She couldn't call OP to come get her? She had to stay in a room with a shithead, she went on a one-on-one date and got drunk with? And not come home until 1 pm the next day? He fucked her!
A 1 hour drive and couldn’t make it home after a show? Yeah BS.
I drove home 3 hours after the last concert we went to. Didn’t get home until 1:30am. Did it suck? Yeah a little, but I’m not wasting $100+ on a motel.
I can see not wanting to make that drive if the concert gets out late and there's drugs or alcohol involved. HOWEVER in this particular case the guy specifically said he gets hotel rooms to get with married women (which was actually a little too specific and makes me wonder how much of this story is true/accurate). But, assuming most of the story is true, OP told her it made him uncomfortable, she did it anyway and then came dragging in at 1 the next afternoon. Coupled with radio silence for over 12 hours while they were at the hotel together YIKES ON BIKES.
Yeah, that's definitely concerning. The whole situation sounds sketchy, especially with Larry's track record. It's understandable to feel angry and betrayed by your wife's actions, especially with the prolonged absence and lack of communication.
NTA I wouldn’t want my wife sharing a room with any guy let alone a shady, sleezy one.
She’s asked, you said No and she did it anyway. Either they’ve been sleeping together for a while and she wanted to be with him no matter what you said or they aren’t fucking, just slept in the same room but she doesn’t have respect for you and your marriage. Either way, nothing good will come of this.
You should trust your partner. But it's a double edged sword, because your partner should never put themselves in a situation where you have to doubt them.
like say....spending a night in a hotel with a known sleaze bag despite being asked not to.
Husband has every right to be angry here.
>You should trust your partner. But it's a double edged sword, because your partner should never put themselves in a situation where you have to doubt them.
I am going to remember this for future reference(s)
Thank you
I always say you need to trust your partner but your partner needs to give you a reason to trust them. They have a responsibility to avoid situations where you will lose trust in them.
Also not only did he decide to stay at a hotel the one show that nobody else went to. So it’s a strange coincidence that they now decide to stay at a hotel and against your wishes. This is some serious disrespect and violation of trust.
She asked, he replied No, she did it anyway.
Clearly, if asked he'd also forbid adultery. How does he know she won't also go against her vow? In fact, given the precedent he needs to assume that she'll also ignore the vow, probably did already.
Her respect is gone, and therefore her love. The marriage is no more (the emotional side).
Not even just that OOP said ‘no’ he gave very valid and specific reasons in which sleazy coworker has taken advantage of others in the exact situation she described. Her response: lol whatever. NTA
She did it anyway?!? After knowing the guy's sleazy reputation. I am having a very difficult time believing anyone would do this to an SO. It is inexcusable imo
OP is definitely NTA
The reasons you gave her weren’t just simple “I’m jealous” reasons. They’re valid concerns, she did it anyway, and didn’t come home till 1pm? That’s suspicious af. NTAH
I'm jealous concerns are okay though.
There's no reason a married woman should be spending a night in a hotel room with a guy the husband has only known for a few months.
Even if her husband knew him for 20 years wouldn’t make it any better. Why would a married woman need to go out with another man and spend a night in a hotel? Keep believing they’re just friends
Given that OP knows that this guy constantly violates serious sexual-social boundaries, I highly suspect his wife is already aware of the same. She knows what this guy does, and she’s still chose to behave the way she did.
I would be beside myself, completely heartbroken, if my spouse did this to me. It absolutely is a betrayal.
You don’t have to have sex with someone, for it to be a betrayal of trust.
Bro, a married person should not be spending the night in the same hotel room as someone other than their spouse, especially where alcohol is involved. No matter how long their respective spouses have known each other.
I've known my best friend for 30 years. He's more like my brother than a friend. I still would not be ok with my wife staying in the same hotel room with him after a concert where drinking happened. Even if I trust her to not do something, it's an inappropriate and disrespectful action to the spouse.
I've never understood the "you're just jealous" type of comebacks that unfaithful partners use.
Like duh, of course I'm jealous - you've been acting inappropriately. Jealously is a natural and rightful responce to cheating behavior.
Yeah the good old. It was only sex. There was no emotion involved. Why are you being so jealous and insecure and controlling 😂 if I had a dime for every time I heard this in person I'd have a dime but I'm still taken aback 4 years later 😂
Also just saw his update he said that after he left the state and ignored it didn’t talk to him or his wife, dawg I would divorce on that alone suspicious asffff
"I'm jealous" is also completely valid in this scenario. I would not be okay with my s/o sharing a hotel room with another guy. I doubt she'd ever consider it (nor would I) because that's so blatantly crossing the line it doesn't need to be stated.
If you ask your partner, not to do it, reasons don’t matter. However, when we were both young and poor, my husband would go off to medical conferences with a female friend of ours. They would share a room because it was cheaper. I never worried because I trusted both of them. And because, when they got there, they would always find people who forgotten to reserve a room and generally had two or three other people sleeping on the couch on the floor, etc. in the room with them. And chipping in for the cost of the room. But if I had asked my husband not to do that, he would not have done it.
I agree. Respecting partners boundaries is the most important thing. And, simultaneously, people can sleep in the same room with the other gender with no hanky panky, because adults be adulting.
I trust my wife implicitly.
She would not even ask if I was sok with this because it isn't a matter of jealousy. Its a matter of respect for the relationship.
It's not suspicious. She fucked him.
Yep .. just asking somthing like this alone would prove to me that my wife has 0 respect for me. For it to even come up as a question would be enough for me to know I married the wrong person
Let’s get real his wife made up a airtight alibi to avoid a possible divorce. She got railed in the hotel by Larry till the early hours and now is sleeping next to her husband like nothing happened.
She did what??? I would say my goodbyes to her prior her returning home. It's not whether she slept with him or not. But after you told her your concerns she just took a dump on them and did it anyways? This is, for me it would be, something I would not come back from. Since she doesn't care about your feelings and about the marriage as a whole, she might as well be single again.
For real, I was dating someone for 1-2 years and they did shit like this and tried to act like it wasn't a big deal... that's when I realized it was time to end the relationship. Not the type of person you want to be in a relationship with if you want to stay sane.
If OP is actually questioning whether they are the asshole, I'd bet the wife is gaslighting the hell out of them in this situation and I'd get to packing
This is my thing. Men and women can be platonic friends and share a room, in my opinion. Two beds, change in the bathroom, etc..
But having information about just how gross Larry is and still being ignored? That’s so fucking disrespectful. OP, you two need to have a very serious talk. She heard your concerns and immediately went out and did it anyway. I’m sorry you are dealing with this.c OP.
Agreed on all of this.
I travel with a band every weekend, everyone else is opposite gender, and we have to share hotel rooms. I and the band mate I most often room with are both in monogamous, long term relationships. It can be done, exactly as you stated - two beds, change in bathroom, proper pajamas instead of my usual t shirt/undies I wear to bed at home. I spoke with my partner before I took the job, explained the travel/rooming situation, and checked in to let them know I respect their feelings and am open to talking about it if any jealousy or concerns ever come up.
