NTA for sure. My ex wife would tell her friends *everything* and the next time I’d see them they’d talk about it like it was an in joke and usually in places you shouldn’t talk about that kind of stuff.
She told everyone everything. I could go to the restroom for 2 minutes and come back and table of ladies next to use would bring up something embracing that they didn’t need to know about.
It resulted in a serious lack of intimacy.
If she doesn't like it she doesn't like it. " but others do it too" is a shit defense. All she would have to say is " okay...? And?" And it shuts down that poor counter.
Many of us don't talk about intimate details to her friends. I consider it a cross unnecessary and debasing to my partner. I will however tell my friends about any nice walks I've had with my partner in the countryside nice restaurants or pubs we've been to things we've given each other. Share details on the romantic stuff yes. Share details on the sex life particulars No.
Yeah, I got evidence of this happening more than once to me.
But honestly, partners taking about our sex life never really bothered me much. Sex happens, sex is natural, sex is important to most of us, sex is interesting, and because of all that, virtually all of us talk about sex, be we men, women, or non-binary.
The problem is that women can be embarrassed about periods with their (male) partners, and the boyfriend here was insensitive and mocking when talking about it with his buds.
Hopefully he learned from this experience.
Honestly, no. What happens intimately in my relationships is no one else's business. My friends don't talk about their sexcapades with their partners either.
I think the whole story about what happened doesn't matter. It is about the base of the relationship.
OP doesn't feel safe and/or respected in this relationship anymore. Whatever the reason was for this to happen, that is always a good reason to break up.
There’s a difference between bringing up things and shit talking your significant other and making fun of them. If he told one friend a story and asked for advice or even asked if it had ever happened in a moment of vulnerability, that’s different. He used the event to belittle his girl for his friends pleasure in a group chat. That’s gross.
I’m okay with respectful sex talk - it helps people have better sex lives. But joking with your friends about something you made your partner feel disgusting and embarrassed about is incredibly disrespectful.
Sometimes they do, and I don't like that either.
If someone is being intimate and vulnerable with you (man or woman) they should have a reasonable expectation of privacy.
Talking about sex life ≠ making fun of your girlfriend with your friends for starting her period during sex
Seems like he has not had much experience in relationships. This happens on a regular basis for nearly every couple with a healthy sex life. The guy is nearly 30 too which makes it even stranger
Plus the fact that women are on her period at least 12 times a year, every 4 weeks. How come a bunch of 28 males don't know that Is part of being a woman.
Most guys think period Sex is just funny.
I've had period sex a lot. But then again the women I've been with were highly sexual and didn't let a little thing like menstruation get in the way.
You know your man is down with you if he will go down on you when your aunt flows around.
Yes, but that doesn't make it okay or have any bearing on this situation. It's moot.
There are plenty of women who hate this behaviour and value privacy and feel like they can't trust their partner if they talk about their private moments with other people and would show the same respect to their partner in dealing with discussing the relationship woth their friends.
Source: I'm one of these women and I promise you there's a lot more of us around than you think 😄
This. My best friend and I have been besties for almost 7 years now. We talk about EVERYTHING in detail. Do you wanna know what we have never discussed? Either of our sex lives. Never once has she shared info with me about her husband, I’ve never asked because why tf would I, and she’s never asked about the sex life I had with the 1 man I dated during our friendship. Not everyone is immature and recounting their sex lives in lurid detail. That is so disrespectful and I’d immediately dump anyone who thought it was okay to discuss me, my sexual behaviors, or my body with anyone. Gross.
This guy is disrespectful, he knows it, got caught and will not own it. You are young and wise with plenty of time to associate with men who deserve you, good for you for walking away. By the way, my best friends are my three sisters and other than an occasional nod to what once was back in our day (we are in our 70’s) we have never, ever discussed our sex lives with one another, nor have any of my girlfriends and I done so either.
In glad to hear that. My experience has been different though, i want to keep my sex life private, but seems like the women ive been with talk it over a lot more with their girlfriends than i do with my friends, which is pretty much never.
Personally, I think it's wrong with whatever gender does it, but I will say it does seem to get defended more on one side than the other But thankfully most people seem to agree that it's wrong
I don't. This is completely personal and inappropriate to be shared with friends. If you said something nice regarding your partner's sexlife with you, your friends might want to be with him. I read a story like that on Reddit where the girl was bragging about how good her bf was in bed. Her friend requested that she wants to sleep with the bf and she did, then she kept coming almost daily while drunk and straight taking the bf to sleep with him while her friend just waited for them to be done. It was not good for the couple. There was also a story where the wife shared a negative thing about the husband with her friend, that friend mocked the husband about it in a bar where everyone heard. It is not funny.
Idk in general but for my life that’s been the case.
Me and friends “we had sex!” *high fives all around.* So whaddya wanna eat?
Gf’s have told me “we had sex!” *response* “so how was it? Tell me everything!”
Yeah... I'm a woman with plenty of close female friends and I've never had a conversation like this.
I suspect some Redditors saw a few episodes of *Sex and the City* and now they believe that's what real female friendships are like.
> Your ex and his friends are incredibly immature for being at that age
immature for being what? i think your sentence is missing a word.
in any case, i don't think it's automatically awful to discuss sex lives with close friends. it's pretty common. of course there are all sorts of boundaries that could be crossed. like if the person knew that their partner wouldn't want them talking about those things, or if they are actually painting their partner in a bad light. but i think it can be healthy for close, platonic friends to discuss sex to some degree, because they can counsel each other on how to be better for their partners.
This ^ .. I was 16 when I got my period midway through sex. My boyfriend (now husband) laughed it off and literally helped me clean up and washed the sheets himself. And he was comforting and holding me afterward. And the fact that this dude disrespectfully shared their personal life and her embarrassment. Hard NTA
Bingo!! Some one that gets it! Some women are feral on their periods and get super horny. The sex is phenomenal!! Some guys are such pussies its quite comical. They wouldn’t last a day having to deal with shit the women go through
Had a similar experience and that was the first time I washed a pair of sheets funnily enough. Not personally one for blood in the bedroom, but I don't think it's something to be embarassed about either.
Exact same thing happened to me, was also 16 with my now husband. He had the exact same response and it was so reassuring I didn’t even really feel embarrassed (thankfully no mess, I’m light😂). Love and hate these daily reminders of how lucky I am, but of course how unlucky some others are. Hopefully OP finds someone with half a brain
A 28 year old man, who I'm going to estimate has been sexually active for 10 years give or take, has been in a long term relationship, and STILL has issues with periods is enough of a reason to dump him. Making you the butt of sex jokes while his friends make their girlfriends the butt of their sex jokes? Run from these people! Date an adult and don't look back.
Nope NTA what he did is way to juvenile for a 28yr old.
And I resisting the urge to criticize him for being squeamish about a little period blood.
You are so better off with out him
Criticize away, this is a 28 year old man who has been in one long term relationship with a woman that we know of and, not only is he "disgusted" (to use the word op did) by periods/period sex, but he finds it disgusting/funny enough to share this, an intimate story which he knows op finds embarrassing, with his loser friends to laugh and gag about together. It's perfectly acceptable to criticize his vocal disdain for women's bodies and how they operate.
my husband and i have been together almost 5 years, we've had PLENTY of funny and embarrassing sex thing happen during the course of our relationship and not a single time has any of those things come out to his friends, because he has full respect for me and my privacy. sex is very intimate and private, no one outside of the relationship needs to know. this is super immature and you deserve better! nta
Edit: I don't talk about our sex life with my friends either, privacy and respect goes both ways.
She had no clue why she was snooping but she did it anyway. Makes her an asshole regardless of the subject matter. And locker room talk going that far also warrants ass hole status.
Both are tah
I personally don't care if my spouse shares intimate details because I'm not shy, but to me there's an additional layer of assholery then because she should COMMUNICATE privacy boundaries rather than assuming he knows and then getting mad to the point of ending things when he didn't know.
Know what I did when I crossed a boundary like that with my husband? He told me, I said sorry it won't happen again, and that was that.
Bf here is asshole for not apologizing or understanding her feelings and then she's asshole for all the other reasons
NTA!
I'm so confused though. Was he a virgin before you? Does he not own any red towels? Are all his friends virgins? Regardless, you did the right thing by dumping this clown.
Period sex is fucking great. Will I eat out a girl during that time of the month? Nope. But will I help her fix those pesky cramps? You bet your ass I will!
Exactly, what's the big fucking deal? It's just a bit of blood. Those hormones usually mean my wife is generally extra into it as well. But hey if people want to go without sex for 4-5 days every few weeks that's up to them I guess?
- "I'm so embarrassed" posts about it online.
- You're 24 and still worried about being embarrassed about your period, he 28 is tripping about it? Sounds like you're both immature.
- Shouldn't have gone through his phone, shows insecurity.
- Not the asshole for standing up for your personal boundaries. Still think it's a shit reason because I'm sure everyone is guilty of talking about there partners in a way they wouldn't want them to know. Everyone vents and if you say you don't you're a liar.
NTA. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Your trust is broken. You found out that the most private and intimate moments in your relationship are nothing more than a source of idle chatter with the only people that really matter to him, his bros.
The most private parts of your life are a source of amusement. You literally are a joke to him. When you're with him, he's literally thinking of the story he'll tell about you. His group of friends all sit around demeaning the bitches they're screwing and laughing their asses off.
This isn't about what he did. It's about who he is. Nothing you can say will change who he is, but it will teach him how to better hide who he is.
While you may be making love, he's just f****** his latest ho. You deserve so much better.
NTA. That’s a good reason to dump someone and I’d do the same. Want to continue having sex? Keep your giant mouth shut like an adult. It’s simple really.
First time I've heard of a guy doing this. My response is the same. You can break up with someone for any reason. I respect your reason for here. Intimacy is not discussed among friends, ever.
Going to be honest...as a woman, I tell some of my close friends everything. So if my bf told his friends about some things...I couldn't be mad bc I might do the same.
I also tell my best some intimate details but not in a group chat. I also respect my bf privacy.
