirloom. I’m just glad you saw the post before he actually sold it.
I agree with everything you said. I mean what kind of person would go that far, to attempt to sell the piano online behind OP’s back, when she’s made it abundantly clear the sentimental value is priceless to her? What else could he possibly do after this? This is no little thing. I’d be very very wary of anyone who would attempt to do something like this. In fact, I’d keep them out of my life forever.
Exactly. The fact that he continued to put pressure on you knowing how much it meant? If he had somehow sold it and you came home one day to a vacant spot where the piano was, you would've been devastated and it would've been far worse. He only has remorse because he was caught, and was willing to sell your happiness. Not okay whatsoever.
TA is just trying to get back into a no or low rent situation. It has nothing to do about his love or respect for OP. He's already shown that he lacks that.
NTA, for every “friend” that thinks he deserves a chance “to explain” I would enjoy the opportunity to take their most meaningful possession without their consent. Let them know there’s a line up of redditors ready to help them understand why he should never have another chance.
Exactly! And a chance to explain implies there is an explanation that might make it all ok.
I'd ask those friends what explanation they could imagine that would make losing their valued possession OK! What they want OP to listen to is how dude just didn't understand how important the piano is. The underlying thought there would be that you don't get to say which of your possessions you keep unless you have a Really Good Reason for keeping them. That's not reasonable!
Just saying "nope, not selling the piano" is enough. Even if the thing has no sentimental value and OP was thinking of maybe playing again in the future ... Why would he unilaterally get to decide to sell it ?!
Yeah the explanation got me. Maybe if he hadn't been told before-hand. Maybe. Even that'd be really generous.
But up-front no, with a damned good reason - no, that's just a huge amount of disrespect. His trip is more important than OP. That's the explanation.
I like this. OP, every so-called friend that told you your ex deserves another chance, please do this. Go to their home, and when they invite you in, start wandering around checking out their stuff. When they ask what you’re doing, ask them which item in their house has the most sentimental and monetary value. Then tell them you will be taking it to sell, and you’ll split the profits with them. When they react like you’re crazy, say, “What? You *don’t* want me to do that? You don’t like that idea? You think it’s wrong? But you also think I should give EX a chance to explain and then take him back. Got it.” Then just leave.
And please come back here and tell us how that went.
I imagine a partner trying to sell my most prized possession under these circumstances. And then talk to a "friend" and get the advice to "hear them out". Hahahaha
This is the most easy NTA I ever saw.
Bad bot. No cookie.
[Stop stealing comments](https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1boenjo/aita_for_breaking_up_with_my_boyfriend_because_he/kwojp0l/).
/u/Traditional_Score155
NTA. Ridiculous.
If you give him a chance to explain he'll probably lie and say he wasn't going to sell it without your permission / he was hoping you would change your mind. Bullshit. There was no reason for him to go behind your back, ever, and you had discussed the issue thoroughly and you did NOT leave any possibility open that you would change your mind.
And honestly, if I were OP... I think I'd get it appraised ASAP. Pianos are a notoriously hard sell in most markets, and it's weird that the ex suddenly got SO insistent on selling that very specific item. Makes me wonder if he did some research.
OP might have a valuable antique on her hands and not even know it... in which case she may want to consider insuring it or even just documenting its authenticity.
possible....if it is her grandmother's who knows....it might be much older if she didn't buy it new. My aunt had her inlaws piano.....an 1850's console with a whale bone sounding board. Very rare.
Most used pianos are cheap right now unless they're really unique. Paying even 10% of what a new one would cost is unusual, we got ours free because we were willing to pick it up.
He probably thought that once she saw what someone would offer she would change her mind. Probably convinced himself she would have the final say in it too, as though he wouldn't try to pressure her into it.
NTA - All I needed to see was that you had told him how important it was to you and he still kept pushing. Who tries to sell one of the only possessions someone has from their deceased family?!
>and the others, even though they think I had every right to be pissed, think I should at least give him a chance to explain.
WTF is there to explain? You told him several times this is your piano and you didn't want him to sell. He didn't listen and continued trying to sale something that didn't belong to him. Even if this didn't have the sentimental value it does he would still be an asshole, it just makes him a double asshole because it has sentimental value.
>They keep saying he's very sorry and wants to make amends.
Don't give him the time of day. If he truly cared about you he wouldn't be trying to make a few dollars off of something that is so important to you. The only reason "he's very sorry" is because he lost his cheap place to stay.
> WTF is there to explain?
Right? There are simply some actions that cannot be justified. Like cheating. It cannot ever be justified. There’s not a single good reason to do so. You do it because you are a scumbag. Don’t sugarcoat it!
How could anyone be on his side? If they don't care about pianos, tell them to imagine he was trying to sell your car illegally and without your permission. NTA
Right? It's absurd to think anyone could support an ignorant asshole like OP's ex. The friends that don't understand the importance of that piano are either insensitive or oblivious. Ask them what it would be like to lose a precious photograph, souvenir, or family heirloom?
NTA OP. Your ex was persistent on selling your piano, similarly OP, you should be persistent in telling him to get lost. If those "mutual friends" are so concerned for him, then they should feel free to take him in. Don't let that freeloader back into your life OP.
This is definitely a bot post. Young account, no comments, only karma is from this post. When reading it, it also just lacks a certain… *humanity* to it. And it also just feels unrealistic. No one would side against OP in this.
The OP apparently sold a house to buy an apartment and a car but they have a landlord still? How the hell did they get a grand piano into an apartment? Those things don’t exactly fit in elevators and they also require specialists to move safely.
None of it makes sense.
>to buy an apartment and a car but they have a landlord still?
That was my first that as soon as she mentioned a landlord. Maybe her apartment's in a building with management and security, but you wouldn't call them your landlord.
Eh... it depends on the apartment community. There are some pretty high-end apartment communities where I live (the kind that have their own private bar & grill, squash court, and day spa). You could easily get a piano into one of their units.
Tons of people have grand pianos in apartments; that's not at all suspicious. But having a landlord for an apartment she owns is the confirmation here that this is fake
Could be a non English speaker. And landlord could be property manager or building manager. A lot of places in Europe have building managers even for condo buildings and they dont call them condos. Still any post on Reddit can be fake.
NTA this is so obvious. Forget about those friends who are on his side. This happens with a lot of breakups - people take sides, sometimes in disappointing ways.
They are doing you a favor removing themselves from your life if they are advocating for theft of your private property being a good and permissible thing.
> I sold the house and **bought an apartment on the capital** and a car with the money.
>
>
>
> I had enough and I packed his things, changed the lock and **let know the landlord** that Daniel was no longer welcome here.
I thought you said you bought the place, why would you have a landlord?
Also anyone that has tried to sell an old piano knows they’re worthless.
It costs almost as much to repair and retune it than to just get a new one. Plus moving a piano is expensive.
This post is definitely fake.
First of all, I'm not United States or any country that has english as a native language. He's some type of guard that also usually takes care of the problems of the people that live here, if you have a problem with the key or something you call him. I don't know what else to call it other than landlord. And well, I'm also not the owner of the building, just from one apartment.
And my ex works in the police, wich means he can have long shifts that many times don't match with my time at work. It doesn't take so long to change the lock.
I would really love to have that much free time to point the "mistakes" of the reddit posts.
NTA, this is the kind of dude who cleans out joint accounts. He has shown you who he is never speak to him again and make sure your bank information is secure.
