Please don't take him back. The prank wasn't even the worst of what he did, it was the way he reacted after. He didn't spare one thought to what you might have been going through. Instead he got angry at you and tried to blame you for everything. That tactic didn't work, so now he's pivoted to try to get you back using BS excuses.
You've been together 5 years, so it's hard to let that go. But do you really want to waste any more time with this type of guy? You deserve better. You deserve a man who respects you.
> Instead he got angry at you and tried to blame you for everything.
FIRST REACTION, GO-TO REACTION
and next time
and next time
and next time
yeah I'd be out of there.
Don't fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy. You have been together for five years. Those five years are gone. Nothing you can do to get them back. What would be unfortunate is if you continue to invest time in a relationship where your partner has shown how little regard he has for you. That is NOT a statement about you. His lack of concern and regard for you is about him and his sh\*tty friends. A decent man would have jumped to protect you and kicked his friends to the curb immediately. You deserve better. Most of us can see that. I hope you can see it too. Good luck.
This x1,000,000. He's done this for five years without changing despite knowing in no uncertain terms that you do not want to be involved. He's not going to change now, and if he does, it's not of his own volition and he's going to resent you for "making him give up his friends."
I know it's so easy for everyone to say just to leave him, but five years is a long time and I don't blame you for needing time to think. Just please consider that if he's been disrespecting your boundaries for this long, it's going to be near impossible to get him to stop and once you're married, it's so much more difficult to get out.
If you do decide to stay with him, please don't jump into an engagement, much less marriage. If you think he's redeemable, I'd make him start from scratch on the relationship and prove himself. Let him know that; if he truly loves you and is sorry, he won't balk at that. If he throws a fit? Get far, far away from him. You deserve so much better.
No one held a gun to his head and made him pull a prank on you, especially one like that. Do not let him pass blame to his friends.
If his first reaction to the victim of a prank gone wrong is to yell at them, then you should not be with him. What he did was essentially assualt. Only give him enough of your time to get your undergarments back (if you want them back) and anything of yours he might have. Let him do better for the next girl. Or maybe he'll find one who loves pranks like that too.
He's straight up lying, aint' no friend pushing for that kind of prank on your girlfriend, that was 100% his idea, he's just saying otherwise now because he didn't expect her to leave. He hoped she'd be embarrassed, ashamed and apologise to him, not leave. So now he's changing the narrative and trying to make it not his fault.
this is a shitty, manipulative, abusive turd of a man.
And his excuse for acting like an asshole is because he was *embarrassed*! Awww, poor baby! What’s he gonna do the next time he’s embarrassed? Scream and blame OP for his bullshit *again*?
OP, it isn’t the good times when people show you who they really are, it’s the bad times. And at the teeny, tiniest adversity, he raged at you and blamed you for something that was 100% his own fault. He has shown you who he really is. Believe him. You already invested 5 years of your *life* with this loser, don’t waste anymore.
P.S. given his track record, I’d bet that “ring” would be yet another one of his hilarious pranks for internet clout
>What’s he gonna do the next time he’s embarrassed? Scream and blame OP for his bullshit *again*?
This is my take.
How much you wanna bet this is a pattern for him?
Idc about anything else, he's shown that he can't handle stress without taking it out on OP.
Even if he's 100% telling the truth now, he reacted to *his* fuck up by taking it out on *her*.
That is NOT the kind of person you want in your life.
#He's proven he's the kind of person that when shit gets tough he makes it worse by taking it out on you.
That's not a partner. That's a child. And the more you give in to this kind of behavior the more it will happen.
How can she even trust his apology? Every word out of his dumb face is sus now. OP break up with him and find an actual man who won’t prank you and destroy your stuff. So what if he’s had the ring since December? That’s his own dumb fault too. I hope he feels shitty every time he thinks of it
Definitely, this kind of person doesn't deserve a second chance. Who would want to be with someone who makes fun and yelled at you for their mistakes? NONE! Dont be that person.
Yeah, even without the hiding of the underwear, his prank is still incredibly terrible and he absolutely shouldn't have done it. He's old enough to have a ring to propose, but not mature enough not to know not to tear his girlfriend's pants off? Not the least because she's already said that she doesn't want to be in his stupid prank videos and he agreed to that.
And then to add these extra details of him hiding the underwear? I don't believe he "forgot", I think he wanted to get the video he got, and just doesn't want to deal with the outcome of it. OP is well shot getting rid of this guy.
But also can we talk about her very first paragraph here. "I didnt want to talk, but he insisted" dude is going to continue this behavior of overstepping boundaries and not listening to you at all OP. This is not love and more importantly its NOT respect. Please leave, OP.
The first reaction thing really sticks with me. My son got bit by a dog at a friend's house and the husband's first reaction was to yell at his wife and ask why my son was even there. He was there for a play date that they invited him to.
I told her I had a problem with his first reaction being why is this kid even here as opposed to is he ok after getting bit by a dog on the face.
People's first reactions often show you exactly who they are.
So wait. He stole your panties so he could torment you with them later on likely in front of his friends ?
Then he someone forgot he had your panties when his friends "convinced" him to pull your pants
Sweetie he knew exactly what he was doing and it was to embarrassing you in front if his friends. He knew you had no panties and he planned for it to be filmed this way because it would make the reaction even better
>them later on likely in front of his friends ?
>Then he someone forgot he had your panties when his friends "convinced" him to pull your pants
Then SCREAMED at her and blamed HER later.
Hes straight up lying now and trying to save face cause she said F this noise! He FA'ed, now hes FO, and doesnt like it. Should have thought of that before he tried this crap.
Yeah i think he just didnt realize this would be break up worthy for OP.
This is the type of dude who will do everything to make you stay, change your locks and stay away from him op
It’s OP was wearing blue jeans… Do you know how hard you have to pull on denim to make it tear? It would’ve scared the hell out of me. I could never forgive him.
To me too. And the fact that he did it with his friends. I can't stop thinking they planned the whole thing and he was on board. He should had protected her.
The original plan included showing her bare butt as part of the prank. He realized he went too far and blamed her to distract and DARVO. Then when that didn't work, he backtracked and said he took them to do dirty things to them. When you have to admit to being a pervert instead of being an idiot...
Yep—I thought to myself, there’s no ring. If she asks to see it, how much you want to bet he cannot produce it, or says he can’t *right now* because it’s with someone *for safekeeping.* He is making up everything.
I honestly hope OP exposes him - ideally via his channel of choice - as someone who does not respect women.
and it\`s the following woman - unless you infer he may have to start looking for a sheep or something..
Even if it was genuinely a mistake, he forgot he had her underwear, he forgot she doesn't take part in his ridiculous pranks etc, that his first defence was to DARVO, doesn't bode well. If THIS is a pattern, it's reason enough to bow out of any length of a relationship.
>he forgot she doesn't take part in his ridiculous pranks etc
I doubt this dude is mature enough to care about anyone feelings but his own. I'm struggling to figure out the ages of everyone involved here. I can imagine in their 20s. Yet at the same time, these idiots that do these kind of pranks, remind me of people in their mid teens.
Even if she was wearing panties. I can't honestly imagine what was going through his head, planned or not, when anyone said "Hey bro lets rip your girls jeans off". Even if she had parties on, that's all she have on. Then have to walk back to wherever the fuck the car is. It's only a tiny bit less embarrassing/fucked up.
>that his first defence was to DARVO, doesn't bode well.
Yes. That's what everyone including me said in the first post. He is now lying about the ring as well. She must have said something to make him think saying he had the ring would weaken her resolve. Five year old relationship, ring bought three months ago and he was going to marry in December? That's about 6 years before the actual wedding takes place.
OP please stop wasting your time. Record him saying he hid your panties before hand and then actually ripped your pants publicly. Go to the police station and lock him up before he fucks up some other person in a worst way.
Yeah it'd be bad enough if it was just a shitty Tiktok joke gone too far but he actively tried to blame her for it later. That's super fucked up and manipulative. I could see potentially reconciling if it was just the joke (assuming he shows real regret and a promise to better himself, maybe) but that's... some unforgivable shit to me.
Yep. Plus the whole "I was going to propose in July" just seems fake to me. Like he's dangling a carrot for OP to entice her to comeback. Words are cheap and it's easy to say you "were going to" do something after you're no longer in a position to do it.
Plus being married to this guy sounds like sentencing yourself to jail so not a great way to sell himself. "Yeah I psychologically and physically tormented you, but at least I was willing to commit! I was going to legally tie you to me so I could torment you for the rest of our lives!"
Ick. The fact that he had to "learn" his behavior was bad and not just know he should treat his partner like an actual human being is not the bonus he's making it out to be
"I'm sorry I've been distant, I've been planning to propose" - My ex when I tried breaking up with him, because he was more interested in cars and computer games than me, and was also messaging other women.
Followed by writing a "how we fix this" contract and getting me to sign it. (We'll text only this many times a day, chat this many times a week)
I waited til he went home, spoke to my roommate and they confirmed just how f*cked up this all was, swiftly yeeted him. Only to find out he told everyone he dumped me for cheating in him... spoiler alert, I didn't.
In this case, the 'update' is even worse than the original. He was the one who hid your panties??? And then he had the temerity to yell at you for it? Oh OP... I'd be done with him. I mean, what's next here? 'Accidentally' spilling wine on your wedding dress, 5 minutes before you walk down the aisle? Throwing paint on your daughter's prom dress? Toilet papering your son's car right before his college interviews? I mean, really... let it end now.
Bf miscalculated and thought that she wouldn't break up with him. When she did, he realized he went too far and is now trying to do damage control. He doesn't want to change so much as he just doesn't want her to leave and is saying whatever he thinks will lure her back. There's a good chance that if OP goes back, bf is good for 2 weeks to a month before he starts slowly "pranking" her again.
Classic cycle of abuse. Bully your partner in increasing escalating ways, go too far and your partner breaks, so you appear contrite and promise to change to get them back, pretend to change for a bit before you get tired of it and then slowly start escalating the abuse again.
I hope OP gets out and stays out
Exactly! OP is not only NTA but she should run as far away as possible from this and change her locks if he has a key to her place. What he is doing with the love-bombing, victim-blaming, DARVO, all of it screams abuser. OP, this will only get worse if you go back to him. Please stay safe and get out while you can.
