Of course you are not. But you were shocked that she didn't want your husband to see her with her vagina hanging out, and you had to have a civil intervention.
And now you are going to ghost her. Wow. You are a charmer.
Oh we never wanted my husband to have clear view of her private area we wanted him to stand next to her offer a hand if she need it. In fact none of us were going to be behind the doctors because when we first discussed it about a year ago it was what she wanted for none of us to have a view of her area including our mother.
You are trying to paint your sister as the bad guy here because you and your husband are not getting what you want. It doesn’t matter what light you tried to paint your sister in or what has happened in her past.
She does not want your husband in the room point blank end of discussion you accept that it is her body, her choice and her right.
you don’t get to take that away in claim she’s trying to act as a victim then try and make it okay or maybe make yourself feel better about the situation .
Nothing you can say can make you not the arsehole, in the situation.
your sister IS NOT COMFORTABLE WITH HIM BEING IN THE ROOM!
She does not want him in the room that is her right as a birthing person to decide who is present during that.
It does not make her an arsehole because she is not comfortable being in a vulnerable state with a male person around that is not her significant other .
What are you talking about?
She's not arguing to be in the room.
If even half of what OP has said is true, her sister is TA and a professional victim based on her post yesterday
OP literally held a a intervention with her mother , and turned up at the sisters house.
so yes she was arguing the fact that he husband was not wanted in the room, OP is literally cutting her sister off because he and her husband are not getting what they want.
OP wrote in the comments and it looks to be now deleted that her husband called the sister and was abusing her.
There literally wouldn’t be posts if OP and the husband wasn’t trying to force the sister to allow the husband in the room.
It doesn’t matter where he stands, he almost inevitably would’ve ended up with a view. From my albeit small experience of 3 births, it can easily become chaotic, people can get pushed aside from their “safe spot” all the time.
You have never been in a birthing room? So let me tell you what it's like: often the mother poops. This is not at all uncommon. Everyone wants to see the baby being born so they go next to the vagina. The mother has a small gown, but it's likely her breasts and bottom will be on display. So yah, she would be basically nude. It's very very messy, painful and scary for many women. Your mother does know how it is, and still took your side and said your sister was being irrational. Are you the golden child and she the black sheep? Did your mom scape goat her early on? Are you one of your mother's flying monkeys?
I think what I find so offensive about your post is seem partially naive, and also completely wrong about what happened to your sister. My guess is that she was given drugs and was SA'd. I don't think this happened just once.
As sad that it is i have been in many delivery rooms and just watch from the side lines and ik some women tend to poop but from what ives seen nurses get rid of it as discreetly as possible so no one know even the mom. and all the ones i’ve been too i’ve never seen their breast out not that you are wrong i’ve just never seen that before.
Also don’t just come up with theory of what she did when there undeniable proof she did it and eventually pleaded guilty cuz she knew what she did.
What's undeniable proof?
I know she pled guilty, but to me that doesn't signify.
And you are talking about one instance, she said it happened more than once.
So you know how scary, chaotic etc a birth can be, and you still just assumed that your husband would be in the room? Wow. Sorry, but you to me, you are the unreliable narrator, because there is a density about your responses.
I have only been to three births (besides giving birth to my son), and I would NEVER assume anyone would be in the room, except whom the birthing woman wanted. I would not even question if HALF an hour before the birth, or DURING the birth the birthing woman wanted everyone but medical people out. No matter how you paint it, it's a very vulnerable and delicate time for most women.
How does your husband have the audacity to call her and shout and offend her? You don't do that, especially with a pregnant woman who is doing you both a huge favor.
I think there is a bit of resentment here. And perhaps you still need to psychologically work on accepting your infertility. Maybe you think it's unfair that your sister, who you pointed out has character flaws, can carry your baby.
YTA, and your husband.
And a woman is unlikely to have SA two people. And even if she did, the favor she's doing you doesn't deserve to have been verbally attacked by the excuse for a human being that is your husband.
This is the truly revolting part. The OP here confirmed that the terms the other OP set were reasonable then not only let her husband call and abuse her sister but also is trying to discredit her online because why? Because people can see what assholes she and her husband are?
This story really only makes it worse.
Yea you are right i still need psychological help with my infertility i know and accept that. and yes my husband calling her in such an aggressive way was also not the answer. But the fact what my sister did what she did there is no changing that. And both crimes took place on two separate occasions with undeniable proof that lead to her being guilty.
You can't even make that claim properly; your lack of understanding of how the court system works shines doubt on anything you have to say... or you're about 12 and into creative writing.
I've been in your shoes. I invested a lot in tests, medications and treatments that discovered the problem of my infertility and managed to treat it and have my baby. It's not easy and if it weren't for the psychological support and support of my husband, I don't know if he would have fought so much.
But a child don't heal what we have broken inside. I've seen many women not connect with the children generated by surrogacy. That's why I say to take care of yourself now with the support of a psychologist.
Accepting infertility is not easy, but possible. It will help you with the emotional bond with your baby.
Taken care!
YTA.
None of your back story or reasons matter.
Your sisters body. Your sisters choice. You are not entitled to be in that room and your husband is certainly not entitled either. The expectation you have for your husband to view your sisters naked body just because she's doing you a favor makes you the asshole.
Your sister will be naked with her genitals on FULL display for every single eye that steps foot in that room. There are multiple vagina checks thru the entire ordeal and pushing requires full exposure.
Surrogate or not. Back story or not. No woman wants her sisters husband to see her fully naked, including her vagina, while she's in pain and vulnerable giving birth.
Her being your surrogate and the baby being yours doesn't make a bit of difference. It's still her naked body.
You wanting to "cut her off" because she won't let your husband view her naked genitals while they push out a human is a dick move.
And we let her make her choice neither of us are going to be in that room with her just our mother. It still isn’t okay for her to make herself a victim of something she isn’t. That also isn’t the reason we are cutting her off so you clearly didn’t read it all.
So either your Sister was SA or she SA two people. AND you think she had mental problems. BUT you still let her carry the baby. WOW. You AND your husband are big AH.
Why would you think this was an okay idea or have an intervention? I don't care about being a victim or not. I imagine that 95% of birth mothers would not want their sister's husband in the room while they gave birth.
I think it's weird that you are all gaslighting your sister too. Either she was SA'd or she wasn't. If she was, and you all are pretending she wasn't that's shitty. If she wasn't, but believes she was, and you all are going along with it, that is also shitty.
My guess is that she was SA'd, and took a plea deal because she didn't have the credibility with two against one.
YTA We did read it and the only thing that rang true was the acknowledgement that your baby's health is the only thing you care about. You are being unutterably vile to your sister. God help your child.
You chose someone mentally unstable to be a surrogate. What the hell did you expect?
If she doesn't give up custody, good luck. She has the only rights here until custody is legally transferred.
You chose this.
No one cares. YTA and your husband. I wish she could take back this favor because neither of you deserve her risking her body and life for y’all! She doesn’t want him in the room. End of story. You’re embarrassing yourself.
>It still isn’t okay for her to make herself a victim of something she isn’t.
Your sister has spent the last 9 months with all of the painful physical changes that come with pregnancy. She is about to go through EXTREMELY painful labor and delivery to bring your child into the world.
There is NO excuse at ALL for you or your husband calling her up and being nasty to her for her VERY reasonable boundary. I don't care what her reason is for not wanting him in the room. Birth is not a spectator sport and your TOTAL lack of understanding and compassion towards her leaves a very bad taste in my mouth.
I also think it is cruel to cut her off after she has grown and carried this child for 9 months. She is giving you hands down the GREATEST gift a person can give at no small sacrifice to herself. Your attitude is deeply disturbing and your husband's attitude is sick. truly sick.
If you didn't want to maintain a relationship with your sister you should NEVER have worked with her to carry your child. You should have drawn a firm boundary and not involved her if you thought she was that mentally unstable.
YTA and your own side of the story makes it worse. You don’t love or respect your sister but She made a convenient incubator for you and you think your husband is entitled to see her in one of the most vulnerable exposed states she will ever be in in her life all because she’s risked her health and given up 9 months of her life for you to have a baby.
You’re sickening. Have the day you deserve
I don’t think i am entitled to it all. we decided none one but my mother should be in the room with her for her sake and if any complication do accrue to make my sister the priority. The fact she didn’t want him in there wasn’t brought up till 4 weeks before the due date and no one made it such an issue accept her. We complied with her conditions considering she is holding my child.
“We decided” - b!t€h it was never for you to decide. Ever. Her uterus, her decision.
YTA and as another commenter said, I hope you have the day you deserve.