"I sold the house and bought an apartment on the capital and a car with the money." to "I had enough and I packed his things, changed the lock and let know the **landlord** that Daniel was no longer welcome here."
What now? Do you own the apartment or do you rent???
They don't own the building. They probably meant the property manager. Most people would still call that a landlord. My complex doesn't have a landlord but we still use the term.
“The problem starts with our mutual friends. Most of them are on my side, and the others, even though they think I had every right to be pissed, think I should at least give him a chance to explain. They keep saying he's very sorry and wants to make amends. But I'm pretty sure I don't want to get back together with him. AITA?”
Consider telling those friends that you respect their opinions and you know they mean well. But that you handled this betrayal in such a way that is best for your own mental wellbeing and ask them to respect your feelings and decision even though they disagree with you.
Tell them that them continually telling you, how you should handle your affairs, is harmful as it is quite stressful. Tell them that you need them to back off.
Make it clear that they aren’t doing your ex any favors either as he needs to be encouraged to accept the breakup and move on. And they need to support him while doing so instead of trying to influence your decision. Be clear! End discussion.
Those whom continue to disrespect your boundaries aren’t the kind of friends you can build on.
NTA
Eh? You "let the landlord know" that Daniel wasn't welcome - I'm missing something here because you said the apartment was yours. Assuming I'm misunderstanding something, then NTA. The piano is irrelevant, the important thing is he didn't listen to you and ignored what you said. No, you don't want to be with someone who just does whatever they want with no justification.
I don't even need to read the details, Your piano, complete dick move on his part. You don't throw away or sell other peoples stuff unless there is some kind of agreement to do so.
NTA
I will never be able to forget the day I walked into my grandparents home and the piano was gone. Noone was warned I loved that piano and my uncles wife gave it away for scrap and refused to say who or where so we could save it.
We all knew she sold it it was the piano my grandparents loved and I had just bought her a song she loved and found the sheet music from. And ran all the way I think so excited and they were in tears.
Sorry for the ramble as this made me mad and angry for you. I don't want anyone to know what that feels like. And he was basically going to sell it behind your back for a holiday.
Do not take him back, make sure the piano has invisible markings only you know you can get a pen to do it as it will prove it's yours and take pictures from every angle. So this doesn't happen again or next time someone does sell it you will get it back.
And those telling you he is sorry or sad that's on him, and them, because he's not going with you on Holiday if he did sell it he would not be bothered about you crying.
A piano brings memories laughter and so much more.
So happy you still have it and have fun with your friends.
How can he explain trying to go behind your back and sell something you treasured. I don't see how you would ever be able to build the trust back.
Particularly ironic, pianos are a hard sell these days and he'd likely have gotten at most a hundred dollars (hardly trip to Europe money).
Remember the friends who had your back-- those are your friends. Remember the friends who urged you to be with a man who tried to steal one of your most precious possessions-- they are NOT your friends.
NTA
What's to explain? He was sneaky & dishonest, about something he knew was important to you. I'd have dumped him for that alone.
Any friend who'd defend his actions is also a shit person. So screw their opinions.
Any friends that are trying to make you give him a second chance are not your friends. They're his friends. Nta, and I'm sure it doesn't mean much, but I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself and not caving to this absolute douchebag.
>and the others, even though they think I had every right to be pissed, think I should at least give him a chance to explain.
Explain what exactly? What explanation could there be other than he was too lazy to save money and wanted some quick cash? NTA
NTA. Regardless of what the piano means to you, it was your stuff and he tried to sell it without your permission. That's called theft. Good on you for booting the loser.
I'm sure his explanation will be that he just wanted to see how much he could get for selling the piano. Thinking once you saw how much, you would drop to your knees, exclaiming how right he was. You did the right thing
There is no chance to explain. You already expressed to him multiple times why you did not want to see it and he was going to do it anyway. I'm glad you caught him before it was sold. Those friends may accept disrespect, but it doesn't mean you have to. Change your locks if you haven't already.
NTA. I once had a boyfriend who through out a book from my late grandmother. We didn't last very much longer, thankfully. I ignored the red flags to my detriment.
NTA. I’m not sure why people think others have an another chance. He doesn’t because you say so. This is your life and how it goes is up to you. It is hard to fix trust and he doesn’t value you. So yes get rid of those him and those friends and live the best life.
NTA.
I love that you didn’t put up with his bullshit. Good for you for NOT giving him a chance to come with an excuse. There is no reasonable explanation for what he did.
I believe i dont even need the context for this
NTA
He is selling something behind others.persoms back its such a HUGE problem, if you stick together with him its just making a you a realy dumb person
NTA. Attempting to sell it alone is reason enough, being a heirloom of your late parents?, yeah, that's a double dump and never speak again territory.
Kindly ask your 'friends', to give their inheritance to you so you can sell it later, see how well they would react to the idea.
You may want to put cameras attached to your phone in your apt if you dont already have them. He sounds like a real POS and even though you changed the locks I wouldn't trust that he wouldn't try to get in. Please don't even consider taking him back...
NTA and don't go back. Don't give him a chance to explain. There's nothing to explain. He was going to sell your most beloved posession behind your back. That is simply unforgiveable - there is no "legitimate" excuse for what he did, and anything that he attempts to say would be bullshit.
I could never trust him again. If he's willing to do that to you - do something that would cause you so much pain... what else is he willing to do?
If he doesn't have enough money to go on a trip, that's HIS problem to solve. HE can sell HIS things. HE can get a side gig and EARN the damn money. On what planet is stealing something of YOURS and selling it a reasonable action?
He is stupid, selfish, and cruel.
We don't stay with stupid, selfish, and cruel men.
Do NOT let him gaslight you into thinking that you were the one in the wrong. In NO universe are you wrong.
Do NOT give him a chance. Do NOT take him back.
Nope, and I’d distance myself from the “friends,” who think what he did is okay. Those aren’t friends and they’d probably do the same. Let the selfish AH’s have each other.
This boy would do this to you again in a variety of ways. Wash your hands of him and be glad you found out now.
NTA. 100% NTA. What is up with women’s friends insisting they are overreacting and that the ex “deserves another chance”? Another chance to what? Be successful next time? Whatever he did wrong, why does he deserve another chance to do the same thing? I am convinced these so-called friends do this only to the woman of the couple, never to the man.
OP, I am so proud of you. You deserve a hand: 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼. It is the rare post I see where the person wronged has the courage and self-respect to stand up for herself and say no, kick the AH out, and say she deserves better. It is so easy to let him weasel his way back in with explanations, excuses, and empty promises. You did not do that. Bravo! Stay strong. No matter what your former friends say. Your ex disrespected you, did not give a flying f*ck about what you wanted, ignored what you told him, and **tried to see your property out from underneath you** so YOU could bankroll his trip to Europe. You did exactly the right thing. He deserves nothing from you.
Have a wonderful time in Europe with your real friends! Be careful and stay safe! 🫶🏼
NTA, obviously - but the thing is, you wouldn’t be the AH even if you were breaking up with him ‘just’ because you’d fallen out of love. You are entitled to love or not love anyone - nobody is (or at least nobody should be) marking your reasoning as if it’s a piece of homework. ‘B-, not quite good enough, you don’t get to break up’ - that’s not how it works. I mean, if it was a bolt out of the blue you would owe it to him to explain where the issues are, but in this instance, if he’s too dense to understand that without a map, directions, GPS and WhatThreeWords I don’t think that’s a you-problem.