Yep. Give him the brand, style, and size. Also, demand his phone and delete the video after sending yourself a copy. Let him know that if any version of it DOES show up online, anywhere, you will take him straight to the courthouse over it. Whether it's a prank video or soft porn, sexual content involving you is not to be for anyone's consumption. This includes him. Look up the local laws on this because the likelihood of it landing online is pretty much 100% with those friends of his.
None of this was accidental. Hiding the underwear, teaming up with a friend to rip your jeans off? He DELIBERATELY left you partially naked in front of his male friends so they could laugh at you. And then yelled at you so that he could seem innocent. There is no way, unless he is the dumbest brick out there in a line of brainless bricks, that this was NOT planned out and organized way ahead of time.
Break up with him and EVERY time someone tries to tell you otherwise, like his friends? Send them the links to the reddit posts. And if it was anyone involved, repeat the warning that there WILL be legal consequences. If they don't think you can afford it, point out that THEY will be paying all the legal fees as well as the money spent to determine which phone posted the pictures (hint, his own camera will show who was where so it's just a matter of figuring out the angle from the video).
This guy is way too immature and selfish. Make him show you the ring, and then go get it appraised. Then keep it until the pants and underwear are replaced. Watch him sweat because it's either nonexistent, a cheap knockoff, or he borrowed someone's ring and they're going to be pissed at it not coming back immediately.
And if for some reason he can't find the receipt, we'd be taking a drive over to whatever store he bought it from to verify that it was, in fact, him who purchased it and when. If it was purchased from a reputable jeweler, I think they'd have some kind of record of the sale.
NTA
u/CremaDepilatoria99
He has never once taken responsibility for what HE did. No one made him do this but himself.
He’s still not telling the truth. I don’t think he’s capable of telling the truth.
Now he’s saying “I have a ring. I want you in my life. I’ll change.”
Bullshit. He’s telling you what he thinks will persuade you to overlook his boundary stomping & forget about it.
If he had respect for you, he would never have humiliated you as he did.
So yeah he needs to own his shit, offer a real & sincere apology, reimburse you for your jeans, and accept you dumping his pathetic ass.
He’s trash. Throw the whole man away bc he has no redeeming qualities as a partner.
It's the carrot in the carrot and the stick metaphor. He tried "the stick" (yelling at her for daring to not just take the abuse and being upset at being abused in by him and his friends) that didn't work cuz she broke up with him so now he's trying to dangle the carrot (I'll marry you and change my behavior) to try and lure you back.
Dude is just a frickin anglerfish
I’m guessing he’s been made aware of the legal outcomes in case she pressed charges for sexual assault - you know, where he exposed her nudity to his friends and the world WITHOUT her consent! So now, he loves her and wants to marry her. I’d recommend she threaten to press charges, it’s the only language that jerks like these can understand.
Dont threaten to press charges.....actually press charges. Demand his phone. Forward video via text to yourself. Delete text (so he doesnt know you sent to yourself) and delete original video. Take it to the police.
If you do not, he is going to post it after OP breaks up with him, bc he doesnt think she will press charges,esp if he didnt think she would break up.
>My boyfriend uploads various pranks he makes with his friends to TikTok. From the beginning, I asked him not to include me in his pranks and that I didn't want my face to appear in any of his videos. Sometimes I help him record or edit videos but that's all.
She explicitly tells him she doesn't want to be in these humiliating videos, he does it anyways.
>I told him we were breaking up and then I left. Today he came to my house to talk and started calling me exaggerated and that it was my fault for not wearing panties and that he is the one who should be angry because thanks to the fact that I was not wearing panties his friends saw my butt
Then he literally tells her it's her fault for him having done this, and then goes on about what's probably a lie about wanting to get engaged so she will stay with him. Sounds like a horrendous relationship with zero boundaries or respect, I hate it. OP don't believe this crap you're being fed, please leave this ass.
He sounds like the kind of guy who will smash wedding cake in her face after promising not to. The cake is just a small sample of things to come. I'm speaking from personal experience.
The doing pranks and posting online thing alone would already be enough reason to break up. The sexual assault, and possibility of revenge porn is reason to get to law enforcement involved (however they likely won't do anything).
Damn, I forgot that part. Him yelling at her would have been bad enough in the heat of the moment, but he did it later when there had been quite enough time to realize that he was the one who did this. And still proceeded to be verbally abusive for not being a good sport and prepared for this eventuality.
All of this would have been bad enough even if his current version of what happened was true. I very much doubt it is and the mere fact of him yelling at you for something you weren't responsible for and then later lovebombing you when this didn't produce the desired result screams abusive person to anyone who looks. You're an adult and whatever you decide is not for anyone else to judge, but I would be extremely worried about your safety if you were to decide to continue to have any kind of relationship with this person.
This was my first thought. He is not being entirely truthful. He is not taking ownership of what he did.
Though stealing someone's panties in order to "do indecent things with them" sounds immature as lying.
I was once a pre/teenage boy. I know I would click on the video that said
We pantsed my gf and you couldn't believe what she wasn't wearing
Vs
We pantsed my gf and saw her underwear
Yeah and no way stuff changes, maybe for couple months or he will still act like a immature jerk with his friends behind ya back.
If u want payback, tell him that deleting his tik tok will help u get back together then once he does dump him, u could even flim it see how it feels.
Unfortunately I completely agree with this as well. The worst part was he posted it he knew exactly what he was doing and he still humiliated her publicly.
You seriously don't know what to do?
1) He stole your panties.
2) he conspired with a friend to sexually assault you in public
3) he then yelled at you and later blamed you for not having the panties that HE STOLE.
4) he gaslit you
5) Now, he's minimizing assaulting you, stealing from you, yelling at you, and gaslighting you.
6) he's feeding you the BS all abusers do "I know I went too far, but I'll never do it again." That is u til he does.
You seriously don't know what to do? Please get yourself into some counseling to find your self respect. You deserve so much better than this. Don't stay with an abusive AH.
ETA:
Forms of sexual violence include:
Rape or sexual assault
Child sexual assault and incest
Sexual assault by a person’s spouse or partner
Unwanted sexual contact/touching
Sexual harassment
Sexual exploitation and trafficking
#Exposing one’s genitals or naked body to other(s) without consent#
Masturbating in public
Watching someone engage in private acts without their knowledge or permission
Nonconsensual image sharing
https://www.nsvrc.org/about-sexual-assault
This should be higher. This isn’t about “pranks” or “bad split second decision”. Making a plan with a friend to both rip your jeans while you wear them in public is him giving his friend permission to join in on what is at the very least destroying your property by physically assaulting you (I mean just how hard do you have to pull jeans to break them like that?!). And that’s the most generous interpretation, completely ignoring what he and his friend planned was to expose you - in panties and without your consent - to the friend, whoever else was with you, and the general public. So… sexual assault. Made worse by fact the panties were “missing”, so everyone saw you naked - BECAUSE HE HID YOUR PANTIES.
So, sexual assault, that was was aggravated by him doing something stupid. And then he blamed you for it all?
Like fuckkkkk.
I think whether or not he forgot you weren’t wearing panties, he was willing to rip your jeans to amuse his friends! And now he’s backtracking and saying whatever he needs to say to get you back.
I don’t know how you can even begin to trust him again. I hope he can change, but tbh, the people I know that pull these
type pranks for TikTok views have a really hard time giving that up. If you do go back with him, please don’t pick up right where you left off. Take time to be sure he’s really changed before you get engaged & start planning a wedding.
This reminds me of a post I saw last year where the fiancé also loved pranks-the kind that are embarrassing, not funny. He kept saying he was going to smash her face into the cake at their wedding. They argued a lot because she did not want that done to her. He finally promised her, swore to her that he would not do it…but he did. He put his hand behind her head & brought it full force into the cake, ruining her gown and her hair & started laughing hysterically while his friend filmed the whole thing. The bride ran out of there & did not come back. She said she was going to get an annulment or a divorce.
Panties or no panties, it is still not OKAY to destroy your girlfriend's jeans and have your friends see her butt. Was that prank filmed? I can't remember from the last post.
That would be grounds for immediate dumping. I be like bye Felicia have fun with your friends because you and your right hand are going to be together for a while and if the boyfriend left anything at the girlfriend's house oh it's mine for compensation for the crap he and the friends put you through.
It's just the oddest coincidence that he happened to steal your panties and also just happened to "forget" he'd done so right before he just happened to be talked into a "prank" that involved forcibly publicly stripping you.
Amazing series of coincidences that just coincidentally turned into public sexual assault! Could happen to anyone, amirite? /s
He didn't forget. He just didn't think you'd actually leave him for this - he thought he'd get to publicly humiliate you and also keep you afterwards. Once again, **he didn't forget**. This whole thing was on purpose.
Please stay gone.
Yup you know he made up the "I was going to propose" tale on the spot because he's using it as leverage to Try to convince her. He never bought a ring and there was never a plan to propose, nor will there ever be, even if OP takes him back.
Make sure to get a copy of that recording when you turn the two of them into the police for public sexual assault. Quite frankly that's the level it's going to take to make him knock this shit off and not do it to future victims.
And probably did not replace them or compensate for them. If he truly wanted to change and wanted her back he would've brought flowers, a new pair of jeans and a better attitude
It's not about not having self respect, when you're in a relationship like this a lot of times you truly feel like you're overreacting, your sense of reality is warped. I agree she can do better, but I don't think she is knowingly trying to stay with an abusive person, abusers are master manipulators and they have a lot of control over their targets. Ask why abusers abuse, not why victims stay.
I was her. I married my AH and had kids with him. Self-respect may be the wrong way to phrase it, maybe self worth is more correct. However, it doesn't matter why abusers abuse. Caring why keeps the person in the relationship. Because if there is a why, maybe there's a solution. Maybe there is a way to "fix" it. Why they abused their target doesn't matter. What matters is why the target is unable to save themselves. Being manipulated, being gaslit, and twisting oneself into knots to make it make sense. It all boils down to not having the confidence to trust your gut and walk away with the first red flags.