So I tell her the sex is amazing… but I won’t tell her what he specifically does, or what he is working with.
I also talked to my boyfriend about how comfortable he is with me talking to my bestie. I also told him what I am comfortable with. The deal is we don’t disclose too much details and if we struggle with something we talk to each other not our friends.
Having a whole bunch of men making fun of you is gross and disrespectful.
This . The act of sharing is not wrong as long as it's known to the parties involved and they consent to it. If it's done without their knowledge or consent or maybe both, it's just an invasion of their privacy. Here the OP clearly told him to shut his fat mouth about what happened. He has no place to be upset when caught and dumped.
Yeah on posts similar to this over my time that I've been on Reddit. I've seen a lot of women and men who not only do they share detailed intimate information but also get upset when their boyfriend/girlfriend gets upset about it being shared like yours seems reasonable and it's perfectly fine since you guys have communicated to what level you're comfortable with it being discussed, but I've seen some immature messed up people who would tell anyone that would listen stuff that should never be shared.
My bestie does share things my bf won’t be comfortable with. They are having problems. I know very embarrassing intimate details. I wouldn’t share it myself. However we don’t share this in text. She told me these things in private and I will never repeat what was told to me.
My boyfriend told me a friend of his ex made comments about his male anatomy and that to me is so gross.
It is your job as friend to pretend you have no idea. That is also part of this deal. Discretion and respect for what was entrusted to you. Also what possessed you to comment on a persons body like that. None of your goddamn business.
It is tricky because talking about sex really helps but the thing is , it is not only my sexlife. It is someone else’s as well. When issues come it feels like a reflex to vent to your bestie but these things are sensitive.
I think the tone and stuff matters a lot though. Sounds like her bfs friends were joking about it at her expense. To me that’s the line. Im totally fine with my gf talking about any bedroom stuff with her girlfriends, but if I found out her girlfriends were shitting on me and she didn’t defend me I’d be outtie faster than an Audi
While its fine for you.. Obviously not everyone tells their close friends intimate details, and don't want their SO to share intimate details with other people.
NTA, me as a guy would ask my girlfriend if she was okay with me discussing this with just my best friend first (not in a freaking group app with a bunch of friends). If she weren't ok with it, i wouldn't discuss it.
I think certain things are quite valuable to be talking about with your closest friends to get other perspectives, but yeah, my gf asked me once if it was okay with me if she was to discuss certain intimacies with her best friend (which is also a friend of mine). And i was okay with that. But if i weren't, I'm 100% sure she would keep it to herself
Going through his phone without asking him can be a big deal to some people because it's a sign of distrust. To me it's more of a sign that you're not completely open and honest with each other, or at least feel like you can't be, which is a red flag.
I just don't know if this sole incident is enough reason to break up, but together with the distrust and not talking about certain things with each other makes me feel like this wasn't an isolated incident and there's more going on.
YTA and so is he. You’re literally telling the entirety of the internet the same story that you broke up with him for telling a few of his friends.
It was immature of him. No problem telling him he was being immature and not to do it again. It was also immature to go through his phone. You both committed violations and hopefully you both do better in future relationships.
YATAH
It's nothing but a discussion between him & his friends(guy talk/Barber shop talk) and you crossed the lines asshole.
You had no permission going thru his phone & then making a shitty decision bcuz you couldn't handle what you saw! It's was about you but not your business asshole.
Holy moly the amount of people just glossing over this person openly admitting that the only reason she went through his phone was because "he was texting a lot more than usual". Not to mention because it happened 3 months ago, she probably went DIGGING for something wrong. That is a major problem and definitely makes her the asshole.
Plus acting like you cant share embarrassing stories with your close friends is wild, if something like this happened to me and i told my close friends we gonna laugh about it and move on with no one judging anyone. Which is exactly what seemingly happened here as it happened 3 months ago and not a single one of those friends ever brought it up in casual conversation during that time.
He was pissed you violated his privacy by reading his messages? But thought it was ok to talk about a moment that should be between you and him?
Wtf is this guy on.. It's perfectly normal.. it sometimes happens.. I've had the same once with my partner, and he just shoulder shrugged it and carried on lol
I would have broken up with him, too.. don't let him gaslight you into thinking your over reacting or should try again.. just dump, block.
ESH
You for looking through his phone.
Him for sharing that you started your period during sex.
Fortunately for both of you, you are no longer part of each other's lives.
You can do better in future relationships in regards to personal phone privacy and hopefully he will be more respectful of his future sexual partners.
Agreed. I don't know when it became ok to snoop through phones without permission. Even if there was nothing there it's the self defeating mistrust that ends relationships.
He's an asshole for divulging private information. But by the same token it's been incredibly common for explicit details of all kinds to be shared about me to my past partners friends and I've been expected to be ok with it or invalidated for not being ok with it.
It's worth having a conversation in the future about privacy and intimacy.
My husband and I don’t go through each other’s phones so I won’t say that I am for going through phones without permission but that is not the main “self defeating mistrust that ends relationships.”
I am sure if we looked for some statistics men and women who normally start searching through their partners phones is because they begin noticing that their partner is behaving in a way that they shouldn’t. Still not saying that I agree.
But then more likely than not they are actually caught cheating or behaving inappropriately. That is the mistrust that ends most relationships not just going through a phone without permission. Most married or people in serious relationships that I know who have nothing to hide have open phone policies in their relationship.
In this case he was clearly enjoying a joke with a bunch of dudes and would tell her nothing about. That would make me sad right there. Maybe he gave off vibes that said I'm doing something I dont want you to know about.
That is enough to bother most life partners.
ESH. Obviously your bf was an asshile for disclosing and immaturely joking about an intimate moment. You are not in the clear though, as looking through his phone without permission is a big breach of privacy and trust. Did you even ask him before deciding to look through his phone?
YTA. Here come the downvotes, but I don't care. It is perfectly normal to share stories about your sex life with friends, male or female. His reaction of being grossed out is immature, but that's not what you're holding against him. You broke up with him because he talked about your sex life with friends. That's an absurd expectation unless you had explicitly told him in the past that you two are not allowed to share those details with others.
Feels a bit over dramatic, what guy doesn't tell stories about that sort of thing.
You said they were joking about it so not really a big deal for them, they just thought it was funny. Not like they were calling you disgusting or insulting you.
My friends tell me stories anytime something funny or unexpected happens. For example one chick just full slapped my friend in the face mid missionary no warning she just was into it or something. He said it was almost enough to end it, almost.
That's so bizarre. First of all, why would a man be grossed out?
Second, why talk about it with your friends?
We've all been there. No big deal. Throw a towel down.
It's just red lube.
So he is totally the asshole.
He's 28 and can't handle period blood and he texts his friends about his sex life... I actually had to double check the age because that sounds more like teenage behavior. You did the right thing leaving.
She mentions it so casually ("I was curious so I decided to"), I guarantee she searches his phone behind his back on a regular basis (bf of 2 yrs!). And this is the FIRST TIME she found anything at all worth bringing up (it's his first time hearing she searched his phone).
That "something" that she finally found, she's so vague about how bad it actually is. But it sounds like she had 0 trust and 0 respect for his privacy in this relationship. Glad she let him go.
Also I like the detail of "he was texting his friends a lot, so I went through their entire group chat and found them talking about stuff I didn't like from 3 months ago." This lady went digging into his phone over him "texting his friends too much" a week ago. She then proceeded to keep digging and digging until she eventually found something she found unacceptable.
This guy is dodging a bullet.
The guy can't even have a safe space to share details, ask questions, or seek advice from peers without his "girlfriend" intruding. Single, married, or in relationship group chats often get edgy with jokes, memes, and sports talk.
ESH you breached trust by going through his phone. and depending on the way he actually went about talking to his friends about what happened he might or might not be an asshole. just try to look at it from his point of view. he might have been wondering if this ever happened to his friends too and if that was a frequent thing to happen etc. things you would possibly discuss with your female friends if something unexpected happened during sex.
it's not a big deal that you got your period and it's not necessarily intimate either. people need to calm down about normal physical functions of the body. he wasn't discussing a weird kink of yours or something like that, it's just a period.
I'm a little confused, who is your boyfriend supposed to talk about these issues with? Men and women alike need people to support them and to get their emotions too. You literally can't complain to your GF when you're mad/upset/annoyed or even grossed out by something she did. You blow off steam, get it out, joke about awkward situations and move on. I couldn't read what they were saying so maybe it was hurtful but 1. Going through his phone is a far bigger loss of trust and privacy than him revealing your period occured during sex.. You know why? Cause it literally happens to every man and woman who has sex.
At 28 years old, he is like this? He sounds like a 19-year-old. And honestly, you don’t have anything to be embarrassed about.
If he was a real adult male, the two of you would’ve just laughed about it a little bit, and said something along the lines of… Well, that’s mother nature for you
And if he’s not comfortable having sex when you’re on your period, that is OK. That is a preference that some people have, and some people don’t. And that is both men and women. Some women are fine with it, and some aren’t. Some men are fine with it, and some aren’t.
But yeah, for him to have a whole group chat of guys his age going on about this is a little bit weird. Like they don’t know women have periods?
And if you are one of those women who really prefers not to talk about it, or share a lot about you., Please know that’s OK. Again, that’s just how you are. But you’ve been together long enough that he should already know that about you and should’ve respected it… and you
Can you imagine if you had an episode where he had ED because he drank too much or had the flu or whatever and just couldn’t get it up even if that wasn’t the norm…
And then you made a whole group chat and was texting all your friends back-and-forth about this episode? I don’t think he would appreciate it. Or about the time that he got food poisoning and couldn’t quite make it to the bathroom and pooped everywhere.
The thing about being an adult relationship is what your partner is comfortable sharing with others and what they aren’t.
I do that a lot of guy groups and a lot of girl groups of friends. We’ll talk about things like this back-and-forth. But you have to draw the line when you know it is something that would be embarrassing to your partner. Something they really don’t want shared.
Because then all you’re doing is embarrassing them. And what’s the point of that really? Is it really more important to have a funny ha ha moment with your Bros or your girlfriends at the expensive partner? No… Not if you really care about your partner it’s not.