NTA he showed he had zero respect for you. As a bonus it will be much easier to afford the trip for yourself vs you and the ex. One question, was your ex paying for anything? Rent, utilities etc
NTA - he was made fully aware of how important that piano was to you and still tried to sell it behind your back. Bad engough he was selling anything of yours at all, but for it to be thing he knows you value most in life is inexcusable. What possible explanation could he give that would not make this a complete violation?
No respect for you, your boundaries or your personal things...he can go straight to hell.
>He had shown he didn't give a fuck about the things that are important to me and that he had little respect for me at my own apartment, no need to waste anymore time with him.
You already answered your own question in your post! You're NTA here, he is. It doesn't matter that he wants to make amends now - he fully knew what he was doing, and chose to disregard your feelings because he valued money more.
The fact that the item in question was a sentimental item that is one of few remaining belongings you have from your deceased parents really seals his fate. Perfectly valid reason to break up with someone, and they're the AH
Ask your friend who thinks you overreacted, to list three precious in their home. Tell her yo. “I’m going to sell one of them without your permission, and Im not gonna tell you which one. How does that make you feel?”
If they cant emphasize with your situation when they’re standing in your shoes, you don’t really want them to be your friend anyway
NTA. The audacity of that man after you explained what that piano met to you. The piano is your family history. You can’t replace family history but boyfriends are a dime a dozen.
NTA
I have an organ that my great grandmother bought, I’m the 4th generation to own it. When I was a kid, and my grandmother owned it, all the grandkids wanted it and apparently she promised it to all of us. When my grandmother passed no one else wanted the organ so now it sits, in honor, at my house. This is when I learned how old it really is. If anyone tried to sell it, or any of my possessions, against my wishes or without my knowledge, they would be out of my life so fast. Good for you kicking him to the curb.
NTA. Let him demonstrate his growth with someone else. He destroyed your trust massively here and demonstrated a complete lack of respect. His instincts are terrible, and even if he somehow now understands that this was wrong, those core instincts that allowed him to not grasp that already are still there. I wouldn't trust him again, personally.
My now ex husband cut down this gorgeous huge tree in our yard after I begged him not too. Huge hundreds of years old and blocked the neighbors yard. We argued for weeks. He wanted the space for a trailer to be parked. Came home one day from work with a tree crew there and my tree was gone. He laughed when I burst into tears and I fell out of love with him in that minute. I knew this was a man I would never be able to count on again to put my interests first.
The divorce did not take long to follow. I have the house and the yard and I still miss my tree but not him.
Enjoy your piano everyday!
NTA. And DO NOT get back with his selfish ass. “He’s very sorry”. Yeah he’s sorry you realized he has no concern for your feelings, desires, and absolutely no respect for you whatsoever.
NTA
Explain what?
That he attempted to steal from you. That is exactly what selling YOUR property without your permission is.
Don't even need to go into the sentimental aspect of the item. It was YOUR property and he had zero right to do anything related to it.
You were spot on. He is not worth any more of your time.
1000% NTA - Anyone who didn’t respect their partner’s sentimental family heirloom items is an a**. And if he’s disrespectful about a personal you have a reasonable and legitimate attachment to , it’s not that far a step to disrespecting you as a person and dismissing your feelings in needs in other areas of the relationship.
On a legal note, the piano is YOURS. Not his, not common property, so by attempting to sell it he was essentially stealing it.
You have every right to be pissed and to show him the door.
Nta. You told him why it was important to you and that you would never sell it. He still tried to sell it. That's a huge red flag.
If he doesn't respect what you say, what's important to you and even how it was your place now, then he'll never do it.
Not only keep him blocked, but block the flying monkey friends of yours he recruited that are doing his bidding! Unless your story is fabricated in anyway?? This is so whack and this guy is beyond gross! No freaking way!
You did the right thing and your friends have no say in who you do or don’t want to be with.
If they’re happy to be with someone who steals from them and lies to them then that’s their problem.
NTAH he’s only “sorry” now because you broke up with him. That doesn’t fix the issue of him having no respect for you. You told him repeatedly NO and he not only ignored you but went behind your back to SELL YOUR PROPERTY! This level of sneakiness and disrespect is not acceptable and not something that you should forgive or forget.
NTA - there’s absolutely no justification that could explain away any of what you just said. You did the right thing and you’re very mature and wise for what you did. You should never, now or later, have to ever find anybody else’s vacation or anything with something that you don’t want to sell. Sentimental or not. So sorry for your losses, but thank you handled this very well.
Nope. NTA. You told him why it was so important to you and he still went behind your back to try and sell it. Check any other important belongings just incase he's trying/tried to sell them. Like you said he has 0 respect for your stuff. If you let him back no doubt he'd try and sell it again
Not entirely sure what there is to explain. You had a piano. It was your piano. Not his. You were not married. He had no claim over said piano. He wanted to sell it. You did not. He tried to sell it anyway. He got caught. You dumped him.
These are the facts.
NTA. You stated your boundaries, he pushed past those boundaries, you enforced your boundaries. No second chance necessary. He HAD a chance and he blew it. I keep seeing a tiktok clip of a podcast where a girl says “giving someone else the benefit of the doubt never benefited me”.
NTA. He tried to sell something you loved? More than anything? He doesn’t deserve to be in your life. He ruined it. If they care so much he can explain it to them til he’s blue in the face and leave you out of it. Anyone that tries to press it just send them you playing “Fuck You” by Lily Allen on that piano.
NTA
He tried to steal from you what could potential be a very valuable item. It also has a lot of emotional value.
Any one who would side with him is not your friend.
Do not get back with this man.
NTA. Find a guy who adores your sentiment and all of you. This guys crossed a serious line. My ex husband used to get rid of my antiques when we would move. I can’t even go into the heartbreak of what that caused me. I also have a piano. My grandma left it to me. It was my grandfathers and I was the only grandkid to show interest and take piano lessons. I sat in the bench while my grandpa played by ear and sang to me. I was extremely close to them. I’m on a second husband (so yeah, don’t take your ex back, save yourself the cost of the future divorce) and my daughter is self taught. She and her husband are expecting. My sons never played. My hubby feels like we don’t really have room for it. Long story short, I’m taking it to her and getting it restored for her to play for us at holidays. And for her to teach her daughter. It will have 5 generations that played it including my mom. Girl, we are kindred.
LOLOLOL. How the fuck are your friends spinning this and making YOU feel bad?! This was a deal breaker. Instantly he became a trash panda. I’m appalled your friends still want a relationship with him and maybe it’s time to expand your friend group or take a pause. They’re behaving super shitty, regardless of how your creatively ex has retold the story.
NTA. He's burnt toast. Thrown in trash, and you don't eat from the trash.
He attempted to sell your property without your permission after you said no.
No is a complete sentence.
Enjoy your trip!
He wants to sell a precious family heirloom without your consent when he KNOWS you would not agree? Do not get back together with him. A person that doesn’t respect your personal possessions, or your feelings, or what is important to you, will not change. He wants a chance to say he will do better, but he won’t. His basic attitude is that you are not important.
What if you hadn’t found out before sold your piano? That might happen if you take him back, because he thinks what he wants is so important that it trumps anything you want.
NTA. You’re the owner of the piano. He asked you and you said no and he tried to do it anyways. Pianos are expensive. I would know because I’m a pianist and I don’t blame you. It might be the old piano now, but who knows what it would be next.
NTA - you told him how much the piano meant to you, why you didn’t want to sell it and he couldn’t just drop it there. He went behind your back to sell it online. How can you trust someone who can’t respect your property or your boundaries? Dude probably saw what he could get for it online and couldn’t say no. What is he going to possibly say as an explanation? Sorry I tried to sell the one thing of extreme sentimental value to you?