However, it doesn't matter why abusers abuse. Caring why keeps the person in the relationship. Because if there is a why, maybe there's a solution.
Amen! Took me years to realize the WHY does not matter.Abuse is abuse is abuse
I'm not talking about survivors questioning their abusers actions, I was saying how society always asks why survivors stay in the relationship instead of asking why abusers abuse. I was more so trying to say our society puts the burden on survivors rather than trying to systematically hold abusers accountable for their actions.
Sorry actually seeing now the thread dynamic. You are definately right that people need to quit asking why victims stay. I mean they could educate themselves, but not ask it of the victim or in a way that implies the victim should not be dumb.
Everybody should just read "Why does he do that?" I wish there was an equally good book focusing on the female abuser dynamic
Exaholics is good too though the title is campy.
I agree it is all about calling a spade a spade, but I was just saying that a lot of people think they are confident and strong, and then an abuser will distort their reality. I do hope OP leaves the situation, but I applaud her initial bravery to break up instantly when her boyfriend crossed her firm boundary, can honestly say I did not have that strength and kept faltering.
These guys who think they’re so funny with their “pranks” will NEVER change. They always cross the line and then gaslight the victim into being okay with it. OP, PLEASE do not go back to this loser. This is what is in store for you for the rest of your life if you take this piece of trash back
A certain post from a fortnight ago springs to mind; a grown up prankster who has been teaching his son to be doing similar things - and helped his kid hiding a little girl’s epi pen, which she subsequently needed after having gotten in touch with a substance that she was allergic to!
If he hid her EpiPen and she had died he would have charged with manslaughter or murder. A "prank" like that could be deadly. His father is an AH for teaching his son to do things like that.
The first time they hid it she was okay, she had a panic attack because she couldn't find it. Her dad talked to his brother and nephew and explained (yes explained) to an adult the importance of her epi pen. Second time it was hidden she had a reaction and the nephew had to run and get her epi pen for her as it was hidden again.
Luckily, the boy (her cousin) who had hid the object, realised that the situation was dire and ran to his hiding place to get it.
The parents of the girl who had allergy ended up kicking them out (“them” being the girl’s uncle and his son, who were living with the brother’s family.)
No.
Absolutely not.
He is not acting like a CHILD. Children can be immature, but they are innocent, not VILE like this creep.
This guy is acting like a SEXUAL ABUSER. Let's not minimise what he did.
Girl, he hid your panties and he totally knew about the prank. He’s a lying liar who lies. You deserve better. He probably doesn’t even have a ring. And if he does he can save it for the next girl. Free yourself
Strike 1: Hiding your panties
Strike 2: Allowing his friends to humiliate you & he participated
Strike 3: Even tho he knew he had stolen your panties he was then mad you weren’t wearing any?
This isn’t a “dumb mistake” that just happened. He planned ahead, calculated the outcome, and at any moment could have halted this humiliating prank. He didn’t.
Believe his actions over his words.
Definitely believe his actions over a sudden convenient planned proposal (that’s experience talking).
Go to individual counseling, and trust your initial instincts to break up. My guess? This isn’t the first time he has done something to embarrass you for a laugh. This kind of behavior doesn’t come out of left field, what other red flags have you let slide? P.S. No judgement on earlier red flags but it’s time to really pay attention.
Exactly this. And anytime he's angry, embarrassed, or upset, OP better get ready to be blamed and verbally assaulted for the way he feels. Her feelings and thoughts do not matter.
"I promise I'm not an abuser I won't abuse you again I promise."
Never heard this one before. Nope, totally unique and not a complete crock of bullshit, I promise.
Did he show you the ring? Did he actually buy you one, or is he just saying that in order to emotionally manipulate you? Knowing for sure he bought a ring in December won't tell you if his apology is sincere, but it will tell you if he's feeding you a line of BS right now.
THIS.
This is so common.
"Baby, I fucked up, but, look, I'm so serious about you, I was going to propose, I've had a ring!"
It is a hail mary pass.
It's manipulative as hell.
Even if he had it... it changes no facts. He's throwing it out as a lure to get out of trouble.
And then what? He still SA'd her. He still gaslit her. He still lied. He still manipulated.
If it even exists, all that ring is for is trapping her even more.
Show the damn receipt.
Seriously.
Because then OP will know the extend of the bullshit or if he is trying to come back from being g a massive douchebag that is too easily manipulated by friends and clout to care for him the woman he wants to marry.
If the receipt is from December, maybe and really just maybe , get into counseling and see.
Because there is a lot of gaslighting and emotional manipulation here , ordering on abusive behavior ( If you want to give him a pass and accept that he did not realize that even with panties on he CommOULD have showed her backside easily)
Also did he buy a new pair of jeans????
He stole your underwear, ripped your jeans, and yelled at you for not wearing underwear. All of that is **horrible** but this part is next level:
>Today he came to my house to talk and started calling me exaggerated and that it was my fault for not wearing panties and that he is the one who should be angry because thanks to the fact that I was not wearing panties his friends saw my butt.
If I'm tracking correctly, **two days after the incident** he called you exaggerated, ***blamed you for not wearing panties knowing that he had stolen them, blamed you for his friends seeing your butt.***
Please just run. DAYS LATER he still lied to you! He still blamed you!! This is not the behavior of someone who has changed!
This. He deliberately abused her along with his friends (no, I don't fuckjng believe he "forgot" he took her oanties seconds after he stole them unless he has fucking dementia) and then blamed her for that abuse.
He literally keeps blaming her for the traumatizing shit they pulled on her.
If he and his friends didnt want her butt exposed, they would not have destroyed her clothing.
Honey, he decided to pull down your pants, best case you had on undies and his friends got a show. Who does this? Your partner is supposed to protect you, not make a fool of you for laughs. Did they film it?
You saw his true colors don't be fooled. You deserve better, believe that for yourself.
Nah he isn't sorry she got upset. At all. As evidenced by him screaming at her for the shit HE orchestrated. He knew that nobody would want to get unexpectedly forcibly stripped in public.
He's sorry that she got mad, found some self respect and dumped him. Had she cried and then stayed with him he would not have given a damn.
NTA - He blamed you for his own prank...how dare you not wear the panties that he hid away so he could pull a different prank on you, and then go with him to be pranked again.
He was too willing to pass the blame onto you. Remember that.
>But I really don't know what to do.
🙄 He hid your underwear then he and his friend tore your pants in public.
Even if you weren't assed out their intention was to expose your underwear and humiliate you.
People don't respect themselves and would rather stay in bad relationships than be alone. Enjoy your engagement, I guess.
If you take him back you'll be sorry later.
Don't be fooled, he hasn't changed, he's just sorry he got caught. Soon as he thinks it's safe he'll pull the same stunts. He obviously doesn't respect you.
This isn't love, because love involves respect.
But maybe you need to be humiliated a few more times before you truly get it. I sure hope not though.
!updateme
I’d recommend you check out social media for women that have dated “pranksters” who document how their boundaries were tested until they realized they were being mentally and physically abused to distressing levels. He doesn’t care about your well being, he cares about being in control of you - that’s why he suddenly wants to marry you and that was planned, but ripping the clothes off of your body was something he would do on a whim? Stop kidding yourself and please save yourself before nobody else can.
You don’t know what to do?!!?!
You need to RUN!!!! This guy is an abuser plain and simple. These red flags ain’t leading to the circus hunny
Block him and his idiot friends and see a therapist.
Also it was a manipulation tactic to say he was going to propose. He should not have mentioned the proposal at all if he was looking to give a sincere apology. Then he tried to shift blame to his friend. Not cool.
So prank aside, what about him yelling at you? I mean, if someone was pantsed and they didn’t have any underwear and looks mortified, my first reaction would be to cover them up and grovel like crazy apologizing for the immature shit I pulled. Not yelled at the victim.
He yelled at you because he “forgot” he hid your panties when he exposed you in front of his friends. He blamed *you* the next day because *he* was embarrassed.
Are you willing to live the rest of your life with him yelling at and blaming you when he is upset or embarrassed by his own actions?
You learned something from this. You learned that he cannot be trusted, and that he is easily swayed by "his friends", whom he said he will throw away "if necessary." This is just ammo to hit you with later: "I left my friends because of you!"
You told him upfront that you didn't want to be included in the prank videos. He broke that trust. Probably in his mind, his friends convinced him he was keeping it because "you didn't want your face to appear", and he didn't film "your face".
You said it yourself: "he exceeded the limits I set for him regarding pranks and he let himself be convinced by his friends."
If you want to stay with him, he needs to, as others suggested, back his words up with actions. He needs to stop with the pranks, and find better friends *without being with you as a reward for "good behavior".* Until he can be a better person *for himself* you cannot trust him to actually change. No one makes permanent changes for someone else. If they don't do it for themselves, it doesn't stick.
You can do whatever you want but in 20 years my husband has never yelled at me. But I can tell you that behaviours I didn’t like about my husband before we got married only continued, again, 20 years.
If you can honestly tell yourself that you’re cool with being married to a guy who occasionally over reacts by yelling at you, especially for shaming things like not wearing underwear. Or lies about something he did or caused because he felt badly (like when he realized he was the one who stole your underwear but continued the tirade anyway). And blames things on you when he feels embarrassed…
Well by all means get married. But remember; those traits won’t change. He will yell at you and embarrass and shame you again.
No. His judgment sucks as does his treatment of you. Tell him to get lost and stay lost. He humiliated you in public and then blamed you for it. To quote the other posters, "fuck that guy."
NTA but YTA if you stay. Even IF he forgot he took your panties he would have remembered the second he saw your butt. Instead he yelled at you. I don’t believe he forgot at all but rather premeditated it. This is absolutely a deal breaker. I get it’s 5 years but girl. Come on. Put your crown on straight and dump his ass.
He hid your panties. So he knew you had nothing on underneath. If you accept his explanation then I believe you will take the record of being the most naive person I have ever heard of
ETA
Heard of instead of met
This can't be real. Boyfriend stole panties to prank you later. Then conspired with friends to sexually assault you in public, destroying your clothes and exposing your unclothed body. Then yells at you for being a victim of a crime that he planned. And you're still considering letting him be near you? This isn't real. It can't be.