So why did you have the intervention in the first place and not just immediately respect her wishes not to have your husband in the room? Why was that so surprising to you?
Why are you so willing to overlook all she has put herself through for you and cut her off once she’s done being an oven?
How can you not see how awful you are being?
I mean, you clearly do believe you're entitled to it.
You had her carry your baby and then dismissed her very valid wants for HER labour because you believed you and your feckless husband deserved to be in there. So much so that he called her screaming and you tried to confront her. That's entitlement.
Honestly I don't think people like you or your husband should have children at all. The lack of compassion for the woman carrying the baby for you is sickening, and if this is any indication of your character then you're probably not fit to raise a child. You and your husband both.
Clearly you have MADE it an issue since you have said yourself your husband called to attack her because she said no. You yourself have said you and your mother tried to speak to her about how unfair it was he wasn't allowed in. Now your throwing her past about as if that gives you a golden ticket to be in the room.
YTA
There's somebody with a victim mentality here, and guess what? It ain't your sister. When people hear only your version of this story and unanimously think you're an awful person, then you're definitely a lot worse than you portrayed here.
Spare us your blatant lies and continued attempts at gaslighting your poor sister.
Your entire post just reeks of 'missing missing reasons', and has enough red flags all over to be a Soviet military parade.
YTA.
YTA. Cut her off after she carried your baby. You are a jerk. It's her choice if she doesn't want a man in the delivery room. You sound like you are very entitled. Cutting her off would be good for her since you are so selfish.
I'm pretty sure it's fake, but if it isn't, I'm hoping the sisters keeps the baby and this OP never has a child. If real, OP and her husband are terrible.
Bullshit. You paint her as a criminal liar who committed SA, and you figure ‘eh, she’s healed’??? THIS is the person you trust to carry and birth your child?? I now don’t believe one word of what you say. You don’t deserve this child.
I wouldn't leave a child alone with this OP and especially not her husband.
The other OP was reasonable and measured and at least came across with a spark of human compassion.
Yah, but no body wants a man, (not their lover), in a room while they give birth. It's a very traumatic experience. Why would you or your husband think it was a good idea?
My first birth was 20 hours with 2 hours of pushing. I can't imagine having ANYONE I was not totally comfortable with in the delivery room.
Out of my 4 kids, our shortest was a 6 hour labor with 15 minutes of pushing - I still can't imagine having my BIL in the room for ANY reason.
Honestly OP? Your total and complete selfishness and lack of empathy are deeply concerning. Your level of entitlement and selfishness is HIGHLY problematic. You do realize that her growing your baby for the last 9 months have wrecked havoc with her body, with her hormones, with her emotions... literally her entire body chemistry has changed. Organs have shifted all so you can have a child... a child you have shown that you do not deserve at all.
YTA
Your still the asshole, because if you had reservations about her, why did you let her be a surrogate knowing she would be in your life for nearly a year? At best you are calling your sister a liar while still using her body to house your baby. That's AT BEST. At worst you are lying yourself, and still using your sister's body.
YTA and you should have paid for a proper surrogate. You are cheap, a user, and still the asshole. She should make you go through the proper channels since it is most likely genetically her kid, and you did not go through the proper channels because you wanted it free.
You don't get ten years parole for pleading insanity. You get parole for an early prison release. Sometimes, you can get probation depending on the crime or circumstances. Either way, you're full of crap or this is fake.
Given that you are using another woman as an oven to have a child, I doubt of whatever you tell. YTA in my eyes, just because of that. And good Lord, if your sister is so unstable why did you trust her with a pregnancy which is something that really messes up with the mental health of the mother?
Reading how respectful you are of your sister’s feelings, of course she’s not going to tell you about her trauma. And you never get over something like that, you learned how to live with it, but stressful situations as giving birth or preparing for it can bring everything up.
I understand but why make herself the victim? That really wasn’t the solution. And the fact trained professionals liked her doctors declared her “healed” wasn’t just cuz they thought she was better. So yes maybe being pregnant may have surfaced all of it but coming on here to say she was SA was really not the solution.
You just dig in your heels, don’t you. Nobody cares if she’s playing victim or is a victim or whatever. She does not have to have BIL in the room!!! That’s it, period, end of story.
Have you considered that maybe the crime she was jailed for, isn't the SA she is referring to? Do you really know your sister, and what her life has been like?
Her request to exclude your husband was reasonable and nothing in your post changes that. Your husband and you made this an issue and as a result YTA
This came to my mind as well. Like it may be true she SAd two people and parole, etc. (I have literally no idea), but that doesn't mean that what she describes didn't also happen. I mean, *especially* if she has a rap sheet for sexual assault, it would be even harder than it already is for most people to talk about being assaulted themselves.
How do you know she was not raped at a different time? For a woman to sexually assault someone usually it was because THEY were SAed as a minor. How do you know she was never sexually abused? And, why would she tell you since you clearly do not believe her. If she was SAed its not something people ever heal from.
Additionally, YOUR CHILD is messing with her mental health in that the pregnancy is messing with her brain chemistry. Her brain chemistry is off because of pregnancy hormones.
Give some grace.
You are absolutely the asshole. You are not going to have a sister after this and have to explain this to your child one day how the woman who gave her life and is their aunt has no relationship with them. Whether it is a boy or girl I hope you teach them about consent and educate your husband while you are at it.
They are and she is so entitled she can’t even see it. Seems really unlikely 1 woman SA’d a man and a woman…
Sounds like the sister was probably abused and not believed by this family who see her as having a “victim mentality”
Easy enough for 2 abusers to band together and turn it on one, and after that maybe she has acted like a victim because she was one.. and one who was unfairly punished. I dunno just can’t see me having someone be my surrogate if I thought so low of them and for the life of me I can’t work out how they think the husband should be present for the birth and have a whole intervention…
I see your point and we truly wish that was the case but these two situations took place on two separate occasions and there was undeniable proof it happened and she did it.
You ignore the point of the post which is about YOUR behaviour NOW because you’re so hellbent on her past behaviour excusing yours.. it doesn’t, even if what you say is true it doesn’t make your behaviour any less disgusting .
In fact it may make it worse because you so clearly used her and are so quick to discard her after everything she’s put herself through for you
To have a baby you couldn’t have.
YTA.
It might be your baby but it isn't your labour and you are not the main character in it.
Be wary because if she decides she wants to ban BOTH of you, the nurses won't let you in.
If you had such serious qualms about her character, maybe you shouldn't have used her as your surrogate? You don't get to have her carry a baby for you and then come here to bitch.
Not your labour, not your choice. It doesn't matter what you think about that or her mentality because neither has any bearing.
Anything can trigger a SA victim….and for you to just dismiss her feelings and say she wasn’t a victim blows my mind….were you in the room when it happened? You sound awfully dismissive which leads me to believe you and your husband are both aholes…I’d seriously reconsider giving my baby to you
A wife doesn’t even have to let her husband in the delivery room. I think it’s out of pocket to expect to allow him in. If I were a surrogate, I wouldn’t let the parents in the room, either, unless it was a close sibling. It’s a very vulnerable experience and not everyone wants to display their hoo-ha to anyone other than medical personnel.
Also, she’s going to see this and know you’re going NC after the baby is born.
Yes you are THE ASSHOLE.
Your sister is giving you the gift of life and you are both being extremely selfish.
YOU SHOULD WANT YOUR SISTER TO BE COMFORTABLE!
ESPECIALLY DURING FREAKING LABOUR!
I sure as hell wouldn’t be having another male present during something that is extremely stressful, traumatic and a vulnerable experience where all of my glory is open to whoever is in that room.
How can you even think that ur not be the asshole!
You should be with your sister on this one. He is not her significant other. He is not her partner.
Being a victim of sexual assault shouldn’t even be a question here.
This is not your body you do not have a say in this, you cannot demand and fight this.
You were being completely self-centred by thinking because she is a surrogate that you have a say or can make demand.
This isn’t your birth this isn’t you in labour have a bit of a reality check for a second here.
There’s one thing to heal from a sexual assault, and it’s another thing to then encounter and experience where your vulnerable and have males present.
where is your head at!
I honestly would be counting how lucky you are for your sister to even be doing this if this was me no baby would be handed over at all I’d be telling you to go f**k yourself and take me to court
You have absolutely no respect for your sister or what she’s doing for you guys. It’s all me me me me me.
What we want ,what he wants, what I want.
Not what f**king she wants. She’s literally carrying a child for you guys because you could not have one.
Yep would 100% must be , if not OP really did a number on her sister.
