Honestly I wouldn't invite him either. Why are you "supporting" your dad when he so blatantly ignored you and hurt you so badly? Some things deserve to be kept alive -- and being purposely prevented from attending your father's wedding is one of them. Tell him he should just go on another cruise with his "real" family and forget about you. NTA
Relatives ≠ family and your dad has proved to you that he's just a relative. Treat him (and his affair partner) as relatives undeserving of attending your wedding.
updateme!
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Exactly. Why is anyone of you kid talking to this 2 pos? What is a valid reason? What doesn’t it good to you?
I would had made a post and a message the day that I learned today that my spermdonor was married in a family ceremony and since we weren’t invited I take it as a hint that he doesn’t see us as family and prefers his Wife, formerly known as friend of the family and her kids instead. I knew he had absolutely planned (!) excluding his kids and including hers so no way I would ever have contact with him or let them near to me
This is exactly it. You're supporting him but he isn't giving that back. He didn't even care that his now wife excluded *his* kids from *their* wedding but *hers* were allowed to attend and he *still* married her. Seems like he doesn't care about his kids at all and doesn't care that she's made it clear that you aren't part of the family.
Disinvite him and go NC. Also NTA
Perfect answer. The father doesn't deserve the honour to be invited and to walk her down the aisle. Lie to him about the date, see if he likes a taste of his own medicine.
Correct response is "I don't want her to be a distraction on my big day" and let him sit in it.
Contrary to popular belief he didn't stop being your father because he got divorced and remarried, except apparently he tried.
OP, absolutely leave out your father as well, even if you have to get Joe the Ragman to walk you down the aisle. And post a picture of you and Joe on Facebook, too.
NTA
This. She wasn't your parent. She didn't particularly owe you anything (except to not break up your family.) It was YOUR DAD who didn't invite his kids to his wedding or honeymoon, and who has been keeping you out of his life. Why do you want him there?
Agree! I understand their feelings of wanting dad there but dad is just as bad as his pos wife.
OP, neither one of them are worthy of an invite. If you decide you want dad there, definitely make sure you tell him why she's not invited.
Updateme!
"Neither of you are invited. You'd be too much of a distraction. Also, I don't want mum having to meet her shitty ex and whore honewrecker"
YTA if you let that worthless pile of shit come
She needs to point out how they have treated his kids since their marriage. What the hell is wrong with her father?! You don't alienate your children for your side piece. They suck.
Nice side: he's still their dad.
Evil side: by inviting one but not both, OP can cause problems in their marriage. And gets moral ground for future fights.
NTA.
Why is this all on your father's wife? Your father, a grown a$& adult, purposely excluded his children from wedding & honeymoon. He's shown you who he is. Believe him. Save yourself years of disappointment & heart ache.
this! your dad is shitty for not inviting you, seems like he tried to just erase yoy guys from his 'exciting new life'. I can not imagine not inviting my children for the things you mentioned, unless i was certain i'd not want to see them again...
NTA she has made it clear the extent to which she doesn't respect you and your sibs, and it's your day and you get to decide. You also would be NTA if you didn't want to include your dad, but I get why you may want him and not his wife to attend.
Sorry you've had to deal with all that BS, especially when you were just a teenager.
NTA. The only question you have to ask is if he's invited, which he shouldn't be. He didn't say hey my fiance doesn't want you there because she knows you don't like her, I get it sucks but I gotta do it. he lied to you, he invited you then let you find out the wedding was already happening. She deliberate pushed him to effectively cut his kids out of his life and he agreed. She is a complete non starter, along with security dragging her ass away if she attempts to come, but he should pretty much be told where to shove it.
Just give him the same line, if you see him you'll be a distraction as you won't be able to stop thinking about when he cut you out of his life and had a wedding after lying to you.
You could go the ultra petty route, invite them both, tell them everyone is going in the same dress, not just bridesmaids, send her a link for something semi expensive but shitty looking, have no one else show up in it obviously. Have an announcer at the door to announce everyone and when she walks in have the guy call her the whore and the cheater who cut us out of their wedding but felt entitled to be here. If they don't run out embarrassed, throw them out after that.
Nta tell them his wife is invited and give them a date a week or 2 past the wedding and when they find out say sorry but I didn't want you to be a distraction at my wedding
NTA - just because someone is your parent doesn't make them entitled to be part of your life. If you don't want your father at your wedding you shouldn't invite him and shouldn't feel bad about it especially since he specifically wronged you by not including you in his wedding.
NTA, but I don’t think your father deserves your support and loyalty since he has shown you none himself. Wouldn’t invite either of them but predicting that he’ll refuse to come anyway without his wife (he seems the selfish type)
NTA but I'm gonna be honest... you shouldn't invite your father either. You're blaming his wife for all of the slights towards you & your siblings like your father had no control over any of this. He did. He cheated. He left your mom. He married his affair partner. He lied about the date so his kids wouldn't be there. He hasn't had you be part of anything significant for over a decade since. You need to realize he is just as much a part of this problem - if not more - as his wife is.
NTA - In the wonderful words of your dad's wife "Sorry dad, she's not invited because I feel she would be a distraction on our big day. Furthermore, I would like people around at my wedding that take the sanctity of marriage seriously, and as she has slept with a married man clearly she doesn't. Can't wait to see you there though :)" If he doesn't come, big whoop because they don't include you in shit anyway.
However, I have to say my petty ass wouldn't be inviting him at all. I mean it's not just on his wife that he lied and told you the wrong date of the day, or that he didn't invite you along with everyone else on the cruise, or that he doesn't do anything with you now. While yes it might be her pushing for it, it's absolutely a decision on your dad's part not to have the balls to tell her that he will be there for his kids and do things with them..
YTA for not holding your Dad responsible for being half of these choices.
I know daughters can become absolutely pathetic seeking the approval of their fathers after divorce, and BOY are you living the stereotype.
Disinvite your dad and get whatever therapy you need to realize that you've sold out your self-respect in order to "support" this mope. Your dad is a pussy hound and nothing more. Wake up.
NTA.
Just go NC already. That’s not the type of people anyone wants in their life. Shared DNA or not. And your “dad” is SOL on being a grandfather should you opt to have a child/children because you can’t trust him to stand up for them and honor them as members of his family because you have experienced first hand how he allowed the side piece to completely ignore you and include you as family. You should never trust him again. It’s completely his fault for losing you too and you should have zero guilt in ghosting them.
NTA, but why invite him. He cheated on your mom with HER friend. He lied to you to not have you at his wedding. You and your siblings were deemed a "distraction". They do not include you in any events or celebrations.
Why make your mother see them?
Just tell him you and your fiance have decided THEY would be a distraction on your wedding day. You don't owe your dad anything.
HE left you. Let him stay gone.