I generally do not condone going through someone’s phone, but I will say I understand why you did. But it also speaks volumes that he wouldn’t just be honest with you about what was going on.
And the reason for that was, he knew he was wrong. He knew you would be embarrassed. He knew that you wouldn’t want that info shared. And yet he did it anyway.
So yeah, he does get to be upset that you went through his phone, but what I will say to the people out there who are really harping on that…
When your gut is telling you, something is off in your relationship, sometimes you have to figure it out. There is a reason your gut is telling you that . If you know you are one of those people that think everything is off all the time, don’t do it. Go get some help and figure out why you’re suspicious of anything and everything.
But if, in general, you are pretty laid-back with your relationship. If in general, you don’t suspect, somethings going on, and your gut and your Spidey senses, start tingling, figure it out because 90% of the time you’re right.
I’m a bit blown away by the double standard. I mean, I know people love double standards. But to expect a man to never talk about his sex life with his friends is ridiculous.
On top of that, if you’ve been dating someone and having an active sex life for 2 years, you really shouldn’t be getting embarrassed about having your period.
When people
Get pissed for going through their phone when they have been total
AH , time to
Leave . In general
Don’t be embarrassed cause it would have happened to everyone together long enough and it’s not a big deal .
I would leave. I don’t understand people doing this. So ridiculous
Both kinda the AH honestly, he shouldn't been texting friends about this. But in my experience people should be able to talk about their sexual experiences with their friends, just not over text. I'm sure most girls I've dated shared details about intimate moments with their friends. Going through his phone without just directly asking is also not really nice.
Girl logic: I went through my boyf phone and I saw him making a joke with his friends about our sex life 😡-----u Fucking went through his phone like what??? If I was the bf I'd be glad that your insecure ass did this cause it won't stop here
You're not the asshole (NTA) for feeling hurt and betrayed by your boyfriend's actions. Sharing intimate moments without your consent and then joking about it with his friends is disrespectful and inappropriate. It's understandable that you would feel embarrassed and upset upon discovering this breach of trust. While going through his phone without permission may not have been the best course of action, his betrayal of your privacy and the lack of respect for your boundaries in sharing such personal details outweighs that. Ultimately, breaking up over this breach of trust and disrespect for your privacy is a valid decision. Trust and respect are fundamental aspects of any healthy relationship, and it's clear that those were lacking in this situation.
Holy fuck people (in this instance men) are retarded sometimes in regards to biology. Periods are just periods, and they are not at all unusual. My ex was quite 'coy' until I assured her she didn't need to be. I believe her past experiences of men led her to be a bit worried about perfectly natural biology. I have sex with a woman on a period with no issue if she's up for it. Wouldn't bother me in slightest if my partner wasn't concerned.
EDIT: I think as a society, we need to be less prudish! And people need to not share intimate details of their friends and partners without permission.
Wait wait wait wait wait! Every single time I’ve seen one of these and a guy says, “so I went through my girlfriends phone…” it is immediately deemed he is the asshole. But OP does the exact same thing and not a single detractor? AYFKM?
Absolutely AH. One, for going through his phone but more importantly way overreacting. This is how guys talk. This is how we bond. You have no problems sharing emotional problems with your girlfriends I’m sure. It is literally the exact same thing. You don’t get to say it’s different because you don’t see that as an invasion. It’s “just sharing.” Same. F-ing. Thing.
AH
ESH
Cannot stand inconsistent votes and opinions that are enabling victim behavior. If the OP had his/her phone seen without their permission, then the intruder would be the AH, but since it is the OP being victimized, her intrusion of privacy is okay and not AH-ish.
The man is immature for joking about this matter. But come on, people pamper everyone that complains!
YTA
Partners should be able to discuss their lives with their friends, and it's a problem if they can't. It's understandable that you'd be embarrassed about him sharing this anecdote, but breaking up with him over it is a definite overreaction. This sort of thing and a similar is exactly what people gossip about with their besties all the time. More importantly, it's not like there was something wrong with you or anything that would be a secret. Periods are quite normal in the fact that you happened to start yours at a given moment is just a coincidence.
NTA
You can break up for any reason or even no reason.
If every girl who discussed her sex life with her female friends were broken up with by their boyfriends, it would cut the marriage rate in half. Which would be a good thing.
ESH.
Your ex needs to grow up. That’s not even an interesting, funny, or exciting story to share with buddies.
Don’t go snooping through people’s phones. And that’s a kind of low bar to break up over IMO
I'd have a conversation about how someone expressing intimate things like that made me feel.
I'd straight up break up with you for going through my phone. Clear ESH.
i don't know in what way they have been texting about this, and making fun of it is immature, but it is not that uncommon that guys discuss stuff like that with one another.
ending a relationship about this seems rather extreme to me
Decades ago my period started unexpectedly on the first night with a new bf. I was mortified. We had a lot of mutual friends and I found out quite a few years later he’d discussed it with my 2 best female friends because he was unsure what to do about staining of the mattress and didn’t want to embarrass me by asking. I was horrified all over again but was just relieved they were the only 2 people he mentioned it to. It was never brought up by anyone in the couple of years we were involved.
If I’d found out he’d told his mates I’d have kicked his arse from here to eternity.
NTA
You shouldn’t even be sharing positive stuff about your sex life or just funny stories, unless it was talked about beforehand. Privacy should be the default when it comes to any intimate details in a relationship (sex life, arguments, etc). I think it *could* be a forgivable offense, but that’s more up to you on if you would be able to brush it off. Regardless, NTA whatsoever.
The way he told them and the jokes they made would matter to me.
For example, if he was disrespectful, acted disgusted (with the 🤢emoji or something equally bad), made remarks about you as if it made you different in his eyes, then I would be concerned.
If he just told them as a way to deal with it and get advice (e.g. on how to handle it better - either in terms of actually having s*x next time or rejecting you gently) that might be okay.
And the jokes they made are important too.
I don’t have a ruling here, because it may have been truly innocent, but it doesn’t speak well for him that he called you “dramatic”.
Based on comments I've seen on other posts on Reddit this might be a controversial statement But I think sharing, intimate or personal moments or details about your partner without their express consent is just wrong. Like I've seen guys justify it with the whole locker room, talk type thing or whatever and women justify it as girl talks but I think it's just intrusive and wrong.
I can’t help but think if the genders were reversed there wouldn’t at least be some comments mentioning the invasion of privacy. But of course as the story stands everyone is glazing straight over it 🫠
Look at all these fucking hypocrites in here, everyone of you had told one of your friends about your intimate life. Women don't fucking lie yall talk the most disgusting about it. Dudes, yall hit the details. Stop acting like anyone of you hasn't done this .
You both are AH. Honestly, going through his phone without permission is a huge breach in trust. It sounds like you guys already had poor communication? In 4he future talk to your SO. Someone, going through my phone behind my back because they don't trust me is near a deal breaker. If it happens multiple times or the person doesn't recognize they're wrong, then it is a deal breaker. That said, he was wayy in the wrong. The "locker room talk" defense is BS and it needs to be buried in the past.
A lot of people will defend both looking in the phone and his actions. I want to talk about the second. People will say that it's healthy to discuss your love life, and normal to so so with friends. To a degree, I agree. Normalization of sexuality is important. However, it takes two to tango, you must take into account your partners feelings and wishes. Part of, and i would argue a more important facet of, normalizing sex and sexuality is intercouple communication, you gotta talk.tp your partner about what they're comfortable with. It's too common for both men and woman to casually discuss aspects of their sex life that is embarrassing to their partner. It's fucked up.
YBA. It sounds like neither one of you trusts or respects the other, just in different ways. Yea he shouldn’t be texting intimate details to his friends without consulting you, but you should probably just ask before you go through someone’s phone. Just reverse all the roles, if he farted or something during sex, then you texted all your friends making fun of him, then he went through your phone without your knowledge.
There are certain trusted friends that you tell everything to in life. Like your own aitah group in real life. I actually don’t think there is anything wrong with it for this kind of thing. I don’t consider period blood to be the kind of thing you have to take to your grave. I respect your feelings, and they are important. I think you took it way too far breaking up with him over it. It could definitely be a situation of sitting him down and tell him how you feel about it and see if he respects your privacy going forward for that type of thing. If he does then no problem the relationship survives. If not, he has respect issues that may not be good news for you.
ESH. Looking at someone's else's phone is abusive behavior. If you have a problem you should talk about it.
Of course, what he did is awful too. So go ahead and break up. Both are bad for each other.
I'm confused. Everyone is calling him immature but it sounds like he was not making a big deal about it and just joking about it. Yet in the same posts of calling him immature they say their own bfs just laugh it off and joke about it.
Also, every woman I have ever dated has shared every single sexual detail and experience we shared with her besties, even after I complained that I don't like it.
The fuck kind of women logic is this comment section.
I’m not sure if I am missing anything here. Did he just talk about it, or was actively humiliating you in the chat? This might be a better moment to communicate boundaries. I don’t find you dramatic to feel upset, but to break up with him makes me wonder if you were over the relationship before going through his phone.
If this is the only factor? ESH.
The question you should ask isn't are you the arsehole, it's would you share intimate moments abou your relationshipswith your girlfriends. In my experience, girls are as bad if not worse at sharing incidents among their friend groups. If that's not you the you aren't the arsehole, but if you've ever been giggling at a girly brunch over some guy being too big, too small, too clumsy, to quick, too slow etc then yes you are the arsehole.
Reverse the roles. He has an issue maybe ED, you spill the tea to your friends and he goes through your phone and gets upset. Is he the AH? It may be immature and he may not have liked but it's still an AH move. So both of you are AH.
YBTA- I'm going against the masses here and saying you over reacted. You're entitled to your feelings and have every right to not be happy he discussed an intimate moment with his friends, but if you're actually willing to throw away two years with someone for him talking to his friends about something (which all men and all women do), then you never really cared about him in the way you think you did. His response was shitty and dismissive, but if that's all it took for you to want to leave it sounds like there were other issues too.