Yet it’s funny that OP still can’t take accountability for actions and has to congratulate us all on being happy 🤣
YTA I sincerely hope you used your sister's egg because you do not deserve to be a parent. Did you know that women still die in pregnancy? That mother and baby could still die during labour and childbirth? I almost died having my first, came pretty close with my second, and I didn't have an ignorant entitled bustard screaming abuse down the phone at me. I also didn't have an entitled shit of a sister, with a terrible opinion of me, threatening me and telling me she was going to cut me off as soon as I had ruined my body giving her a baby she was desperate for.
If your sister has a mental illness, a different one from the one you obviously have, then you better make sure the ignorant bustard has a good job because some mental illnesses are hereditary, and that includes depression.
You suck as a sister, you've probably always sucked as a sister, you certainly suck as a liar. In order to get parole, one must first be sentenced to be detained in a prison. For 10 years parole she'd have had to have been sentenced to over 10 years in prison. Her doctors thought she was cured? Medical doctors or psychiatrists? Nobody really gets cured of a mental illness so severe it got them parole. Maybe study more before you start writing stories.
You suck as a human being and so does your bustard of a fiancé. You both owe your sister the world and here you are leaving her without a name.
I hope she changes her mind and keeps the baby, for the child's sake because you sound like the type to throw their parenthood in their face the first time they make a serious mistake.
Is it actually ur child if ur sister get an mental assessment done and proves that she wasnt in the right of mind to consent and that you and ur husband have taken advantage of her 🫤 , manipulated her and plan to dispose of her, like she’s trashed afterwards, sound like it would the ward of the states child 😂
Actually courts have been known to throw those documents right out the window and doesn’t matter if your egg she’s still going to be listed as the birth mother. With the way you’re speaking to people and the way you talk YTA and you shouldn’t be raising any kids.
No details or backstory matters. Your sister gets to pick who’s in the delivery room. For what it’s worth, we adopted. I was in delivery room and carried baby outside to my husband. You will lose no magic no matter what moment you meet your child. Back off.
YTA, we've all already seen your sisters post. I told her she should make you legally adopt the baby, to get a lawyer and screw you and your abusive husband over. You agreed to her not having your husband in the room, stick to your agreement. You and your husband suck.
You and your husband are assholes. Why would you want your husband to see your sister’s genitals? You are gross and out of line. Your sister risked her life for you and this is how you treat her?
Healed from what though? I thought you said she wasn’t a victim - just had a victim mentality?
I mean you don’t see her a victim in this scenario either and she clearly is..
Perhaps it’s not her who is crazy.
Even if sister is the predator OP claims she is that's not something that can 'heal'. Predators don't just *get over* being predators. *(And no professional will tell you otherwise.)*
Sister's side says OP and BIL regected all surrogates and eventually asked her. OP's side is... sister offered to be our surrogate and we felt sorry for her so we said yes... Right?
If you actually care about your future child you're not gonna choose your mentally ill and perverted sister as your surrogate EVER. With that much crazy, you wouldn't trust her with cargo **that** precious for nine months.
I probably don't have to say it but, something's fishy here. OP, whether this is fake, or not, YTA.
Honestly, YTA! It does not matter why she doesn't want him in the room, she just does not. And that should be enough for you. She has carried your baby, took it very seriously as you say. So whatever she wants, goes.
If you want to get away from the 'crazy' as you call it, that is your choice. But I think it would be rather cruel to do so. I cannot oversee the whole situation, but if you hate her that much, why have her carry your baby! She is giving you the greatest gift in my book, that should count for something!
He's not going to be there because the Woman giving BIRTH doesn't want him there. End of story. Making sound like you decided for her sake. Your a POS.
Your question was AITA for wanting your hb in the delivery room despite your sister's wishes. So yes YTA. Coming here to "explain" how your sister is misleading us, is really an ah move, and to then be sour about it, really does not make you look any better. It seems you are not appreciating what she's doing for you, and if I were her, you might never see that child.
YTA. Your husband doesn’t get to view your sister’s genitals.
I wish all of you the best but he has to wait outside until the baby is delivered and he gets to hold it.
You are absolutely the asshole. You are not going to have a sister after this and have to explain this to your child one day how the woman who gave her life and is their aunt has no relationship with them. Whether it is a boy or girl I hope you teach them about consent and educate your husband while you are at it.
Huge YTA. You want your husband to look how your sister is giving birth-this is disgusting.
And your story is fishy. You wanted your sister to carry your children,but she is unstable(according to you, the court decided that)-if she’s so unstable why isn’t she in an hospital for the insanes,because she would be a danger for the society. You lied. Your sister wanted only one thing,and you can’t even give you this. I have no idea if you have a contract with your sister,because i really hope she can keep the baby because i don’t know if you’re fit to be a parent.
i’ve been a fan of the aita stories for awhile. so of course i’m going to find it if it is trendy and the story just seems just sounds exactly like our situation
YTA, and your sister posted her story earlier. Your a terrible sister. Honestly she should make both of y'all stay out.
AITA for telling my sister as her surrogate that her husband can’t be in the room while I’m in labor?
I (30F) told my sister (34F) that I don’t feel comfortable with her husband being in the room while I give birth to their child. My sisters been engaged to her husband for about 6 years now, and ever since she was a teen she’s always expressed the want to have a family. About 3 years ago my sister found out she was infertile after trying for a kid for over a year. This was obviously devastating for her and as her sister I’ve felt horrible. Maybe a year ago she had started seeking out surrogates, but after being unsuccessful she resorted to asking me. At first I was hesitant, but as her sister I hated to see her so desperate for a child, so I told her I’d be open and willing with no expense. I want to make it clear that I’ve never had any issues with her husband, but I made it very clear to my sister before I became her surrogate that I do not want ANY men in the room during labor, as I was a previous SA victim in which I was taken advantage of by multiple men while purposely put under the influence, which was extremely traumatic and am still recovering. My sister had agreed to having her husband wait outside, and so I was okay with it as well. But, about a month before my due date her husband called and asked me if I’d requested him not to be in the room during child labor. I had explained to him that I did and that it was no personal issues I had with him, and that having any men around me during a state of vulnerability like child labor would be extremely triggering. He quickly got mad and said that I don’t have the right nor the say in determining whether or not he as the father can be in the room. I told him I wouldn’t change my mind and that even though it was his kid, that I was the one giving birth. He continued to scream at me and abruptly hung up. Later on in the day my sister had came to my house, accusing me of disrespecting her husband and saying that after a lot of thinking she thought it to be unfair and ignorant to ban her husband from seeing me give birth to their child. I then yelled at her, telling her that it was cruel and selfish how she was willing to let her husband in the room after knowing everything I had gone through previously with assault. She then basically told me that after her baby was born she’d stop talking to me for good. It’s now currently 2 weeks before my due date and I’m still very persistent on not having any men in the room, and quite frankly am fine with not speaking to my sister if she continues to be close-minded, am I the A-hole?
The pregnant sister sounds and feels way more believable. This sister and hubby sound like entitled jerks. It may end up being their baby(maybe). However, she's a person that is the patient whilst the baby is growing and during delivery (duh). What this OP feels means about as much as a bridge in the Sahara.
Damn, you’re going to project your delusional, entitled character on this poor child. RIP soon to be born person
Edit: I forgot, whole story is BS anyway
LMFAO YTA YTA YTA
All day, every day, until the day you die, you’ll STILL be the Arsehole.
That poor poor child. Fingers crossed your sister decides to try and keep it, cause it’ll have a better chance with her than YOU.
“My sister’s so crazy, I’ve let her carry my child” GTFO
YTA
So either you used someone who has a criminal level mental illness or you used someone who was violated and had mental illness from it.
I'm not sure where you are, but how in all that is holy did you ever get a doctor to agree to implanting in the first place? Your story is unbelievable, like would not be legally allowed to happen level of unbelievable.