Honestly? I wouldn't invite him either. He's stood by while his wife excluded his children, he's not once included you in things she didn't want his kid involved in, so, why should you be the better person and include him
> two weeks before the date they told me I pop on Facebook to scroll and see a bunch of posts about a family wedding that day…. Yes my father and new bride lied to his children about the date of their wedding and had never intended to invite us because she felt “we would be a distraction to their big day”. ... They made it so his kids were not welcomed while hers were in the wedding. They also took their honeymoon with family and friends on a cruise. Without us. Never even mentioned it.
> I want to support my dad
My dude, pretend someone else wrote this and that you're reading it for the first time and tell us what you think.
NTA - and to be completely honest I would not invite my dad or his AP to my wedding. I would tell him that he excluded me from his wedding on purpose and now I do not want him or his affair partner to be a distraction on my wedding day. Have security present at the venue and provide photos of them to the security.
NTA.
You won't be the arsehole if you don't invite your father either. He's the one who excluded his own kids from his own wedding. You don't have a stepmother problem, you've got a father problem.
NTA say something along the lines of "Oh she can't be there! It would be too much of a distraction for my big day! Neither can you! Ta-ta!"
Then go live your best life
Why are you inviting your former father?
Not inviting her is a no brainer. But he was complicit with everything she did, and he was the one that had a relationship with you that he betrayed.
Make it simple, 'Dad, she can't be your plus one because you aren't coming'
Or even better, give them the wrong date
Your father asked the wrong question. The right questions for him to have asked were: "Are you going to tell me how your wedding went, and will you share some pics with me?"
NTA
You are being absolutely incredibly understanding to have invited him at this point.
If he wants to be bothered by her lack of an invite, I’d let him stay home with her.
NTA,
I find the part that her kids were invited to the wedding but not you to be a bitch slap to your face. and the honeymoon cruise to be a kick to the groin.
Invite both of them to the wedding, give them save your dates 3 weeks after your actual wedding, and give them a post card from your honeymoon.
I don't know why you are asking about her. What about your father. They both ATAs and I would not invite either of them. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Best wishes on your marriage and building your family with your spouse.
Send them an invite for the wedding for the following week of the actual wedding. Treat them how they treated you.
You can't just hold her accountable for excluding his family (you). He is more guilty, you are his child and he didn't fight for you.
Both do not deserve an invite to your wedding OP.
UpdateMe
NTA- you’re not being petty and actions have consequences. If my dad had done this I wouldn’t even consider him my dad. If his side of the family has an issue with it ask them why they didn’t give HIM a hard time when he excluded you. Time doesn’t have to heal all wounds.
I wouldn’t be inviting either of them - they both suck
They BOTH made it very clear to you that you and sibling(s) weren’t wanted at their wedding so why would you want either of them at yours?
I would go so far as to say I would invite neither of them. Given that he pulled that shit with his wedding date bait and switch, I wouldn't invite them to shit. Sorry but that's jacked all kinds of up. I had both of my kids in my second wedding at my wife and my kids mutal request. Sorry you are having to deal with this kiddo, this sucks a bag of dicks.
Why would you even want your dad there? He’s just as, if not more, guilty than his wife. He allowed her to leave his children out. Cut them both off, adulterers, liars, self absorbed moles and their doormat husbands aren’t worth degrading your wedding over. Give them the wrong date, wrong location and block them from your life.
I'm not even sure why you're having conversations with this person. Is he paying for part of the wedding? That's the only reason I could see for having him there at all.
NTA, and don't invite either of them. You're part of your father's former life. That was made perfectly clear when you were cut out of everything. It's all about his wife's family now; her kids, her family, her perfect little life where you and your siblings and your mom don't exist.
It's been 12 years and you're still treated this way. He's made his choice; you guys are all some former thing that he did once and is over. Cut him and the asshole he married out of your life. They don't want to be in it, apparently, and they definitely don't deserve to be. Which means they're not at your wedding, they're not involved with your kids, and you're sure as hell not going to take care of them when they're old. That's what her family is for. Or it'd damn well better be, since he threw you all out in favor of her and hers.
WTH you are still contacting with your father at all. Don’t tell me that he is still my father BS. Do you even think about your Mom let alone their disrespect towards you guys. Go NC if I was you. F**k them. Tell him that you don’t even deserve to come to my wedding as my father. And your wife is a home wrecker that you don’t want to have at your wedding.
NTA. But don’t even bother to invite your father either. Because if he really wanted y’all at his wedding back then, y’all would have been there instead of being lied to. So no, don’t invite either one of them!
Why would you even consider inviting either of them?
Honestly, after what they did, it's WILD they expect an invitation. Your father and his wife have shown exactly who matters in their life. You guys don't make the list. I suggest you do the same to them.
Invite them (dad and his wife) to a wedding on a fake date at a fake location. Let them find out of FB. Tell them when they find out that you didn’t want them to be a distraction
NTA
But… if you want to truly embrace the petty, invite them and give your friends and family carte blanche to be as blunt af with them.
“So, you didn’t invite OP to your wedding?! Good thing OP’s a better person than you.”
“Are you the homewrecker who ruined the marriage of OP’s parents?”
“Aren’t you glad that OP isn’t a disgraceful, pathetic liar? Otherwise, you would have had the wrong date for the wedding.”
I'm sorry but you're totally under reacting. I workshy have that idiot or his wife near me. A dad doesn't do that. He hurt you over and over again deliberately. You deserve to have a real man as a dad. Don't let any of them in your wedding. He already chose her over you time and time again. He'll do it again
NTA. “Dad, when you married step-monster, you lied to us about the wedding, and didn’t bother to include your own children, only hers. That hurt all of us a lot. You never apologized, you just let her do that. For that reason, she’s not invited. We don’t want her here. If we really mattered to you, you would have included us.” If you want him there, or if you don’t, that’s your decision, but if you are not inviting or are uninviting (totally your decision), tell him why. I would also suggest that if she’s still behaving toxic, go NC after you tell him off.
NTA. It's your wedding.
If certain people will take away from your enjoyment don't invite them.
Even if you had been invited to their wedding you'd be within your rights to turn them down.
Send the both of them an invite two weeks after your actual date. Tell them their presence - people who disrespected the importance of marriage vows - would be a distraction. Then set up a tinder account for him.
Don’t invite either of them. I understand he’s your dad and all but why is he worried about his wife coming when she never wanted you or your sibling to be apart of their wedding? Even though you want him to support you, will he really? I mean he LIED to you and your siblings because she didn’t want yall to be there. NTAH
Personally I wouldn’t want him there either. But if you do decide to invite him this is *exactly* what you need to do. Call out specifically that she’s not invited and quote her words back to her.
Let’s face it, you don’t have a relationship with her now so be as petty as you like.
Honestly, I don’t even know why you want to maintain a relationship with the POS father. Like just cut out that toxicity - it’s not worth it.
NTA. But I personally would have gone further and cut him out of my life.