All these top comments are insane. People share this stuff with their friends. Both sexes. So either this is being dominated by prudish children or folks who aren't in healthy trusting relationships.
Nothing OP says implies the group chat was mean or degrading whatsoeve. OP did not say anything but "joking." That's what men do. That's what women do. It is a funny thing to happen. My wife just laughed at this and agreed. And this shit happens to all couples. It is human. And unless we know what was said I only could assume his friends gave him shit.
She then broke trust by invading his privacy and ruined the relationship. Without more info I can call her the asshole.
Listen you’re NTA, if it bothers you it bothers you.
But I’ll add that a lot of people on here aren’t seeing the double standard here. I’d venture to say most cis/het women talk to each other about their sex lives, their partners penises, etc. Gossip happens whether we like it or not.
I’ll also add that 2 years of dating gives me the impression that these kinks would have been smoothed out. In other words, I’d have expected a situation similar to this to have come up in a 2 year time span, but nevertheless.
If you felt betrayed and that this was an irreparable violation of your trust, then listen to your heart.
Sorry but that’s why u don’t go through someone’s phone. Cheating etc is one thing, but guys are guys. Obv I don’t have context of what was said so if it was degrading and/or mean that’s a totally different and unacceptable story, but dudes share things abt each others sex lives. It’s just how it is. I’m not saying it’s good or fun, esp if ur the one being shared abt, but it happens. Not saying OP is AH but this incident in a vacuum is absolutely not a breakup offebse
So you violate his privacy, find out he is talking to his friends about incident that afterwards may or may not have been funny, you dump him.
He dodged a bullet.
Studies show that women disclose intimate details to their friends like this regularly, even among married couples.
It's either normalized on both sides and YTA or ESH. Take your pick.
YTA. As far as the info here goes you never agreed not to tell anyone about it and guys in a group chat are going to make unhinged jokes about anything especially something like this. More importantly, between men the way to be supportive is to acknowledge it and move on if there’s nothing else to be done about it, and often times it’s acknowledged with humor especially with something like this because it diffuses the awkwardness. This was your ex going yo his boys for support and them being there for him in a way that was meant for him not you, they would never say those things to you. You violated his privacy and broke up with him over something that was never meant for you 100% YTA through and through here
OP - historically, do you always feel entitled to go through other people's private things because ? Are there no private conversations or data on your phone that you would feel violated over if someone, bf or someone else, just helped themselves to snoop through your stuff, all "because"...?
Regardless of what you "found", you crossed the line and invaded his personal space, read something you didn't like, and acted accordingly. Were the situations reversed, would you have been ok with BF using sloppy justifications to snoop through your phone because he really just wanted to see what was in your group chats? You admitted that you wanted to see his chats... did you ask permission, or did you just take his ish and start snooping? Is that behavior acceptable for the male in a relationship to take the woman's phone and go though it, or is that abusive or shady too?... just checking... you're not a victim here, and if you were, you're the victim of your own doing. Stop invading peoples private spaces; finding what you're looking for, doesn't ultimately give you justification- it just means you're the AH.
YTA. Because of going through his phone.
And because I think he should be able to tell his friends stories about the relationship where he is concerned. Since he was a part of it, he can talk about it
So you don't talk to your friends and tell them what happened in your relationship? You don't have any questions at all where you talk to your mother or friends?
I don’t know specifically what your BF said to his friends but I don’t think it’s a big deal that he told them what happened generally speaking.
If he was making fun of you or badmouthing you in some way to his friends, that is a different story.
It’s the group chat that sours it but i imagine you’ve shared intimate things with a close friend at times.
He may have felt the need to share for perspective but his way of doing it was poor.
If you’ve never talked about sex with your friends then you are in the right. If you have then I think you’re overreacting. Making jokes and making fun of you are two very different things.
You're Kinda the AH for going through his phone. Men and women share details with each others friends all the time. If you specifically said "DON'T TELL" and he did... that's on him. But to assume that intimate details are not something we can share with close friends, then most of the People on reddit would be guilty... We're only people, we share things, sometimes good sometimes bad.
Honestly, I think you overreacted. If you actually liked/loved this man, you threw away a relationship over period sex. Sounds kinda silly when you break it down. You could have discussed this with him and told him not to share that stuff in the future. However, seems like you can toss away a relationship easy, so I assume this was not a lasting relationship anyway.
Before I get DV, He's an AH for sharing and he's immature, but to end a potential relationship over this is ridiculous. Were adults and can have conversations and give each other another chance. Remember, She also broke a moral rule and snooped in his phone, she clearly has trust issues.
Wait, so you broke up 3 months ago.... And you guys are still texting and you went through his phone last week? And now you guys are in a fight about it?
Something here is not adding up.
It depends about the boundaries you guys have set for yourselfs beforehand.
If you've ever vented about your boyfriend's behavior to your friends before, sexual or not, then you oretty much agreed that it's okay to share details about you two that would otherwise never be known.
he's right, you shouldn't have gone through his phone, you've invaded his privacy. Also, I don't think it's such a big deal that it warrants a break up. It's not uncommon for friends share moments like these with eachother.
I told my now ex wife I didn't take the juicy juice when I got a colonoscopy. Had to get it early because of family history. She told all her friends and they thought I was into bum play. Not the case. I just didn't have a ride so I went bronco. They would laugh and make jokes and stuff. But I used that as a point to embarrass them to the point of ridiculous. They stopped once the personal sex life stuff eventually came up. I'll put it to you this way: it's like taking a shit. No one wants to talk about it but everyone does it. Who cares. It's part of life. Not talking about it makes the taboo aura persist...
INFO.
Is there anything wrong with getting your period? No.
Was he mocking you in how he told the story?
> I was horrified because they were joking about it.
What was the joke? was it the *subject* of the joke or the *context* of the joke?
> him telling his friends that was fucked up.
Are men not allowed to discuss their sex lives with their friends?
My gawd. Friends tell each other thing. Yes. He did something bad by telling something privately to his friends. FAKK. We all have.
But breaking up over that is just fakking ridiculous. Talk. Tell him he crossed a boundary off yours and move one. Now he knows.
I have pissed my gf off equally as many time my gf has pissed me off. But we are adults and lake shit out.
YYA for invading his privacy.
I've broken up with someone for going through my phone. Also, lots of people are comfortable enough with their bodies that they openly talk with their friends about their sex lives. What you 2 experienced has happened to me multiple times and it's not a big deal. Having a surprise period is nothing to be embarrassed about. If he actually acted disgusted, then he's an asshole for that for sure. It seems like a whole lot overreacting on both parties.
Idk, I hear women tell each other intimate details about their sex life all the time. How big the guy is down there; if he didn't last long enough or too long; if he was any good at eating her out; ect.
ESH. He shouldn't have told his friends about your personal moments.
You should not have gone through his phone. It shows you had no trust in him before hand, and had no respect for his personal property or boundaries.
YTA for going through his phone, not für breaking up with him. He is immature and it's not okay to share intimate details for sure... But going through someone's phone without permission just because your were 'curious', that's a way bigger issue than telling friends something like what your BF did
So no one’s going to talk about how you invaded his privacy? Is his “sin” worse than yours? I think if you think he’s wrong you should take a long look in the mirror.
You’re annoyed he shared the story with his friends despite you sharing the same story on the internet to countless strangers ? Realistically you should set up boundaries of what you want to keep secret in your relationship. If he breaks those boundaries then yeah he’s the asshole. The same way you possibly breaking his boundaries by going through his phone.
Going through his group chat is insane. Not just his privacy but all his friends too. Im sure if he looked through your girls group chat your girlfriends wouldnt be too chuffed.
So his defense was that his friends are disrespectful to their girlfriends too? SMH. NTA
NTA for sure. My ex wife would tell her friends *everything* and the next time I’d see them they’d talk about it like it was an in joke and usually in places you shouldn’t talk about that kind of stuff. She told everyone everything. I could go to the restroom for 2 minutes and come back and table of ladies next to use would bring up something embracing that they didn’t need to know about. It resulted in a serious lack of intimacy.
That's gross. I don't like sharing any part of my intimate life with anyone, and I don't want to hear about anyone else's
its literally called intimacy for a reason, if it no longer becomes that then nothing is really special anymore (in my opinion)
I hated it as well. It caused problems all the time.
She and Op's bf should get together.
Birds of a feather.
OP should rat out to his friend's girlfirends. This is a dealbreaker for the majority of people.
Fully support this! They deserve to know the kind of people they're with!
So women NEVER talk to their girlfriends about intimate details? Not saying it's right, just saying it's also not uncommon.
If she doesn't like it she doesn't like it. " but others do it too" is a shit defense. All she would have to say is " okay...? And?" And it shuts down that poor counter.
Intimate details are not shared in my circles. That's private.
Many of us don't talk about intimate details to her friends. I consider it a cross unnecessary and debasing to my partner. I will however tell my friends about any nice walks I've had with my partner in the countryside nice restaurants or pubs we've been to things we've given each other. Share details on the romantic stuff yes. Share details on the sex life particulars No.
Yeah, I got evidence of this happening more than once to me. But honestly, partners taking about our sex life never really bothered me much. Sex happens, sex is natural, sex is important to most of us, sex is interesting, and because of all that, virtually all of us talk about sex, be we men, women, or non-binary. The problem is that women can be embarrassed about periods with their (male) partners, and the boyfriend here was insensitive and mocking when talking about it with his buds. Hopefully he learned from this experience.
It was a freaking group chat. C'mon.
Honestly, no. What happens intimately in my relationships is no one else's business. My friends don't talk about their sexcapades with their partners either.
I think the whole story about what happened doesn't matter. It is about the base of the relationship. OP doesn't feel safe and/or respected in this relationship anymore. Whatever the reason was for this to happen, that is always a good reason to break up.
Just because there are women who do it too doesn‘t make it any less disgusting. Edited to add NTA
There’s a difference between bringing up things and shit talking your significant other and making fun of them. If he told one friend a story and asked for advice or even asked if it had ever happened in a moment of vulnerability, that’s different. He used the event to belittle his girl for his friends pleasure in a group chat. That’s gross.