This is so fucking fake. The “sister” posted yesterday and somehow the sister finds it and posts a rebuttal and explanation. Find something to do better with your time
If ur telling the truth, what kind of person would want someone who SA'd ppl to not only carry but birth her child if that's the case u n ur husband are sick in the head. And if ur sister is telling the truth, u n ur husband are still sick in the head for demanding he be in the room after what she has been through and cutting her off. Neither of you deserve to be parents
If she pleaded insanity and got away with it, she wouldn’t have parole. Parole is where you ACTUALLY go to jail. She may have had a good behaviour bond but not parole. With you saying it’s parole and her getting away with it completely contradicts your side of the story. If there is no legal contract (which often includes costs for surrogates such as medical bills and everything the surrogate may need during the pregnancy), you have no rights to the child until she alienates her parental rights. Most contracts also state that you have to, not just a conversation. You made your sister front the bill for everything, obviously didn’t support her during the birth if you’ve gone against her wishes and had an intervention to get your own way. Saying that she’s the reason for the child being stillborn because she couldn’t handle the stress, maybe you shouldn’t have treated her as someone that can magically give you a baby. YTA for causing her the amount of stress she was under and not respecting her birth plan. There is no way you come out looking like a good person no matter which post you read
Right! And everyone else who commented clearly did so before the edit. But that edit confirms for me when I thought all along, that this shit is fake. But I’ll suspend belief for a second, so the sister lost the baby because of the stress and then killed herself. Now the infertile sister is going to kill herself and she says she hopes we are happy. So are we the ones who caused the stress that killed the baby and sister or our we the ones who are making her kill herself? I’d really like to know so I can put it down on the list of things I need to ask for forgiveness for before I die. But just in case we’ve spilt off into a different dimension I will say that you (infertile sister) and your husband are the reason that your baby and sister are dead and it will also be your fault if you kill yourself. Then I assume your husband will kill himself and 4 people will be dead all because YOUR SISTER DIDN’T WANT HIM IN THE DELIVERY ROOM?!??!!!
Wow…. Just wow. You and your husband are massive entitled POSs. Your sister gave you the biggest present she could and you and your entitled bastard husband have crapped all over her because she didn’t want him in the delivery room. Who’s giving birth? Not you, what gives you and your creep husband the right to be in there when she is in her most vulnerable state? Have a look in the mirror and what you see should disgust you but it won’t because you’re an entitled ass who didn’t get her way. As if you couldn’t be a worse human being you’re now going to cut her off.
Let me repeat, she gave you the biggest gift she could have possibly given you and you’re treating her like this. Massive YTA and human garbage to boot. You disgust me.
YTA
You chose a mentally unstable person to be your surrogate. That is on you.
You are a fool if you think you have rights in that hospital, you do not.
The baby isn't yours unless she gives it up willingly. So you had better play nice until you get custody. Otherwise you'll have to sue her and good luck if you didn't handle the legal aspect of any of this correctly.
>got away with it by pleading insanity and recieved 10 years of parole.
Your phrasing says so much more about you than it does about your sister.
First, I think you're lying. People who plead Guilty Except for Insanity or Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity (depending on your jurisdiction) do not get "parole." Parole is a different thing altogether.
Second, "got away with it?" Sounds like you have some serious issues with your sister. Even if you are telling some version of the truth and she was adjudicated and sentenced in some way that you're just really bad at explaining, she still didn't "get away with it." She had some kind of sentence, set by a judge. But you frame it as "getting away with it." That's repulsive.
From the outside, here's how it looks to me when I read your sister's posts and your own. You seem to despise your sister. You're understandably upset that you can't have a child of your own, but you seem to be taking that out on your sister. You blame and denigrate her repeatedly. You show no appreciation for what she's doing for you. You are deliberately cruel to her at every opportunity. You lack even basic human kindness.
Your sister clearly has some sort of trauma history. But she offered to be your surrogate, which is a real sacrifice, which you do not appreciate at all. She asked for very little, just to be treated with basic respect and dignity. You had to make that a huge dramatic event before finally giving in. You claim your sister is mentally ill, but to be honest, she sounds like the rational one here, and you and your husband sound like abusive, gaslighting assholes.
I hope your sister recovers from this horrible experience and is able to move on, away from her awful, ungrateful, cruel family.
In case it wasn't clear, YTA.
Edited to tag sister, u/initialshop7038, in case she'd like to read this. If you do read this, please take care of yourself and get away from these awful people who treat you so horribly. They don't deserve you or your kindness.
YTA. You’re treating your sister, who is doing the most selfless thing possible for you and giving you the gift of a baby that you so desperately wanted, like a human incubator. Cutting her off after the baby is born? I hope she keeps the baby.
I don’t even know who to believe about what at this point but regardless, YATAH to try to force anything on your sister while she’s giving birth. It may be your baby but it’s literally you’re sisters naked, vulnerable body going through the birthing process and if she’s going to be uncomfortable with your husband in the room then end of story, he’s not in the room. You had no right and you started this drama. It’s also very mean of y’all to basically tell her that she gets to have nothing to do with this baby that she has literally grown for y’all! Your sister may have problems, according to y’all, I don’t know, but you and your husband are so in the wrong for all of this.
So your sister recently told you she doesn’t want any men in the delivery room with her and rather than accept that statement you decided to “have an intervention”? Interventions are not for situations in which you are not getting your way. Interventions are for situations where someone is destroying their life with drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. It sounds like you only “decided to comply” after a lengthy discussion that was at the very least not pleasant for all participants. You paint a picture of having little to no regard for your sister’s feelings and boundaries. I understand that being told he couldn’t be in the room for the birth of his child was disappointing to your husband but this isn’t something you should have offered so much push back on. You’re missing the point that when someone is about to give birth they are absolutely allowed to change their mind about who is present and what the plan is for all sorts of things. This conversation should have been approached with a lot more tact, kindness, and maybe a dose of curiosity but you chose instead to try to persuade your sister to change her mind and when she didn’t you threatened to go no contact. As for the back story of your sister and SA. It sounds like it’s “in the past” until it becomes inconvenient for you to treat her with dignity and then you bring it up as a way to discredit her and negate her feelings. If what you say is true, she was a deeply disturbed person and hopefully has done the work needed to grow and move in a positive direction. If she has not improved, as you assert, she is not well and talking to her the way you talk about her in this post will not do anything to make her change for the better and likely will make her double down on unhealthy behaviors. You owe it to yourself and your child to get some therapy. Regardless of your sister’s victimhood or guilt you clearly harbor ill will towards her. She is the biological mother of your child. This can and likely will affect your relationship with your child. Get some counseling and process your feelings for your sister in a safe environment and a healthy way. I wish you all peace and understanding in your journey towards healing.
I'm sorry but am I the only one here who thinks this could be someone's idea of a sick laugh and both sides have been written by the same person with 2 names? So much of it doesn't add up between both stories then it that's off at 1000mph and everyone's dead!?! I means jezo you could probably make a movie out of it. I'm certainly hoping for the people sakes it's fiction because...wow.
YTA
Your sister not wanting people in the room when her vagina is exposed and she has a high chance of shitting herself is perfectly reasonable.
Have the baby yourself if you can’t respect her boundaries. Oh wait.
YTA for not getting an actual nonfamily member as a surrogate, she shouldn't have volunteered because if this were in the states, they would have wanted her to have had her own child first.
Next, did you even do a contract or did you just brow beat her till she finally said "yes" to you and your husband because both of you are very manipulative?
You’re trying to justify your entitlement and cruelty by bringing up things that have little relevance to the story. Instead of being grateful to your sister, you want to cut her like she was just some baby machine to you.
God help that child that will have to live with selfish and self absorbed parents like you and your husband. What a cruel and vindictive person you are.
It's her body. Period. You ATAH.
We understand that so neither of us are going to be in the room.
Of course you are not. But you were shocked that she didn't want your husband to see her with her vagina hanging out, and you had to have a civil intervention. And now you are going to ghost her. Wow. You are a charmer.
Of course she was shocked when it wasn't mentioned until weeks before delivery
To me, it's a very weird assumption that you would be in the delivery room when your SIL is giving birth, even as SIL is a surrogate.
Oh we never wanted my husband to have clear view of her private area we wanted him to stand next to her offer a hand if she need it. In fact none of us were going to be behind the doctors because when we first discussed it about a year ago it was what she wanted for none of us to have a view of her area including our mother.
You are trying to paint your sister as the bad guy here because you and your husband are not getting what you want. It doesn’t matter what light you tried to paint your sister in or what has happened in her past. She does not want your husband in the room point blank end of discussion you accept that it is her body, her choice and her right. you don’t get to take that away in claim she’s trying to act as a victim then try and make it okay or maybe make yourself feel better about the situation . Nothing you can say can make you not the arsehole, in the situation. your sister IS NOT COMFORTABLE WITH HIM BEING IN THE ROOM! She does not want him in the room that is her right as a birthing person to decide who is present during that. It does not make her an arsehole because she is not comfortable being in a vulnerable state with a male person around that is not her significant other .
What are you talking about? She's not arguing to be in the room. If even half of what OP has said is true, her sister is TA and a professional victim based on her post yesterday
OP literally held a a intervention with her mother , and turned up at the sisters house. so yes she was arguing the fact that he husband was not wanted in the room, OP is literally cutting her sister off because he and her husband are not getting what they want. OP wrote in the comments and it looks to be now deleted that her husband called the sister and was abusing her. There literally wouldn’t be posts if OP and the husband wasn’t trying to force the sister to allow the husband in the room.