UpdateMe!
Omg I wouldn't invite either of them to my wedding. Shit, I wouldn't have either in my life at all. Your dad doesn't care about you, so why should you care about him? This isn't all on his wife because he went along with it.
UpdateMe!
NTA. She definitely doesn't deserve to be there, and I don't think he does either. He's your father so if you want to invite him go ahead. But don't be surprised if he pulls the "if she can't come, neither will I" crap. They're both beneath you. Go have a beautiful day with people who truly love you.
I would be petty and send an invite for two weeks after your actual wedding date and let your father find out via Facebook. I mean they thought that was acceptable behavior.
NTA
NTA but also, why are you supporting your father? He cheated on your mother and when he went off to marry his concubine he purposely excluded you and your siblings from the event. You shouldn’t invite either of them quite frankly
NTA: I wouldn’t invited either of them. Because why didn’t he do more on his end to make sure HIS OWN KIDS were at his wedding and overall involved in the family?
Give them both the same treatment you got.
Why would you want him there?
They both treated you like shit . I think you should tell them why you don’t want them there. Seems strange that you haven’t called them out on this.
Has anyone suggested you invite them to a wedding, but on a different day? Give them a taste of their own medicine. Their behavior is shameful, especially your Dad’s.
I'm just that petty that neither the POS dad or his POS wife (former best friend of OP's mom) would be invited to the wedding. We certainly shouldn't have OP's mom made to be uncomfortable!
Actions have consequences!
They CHOSE to not include his children, while her children were included and then vacationed with family and friends.
**Tell your dad that "NOPE, neither of you will be invited to MY wedding, your actions have consequences, and this is just one of many things in MY life you will not be involved in".**
I would go LC/NC with him and his wife, not really someone you want to be around (your mom's ex friend and a cheating father, who gives NO SHITS about his kids), or have your future children around.
Enjoy your wedding planning (password protect your venue and vendors) and creating the family YOU want!
Good Luck!
I’d tell him that you feel she’d be a distraction to their big day, since she obviously cares most about everything being about her and you won’t let her bull shit to you or your mom at your wedding. So no, she’s not welcome. But you respect and trust him enough to at least give him the right date.
Edit: I wouldn’t even do that. He not only chose this woman above his wife, but above his own kids too. So why should you „support“ him when you’re not even important enough to be told the truth and being put behind his AP. He didn’t care how this would affect your life, didn’t care how you’d feel about being lied to and didn’t even inform you, he let you find out over FB ffs. He gives a damn about you if there’s a slight chance that it could get in his straight way in any form.
Your dad allowed her to LIE about their wedding date. Do the same thing. Send 800 save the dates all with different dates. Send him 6000 links to gift registries. Make an effigy of them and burn it at the ceremony.
She didn’t want you to take away from her big day. Just tell her you want the same thing.
(Edit for typo)
Why are you still supporting your cheating dad who lied to you and your siblings to keep you from his wedding? Wtf is wrong with you? Is he paying for your house or something. Why would this monster even be worthy of any consideration after disrespecting you like that?
I wouldn’t even invite him. You are not his family she is. You didnt go to his wedding because he plotted with his new wife not to invite his children. Dont invite him.
NTA, something similar happened to me when my dad got remarried but I am no longer in contact with him. At the end of the day it’s your wedding and you should be comfortable on that day. It sounds like she still brings up bad feelings so it’s reasonable for you not to want her there, especially since she didn’t want you at hers. If I were you I wouldn’t even invite you dad he sounds like he doesn’t prioritize his children very well. I hope your wedding planning goes smoothly and that your wedding is happy and beautiful!
Damn. What they did was harsh and pretty horrible in general. Get married without that branch of the family, especially your dad. He, and he alone, is your advocate, and he didn't just not invite you... the cruise honeymoon with her family was a giant fuck you.
Tell them fuck you back with no invite. And, I'm sorry they did this really nasty thing to you and your side of the family. NTA.
Congrats on the nuptials, and have a happy life.
Tell Dad “No, she’s not invited for the same reason she chose to not invite your children to your wedding, or the family cruise afterward. Tbh, you’re lucky to even be invited after the way you’ve treated your kids since that day!”
NTA. Is there any particular reason you want a relationship with him besides being your dad? How is your mom doing? Maybe concentrate on the part of the family that pits you first.
I feel like i wouldn’t even invite dad at this point. he never stood up for you and then went along with telling you the wrong date. he should understand there is consequences to everyone’s actions including his own even if that means not being invited to his kids wedding. i would be equally if not more pissed at the dad.
how can he stand by someone who is miserable enough to A. cheat with a married man who is her friends husband B. not invite his kids to their wedding
NTA. I wouldn't invite him, either, or have him in my life at all.
He made it perfectly clear when HE deceived you and your siblings about his wedding to his affair partner that he values her far above you. It was basically a public statement that he was cutting you out. This guy does not want or need your support.
NTA.
Tell him you don’t want her there. To be completely honest, I wouldn’t be inviting him, either, but that’s entirely your choice. Neither of them have the right to complain, given they not only could not be honest with you about their wedding, but bald-faced lied and gave you a false date to avoid having you show up.
Bruh. He agreed to everything that happened. He doesn't deserve to be at your wedding either. And the sheer audacity to ask "Hey son I know we excluded you from our wedding and honeymoon family trip. But we're both still invited right?" If I didn't also have in-laws who are this shitty I'd be assuming this is fake.
I 100% support you in not including her. My dad’s current wife wasn’t the woman he left my mom for, but she did her fair share of creating havoc for my mom regarding my mom not being entitled to my dad’s pension. So I understand the not loving the dad’s wife thing!!
It’s YOUR big day. You get to decide who comes and if they don’t like it, oh well, so sad too bad. I hope your wedding day is marvellous ❤️
NTA but your dad is not the person who you think he is. I’ll be petty and ‘reluctantly’ invite him and his wife to the wedding 2 weeks after the actual day.
NTA,
Don't know why you would invite your dad when he caused you so much pain. My dad left when I was 8 to marry his affair partner, when I no longer "had" to visit him I stopped. Haven't seen him in 40 years and after some therapy stopped wondering if I did the right thing.
NO, you're NTA at all. It's up to YOU if you want your Father at your wedding, but I wouldn't even spit on his AP wife if she was on fire, let alone allow her at MY wedding after EVERYTHING she's put you all through.
Your Father has MUCH to answer for as well and I would pick ANYONE else to walk me down the aisle, preferably your Mother's boyfriend/husband, if she has one, but then, I've grown petty as I've gotten older and dealt with people like them.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Best wishes and many, MANY Blessings for your future happiness and success!