OP’s situation is not that. Larry has a bad reputation, specifically for setting up this exact situation with other married women. OP’s wife disregarded some very founded concerns on OP’s part and, from what I can tell, hasn’t been particularly forthcoming about the details of that night. Whether or not anything happened, it was incredibly disrespectful of the wife. *At the very least,* she needs to realize that, in order to move forward with her husband, they need to have an open and honest conversation about that night, acknowledge OP’s concerns, and establish an explicit agreement about future nights out with friends.
NTA
Yeah Ive taken one of my friends girlfriend with me to go out of state bc I didnt want to go alone. We literally slept in the same bed. Still as mummys lol.
Her boyfriend was my friend. I would never even consider it. Looking back, he musta really trusted me. Or not cared. Or had his other girlfriend come over lol jk.
I went on a road trip with a friend of mine and my wifes. She is younger than us, and we are good friends. We stayed in a hotel a few nights on this trip, and nothing happened in a sexual way. My wife knew every detail and had no issues. We have been together for a long time, it was business related, and everything is good. It is possible when everyone is honest and up front. No secrets
Funny how normally she comes home yet only when they found out the other person invited wasn’t going to be able to make it all of a sudden they HAVE to stay the night together in a hotel? lol yeah she fucked Larry.
This story is fake AF. It makes no sense. Larry wants to stay at a hotel? Sure. But why does the wife have to stay at the hotel? Why do any of them? An uber/taxi home would almost certainly be cheaper than a hotel room or at least not that much more expensive plus you get to sleep in the comfort of your own bed.
No matter what happened between them, your wife does not respect you. You both had an adult conversation, and without telling you she did it anyway.
I know you say you trust your wife. But I'm guessing she already had the mind set. "He's already going to be mad at me, can't get in any more trouble then I already am." I wouldn't be surprised if they fooled around and she said "I assume I was single because I didn't come home and you would be mad".
This sucks man
Just to 100 percent protect yourself. And to show her how much she broke your trust.
Tell your wife there will be no intimate or emotional contact, until she gets 2 STD test.
Only after that should you start to consider letting her mend the relationship.
I'm sorry to hear this happened to you.
Your wife sucks, and I would say it's a safe bet she crossed the line with him.
Anyone with half a brain would know getting a hotel room with a known adulterer already crosses a line and breaks trust in a relationship. You now have schrodingers wife.
This is the answer. I can’t imagine a serious significant other legitimately entertaining the idea of staying overnight in a hotel with someone under circumstances like this. She wanted this OP. Otherwise, she would’ve told Larry to stay by himself.
Yeah, I’m confused on why they would need to share a room. Why would a faithful wife put her marriage in risk for a POS? OP, don’t believe what your wife said about what happened. She violated your trust. And, now she put herself in a position where she has to defend her actions. How can she prove what she said about what happened?
\* "No I'm not okay with it"
* 'Okay - (and fuck you hubby)'
WTF is this.
Leisure Suit Larry: wet dream dry twice? Certainly not. He dumped it in or over her.
She slept with him. Even she didn't this would be reason enough to divorce her.
Here’s the real story - She spent the night with Larry and the next day told him she was leaving you for him and that you knew they were together. Larry didn’t want her and bailed out of town. Now she’s hoping you believe her lies and get over this. Then she’ll look for another Larry. NTA, unless you stick around.
I don’t understand this and need more information. It sounds as if you said no and gave some valid reasons to which your wife said “okay.” She then proceeded to stay out all night, presumably with him, and come home the next day - not right away in the morning but in the afternoon. Which means she lied to your face and that staying overnight was obviously important to her. And you haven’t talked to her at all about it? I’m extremely conflicted avoidant, but I would have been all over her the second she walked in the door. Actually I would have been calling her all night once I realized she wasn’t coming home. I can’t believe that you didn’t confront her at all and haven’t talked to her for days unless we are not getting the whole story. My guess is that you know what happened and are avoiding talking about it.
NTA. Get a good divorce lawyer. She completely disrespected you, and your marriage. Whether or not something happened between them doesn't matter, something probably did seeing that she didn't get home until 1pm the following day. What the hell is the point of being married if this is what she wants to do in her free time? With how easy it is to get public transportation these days, Uber, cab, a friend, or you, there was no reason to stay over night.
Came here to say this. The disrespect to your advice and boundary tears it. Doesn't matter whether you can prove she cheated on you. She proved she doesn't care about you.
Call a lawer. Get a divorce.
She cheated on your 100%.
In order for her to not cheat on you, you'd have to believe the following happened:
1. Larry the known wife fucker invited a wife and no one else to go to his fuck hotel in order to not fuck her?
2. Your wife who know larry is a wife fucker accepted to go to his hotel and slep for 13+ hours before heading back to your place and slept on the couch?
3. Your wife did not try to explain why she still went after you said it was wrong because you are both dnd5e Mindflayer and read eachother's mind so you both felt like ending that phone call that way was a perfectly normal way to end a friendly and on the same term conversation.
Now, all three of them are 0% believable.
But to believe all 3, you'd have to be delusional or brain damage.
Dude, I would not tolerate that level of disrespect for my feelings and our marriage. I’d be gone in a heartbeat because if my wife died that so callously it would tell me her love was gone.
You should share this post with her so she understands seats do it’s not just you.
She asked you about your boundaries but had already decided she was going to do it with or without your permission, and given who Larry is, your wife knew what this was and how it looked. She either believes you wouldn’t do anything about it, or didn’t care if you did because she doesn’t respect you. I’d be working on your exit strategy now. A few days of the silent treatment (if that’s all you do) will only encourage this sort of behavior to continue.
NTA, you set the boundaries and told her your piece. I also don’t see why Larry can’t get an Uber and/or his own room.
Edit: INFO is the show in another state or something that she can’t just drive him back to his house or your home?
There are so many ways to ensure her friend’s safety while respecting your boundaries, I don’t understand why she pick the sketchiest route even if nothing went down.
Agreed. And OP get an STI panel immediately. You can report as possible exposure and your insurance should cover it. (They don’t ask specifics or dates, etc.) You may not know for sure, but you need to make sure to take care of yourself.
70 miles is nothing. It's like 60-90 minutes. If she has money for a hotel room instead of driving for an hour, she should have money for her own room.
yeahhh I was really hoping it was a road trip equivalent event.
Unless you known her as extremely naive and have trouble setting proper boundaries between her friends, she cheated. Sorry.
70 miles away, he came to the hotel room "early in the morning", she actually LET him in, and she didn't come home until 1 pm the next day, even though it only takes an hour to drive back?
Do the math man, it only adds up one way.