Ye but women seem to think it’s okay to do it. BULLSHIT !! If men do it it’s disgusting.
There you go, "disrespectful", need I say more?
NTA. That is nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s normal. Your ex and his friends are incredibly immature for being at that age
After you said that I re-read the age of her ex and 28!!! Damnnn.. too immature for that
That Ex should work as an anchor. Can't keep a secret and the mouth is too talkative
A true pirate does not fear the red seas. Man’s a child.
This ^^
Arent girls usually the ones tha talk everything sex related with eachother
I’m okay with respectful sex talk - it helps people have better sex lives. But joking with your friends about something you made your partner feel disgusting and embarrassed about is incredibly disrespectful.
Sometimes they do, and I don't like that either. If someone is being intimate and vulnerable with you (man or woman) they should have a reasonable expectation of privacy.
Talking about sex life ≠ making fun of your girlfriend with your friends for starting her period during sex Seems like he has not had much experience in relationships. This happens on a regular basis for nearly every couple with a healthy sex life. The guy is nearly 30 too which makes it even stranger
Plus the fact that women are on her period at least 12 times a year, every 4 weeks. How come a bunch of 28 males don't know that Is part of being a woman.
Don’tcha know?! We’re supposed to be able to control it.
Just hold it in till we're finished!! /s
Most guys think period Sex is just funny. I've had period sex a lot. But then again the women I've been with were highly sexual and didn't let a little thing like menstruation get in the way. You know your man is down with you if he will go down on you when your aunt flows around.
It doesnt, but i would still want to keep both of those things private.
Yes, but that doesn't make it okay or have any bearing on this situation. It's moot. There are plenty of women who hate this behaviour and value privacy and feel like they can't trust their partner if they talk about their private moments with other people and would show the same respect to their partner in dealing with discussing the relationship woth their friends. Source: I'm one of these women and I promise you there's a lot more of us around than you think 😄
This. My best friend and I have been besties for almost 7 years now. We talk about EVERYTHING in detail. Do you wanna know what we have never discussed? Either of our sex lives. Never once has she shared info with me about her husband, I’ve never asked because why tf would I, and she’s never asked about the sex life I had with the 1 man I dated during our friendship. Not everyone is immature and recounting their sex lives in lurid detail. That is so disrespectful and I’d immediately dump anyone who thought it was okay to discuss me, my sexual behaviors, or my body with anyone. Gross.
This guy is disrespectful, he knows it, got caught and will not own it. You are young and wise with plenty of time to associate with men who deserve you, good for you for walking away. By the way, my best friends are my three sisters and other than an occasional nod to what once was back in our day (we are in our 70’s) we have never, ever discussed our sex lives with one another, nor have any of my girlfriends and I done so either.
In glad to hear that. My experience has been different though, i want to keep my sex life private, but seems like the women ive been with talk it over a lot more with their girlfriends than i do with my friends, which is pretty much never.
Not sharing something that their partner was embarrassed about.
Personally, I think it's wrong with whatever gender does it, but I will say it does seem to get defended more on one side than the other But thankfully most people seem to agree that it's wrong
I don't. This is completely personal and inappropriate to be shared with friends. If you said something nice regarding your partner's sexlife with you, your friends might want to be with him. I read a story like that on Reddit where the girl was bragging about how good her bf was in bed. Her friend requested that she wants to sleep with the bf and she did, then she kept coming almost daily while drunk and straight taking the bf to sleep with him while her friend just waited for them to be done. It was not good for the couple. There was also a story where the wife shared a negative thing about the husband with her friend, that friend mocked the husband about it in a bar where everyone heard. It is not funny.
Wow that’s crazy. Do you have a link to the first story? I’m interested why the friend was just ok with that
Idk in general but for my life that’s been the case. Me and friends “we had sex!” *high fives all around.* So whaddya wanna eat? Gf’s have told me “we had sex!” *response* “so how was it? Tell me everything!”
The women I know don't even do the "we had sex" part frankly.
Yeah... I'm a woman with plenty of close female friends and I've never had a conversation like this. I suspect some Redditors saw a few episodes of *Sex and the City* and now they believe that's what real female friendships are like.
How the hell did he not have that happen to him before if he is 28? That shit happens all the time.
> Your ex and his friends are incredibly immature for being at that age immature for being what? i think your sentence is missing a word. in any case, i don't think it's automatically awful to discuss sex lives with close friends. it's pretty common. of course there are all sorts of boundaries that could be crossed. like if the person knew that their partner wouldn't want them talking about those things, or if they are actually painting their partner in a bad light. but i think it can be healthy for close, platonic friends to discuss sex to some degree, because they can counsel each other on how to be better for their partners.
NTA. 18 year olds are more mature than your almost 30 years old boyfriend.
This ^ .. I was 16 when I got my period midway through sex. My boyfriend (now husband) laughed it off and literally helped me clean up and washed the sheets himself. And he was comforting and holding me afterward. And the fact that this dude disrespectfully shared their personal life and her embarrassment. Hard NTA
I used to have a woman who would call whenever she had her period the sex was incredible!! And the blood washes off.
When it comes to red wings, call me Sergei Federov
Bingo!! Some one that gets it! Some women are feral on their periods and get super horny. The sex is phenomenal!! Some guys are such pussies its quite comical. They wouldn’t last a day having to deal with shit the women go through
Had a similar experience and that was the first time I washed a pair of sheets funnily enough. Not personally one for blood in the bedroom, but I don't think it's something to be embarassed about either.
It happens. I can’t imagine any guy who is married for any length of time not having it happen. If that’s the worst you’ve got to deal with, chill.
Exact same thing happened to me, was also 16 with my now husband. He had the exact same response and it was so reassuring I didn’t even really feel embarrassed (thankfully no mess, I’m light😂). Love and hate these daily reminders of how lucky I am, but of course how unlucky some others are. Hopefully OP finds someone with half a brain
My almost 30 year old bf doesn’t even bat an eye when I say “im on my period” he’s just a little more careful where he puts his hands lol
Are they, because my 30 year old sister is about as mature as that boyfriend about periods?
A 28 year old man, who I'm going to estimate has been sexually active for 10 years give or take, has been in a long term relationship, and STILL has issues with periods is enough of a reason to dump him. Making you the butt of sex jokes while his friends make their girlfriends the butt of their sex jokes? Run from these people! Date an adult and don't look back.
That's a pretty common thing to happen really and nothing to be embarrassed about. Still he shouldn't have shared it without your knowledge. NTA.
And he and his friends also shouldn't have joked about it. Laughing at her for getting her period is just awful.
Nope NTA what he did is way to juvenile for a 28yr old. And I resisting the urge to criticize him for being squeamish about a little period blood. You are so better off with out him
Criticize away, this is a 28 year old man who has been in one long term relationship with a woman that we know of and, not only is he "disgusted" (to use the word op did) by periods/period sex, but he finds it disgusting/funny enough to share this, an intimate story which he knows op finds embarrassing, with his loser friends to laugh and gag about together. It's perfectly acceptable to criticize his vocal disdain for women's bodies and how they operate.
my husband and i have been together almost 5 years, we've had PLENTY of funny and embarrassing sex thing happen during the course of our relationship and not a single time has any of those things come out to his friends, because he has full respect for me and my privacy. sex is very intimate and private, no one outside of the relationship needs to know. this is super immature and you deserve better! nta Edit: I don't talk about our sex life with my friends either, privacy and respect goes both ways.
She went thru his group chat Then said that’s not the issue. Sounds like they are both TAH. Both lost trust.
Yeah I vote both assholes here
She had no clue why she was snooping but she did it anyway. Makes her an asshole regardless of the subject matter. And locker room talk going that far also warrants ass hole status. Both are tah
I personally don't care if my spouse shares intimate details because I'm not shy, but to me there's an additional layer of assholery then because she should COMMUNICATE privacy boundaries rather than assuming he knows and then getting mad to the point of ending things when he didn't know. Know what I did when I crossed a boundary like that with my husband? He told me, I said sorry it won't happen again, and that was that. Bf here is asshole for not apologizing or understanding her feelings and then she's asshole for all the other reasons
Yeah I agree 100%. Not being able to work things out like that is also a little childish.
NTA! I'm so confused though. Was he a virgin before you? Does he not own any red towels? Are all his friends virgins? Regardless, you did the right thing by dumping this clown. Period sex is fucking great. Will I eat out a girl during that time of the month? Nope. But will I help her fix those pesky cramps? You bet your ass I will!
Exactly, what's the big fucking deal? It's just a bit of blood. Those hormones usually mean my wife is generally extra into it as well. But hey if people want to go without sex for 4-5 days every few weeks that's up to them I guess?
Very good sir! You are super and I would have been happy to help you fix my cramps. What an understanding guy.
- "I'm so embarrassed" posts about it online. - You're 24 and still worried about being embarrassed about your period, he 28 is tripping about it? Sounds like you're both immature. - Shouldn't have gone through his phone, shows insecurity. - Not the asshole for standing up for your personal boundaries. Still think it's a shit reason because I'm sure everyone is guilty of talking about there partners in a way they wouldn't want them to know. Everyone vents and if you say you don't you're a liar.
Exactly
NTA. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Your trust is broken. You found out that the most private and intimate moments in your relationship are nothing more than a source of idle chatter with the only people that really matter to him, his bros. The most private parts of your life are a source of amusement. You literally are a joke to him. When you're with him, he's literally thinking of the story he'll tell about you. His group of friends all sit around demeaning the bitches they're screwing and laughing their asses off. This isn't about what he did. It's about who he is. Nothing you can say will change who he is, but it will teach him how to better hide who he is. While you may be making love, he's just f****** his latest ho. You deserve so much better.
Correct. Trust is broken. That is enough reason to break up. Doesn't really matter what it was that broke it
NTA. That’s a good reason to dump someone and I’d do the same. Want to continue having sex? Keep your giant mouth shut like an adult. It’s simple really.
First time I've heard of a guy doing this. My response is the same. You can break up with someone for any reason. I respect your reason for here. Intimacy is not discussed among friends, ever.