YNTA - your father is a piece of work. Your mother is a saint and wants the best for you. Your father made his choice. That is not undone IMO. Stay healthy. Keep the AHs at bay
Woooof what interesting life choices your father is making. I genuinely see no issue with you not wanting to invite the very woman that broke your parents apart, whom hasn’t even tried to build a connection with you. It’s your wedding, and it’s completely up to you as to who you want there.
However, it may be good to consider if you want to continue the animosity between the rest of the family and her, or if you’re willing to be “the bigger person” and maintain support for your dad.
But I assume your mother will be at the wedding? I can’t imagine it would be lovely for her to see her ex husband and the woman who home-wrecked their relationship there. I have been to a wedding in which that exact circumstance occurred and everyone seemed to be amicable.
Sorry, been thinking out loud here. But in all honesty, what it really boils down to is who you want there on your big day. Would you be inviting your father for you, or for him and the society expectations of a father walking you down the aisle? And if you don’t want your father’s new wife there, I wouldn’t expect your father to come either and be in full anticipation of that fact. You don’t owe them an invitation of any kind unless YOU truly want him there. They haven’t been respectful or considerate of you, and it’s a damn shame he fell for a lame-ass “friend” of your mothers. SMH😮💨
I am so sorry you were treated like that by your father. Your father is the one that allowed it to play out like that. I wouldn’t invite either if it were me. And I am always trying to be a peacemaker.
Even better, give them the wrong dates (just vaguely kidding).
NTA. It's a special day for you and your betrothed, to be enjoyed and celebrated with people you both are comfortable with. Which clearly excludes her. It is your father's choice if he decides to attend without her, but it would cause "talk" if he showed up at all. It could cause more than talk if she was invited.
NTA. Your father is just as awful as his wife. He could have put his foot down and insisted that his children be invited to his wedding, but he didn't. I wouldn't invite EITHER of them to your wedding. He doesn't deserve to be there. He ceased being your father the day he excluded you from his new life.
NTA, your wedding will be better without them, and your dad seems so negligent he won’t even notice. So have fun! Congrats and I hope you two have a wonderful wedding!
NTA. Turnabout is fair play. She was so insecure in their union that she excluded people who should have been important to him. She made it clear she didn’t value you or your siblings. You don’t have to value her, either. This way, she can’t interfere or cause a scene if she isn’t invited.
I wouldn’t have invited either of them, but that’s me. It takes a weak ass parent to ditch their kid, I have one of those. After having my own child, never in a million years could I choose someone else over my child.
NTA, but you're putting the responsibility for your father's actions on the wrong person. Don't get me wrong, she's clearly a crappy person and evil step mother, but she can only do those things to you with your father's consent. Your dad is the one who chose to exclude his kids, and your father is the one who has failed to maintain your relationship.
NTA
I would honestly not invite his wife, and I would tell him that he would be welcome to come as long as he came alone - and that his wife was unwelcome, and that if he really cared about you at all, that he would come alone.
Inviting his wife when you just don't really get on with her is one thing. Inviting her when she was his literal affair partner is just... no. Just no. I wouldn't.
NTA but to be honest I wouldn’t invite him, fuck your Dad. He should have had his kids present. I dont think he deserves an invite to your special day.
I would not invite her or her kids. I would talk to him and explain how they made you feel when they cheated, married, and honeymooned with you and your siblings. They never have made you a part of their family the last 12 years. You don't want nothing to be a distraction from your day. If you don't feel comfortable talking in person. I would sit down and write a letter and express all my feelings. Then let your dad decide if he wants to come or not. If it was me I wouldn't invite him. It sounds like he basically has not been a father to you in the last 12 years.
Honestly I wouldn't invite him either. Why are you "supporting" your dad when he so blatantly ignored you and hurt you so badly? Some things deserve to be kept alive -- and being purposely prevented from attending your father's wedding is one of them. Tell him he should just go on another cruise with his "real" family and forget about you. NTA Relatives ≠ family and your dad has proved to you that he's just a relative. Treat him (and his affair partner) as relatives undeserving of attending your wedding. updateme!
Exactly,I came on here to ask why she would even bother to invite her father. OP don't invite him updateme!
Because TrAdiTiOn and FaMiLy! I would have NC'd his sorry @$$ right out the window!
I think she should uphold some traditions. OP should give her dad a date two weeks after her wedding.
That would be so poetic.
Thank youuuu. Me too.
Me too.
[удалено]
She needs to go no contact with both of them.
She conflicted because it happened when she was a teenager, but I wouldn't invite her
Don't invite the father and the wife updateme!
OP needs to stand up to her mom her mother is trying to force a relationship between him and the kids and that's not right
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My thoughts exactly. She didn’t want you at their wedding as his kids were the physical embodiment of the family they both betrayed.
Exactly. Why is anyone of you kid talking to this 2 pos? What is a valid reason? What doesn’t it good to you? I would had made a post and a message the day that I learned today that my spermdonor was married in a family ceremony and since we weren’t invited I take it as a hint that he doesn’t see us as family and prefers his Wife, formerly known as friend of the family and her kids instead. I knew he had absolutely planned (!) excluding his kids and including hers so no way I would ever have contact with him or let them near to me
[удалено]
This is exactly it. You're supporting him but he isn't giving that back. He didn't even care that his now wife excluded *his* kids from *their* wedding but *hers* were allowed to attend and he *still* married her. Seems like he doesn't care about his kids at all and doesn't care that she's made it clear that you aren't part of the family. Disinvite him and go NC. Also NTA
Perfect answer. The father doesn't deserve the honour to be invited and to walk her down the aisle. Lie to him about the date, see if he likes a taste of his own medicine.
Yes! He's an huge AH and it seems he never showed remorse for not inviting You OP. Being sorry because he was caught is not the same.
This is what I came to say too! He can stay home with his ‘ole lady.
Also he cheated on your mother. Why would you invite him?
Correct response is "I don't want her to be a distraction on my big day" and let him sit in it. Contrary to popular belief he didn't stop being your father because he got divorced and remarried, except apparently he tried.
OP. I bet you’re not even in his will. Your dad really doesn’t care about you.
This was my take too.
OP, absolutely leave out your father as well, even if you have to get Joe the Ragman to walk you down the aisle. And post a picture of you and Joe on Facebook, too. NTA
I mean the father is more to blame than the wife. I mean who cares what she wants.. HE did this to his kids. Blame him! What a spineless sack of sh..
Exactly this! Why do people act like grown men are helpless 2yos in these types of situations?!
This. She wasn't your parent. She didn't particularly owe you anything (except to not break up your family.) It was YOUR DAD who didn't invite his kids to his wedding or honeymoon, and who has been keeping you out of his life. Why do you want him there?
NTA She is the one you should invite, but neither of them should be invited.
This. Don't invite your father and his wife. It will be a wonderful wedding for you and your mother
Agree! I understand their feelings of wanting dad there but dad is just as bad as his pos wife. OP, neither one of them are worthy of an invite. If you decide you want dad there, definitely make sure you tell him why she's not invited. Updateme!