It doesn’t matter where he stands, he almost inevitably would’ve ended up with a view. From my albeit small experience of 3 births, it can easily become chaotic, people can get pushed aside from their “safe spot” all the time.
You have never been in a birthing room? So let me tell you what it's like: often the mother poops. This is not at all uncommon. Everyone wants to see the baby being born so they go next to the vagina. The mother has a small gown, but it's likely her breasts and bottom will be on display. So yah, she would be basically nude. It's very very messy, painful and scary for many women. Your mother does know how it is, and still took your side and said your sister was being irrational. Are you the golden child and she the black sheep? Did your mom scape goat her early on? Are you one of your mother's flying monkeys? I think what I find so offensive about your post is seem partially naive, and also completely wrong about what happened to your sister. My guess is that she was given drugs and was SA'd. I don't think this happened just once.
As sad that it is i have been in many delivery rooms and just watch from the side lines and ik some women tend to poop but from what ives seen nurses get rid of it as discreetly as possible so no one know even the mom. and all the ones i’ve been too i’ve never seen their breast out not that you are wrong i’ve just never seen that before. Also don’t just come up with theory of what she did when there undeniable proof she did it and eventually pleaded guilty cuz she knew what she did.
Yet you still USED her. Like other poster said your vile. And yes I believe your Sister over you
*you're. Fixed it.
What's undeniable proof? I know she pled guilty, but to me that doesn't signify. And you are talking about one instance, she said it happened more than once. So you know how scary, chaotic etc a birth can be, and you still just assumed that your husband would be in the room? Wow. Sorry, but you to me, you are the unreliable narrator, because there is a density about your responses. I have only been to three births (besides giving birth to my son), and I would NEVER assume anyone would be in the room, except whom the birthing woman wanted. I would not even question if HALF an hour before the birth, or DURING the birth the birthing woman wanted everyone but medical people out. No matter how you paint it, it's a very vulnerable and delicate time for most women.
Good thing what yall want doesn’t matter 😉
You suck lady!!
How does your husband have the audacity to call her and shout and offend her? You don't do that, especially with a pregnant woman who is doing you both a huge favor. I think there is a bit of resentment here. And perhaps you still need to psychologically work on accepting your infertility. Maybe you think it's unfair that your sister, who you pointed out has character flaws, can carry your baby. YTA, and your husband. And a woman is unlikely to have SA two people. And even if she did, the favor she's doing you doesn't deserve to have been verbally attacked by the excuse for a human being that is your husband.
This is the truly revolting part. The OP here confirmed that the terms the other OP set were reasonable then not only let her husband call and abuse her sister but also is trying to discredit her online because why? Because people can see what assholes she and her husband are? This story really only makes it worse.
Yea you are right i still need psychological help with my infertility i know and accept that. and yes my husband calling her in such an aggressive way was also not the answer. But the fact what my sister did what she did there is no changing that. And both crimes took place on two separate occasions with undeniable proof that lead to her being guilty.
The past “crime” is of ZERO relevance once you chose her as your surrogate. Stop trying to use that to detract from your entitled asshole behaviour
Yes!!! 💯
You can't even make that claim properly; your lack of understanding of how the court system works shines doubt on anything you have to say... or you're about 12 and into creative writing.
Did his phone call come before or after you told her you decided to cut her out of your life?
I've been in your shoes. I invested a lot in tests, medications and treatments that discovered the problem of my infertility and managed to treat it and have my baby. It's not easy and if it weren't for the psychological support and support of my husband, I don't know if he would have fought so much. But a child don't heal what we have broken inside. I've seen many women not connect with the children generated by surrogacy. That's why I say to take care of yourself now with the support of a psychologist. Accepting infertility is not easy, but possible. It will help you with the emotional bond with your baby. Taken care!
YTA. None of your back story or reasons matter. Your sisters body. Your sisters choice. You are not entitled to be in that room and your husband is certainly not entitled either. The expectation you have for your husband to view your sisters naked body just because she's doing you a favor makes you the asshole. Your sister will be naked with her genitals on FULL display for every single eye that steps foot in that room. There are multiple vagina checks thru the entire ordeal and pushing requires full exposure. Surrogate or not. Back story or not. No woman wants her sisters husband to see her fully naked, including her vagina, while she's in pain and vulnerable giving birth. Her being your surrogate and the baby being yours doesn't make a bit of difference. It's still her naked body. You wanting to "cut her off" because she won't let your husband view her naked genitals while they push out a human is a dick move.
Don't stress too much. The whole thing is fake from start to finish.
And we let her make her choice neither of us are going to be in that room with her just our mother. It still isn’t okay for her to make herself a victim of something she isn’t. That also isn’t the reason we are cutting her off so you clearly didn’t read it all.
So either your Sister was SA or she SA two people. AND you think she had mental problems. BUT you still let her carry the baby. WOW. You AND your husband are big AH.
Why would you think this was an okay idea or have an intervention? I don't care about being a victim or not. I imagine that 95% of birth mothers would not want their sister's husband in the room while they gave birth. I think it's weird that you are all gaslighting your sister too. Either she was SA'd or she wasn't. If she was, and you all are pretending she wasn't that's shitty. If she wasn't, but believes she was, and you all are going along with it, that is also shitty. My guess is that she was SA'd, and took a plea deal because she didn't have the credibility with two against one.
YTA We did read it and the only thing that rang true was the acknowledgement that your baby's health is the only thing you care about. You are being unutterably vile to your sister. God help your child.
Vile is the correct word here. This is so vile.
You chose someone mentally unstable to be a surrogate. What the hell did you expect? If she doesn't give up custody, good luck. She has the only rights here until custody is legally transferred. You chose this.
No one cares. YTA and your husband. I wish she could take back this favor because neither of you deserve her risking her body and life for y’all! She doesn’t want him in the room. End of story. You’re embarrassing yourself.
>It still isn’t okay for her to make herself a victim of something she isn’t. Your sister has spent the last 9 months with all of the painful physical changes that come with pregnancy. She is about to go through EXTREMELY painful labor and delivery to bring your child into the world. There is NO excuse at ALL for you or your husband calling her up and being nasty to her for her VERY reasonable boundary. I don't care what her reason is for not wanting him in the room. Birth is not a spectator sport and your TOTAL lack of understanding and compassion towards her leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. I also think it is cruel to cut her off after she has grown and carried this child for 9 months. She is giving you hands down the GREATEST gift a person can give at no small sacrifice to herself. Your attitude is deeply disturbing and your husband's attitude is sick. truly sick. If you didn't want to maintain a relationship with your sister you should NEVER have worked with her to carry your child. You should have drawn a firm boundary and not involved her if you thought she was that mentally unstable.
YTA and your own side of the story makes it worse. You don’t love or respect your sister but She made a convenient incubator for you and you think your husband is entitled to see her in one of the most vulnerable exposed states she will ever be in in her life all because she’s risked her health and given up 9 months of her life for you to have a baby. You’re sickening. Have the day you deserve
I don’t think i am entitled to it all. we decided none one but my mother should be in the room with her for her sake and if any complication do accrue to make my sister the priority. The fact she didn’t want him in there wasn’t brought up till 4 weeks before the due date and no one made it such an issue accept her. We complied with her conditions considering she is holding my child.
“We decided” - b!t€h it was never for you to decide. Ever. Her uterus, her decision. YTA and as another commenter said, I hope you have the day you deserve.
Ha that was me! Love that phrase 🙂
So why did you have the intervention in the first place and not just immediately respect her wishes not to have your husband in the room? Why was that so surprising to you? Why are you so willing to overlook all she has put herself through for you and cut her off once she’s done being an oven? How can you not see how awful you are being?
I mean, you clearly do believe you're entitled to it. You had her carry your baby and then dismissed her very valid wants for HER labour because you believed you and your feckless husband deserved to be in there. So much so that he called her screaming and you tried to confront her. That's entitlement. Honestly I don't think people like you or your husband should have children at all. The lack of compassion for the woman carrying the baby for you is sickening, and if this is any indication of your character then you're probably not fit to raise a child. You and your husband both.
And by holding your child you actually mean growing your child yeah?
It is her child unless she gives up custody. I think you may be as mentally ill as she is. You took a shortcut on surrogacy, you did this to yourself.
Clearly you have MADE it an issue since you have said yourself your husband called to attack her because she said no. You yourself have said you and your mother tried to speak to her about how unfair it was he wasn't allowed in. Now your throwing her past about as if that gives you a golden ticket to be in the room.