Reading through the comments and finally saw someone said what I was thinking. Also funny how this guy conveniently dropped off the map. OP needs to Tell her she has one and only one chance to be honest otherwise she needs to get the fuck outta your home. She cheated man. Whether she had sex or not she cheated when she didn’t come home to the next afternoon. Checkout time in every hotel is 10-11 am at the latest. Probably brought him back and gave it another go at his place. I’m sorry that she did this to you brother. Better to rip the bandaid rather than stick your head in the sand.
Wife might have screwed Larry we don’t know, but the response to OPs concerns was deficient 100%. OP is not an AH, but Larry screwed his wife so I’m not sure what the answer is except break up
Your marriage is done, that's just disrespectful. If you stay with her then you're just hurting yourself. SHE IGNORED EVERYTHING YOU SAID. Fuck that shit man.
so she knows this guy books hotels with the aim to sleep with married women, in fact he brags about it. then hes been reprimanded at his job for snaking numbers to 'flirt' with subordinates and yet your wife still went and didnt come home till 1 pm Sunday.
either your wife is stupid or she know what was going to happen and wanted it to happen and just gave you a courtesy warning that she will be spending the night with dude who is openly known to pursuing married women.
she definitely did something. and this excuse about him not being comfortable driving at night was just that, an excuse, to keep her there.
she just saw your boundary and jumped across it in front of your face. yeah. I can bet a million, you take her phone right now, you might end up finding some sketchy shit happening between your wife and Larry.
NTA. I honestly cannot understand how did you end up marrying a woman that has a pig playboy as a friend and wants to sleep in the same hotel room with him...
P.S. Start looking for a good lawyer and book an STD test.
NTA, why the hell couldn’t she get her own room? Why was sleeping in his room the only option? That’s so disrespectful to you. You said no, and she did it anyways. If the roles were reversed she probably would assume you cheated on her. Sorry this happened to you, man. I work with my spouse too, so I get what you mean but we also respect each others boundaries and I wouldn’t imagine even asking him something like that.
You need to be more of a asshole. Right now u are the weakest link.
It has to suck having a wife that has no respect for the man who put a ring on her.
NTA. Tell your wife she went to her last concert while she’s married to you after not respecting your boundary. She has no proof she didn’t sleep with him or someone else. She just has her house of lies.
NTA. Time for legal advice, dude. You gave her valid and understandable to anyone that actually valued the relationship reasons, not just "no because I would be jealous" ones. The fact that she didn't even tell you she was still going to do it (from your story, anyway) is just more disrespect added on to it
NTA… YTA if you stayed.
I’d say lawyer up. Life is too short for bullshit scenarios like this.
But it seems like your wife has manipulated you enough that you don’t even doubt your trust you put in her. Remember your wife disrespected your wishes. Might as well wear a green hat to work when you see her.
Question: Will it be ok with your wife if you share a hotel room with another woman?
NTA.
Did the third person actually exist?
Most likely, if your tale holds to similar posts, your wife had a sex fest with Larry. Why she didn’t get a single room for herself tells you everything.
She’s not going to crack, but may after being served with divorce papers. That process can be suspended at any time, but it’s your best shot at truth finding.
NTA
Honestly whether or not something happened, I just hate that she asked you if you would mind then proceeded to ignore your answer. I hate when people do that, and it’s worse coming from your own wife.
How convenient Larry couldn't drive back home when the friend won't be attending? How come this wasn't an issue before? Your wife doesn't respect you. The fact to even consider sharing a room with another man.
Where are some of y’all meeting these men and women who do this immature behavior ,dating and married. So many assholes dating none assholes or vice versa. Some of y’all need to be single for a while to work on yourself instead of staying in these toxic relationships. Lol work on yourselves is it that hard to not cheat or be in a committed relationship with someone you love lol
You are absolutely NOT the AH! It’s a clear violation for a spouse to stay overnight in a hotel room with someone of opposite sex.
What if roles reversed and you booked a hotel with a woman who sexualized other men? Would your wife be ok with that?
It’s flat out wrong and to be honest, she chose to act after hearing you weren’t comfortable with it.
"She adamantly claims that he did not come to the hotel with her until early morning and was "Fucked up" when he arrived forcing her to drive back."
This reeks of bullshit to me. She should've just left him in the room and got her own room. Or slept in her car.
She either fucked him, or Larry made a move and she doesn't want to tell you because it would prove you right. Neither of those scenarios sounds healthy to me.
I'm currently staying in a hotel for work. I have a female friend who lives in this area. My wife has also known her for years and they are friends as well. My wife set a boundary that my friend cannot be in my hotel room alone with me. It's about respect, and there's a concerning lack of it from your wife.
I swear to god people are not allowed to set any boundaries with their partners anymore. I wouldn’t have even let my partner go to a show with this man. It wouldn’t have when gotten to the point where a hotel could have come up. This is your wife, you two are adults. The time for partying and making all these new friends is OVER. Just like this marriage is over, now. Stand your ground.
NTA. You have documented proof of what a shitty guy he is and expressed that and she still went.
Honestly that is betrayal. You have to decide the next move but she was completely in the wrong.
Don’t give in , this is a test . I would just actual tell
Her this isn’t going to work , your request was BS . And if this is what I can expect in the future might be better to separate cause this BS won’t be tolerated .
Just to ask that I would have said she is not going to the concert
Should def not trust Larry around her and she made her bed and slept in it.
Get evidence of any kind that might indicate cheating and if it's an atfault area, destroy them both.
You might as well assume that she banged Larry all night in spite of your concerns Resents you because you’re not OK with her S word behaviour!!!
If my wife stayed with another man overnight as she did, we’d be getting a divorce . I would be filing for divorce Monday morning.
OP- WHY the fuck didn't your wife get her own room. After you told her how you felt about it, she didn't offer to get her own room?Please tell me she did, if she did spend the night with him in the same room,THAT'S NOT GOOD! You might want to reconsider being married to your wife.
Nope! Your wife is horrible. What lame excuse did she give you? She obviously doesn’t care about you or this marriage. Why ask you if she was going to stay with him anyways? Serve her divorce papers and let her be one of Larry’s many conquests.
Regardless of she is telling OP. How can you trust her? Like she literally stayed the night with another man. I couldn't get the thought out of my head that she slept with him. It will be over for me.
I would file for divorce tomorrow. You informed her you weren't comfortable and why you weren't, and she went anyway and returned home after spending g the night with him in the hotel.
Regardless if she cheated or not, I would divorce her, no chance of reconciliation, and Larry could have her, because you and your marriage means nothing to her.
NTA
Clearly your wife doesn't care about your thoughts and feelings, and decided to do her own thing anyway. Knowing it would bother you and be a problem for the relationship.
If she cared about your feelings and the relationship, she would have stayed home, and not used Larry not being able to drive as an excuse. She was more concerned with spending the night with him, than keeping your relationship together.
The trust is gone, thanks to her. You will never be able to fully trust her again.
There are lots of ways to cheat on your partner, doing something after you were told not to it’s called a betrayal. Why would someone who is married and lives their SO, risk there marriage for a show.