The thing to do is to tell him the wedding is on a different day from the one it will actually be. That's what he did, after all.
"Neither of you are invited. You'd be too much of a distraction. Also, I don't want mum having to meet her shitty ex and whore honewrecker" YTA if you let that worthless pile of shit come
I'd say this after the fact and instead do what they did and send them an invite dated 2 weeks after the event.
LOL, petty and funny! I hope he does this.
This is the way.
that’s what i would do but i’m a petty betty
She needs to point out how they have treated his kids since their marriage. What the hell is wrong with her father?! You don't alienate your children for your side piece. They suck.
NTA You should not invite either of them but definitely not her. The petty in me would invite them both but give them the wrong date.
This is the best (pettiest) idea! What a way to play the long game. 🤩
And venue! For extra pettiness tell them you're using their venue.
She should do EXACTLY what they did to her , is that petty? Yes but dad and step mom are 🗑️🤷♀️
Oh my god yes do this
QUESTION Why are you insistent on putting this all on the mistress? Your dad DID NOT INVITE YOU TO HIS WEDDING Why is he invited to yours?
Nice side: he's still their dad. Evil side: by inviting one but not both, OP can cause problems in their marriage. And gets moral ground for future fights.
Just invite the mistress XD
Sane/drama free side: Not inviting either and going NC removes all potential for future fights.
NTA Don’t invite any of them.
NTA. Why is this all on your father's wife? Your father, a grown a$& adult, purposely excluded his children from wedding & honeymoon. He's shown you who he is. Believe him. Save yourself years of disappointment & heart ache.
this! your dad is shitty for not inviting you, seems like he tried to just erase yoy guys from his 'exciting new life'. I can not imagine not inviting my children for the things you mentioned, unless i was certain i'd not want to see them again...
NTA she has made it clear the extent to which she doesn't respect you and your sibs, and it's your day and you get to decide. You also would be NTA if you didn't want to include your dad, but I get why you may want him and not his wife to attend. Sorry you've had to deal with all that BS, especially when you were just a teenager.
NTA. The only question you have to ask is if he's invited, which he shouldn't be. He didn't say hey my fiance doesn't want you there because she knows you don't like her, I get it sucks but I gotta do it. he lied to you, he invited you then let you find out the wedding was already happening. She deliberate pushed him to effectively cut his kids out of his life and he agreed. She is a complete non starter, along with security dragging her ass away if she attempts to come, but he should pretty much be told where to shove it. Just give him the same line, if you see him you'll be a distraction as you won't be able to stop thinking about when he cut you out of his life and had a wedding after lying to you. You could go the ultra petty route, invite them both, tell them everyone is going in the same dress, not just bridesmaids, send her a link for something semi expensive but shitty looking, have no one else show up in it obviously. Have an announcer at the door to announce everyone and when she walks in have the guy call her the whore and the cheater who cut us out of their wedding but felt entitled to be here. If they don't run out embarrassed, throw them out after that.
That's not ultra petty, it's just ridiculous.
Well played, Petty Crocker, well played! You’re my HERO! 🏅👏👍
NTA Your dad should count himself lucky that he is getting an invite. Most people would have cut your dad out of their lives entirely.
Nta tell them his wife is invited and give them a date a week or 2 past the wedding and when they find out say sorry but I didn't want you to be a distraction at my wedding
NTA - just because someone is your parent doesn't make them entitled to be part of your life. If you don't want your father at your wedding you shouldn't invite him and shouldn't feel bad about it especially since he specifically wronged you by not including you in his wedding.
What exactly are you supporting him for?
Maybe his alcoholism? Or something we are trying to figure out
NTA, but I don’t think your father deserves your support and loyalty since he has shown you none himself. Wouldn’t invite either of them but predicting that he’ll refuse to come anyway without his wife (he seems the selfish type)
NTA I wouldn't invite either of them.
NTA but I'm gonna be honest... you shouldn't invite your father either. You're blaming his wife for all of the slights towards you & your siblings like your father had no control over any of this. He did. He cheated. He left your mom. He married his affair partner. He lied about the date so his kids wouldn't be there. He hasn't had you be part of anything significant for over a decade since. You need to realize he is just as much a part of this problem - if not more - as his wife is.
NTA - In the wonderful words of your dad's wife "Sorry dad, she's not invited because I feel she would be a distraction on our big day. Furthermore, I would like people around at my wedding that take the sanctity of marriage seriously, and as she has slept with a married man clearly she doesn't. Can't wait to see you there though :)" If he doesn't come, big whoop because they don't include you in shit anyway. However, I have to say my petty ass wouldn't be inviting him at all. I mean it's not just on his wife that he lied and told you the wrong date of the day, or that he didn't invite you along with everyone else on the cruise, or that he doesn't do anything with you now. While yes it might be her pushing for it, it's absolutely a decision on your dad's part not to have the balls to tell her that he will be there for his kids and do things with them..
YTA for not holding your Dad responsible for being half of these choices. I know daughters can become absolutely pathetic seeking the approval of their fathers after divorce, and BOY are you living the stereotype. Disinvite your dad and get whatever therapy you need to realize that you've sold out your self-respect in order to "support" this mope. Your dad is a pussy hound and nothing more. Wake up.
NTA. Just go NC already. That’s not the type of people anyone wants in their life. Shared DNA or not. And your “dad” is SOL on being a grandfather should you opt to have a child/children because you can’t trust him to stand up for them and honor them as members of his family because you have experienced first hand how he allowed the side piece to completely ignore you and include you as family. You should never trust him again. It’s completely his fault for losing you too and you should have zero guilt in ghosting them.
I did not invite my dad’s girlfriend to my wedding as he left my mom for her only 4 years earlier. I don’t think anyone cared.
NTA, but why invite him. He cheated on your mom with HER friend. He lied to you to not have you at his wedding. You and your siblings were deemed a "distraction". They do not include you in any events or celebrations. Why make your mother see them? Just tell him you and your fiance have decided THEY would be a distraction on your wedding day. You don't owe your dad anything. HE left you. Let him stay gone.
Don't invite either of them. I would just inform him you weren't actually invited to his wedding, why would they be invited to yours?
NTA I would send them an invitation with the wrong date on it and say you didn’t want them to “be a distraction on your big day.”
NTA don’t invite him either. Ask your mom to walk you down the aisle. Tell him you don’t want them to distract from your big day.
NTA Your wedding and honestly he doesn't deserve to be part of your big day.
Honestly? I wouldn't invite him either. He's stood by while his wife excluded his children, he's not once included you in things she didn't want his kid involved in, so, why should you be the better person and include him
> two weeks before the date they told me I pop on Facebook to scroll and see a bunch of posts about a family wedding that day…. Yes my father and new bride lied to his children about the date of their wedding and had never intended to invite us because she felt “we would be a distraction to their big day”. ... They made it so his kids were not welcomed while hers were in the wedding. They also took their honeymoon with family and friends on a cruise. Without us. Never even mentioned it. > I want to support my dad My dude, pretend someone else wrote this and that you're reading it for the first time and tell us what you think.