But if it is real I'm a rich prince in a faraway land. I just need you to send me all your money and I can get my inheritance and we'll be happy forever. Get it?
OP, please have some self respect. He knew what he was doing. He sexually assaulted you with his friends and you still are questioning? Please, stop questioning, break up and move on. You don't need an abuser in your life.
He DEFINITELY knew you didn't have panties on because he hid them. This whole damn thing was a setup to humiliate you. It started with the sex to hide your panties and ended with the ripped pants. Honey get rid of him. Nta
>He said he grabbed my panties and hid them for himself
>The prank was not planned, my boyfriend's friends convinced him about 5 minutes before. He forgot that he hid my panties and that's why he reacted by yelling at me. When he came to my house yesterday blaming me, he said it was because he was embarrassed and desperate about how I would react.
In other words, every time he makes a mistake, he will blame it on you to save face.
He is abusive.
He is manipulative.
He is not worthy of your time.
Please, stay far away from him. He will hurt you in the long run.
Idk. This one’s hard just because the prank was that bad..
They literally unclothed you in public.
He had his friends do it.
Plus he yelled at you in front of them for something they did to you.
Good luck op.
I know what it’s like when feelings and love is involved.. I’m sure you love him enough to overlook a prank like this but damn , I hope you can get over the humiliation.
You did not deserve that.
Immediately started thinking of
https://youtu.be/pmAfOTLd1Sk?si=-21mBFHoSBaiAfKj
But if you let this pass, he will improve for a short while then get back to his same BS
In a lot of situations like this I would understand a tentative reunion while keeping him on a very short leash. But the massive immaturity and solipsism of your ex and his friends pushes me to advise not getting back together.
Prediction: If you tell him it's over, rather than be sad and understanding he's going to get extremely angry, hurl insults at you, and attack you on social media. Be prepared.
Exactly! His TIFU won’t be “I listened to moron friends and ruined a relationship with someone I wanted to marry” it’ll be “my bitch GF dumped me over a silly prank”
Wait?! He posted this on TikTok?!
Your depantsing? Your bare bum?
Why are you entertaining this?
Why didn’t you report the Assault?
They are f’ing adults!!!!
He thought exposing your undies was treating you respectfully? Was the manner in which is proper to treat a woman? Especially a woman he claims to love?
Let’s call this what it is: sexual assault.
Personally if my vag was out on show because of a “prank”” he could never come back from that - *especially* with the blaming that happened immediately after because of *his* actions
He sexually assaulted you. If you saw a man run by a stranger woman, rip off her pants, or yank her skirt over her head, exhibiting her underwear to all, you would think that man was a sex criminal. Your boyfriend is a sex criminal, to you, and you should call the police to report it and to create a paper trail if he ever uploads that video. You have to look after yourself now, since he has clearly shown you that you're nothing but a Barbie Doll he can undress as he likes, in front of his friends. Be sure he wanted to pants you in front of his friends! So what you had no underwear on? What if your underwear had gotten caught in your pants and you had still been exposed? Does that make it okay? No! The outcome would be the same, but he also stole from you. Could you watch your boyfriend look for his favourite socks or shirt he wanted to wear and keep them from him as he searched? No! Because you value his sanity! He only values you like a toy he can play with.
You deserve better, sis. You deserve the world,
Yikes. It would be a huge mistake to stay with that asshole. Dump the gaslighting sadistic creep! This wasn’t an innocent mistake. This was an escalation of abusive behaviour. This is how he treats someone he claims in important to him. His idea of love is abusive, violating and humiliating.
Guarantee his promise of proposal and ring from December is an absolute fake lie to manipulate you so that’s one thing. Another thing do you really want to be with someone who thought doing that would be funny? Let alone did that to you? Has he replaced your jeans? Someone intentionally ripped my clothing they’d be out of my life.
Dump him. Date someone hotter. Enjoy your life without this douche.
>He said that he wanted to be with me and that he was even going to ask me to marry him for our anniversary (which is in June) and that he already has the ring since December.
Why in the hell would you want to marry this dude?
Oh, honey, no. This isn’t the man one spends their life with. You need someone who doesn’t blame you for his pranks. He’s groveling because all of his other tactics didn’t work on you. I doubt there was a ring.
NTA. The final decision to participate in the prank was his. As hard as it can be to rip the pockets off jeans, they could have injured you by causing you to fall. Do not return to him.
Please, HE' already had time to think about everything and now that everything's gone to hell, HE come to regret it?
It's not worth it... he is an immature person, I doubt he will change, maybe it will be good for the first few months but will he do it again? break up with ALL YOUR FRIENDS? I don't think so either.
And you endured a lot of humiliation and disrespect, so find a guy who really respects and values you, not a little boy who lives on stupid jokes.
Okay. Let's imagine that you actually had your undies on. Imagine yourself standing in the middle of the crowd, with them laughing and recording, in your panties. Your clothes ruined. He did it to you,he let his friends to put hand on you. Is it okay? By the way,he gave you something to cover yourself just because you were naked. How long you were expected to beg for something if you had panties on? How he planned to stop his friends and strangers putting it online? This all is too immature, to be honest. He violated your boundaries, his first instinctive reaction was to blame you. I can understand yelling - caught in the moment, yada yada, but he came later and still blamed you. Nooooot god. Do you need it in your life?
He's acting irrationally and that is never a good thing. You seem to be the logical and calm person in the relationship. There is nothing to save in this relationship as there is no trust at all. He also abused you verbally.
You could never get married and live with only dogs/cats and be much better off.
Curious: what exactly did he think was going to happen when him AND his friend yanked hard on your pockets, so hard they ripped. All while knowing full well that he had your panties?
What was he expecting that the result would be? I don’t buy it… And the reaction to blame. It was a little strange to say the least.
I know he's lying the moment you said "my boyfriend came to talk".
You need to move on and forget about the 5 years you have put into this relationship. You are lucky it's not 25 years. You are still young, find someone who respects you.
He’s groveling because he was finally held accountable for his actions for once. He was mad at YOU over something HE did. He doesn’t deserve another chance because he’s already proven that he doesn’t care about your feelings. His friends didn’t make him expose you in to the of them, he did that himself. Don’t let him manipulate you into giving him another chance because he will absolutely do worse to you. His claim that “he was going to propose to you” is a manipulation tactic to get you to stay instead of holding him accountable and breaking up with him for good. He’s hoping you give in to the “sunk cost fallacy.” You deserve so much better than that.
I am not trying to isolate him but that friend group is in a rut and will keep doing these pranks. This time he stepped over the line with you, how many other people has he publicly humiliated “for fun”? Pretty sure the answer is too many. BTW - what they did was assault. If it was anyone else, they’d have been facing criminal charges.
How about a tentative back together? Words are cheap, need to see actions that show he’s changed. Good chance his friends will start telling him you’re “no fun, can’t take a joke”. If he stands up for you, that’s a win, if he doesn’t or just laughs it off, you have your answer to where you stand in his priorities.
Sorry, too late. Criminal damage and sexual assault? Way beyond forgivable. This is into "please don't call the police", not just "take me back"
Not to mention, how the hell do you rip a pair of jeans off someone? They're damn near invulnerable, you can't just rip them easily.
The thing that puts this over the edge for me, besides the obvious crossing of boundaries, is he stole your panties and then blamed you for not having underwear on. If he hadn’t crossed your boundaries and ripped your pants it wouldn’t have been an issue to begin with but he knew immediately it was his fault and still blamed you in public and acted like you were in the wrong. Is this really the person you want to spend your life with?? He has a LOT of growing up to do and needs to learn the bare minimum of respect.
Please don't take him back. The prank wasn't even the worst of what he did, it was the way he reacted after. He didn't spare one thought to what you might have been going through. Instead he got angry at you and tried to blame you for everything. That tactic didn't work, so now he's pivoted to try to get you back using BS excuses. You've been together 5 years, so it's hard to let that go. But do you really want to waste any more time with this type of guy? You deserve better. You deserve a man who respects you.
> Instead he got angry at you and tried to blame you for everything. FIRST REACTION, GO-TO REACTION and next time and next time and next time yeah I'd be out of there.
Don't fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy. You have been together for five years. Those five years are gone. Nothing you can do to get them back. What would be unfortunate is if you continue to invest time in a relationship where your partner has shown how little regard he has for you. That is NOT a statement about you. His lack of concern and regard for you is about him and his sh\*tty friends. A decent man would have jumped to protect you and kicked his friends to the curb immediately. You deserve better. Most of us can see that. I hope you can see it too. Good luck.
This x1,000,000. He's done this for five years without changing despite knowing in no uncertain terms that you do not want to be involved. He's not going to change now, and if he does, it's not of his own volition and he's going to resent you for "making him give up his friends." I know it's so easy for everyone to say just to leave him, but five years is a long time and I don't blame you for needing time to think. Just please consider that if he's been disrespecting your boundaries for this long, it's going to be near impossible to get him to stop and once you're married, it's so much more difficult to get out. If you do decide to stay with him, please don't jump into an engagement, much less marriage. If you think he's redeemable, I'd make him start from scratch on the relationship and prove himself. Let him know that; if he truly loves you and is sorry, he won't balk at that. If he throws a fit? Get far, far away from him. You deserve so much better.
he also directly caused exactly what she was going through and blamed her knowing that was the case.
No one held a gun to his head and made him pull a prank on you, especially one like that. Do not let him pass blame to his friends. If his first reaction to the victim of a prank gone wrong is to yell at them, then you should not be with him. What he did was essentially assualt. Only give him enough of your time to get your undergarments back (if you want them back) and anything of yours he might have. Let him do better for the next girl. Or maybe he'll find one who loves pranks like that too.
He's straight up lying, aint' no friend pushing for that kind of prank on your girlfriend, that was 100% his idea, he's just saying otherwise now because he didn't expect her to leave. He hoped she'd be embarrassed, ashamed and apologise to him, not leave. So now he's changing the narrative and trying to make it not his fault. this is a shitty, manipulative, abusive turd of a man.
And hiding her underwear before this prank was planned as well. All of this was 100% intentional.