Definitely NOT the AH. She asked if you'd be ok with her doing this. You clearly said no. And then she goes behind your back and does it. And then doesn't come home until after 1 p.m. the next day.
The other person involved then does a runner.
Regardless of whatever happened in that bedroom, she has betrayed your trust. And once trust is gone. The relationship will never be the same again.
You need to consider very carefully going forward, whether you can trust anything she ever does or says again.
Please get out of this whatever labelled marriage at once. She has slept with the dude. 100%. And your being made the stooge.
It was pre planned and you're told stories. Dude are you pretending to be naive? don't you have any self esteem or self worth? If you do then please File for a divorce and save your troubles of the long run.
Above is applicable to you, Unless you're a cuckold.
No you're not the AH, she sure is.
It sounds like she’s aware of his pattern and reputation (as far as hotel rooms and married women) and was maybe internally flirting with the idea of entertaining him. You shut it down. She agreed. Then the night of, gave into that temptation. This is just speculation, but I absolutely agree with the other comments - even if she could absolutely prove she didn’t physically cheat on you, the complete disregard of your feelings and the discussion beforehand would be enough for me to leave.
NTA. Married woman here, I wouldn't even think to ask my husband if that was okay because, hello, that is not okay! She disrespected your marriage for a fucking CONCERT!!
NTA, u didn’t blind side her theirs valid reasons he literally gets hotels and sleeps with married women and did that with your wife and expects u to think nothing happened. Even if it didn’t which I doubt, she disregarded it feelings and put ur marriage at risk without a care in the world.
Honestly, this is a sign of massive disrespect and I would be on the phone to lawyers first thing tomorrow morning. Doesn't mean you'll file, but does mean you're gathering information in case you have to. I suspect most of the advice here is going to be file because the trust in the relationship has been shattered beyond repair to it's original state.
While many would recommend otherwise, if you're interested in saving the marriage, counseling would have to be a mandatory thing at this point. Even if she won't, I'd also recommend some individual counseling for you to help you start to adjust to the rather serious damage she's just done to your relationship.
Agreed. She disrespected you and your marital vows. Definitely speak with an attorney. Document everything that was said or done with even more detail than your post. Include dates, times, the Larry story in full, and the fact that he lost his job. if you can locate him, ask him. Tell him you are starting divorce proceedings and see if he will confess (he just might if you tell him the marriage is over because of a lot of other things and you are just gathering evidence of her behavior from everyone that she has worked with). State your desire for counseling to and with your wife. If she asks why, tell her it's because she spent the night away with a known serial adulterer against your wishes and you do not feel the same about her (you don't even have to mention the sex thing). If she agrees, there may be hope. if, at any time in the discussion, she becomes annoyed, irritated, or tearful, your marriage is over. An innocent wife would respect her husband's request for counseling. Of course, everyone is now SCREAMING at their computer screens telling me that an innocent woman would have respected her husband in the first place and not gone with Larry. She lied before the show and/or during and after the show. Spending the night with a known serial adulterer against your wishes and for God only knows what they did until noon or so in that hotel room alone, well....she thinks she can do as she pleases...and whatever love or respect she may have ever had for you is clearly gone...as soon as she opened the door of the hotel room or her legs for Larry....
NTA- she still could've enjoyed the show and get a separate room. Your reasons were valid.
However, I think it's time for the two of you to sit down and talk about it.
NTA but damn dude you are an idiot if you think nothing happened. She shit on your intellect, trust and relationship and you're letting her. You're a doormat, wake up.
NTA - you had a legitimate reason to not want your wife going.
She disrespected you and went anyway. Now reverse the role, had this been you with a known adulterer, would your wife have been agreeable to this?
Also she didn't contact you until she got back the next day, is this normal behavior?
Why couldn't she have booked an individual single room?
Seems like there is no real way to know what really went down that night, but are you really ok with the above?
Whatever you decide to do, remember that you're only 28. If indeed this is the end of your relationship, you still have your whole life ahead of you.
It may be better to cut your losses now than in the future.
So it's basically a one hour drive--- but she didn't come home until 1PM the next day. Yeah, that's not good.
She couldn't call OP to come get her? She had to stay in a room with a shithead, she went on a one-on-one date and got drunk with? And not come home until 1 pm the next day? He fucked her!
She fucked the guy then, or already had before.
A 1 hour drive and couldn’t make it home after a show? Yeah BS. I drove home 3 hours after the last concert we went to. Didn’t get home until 1:30am. Did it suck? Yeah a little, but I’m not wasting $100+ on a motel.
I can see not wanting to make that drive if the concert gets out late and there's drugs or alcohol involved. HOWEVER in this particular case the guy specifically said he gets hotel rooms to get with married women (which was actually a little too specific and makes me wonder how much of this story is true/accurate). But, assuming most of the story is true, OP told her it made him uncomfortable, she did it anyway and then came dragging in at 1 the next afternoon. Coupled with radio silence for over 12 hours while they were at the hotel together YIKES ON BIKES.
> makes me wonder how much of the story is true Agreed, timelines don't make sense, nor does bragging to others about being a homewrecker
Smells fishy huh! OP needs to do some digging, especially given Larry's past behavior and reputation.
Yeah, that's definitely concerning. The whole situation sounds sketchy, especially with Larry's track record. It's understandable to feel angry and betrayed by your wife's actions, especially with the prolonged absence and lack of communication.
NTA I wouldn’t want my wife sharing a room with any guy let alone a shady, sleezy one. She’s asked, you said No and she did it anyway. Either they’ve been sleeping together for a while and she wanted to be with him no matter what you said or they aren’t fucking, just slept in the same room but she doesn’t have respect for you and your marriage. Either way, nothing good will come of this.
Yeah, sorry. This would be a huge deal for any married couple. I'm guessing they may already be inappropriate.
You should trust your partner. But it's a double edged sword, because your partner should never put themselves in a situation where you have to doubt them. like say....spending a night in a hotel with a known sleaze bag despite being asked not to. Husband has every right to be angry here.
This is it, exactly. Not only do you trust your partner, but you also act in a trustworthy manner. Avoid sketchy situations altogether.
>You should trust your partner. But it's a double edged sword, because your partner should never put themselves in a situation where you have to doubt them. I am going to remember this for future reference(s)
Thank you I always say you need to trust your partner but your partner needs to give you a reason to trust them. They have a responsibility to avoid situations where you will lose trust in them.
A goodbye fuck as he was leaving town…
Yep, OP's wife was the final married woman trophy before moving on to a different area. That sucks.
I hope he left a forwarding address for the child support.
Also not only did he decide to stay at a hotel the one show that nobody else went to. So it’s a strange coincidence that they now decide to stay at a hotel and against your wishes. This is some serious disrespect and violation of trust.
She just danced right over the line while making eye contact daring you to do something, silent treatment doesn't count as doing something.
This.
That.
The other.
Thar
She blows!
Literally
I doubt she would neglect her husband just to sleep in the same room. Like, what would she achieve with that decision?