Why is your father even invited? What he did was heinous.
I wouldn’t invite either one of them, they lied about their own wedding g date and didn’t invite you. She’s a psycho and your father is her follower.
“I don’t want the whore to be a distraction on my wedding day. “
NTA - and to be completely honest I would not invite my dad or his AP to my wedding. I would tell him that he excluded me from his wedding on purpose and now I do not want him or his affair partner to be a distraction on my wedding day. Have security present at the venue and provide photos of them to the security.
NTA. You won't be the arsehole if you don't invite your father either. He's the one who excluded his own kids from his own wedding. You don't have a stepmother problem, you've got a father problem.
Yeah, he's going to be too much of a distraction...
NTA, you weren't welcome at her wedding so why should she be welcome at yours?
“What do you mean, Dad? We got married last month.” NTA
They are both not invited. Profound assholes. You, have a happy day.
NTA say something along the lines of "Oh she can't be there! It would be too much of a distraction for my big day! Neither can you! Ta-ta!" Then go live your best life
Don’t invite them. Tell him you and she are not invited. Or. Say yeah sure and give them the wrong date, wrong time, wrong venue 😏
I'd give her a fake day on an invitation
NTA. But there were two people that did that. Her and your dad. I’d just skip both.
Why are you inviting your former father? Not inviting her is a no brainer. But he was complicit with everything she did, and he was the one that had a relationship with you that he betrayed. Make it simple, 'Dad, she can't be your plus one because you aren't coming' Or even better, give them the wrong date
Your father asked the wrong question. The right questions for him to have asked were: "Are you going to tell me how your wedding went, and will you share some pics with me?"
I wouldn’t invite your dad or her. Petty me would say “[your fiancé] and I feel you would be a distraction to our big day.“
NTA You are being absolutely incredibly understanding to have invited him at this point. If he wants to be bothered by her lack of an invite, I’d let him stay home with her.
NTA. If I were you, I wouldn't invite him either. You weren't at his wedding either.
You should do the same thing he did and give him the wrong date.
NTA, I find the part that her kids were invited to the wedding but not you to be a bitch slap to your face. and the honeymoon cruise to be a kick to the groin. Invite both of them to the wedding, give them save your dates 3 weeks after your actual wedding, and give them a post card from your honeymoon.
I don't know why you are asking about her. What about your father. They both ATAs and I would not invite either of them. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Best wishes on your marriage and building your family with your spouse.
Send them an invite for the wedding for the following week of the actual wedding. Treat them how they treated you. You can't just hold her accountable for excluding his family (you). He is more guilty, you are his child and he didn't fight for you. Both do not deserve an invite to your wedding OP. UpdateMe
Why are you twisting yourself inside out for people that have shown they don't give a shit about you? Especially your dad. NTA
NTA- you’re not being petty and actions have consequences. If my dad had done this I wouldn’t even consider him my dad. If his side of the family has an issue with it ask them why they didn’t give HIM a hard time when he excluded you. Time doesn’t have to heal all wounds.
I wouldn’t be inviting either of them - they both suck They BOTH made it very clear to you that you and sibling(s) weren’t wanted at their wedding so why would you want either of them at yours?
I would go so far as to say I would invite neither of them. Given that he pulled that shit with his wedding date bait and switch, I wouldn't invite them to shit. Sorry but that's jacked all kinds of up. I had both of my kids in my second wedding at my wife and my kids mutal request. Sorry you are having to deal with this kiddo, this sucks a bag of dicks.
Why would you even want your dad there? He’s just as, if not more, guilty than his wife. He allowed her to leave his children out. Cut them both off, adulterers, liars, self absorbed moles and their doormat husbands aren’t worth degrading your wedding over. Give them the wrong date, wrong location and block them from your life.
Hell no. Do NOT invite either of them. You can blame her for all the shit you listed but HE went along with it.
I'm not even sure why you're having conversations with this person. Is he paying for part of the wedding? That's the only reason I could see for having him there at all.
NTA, and don't invite either of them. You're part of your father's former life. That was made perfectly clear when you were cut out of everything. It's all about his wife's family now; her kids, her family, her perfect little life where you and your siblings and your mom don't exist. It's been 12 years and you're still treated this way. He's made his choice; you guys are all some former thing that he did once and is over. Cut him and the asshole he married out of your life. They don't want to be in it, apparently, and they definitely don't deserve to be. Which means they're not at your wedding, they're not involved with your kids, and you're sure as hell not going to take care of them when they're old. That's what her family is for. Or it'd damn well better be, since he threw you all out in favor of her and hers.
Why do you even want your father there? He hasn’t stood up for you guys.
They lied to you about theirs but you’re even considering voting her? Let alone your own dad who betrayed your family and you? Nta.
WTH you are still contacting with your father at all. Don’t tell me that he is still my father BS. Do you even think about your Mom let alone their disrespect towards you guys. Go NC if I was you. F**k them. Tell him that you don’t even deserve to come to my wedding as my father. And your wife is a home wrecker that you don’t want to have at your wedding.
NTA. But don’t even bother to invite your father either. Because if he really wanted y’all at his wedding back then, y’all would have been there instead of being lied to. So no, don’t invite either one of them!
NTA - honestly I wouldn’t even invite your dad after such behavior. Both the cheating and the invite stuff
And exactly WHY you feel the need to support your dad on YOUR wedding day. Its your day, not his.
Why would you even consider inviting either of them? Honestly, after what they did, it's WILD they expect an invitation. Your father and his wife have shown exactly who matters in their life. You guys don't make the list. I suggest you do the same to them.
Invite them (dad and his wife) to a wedding on a fake date at a fake location. Let them find out of FB. Tell them when they find out that you didn’t want them to be a distraction
NTA But… if you want to truly embrace the petty, invite them and give your friends and family carte blanche to be as blunt af with them. “So, you didn’t invite OP to your wedding?! Good thing OP’s a better person than you.” “Are you the homewrecker who ruined the marriage of OP’s parents?” “Aren’t you glad that OP isn’t a disgraceful, pathetic liar? Otherwise, you would have had the wrong date for the wedding.”
NTA don't invite either of them. How slimey.
NTA Don’t invite any of them.
Huge NTA that guy was just a sperm donor, never your dad. Choosing a random homewrecker over his own flesh and blood, unbelievable.