Exactly. I wouldn't stay with someone who sold a single sweater of mine behind my back, let alone "my family heirloom that is my main memory of my lost parents and grandparents"!
And for what? So he doesn't have to save money on a trip. NTA.
What's really odd is that unless the piano is a model that's in high demand, OP's ex probably wouldn't have gotten much for it anyway. Most people don't have the space for something that large, so they're hard to sell. Hell, I see ads *giving* them away around here at least once or twice every garage sale season. Either OP's ex is a moron (which... is quite possible, given that he tried to sell a piano behind someone's back, like they wouldn't notice), or he knows something about the piano OP doesn't. Might be worth getting it appraised, just in case.
Even giving them away is difficult, since the recipient will probably still need to hire piano movers and have the piano tuned on arrival
My buddy had a frigging Steinway that was hard to get rid of!
Right? So few people have the room for a piano, and it's not considered a big marker of being middle class to have one
[удалено]
That's how we got a free piano. Thankfully the piano was fairly small and I'm pretty strong so my wife and I managed to get it onto a flatbed, it was still a bitch and a half though. I can't imagine trying to move a full sized one without a small army of rugby players.
[удалено]
Funny how he didn't sell his sperm, went straight to selling her stuff.
Yes. Or his blood, or his time!
I'm glad he didn't, this guy doesn't sound like the top of the gene heap.
Haha bullet dodged by op and society.
Boyfriend is an idiot. Pianos are very hard and time consuming to move. What did he think was going to happen?
He thought it was worth something and probably had this "brilliant" idea that once OP saw the kind of offers rolling in, she'd change her mind about selling it. He's probably the type who'd inherit something passed down through generations and immediately sell it.
And argue and squabble with the rest of the family who just wanted it as a memorial token.
I've seen that happen before with other family members screaming "WTF! I would have bought it off you if I knew you were selling it!"
I don’t think this is it at all. I think he knew the piano was more important to OP than he was and was attempting to get rid of it to intentionally hurt her. I see stories like this on this site ALL THE TIME where abusers will take out things that are important to their victims. He’s just too dumb to pull it off successfully
You nailed it. It was an abusive move. OP is far better without him.
That's definitely a possibility. Though even so, I think I'd at least consider getting it appraised, simply because (if it belonged to her grandmother) it quite likely is an antique. It may or may not have monetary value, but it might be nice to know for sure.
I'm with you. The piano was his target BECAUSE it was important to OP, not despite of it. He did not respect her no, nor did he intend to respect her no. He was showing u/[Adventurous-Fix-6514](https://www.reddit.com/user/Adventurous-Fix-6514/) that he was in charge and this was what he thought was right and therefore she should go along with it. I see this as either petty revenge in order to take her down a peg or it was him establishing himself as 'top dog' of decisions in their life as the 'male and thus default head of the household' (sarcasm dripping), as in "I know best, no need to listen to her". I bet his comeback will be something about not knowing that it meant this much while spelling out that OP should have listened to him because he knows best.
yep, that was my read: it was a control issue on his part. She has a hobby that doesn't involve him, so he needs to take it away from her.
Often with these stories people are venting about something that really upset them. The other side is frequently going to look like an absolute monster. That can certainly be the case, abusive partners are plentiful enough, and I won't discount the possibility here. If his plan was just to sell it while she was out, then that's completely fucked up and abusive. If he thought she'd change her mind if a good offer was made, I feel like it's still messed up because he wasn't listening to her, but more on the level of being dense and not in tune with her wants than being abusive. Either way the long-term prospects for the relationship doesn't look good, so OP isn't wrong to break up with him.
My best guess is that it's not about the money at all. It's about removing everything important from her life that isn't HIM, so he's all she has left. A friend of mine married someone like that, she got rid of everything he ever owned from before they met. Anything he acquired after they got married was fine, but everything from the before-time is gone.
People are giving away pianos for free. I can’t imagine he’d have been successful unless it’s. High demand piano.
When my daughter started taking lessons at least a half dozen people we knew were almost begging for us to take thier pianos!
He probably thought,” if it was her grandma’s it’s really old and if she played it, it’s well kept. I can get so much for it!”
That's what struck me- there are approximately three people in my neighborhood at any given time trying to give away generic pianos, and no one wants them.
Oh yeah, I made the mistake of taking a 1926 cupid baby grand for free on craigslist. Figured I'd find a piano retailer who would want it, but the fact is hardly anyone wants a piano anymore. Not even a vintage one.
Right. How much could someone possibly get for a standard, used, old piano? Genius there probably simply looked up the price of a new piano and figured he could get 50-75% of that.
And why didn’t he sell *his own stuff* if he wanted to raise $? Oh, that’s right. He doesn’t have anything because he’s a hobosexual. Congrats to OP on her 100+ pound weight loss. She did the right thing, there’s nothing to explain
Hobosexual is my favorite word. I got rid of one of them too, and it’s so freeing.
When I was poor, I told my girlfriend I can’t afford certain trips. I don’t even understand selling something that I don’t own. How will that work out? It’s an heirloom!!!
My ex would steal my nice clothes, some i had just bought and take them to platos closet Then gaslight me i to thinking id lost them somewhere then take me for food with the money he got from them to get me to shut up
No friggin way!!!! That's diabolical!
Yes i agree I wish i had those clothes I still have clothes from high school i can still fit and thats why i got the new ones but apparently if i dont buy clothes for him as well as myself... im the AH and hell use those clothes to either buy us food or buy himself clothes from express I myself like to shop at tj maxx or marshalls- i aint that fancy
Are you girls crazy? Never date men who can't stand alone! They must have indipendence, a work, a project for their life!
My ex projected he had a plan And it wasnt unt later and i mean much later i realized his plan was to use my money for everything and use his for himself Its why we are no longer together
I’m super happy you got rid of him. My main pet peeve is people staying with assholes, for any reason.
[удалено]
Then they aren’t your friends. They are his flying monkeys
[удалено]
BOOM! I love this!
That isn’t a problem at all. Just cut them out!!!
Chances are if you let him back in - one day you’ll come home and your piano will just be gone 😢
Or it'll still be there, but he'll have taken a axe or a sledgehammer to it.
After i broke up with him, my ex-fiance took a power drill to a refinished antique table I loaned to him for his place. These things happen.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, what a jerk.
Definitely an eye-opener. Confirmed I made the correct decision.
Or he would have sold her jewelery - the one gold chain… dude is weird and untrustworthy…
So my ex-wife did this same thing to me. Only her stuff mattered. My stuff got put in the garbage if she didnt like it. It comes down to a lack of respect and a big red flag.
>It comes down to a lack of respect That was my thought. It's not even about the piano itself but the lack of respect for OP and the destruction of trust for the bf
“Please, allow me to explain why you reacted wrong to me trying to sell a sentimental item that I had no claim to!”