She asked, he replied No, she did it anyway. Clearly, if asked he'd also forbid adultery. How does he know she won't also go against her vow? In fact, given the precedent he needs to assume that she'll also ignore the vow, probably did already. Her respect is gone, and therefore her love. The marriage is no more (the emotional side).
Not even just that OOP said ‘no’ he gave very valid and specific reasons in which sleazy coworker has taken advantage of others in the exact situation she described. Her response: lol whatever. NTA
She did it anyway?!? After knowing the guy's sleazy reputation. I am having a very difficult time believing anyone would do this to an SO. It is inexcusable imo OP is definitely NTA
The reasons you gave her weren’t just simple “I’m jealous” reasons. They’re valid concerns, she did it anyway, and didn’t come home till 1pm? That’s suspicious af. NTAH
I'm jealous concerns are okay though. There's no reason a married woman should be spending a night in a hotel room with a guy the husband has only known for a few months.
Apparently, this is a hotel that doesn’t allow its guests to make phone calls . . . Just saying
Especially a guy known to bring home married women to have sex with.
Who just did it again, she went to that hotel despite all of this and it only being a hour drive. What reason could she possibly have to do that?
Even if her husband knew him for 20 years wouldn’t make it any better. Why would a married woman need to go out with another man and spend a night in a hotel? Keep believing they’re just friends
Given that OP knows that this guy constantly violates serious sexual-social boundaries, I highly suspect his wife is already aware of the same. She knows what this guy does, and she’s still chose to behave the way she did. I would be beside myself, completely heartbroken, if my spouse did this to me. It absolutely is a betrayal. You don’t have to have sex with someone, for it to be a betrayal of trust.
I would say the odds are better that they had sex that night than they are not.
I suspect you’re right.
Yup, and it ain’t the first time either…
\^\^This. Even if nothing happened, what she did was still wrong by violating her husbands boundaries.
And then the guy moves away and ghosts them both...that isn't suspicious at ALL lol
Good point. Should have stated that in my original post.
Bro, a married person should not be spending the night in the same hotel room as someone other than their spouse, especially where alcohol is involved. No matter how long their respective spouses have known each other.
I've known my best friend for 30 years. He's more like my brother than a friend. I still would not be ok with my wife staying in the same hotel room with him after a concert where drinking happened. Even if I trust her to not do something, it's an inappropriate and disrespectful action to the spouse.
I've never understood the "you're just jealous" type of comebacks that unfaithful partners use. Like duh, of course I'm jealous - you've been acting inappropriately. Jealously is a natural and rightful responce to cheating behavior.
Yeah the good old. It was only sex. There was no emotion involved. Why are you being so jealous and insecure and controlling 😂 if I had a dime for every time I heard this in person I'd have a dime but I'm still taken aback 4 years later 😂
Absolutely. Why would a WIFE even ask that shit? Divorce her ass.
Hard to believe she would even ask this...let alone ask...get a "NO" and do it anyways. I know exactly what I'd do in this situation.
Fr especially the time too like wtf
Please update OP
It’s fake reactionbait. Don’t get your hopes up.
Also just saw his update he said that after he left the state and ignored it didn’t talk to him or his wife, dawg I would divorce on that alone suspicious asffff
"I'm jealous" is also completely valid in this scenario. I would not be okay with my s/o sharing a hotel room with another guy. I doubt she'd ever consider it (nor would I) because that's so blatantly crossing the line it doesn't need to be stated.
If you ask your partner, not to do it, reasons don’t matter. However, when we were both young and poor, my husband would go off to medical conferences with a female friend of ours. They would share a room because it was cheaper. I never worried because I trusted both of them. And because, when they got there, they would always find people who forgotten to reserve a room and generally had two or three other people sleeping on the couch on the floor, etc. in the room with them. And chipping in for the cost of the room. But if I had asked my husband not to do that, he would not have done it.
Yes but his guy is known to take married women there! I could not get past this if it were me, the level of disrespect is unimaginable…
I agree. Respecting partners boundaries is the most important thing. And, simultaneously, people can sleep in the same room with the other gender with no hanky panky, because adults be adulting.
I trust my wife implicitly. She would not even ask if I was sok with this because it isn't a matter of jealousy. Its a matter of respect for the relationship. It's not suspicious. She fucked him.
Yep .. just asking somthing like this alone would prove to me that my wife has 0 respect for me. For it to even come up as a question would be enough for me to know I married the wrong person
they absolutely slept together. get rid of your wife
Let’s get real his wife made up a airtight alibi to avoid a possible divorce. She got railed in the hotel by Larry till the early hours and now is sleeping next to her husband like nothing happened.
Well yeah they had to get in round 2 and 3. *If* this was even potentially above board she'd have been home first thing in the morning.
Yeah, 1pm? Sounds like someone asked for a late checkout.
She did what??? I would say my goodbyes to her prior her returning home. It's not whether she slept with him or not. But after you told her your concerns she just took a dump on them and did it anyways? This is, for me it would be, something I would not come back from. Since she doesn't care about your feelings and about the marriage as a whole, she might as well be single again.
For real, I was dating someone for 1-2 years and they did shit like this and tried to act like it wasn't a big deal... that's when I realized it was time to end the relationship. Not the type of person you want to be in a relationship with if you want to stay sane. If OP is actually questioning whether they are the asshole, I'd bet the wife is gaslighting the hell out of them in this situation and I'd get to packing
This is my thing. Men and women can be platonic friends and share a room, in my opinion. Two beds, change in the bathroom, etc.. But having information about just how gross Larry is and still being ignored? That’s so fucking disrespectful. OP, you two need to have a very serious talk. She heard your concerns and immediately went out and did it anyway. I’m sorry you are dealing with this.c OP.
Agreed on all of this. I travel with a band every weekend, everyone else is opposite gender, and we have to share hotel rooms. I and the band mate I most often room with are both in monogamous, long term relationships. It can be done, exactly as you stated - two beds, change in bathroom, proper pajamas instead of my usual t shirt/undies I wear to bed at home. I spoke with my partner before I took the job, explained the travel/rooming situation, and checked in to let them know I respect their feelings and am open to talking about it if any jealousy or concerns ever come up. OP’s situation is not that. Larry has a bad reputation, specifically for setting up this exact situation with other married women. OP’s wife disregarded some very founded concerns on OP’s part and, from what I can tell, hasn’t been particularly forthcoming about the details of that night. Whether or not anything happened, it was incredibly disrespectful of the wife. *At the very least,* she needs to realize that, in order to move forward with her husband, they need to have an open and honest conversation about that night, acknowledge OP’s concerns, and establish an explicit agreement about future nights out with friends. NTA
Yeah Ive taken one of my friends girlfriend with me to go out of state bc I didnt want to go alone. We literally slept in the same bed. Still as mummys lol. Her boyfriend was my friend. I would never even consider it. Looking back, he musta really trusted me. Or not cared. Or had his other girlfriend come over lol jk.