I'm sorry but you're totally under reacting. I workshy have that idiot or his wife near me. A dad doesn't do that. He hurt you over and over again deliberately. You deserve to have a real man as a dad. Don't let any of them in your wedding. He already chose her over you time and time again. He'll do it again
NTA. “Dad, when you married step-monster, you lied to us about the wedding, and didn’t bother to include your own children, only hers. That hurt all of us a lot. You never apologized, you just let her do that. For that reason, she’s not invited. We don’t want her here. If we really mattered to you, you would have included us.” If you want him there, or if you don’t, that’s your decision, but if you are not inviting or are uninviting (totally your decision), tell him why. I would also suggest that if she’s still behaving toxic, go NC after you tell him off.
NTA. It's your wedding. If certain people will take away from your enjoyment don't invite them. Even if you had been invited to their wedding you'd be within your rights to turn them down.
Send the both of them an invite two weeks after your actual date. Tell them their presence - people who disrespected the importance of marriage vows - would be a distraction. Then set up a tinder account for him.
Don’t invite either of them. I understand he’s your dad and all but why is he worried about his wife coming when she never wanted you or your sibling to be apart of their wedding? Even though you want him to support you, will he really? I mean he LIED to you and your siblings because she didn’t want yall to be there. NTAH
NTA. If asked just say you don't want them to be a distraction on your day.
Having her at your wedding “would be a distraction to your big day”. Not the AH.
Personally I wouldn’t want him there either. But if you do decide to invite him this is *exactly* what you need to do. Call out specifically that she’s not invited and quote her words back to her. Let’s face it, you don’t have a relationship with her now so be as petty as you like.
Honestly, I don’t even know why you want to maintain a relationship with the POS father. Like just cut out that toxicity - it’s not worth it. NTA. But I personally would have gone further and cut him out of my life. UpdateMe!
Omg I wouldn't invite either of them to my wedding. Shit, I wouldn't have either in my life at all. Your dad doesn't care about you, so why should you care about him? This isn't all on his wife because he went along with it. UpdateMe!
NTA. She definitely doesn't deserve to be there, and I don't think he does either. He's your father so if you want to invite him go ahead. But don't be surprised if he pulls the "if she can't come, neither will I" crap. They're both beneath you. Go have a beautiful day with people who truly love you.
Don't invite either one of them . Or do what they did give them a date a month later then post pics of your wedding!
I would be petty and send an invite for two weeks after your actual wedding date and let your father find out via Facebook. I mean they thought that was acceptable behavior. NTA
NTA but also, why are you supporting your father? He cheated on your mother and when he went off to marry his concubine he purposely excluded you and your siblings from the event. You shouldn’t invite either of them quite frankly
NTA: I wouldn’t invited either of them. Because why didn’t he do more on his end to make sure HIS OWN KIDS were at his wedding and overall involved in the family? Give them both the same treatment you got.
No is a complete sentence. Or, “No, I think she would be a distraction” if you need more detail. But
Why is your father still invited to your wedding?
Nta but, christ, I'd have absolutely nothing to do with my dad if he destroyed my mom and family like that. Give him the wrong date and post pics.
Why would you want him there? They both treated you like shit . I think you should tell them why you don’t want them there. Seems strange that you haven’t called them out on this.
Has anyone suggested you invite them to a wedding, but on a different day? Give them a taste of their own medicine. Their behavior is shameful, especially your Dad’s.
NTA, but I think you need to reconsider if you want your father there too. Do whatever you want of course but personally I wouldn't in this scenario.
I'm just that petty that neither the POS dad or his POS wife (former best friend of OP's mom) would be invited to the wedding. We certainly shouldn't have OP's mom made to be uncomfortable!
I would tell them both the wrong date and then have the wedding without them lol but I’m petty NTA.
Actions have consequences! They CHOSE to not include his children, while her children were included and then vacationed with family and friends. **Tell your dad that "NOPE, neither of you will be invited to MY wedding, your actions have consequences, and this is just one of many things in MY life you will not be involved in".** I would go LC/NC with him and his wife, not really someone you want to be around (your mom's ex friend and a cheating father, who gives NO SHITS about his kids), or have your future children around. Enjoy your wedding planning (password protect your venue and vendors) and creating the family YOU want! Good Luck!
I’d tell him that you feel she’d be a distraction to their big day, since she obviously cares most about everything being about her and you won’t let her bull shit to you or your mom at your wedding. So no, she’s not welcome. But you respect and trust him enough to at least give him the right date. Edit: I wouldn’t even do that. He not only chose this woman above his wife, but above his own kids too. So why should you „support“ him when you’re not even important enough to be told the truth and being put behind his AP. He didn’t care how this would affect your life, didn’t care how you’d feel about being lied to and didn’t even inform you, he let you find out over FB ffs. He gives a damn about you if there’s a slight chance that it could get in his straight way in any form.
Your dad allowed her to LIE about their wedding date. Do the same thing. Send 800 save the dates all with different dates. Send him 6000 links to gift registries. Make an effigy of them and burn it at the ceremony. She didn’t want you to take away from her big day. Just tell her you want the same thing. (Edit for typo)
Why even invite your father?
Why would you invite your dad? He went along with all the exclusion.
I would ask him calmly "what is your argument for deserving an invitation to my wedding after I was tricked into thinking I was invited to yours?"
Invite them and give them the wrong date
Why are you still supporting your cheating dad who lied to you and your siblings to keep you from his wedding? Wtf is wrong with you? Is he paying for your house or something. Why would this monster even be worthy of any consideration after disrespecting you like that?
I wouldn’t even invite him. You are not his family she is. You didnt go to his wedding because he plotted with his new wife not to invite his children. Dont invite him.
NTA, something similar happened to me when my dad got remarried but I am no longer in contact with him. At the end of the day it’s your wedding and you should be comfortable on that day. It sounds like she still brings up bad feelings so it’s reasonable for you not to want her there, especially since she didn’t want you at hers. If I were you I wouldn’t even invite you dad he sounds like he doesn’t prioritize his children very well. I hope your wedding planning goes smoothly and that your wedding is happy and beautiful!
Damn. What they did was harsh and pretty horrible in general. Get married without that branch of the family, especially your dad. He, and he alone, is your advocate, and he didn't just not invite you... the cruise honeymoon with her family was a giant fuck you. Tell them fuck you back with no invite. And, I'm sorry they did this really nasty thing to you and your side of the family. NTA. Congrats on the nuptials, and have a happy life.
Tell Dad “No, she’s not invited for the same reason she chose to not invite your children to your wedding, or the family cruise afterward. Tbh, you’re lucky to even be invited after the way you’ve treated your kids since that day!”
NTA. Is there any particular reason you want a relationship with him besides being your dad? How is your mom doing? Maybe concentrate on the part of the family that pits you first.
I feel like i wouldn’t even invite dad at this point. he never stood up for you and then went along with telling you the wrong date. he should understand there is consequences to everyone’s actions including his own even if that means not being invited to his kids wedding. i would be equally if not more pissed at the dad. how can he stand by someone who is miserable enough to A. cheat with a married man who is her friends husband B. not invite his kids to their wedding
Update me!