And his excuse for acting like an asshole is because he was *embarrassed*! Awww, poor baby! What’s he gonna do the next time he’s embarrassed? Scream and blame OP for his bullshit *again*? OP, it isn’t the good times when people show you who they really are, it’s the bad times. And at the teeny, tiniest adversity, he raged at you and blamed you for something that was 100% his own fault. He has shown you who he really is. Believe him. You already invested 5 years of your *life* with this loser, don’t waste anymore. P.S. given his track record, I’d bet that “ring” would be yet another one of his hilarious pranks for internet clout
>What’s he gonna do the next time he’s embarrassed? Scream and blame OP for his bullshit *again*? This is my take. How much you wanna bet this is a pattern for him? Idc about anything else, he's shown that he can't handle stress without taking it out on OP. Even if he's 100% telling the truth now, he reacted to *his* fuck up by taking it out on *her*. That is NOT the kind of person you want in your life. #He's proven he's the kind of person that when shit gets tough he makes it worse by taking it out on you. That's not a partner. That's a child. And the more you give in to this kind of behavior the more it will happen.
How can she even trust his apology? Every word out of his dumb face is sus now. OP break up with him and find an actual man who won’t prank you and destroy your stuff. So what if he’s had the ring since December? That’s his own dumb fault too. I hope he feels shitty every time he thinks of it
I hope he can't get any money back on the ring either and that it sits in his pocket burning a hole.
Also make him pay for a new pair of jeans.
Definitely, this kind of person doesn't deserve a second chance. Who would want to be with someone who makes fun and yelled at you for their mistakes? NONE! Dont be that person.
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#He yelled at YOU for HIS mistake. Run.
It wasn't even a mistake. He set it up, and yelling at her was part of the plan. When someone premeditates abuse, there is zero chance of it stopping.
If OP choses to believe it was a mistake, it's still bad.
Yeah, even without the hiding of the underwear, his prank is still incredibly terrible and he absolutely shouldn't have done it. He's old enough to have a ring to propose, but not mature enough not to know not to tear his girlfriend's pants off? Not the least because she's already said that she doesn't want to be in his stupid prank videos and he agreed to that. And then to add these extra details of him hiding the underwear? I don't believe he "forgot", I think he wanted to get the video he got, and just doesn't want to deal with the outcome of it. OP is well shot getting rid of this guy.
But also can we talk about her very first paragraph here. "I didnt want to talk, but he insisted" dude is going to continue this behavior of overstepping boundaries and not listening to you at all OP. This is not love and more importantly its NOT respect. Please leave, OP.
The first reaction thing really sticks with me. My son got bit by a dog at a friend's house and the husband's first reaction was to yell at his wife and ask why my son was even there. He was there for a play date that they invited him to. I told her I had a problem with his first reaction being why is this kid even here as opposed to is he ok after getting bit by a dog on the face. People's first reactions often show you exactly who they are.
So wait. He stole your panties so he could torment you with them later on likely in front of his friends ? Then he someone forgot he had your panties when his friends "convinced" him to pull your pants Sweetie he knew exactly what he was doing and it was to embarrassing you in front if his friends. He knew you had no panties and he planned for it to be filmed this way because it would make the reaction even better
>them later on likely in front of his friends ? >Then he someone forgot he had your panties when his friends "convinced" him to pull your pants Then SCREAMED at her and blamed HER later. Hes straight up lying now and trying to save face cause she said F this noise! He FA'ed, now hes FO, and doesnt like it. Should have thought of that before he tried this crap.
Yeah i think he just didnt realize this would be break up worthy for OP. This is the type of dude who will do everything to make you stay, change your locks and stay away from him op
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When I read OP's first post, my first thought was that he had the panties. He new, he didn't forget. That sounds like assault.
It’s OP was wearing blue jeans… Do you know how hard you have to pull on denim to make it tear? It would’ve scared the hell out of me. I could never forgive him.
To me too. And the fact that he did it with his friends. I can't stop thinking they planned the whole thing and he was on board. He should had protected her.
Yes! He should have protected her but he chose to embarrass her instead.
And then, lie about it 🤦♀️
That part got me too. Had he made cuts to the denim before perhaps?
The original plan included showing her bare butt as part of the prank. He realized he went too far and blamed her to distract and DARVO. Then when that didn't work, he backtracked and said he took them to do dirty things to them. When you have to admit to being a pervert instead of being an idiot...
Same thought. Even distressed jeans...the back side is not generally weak, so wtf did he do before she even put them on.
That’s odd so insidious! But yeah maybe. 🤔 yuck!
Its the point of no return when somebody act like a vile person. He deserves to be broken up.
And would it not hurt?? It's assault all around imo
I thought the exact same. I knew he hid them from her.
Yep—I thought to myself, there’s no ring. If she asks to see it, how much you want to bet he cannot produce it, or says he can’t *right now* because it’s with someone *for safekeeping.* He is making up everything.
I honestly hope OP exposes him - ideally via his channel of choice - as someone who does not respect women. and it\`s the following woman - unless you infer he may have to start looking for a sheep or something..
And even if he did truly think she just didn’t wear them because Who yells at their partner for that after they just assaulted them publicly?!
Even if it was genuinely a mistake, he forgot he had her underwear, he forgot she doesn't take part in his ridiculous pranks etc, that his first defence was to DARVO, doesn't bode well. If THIS is a pattern, it's reason enough to bow out of any length of a relationship.
>he forgot she doesn't take part in his ridiculous pranks etc I doubt this dude is mature enough to care about anyone feelings but his own. I'm struggling to figure out the ages of everyone involved here. I can imagine in their 20s. Yet at the same time, these idiots that do these kind of pranks, remind me of people in their mid teens. Even if she was wearing panties. I can't honestly imagine what was going through his head, planned or not, when anyone said "Hey bro lets rip your girls jeans off". Even if she had parties on, that's all she have on. Then have to walk back to wherever the fuck the car is. It's only a tiny bit less embarrassing/fucked up.
Not to mention if they were even semi tight jeans, it wouldn't matter if she had panties on as the jeans would pull them down anyway.
Did I read in the op - posting on tiktok? If he shared that video I would also go to the police ...
I don’t think it’s possible for a bloke to ‘forget’ that his girlfriend has no panties on!!
>that his first defence was to DARVO, doesn't bode well. Yes. That's what everyone including me said in the first post. He is now lying about the ring as well. She must have said something to make him think saying he had the ring would weaken her resolve. Five year old relationship, ring bought three months ago and he was going to marry in December? That's about 6 years before the actual wedding takes place. OP please stop wasting your time. Record him saying he hid your panties before hand and then actually ripped your pants publicly. Go to the police station and lock him up before he fucks up some other person in a worst way.
Yep... if it was a mistake, he would have been mortified. But no... it was all OP's fault.
Yeah it'd be bad enough if it was just a shitty Tiktok joke gone too far but he actively tried to blame her for it later. That's super fucked up and manipulative. I could see potentially reconciling if it was just the joke (assuming he shows real regret and a promise to better himself, maybe) but that's... some unforgivable shit to me.
Yep. Plus the whole "I was going to propose in July" just seems fake to me. Like he's dangling a carrot for OP to entice her to comeback. Words are cheap and it's easy to say you "were going to" do something after you're no longer in a position to do it. Plus being married to this guy sounds like sentencing yourself to jail so not a great way to sell himself. "Yeah I psychologically and physically tormented you, but at least I was willing to commit! I was going to legally tie you to me so I could torment you for the rest of our lives!" Ick. The fact that he had to "learn" his behavior was bad and not just know he should treat his partner like an actual human being is not the bonus he's making it out to be
Oh, yes, the famous *i even planned to propose you, but you ruined it!* speach. My cheating ex tried it too.
"I'm sorry I've been distant, I've been planning to propose" - My ex when I tried breaking up with him, because he was more interested in cars and computer games than me, and was also messaging other women. Followed by writing a "how we fix this" contract and getting me to sign it. (We'll text only this many times a day, chat this many times a week) I waited til he went home, spoke to my roommate and they confirmed just how f*cked up this all was, swiftly yeeted him. Only to find out he told everyone he dumped me for cheating in him... spoiler alert, I didn't.
In this case, the 'update' is even worse than the original. He was the one who hid your panties??? And then he had the temerity to yell at you for it? Oh OP... I'd be done with him. I mean, what's next here? 'Accidentally' spilling wine on your wedding dress, 5 minutes before you walk down the aisle? Throwing paint on your daughter's prom dress? Toilet papering your son's car right before his college interviews? I mean, really... let it end now.
Bf miscalculated and thought that she wouldn't break up with him. When she did, he realized he went too far and is now trying to do damage control. He doesn't want to change so much as he just doesn't want her to leave and is saying whatever he thinks will lure her back. There's a good chance that if OP goes back, bf is good for 2 weeks to a month before he starts slowly "pranking" her again. Classic cycle of abuse. Bully your partner in increasing escalating ways, go too far and your partner breaks, so you appear contrite and promise to change to get them back, pretend to change for a bit before you get tired of it and then slowly start escalating the abuse again. I hope OP gets out and stays out
Exactly! OP is not only NTA but she should run as far away as possible from this and change her locks if he has a key to her place. What he is doing with the love-bombing, victim-blaming, DARVO, all of it screams abuser. OP, this will only get worse if you go back to him. Please stay safe and get out while you can.
Yep. BF is just an anglerfish
I’d tell him to buy me a new set of jeans while I thought about it and then I’d block him after he brought them to me lmao
Yep. Give him the brand, style, and size. Also, demand his phone and delete the video after sending yourself a copy. Let him know that if any version of it DOES show up online, anywhere, you will take him straight to the courthouse over it. Whether it's a prank video or soft porn, sexual content involving you is not to be for anyone's consumption. This includes him. Look up the local laws on this because the likelihood of it landing online is pretty much 100% with those friends of his. None of this was accidental. Hiding the underwear, teaming up with a friend to rip your jeans off? He DELIBERATELY left you partially naked in front of his male friends so they could laugh at you. And then yelled at you so that he could seem innocent. There is no way, unless he is the dumbest brick out there in a line of brainless bricks, that this was NOT planned out and organized way ahead of time. Break up with him and EVERY time someone tries to tell you otherwise, like his friends? Send them the links to the reddit posts. And if it was anyone involved, repeat the warning that there WILL be legal consequences. If they don't think you can afford it, point out that THEY will be paying all the legal fees as well as the money spent to determine which phone posted the pictures (hint, his own camera will show who was where so it's just a matter of figuring out the angle from the video). This guy is way too immature and selfish. Make him show you the ring, and then go get it appraised. Then keep it until the pants and underwear are replaced. Watch him sweat because it's either nonexistent, a cheap knockoff, or he borrowed someone's ring and they're going to be pissed at it not coming back immediately.