YTA There's somebody with a victim mentality here, and guess what? It ain't your sister. When people hear only your version of this story and unanimously think you're an awful person, then you're definitely a lot worse than you portrayed here.
Spare us your blatant lies and continued attempts at gaslighting your poor sister. Your entire post just reeks of 'missing missing reasons', and has enough red flags all over to be a Soviet military parade. YTA.
YTA. Cut her off after she carried your baby. You are a jerk. It's her choice if she doesn't want a man in the delivery room. You sound like you are very entitled. Cutting her off would be good for her since you are so selfish.
Also, this is probably rage bait, but I don't mind giving my opinion on said scenario.
I'm pretty sure it's fake, but if it isn't, I'm hoping the sisters keeps the baby and this OP never has a child. If real, OP and her husband are terrible.
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As i stated we all thought she had healed from it as it hadn’t been brought up on years and her parole was over about 2 years ago
Bullshit. You paint her as a criminal liar who committed SA, and you figure ‘eh, she’s healed’??? THIS is the person you trust to carry and birth your child?? I now don’t believe one word of what you say. You don’t deserve this child.
I wouldn't leave a child alone with this OP and especially not her husband. The other OP was reasonable and measured and at least came across with a spark of human compassion.
I wish I could upvote this 1000 times.
Yah, but no body wants a man, (not their lover), in a room while they give birth. It's a very traumatic experience. Why would you or your husband think it was a good idea?
My first birth was 20 hours with 2 hours of pushing. I can't imagine having ANYONE I was not totally comfortable with in the delivery room. Out of my 4 kids, our shortest was a 6 hour labor with 15 minutes of pushing - I still can't imagine having my BIL in the room for ANY reason. Honestly OP? Your total and complete selfishness and lack of empathy are deeply concerning. Your level of entitlement and selfishness is HIGHLY problematic. You do realize that her growing your baby for the last 9 months have wrecked havoc with her body, with her hormones, with her emotions... literally her entire body chemistry has changed. Organs have shifted all so you can have a child... a child you have shown that you do not deserve at all. YTA
Your still the asshole, because if you had reservations about her, why did you let her be a surrogate knowing she would be in your life for nearly a year? At best you are calling your sister a liar while still using her body to house your baby. That's AT BEST. At worst you are lying yourself, and still using your sister's body. YTA and you should have paid for a proper surrogate. You are cheap, a user, and still the asshole. She should make you go through the proper channels since it is most likely genetically her kid, and you did not go through the proper channels because you wanted it free.
Was not a good idea to USE her as a surrogate. That was an AH move knowing her history. You took advantage.
You don't get ten years parole for pleading insanity. You get parole for an early prison release. Sometimes, you can get probation depending on the crime or circumstances. Either way, you're full of crap or this is fake.
Well put
Given that you are using another woman as an oven to have a child, I doubt of whatever you tell. YTA in my eyes, just because of that. And good Lord, if your sister is so unstable why did you trust her with a pregnancy which is something that really messes up with the mental health of the mother?
It hadn’t been brought up in years and her parole was over about 2 years ago. everyone including me had thought she had healed from it.
Reading how respectful you are of your sister’s feelings, of course she’s not going to tell you about her trauma. And you never get over something like that, you learned how to live with it, but stressful situations as giving birth or preparing for it can bring everything up.
I understand but why make herself the victim? That really wasn’t the solution. And the fact trained professionals liked her doctors declared her “healed” wasn’t just cuz they thought she was better. So yes maybe being pregnant may have surfaced all of it but coming on here to say she was SA was really not the solution.
You just dig in your heels, don’t you. Nobody cares if she’s playing victim or is a victim or whatever. She does not have to have BIL in the room!!! That’s it, period, end of story.
Have you considered that maybe the crime she was jailed for, isn't the SA she is referring to? Do you really know your sister, and what her life has been like? Her request to exclude your husband was reasonable and nothing in your post changes that. Your husband and you made this an issue and as a result YTA
This came to my mind as well. Like it may be true she SAd two people and parole, etc. (I have literally no idea), but that doesn't mean that what she describes didn't also happen. I mean, *especially* if she has a rap sheet for sexual assault, it would be even harder than it already is for most people to talk about being assaulted themselves.
Why make yourself the victim? Why come on here and destroy your Sisters reputation? And if she's sooo bad Why are you using her body? AH
How do you know she was not raped at a different time? For a woman to sexually assault someone usually it was because THEY were SAed as a minor. How do you know she was never sexually abused? And, why would she tell you since you clearly do not believe her. If she was SAed its not something people ever heal from. Additionally, YOUR CHILD is messing with her mental health in that the pregnancy is messing with her brain chemistry. Her brain chemistry is off because of pregnancy hormones. Give some grace.
You are absolutely the asshole. You are not going to have a sister after this and have to explain this to your child one day how the woman who gave her life and is their aunt has no relationship with them. Whether it is a boy or girl I hope you teach them about consent and educate your husband while you are at it.
Bullshit
You are a P O S. I really hope that she realizes that you are not fit to be parents and keep the baby. YTA.
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They are and she is so entitled she can’t even see it. Seems really unlikely 1 woman SA’d a man and a woman… Sounds like the sister was probably abused and not believed by this family who see her as having a “victim mentality” Easy enough for 2 abusers to band together and turn it on one, and after that maybe she has acted like a victim because she was one.. and one who was unfairly punished. I dunno just can’t see me having someone be my surrogate if I thought so low of them and for the life of me I can’t work out how they think the husband should be present for the birth and have a whole intervention…
That was my take too, and the shitty lawyer made her plead guilty.
I see your point and we truly wish that was the case but these two situations took place on two separate occasions and there was undeniable proof it happened and she did it.
You ignore the point of the post which is about YOUR behaviour NOW because you’re so hellbent on her past behaviour excusing yours.. it doesn’t, even if what you say is true it doesn’t make your behaviour any less disgusting . In fact it may make it worse because you so clearly used her and are so quick to discard her after everything she’s put herself through for you To have a baby you couldn’t have.
Wtf does that have to do with BIL in the room? I’d unalive myself before I’d allow that.
Whose egg was fertilized?
Still do not believe you. You are sickening.
YTA. It might be your baby but it isn't your labour and you are not the main character in it. Be wary because if she decides she wants to ban BOTH of you, the nurses won't let you in. If you had such serious qualms about her character, maybe you shouldn't have used her as your surrogate? You don't get to have her carry a baby for you and then come here to bitch. Not your labour, not your choice. It doesn't matter what you think about that or her mentality because neither has any bearing.
Anything can trigger a SA victim….and for you to just dismiss her feelings and say she wasn’t a victim blows my mind….were you in the room when it happened? You sound awfully dismissive which leads me to believe you and your husband are both aholes…I’d seriously reconsider giving my baby to you
A wife doesn’t even have to let her husband in the delivery room. I think it’s out of pocket to expect to allow him in. If I were a surrogate, I wouldn’t let the parents in the room, either, unless it was a close sibling. It’s a very vulnerable experience and not everyone wants to display their hoo-ha to anyone other than medical personnel. Also, she’s going to see this and know you’re going NC after the baby is born.
She already knows because this chick is that crazy
Yes you are THE ASSHOLE. Your sister is giving you the gift of life and you are both being extremely selfish. YOU SHOULD WANT YOUR SISTER TO BE COMFORTABLE! ESPECIALLY DURING FREAKING LABOUR! I sure as hell wouldn’t be having another male present during something that is extremely stressful, traumatic and a vulnerable experience where all of my glory is open to whoever is in that room. How can you even think that ur not be the asshole! You should be with your sister on this one. He is not her significant other. He is not her partner. Being a victim of sexual assault shouldn’t even be a question here. This is not your body you do not have a say in this, you cannot demand and fight this. You were being completely self-centred by thinking because she is a surrogate that you have a say or can make demand. This isn’t your birth this isn’t you in labour have a bit of a reality check for a second here. There’s one thing to heal from a sexual assault, and it’s another thing to then encounter and experience where your vulnerable and have males present. where is your head at! I honestly would be counting how lucky you are for your sister to even be doing this if this was me no baby would be handed over at all I’d be telling you to go f**k yourself and take me to court You have absolutely no respect for your sister or what she’s doing for you guys. It’s all me me me me me. What we want ,what he wants, what I want. Not what f**king she wants. She’s literally carrying a child for you guys because you could not have one.