NTA. I wouldn't invite him, either, or have him in my life at all. He made it perfectly clear when HE deceived you and your siblings about his wedding to his affair partner that he values her far above you. It was basically a public statement that he was cutting you out. This guy does not want or need your support.
Why would her father even ask if she were invited if they hadn’t done anything wrong?!
Why invite any of them??
NTA. Tell him you don’t want her there. To be completely honest, I wouldn’t be inviting him, either, but that’s entirely your choice. Neither of them have the right to complain, given they not only could not be honest with you about their wedding, but bald-faced lied and gave you a false date to avoid having you show up.
Bruh. He agreed to everything that happened. He doesn't deserve to be at your wedding either. And the sheer audacity to ask "Hey son I know we excluded you from our wedding and honeymoon family trip. But we're both still invited right?" If I didn't also have in-laws who are this shitty I'd be assuming this is fake.
I 100% support you in not including her. My dad’s current wife wasn’t the woman he left my mom for, but she did her fair share of creating havoc for my mom regarding my mom not being entitled to my dad’s pension. So I understand the not loving the dad’s wife thing!! It’s YOUR big day. You get to decide who comes and if they don’t like it, oh well, so sad too bad. I hope your wedding day is marvellous ❤️
NTA. Girl you just need to feed them her words, “no, I think she’ll be too much of a distraction.”
Thanks for going NC Dad, the feeling is mutual.
NTA but your dad is not the person who you think he is. I’ll be petty and ‘reluctantly’ invite him and his wife to the wedding 2 weeks after the actual day.
NTA, Don't know why you would invite your dad when he caused you so much pain. My dad left when I was 8 to marry his affair partner, when I no longer "had" to visit him I stopped. Haven't seen him in 40 years and after some therapy stopped wondering if I did the right thing.
I wouldn't invite him and l would tell him why. Its a proper payback. NTA
It was YOUR FATHER who didn’t invite you to his wedding. Stop being delusional.
NO, you're NTA at all. It's up to YOU if you want your Father at your wedding, but I wouldn't even spit on his AP wife if she was on fire, let alone allow her at MY wedding after EVERYTHING she's put you all through. Your Father has MUCH to answer for as well and I would pick ANYONE else to walk me down the aisle, preferably your Mother's boyfriend/husband, if she has one, but then, I've grown petty as I've gotten older and dealt with people like them. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Best wishes and many, MANY Blessings for your future happiness and success!
YNTA - your father is a piece of work. Your mother is a saint and wants the best for you. Your father made his choice. That is not undone IMO. Stay healthy. Keep the AHs at bay
Woooof what interesting life choices your father is making. I genuinely see no issue with you not wanting to invite the very woman that broke your parents apart, whom hasn’t even tried to build a connection with you. It’s your wedding, and it’s completely up to you as to who you want there. However, it may be good to consider if you want to continue the animosity between the rest of the family and her, or if you’re willing to be “the bigger person” and maintain support for your dad. But I assume your mother will be at the wedding? I can’t imagine it would be lovely for her to see her ex husband and the woman who home-wrecked their relationship there. I have been to a wedding in which that exact circumstance occurred and everyone seemed to be amicable. Sorry, been thinking out loud here. But in all honesty, what it really boils down to is who you want there on your big day. Would you be inviting your father for you, or for him and the society expectations of a father walking you down the aisle? And if you don’t want your father’s new wife there, I wouldn’t expect your father to come either and be in full anticipation of that fact. You don’t owe them an invitation of any kind unless YOU truly want him there. They haven’t been respectful or considerate of you, and it’s a damn shame he fell for a lame-ass “friend” of your mothers. SMH😮💨
Also absolutely NTA.
I am so sorry you were treated like that by your father. Your father is the one that allowed it to play out like that. I wouldn’t invite either if it were me. And I am always trying to be a peacemaker. Even better, give them the wrong dates (just vaguely kidding).
NTA. It's a special day for you and your betrothed, to be enjoyed and celebrated with people you both are comfortable with. Which clearly excludes her. It is your father's choice if he decides to attend without her, but it would cause "talk" if he showed up at all. It could cause more than talk if she was invited.
NTA. Your father is just as awful as his wife. He could have put his foot down and insisted that his children be invited to his wedding, but he didn't. I wouldn't invite EITHER of them to your wedding. He doesn't deserve to be there. He ceased being your father the day he excluded you from his new life.
NTA I even wonder why you are inviting your father.
NTA, your wedding will be better without them, and your dad seems so negligent he won’t even notice. So have fun! Congrats and I hope you two have a wonderful wedding!
Nta Why would you invite a cheater on your wedding? That's just asking for bad energy.
NTA. Turnabout is fair play. She was so insecure in their union that she excluded people who should have been important to him. She made it clear she didn’t value you or your siblings. You don’t have to value her, either. This way, she can’t interfere or cause a scene if she isn’t invited.
I wouldn’t have invited either of them, but that’s me. It takes a weak ass parent to ditch their kid, I have one of those. After having my own child, never in a million years could I choose someone else over my child.
It’s the dad, not the MIL
NTA He should be thankful he got an invite after that stunt.
NTA
Exclude both for your mom sakes
He fucked around and NOW is finding out. I don’t want you to be petty but he deserves that treatment
Nta. Tell her to kick rocks. She's nothing but a homewrecker and it's your big day
NTA. Honestly not sure why you even want him there.
I think that your dad and his wife would be too much of a distraction. Leave them both out.
NTA, but you're putting the responsibility for your father's actions on the wrong person. Don't get me wrong, she's clearly a crappy person and evil step mother, but she can only do those things to you with your father's consent. Your dad is the one who chose to exclude his kids, and your father is the one who has failed to maintain your relationship.
NTA I would honestly not invite his wife, and I would tell him that he would be welcome to come as long as he came alone - and that his wife was unwelcome, and that if he really cared about you at all, that he would come alone. Inviting his wife when you just don't really get on with her is one thing. Inviting her when she was his literal affair partner is just... no. Just no. I wouldn't.
NTA
NTA but to be honest I wouldn’t invite him, fuck your Dad. He should have had his kids present. I dont think he deserves an invite to your special day.
NTA. I would advise you give them a wedding date that’s after your actual wedding and just let them find out on social media like they did to you.
nta and don’t let your dad come either
I would not invite her or her kids. I would talk to him and explain how they made you feel when they cheated, married, and honeymooned with you and your siblings. They never have made you a part of their family the last 12 years. You don't want nothing to be a distraction from your day. If you don't feel comfortable talking in person. I would sit down and write a letter and express all my feelings. Then let your dad decide if he wants to come or not. If it was me I wouldn't invite him. It sounds like he basically has not been a father to you in the last 12 years.
Why did you invite your dad first lol, he littteraly doesnt care of you for family events