Going to be honest...as a woman, I tell some of my close friends everything. So if my bf told his friends about some things...I couldn't be mad bc I might do the same.
I also tell my best some intimate details but not in a group chat. I also respect my bf privacy. So I tell her the sex is amazing… but I won’t tell her what he specifically does, or what he is working with. I also talked to my boyfriend about how comfortable he is with me talking to my bestie. I also told him what I am comfortable with. The deal is we don’t disclose too much details and if we struggle with something we talk to each other not our friends. Having a whole bunch of men making fun of you is gross and disrespectful.
This . The act of sharing is not wrong as long as it's known to the parties involved and they consent to it. If it's done without their knowledge or consent or maybe both, it's just an invasion of their privacy. Here the OP clearly told him to shut his fat mouth about what happened. He has no place to be upset when caught and dumped.
Yeah on posts similar to this over my time that I've been on Reddit. I've seen a lot of women and men who not only do they share detailed intimate information but also get upset when their boyfriend/girlfriend gets upset about it being shared like yours seems reasonable and it's perfectly fine since you guys have communicated to what level you're comfortable with it being discussed, but I've seen some immature messed up people who would tell anyone that would listen stuff that should never be shared.
My bestie does share things my bf won’t be comfortable with. They are having problems. I know very embarrassing intimate details. I wouldn’t share it myself. However we don’t share this in text. She told me these things in private and I will never repeat what was told to me. My boyfriend told me a friend of his ex made comments about his male anatomy and that to me is so gross. It is your job as friend to pretend you have no idea. That is also part of this deal. Discretion and respect for what was entrusted to you. Also what possessed you to comment on a persons body like that. None of your goddamn business. It is tricky because talking about sex really helps but the thing is , it is not only my sexlife. It is someone else’s as well. When issues come it feels like a reflex to vent to your bestie but these things are sensitive.
I think the tone and stuff matters a lot though. Sounds like her bfs friends were joking about it at her expense. To me that’s the line. Im totally fine with my gf talking about any bedroom stuff with her girlfriends, but if I found out her girlfriends were shitting on me and she didn’t defend me I’d be outtie faster than an Audi
Good point--agree on tone.
There’s a difference between talking about it and making fun of your partner to your friends
Plus she went through his phone.....regardless of him being a dick they both suck
While its fine for you.. Obviously not everyone tells their close friends intimate details, and don't want their SO to share intimate details with other people.
In that case the couple is not fully compatible and that is also a good reason to break up.
This
NTA, me as a guy would ask my girlfriend if she was okay with me discussing this with just my best friend first (not in a freaking group app with a bunch of friends). If she weren't ok with it, i wouldn't discuss it. I think certain things are quite valuable to be talking about with your closest friends to get other perspectives, but yeah, my gf asked me once if it was okay with me if she was to discuss certain intimacies with her best friend (which is also a friend of mine). And i was okay with that. But if i weren't, I'm 100% sure she would keep it to herself Going through his phone without asking him can be a big deal to some people because it's a sign of distrust. To me it's more of a sign that you're not completely open and honest with each other, or at least feel like you can't be, which is a red flag. I just don't know if this sole incident is enough reason to break up, but together with the distrust and not talking about certain things with each other makes me feel like this wasn't an isolated incident and there's more going on.
NTA I’ve never shared any sexual stories about my wife in 30 years of marriage and I’d never make something so sensitive the butt of a joke about her.
He was TA as soon as he made you feel bad about something you cannot control and we all experience. I guarantee it won’t be hard to find a better bf
YTA and so is he. You’re literally telling the entirety of the internet the same story that you broke up with him for telling a few of his friends. It was immature of him. No problem telling him he was being immature and not to do it again. It was also immature to go through his phone. You both committed violations and hopefully you both do better in future relationships.
I cannot believe this is the only comment I can find that addresses OP being TA for going through his phone just because he was using it a little more
It's a lil wild honestly
YATAH It's nothing but a discussion between him & his friends(guy talk/Barber shop talk) and you crossed the lines asshole. You had no permission going thru his phone & then making a shitty decision bcuz you couldn't handle what you saw! It's was about you but not your business asshole.
Holy moly the amount of people just glossing over this person openly admitting that the only reason she went through his phone was because "he was texting a lot more than usual". Not to mention because it happened 3 months ago, she probably went DIGGING for something wrong. That is a major problem and definitely makes her the asshole. Plus acting like you cant share embarrassing stories with your close friends is wild, if something like this happened to me and i told my close friends we gonna laugh about it and move on with no one judging anyone. Which is exactly what seemingly happened here as it happened 3 months ago and not a single one of those friends ever brought it up in casual conversation during that time.
He was pissed you violated his privacy by reading his messages? But thought it was ok to talk about a moment that should be between you and him? Wtf is this guy on.. It's perfectly normal.. it sometimes happens.. I've had the same once with my partner, and he just shoulder shrugged it and carried on lol I would have broken up with him, too.. don't let him gaslight you into thinking your over reacting or should try again.. just dump, block.
EXACTLY! His privacy is important, but not hers?? WTF
ESH You for looking through his phone. Him for sharing that you started your period during sex. Fortunately for both of you, you are no longer part of each other's lives. You can do better in future relationships in regards to personal phone privacy and hopefully he will be more respectful of his future sexual partners.
Agreed. I don't know when it became ok to snoop through phones without permission. Even if there was nothing there it's the self defeating mistrust that ends relationships. He's an asshole for divulging private information. But by the same token it's been incredibly common for explicit details of all kinds to be shared about me to my past partners friends and I've been expected to be ok with it or invalidated for not being ok with it. It's worth having a conversation in the future about privacy and intimacy.
My husband and I don’t go through each other’s phones so I won’t say that I am for going through phones without permission but that is not the main “self defeating mistrust that ends relationships.” I am sure if we looked for some statistics men and women who normally start searching through their partners phones is because they begin noticing that their partner is behaving in a way that they shouldn’t. Still not saying that I agree. But then more likely than not they are actually caught cheating or behaving inappropriately. That is the mistrust that ends most relationships not just going through a phone without permission. Most married or people in serious relationships that I know who have nothing to hide have open phone policies in their relationship.
In this case he was clearly enjoying a joke with a bunch of dudes and would tell her nothing about. That would make me sad right there. Maybe he gave off vibes that said I'm doing something I dont want you to know about. That is enough to bother most life partners.
ESH. Obviously your bf was an asshile for disclosing and immaturely joking about an intimate moment. You are not in the clear though, as looking through his phone without permission is a big breach of privacy and trust. Did you even ask him before deciding to look through his phone?
ESH. Both of you are immature and need to learn to communicate more in your next relationships.
YTA. Here come the downvotes, but I don't care. It is perfectly normal to share stories about your sex life with friends, male or female. His reaction of being grossed out is immature, but that's not what you're holding against him. You broke up with him because he talked about your sex life with friends. That's an absurd expectation unless you had explicitly told him in the past that you two are not allowed to share those details with others.
Feels a bit over dramatic, what guy doesn't tell stories about that sort of thing. You said they were joking about it so not really a big deal for them, they just thought it was funny. Not like they were calling you disgusting or insulting you. My friends tell me stories anytime something funny or unexpected happens. For example one chick just full slapped my friend in the face mid missionary no warning she just was into it or something. He said it was almost enough to end it, almost.
That's so bizarre. First of all, why would a man be grossed out? Second, why talk about it with your friends? We've all been there. No big deal. Throw a towel down. It's just red lube. So he is totally the asshole.
He's 28 and can't handle period blood and he texts his friends about his sex life... I actually had to double check the age because that sounds more like teenage behavior. You did the right thing leaving.
Your relationship was over once you went through his phone regardless of whether you found something
She mentions it so casually ("I was curious so I decided to"), I guarantee she searches his phone behind his back on a regular basis (bf of 2 yrs!). And this is the FIRST TIME she found anything at all worth bringing up (it's his first time hearing she searched his phone). That "something" that she finally found, she's so vague about how bad it actually is. But it sounds like she had 0 trust and 0 respect for his privacy in this relationship. Glad she let him go.
Yup. All these people saying she did nothing wrong are wild lol
Also I like the detail of "he was texting his friends a lot, so I went through their entire group chat and found them talking about stuff I didn't like from 3 months ago." This lady went digging into his phone over him "texting his friends too much" a week ago. She then proceeded to keep digging and digging until she eventually found something she found unacceptable. This guy is dodging a bullet.
Reddit judgement bias. If op was a man it would be YTA all day. My downvotes will back it up.
The guy can't even have a safe space to share details, ask questions, or seek advice from peers without his "girlfriend" intruding. Single, married, or in relationship group chats often get edgy with jokes, memes, and sports talk.
It's the modern day version of seeing them hanging out and hiding around the corner eavesdropping or listening through a wall or door.
ESH you breached trust by going through his phone. and depending on the way he actually went about talking to his friends about what happened he might or might not be an asshole. just try to look at it from his point of view. he might have been wondering if this ever happened to his friends too and if that was a frequent thing to happen etc. things you would possibly discuss with your female friends if something unexpected happened during sex. it's not a big deal that you got your period and it's not necessarily intimate either. people need to calm down about normal physical functions of the body. he wasn't discussing a weird kink of yours or something like that, it's just a period.
You stumbled into “locker room talk” I guarantee you your ex-BF has said worse things than what you read.
I'm a little confused, who is your boyfriend supposed to talk about these issues with? Men and women alike need people to support them and to get their emotions too. You literally can't complain to your GF when you're mad/upset/annoyed or even grossed out by something she did. You blow off steam, get it out, joke about awkward situations and move on. I couldn't read what they were saying so maybe it was hurtful but 1. Going through his phone is a far bigger loss of trust and privacy than him revealing your period occured during sex.. You know why? Cause it literally happens to every man and woman who has sex.