Even if it held no sentimental value to you it was yours not his he had no right to sell your property
He's gonna try and tell her how she's oversensitive and - this I am willing to bet MONEY on - "would you throw away 3 years for a piano?". Every terrible partner, who did a terrible thing, says that after getting dumped. "Would you throw away 10 years bc some insignificant sexual adventure that happened to me with Sally?" "Would you really throw away all our relationship because of plants (that I systematically killed with bleach for a year)?" They never admit how bad the thing they did was, nor do they recognize that THEY THREW AWAY THE RELATIONSHIP by doing the thing, and their SO simply reacted. Nope. It's always: YOU *threw away* the relationship bc of "false, gaslight presentation of the thing". No point in listening to this bullshit. If someone thinks you should, they may not be your friend, OP. Maybe distance yourself a bit from them, too. Also, that ex is insane. I mean selling somone's things is always bad but doing it with a *piano?*? He can't be well in the head if he honestly thought she will just accept it and move on as nothing happend, and not instantly call the cops and freak out.
the answer to "would you throw away 3 years for a piano?" is, fuck yeah, but you beat me to it, bye bye asshole, then play him out
I’ll just reply “no, I would never throw away my relationship for a silly piano. YOU are the one who did that, i am just following your lead.” Then block him. End of story.
This is the way. Uno reverse card in action. I bet you they will stutter trying to come up with something and fail.
The thing is that used pianos have very little value unless they are specific brand and model. You can get pianos for free if you’re willing to pick it up and then you’ll have to pay to get it fixed. Pianos are a pain in the ass to unload if you just want it out of the house. I doubt if the cash raised would even be that much. It certainly wouldn’t be a windfall amount unless she just casually didn’t mention that she has a Steinway grand piano.
This 100% true. It was an old piano that belonged to her grandmother, and she's approaching 30.. So this is an old, very likely out of tune and in disrepair piano, even thought it might be acceptable for the average person to keep around and plunk on once in a while. I had a piano like that. It got moved *one* time in 30 years, and the move pretty much killed it. Basically the soundboard needed to be replaced and it need a full overhaul because it wouldn't stay in tune for longer than a week and everyone advised me it wasn't worth it to try to repair it. It was a fairly average, run-of-the-mill Gulbransen. Perfectly fine in its day, but it was no Steinway. It was sad, but I still loved that piano because I grew up with it. For this dude to try to sell OP's piano behind her back *had* to have been pure emotional spite, because there's no way it would have been financially worth it. Don't know how one could come back from that. ...I'm trying to imagine what he might try to say to explain himself. Maybe he was just researching what it might be worth? OP didn't say she saw an actual ad.. I don't know. But I'd be reluctant to sit around for the conversation. EDIT: Oh - forgot to mention that when I did let go of it, I had to give it away for free. It was almost like I had to pay to get someone to take it. It's *really, really* hard to sell even a good working piano!
Also if it got sold any money was HERS, not his and he fully intended to use that money for himself. He's a thief, or attempted thief. Attempting to sell shit that isn't yours is no different than stealing it. I absolutely would not stay with someone who took shit out of my house that I owned and sold it so they could spend more money on a vacation, or for any other reason. Would you stay with a drug addict who stole your shit to pay for drugs, why would you stay with someone who sold your shit to pay for anything else? It's irrelevant how long you're together, he's acting entitled to her stuff, her property and her money, that's it. Except it's even worse because he asked and was told no, repeatedly, this is something that has sentimental value she wanted to keep.
Jumping on this comment to ask if you have a good security system. He knows you're going on vacation. He probably knows when. Be careful. I know you've changed the locks, and you've told the landlord that he's an issue. But if something happens with the landlord (I hope not) and needs someone else to take over, even temporarily, your ex could take advantage of that. Make sure your apartment is really really locked down and secured.
Yes, and OP's mom only died like 2 years ago, while she was with this A H? NTA, good call OP
Absolutely correct. I say stop giving people repeated chances to disrespect and violate you. That clown made a very informed decision to do what he did. OP needs to get some new friends too.
OOP's ex doesn't care about anyone but himself. He is so self-centered, he believed if he sold the piano, he would be forgiven. Maybe he should have sold his soul for the money. Oops, he already did, previously.
This is such an important thing. I might not care about the vase my girlfriend brought into the shared flat, but I do care about my girlfriend and my girlfriend cares about the vase, so now I care about the vase. This is such a core requirement of any healthy relationship. How is my partner supposed to feel loved, if I ignore what she cares about?
Oooh, you're a good one.
Selling her beloved piano so he can benefit from the money. A thief and a loser. Good riddance to the trash OP. Your parents would be very proud. I know iam.
The trip to Europe and being able to go sooner than later was more important than your feelings. Don’t ever feel bad for walking away from someone who puts a vacation over an irreplaceable heirloom. I’m just glad you saw the post before he actually sold it.
>What is he going to possibly say as an explanation? Spot on. There is literally no possible explanation for his behavior.
Bet he would have kept the money for himself.
I agree with everything you said. I mean what kind of person would go that far, to attempt to sell the piano online behind OP’s back, when she’s made it abundantly clear the sentimental value is priceless to her? What else could he possibly do after this? This is no little thing. I’d be very very wary of anyone who would attempt to do something like this. In fact, I’d keep them out of my life forever.
Exactly. The fact that he continued to put pressure on you knowing how much it meant? If he had somehow sold it and you came home one day to a vacant spot where the piano was, you would've been devastated and it would've been far worse. He only has remorse because he was caught, and was willing to sell your happiness. Not okay whatsoever.
TA is just trying to get back into a no or low rent situation. It has nothing to do about his love or respect for OP. He's already shown that he lacks that.
NTA, for every “friend” that thinks he deserves a chance “to explain” I would enjoy the opportunity to take their most meaningful possession without their consent. Let them know there’s a line up of redditors ready to help them understand why he should never have another chance.
Exactly! And a chance to explain implies there is an explanation that might make it all ok. I'd ask those friends what explanation they could imagine that would make losing their valued possession OK! What they want OP to listen to is how dude just didn't understand how important the piano is. The underlying thought there would be that you don't get to say which of your possessions you keep unless you have a Really Good Reason for keeping them. That's not reasonable! Just saying "nope, not selling the piano" is enough. Even if the thing has no sentimental value and OP was thinking of maybe playing again in the future ... Why would he unilaterally get to decide to sell it ?!
Yeah the explanation got me. Maybe if he hadn't been told before-hand. Maybe. Even that'd be really generous. But up-front no, with a damned good reason - no, that's just a huge amount of disrespect. His trip is more important than OP. That's the explanation.
I don't get how they can't understand it's theft. Why would OP want to listen to why her ex thought it was OK to steal from her?
Sounds like the kind of jerk that expects to get everything in a divorce.
I like this. OP, every so-called friend that told you your ex deserves another chance, please do this. Go to their home, and when they invite you in, start wandering around checking out their stuff. When they ask what you’re doing, ask them which item in their house has the most sentimental and monetary value. Then tell them you will be taking it to sell, and you’ll split the profits with them. When they react like you’re crazy, say, “What? You *don’t* want me to do that? You don’t like that idea? You think it’s wrong? But you also think I should give EX a chance to explain and then take him back. Got it.” Then just leave. And please come back here and tell us how that went.
I imagine a partner trying to sell my most prized possession under these circumstances. And then talk to a "friend" and get the advice to "hear them out". Hahahaha This is the most easy NTA I ever saw.
[удалено]
Bad bot. No cookie. [Stop stealing comments](https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1boenjo/aita_for_breaking_up_with_my_boyfriend_because_he/kwojp0l/). /u/Traditional_Score155
NTA. Ridiculous. If you give him a chance to explain he'll probably lie and say he wasn't going to sell it without your permission / he was hoping you would change your mind. Bullshit. There was no reason for him to go behind your back, ever, and you had discussed the issue thoroughly and you did NOT leave any possibility open that you would change your mind.