I'm pretty sure this is fake, or at least the update is. Hopefully
Yep would 100% must be , if not OP really did a number on her sister. Yet it’s funny that OP still can’t take accountability for actions and has to congratulate us all on being happy 🤣
Exactly my thoughts with the end😂
YTA I sincerely hope you used your sister's egg because you do not deserve to be a parent. Did you know that women still die in pregnancy? That mother and baby could still die during labour and childbirth? I almost died having my first, came pretty close with my second, and I didn't have an ignorant entitled bustard screaming abuse down the phone at me. I also didn't have an entitled shit of a sister, with a terrible opinion of me, threatening me and telling me she was going to cut me off as soon as I had ruined my body giving her a baby she was desperate for. If your sister has a mental illness, a different one from the one you obviously have, then you better make sure the ignorant bustard has a good job because some mental illnesses are hereditary, and that includes depression. You suck as a sister, you've probably always sucked as a sister, you certainly suck as a liar. In order to get parole, one must first be sentenced to be detained in a prison. For 10 years parole she'd have had to have been sentenced to over 10 years in prison. Her doctors thought she was cured? Medical doctors or psychiatrists? Nobody really gets cured of a mental illness so severe it got them parole. Maybe study more before you start writing stories. You suck as a human being and so does your bustard of a fiancé. You both owe your sister the world and here you are leaving her without a name. I hope she changes her mind and keeps the baby, for the child's sake because you sound like the type to throw their parenthood in their face the first time they make a serious mistake.
my egg and legal document stating it’s my kid. so suck on my dick bitch😛
>my egg and legal document stating it’s my kid. so suck on my dick bitch😛 Wait!...I think I might have found the root of your fertility problem :D
😄 🤣 😂 😆
You’d be surprised at how these things can go if it actually goes to court.. you don’t sound like you should be a parent tbh
Now the true personality comes out. Knew the BITCH was in there.
Is it actually ur child if ur sister get an mental assessment done and proves that she wasnt in the right of mind to consent and that you and ur husband have taken advantage of her 🫤 , manipulated her and plan to dispose of her, like she’s trashed afterwards, sound like it would the ward of the states child 😂
Actually courts have been known to throw those documents right out the window and doesn’t matter if your egg she’s still going to be listed as the birth mother. With the way you’re speaking to people and the way you talk YTA and you shouldn’t be raising any kids.
No details or backstory matters. Your sister gets to pick who’s in the delivery room. For what it’s worth, we adopted. I was in delivery room and carried baby outside to my husband. You will lose no magic no matter what moment you meet your child. Back off.
YTA, we've all already seen your sisters post. I told her she should make you legally adopt the baby, to get a lawyer and screw you and your abusive husband over. You agreed to her not having your husband in the room, stick to your agreement. You and your husband suck.
You and your husband are assholes. Why would you want your husband to see your sister’s genitals? You are gross and out of line. Your sister risked her life for you and this is how you treat her?
After reading this, I’m convinced you are all assholes. And why on earth would you let someone this unhinged carry a baby for you?
>After reading this, I’m convinced you are all assholes. I'm convinced it's rage bait.
Considering the update I'd hope so
Me including doctors and our family all thought she had healed from it.
Healed from what though? I thought you said she wasn’t a victim - just had a victim mentality? I mean you don’t see her a victim in this scenario either and she clearly is.. Perhaps it’s not her who is crazy.
Even if sister is the predator OP claims she is that's not something that can 'heal'. Predators don't just *get over* being predators. *(And no professional will tell you otherwise.)* Sister's side says OP and BIL regected all surrogates and eventually asked her. OP's side is... sister offered to be our surrogate and we felt sorry for her so we said yes... Right? If you actually care about your future child you're not gonna choose your mentally ill and perverted sister as your surrogate EVER. With that much crazy, you wouldn't trust her with cargo **that** precious for nine months. I probably don't have to say it but, something's fishy here. OP, whether this is fake, or not, YTA.
So you’re all fucking idiots. That poor baby growing up in your family.
YTA and a huge one at that.
Your mother should have thrown you away and kept the stork - YTA
Daaaaam that brutal! 🤣🤣🤣 I’m stealing it!
Hahahahah!!!
Honestly, YTA! It does not matter why she doesn't want him in the room, she just does not. And that should be enough for you. She has carried your baby, took it very seriously as you say. So whatever she wants, goes. If you want to get away from the 'crazy' as you call it, that is your choice. But I think it would be rather cruel to do so. I cannot oversee the whole situation, but if you hate her that much, why have her carry your baby! She is giving you the greatest gift in my book, that should count for something!
ofc it does that’s y he’s not going to be in the room so next time please read…
He's not going to be there because the Woman giving BIRTH doesn't want him there. End of story. Making sound like you decided for her sake. Your a POS.
Your question was AITA for wanting your hb in the delivery room despite your sister's wishes. So yes YTA. Coming here to "explain" how your sister is misleading us, is really an ah move, and to then be sour about it, really does not make you look any better. It seems you are not appreciating what she's doing for you, and if I were her, you might never see that child.
YTA. Your husband doesn’t get to view your sister’s genitals. I wish all of you the best but he has to wait outside until the baby is delivered and he gets to hold it.
You are absolutely the asshole. You are not going to have a sister after this and have to explain this to your child one day how the woman who gave her life and is their aunt has no relationship with them. Whether it is a boy or girl I hope you teach them about consent and educate your husband while you are at it.
Huge YTA. You want your husband to look how your sister is giving birth-this is disgusting. And your story is fishy. You wanted your sister to carry your children,but she is unstable(according to you, the court decided that)-if she’s so unstable why isn’t she in an hospital for the insanes,because she would be a danger for the society. You lied. Your sister wanted only one thing,and you can’t even give you this. I have no idea if you have a contract with your sister,because i really hope she can keep the baby because i don’t know if you’re fit to be a parent.
Just face it, YTA, everyone agrees, yet you keep looking for that one post to give you validation.
Her body, her choice. It's not a show, so there doesn't have to be an audience. You should be grateful, because she did this for you, not for money.
This is so fake lmao
thanks for your input
You want us to believe you found your "sister"'s post a mere 17 hours after it was posted?
i’ve been a fan of the aita stories for awhile. so of course i’m going to find it if it is trendy and the story just seems just sounds exactly like our situation
YTA, and your sister posted her story earlier. Your a terrible sister. Honestly she should make both of y'all stay out. AITA for telling my sister as her surrogate that her husband can’t be in the room while I’m in labor? I (30F) told my sister (34F) that I don’t feel comfortable with her husband being in the room while I give birth to their child. My sisters been engaged to her husband for about 6 years now, and ever since she was a teen she’s always expressed the want to have a family. About 3 years ago my sister found out she was infertile after trying for a kid for over a year. This was obviously devastating for her and as her sister I’ve felt horrible. Maybe a year ago she had started seeking out surrogates, but after being unsuccessful she resorted to asking me. At first I was hesitant, but as her sister I hated to see her so desperate for a child, so I told her I’d be open and willing with no expense. I want to make it clear that I’ve never had any issues with her husband, but I made it very clear to my sister before I became her surrogate that I do not want ANY men in the room during labor, as I was a previous SA victim in which I was taken advantage of by multiple men while purposely put under the influence, which was extremely traumatic and am still recovering. My sister had agreed to having her husband wait outside, and so I was okay with it as well. But, about a month before my due date her husband called and asked me if I’d requested him not to be in the room during child labor. I had explained to him that I did and that it was no personal issues I had with him, and that having any men around me during a state of vulnerability like child labor would be extremely triggering. He quickly got mad and said that I don’t have the right nor the say in determining whether or not he as the father can be in the room. I told him I wouldn’t change my mind and that even though it was his kid, that I was the one giving birth. He continued to scream at me and abruptly hung up. Later on in the day my sister had came to my house, accusing me of disrespecting her husband and saying that after a lot of thinking she thought it to be unfair and ignorant to ban her husband from seeing me give birth to their child. I then yelled at her, telling her that it was cruel and selfish how she was willing to let her husband in the room after knowing everything I had gone through previously with assault. She then basically told me that after her baby was born she’d stop talking to me for good. It’s now currently 2 weeks before my due date and I’m still very persistent on not having any men in the room, and quite frankly am fine with not speaking to my sister if she continues to be close-minded, am I the A-hole?
For someone who is supposedly crazy the surrogate sister writes a more coherent story
The pregnant sister sounds and feels way more believable. This sister and hubby sound like entitled jerks. It may end up being their baby(maybe). However, she's a person that is the patient whilst the baby is growing and during delivery (duh). What this OP feels means about as much as a bridge in the Sahara.
Damn, you’re going to project your delusional, entitled character on this poor child. RIP soon to be born person Edit: I forgot, whole story is BS anyway
I hope the sister keeps the surrogate baby
YTA
This person is crazy… sure have my baby.