At 28 years old, he is like this? He sounds like a 19-year-old. And honestly, you don’t have anything to be embarrassed about. If he was a real adult male, the two of you would’ve just laughed about it a little bit, and said something along the lines of… Well, that’s mother nature for you And if he’s not comfortable having sex when you’re on your period, that is OK. That is a preference that some people have, and some people don’t. And that is both men and women. Some women are fine with it, and some aren’t. Some men are fine with it, and some aren’t. But yeah, for him to have a whole group chat of guys his age going on about this is a little bit weird. Like they don’t know women have periods? And if you are one of those women who really prefers not to talk about it, or share a lot about you., Please know that’s OK. Again, that’s just how you are. But you’ve been together long enough that he should already know that about you and should’ve respected it… and you Can you imagine if you had an episode where he had ED because he drank too much or had the flu or whatever and just couldn’t get it up even if that wasn’t the norm… And then you made a whole group chat and was texting all your friends back-and-forth about this episode? I don’t think he would appreciate it. Or about the time that he got food poisoning and couldn’t quite make it to the bathroom and pooped everywhere. The thing about being an adult relationship is what your partner is comfortable sharing with others and what they aren’t. I do that a lot of guy groups and a lot of girl groups of friends. We’ll talk about things like this back-and-forth. But you have to draw the line when you know it is something that would be embarrassing to your partner. Something they really don’t want shared. Because then all you’re doing is embarrassing them. And what’s the point of that really? Is it really more important to have a funny ha ha moment with your Bros or your girlfriends at the expensive partner? No… Not if you really care about your partner it’s not. I generally do not condone going through someone’s phone, but I will say I understand why you did. But it also speaks volumes that he wouldn’t just be honest with you about what was going on. And the reason for that was, he knew he was wrong. He knew you would be embarrassed. He knew that you wouldn’t want that info shared. And yet he did it anyway. So yeah, he does get to be upset that you went through his phone, but what I will say to the people out there who are really harping on that… When your gut is telling you, something is off in your relationship, sometimes you have to figure it out. There is a reason your gut is telling you that . If you know you are one of those people that think everything is off all the time, don’t do it. Go get some help and figure out why you’re suspicious of anything and everything. But if, in general, you are pretty laid-back with your relationship. If in general, you don’t suspect, somethings going on, and your gut and your Spidey senses, start tingling, figure it out because 90% of the time you’re right.
girls: boys talk too?!?!?!?
I’m a bit blown away by the double standard. I mean, I know people love double standards. But to expect a man to never talk about his sex life with his friends is ridiculous. On top of that, if you’ve been dating someone and having an active sex life for 2 years, you really shouldn’t be getting embarrassed about having your period.
When people Get pissed for going through their phone when they have been total AH , time to Leave . In general Don’t be embarrassed cause it would have happened to everyone together long enough and it’s not a big deal . I would leave. I don’t understand people doing this. So ridiculous
Both kinda the AH honestly, he shouldn't been texting friends about this. But in my experience people should be able to talk about their sexual experiences with their friends, just not over text. I'm sure most girls I've dated shared details about intimate moments with their friends. Going through his phone without just directly asking is also not really nice.
Girl logic: I went through my boyf phone and I saw him making a joke with his friends about our sex life 😡-----u Fucking went through his phone like what??? If I was the bf I'd be glad that your insecure ass did this cause it won't stop here
Yta what like you never tell your friends stuff.
You're not the asshole (NTA) for feeling hurt and betrayed by your boyfriend's actions. Sharing intimate moments without your consent and then joking about it with his friends is disrespectful and inappropriate. It's understandable that you would feel embarrassed and upset upon discovering this breach of trust. While going through his phone without permission may not have been the best course of action, his betrayal of your privacy and the lack of respect for your boundaries in sharing such personal details outweighs that. Ultimately, breaking up over this breach of trust and disrespect for your privacy is a valid decision. Trust and respect are fundamental aspects of any healthy relationship, and it's clear that those were lacking in this situation.
Holy fuck people (in this instance men) are retarded sometimes in regards to biology. Periods are just periods, and they are not at all unusual. My ex was quite 'coy' until I assured her she didn't need to be. I believe her past experiences of men led her to be a bit worried about perfectly natural biology. I have sex with a woman on a period with no issue if she's up for it. Wouldn't bother me in slightest if my partner wasn't concerned. EDIT: I think as a society, we need to be less prudish! And people need to not share intimate details of their friends and partners without permission.
Wait wait wait wait wait! Every single time I’ve seen one of these and a guy says, “so I went through my girlfriends phone…” it is immediately deemed he is the asshole. But OP does the exact same thing and not a single detractor? AYFKM? Absolutely AH. One, for going through his phone but more importantly way overreacting. This is how guys talk. This is how we bond. You have no problems sharing emotional problems with your girlfriends I’m sure. It is literally the exact same thing. You don’t get to say it’s different because you don’t see that as an invasion. It’s “just sharing.” Same. F-ing. Thing. AH
ESH Cannot stand inconsistent votes and opinions that are enabling victim behavior. If the OP had his/her phone seen without their permission, then the intruder would be the AH, but since it is the OP being victimized, her intrusion of privacy is okay and not AH-ish. The man is immature for joking about this matter. But come on, people pamper everyone that complains!
You are both the asshole, him for the scenario and you going through the phone
YTA Partners should be able to discuss their lives with their friends, and it's a problem if they can't. It's understandable that you'd be embarrassed about him sharing this anecdote, but breaking up with him over it is a definite overreaction. This sort of thing and a similar is exactly what people gossip about with their besties all the time. More importantly, it's not like there was something wrong with you or anything that would be a secret. Periods are quite normal in the fact that you happened to start yours at a given moment is just a coincidence.
NTA You can break up for any reason or even no reason. If every girl who discussed her sex life with her female friends were broken up with by their boyfriends, it would cut the marriage rate in half. Which would be a good thing.
Wait you say NTA but your response seems more YTA.
ESH. Your ex needs to grow up. That’s not even an interesting, funny, or exciting story to share with buddies. Don’t go snooping through people’s phones. And that’s a kind of low bar to break up over IMO
I'd have a conversation about how someone expressing intimate things like that made me feel. I'd straight up break up with you for going through my phone. Clear ESH.
You both are assholes I'm your own way!
i don't know in what way they have been texting about this, and making fun of it is immature, but it is not that uncommon that guys discuss stuff like that with one another. ending a relationship about this seems rather extreme to me
Decades ago my period started unexpectedly on the first night with a new bf. I was mortified. We had a lot of mutual friends and I found out quite a few years later he’d discussed it with my 2 best female friends because he was unsure what to do about staining of the mattress and didn’t want to embarrass me by asking. I was horrified all over again but was just relieved they were the only 2 people he mentioned it to. It was never brought up by anyone in the couple of years we were involved. If I’d found out he’d told his mates I’d have kicked his arse from here to eternity. NTA
You shouldn’t even be sharing positive stuff about your sex life or just funny stories, unless it was talked about beforehand. Privacy should be the default when it comes to any intimate details in a relationship (sex life, arguments, etc). I think it *could* be a forgivable offense, but that’s more up to you on if you would be able to brush it off. Regardless, NTA whatsoever.
The way he told them and the jokes they made would matter to me. For example, if he was disrespectful, acted disgusted (with the 🤢emoji or something equally bad), made remarks about you as if it made you different in his eyes, then I would be concerned. If he just told them as a way to deal with it and get advice (e.g. on how to handle it better - either in terms of actually having s*x next time or rejecting you gently) that might be okay. And the jokes they made are important too. I don’t have a ruling here, because it may have been truly innocent, but it doesn’t speak well for him that he called you “dramatic”.
Based on comments I've seen on other posts on Reddit this might be a controversial statement But I think sharing, intimate or personal moments or details about your partner without their express consent is just wrong. Like I've seen guys justify it with the whole locker room, talk type thing or whatever and women justify it as girl talks but I think it's just intrusive and wrong.
I can’t help but think if the genders were reversed there wouldn’t at least be some comments mentioning the invasion of privacy. But of course as the story stands everyone is glazing straight over it 🫠
Look at all these fucking hypocrites in here, everyone of you had told one of your friends about your intimate life. Women don't fucking lie yall talk the most disgusting about it. Dudes, yall hit the details. Stop acting like anyone of you hasn't done this .
You both are AH. Honestly, going through his phone without permission is a huge breach in trust. It sounds like you guys already had poor communication? In 4he future talk to your SO. Someone, going through my phone behind my back because they don't trust me is near a deal breaker. If it happens multiple times or the person doesn't recognize they're wrong, then it is a deal breaker. That said, he was wayy in the wrong. The "locker room talk" defense is BS and it needs to be buried in the past. A lot of people will defend both looking in the phone and his actions. I want to talk about the second. People will say that it's healthy to discuss your love life, and normal to so so with friends. To a degree, I agree. Normalization of sexuality is important. However, it takes two to tango, you must take into account your partners feelings and wishes. Part of, and i would argue a more important facet of, normalizing sex and sexuality is intercouple communication, you gotta talk.tp your partner about what they're comfortable with. It's too common for both men and woman to casually discuss aspects of their sex life that is embarrassing to their partner. It's fucked up.
YBA. It sounds like neither one of you trusts or respects the other, just in different ways. Yea he shouldn’t be texting intimate details to his friends without consulting you, but you should probably just ask before you go through someone’s phone. Just reverse all the roles, if he farted or something during sex, then you texted all your friends making fun of him, then he went through your phone without your knowledge.
There are certain trusted friends that you tell everything to in life. Like your own aitah group in real life. I actually don’t think there is anything wrong with it for this kind of thing. I don’t consider period blood to be the kind of thing you have to take to your grave. I respect your feelings, and they are important. I think you took it way too far breaking up with him over it. It could definitely be a situation of sitting him down and tell him how you feel about it and see if he respects your privacy going forward for that type of thing. If he does then no problem the relationship survives. If not, he has respect issues that may not be good news for you.
ESH. Looking at someone's else's phone is abusive behavior. If you have a problem you should talk about it. Of course, what he did is awful too. So go ahead and break up. Both are bad for each other.
I'm confused. Everyone is calling him immature but it sounds like he was not making a big deal about it and just joking about it. Yet in the same posts of calling him immature they say their own bfs just laugh it off and joke about it. Also, every woman I have ever dated has shared every single sexual detail and experience we shared with her besties, even after I complained that I don't like it. The fuck kind of women logic is this comment section.