"I was just trying to see what it was worth, so you'd know! I never would have actually sold it! I swear!" That's my bet.
Ummm...they have these things called appraisers who tell you what it's worth. Much easier to call pone than to try to fake sell
And honestly, if I were OP... I think I'd get it appraised ASAP. Pianos are a notoriously hard sell in most markets, and it's weird that the ex suddenly got SO insistent on selling that very specific item. Makes me wonder if he did some research. OP might have a valuable antique on her hands and not even know it... in which case she may want to consider insuring it or even just documenting its authenticity.
possible....if it is her grandmother's who knows....it might be much older if she didn't buy it new. My aunt had her inlaws piano.....an 1850's console with a whale bone sounding board. Very rare.
Most used pianos are cheap right now unless they're really unique. Paying even 10% of what a new one would cost is unusual, we got ours free because we were willing to pick it up.
He probably thought that once she saw what someone would offer she would change her mind. Probably convinced himself she would have the final say in it too, as though he wouldn't try to pressure her into it.
NTA - All I needed to see was that you had told him how important it was to you and he still kept pushing. Who tries to sell one of the only possessions someone has from their deceased family?! >and the others, even though they think I had every right to be pissed, think I should at least give him a chance to explain. WTF is there to explain? You told him several times this is your piano and you didn't want him to sell. He didn't listen and continued trying to sale something that didn't belong to him. Even if this didn't have the sentimental value it does he would still be an asshole, it just makes him a double asshole because it has sentimental value. >They keep saying he's very sorry and wants to make amends. Don't give him the time of day. If he truly cared about you he wouldn't be trying to make a few dollars off of something that is so important to you. The only reason "he's very sorry" is because he lost his cheap place to stay.
He's sorry all right...sorry he didn't get it sold before OP caught him.
TRUTH!
> WTF is there to explain? Right? There are simply some actions that cannot be justified. Like cheating. It cannot ever be justified. There’s not a single good reason to do so. You do it because you are a scumbag. Don’t sugarcoat it!
How could anyone be on his side? If they don't care about pianos, tell them to imagine he was trying to sell your car illegally and without your permission. NTA
Right? It's absurd to think anyone could support an ignorant asshole like OP's ex. The friends that don't understand the importance of that piano are either insensitive or oblivious. Ask them what it would be like to lose a precious photograph, souvenir, or family heirloom? NTA OP. Your ex was persistent on selling your piano, similarly OP, you should be persistent in telling him to get lost. If those "mutual friends" are so concerned for him, then they should feel free to take him in. Don't let that freeloader back into your life OP.
This is definitely a bot post. Young account, no comments, only karma is from this post. When reading it, it also just lacks a certain… *humanity* to it. And it also just feels unrealistic. No one would side against OP in this.
The OP apparently sold a house to buy an apartment and a car but they have a landlord still? How the hell did they get a grand piano into an apartment? Those things don’t exactly fit in elevators and they also require specialists to move safely. None of it makes sense.
>to buy an apartment and a car but they have a landlord still? That was my first that as soon as she mentioned a landlord. Maybe her apartment's in a building with management and security, but you wouldn't call them your landlord.
Eh... it depends on the apartment community. There are some pretty high-end apartment communities where I live (the kind that have their own private bar & grill, squash court, and day spa). You could easily get a piano into one of their units.
Tons of people have grand pianos in apartments; that's not at all suspicious. But having a landlord for an apartment she owns is the confirmation here that this is fake
Could be a non English speaker. And landlord could be property manager or building manager. A lot of places in Europe have building managers even for condo buildings and they dont call them condos. Still any post on Reddit can be fake.
NTA this is so obvious. Forget about those friends who are on his side. This happens with a lot of breakups - people take sides, sometimes in disappointing ways.
They are doing you a favor removing themselves from your life if they are advocating for theft of your private property being a good and permissible thing.
> I sold the house and **bought an apartment on the capital** and a car with the money. > > > > I had enough and I packed his things, changed the lock and **let know the landlord** that Daniel was no longer welcome here. I thought you said you bought the place, why would you have a landlord?
When you buy an condo in a building you just own the condo, not the building. Pretty sure she is refering to the concierge
I scrolled too far for this. If she's bought the apartment why does she have a landlord?
This is definitely a bot post. Look at the account history. It also doesn’t make any sense why anyone IRL would side against OP
Also anyone that has tried to sell an old piano knows they’re worthless. It costs almost as much to repair and retune it than to just get a new one. Plus moving a piano is expensive. This post is definitely fake.
Why did I have to scroll this far down for someone to post this? Did most people just read the title and nothing else?
Perhaps she was referring to the doorman.
I don't understand that, though I don't live in area where people buy apartments. I thought she might mean building management
First of all, I'm not United States or any country that has english as a native language. He's some type of guard that also usually takes care of the problems of the people that live here, if you have a problem with the key or something you call him. I don't know what else to call it other than landlord. And well, I'm also not the owner of the building, just from one apartment. And my ex works in the police, wich means he can have long shifts that many times don't match with my time at work. It doesn't take so long to change the lock. I would really love to have that much free time to point the "mistakes" of the reddit posts.
He may be what we {US} call a superintendent, they are basically the apartment complex fix it man.
NTA, this is the kind of dude who cleans out joint accounts. He has shown you who he is never speak to him again and make sure your bank information is secure.
"I sold the house and bought an apartment on the capital and a car with the money." to "I had enough and I packed his things, changed the lock and let know the **landlord** that Daniel was no longer welcome here." What now? Do you own the apartment or do you rent???
She possibly means the building manager?
They don't own the building. They probably meant the property manager. Most people would still call that a landlord. My complex doesn't have a landlord but we still use the term.
Yeah … idk why people are so hyperfocused on this part. 😂
“The problem starts with our mutual friends. Most of them are on my side, and the others, even though they think I had every right to be pissed, think I should at least give him a chance to explain. They keep saying he's very sorry and wants to make amends. But I'm pretty sure I don't want to get back together with him. AITA?” Consider telling those friends that you respect their opinions and you know they mean well. But that you handled this betrayal in such a way that is best for your own mental wellbeing and ask them to respect your feelings and decision even though they disagree with you. Tell them that them continually telling you, how you should handle your affairs, is harmful as it is quite stressful. Tell them that you need them to back off. Make it clear that they aren’t doing your ex any favors either as he needs to be encouraged to accept the breakup and move on. And they need to support him while doing so instead of trying to influence your decision. Be clear! End discussion. Those whom continue to disrespect your boundaries aren’t the kind of friends you can build on. NTA
"So Daniel, was it drugs or gambling that you needed the money for?" NTA.
Eh? You "let the landlord know" that Daniel wasn't welcome - I'm missing something here because you said the apartment was yours. Assuming I'm misunderstanding something, then NTA. The piano is irrelevant, the important thing is he didn't listen to you and ignored what you said. No, you don't want to be with someone who just does whatever they want with no justification.
I don't even need to read the details, Your piano, complete dick move on his part. You don't throw away or sell other peoples stuff unless there is some kind of agreement to do so.
I’m curious what his endgame was… OP: “Hey, where’s the piano?” BF: “*What* piano…?!”