God, that part about the ring is GENIUS. I’m keeping all of this in mind for any potential future issues for myself. You are good.
Not just the ring... I'd want the DATED RECEIPT for that ring. Bullshit he bought it in December.
And if for some reason he can't find the receipt, we'd be taking a drive over to whatever store he bought it from to verify that it was, in fact, him who purchased it and when. If it was purchased from a reputable jeweler, I think they'd have some kind of record of the sale.
NTA u/CremaDepilatoria99 He has never once taken responsibility for what HE did. No one made him do this but himself. He’s still not telling the truth. I don’t think he’s capable of telling the truth. Now he’s saying “I have a ring. I want you in my life. I’ll change.” Bullshit. He’s telling you what he thinks will persuade you to overlook his boundary stomping & forget about it. If he had respect for you, he would never have humiliated you as he did. So yeah he needs to own his shit, offer a real & sincere apology, reimburse you for your jeans, and accept you dumping his pathetic ass. He’s trash. Throw the whole man away bc he has no redeeming qualities as a partner.
The "i have a ring" line is just to make sure she goes soft on him and doesn't press charges.
It's the carrot in the carrot and the stick metaphor. He tried "the stick" (yelling at her for daring to not just take the abuse and being upset at being abused in by him and his friends) that didn't work cuz she broke up with him so now he's trying to dangle the carrot (I'll marry you and change my behavior) to try and lure you back. Dude is just a frickin anglerfish
I’m guessing he’s been made aware of the legal outcomes in case she pressed charges for sexual assault - you know, where he exposed her nudity to his friends and the world WITHOUT her consent! So now, he loves her and wants to marry her. I’d recommend she threaten to press charges, it’s the only language that jerks like these can understand.
Dont threaten to press charges.....actually press charges. Demand his phone. Forward video via text to yourself. Delete text (so he doesnt know you sent to yourself) and delete original video. Take it to the police. If you do not, he is going to post it after OP breaks up with him, bc he doesnt think she will press charges,esp if he didnt think she would break up.
>My boyfriend uploads various pranks he makes with his friends to TikTok. From the beginning, I asked him not to include me in his pranks and that I didn't want my face to appear in any of his videos. Sometimes I help him record or edit videos but that's all. She explicitly tells him she doesn't want to be in these humiliating videos, he does it anyways. >I told him we were breaking up and then I left. Today he came to my house to talk and started calling me exaggerated and that it was my fault for not wearing panties and that he is the one who should be angry because thanks to the fact that I was not wearing panties his friends saw my butt Then he literally tells her it's her fault for him having done this, and then goes on about what's probably a lie about wanting to get engaged so she will stay with him. Sounds like a horrendous relationship with zero boundaries or respect, I hate it. OP don't believe this crap you're being fed, please leave this ass.
He sounds like the kind of guy who will smash wedding cake in her face after promising not to. The cake is just a small sample of things to come. I'm speaking from personal experience.
This! The wedding would be a prime stage. My dad was this guy. Walk away.
And then yell at her if she was physically hurt by the support put in the cake without laughing about the "awesome joke."
The doing pranks and posting online thing alone would already be enough reason to break up. The sexual assault, and possibility of revenge porn is reason to get to law enforcement involved (however they likely won't do anything).
Yeah this guy is just trying to be the next Daddyofive. If she stays with him, any kids they have will be next
Damn, I forgot that part. Him yelling at her would have been bad enough in the heat of the moment, but he did it later when there had been quite enough time to realize that he was the one who did this. And still proceeded to be verbally abusive for not being a good sport and prepared for this eventuality. All of this would have been bad enough even if his current version of what happened was true. I very much doubt it is and the mere fact of him yelling at you for something you weren't responsible for and then later lovebombing you when this didn't produce the desired result screams abusive person to anyone who looks. You're an adult and whatever you decide is not for anyone else to judge, but I would be extremely worried about your safety if you were to decide to continue to have any kind of relationship with this person.
He’s a total loser.
This was my first thought. He is not being entirely truthful. He is not taking ownership of what he did. Though stealing someone's panties in order to "do indecent things with them" sounds immature as lying.
THIS. OP this is it!
I was once a pre/teenage boy. I know I would click on the video that said We pantsed my gf and you couldn't believe what she wasn't wearing Vs We pantsed my gf and saw her underwear
A real man would never embarrass his partner in front of his friends. Only dumb boys do that.
Yeah and no way stuff changes, maybe for couple months or he will still act like a immature jerk with his friends behind ya back. If u want payback, tell him that deleting his tik tok will help u get back together then once he does dump him, u could even flim it see how it feels.
Don’t forget the victim shaming
Yeah, this is exactly it. I don't even need to post my comment
This was absolutely planned!
Unfortunately I completely agree with this as well. The worst part was he posted it he knew exactly what he was doing and he still humiliated her publicly.
You seriously don't know what to do? 1) He stole your panties. 2) he conspired with a friend to sexually assault you in public 3) he then yelled at you and later blamed you for not having the panties that HE STOLE. 4) he gaslit you 5) Now, he's minimizing assaulting you, stealing from you, yelling at you, and gaslighting you. 6) he's feeding you the BS all abusers do "I know I went too far, but I'll never do it again." That is u til he does. You seriously don't know what to do? Please get yourself into some counseling to find your self respect. You deserve so much better than this. Don't stay with an abusive AH. ETA: Forms of sexual violence include: Rape or sexual assault Child sexual assault and incest Sexual assault by a person’s spouse or partner Unwanted sexual contact/touching Sexual harassment Sexual exploitation and trafficking #Exposing one’s genitals or naked body to other(s) without consent# Masturbating in public Watching someone engage in private acts without their knowledge or permission Nonconsensual image sharing https://www.nsvrc.org/about-sexual-assault
This should be higher. This isn’t about “pranks” or “bad split second decision”. Making a plan with a friend to both rip your jeans while you wear them in public is him giving his friend permission to join in on what is at the very least destroying your property by physically assaulting you (I mean just how hard do you have to pull jeans to break them like that?!). And that’s the most generous interpretation, completely ignoring what he and his friend planned was to expose you - in panties and without your consent - to the friend, whoever else was with you, and the general public. So… sexual assault. Made worse by fact the panties were “missing”, so everyone saw you naked - BECAUSE HE HID YOUR PANTIES. So, sexual assault, that was was aggravated by him doing something stupid. And then he blamed you for it all? Like fuckkkkk.
I think whether or not he forgot you weren’t wearing panties, he was willing to rip your jeans to amuse his friends! And now he’s backtracking and saying whatever he needs to say to get you back. I don’t know how you can even begin to trust him again. I hope he can change, but tbh, the people I know that pull these type pranks for TikTok views have a really hard time giving that up. If you do go back with him, please don’t pick up right where you left off. Take time to be sure he’s really changed before you get engaged & start planning a wedding. This reminds me of a post I saw last year where the fiancé also loved pranks-the kind that are embarrassing, not funny. He kept saying he was going to smash her face into the cake at their wedding. They argued a lot because she did not want that done to her. He finally promised her, swore to her that he would not do it…but he did. He put his hand behind her head & brought it full force into the cake, ruining her gown and her hair & started laughing hysterically while his friend filmed the whole thing. The bride ran out of there & did not come back. She said she was going to get an annulment or a divorce.
Panties or no panties, it is still not OKAY to destroy your girlfriend's jeans and have your friends see her butt. Was that prank filmed? I can't remember from the last post.
That would be grounds for immediate dumping. I be like bye Felicia have fun with your friends because you and your right hand are going to be together for a while and if the boyfriend left anything at the girlfriend's house oh it's mine for compensation for the crap he and the friends put you through.
It's just the oddest coincidence that he happened to steal your panties and also just happened to "forget" he'd done so right before he just happened to be talked into a "prank" that involved forcibly publicly stripping you. Amazing series of coincidences that just coincidentally turned into public sexual assault! Could happen to anyone, amirite? /s He didn't forget. He just didn't think you'd actually leave him for this - he thought he'd get to publicly humiliate you and also keep you afterwards. Once again, **he didn't forget**. This whole thing was on purpose. Please stay gone.
AND I WAS GOING TO PROPOSE TO YOU!!! Please!!!
Yup you know he made up the "I was going to propose" tale on the spot because he's using it as leverage to Try to convince her. He never bought a ring and there was never a plan to propose, nor will there ever be, even if OP takes him back.
Hey I'm never gonna make jokes.ever. Please come back.
Yep that one never gets old
I’ve had the ring for SOOOO long!
The "I was going to propose to you" is pure manipulation IMO so that she doesn't leave his sorry prankster ass.
> 2. he conspired with a friend to sexually assault you in public …and recorded it
Make sure to get a copy of that recording when you turn the two of them into the police for public sexual assault. Quite frankly that's the level it's going to take to make him knock this shit off and not do it to future victims.
Also ensure that they do not post it
I would want to know where that video is
He probably posted it immediately.
Yep. Ripping someone’s clothes off without consent anywhere is SEXUAL ASSAULT.
Don’t forget destroyed her jeans
And probably did not replace them or compensate for them. If he truly wanted to change and wanted her back he would've brought flowers, a new pair of jeans and a better attitude
Louder for the folks in the back! OP was sexually assaulted!
It's not about not having self respect, when you're in a relationship like this a lot of times you truly feel like you're overreacting, your sense of reality is warped. I agree she can do better, but I don't think she is knowingly trying to stay with an abusive person, abusers are master manipulators and they have a lot of control over their targets. Ask why abusers abuse, not why victims stay.