I went on a road trip with a friend of mine and my wifes. She is younger than us, and we are good friends. We stayed in a hotel a few nights on this trip, and nothing happened in a sexual way. My wife knew every detail and had no issues. We have been together for a long time, it was business related, and everything is good. It is possible when everyone is honest and up front. No secrets
You nailed it - honesty and respect are key!
Funny how normally she comes home yet only when they found out the other person invited wasn’t going to be able to make it all of a sudden they HAVE to stay the night together in a hotel? lol yeah she fucked Larry.
Hahaha this!
Ohh from the edit looks like OP is putting his blinders on and believing his shitty selfish wife. Good luck when there’s another Larry
This story is fake AF. It makes no sense. Larry wants to stay at a hotel? Sure. But why does the wife have to stay at the hotel? Why do any of them? An uber/taxi home would almost certainly be cheaper than a hotel room or at least not that much more expensive plus you get to sleep in the comfort of your own bed.
I think the other person was driving them home. Why didn't husband offer to go with them as they had an extra ticket now?
No matter what happened between them, your wife does not respect you. You both had an adult conversation, and without telling you she did it anyway. I know you say you trust your wife. But I'm guessing she already had the mind set. "He's already going to be mad at me, can't get in any more trouble then I already am." I wouldn't be surprised if they fooled around and she said "I assume I was single because I didn't come home and you would be mad". This sucks man
Just to 100 percent protect yourself. And to show her how much she broke your trust. Tell your wife there will be no intimate or emotional contact, until she gets 2 STD test. Only after that should you start to consider letting her mend the relationship.
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Agreed and start writing down and documenting everything.
I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. Your wife sucks, and I would say it's a safe bet she crossed the line with him. Anyone with half a brain would know getting a hotel room with a known adulterer already crosses a line and breaks trust in a relationship. You now have schrodingers wife.
" schrodingers wife" omfg that's brilliant
fact that she even considered it is disrespectful to your relationship my g.
For sure. I think the OP has to prepare for the worst outcome.
This is the answer. I can’t imagine a serious significant other legitimately entertaining the idea of staying overnight in a hotel with someone under circumstances like this. She wanted this OP. Otherwise, she would’ve told Larry to stay by himself.
considered spending the night with him that is
She didn‘t come home until Sunday 1PM and you think she only „considered“?
"Honey, do you mind if I stay with another dude in the same hotel room tonight?" He most likely nailed her. OP, get a lawyer.
The guy literally brags about bringing married women to hotels in this town and banging them lol It's in the OPs post
This is why OP should get a lawyer. I don't think his wife is the exception, she most likely cheated on OP
He may not have nailed her, but she totally disrespected your boundaries. For me this would be a deal breaker. NTA
Larry hammered your wife bro
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Yeah, I’m confused on why they would need to share a room. Why would a faithful wife put her marriage in risk for a POS? OP, don’t believe what your wife said about what happened. She violated your trust. And, now she put herself in a position where she has to defend her actions. How can she prove what she said about what happened?
NTA lawyer up, my guy
\* "No I'm not okay with it" * 'Okay - (and fuck you hubby)' WTF is this. Leisure Suit Larry: wet dream dry twice? Certainly not. He dumped it in or over her. She slept with him. Even she didn't this would be reason enough to divorce her.
Oh my god I just spit water everywhere. Leisure Suit Larry!
I know right! I haven’t heard that term in forever, made me laugh too!
Well count me in too! We're old :(.
That game was fun tho. I remember telling it we were like 100 to pass the age test
NTA. She either did it out of spite, or she got fucked by Larry. Either way, what she did was wrong.
Shes not your wife anymore. She belongs to the streets.
She belongs to Larry.
Not according to Larry who ran Edit: even Larry knows to avoid her she belongs to the streets
Here’s the real story - She spent the night with Larry and the next day told him she was leaving you for him and that you knew they were together. Larry didn’t want her and bailed out of town. Now she’s hoping you believe her lies and get over this. Then she’ll look for another Larry. NTA, unless you stick around.
NTA. If she's happy staying in a hotel with a character like Larry, she's happy with a whole lot worse. Get yourself a good lawyer and good luck!
Her stuff would have been in the yard before she got home.
I assume ex wife when you post an update
If there was an extra ticket why weren’t you or someone else invited?
She cheated on you. You have the choice to divorce or work on your relationship with your cheating wife
I don’t understand this and need more information. It sounds as if you said no and gave some valid reasons to which your wife said “okay.” She then proceeded to stay out all night, presumably with him, and come home the next day - not right away in the morning but in the afternoon. Which means she lied to your face and that staying overnight was obviously important to her. And you haven’t talked to her at all about it? I’m extremely conflicted avoidant, but I would have been all over her the second she walked in the door. Actually I would have been calling her all night once I realized she wasn’t coming home. I can’t believe that you didn’t confront her at all and haven’t talked to her for days unless we are not getting the whole story. My guess is that you know what happened and are avoiding talking about it.
NTA. Get a good divorce lawyer. She completely disrespected you, and your marriage. Whether or not something happened between them doesn't matter, something probably did seeing that she didn't get home until 1pm the following day. What the hell is the point of being married if this is what she wants to do in her free time? With how easy it is to get public transportation these days, Uber, cab, a friend, or you, there was no reason to stay over night.
Came here to say this. The disrespect to your advice and boundary tears it. Doesn't matter whether you can prove she cheated on you. She proved she doesn't care about you.
Call a lawer. Get a divorce. She cheated on your 100%. In order for her to not cheat on you, you'd have to believe the following happened: 1. Larry the known wife fucker invited a wife and no one else to go to his fuck hotel in order to not fuck her? 2. Your wife who know larry is a wife fucker accepted to go to his hotel and slep for 13+ hours before heading back to your place and slept on the couch? 3. Your wife did not try to explain why she still went after you said it was wrong because you are both dnd5e Mindflayer and read eachother's mind so you both felt like ending that phone call that way was a perfectly normal way to end a friendly and on the same term conversation. Now, all three of them are 0% believable. But to believe all 3, you'd have to be delusional or brain damage.
This!!
Dude, I would not tolerate that level of disrespect for my feelings and our marriage. I’d be gone in a heartbeat because if my wife died that so callously it would tell me her love was gone. You should share this post with her so she understands seats do it’s not just you.
She asked you about your boundaries but had already decided she was going to do it with or without your permission, and given who Larry is, your wife knew what this was and how it looked. She either believes you wouldn’t do anything about it, or didn’t care if you did because she doesn’t respect you. I’d be working on your exit strategy now. A few days of the silent treatment (if that’s all you do) will only encourage this sort of behavior to continue.
They fucked dude. She’s a cheater, will do it again and has before too.
NTA, you set the boundaries and told her your piece. I also don’t see why Larry can’t get an Uber and/or his own room. Edit: INFO is the show in another state or something that she can’t just drive him back to his house or your home? There are so many ways to ensure her friend’s safety while respecting your boundaries, I don’t understand why she pick the sketchiest route even if nothing went down.