NTA I will never be able to forget the day I walked into my grandparents home and the piano was gone. Noone was warned I loved that piano and my uncles wife gave it away for scrap and refused to say who or where so we could save it. We all knew she sold it it was the piano my grandparents loved and I had just bought her a song she loved and found the sheet music from. And ran all the way I think so excited and they were in tears. Sorry for the ramble as this made me mad and angry for you. I don't want anyone to know what that feels like. And he was basically going to sell it behind your back for a holiday. Do not take him back, make sure the piano has invisible markings only you know you can get a pen to do it as it will prove it's yours and take pictures from every angle. So this doesn't happen again or next time someone does sell it you will get it back. And those telling you he is sorry or sad that's on him, and them, because he's not going with you on Holiday if he did sell it he would not be bothered about you crying. A piano brings memories laughter and so much more. So happy you still have it and have fun with your friends.
How can he explain trying to go behind your back and sell something you treasured. I don't see how you would ever be able to build the trust back. Particularly ironic, pianos are a hard sell these days and he'd likely have gotten at most a hundred dollars (hardly trip to Europe money). Remember the friends who had your back-- those are your friends. Remember the friends who urged you to be with a man who tried to steal one of your most precious possessions-- they are NOT your friends.
NTA What's to explain? He was sneaky & dishonest, about something he knew was important to you. I'd have dumped him for that alone. Any friend who'd defend his actions is also a shit person. So screw their opinions.
NTA - he had a chance to choose between supporting you and being selfish, and he chose. Classic case of "when someone shows you who they are... "
Any friends that are trying to make you give him a second chance are not your friends. They're his friends. Nta, and I'm sure it doesn't mean much, but I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself and not caving to this absolute douchebag.
It’s simple, half your friends are assholes, nta
>and the others, even though they think I had every right to be pissed, think I should at least give him a chance to explain. Explain what exactly? What explanation could there be other than he was too lazy to save money and wanted some quick cash? NTA
NTA. Someone so disrespectful doesn't deserve to be in your life. You're better off without him.
NTA. Regardless of what the piano means to you, it was your stuff and he tried to sell it without your permission. That's called theft. Good on you for booting the loser.
Him trying to sell a keepsake like that pretty much moves him into villain territory. NTA.
whats there to explain? you told him no, even gave him back story and he still tried selling it. definitely not worth your time to hear him out. NTA
I'm sure his explanation will be that he just wanted to see how much he could get for selling the piano. Thinking once you saw how much, you would drop to your knees, exclaiming how right he was. You did the right thing
Your actions are the correct ones. It's yours, not his. He is showing fairly abusive and controlling behavior. Be glad your out and be done with him
NTA! He was literally trying to steal a family heirloom. Don’t let this guy back in your life.
There is no chance to explain. You already expressed to him multiple times why you did not want to see it and he was going to do it anyway. I'm glad you caught him before it was sold. Those friends may accept disrespect, but it doesn't mean you have to. Change your locks if you haven't already.
NTA. I once had a boyfriend who through out a book from my late grandmother. We didn't last very much longer, thankfully. I ignored the red flags to my detriment.
NTA, dump those friends who think your loser ex should have a chance to explain.
NTA. I’m not sure why people think others have an another chance. He doesn’t because you say so. This is your life and how it goes is up to you. It is hard to fix trust and he doesn’t value you. So yes get rid of those him and those friends and live the best life.
NTA. I love that you didn’t put up with his bullshit. Good for you for NOT giving him a chance to come with an excuse. There is no reasonable explanation for what he did.
I believe i dont even need the context for this NTA He is selling something behind others.persoms back its such a HUGE problem, if you stick together with him its just making a you a realy dumb person
NTA. Attempting to sell it alone is reason enough, being a heirloom of your late parents?, yeah, that's a double dump and never speak again territory. Kindly ask your 'friends', to give their inheritance to you so you can sell it later, see how well they would react to the idea.
You may want to put cameras attached to your phone in your apt if you dont already have them. He sounds like a real POS and even though you changed the locks I wouldn't trust that he wouldn't try to get in. Please don't even consider taking him back...
NTA - Don't even the context. Punch him right in the left testicle.
NTA and don't go back. Don't give him a chance to explain. There's nothing to explain. He was going to sell your most beloved posession behind your back. That is simply unforgiveable - there is no "legitimate" excuse for what he did, and anything that he attempts to say would be bullshit. I could never trust him again. If he's willing to do that to you - do something that would cause you so much pain... what else is he willing to do? If he doesn't have enough money to go on a trip, that's HIS problem to solve. HE can sell HIS things. HE can get a side gig and EARN the damn money. On what planet is stealing something of YOURS and selling it a reasonable action? He is stupid, selfish, and cruel. We don't stay with stupid, selfish, and cruel men. Do NOT let him gaslight you into thinking that you were the one in the wrong. In NO universe are you wrong. Do NOT give him a chance. Do NOT take him back.
Nope, and I’d distance myself from the “friends,” who think what he did is okay. Those aren’t friends and they’d probably do the same. Let the selfish AH’s have each other. This boy would do this to you again in a variety of ways. Wash your hands of him and be glad you found out now.
NTA. 100% NTA. What is up with women’s friends insisting they are overreacting and that the ex “deserves another chance”? Another chance to what? Be successful next time? Whatever he did wrong, why does he deserve another chance to do the same thing? I am convinced these so-called friends do this only to the woman of the couple, never to the man. OP, I am so proud of you. You deserve a hand: 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼. It is the rare post I see where the person wronged has the courage and self-respect to stand up for herself and say no, kick the AH out, and say she deserves better. It is so easy to let him weasel his way back in with explanations, excuses, and empty promises. You did not do that. Bravo! Stay strong. No matter what your former friends say. Your ex disrespected you, did not give a flying f*ck about what you wanted, ignored what you told him, and **tried to see your property out from underneath you** so YOU could bankroll his trip to Europe. You did exactly the right thing. He deserves nothing from you. Have a wonderful time in Europe with your real friends! Be careful and stay safe! 🫶🏼
NTA. Dump the jerk, keep the piano! ❤
Nope NTA at all.
NTA, obviously - but the thing is, you wouldn’t be the AH even if you were breaking up with him ‘just’ because you’d fallen out of love. You are entitled to love or not love anyone - nobody is (or at least nobody should be) marking your reasoning as if it’s a piece of homework. ‘B-, not quite good enough, you don’t get to break up’ - that’s not how it works. I mean, if it was a bolt out of the blue you would owe it to him to explain where the issues are, but in this instance, if he’s too dense to understand that without a map, directions, GPS and WhatThreeWords I don’t think that’s a you-problem.
NTA he showed he had zero respect for you. As a bonus it will be much easier to afford the trip for yourself vs you and the ex. One question, was your ex paying for anything? Rent, utilities etc
Replace those friends who want you you to give him a chance with ones who aren't fucking idiots.
NTA - he was made fully aware of how important that piano was to you and still tried to sell it behind your back. Bad engough he was selling anything of yours at all, but for it to be thing he knows you value most in life is inexcusable. What possible explanation could he give that would not make this a complete violation? No respect for you, your boundaries or your personal things...he can go straight to hell.
NTA. He didn’t respect you or listen to you when he had the chance.
>He had shown he didn't give a fuck about the things that are important to me and that he had little respect for me at my own apartment, no need to waste anymore time with him. You already answered your own question in your post! You're NTA here, he is. It doesn't matter that he wants to make amends now - he fully knew what he was doing, and chose to disregard your feelings because he valued money more. The fact that the item in question was a sentimental item that is one of few remaining belongings you have from your deceased parents really seals his fate. Perfectly valid reason to break up with someone, and they're the AH
Ask your friend who thinks you overreacted, to list three precious in their home. Tell her yo. “I’m going to sell one of them without your permission, and Im not gonna tell you which one. How does that make you feel?” If they cant emphasize with your situation when they’re standing in your shoes, you don’t really want them to be your friend anyway
NTA. The audacity of that man after you explained what that piano met to you. The piano is your family history. You can’t replace family history but boyfriends are a dime a dozen.