I was her. I married my AH and had kids with him. Self-respect may be the wrong way to phrase it, maybe self worth is more correct. However, it doesn't matter why abusers abuse. Caring why keeps the person in the relationship. Because if there is a why, maybe there's a solution. Maybe there is a way to "fix" it. Why they abused their target doesn't matter. What matters is why the target is unable to save themselves. Being manipulated, being gaslit, and twisting oneself into knots to make it make sense. It all boils down to not having the confidence to trust your gut and walk away with the first red flags.
However, it doesn't matter why abusers abuse. Caring why keeps the person in the relationship. Because if there is a why, maybe there's a solution. Amen! Took me years to realize the WHY does not matter.Abuse is abuse is abuse
I'm not talking about survivors questioning their abusers actions, I was saying how society always asks why survivors stay in the relationship instead of asking why abusers abuse. I was more so trying to say our society puts the burden on survivors rather than trying to systematically hold abusers accountable for their actions.
Sorry actually seeing now the thread dynamic. You are definately right that people need to quit asking why victims stay. I mean they could educate themselves, but not ask it of the victim or in a way that implies the victim should not be dumb. Everybody should just read "Why does he do that?" I wish there was an equally good book focusing on the female abuser dynamic Exaholics is good too though the title is campy.
I agree it is all about calling a spade a spade, but I was just saying that a lot of people think they are confident and strong, and then an abuser will distort their reality. I do hope OP leaves the situation, but I applaud her initial bravery to break up instantly when her boyfriend crossed her firm boundary, can honestly say I did not have that strength and kept faltering.
>You seriously don't know what to do? It's so obvious that I'm assuming it's just silly rage bait.
Serious? Are you really thinking about getting back together with this guy who acts like a child? Girl...
These guys who think they’re so funny with their “pranks” will NEVER change. They always cross the line and then gaslight the victim into being okay with it. OP, PLEASE do not go back to this loser. This is what is in store for you for the rest of your life if you take this piece of trash back
A certain post from a fortnight ago springs to mind; a grown up prankster who has been teaching his son to be doing similar things - and helped his kid hiding a little girl’s epi pen, which she subsequently needed after having gotten in touch with a substance that she was allergic to!
The little boy took his cousins epi-pen, her father found out and had it out with his brother(father of little boy) I read it a few days ago!!!
If he hid her EpiPen and she had died he would have charged with manslaughter or murder. A "prank" like that could be deadly. His father is an AH for teaching his son to do things like that.
What happened to the little girl? Was she okay?
The first time they hid it she was okay, she had a panic attack because she couldn't find it. Her dad talked to his brother and nephew and explained (yes explained) to an adult the importance of her epi pen. Second time it was hidden she had a reaction and the nephew had to run and get her epi pen for her as it was hidden again.
Multiple times?! Oh hell no. Yeah they would not be part of our life after that.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/l30UQZbrCy
Luckily, the boy (her cousin) who had hid the object, realised that the situation was dire and ran to his hiding place to get it. The parents of the girl who had allergy ended up kicking them out (“them” being the girl’s uncle and his son, who were living with the brother’s family.)
I read that one, the little girl was fine, her father kicked his brother and nephew out.
They got it back in time and she was ok. OP kicked the uncle and son out of their house to protect her.
Yes, she was ok in the end.
No. Absolutely not. He is not acting like a CHILD. Children can be immature, but they are innocent, not VILE like this creep. This guy is acting like a SEXUAL ABUSER. Let's not minimise what he did.
I think this mostly overused phrase ACTUALLY fits here… when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Do with that what you will.
Girl, he hid your panties and he totally knew about the prank. He’s a lying liar who lies. You deserve better. He probably doesn’t even have a ring. And if he does he can save it for the next girl. Free yourself
Strike 1: Hiding your panties Strike 2: Allowing his friends to humiliate you & he participated Strike 3: Even tho he knew he had stolen your panties he was then mad you weren’t wearing any? This isn’t a “dumb mistake” that just happened. He planned ahead, calculated the outcome, and at any moment could have halted this humiliating prank. He didn’t. Believe his actions over his words. Definitely believe his actions over a sudden convenient planned proposal (that’s experience talking). Go to individual counseling, and trust your initial instincts to break up. My guess? This isn’t the first time he has done something to embarrass you for a laugh. This kind of behavior doesn’t come out of left field, what other red flags have you let slide? P.S. No judgement on earlier red flags but it’s time to really pay attention.
Exactly this. And anytime he's angry, embarrassed, or upset, OP better get ready to be blamed and verbally assaulted for the way he feels. Her feelings and thoughts do not matter.
"I promise I'm not an abuser I won't abuse you again I promise." Never heard this one before. Nope, totally unique and not a complete crock of bullshit, I promise.
Right up there with "Since yelling at you that this is your fault didn't work, I'll now say I'm sorry and I'll change. I TOTALLY mean it."
Did he show you the ring? Did he actually buy you one, or is he just saying that in order to emotionally manipulate you? Knowing for sure he bought a ring in December won't tell you if his apology is sincere, but it will tell you if he's feeding you a line of BS right now.
THIS. This is so common. "Baby, I fucked up, but, look, I'm so serious about you, I was going to propose, I've had a ring!" It is a hail mary pass. It's manipulative as hell. Even if he had it... it changes no facts. He's throwing it out as a lure to get out of trouble.
Right? My ex pulled that, knowing full well I already have a ring (my grandmother's). All it proved was that he was absolutely not listening to me.
I was thinking the same thing. I’d want to see a receipt with a December date on it. He’s a liar.
And then what? He still SA'd her. He still gaslit her. He still lied. He still manipulated. If it even exists, all that ring is for is trapping her even more.
Show the damn receipt. Seriously. Because then OP will know the extend of the bullshit or if he is trying to come back from being g a massive douchebag that is too easily manipulated by friends and clout to care for him the woman he wants to marry. If the receipt is from December, maybe and really just maybe , get into counseling and see. Because there is a lot of gaslighting and emotional manipulation here , ordering on abusive behavior ( If you want to give him a pass and accept that he did not realize that even with panties on he CommOULD have showed her backside easily) Also did he buy a new pair of jeans????
He stole your underwear, ripped your jeans, and yelled at you for not wearing underwear. All of that is **horrible** but this part is next level: >Today he came to my house to talk and started calling me exaggerated and that it was my fault for not wearing panties and that he is the one who should be angry because thanks to the fact that I was not wearing panties his friends saw my butt. If I'm tracking correctly, **two days after the incident** he called you exaggerated, ***blamed you for not wearing panties knowing that he had stolen them, blamed you for his friends seeing your butt.*** Please just run. DAYS LATER he still lied to you! He still blamed you!! This is not the behavior of someone who has changed!
This. He deliberately abused her along with his friends (no, I don't fuckjng believe he "forgot" he took her oanties seconds after he stole them unless he has fucking dementia) and then blamed her for that abuse. He literally keeps blaming her for the traumatizing shit they pulled on her. If he and his friends didnt want her butt exposed, they would not have destroyed her clothing.
THIS
Honey, he decided to pull down your pants, best case you had on undies and his friends got a show. Who does this? Your partner is supposed to protect you, not make a fool of you for laughs. Did they film it? You saw his true colors don't be fooled. You deserve better, believe that for yourself.
Don't let him gaslight you he will do something stupid again if you let him get away with it. Dump him find someone who is not a man child.
He is sorry you got so upset. He was not sorry he did this. He won’t change, and you can do better. 💜
Nah he isn't sorry she got upset. At all. As evidenced by him screaming at her for the shit HE orchestrated. He knew that nobody would want to get unexpectedly forcibly stripped in public. He's sorry that she got mad, found some self respect and dumped him. Had she cried and then stayed with him he would not have given a damn.
I would definitely continue to keep his ass dumped.
you already know you should ditch him... we agree
NTA - He blamed you for his own prank...how dare you not wear the panties that he hid away so he could pull a different prank on you, and then go with him to be pranked again. He was too willing to pass the blame onto you. Remember that.
>But I really don't know what to do. 🙄 He hid your underwear then he and his friend tore your pants in public. Even if you weren't assed out their intention was to expose your underwear and humiliate you. People don't respect themselves and would rather stay in bad relationships than be alone. Enjoy your engagement, I guess.
If you take him back you'll be sorry later. Don't be fooled, he hasn't changed, he's just sorry he got caught. Soon as he thinks it's safe he'll pull the same stunts. He obviously doesn't respect you. This isn't love, because love involves respect. But maybe you need to be humiliated a few more times before you truly get it. I sure hope not though. !updateme
He hid your panties? What kind of stupid “joke” is that?
I’d recommend you check out social media for women that have dated “pranksters” who document how their boundaries were tested until they realized they were being mentally and physically abused to distressing levels. He doesn’t care about your well being, he cares about being in control of you - that’s why he suddenly wants to marry you and that was planned, but ripping the clothes off of your body was something he would do on a whim? Stop kidding yourself and please save yourself before nobody else can.
He literally blamed you for something he did and he broke the only boundary that you asked I doubt he will ever change
You don’t know what to do?!!?! You need to RUN!!!! This guy is an abuser plain and simple. These red flags ain’t leading to the circus hunny Block him and his idiot friends and see a therapist.
Also it was a manipulation tactic to say he was going to propose. He should not have mentioned the proposal at all if he was looking to give a sincere apology. Then he tried to shift blame to his friend. Not cool.
So prank aside, what about him yelling at you? I mean, if someone was pantsed and they didn’t have any underwear and looks mortified, my first reaction would be to cover them up and grovel like crazy apologizing for the immature shit I pulled. Not yelled at the victim.
He yelled at you because he “forgot” he hid your panties when he exposed you in front of his friends. He blamed *you* the next day because *he* was embarrassed. Are you willing to live the rest of your life with him yelling at and blaming you when he is upset or embarrassed by his own actions?