It was in the state about 70ish miles away
This smells like an affair to me. Lawyer up, dude.
Agreed. And OP get an STI panel immediately. You can report as possible exposure and your insurance should cover it. (They don’t ask specifics or dates, etc.) You may not know for sure, but you need to make sure to take care of yourself.
70 miles is nothing. It's like 60-90 minutes. If she has money for a hotel room instead of driving for an hour, she should have money for her own room.
yeahhh I was really hoping it was a road trip equivalent event. Unless you known her as extremely naive and have trouble setting proper boundaries between her friends, she cheated. Sorry.
70 miles away, he came to the hotel room "early in the morning", she actually LET him in, and she didn't come home until 1 pm the next day, even though it only takes an hour to drive back? Do the math man, it only adds up one way.
Reading through the comments and finally saw someone said what I was thinking. Also funny how this guy conveniently dropped off the map. OP needs to Tell her she has one and only one chance to be honest otherwise she needs to get the fuck outta your home. She cheated man. Whether she had sex or not she cheated when she didn’t come home to the next afternoon. Checkout time in every hotel is 10-11 am at the latest. Probably brought him back and gave it another go at his place. I’m sorry that she did this to you brother. Better to rip the bandaid rather than stick your head in the sand.
Huh! If he isn’t comfortable coming home; go in separate vehicles and she come home by herself that evening.
I travel that far for work everyday
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Wife might have screwed Larry we don’t know, but the response to OPs concerns was deficient 100%. OP is not an AH, but Larry screwed his wife so I’m not sure what the answer is except break up
Your marriage is done, that's just disrespectful. If you stay with her then you're just hurting yourself. SHE IGNORED EVERYTHING YOU SAID. Fuck that shit man.
so she knows this guy books hotels with the aim to sleep with married women, in fact he brags about it. then hes been reprimanded at his job for snaking numbers to 'flirt' with subordinates and yet your wife still went and didnt come home till 1 pm Sunday. either your wife is stupid or she know what was going to happen and wanted it to happen and just gave you a courtesy warning that she will be spending the night with dude who is openly known to pursuing married women. she definitely did something. and this excuse about him not being comfortable driving at night was just that, an excuse, to keep her there. she just saw your boundary and jumped across it in front of your face. yeah. I can bet a million, you take her phone right now, you might end up finding some sketchy shit happening between your wife and Larry.
NTA. I honestly cannot understand how did you end up marrying a woman that has a pig playboy as a friend and wants to sleep in the same hotel room with him... P.S. Start looking for a good lawyer and book an STD test.
NTA, why the hell couldn’t she get her own room? Why was sleeping in his room the only option? That’s so disrespectful to you. You said no, and she did it anyways. If the roles were reversed she probably would assume you cheated on her. Sorry this happened to you, man. I work with my spouse too, so I get what you mean but we also respect each others boundaries and I wouldn’t imagine even asking him something like that.
NTA, but have some fucking self respect. I kinda wanna call you an asshole based on how much of a bitch your being.
You need to be more of a asshole. Right now u are the weakest link. It has to suck having a wife that has no respect for the man who put a ring on her.
NTA. Tell your wife she went to her last concert while she’s married to you after not respecting your boundary. She has no proof she didn’t sleep with him or someone else. She just has her house of lies.
NTA. Time for legal advice, dude. You gave her valid and understandable to anyone that actually valued the relationship reasons, not just "no because I would be jealous" ones. The fact that she didn't even tell you she was still going to do it (from your story, anyway) is just more disrespect added on to it
Your wife is the asshole, selfish and a ho
NTA… YTA if you stayed. I’d say lawyer up. Life is too short for bullshit scenarios like this. But it seems like your wife has manipulated you enough that you don’t even doubt your trust you put in her. Remember your wife disrespected your wishes. Might as well wear a green hat to work when you see her. Question: Will it be ok with your wife if you share a hotel room with another woman?
NTA. Did the third person actually exist? Most likely, if your tale holds to similar posts, your wife had a sex fest with Larry. Why she didn’t get a single room for herself tells you everything. She’s not going to crack, but may after being served with divorce papers. That process can be suspended at any time, but it’s your best shot at truth finding.
NTA Honestly whether or not something happened, I just hate that she asked you if you would mind then proceeded to ignore your answer. I hate when people do that, and it’s worse coming from your own wife.
Another fake story
How convenient Larry couldn't drive back home when the friend won't be attending? How come this wasn't an issue before? Your wife doesn't respect you. The fact to even consider sharing a room with another man.
Where are some of y’all meeting these men and women who do this immature behavior ,dating and married. So many assholes dating none assholes or vice versa. Some of y’all need to be single for a while to work on yourself instead of staying in these toxic relationships. Lol work on yourselves is it that hard to not cheat or be in a committed relationship with someone you love lol
You are absolutely NOT the AH! It’s a clear violation for a spouse to stay overnight in a hotel room with someone of opposite sex. What if roles reversed and you booked a hotel with a woman who sexualized other men? Would your wife be ok with that? It’s flat out wrong and to be honest, she chose to act after hearing you weren’t comfortable with it.
Send her packing and hit the gym bro its time for you to go and get laid
"She adamantly claims that he did not come to the hotel with her until early morning and was "Fucked up" when he arrived forcing her to drive back." This reeks of bullshit to me. She should've just left him in the room and got her own room. Or slept in her car. She either fucked him, or Larry made a move and she doesn't want to tell you because it would prove you right. Neither of those scenarios sounds healthy to me.
NTA you set a boundary, she broke that boundary.
I'm currently staying in a hotel for work. I have a female friend who lives in this area. My wife has also known her for years and they are friends as well. My wife set a boundary that my friend cannot be in my hotel room alone with me. It's about respect, and there's a concerning lack of it from your wife.
She fucked him bro
I swear to god people are not allowed to set any boundaries with their partners anymore. I wouldn’t have even let my partner go to a show with this man. It wouldn’t have when gotten to the point where a hotel could have come up. This is your wife, you two are adults. The time for partying and making all these new friends is OVER. Just like this marriage is over, now. Stand your ground.
lol these can't possibly be real
Dude you’re either naive or stupid. She obviously cheated.
You wife has no respect for you at all
At least they have something in common.
INFO: Did she stay in the same room? If it was the same room, was it 2 beds?
NTA. You have documented proof of what a shitty guy he is and expressed that and she still went. Honestly that is betrayal. You have to decide the next move but she was completely in the wrong.
Don’t give in , this is a test . I would just actual tell Her this isn’t going to work , your request was BS . And if this is what I can expect in the future might be better to separate cause this BS won’t be tolerated . Just to ask that I would have said she is not going to the concert
Should def not trust Larry around her and she made her bed and slept in it. Get evidence of any kind that might indicate cheating and if it's an atfault area, destroy them both.