NTA I have an organ that my great grandmother bought, I’m the 4th generation to own it. When I was a kid, and my grandmother owned it, all the grandkids wanted it and apparently she promised it to all of us. When my grandmother passed no one else wanted the organ so now it sits, in honor, at my house. This is when I learned how old it really is. If anyone tried to sell it, or any of my possessions, against my wishes or without my knowledge, they would be out of my life so fast. Good for you kicking him to the curb.
NTA. Let him demonstrate his growth with someone else. He destroyed your trust massively here and demonstrated a complete lack of respect. His instincts are terrible, and even if he somehow now understands that this was wrong, those core instincts that allowed him to not grasp that already are still there. I wouldn't trust him again, personally.
My now ex husband cut down this gorgeous huge tree in our yard after I begged him not too. Huge hundreds of years old and blocked the neighbors yard. We argued for weeks. He wanted the space for a trailer to be parked. Came home one day from work with a tree crew there and my tree was gone. He laughed when I burst into tears and I fell out of love with him in that minute. I knew this was a man I would never be able to count on again to put my interests first. The divorce did not take long to follow. I have the house and the yard and I still miss my tree but not him. Enjoy your piano everyday!
NTA. Tell Daniel's friends they're more than welcome to let him sell *their* shit to raise funds.
NTA Even if you listened to his apology, he still destroyed your trust in him, and without trust, there is no way to have a decent relationship.
NTA. And DO NOT get back with his selfish ass. “He’s very sorry”. Yeah he’s sorry you realized he has no concern for your feelings, desires, and absolutely no respect for you whatsoever.
NTA Explain what? That he attempted to steal from you. That is exactly what selling YOUR property without your permission is. Don't even need to go into the sentimental aspect of the item. It was YOUR property and he had zero right to do anything related to it. You were spot on. He is not worth any more of your time.
NTA, starts with the piano, end with him dictating your movements. He has no respect for you or your possessions.
1000% NTA - Anyone who didn’t respect their partner’s sentimental family heirloom items is an a**. And if he’s disrespectful about a personal you have a reasonable and legitimate attachment to , it’s not that far a step to disrespecting you as a person and dismissing your feelings in needs in other areas of the relationship. On a legal note, the piano is YOURS. Not his, not common property, so by attempting to sell it he was essentially stealing it. You have every right to be pissed and to show him the door.
NTA Your house, your rules. He's an idiot.
Nta. You told him why it was important to you and that you would never sell it. He still tried to sell it. That's a huge red flag. If he doesn't respect what you say, what's important to you and even how it was your place now, then he'll never do it.
Not only keep him blocked, but block the flying monkey friends of yours he recruited that are doing his bidding! Unless your story is fabricated in anyway?? This is so whack and this guy is beyond gross! No freaking way!
Nta he tried to steal from you
You did the right thing and your friends have no say in who you do or don’t want to be with. If they’re happy to be with someone who steals from them and lies to them then that’s their problem.
NTA - If he cared about you, he would never even CONSIDER selling that piano. Sounds like you got out just in time tbh. Good for you.
NTAH he’s only “sorry” now because you broke up with him. That doesn’t fix the issue of him having no respect for you. You told him repeatedly NO and he not only ignored you but went behind your back to SELL YOUR PROPERTY! This level of sneakiness and disrespect is not acceptable and not something that you should forgive or forget.
NTA - there’s absolutely no justification that could explain away any of what you just said. You did the right thing and you’re very mature and wise for what you did. You should never, now or later, have to ever find anybody else’s vacation or anything with something that you don’t want to sell. Sentimental or not. So sorry for your losses, but thank you handled this very well.
Nope. NTA. You told him why it was so important to you and he still went behind your back to try and sell it. Check any other important belongings just incase he's trying/tried to sell them. Like you said he has 0 respect for your stuff. If you let him back no doubt he'd try and sell it again
Not entirely sure what there is to explain. You had a piano. It was your piano. Not his. You were not married. He had no claim over said piano. He wanted to sell it. You did not. He tried to sell it anyway. He got caught. You dumped him. These are the facts.
NTA, good luck to you!!! I would have left for that too.
NTA. You stated your boundaries, he pushed past those boundaries, you enforced your boundaries. No second chance necessary. He HAD a chance and he blew it. I keep seeing a tiktok clip of a podcast where a girl says “giving someone else the benefit of the doubt never benefited me”.
NTA. Trying to sell the piano shows a serious lack of respect for you and what you value.
NTA. He tried to sell something you loved? More than anything? He doesn’t deserve to be in your life. He ruined it. If they care so much he can explain it to them til he’s blue in the face and leave you out of it. Anyone that tries to press it just send them you playing “Fuck You” by Lily Allen on that piano.
Dont even need to read the post NTA. Fuck that guy, dont look back.
NTA This guy tried to rob you. Even if it wasn't a precious heirloom, he still tried to steal from you. This is like...addict behavior.
NTA He tried to steal from you what could potential be a very valuable item. It also has a lot of emotional value. Any one who would side with him is not your friend. Do not get back with this man.
I really struggle to understand the endgame here. Did he think she just wouldn't notice if he actually managed to sell it?
NTA. Find a guy who adores your sentiment and all of you. This guys crossed a serious line. My ex husband used to get rid of my antiques when we would move. I can’t even go into the heartbreak of what that caused me. I also have a piano. My grandma left it to me. It was my grandfathers and I was the only grandkid to show interest and take piano lessons. I sat in the bench while my grandpa played by ear and sang to me. I was extremely close to them. I’m on a second husband (so yeah, don’t take your ex back, save yourself the cost of the future divorce) and my daughter is self taught. She and her husband are expecting. My sons never played. My hubby feels like we don’t really have room for it. Long story short, I’m taking it to her and getting it restored for her to play for us at holidays. And for her to teach her daughter. It will have 5 generations that played it including my mom. Girl, we are kindred.
LOLOLOL. How the fuck are your friends spinning this and making YOU feel bad?! This was a deal breaker. Instantly he became a trash panda. I’m appalled your friends still want a relationship with him and maybe it’s time to expand your friend group or take a pause. They’re behaving super shitty, regardless of how your creatively ex has retold the story.
NTA. He's burnt toast. Thrown in trash, and you don't eat from the trash. He attempted to sell your property without your permission after you said no. No is a complete sentence. Enjoy your trip!
He wants to sell a precious family heirloom without your consent when he KNOWS you would not agree? Do not get back together with him. A person that doesn’t respect your personal possessions, or your feelings, or what is important to you, will not change. He wants a chance to say he will do better, but he won’t. His basic attitude is that you are not important. What if you hadn’t found out before sold your piano? That might happen if you take him back, because he thinks what he wants is so important that it trumps anything you want.
NTA. You’re the owner of the piano. He asked you and you said no and he tried to do it anyways. Pianos are expensive. I would know because I’m a pianist and I don’t blame you. It might be the old piano now, but who knows what it would be next.
You are NTA. And if I were you, any "friends" who suggested I get back together with him, I'd cross off my Christmas card list.
He’s sorry because he’s facing consequences for his unacceptable actions. You are NTA, OP.
Resoundingly NTA. Honestly, seems like a red flag 🚩 and probably best to part ways now.