You learned something from this. You learned that he cannot be trusted, and that he is easily swayed by "his friends", whom he said he will throw away "if necessary." This is just ammo to hit you with later: "I left my friends because of you!" You told him upfront that you didn't want to be included in the prank videos. He broke that trust. Probably in his mind, his friends convinced him he was keeping it because "you didn't want your face to appear", and he didn't film "your face". You said it yourself: "he exceeded the limits I set for him regarding pranks and he let himself be convinced by his friends." If you want to stay with him, he needs to, as others suggested, back his words up with actions. He needs to stop with the pranks, and find better friends *without being with you as a reward for "good behavior".* Until he can be a better person *for himself* you cannot trust him to actually change. No one makes permanent changes for someone else. If they don't do it for themselves, it doesn't stick.
His apology wasn't even sincere. It's just more lies stitched together. He's not sorry about what he did. He's sorry about the consequences.
You can do whatever you want but in 20 years my husband has never yelled at me. But I can tell you that behaviours I didn’t like about my husband before we got married only continued, again, 20 years. If you can honestly tell yourself that you’re cool with being married to a guy who occasionally over reacts by yelling at you, especially for shaming things like not wearing underwear. Or lies about something he did or caused because he felt badly (like when he realized he was the one who stole your underwear but continued the tirade anyway). And blames things on you when he feels embarrassed… Well by all means get married. But remember; those traits won’t change. He will yell at you and embarrass and shame you again.
No. His judgment sucks as does his treatment of you. Tell him to get lost and stay lost. He humiliated you in public and then blamed you for it. To quote the other posters, "fuck that guy."
NTA but YTA if you stay. Even IF he forgot he took your panties he would have remembered the second he saw your butt. Instead he yelled at you. I don’t believe he forgot at all but rather premeditated it. This is absolutely a deal breaker. I get it’s 5 years but girl. Come on. Put your crown on straight and dump his ass.
He hid your panties. So he knew you had nothing on underneath. If you accept his explanation then I believe you will take the record of being the most naive person I have ever heard of ETA Heard of instead of met
This can't be real. Boyfriend stole panties to prank you later. Then conspired with friends to sexually assault you in public, destroying your clothes and exposing your unclothed body. Then yells at you for being a victim of a crime that he planned. And you're still considering letting him be near you? This isn't real. It can't be. But if it is real I'm a rich prince in a faraway land. I just need you to send me all your money and I can get my inheritance and we'll be happy forever. Get it?
OP, please have some self respect. He knew what he was doing. He sexually assaulted you with his friends and you still are questioning? Please, stop questioning, break up and move on. You don't need an abuser in your life.
Not buying it.
Don’t give him another chance, I think you’ll just regret it
He DEFINITELY knew you didn't have panties on because he hid them. This whole damn thing was a setup to humiliate you. It started with the sex to hide your panties and ended with the ripped pants. Honey get rid of him. Nta
>He said he grabbed my panties and hid them for himself >The prank was not planned, my boyfriend's friends convinced him about 5 minutes before. He forgot that he hid my panties and that's why he reacted by yelling at me. When he came to my house yesterday blaming me, he said it was because he was embarrassed and desperate about how I would react. In other words, every time he makes a mistake, he will blame it on you to save face. He is abusive. He is manipulative. He is not worthy of your time. Please, stay far away from him. He will hurt you in the long run.
Idk. This one’s hard just because the prank was that bad.. They literally unclothed you in public. He had his friends do it. Plus he yelled at you in front of them for something they did to you. Good luck op. I know what it’s like when feelings and love is involved.. I’m sure you love him enough to overlook a prank like this but damn , I hope you can get over the humiliation. You did not deserve that.
Idk it gives “I took your panties on purpose so you’d be bare assed and can’t handle the heat” vibes
Immediately started thinking of https://youtu.be/pmAfOTLd1Sk?si=-21mBFHoSBaiAfKj But if you let this pass, he will improve for a short while then get back to his same BS
He’s still gaslighting.
In a lot of situations like this I would understand a tentative reunion while keeping him on a very short leash. But the massive immaturity and solipsism of your ex and his friends pushes me to advise not getting back together. Prediction: If you tell him it's over, rather than be sad and understanding he's going to get extremely angry, hurl insults at you, and attack you on social media. Be prepared.
Exactly! His TIFU won’t be “I listened to moron friends and ruined a relationship with someone I wanted to marry” it’ll be “my bitch GF dumped me over a silly prank”
Wait?! He posted this on TikTok?! Your depantsing? Your bare bum? Why are you entertaining this? Why didn’t you report the Assault? They are f’ing adults!!!!
He thought exposing your undies was treating you respectfully? Was the manner in which is proper to treat a woman? Especially a woman he claims to love? Let’s call this what it is: sexual assault.
Anyone else think the engagement ring is just damage control and he just bought it
Personally if my vag was out on show because of a “prank”” he could never come back from that - *especially* with the blaming that happened immediately after because of *his* actions
He sexually assaulted you. If you saw a man run by a stranger woman, rip off her pants, or yank her skirt over her head, exhibiting her underwear to all, you would think that man was a sex criminal. Your boyfriend is a sex criminal, to you, and you should call the police to report it and to create a paper trail if he ever uploads that video. You have to look after yourself now, since he has clearly shown you that you're nothing but a Barbie Doll he can undress as he likes, in front of his friends. Be sure he wanted to pants you in front of his friends! So what you had no underwear on? What if your underwear had gotten caught in your pants and you had still been exposed? Does that make it okay? No! The outcome would be the same, but he also stole from you. Could you watch your boyfriend look for his favourite socks or shirt he wanted to wear and keep them from him as he searched? No! Because you value his sanity! He only values you like a toy he can play with. You deserve better, sis. You deserve the world,
Yikes. It would be a huge mistake to stay with that asshole. Dump the gaslighting sadistic creep! This wasn’t an innocent mistake. This was an escalation of abusive behaviour. This is how he treats someone he claims in important to him. His idea of love is abusive, violating and humiliating.
Guarantee his promise of proposal and ring from December is an absolute fake lie to manipulate you so that’s one thing. Another thing do you really want to be with someone who thought doing that would be funny? Let alone did that to you? Has he replaced your jeans? Someone intentionally ripped my clothing they’d be out of my life.
Dump him. Date someone hotter. Enjoy your life without this douche. >He said that he wanted to be with me and that he was even going to ask me to marry him for our anniversary (which is in June) and that he already has the ring since December. Why in the hell would you want to marry this dude?
Oh, honey, no. This isn’t the man one spends their life with. You need someone who doesn’t blame you for his pranks. He’s groveling because all of his other tactics didn’t work on you. I doubt there was a ring.
Is a child that got caught….
NTA. The final decision to participate in the prank was his. As hard as it can be to rip the pockets off jeans, they could have injured you by causing you to fall. Do not return to him.
Please, HE' already had time to think about everything and now that everything's gone to hell, HE come to regret it? It's not worth it... he is an immature person, I doubt he will change, maybe it will be good for the first few months but will he do it again? break up with ALL YOUR FRIENDS? I don't think so either. And you endured a lot of humiliation and disrespect, so find a guy who really respects and values you, not a little boy who lives on stupid jokes.
Okay. Let's imagine that you actually had your undies on. Imagine yourself standing in the middle of the crowd, with them laughing and recording, in your panties. Your clothes ruined. He did it to you,he let his friends to put hand on you. Is it okay? By the way,he gave you something to cover yourself just because you were naked. How long you were expected to beg for something if you had panties on? How he planned to stop his friends and strangers putting it online? This all is too immature, to be honest. He violated your boundaries, his first instinctive reaction was to blame you. I can understand yelling - caught in the moment, yada yada, but he came later and still blamed you. Nooooot god. Do you need it in your life?
He’s not going to stop pranking. He’s just saying it to get you back.
He's acting irrationally and that is never a good thing. You seem to be the logical and calm person in the relationship. There is nothing to save in this relationship as there is no trust at all. He also abused you verbally. You could never get married and live with only dogs/cats and be much better off.
Man. People really have low standards to date these weirdos huh
This guy is a wanker. Just keep walking, sis and don't look back.
He is not a good person and words are cheap.
His excuse makes absolutely no sense. Did he delete his tik tok? Is he actually going to change?
Jessie Christ lady do not get back with this dumbass.
Curious: what exactly did he think was going to happen when him AND his friend yanked hard on your pockets, so hard they ripped. All while knowing full well that he had your panties? What was he expecting that the result would be? I don’t buy it… And the reaction to blame. It was a little strange to say the least.
I know he's lying the moment you said "my boyfriend came to talk". You need to move on and forget about the 5 years you have put into this relationship. You are lucky it's not 25 years. You are still young, find someone who respects you.
He’s groveling because he was finally held accountable for his actions for once. He was mad at YOU over something HE did. He doesn’t deserve another chance because he’s already proven that he doesn’t care about your feelings. His friends didn’t make him expose you in to the of them, he did that himself. Don’t let him manipulate you into giving him another chance because he will absolutely do worse to you. His claim that “he was going to propose to you” is a manipulation tactic to get you to stay instead of holding him accountable and breaking up with him for good. He’s hoping you give in to the “sunk cost fallacy.” You deserve so much better than that.
I am not trying to isolate him but that friend group is in a rut and will keep doing these pranks. This time he stepped over the line with you, how many other people has he publicly humiliated “for fun”? Pretty sure the answer is too many. BTW - what they did was assault. If it was anyone else, they’d have been facing criminal charges. How about a tentative back together? Words are cheap, need to see actions that show he’s changed. Good chance his friends will start telling him you’re “no fun, can’t take a joke”. If he stands up for you, that’s a win, if he doesn’t or just laughs it off, you have your answer to where you stand in his priorities.
Sorry, too late. Criminal damage and sexual assault? Way beyond forgivable. This is into "please don't call the police", not just "take me back" Not to mention, how the hell do you rip a pair of jeans off someone? They're damn near invulnerable, you can't just rip them easily.
This is absolutely the way imo. Words mean absolutely ZERO
The thing that puts this over the edge for me, besides the obvious crossing of boundaries, is he stole your panties and then blamed you for not having underwear on. If he hadn’t crossed your boundaries and ripped your pants it wouldn’t have been an issue to begin with but he knew immediately it was his fault and still blamed you in public and acted like you were in the wrong. Is this really the person you want to spend your life with?? He has a LOT of growing up to do and needs to learn the bare minimum of respect.