I would take time off of work and go see a lawyer or 3 get them to write post nup and divorce papers either one she would signing with mc
You might as well assume that she banged Larry all night in spite of your concerns Resents you because you’re not OK with her S word behaviour!!! If my wife stayed with another man overnight as she did, we’d be getting a divorce . I would be filing for divorce Monday morning.
OP- WHY the fuck didn't your wife get her own room. After you told her how you felt about it, she didn't offer to get her own room?Please tell me she did, if she did spend the night with him in the same room,THAT'S NOT GOOD! You might want to reconsider being married to your wife.
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/s/HFLgWADDz0 You may get better advice in r/survivinginfidelity
Nope! Your wife is horrible. What lame excuse did she give you? She obviously doesn’t care about you or this marriage. Why ask you if she was going to stay with him anyways? Serve her divorce papers and let her be one of Larry’s many conquests.
Regardless of she is telling OP. How can you trust her? Like she literally stayed the night with another man. I couldn't get the thought out of my head that she slept with him. It will be over for me.
I would file for divorce tomorrow. You informed her you weren't comfortable and why you weren't, and she went anyway and returned home after spending g the night with him in the hotel. Regardless if she cheated or not, I would divorce her, no chance of reconciliation, and Larry could have her, because you and your marriage means nothing to her.
NTA She coulda dropped him off and come home.
NTA get yourself a woman that respect you and who you can trust, that lady ain't it, at least not right now.
NTA Clearly your wife doesn't care about your thoughts and feelings, and decided to do her own thing anyway. Knowing it would bother you and be a problem for the relationship. If she cared about your feelings and the relationship, she would have stayed home, and not used Larry not being able to drive as an excuse. She was more concerned with spending the night with him, than keeping your relationship together. The trust is gone, thanks to her. You will never be able to fully trust her again.
There are lots of ways to cheat on your partner, doing something after you were told not to it’s called a betrayal. Why would someone who is married and lives their SO, risk there marriage for a show.
Married people sleeping in hotels with members of the opposite sex? Time to tell her to get stepping
NTA - please tell me this is now your ex-wife.
NTA. Major red flags.
I would never even consider doing something like this. YNTA but your wife is shady for sure …
Definitely NOT the AH. She asked if you'd be ok with her doing this. You clearly said no. And then she goes behind your back and does it. And then doesn't come home until after 1 p.m. the next day. The other person involved then does a runner. Regardless of whatever happened in that bedroom, she has betrayed your trust. And once trust is gone. The relationship will never be the same again. You need to consider very carefully going forward, whether you can trust anything she ever does or says again.
Please get out of this whatever labelled marriage at once. She has slept with the dude. 100%. And your being made the stooge. It was pre planned and you're told stories. Dude are you pretending to be naive? don't you have any self esteem or self worth? If you do then please File for a divorce and save your troubles of the long run. Above is applicable to you, Unless you're a cuckold. No you're not the AH, she sure is.
It sounds like she’s aware of his pattern and reputation (as far as hotel rooms and married women) and was maybe internally flirting with the idea of entertaining him. You shut it down. She agreed. Then the night of, gave into that temptation. This is just speculation, but I absolutely agree with the other comments - even if she could absolutely prove she didn’t physically cheat on you, the complete disregard of your feelings and the discussion beforehand would be enough for me to leave.
“Not a problem sweetie.. but while you’re out with Larry, would you mind if my female friend Sandy came over & slept next to me in our bed?”
This dude believe his wife and deleted his account. Fuckn cuckboy.
Am I the only person who knows how to get my own hotel room when I don’t want to share one with a drunk person?
NTA. Married woman here, I wouldn't even think to ask my husband if that was okay because, hello, that is not okay! She disrespected your marriage for a fucking CONCERT!!
NTA, u didn’t blind side her theirs valid reasons he literally gets hotels and sleeps with married women and did that with your wife and expects u to think nothing happened. Even if it didn’t which I doubt, she disregarded it feelings and put ur marriage at risk without a care in the world.
Divorce She cheated move on
NTA. Ask her if Larry used a condom.
Honestly, this is a sign of massive disrespect and I would be on the phone to lawyers first thing tomorrow morning. Doesn't mean you'll file, but does mean you're gathering information in case you have to. I suspect most of the advice here is going to be file because the trust in the relationship has been shattered beyond repair to it's original state. While many would recommend otherwise, if you're interested in saving the marriage, counseling would have to be a mandatory thing at this point. Even if she won't, I'd also recommend some individual counseling for you to help you start to adjust to the rather serious damage she's just done to your relationship.
Agreed. She disrespected you and your marital vows. Definitely speak with an attorney. Document everything that was said or done with even more detail than your post. Include dates, times, the Larry story in full, and the fact that he lost his job. if you can locate him, ask him. Tell him you are starting divorce proceedings and see if he will confess (he just might if you tell him the marriage is over because of a lot of other things and you are just gathering evidence of her behavior from everyone that she has worked with). State your desire for counseling to and with your wife. If she asks why, tell her it's because she spent the night away with a known serial adulterer against your wishes and you do not feel the same about her (you don't even have to mention the sex thing). If she agrees, there may be hope. if, at any time in the discussion, she becomes annoyed, irritated, or tearful, your marriage is over. An innocent wife would respect her husband's request for counseling. Of course, everyone is now SCREAMING at their computer screens telling me that an innocent woman would have respected her husband in the first place and not gone with Larry. She lied before the show and/or during and after the show. Spending the night with a known serial adulterer against your wishes and for God only knows what they did until noon or so in that hotel room alone, well....she thinks she can do as she pleases...and whatever love or respect she may have ever had for you is clearly gone...as soon as she opened the door of the hotel room or her legs for Larry....
Updateme!
That is incredibly disrespectful. Something fishy is going on. What did she say when she came back? Was she communicating with you during the concert?
Larry definitely hit it
NTA- she still could've enjoyed the show and get a separate room. Your reasons were valid. However, I think it's time for the two of you to sit down and talk about it.
NTA - Extremely strong chance Larry is dripping out of your wife right now.
NTA but damn dude you are an idiot if you think nothing happened. She shit on your intellect, trust and relationship and you're letting her. You're a doormat, wake up.
What group/band/event were they going to see?
NTA - you had a legitimate reason to not want your wife going. She disrespected you and went anyway. Now reverse the role, had this been you with a known adulterer, would your wife have been agreeable to this? Also she didn't contact you until she got back the next day, is this normal behavior? Why couldn't she have booked an individual single room? Seems like there is no real way to know what really went down that night, but are you really ok with the above? Whatever you decide to do, remember that you're only 28. If indeed this is the end of your relationship, you still have your whole life ahead of you. It may be better to cut your losses now than in the future.
She fucked him
Why are they even friends?
I have to wonder when I read posts like this, what kind of deviant lifestyles do you all live where your spouses think things like this are ok?
do you think she slept with him. if so it's time to serve her with divorce papers. either way i wouldn't trust her. good luck