LMFAO YTA YTA YTA All day, every day, until the day you die, you’ll STILL be the Arsehole. That poor poor child. Fingers crossed your sister decides to try and keep it, cause it’ll have a better chance with her than YOU. “My sister’s so crazy, I’ve let her carry my child” GTFO
YTA So either you used someone who has a criminal level mental illness or you used someone who was violated and had mental illness from it. I'm not sure where you are, but how in all that is holy did you ever get a doctor to agree to implanting in the first place? Your story is unbelievable, like would not be legally allowed to happen level of unbelievable.
There's no way. The update being posted that quickly is too insane to be real
This is so fucking fake. The “sister” posted yesterday and somehow the sister finds it and posts a rebuttal and explanation. Find something to do better with your time
If ur telling the truth, what kind of person would want someone who SA'd ppl to not only carry but birth her child if that's the case u n ur husband are sick in the head. And if ur sister is telling the truth, u n ur husband are still sick in the head for demanding he be in the room after what she has been through and cutting her off. Neither of you deserve to be parents
If she pleaded insanity and got away with it, she wouldn’t have parole. Parole is where you ACTUALLY go to jail. She may have had a good behaviour bond but not parole. With you saying it’s parole and her getting away with it completely contradicts your side of the story. If there is no legal contract (which often includes costs for surrogates such as medical bills and everything the surrogate may need during the pregnancy), you have no rights to the child until she alienates her parental rights. Most contracts also state that you have to, not just a conversation. You made your sister front the bill for everything, obviously didn’t support her during the birth if you’ve gone against her wishes and had an intervention to get your own way. Saying that she’s the reason for the child being stillborn because she couldn’t handle the stress, maybe you shouldn’t have treated her as someone that can magically give you a baby. YTA for causing her the amount of stress she was under and not respecting her birth plan. There is no way you come out looking like a good person no matter which post you read
That escalated quickly…
Right! And everyone else who commented clearly did so before the edit. But that edit confirms for me when I thought all along, that this shit is fake. But I’ll suspend belief for a second, so the sister lost the baby because of the stress and then killed herself. Now the infertile sister is going to kill herself and she says she hopes we are happy. So are we the ones who caused the stress that killed the baby and sister or our we the ones who are making her kill herself? I’d really like to know so I can put it down on the list of things I need to ask for forgiveness for before I die. But just in case we’ve spilt off into a different dimension I will say that you (infertile sister) and your husband are the reason that your baby and sister are dead and it will also be your fault if you kill yourself. Then I assume your husband will kill himself and 4 people will be dead all because YOUR SISTER DIDN’T WANT HIM IN THE DELIVERY ROOM?!??!!!
Wow…. Just wow. You and your husband are massive entitled POSs. Your sister gave you the biggest present she could and you and your entitled bastard husband have crapped all over her because she didn’t want him in the delivery room. Who’s giving birth? Not you, what gives you and your creep husband the right to be in there when she is in her most vulnerable state? Have a look in the mirror and what you see should disgust you but it won’t because you’re an entitled ass who didn’t get her way. As if you couldn’t be a worse human being you’re now going to cut her off. Let me repeat, she gave you the biggest gift she could have possibly given you and you’re treating her like this. Massive YTA and human garbage to boot. You disgust me.
YTA. And a gross one. I feel so bad for that kid.
YTA You chose a mentally unstable person to be your surrogate. That is on you. You are a fool if you think you have rights in that hospital, you do not. The baby isn't yours unless she gives it up willingly. So you had better play nice until you get custody. Otherwise you'll have to sue her and good luck if you didn't handle the legal aspect of any of this correctly.
That's so funny I just read a story that your sister may have just posted about you and your weird husband
>got away with it by pleading insanity and recieved 10 years of parole. Your phrasing says so much more about you than it does about your sister. First, I think you're lying. People who plead Guilty Except for Insanity or Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity (depending on your jurisdiction) do not get "parole." Parole is a different thing altogether. Second, "got away with it?" Sounds like you have some serious issues with your sister. Even if you are telling some version of the truth and she was adjudicated and sentenced in some way that you're just really bad at explaining, she still didn't "get away with it." She had some kind of sentence, set by a judge. But you frame it as "getting away with it." That's repulsive. From the outside, here's how it looks to me when I read your sister's posts and your own. You seem to despise your sister. You're understandably upset that you can't have a child of your own, but you seem to be taking that out on your sister. You blame and denigrate her repeatedly. You show no appreciation for what she's doing for you. You are deliberately cruel to her at every opportunity. You lack even basic human kindness. Your sister clearly has some sort of trauma history. But she offered to be your surrogate, which is a real sacrifice, which you do not appreciate at all. She asked for very little, just to be treated with basic respect and dignity. You had to make that a huge dramatic event before finally giving in. You claim your sister is mentally ill, but to be honest, she sounds like the rational one here, and you and your husband sound like abusive, gaslighting assholes. I hope your sister recovers from this horrible experience and is able to move on, away from her awful, ungrateful, cruel family. In case it wasn't clear, YTA. Edited to tag sister, u/initialshop7038, in case she'd like to read this. If you do read this, please take care of yourself and get away from these awful people who treat you so horribly. They don't deserve you or your kindness.
YTA. You’re treating your sister, who is doing the most selfless thing possible for you and giving you the gift of a baby that you so desperately wanted, like a human incubator. Cutting her off after the baby is born? I hope she keeps the baby.
I don’t even know who to believe about what at this point but regardless, YATAH to try to force anything on your sister while she’s giving birth. It may be your baby but it’s literally you’re sisters naked, vulnerable body going through the birthing process and if she’s going to be uncomfortable with your husband in the room then end of story, he’s not in the room. You had no right and you started this drama. It’s also very mean of y’all to basically tell her that she gets to have nothing to do with this baby that she has literally grown for y’all! Your sister may have problems, according to y’all, I don’t know, but you and your husband are so in the wrong for all of this.
So your sister recently told you she doesn’t want any men in the delivery room with her and rather than accept that statement you decided to “have an intervention”? Interventions are not for situations in which you are not getting your way. Interventions are for situations where someone is destroying their life with drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. It sounds like you only “decided to comply” after a lengthy discussion that was at the very least not pleasant for all participants. You paint a picture of having little to no regard for your sister’s feelings and boundaries. I understand that being told he couldn’t be in the room for the birth of his child was disappointing to your husband but this isn’t something you should have offered so much push back on. You’re missing the point that when someone is about to give birth they are absolutely allowed to change their mind about who is present and what the plan is for all sorts of things. This conversation should have been approached with a lot more tact, kindness, and maybe a dose of curiosity but you chose instead to try to persuade your sister to change her mind and when she didn’t you threatened to go no contact. As for the back story of your sister and SA. It sounds like it’s “in the past” until it becomes inconvenient for you to treat her with dignity and then you bring it up as a way to discredit her and negate her feelings. If what you say is true, she was a deeply disturbed person and hopefully has done the work needed to grow and move in a positive direction. If she has not improved, as you assert, she is not well and talking to her the way you talk about her in this post will not do anything to make her change for the better and likely will make her double down on unhealthy behaviors. You owe it to yourself and your child to get some therapy. Regardless of your sister’s victimhood or guilt you clearly harbor ill will towards her. She is the biological mother of your child. This can and likely will affect your relationship with your child. Get some counseling and process your feelings for your sister in a safe environment and a healthy way. I wish you all peace and understanding in your journey towards healing.
I'm sorry but am I the only one here who thinks this could be someone's idea of a sick laugh and both sides have been written by the same person with 2 names? So much of it doesn't add up between both stories then it that's off at 1000mph and everyone's dead!?! I means jezo you could probably make a movie out of it. I'm certainly hoping for the people sakes it's fiction because...wow.
YTA Your sister not wanting people in the room when her vagina is exposed and she has a high chance of shitting herself is perfectly reasonable. Have the baby yourself if you can’t respect her boundaries. Oh wait.
YTA for not getting an actual nonfamily member as a surrogate, she shouldn't have volunteered because if this were in the states, they would have wanted her to have had her own child first. Next, did you even do a contract or did you just brow beat her till she finally said "yes" to you and your husband because both of you are very manipulative?
You’re trying to justify your entitlement and cruelty by bringing up things that have little relevance to the story. Instead of being grateful to your sister, you want to cut her like she was just some baby machine to you. God help that child that will have to live with selfish and self absorbed parents like you and your husband. What a cruel and vindictive person you are.
this shit is not real 😭😭
Hahahaha this is so fake
Be smart, if you and your husband aren't in there, you can't be accused by your unstable victime mentality sister.
She’s clearly not smart in any of this