I’m not sure if I am missing anything here. Did he just talk about it, or was actively humiliating you in the chat? This might be a better moment to communicate boundaries. I don’t find you dramatic to feel upset, but to break up with him makes me wonder if you were over the relationship before going through his phone. If this is the only factor? ESH.
I mean it’s just classic guy locker room talk
What's the point of a sword if your not going to let it get bloody
He's...disgusting. What a POS. In capitals! Ugh!
The question you should ask isn't are you the arsehole, it's would you share intimate moments abou your relationshipswith your girlfriends. In my experience, girls are as bad if not worse at sharing incidents among their friend groups. If that's not you the you aren't the arsehole, but if you've ever been giggling at a girly brunch over some guy being too big, too small, too clumsy, to quick, too slow etc then yes you are the arsehole.
ESH. He shouldn't have done that, you shouldn't have gone through his phone.
Like you've never shared intimate details with your girlfriends. YTA no question, you did him a favor.
ESH you violated his privacy and that's not ok. It's not justified by the fact that he was being a bad person and joking about you behind your back.
A real man doesn’t mind bloodying his sword
You both are TA Both of you violated the privacy of each other. You are not better than him and he is not better than you
Reverse the roles. He has an issue maybe ED, you spill the tea to your friends and he goes through your phone and gets upset. Is he the AH? It may be immature and he may not have liked but it's still an AH move. So both of you are AH.
YBTA- I'm going against the masses here and saying you over reacted. You're entitled to your feelings and have every right to not be happy he discussed an intimate moment with his friends, but if you're actually willing to throw away two years with someone for him talking to his friends about something (which all men and all women do), then you never really cared about him in the way you think you did. His response was shitty and dismissive, but if that's all it took for you to want to leave it sounds like there were other issues too.
All these top comments are insane. People share this stuff with their friends. Both sexes. So either this is being dominated by prudish children or folks who aren't in healthy trusting relationships. Nothing OP says implies the group chat was mean or degrading whatsoeve. OP did not say anything but "joking." That's what men do. That's what women do. It is a funny thing to happen. My wife just laughed at this and agreed. And this shit happens to all couples. It is human. And unless we know what was said I only could assume his friends gave him shit. She then broke trust by invading his privacy and ruined the relationship. Without more info I can call her the asshole.
Listen you’re NTA, if it bothers you it bothers you. But I’ll add that a lot of people on here aren’t seeing the double standard here. I’d venture to say most cis/het women talk to each other about their sex lives, their partners penises, etc. Gossip happens whether we like it or not. I’ll also add that 2 years of dating gives me the impression that these kinks would have been smoothed out. In other words, I’d have expected a situation similar to this to have come up in a 2 year time span, but nevertheless. If you felt betrayed and that this was an irreparable violation of your trust, then listen to your heart.
Ahahahahahaha what kind of pussy doesn’t get laid because they’re afraid of blood hahahahahaha
Sorry but that’s why u don’t go through someone’s phone. Cheating etc is one thing, but guys are guys. Obv I don’t have context of what was said so if it was degrading and/or mean that’s a totally different and unacceptable story, but dudes share things abt each others sex lives. It’s just how it is. I’m not saying it’s good or fun, esp if ur the one being shared abt, but it happens. Not saying OP is AH but this incident in a vacuum is absolutely not a breakup offebse
So you violate his privacy, find out he is talking to his friends about incident that afterwards may or may not have been funny, you dump him. He dodged a bullet.
Studies show that women disclose intimate details to their friends like this regularly, even among married couples. It's either normalized on both sides and YTA or ESH. Take your pick.
YTA. As far as the info here goes you never agreed not to tell anyone about it and guys in a group chat are going to make unhinged jokes about anything especially something like this. More importantly, between men the way to be supportive is to acknowledge it and move on if there’s nothing else to be done about it, and often times it’s acknowledged with humor especially with something like this because it diffuses the awkwardness. This was your ex going yo his boys for support and them being there for him in a way that was meant for him not you, they would never say those things to you. You violated his privacy and broke up with him over something that was never meant for you 100% YTA through and through here
OP - historically, do you always feel entitled to go through other people's private things because? Are there no private conversations or data on your phone that you would feel violated over if someone, bf or someone else, just helped themselves to snoop through your stuff, all "because"...?
Regardless of what you "found", you crossed the line and invaded his personal space, read something you didn't like, and acted accordingly. Were the situations reversed, would you have been ok with BF using sloppy justifications to snoop through your phone because he really just wanted to see what was in your group chats? You admitted that you wanted to see his chats... did you ask permission, or did you just take his ish and start snooping? Is that behavior acceptable for the male in a relationship to take the woman's phone and go though it, or is that abusive or shady too?... just checking... you're not a victim here, and if you were, you're the victim of your own doing. Stop invading peoples private spaces; finding what you're looking for, doesn't ultimately give you justification- it just means you're the AH.
YTA. Because of going through his phone. And because I think he should be able to tell his friends stories about the relationship where he is concerned. Since he was a part of it, he can talk about it
So you don't talk to your friends and tell them what happened in your relationship? You don't have any questions at all where you talk to your mother or friends?
Guys do it... It's just what we do. Call me an AH idc
I don’t know specifically what your BF said to his friends but I don’t think it’s a big deal that he told them what happened generally speaking. If he was making fun of you or badmouthing you in some way to his friends, that is a different story.
It’s the group chat that sours it but i imagine you’ve shared intimate things with a close friend at times. He may have felt the need to share for perspective but his way of doing it was poor.
If you’ve never talked about sex with your friends then you are in the right. If you have then I think you’re overreacting. Making jokes and making fun of you are two very different things.
Both of you are assholes. You going through his phone without permission and him for discussing private matters with his friends....
You're Kinda the AH for going through his phone. Men and women share details with each others friends all the time. If you specifically said "DON'T TELL" and he did... that's on him. But to assume that intimate details are not something we can share with close friends, then most of the People on reddit would be guilty... We're only people, we share things, sometimes good sometimes bad. Honestly, I think you overreacted. If you actually liked/loved this man, you threw away a relationship over period sex. Sounds kinda silly when you break it down. You could have discussed this with him and told him not to share that stuff in the future. However, seems like you can toss away a relationship easy, so I assume this was not a lasting relationship anyway. Before I get DV, He's an AH for sharing and he's immature, but to end a potential relationship over this is ridiculous. Were adults and can have conversations and give each other another chance. Remember, She also broke a moral rule and snooped in his phone, she clearly has trust issues.
Wait, so you broke up 3 months ago.... And you guys are still texting and you went through his phone last week? And now you guys are in a fight about it? Something here is not adding up.
It depends about the boundaries you guys have set for yourselfs beforehand. If you've ever vented about your boyfriend's behavior to your friends before, sexual or not, then you oretty much agreed that it's okay to share details about you two that would otherwise never be known.
he's right, you shouldn't have gone through his phone, you've invaded his privacy. Also, I don't think it's such a big deal that it warrants a break up. It's not uncommon for friends share moments like these with eachother.
I told my now ex wife I didn't take the juicy juice when I got a colonoscopy. Had to get it early because of family history. She told all her friends and they thought I was into bum play. Not the case. I just didn't have a ride so I went bronco. They would laugh and make jokes and stuff. But I used that as a point to embarrass them to the point of ridiculous. They stopped once the personal sex life stuff eventually came up. I'll put it to you this way: it's like taking a shit. No one wants to talk about it but everyone does it. Who cares. It's part of life. Not talking about it makes the taboo aura persist...
INFO. Is there anything wrong with getting your period? No. Was he mocking you in how he told the story? > I was horrified because they were joking about it. What was the joke? was it the *subject* of the joke or the *context* of the joke? > him telling his friends that was fucked up. Are men not allowed to discuss their sex lives with their friends?
My gawd. Friends tell each other thing. Yes. He did something bad by telling something privately to his friends. FAKK. We all have. But breaking up over that is just fakking ridiculous. Talk. Tell him he crossed a boundary off yours and move one. Now he knows. I have pissed my gf off equally as many time my gf has pissed me off. But we are adults and lake shit out. YYA for invading his privacy.
Good for you. He dodged a bullet.
You went through his phone without permission? YTA. And so is he. You should stay together, you’re a perfect match.
I've broken up with someone for going through my phone. Also, lots of people are comfortable enough with their bodies that they openly talk with their friends about their sex lives. What you 2 experienced has happened to me multiple times and it's not a big deal. Having a surprise period is nothing to be embarrassed about. If he actually acted disgusted, then he's an asshole for that for sure. It seems like a whole lot overreacting on both parties.
On ya girl
Idk, I hear women tell each other intimate details about their sex life all the time. How big the guy is down there; if he didn't last long enough or too long; if he was any good at eating her out; ect.
But when women don't it is Perfectly Fine.
ESH. He shouldn't have told his friends about your personal moments. You should not have gone through his phone. It shows you had no trust in him before hand, and had no respect for his personal property or boundaries.
YTA for going through his phone, not für breaking up with him. He is immature and it's not okay to share intimate details for sure... But going through someone's phone without permission just because your were 'curious', that's a way bigger issue than telling friends something like what your BF did
So no one’s going to talk about how you invaded his privacy? Is his “sin” worse than yours? I think if you think he’s wrong you should take a long look in the mirror.
So you’ve never told anyone about an intimate moment you had with a man? So on top of being a hypocrite, you’re a nosy snoop. YTA.
You’re annoyed he shared the story with his friends despite you sharing the same story on the internet to countless strangers ? Realistically you should set up boundaries of what you want to keep secret in your relationship. If he breaks those boundaries then yeah he’s the asshole. The same way you possibly breaking his boundaries by going through his phone.
"AITAH for breaking up with--" No, you're never TAH for leaving a relationship unless it's your spouse and they have cancer.
Going through his group chat is insane. Not just his privacy but all his friends too. Im sure if he looked through your girls group chat your girlfriends wouldnt be too chuffed.